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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2024
- Have you heard of attachment theory? It essentially categorizes the way we act in relationships into three categories, also known as attachment styles. These styles are secure, anxious, fearful-avoidant, and dismissive avoidant. In this video, we'll be focusing on the signs of an anxious attachment style. Anxious attachment style is “a type of insecure attachment style rooted in a fear of abandonment and an insecurity of being underappreciated”.
For more information about other attachment styles or attachment theory in general, check out this video: • The Four Attachment St...
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Psych2go: Do you relate to any of the things we've mentioned above?
Me:I have never identified so much with something than with this video
IKR.... 😞
same ;-; but I really don't know where does It come from, because in my childhood I don't remember cultivating a toxic relationship with my parents I just want to know why I have all this anxious towards my partner '-'
OK good so I’m not alone
It's spot on for me but I can see where it stems from
Gotta admit, feels good to know it’s not just me 😅
I think the worst part of being this attachment style is when someone manages to finally convince you they are never going anywhere and you start to feel secure, and then they leave you. Makes it almost impossible to open up and trust again.
Have been going through this too many times. Made me become avoidant - and still anxious underneath.
Happened to me just a month ago
So true
This hurts a lot
@@SchilfGeist same man same
TH-cam algorithms are starting to get a little too specific haha
I got an ad "Attachment quiz" what a coinkydink
😭🤣🤣
Right like
@@esmesal6006 left like
@@punkletongaming2174 lmao that made my night 💀😹
I feel overwhelmed in my relationship. I’m not even sure if I’m over reacting or have a legitimate reason. The worst thing about being anxious is that you loose all certainty in yourself.
...yeah...
It is very difficult and some people sometimes take advantage of that state because they know that we really have trouble realizing if it is something ours or not. I thought I was the only who felt that way
Same man. Same
yes, i literally lose myself and become a needy strung out version of myself that needs to know that they love me
same and it sucks! Im always like "am i being reasonable? or am i being annoying and anxious?"
I don’t know about you guys but I just found out about this this past week and I feel empowered. I am dating someone with avoidant attachment style and I realized that it was triggering my anxious attachment style. I didn’t know there was a name for this but now that I can give it a name I am aware of it and can control my anxiousness. If you have an anxious attachment style don’t fear it, ride it like a wave. You know what it is now, so instead of letting the waves of emotion sweep you away, become aware and swim with it. It’s only been a week but I am able to understand what is happening now and why the avoidant attachment person is pulling away. I no longer taking it personal because it’s not about me, it’s not something I did and it is liberating. I noticed that the person Im seeing is being more affectionate again, I’m no longer asking for things to be the way they were initially. I’m just letting things be, letting go of control. We can only control ourselves, we can only better ourselves, focus on that. I’m taking this as an opportunity to grow and learn more about myself and move myself towards a healthier secure attachment style. I believe I am on my way there. Good luck to everyone!
Thank you so much, I just got hit with this by my gf and I felt so terrible and quite alone. Now though you've opened my eyes to the fact that I can move forward from this and that it's not the end of anything. Keep being you and I hope the best for you
I finally had this break through with a guy I was seeing, I no longer feel the need to chase or convince someone I’m good enough I just let it be. I let it go and accepted the rejection and honestly I don’t feel anxious at all. I think everyone has their own path but for now I think Im free and just ride the wave.
@@davidstevens7645 Hey David, just saw the comment you left 7 months ago. Happy to hear that my comment helped you see things in a different perspective. Hope life is treating you well :)
@@samslayerr that makes me smile tbh. It’s so liberating to become aware. The way I see it is that these people are meant to reflect the things we need to work on. A recent realization I had, it was more of a download, was that we don’t grow in the light. We are forced to grow in the darkness. So, it is these dark moments we go through that help us evolve into the people we are meant to become. I study nature and that’s how God teaches me things, so what I was shown recently was this: if we look at a seed and hold it in our palms, we would think that out in the light would be the perfect condition for it to grow but it doesn’t. We dig the seed deep in the darkness, in the dirt, and then that forces the seed to adapt and change. The seed then is forced to grow and reach for the light(God/higher power). The light never left, it was always there but the seed needed to go through some struggle to become what it was always meant to be, a beautiful tree or a beautiful flower. I hope that that can help you or anybody else that is reading this message. Those hard times we go through are actually a gift, that lead us back to the light but in better versions of ourselves…
I just realized my partner is avoidant attachment and I’m anxious attachment. I’m doing my part by researching what I can do to improve myself. It seems like my behavior pushes my bf away and makes my anxiety even worse. I gotta learn to self soothe. Let’s hope it works because I really do love and care for my bf
I already knew this was my attachment style, but damn... this just hit me on every level :[] It's so annoying living like this, the constant feeling of being unworthy of while also obsessively wanting love. Imagining hurtful scenarios and not trusting others. Not knowing if you're being too clingy or if you are right to feel/respond in a certain way. Even though i'm aware of the facts I can't feel a different way... And the most fucked part is that it's often a self fulfilling prophecy, they leave you because of the way your anxiety makes you act....
Your right but i left them actually physical see. They wouldn't leave but were abuser and users 😆
This just happened to me I think.
You posted this a while ago, I hope everything has gone well for you since. But you perfectly summarized what I feel. It’s all psychological and I don’t know what I can do to stop it. I’m trying my best to not let it take control, but it’s even harder when it’s during a LDR. Good luck to the two of us
Words are just words but I guess it is better to think and be sure that if those people couldnt understand your fears and anxiety it is better to not have them in your life. If someone truly wants the best for you they would have empathy and support you for that even if its not their problem
This is on the spot, thank you for sharing !
I’m overwhelmed by the cuteness of an insecure mozzarella cheese in love with a tomato.
LMAO
This video has me in tears. Every single one hit so hard. Part of me wanted to send this to him because I wish he understood me and why I’m so clingy and sensitive. I hope I can heal from this one day 🥺
I sent it to my man so that he understands. It's so hard to deal with.
@High Minded I recommend therapy, specifically learning how to stop your inner critic and think positively. This helped me a lot with my anxiety and depression! I also needed to learn to be more patient with myself and give myself a break for not being perfect. I needed to stay single for a while and push myself to doing things by myself in order to grow and learn that being alone isn't as scary as I thought and that I'm not a total loser, just because I'm not in a relationship. It took a while, but it can be done! Now I get attached securely and I feel great.
@@Amber-rk6em my guy sent this vid to me and said "i can see you have changed for better and working on yourself, most of these points are already corrected..great work..I love you"..
Again my attachment style saying I don't deserve him😭
@High Minded thank you ❤ he helped me a lot to get better. Reminded me that I can sustain without him or anyone else as well. Also, exercising and taking care of myself gave me a time away from him which lessened the overthinking.
Get busy, you're the boss, you're the queen. But don't be arrogant.
I wish you too start to heal and feel better very soon.
@High Minded I wish you all the best
(Edit)May we all get to be better than before
1. feeling insecure in relationships 1:09
2. looming fear of abandonment 1:35
3. trust issues 2:05
4. clinginess 2:34
5. emotional neediness 3:00
6. harsh reactions to criticism 3:24
7. ambivalence towards intimacy 3:54
8. feeling unworthy 4:20
I hope I could help you! :)
Tysm
thanks
Thanks you stranger on the internet
th-cam.com/video/QMRBWvJwCYg/w-d-xo.html
Ive never been this early
If you relate to this, just remember that this is not your fault and that because you went through some crap 💩 in life, that also made you stronger snd more compassionate than others. I thought I should remind you of this 🥰
thank you for this 💕
Thank you for the reminder !!
Thank you for this🧡
Thankyou for this😭😭 You are the most amazing empath I ever saw online 😭🥺❤😌
Needed that thanks
I’m relating to everything, especially the clinginess/neediness. I’m so afraid of being seen as clingy/needy, I find that I go out of my way to *not* appear that way and it makes me seem cold when all I want to do is be all over my partner all the time.
I do the same darn thing!
Me too. I hold back the desire to talk to her all the time because I don’t want to annoy her.
Felt this
what do I do :/
This is a little too real for me lmao
When any criticism of any kind makes me cry, even if it’s someone trying to help.
I relate to everything. I'm always prepared for someone to leave me, that's why I don't get attached to people so easily.
Physical intimacy is too scary for me and most people don't want to deal with it.
Same :(
Bro same
Same
Dude same, anyone know how to work on this?
Same here, I feel like I can never truly relax because I am always prepared. Also, Physical intimacy is a challenge for me due to sexual abuse growing up.. super thankful my boyfriend is patient with me in that area, but I am getting treatment to try helping shift my mind when I am triggered.
Okay, this isn't what I meant when I said I was "built different".
I relate a lot to having an anxious attachment style. I suffered severe emotional neglect as a child - my parents were never home, always working, didn't nurture me or my siblings etc. I grew up feeling lost and isolated...and now, in relationships I get scared my partner will leave me or I think too deeply into their messages and need reassurance. I am actively working on all of this in therapy, it's just challenging.
Same thing. Parents always working.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Please does anyone know where I can get them? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels, I would love to try shrooms
Psychedelics saved me from years of uncontrollable depression, anxiety and illicit pill addiction. imagine carrving heavy chains for over a decade and then all of a sudden that burden is gone. Believe it or not in a couple years they'll be all over for treatment of mental health related issues.
@Micheal Harris Is he on instagram?
Shrooms was the best trip I had. It was an amazing experience.
Well done ❤😊🎉
This is me in my current relationship, I'm constantly scared that I'm going to ruin it by making the smallest mistake. It's deteriorating my mental health and i don't know where to go... I love them but i constantly feel like they need someone else that completely gets them and won't have to worry about my mental state... I appreciate all that they do for me and i try to give it back but sometimes it feels like it's in vain
Yeah, same. Though in my case all the people around me got someone else who understood them so I was left alone (looking back they were awful even as acquaitances). Guess my mental health after 3 years of middle school dealing with fuckers and bullying (never got physical though), 5 years of highschool (in my country we have 3 years of mid and 5 of high) dealing with loneliness because all the people around me never cared (always alone during breaks, also during PE I often left and sat on the stands because I couldn't find anyone to pair with during excercises or during free playtime).
Now school is over, and I'm left with no human contact (not even online), no social life, while boredom, loneliness and sadness kick in.
So yeah, if your fears are right and you fail to find someone else, your friends may leave you anytime and you may end up wishing for death every night. If your fears are wrong (which is likely since from what you said they seem to care about you) they won't replace you because you are important to them, which should be a good enough proof for you to stop having such fears since nobody would care if you thought they needed someone else. I mean, if it was true and they needed someone else they would leave you in no time, no matter you or what you think. This is why you don't need to care about what they need, it's a waste of efforts tbh
@@tiziorodriguez5854 I’m sorry, I wish you the best of luck you can do it! That’s terrible......... try to improve you know!!!
Exactly how I feel, I'm afraid making such small mistakes because I fear they would leave just from that. It really has taken a toll on my mental health as it's the only main thought 24/7
this is me rn (also, im in a long distance relationship)
@@kty00 I can relate I'm also in a long distance relationship
This explains a lot about me in my last relationship. And about my childhood.
Same... I mean I always knew I was like this but i didnt know it was this bad...
Especially in the context of feeling blindsided in a recent long term relationship you get a real clear picture of codependency and childhood rooted attachment issues. Breaking from an endless cycle of drama into your first real love at a young age and letting your learned narcissism or heredity mental illness, fill in the blank, "let" you spiral is overwhelming to say the least. I mean during a god damn pandemic we all having coping mechanisms or feel stuck in a dead end situation. Don't know how to end this live and let live better to assume everyone suffers in silence and stick close to the people you love and trust ✌️
Same here I wish there was a redo button
@Krishna Patel sorry for that I hope you feel better
@Jane Alex describes me
I’m 50% anxious attachment and 50% secure attachment now. I have been working on myself for many years to become more and more secure and have more self awareness. For these 8 signs, I’m only struggling with insecurity sometimes and looming fear of abandonment. It helps me a lot when I date a partner who is secure attachment. I believe my attachment style will be transforming to higher percentage of secure attachment gradually. I hope my partner can have the understanding I may behave nervous and anxious once a while when my nervous system is triggered. I just need some time to calm myself to get back to the adult me. Please be patient with anxious attachment people. They could be the most loving and royal people to their partners.
Awesome! How did you get to 50% secure attachment?
Yes, we'd all like to know!
@@cancancabaret I write down what triggered me when I feel anxious. I also journal to identify my fears, frustration, anger and all sort of feelings daily and meditate on them. Working out regularly helps calm my nervous system as well. I exercise at least 3 to 4 times a week. I feel much better after I calm myself from inside than seeking other people to help. 🌟
Thank you for sharing your experience with us
@@Summer-tk8yk Very helpful, thank you. You're a great soul.
I lost a relationship about 3 and a half years ago. I was always anxious and I struggled with severe anxiety and depression. She eventually left, and i’m so happy for her when i see her now. I didn’t mean to make her feel like I was trying to drag her down though. I still blame myself sometimes cause growing up i was always rejected and “that person to steer clear from.” so sometimes it’s hard to believe in myself when not many others do. Trying to grow some balls but that heartbreak shit isn’t for everyone…
I would just like to feel understood. Take care everyone.
❤
Indeed, heartbreak isn't for everyone. It sucks even more when you loose friends
My bf broke up with me a few months ago and I found this channel shortly after and it helped me get through it, been watching it ever since because of all the videos helping me understand what was wrong
I’m so sorry. I hope you heal soon
I'm so sorry about your bf.Be strong be safe.Hope you'll get another bf soon and a happy life.
praying for your happiness, healing, and growth 💕
@@yoongis.tangerine thank
It takes two... It wasn’t just you.
“The biggest comeback is making yourself happy again.” 💯
I wasn't in a relationship but I relate to all of this. Its so hard to trust ppl when my close friends made me felt safe but then abandoned me. I've experienced friends leaving me and ignoring my existence like strangers. It hurted alot and that made me hate "friendship" alot.
I can relate.
this ENTIRE VIDEO described my entire life. i always felt so alone feeling like this.
Abandonment by parents feeling unworthy and scared of commitment now I know you're talking about my life
Psych2go: posts
Time travellers: allow me to introduce myself
ikr
Lol
@Anna Mae Corrigan It's called free channel research
🥲
It’s such a vicious cycle…you finally have a friend or someone that you want to be a friend, you force yourself onto them (being clingy and needy) and constantly crave intimacy even if they don’t want it (for me it was never sexual, just physical affection like hugs) because you feel like they’ll leave you if you don’t, and then they leave you BECAUSE you were clingy, needy, and constantly tried to be intimate even if they didn’t want it. Then your self esteem and insecurity goes down the tubes because they left you, which makes you find someone else. And then it starts all over again.
I’m better about it now but it’s almost at the other end of the spectrum, to where I isolate myself and don’t want to make friends at all, especially with the people I really WANT to make friends with, because I feel like I’ll just annoy them again and make them leave me if I get too close. I have a hard time finding the line between showing love to a friend/partner and being annoying and clingy. So I just stop at letting them know that I like them and don’t go any further.
I'm watching this video less than 2 weeks after a break up and am realizing how much this describes me.
A high level of hostile attribution bias is common with anxious attachment. They see negative intent when it isn't there. They pore over text messages for signs of hostility. If someone puts fewer xxxx's back they get worried they're losing that person.
i couldn't agree more, i'm always nitpicking at small details in their messages. i somehow always find something to twist against myself and spiral into worry that they're not interested anymore. it's so painful to live with and as of now i can barely control it. wish that one day i'll learn :)
im crying because this is me :'(
How do we heal from this? I don't want to be like this.
This is literally me. I have never been sad like this before, I often feel unworthy in relationship and I have a huge fear of being abandoned and yes my childhood was messed up my mother would tell me to get out of her house as she doesn’t want me to be her child, I was often sad and always needed love and affection.
If you are reading this, everyone wants to be loved please love those who are always there for you, appreciate them. I hope things will get better soon.
My mother was the same. Hugs💖
It's been a year since this post. I hope you have found security and happiness.
I felt your message deeply, as my mother was the same way, and I'm still healing from it now as an adult.
Wishing you the best.
Yeah this is pretty relatable. Something I'm finding out is the more clearly secure your relationships are, the more likely that the anxiety spoken of above becomes significantly less grounded in reality, or rather it has less to work with.
Harsh reactions to criticism is me 100%. I always feel the need for someone's validation
Tell yourself not to be a "pick me! pick ME!" And just pick yourself
There's no better therapy than to feel heard. Thank you
Signs of anxious attachment in adults
difficulty trusting others.
low self-worth.
worries that your partners will abandon you.
craving closeness and intimacy.
being overly dependent in relationships.
requiring frequent reassurance that people care about you.
being overly sensitive to a partner's actions and moods
Yup, that's me 😞
Aka bpd
Never new this was a style😂
1 = yes
2 = yes
3 = yes
4 = yes
5 = yes
6 = yes
7 = yes
8 = yes
@@daze.png_ we dont always have to be this way
This is my gf. It never gets in the way of our relationship but I’d love some insight on how I can help her gain more confidence in our relationship and in herself!
I only feel this way when things start to fall apart because it's so hard to just let go of someone I deeply trust and love. I'm mostly secure otherwise, but I become clingy and needy when they show distance or want to leave.
I cried. This is accurate. Now that I accepted my problem, I can get help.
Omg same, its so accurate that i got scared
When I was anxious in my relationship, I didn't know that it came from the deep insecurities.
everything in this video is me, sad. Is there a fix?
Me too! I am so much more aware now looking back at some relationships. Even now but it was worse then.
@@FSSRKeyno I would highly recommend seeing a therapist; it may take a few tries to find one that you vibe with, but the right therapist for you can help a lot in self discovery and growth. If a therapist feels like it's too much or if you aren't ready for one yet, then I recommend checking out other videos like these on youtube. For me, HealthyGamerGG as well as Alan Robarge and Mathias J Barker helped a lot in learning about myself and eventually finding the right support within my community and friends as well as a therapist once I felt ready. I know it's all quite scary, but I promise that it gets better the more aware you are of yourself and the more you can begin to build support around yourself both internally and externally.
I was thinking the same thing too and I still have trouble in relationship life to this day.
no bc during the first point I literally thought “I’m always afraid of him leaving me” and the next thing I hear is “Are you scared that your partner will leave you, even when nothing is wrong?”
While a lot of the stuff on this channel is about 60% relatable in some form or fashion, this one was 100% accurate and I guess it just hammers home the anxiety I have when it comes to relationships. I'm just glad I've put in the effort to tell my brain to shut its mouth every once in a while when it comes to this.
I think both me and my SO have this attachment style, and while it can get its toll on our minds, since we understand where the other is coming from, we always give all the reassurance we can whenever he or I are having a moment of insecurity. It's beautiful, feeling loved and understood and not being judged for who I am :') 💞
I think my S/O and I have it too. It makes it difficult for us because when one is upset, it affects the other one which leads to arguments. How do we work on it?
*Shout out to youtube for putting an add about attachment styles before this*
When i was a kid, basically all my friends left me behind. This made me feel like a burden, that I’m not worthy of love. I still struggle with it to this day and it makes connecting with people hard for me. This underlying fear of being left is always there, it never really goes away. Im trying to be better with it but its hard. Hopefully it goes away
You need to talk through your painful experiences and emotions and also do some behavioural experiments with a really good therapist. These in-grained primitive, emotional issues don't just disappear unfortunately, they need work.
Some people are literally gone without any sign. If you had had that experience before, it is not weird that you are now an anxiously attached person.
A small reminder from the future: go drink some water
Just don't understand why you say 'future' if you're clearly from the past from a universe where this video was uploaded sooner...
it has gross stale milk stuff in it no
@@fairyfellermasterstroke because I'm from the year 2048 but I time travelled back in time so I'm technically from the future
@@nabbieLIVE So you're saying the human race still exists in 2048?
And a century of likes for you miss
This is me sometimes, but don’t fret, you can always work on it. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself :)
Never stop working on yourself 😊 even when things are good
how can i work on it?
@@nathalieschneersohn712 it has to come from you! You're the only one that can answer that. For me, it stems from self awareness
@@tommygunn6901 Yeah, thank you! I think it's a journey that starts with little steps :)
In tears! I needed to hear this. I have suffered through this pain long enough and wish to correct it. For so long, I’ve searched for the technical term for this and I have it. Thank you!
my girlfriend has this attachment style. she is a very anxious person and i only want to help relieve her anxiety. we’re broken up because she wants to learn how to love herself first. she’ll come back soon and i’ll always accept her as she is
Abandonment issues resonate with me a lot, and all year, I've been talking through it and working on it. I must say that it has diminished quite a bit, but that doesn't mean get too comfortable. No! I keep working on it
Same
as someone who just lost three friends because of all these anxiousness i'm just... sad
I’m literally here Bc I’m going through a breakup. We lived together and had dogs together which are technically mine. I’ve been over to his place every day since he broke up with me. I saw a video that said “he wasn’t all that I just had attachment issues” and now here I am seeing if maybe I do have attachment issues. It hurts. I loved him. I miss him and my home. I never really had a home till I met him. And I miss my dogs.
Ok but what do we DO about this? I cried through this whole video. I am an overcomer and I’m sick of this bullshit weighing on me. I deserve more!
I’m a time traveller and I still don’t have a girlfriend in the future :(
Same :(((
Aww
I know I won’t be in a relationship in the future
F, my man.
You will find one soon,dude
Joke of the day:
What is the soft stuff between sharks teeth?
*slow swimmers.*
Dark but hilarious 😂
Cursed Comment?
SlowER swimmers.
Ahem...
* laughs in cursed *
Lmaoooo good one
When it said unworthy I started crying , I couldn’t find a better word to describe the feeling.
Crisp and clear!! And your voice is so soothing anxiety just melts away. Thank you!
Ouch! Looks like that’s what I’ve got! Thanks childhood trauma. Honestly all the trauma came from friendships instead of family though
Why is being misunderstood necessary?
This is so spot on..... Didnt know i was going through all this which was a consequence of anxiety ... Omg ! Your videos are really great.
Seeing the personality I was gaslighted into thinking I had has brought me so much peace. This isn’t me, and now I actually believe it. Thanks TH-cam suggestions 🙌
You guys have no idea how big your impact is on us viewers. Thank you for everything you do!!! ❤️
I relate to a lot of these, but my parents have always unconditionally loved me and supported me???
Maybe they hurt you unconsciously as a child. The most traumas happen unconsciously. That doesn't have to mean that your parents treated you bad.
@@Lichtverbunden Dang, parenting is so hard
@@fairyfellermasterstroke Yes it is. Especially in our world. We learn to surpress our emotions and become cold... This system is built like that. School... and then going to work 8 hours a day, not having time for ourselves... Of course parenting is really hard in that case...
It's really painful to see how intentionally this was built...
Yeah. This hit home. I'm starting to see why I'm always this stressed out when it comes to relationships. I'll try to practice being more conscious about the root causes of my distressing feelings. Thank you ❤
Working on fixing my anxious love style and I really needed this video.
Wow this explains a lot in my friendships and other relationships. Never would I have guessed there was a name for it
I think I might used to be like this in high school, kinda needy, being afraid of being alone, many of this traits were really hard for me to handle, but with time I learned and grew. Now I feel so much better about myself.
Good to see I am not the only one who could relate to each and every point.
Any video on how to over come these will be helpful.
Even with this it’s surprising how many differences between us their can be, for the biggest things is fear of abandonment, and the clingy ness, I’ve worked so hard the last year to stop falling to my pre conceived reactions... and I did well until I realized the part of me that fears uncontrollably and over analyzes is not just a weird quirk it’s something built into me and it’s something wrong, now these videos really help identifying the past of these issues:
Quite interesting. My attachment style is fearful avoidant, a mix of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. While I do get anxious, I don't believe I act in clingy ways, instead I just clamp up and stop talking (avoiding), so not all anxious people act like that
I just came across this video and everything made so much sense. I’m talking to a guy right now that I really like and although I should feel happy and excited messaging him, I feel anxious and am constantly crying. I fear he’s going to leave me and I’m trying my best to live in the present moment. My friends are telling me to give it time and to take things slow without over analyzing everything but I can’t help it. I want so bad to just tell him this isn’t what I need right now but he hasn’t done anything wrong. I don’t want to self sabotage because I feel like this could turn into something amazing but right now I’m spending most days crying, thinking I’m not good enough and am constantly trying to show the right amount of attention without being too clingy. I don’t know what to do, I’m not sure if this is something I should pursue if I’m feeling like this constantly. My feelings are very conflicted.
I relate and it's terrible feeling like that...God help
i'm going through the same thing now.. i think the best we can do is to recognize our anxious attachment styles and work on them. i also over-analyze all his messages and somehow find ways to attack myself with his words. i know this is from a year ago, but i still would like to help :) but i would have recommended you to not expect too much from it and to understand that if he's worth it, you'll have to do some work. don't be afraid to step back and self-evaluate, make yourself certain of what you want. i think that once you're sure of yourself, things will slowly get easier.
This really mirrored who i am. I have been cheated on in almost all my relationships and now I have severe relationship anxiety. Recently I started dating this amazing woman but the anxiety is surfacing quickly like a tsunami. We discovered she has an Avoidant Dismissal attachment style which is basically the opposite of Anxious attachment style. I care about her and want to make this work but the fear of her leaving me or not caring about me is unbelievably overwhelming. I have felt this anxiety pretty much my entire life and I know that my needy/clingy personality is toxic and suffocating and it takes every bit of courage to not act on my emotional needs. For her, she is a self soothing individual where I need constant reassurance. If there is anyone who is currently or has been in my situation I'm seriously begging for help. Ive always wanted a wife and kids but at this point it seems hopeless.
This video is not only calming and pleasant to listen to but it is CORRECT 🔥
When I was 18, I had a secure attachment. It was also before I started falling in love. One relationship after the other, people kept leaving me and it has shaped in my head that everyone would leave me soon enough when they get to know me.. It is so painful because now I am with a loving partner, but Im constantly feeling insecure.. which is not fair for him..
My attachment style is totally anxious and I'm trying to search parts of my childhood that could have led to that. I grew up in a loving but strict family. I think I have realised the problem: my opinions, wants and pursues as a child were mostly dismissed by my parents, maybe not given the preferred amount of attention/gratification/acknowledgement. I remember having quite often as a child and a teenager this feeling of dissatisfaction by hearing the answer from my parents. When I expressed my opinion about a simple matter, my parents would usually have a different opinion and discard mine as 'not the right way'. I turned out to be extremely shy showing them simple things like the type of music I like and kept many things I enjoyed secret from them, fearing they might criticize them. I rarely asked them to get me stuff I liked because I didn't wanna feel any longer the feeling of not getting what I want. I believe this might have made me a bit greedy in some things as an adult. Nothing is enough. I have to always receive more and more and get as much gratification as possible which is just impossible. I am stuck in this vicious circle.
Wait, I was sitting here wondering which part of my childhood caused this, but everything here has happened with me too. The "opinions being dismissed", dissatisfaction by hearing "no", parents having vastly different opinions than mine and discarding mine because I was "young and inexperienced" and that I should do exactly what they say. I've hidden my music tastes too, as well as my likes and dislikes.....and I don't like receiving birthday gifts because it felt like it added up to an imaginary debt that I have to pay back. Mother loved the pity game when our opinions differed, or when I said "no" to something, she'd go "oh yeah that's how you'll grow up and once you're independent, you'll just ditch us in an old age home somewhere". Parents had a forced marriage, and they've been fighting for decades years, and me as a child had to watch all the abuse happening. Oftentimes, mom brings up her past(which was very very rough) and I don't know why she keeps repeating them to me...does she want pity....? If that's what she wants, then that's exactly what I gave her most of my childhood, I was the obedient kid who did more or less everything they wanted me to, from getting good grades to staying away from certain friends. I've also had friends who suddenly turned upon me, and that hurt a lot. It hurt a lot.
And now that I'm in a relationship, I've recently developed the anxious-attachment style where I start to worry if they still love me, and the fear of abandonment as well. I'm terrified of making mistakes and constantly do all I can to be a supportive bf......they're genuinely the most amazing person I've met, and I admire, respect and look up to them, and try to not let my insecurities drag me down.
I don’t know why but just hearing someone else explaining how I feel is just so comforting and makes me feel like it’s ok to feel like this. I mean not necessarily good, but I’m not going crazy.
I started crying while watching because this is me entirely, and I believe it lead to end of my last relationship. :( I’m working on bettering myself everyday. I don’t want to be anxious anymore.
Well shit, now I know why I worry about being alone so much
I have a base in anxious attachment, that can escalate to avoidant if it gets too much, meaning that I then feel like breaking up, which is ridiculously paradoxal. This was a problem when I was younger and not so self counscious, luckily I'm very aware of this today, and do everything I possible can to work on reprogramming my triggers when they are setting in. Being close to 50 and divorced a couple of years ago, didn't really help, but I am finally dating seriously again, and aim at breaking through my old attachment and become more secure, step by step, by showing vulnerability and be open about this with a potential partner when we start to get closer and the attachment sets in...
This is exactly what I needed. Thank you.
This is needed 😃! And yes, anxious and avoidant attachment relationship is disastrous.
I definitely have a lot of these signs. I has parents that lived me and loved me so I don't understand why I developed this attachment style. Although my dad had low self esteem due to being neglected emotionally by his mother and my mom had an alcoholic father.
When your youtube algorithm cares more for you than your family.
I know someone very close to me, who has this exact anxious attachment style. To be honest, I have been at the receiving end of his doubts, his fears - and honestly, I am tired of giving him assurances. Sometimes, I used to think, that he always thinks of me wrongly - but, watching this video made me realize, that he is going through more struggles in him than I can imagine. I hope, I can understand him better with time - and I wish that he doesn't lose faith in me.
Really admired this video.
Dependency or over-reliance in relationships is something I've struggled with too much since entering my 20's. I'm close to being 31 and single for the first time in a long time... Whenever I recognize this behavior, stepping back and allowing myself to be alone with my thoughts doesn't come easy sometimes, especially whenever I'm too focused on my emotions.
I just got told that me and someone should just be friends. And I think its because I told them a story about how I got rejected on a date with with another girl. On that prior date, I cried after it happened.I also told them about I've been depressed and anxious for a long time and its something im working on and has gotten better. But, they decided that things shouldn't move any further. I think this video made me realize why I have trouble dating and feeling loved. I just wish it wasnt so scary to put myself out there, but I wish I could feel worthy of love.
I think I'm somewhat like this because I was pretty alone for most of my life except for my dad, was bullied in elementary, and only started making friends in middle school, and only made a healthy friend in 8th grade.
I was also bullied in elementary and alone for most of my life. So lonely. I feel you and feel for both of us. No one deserves so much loneliness or coldness from this world.
The fact that my parents are the complete opposite of abusive makes it so much harder to find why I'm like this. Everywhere is look for info relates back to toxic parents, which I don't have.
I constantly look for reassurance that people love me but I genuinely just thought nothing of it till now
TH-cam doesn’t recommend what I want but it recommends what I need
i'm not even in a relationship and i felt all of these
Same
I don't have these things now, but when I was a kid I had them. However, it was caused by bullying at school. I was friendly to my classmates, but they weren't the same to me. They started taking advantage of my kindness and I started resenting them.
I find this so relatable. My mother abandoned me with my Grandparents at 5 years old. Now aged 38 anxious attachment has affected every aspect of my adult relationships. I've had two significant relationships in my life time. The first cheated multiple times, the other died of Cancer. You can understand how this has exacerbated these feelings.
Right now I have been in a new relationship for 5 months. She has her own issues - bipolar, bpd, past abusive relationships. However, she is a beautiful soul, we share so much in common and I love her dearly. Everything was tremendous at first, but over the last couple of months the wheels have fallen off due largely to her inability to deal with issues outside of our relationship - traumatic anniversaries, bereavement, etc. I have done my best to be a supportive partner, but her response is sadly to internalize everything and push me away as she struggles to deal with and express her emotions. She says it is not due to me and her feelings haven't changed, but due to my anxious atrachment style I crave her affection, love and validation and feel worthless and rejected. Not the best mixture. We are still together, but see each other infrequently, don't talk as much anymore and are never really intimate. I desperately want our relationship to return to the happy state it was in initially, but I'm clueless as to how to achieve this.
Perhaps I am just destined to end up alone? 😥
I don’t believe it always stems from childhood. I had an amazing childhood and parents but I am an anxious attachment style
Yes I did relate to a lot of this. But I didn’t have a bad relationship with my parents growing up. It’s just they separated and that clearly didn’t help. And school wasn’t good either but thank you for this video it has helped me understand what’s going on with me.
I had my first session today and he mentioned digging into this more. I feel relieved what Ive always felt isn't something Im alone in and there is a name for it and a way to change my framework or how I see myself and relationships. Step by step
Yikes 😭 This is the year I heal my inner child ❤️
Wait.. Why does this say 21 seconds ago but these comments are 2 weeks ago
@Memeguy no they are time travelers
Cluelessly decided to watch this for funsies. Didn't realize this was an entire callout post! But for real, this really hit all the points that I struggle with in my current relationship. And I'm glad I have such an understanding partner
Such a lovely voice to listen to
I feel like this is me... not completely but pretty damn close. Thanks for the content!