Low Grade Narcissists | 5 Things You Need To Know
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 พ.ย. 2022
- In this video, You will learn 5 things you need to know about Low grade Narcissists, watch all the way to the end to find out what you can say word by word to test for it in an individual.
Timestamps:
• We are outside the realm of Clinical Psychiatry 0:08
• Highly narcissistic traits + interrelational style 3:35
• Context-specific Narcissism 7:07
• Narcissism = complex post-traumatic stress response 8:09
• All Narcissism is compensatory 11:14
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
🔴 Get your free "Stop Emotional Flashbacks" Course now at www.spartanlifecoach.com
🔴 New Course: Unplug From The Matrix Of Narcissism
www.richardgrannon.com/unplug...
📖 Purchase "A Cult of One": www.amazon.com/Cult-One-Depro...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Follow Richard Grannon:
🔔 SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE: th-cam.com/users/RICHARDGRAN...
✚ TIKTOK: / richardgrannon0
✚ INSTA: / richard.grannon
✚ FACEBOOK: / richard.grannon.sparta...
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTHCARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
#Narcissist #Cptsd #Abuse
![[TH] 2024 PMSL SEA GF D1 | Summer | แข่งที่ไทย ต้องใส่ให้สุด](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Jkuf7nCS7jI/mqdefault.jpg)
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 65 | คู่เอก "จ้าวเสือใหญ่ vs ผึ้งหลวง"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TDpOh5eEJKw/mqdefault.jpg)
Caution: There is a number of fake accounts using my name and profile picture and providing a WhatsApp number. That is NOT me. I do NOT have a WhatsApp number and never use WhatsApp to communicate with users online. Please do not engage with those accounts.
💀💕👍
It has happened to me.
I had that experience. He wanted ftom me 300$ to be acceped in your inner circle. I have blocked him (you). Sorry 😃
We know it's not you, that is not your style Richard Grannon!👩
@@sekenamcmurren2217 I did not know.
IMO if you are dealing with a low-grade narcissist, if they don't fly into a rage there will be passive aggressive vindictive behavior. GUARANTEED!
I don't know what's worse
Yes 💯
So-called vulnerable narcissists do that, too. I would say, if there is any type of retaliation... It's not low-grade anymore.
@@nessauk2786 In my opinion, they are the worse because you take some time to pick up their passive aggressive game.
@@b_b_b5146 I agree
These narcissists aren’t going to like it when they’re called “low grade”
😂😂😂
Hey,I resemble that remark! ;) lol
lol I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing.
😂
😂
Please don't fall into the trap of staying around for, and supporting, someone with high grade narcissism because you can see their wounds and vulnerabilities and feel sorry for them. A high grade one will recognise your good nature and your pity and exploit it - they will exact revenge on you and you won't see it coming as they are highly skilled in gaslighting and manipulation. Slowly, calmly and carefully walk away. Don't ruffle their feathers and don't challenge them. Recognise that you will feel guilt and pain for 'abandoning' that person. That's OK, that makes you a caring, empathetic person. Keep yourself and your loved ones safe.
So true. They will mentally drain you. Skillful manipulators and liars. Run away!!!!
@@g3h530 : Be careful.
Thanks for the reminder. I needed this today. I have been feeling so guilty lately.
Thanks for this comment.
Being afraid of these people is not the fn answer. take your power back.. they bleed red n piss yellow. There scared little children you scared of a kid?? Ghost them let them behave crazy n let them dig there own grave. No fear only strength 💪 f them
I was raised in that black and white, I'm either perfect or evil, childhood environment. I'm glad I'm able to work through my narcissism, fear, and guilt, because I have a baby daughter and I want the abuse to stop with me.
That’s a good attitude👍🏼
i think them flying into rage is not yet an indicator, because many people are super insecure and don't take criticism lightly, but then they cool down and accept it after a while. I think if they keep ruminating about what you say days after and won't stop till the punish you - that's the indicator.
I think the breaking point for me was how the took the criticism, I was always really passive and careful when I pointed out his behavior but it always ended with me being the problem...
I'm impressed that he actually points out the roots of narcissism. Most psychologists only focus on how to recognize and defend yourself.
@@LoveBeliefTruthThe same accusation was made of Alice Miller, and judging from what her children said the accusation was correct. However, that doesn’t mean that Alice Miller’a insights are not of value. She gained them because she experienced it outwardly and inwardly. A person who doesn’t have such a narcissistic injury would likely not analyze it at all.
It’s because he has read Pete Walker who says in his book that he believes ALL mental health disorders, or at least the majority, are due to childhood trauma.
@@matthewkopp2391 Very well said! Thank you! 🌹
Actually, this should be the only perspective, how to look at NPD, BPD, narcissistic traits, etcetera. It maybe the most human and most dehumanizing disease at a time. Human because everyone needs egoistic mechanisms in order to survive. Dehumanizing, because it gets a person even more far away from being an at-ease-feeling human being, by becoming a threat to everyone's emotions around. As a result, those people never get what they truly have been starving for since the beginning of their trauma. An inner world embedded in emotions of trust, security and attachment.
@@LoveBeliefTruth He does qualify his references and admits to when he is deviating from psychiatry.... which is good.
Truly appreciate this video. I’ve been married to a man on the spectrum for 32 years. It’s been so hurtful. For so long, his behavior was an enigma because it was illogical. Now I understand and it is sad. He always seemed to live inside his own bubble. He would not, could not let me in. As a consequence, I’ve lived my entire adult life being married yet alone and unloved. I hope that these videos will help people to identify people who are unable to return their love and regretfully, walk away in the hope of finding someone with whom they may be seen for their own unique beauty and conversely, value and experience the same in another as they travel through the suffering and joy afforded in this life. What a treasure that would be… alas , it is too late for me. But I will finish the race with dignity and compassion, for myself and those around me, with the love of God.
Know what you mean
Is it not dignity to get out and free yourself from this (unless it is just low grade in which case you can get help)?
Your comment made me cry… illogical, alone, unloved 😢 … with the love of God ♥️🙏🏼♥️ This is my story also 🥺
Me too. I wasn't loved. I was lusted after at the start, i was used for a place to stay, i made him look 'normal' and functioning to the outside world. I gave him a cosy place and made life easy for him. I knew he had younger-life trauma but didn't delve too deep. I was too young and ignorant to fully realise that witnessing or suffering abuse follows you and shapes unless you are of strong character to not pass those abuses on.
I wasn't his life partner, i became his mother figure that he felt he had to hide things from. He didn't trust me or communicate openly with me. 20 years and i never fully knew him. The stories he made up to people - that he could drive, that he met his real father, that his mum was raped in front of him (i dont know if true or not but my heart bled for him) now after discovering his triple life i have no way of knowing what was authentic.
All i know is he has abandoned his two children and left me raising them alone as he has nothing to give them apart from disorder. He can't be relied upon, he is a troubled soul with no deep substance. He can't even love his own babies, he doesnt know how. He always said/says what he needs to to get out an awkward situation truth or not. Hence the decades of (now obvious) lies and half truths. He hid his depth and was all surface. I feel sorry for him now. I couldn't love that level of damage especially when he turns it back on me, to damage me. He projects his hurt and manipulates situations so he is always the victim. I wish I'd known all this even 10 years ago...
I went down a youtube, facebook, online courses, trauma groups etc rabbit hole of trying to understand what happened to me and my children, why didn't i see his troubles before he brought us all down with him. Why didnt i listen to myself when he'd say something that pricked my intuition but i ignored? I've spent 6 years unravelling his skein. I now want to study psychology or counselling as I never knew such hidden characters could exist so overtly and semi-charmingly without anyone fully realising. All the clues were there i just didn't have the knowledge or info to piece them together. I broadbrushed and glossed over and gave the benefit of the doubt and he used that to his advantage. It's been an insane journey yet im so proud of myself for not fully crumbling from his treatment of us.
I realise it's not my fault he was so clever, so ashamed. I'm not fully a co-dependent, i dont lack confidence in this aspect of life, i did question oddities, i set boundaries, but he squirmed and twisted and made me out to be controlling and the bad guy when i was only asking for bare minimums. It's crazy how you can be abused without even realising until afterwards.
Now to help my children heal from their fathers abandonment and maltreatment... How the heck am i going to do that!?
Maybe it is not too late.
I’m the scapegoat child in a viper pit of narcs and monkeys. Until I learned about NPD, I practically begged them to tell me what I was doing wrong, what things I could change about myself. But they either made stuff up or said “you’re fine” but talked about me behind my back.
Likely nothing worth mentioning wrong w u,and much more so w your accusers.I deal w the same thing w my family.They have caused me to question myself so much that i almost became a narcissist myself,certainly bearing a few traits,but these fade over time the more we become self aware as well as aware of the hurt and manipulation our closest loved ones can deal out at times.
I hope you do the inner work to get yourself out of the pit. Figure out what you can change in you to be less dependent on others for your sense of self. And get as far away from them as you can. You'll be so much happier.
I love the viper pit reference, thank you for that. Gives me a great visual. Take care of your self
@@Barbara078_11 : I’ve tried to steer away from using animals to describe people cuz it’s not fair to animals, I should have said vipers disguised as poodle puppies. Thank you, I will take care. 🤗
@@brotherlittlefoot2216 : They cause us to question ourselves, something they could never do! We may have narc traits at times, which is normal for anyone. They hate me because I’m not like they are. They want to believe that we’re weak but they know we are strong.
These people are everywhere, like dawn of dead
PIN THIS COMMENT
I have been wondering what the difference is between a full blown narcissist and a person who can’t let you in, has narcissistic behaviors, but there’s “truth” sometimes. I know there’s no way to heal him, but I send him high vibes and love because it’s so sad to see a good person who was so hurt to lead him to live this way.
Experience with a low grade narc: the person was open to take feedback and did try a bit to implement it (that is why i thought they could actually change), but the change didn't stay and every time old patterns of behaviour came back. No hope.
I think it's interesting learning about this stuff. Personally I see a lot of narcissistic traits in a lot of people including myself sometimes. Or at least some of the manipulation even when it's not intended. I am definitely not a narcissist but I try and recognize behaviors that I don't want to be participating in
When you grown up in a very narcissistic and manipulative environment it's hard to not model that behavior back to those same people.
A certain level of narcissistic traits is necessary to survive. You can't give all your food and water to others, for instance, or you'll die. True goodness and altruism requires you to put yourself first with some things so you can help others at a maximum level. The tension between the two of selflessness and selfishness is part of the human condition and requires that we all hold ourselves accountable all the time while using introspection to ensure we are our best selves. There's nothing wrong with that-- it's alright and ALL right.
As for picking up behaviors, a lot of us call those "fleas." Any time you around disordered people, you'll adapt to them by picking up mirrored or opposite behaviors that counter or match the toxic person. This is normal, but you have to be aware of it and work to stop doing these things when not around the toxic person. Sometimes, it's absolutely necessary to do these things while around them due to the difficulties in managing toxic people. That's OK, it isn't good, but it can be as good as it gets when you have to deal with these folks.
@@elizabethlondon7754 Thank you Elizabeth.
I like both responses from LIL C and Elizabeth London. I have heard that all of us, even those empathetic ones, have narcissistic traits. It is part of being human and surviving this world. I understand it to be about balance and healthy boundaries...and willingness to grow and learn. I find it so tricky then to navigate relationships, trying to determine what is a normal level of narcissism I am seeing and when the indications are of someone who is outright NPD. It takes time to figure that out sometimes, depending on the person's background....like Elizabeth said....have they picked up fleas? Are they unintentionally mirroring old programming? Ultimately, if one wants a healthy relationship, it needs to be with a person who has your attitude okcool - has the ability to recognize behaviors and choose to work on them and not participate - well said. But there will never be perfection in any of us so allowing room to forgive and grow with one another when we are displaying some narcissistic behaviours needs to happen or the only other choice is to not have relationships at all.
@@elizabethlondon7754 I agree 100%. It's not unreasonable to look after one's needs, while at the same time realising that we don't exist alone, and that the quality of all our existences are interdependent. An attitude of balanced goodwill is necessary for such relationships to exist. Some just don't read or understand the memo.
Great content. Just a note, I made the decision to divorce based on hundreds of hours of combing through TH-cam videos to help make sense of what on earth I was dealing with. And that decision was the best, healthiest and most adult decision I have ever made. Thanks to you TH-cam because traditional therapy just wasn't helping and I couldn't afford it anyway. I know you're just putting out a disclaimer to avoid complications but I'm just putting it out there that it's possible to watch TH-cam and be adult about it 😂
Good for you!!
Same! Preach! Advocate for yourself through knowledge. Other people are rarely going to be selfless and put you first.
Going threw it now. She is doing everything but trying to save this. She say that nothings wrong with her.
Oh, traditional therapy kept me trapped for years! "It's not as bad as you think." "You're making a mountain out of a molehill!" "Try to see his side." Etc. Awful.
@@sarahlongstaff5101 So help you if you get a therapist that's uninformed about NPD & narcissistic abuse...The USUAL rules of therapy just don't apply when a narc is involved🙄.A LOT of people get gaslit even more by marriage counseling & whatnot for example...This is almost always due to a lack of awareness about narcissistic abuse.
This could explain how siblings raised by the same narcissist can have very different experiences. My brother remembers a loving mother. My memories are of one filled with malice and vindictiveness. l think a person with narcissistic traits can carefully choose who they want to be nice to. So any way you slice it, whether it's a little bit or a lot, narcissism sucks.
It sucks & you should stay away from it whether it's just garden-variety or full-blown NPD because it's all still toxic at the end of the day regardless of whether it gives you food-poisoning or is so toxic that it kills you😬.
They select who to be kind to and who to abuse all the time. You're less likely to be abused if they see you as someone with status and money and great amounts of independence. It's all about status with narcs and BPDs. They know exactly what they're doing and why they do it. They're not mentally unsound. They're evil.
This man is brilliant 😊
NPDs are the same. They treat people outside the family with extreme niceness while treating their own family badly. My mom treat one neighbour extremely badly and the other very nice. They need negative and positive feed. The neighbour that she treats very badly has cancer. I don't know why but I know my mom is a narcissist.
As for me I treat certain people very badly, I choose to do so because I know they are bad people. I usually cut them off but sometimes I keep them around. I have these people because I known them for a long time and just recently learned about toxic people. Its used more as a defence than to hurt people.
This fellow is right about people who are broken and selfishly defensive. The thing is, they'll hurt you the same as the intentional ones, maybe worse. Because they can make you genuinely feel wanted, while they are constantly unconsciously conspiring to another end. It's like being in a relationship with two different women. Make no mistake in how even this can destroy your life.
Amen brother
They push pull without meaning too
Absolutely, describes my ex perfectly. After about the 20th fight in 2.5 years I said I didn’t like the way she treated me and said it was time I put a stop to our relationship. She rage texted me she was done, that I wasn’t boyfriend or husband material and if she saw me in public she would punch me in my stupid face.
So two weeks later I reached out to a previous ex/friend, cuz I just wanted to hear a friendly voice. That friend and I got drunk and she stayed over, though nothing happened. Well, current ex found out and started absolutely losing it. Putting up vicious posters full of lies around my condo building, hate texting. It was terrifying stuff. She could be so loving, but she was Dr. Jeckle and Mrs. Hyde for sure.
What my dad used to say about living with my mother. He’d say to her “I can’t answer you, because I don’t know which one you are right now.” My poor dad.
Not all women/not all men. Heal yourself then seek someone who is healthy, as well. But be vigilant.
Really, ultimately it doesn't matter whose broken up into what category, sub- category or whatever. The bottom line is someone is going to get hurt and usually very badly, and it is never THEM.
You’re describing my mother. She lived in terror of having that shell breached. I spent my whole life trying to make her feel safe. All I did was allow her to stay in her delusion. She was put in an orphanage when she was 2 so her mother could go work for the federal government. Then she went to a boardinghouse. Her father was a stranger walking up the other side of the street. It was all dumped on me to “fix”. She had a deep sense of shame.
I relate to your mother's experience and realize my injurred soul is still in need of healing.
So sad
So sorry for you and her. You both had so much to deal with... it's really difficult
This tells me to look at myself, as well as others. I want to make sure I never, never treat anyone this way, even in the slightest, even when they're lashing out, being unruly, belligerent, bashing, badgering, bringing up their own pain in place of mine, acting paranoid, or being outright abusive. The only choice is to leave, and try not to get hoovered back in by "you never loved me," etc. When their mistakes are minimized, while yours, no matter how insignificant, are exaggerated and used as a platform and justification for their increasingly bad behavior and dishonesty: leave and do not look back. No good will come of it, and it'll propel you backward years in your self-work, trust, and secure attachment style. If you feel sick or physically weakened around someone, like your strength is leaving you, then leave. If the nastiness only seems to be toward you and not others (friends, clients, or even strangers): leave. If there is an air of altruism, while being a monster in private: LEAVE. I believe you, Richard, when you say that some people are deeply narcissistic in their relationships, but not outside of them. Thank you for validating it in such deep and thoughtful detail. I learned a great deal about myself, but I wish it hadn't taken such big chunks of mental and emotional flesh to do it. I feel like I lost years of growth, and I'm trying to find my way back. Your videos are helping so many of us.
I think the low grade ones reserve their nastiness for their significant other so no one else will see them for what they really are. Only in private does the mask drop.
my son was raised in a loving home. we cherished him and still do today but he has turned out to be a terrible toxic person!!! there was zero trauma in his childhood. we made sure of this. we still help him today yet he s aweful to us
Sometimes it’s so baffling.
Narcissism sometimes is caused by overvaluing the child. It's not always trauma. He was raised and told he is special. Now he is special and basically is a spoiled brat in old words.
Assuming ZERO trauma is unrealistic. You can't know what pain someone feels...
Overpampering equals abuse
I started to suffer this much through my last relationship with a narcissistic person. I’m in almost year 2 of the detachment process, almost 5 months of no contact and almost 100% no contact. I feel now like there is a kind of contagious element with narcissism. Imagine, not being seen or heard for so long by your narcissistic partner, it creates a louder and overcompensatory environment for the non-narc partner, who becomes more self serving and manipulative just trying to cling to whatever value he/she unwittingly gave away to the abuse over the years. It’s basically hell. What saved me is that I was not the root cause Narc, my root nature called me back to into authenticity and I’m grateful for the exit.
Good point. I'm thinking maybe I'm more demanding of attention with friends as I'm always silenced with my SO.
YES. Great point. I think there is definitely a knock-on effect. When you never receive the attention, especially pos. attention, there is a need that just grows and grows, or completely withers. That is compensatory, I think, like he said. I don't think that makes someone narcissistic though, I think it just makes a person needy.
I think it's okay to be needy sometimes! It is difficult though if others don't know the reason behind it all.
Glad to hear it ended well for you. 😊
I heard the term "narc fleas" where you end up mirroring some of the narcs behaviors for survival, and because that's the modus operandi operating for so long, and because you lost yourself, you may find yourself using those techniques.
I've been to therapy for 10 months due to childhood trauma and and cptsd. I definitely live in this "bubble". I can't maintain relationships, obsession with success, and I struggle with empathy. It's all based out of fear. I definitely believe I'm not a full blown narcissist but im on the spectrum. I just wanna feel normal and like I'm not in a bubble all the time. I wanna have healthy relationships and not be scared that I'll end up neglecting or using the people I love, or supposed to love.
Good on you for seeking help. Was going to put a flippant joke here about me not needing any help 'cos I'm already great (ho ho), but maybe you don't need that.
I like being in a bubble
How old are you?
@@danpearce4547 I would've laughed 😂 thanks for looking out though
@@AnnaK-gv3kn 35
Completely agree, 09:56 to 10:48. Do not, under any circumstances, fall for any amount of innocence or vulnerability. That's what got me to fall in love (not just the talent, intellect, professional accomplishments, and seemingly great and wondrous parts of who they were)... and that's what burned me, ultimately. Yes, Dr. Jekyll and Mr.-Miss-Hyde can exist in the same body. I know. I was with them.
I would consider myself a recovering narcissist. As soon as you are willing to face the truth, you can get better. Thank you for your worthful work.
May I ask what helped you see this problem? I think it would be *extremely* useful to many of us here who are wondering if we can help the people in our lives with this trait or disorder, and if so, how to go about it.
Was this something you came to on your own, or through the actions of someone else?
Thank you for your post whether or not you respond to this message. It's really good to know that some people can make progress, even if it's not the people in our own lives. All the best to you!
i kinda think i may have had some kind of type b thing going on but can't really nail it down. also i'm maybe at least half cured by now
What a beautiful comment, thank you for sharing and blessings on your new path. It is the best gift that you can give your family and people who love you.
What made you face the truth?
Same here, I faced my narcissist tendencies over a period of time, 25 to 30 years ago. It was associated with alcoholism, which I also overcame. What made me face it? I finally came face to face with the amount of hurt I had caused, and the permanent damage I had inflicted. I just couldn't live with myself anymore
I have been saying for years that narcissism occurs across a spectrum. Thank you for this! I appreciate all of your work. 😊
Indeed. Look at someone like Dua Lipa. She has fans!
There's definitely a spectrum on disorders and I totally see a genetic component as well. Lookup Cluster Personality Disorders to see the different combinations of possible personality disorders. Anybody notice ADHD vs high academics in the family members? I see the presence of both in 2 different families.
Yes, I often refer to this quality as being on the Asshole Spectrum. My guess is most disorders are on a spectrum.
@@Minneolaos Most do... or followers.
Everybody knowledgeable about narcissism knows it is in spectrum. But I would strongly recommend you to work on your ego if you feel need to write things like this (your first sentence)
A friend of the family ( who was also a psychologist ) told me a long time ago that NPDs will meet most of the DSM’s criteria, but each individual narcissist has his or her own individual “fingerprint”.
The low grade paranoia is constant and exhausting...The Eeyore "biggest victim in the room" is very compulsive. Realizing there is no real "them" is scary as hell when getting away is not an immediate option.
They treat you like your a option x
I work in mental health and there are numbers and numbers of people with NPD who manipulate and using other people system in general for their own benefits. It’s sad seeing many colleagues going through breakdowns .
Continue educating ourselves, having healthy boundaries,doing reflection and debriefing in a team keeps us sane.
Thank you Richard for impact in to society you put .We need more people like that !
how do people use others/manipulate? (please provide me some examples of your way of seeing this in the world)
Narcissism is only in 5 percent of the population max. Thrown around way to much
@@gabyponte6497Narcissus was an athlete in Rome, known to be very vain. That's where the term came from. Many people are vain. NPD is a Personality Disorder as a result of childhood trauma. NPD may be rare, but narcissistic traits are quite common, hence the distinction, low grade, some traits.
@SoundsBogus the poster specifically stated that they are surrounded with many people with npd. I'm fully aware of the history of the term narcissist. I was responding to the posters actual language. Nothing I stated was not factual. If someone believes that they are surrounded with narcissists...it is highly unlikely statistically speaking. If someone believes they are surrounded by countless narcissists they may need to reevaluate THEMSELVES. Vanity and vain behavior is part of the human condition, NPD is not a common problem.
I felt myself turning into a low grade narcissist from being with a narcissist and slowly mimicking and mirroring her behaviour. That also triggered me to do research and pull myself out of that mental mess, so I didn’t let myself become that, but now I’ve run into someone who turned himself into one by staying with an extremely abusive and violent narcissist, and he got with my partner! FFS.
That makes zero sense.
My twin brother is a full on narcissist. I had it quite a bit tougher than he did yet we turned out very different from each other. Go figure.
I like your work. That said, why not just call evil for what it is ...EVIL! No excuses, no explanations. Those who have chosen the path of dissembling, lies, bullying, insulting, belittling, and theft have chosen evil.
No one is free from evil ways unless they live a cruelty free, as possible lifestyle. Which includes not using animals for food and clothing etc.
@@IrishSuzyAM Point taken, though I shall remain an unrepentant carnivore. I do enjoy carrots and broccoli too.
@@IrishSuzyAM that’s bs you can be a good person and eat steak.
@@Megapint78 that's not possible at all. Being indirectly responsible for murdering a cow/cows is evil, especially once aware. People just get others to do that grotesque work for them, to satisfy there tastebuds with the taste of an animal who lived in fear within their last moments. That energy gets absorbed into the gut.
What’s wrong with eating the cow from the local butcher that was shot while enjoying its natural life on the field. It just seems fking insane to say that meat eating is somehow evil. Like come of it. a cow is a damn cow. It’s not as important as a human life.
Basically the more narcissistic someone is the more youll have to tread on eggshells around them. The narrower less authentic and shallow your relationship will be able to be with them. Narcissism isn't interesting to be around in others ...its dull.
Dated a narc once, ruined my happiness, selfesteem and social circle. Now years later i still tend to get context related narc traits when talking or thinking about how i was treated and what it all cost me. And it especially hurts when people tend to see me as a narc, while i know its context/person related and the issues are only caused by pain, not mean, selfish or vindictive intentions.
i had 2 in my life , was left depressed with ruined self esteem, gaining weight and all my life was ruined in general, now i feel myself being a narcissist
@@nnawinsor2049 I 6hink you can pick up narc traits as a protection against the narc....Supposedly and hopefully this does not last...as long as you heal..and keep away.
It's so interesting...because yesterday I found myself thinking that most articles only address the extremities of narcissism and we all have a little narcissism in our personalities. However, there are some people that do not have NPD but their behaviours display tendencies, but low grade narcissists have the ability to change. I would've liked to hear examples of low grade behaviours and how to potentially address those behaviours.
I worry my husband is a narcissist. He can be so loving and caring, took excellent care of me when I had cancer, but also can be so demeaning when we argue. He’s incredibly helpful, does everything around the house, manages our finances and works hard at work. But cannot acknowledge when he’s in the wrong, won’t apologize, blames me instead. But at the same time opens every door, holds my hand even when he’s not thrilled with me, and genuinely thinks I’m beautiful. It’s like he can be two different people. One that wants to run someone off the road if they cut him off in traffic, and another who wants to ensure I’m taken care of when I’m old. Sometimes I think he’s the best thing since sliced bread, and other times I can’t stand him. The past three years of the pandemic have been the worst as he’s immune compromised, and to protect his health I have become very isolated from my friends and family.
So am I just going stir crazy, and he just has an narcissistic style of dealing with stress (he was raised in a country plaqued by terrorism and frequent wars which I’m sure caused trauma). Should I go to counseling? He won’t.
I once spoke to low-key narc friend about some issues I had had with how she treated me. For a moment,she admitted that her issues were due to a difficult childhood,then very quickly said that her "shell" was what had got her so far in life. It was like I could see her armour go back on in that moment. She refused to speak to me after that for a long time. Maybe she wasn't so low grade after all...
A friend that i had some years ago was very entitled. She had these traits. I ended the friendship after I got sick of her behaviour which slowly got worse with time but she was a lot of fun when I first met her .
Yeah, that's the rub, isn't it? A lot of times they do start as fun! What I've started wondering though is, were they really? Or was it just me that was actually having fun, not realizing that they were just kind of sucking off that energy or propping me up? I think these types thrive off new relationships, or ones shallow enough that they are not really seen.
Maybe TMI, but I'm starting to wonder now if *most* of my relationships have been with the narc types... 🤔. yikes.
The repetitive gaslighting is what gives it away for me. Saying 'you're crazy' or 'you're delusional' and 'You're acting insane.' I pointed out this was gaslighting and even showed him. It was like he couldn't stop. I stopped asking about him being with someone else while he was with me and he stopped the gaslighting, but that was enough for me to keep my distance. I'm just glad I nip this one in the bud before I was emotionally and financially vested. Sometimes it feels like it will never end, because its all I seem to attract. ☹ I don't know how to be different.
Keep listening to Richard's videos, and also check out DoctorRamani on TH-cam (she's wonderful) for ways to heal and avoid this happening again. Good luck
Once I realized I was attracted to narcissists I made a deal with myself -never again. Next guy turned out to have BPD. Im on my way out as we speak. Ill be the lady on the hill with cats for company and thats alright.
@@thesouluniversal Jesus Christ that’s fking pain. I’m so sorry. I have never had a healthy relationship either and I’m crippled with depression
@@thesouluniversal oh my that's rough. Good luck to you. I'm on my way out as well.
@@abbym183 I'm on my way out too x
They live in a virtual reality with their own warped construct.
I recently broke up with a covert narcissist. He was passive and calm. He had epilepsy and used that to his advantage. I calmly walked away.
The biggest concept to gain from this video to me is the "crossing the Rubicon of Hope". The thing is you have to watch the videos with a purpose and like he said it is t to just totally vilify those high in narcissistic behaviors or NPD or Dark Triads. It is to come to a place where you decide if their is really any hope for this relationship with this person. If it is yes, proceed to videos to assist you and the person whose behaviors sent you searching for answers, if no proceed to totally different videos to help you with yourself and if you have kids, your kids. Good luck to all trying to discern and heal.
Top tip.... once you know your dealing with a narc. Walk away before you get burnt.
Best tip ever. They are soul crushing demons!!
I sent my then 81 YO mum a note saying I needed to adjust to the new reality of her not driving at night, not hearing well, needing more care and support, etc ... she then changed her will to remove me as beneficiary. I'm an only child! lol I should have added passive-aggressive and vindictive to the list.
The narcissist in my life, my ex girlfriend has at times been able to take criticism.... She's also at times been able to actually engage me in progressive as well as enlightening adult discussions..... These instances have been rare, because she typically would get angry and flee from most critical exchanges..... However I must admit that there have been and are times when she can take responsibility and even hold herself accountable..... She is still dear to me and this video gives me hope that she may be able to free herself from the demon's grip.
The last scenario Richard describes is one of the final straws that pushed me over the edge that I had to escape a marriage. (I should have left a decade or more earlier.) I asked them that we meet because I was running into some challenges I didn't know how to deal with. I said that the repetitive rages just aren't working for me, and I hoped we could sit down and work through issues before they reached the shouting stage. This immediately and ironically triggered a rage with them screaming at me that I'm calling them a bad person. They were bawling, red-faced, shouting that I called them a terrible human being. I couldn't get a word in edgewise to say, "No, that's not what I said at all, I just want to work through things without shouting and swearing." It was useless. I had to leave the room. The resultant silent treatment went on for weeks.
From everything I've learned and from 25 years of this, I'm assuming they are a fragile narcissist. That and the sitting in the corner and glaring at social events and railing at me because I didn't specially invite them into every conversation and make a big deal of them instead of their walking over and joining in like any sociable human being. NPD? On the narc spectrum? Don't care. It's history.
Good for you! That had to be hard, but you did it. 🎉
That is EXACTLY what I've been dealing with for 5 years!! I have never felt so ALONE, UNDESIRABLE, DEPRESSED, CONFUSED, and HOPELESS as I do right now. I have this "sense of knowing" that it isn't true... but, I'm suffering from the emotional response to these things being true. I can't even tell anyone some of the things he's accused me of having done with "other men." Can't even speak the words. Just horrible accusations WITH NO PROOF!! Because none of it happened!! I feel sorry for him... but i can't take it anymore... it's literally going to kill me if I stayed...
@@susanreed2000 get the heck out of Dodge! You deserve so much better. What you are experiencing is straight sadistic crazy making.
I got accused of having an affair with the postman when the mail wasn't delivered at exactly the same time everyday. It was a smokescreen to hide the fact that he ran home to catch the mail before I did so I wouldn't know he was floating credit cards.
Then when I finally hired an accountant to try and straighten out our financial affairs after his not filing taxes for 10 years, I got accused of having an affair with the accountant. Wack-o diversions to distract from his illicit circumvention of the law.
Nobody in the world deserves that kind of weirdness. Stop doubting yourself and start formulating what it is you need to be happy in your life. Number one should be to be far away from this person. Good luck.
@@susanreed2000 I like how you differentiate between knowing something is not true, but feeling it regardless. This is spot-on. Thank you!
If you want a stranger's advice, stop feeling sorry for this person. This is feeding the person, and maybe keeping you there. Whatever the issue, you can't solve it. That has to be done by the other person. Stay calm and get out. Neutral is absolutely the key. It will not get better and most likely will just become harder to get out of the relationship.
All the best to you, and everyone else in a similar place.
This is happening to me and I hope I never ever encounter it again or I will get sick or go crazy.
Traumatized into tiptoeing through tulips while needing to be as honest as they are brutally honest.
Trying every trick in the book to communicate with them and not be mistaken but I have no energy for this.
I hope to leave and hope they will seek their own help.
I hope I don’t become like this
And I hope to move far far far away from ever having this overwhelm and confusion in my life.
This should be distributed as a psa. Just cut into every streaming service and make it impossible to turn off. 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 You just shoved all of your knowledge into a digestible 18 minute video. I have watched hundreds of hours, read thousands of pages, and I still find myself entertaining these mf-ing people. Hence, my watching of this amazing video.
I agree! If course he has a beautiful voice and articulates eloquently.
My ex would feign interest in those suggestions, because he would know that the pretense is the only way to "find out what people are saying" and who is saying it.
Then, once he knew those facts, then he would pretend he wants to do better, all the while arguing like it's all a misunderstanding - which then allows him deniable pretext to fly into the rage he was suppressing. AND the punishment for the violators would begin (or continue) but only in the most plausibly deniable ways.
In fact - his pretense of concern confused me and kept me in the relationship (so to speak) far longer than if he had shown rage related to cause. But it was always out of context, and therefore deniable. And crazy-making. He was the king of plausible deniability. It took FOREVER to unpack!
@@Chris-dw7gq true story! So soothing!
@Threetwo One Nope. Grannon is spot on overt narcissism. He has not talked about covert narcissism much. The worst disorder out there is grandiose narcissism. It's destructive and NPD sufferers are beyond help. Overt and grandiose are the same disorder. It's worse than Alzheimer's disease and schizophrenia IMO. Grannon knows what he is talking about. I can corroborate the notions.
Lol 😂 yes, we all entertain these people because, in all fairness, it takes a while to know someone as that... So we have to go through discovery and also energetically, we end up getting impacted by their energy and charm. I do the same... With mum and dad, firstly
Every time I tried to bring anything up like that to the narc in my life he would get defensive, make excuses, then get mad at me for pointing out what I've observed and tell me I'm character assassinating and not being empathic.
And anytime he pointed out what he observed from me, I would ask for examples of what he has seen, bc I know we don't always realize our behaviors so I wanted to know. Sometimes he could explain and then I would self reflect and most of the time I could see what he was talking about and would explain what was going on with myself to trigger the behaviors and would thank him for bring it to me. But sometimes he couldn't give me examples and would just be attacking me which would trigger me to shut down. I have been diagnosed with cptsd so when triggered I can show signs of narcissism. I believe he has NPD at this point. After all the test I've done with him and everything I've read and watched. He lies, manipulates, plays victim, double standards, had a whole hidden life away from me, cheated, using drugs and drinking even around our son. No respect for anyone.
It's hard to justify calling people narcissistic, when it actually is actually just normal social behaviors and as has stated it's created by traumatic experience so it's contagious as well. Everyone in their lives has had some narcissistic behaviors and traits. It's part of finding yourself unless you are a 100 percent codependent and your life has been to serve a parent or something. But let's think about a common quote you read, let go of things that don't serve you. A person can read this and think if that is what I should do, then everything is to serve me. When all actuality, the point of life is to be of service to others and be served by others but socially we've adapted to a narcissistic society and are trying to adjust for our own survival
When you're talking about Narcissistic Personality Disorder sufferers creating their shell, it reminds me of a quote from Adam Savage in Mythbusters..." I reject your reality and substitute my own."
Only just recently discovered your channel and content and I already love it! 😀👍🤙
Take care bud.
@josh Art vandelay
My ex actually said that to me many times.
Really believed in his reality
Well said by you! Kudos.
Yep and the 'those who won't feel their own pain transmit their pain to others' too
That was epic rap battles... 😆
I thought I was a low grade. I am just very confident and a high achiever. I do not lie cheat steal I do not manipulate I do not gaslight I do not hurt people. So that right there makes me not narcissistic despite my love of attention etc. which is natural for anyone
One thing I will never understand is why others with CPTSD and are not narcissistic. They may have had the "pillar opposites," but they did not develop hard core or low grade narcissism. It's complex.
They cross over .. cpstd is another name for borderline basically and that crosses over npd
About 11 years ago I was a raging alcoholic and had to do 9 months in a alcohol rehab. Before going in I was highly narcissistic and after watching this I wonder if I had low grade narcissism?? Back then I didn’t see my behaviours as narcissistic and everyone was at fault but ME ….after 9 months of intensive therapy in a brilliant rehab, they managed to break through the awful narcissistic behaviours I had. And for the first time in a long time I felt guilt and empathy. That was 11 years ago and for the most part I’m ok, but looking back I was just truly awful xx
This is spot on. I lived with a gaslighting partner for a long time. I would call into question the way I was being treated, and he would go on and on denying my reality, calling into question not only my basic feelings and observations, but my sanity itself. In other words, not only was I wrong about my feelings, but the fact that I even had those feelings meant I was emotionally deficient. I had never encountered this in another human being, and it was extremely painful. Then, he'd go silent for a day or two. Then back to normal, biz as usual, like it had never even happened. If I had known this gaslighting was a thing, I would have left much sooner.
The Rubicon in my experience is self awareness. Richard Grannon's test at the end is key. If they respond with some sense of self awareness then there may be hope. However, if you're in a relationship don't think it's your job to stick around until they behave better. Whst kind of toll is it taking? How much are you willing to tolerate?
I was meant to see this because this describes my life. I was raised in an abusive household and I do everything in my power to raise my children completely the opposite
I’ve watched a number of your videos and I feel like I’m a low grade narcissist, I’m going to go see a therapist I don’t want to get lost.
You could or you could be a chronic victim of gaslighting and others around you making out you fulfilling your needs is evil or wrong. Make sure you think about that possibility before you label yourself with anything.
Im gonna be honest. I have to, so i can heal. I bounced between narcisistic behaviour and codependant behaviour through out all of my life. Ive been the toxic one multiple times. Ive seen my fellow human beings as lesser beings and i have this urge to be exceptional. All to get validation. Ultimately self sabotage just so i could do it all again. Im tired of it. I dont want to do this anymore.
I respect you for recognising what you want to change🌺
Listen to Sam vaknin. All the time. You will learn a lot like in depth
The challenge to have the courage to look at our own narcissism, damage, life mess along with not allowing others who are covert wolves in sheeps clothing to make everything that much worse, it really is bad enough
There was already a word for that called 'narcissistic'. Not having narcissism but some strong traits.
One symptom of a narcissistic personality disorder is sadism, such as when someone enjoys hurting animals or people and seeing others in pain. Antithetical to sadism and narcissism is a kind of personality that involves enjoying others being in control and approval-seeking😔✨☘️🙏
Its a psychopath, i believe
Richard, I just want to say that I have been watching you, Sam Vaknin, Dr. Ramani, Lisa Romano, and Narc Survivor for the past 3+ years, and it has been sooo validating when I begin to gaslight myself, question my sanity, and wonder if I’m the crazy narcissistic one, to see and realize that, no, I’m not crazy….I left a malignant and abusive Narcissistic, Borderline, Psychopath, and it was for the best.
I’ve filed for divorce twice from my husband, and in the mean time he has obsessively alienated my two oldest daughters to the grossest extreme, to where they want and wish me dead. The pre and post separation abuse is palpable and unconscionable…and now, after over $150K, from my end, and him about $200K & 4 divorce attorneys dropping him and withdrawing due to his psychopathy and threats, and I’m still not divorced…it helps me stay sane and knowing that I left the fairytale to be a catalyst for change in showing my babies that money and Ferraris and G-Wagons and a mansion on the hill can’t provide you peace, safety, and sanity. It has backfired tremendously due to his masterful and carefully crafted manipulations towards my oldest daughters, but I pray one day they will see the truth. 🙏🏼😘❤️
So sorry, Amberly.
Mine was a narcissist with gigolo tendencies. I was devastated. Many years of recuperation for me.
I used to watch all those and they really helped me love my inner child. I have been clean of narcissistic relationships for six years now. I healed by disconnecting and just healing me. People and websites had to go during healing.
What if you didn't waste more money on trying to get a divorce? What if you just left ? Got as far away as possible ? I mean disappear. It's just a thought. Leave nothing for him to inherit or benefit. That money could have helped you start a new life. Hindsight is useless tool, I know.
Thank you for sharing. I'm currently going in for an abortion tomorrow to not carry on the genes of the malignant narcissist father... It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do... But hearing this makes me feel stronger in my decision. I thought a financially supportive father for my child would be worth putting up with the psychopathic abuse, but it's not...
My guts are twisting. My poor mother. My heart breaks for her, what she must have suffered through, that she is who she is today. She looked like Marylin Munroe, has a genius IQ, won all the music festivals, was the top shot in her cadet unit, is charming and 'warm' and does beautiful art. She has devolved into an ultra aggressive 'victim', driven by persecutory projections. I went no contact a year ago...well, I send gifts with loving notes but I do not allow communications back. She'll be 80 and she is really suffering, the author of her own hell. I'm her eldest [scapegoat] child and her only daughter. Thirty years ago she told me my son did not have autism, that his behaviours were the result of me being an abusive mother. And she's gotten much, much worse. I just don't have the strength anymore. She would drink me dry.
My mom, too. She was beautiful and was terrified that anyone would see how ugly she was inside. I now know there was nothing I could do to help her. She died 10 yrs ago; I’m still trying to deal with it. I’m glad we can step back and see this for what it is. Thanks.
My mother too, and I did the same just over a year ago. Hugs ❤️
@Threetwo One check out mental healness on all platforms. Also Ben ____ i forget his last name, but he works with MEntal Healness (lee Hammock) and his vid will likely mention Ben.
Good girl, You've done the right thing. Stay strong and keep going. I stopped sending gifts to mine when I realised that it was a waste of time and effort.
Great big hugs!
💙
We have tried everything to heal my husband. We have literally spent all our money trying to heal him. He improved for a while but is now worse than ever.
Yes narcs are very common.I seem to attract them.
Nodding emphatically about the projected Ego😢
**Omg, you know my mum! You know this subject incredibly well. ❤
Finally i understand why he got into a rage after our first and only couples therapy. I was SO confused 😕
Basically the therapist was just an assessment, her assessment was"I don't know if this relationship will work but you (meaning him) NEED to do something " she knew straight away. The anger when we left i was so bewildered he was yelling at me in the midst of the train station i was so confused....
Naw i get it!
Thank God i one day literaly asked Jesus for help whilst crying and exhausted.... I can't tell you how just know HE got me out of that 💖 i didn't have the strength or knowledge to do it alone.
I think YOU got yourself out of that relationship. Give yourself more credit.
I gave up....I'm going back under my rock now.
Another possibility is that NPD is far more prevalent than assumed. That could explain much about this world.
I’ve thought low grade narcissism was the result of being raised by a narcissist, and thinking the narc behavior as normal and acceptable. The fruit didn’t realise the tree was toxic, so to speak. So many people who aren’t narcs do behave like narcs, because they don’t see it as wrong.
I agree, my ex has a lot of narcissistic behaviours but he also knows they are wrong but when under stress they come out. His father is an utter full blown narc and I think he has simply learnt this is how you behave.
Modern society promotes & rewards narc behaviors.
@@beewest5704 Agreed. It’s been normalised and accepted, so non-narcs think exploitation, toxic competition, and devaluing the basic needs of others is ok. It’s not.
Yes I think that's often definitely part of it, the trauma due to that upbringing and the conditioning and not realising the abnormality til after a certain age etc
I think it’s a mixed thing in this situation. My husband’s mother was a full-blown narcissist. She was a Tiger Mom because everything he did was all about her and reflected on her. So he still got that toxic overblown praise. She s-l-o-w-l-y explained to me IN FRINT OF HIM that he was superior to me because he had the highest IQ on record. ON RECORD! The next minute she was rescuing and helicoptering him. That kind of gas-lighting had a huge impact on his self-image and made him immune to real change. That’s narcissistic. But he was not the anti-social person she was. I would say he is a narcissist, but not a sociopath. He has empathy and didn’t set out to destroy others the way his mom did, but he would destabilize everyone he was close to.
Because of social media, there is another type of narcissism called "social narcissism" because of virtue signaling.
That's called the communal narcissist
Everybody has every personality straight to a degree given any circumstance.
1. Rigidity. Survival mode: I must do this or I won’t survive in the world.
2. Highly narcissistic traits- exploited, grandiose ideas of self, delusions, entitled, nasty angry viscous if feel threatened. Interrelations Style (mode of operating in world)- selective, with a few people
3. Context/specific narcissism
4. CPTSD defensive response. Fight & fawn. codependency.
5. Compensate for deep feelings of shame… there is no ego boundaries, but there is a judgmental, critical super ego. Raised between two polar conflicting messages “you’re amazing vs you’re horrible”… paranoid ideation, create threats where there are none
(TEST- rage, emotional violence ?)
Fresh perspective on what seems to me an ever expanding topic. I was raised by a narcissist, and I may have raised one. The example of the cptsd environment that can cause npd was thought-provoking.
My childhood was horrible, so I was determined to make certain my own child knew they were loved, valued, and that they had high self-esteem. It must have been painful when the world didn't always hold them in the same regard I did. I never thought of that.
As my child became an adult and I saw npd traits, I had already viewed myself as a survivor/victim/empath for soooo long. We became like oil and water. As enough time passed, I was able to understand that with personality disorders, if you have one, you don't realize it.
I realized that even if my child had npd, I wasn't just a poor, helpless, innocent victim who survived a bad childhood only to end up with an abusive adult child. I wasn't some spiritual empath able to perceive the pain of others. That was a fairy tale that I was outgrowing too late. After watching this video, I have a name for what I may be experiencing now, low-grade narcissism.
Of all the pain I've experienced, knowing that my adult child may suffer the rest of their life, at least partially bc of how I raised them may be the worst. Apologizing only goes so far. If I can't do anything else, I am staying healthy and working to have something to leave them in the future.
Knowing this and seeing myself still perceiving others and acting in the world in a way that perpetuates my situation can be a helpless feeling. But not as helpless as not knowing what's wrong. For me, at least, true change is slow, and it feels like betrayal of the core of my being, leaving nothing familiar inside. It's like divorcing yourself.
I'm hoping I can sufficiently integrate my shadows so I can enjoy life and people more as time passes. I want to be as present as possible for my adult child. How much can I change? I don't know. Between short journeys out around others where I learn and practice new skills, I still spend most of my time in my safe shell, still healing, trying to figure things out, and protecting myself and others the best way I know how, for now.
You raise an important issue. Which is most damaging to a child? Being constantly told you are wonderful or constantly being told you are worthless? Both can be equally damaging
There's almost no way to escape childhood without trauma, infact doing so would leave one soft, useless and vulnerable, I'm sure of it.
Fingers crossed my children work it out for themselves in time to raise their own.
I'm certain the answer is being authentic, developing their confidence to do the same, and from there it's simply up to the gods.
Man, this is such one of the most honest and realistic reflections ive heard a parent engage on the subject of their faults of parenting..,
I applaud you for that.
Wow, beautiful post. I think what you said is the way forward, just being present and honest. I don't think it's a waste of time either to apologize for what you see as your failings. It may help plant the seed for change, maybe allows a more open relationship to grow.
If you feel your son has a disorder, maybe being open and honest with him is a way for him to start seeing his own self. Maybe it's not possible, but something made you see your self, right? Again, it might plant a seed that does nothing for years, but maybe at some point it starts to grow. Worth a try at least.
Thank you for sharing this earnest reflection with us strangers here! All the best to you
You saved my life literally. Thank you.
OMG, I did that a year ago, and it was nightmare. He has 6 of 9 traits. It's like Jeckyl and Hide. Exhausting
Oh man, if someone took me aside and told me that there were all these things that I did wrong, I'd be so shocked and sad. Perhaps be cautious with thinking that anything but a graceful acceptance indicates malignant NPD. You don't have a personality disorder just because you struggle with taking criticism.
I think it's a an extreme example. Just think of people who are unable to take criticism no matter what the situation...
My Sister is a narcissist she had a great childhood as the golden child. I was the scapegoat. She is toxic and malignant I'm not. She treats people like they are her personal staff. I treat people with kindness. How do you xplain that?
It's both nature and nurture. You are predisposed to being empathic and that is why you were the scape goat. She was always more selfish so she turned into narcissist. That's very common in families
My best friend of 23 years started displaying NPD in a very passive aggressive meanness. I called her on it and she said I guess I’ve been mad at you a long time. For everyone’s information she has a degree in social work and supposedly knows how to communicate.😮 within the first few hours of meeting her that she tells everyone she is a genius. I always thought that was strange.
What I enjoy the most about your work, is that you represent the co-dependent, the other, the one on the receiving end, so well. I have been using some affirmations I came to through your work e.g. 'It's safe for you to want what you want', and find them to be extremely effective. Thank you.
Ninja’s in Teflon suits.
Recognising these behaviours in oneself diffuses their potentially lifelong effects
Glad to hear this. I consider myself very self aware, and I’ve noticed and caught myself doing some narcissistic behaviours, mostly when meeting new people and it is very much a “guard”. I always look back and analyse it and think to myself why tf did I say that or do that?
I don’t think I have NPD but most likely low grade because this described what I’ve been thinking. My mother is a full blown covert narc so I’ve probably gotten some traits from her.
I’ve also had friends tell me they didn’t like some of my behaviours like the example you set, and I took it very well and looked inwards after that, so I’m glad I’m not full blown
Some of these behaviours I did were following :
- Heavy criticism of random people doing small mistakes in public and making judgemental remarks to my
friends about them
- Constant “one upping” even though unintentional I started to catch on after someone pointed it out to me, and it was almost like an automatic setting I had on now I catch myself and stopped
- I bombard people with my world view when I meet them, I usually make a good impression on people and they like me but when I first meet them I noticed myself being overly “assertive” and dominant as if I’ve something to prove, especially with girls
Although I think my most positive trait and what makes people be very comfortable with me is I always make fun of myself and crack jokes like that. It’s either I’m very serious and then that alleviates the seriousness and dominance, it gets people surprised and intrigued and I’ve noticed they like that.
Thank you Richard. I did once know someone who had childhood SA/parental neglect from alcoholic parents. As an adult, any projects they worked on, their mental process was to believe they were completely incompetent and a wretch. Then, their competitive streak would appear and they'd only be happy with 1st place. 2nd wasn't good enough. They were pretty much competitive in life & with friends too.
15:20 ""Proceed at your own peril."
But if you are watching this video , you very likely need to cut them out.
When I confronted, the first time to the presumed "low-grade" narcissist in a respectful manner - they were shocked and surprised and noted that they will try to change. Along they way, dropped hints of what they do with certain situations (texting, avoids conflict and disagreements, likes to stay at the superficial level). At our next confrontation, the person became very distant while thereafter, even when my approach was delicate and they displayed vagueness, moments of long silence with acts of them being the "victim"...criticized for being hypersensitive, over-thinking, and taking things too personally. I recently let them go - after a confusing 2 years - but the feelings of guilt and pain for "abandoning" them are what I am coping with.
I bring this up as this person did not ever "blow-up" at me - just kept silent and distant and yet, still had most of the characteristics of a narcissist (love-bombing, vagueness, gaslighting and devaluing, hoovering when time was convenient for them). I honestly thought this person was just plain "selfish" - however, these characteristics are unusual and frustrating?!
Education is powerful - learning about others experiences and recognizing certain traits has helped for better understand and healing!
Your informal test around 15:00 verified for me who was low-grade and who was a "hard shell" hopeless narcissist (because they won't let anyone sensible thru to conflict with their notions of inner emotional safety without immediate negation or rage - and definitely no consideration and almost certain reprisal). This really helps me measure how I see & interact, and what I can even hope for.
This was very helpful. I was raised to believe forgiveness, redemption, etc. and yet having those concepts never clearly at work relationally in those who professed to use those principles & believe them (and who almost never confessed any guilt whatsoever - while trying to pile it on others). It was all a ploy - and I was the only one left holding the bag after a few decades. The bottom doormat. The only one talking to the others. Yes, my family of origin.
As I grew older, at about 16, I wondered consciously about my inability to "feel" (much less my perpetual social anxiety, etc.)
I know one close to me who checks EVERY box, or at least 7 out of the 9. For the longest time, I (like many others) considered this person highly competent, confident, normal (valedictorian in a small private school). Over decades, it's become painfully obvious upon closer examination of specific interactions & personality, after being cheated & put in problematic situations more times than I can count. This person is fake with everyone - regardless of who she is talking to, she talks and commands first, knows nearly everything, and her sources & successes are always elsewhere to the direct conversation. Nice act. Others far more competent (and trusted by that person) began - unsolicited - to tell me that they didn't trust or admire her. In retrospect, I take that as evidence.
And I've had deep questions about a few others close to me (family of origin: try conflicting with one and it's "but so and so" - and yet they all are narcissistic in various ways to various extents). 1. Manipulate. 2. Intimidate. 3. Dominate. (The combo in some christian circles spells the motivation behind witchcraft/control.)
And I myself matured in an environment that I now believe to be the full range of narcissism, depending on situation and individual. The dynamics made it very difficult for the youngest, myself, to have any long-range consistent ownership & functional identity at all that was distinct in views from the others and nearly all my inner feelings were subsumed into a believing and trusting submission, constantly encountering difficulties and usually being disappointed. But they seemed so sure. And I was not in a position to emotionally fend for myself during my early years - nor was I equipped by them (insufficient levels of supply for individuation) as I matured... So I suffered my own "trauma" leading to protective shells, etc. And on a few occasions now, I have had to crash out of my own built-up narcissism that was based more on the shallow expectations and splintered (not whole or reasoned through) lifestyles of my family of origin.
I know this long-winded comment may be out of place. But it is what it is. And it's TH-cam.
Erhardt, wow, that was extremely articulate and I can totally relate and appreciate it. Richard is great and has helped me heal since 2017. I am forever grateful. I can’t think of too many people that I have listened to who have changed my life in such a drastic and wonderful way.
Yeah, it's fun to say & write stuff on social media. A better written blog is probably my next step.
A more thorough understanding of selfishness, economics, and accountability in nature seems to be the direction where the current conversations may soon be going, perhaps. Exchange of value in intangible relationships is IN FACT what guides tangible exchanges of valuable items. 'It's about time' we get better at tracking, knowing, observing these things.
@@erhardtharris8727 Yes!... Please do!... Writing or Journaling ✍... Having it all in 1 place really helps (helped me as someone with trauma who suffered abuse from a narcissist + my clients in therapy) & it can help others if you publish or share it!!! ...
I honestly believe that low-grade narcissism is an epidemic in our current society (as evidenced by the previous election of a grandiose narcissist to be the primary representative of the USA to the rest of the world, ultimately attempting to manipulate our democracy, & then abused & traumatized so many!)
I totally get it, and I'm so sad for you. One thing that has helped me a lot is to try to imagine the person that I might have been IF: Firstly, I had not been treated so badly, and secondly and even more importantly, the person that I might have been IF: I had instead received all the positive, supportive treatment that every child deserves. It really opens up the window on the possibilities one can imagine about ones genuine self.
narcissist traits include writing non stop and over explain in order to impress.
This stuff is very interesting, thank you very much. I‘ve been through a lot of healing in the past 4 years after what could be called a mental & physical breakdown.
Part of the work on myself at the moment are my relationships, especially romantic ones. I had two painful relationships with men who I believe might fit into the low-grade narcissism spectrum you‘re talking about - and FINALLY I am starting to connect the dots back to my childhood and especially my father… It‘s a lot to take in when you realise the scope of stress you were under as a kid and how that kept you repeating this cycle of feeling attracted to men around whom you can never fully relax and just be yourself. I know I‘m not fully healed yet, but I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)
Thank you for your content❤
Check out the Crappy Childhood Fairy...she discusses conditioning as well.
@@sparklesp9304 I found her already! Hearing about cptsd helped a lot….👍 thanks though :)
The breakdown is hard but it's the beginning of the 'awakening' (as it were) Your new life begins from that moment . ♥️ Take care of yourself and best wishes.
I called mine a 'breakthrough'.
Wishing u well.
Yep, my psychotic father absolutely ruined my childhood. It's amazing I am still even attracted to men.
See this with Co worker, needs to be better than anyone else. When on it, they create a reality and need everyone to praise them- when you say I'm not engaging and your anger your anger. Tantrums occur and they come back-but never apologise. It's like a failed firework-without supply they fizzle out.
Perhaps when you were visiting your dying grandmother and I got the silent treatment when I arrived home, followed by “there is no food here I should have just left”, “why can’t you communicate when you’re coming home” before just leaving…..
I grew up developing traits along the way, I asked for my own intervention before going into therapy, I felt good about my change and progress but recently my daughter claimed I was a narcissist and has others believing her, I tried to explain my diagnosis from a professional but got shot down saying if I have traits then I am a narcissist. I’m glad I went through therapy or I might believe them. It just so happened that this started when I told this daughter that I couldn’t give her anymore money because she had drained me.🤔
Consider that she may be projecting her narcissism onto you in that case. (Kids can be narcissists.)
@@JanGroh yes but my love for her is just hoping she has traits as I did and she can heal and change. My eyes are open to the behaviors and I won’t let it work on me, even though I still love her.
Agree with Jan. But 2 can play at that game. Tell her shes projecting and thats a VERY narcissistic trait, see how she likes it! Dont worry about whether others believe her or not, none of that matters x
@@thesouluniversal I told her that she is a lot more like me ( the old me) then she thinks and she flashed at me “ oh your calling me a narcissist “? I said I’m not calling names, but there’s a lot of reasons why people might have narcissistic traits and behaviors. I even said you grew up with me and your dad, there’s no way you don’t have issues. I also tried to tell her that nothing outside of herself will change unless she heal the inside of her. That she is the only one she can change, but it’s still everyone else’s issues not hers. Thanks for the advice.
All kids have traits
Great message mate. You give hope to be able to rationalise in a dark time for many. My ex wife, gorgeous younger Ukrainian who would say "Everybody loves Viktoriya." Luckily I saw the similar traits when I was younger. I could not do anything right, never enough, eventually exhausted. 3 years fighting for her and her sons visa to be together . Within 1 year I stopped negotiating, boughts flights and rang immigration. Broke my heart but I had to save myself. She manipulated to every point. Even the boy got involved . Now she was being bombed by Russia and fled as a refugee to Switzerland probably on some guys payroll. I send small survival money to her mom because they left her behind. I pray for the war to stop.
I was really wondering about my now ex because he’s kind of an unusual case. At least, I suspect he is. He takes on a lot of very sensitive and vulnerable traits automatically, and likes to advertise this. He also cries a lot, and has a lot of feminine qualities, so it’s really confusing. But this video has summed things up finally where I feel more certain. I had not yet seen this video but I had my suspicions. When he travelled to visit me, I did just that. I (very lovingly, mind you) in the presence of my therapist, brought up the things I noticed that he was doing that caused me concern, that I felt he was doing to get validation for himself, because he feels worthless. He went into complete denial, and then got extremely hurt and overly defensive. He was literally in shock that I said those things, and it’s like he wasn’t even hearing what I was telling him. After that, I really got to see who he truly is. He became completely horrible, almost doing in about-face. He unleashed such a vile, selfish, rotten and entitled attitude towards me. He constantly argued about nonsense and invented arguments, was constantly on edge and defensive, raised his voice more often, went into extreme crying fits, gaslight me, and even blew up a few times. He also cheated on me in an obvious way (but convinced me he hadn’t at first) and denied that too of course. After that, everything changed, and I decided to break up with him. He begged for forgiveness, apologized profusely, so I gave him a chance to prove it…but yet his weird behavior continued. He became more vindictive, more obviously manipulative. It’s like he suddenly went on a warpath to destabilize me in the most subtle ways, using weird crazy-making mind games. I suppose some might say it doesn’t matter now that he’s out of my life, but it’s really good to know these things. I’m pretty sure he’s a narcissist. maybe my radar is still off, but I think he is.
Question: raised by a narcissistic mother. She treated us like shit to our face unless it had to do with money and vanity. When she passed… we found journals of how she really felt about her kids (all amazing!) so why didn’t she treat us that way????
I knew someone kind of fantastic that was fun had great parties, was generous with her stuff, so much fun. But we’d all joke how she was kind of viscous in keeping others down to elevate herself. I just thought well, she’s very social and it’s kind of like gossip is a glue that binds us. Until, she had weird problems with me. I couldn’t understand what her problems with me were, and some just flat out not true. I kept asking, and others around us. We’d been friends for years. It was so weird, she assassinated my character in her usual funny way I’d seen a million times. Kind of sounding self deprecating or “concerned” and then talking about someone’s faults. I saw this over and over with others. I saw how friends that thought they were not in her line of fire, if they’d heard some of the stuff…one guy liked this girl so much and I was there when she sabotaged that, and he’d told her such a private thing.
For me the worst was when I had crisis of a lot of death of family and friends. And friends in our circle at same time started acting really weird around me, like suddenly really mean, for no reason. Previously we got along great and then suddenly they were so rude. It was awful. It’s not like she’s not close to people she has good friends around her, husband etc. but it radically altered my entire social circle, my life. I’m sick now and I was cut off from so many people I liked. One friend said much later about her: “yeah, she was someone you should go to her parties and all but never get too close. Especially if you don’t have some kind of status. I was gobsmacked. Wow, how smart! It took me years to see that. I think what was hardest was seeing such an ugly side of people who weren’t monsters but acted so horrible to me just bc they smelled that I’d been downgraded. (“Flying monkeys”?). Good people, that was the hardest.
I have a relative that I've been trying to figure out in regard to narcissism. She may be a low grade narcissist, but yet she almost doesn't quite fit that either. It's weird, though, because she definitely has some of the traits. She doesn't fly into a rage, but she has snapped me a couple times when I hand her a bit of the truth. She WILL, however, go into complete denial. Ignore it and it'll go away. In fact, before I had the words to describe a lot of this stuff I saw things in pictures and I always pictured her like the proverbial ostrich - head in the sand.
My sister pulled the silent rage. I could feel it, even over the phone. No contact for me, I've had enough.
@@cynthiafortier2540 Good thing you recognized it for what it was!
Oh Richard!! My son’s gf simply Heard- a tiny bit of a podcast on narcissism that he had left connected by Bluetooth in their truck…. Volcanic eruption!!!!
ty richard,you exposed my mother, now i will heal
Thank you sir, I have checked out your videos because I thought I was a narcissist. This video has made it clear I am a low grade narcissist. Wow! I am blessed to have more than two people take me aside as you described. They told me positive things about myself then told me what they saw and how I could improve. I was so thankful they did that. IT helped me to look at myself and see how evil I am. I strive to be a better person. You have helped me understand myself more than you know. God Bless You.
You're not "evil" (whatever that even means). You've had an unskilled response to trauma in your past (childhood, probably). You seem open to change, with help.
@@Treebard Making excuses for narcissists does not help them. They know they commit acts of deceit, aggression and harm others. It is not a reaction. It is a choice to treat others legitimately like sh**t for their own gain. They just don't want to be ostracized later for being trashy to get ahead.
From 13:00 on, you hit it straight on for me!!! My 1 son is like this. Me, being the nurturer and my ex husband behind the dad with awful things being said all the time. It explains it perfectly and I’ve thought it for many years. My son is 32 now and I pray everyday he can heal. He knows he has this problem and I think he finally wants help 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️❤️❤️
Your son sounds sick bro seems like you need to lighten up
Yeah, I got a 25 yr old son (living at home) just like that. There is no Dad or ex-husband to blame in my situation. We are objectively a good healthy household for a kid to grow up in. Nobody's perfect though. I am prone to think that there was an excess of coddling that may have contributed to him NOT becoming more grown in his development. Too much screen-time???
But he came that way IMHO. The "contributing factors" are just icing on the cake.. I have a daughter that developed in the opposite way growing up in a far less ideal set of circumstances.
I really am mystified by this... He was closed off and manipulative from day 1.
Oh how we love to label people. The first step to healing is unconditional love and acceptance. People only affect us as much as we allow them to. Never write someone off as a this or that. Never label people even if it justifies our own negative reactions and responses to do so.
You probably haven't encountered many people or been burnt.
Thank you. I've seen so many TH-cam video's that WRONGLY accuse so many and give horrible advice on how to further damage this person by isolating them. We all have a Narcissistic trait or two. That does NOT make us a true Narcissist which is someone who only cares about themselves, that have ZERO compassion toward others.