Gaslighting By A Narcissist | 19 Phrases they use
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Timestamps:
00:00 | Definition
00:21 | Phrase 1
01:11 | Phrase 2
02:10 | Phrase 3
02:41 | Phrase 4
03:34 | Phrase 5
04:11 | Phrase 6
05:03 | Phrase 7
06:05 | Phrase 8
06:34 | Phrase 9
07:05 | Phrase 10
08:03 | Phrase 11
08:44 | Phrase 12
09:37 | Phrase 13
10:31 | Phrase 14
10:59 | Phrase 15
12:27 | Phrase 16
13:22 | Phrase 17
14:07 | Phrase 18
14:41 | Phrase 19
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"Gaslighting-a type of psychological abuse aimed at making victims seem or feel “crazy,” creating a “surreal” interpersonal environment"
- Paige L. Sweet
In This insightful video, you will learn about 19 phrases you can commonly hear from Narcissists as they gaslight you
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE.
ALL RE-ENACTMENT CONTENT IN THIS VIDEO IS STRICTLY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES
PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
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#narcissist #emotionalabuse #narcissism - บันเทิง
Share some of the gaslighting phrases you have heard before in the comments below!
"when it's everyone around you, maybe you're the problem" - after smearing me not only to my (other narcissistic) own family members and friends, but also acquaintances and people i don't even know. Meanwhile, to me and behind everyone elses' back, they're saying crappy things about everyone else, that are entirely projection...every ex they've ever had, they were a "victim" of but even managed to turn those ex's against me, blaming me (behind my back) for their past relationship difficulties. Others: "why don't you just forget the past and move on?" (because it's continuing in the present!?) and "be logical", don't be irrational (aka don't have feelings, don't use your intuition which is telling you I am lying and gaslighting you". I've pretty much heard almost all of them from my immediate family. OH - another one, which is very telling: "WE ALL SEE THINGS THE SAME WAY" (unsaid - and that is in direct opposition to how YOU see things")
I remember watching your video- 20 Signs you're w/ a CN. I sobbed with relief when I realized I had experienced ALL 20!!!
I just watched this one & made a ✅️ for all the responses I've heard. 3 guesses how many ✅️ I ended up with.... 👀👀👀👀👀.
Sooooo glad I found that video and can recognize 🐂💩 when I hear it now!! Thank you Richard!!
"I'm SO worried about you." 3 times a day on average. And "You need to see a psychiatrist."
“Nobody’s perfect.”
“God loves me the way I am; why can’t you?”
“I’m forgiven so it doesn’t matter.”
“What do you want from me?”
“Don’t make me crazy.”
“You’re the reason I do this to you.”
“I never did this before I met you.”
“It’s your fault.” (their behavior)
“I’m not responsible for how you feel.” (which is true in and of itself, however this was said to shut me up so I wouldn’t share my feelings)
you made me do it( the abuse)...
no one believes you..
you'll die alone because no one loves you...
you're bipolar( after you telling them in confidence that a close family member who nearly died from cancer became clinically depressed and suicidal)
You lose your self identity. Your very foundation of who you are. The confusion and self doubt is overwhelming and the pain devastates you to your soul. See, most people that get into narcissist relationships are very caring and loving people. A lot of times they have very prestigious positions, are nice looking, have money, are very intelligent….something that the narcissist desires to have or be seen with. You go into the relationship having no clue that you are being set up by a con artist, a psychotic person which in reality despises you. They only want what you have to offer, not you. So they systematically set out to take what they want and dump the human soul that would have gladly given it to them. Leaving you devastated. As the narcissist first floods you with attention and unbelievable love bombing they are secretly disarming your defenses. Then once in they are like termites chewing away your very foundation, all your boundaries, self worth, love, compassion, career, social standing, family, money, whatever it is they were attracted to you to begin with. Secretly destroying every emotion and self respect you had. Then without you even knowing it everything collapses. And like the insects they are they move on to destroy someone else’s foundation. You have been lied to, taken advantage of gaslighted, humiliated and feel lower than you ever have in your life. You have been through so much cognitive dissonance you question everything, mostly yourself. You blame yourself at the same time the narcissist is blaming you. You have no idea who you are or have become. You no longer see the loving, successful person you once were. You are deeply traumatized without even knowing it. It takes time and self discovery to realize that the loving, successful person you once were, is still within you. The good news is that in reality the only thing that changed within you is you now see evil, you have been through hell and survived. Now you are on a mission, to not only be with and around non-toxic people, but to love and take care of yourself. You now know who you are: a wonderful, caring, sweet soul. Your spirit grows and flourishes like never before. Additionally, That feeling when your narc partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when him or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator MetaspyHub@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
The most common one is “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
It's a common phrase, but it's not gaslighting.
I hate that one
@@KatyWithAWhyyy would argue that it is, bc it implies that the problem is with the feelings of the victim & not with the actions of the abuser. Transference, essentially.
they forget to ask why, sounds like, one day you just woke up already feeling "that way" out of nothing.
@@KatyWithAWhyyyshow us your degree in relevant area and the source of that information?
Peterson describes PTSD on his recent interview with Ballard that the trauma is not enough to cause, it's the addition of the realization of just how evil it is that someone would want to do such horrible torture to others and not care.
That note stood out to me as well. When I would catch Ex in a transgression, his excuse was lack of awareness... He "didn't know" it was such a big deal. Which of course was a lie and a subtle shift back to the "you're overreacting" narrative. He totally knew what he was doing, and he didn't care. It took me years to stop giving him the benefit of the doubt and realize that I was in a one-person relationship.
I can’t believe I have spent SO MUCH OF MY LIFE doing the following!:
- trying to be less sensitive
- trying to be ‘more positive’
- trying not to ‘think so much’
- trying to see the best in people and not focus on other aspects
- trying not to be so critical because ‘everyone is doing their best’
- appreciating more and more how lucky I am because everyone has challenges etc (no normal human would call my life experience lucky)
Etc etc
I’ve spent years of my life, trying to improve myself in response to what I thought were honest evaluations of me..but were in fact a false narrative being used to hurt me, control me and prevent me from having any power to survive in the world, let alone thrive.
You just described my mothers words and exactly how I spent 40 yrs of my life 😂 funny but utterly sad too 😢
It’s a good sign after being held under water for so long if you start to feel healthy anger. Best of luck regaining yourself ❤️
OMG well said, boy can I relate. Now it's playing out on a large scale.
@@clararob9869 I am so sorry you went through that, nobody should have to endure that. Also, they aren't very unique its odd but interesting how the Narcs all say and do the same things.
Yes, it is shocking when a person realizes what he has done to stabilize the relationship and has to realize that he was deliberately manipulated in such a way that the other gets what he wants and in the most comfortable way possible!!!
“Everyone thinks you’re crazy, it’s not just me”
Or "Everyone thinks you are crazy except me. I'm the good one"
Pitting others against you, or making you think they are, is one of their tricks of the trade.
@@mr.mithmoth 100%
I actually made a bingo card with 25 of the most used one liners. It was very therapeutic to do and it brings some fun into the game. Now I shout 'Bingo!' every time the narc uses one. I highly recommend.
I LOVE this! 😆
I recently made myself a list of acronyms for the same purpose... just a few weeks ago. I think I can only do that now, because it’s not so painful and I’ve done a lot of work.
There are actually a wonderful set of card, called ‘critical thinking cards’ and you use them to play calling out different fallacies people use.
Shout Bingo!! Ha ha 👏🏻👏🏻
BRILLIANT! There should be an app for this so we can play on our phones…👏 🤣 ✊❤️
Tell me more
I do believe shrinks diagnoses hide th😢fact of gaslighting and call you crazy schizo etc
“You’re so cranky all of the time”
“You need to see a therapist”
“I do support your goals” (while simultaneously mocking my achievements)
“I do those things, you just forget”
MEMORY TRIGGER - I remember the time I let it slip that I was seeing a therapist. Narc-mom always needled me for information, until I got strong enough to tell her off. Her first question was "What are you telling them about me?" Um, that you're the devil incarnate. That's not what I really said.
The #1 thing they both said (for over 20 year!) to gaslight me was..... IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD!!
OMG YES ! I'd forgotten that one !!!
@@lynnepostings I wish I had $1 for every time they told me that. I'd be Filthy Rich!!!
🎯🎯🎯YES! And you're imagining things.
So same!
That “I don’t know what you want me to say” is a great one. Even though you’ve given them 5 normal human responses that would demonstrate compassion or commitment.
Omg, fr. My aunt says this
What's weird is, those are also the things we end up saying TO the narcissist. "That's not what happened" or "Why do you keep bringing this up"? When a non narcisisst asks these questions, they are sincere. We are trying to understand, so we can find balance, to maybe understand where they are coming from. So, when they use those very questions when gaslighting, we automatically, start looking inside. Because, a kid with narcissistic parents, has one goal, to understand the parent, in order not to trigger the wrath. The only place we CAN look, is inside. Our only defense, is compliance. But, since there is no real causation correlation, we look deeper into who WE ARE as a source for the anger. The questions they are hitting us with, are our path to wisdom, and the questions themselves, are being abused. I'm starting to think the only thing we need to know about ourselves and others, is if we are sincere or not. Everything else, is subterfuge and obfuscation...
👏🏻
this so much and makes it so confusing when you then see these because you start doubting yourself again.
"What's weird is, those are also the things we end up saying TO the narcissist. "That's not what happened" or "Why do you keep bringing this up"? "
You are absolutely right, and this is the worst clusterf*ck ever to a neurotypical. My Ex with BPD drove me insane with his distorted perceptions, especially because he truly BELIEVED they were real! There were no rules in these conversations, no binding coordinates, no left-right, east-west, up-down. I almost lost my mind, but fortunately I got out. And the more distance I get because of going NC the more I see his sick pattern of "communication".
THANK YOU FOR THIS!!!? ESPECIALLY WITH THE PARANOIA!
Ok, this is a thought provoking comment!Bravo! I'm gonna sit with this one for a while!
I never lost my grip on reality and I had narcissists in my life for 55 years!!! I'm obviously a very strong person! I've been called crazy more times than I care to remember, but it was always blatantly obvious who the crazy people were to me!!!
Thank you Richard. After an almost 6 year relationship I can honestly say: I have lived through all 19 phrases during this time with my fiancé to the point that it had affected my physical and psychological health. I was seconds away from physically putting a noose around my neck very recently. Thank God my dog was there staring at me not knowing what was going on. That was a turn-key moment that brought me to my senses. I slowed down my heart and started up my brain! I walked away (which was very difficult) and is in the process of becoming what I was before, a happy, outgoing and friendly human being with self-worth.
My dog saved me too. Fight on, bro. 👊👉
I am so very happy your dog was there to prevent you from leaving this world. ❤ I hope you are still moving towards healing and finding yourself again.
I just ended my 10 year marriage/partnership (long story lol) and I have had many of those, What's the point of going on, moments, but my cats seem to stick their adorable little faces in mine every time to remind me. 😊
Dogs are the best people. 🙂
I'm so happy for you!
15!years of abuse and i am just 36 y/o, my husband is a serial cheater and every time he does i was the cause! up until recently APR 2024 he has been having over 7 years affair with his 1st cousin
Thank you Richard for pointing out that it is indeed harder to make and keep friends as we get older. It should have been obvious to me, instead of feeling like there’s something wrong with me.
@jbbbygrace8301
Mommie dearest had different dates. She had married men over "for pool/poker nights". I was only 13 & she had intercourse WITH THEM on a specific day of the WEEK. They wondered why I kept my FAN ON.
I WAS EMPOWERED by a sound over her LOUD VOICE
my ex just said that about some of my guy friends that I dropped because they just use me, just like the way she used me. They only initiate contact when they need something I want something they never initiate contact because they want to give never.
A lot of the dark narcissists/antisocial types, can't maintain any relationships. So, even the friendliest souls who love people, will lose relationships to accommodate them. It comes with aging, but is also part of the power/control dynamic, imho.
The version of #15 that I received was: “What do you want from me?” After I had caught him cheating, and my answer was and is the same for every situation: the TRUTH. Then I realized how futile it was expecting the truth from a narcissist.
Yep-I got that one too
My response would be -nothing🥴
I bet he then said, "You wouldn't believe me anyway" or "You'll just find an excuse to blame me no matter what I say" (deflection)
Yep...exactly
How many free passes did you give him or forgive him..
@@misslanapaulford None. That was it. I forgive everyone in my life of everything, because otherwise my heart would be closed to all that life has to offer me if I didn’t, but I will never share a man nor reconcile with a man nor trust one that has betrayed me. Luckily, the conversation I had was over the phone when I confronted him, because otherwise I knew he might try to talk me out of leaving.
My mother could twist herself into a knot in order to not take any responsibility for her hurtful actions. I waited too many decades, but I finally ended contract last month. I feel that I can breathe a little better now.
Thank you so much! Another gaslighting technique is to isolate you deliberately over time. With the more antisocial narcissist, their world is devoid of social interaction, & you increasingly give away relationships when you're with them. Then, they turn around & say: "See, you don't have anyone/any friends." Can leave you utterly confounded.
They can also isolate you, with them the centre of your world, make you believe only they love you then being the social charmer they visit everyone with a smear campaign about you behind your back. They return home after you've pined for them & point out how mean everyone is being towards you (yeah cus you're telling lies to make them dislike me)! ⚠️ triangulation!
Literally set me up to lose a good man and replace him with a scumbag who treated me like her. Then would cry with me, saying, "Relationships are hard [for you], aren't they?" She got off on seeing me fail over and over again. So forget 'mental disorder.' That crap is evil.
Some of my "friends" were narcissists, so my narc sister was "right", I don't have many friends, just shit like her!
The most common one I heard from him was: “Are you perfect?” every time I confronted him about anything. The other more insidious version was: “Nobody’s perfect. God loves me just the way I am. Why can’t you?” using guilt to get me to forget about why I was upset in the first place.
Child molesters have justified their behavior by saying “I am as God made me” so.. nuts to that theory.
Now this!!!!!! 👏🏾. Always talking about me thinking I was perfect, just so he could deflect and then focus on me 🙄
Reminds me of, are you a doctor?
Gaslighting is a way for narcissists to dodge responsibility for their actions, and to keep from ever having to answer for anything they've done. It's a way of saying "The problem isn't me, it's you." Just saying that isn't enough, however. This tactic can only work if they can actually convince you that it's true. They use gaslighting in order to do that. If gaslighting is successful, if the narcissist can convince the victim that the victim is not caring enough, or too sensitive, or crazy, or that the victim is actually the abuser, the narcissist never has to answer for anything ever again. This is the crux of what the narcissist is trying to do.
Narcissists are willing to sacrifice anybody for their own wants and needs. Narcissists want you to set yourself on fire to keep them warm. You say, "I'm dying! I'm burning to death!" and they say, "Well, I'm cold. Why don't you care that I'm cold? You selfish evil person, how can you be so heartless?" Your suffering is not important to them and in some cases, it's actually the icing on the cake. All narcissists have a cruel, envious core in their personality. They are jealous, they are hurting and they want to destroy things they are jealous of, so there are times that being cruel brings them pleasure. Narcissists want you to prove that you love them. It makes them feel safe, true, but more than that, it makes them feel powerful. To that end, they will never stop trying to make you prove it. After you jump one hurdle, there are 15 more waiting. It never ends, and if you were to set yourself on fire to keep them warm, this would be more proof that you love them. Over and over and over again.
A narcissist who feels safe can be a dangerous narcissist; they may then feel there is no reason not to do terrible things because they are safe in the idea that you will never leave. Unfortunately, it is a trap that many people fall into, because when a non-personality disordered person is in a relationship, if our partner is not happy and they say it is because of something we are doing (or not doing) we tend to believe them. Why would they say it if it wasn't true? The sad truth is that narcissists need too much. They need more and want more than anyone can possibly give them. They are unreasonable, unrealistic and they don't understand give and take. They truly believe that they should be given everything, and any insinuation that they should give is perceived as blasphemy. Respect? Consideration? Compromise? These are not words narcissists understand as applying to other people. If they have to destroy your perception of yourself or your very reality in order to get what they want, they have no problem with that.
Gaslighting can range from simple denial of something (you remind the narcissist of something they did or said and the narcissist replies, That never happened! You're making it up!) to an elaborate staging of a situation designed to confuse and upset someone (you walk into your home after work and there is a party happening; you ask the narcissist what is going on and the narcissist responds, We had this party planned for a month! We talked about it all the time! What do you mean, you didn't know about it?) Gaslighting is designed to keep you off-balance and unsure so that the narcissist can control you - and everything else. Confused, frightened, doubtful people are much easier to manipulate and control than those who are very sure of themselves. Gaslighting can also be more subtle and harder to define, which makes it even harder to detect - or prove. For example, you ask the narcissist why they are being cruel to you. Instead of actually addressing that, the narcissist says that you don't care about them. Instead of insisting that the narcissist answer this very reasonable question, you start defending yourself and then the point is lost. No one is talking about the narcissist's cruelty anymore. It has become all about you and what you are doing wrong. The narcissist insists that you don't care, listing a litany of complaints about how cruel and uncaring your behavior is. You become convinced the narcissist really believes this, so you begin overcompensating, trying to do things to prove you do care. The harder you try, the more the narcissist will deny you. The narcissist now sees that this can be used as a weapon to hurt you and manipulate you into doing what the narcissist wants you to do. The narcissist has won, and more importantly, the narcissist has avoided being taken to task over bad behavior.
Most experiences with intentional gaslighting are of the unsophisticated defensive kind, where a person is simply denying something happened - or insisting that it did - because they fear the consequences, or because they will not get what they want if the truth is discovered. Gaslighting in general is a very immature behavior that is actually often seen in toddlers and small children. They don't have the wherewithal to defend, explain or excuse their behavior, so they simply say it didn't happen. The motive behind gaslighting may sometimes point to more sophisticated kinds of thinking, such as in the movie Gaslight, but the behavior itself is not sophisticated at all.
There is also unintentional gaslighting, which occurs because narcissistic people perceive things very differently than those who are not narcissists. They really believe things happened the way they are saying they did, and if you attempt to interject facts or proof here, you may be accused of gaslighting. This behavior may not technically fall under the traditional definition of gaslighting because most sources define gaslighting as deliberate, but the behavior of asserting a different reality is experienced by the people around the narcissist in the same way, whether it is intentional or not. The people around the narcissist have no way to know which is which and to be honest, it really doesn't matter, because the result is the same.
if you are constantly second-guessing yourself. if you have the sense that you used to be a very different person; someone who was happier and more confident. if you have trouble making even simple decisions. if you are always apologizing to the narcissist. if you notice the narcissist making accusations or calling out behavior in you that no one has ever mentioned before. if you feel confused or crazy and you don't know why. These are all signs that you may be being gaslighted. If you recognize any of these signs, please seek help or leave the relationship.
There are 3 stages a person goes through when they are subjected to gaslighting. These are disbelief, defense and depression.
Disbelief is defined as when the gaslighting first happens and you just sort of dismiss it as a weird occurrence or something that was out of character but isolated. You don't recognize what is happening or if you do, you disregard it because you have feelings for the narcissist and don't want to acknowledge something they are doing wrong.
Defense is defined as the period of time when you are defending yourself against the accusations or manipulation. This stage can last a long time. As in our earlier example, let's say you ask the narcissist why they are being cruel to you and instead of actually addressing that, the narcissist says that you don't care about them. The narcissist might also say that you are imagining things, or that you are too sensitive or any number of things designed to take the focus off of their behavior and put it on yours. The end result is that the conversation becomes focused on you and how you are actually the problem. You defend, implore, remind, beseech, you do everything you can to prove these things are not true. This is where it becomes dangerous because though you are defending yourself, by doing so you have agreed that it is a problem worth talking about. The narcissist has manipulated you into agreeing it is all about you. The more you try to defend yourself, the crazier it will drive you and the more it convinces you that you really are the problem. If the narcissist would only see the truth, if you keep trying, the narcissist has to admit it, has to see it, has to believe it. Right? Wrong. They don't. And they never will, because they don't want to. This is probably the hardest thing for those who love a narcissist to understand and accept: they do not want to see you as a good person. They don't want to believe you and they are never going to. They want you to be just as horrible as they believe they themselves are, and they will do absolutely everything they can to prove that you are. It's a vicious cycle and the only way out is to stop participating in it.
Depression is when you have stopped defending yourself against the manipulation and just give up. You allow the narcissist to control your reality and suffer more every day, for no other reason than because a sick, miserable, disordered person wants you to be just as miserable, sick and disordered as they are.
This doesn't have to happen. You can learn to defeat gaslighting by not participating in it. Don't allow the narcissist to control the conversation; make them stick to the topic or stop the conversation. Don't allow the narcissist to deflect the conversation - and the blame - onto you; ignore all attempts to do so. Don't defend yourself; you are validating the accusations by doing so. Repeat: you are validating the accusations when you defend yourself against them. Ignore them. Don't continue the conversation when gaslighting is occurring. Calmly tell the narcissist that you know things did not occur that way and walk away. Gaslighting can only work if you let it work - and you don't have to anymore.
Learn to recognize it for what it is, That is the only way you can stop it from damaging your self-image and your stability.
Remember: You are not the crazy one. You are not the wrong one. You are not the abuser, or the cruel one. You are not too sensitive. You are not uncaring or abusive just because you are a human being who makes mistakes and has feelings. Remind yourself that your perception has always been fine until now. Remind yourself that no one but the narcissist accuses you of these supposed perception problems. Remind yourself that no one but the narcissist accuses you of being a liar or an abuser or too sensitive... whatever the narcissist is trying to convince you of, remind yourself that no one but the narcissist sees it. Most importantly: don't lose sight of who you are. You know who you are. Don't let the narcissist take that away from you.
Gaslighting that happens when someone can see through it is simply regarded as a childish, even ridiculous attempt to deny reality - as many of you already know. The only way gaslighting can work is if people do not trust themselves or their own perception. Working on building this up so that you are not vulnerable to gaslighting is the secret to defeating it long-term. But remember, no one can stay strong forever. A rock will erode from a single drip over hundreds of years. In this same way, being around someone who is constantly trying to force you into a different version of reality than what you are experiencing will wear on you eventually, no matter how strong you are. Even if it never causes you to doubt your reality or perception, it will affect you in other ways.
My Mum has just used every single one of those in a calm discussion...I'm 40 and she's now 75!
Just recently I had a confrontation with a brother who manipulated me into letting him camp on my property. I quickly realized he had to go. When telling him so he started gaslighting, using a half dozen of these phrases. Every time he did I responded with "Do not gaslight me. I know what you are doing. It will not work." That just stopped him and seemed to confuse him. I must have said that a dozen times. Then he would try making me feel sorry for him. I would say, Let me get out my violin and accompany you, poor thing while I pantomimed playing the violin. Then he announced he was planning on leaving anyway which he did a few days later. It is so liberating to be able to recognize, then stop the nonsense in its tracks.
Smirking full of self assurance and conceit : " You are a soft person and very easily handled" . Me to myself: " I swear to God I ll drive you nuts from now on for all you did to me and then leave you ! " As I did !
That one was just fucked up...these people really are idiots..from years of research and experience is all comes down to that
This just gives me hope! Thank you for your comment!! Still trying to get out of an almost decade long marriage. The smirking, scoffing, mocking and conceit is really soul destroying. But, they're really self destructing & sabotaging, which is their problem.
When I was in my early 20s and trying to get over the abuse done to me by a college boyfriend, Grannon's was one of the channels that helped me understand and move through some of my trauma. This was at least 10 years ago. That's how long this guy has been fighting to raise awareness. At that time, I think he was also coping by devouring knowledge and understanding about the subject of NPD. It made me feel less alone. If it wasn't for men and women like Grannon, who were, IMO, part of the "early" wave of narcissistic awareness advocates, many of us wouldn't have found communities that made us feel validated (if you're a survivor, you know how important it is to be validated when getting out of the abusive relationship). We also wouldn't have as much psychoeducation on the subject. Back then, narcissism and psychopathy were almost taboo subjects. Nobody wanted to talk about it except for victims, because who wants to believe the seemingly nice guy/girl next door is actually a black hole with skin? People want to believe that they'd be able to spot a predator if they saw one. It's a way for them to feel safe, and that's human. Only about 5 years ago did this subject become a pop culture topic, and I believe this was due to the fact that so many of us were experiencing abuse. We saw an epidemic rising, and after nearly a decade, popular culture caught up and started to talk about what many of us had been. I thought that when this time came, people would demand something to be done about the epidemic. Instead, we embraced it. Narcissism is now a part of American culture. So now, even after years of fighting for awareness, the war continues. We'll never stop trying to help those with PTSD and narcissistic abuse syndrome, and we'll always do what we can to bring awareness to this devastating scourge on humanity. God bless anyone who helps fight this fight.
Thank you and Grannon. The only way you can avoid narcissists is by knowing what it is and how it works. I really wish they'd have a briefer course on it in highschool or something, Just telling you the signs, how to avoid it, and how to act if you cant. Narcissism proliferates and multiplies, this isn't going to be something that this society can run from forever. While we work our way to to majority awareness, its just going to become a larger and larger problem. I do my best to speak up about it too. Lets hope there will be some sort of break through in the next 10 years. I just want the majority of people to at least know what NPD is.
Think also today, 90-95% of people have a smartphone. So much easier to find information on the subject.
Yep, Angie Atkinson, RIP, was a great soul too! 🙏
@@insertmyidentityhere oh no!!! She was the first narc abuse counselor that I ever started watching about 5 years ago. :( When did she pass? what happened?
@@johnmaurer2035 Yea, there's no excuse. Its the same with proper hamster care. So easy to find but people still get everything wrong and abuse the poor thing, not even trying to fix it.
Siblings: "We worry about you". Me: "Don't worry". Siblings: "That's how we Care". Me thinking to myself: "Why do people caring about me leave me feeling guilty and controlled"
"That's how we care" sounds like virtue-signalling and image management. It can be belittling to say "we worry about you." As if you're weak and incapable. They get to hint at some kind of rescue -- so you should be grateful (guilt) because they're so "caring" -- and at the same time, they give you the message that you're inferior to them or pathetic. Don't buy it!
Dealing with that one currently. Meddling with my life and trying to control is “care”.
Even after i ask them repeatedly to PLEASE STOP
Thank you to those who chose to reply. My comment was with reference to a life which I chose to liberate myself from around four years ago, no contact since. Sometimes in our lives there occurs a convergence of events which just seem to scream "Enough!", such was my experience.
Today, I'm slowly turning toward creative pursuits, which surprisingly seem to feel much like companionship. I'm grateful every day for my decision.
@@jima3345 🎉🙌💛
Oh, yeah, they dispatch their flying monkeys out of 'concern' (a/k/a they are bored and need some entertainment / supply).
#1. It's ALL in your head D.
#2. Well I'm sorry I'm not as perfect as you!!!
#3. I did/said it for your own good. The TRUTH hurts sometimes ( while body shaming me)
#4. THIS is why your own family stays away from you! You're so Judgmental !!
#5. I didn't lie!!! I just didn't tell you the whole truth!
#6. I only spoke to / texted her ONCE. Only a crazy & insecure person would look thru their spouse's phone because of 1 conversation!!
Oh # 6.....
They literally pathologize ALL our emotions. If I'm happy, I'm "embarrassing." If I'm sad I'm "impossible to please." If I'm angry, I have mental health issues. The ONLY acceptable 'emotion' was a Mona Lisa smile while complying and thanking her.
I got all of these
It's like a form of terrible bullshit bingo
When I would want to discuss something that was bothering me, he would shut me down by saying, “There are many things about you I could bring up, but I don’t want to be petty.”
This is one phrase that's said to me as well
“I never said I was perfect”
Or a million other responses like that - that imply I’m being harsh, or calling them out by applying extremely high standards nobody could be expected to meet.
Though those standards are in fact just common decency, honesty and respect.
Yes!! Thanks for mentioning this one. Variety; accusing you of wanting them to be perfect, that you keep them on a tight leash and there's no room for failure, when they have abused you heavily or been unfaithful
My partner cheated and said, "Why do you always want me to be perfect?"'
You can't legislate against the contempt they treat you with. It's a nightmare having a child in the middle of such a detrimental, manipulative dynamic. My heart breaks for my son.
❤
Too bad that's absolutely correct
Sometimes that home childhood,is being spoiled rotton,on a golden throne. Its not always a trauma filled look about it.
This is one of the best videos I've seen on gaslighting! I've experienced every single example more times than I can count. I feel validated watching this. Being gaslighted for years left me psychologically maimed, but somehow, I'm still standing thanks to videos like yours. I'm single and focusing on me, and healing it feels amazing! Be safe, everyone! 🙏
'Relax' said when you are relaxed but trying to talk to them about something they don't want to talk about. They actually take you out of a relaxed state by insisting that you need to relax. Now that I think about it, I think maybe that is actually their own inner voice telling THEM to 'relax' when you say or do something they don't like, but instead, they project their own tension onto you, and then tell you to relax? Next time I hear that word, I'm going to tell them that yes, maybe They should relax - since they are obviously talking to themselves out loud. They wreck even a word normally used with the intent to soothe by turning it into one that basically means shut up.
"I was trying to help you"...Thanks for that. I was able to extricate myself from a weird 60yo relationship💯💥👍👏
“We’re trying to help you but you keep fighting us every step of the way”
My personal favorite is that never happened or how cruel they treat you when you are ill or very sick. I am pretty sick and they continue to do all the things to gaslight me.
" I wonder what your ex/ mother/(anyone you had a difficult relationship with) would tell me about you"
Implying it would prove that something is horribly wrong with you.
When you confide in a narcissist be sure they'd use whatever information they have against you. First they give a compassionate ear to extract information from you about difficult relationships and traumas only to strike with precision when they lack any arguments and want to turn the table on you and diminish you, make you feel lonely and lost, unworthy of love.
Whats even more evil is that they try to isolate you from anyone, from your friends, the family members you like, If they can't, they would find fault in them and make you question them so that the narcissist becomes the whole world for you.
Best response I’ve given to them is “I guess we just see things differently then” but this has without fail began their discard phase so only use it when you’re ready to be gone
Yup. This happened with me and my former childhood best friend. Once I began saying this about disagreements we had (instead of saying that he's correct which is the only thing he apparently would accept), he started ramping up the criticism, manipulation attempts, lying and negative behavior and our relationship deteriorated rapidly.
Always be ready to be gone. 👍
Ignoring them is the best response. They can’t stand that.
I told my narc that we live in different realities and that's okay. Looking back, I think you're right. That was the beginning of the discard phase.
Been dealing with this for 22 years of my life.. he's the father of my youngest son. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life
It is hard to go no contact when they stalk you and they basically force their company on you. I wish that police would do their job. This crazy narcissist has persuaded itself and some low intellects that I am insane. This is a very bizarre experience for me. The attempts of various forms of abuse and violating rights, then that also believing that the creature is on moral highground, the best amazing special person that ever lived, meanwhilst it can't come to grips with reality that is infront of its eyes.
At least where you are stalking is illegal, it's not here in the middle of Europe, Switzerland... So I do can empathize with you very much ❤️
I've stated it before and i will again, that i feel around 90% or more people in this world are lower/higher level Narcissistic personalities..
The past few years has brought this to my attention MORE than ever before!
Why has it taken me 51 of my years to realise it’s not me? Being a recluse and staying away from relationships for 12 years still working in the Matrix but avoiding intimacy. Thank you Richard your videos have put me at peace 😊. The most common phrase for me is “you need help have another beer”.
Thank you again.
“I didn’t say that”
That was one I always got!
It’s so damaging with so many devastating consequences, and potentially horrific outcomes, such as Alzheimer and death. Officially, there is no scientific papers that proclaim that as far as I know, but the psychological abuse and emotional terror, I have less and less doubt that there’s a causal link.
The worst are the ones who put a"spiritual" mask. Recently a friend of mine, luckily at the very early stage of the relationship, so she wasn't so hooked in yet, told the guy she hadn't actually invited him to move in and live for free at her place. He also had no problem buying food with her money! While future faking about his business plans, even offering her to participate in whatever it would be. She asked him politely to leave at quite an early stage. He wouldnt accept "no". He told her SPIRITUAL manipulation phrases:
"We have a karmic connection from the past lifetime so we need to work on this now because it blocks our potential" (allegedly the relationship they had in 400A.D. or
something blocked his prosperity till today😂)
"we are special, we are survivors from Atlantis/Lemuria (put whatever suits😅)
" your (whatever) chakra is blocked and you need to work on this that's why you're easily triggered"
" you have a problem with being territorial. You feel separated.. it's so dualistic " - when she told him to move out from her place he enjoyed luving for free
"The age is just a number. I dont feel that age" when he was caught lying about his age. She found out he was 17years old older than her, not 9. When you lie, lie big!
"marriage is just a piece of paper, we dont even live together anymore" when caught lying about his marital status. He was looking for empathy as a widower, when challenged on that lie, he replied with tears in his eyes " it's as if she had died"...
Unbelievable, isn't it?
New age spirituality is a huge trap.
You don't even notice when you start gaslighting yourself with "normal relationship rules don't apply to a Twin Flame connection" and "I can't talk about it (abuse) to anyone, because nobody will understand the special love from higher realms, like ours "...🥴🥲
Spiritual narcs also love to say:
"We are Twin Flames working on our multidimensional connection. Everytime I hurt you - we are both healing. It's our higher selves guiding us both. TRUST THE JOURNEY"
"It wasn't me, I would never do that, you know me. I was being controlled by the archons/ negative alien implants in my aura"
"You must detach from your emotions to become enlightened. Your shadow self is still controlling you, this is why you get angry at me for flirting with other women"
Crazy.
Oh the future faking! My last relationship in 2021 was him future faking a desire to get married...until our one-year anniversary of dating. When I celebrated, gave him a card, told him how happy I was, he ignored me and refused to even acknowledge the card or gift or the special day. When I asked him about it later, he said that he was afraid that I was expecting a proposal. So he had to treat me like crap, I guess?? friggin' jackass.
Its even worse when they throw church and Christ in your fave constantly to put you down
I was finally "hit" by this with my most recent narcissist. In addition to the past live bs, he brought in our parents and any others close to us that have passed. Mostly referred to as the "dead relatives," they were what was keeping us together.
It's astonishing how many people like that are around us, I eliminated so many people from my life when I sarted to discover this, all those reasons why I felt bad about myself. Now that I'm done with them, worked hard on myself and they somehow appear back in my vicinity, it's fun to see that nothing changed in them but my reactions to their gaslighting changed, yet they still have those built in settings to even try to deprecionate your change by saying you changed for the worst.
"Did you forget to take your medication?!"
I replied "no, you should have taken my medication "
"You're overthinking." Work supervisors were the worst, but family was a close second. The most confusing one was "I only promised it once." That was from a spouse who conveniently forgot the agreement that I could continue my education and have a career after the wedding, rather than waiting for me to pursue my goals before we made a commitment.
yeah I had a very strange girl always tell me that I'm overthinking. Every time I was not doing what she wanted me to do, she would say "you're overthinking". She said it so often and with so much conviction, that (because I was young and naive) began to believe her - and really start to question myself.
I got that one too!
"You dont trust my intention towards you..." "what makes you so perfect"....sabotaging behind the scenes of our joint buisness and denying all of these actions.
It’s horrible when you doubt yourself! I genuinely thought I was going crazy, still in the grief stage only couple of days no contact after years of this
It's horrible cruelty & mental torture for sure! I've been where you're at (grief & just a few days in). If you don't mind me offering some unsolicited advice, but unfortunately know "too many times to count over 10 yrs) that he could suck me (hoover) me right back in! I'm a strong woman and he broke that part of me for a long time. I believed him every time. So...in addition to getting much-needed validation (doesn't it feel so damn good?) I suggest you arm yourself with hoovering tactics and lovebombing. Stay strong & I wish you peace, love (yourself right now) & light! ❤️🙏🏻❤️
You got this. Divorced 2 yrs ago and due to workjng for him, i left work and no contact for about 2 months only.. it gets easier. We were together almost 22 yrs.
That's too generous. I've never gotten a "I did that because...." That sounds to much like recognizing there's an issue... I just get gaslighting, silent treatment and rage
I have been fighting with my partner a lot bringing up the same issue with him about what he’s not giving me in the relationship… very basic needs. He says “I do those things. You just forget”… the past few weeks I’ve just given up hope and taken back my energy. I’m just here until I can physically get out.
Best of luck to you. ☘
stay safe ❤
Don't stay to long.
I once had him say “I’m having homicidal thoughts about you” and the very next day I confronted him about it and it was “What? I never said that! I would never say anything like that!” He almost convinced me I was half asleep and I didn’t hear it that way.
When my mom does something to me and I reacted… after a while, I want to discuss why she did or say this and EACH TIME, she will go hysterical and cry saying she doesn’t want to talk about the past, it took me 46 years to realized she was a sadistic narcissist… probably psychopath, she LOVES to hurts me, invalidates me, make me reacts. I don’t understand and never will but I have the choice to stay or to leave and i choose to leave.
“What are you on?! (implying drugs) Or are you just THAT crazy?” Is the popular one in my relationship at the moment. He sure does know how to make a girl feel special 🙃😢😶
Idk why, but unlike trauma bonding, I was always resistant to the gaslighting my vulnerable narcissist ex tried to use on me, I feel very fortunate for that, it would be a horrible feeling to question your own reality and doubt yourself. I'm sorry you all had to go through that.
My Mum says “That doesn’t sound like something I’d say” to deny having said things.
"I guess you will never be able to understand true love, my love for you, the purity of my intentions, the situation, etc."
"I can't make you happy! I tried!" or "If your behavior hadn't warranted it, I wouldn't have had to do/say what I did."
My brother saying I shouted at him “ I’m coming to the bank with you” when I actually had asked in a normal tone “would you like me to come to the bank with you on Monday”! It was like watching a sick person when he was re-enacting my shouting it! Totally made up and the re-enacted. Called him out on selling everything in my Mum’s house (literally emptied it) and he said “ what did I think was going to happen”!
He put a do not resuscitate on my Mum when she didn’t want that. After she died he was shaking his hands at me and shouting “ if only you, if only you hadn’t interfered “ It really is beyond crazy, lots of pain, but these videos gave me a much needed answer and education to what I am in… and that took the burden off thinking it was me and gave me some relief. So great full for the understanding, it’s given me new tools and values, so thanks Richard.
This happened to me too. Wills and estates. Man they bring out the worst in ppl. It’s when we see who is who when we wouldn’t have otherwise
@@SoulSpa6835 You can’t just walk away either, there’s a process that needs to be completed. I ignore the bait and try and deal in facts and productivity. But he seems to need the game, the play strategy… can’t wait till it’s over and I can move on and not have that in my life!
I'm going through something similar and if I have to deal with him again, it will be through a mediator. I'm not going to talk to him anymore since if I say literally one word to him even in agreement he flips out on hour long tirades of what a horrible person I am for interrupting but that I'm not allowed to feel bad about it, (cause then he'd "feel bad" like try not yelling at me, bro) not allowed to say sorry or do anything but tremble in fear while being yelled at in my own house. He's lucky my doberman was in her crate.
@@E.C.Animation He sounds like a real mind F*! I am dealing through a lawyer, but I think the lawyer thinks he’s a golden boy! Glad your Pup was away from it, poor dog could have got kicked or something and we don’t want that so good for you. Wish you 🍀 luck!
@@stardust1593 that stinks that he's already manipulated the lawyer. My mom and he got a lawyer but left me out of it and I have a disability that prevents me from going places and doing much. He may sell Dad's things and that's a bummer but they are only things. Try selling the house without my consent or cut and then we'll see how that works out for him. I know more than he thinks about what happened. 😡
They follow the same script. From perspective it's pathetic. When you interact with them it's a psychological horror.
Pretty much 19 out of 19.
I should have left in 1992. I finally have only a few months ago. It's a very sad situation and my adult children still suffer because I was too weak to do so at the time. I pray everyday for their forgiveness. Thank you for your very insightful videos, Richard Grannon.
As a 22 year old who had a narcissistic stepfather your doing good. I wish my mother saw him for what he is and the damage he’s done to all of us
@@piru2913 Take heart, it was my oldest son who finally woke me up three years ago.
He said to me "I'm going to show you just who he really is.". He showed me, alright, but made himself the number one target of my husband in doing so.. it's been one long and
and terrifying journey since then.
Saying “That’s not what happened” is a tricky example since that’s a normal response one would give to being gaslit.
yep agree, there's actually a couple more that are tricky because it's exactly what you say after realizing you've been gaslit for a while
A stranger online told me “Who are you and why should you be loved and cared for?” and “You’re not even loving to those you’re surprised that don’t love you the same way you seem proper.” …my god surely these statements can get under anybody’s skin
"Why are you attacking me?"
"Why are you criticizing me?"
"Why are you against me?'
They love saying these
The problem I see here is that a lot of these can be reasonable protests to someone being unreasonable, or can even be apologetic:
Phrase 1: Some rendition of this can be apologetic, with the tone being more of "I'm sorry, I was trying to help you."
Phrase 2: Interestingly, this can be a response to someone trying to gaslight you.
Phrase 3: Again, a reasonable response to a narcissist
Phrase 4: Not a lot of defense of this one. Like phrases 2&3, if this statement becomes reasonable you shouldn't associate with the person you're talking to.
Phrase 5: Yeah I don't believe someone ever gets to blame their behaviour on someone else.
Phrase 6: It isn't reasonable so much in the sense of diminishing the importance of a thing. It can be reasonable if you're expressing a difficulty understanding the other person's feelings around the topic.
Phrase 7: A couple ways this can be reasonable: a protest to someone jumping to an offensive interpretation (I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and from those I'm close to, I expect the same), or as part of a 'I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry' statement.
Phrase 8: There are people in this world who react disproportionately to a lot of things, although it may be good to avoid them instead of having these conversations with them.
Phrase 9: Repeat of number 8.
Phrase 10: Risque humour exists, but if you're going to be close to someone you should either share your sense of humour or at least have an understanding of what is acceptable.
Phrase 11: I have no defense for this.
Phrase 12: Repeat of 8.
Phrase 13: Repeat of 4.
Phrase 14: Repeat of 8 again.
Phrase 15: I could see myself saying this if I'm being lambasted and see no way to defuse the situation.
Phrase 16: Argumentum ad populum is a logical fallacy, and as I believe myself to be intelligent, I'm offended by its usage.
Phrase 17: As in 7, this could be a reasonable response to someone making negative assumptions. Maybe if someone does that you should just not talk to them.
Phrase 18. My fucking mom used this one last week, because she was guilt tripping me about something my dog did and I responded by trying to rehome him.
Phrase 19: Chronic overreaction is toxic. Don't associate with people that make this statement reasonable.
I guess my point is that people shouldn't just write off a lot of these statements as gaslighting just because they're used; context can make a big difference. Also, don't associate with people that make a pattern of assuming the worst about you, etc.
"You felt _______, you want ______" instead of asking how I felt or what I want.
The worrying thing is that I used some of these phrases on her, when she was outright lying about scenarios and she was gaslighting me....
E.g. She claimed I'd belittled her re her reading speed (which I hadn't).
I ended up saying such phrases as "that's not what I meant" and "you are reading far too much into this" and "What you are hearing is not what I said". (she literally was)
The insidious nature of narcissism is that they FORCE you to look into your own mirror!!!!
Mine goes out of her way to misinterpret myself and others to maintain her victim status.
Mr. Grannon already sugested this, and I quote and agree: "what about your own narcissism? Is healthy, or through the roof?"
Get real diagnostics, people, before seeing narcissists all around.
The bottom line and the point (I believe) Richard is trying to make is if you bring up a concern or issue and someone speaks to you consistently in a dismissive way, is never wrong or seems sincere - see your way out. It will never change. You'll never "win".
Here's the beauty I used to get: "it was a mistake of the mind, not a mistake of the heart"
The one he used the most is “This is why you don’t have any friends!” I recognize most of them as things I said to him though in response to his reactions of me bringing up something he had done. He WOULD overreact and get bent out of shape, accusing me of interrogating him by twisting my words when I had simply asked him a question, for example, confronting him about an ugly txt he sent me that left me feeling alone and worthless. He refused to take accountability. “Why do you keep bringing up the past?” It happened two days prior. He would also seem paranoid because he took everything I said as an insult if it induced feelings of shame within him when I was only repeating what he said or something he had done.
I had a narcissistic 'friend' that would accuse me of bringing up the past, too, but then would gas light me with all the phrases covered in the video, leaving me feeling confused, exhausted, etc. I think the idea is too absolve themselves of blame, I was Christian, and he would frequently ask for my forgiveness and this was done maliciously and intentionally.
In my dealing with a covert narcissist, she often would speak in absolutes, which immediately queud me into the fact that something was up.
A variation of I don’t know what you want me to say: nothing I say is right. It’s so easy to feel guilty when someone says that, when in reality they’ve been incredibly hurtful and you just want to talk about it.
Telling everyone we know that I am doing to them exactly what they are doing to me, and acting all broken up about it....projection.
Insidious comments, vailed as “jokes” are the main gaslighting tool my husband uses against me. He especially loves to do this in front of his friends. I’m just now beginning to gain ground on how broken down I’ve become over the years.
As a child, when I reached out to my aunt for help with my sociopathic mother, she would defend her sister saying, "After all she did for you, why would she do that?!". Thus, making me feel guilty for complaining about the psychological and physical abuse I was enduring, while living upstairs from my aunt in the same house.
YES!! "After everything I've done for you!" Yeah, all the beatings, torture, manipulation, lies, and terror are sooooo appreciated.
Two 'Swiss army knife' responses I used to get:
'I TOLD you!' - when, of course, she'd done nothing of the kind;
'Don't be silly!' - when I had her bang to rights.
During the pandemic, my now ex husband was calling me vulgar names on the daily, and the next morning, "Good morning", as if nothing ever happened. If I tried to address it, he would say, it's because I hold grudges. Another is, "I think you are remembering that wrong". I've attracted several in my life. 😢
A
Omg. Had them all passing by in those dark years. I put so much energy in fighting every one of them. And battling for reason and common sense. Now looking back, what a waste of time. Of life. I was exhausted when he left. Totally back on track now (3 years after).
Something to think about,.some of these phrases can easily be reactions TO narcissistic abuse.
I was thinking this too, because sometimes I've said "you're over-reacting" when they absolutely were. (Angry at me for "cheating" because I'd had sex in a previous relationship, years before I met her. She already knew I'd had a previous relationship, and it was 100% not cheating. Why was she still angry at me for it 3 years into our relationship???)
Even though I told her she was over-reacting, I think it was her claiming I'd cheated which was the gaslighting. Cheating can be deeply damaging for trust in a relationship. Her reframing reality meant I could never fully earn her trust, and I was always trying to make up for something that I didn't f*****g do!!!!
Together 3 years, and I still feel guilty for having a relationship before her. Crazy.
The book "The Girl on the Train" does a really good fictional portrayal of this very thing.
Excellent, remember many of those even got my gut churning just hearing them again😮
Horrible toxic, cruel journey with such creatures, glad for those who escape even if a bit scarred❤
My ex would use an even better variation of no. 17: “I would never be with anyone who would accuse someone of … “. Or “why would you be with someone you’d accuse of …” (Which is actually not a bad point in a way.)
“I can’t believe you’d think so little of me.”
Been separated for three years now - no contact. Not divorced yet simply put - she got MY lawyer convinced that we need counseling. I told the guy to piss off and that he got no idea.
Just so tired and will tackle the situation again coming end of August with lawyers specializing in divorce cases. The point that you mentioned and got me smiling was the memory fault one. I thought maybe my marbles were loosening and then what if not ? I started recording, making detailed notes, and the moment she acted up I would just bring out my notes. Drove her against the walls - you know like a Poltergeist ? 😂😂😂. Started searching behavioral patterns and here I am.
Keep writing notes...and find a lawyer that specialises in domestic violence/ psychological abuse.
"well that's YOUR version"
I'm like "I was LITERALLY right there as YOU did it ." 🤣
30 years of this, every single one … and now done, so done. Wish I’d known all this decades ago😢
I grow up with an alcoholic and drug addictict mom who also is a covert narcissist.
Every time I feel strong feelings I got terrified that I will lose control, today I understand it’s because every time I had a tantrum as a child I heard that I was a jacko, I was crazy and needed to be locked inside a mental hospital , I needed medication, I was paranoid ect ect.
I’m under recovery from my childhood trauma and today my superego is on highest volume but I will fix this
Thank you for these 🙏🏼 ❤💔♥️
I’ve recently started seeing a therapist and this gave me some thoughts I want to ask her about in our next session. Sometimes I still wonder if maybe some things are just me etc but deep down and hearing this again helps me a lot to remember how confusing gaslighting really is.
I hope this saves a lot of people if they encounter it before it gets too far 🙏🏼♥️
"You don't realize what you're creating/doing" "you lack clarity" "you do this all the time" "how can you be so blind" drove me crazy, it's a kind of gaslighting too.
Apparently, I was "acting erratically," at least that's what I heard they told someone. I simply didn't stick around, got in my car, and left. I heard, "but my intentions were good" so many times, I would sarcastically then tell myself, "pure as the driven snow." I have to see this person at an important family event this month. As long as there are witnesses I don't expect any drama, although I may see her act afraid of the big bad wolf (me).
Thank you Thank you Thank you for this video! You hit the bullseye. I needed this validation.
Mine used to say I’m overthinking all the time just relax about us
Thank you Richard. I have heard them all, some if them more covertly and they are still working in my mind. When I now remember the malicious joy in their eyes and the smirk on their face, I know that they said and did it to hurt, to have power. But I did notariell know it when it happened.
So true. Everything you said here is right on the mark.
It is obviouis that they will never take responsibilty for anything at all and put everything back on you to keep them from owning up to their behavior.
Right! I was told I wasn't allowed to say sorry or feel bad because then they would feel bad. Like straight up coming out and admitting to not being able to face the consequences of their actions and that they must dictate and control my very feelings (while having zero control of their own feelings) but doesn't even have the self awareness to realize it. Lol It's funny now because I see it for what it is. Though that person is terrifying and dangerous when enraged which takes nothing to do so I still had to behave in a way that wouldn't trigger violent wrath (verbal wrath was unavoidable though). How exhausting. Done with that family member.
Very thorough list Richard!! Ta!! 😊
Good information Richard, thanks ❤
This is the most accurate video i have ever listened about gaslighting. Thank you🙏
"that's not what happened" piece I'm watching right now was just excellently explained 👏🏽thank you
Very good summary! Thank you for your work!
Wow! Thank you so much! I do feel like I am going crazy!!! The person/s in my life using this right now, is actively using this! All of it! I am stunned! You have no idea how much it means to hear you validating what is happening to me! I am incredibly unhappy, but this changes my perspective and allows me to change my perception to something positive!
Thank you for advice. I have a number of people sent my way, who behave exactly as you have described. I am doing a crucial project, and their activities are clearly gaslighting to prevent this.