What Is The Funniest "Smart-Ass" Comment You've Ever Heard? (r/AskReddit)

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 13 ก.ย. 2019
  • AskReddit What is the funniest smart-ass comment you've ever heard?
    Leave a Like if u liked the video, also Subscribe for more of the best NEW Reddit Stories! Thanks for watching! ;d

ความคิดเห็น • 403

  • @srlengua1
    @srlengua1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +64

    Einstein has a couple of comebacks too
    1 a model told him "we should get married. With my looks and your intelligence, our children woukd conquer the world". He answerd "oh no, what if they get my looks and your intelligence?"
    2. When he released his theoey of relativity, the scientist comunnity didn't approve, so they published a book agaist it, calles "100 scientist vs Einstein". Later in an interview they asked him what were his thoughts on the book, and he said "if i was wrong, 1 scientist would've been enough"

  • @mybestfriendlober
    @mybestfriendlober 3 ปีที่แล้ว +81

    Jackass: "You're a bad joke."
    My little brother: "You're a great one, everyone laughs at you."

    • @59master60
      @59master60 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Ooooooooohhhhhhhhh

    • @gammalaw_king6752
      @gammalaw_king6752 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Ooooo going to need some ice for that.

    • @WhooshWh0sh
      @WhooshWh0sh 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      WELL DUH, AT LEAST I MAKE PROPLE LAUGH!

  • @jyadel
    @jyadel 4 ปีที่แล้ว +208

    I like to respond to "What are you looking at?" with "Not much.". Used it at work once when a superior asked me that (he made it clear he didn't like me and just happened to have made eye contact) and when I said "not much" the other guys in the room started howling. Great time, he never bothered me again.

    • @shawn7172
      @shawn7172 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Id respond with "not you"

    • @jessiejeanne9717
      @jessiejeanne9717 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Awesome!! My ex husband said that to a co-worker like 20 years ago and he looked at my ex and said "that's right". Freaking dumbass 😂

  • @svgstarlight
    @svgstarlight 4 ปีที่แล้ว +205

    “i’ll see you later !”
    “not if i see you first !”
    nice inconspicuous insult bc if you see the person you don’t like first, you’d probably walk away before they see you lol

    • @xord1946
      @xord1946 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      I must be fucked up because I thought it meant "if I see you first I'm gonna kill you before you even get to see me"

    • @martinmcdonagh8444
      @martinmcdonagh8444 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@xord1946 I like the way you think

    • @larryprice1168
      @larryprice1168 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Who in their right mind would even think like that? It's just a corny old saying.

    • @svgstarlight
      @svgstarlight 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Larry Price i would say it to someone i don’t like bc it is a corny old saying so they wouldn’t say anything but to me there would be an insult in between the lines of it lmao

    • @svgstarlight
      @svgstarlight 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Xord i mean that could work too 👀

  • @johnthornton5715
    @johnthornton5715 4 ปีที่แล้ว +643

    Can’t pronounce coworkers but correctly reads out acronyms like IIRC

    • @Thiired
      @Thiired 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      John Thornton I’m saying 😂💀

    • @seanmoyer7589
      @seanmoyer7589 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Yeah, he probably fills in parts of paragraphs with correct pronunciation in the TTS input box.

    • @SULLY937
      @SULLY937 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      IIRC?

    • @avalti9483
      @avalti9483 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      The person who uses it puts in the actual words

    • @johndoes_art
      @johndoes_art 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      You're amazing

  • @gustavobohorquezgomez2588
    @gustavobohorquezgomez2588 4 ปีที่แล้ว +875

    They hated Igor, because he told them the truth.
    Edit: Wow so many likes. Epic

    • @markcoroneos7811
      @markcoroneos7811 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      GUSTAVO BOHORQUEZ GOMEZ *teachers hate him*

    • @irenerivera4827
      @irenerivera4827 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Igor is a modern day Lenin

    • @DioBrando-112
      @DioBrando-112 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Oh

    • @joshuaderoos6418
      @joshuaderoos6418 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I liked for JoJo stayed for the comment

    • @De_Gabriel
      @De_Gabriel 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      UGHHHHHHHH GUS TITSSSSSSSS

  • @tussled1
    @tussled1 4 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    My grandmother had a super funny one. My mom approached her one time and said. Look how much weight I’ve lost. My 80 year old grandmother, without missing a beat, says “turn around, you’ll find it”. She wasn’t being mean. It’s just her sense of humor.

  • @LeviAckerman-it5hg
    @LeviAckerman-it5hg 4 ปีที่แล้ว +154

    1:04 sounds like “I had a cow kill his teacher my senior year of high school”

    • @MerkhVision
      @MerkhVision 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Lmaooo it really does! Nice catch

    • @unregisteredaccount6555
      @unregisteredaccount6555 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      That is what it says... you got a problem with cows killing sht?

    • @n1n228
      @n1n228 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      hi, I don't know English😭 how to translate this word (cows )

    • @n1n228
      @n1n228 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I'm stupid, sorry

  • @cheems5643
    @cheems5643 4 ปีที่แล้ว +286

    The short term memory guy had me dying

    • @bilindalaw-morley161
      @bilindalaw-morley161 4 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Totally agree, and you are not wrong. Actually (I think) that would make the person the MOST intelligent

    • @cheems5643
      @cheems5643 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Garrett Sampson oh behalf of jc we are sorry to inform you that this video caused his sudden about a day ago 🙏

    • @rush3676
      @rush3676 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      tbh i didnt get it. whats ama

    • @DoctorClef
      @DoctorClef 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@rush3676 ask me anything, the joke is that he forget about the thread he made

    • @justanothergamingyoutuber8179
      @justanothergamingyoutuber8179 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@rush3676 in an ama, people ask the guy questions about his condition. However, he never answered any of them, meaning he forgot about the post 💀

  • @markcoroneos7811
    @markcoroneos7811 4 ปีที่แล้ว +102

    Used to work with a chef who could have quite the temper when we made mistakes during service.
    One day i screwed up an order and he blasted me saying (among other things) “i dont pay you to think dickhead”. The next day he was blasting one of the other cooks and the chef turns to me and says “what do you think of this shit?” . I just looked at him and said “you dont pay me to think, chef”. We were all gone, best call call i ever made at work.

    • @gabby_not_gabby7050
      @gabby_not_gabby7050 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      mark coroneos lol

    • @markcoroneos7811
      @markcoroneos7811 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Theres a reason i was in the industry 😂

    • @markcoroneos7811
      @markcoroneos7811 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Im @steve campbell and this is my pawn shop
      I imagine you have some horror stories in that line of work

    • @markcoroneos7811
      @markcoroneos7811 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Haha fuck man, makes me appreciate i only had to deal with drunks, stoners and whingy old people 😅

  • @haleyschwarz1254
    @haleyschwarz1254 4 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Most savage thing my biology professor said one time.
    Student: sorry my handwriting is messy, I have a doctors handwriting
    Professor: you think you're going to be a doctor?

  • @soniacastro13
    @soniacastro13 4 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    As most of us know, highschoolers are typically rude and disrespectful to the teacher. Especially if they are new or male. (Or maybe these were just my experiences.) Anyways in my Sophmore year of high school, I had to take a history class. My teacher had the unfortunate luck of being new, and all of my classmates acted like little shits around our male teacher. I was usually a good noodle, but sometimes I would act like a smartass and the teacher would let me be because I was one of the only good kids in class.
    Well one day we were taking a test, and it was 40 questions long but it was multiple choice. Everyone in our classed finished within 20 minutes (it was THAT easy) we still had 30 minutes left and we had no new lessons to cover, so we all started whispering quietly. Well as most people know, when a large group starts whispering, the volume gets louder and louder as people speak over each other. After 10 minutes the room had gotten too loud and our teacher starts telling us, "No talking. This is a test." Well, we had all finished so we just ignored him and kept talking. After another 5 minutes he finally gets so mad that he yells, "WHAT PART OF 'NO TALKING' DO YOU GUYS NOT UNDERSTAND!"
    The whole room goes silent. This teacher was red in the face, and was fuming. I found myself speaking before I could even think and in the most sarcastic manner ever, I said, "obviously the 'No' part."
    My whole class looks at me like I am crazy, and my teacher is looking for who dared to say that crap to him. When his eyes land on me, I am expecting to get at least a week of detention. But no, he breaks into a smile and starts busting out laughing. When my class realises I'm not about to get murdered, they start laughing too and telling me how that was a good one. I look at my teacher and he just gives me a thumbs up before telling us we can QUIETLY talk for the rest of class.
    This is literally my go-to whenever people ask me why I'm so nice to the teachers; bad kids wouldn't be able to get away with that stuff, I did.

  • @ladyvincenza
    @ladyvincenza 4 ปีที่แล้ว +85

    Props to the parents who would've supported that kid for his comeback to the principal.

    • @dx1450
      @dx1450 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      I would be so proud if my child said that.

    • @ThatOneGuy-fb3jr
      @ThatOneGuy-fb3jr 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Unlike other parents...

    • @dx1450
      @dx1450 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@ThatOneGuy-fb3jr My parents were old-school, totally authoritarian with "the teachers and principal are always right" attitude, so if I got in trouble at school I'd also get in trouble at home, regardless of the situation.

    • @ThatOneGuy-fb3jr
      @ThatOneGuy-fb3jr 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@dx1450 this is exactly what I'm talking about.
      Let us hope the future is bright with us.

  • @Simoss13
    @Simoss13 4 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    I have a funny smart-ass comment I have said a long while back when I was a high school teacher. A student was trying to get in a laugh and pulls out the line:
    Student: Hey Sir, can I call you 'Ladies Man' (ending with a self chuckle)
    He continues: See Sir, you can call me "Gift" as in God's Gift.
    I roll my eyes and replied: If you were God's Gift, I would ask for a refund
    The class burst out laughing at him and word went around the school. For that moment on, no one wanted to play battle of wits

    • @Ayl_os
      @Ayl_os 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      So imagine your in Germany. You have English lessons and you decide to participate in the lesson.
      Me: says something right for the 30th time in a row.
      Some classmate: How does he always get his answers right? (In German)
      Me: „This is for advanced people, my dude...“

  • @Elchino5.7
    @Elchino5.7 4 ปีที่แล้ว +101

    I love these videos because I learn a thing or two :D

    • @ibeatmyhamster2154
      @ibeatmyhamster2154 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      These videos are pure cancer

    • @yazanalmarzouqi2468
      @yazanalmarzouqi2468 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Reddit is home to the funniest comments

    • @ibeatmyhamster2154
      @ibeatmyhamster2154 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@yazanalmarzouqi2468 reddit text to speech videos suck

    • @MrSk1ttl3s44
      @MrSk1ttl3s44 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      good thing too, because without this knowledge you aren't getting anywhere

    • @Rae-kg8rg
      @Rae-kg8rg 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ibeatmyhamster2154 so wuhf
      Aff

  • @sumofdeez
    @sumofdeez 4 ปีที่แล้ว +79

    1:07 Even the robot reader’s voice cracks? 😂

    • @buttersmoothmemes4233
      @buttersmoothmemes4233 4 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      It's gaining sentience

    • @Ayl_os
      @Ayl_os 4 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Its beginning to believe...
      in Robo-puberty ....

    • @artiethefrogyt4173
      @artiethefrogyt4173 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@Ayl_os that is the funniest comment I have ever seen in youtube

  • @Bigfoot_With_Internet_Access
    @Bigfoot_With_Internet_Access 4 ปีที่แล้ว +50

    Everybody gangsta till someone has a smartass comeback

    • @katelynliu5509
      @katelynliu5509 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      just wondering, how do you have internet access? how does it work?

    • @lesteradams2282
      @lesteradams2282 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@katelynliu5509 probably lives near a cell tower

    • @katelynliu5509
      @katelynliu5509 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Amir Stewart haha so they live in a part of a forest near a cell tower XD

    • @laya8880
      @laya8880 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      ...Care to send me a picture of one of your footprints so I can prove you exist?

    • @dirrt5011
      @dirrt5011 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Everybody gangsta till the Bigfoot gets internet access

  • @unnamedtraveler7380
    @unnamedtraveler7380 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    "He demanded an apology written in cursive"

  • @tidepodpadthai2633
    @tidepodpadthai2633 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Me: You know I can't see that far without my glasses. I take them off, you look like a blob. I put them back on, you _still_ look like a blob.

  • @chrisknight2631
    @chrisknight2631 4 ปีที่แล้ว +56

    The Messi/Ronaldo one is fake.
    It an old joke that has been used with many footballers, going back decades.

    • @DraconicDuelist
      @DraconicDuelist 4 ปีที่แล้ว +21

      The version I've seen it used is: Eminem saying he doesn't remember sending [insert "rapper" here] (I think it was Kanye West or something)...

    • @jacobae
      @jacobae 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      was looking for anyone else that noticed that too

    • @dx1450
      @dx1450 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Not just used for footballers, either.

    • @dbseamz
      @dbseamz 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Actually it was Stephanie Meyer (writer of Twilight) who said the god of writing had sent her, and JK Rowling who said she didn't send anyone.

  • @TheTaterTotP80
    @TheTaterTotP80 4 ปีที่แล้ว +258

    How is the Bellcurve one an insult? That's just saying they're of normal, average intelligence.

    • @TheHermeticHobo
      @TheHermeticHobo 4 ปีที่แล้ว +122

      Not many people like to be told that they're average. Most people think of themselves as special in some way.

    • @oliverhardman3513
      @oliverhardman3513 4 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      Really made me question that redditors intelligence

    • @ladyvincenza
      @ladyvincenza 4 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      My thoughts, too. As far as insults go, that's really not bad.

    • @austinhuber3131
      @austinhuber3131 4 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      Yeah go tell someone they're of average intelligence. Tell your loved ones. See how that goes over.

    • @MerkhVision
      @MerkhVision 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Average intelligence is really pretty dumb tho...lol

  • @mjr8888
    @mjr8888 4 ปีที่แล้ว +13

    One time my oldest brother was talking about some area on a map. On said map there were two lines marked 5 & 7. When he asked, "do you know what's between line 5&7?" I quickly said "what, line 6?" He gave me the most pissed off look while our dad, who was sitting next to us, burst out laughing

    • @Moo-2310
      @Moo-2310 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Once, I was in a class where parents were allowed. (we did it a couple times a year, basically we'd have a day where parents and students worked together on fun lessons)
      And the teacher was explaining something on the board. There was a yellow section, then blue, then red. She asked what was between yellow and red and the kid next to us said 'orange?' and you could hear my dad laughing quietly.

  • @GunShocka
    @GunShocka 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    10:07 Any husband who is willing to A: let their wife get into an arguement over a parking space and not check them, and B: Actually try and get into a fight over it was probably some jock who feels like they have to prove themselves over everything. "My husband us in the car" is one of the stupidest threats I've ever heard over something like that

  • @estherdejong481
    @estherdejong481 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    When is was 5 years, I was on a skiingg vacation with my parents and older sister. My mom was filming me and my sister playing in the snowangels, than she asks me:"Are you a little snowangel?". I stopped playing, looked right in her eyes and said:"No mommy I'm just a child". Laughed so hard when I saw that video for the first time😂

  • @kriscynical
    @kriscynical 4 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    It's a comment I actually made rather than someone else, but judging by the reaction of everybody around me it was apparently pretty damn funny.
    In college for illustration there was one guy, Adam, in my major year that _everybody_ hated because he was such a pompous asshole. He seriously didn't have a single friend because he treated everybody like shit, all while demanding the respect that he didn't show anyone else. He ended up getting caught for plagiarizing part of his illustration thesis from Jonan Vasquez.
    One of my favorite profs was sitting in the back of the digital illustration computer lab on a work day just shooting the shit with a few of us (we were admittedly his favorites) and we were all talking about what had happened to Adam the asshole. The prof couldn't say that much due to his position as faculty because it was still being investigated, but he said as much as he could get away with.
    Prof: "I can't say he's not getting what he deserves. He's not exactly pleasant."
    I said, "He's a dick."
    Prof: "Well, yes, that too. He's... not the brightest crayon in the box."
    Me: "He's the crayon that's shaped like a dick."
    Everybody burst out laughing but I thought the prof was going to piss himself from laughing so hard.
    Adam didn't graduate, btw. Karma.

  • @ChesnokOrNot
    @ChesnokOrNot 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I wish i was smart enough when i was younger to ask the mean smart kids what cows drink.
    They would've %100 said milk lmao.

    • @emojiguy4187
      @emojiguy4187 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Cows do drink milk, from their mothers. But when they grow up they drink water because its easier to access.

  • @nicoloesparra1988
    @nicoloesparra1988 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My favorite has to be when someone tells you to cut it out and my answer is always “sorry i cant it just grows right back.”

  • @user-jy2gr4cr4n
    @user-jy2gr4cr4n 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I remember in class we were talking about poetry or something and about how poems can go "black to white" and the teacher asked, "can anyone think of something that goes from black to white?"
    and I say" Michael Jackson"
    💀whoops

  • @SokuThePunless
    @SokuThePunless 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Me: complains about my ear being plugged, because I’m sick.
    My dad: “Wow, it must suck to not be able to hear out of one ear.”
    Also my dad: is deaf in one ear.

    • @creepywaffles4783
      @creepywaffles4783 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Tre Scott mg exact thing happened to me!!!

  • @dal.salvador
    @dal.salvador 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    "Well it's not lemonade."

  • @derekpoland9374
    @derekpoland9374 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    1:50 this person was 6 years ahead of their time

  • @CricketsTavern
    @CricketsTavern 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    My teacher always rolls her eyes so when my friend fell out of his chair she walks over to him and rolled her eyes and starts making fun of him for 10 minutes and I groaned really loud and said get back to teaching us since it was clearly a great idea to become a teacher when you hate kids. She turns towards me and I rolled my eyes. “What did you just do.” She asked after I rolled my eyes
    I responded with “did I do it wrong I am watching you to learn how.” I got a week of lunch in her class but it was worth it.

    • @phlushphish793
      @phlushphish793 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      My apt. mgr. got a part time job waitressing at Olive Garden; but, got fired. I heard that when she delivered a plate of food, the woman asked for grated parmesan. Mary rolled her eyes. The woman complained to the mgr. & she got fired. When I heard that, I thought 'That is SO Mary!' She rolled her eyes all the time! This time, to the wrong (paying customer) person!

  • @kristyharper4154
    @kristyharper4154 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Ok so at my school there is this openly gay couple, and one of them is like super immaculate and perfect 24/7 so we all call him a robot (its not bullying hes cool with it)
    They were being all cute n stuff and I overhear the perfect guy go "I love you, I need you.. I would die without you."
    His bf chuckles and goes "I would say the same but I'm a human to I need shit like air and water"

  • @SariaGoy
    @SariaGoy 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "water isn't wet" like, ok, but chill 😂

  • @Jerminator009
    @Jerminator009 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The Stalin kid is gold

  • @Moo-2310
    @Moo-2310 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Whenever a sub (my regular teachers don't bother anymore) asks me a question to catch me out because I never listen, I give them a crap eating grin and answer correctly. Basically I'm in the highest class in my year, but it's still too easy. I have never had an IQ test done, but I reckon I could probably move up to year 6. So I pay almost no attention in class because I know all of the material, but pay just enough that I know when it's time to do worksheets, which I zip through and go back to sketching. Then if a sub tells me to get back to work, I reply that there's no work left and hand them the worksheets. My class all secretly grin when we see a sub come into the room because they know what's coming.

  • @td7226
    @td7226 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    According to my parents, everything I say

  • @InvaderTwinz2
    @InvaderTwinz2 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    When I went to the Zoo, everyone was gathering around too see the cheetahs run. So zoo keepers were in the exhibit fixing the track for the cheetahs. And this one dude( was wondering what the crowd was for) walked up behind me and my sister, and saw the zoo keeper and was like “WOW A HUMAN” and walked off, me and my sister were laughing SO hard omfg

    • @mrcat4508
      @mrcat4508 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I find this funny so here is your first reply after two years

  • @applicableapple3991
    @applicableapple3991 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    For the first one, I've mastered the 'middle tone', this makes it impossible for them to tell if it's a compliment or not

  • @Official12GRXVES
    @Official12GRXVES 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I've got a good one that I've been waiting to tell for a while now:
    So I'm in English class and my teacher, whom no one in particular likes, is in today, let's call her Miss Reid (note the "miss" )
    My buddy goes to Miss Reid and asks if he could use the washroom.
    Buddy: "hey, can I go to the washroom"
    Miss Reid (being obnoxious): "I dont know, can you?"
    Buddy (not buying into it since she has the same response every single time): "I dont know either, can you get a husband?"
    Flabbergasted, Miss Reid sends him to the office. On his way back into the classroom to grab his books, I give him a high five, which landed myself in the office as well.
    Still don't regret a moment of that office trip

  • @Moo-2310
    @Moo-2310 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Once I got in trouble for being a smartass. Instead of letting them call my mom (who would have been annoyed) I told them that only my dad was available today. (not true, they were both at work, my dad just has a better sense of humour) My dad picked up icecream on his way home that evening.

  • @velocireindeer
    @velocireindeer 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Lmao I was doing the word challenge with a friend where you make them say silk 3 times, spell silk twice, say silk 5 times, then ask them what a cow drinks and my friend just said "Milk, I'm not stupid." It took him a minute to realize what he said while I laughed so hard I almost blacked out 😆😆😆😆

    • @Joker74312
      @Joker74312 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      One of my friends got me with this an many similar ones. Problem is I can’t remember them

  • @anthonylombardo4829
    @anthonylombardo4829 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    If the principal wastes my time because my son hurt their feelings I would definitely lose my cool and go off on that principle.

  • @abby9797
    @abby9797 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    omg i have one:
    when my lil sister was about 5 she had a really hard time pronouncing her r’s and would instead use a w. example: she would say wing instead of ring.
    one time she was trying to say “right” but it came out as “white”. my mom was trying to figure out what she was saying. the convo went something like this:
    sister: wite
    mom: white?
    sister: no, wite
    mom: ohhhh RIGHT.
    then my smart ass 5 yr old sister responded with:
    “no, left.”

  • @larryprice1168
    @larryprice1168 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The first one's a good one. Some people are just too nosey.

  • @EnjoyCocaColaLight
    @EnjoyCocaColaLight 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    3:44
    Suspension for using a stupid phrase that a Russian would not necessarily know. That's so American I almost got diabetes!

  • @yxngmafia3911
    @yxngmafia3911 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    Teacher: Your test has so many errors
    Student: Your face has so many errors

  • @nightshade5606
    @nightshade5606 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My teacher being serious and helping us go over what to do in difficult situations: “What do you do if you come home and your brother stole something of yours?”
    Me: “Time for the nerf gun!”
    Teacher: “What if he’d licked all your stuff?”
    Me: “Time for a real gun!”
    Teacher: “What would your mom think of that?”
    Me: “She isn’t home yet >:D”
    I think the teacher liked that answer!

  • @katarinatibai8396
    @katarinatibai8396 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Winston Churchill was great.
    If you were my wife - I would drink it - gat me daying 😂😂😂👍 - great.

    • @tafua_a
      @tafua_a 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      "Mr. Churchill, you're incredibly drunk"
      "And you, lady, are incredibly ugly. The difference is, tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly"

    • @katarinatibai8396
      @katarinatibai8396 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@tafua_a 😂 - Yes ! 👏👏👏👍😎

  • @gadgetsage
    @gadgetsage 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The teacher put up on the blackboard "78% of people agreed with his actions" to quiz us on current news events, I realized what he was referring to, yelled out the correct answer, "Bernhard Goetz"
    Teacher: "Better known as...?"
    Me: "Bernie...?"
    The look on his face was priceless, impatience mixed with appreciation of the good joke, kind of a teacher look that says, "OK, good one, smart-ass now give the real answer"
    I then gave the correct answer I knew he wanted; "the subway vigilante"

  • @juless_am
    @juless_am 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    "You're drunk"
    "You're ugly, and tomorrow i'll be sober"

  • @BeastyAnims
    @BeastyAnims 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I never laughed at a thumbnail this hard XD!

  • @charlichissus3440
    @charlichissus3440 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My brother just said “if you get me my donut I’ll give you 80k”
    “You don’t even have 80k”
    “Yeah, but mom does”

  • @chloek8561
    @chloek8561 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Favorite one of mine was when my friend complained about her mom(we’re both in college but live at home) and my friend said “she always said I can’t make decisions because my brain is ‘still developing’” my response was “well her brain is still dying” she did a full spit take👌

  • @ravenclawthestral3964
    @ravenclawthestral3964 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Teacher told a kid to sit on the floor, he said "No. I'm a civilised person and I like to sit on a chair." With a straight face.

  • @Viper-lv8if
    @Viper-lv8if 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    What’s up with the thumbnails 😂😂😂

  • @Ifarmplasma
    @Ifarmplasma 4 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    *Cars don't need headlights because the track is always 🔥lit🔥*

    • @retrosh6ck905
      @retrosh6ck905 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      *OH FUCK*

    • @Ayl_os
      @Ayl_os 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ...
      *No comment*

    • @ballisticboo7808
      @ballisticboo7808 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Just like my brother! *laughter ensues*

    • @sean6992
      @sean6992 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      That is true tho

  • @misterrgutcheck4862
    @misterrgutcheck4862 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Shots fired doesn't even begin to describe this video

  • @berka5526
    @berka5526 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    My minimum wage waiter job required wearing shirts and a tie with black pants, so just like a tuxedo. So on my break i enter a store one hand in the pocket looking at the drinks trying to pick one, a lady passed by and told her friend: "Guess he is having a hard time picking his grooms toast" and started laughing. The joke was so spontaneous that i barely hold myself together to not laugh

  • @blakeetter280
    @blakeetter280 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    All around useful “excuse me?” “I would but there’s no excusing you”

  • @maranathashalom9402
    @maranathashalom9402 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    My 10th grade chemistry teacher after I put a gum into a power outlet in the new chemistry building:
    - holds 20 minute speech about the word 'sabotage' and how it's derived from a french boot maker or whatever, that culminated in the big reveal "Did you put the gum in there?" while pointing at me
    My brain:
    - "He knows. Think of something! Quick!"
    My smart-ass answer:
    - "No."

  • @Ayixlia
    @Ayixlia 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When I was little, people used to tell me that I have a big head and made fun of me I cried sometimes at that. One day my dad told me that the reason I have a big head because my brain is big and I am smarter than everyone else which is why they make fun of me. I took what he said to heart and gotten smart with everyone I knew even my dad a nd because of that he used to call me a smart ass big headed girl. I love my poppa

  • @dimitriamarasekara1770
    @dimitriamarasekara1770 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Me and my friend were having breakfast together one time and he orders two plates and I said “that’s a little to much for u” and he says “does it look like I need a diet” and I say “ no it looks like u need to go on a god damn fasting”. One of my proudest moments. Btw that only made our friendship stronger

  • @crystallakedood
    @crystallakedood 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Overheard in a bathroom once, I've been waiting to use it, but haven't gotten the chance. Guy 1 pees and doesn't wash his hands. Guy 2 says something like "where I'm from, we were taught to wash our hands after we pee. I suggest you do the same." Guy 1 responds coolly as he opens the door to leave "Yeah, and where I'm from, we're taught not to piss on our hands, so they stay clean." and he leaves. I got a good chuckle in.

  • @SULLY937
    @SULLY937 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    8:10 “Well it’s not lemonade” 🐐💀😂

  • @bibibibigun2755
    @bibibibigun2755 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Walking in the store and a hear kid say to their dad, “ oh hey dad that’s a place no one will find you”, they pointed at the all sports section

  • @-Z0K3Y-
    @-Z0K3Y- ปีที่แล้ว

    11:26
    the little boy should have said “but you’re not a stranger, you’re a whole joke”

  • @jaystyles2241
    @jaystyles2241 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Lol best one I’ve ever heard was when I was walking down the street in a small town with my ex boyfriend holding hands, some old guy shoed us away calling us poop flies.
    Made me laugh so damn hard.

  • @giannisr.7733
    @giannisr.7733 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    -I would underestimate you, if I could.
    -I am dying to see you. Literally.
    -You have a special place in my heart. The thing is I don't have one
    -Attempt is just a kind way of saying failure.
    -If you are smart, recall the last time someone called you that (actually can work as compliment and backfire, I don't recommend it)
    -If I were you, I wouldn't know what to change first, but probably my address.
    (anything good I see in the comments will be added)

    • @gadgetsage
      @gadgetsage 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Wow, so you're an openly admitted plagiarist

    • @MerkhVision
      @MerkhVision 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      None of these are even good or funny

    • @giannisr.7733
      @giannisr.7733 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@gadgetsage never stated they are mine (some of them are)

    • @giannisr.7733
      @giannisr.7733 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@MerkhVision your opinion

  • @sharbar9883
    @sharbar9883 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    6:23 Lol this reminds me of one time we were on a field trip (I forget where) and we had a substitute teacher. We kept on standing up on the bus so even though she told us to sit down many times. Then, we get a slight traffic jam, so she starts to talk/almost yell about how we should never be standing while the bus is moving, and that it is only safe to stand up when the bus is stopped. Me being the smartass I was in 4th grade (still sort of am now) I point out “Hey the bus is technically stopped right now” and as a joke I stand up with some of my friends. She then yells “SIT DOWN!” and says to me “Don’t ever be smart again” or something along those lines. I then asked what the point of school was if I couldn’t be smart. She was furious.
    Somehow, I didn’t get any punishment.

    • @Jason_Nighthawk
      @Jason_Nighthawk หลายเดือนก่อน

      How'd I respond to that in that scenario?:
      Me:is the bus moving at this moment?
      Teacher: no but-
      Me: then shut up!

  • @sophiapittoni5187
    @sophiapittoni5187 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    if you work at the ice cream place just say: you have eyes, which ones vanilla and which one is chocolate, i mean tf

  • @xxTC-96xx
    @xxTC-96xx 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    My grandpa mentioned a group of old men in a golf club who hated gays as well as women and I commented “well if they’re that against women in their club then clearly they aren’t that anti-gay” or something to that affect and the whole family was laughing pretty hard, maybe it was because I’m usually quiet in the family get togethers

  • @theonethatgotindwae2954
    @theonethatgotindwae2954 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    This is probably the most sarcastic thing I said my whole life:
    Me : "when I win the lottery I'm gonna buy me a scooter"
    Dad: "why, you don't like the 4wheeler?"
    Me :"nah, I think scooters are better"
    Dad : "when I win the lottery I'm gonna buy you a robot, so it can listen to all of your ideas"
    Me : "nah dad, just buy me a diary"
    Dad : "you gonna write on it?"
    Me: "no, I'm gonna talk to it"

  • @brendenpischke6060
    @brendenpischke6060 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    "Do you know what weed smells like?"
    "Burnt vegetation"

  • @AndrewBarsky
    @AndrewBarsky ปีที่แล้ว

    My favorite TH-cam troller drops this one every now and again…
    “What do you think? You have more chromosomes then me???”
    “You’re damn right I have chromosomes then you!”
    It’s brilliant.

  • @musicweeb8491
    @musicweeb8491 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    ME: *Walks in school after a week of not being there*
    Everyone in my class: ZEB we're were you?!?!!?
    Me: doctor's?

  • @thatoneweirdo6729
    @thatoneweirdo6729 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I remember this one time in English class. I sat between this one guy and another kid who was Asian, we'll call him John. My teacher, we'll call her Mrs. S, thought she heard the end of the school day announcements come on, so she told everyone to be quiet. Everyone laughed when we realized they hadn't come on yet. Then the one guy then turns to me and says, "Mrs. S can hear as well as John can see."

  • @evie5023
    @evie5023 4 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    When I was 11, I hated cities. So, while in a city, I said “everything in cities are fake, the grass, the trees, and especially the people.”

  • @neoratcity7523
    @neoratcity7523 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Friend 1: I want fries
    Friend 2: I want good grades
    Friend 1: Well at least mine is achievable

  • @ursine121
    @ursine121 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Even as a Protestant, I know about the Papal conclave smoke signals. Some people really do seem to live under rocks.... *sigh*

  • @tr1p1ea
    @tr1p1ea 4 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Lol the Messi comment is fake.

  • @PadraicSmith
    @PadraicSmith 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I got 7 unskippable 45-120 second ads on this video what eldritch horror did you sell your soul to and I hope you kept the receipt because it's not worth. I am not coming back.

  • @T4coT2uesday
    @T4coT2uesday 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    i cant wait until they make a little little lungs in a great big world advertisement about Charlie d’melio

  • @raymond8718
    @raymond8718 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    11:08
    I heard this joke before in some form, but it was on a show on the BBC set in Ireland.

  • @keatonburton6064
    @keatonburton6064 ปีที่แล้ว

    2:20
    I'm 6'8, I can relate to the part where people ask me if I play basketball. I always reply with either, "No I don't." or "I'm not a sports guy/person."

  • @Perbert_art
    @Perbert_art 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    My teacher was talking about how people are depressed in winter and was going on with that the people didn’t have enough lights. And I ask her: can’t they just turn on the light AKA lamps. And the whole class laughed and later she explain the people needed the sunlight that has with vitamin D to do.

  • @secretshadow9515
    @secretshadow9515 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    The teacher asked "How would one confuse Subjectivism and Cutural Relativism" and I raised my hand and said "By not studying" and made the teacher laugh. Yeah not really a hard one but was the most recent.

  • @kurorichi5848
    @kurorichi5848 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    What can be more funny than male translater voice?

  • @ursine121
    @ursine121 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I was seeing someone but it was a bit shit really. The icing on the cake came when they were supposed to drive me to work but dropped me off at a train station instead. I was like "Oh, right!" Got out, slammed the door and caught the train. I got a message a while later saying "Am I in the bad books?" and I replied "No, you're in the history books!" and deleted and blocked their number. I then went into work, quit and left - it was a good day.

  • @edub590
    @edub590 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    dad: your grounded go play on your Xbox
    son: i don't have one
    dad: well you do now

  • @classongrass8484
    @classongrass8484 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Someone missed a beat at 1:52, I was waiting for ‘this is some deep shit’...’no it’s toilet paper’

  • @kevin3628
    @kevin3628 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I had one of those teachers that responded with” I don’t know, what do you think?” to the kids that asked her questions. One time I responded with “ I don’t know? That’s why I’m asking you.” All my classmates stared going like “ oh shit! That was Savage.” The teacher took it lightly though because I was nice to her most of the time, but that was the last time she responded to a question like that.

  • @LLNTV11
    @LLNTV11 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Funny moment:
    At school theres a kid called tommy, and nobody likes him because he tells on everyone. One day tommy came up to me and said: Lee called me an accident, what does that mean?

  • @jfan4reva
    @jfan4reva 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    We were traveling to Des Moines (Iowa) to look at a prospective college for my daughter. We had been driving for 3 hours straight and were driving through the Des Moines suburbs when my wife who had been spaced out reading for the last hour looks up and asks "are we getting close to Des Moines yet?" I turn to her and say "The only way you can get closer to Des Moines is to fall down." The kids in back tried their best not to laugh out loud, but failed miserably!

  • @Rockas360
    @Rockas360 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Mine was telling The abstinence teacher who had 6 kids in a catholic school " ya shoulda know how to use a condom!" (Mind you she wasnt a medical professional)

  • @NadineAnimation
    @NadineAnimation 2 ปีที่แล้ว

    One time when u was like 11 my older sister said “check on the food when your cooking it” and I just kept on opening and closing the oven door non stop (that was mostly my childhood was being a smartass with comebacks that’s probably why my siblings don’t like me jk

  • @Mj0Skyver
    @Mj0Skyver ปีที่แล้ว

    1:19 I got a good laugh from that punchline.

  • @harley_the_tweaker8645
    @harley_the_tweaker8645 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Is nobody gonna ask how the blind dude said so would I?

  • @ursine121
    @ursine121 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I used to make those "smart ass" comments but mostly to people who deserved them. Now I am just an easy going regular guy who doesn't really care or let people get to me.
    I would say things like, "Oh, I never forget a face - but in your case I'll make an exception!" or "Good luck - I hope you get everything you deserve!" or "Sorry, I've forgotten your name - not that it's important!" and when the TV licence people came round to check if I was watching live TV, the man said "But you've got an aerial on the roof." I replied, "Yes, and I have milk in the fridge but it doesn't mean I have a cow in the garden."

  • @eckerdee792
    @eckerdee792 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    0:14 But if they take it as insult they've lost.