It's diabolical what they get up too. I didn't understand these were patterns, I knew that it went around in a horrible cycle. It's hard when you're busy and oblivious to these schemes and it really is mental. Omg get out, while you still have energy, they will grind you to a pulp. Don't try and understand it, try to please them, or change them. Get out, and fast.
The isolation is done so covertly. We moved 12 hours away from my hometown. For the first few months after we moved he was still on his best behavior. We then moved to an acreage away from town and that was when the real abuse started. I've blocked a lot of the abuse out from the 3 years we lived there. It comes back in bits and pieces. An example is he said let's sit down and write down what we need from each other. I thought he was being attentive to our marriage. What he was doing was getting me to bend over backwards to give him what he wanted then telling me I wasn't doing enough so I would try harder, repeat cycle. He always had a list of what I needed so he could use it to hoover me and neglect me simultaneously to create a trauma bond. I'm free after 20 years of imprisonment. I'm thankful for your videos that are practical, realistic, and the intent is to help me move on.
This sounds exactly like my husband he’s also narcissistic I would do everything he would tell me to do and more and I still didn’t do or wasn’t doing enough for him ..he doesn’t do anything for me he works and thinks cus he’s financially supporting me and our 3 kids he thinks that’s enough ..i want out of this marriage and it’s very hard to do cus he threatens to take away our kids from me when my kids don’t wanna be with him they know exactly how he is ..I feel like I’m constantly in a brain fog I can’t get out of bed sometimes I’m so exhausted I need to be able to take care of my kids please pray for me that I may be able to get out of this mess I got myself into
Thanks - I had a long relationship that was completely superficial. I only realise now that sharing who he really is with me is him 'giving away' his power
@@sarahreyes2558 - that's right where he wants you to be: hopeless & helpless. Don't let him win... & look at the exame you're teaching your children. Get up, get a job. You need to plan to be financially independent. Accept your lifestyle will change to the detriment - but your self, your sanity & your children will be free & happy. You're not living, you're existing, as you know. Can you see a therapist who is experienced with many types of Narcassism? If not, keep learning on TH-cam. Richard is very good and also: Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani. Free help. Take it. Good luck to you... I've walked this walk & am getting close to walking out! Very excited about that. Do not let anyone know of your plans.
Not only dealt with a truly narcissistic ex husband who did all these things to me, but I've realized now that I was raised by narcissists also. It's quite a scary yet validating realization.
I am so happy that you have these informational blogs. I wasted my ENTIRE life with one of these selfish bastards and their crappy family. So sad. You don't have to do this. RUN!!! No matter how scared you are. RUN!!!
I don't think all Narcissists were abused or have PTSD or CPTSD. Some were spoiled rotten and because they never grow up, they're like children pretending to be adults.
The abuse can be as babies and/or pre-verbal so that they don't even know themselves. I also think as per other comment that demonic possession is appealing to them because they are empty inside and possession gives them the power they crave over others. I think it's both.
I'm 37 and I litteraly got wet eyes, when you were talking about the discard. Such a horrible thing to do to someone with open heart towards them. And they go unpunished to another victim, cruel. 6 months of NC, every day is a struggle, but videos like this helps a lot, thanks for that!!
My wife of 12 years has just hit me with I want a divorce I’m not happy.. blames me for everything nothing is her fault everything is about her it’s all me me me me she has no empathy for anyone at all she’s chucked me away like a used tissue she’s walking round like she’s on cloud 9 while my heads all over world turned upside down it’s unbelievable she isn’t even grieving that our marriage is over
Great reminder of what's going on!! I'm at a point where I've set my boundaries with the narcissist. Now he's being super nice to me. I can feel this pull on my heart to slip back into old patterns. I have to keep telling myself that he is NOT a kind, loving person. Every action is designed to bring me back under control. That's scary shit.
This was the best one ever. Very concise. Sometimes I feel as if my ex-husband took classes in how to succeed at being a narcissist. With him, every box is checked. I divorced him just a little over a year ago, but I've only been free for a couple of months because of the emotional hold I allowed him to have on me. Sometimes I still feel like he's nipping at my heels. I have to have just a bit more contact with him because he has to fulfill an obligation. I've reached the point of pitying the little boy he was for what he endured, but I know that to show him pity would be to allow him back into my brain. A monster was created, and he can't be saved. I survived and am going to continue to thrive. Thank you Mr. Grannon for all of your help in getting me to where I am today.
I find it fascinating that they all have same traits like they were clones. This is perfect description of the coward that I was with. I am mourning him like he died and trying to move on.
I never knew this was an actual illness and had a name. They are all the same! Never ever feel bad for the little boy or what they endured. They purposely and strategically terrorize us and take pleasure. I got out but after 20 years! I felt broken, weak and completely helpless even though I live in a country with all the resources and huge family support, yet I felt helpless. I lost my mind and required meds. Now I know why Hell was created and for what purpose. 🙏🏻
Dear Richard. You helped save my life. ( I mean that quite literally) it’s been over 6 months since I left with just the clothes on my back and it was your amazing videos that helped me more than any other information on the web and you tube. I found your wisdom and truths connected with me deeply and I learnt to meditate on what You imparted and I learnt to be mindful and detached as a coping mechanism. For over two years I played the long game of chess and fought my 1000 plus battles and I won. You make a difference and you helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you from my heart.
Thank you! This just verfied my suspicion; that the narcissist/psychopath ex staged his leaving just to see me break, and come back as if he did me a favour. I always had that feeling.. He's out for good now, and I'm still trying to heal, four yrs later. It's funny that one sometimes tend to forget all the bad because the good was so good and that's why watching your videos and listening to you is so important. To get reminded that it was all a lie.
I'm going to paraphrase something you said. "Feeling the need to apologize to them (your narcissistic abuser) for having to inflict emotional torture upon you followed by a desire to protect them. This is one of the most traumatizing and humiliating parts of healing from the PTSD that has resulted." When you said that I fully realized this truth and know I was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by this person. Thank you.
YES. Yes, thank you. I feel this crazy need like I need to protect all the horrible things he has done to my friends and to me as well, accepting that someone abused you is so hard to accept.
Both very interesting ways to look at it and both accurate from a balanced, Universal dichotomy sense. From a micro perspective, what I believe is we just need to continue to communicate with one another openly and honestly since communication is always key to everything. We are all social beings at the end of the day no matter if some of us retreat temporarily to heal or whatever... totally going on a tangent here okay let me digress. I think it's being done to separate because they know the family structure, for the most part, is broken. Stick family members under the same roof for days on end, most of them will probably be doing their own thing.
the isolation is achieved principally by the saturation media. They control the narrative and thus isolate you from other perspectives. The media is an echo chamber. A constant din and ringing that will eventually cause you to lose your mind. Likewise the control of 'history' and the enforcement of certain perspectives, beliefs and narratives. Gas lighting on a epic scale. i believe it's known as 'the big lie'.
Step by step this is absolutely true. It happened to me....twice! The second time I had read about narcissistic behaviour so saw the red flags and still fell for it! The thing is, the steps can be so subtle. I’ve been counselled to listen to my gut feelings. My gut kept saying “there’s something not right here” but my head kept saying “ don’t be daft, who would behave like that, it’s nuts, you must be mistaken, it’s you being too sensitive again”. Please, please, please watch this video and if you think you’re in the cycle believe in yourself and run for the hills! You are NOT too sensitive. These people are nuts!!!! Lots of love xxxx
He soon began working out of town 15 hrs a day... he's an electrician. When he got home he would keep asking me where I was with anger and that I do stuff behind his back. " where did I get the pants I have on? Who bought them for me? Things that weren't even on subject. Until I wanted to show my faithfulness so much that I didn't do anything. I didn't even have a phone at the time.
PLEASE DO A VIDEO FOR THE ADULT KIDS WHO WERE TRIANGULATED AGAINST EACH OTHER GROWING UP. One was the Golden Child other was the scapegoat. There are a lot of things out there on scapegoat, BUT not much to help the Golden child understand the indirect ways they were abused and identity erased and now living in depression and frozen fear. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
I'm a former golden, now black sheep--I think the golden child buys into the messed-up family culture more than the scapegoat does. The scapegoat is quicker to realize something is wrong. But I remember I wasn't inwardly exulting about getting straight As in school, I was getting good grades primarily out of fear, to avoid being raged on. I think my younger sibling, who was the scapegoat, thought that I was enjoying my favored status much more than I actually was. Inwardly I often felt as lonely, afraid, and disliked by my mother as he did.
I would love to see lots more triangulation for sure! I know my mom did that to us for sure even though she denies it. This is something I have not seen much of that people really need to hear more about!
Thank you. This video is so straight forward. The narcissist injury I caused my ex was very early in our marriage and the narcissist rage is what caused me to research what I was dealing with. We escalated to the revenge part very quickly and had been stuck here for the majority of this short marriage. So didn’t get too attached and was enough for me to want out immediately I realize he NPD. I was immediately turned off and demanded a change or else I wanted out. I’m an Empath but with a lot of self worth and strong faith. My zen and resistance drives him crazy. This has caused an intense power struggle. Was so happy when he finally reached the “Brutal Discard.” I actually welcomed this, flipped the script and went No Contact. It’s been 1 month. He just started hovering. He lives in another country so easy to ignore and avoid him. He likes to torture me further because he can’t control the situation. The strategy Richard explains was my saving grace and it works. Fortunately for me I applied it early on. Countdown to divorce.
Oh Richard! You’ve always helped me understand this disorder, but this video was especially perfectly laid out. My ex husband did all of this, in this exact order and to the extreme. He never broke me, not in the way he wanted to (suicide), but he did more damage than I’ll ever recover from. But nonetheless, I’m so grateful for the education you’ve give me. Really good work. Thank you so much!
Recover is a bad term. When you have a stomach virus that can dehydrate you in hours or better yet, I had food poisoning. lost all for a couple of hours then slept for 3 days and no I didn't go to the hospital but should have, anyway...sorry. That is recovery. You have not changed. We need to come up with a term that means scarred healing and GROWTH, how about maturity??? We were uncut DIAMONDS! (blue is my preference, wink) The shaping of who we are is supposed to be gradual with small ups and downs. Little chips off or grinding, but when we start out right after birth with hurricane then drought, hurricane then drought, we kind of get messed up (speaking of all cluster B's). Thriving is the goal, beautifully shining and glimmering with light, but hard as...a diamond. Stay vigilant, but be at peace inside with who you will become. Go to spartanLifeCoach (richard's site) and learn how to become the diamond you want to be. Peace!
Oh wow, it's weird to hear someone else say the suicide thing. People on the outside don't understand it, kind of act like it can't be real or is just an exaggeration. It's a f*cked up experience eh, big hugs xo
Thanks so much. I love what you said. Very wise! I’m really grateful for Richard. Been following him for about 4 years. I even got to meet him in California last June.
My ex was a malignant self righteous narcissist and he isolated me in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It's was torturous. I was diagnosed with BPD for the first time, but he was the only human being that I saw and interacted with. I wouldn't go outside. I was going insane
Exactly great video! The victim needs to not react and know when to call their bluff... never let anyone control how you react to a situation. Like he said stay calm, be zen. Sometimes saying nothing, will tend to say more than someone that is looking for a reaction out of you. You can only stay in control and one step ahead of a narcissist if you stay calm and not react. Works like a charm! Trust me I have had years of experience and learned this on my own. People in general especially narcissist love to get a reaction out of you... if they don’t get a reaction it throws them off.. basically leaving them lost and nervous to what their next move will be. Always keep in mind the reason why most people act or react the way they do is for protection or a defense mechanism or out of insecurity or fear. This can help you understand why someone is treating you a certain way. Sometimes it’s a learned behavior or how they can control a situation or a person. Much like bullies .. most bullies come from a physical or abusive home life. Again great video!
Jesus Christ! This fits. My ex told me "I want to break down your walls completely" And he managed. I have been on antidepressants for 22 years and became a mental case, loosing all my selfesteem. 2 years ago he was murdered and I just realised I could have lost a hell of alot more than just my selfesteem, I could have lost my entire sanity! Thank you, Richard for this realisation. THANK YOU.
mine once said to me 'we are each others problem but also each others solution'. I've been struggling with that statement for ages and can remember being upset when he said it and questioning him. I think he must have been fully aware of what he was doing even though I wasn't. I didn't see him as my problem. Guess I was in the devaluing stage at that point. Being seen as someones problem is problematic for me, I never want to be somewhere I'm not wanted, it also made me question myself, think that maybe I was a problem and I should do better, try harder, it made me feel like I was a burden. I'm still slightly conflicted because the things he did did help me in some ways, they were big things for me, although not for him. He did make a lot of effort though to start, they need you so badly they tell you they will do anything for you (the things that matter to you would be in time though, of course). Nothing he did was worth the mental and physical scars. They come wrapped in gifts, with hearts and unicorns flying around them but behind all the gifts and flying objects are nasty, cruel monsters. If something seems too good to be true, trust your instincts.
Not all narcissists discard, if the victim can no longer bear the abuse, or the parental protective instinct comes to the fore and they no longer want to put their kids in danger, they discard or escape from the narcissist, the narcissist then loses narcissistic supply and is at serious risk of suicide. Some, many do succeed, this is a last abuse, a last expression of control, I am going to control you by trying to make you feel guilty about "causing my suicide". Just look online how many (particularly physically violent) narcissists commmit suicide when the victim wakes up to reality and escapes.
This is some seriously nasty stuff. Almost like a demon is in control. If this isn't oppression I don't know what is. An important question we should be asking is how do these people all learn the same techniques? It's not like they read a book or go to the same seminar. It's very creepy.
You are spot on! My Narc/psychopathic brother has been seeking revenge on me for the past four years, (since my Mom passed away) for no good reason other then I wouldn’t conform to his malicious plan of vengeance against my older Covert/Narc sister. I’m in my 50’s and have always lead a very quiet life. My 71 year old psychotic brother convinced the fraud division police that I had done unspeakable things to my beloved mother (who was my everything!)... and got them to actually arrest me last year. I was held in a filthy jail cell for over 8 hours, I got fingerprinted, Interrogated and of course mugshots. The police treated me like a common criminal! I had to hire a top criminal lawyer and paid thousands to get the false charges dismissed and my arrest records expunged (but are they ever erased? and my memories of that horror? He got no repercussions or suffered any consequences for his malicious lies/actions because he has managed to secure influential flying monkeys. To further my nightmare, as he was like a rabid animal after finding out the false criminal charges were dismissed... he started a Civil lawsuit against my Mom’s Estate, me personally and my Narc sister. It’s never ending. I’ve been paying lawyer’s $600.00 per hour, for “hundreds” of hours. Emptied my bank account. I have no more to give. I’ll be without council after the last of this current retainer is gone. All because a Narc/Psychopath sibling has managed to con his way into an older billionaire widow’s life, that has friends in high places! I’m keeping strong. He wants to break me, but I won’t be broken! Thanks for your vids. They help a lot!
@@hannahbanana2224 oh wow! Thanks for the love. 2 years later he’s still going strong. I have a discovery in Nov. with his high powered attorney’s. I’ve spent over $80,000.00 on lawyers that didn’t do a thing to stop the madness, so I had no choice but to fire them. I’m going it alone. I wish his lawyer’s would tell him his gig is up. There’s no way they believe all the hundreds of out and out lies. However lawyers get paid $600.00 an hour, so they will even represent evil narcissist b*astards! Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it so much. How is your situation? I hope yours is better and gone! Warmest hugs to you.
@@ChefsKiss- Thank you for the update! Sorry to hear things have not improved, however I am glad to see you're planning to represent yourself. Every person I know who has needed a lawyer has somehow been screwed by them. They're all in this club, in this corrupt legal system, and we're the flies in their trap. Thankfully I am not in one of those situations myself, my best friend is unfortunately (left her abusive ex, his family are billionaires and she ended up with nothing). I was researching the subject to reconcile some things about a previous relationship I had with a narc/socio/histrionic/psychopath (not sure which one) as even 10 years later memories pop up with feelings I need to deal with. I have a wonderfully supportive husband now, so I am thriving! I wish you all the best in your battles, and I hope you come out on top. I do believe God will vindicate every one of us eventually. All the best my friend!
@@hannahbanana2224 Thanks so much for your support. I wish your friend all the best. I’m happy to hear you now have a supportive husband. My hubby saves my sanity. Without his support, not sure what i’d be right now. Take care. Thanks again for checking in with me. Stay well 😍Hugs!
My husband discarded me when I was 8 month pregnant...i didn't stop crying... talking with my unborn child, saying how much i am sorry that's the reality outside... now we are no longer together.. hopefully soon we will be divorce, he makes it very hard... love my baby boy, he is my power, my sunshine ✨
What a dirt bag he is. Sociopath. Stay away from Him!! Keep your child away From him - he will hurt the child. If you can move far Far away. Join a church good Support system for you and Baby. Your baby loves you. You are her/ his world. Prayers For a good loving future for You and your child. Pray darling. Read your Bible Each day for strength, courage, happiness.
@@marshamcdonald1475 thank you very much for your support and good words❣️ I'm staying at my mom's house (not in the same town) thank god i saw his real face, he also cheated me..he his a Lupus in Lamb's skin. I pray my baby boy will be safe from his bad ways 🙌💖✨
Morgan: so many of us have Been affected by this epidemic of Narcs. Thank God you and baby are now Safe. PleAse listen to on UTube : R. C. Blake’s Queenology! What a queen Looks for in Mate/King. Vivian McGrath, Begood4000 Narc Survivor-- plus Others on you tube. So many more excellent Psychologist, therapist On You Tube now. Thank God above for everyone of Them!!! Study their messages, Content, . Also it wasn’t Your fault, do things for Yourself, take care of yourself, Practice self ❤️ love. Pray For yourself, baby and your Parents. Know that God has Better plans for your life. R.C. Blake’s listen to All his videos. Lessons For Women . God Bless You.
Denial is such a strong and effective defence mechanism. Almost imperceptible but locks down the bad stuff with such strength. Am only now beginning to ' feel' the presence of it as I slip out of the narcissists dream / nightmare and denial is also withdrawing according to need. Denial kept me from breaking down, kept a lot of the pain at bay. It was both a curse and a gift. Human mind is truly amazing. I put myself in their shoes; why would I be like this? Overwhelming need to feel significant and powerful. So overwhelming that it over rides and blocks out all other human emotions. Narc state is a halfling state.full adult humanhood has not been achieved. Have been looking into it for a year but see that I'm Only now truly beginning to under stand ; anger is not necessary.. it doesn't make sense, it really is NOT personal! Stay away or play with them but can't be sincere- like you said. Because that makes no sense either.
Ritchie, your very best video. You were a model of Zen throughout. It was so much easier to process your message with this layout. I appreciate you and thank you for helping us victims of narcissistic abuse. Mo
This is another perfect analysis. You are the MAN! The bit I've really struggled with for many years is the need to go submissive when the stonewalling kicks in. It's physical pain and the most distressing experience. He had as many types of silence as the Eskimos have types of snow. It was incredible what fear he instilled in me. It's made me really fearful to any form of silence in other relationships. It's a proper ptsd trigger for me now.
@@louloukate guilty! I tried many times over the 32 years to get him to understand how bad it was for me. Omg 😂 in hindsight it's like looking back at maybe trying to get a child to go to bed. Only I'm not sure who's the child and who's the adult??? I can't tell you how many times I said, "The silent treatment just doesn't work for me". "Please don't shut down and not talk to me." "I hate it when you won't talk." I was such good fuel for him. Years and years of filtered, high octane, refined, fuel! Insanity when you look back.
@@robinrevell5873 it's do wierd how we can see it once we out if it but they have this power at the time. It's hard "waking up" but I truly hope you are OK and building a stronger life without it. One thing Ive been amazed at is I can now spot a narc at 100 paces whatever the environment or context. It's given me trust issues but I'm stronger and more selective about relationships of every kind. I've found I can walk away if necessary. I rush you all the best and it's so validating to have you understand. Isolation and thinking it was *just me* was another thing he was so accomplished at. Xx
I find this so interesting and true! I’ve had ex partners, a “friend” and I once had a boss at work with this type of personality, they really do carry out most if not all of these tactics! They completely mess with your head! I’m so glad I’ve found these videos explaining it all, thank you for uploading!
Yes, it truly is. It’s ‘nice’ to know that people know that it’s that bad. Even therapists can be clueless or act surprised when you casually mention because it was your living everyday reality the crap that went down. Stay well, and away. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to unite the real survivors and all have a big festival. Lots of normal people that are kind. What a relieve that would be.
@@sofiaisabella3317 Thank you Sofia. I apologise for the delay. I wanted to reach out to you..... For support of you cause I feel you understand. Bless you. Truly bless you. I hope this message finds you at least ok if not better than ok. Kind regards Warren. PS you are righton let's stick together. Be strong together. Unity is everything in times like this. Kind regards Warren
Thanks Warren, I’m working on it.. 8 years ago collapsed, wanted to get away, a sect I grew up in, sort of in my name even because they saved me from some health issues as they said as a baby, but man the traumatization they injected. Voiced that(kind of a mistake maybe), was smeared and isolated, discarded and threatened over years still. I recently started working again. Trying to handle similar types. I work in health care so the flashbacks were real. I notice more and more though that I am a great person. I have never caused someone harm, am funny and outgoing. I’ve had many nasty encounters with health care workers, ‘friends’ over the last few years, that out of the blue starter trashing, which I now know is a devaluation. I cut them off. I now see more and more which people are ok. And safe. Be well friend, you too deserve a good life! It was good to read your response. Have a great day 🌸
Not sure I was ready for the women screaming... it bothered me. However, I realize seeing this remix that I am more comfortable with life in general and far more removed from the situations than when I first saw it after having just broken my bond. Realizing how far I have come feels really great.
This is what I've experienced recently and actually probably the last 3 relationships I have had. This video has hit the nail on the head for me so much! Thanks pal.
Richard, you forgot to mention the narcissist's extend of moving quickly into the safe space of the target. The universal "to good to be true" message of the target's subconscious mind. Great analysis of the abuse. The boiling frog.
The narc I knew tried these tactics on me. I didn't know anything about a narcissist at the time. But as I figured him out, I turned the tables on him and started pointing out HIS flaws--and there were plenty! He couldn't take the cruelty that he dished out! Said that I was a "tough one!" I eventually escaped his madness, but I know he would have probably escalated to violence. Beware, narcs hate to be on the losing end, in any situation, and are quite capable of physically assaulting you, just to say they won!
Richard. Sadly you are spot-on. I appreciate the way in which you describe the tactics the narcissist uses without sugar coating it. There is nothing that can be said to make this nasty reality better. Because of your brutal honesty I have so much more clarity from the evil I have been experiencing from narcissistic torture. I left my narcissistic ex spouse of 18 years however he's severely impacted our children, my oldest with special needs turned into a narcissist. ,He actually was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. I am disabled at this point cannot work my reality is as a mother it's harder to accept that your child is anti-social and what you didn't put up with from your ex-spouse you will tolerate more from your child because it's harder to accept the truth and the reality. Torture and the suffering that I have experience for my ex-spouse has been compounded by taking in a 25 year old young man who is on a mission to destroy me, unlike anything I wanted to see. To the point of my other children calling me in fear that I was going to be killed. Yes they are very angry with me for having to watch and Witness me choosing to endure the torture that I was in denial about. It breaks my heart. The psychological torture of a 25 year old man with encephalopathy, that at 5 years old scored 135 IQ, is unimaginable. Having to call the cops on my son, watching him be arrested is one of the hardest things I had to do but listening to you as you tell it like it is I am able to step back, focus, and regain clarity. I am able to take back my sanity and control over my life instead of being in a world wind of confusion I know exactly what was going on. The tactics are so Crystal Clear each and every one that you've explained and of course I'm a fighter so the more I slot Justin Moore he laid on the torture. It is devastating to know got my child has so much hatred and animosity toward me and came into this house under the guise of love only to destroy me. 1 keeping my youngest son up at night in college telling him how he planned on killing me, and calling your sister crying hysterical saying he was depressed suicidal and going to take his life. 1 his story of depression sadness for his sister to feel sorry for him in the situation in which he was living in was fabricated he was able to get off the phone smoke a joint and play video games. He did not know I was speaking to her at the time. Slowly we all start to catch on which unraveled evil like I've never seen the truth of how he feels about his siblings spewed from his mouth. He said things I would never tell them and he confirmed that he did hate me. knowing I have to have cancer surgery he told me I hope you die on the table. Mostly because he wants the house I'm living in. The family dynamics can be very sick. My wealthy criminal exspouse has threatened all of them to the point of paralyzing them financially if they speak to me. I could never imagined how evil he was and how he would destroy his own children without a care. Divorced 10 years and I am in court for the complex financial crimes he comitted in my name as a banker. The government concluded he assumed my identity. I hope to put this behind me soon. I have never heard someone speak the ugly horrifying truth of how the tactics are evil to the extent in which you did. Thank you.
You explained what I’ve been going through for almost 40 yrs. I’ve known my marriage was broken for a very long time, but because I have children I decided to stay. I am stuck in this relationship for many reasons. I have learned how to keep myself sane, and this video and many more that are available have been of great help. Thank you again for your insights.
The ONLY vid a person needs to see abt this subject- I never had heard of the "mock execution" concept (other than described merely as another devaluation...anyone that has had the fake-break used on them to be punished for the most trivial of imaginary infractions will understand the difference) despite having watched so many of these videos early on in the process- you have a knack for seeing things others just don't- that was always one part I never felt completely clear on until now-this video is 100 percent dead on! It's good to revisit this topic (only every once in a while for me personally at this stage) to see just how much progress has been made over time, esp w your C- PTSD work and introducing us to Pete Walker's resources...things are SO clear now, from every which way, when there was a time not knowing up from down. For me-to watch this and understand so clearly what occured without any triggers, without any anger even- and no emotion other than being proud of rebuilding myself into a better person than I ever was before despite every one of these toxic stages of insanity (and more importantly not bypassing the hard work to ensure that there would not be a part 2 with another one of these types) feels nothing short of a miracle...to arrive at a place with a new, healthy sense of self with BOUNDARIES and RESPECT for the self is something I have for the first time in life...so much is because of the info and content you have put out there RG so thank you! What perfect timing and a great ending with one of my favorite quotes...keep up the amazing work! PS: I loved the editing and the slightly creepy circus type music at the end..just perfect as we no longer have any desire or hope that these clowns can be any other way. Best video yet on this subject matter and a great one to watch every so often to see how far removed one is from something that once seemed so debilitating and all-encompassing. That chapter of the book feels closed and it is NOT MY REALITY ANYMORE! Stay safe my friends... 😀 Now time to get back to the business of life 😀
She will never break me, I'm too strong for her narcissism and it drives her absolutely mental. I laugh off attempts of control and usually she gives up, I often get stonewalled though but I'm fully aware of what's happening and that my friends is half the battle.
This is the message I needed to trust my progress. I had doubts about the cool, calm response. It is painful but also delivers so much peace. Thank you Richard!
I don't believe i will ever be the same after going through this, i always have my guard up with people now. I like to think that sweet girl is in their somewhere. Great video, thank you.
Yep. First co-dependent two years I endured the BS merry-go-round, until I woke, the feck, UP! Realised this person DID NOT have my best interests at heart, indeed, they actively wished me harm, and that if I wanted to survive, thrive and eventually get myself free, I had to start playing a much cleverer tactical game. It's been four years now, and the tables have resolutely turned. Sam Vaknin is right, these feckers CAN be trained, but, you will lose part of your soul in the process. My life remains challenging, but manageable, underpinned, always, by a pack my bags and walk out of the door exit strategy if push comes to shove. What I know about myself now is that I am most certainly a powerful, resilient, and resourceful person. Him? Not so much.
I thought I was doing well and moving on. Didn't have to listen so often to the Spartan Lifecoach anymore. But they came hoovering and it was hard to be strong and remember how evil they were. Watching this was the perfect reminder I needed to remember what they really are. A predator.
I watched my mother go through it. She saw i was becoming like him. She left for her children, but it was too late, damage done. Now I carry this disease and every day I feel him behind my eyes, influencing every aspect of my life. I blame them both. I push everyone out of my life to insulate them the possibility of being effected in any way. At least the bloodline dies here. No future degenerates to reign in hell. My job is done when i die.
I've been through it for years, through the marriage, separate places and shared week off week on custody in the same town, to moving 2 hours away to finish degrees and years of custody visitation legal battles, to them him going out of state manipulating my wealthy widowed mother, and even now as we have grandkids. I could script a life lived through everything he has listed. I enjoy watching your videos. You have a military style approach to teaching I enjoy watching. As through all of this I did manage 214 University College Credits in Psychology, Criminal Justice and Paralegal Courses. As he had lots of money with lawyers I struggled to fight back the best I could. And as a final note I was left with nothing as it was stolen from me.
Richard, this is the best of the best explanations of what we live through in a narcissistic relationship. One of the issues I battled so long with, was and still is the closure. I had no trouble with the "Escape" part. However the aftermath has been the hardest. The 'shadow of the life' and the elements that were there keep popping up just like weeds. The triggers of remembrance still come and I can still feel the loss of a part of me and I just talk to that part and thank it for being so brave to leave and for getting a chance to have a different life. It produces a soothing for me , but that break in my life seems to be permanent, which it is. Your lectures truly help me and others with the damage to life that gets created by a Narcissistic relationship. Some times damage requires a crutch for a long time to keep balance in life and you do and have provided me with that. Thank you so much for all that you. You are truly appreciated.
Great explanation of your experience? I saw the Narcist within 3 months. The very first night I slept with him, he whispered that, he loved me. I made him feel so safe. But, I thought it stemed from his emotional detachment style with his family. He played the victim, but I saw his idenity change through the patters.of behavior. He had no idenity. He had no intimacy, he had coonterdependecy, ect.... I was a special needs NANNY, and a mental health facilitator, so 7 months on and 7 months off wasnt a great deal of my time to loose with him. I played with all the patterns in the third time I took him back, and it was so fun seeing his mask come off and when I showed no emotion oi an r 4e asponces, he disappeared. I'm a gost to him now. Pr9blem is that he lives a minute away. But because I pay no attention to his presence, he doesn't even objectify my being. Well done.
My parents, my step parents and a bunch of other people. The apologizing part hit me hard, I feel powerless against this abuse against these predators that want to destroy and humiliate me. I don't know how i keep going on, i'm literally crying and going through seizures everyday, but i still have hope that one day i will overcome and be able to help others. Somehow i have to forgive all these people, so God can forgive me for hating them. Anger is a weakness the first thing a manipulative person does to control you is make you angry, you don't control anger it controls you, anger is a dark spirit, you don't control spirits.
You can be feeling it. Don’t fight it. It won’t destroy you. I promise. If it makes you too sick or painful move back a bit, but go through it. Eventually. Then it will seize to have Any power. I promise. And then you can feel that you can use it as a tool for when it’s reasonably necessary.
This video was made Exactly the same time I started living with a guy like this. He is evil...I'm rn in a struggle its life or death, I've lost my will to eat let alone live. I even turned to drugs to cope and he has his brother and friends helping with the last few steps of my breaking, making me look like I am crazy, destroy my sense of reality and my rep as logical or honest..he is using my malnourishment symptoms from not eating to his advantage and even had me convinced my malnourishment was making me hear people say things or look at me wrong when they really were..today I'm struggling because his mom is trying to unfold the truth and I'm scared that the numbers he has behind him and his being her son will weigh out the chances of the truth being obscured and he may win his sick game..if god exists please god help me😭 I have no family and noone to help me. He has me isolated, told some of his friends that I am crazy, dont like them, or am jealous of them so that they wont help nor back me. Idk what to do, my anorexia had caused me renal failure and other issues and I almost died 😔 I've got nowhere to go, and with this covid-19 pandemic I'm afraid resources are limited for my salvation. I'm going to die if I cant get help or if he isnt found out and truth isnt brought to light. Please pray for me 😭😔
This video is one of the most helpful I've seen to date. Not only has it helped me understand that what I have been living through within my family and some outside relationships, but now I know exactly what I have endured for 50+ yrs. Thank you for explaining what I have been unable to grasp. This is the most brutal attack that anyone can ever go through and come out of with their minds in tact. I'm so grateful to have survived my life to date. Thank you
WOW. ( IN ALL CAPS MY ANSWER....) for me this is the clearest, most concise of all the videos I have watched over the last 6 months. I am a carrier artist now 68 years old. the visuals you used were very powerful to me. the progression of steps also so clear. when I got hit with my first nuclear RAGE, insults, gas lighting, I rebelled and ran. each time I would step back. till finally the relationship was dead in about 1 year. I could not, WOULD NOT, pick up the pieces. I ran and began the divorce. yes I am afraid of his rage and vengeance. but there is no going back. the only way through , is through. THIS VIDEO IS A KEEPER.
Last year after a 31 year relationship the narc told me that because I no longer wanted to do things, out to eat, local VFW, he was wanting to leave. So I worked on going out with him more and when I said about "improving" his response was "that just made it livable." What was really going on was he was grooming an old/new supply and thought he had her hooked. Life eventse were happening at one time. He retired but worked part time, started spending every waking moment with an old family from his past, his mother deteriorated and passed away. He was ice ice cold during the viewing and funeral. I knew he was with the new supply but he continued to manipulate and play me. The final discard came after I asked who packages were for that were hidden in his closet. The rage and then abandoned me throwing me away like a piece of trash along the highway.💩
Well at least most people didn't believe the smear campaign. Also, I'm proud of myself how I understood when I was being discarded, what was happening although I didn't know about Nrc abuse at the time. Narc was shocked each time I spoke up. After being so submissive for years, I actually was able to insult the Narc. Also told one of Narc's secrets in court. Narc was astounded. It really was by the grace of God. It was very hard and took watching alot of these vlogs for me to shake my loyalty to the Narc.
I never understood what was happening. I came with such an open heart and OH BOY, did they see me coming! He and his WHOLE narc family. 47 years later, he seems more than a little confused when I informed him that I couldn't give a good shit about this narc family, in fact, I cared as much for them as they had for me ALL those years. He said I was cold. I said I had GREAT teachers. Life IS good🙂
I was a patient of a psychiatrist who did to me pretty much everything on that list. Because he's a doctor, you drop your guard, you think he's there to help. Plus, you already are in a vulnerable state to begin with. He ended up filing a criminal complaint against me to make sure I suffer as long as possible. I still can't wrap my head around what happened. It never even crossed my mind that he could have bad intentions. It still doesn't compute.
After hearing 8 of them from Richard- last one “discard “ seems like blessing from a total mind f* and abuse on epic scale. So well put together that should shake all victims out of love with narcs
Everything done in darkness comes to light one day. A narcissist will intentionally hurt others. They take pleasure in unrighteousness. They have no remorse or guilt in doing so. Then once the breakup occurs. The narc will demonize the victim of the evil with lies. While the abused will demonize the abuser with truth.
My narcissistic abuse experience was from a vulnerable narcissist who would cliff hang herself purposely and expect you to save them, cliff hang herself again and move on to someone else once you can't take anymore and they'll act like the victim as if we just ignored her and never helped her off the cliff once.
These are things that are unimaginable that is until if happens to you and worse still to your children and worse still you become very much awoke to these 9 things you so expertly describe while the kids are not even close to understanding and therefor have no doorway to healing It’s pure sinister behavior driven by inner demons Making it tragic for everyone at all involved in its pathology
Hopefully I can get my sister to watch this. She's in a relationship with a Narcissist, I'm seriously worried if she doesn't get out soon she'll end up dead. Either by her own hand or his because now that she's starting to see it and fight back he's getting very unpredictable and scary.
My advice, such as it is, as someone that has been there, do not 'fight back', do not change behavior, just prepare to leave, and then get out as soon as you are able. Do not show strength.
My only sin was I spoke up He called the cops on me and blame shifted After all that he says why don't you kill your self reapeatly Those clips feel like the story of my life I feel Disappointed wuth my self how could I allow some one to treat me like this Still healing
The second narcissist literally turned to me one night and said... "There's just something inside you I can't break..." He literally said that and I did almost take my own life in the end but he did literally say those exact words. He even said to me I live in my own world! This is madness it was like he was telling me what he was doing. The smear campaign is still going on now 8 years later...
That's horrible! Sorry you went through the things that you did and are still going through a smear campaign. Reading what you wrote, I got chills because I am beginning to realize that everything I was accused of doing/thinking/believing (shocking to hear from my ex btw) had to do with her? Maybe she was just projecting what she was doing or thinking about and accusing me of those things. That is disturbing and hard to swallow.
@@gemini_man66 it is difficult, it is shocking but when you face it head on and out the right bounderies on place, you can protect yourself, your sense of self, I sometimes wish I could reveal to the world in some way how this person pulls people apart and conceals his true self, but I'm not an omniscient being and I can't change time, only myself, there's power in that, you can do this but all those questions you have all those things you suspect are probably true, trust your survival instincts, we've got chills for a reason. X
@@bethankrzowski4553 Appreciate your kind words. Interesting that I was just thinking of starting a channel called "Name That Narc" to have others share their stories... serving a purpose of telling the world and saving others from perpetual emotional turmoil and destruction. Then, I balanced out and as you stated, there's power in rebalancing ourselves and not losing our integrity in such things. So far it's been one week no contact and healing one day at a time. X
@@gemini_man66 you can do this! Thankyou for your support also. Contact and understanding can help rebuild, lets build towers, lets build cities, lets build empires! I get carried away I know, but I do appreciate human kindness (co-dependant tendencies here) and I do hope you feel better in due time. It's clear from your words that you are a self analytical person, there's so much to be gained when you can climb the walls of your own towers and see.
@@bethankrzowski4553 You seem to be one of the good ones. Love your words and there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting carried away with motivational energy and optimism! I'm the same. I'm one of those that believe the world would be a much better place with love. The Gemini in me is like, "yeah, but hate needs to exist as well for balance." Nevertheless, my default is kindness and totally felt your energy when reading your comment...let's be the master builders we truly are 😉 And Thank You.
I did my best to take notes: 1. Idealization (Love-bombing) "You are The One!" 2. Devaluation & Isolation. Make you feel worthless. Isolate you from family, friends, and feedback. Make you feel bad about yourself and about your ability to think. 3. Gaslighting. Makes sure you doubt your own sanity. Convince you that your perception of reality is wrong. Manuvers reality to make you feel like you are losing your mind. *First three are to break you from your own beliefs, and from your own communities. If you resist, there will be a... 4. Mock execution. Show you a taste of what it would be like to lose them/threatening to leave or dump you. Then not doing it. 5. Trauma bonding: They treat you as though they are your savior from pain, and also act like the demon from whom you need rescuing. Causes tremendous bonding. You will become more childlike. They need total mindless submission. 6. Cliff hanging. We want conclusion/closure. They stop short of closure. Keep us on edge, never seeing how it will (or could) come out. 7. Venegance. They punish and ignore you if they don't get what they want. 8. Stonewalling. They give nothing when you are in need. 9. Destroy your reputation. A wound that will not heal even if you part. 10. (9 in video) Brutal discard. Deliberate to induce as much stress, trauma, and pain as possible. Dominance is a core issue for them. To do: Be a good tactician. Be zen. Be cool and detached, especially from emotions. Be calm. Put all the space you can between stimuli and response. Take stock of your enemy. Abandon all real comminication with the insincere. You need a strategy. Stay cool, calm, and carefully look/watch what each of you are doing.
Idealisation is close to the next stage - isolation. They say how wonderful you are, nobody understands that, it isn't worthy to communicate with such people (family, friends etc.). My mum and exhusband often gaslit me by hiding my things or they simply replaced everything in the house. I remember now how nervous i became. I thought i lost my memory and got crazy. I was not sure of anything and stay "normal" only because of rather strong moral principles (as they can be in a person with CPTSR). I suppose they have another brain and it is not only a result of a childhood trauma.
Being slightly over the hill with this stuff, I would say; detatch emotionally from that situation, yes, but do not get detatched from your emotions completely! This is something that fucked with me, being a caring person, and then coming to think that maybe I shouldn’t be caring, cause that makes me exploitable and weak.. “trust no one, don’t be nice to people, take advantage of them before they take advantage of you” were thoughts that crept into my head.. I think a lot of people react that way and develop toxic narcissistic traits themselves, and a bleak worldview of power struggles, as presented in the video. You may be blinded right now by that flashgrenade that just blew up in front of your face and only see this stuff everywhere, so try to focus on the other caring people in your life and on genuine, caring, nontoxic powerful people that you can look up to and take as role models.. Note that these role models will probably show assholish behavior as well sometimes, but usually they are just trying to stand up for themselves and their goals, as opposed to trying to put other people down. Also, standing straight for your beliefs, values, goals and wishes, and sometimes not pleasing other people and maybe stepping on some toes because of that, is absolutely ok and sometimes even necessary! You know that your end-goal is a happier life for you and the world, and not total submission of other people! And to that first noble end-goal, some lines may need to be stepped over occasionally, and your boundaries need to be under your control, meaning; you control who can do what with you and how much you let them into your world. Also there is research showing that narcissists tend to lose in the long run, what with all the bridge-burning behavior. They usually won’t be happy (unless they are psychopathic maybe) and you won’t be happy as well, if you try to go down that path. Happiness comes first, then comes success in career and life, not the other way around! So learning to love oneself without any conditions attached, is the first and most important step. Still working on that one myself, so just keep at it 👌
It's good to embrace our "shadow" side. There is no way in hell that I could ever develop narcissistic tendencies that'd be harmful to others. I just don't have that in me; it goes deeper than just being traumatized into lifetime co-dependency. However, the love and light philosophy definitely played a role in my tendency to attract one narc after another. I like a worrier approach that's in Rich's videos and learning to stand up for myself from a non-reactive place.
Brings me to tears and realization of survival ! Thank you Richard for showing us the exact order they practice successfully, I pray to God for their payback after all the abuse , what goes around comes around!
I know I’m late to the video, but I am still a part of your audience that is in battle. I appreciate the wit you have armed me with. I am going to seek even more truth from your videos to remind myself of all the pain I truly feel to sever the connection. I can’t get away from him. He doesn’t control me, yet I can’t stop going back to him. I know I deserve better, but I desire his presence. Finding someone to fill the gaps is difficult. The truth is, it needs to be me. The only reason he was able to slip into myself so close is because those are the gaps that I let fall away. I won’t need him if I can do it better. It’s very difficult to desire love and only find psychopaths or narcissists who want to strip you of all you are proud of. Because they are so worthless, it’s the only enjoyment they can savour. These sick individuals don’t deserve any chance, yet they are masters of manipulation, deception, and spend so much time observing, it is all they can live for. All I can do for closure is to keep watching these types of educational videos so I can end our connection myself. I deserve better! Thank you for the brutal lesson. Growth is key!
They want people to think that you are the bad person you have the promblem and they don’t like it when you ignore them or won’t react to there negative comments ::which makes them even more crazy
My recent ex narcissist fought hard to get me back & he did change knowing his anger & disrespect would not be tolerated. It pleasantly surprised me each time he was calm when in the past would have exploded. This gave me hope for our future together, after all I came back because I truly loved him & wanted him. All was good & progressing & we decided to get Wyatt our puppy. I wanted a puppy for so long but I did leave the final decision up to him. I fell in love with Wyatt & us our little family it was so great. But that was short lived as he kept his anger or explosions under raps, he elevated into high gear his orders like a drill Sargent even telling me " stop telling me what you think, do what I say when I say it period " . It was so degrading making me feel less than human at times I found myself in my mind struggling to remind myself of who I am, beautiful important genuine trustworthy etc. In the same day he told me I love you, a couple hrs later he came to me & said are you going to take Wyatt or I'll just pay you back your half. That was it, were broken up. I couldn't take Wyatt, my Lease specifically said no pets. He took my Wyatt away & what I believed was my love, my future husband. I really don't see how I'll ever trust a man with my pure love again,,the pain is unreal....
Thank you so much for your videos! I have had zero experience with narcissism at least not on the level of my ex. Understanding has paved my healing path, I'm getting there, can't wait to feel whole & be me again. Thank you again- your amazing...
This is both spooky and horrific. I feel like you have made this video just to describe what I have endured over the last 10 years of my life. I just wish it made me feel better. 😔
Thank you from my heart and soul. I have watched thousands of hours on the covert npd. I am currently in the stonewall phase and this is very helpful. You are a wonderful communicator and I will continue to watch many of your instructions.
Thank you for the explanations of life's experiences and journey in the realm of narcissistic abuse - providing the presentation of awareness and understanding . Your messages have been a catalyst for my awakening. Namaste and love.
If you ever want to hear a real story of an 18 year old , who meets, marries, has 3 children , but doesn’t leave till she turns 44. She is 50 now and can provide you with the true story of a woman’s life with a narcissist turned megalomaniac and then the aftermath of leaving and the almost 7 years of still unable to be free of every trigger and every memory . And she ain’t gonna have any EST to rid her of her past .. I can give insight into true PTSD... lived 26 years of it and still, after thirty something years , I still struggle but I want to help others from what I have learnt xx
It's diabolical what they get up too. I didn't understand these were patterns, I knew that it went around in a horrible cycle. It's hard when you're busy and oblivious to these schemes and it really is mental. Omg get out, while you still have energy, they will grind you to a pulp. Don't try and understand it, try to please them, or change them. Get out, and fast.
So true
The isolation is done so covertly. We moved 12 hours away from my hometown. For the first few months after we moved he was still on his best behavior. We then moved to an acreage away from town and that was when the real abuse started. I've blocked a lot of the abuse out from the 3 years we lived there. It comes back in bits and pieces. An example is he said let's sit down and write down what we need from each other. I thought he was being attentive to our marriage. What he was doing was getting me to bend over backwards to give him what he wanted then telling me I wasn't doing enough so I would try harder, repeat cycle. He always had a list of what I needed so he could use it to hoover me and neglect me simultaneously to create a trauma bond. I'm free after 20 years of imprisonment. I'm thankful for your videos that are practical, realistic, and the intent is to help me move on.
This sounds exactly like my husband he’s also narcissistic I would do everything he would tell me to do and more and I still didn’t do or wasn’t doing enough for him ..he doesn’t do anything for me he works and thinks cus he’s financially supporting me and our 3 kids he thinks that’s enough ..i want out of this marriage and it’s very hard to do cus he threatens to take away our kids from me when my kids don’t wanna be with him they know exactly how he is ..I feel like I’m constantly in a brain fog I can’t get out of bed sometimes I’m so exhausted I need to be able to take care of my kids please pray for me that I may be able to get out of this mess I got myself into
Thanks - I had a long relationship that was completely superficial. I only realise now that sharing who he really is with me is him 'giving away' his power
@@sarahreyes2558 - that's right where he wants you to be: hopeless & helpless. Don't let him win... & look at the exame you're teaching your children. Get up, get a job. You need to plan to be financially independent. Accept your lifestyle will change to the detriment - but your self, your sanity & your children will be free & happy. You're not living, you're existing, as you know. Can you see a therapist who is experienced with many types of Narcassism? If not, keep learning on TH-cam. Richard is very good and also: Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani. Free help. Take it. Good luck to you... I've walked this walk & am getting close to walking out! Very excited about that. Do not let anyone know of your plans.
20 years
Sorry to hear that happened
I was miserable with an 11 month relationship that turned sour by the 5th month, but 20 years my god
Check out Narcdaily
Not only dealt with a truly narcissistic ex husband who did all these things to me, but I've realized now that I was raised by narcissists also. It's quite a scary yet validating realization.
I am so happy that you have these informational blogs. I wasted my ENTIRE life with one of these selfish bastards and their crappy family. So sad. You don't have to do this. RUN!!! No matter how scared you are. RUN!!!
I don't think all Narcissists were abused or have PTSD or CPTSD. Some were spoiled rotten and because they never grow up, they're like children pretending to be adults.
I honestly think they have demon problems
The abuse can be as babies and/or pre-verbal so that they don't even know themselves.
I also think as per other comment that demonic possession is appealing to them because they are empty
inside and possession gives them the power they crave over others. I think it's both.
I'm 37 and I litteraly got wet eyes, when you were talking about the discard. Such a horrible thing to do to someone with open heart towards them. And they go unpunished to another victim, cruel. 6 months of NC, every day is a struggle, but videos like this helps a lot, thanks for that!!
It is very painful and horrible, I understand you.
How are you doing now?
My wife of 12 years has just hit me with I want a divorce I’m not happy.. blames me for everything nothing is her fault everything is about her it’s all me me me me she has no empathy for anyone at all she’s chucked me away like a used tissue she’s walking round like she’s on cloud 9 while my heads all over world turned upside down it’s unbelievable she isn’t even grieving that our marriage is over
We only get one chance at life, we can't just spend all of our time fighting battles.
Great reminder of what's going on!! I'm at a point where I've set my boundaries with the narcissist. Now he's being super nice to me. I can feel this pull on my heart to slip back into old patterns. I have to keep telling myself that he is NOT a kind, loving person. Every action is designed to bring me back under control. That's scary shit.
It's a ploy and a ruse. Don't get lulled back to sleep.
This was the best one ever. Very concise. Sometimes I feel as if my ex-husband took classes in how to succeed at being a narcissist. With him, every box is checked. I divorced him just a little over a year ago, but I've only been free for a couple of months because of the emotional hold I allowed him to have on me. Sometimes I still feel like he's nipping at my heels. I have to have just a bit more contact with him because he has to fulfill an obligation. I've reached the point of pitying the little boy he was for what he endured, but I know that to show him pity would be to allow him back into my brain. A monster was created, and he can't be saved. I survived and am going to continue to thrive. Thank you Mr. Grannon for all of your help in getting me to where I am today.
Wonderful!
Bravo. All the best to you.
I find it fascinating that they all have same traits like they were clones. This is perfect description of the coward that I was with. I am mourning him like he died and trying to move on.
I never knew this was an actual illness and had a name. They are all the same! Never ever feel bad for the little boy or what they endured. They purposely and strategically terrorize us and take pleasure. I got out but after 20 years! I felt broken, weak and completely helpless even though I live in a country with all the resources and huge family support, yet I felt helpless. I lost my mind and required meds. Now I know why Hell was created and for what purpose. 🙏🏻
They are demon possessed 4 yr olds!
The common trait is weakness of the mind combined with cowardice. Hiding in a bottle just exacerbates the issue
Dear Richard. You helped save my life. ( I mean that quite literally) it’s been over 6 months since I left with just the clothes on my back and it was your amazing videos that helped me more than any other information on the web and you tube.
I found your wisdom and truths connected with me deeply and I learnt to meditate on what You imparted and I learnt to be mindful and detached as a coping mechanism.
For over two years I played the long game of chess and fought my 1000 plus battles and I won.
You make a difference and you helped me more than you will ever know.
Thank you from my heart.
Thanks Ian 🙏
Thank you! This just verfied my suspicion; that the narcissist/psychopath ex staged his leaving just to see me break, and come back as if he did me a favour. I always had that feeling.. He's out for good now, and I'm still trying to heal, four yrs later. It's funny that one sometimes tend to forget all the bad because the good was so good and that's why watching your videos and listening to you is so important. To get reminded that it was all a lie.
I'm going to paraphrase something you said. "Feeling the need to apologize to them (your narcissistic abuser) for having to inflict emotional torture upon you followed by a desire to protect them. This is one of the most traumatizing and humiliating parts of healing from the PTSD that has resulted." When you said that I fully realized this truth and know I was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by this person. Thank you.
YES. Yes, thank you. I feel this crazy need like I need to protect all the horrible things he has done to my friends and to me as well, accepting that someone abused you is so hard to accept.
And here we are being isolated globally on an even larger scale.. or are they forcing families to spend time together in close proximity 🤔
Both very interesting ways to look at it and both accurate from a balanced, Universal dichotomy sense. From a micro perspective, what I believe is we just need to continue to communicate with one another openly and honestly since communication is always key to everything. We are all social beings at the end of the day no matter if some of us retreat temporarily to heal or whatever... totally going on a tangent here okay let me digress. I think it's being done to separate because they know the family structure, for the most part, is broken. Stick family members under the same roof for days on end, most of them will probably be doing their own thing.
@Maritza Kruger ... Great job! 100%
yuuuup
the isolation is achieved principally by the saturation media. They control the narrative and thus isolate you from other perspectives. The media is an echo chamber. A constant din and ringing that will eventually cause you to lose your mind. Likewise the control of 'history' and the enforcement of certain perspectives, beliefs and narratives. Gas lighting on a epic scale. i believe it's known as 'the big lie'.
@@shirleyversace there is a simple solution... Go no contact with the TV.
Great post. I have a friend dealing with a bully narcissist. She is a beast. It is hard to believe there are people like her walking the planet.
I was married to one for 12 years.
Step by step this is absolutely true. It happened to me....twice! The second time I had read about narcissistic behaviour so saw the red flags and still fell for it! The thing is, the steps can be so subtle. I’ve been counselled to listen to my gut feelings. My gut kept saying “there’s something not right here” but my head kept saying “ don’t be daft, who would behave like that, it’s nuts, you must be mistaken, it’s you being too sensitive again”. Please, please, please watch this video and if you think you’re in the cycle believe in yourself and run for the hills! You are NOT too sensitive. These people are nuts!!!! Lots of love xxxx
i am a survivor who is continuing to be cool, calm, and strategic because we have a child together. it's tough. i take it day by day.
When they discard, they smile with pleasure knowing that you're in extreme pain
He soon began working out of town 15 hrs a day... he's an electrician. When he got home he would keep asking me where I was with anger and that I do stuff behind his back. " where did I get the pants I have on? Who bought them for me? Things that weren't even on subject. Until I wanted to show my faithfulness so much that I didn't do anything. I didn't even have a phone at the time.
PLEASE DO A VIDEO FOR THE ADULT KIDS WHO WERE TRIANGULATED AGAINST EACH OTHER GROWING UP. One was the Golden Child other was the scapegoat. There are a lot of things out there on scapegoat, BUT not much to help the Golden child understand the indirect ways they were abused and identity erased and now living in depression and frozen fear. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
I'm a former golden, now black sheep--I think the golden child buys into the messed-up family culture more than the scapegoat does. The scapegoat is quicker to realize something is wrong. But I remember I wasn't inwardly exulting about getting straight As in school, I was getting good grades primarily out of fear, to avoid being raged on. I think my younger sibling, who was the scapegoat, thought that I was enjoying my favored status much more than I actually was. Inwardly I often felt as lonely, afraid, and disliked by my mother as he did.
I would love to see lots more triangulation for sure! I know my mom did that to us for sure even though she denies it. This is something I have not seen much of that people really need to hear more about!
Well I mean to see examples of the dysfunction.
I was married to a covert narcissist for 20 years. In the last few years I seriously did sometimes wonder if he was possessed by a demon.
Was yours worse as he aged?
Narcissistic people usually do have a demonic spirit attached to them I’ve learned that it’s usually the jezabel spirit ..
And Leviathan
Thank you. This video is so straight forward. The narcissist injury I caused my ex was very early in our marriage and the narcissist rage is what caused me to research what I was dealing with. We escalated to the revenge part very quickly and had been stuck here for the majority of this short marriage. So didn’t get too attached and was enough for me to want out immediately I realize he NPD. I was immediately turned off and demanded a change or else I wanted out. I’m an Empath but with a lot of self worth and strong faith. My zen and resistance drives him crazy. This has caused an intense power struggle. Was so happy when he finally reached the “Brutal Discard.” I actually welcomed this, flipped the script and went No Contact. It’s been 1 month. He just started hovering. He lives in another country so easy to ignore and avoid him. He likes to torture me further because he can’t control the situation. The strategy Richard explains was my saving grace and it works. Fortunately for me I applied it early on. Countdown to divorce.
Oh Richard! You’ve always helped me understand this disorder, but this video was especially perfectly laid out. My ex husband did all of this, in this exact order and to the extreme. He never broke me, not in the way he wanted to (suicide), but he did more damage than I’ll ever recover from. But nonetheless, I’m so grateful for the education you’ve give me. Really good work. Thank you so much!
Recover is a bad term. When you have a stomach virus that can dehydrate you in hours or better yet, I had food poisoning. lost all for a couple of hours then slept for 3 days and no I didn't go to the hospital but should have, anyway...sorry. That is recovery. You have not changed.
We need to come up with a term that means scarred healing and GROWTH, how about maturity??? We were uncut DIAMONDS! (blue is my preference, wink) The shaping of who we are is supposed to be gradual with small ups and downs. Little chips off or grinding, but when we start out right after birth with hurricane then drought, hurricane then drought, we kind of get messed up (speaking of all cluster B's). Thriving is the goal, beautifully shining and glimmering with light, but hard as...a diamond.
Stay vigilant, but be at peace inside with who you will become. Go to spartanLifeCoach (richard's site) and learn how to become the diamond you want to be. Peace!
Oh wow, it's weird to hear someone else say the suicide thing. People on the outside don't understand it, kind of act like it can't be real or is just an exaggeration. It's a f*cked up experience eh, big hugs xo
Thanks so much. I love what you said. Very wise! I’m really grateful for Richard. Been following him for about 4 years. I even got to meet him in California last June.
My ex was a malignant self righteous narcissist and he isolated me in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It's was torturous. I was diagnosed with BPD for the first time, but he was the only human being that I saw and interacted with. I wouldn't go outside. I was going insane
Exactly great video! The victim needs to not react and know when to call their bluff... never let anyone control how you react to a situation. Like he said stay calm, be zen. Sometimes saying nothing, will tend to say more than someone that is looking for a reaction out of you. You can only stay in control and one step ahead of a narcissist if you stay calm and not react. Works like a charm! Trust me I have had years of experience and learned this on my own. People in general especially narcissist love to get a reaction out of you... if they don’t get a reaction it throws them off.. basically leaving them lost and nervous to what their next move will be. Always keep in mind the reason why most people act or react the way they do is for protection or a defense mechanism or out of insecurity or fear. This can help you understand why someone is treating you a certain way. Sometimes it’s a learned behavior or how they can control a situation or a person. Much like bullies .. most bullies come from a physical or abusive home life. Again great video!
Jesus Christ! This fits. My ex told me "I want to break down your walls completely" And he managed. I have been on antidepressants for 22 years and became a mental case, loosing all my selfesteem. 2 years ago he was murdered and I just realised I could have lost a hell of alot more than just my selfesteem, I could have lost my entire sanity! Thank you, Richard for this realisation. THANK YOU.
Were you still with him when he was murdered?
mine once said to me 'we are each others problem but also each others solution'. I've been struggling with that statement for ages and can remember being upset when he said it and questioning him. I think he must have been fully aware of what he was doing even though I wasn't. I didn't see him as my problem. Guess I was in the devaluing stage at that point. Being seen as someones problem is problematic for me, I never want to be somewhere I'm not wanted, it also made me question myself, think that maybe I was a problem and I should do better, try harder, it made me feel like I was a burden. I'm still slightly conflicted because the things he did did help me in some ways, they were big things for me, although not for him. He did make a lot of effort though to start, they need you so badly they tell you they will do anything for you (the things that matter to you would be in time though, of course). Nothing he did was worth the mental and physical scars. They come wrapped in gifts, with hearts and unicorns flying around them but behind all the gifts and flying objects are nasty, cruel monsters. If something seems too good to be true, trust your instincts.
It is terribly tiring to deal with such people, especially if they are family. Thanks for the info video.
Not all narcissists discard, if the victim can no longer bear the abuse, or the parental protective instinct comes to the fore and they no longer want to put their kids in danger, they discard or escape from the narcissist, the narcissist then loses narcissistic supply and is at serious risk of suicide. Some, many do succeed, this is a last abuse, a last expression of control, I am going to control you by trying to make you feel guilty about "causing my suicide". Just look online how many (particularly physically violent) narcissists commmit suicide when the victim wakes up to reality and escapes.
This is some seriously nasty stuff. Almost like a demon is in control. If this isn't oppression I don't know what is.
An important question we should be asking is how do these people all learn the same techniques? It's not like they read a book or go to the same seminar. It's very creepy.
I agree, has to be demon control
It is definitely demonic
You are spot on! My Narc/psychopathic brother has been seeking revenge on me for the past four years, (since my Mom passed away) for no good reason other then I wouldn’t conform to his malicious plan of vengeance against my older Covert/Narc sister. I’m in my 50’s and have always lead a very quiet life. My 71 year old psychotic brother convinced the fraud division police that I had done unspeakable things to my beloved mother (who was my everything!)... and got them to actually arrest me last year. I was held in a filthy jail cell for over 8 hours, I got fingerprinted, Interrogated and of course mugshots. The police treated me like a common criminal! I had to hire a top criminal lawyer and paid thousands to get the false charges dismissed and my arrest records expunged (but are they ever erased? and my memories of that horror? He got no repercussions or suffered any consequences for his malicious lies/actions because he has managed to secure influential flying monkeys. To further my nightmare, as he was like a rabid animal after finding out the false criminal charges were dismissed... he started a Civil lawsuit against my Mom’s Estate, me personally and my Narc sister. It’s never ending. I’ve been paying lawyer’s $600.00 per hour, for “hundreds” of hours. Emptied my bank account. I have no more to give. I’ll be without council after the last of this current retainer is gone. All because a Narc/Psychopath sibling has managed to con his way into an older billionaire widow’s life, that has friends in high places! I’m keeping strong. He wants to break me, but I won’t be broken! Thanks for your vids. They help a lot!
How are you now? I hope you're doing better. Sending you love and light.
@@hannahbanana2224 oh wow! Thanks for the love. 2 years later he’s still going strong. I have a discovery in Nov. with his high powered attorney’s.
I’ve spent over $80,000.00 on lawyers that didn’t do a thing to stop the madness, so I had no choice but to fire them. I’m going it alone. I wish his lawyer’s would tell him his gig is up. There’s no way they believe all the hundreds of out and out lies. However lawyers get paid $600.00 an hour, so they will even represent evil narcissist b*astards! Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it so much. How is your situation? I hope yours is better and gone! Warmest hugs to you.
@@ChefsKiss- Thank you for the update! Sorry to hear things have not improved, however I am glad to see you're planning to represent yourself. Every person I know who has needed a lawyer has somehow been screwed by them. They're all in this club, in this corrupt legal system, and we're the flies in their trap. Thankfully I am not in one of those situations myself, my best friend is unfortunately (left her abusive ex, his family are billionaires and she ended up with nothing). I was researching the subject to reconcile some things about a previous relationship I had with a narc/socio/histrionic/psychopath (not sure which one) as even 10 years later memories pop up with feelings I need to deal with. I have a wonderfully supportive husband now, so I am thriving!
I wish you all the best in your battles, and I hope you come out on top. I do believe God will vindicate every one of us eventually. All the best my friend!
@@hannahbanana2224 Thanks so much for your support. I wish your friend all the best. I’m happy to hear you now have a supportive husband. My hubby saves my sanity. Without his support, not sure what i’d be right now. Take care. Thanks again for checking in with me. Stay well 😍Hugs!
My husband discarded me when I was 8 month pregnant...i didn't stop crying... talking with my unborn child, saying how much i am sorry that's the reality outside... now we are no longer together.. hopefully soon we will be divorce, he makes it very hard... love my baby boy, he is my power, my sunshine ✨
Omg. So sorry.
What a dirt bag he is. Sociopath. Stay away from
Him!! Keep your child away
From him - he will hurt the child. If you can move far
Far away. Join a church good
Support system for you and
Baby. Your baby loves you.
You are her/ his world. Prayers
For a good loving future for
You and your child. Pray darling. Read your Bible
Each day for strength, courage, happiness.
@@robinrevell5873 thank you 💖
@@marshamcdonald1475 thank you very much for your support and good words❣️ I'm staying at my mom's house (not in the same town) thank god i saw his real face, he also cheated me..he his a Lupus in Lamb's skin. I pray my baby boy will be safe from his bad ways 🙌💖✨
Morgan: so many of us have
Been affected by this epidemic of Narcs. Thank
God you and baby are now
Safe. PleAse listen to on
UTube : R. C. Blake’s
Queenology! What a queen
Looks for in Mate/King.
Vivian McGrath,
Begood4000
Narc Survivor-- plus
Others on you tube.
So many more excellent
Psychologist, therapist
On You Tube now. Thank
God above for everyone of
Them!!! Study their messages,
Content, . Also it wasn’t
Your fault, do things for
Yourself, take care of yourself,
Practice self ❤️ love. Pray
For yourself, baby and your
Parents. Know that God has
Better plans for your life.
R.C. Blake’s listen to
All his videos. Lessons
For Women . God Bless You.
Denial is such a strong and effective defence mechanism. Almost imperceptible but locks down the bad stuff with such strength. Am only now beginning to ' feel' the presence of it as I slip out of the narcissists dream / nightmare and denial is also withdrawing according to need. Denial kept me from breaking down, kept a lot of the pain at bay. It was both a curse and a gift. Human mind is truly amazing.
I put myself in their shoes; why would I be like this? Overwhelming need to feel significant and powerful. So overwhelming that it over rides and blocks out all other human emotions. Narc state is a halfling state.full adult humanhood has not been achieved. Have been looking into it for a year but see that I'm Only now truly beginning to under stand ; anger is not necessary.. it doesn't make sense, it really is NOT personal! Stay away or play with them but can't be sincere- like you said. Because that makes no sense either.
Ritchie, your very best video. You were a model of Zen throughout. It was so much easier to process your message with this layout. I appreciate you and thank you for helping us victims of narcissistic abuse. Mo
This is another perfect analysis. You are the MAN! The bit I've really struggled with for many years is the need to go submissive when the stonewalling kicks in. It's physical pain and the most distressing experience. He had as many types of silence as the Eskimos have types of snow. It was incredible what fear he instilled in me. It's made me really fearful to any form of silence in other relationships. It's a proper ptsd trigger for me now.
it is a trigger, probably pretty common
Yes, Lou, the variety of silence as a narc tool is incredible. I could write a book just on this topic.
@@robinrevell5873 it's fascinating to me how manipulative it was. It truly disturbed me. I tried to talk to him about it once. How niave was that?!
@@louloukate guilty! I tried many times over the 32 years to get him to understand how bad it was for me. Omg 😂 in hindsight it's like looking back at maybe trying to get a child to go to bed. Only I'm not sure who's the child and who's the adult??? I can't tell you how many times I said, "The silent treatment just doesn't work for me". "Please don't shut down and not talk to me." "I hate it when you won't talk." I was such good fuel for him. Years and years of filtered, high octane, refined, fuel! Insanity when you look back.
@@robinrevell5873 it's do wierd how we can see it once we out if it but they have this power at the time. It's hard "waking up" but I truly hope you are OK and building a stronger life without it. One thing Ive been amazed at is I can now spot a narc at 100 paces whatever the environment or context. It's given me trust issues but I'm stronger and more selective about relationships of every kind. I've found I can walk away if necessary. I rush you all the best and it's so validating to have you understand. Isolation and thinking it was *just me* was another thing he was so accomplished at. Xx
I find this so interesting and true! I’ve had ex partners, a “friend” and I once had a boss at work with this type of personality, they really do carry out most if not all of these tactics! They completely mess with your head! I’m so glad I’ve found these videos explaining it all, thank you for uploading!
Thank you Richard!
It IS as horrific as you've described it.
Just being artificially loved by someone is bad enough!! The rest is absolutely criminal!
Yes, it truly is. It’s ‘nice’ to know that people know that it’s that bad. Even therapists can be clueless or act surprised when you casually mention because it was your living everyday reality the crap that went down.
Stay well, and away. Sometimes I think how nice it would be to unite the real survivors and all have a big festival. Lots of normal people that are kind. What a relieve that would be.
@@sofiaisabella3317 Thank you Sofia. I apologise for the delay. I wanted to reach out to you..... For support of you cause I feel you understand. Bless you. Truly bless you. I hope this message finds you at least ok if not better than ok. Kind regards Warren. PS you are righton let's stick together. Be strong together. Unity is everything in times like this. Kind regards Warren
Thanks Warren, I’m working on it.. 8 years ago collapsed, wanted to get away, a sect I grew up in, sort of in my name even because they saved me from some health issues as they said as a baby, but man the traumatization they injected. Voiced that(kind of a mistake maybe), was smeared and isolated, discarded and threatened over years still. I recently started working again. Trying to handle similar types. I work in health care so the flashbacks were real.
I notice more and more though that I am a great person. I have never caused someone harm, am funny and outgoing.
I’ve had many nasty encounters with health care workers, ‘friends’ over the last few years, that out of the blue starter trashing, which I now know is a devaluation. I cut them off. I now see more and more which people are ok. And safe.
Be well friend, you too deserve a good life! It was good to read your response. Have a great day 🌸
Not sure I was ready for the women screaming... it bothered me.
However, I realize seeing this remix that I am more comfortable with life in general and far more removed from the situations than when I first saw it after having just broken my bond. Realizing how far I have come feels really great.
This is what I've experienced recently and actually probably the last 3 relationships I have had. This video has hit the nail on the head for me so much! Thanks pal.
Exactly how I lived it Thank goodness I am free now . Thank you for explaining the process so clearly .
Richard, you forgot to mention the narcissist's extend of moving quickly into the safe space of the target. The universal "to good to be true" message of the target's subconscious mind. Great analysis of the abuse. The boiling frog.
The narc I knew tried these tactics on me. I didn't know anything about a narcissist at the time. But as I figured him out, I turned the tables on him and started pointing out HIS flaws--and there were plenty! He couldn't take the cruelty that he dished out! Said that I was a "tough one!" I eventually escaped his madness, but I know he would have probably escalated to violence. Beware, narcs hate to be on the losing end, in any situation, and are quite capable of physically assaulting you, just to say they won!
Thank you just out of a narcissist relationship he destroyed me
Richard. Sadly you are spot-on. I appreciate the way in which you describe the tactics the narcissist uses without sugar coating it. There is nothing that can be said to make this nasty reality better. Because of your brutal honesty I have so much more clarity from the evil I have been experiencing from narcissistic torture. I left my narcissistic ex spouse of 18 years however he's severely impacted our children, my oldest with special needs turned into a narcissist. ,He actually was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. I am disabled at this point cannot work my reality is as a mother it's harder to accept that your child is anti-social and what you didn't put up with from your ex-spouse you will tolerate more from your child because it's harder to accept the truth and the reality. Torture and the suffering that I have experience for my ex-spouse has been compounded by taking in a 25 year old young man who is on a mission to destroy me, unlike anything I wanted to see. To the point of my other children calling me in fear that I was going to be killed. Yes they are very angry with me for having to watch and Witness me choosing to endure the torture that I was in denial about. It breaks my heart. The psychological torture of a 25 year old man with encephalopathy, that at 5 years old scored 135 IQ, is unimaginable. Having to call the cops on my son, watching him be arrested is one of the hardest things I had to do but listening to you as you tell it like it is I am able to step back, focus, and regain clarity. I am able to take back my sanity and control over my life instead of being in a world wind of confusion I know exactly what was going on. The tactics are so Crystal Clear each and every one that you've explained and of course I'm a fighter so the more I slot Justin Moore he laid on the torture. It is devastating to know got my child has so much hatred and animosity toward me and came into this house under the guise of love only to destroy me. 1 keeping my youngest son up at night in college telling him how he planned on killing me, and calling your sister crying hysterical saying he was depressed suicidal and going to take his life. 1 his story of depression sadness for his sister to feel sorry for him in the situation in which he was living in was fabricated he was able to get off the phone smoke a joint and play video games. He did not know I was speaking to her at the time. Slowly we all start to catch on which unraveled evil like I've never seen the truth of how he feels about his siblings spewed from his mouth. He said things I would never tell them and he confirmed that he did hate me. knowing I have to have cancer surgery he told me I hope you die on the table. Mostly because he wants the house I'm living in. The family dynamics can be very sick. My wealthy criminal exspouse has threatened all of them to the point of paralyzing them financially if they speak to me. I could never imagined how evil he was and how he would destroy his own children without a care. Divorced 10 years and I am in court for the complex financial crimes he comitted in my name as a banker. The government concluded he assumed my identity. I hope to put this behind me soon. I have never heard someone speak the ugly horrifying truth of how the tactics are evil to the extent in which you did. Thank you.
This is the most clearly I’ve heard someone explain how someone can become a narcissist. Great video thank you
You're getting better and better at explaining things so precisely. You're one of the few very best teachers on this.
You explained what I’ve been going through for almost 40 yrs. I’ve known my marriage was broken for a very long time, but because I have children I decided to stay. I am stuck in this relationship for many reasons. I have learned how to keep myself sane, and this video and many more that are available have been of great help. Thank you again for your insights.
The ONLY vid a person needs to see abt this subject- I never had heard of the "mock execution" concept (other than described merely as another devaluation...anyone that has had the fake-break used on them to be punished for the most trivial of imaginary infractions will understand the difference) despite having watched so many of these videos early on in the process- you have a knack for seeing things others just don't- that was always one part I never felt completely clear on until now-this video is 100 percent dead on!
It's good to revisit this topic (only every once in a while for me personally at this stage) to see just how much progress has been made over time, esp w your C- PTSD work and introducing us to Pete Walker's resources...things are SO clear now, from every which way, when there was a time not knowing up from down. For me-to watch this and understand so clearly what occured without any triggers, without any anger even- and no emotion other than being proud of rebuilding myself into a better person than I ever was before despite every one of these toxic stages of insanity (and more importantly not bypassing the hard work to ensure that there would not be a part 2 with another one of these types) feels nothing short of a miracle...to arrive at a place with a new, healthy sense of self with BOUNDARIES and RESPECT for the self is something I have for the first time in life...so much is because of the info and content you have put out there RG so thank you! What perfect timing and a great ending with one of my favorite quotes...keep up the amazing work!
PS: I loved the editing and the slightly creepy circus type music at the end..just perfect as we no longer have any desire or hope that these clowns can be any other way.
Best video yet on this subject matter and a great one to watch every so often to see how far removed one is from something that once seemed so debilitating and all-encompassing.
That chapter of the book feels closed and it is NOT MY REALITY ANYMORE! Stay safe my friends... 😀 Now time to get back to the business of life 😀
agree at all points!
cheers!
She will never break me, I'm too strong for her narcissism and it drives her absolutely mental. I laugh off attempts of control and usually she gives up, I often get stonewalled though but I'm fully aware of what's happening and that my friends is half the battle.
LOVE YOU! I CAME BACK WITH A FRIEND. YOU'VE MATURED...MISSING THE OLD VIDEOS. YOU SAVED MY LIFE! I SAVED MY LIFE LEARNING YOUR SKILLS!
This is the message I needed to trust my progress. I had doubts about the cool, calm response. It is painful but also delivers so much peace. Thank you Richard!
Sincerely thank you for your content Richard. I still have a lot of healing to do, and your videos have been immensely helpful in this process.
I don't believe i will ever be the same after going through this, i always have my guard up with people now. I like to think that sweet girl is in their somewhere. Great video, thank you.
And...once again...a voice of reason
Thank you sir
Yep. First co-dependent two years I endured the BS merry-go-round, until I woke, the feck, UP! Realised this person DID NOT have my best interests at heart, indeed, they actively wished me harm, and that if I wanted to survive, thrive and eventually get myself free, I had to start playing a much cleverer tactical game. It's been four years now, and the tables have resolutely turned. Sam Vaknin is right, these feckers CAN be trained, but, you will lose part of your soul in the process. My life remains challenging, but manageable, underpinned, always, by a pack my bags and walk out of the door exit strategy if push comes to shove. What I know about myself now is that I am most certainly a powerful, resilient, and resourceful person. Him? Not so much.
Yes, they know what they are doing.
I thought I was doing well and moving on. Didn't have to listen so often to the Spartan Lifecoach anymore. But they came hoovering and it was hard to be strong and remember how evil they were. Watching this was the perfect reminder I needed to remember what they really are. A predator.
I watched my mother go through it. She saw i was becoming like him. She left for her children, but it was too late, damage done. Now I carry this disease and every day I feel him behind my eyes, influencing every aspect of my life. I blame them both. I push everyone out of my life to insulate them the possibility of being effected in any way. At least the bloodline dies here. No future degenerates to reign in hell. My job is done when i die.
You have awareness. You have hope.
I've been through it for years, through the marriage, separate places and shared week off week on custody in the same town, to moving 2 hours away to finish degrees and years of custody visitation legal battles, to them him going out of state manipulating my wealthy widowed mother, and even now as we have grandkids. I could script a life lived through everything he has listed. I enjoy watching your videos. You have a military style approach to teaching I enjoy watching. As through all of this I did manage 214 University College Credits in Psychology, Criminal Justice and Paralegal Courses. As he had lots of money with lawyers I struggled to fight back the best I could. And as a final note I was left with nothing as it was stolen from me.
Richard, this is the best of the best explanations of what we live through in a narcissistic relationship. One of the issues I battled so long with, was and still is the closure. I had no trouble with the "Escape" part. However the aftermath has been the hardest. The 'shadow of the life' and the elements that were there keep popping up just like weeds. The triggers of remembrance still come and I can still feel the loss of a part of me and I just talk to that part and thank it for being so brave to leave and for getting a chance to have a different life. It produces a soothing for me , but that break in my life seems to be permanent, which it is. Your lectures truly help me and others with the damage to life that gets created by a Narcissistic relationship. Some times damage requires a crutch for a long time to keep balance in life and you do and have provided me with that. Thank you so much for all that you. You are truly appreciated.
Great explanation of your experience? I saw the Narcist within 3 months. The very first night I slept with him, he whispered that, he loved me. I made him feel so safe. But, I thought it stemed from his emotional detachment style with his family. He played the victim, but I saw his idenity change through the patters.of behavior. He had no idenity. He had no intimacy, he had coonterdependecy, ect....
I was a special needs NANNY, and a mental health facilitator, so 7 months on and 7 months off wasnt a great deal of my time to loose with him. I played with all the patterns in the third time I took him back, and it was so fun seeing his mask come off and when I showed no emotion oi an r 4e asponces, he disappeared. I'm a gost to him now. Pr9blem is that he lives a minute away. But because I pay no attention to his presence, he doesn't even objectify my being.
Well done.
This is one of your very best videos. The editing really added another dimension.
My parents, my step parents and a bunch of other people. The apologizing part hit me hard, I feel powerless against this abuse against these predators that want to destroy and humiliate me. I don't know how i keep going on, i'm literally crying and going through seizures everyday, but i still have hope that one day i will overcome and be able to help others.
Somehow i have to forgive all these people, so God can forgive me for hating them. Anger is a weakness the first thing a manipulative person does to control you is make you angry, you don't control anger it controls you, anger is a dark spirit, you don't control spirits.
You can be feeling it. Don’t fight it. It won’t destroy you. I promise. If it makes you too sick or painful move back a bit, but go through it. Eventually. Then it will seize to have Any power. I promise. And then you can feel that you can use it as a tool for when it’s reasonably necessary.
This video was made Exactly the same time I started living with a guy like this. He is evil...I'm rn in a struggle its life or death, I've lost my will to eat let alone live. I even turned to drugs to cope and he has his brother and friends helping with the last few steps of my breaking, making me look like I am crazy, destroy my sense of reality and my rep as logical or honest..he is using my malnourishment symptoms from not eating to his advantage and even had me convinced my malnourishment was making me hear people say things or look at me wrong when they really were..today I'm struggling because his mom is trying to unfold the truth and I'm scared that the numbers he has behind him and his being her son will weigh out the chances of the truth being obscured and he may win his sick game..if god exists please god help me😭 I have no family and noone to help me. He has me isolated, told some of his friends that I am crazy, dont like them, or am jealous of them so that they wont help nor back me. Idk what to do, my anorexia had caused me renal failure and other issues and I almost died 😔 I've got nowhere to go, and with this covid-19 pandemic I'm afraid resources are limited for my salvation. I'm going to die if I cant get help or if he isnt found out and truth isnt brought to light. Please pray for me 😭😔
This video is one of the most helpful I've seen to date. Not only has it helped me understand that what I have been living through within my family and some outside relationships, but now I know exactly what I have endured for 50+ yrs.
Thank you for explaining what I have been unable to grasp.
This is the most brutal attack that anyone can ever go through and come out of with their minds in tact. I'm so grateful to have survived my life to date. Thank you
WOW. ( IN ALL CAPS MY ANSWER....) for me this is the clearest, most concise of all the videos I have watched over the last 6 months. I am a carrier artist now 68 years old.
the visuals you used were very powerful to me.
the progression of steps also so clear.
when I got hit with my first nuclear RAGE, insults, gas lighting, I rebelled and ran. each time I would step back. till finally the relationship was dead in about 1 year.
I could not, WOULD NOT, pick up the pieces. I ran and began the divorce. yes I am afraid of his rage and vengeance. but there is no going back.
the only way through , is through. THIS VIDEO IS A KEEPER.
Last year after a 31 year relationship the narc told me that because I no longer wanted to do things, out to eat, local VFW, he was wanting to leave. So I worked on going out with him more and when I said about "improving" his response was "that just made it livable." What was really going on was he was grooming an old/new supply and thought he had her hooked. Life eventse were happening at one time. He retired but worked part time, started spending every waking moment with an old family from his past, his mother deteriorated and passed away. He was ice ice cold during the viewing and funeral. I knew he was with the new supply but he continued to manipulate and play me. The final discard came after I asked who packages were for that were hidden in his closet. The rage and then abandoned me throwing me away like a piece of trash along the highway.💩
Well at least most people didn't believe the smear campaign. Also, I'm proud of myself how I understood when I was being discarded, what was happening although I didn't know about Nrc abuse at the time. Narc was shocked each time I spoke up. After being so submissive for years, I actually was able to insult the Narc. Also told one of Narc's secrets in court. Narc was astounded. It really was by the grace of God. It was very hard and took watching alot of these vlogs for me to shake my loyalty to the Narc.
Yay. Healing the mind/body during the quarantine. We will all emerge in better state than we went in. 💗
I never understood what was happening.
I came with such an open heart and OH BOY, did they see me coming! He and his WHOLE narc family. 47 years later, he seems more than a little confused when I informed him that I couldn't give a good shit about this narc family, in fact, I cared as much for them as they had for me ALL those years.
He said I was cold. I said I had GREAT teachers. Life IS good🙂
I was a patient of a psychiatrist who did to me pretty much everything on that list. Because he's a doctor, you drop your guard, you think he's there to help. Plus, you already are in a vulnerable state to begin with. He ended up filing a criminal complaint against me to make sure I suffer as long as possible. I still can't wrap my head around what happened. It never even crossed my mind that he could have bad intentions. It still doesn't compute.
My Narc ex is a therapist. They hide in Mental Heath/ and The Church quite well
After hearing 8 of them from Richard- last one “discard “ seems like blessing from a total mind f* and abuse on epic scale.
So well put together that should shake all victims out of love with narcs
Woooow. I already went out. I am just sorry for my childhood and youth. But now I am awakened.
Everything done in darkness comes to light one day. A narcissist will intentionally hurt others. They take pleasure in unrighteousness. They have no remorse or guilt in doing so. Then once the breakup occurs. The narc will demonize the victim of the evil with lies. While the abused will demonize the abuser with truth.
My narcissistic abuse experience was from a vulnerable narcissist who would cliff hang herself purposely and expect you to save them, cliff hang herself again and move on to someone else once you can't take anymore and they'll act like the victim as if we just ignored her and never helped her off the cliff once.
These are things that are unimaginable that is until if happens to you and worse still to your children and worse still you become very much awoke to these 9 things you so expertly describe while the kids are not even close to understanding and therefor have no doorway to healing
It’s pure sinister behavior driven by inner demons
Making it tragic for everyone at all involved in its pathology
Hopefully I can get my sister to watch this. She's in a relationship with a Narcissist, I'm seriously worried if she doesn't get out soon she'll end up dead. Either by her own hand or his because now that she's starting to see it and fight back he's getting very unpredictable and scary.
S.D. Agee I hope she gets out safely.
My advice, such as it is, as someone that has been there, do not 'fight back', do not change behavior, just prepare to leave, and then get out as soon as you are able. Do not show strength.
@@Peteyzee98 why?
@@Peteyzee98 Trolling again? Go away.
My only sin was I spoke up
He called the cops on me and blame shifted
After all that he says why don't you kill your self reapeatly
Those clips feel like the story of my life
I feel Disappointed wuth my self how could I allow some one to treat me like this
Still healing
The second narcissist literally turned to me one night and said... "There's just something inside you I can't break..." He literally said that and I did almost take my own life in the end but he did literally
say those exact words.
He even said to me I live in my own world! This is madness it was like he was telling me what he was doing.
The smear campaign is still going on now 8 years later...
That's horrible! Sorry you went through the things that you did and are still going through a smear campaign. Reading what you wrote, I got chills because I am beginning to realize that everything I was accused of doing/thinking/believing (shocking to hear from my ex btw) had to do with her? Maybe she was just projecting what she was doing or thinking about and accusing me of those things. That is disturbing and hard to swallow.
@@gemini_man66 it is difficult, it is shocking but when you face it head on and out the right bounderies on place, you can protect yourself, your sense of self, I sometimes wish I could reveal to the world in some way how this person pulls people apart and conceals his true self, but I'm not an omniscient being and I can't change time, only myself, there's power in that, you can do this but all those questions you have all those things you suspect are probably true, trust your survival instincts, we've got chills for a reason. X
@@bethankrzowski4553 Appreciate your kind words. Interesting that I was just thinking of starting a channel called "Name That Narc" to have others share their stories... serving a purpose of telling the world and saving others from perpetual emotional turmoil and destruction. Then, I balanced out and as you stated, there's power in rebalancing ourselves and not losing our integrity in such things. So far it's been one week no contact and healing one day at a time. X
@@gemini_man66 you can do this! Thankyou for your support also. Contact and understanding can help rebuild, lets build towers, lets build cities, lets build empires! I get carried away I know, but I do appreciate human kindness (co-dependant tendencies here) and I do hope you feel better in due time. It's clear from your words that you are a self analytical person, there's so much to be gained when you can climb the walls of your own towers and see.
@@bethankrzowski4553 You seem to be one of the good ones. Love your words and there is absolutely nothing wrong with getting carried away with motivational energy and optimism! I'm the same. I'm one of those that believe the world would be a much better place with love. The Gemini in me is like, "yeah, but hate needs to exist as well for balance." Nevertheless, my default is kindness and totally felt your energy when reading your comment...let's be the master builders we truly are 😉
And Thank You.
I did my best to take notes:
1. Idealization (Love-bombing) "You are The One!"
2. Devaluation & Isolation. Make you feel worthless. Isolate you from family, friends, and feedback. Make you feel bad about yourself and about your ability to think.
3. Gaslighting. Makes sure you doubt your own sanity. Convince you that your perception of reality is wrong. Manuvers reality to make you feel like you are losing your mind.
*First three are to break you from your own beliefs, and from your own communities. If you resist, there will be a...
4. Mock execution. Show you a taste of what it would be like to lose them/threatening to leave or dump you. Then not doing it.
5. Trauma bonding: They treat you as though they are your savior from pain, and also act like the demon from whom you need rescuing. Causes tremendous bonding. You will become more childlike. They need total mindless submission.
6. Cliff hanging. We want conclusion/closure. They stop short of closure. Keep us on edge, never seeing how it will (or could) come out.
7. Venegance. They punish and ignore you if they don't get what they want.
8. Stonewalling. They give nothing when you are in need.
9. Destroy your reputation. A wound that will not heal even if you part.
10. (9 in video) Brutal discard. Deliberate to induce as much stress, trauma, and pain as possible.
Dominance is a core issue for them.
To do:
Be a good tactician.
Be zen.
Be cool and detached, especially from emotions.
Be calm.
Put all the space you can between stimuli and response.
Take stock of your enemy.
Abandon all real comminication with the insincere.
You need a strategy.
Stay cool, calm, and carefully look/watch what each of you are doing.
Idealisation is close to the next stage - isolation. They say how wonderful you are, nobody understands that, it isn't worthy to communicate with such people (family, friends etc.).
My mum and exhusband often gaslit me by hiding my things or they simply replaced everything in the house. I remember now how nervous i became. I thought i lost my memory and got crazy. I was not sure of anything and stay "normal" only because of rather strong moral principles (as they can be in a person with CPTSR).
I suppose they have another brain and it is not only a result of a childhood trauma.
Being slightly over the hill with this stuff, I would say; detatch emotionally from that situation, yes, but do not get detatched from your emotions completely! This is something that fucked with me, being a caring person, and then coming to think that maybe I shouldn’t be caring, cause that makes me exploitable and weak.. “trust no one, don’t be nice to people, take advantage of them before they take advantage of you” were thoughts that crept into my head.. I think a lot of people react that way and develop toxic narcissistic traits themselves, and a bleak worldview of power struggles, as presented in the video. You may be blinded right now by that flashgrenade that just blew up in front of your face and only see this stuff everywhere, so try to focus on the other caring people in your life and on genuine, caring, nontoxic powerful people that you can look up to and take as role models.. Note that these role models will probably show assholish behavior as well sometimes, but usually they are just trying to stand up for themselves and their goals, as opposed to trying to put other people down. Also, standing straight for your beliefs, values, goals and wishes, and sometimes not pleasing other people and maybe stepping on some toes because of that, is absolutely ok and sometimes even necessary! You know that your end-goal is a happier life for you and the world, and not total submission of other people! And to that first noble end-goal, some lines may need to be stepped over occasionally, and your boundaries need to be under your control, meaning; you control who can do what with you and how much you let them into your world. Also there is research showing that narcissists tend to lose in the long run, what with all the bridge-burning behavior. They usually won’t be happy (unless they are psychopathic maybe) and you won’t be happy as well, if you try to go down that path. Happiness comes first, then comes success in career and life, not the other way around! So learning to love oneself without any conditions attached, is the first and most important step. Still working on that one myself, so just keep at it 👌
It's good to embrace our "shadow" side. There is no way in hell that I could ever develop narcissistic tendencies that'd be harmful to others. I just don't have that in me; it goes deeper than just being traumatized into lifetime co-dependency. However, the love and light philosophy definitely played a role in my tendency to attract one narc after another. I like a worrier approach that's in Rich's videos and learning to stand up for myself from a non-reactive place.
Same
Brings me to tears and realization of survival ! Thank you Richard for showing us the exact order they practice successfully, I pray to God for their payback after all the abuse , what goes around comes around!
Love you! You are just what people, who are going through narc abuse, need. You are clear, concise, and down to earth. Thank you.💜
Timestamps:
9 Methods of Narc Abuse
0:22 Method #1: Idealization
1:16 Method #2: Isolation
2:33 Method #3: Gaslighting
3:33 Method #4: Purpose
4:42 Mock Execution
6:18 Method #5 : Submission
8:46 Method #6 : Cliffhanging
9:57 Method #7 : Stonewalling
11:09 Method #8: Destroy
12:14 Method #9: Brutal Discard
"Know Yourself, know your enemy, be Zen like and detach!"
Great video Richard and Asheem!
"Sensei, doumo arigato gozaimasu"😘
Thank you
I know I’m late to the video, but I am still a part of your audience that is in battle. I appreciate the wit you have armed me with. I am going to seek even more truth from your videos to remind myself of all the pain I truly feel to sever the connection. I can’t get away from him. He doesn’t control me, yet I can’t stop going back to him. I know I deserve better, but I desire his presence. Finding someone to fill the gaps is difficult. The truth is, it needs to be me. The only reason he was able to slip into myself so close is because those are the gaps that I let fall away. I won’t need him if I can do it better. It’s very difficult to desire love and only find psychopaths or narcissists who want to strip you of all you are proud of. Because they are so worthless, it’s the only enjoyment they can savour. These sick individuals don’t deserve any chance, yet they are masters of manipulation, deception, and spend so much time observing, it is all they can live for. All I can do for closure is to keep watching these types of educational videos so I can end our connection myself. I deserve better! Thank you for the brutal lesson. Growth is key!
My God, this is the best explanation of Narcissism EVER!!!Thank you!👌🌟💥🧚♀️
It's so good to hear you describing the 10,000 battles. It's hard to keep one's Good when the Battles of Bad are always trying to strip it away 👹
They want people to think that you are the bad person you have the promblem and they don’t like it when you ignore them or won’t react to there negative comments ::which makes them even more crazy
My recent ex narcissist fought hard to get me back & he did change knowing his anger & disrespect would not be tolerated. It pleasantly surprised me each time he was calm when in the past would have exploded. This gave me hope for our future together, after all I came back because I truly loved him & wanted him. All was good & progressing & we decided to get Wyatt our puppy. I wanted a puppy for so long but I did leave the final decision up to him. I fell in love with Wyatt & us our little family it was so great. But that was short lived as he kept his anger or explosions under raps, he elevated into high gear his orders like a drill Sargent even telling me " stop telling me what you think, do what I say when I say it period " . It was so degrading making me feel less than human at times I found myself in my mind struggling to remind myself of who I am, beautiful important genuine trustworthy etc.
In the same day he told me I love you, a couple hrs later he came to me & said are you going to take Wyatt or I'll just pay you back your half. That was it, were broken up.
I couldn't take Wyatt, my Lease specifically said no pets. He took my Wyatt away & what I believed was my love, my future husband.
I really don't see how I'll ever trust a man with my pure love again,,the pain is unreal....
Thank you so much for your videos! I have had zero experience with narcissism at least not on the level of my ex. Understanding has paved my healing path, I'm getting there, can't wait to feel whole & be me again.
Thank you again- your amazing...
I relate to all 9... that's why this divorce is amazing, never been happier
Thank you so much!!!! I’m currently going through the Brutal Discharge Process and I can personally say it’s simply horrific!
This is both spooky and horrific. I feel like you have made this video just to describe what I have endured over the last 10 years of my life. I just wish it made me feel better. 😔
While quite disturbing, the info was on-point, and the humor was not lost on me. Well done! 👌🏼
Thank you from my heart and soul. I have watched thousands of hours on the covert npd. I am currently in the stonewall phase and this is very helpful. You are a wonderful communicator and I will continue to watch many of your instructions.
This is EXACTLY how it all happened, Richard! Thank you for your work, as you are helping us all recover and avoid further damage. God Bless you MORE.
Thank you for the explanations of life's experiences and journey in the realm of narcissistic abuse - providing the presentation of awareness and understanding . Your messages have been a catalyst for my awakening. Namaste and love.
If you ever want to hear a real story of an 18 year old , who meets, marries, has 3 children , but doesn’t leave till she turns 44. She is 50 now and can provide you with the true story of a woman’s life with a narcissist turned megalomaniac and then the aftermath of leaving and the almost 7 years of still unable to be free of every trigger and every memory . And she ain’t gonna have any EST to rid her of her past .. I can give insight into true PTSD... lived 26 years of it and still, after thirty something years , I still struggle but I want to help others from what I have learnt xx
Yes, zen like. I follow Eckhart Tolle who teaches presence and it has been a godsend to learn the teachings.
This one is the best video on those demons' background EVER!!! Blessings from Estonia.
Yes they are evil, and they know their evil and they love being evil. Thanks mate.
Yay my comment got my first like on Richard's channel, lol. Thanks for your kindness.
This video made me feel sick... this is exactly how my father treated my mother and subsequently, his children...