Talking yourself out of academic goals - that hits hard. I thought for AGES that I was very unambitious. Yet the rare time I've told this to someone who knows me, they laugh because they insist I'm the furthest thing from it. But for decades I didn't know how else to explain to myself or anyone else why I couldn't finish school despite strong grades or why I never stayed in one job long enough to develop a career. Not understanding what was different about me, all I could do was try to frame it in neurotypical terms. Getting a diagnosis was like finally realizing I'm a square peg and finally understanding why I couldn't seem to fit into a round hole. I still struggle with all the round holes that arise between me and my goals, but a better understanding of the nature of the barrier certainly helps.
I never went to college because I didn’t think that I was smart enough or disciplined enough to study. School is not my strong point! Listening to videos like this makes me feel like I am not alone and awkward because of the way that I think, talk and do things! ♥️
I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD in the last 3 years, and I am 38 years old. I have struggled with addiction, failed relationships, and all that goes with a lifetime of feeling like a broken person. Your story is so relatable in a lot of ways. I play guitar and sing, I am learning to play keyboard now, but I learn by ear very quickly. I am so grateful to have found this video, especially since I have been really feeling isolated and lost… and you are speaking right to me
How to control impulse spending. One simple rule, I can have anything I want as long as I wait 30 days! Guess what I can't remember my impulse desire the day after never mind 30 days later.
Had to start doing a sort of version of this with things I'm interested in with different little rules, no collecting, if I buy something new something old has to go. Ask how is this more useful than what I have and so on. It can work like you said, you just forget you even wanted it after a point.
Yes! AuDHD is like having a perpetual war inside your mind and body. Sometimes as if a game of one up man ship, when becoming aware of the game, it’s like trying to pry two rivalling family members apart. The deeper you go the more you find behaviours which seem to be just to oppose.
Just starting to see the meltdowns the shutdowns. I think I’m very controlled but my way of controlling is to just not do the things. I disappear from most social things. I forget what I do when I’m on my own but most of it is sleeping and watching and listening to the tablet lying down, and doing the bare minimum house duties. The meltdown before, the social engagement was too much and so overwhelming that I run on low batteries and no memories are formed.
Pebbling!! I do that - with information! or little gifts too, I think of acts of service but I don’t often do them anymore because of chronic illness. “I’m so sorry” is kind of my usual. I actually find it frustrating when someone says “why ate you sorry? You aren’t responsible” but sorry is not just an admission, it is an expression of empathy.
I’ve said since I was a teen, “I’m consistently inconsistent.” And I’ve always thought that was so clever and witty! It was actually super introspective and super correct 😆
i'm such a big fan of you Parul!!! thank you for sharing your lived experience ❤️ just yesterday at 28 y/o, I received my diagnostic assessment results of auDHD. I relate to a lot of what you mentioned - especially music - so watching this podcast is making me bawl like a baby 😭 - Rachael from wellington new zealand
My working years, Potential. I have come to hate that word. I always hear you have so much potential. I am working on a 4 month ADHD diagnosis, and most of what she is saying rings true.
52:30 The Quilt Analogy is SOOO relatable!!!!! What a great way to put it to words!💝 I always felt so embarrassed when I'd start talking like someone new in my life without meaning to! Mirroring is such an interesting defense mechanism, but it definitely felt really bizarre before I knew what it was......
I did the empathy test and scored a 10. When someone is upset I know I’m supposed to say certain things to comfort but in all honesty I don’t care. And find it difficult and uncomfortable to share the experience with them.
Pebbling! Omg that’s so cute! And I’m so glad you talked about it bc I’d never heard the term but instantly thought of people in my life that do just that! 🥰
This was a very good video. Thank you for sharing! I know that I am ADHD and diagnosed. I have an appointment to get diagnosed in February. I will eventually get tested for autism. I do believe I have both.
Wow yes the emotions thing is so relatable. I'm much better than I used to be but I can't usually know how I feel on the spot if it doesn't have a physical reaction with the emotions even then why do I feel that way? I have to take time to process it and this is one of the reasons therapy has never worked for me because I can't prepare for every question that I maybe asked. I have always felt different for many reasons other than ADHD such as my features and my skin tone which added to the loneliness of being so different and misunderstood.
I hope that their is light at the end of the tunnel for me like her. I'm at a place in my journey where i lost most folks I'm closest too during my healing journey and finding out recently that I'm adhd. So, i know that i need community that she has seemed to found
I didn't have the experience of being told I didn't work hard enough... annoyingly, I got A for effort and B for achievement consistently. Really demotivating!!! Basically saying I wouldn't amount to much. I always felt I wasn't reaching my potential though.
It would be great to have older, late diagnosed, guests with decades not knowing why they felt different, and so much of their life spent masking. I was diagnosed seven years ago at 58 and I'm still trying to make sense of my ADHD.
@@kateashby598 I have not got anywhere near approaching for diagnosis as it seems so incredibly difficult to get it happening, amongst life stuff. I have been diagnosed with just about everything but then 'they' change their minds. This is why. Being female it just presents very differently Good Luck with moving forward and discovering your brilliant brain!
@@scarlettifluff Thanks! It's refeshing to get a positive riff on being different. I don't have family or friends who show any interest in my ADHD so it's really nice to discover an ADHD community. All the best to you too.
We're all such snowflakes. After my ASD diagnosis I looked in the mirror and a voice in my head said "Autistic!", but I was otherwise unmoved. I cried after my ADHD diagnosis, I think because it was such a relief to have a reason for how difficult everything has been. Thank you both! ♥ Alex, you are such a talented interviewer.
@@oliverbird6914 I think maybe "snowflakes" was misleading. Snowflakes are all unique. No brain is the same. Even amongst AuDHD folk there is diversity (such as in reactions to diagnoses). I agree with you that we're not looked after in society, but hopefully things are improving through increased awareness.
The part about reaction to a person's death reminds me of the book "The Outsider" by Albert Camus. I felt that weirdness since I was little and it's kept me away from family for years.
It's dawning on me that I may be AuDHD. Would you consider interviewing a Christian guest. Because I was trying to be such a good girl, I never went down the drugs and alcohol path. I relate to a lot of the women guests, but we're quite different in other aspects. Thank you for your channel. It has helped me understand my daughter.
Its crazy because the i don't care aspect. People told me so much I didn't care . To the point I believed it. Until understanding came into play. I do care. Just not how you think I should. And since my explanation wasn't enough we will just say I don't care. #adhd
The thing that blows me away as a Florida Public School person is that y'all actually get comments on your report cards. Like we got the letter grade. That's it. So maybe I dodged that trauma bullet? The way I understand PTSD vs CPTSD is like Big T Trauma and little t trauma. Or PTSD is having your molars ripped out in torture while CPTSD is having water drop torture. The first thing is usually traumatic on the first go round while CPTSD is a small thing repeated until it breaks through. Which is why a lot of Neuro Divergent folks have CPTSD. Before we are diagnosed we are collecting little t trauma just by living in a Neuro Typical society. Even after knowing it's can still be challenging but like horror movies, when you can see the monster it's not as scary. Disregard the negative connotations "monster" would have. There is nothing wrong with us we just vibrate at a different frequency.
Thank you Parul for sharing your experience. Can anyone tell me how and where you got an ADHD testing. I am dyslexic and dyspraxic (diagnosed in 2000 but have always that something is being missed. I resonate with too much of what Parul has just described. Any advice would be gratefully recieved 🙏
You need to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist if you want to go the medication route. Or a psychologist for an initial diagnosis. Waiting lists are long, even if you go private.
@@chipootles1603 Thank you. For me it’s about finding out whether what I’ve been experiencing is ADHD and to go from there. I’ve never had medication for anything to be fair so it’s not my natural go too. If there was something proven to help me then yes but otherwise coaching would be helpful.
I found school boring in the early years, 4th grade the lessons started interesting me. I paid attention long enough to understand then I got bored with it but I always passed every test I took. Plus the other kids not leaving me alone when they could not be decent did not help either but I dealt with that despite of being punished for it.
I got to experience a meltdown once l.was in an airport as well l didn't know that at the time but am happy my friend was there l had not put my passport back where l always put it so when it came to shoe the official l could se it and the more l look for it the more l panic and crying and just shocked it not there and am sure my worries just spiraled my friend did her best to be there and the feeling that we were possibly late and possibly have to pay for another flight oh my gosh that was overwhelming but l did mange to catch the flight and ended well but men that day is in the books 📚
57:36 Not to nit pick, but I dont think those glasses were that niche..... At the time, I was a festy going young adult in the Southern American Midwest & sold the shit out of those glasses at events & to adults, not teens. 🤷♀️
The more I look into all these things the more I don't understand. Who has OCD, who has ADHD or autism or other neurodiverceities..... 🤷♀️ the cross over is real
..... My daughter.... If you want to really have fun... Look up PANS and PANDAS My 21 yr old moved back in with a particularly bad cycle We have suspected ADD.... She had the diagnosis of anxiety and depression in 10th it's bloomed into OCD and trichotillomania.. However I think it's always been OCD and from her particular medical experiences... anyway. It's been rough and I am rambling....
35:07 my partner and I share TH-cam videos. He works out of town Sometimes for 6 or 8 weeks at a time... We have gone almost the whole time communicating strictly in youtube videos.
@@Keriousity shocking....never heard of those two before. Could explain alot regarding children's behaviour going into puberty, ie not just hormones. It's terrible isn't it, as a mother it's really terrifying and traumatic. I feel particularly traumatised by it all. Although not diagnosed I know my adult son has ocd/scrupulosity. He refuses to be assessed or treated. I suspect a large majority or people incarcerated have some of these forms of mental torment.
@@LydiaTheBusinessWoman to perpetuate this use of labels I believe I am currently suffering from empathy fatigue. I would straight up refuse to seek an official diagnosis for her but... Turns out... Although similar symptoms - treatment and classification of severity according to US gov is vastly different.....v Oh and PANS or Pandas isn't officially acknowledged I am exhausted, and yes traumatized... But the stupid state I live in makes it hard to get her treatment as most providers don't want to jump through the ridiculous hoops that allows them to accept state reimbursement..... Medication treatment has been ineffective And counsels / psychologist either ignore our inquiries about underlying issues ( had one tell me they wouldn't even do an ADD EVAL because he was too principled to... And I quote " consider add or ADHD, because it's over-diagnosed" 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
@@LydiaTheBusinessWoman oh and 1 more thing .... A traumatic brain injury could be caused by emotional trauma causing inflammation causing hormones to go wacky and cause OCD ( See Dr. mark Gordon...) 😭 I need a therapist and a research assistant.
When she said all the people around her are Neurodivergent... There is an unmistakable look of fear in his eyes @31:00 and I felt it too... He knows. He realizes. He's there too, now. Again. Smells like the same old rotten field, don't it? There's an epidemic and they, the professionals, are clearly trying to backdoor a solution of some type *since it's not curable and she rattled off like 10 checklist items for... ehem*
Long ago the scales of justice & the balance of the universe the wildest of the ewokian elders who had sworn off red meat and booze, grew restless..seriously coveting the shiny bits but slowly, they were driven to madness because of people who ask dumb questions
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Talking yourself out of academic goals - that hits hard. I thought for AGES that I was very unambitious. Yet the rare time I've told this to someone who knows me, they laugh because they insist I'm the furthest thing from it. But for decades I didn't know how else to explain to myself or anyone else why I couldn't finish school despite strong grades or why I never stayed in one job long enough to develop a career. Not understanding what was different about me, all I could do was try to frame it in neurotypical terms. Getting a diagnosis was like finally realizing I'm a square peg and finally understanding why I couldn't seem to fit into a round hole. I still struggle with all the round holes that arise between me and my goals, but a better understanding of the nature of the barrier certainly helps.
@@dragonabsurda it certainly does.
I hope you get the support and are able to find good hacks to help you achieve your dreams. 🫂
All of this, me too ❤
I never went to college because I didn’t think that I was smart enough or disciplined enough to study.
School is not my strong point!
Listening to videos like this makes me feel like I am not alone and awkward because of the way that I think, talk and do things! ♥️
I was diagnosed with both Autism and ADHD in the last 3 years, and I am 38 years old. I have struggled with addiction, failed relationships, and all that goes with a lifetime of feeling like a broken person.
Your story is so relatable in a lot of ways. I play guitar and sing, I am learning to play keyboard now, but I learn by ear very quickly.
I am so grateful to have found this video, especially since I have been really feeling isolated and lost… and you are speaking right to me
How to control impulse spending. One simple rule, I can have anything I want as long as I wait 30 days! Guess what I can't remember my impulse desire the day after never mind 30 days later.
Had to start doing a sort of version of this with things I'm interested in with different little rules, no collecting, if I buy something new something old has to go. Ask how is this more useful than what I have and so on. It can work like you said, you just forget you even wanted it after a point.
Ooh I'm going to use your 30 day rule from now on! Brilliant. Thankyou for sharing ❤
It got real bad out of nowhere. I make way less money now so it's bad.
I add to basket and leave it there for a buffer time (mine is 7 days but 30 makes soooo much sense). The buffer time helps so much
"Bright, doesn't apply themselves, has bags of potential".....literally all of my school reports, especially once i got to high school 😂
Yes! AuDHD is like having a perpetual war inside your mind and body. Sometimes as if a game of one up man ship, when becoming aware of the game, it’s like trying to pry two rivalling family members apart. The deeper you go the more you find behaviours which seem to be just to oppose.
Just starting to see the meltdowns the shutdowns. I think I’m very controlled but my way of controlling is to just not do the things. I disappear from most social things. I forget what I do when I’m on my own but most of it is sleeping and watching and listening to the tablet lying down, and doing the bare minimum house duties. The meltdown before, the social engagement was too much and so overwhelming that I run on low batteries and no memories are formed.
Pebbling!! I do that - with information! or little gifts too, I think of acts of service but I don’t often do them anymore because of chronic illness.
“I’m so sorry” is kind of my usual. I actually find it frustrating when someone says “why ate you sorry? You aren’t responsible” but sorry is not just an admission, it is an expression of empathy.
African's understand that use of the word.
I dont think I've ever resonated with a video like this in my 34 years being on this world. Thank you so much to all involved in making these 🙏🏽
I’ve said since I was a teen, “I’m consistently inconsistent.” And I’ve always thought that was so clever and witty! It was actually super introspective and super correct 😆
i'm such a big fan of you Parul!!! thank you for sharing your lived experience ❤️
just yesterday at 28 y/o, I received my diagnostic assessment results of auDHD. I relate to a lot of what you mentioned - especially music - so watching this podcast is making me bawl like a baby 😭
- Rachael from wellington new zealand
This has give me so much comfort, thank you both ❤
My working years, Potential. I have come to hate that word. I always hear you have so much potential. I am working on a 4 month ADHD diagnosis, and most of what she is saying rings true.
52:30 The Quilt Analogy is SOOO relatable!!!!! What a great way to put it to words!💝
I always felt so embarrassed when I'd start talking like someone new in my life without meaning to! Mirroring is such an interesting defense mechanism, but it definitely felt really bizarre before I knew what it was......
I was diagnosed with ADHD aged 59. I'm now 64. We struggle to remember things as neurodivergent people often don't encode/create memories AT ALL.
I did the empathy test and scored a 10.
When someone is upset I know I’m supposed to say certain things to comfort but in all honesty I don’t care. And find it difficult and uncomfortable to share the experience with them.
😮
Pebbling! Omg that’s so cute! And I’m so glad you talked about it bc I’d never heard the term but instantly thought of people in my life that do just that! 🥰
This was a very good video. Thank you for sharing! I know that I am ADHD and diagnosed. I have an appointment to get diagnosed in February. I will eventually get tested for autism. I do believe I have both.
Pebbling is so me!!! Wow. Thanks for mentioning.
Wow yes the emotions thing is so relatable. I'm much better than I used to be but I can't usually know how I feel on the spot if it doesn't have a physical reaction with the emotions even then why do I feel that way? I have to take time to process it and this is one of the reasons therapy has never worked for me because I can't prepare for every question that I maybe asked. I have always felt different for many reasons other than ADHD such as my features and my skin tone which added to the loneliness of being so different and misunderstood.
I hope that their is light at the end of the tunnel for me like her. I'm at a place in my journey where i lost most folks I'm closest too during my healing journey and finding out recently that I'm adhd. So, i know that i need community that she has seemed to found
A book recommendation for anyone with ADHD , the drummer and the great mountain.
I know exactly how she feels!!
I didn't have the experience of being told I didn't work hard enough... annoyingly, I got A for effort and B for achievement consistently. Really demotivating!!! Basically saying I wouldn't amount to much. I always felt I wasn't reaching my potential though.
You're both so sweet ❤❤
I have not watched this yet, but Late ADHD diagnosis? Have you any like me, in their 60's? Thats very late! There are lots of us out here
Just diagnosed in February- I’m 60! Hello there!
It would be great to have older, late diagnosed, guests with decades not knowing why they felt different, and so much of their life spent masking. I was diagnosed seven years ago at 58 and I'm still trying to make sense of my ADHD.
@@Queenread82 Congratulations! That must feel really validating :) Onwards and Upwards!
@@kateashby598 I have not got anywhere near approaching for diagnosis as it seems so incredibly difficult to get it happening, amongst life stuff. I have been diagnosed with just about everything but then 'they' change their minds. This is why. Being female it just presents very differently Good Luck with moving forward and discovering your brilliant brain!
@@scarlettifluff Thanks! It's refeshing to get a positive riff on being different. I don't have family or friends who show any interest in my ADHD so it's really nice to discover an ADHD community. All the best to you too.
I can so relate to this! I have such a hard time finding and keeping friends
We're all such snowflakes. After my ASD diagnosis I looked in the mirror and a voice in my head said "Autistic!", but I was otherwise unmoved. I cried after my ADHD diagnosis, I think because it was such a relief to have a reason for how difficult everything has been. Thank you both! ♥ Alex, you are such a talented interviewer.
Are we? Or just in a system not built for us which takes a huge toll
@@oliverbird6914 I think maybe "snowflakes" was misleading. Snowflakes are all unique. No brain is the same. Even amongst AuDHD folk there is diversity (such as in reactions to diagnoses). I agree with you that we're not looked after in society, but hopefully things are improving through increased awareness.
@@jsonbourne9799 yes wrong choice of word. We're beautiful souls..just like anyone else. Give us a forest wilderness and we'd show are skills
The part about reaction to a person's death reminds me of the book "The Outsider" by Albert Camus. I felt that weirdness since I was little and it's kept me away from family for years.
@alex Do you think mimicking/mirroring is really a neuro-divergent problem? I feel like everyone does it?
It's dawning on me that I may be AuDHD.
Would you consider interviewing a Christian guest. Because I was trying to be such a good girl, I never went down the drugs and alcohol path. I relate to a lot of the women guests, but we're quite different in other aspects.
Thank you for your channel. It has helped me understand my daughter.
The way she just cannot keep her hands still while talking! 😅 wow that is me!
beautiful x
Its crazy because the i don't care aspect. People told me so much I didn't care . To the point I believed it. Until understanding came into play. I do care. Just not how you think I should. And since my explanation wasn't enough we will just say I don't care. #adhd
8:02 piano is actually pitched percussion. Keyed drums!
She's so beautiful 😍
The thing that blows me away as a Florida Public School person is that y'all actually get comments on your report cards.
Like we got the letter grade. That's it. So maybe I dodged that trauma bullet?
The way I understand PTSD vs CPTSD is like Big T Trauma and little t trauma. Or PTSD is having your molars ripped out in torture while CPTSD is having water drop torture. The first thing is usually traumatic on the first go round while CPTSD is a small thing repeated until it breaks through.
Which is why a lot of Neuro Divergent folks have CPTSD. Before we are diagnosed we are collecting little t trauma just by living in a Neuro Typical society. Even after knowing it's can still be challenging but like horror movies, when you can see the monster it's not as scary. Disregard the negative connotations "monster" would have. There is nothing wrong with us we just vibrate at a different frequency.
Thank you Parul for sharing your experience. Can anyone tell me how and where you got an ADHD testing. I am dyslexic and dyspraxic (diagnosed in 2000 but have always that something is being missed. I resonate with too much of what Parul has just described. Any advice would be gratefully recieved 🙏
You need to get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist if you want to go the medication route. Or a psychologist for an initial diagnosis. Waiting lists are long, even if you go private.
@@chipootles1603 Thank you. For me it’s about finding out whether what I’ve been experiencing is ADHD and to go from there. I’ve never had medication for anything to be fair so it’s not my natural go too. If there was something proven to help me then yes but otherwise coaching would be helpful.
She layed it out exactly
2:41
I found school boring in the early years, 4th grade the lessons started interesting me. I paid attention long enough to understand then I got bored with it but I always passed every test I took. Plus the other kids not leaving me alone when they could not be decent did not help either but I dealt with that despite of being punished for it.
I got to experience a meltdown once l.was in an airport as well l didn't know that at the time but am happy my friend was there l had not put my passport back where l always put it so when it came to shoe the official l could se it and the more l look for it the more l panic and crying and just shocked it not there and am sure my worries just spiraled my friend did her best to be there and the feeling that we were possibly late and possibly have to pay for another flight oh my gosh that was overwhelming but l did mange to catch the flight and ended well but men that day is in the books 📚
57:36 Not to nit pick, but I dont think those glasses were that niche.....
At the time, I was a festy going young adult in the Southern American Midwest & sold the shit out of those glasses at events & to adults, not teens. 🤷♀️
❤️
The glasses are a bit like the ' they live' glasses too eh?
I see Masking and Trauma as different sides of the same Coin.
The more I look into all these things the more I don't understand. Who has OCD, who has ADHD or autism or other neurodiverceities..... 🤷♀️ the cross over is real
..... My daughter.... If you want to really have fun...
Look up PANS and PANDAS
My 21 yr old moved back in with a particularly bad cycle
We have suspected ADD....
She had the diagnosis of anxiety and depression in 10th
it's bloomed into OCD and trichotillomania..
However I think it's always been OCD and from her particular medical experiences... anyway.
It's been rough and I am rambling....
35:07 my partner and I share TH-cam videos.
He works out of town
Sometimes for 6 or 8 weeks at a time... We have gone almost the whole time communicating strictly in youtube videos.
@@Keriousity shocking....never heard of those two before. Could explain alot regarding children's behaviour going into puberty, ie not just hormones. It's terrible isn't it, as a mother it's really terrifying and traumatic. I feel particularly traumatised by it all. Although not diagnosed I know my adult son has ocd/scrupulosity. He refuses to be assessed or treated.
I suspect a large majority or people incarcerated have some of these forms of mental torment.
@@LydiaTheBusinessWoman to perpetuate this use of labels I believe I am currently suffering from empathy fatigue.
I would straight up refuse to seek an official diagnosis for her but... Turns out...
Although similar symptoms - treatment and classification of severity according to US gov is vastly different.....v
Oh and PANS or Pandas isn't officially acknowledged
I am exhausted, and yes traumatized...
But the stupid state I live in makes it hard to get her treatment as most providers don't want to jump through the ridiculous hoops that allows them to accept state
reimbursement.....
Medication treatment has been ineffective
And counsels / psychologist either ignore our inquiries about underlying issues ( had one tell me they wouldn't even do an ADD EVAL because he was too principled to... And I quote " consider add or ADHD, because it's over-diagnosed" 🤷🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
@@LydiaTheBusinessWoman oh and 1 more thing .... A traumatic brain injury could be caused by emotional trauma causing inflammation causing hormones to go wacky and cause OCD ( See Dr. mark Gordon...)
😭
I need a therapist and a research assistant.
She sounds scouse
And is brown!!
When she said all the people around her are Neurodivergent... There is an unmistakable look of fear in his eyes @31:00 and I felt it too...
He knows. He realizes. He's there too, now.
Again.
Smells like the same old rotten field, don't it? There's an epidemic and they, the professionals, are clearly trying to backdoor a solution of some type *since it's not curable and she rattled off like 10 checklist items for... ehem*
Yhea because she was being ran through😂
What do you mean champ?
Long ago the scales of justice & the balance of the universe the wildest of the ewokian elders who had sworn off red meat and booze, grew restless..seriously coveting the shiny bits but slowly, they were driven to madness because of people who ask dumb questions