On your point 4, neurodivergence is also a risk factor for experiencing trauma. Neurodivergent people are often misunderstood, they can be invalidated or bullied as a result, and they learn to mask as a coping mechanism as a result. Masking as a coping mechanism for neurodivergent people is effectively self-traumatising (self-invalidating) and contributes to burnout. There is indeed evidence that at least some people have ADHD as a result of developmental trauma, but in the case of autism the link goes in the other direction - the developmental difference puts them at risk of trauma.
Can i ask for some advice? I (female, 21) informed myself about the attachment styles after my gf (female 22) broke up with me out of the blue after 5 months of being in a very loving relationship (how i experienced it and she verbalized and showed me that she felt the same). I am pretty sure now that she has the disorganized attachment style. Of course i am not an expert and I can't be sure of it but it really just all makes sense. I don't want to go into detail but from everything i know about her childhood (which is only small pieces) and the way our whole relationship went down and ended, it's pretty clear to me. It's been a month now since the breakup and we're on good terms but barely in contact. I think i have to really get over it first before considering going back to contact but i am wondering: is there a way to help her even though i am in the position of being her ex? Also, i was thinking about telling her about the attachment styles in case she doesn't know them so she can maybe heal in the future but i also don't want to overstep and stress her out or push her away. Does she have to figure this out on her own? How can i be of help? and to make my intentions clear: no, I don't want to get back into a relationship with her. Yes i love her, but i deserve to be with someone who has the ressources to be in a healthy relationship. I just want to support her in the best way i can because even though she broke my heart she is still very important to me and she deserves to have trustworthy people in her life. It's not her fault that some people in her past messed up. thank you for reading this and maybe you have some thoughts to this, I'd be very grateful!
You may have already decided on an answer to your question. For those wondering the same, here’s my opinion. There’s a balancing act of trying to have someone discover attachment theory in a way that comes from a place of safety and not criticizing. Many insecure attachment people deal with a lot of shame, so this has to not only come from a place of compassion but the person receiving the message has to sense that too. If they don’t trust you, not sure it will happen. I personally introduce attachment theory by also showing I’m not perfect and need to learn and work on myself. I’m showing my vulnerability and not judging them. I share a link for a quiz and tell them I tried it and got such and such. And explains why I behaved the way I did. If you’re secure, not sure if that strategy works. Good luck. On a side note, I typically introduce attachment theory in the early stages of a relationship, but only if they are open to wanting to know and learning.
@@salvomig2368thank you for taking the time to answer and for giving your advice! yes i've decided already but this is helpful for the future anyway. and absolutely yes - from now on i will always talk about attachment styles in earlier stages of getting to know someone :) we learn from our "mistakes" and i am happy to keep educating myself and grow
Mine was not sexual at all. She wanted to date then made group type nights. I protested. Then she went to plans without me at all. She introed me to her family etc but as her friend. I just came out of a narcissistic relationship and that was really ba d. This has many similarities. You get crapped on to your face. Run run run
@@KatyaMorozova that would be amazing! But an answer here would suffice also! Btw appreciate all your hard work here that you help us with. Your efforts are appreciated and you're appreciated 🙏🏽
The fearful has both anxious and avoidant tendancies. They are a mix of anxious and avoidant. Its in the name 😂. Fearful + avoidant The dismissive is basically a narccissist who will use abuse and leave without any anxiety. Think of them as players. Love you then leave you once bored. Then onto the next victim. They rarely come back after a breakup unless bored or looking for sex
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Your english is absolutely amazing, based on someone with a Russian background.
On your point 4, neurodivergence is also a risk factor for experiencing trauma. Neurodivergent people are often misunderstood, they can be invalidated or bullied as a result, and they learn to mask as a coping mechanism as a result. Masking as a coping mechanism for neurodivergent people is effectively self-traumatising (self-invalidating) and contributes to burnout.
There is indeed evidence that at least some people have ADHD as a result of developmental trauma, but in the case of autism the link goes in the other direction - the developmental difference puts them at risk of trauma.
Adults with this blame their partners for their own lack of communication, which is their own responsibility.
I didn’t realize how much I masked.
Thanks for sharing. : )
Thank you for your videos :)
My pleasure! : )
Can i ask for some advice? I (female, 21) informed myself about the attachment styles after my gf (female 22) broke up with me out of the blue after 5 months of being in a very loving relationship (how i experienced it and she verbalized and showed me that she felt the same). I am pretty sure now that she has the disorganized attachment style. Of course i am not an expert and I can't be sure of it but it really just all makes sense. I don't want to go into detail but from everything i know about her childhood (which is only small pieces) and the way our whole relationship went down and ended, it's pretty clear to me. It's been a month now since the breakup and we're on good terms but barely in contact. I think i have to really get over it first before considering going back to contact but i am wondering: is there a way to help her even though i am in the position of being her ex? Also, i was thinking about telling her about the attachment styles in case she doesn't know them so she can maybe heal in the future but i also don't want to overstep and stress her out or push her away. Does she have to figure this out on her own? How can i be of help?
and to make my intentions clear: no, I don't want to get back into a relationship with her. Yes i love her, but i deserve to be with someone who has the ressources to be in a healthy relationship. I just want to support her in the best way i can because even though she broke my heart she is still very important to me and she deserves to have trustworthy people in her life. It's not her fault that some people in her past messed up.
thank you for reading this and maybe you have some thoughts to this, I'd be very grateful!
You may have already decided on an answer to your question. For those wondering the same, here’s my opinion. There’s a balancing act of trying to have someone discover attachment theory in a way that comes from a place of safety and not criticizing. Many insecure attachment people deal with a lot of shame, so this has to not only come from a place of compassion but the person receiving the message has to sense that too. If they don’t trust you, not sure it will happen. I personally introduce attachment theory by also showing I’m not perfect and need to learn and work on myself. I’m showing my vulnerability and not judging them. I share a link for a quiz and tell them I tried it and got such and such. And explains why I behaved the way I did. If you’re secure, not sure if that strategy works. Good luck.
On a side note, I typically introduce attachment theory in the early stages of a relationship, but only if they are open to wanting to know and learning.
@@salvomig2368thank you for taking the time to answer and for giving your advice! yes i've decided already but this is helpful for the future anyway. and absolutely yes - from now on i will always talk about attachment styles in earlier stages of getting to know someone :) we learn from our "mistakes" and i am happy to keep educating myself and grow
Mine was not sexual at all. She wanted to date then made group type nights. I protested. Then she went to plans without me at all. She introed me to her family etc but as her friend. I just came out of a narcissistic relationship and that was really ba d. This has many similarities. You get crapped on to your face. Run run run
What's the big giveaway to identify fearful vs dismissive avoidant style?
Are you requesting a video to identify the differences between the two?
@@KatyaMorozova that would be amazing! But an answer here would suffice also! Btw appreciate all your hard work here that you help us with. Your efforts are appreciated and you're appreciated 🙏🏽
@@KatyaMorozovayes pls I’ve been bouncing back and fourth with figuring out my Exs 😂.
I'd say avoidants are pretty cold since the beginning whereas fa's are kind of love bombey in the beginning and then they withdraw
The fearful has both anxious and avoidant tendancies. They are a mix of anxious and avoidant. Its in the name 😂. Fearful + avoidant
The dismissive is basically a narccissist who will use abuse and leave without any anxiety. Think of them as players. Love you then leave you once bored. Then onto the next victim.
They rarely come back after a breakup unless bored or looking for sex