As a recovering FA woman, I have to say that I’ve felt all of the same emotions that the FA male has felt. Recovery takes time and effort, but it can be done. Through POSITIVE self-talk, learning about your attachment style as well as the others, forgiveness for yourself and others, and implementing the techniques that Thais teaches, you will have success in overcoming your triggers. I’m now at the point where I can have a silent giggle with myself when an old trigger emerges, I recognize it as an old memory, and I smile to myself knowing that it’s been conquered. No more stress! No more anger! No more anxiety! I’m even able to laugh at myself when someone playfully teases me, WHAT A FANTASTIC FEELING THAT IS! If you are new to Attachment Theory, and you are looking for true emotional healing, please keep watching the PDS videos. I also recommend reading LEARNING LOVE by Thais Gibson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Blessings!🤙🏻♥️
@@joelofty6436 I’m sorry that you don’t believe what I say is true, but I assure you that what I wrote is 100% true for ME. Also, you are entitled to your opinion, but it’s unkind to call a person a liar. I believe that most of us in this group are trying to heal our deep wounds, but name calling doesn’t help you or me in that aspect. Please remember to be respectful to ALL, even the hated and misunderstood FA. Have a blessed day🤙🏻
As a Secure with Anxious tendencies, I do everything I can for my FA man. I encourage, compliment, and have proven (and verbalized) I'm loyal, and I'm all in, for better or worse. He's socially inept. He has no friends except me. He's never had a long-term relationship. So, his history has a pattern. I refuse to give up on him. I pray for him daily. I've given everything about our relationship to God. God is the one true healer. God has fiercely been protecting my heart. It's been a lot of work. It's worth it to me.
As an FA man married to a DA woman, this is very useful content. Perhaps something specific to FA men with DA woman?? I know there's lots in regsrds to the dynamic but it's more typical that the woman is the FA from what I've seen.
As a member of the school, one of the things you will learn if you join is how each attachment style learns. And to your comment, DAs can actually learn (and often do) how to become secure through their partner. Not that other attachment styles don't learn that way, but that this form of learning works well for them. So as an FA or AP works on themselves and becomes more comfortable communicating their needs and boundaries as well as meeting their own needs, the DA is likely to pick up and adopt healthier communication strategies. This isn't to say you can change someone, just that the byproduct of your own growth can help your partner grow, especially DAs. The school is definitely worth the subscription. I was FA/DA when I started. Now I'm SA/DA. I'm still working on my DA side, but I'm so much more comfortable communicating and catching myself when old programming sneaks up. Best of luck to you on your journey!
Also a FA man with a DA woman here. I will look for the video, thanks for the info! And I can't afford the subscription right now, but I would like to have one once I can.
Not necessarily. In the dating world you mainly hear about relationships with a DA man and AP woman. But that’s not true. There are many men with AP and FA. They just get put on the back burner by a lot of women because a lot of women go for the “bad boy” which is the DA. Fellow FA man here by the way. So I know your pain.
I actually feel really seen and understood from hearing this. It is extremely hard to fight all that internall conflict, especially when dealing with DA.
Well, this matches my intuitive assessments of someone. Not that it has made any difference over the years; haven’t heard from said person directly in many years. Thanks!
Definitely relate to all of this. It's funny, I never thought of my relationship to MYSELF to be push/pull. If you have more content you can share about FA men, please do!
They sabatoge a good relationship. My ex FA dumped me for another woman after being with me four years. I didn't know we had any problems, no arguments, no fighting, no betrayal on my part. He wanted to remain " friends". Nope. I walked away forever without a tear. I wish him well. No more avoidants for me. I am mostly secure, BTW. I am not anxious.
Distrust fearful avoidant men have shows up around power status money..he will be absolutely sure women will leave when he lacks one of those…vulnerability for him is a threat to how women perceive him..almost every fearful avoidant man I know says that same statement..”if she doesn’t need me financially I’ll be betrayed all women are like that”..seeing it from this prospective actually makes trust issues among men quite common
Thais, I have a weird question for you. Is there anything specific you did to master your fight or flight? Like, anything besides just exploring your own emotions?
I used emotional regulation as simple as Pause, Deep Breathe, let my heart rate return to normal. I called it Practicing the Pause so I was reminded not to react until after the pause, the breathing, letting Fight or Flight pass. Then I'd journal the situation and I'd look in my writing or vlog words for Mindstories, Black-and-white thinking, times I wasn't speaking to myself kindly or being excessively negatively. I'm telling you I made 180° progress in just 90 days. Those tools might be in the Emotional Regulation course or it's that and a combo of Crappy Childhood Fairy's free "Daily Practice." It was 6 months ago so I can't recall but I can say reading back in my journals I can see so much progress!
EXCUSE ME; But I grew Up with TONS of inconsistency & Cold Distant Parents who ALWAYS Pushed Me AWAY and never loved me, I dont' do that to other people!!!
So a fearful avoidant man feels he’ll never be safe and fully loved so he has an affair with another woman then dumps the first woman before he can get dumped on? That’s what happened to me only he’d already been with this woman for 7 years 🤔
What is the main difference between FA and DA? I’m thinking my friend may be more FA after watching this video. He’s seen my texts lately but won’t comment on them. And they’re good texts and supportive of what he does at church for God.
The main difference is FA have core wounds of both DA and AP style, and push pull dynamic (or urge to do that, even if resisting the urge) reflects switching between those 2
It sounds like you have experienced some pain from those situations, so if so then I’m sorry that you experienced that. Tho, they and literally no one else in the world is broken, that is a mean thing to call someone. People experience hard times that will effect them, tho they can heal from it and overcome it. If they are emotionally unavailable it’s because of the trauma they experienced and they don’t feel safe to express themselves. They had to learn the hard way that not everyone will react kindly & respectfully to them expressing their feelings, so it’s hard to know who they can trust. I think it’s important to be empathetic towards everyone. It’s hard to work on being more emotionally available when you are around people who aren’t empathetic to you.
@jolenebraganza1813 these women themselves have told me they are broken from what loozer guys have done to them. So that is their words out of their mouths
@@michaelsolis2674 That doesn’t matter. Just because someone calls themselves as something, that doesn’t mean it is a healthy thing. That would be an example of when to kindly tell someone that they are saying things about themselves that are hurtful and which they don’t deserve. If you didn’t know that referring to yourself and others as broken was hurtful earlier, now you do know
@jolenebraganza1813 people say how they feel and who they are. Just because you tell them oh no you're wrong you're not broken. They will say you don't know me and you don't know what I have been through. So just cause you say they are wrong about themselves dose not change the fact that they are what they have been through. If a woman yells me or shows she is emotionally unavailable then she is telling me she is not ready for a Man to come on to her. She is not mentally ready for a relationship. And that is fine if she is not. I simply move on and leave her alone
I agree most people with trust issues are women…because basically trust is so sensitive for women especially….so it’s ten times more likely that it will be broken…and knowing that they take it from their fathers as the primary source of trust makes things even worse..cause a lot of fathers have personality disorders and/or addiction issues…I met a couple of fearful avoidant males they represent themselves differently and have different versions of broken trust…so this maybe the reason why you don’t recognize them as fearful avoidants
FA men! Does this resonate with you? Let us know in the comments
As a recovering FA woman, I have to say that I’ve felt all of the same emotions that the FA male has felt.
Recovery takes time and effort, but it can be done. Through POSITIVE self-talk, learning about your attachment style as well as the others, forgiveness for yourself and others, and implementing the techniques that Thais teaches, you will have success in overcoming your triggers.
I’m now at the point where I can have a silent giggle with myself when an old trigger emerges, I recognize it as an old memory, and I smile to myself knowing that it’s been conquered. No more stress! No more anger! No more anxiety! I’m even able to laugh at myself when someone playfully teases me, WHAT A FANTASTIC FEELING THAT IS!
If you are new to Attachment Theory, and you are looking for true emotional healing, please keep watching the PDS videos. I also recommend reading LEARNING LOVE by Thais Gibson ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Blessings!🤙🏻♥️
Liar
@@joelofty6436 I’m sorry that you don’t believe what I say is true, but I assure you that what I wrote is 100% true for ME.
Also, you are entitled to your opinion, but it’s unkind to call a person a liar. I believe that most of us in this group are trying to heal our deep wounds, but name calling doesn’t help you or me in that aspect. Please remember to be respectful to ALL, even the hated and misunderstood FA.
Have a blessed day🤙🏻
As a Secure with Anxious tendencies, I do everything I can for my FA man. I encourage, compliment, and have proven (and verbalized) I'm loyal, and I'm all in, for better or worse. He's socially inept. He has no friends except me. He's never had a long-term relationship. So, his history has a pattern. I refuse to give up on him. I pray for him daily. I've given everything about our relationship to God. God is the one true healer. God has fiercely been protecting my heart. It's been a lot of work. It's worth it to me.
As an FA man married to a DA woman, this is very useful content. Perhaps something specific to FA men with DA woman?? I know there's lots in regsrds to the dynamic but it's more typical that the woman is the FA from what I've seen.
You married a da woman? You're brave man lol.
Hey Brad, she has a video that describes an FA man and a DA woman. I believe it's been within the last 3 weeks.
As a member of the school, one of the things you will learn if you join is how each attachment style learns. And to your comment, DAs can actually learn (and often do) how to become secure through their partner. Not that other attachment styles don't learn that way, but that this form of learning works well for them. So as an FA or AP works on themselves and becomes more comfortable communicating their needs and boundaries as well as meeting their own needs, the DA is likely to pick up and adopt healthier communication strategies. This isn't to say you can change someone, just that the byproduct of your own growth can help your partner grow, especially DAs. The school is definitely worth the subscription. I was FA/DA when I started. Now I'm SA/DA. I'm still working on my DA side, but I'm so much more comfortable communicating and catching myself when old programming sneaks up. Best of luck to you on your journey!
Also a FA man with a DA woman here. I will look for the video, thanks for the info!
And I can't afford the subscription right now, but I would like to have one once I can.
Not necessarily. In the dating world you mainly hear about relationships with a DA man and AP woman. But that’s not true. There are many men with AP and FA. They just get put on the back burner by a lot of women because a lot of women go for the “bad boy” which is the DA. Fellow FA man here by the way. So I know your pain.
I would like to see a Video about the differences between FA man and FA women
I actually feel really seen and understood from hearing this. It is extremely hard to fight all that internall conflict, especially when dealing with DA.
Going to show this to my next partner, thank you❤
❤
Thais, it just amazes me as to how spot on you are! This is so helpful!
Great to hear ❤
You're awesome, Thais! Thank you!! 💜🙏
You're so welcome! ❤
Well, this matches my intuitive assessments of someone. Not that it has made any difference over the years; haven’t heard from said person directly in many years. Thanks!
Definitely relate to all of this. It's funny, I never thought of my relationship to MYSELF to be push/pull.
If you have more content you can share about FA men, please do!
They sabatoge a good relationship. My ex FA dumped me for another woman after being with me four years. I didn't know we had any problems, no arguments, no fighting, no betrayal on my part. He wanted to remain " friends". Nope. I walked away forever without a tear. I wish him well. No more avoidants for me. I am mostly secure, BTW. I am not anxious.
Distrust fearful avoidant men have shows up around power status money..he will be absolutely sure women will leave when he lacks one of those…vulnerability for him is a threat to how women perceive him..almost every fearful avoidant man I know says that same statement..”if she doesn’t need me financially I’ll be betrayed all women are like that”..seeing it from this prospective actually makes trust issues among men quite common
Thais, I have a weird question for you. Is there anything specific you did to master your fight or flight? Like, anything besides just exploring your own emotions?
I used emotional regulation as simple as Pause, Deep Breathe, let my heart rate return to normal. I called it Practicing the Pause so I was reminded not to react until after the pause, the breathing, letting Fight or Flight pass. Then I'd journal the situation and I'd look in my writing or vlog words for Mindstories, Black-and-white thinking, times I wasn't speaking to myself kindly or being excessively negatively. I'm telling you I made 180° progress in just 90 days. Those tools might be in the Emotional Regulation course or it's that and a combo of Crappy Childhood Fairy's free "Daily Practice." It was 6 months ago so I can't recall but I can say reading back in my journals I can see so much progress!
Hi, very helpful video! Are you planning to do one Avoidantly Attached Men?
Thank you so much for doing a men video it helped so much thank you
Great video! Do you know of any resources (e.g., movies, tv shows) which show healthy communication styles?
EXCUSE ME; But I grew Up with TONS of inconsistency & Cold Distant Parents who ALWAYS Pushed Me AWAY and never loved me, I dont' do that to other people!!!
So a fearful avoidant man feels he’ll never be safe and fully loved so he has an affair with another woman then dumps the first woman before he can get dumped on? That’s what happened to me only he’d already been with this woman for 7 years 🤔
Happened to me, too.
What is the main difference between FA and DA?
I’m thinking my friend may be more FA after watching this video.
He’s seen my texts lately but won’t comment on them. And they’re good texts and supportive of what he does at church for God.
Just bc he doesn't respond doesn't mean they don't mean a lot to him. Positive support and encouragement go a long way.
The main difference is FA have core wounds of both DA and AP style, and push pull dynamic (or urge to do that, even if resisting the urge) reflects switching between those 2
This shit is too damn accurate. Almost scary and I don't want to proceed...🤔😅
To me all I've ever met was female fearful avoidants mostly only met broken women who are all emotionally unavailable
It sounds like you have experienced some pain from those situations, so if so then I’m sorry that you experienced that. Tho, they and literally no one else in the world is broken, that is a mean thing to call someone. People experience hard times that will effect them, tho they can heal from it and overcome it. If they are emotionally unavailable it’s because of the trauma they experienced and they don’t feel safe to express themselves. They had to learn the hard way that not everyone will react kindly & respectfully to them expressing their feelings, so it’s hard to know who they can trust. I think it’s important to be empathetic towards everyone. It’s hard to work on being more emotionally available when you are around people who aren’t empathetic to you.
@jolenebraganza1813 these women themselves have told me they are broken from what loozer guys have done to them. So that is their words out of their mouths
@@michaelsolis2674 That doesn’t matter. Just because someone calls themselves as something, that doesn’t mean it is a healthy thing. That would be an example of when to kindly tell someone that they are saying things about themselves that are hurtful and which they don’t deserve. If you didn’t know that referring to yourself and others as broken was hurtful earlier, now you do know
@jolenebraganza1813 people say how they feel and who they are. Just because you tell them oh no you're wrong you're not broken. They will say you don't know me and you don't know what I have been through. So just cause you say they are wrong about themselves dose not change the fact that they are what they have been through. If a woman yells me or shows she is emotionally unavailable then she is telling me she is not ready for a Man to come on to her. She is not mentally ready for a relationship. And that is fine if she is not. I simply move on and leave her alone
I agree most people with trust issues are women…because basically trust is so sensitive for women especially….so it’s ten times more likely that it will be broken…and knowing that they take it from their fathers as the primary source of trust makes things even worse..cause a lot of fathers have personality disorders and/or addiction issues…I met a couple of fearful avoidant males they represent themselves differently and have different versions of broken trust…so this maybe the reason why you don’t recognize them as fearful avoidants
Hey, I ❤ learning from your well-done videos!
BTW, the slide for #5 it reads 'Inner-Turbulance' instead of 'Inner-Turbulence'.