STOP Chasing A Specific Person & Instead Do This!
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ต.ค. 2024
- This is the #1 mistake people make when trying to improve their social skills... This video will show you how to fix it!
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JULIEN's INSTAGRAM: / julienhimself
Julien Blanc (AKA JulienHimself) is a Swiss-born, U.S.-based self-help speaker, entrepreneur and transformational coach.
Since 2010, he has been traveling around the world and has personally coached tens of thousands of clients face to face... Empowering them to create massive success in their lives!
His record-breaking programs Transformation Mastery, Transformation Mastery Live, Transformation Mastery Live Advanced, Transformation Mastery Academy & Transformation Mastery Mentoring help people around the world achieve the HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & HAPPINESS they deserve!
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STOP Chasing A Specific Person & Instead Do This!
How to improve your social skills! In this video, Julien Blanc (AKA Julien Himself) reveals how to stop chasing people! Discover how to stop being needy and insecure... By doing so, you will instantly become more attractive by giving off an attractive vibe, and people will chase you!
Discover how to learn social skills and how to improve your social skills.
#julienblanc #julienhimself
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I have hands!!! 🤣
@@kurtl6126 😂
I love the pen concept, so I wrote a list of all the pens I was carrying around with me, thank you for this. I do wish the whole video hadn't ended on a masterbation joke as I was going to use this in an official setting and I'm still debating if it'd go over well or if I could stop the vid early. Either way, thanks again.
@@idiopathic Glad this was helpful! And yes, that type of humor is part of authentic my personality... 😉
@@JulienHimself yea it wasn't even over the top or in poor taste really, the setting i wanted to use it in just wouldn't really alow that is all lol
‘If they leave, I’m back to being not good enough.’ - This explains all of my relationships so far. Now I know why. I gotta learn to see myself as a full person, someone who is enough on their own. Dang.
Glad this was insightful!
Same here....I feel like I cannot do all the things like grocery shopping,house chores just making everyday decisions on my own.....but I am learning that it is not as overwhelming as I feared. Wife left me after many years together....I think she is already seeing someone after just 3 weeks.
@@digidrum2003yea it’s crazy how quick they are already with someone else… makes you wonder doesn’t it? Def needed to see this video ngl
You got this!! You are strong 💪🏻 ❤
@@DanielLeaf Indeed. Never sign a contract where one party is paid too break it. She's going to break another sucker, just wait.
I love the analogy that if you wouldn't say it to your kids don't say it to you. Or if your child felt guilty you wouldn't make them feel that way for years. It's so true. I've been pretty harsh on myself I think because I'm a bit of a perfectionist. Loving and respecting yourself must come first and then you'll have a foundation to enter a relationship with someone.
Yes! Glad that part spoke to you! 👌
That's a good one I agree
Just when will you wake up and decide "I'm good enough"? Guess what? It'll never happen. So just do the things you want to do while you're around to do them.
Im taking that one with me
7:00 “nothing can diminish me, nothing can enhance me” Beautiful.
Yes! 🙌
F**** yes!!!!!
helped me alot
If they leave or walk away, sure it'll hurt like hell. But you'll still be you, and that's all that matters. ❤
Following you since the old days. After one year of inner work and letting go of cringe, awkwardness, self attack, severe trauma and pain I finally stopped self destruction. Years of heavy drug use, overdoses, dozens of emergency hospitalizations, isolation. Now I am Clean, new friends, job interview, healthy lifestyle without pressure maintaining it.
I'm literally crying while typing this because my whole family can finally stop worrying about me.
If there is a Karma bank account in the universe you are one of the richest people on this planet, because you have no idea how huge the butterfly effect of your work is.
You are the best distillation device of selp help in the space and I thank you so much.
“Distillation device” is such a great way of putting it!! I’m glad you’re doing better - keep it up, cause you deserve a safe and fulfilling life 😊
I’ve learnt that fear of loss can lead to you not being your true self, lying about who you are, and not speaking your mind meaning you end up telling friends about relationship problems --> a huge mess
Haven't watched your videos in at least 8 years. Just gotta say you changed the way I look at myself, got me to approach more women, increased my self confidence, and helped me have better relationships. Glad to see you still helping other young men out there. Cheers.
I’ve done a lot of self healing through tapping into communication with my inner child and telling myself things like “what would Little Me think or say about this that or the other?” “Do it for little me” or “don’t do that to Little Me” and it’s helps me immensely
thank you for this
This is so true
Reading this made me cry. I’ve been lately feeling like I’m not good enough and In feeling this way started with destructive habits of jealousy, fear , doing things that make others happy but not myself. Again reading this made me realize that little me wouldn’t want me to feel that way at all. Instead he’d want me to be happy , to enjoy the experience ,and to be excited on how far I’ve come.
So thank you!!
@@whiskeyandrum2504 and now your comment made me cry 😭😭😭 I really hope you are feeling better right now. I wish you all the best, mate
Im stuck in an area where I’m obsessing over the woman I loved who broke up with me 5 weeks ago. The advice in this video may help me to face the situation and actually accept what happened and hopefully move forward with my life
I’m sorry to hear that. Breakups seem like a small thing but when it happens to you, it can feel like your life is ruined. My advice is to not do anything that would ruin her respect for you (don’t obsessively call or text) and with enough time, it’ll be far back in your rear view mirror.
Same bro, 4 weeks lol, I'm blocked from everywhere
@@Dapryor thank you for the kind words. I’ve managed not to txt,call,or go over to her place to see her since the break up. Not going to lie but it has been the most difficult time of my life
@@ricricri lol I’m not sure if I’m blocked. Haven’t tried reaching out
@@sinisterkyle4884 it's okay we'll get better with time, i wish i can forget her soon
Undoing brain washing one person at a time, thanks Julien, I’m glad you got the opportunity to help so many people you’re pretty good at getting your messages across.
I used to think being in a relationship will fulfill me and I ended up being in an abusive relationship and then in a “settling” relationship with a person who just wasn’t right for me. I’m learning now to let go of this fear of being alone and let go of guilt tripping myself for those choices. I still want a family one day but I’m accepting that, first and foremost, I need to be content with myself and accept my life as the great learning lessons that brought me here.
Big sign that I’m on the right path is that six months ago, I was super attracted to a very interesting and successful but super damaged alcoholic. Because I related to his trauma and self-destruction. I’m not that person anymore. I don’t find self-destruction and using childhood trauma as excuses relatable anymore.
Thank you for this video. It’s helping me continue on the right path.
That's really good advice, if you are with someone that shares your trauma, then you'll never/it will be harder to work on yourself.
This video came at the perfect timing, I am in the midst of waves of trying to know why I am so resistent to being in a relationship. Its quite opposite to what you said, I am not needing or attached but more on the resistent and fearing of abandonment if I get into one. I also love what you said on two wholes coming together and forming a relationship, not the other person completing the other. Thank you! 🙏🏻
You're so welcome! Be sure to dive into and LET GO of that resistance/fear of abandonment! 👌
Anxious avoidant attachment style
@@kevinlow69420 I figured I am
You just have a lot of trauma and baggage from past relationships. You're damaged goods and that's okay, you need to seek happiness in yourself and not in others. Be free with yourself
@@JulienHimselfhow do u do that??
Yes! It’s like you’re the parent yelling to everyone “please love my kid! Cause I don’t know how to!”. Key is to love yourself and inner child because all this time all you needed was you. Everything else is just circumstantial and not a reflection of your worth. Had to learn this the long and hard way 🙃
"Happiness is just around the corner." Keep chasing it, or open your eyes and stop this illusion.
This has just made me totally realise how i have been feeling for the last 1 1/2 years after a break up from a long term relationship. Thank you so much, i need to now change how I think about myself.
I’ve been listening to this guy since 2016. Bruh is so underrated.
Needed to hear a lot of this. I have some pretty deep fears that my partner will leave me, and also know that’s based on my own self acceptance issues. Thank you for sharing your insight and knowledge. Always working to be better, progress not perfection. Thank you!
If they want to leave, open the door for them.
@@samusaran7317 Chad quote
It was always the saying “love yourself first”. To me, it was just a cliché that everybody was saying and I couldn’t really connect with it. Your presentation here made me finally realise what everyone was talking about. Thank you for this. You used wonderful metaphors and great arguments and explained this to everyone better than anybody else. Well done and thank you for this.
I've been studying attachment and Buddhism and have been going through a tough break up and it's funny how succinctly and masterfully communicated some of the more complex concepts I've come across are in this single vid. Excellent
This cannot come at a better time than now. This a great slap to my face so I can become better 😅 cause, tbh... I am addicted to the needyness now. To the point where, I'm already being treated so badly in my Relationship, them moving away from me, but me still chasing them. I have cut all contact with them now. And, I'm trying my best to rest and hold back the urge to Unblock and try to pursue them again. I want to end my cycle of needyness. I've been extremely hard on myself all of my life, but, I'm starting to take care of myself bit by bit. Trying to Love the me that has been neglected for so long. Cause, it's true. 'what if Faith or the Universe decides you'll be alone forever?' Then all you've got is yourself. And if you hate yourself, then it's gonna be so hard to Live. I'm still a long way from healing but, I'm taking it step by step
I'm going through a difficult phase in my life and relationship and this is exactly what I needed. Thankyou brother.
Stay strong brother/ sister etc life isn't hopeless happiness is never far away although it may seem that way.
I do think people are better humans when they’re in a relationship with a partner that’s good for them
True in most of the cases, it varies person to person
friendships can provide that same boost
I am single, so don't talk nonsense. Friendships can do the very same!
This makes no sense… if you get into a relationship because someone is „good for you“ you get into a relationship out of lack.
When you’re whole you have no such definitions for relationships…
This is so targeted to my complex inner issues I love it.
Thank you for this insightful perspective on relationships and human connections. Like you said: Disney and Hollywood glorify the idea of finding your soulmate and completing each other. Thus setting up the frame that we are not good enough on our own and need someone else to make us whole.
All you get out of that is fear of loss and manipulation in relationships.
Most people live in scarcity and have never actually experienced love, but rather attachment and craving. The first person they meet, they NEED to keep, because who else will they find ?
That's why it's so important to come into a relationship from a place of abundance.
Thanks for the video Julien.
What if you’re not attractive and don’t have many options, how do you have an abundance mindset then?
@@ketz_165Everyone is attractive if he looks and is healthy. That person has to go to the gym and makes himself attractive. And attraction is nog the mainstream beauty. Its that aura that you take with you on your face. That maonstream beauty is also something we conditioned it.
One thing I always notice is that it never can be forced, yet, love happens when we least expect it.
Holy molly, I came to this mindset recently, I enjoy taking care of myself. Your idea of "don't tell yourself stuff you wouldn't say to your kid" is perfect mantra. Thank you for this video.
What about a fat person needing to get in shape? Is that a pen? Or should you love yourself?
Hah, except if you’d be the kind of parent who mistreats, insults and resents your child. And all with the mindset: I mean well and want just the best for you….
☠️
Thank you. Love the humouristic touch along with a great speech/message. I like how you change your voice occasionally and that you sometimes asks questions and pauses. It was a very nice 18 minutes to listen to this and I hope this will help me with my neediness and the way I feel about being alone. I have been more fine being alone before but since I got a dog to take care of, my mental state has become worse. Now my dog is rehomed and I try to "find myself" again and build myself up. Thank you for this!
A soul connection is a resonance between two people who respond to the essential beauty of each other's individual natures, behind their facades, and who connect on this deeper level. This kind of mutual recognition provides the catalyst for a potent alchemy. It is a sacred alliance whose purpose is to help both partners discover and realize their deepest potentials. While a heart connection lets us appreciate those we love just as they are, a soul connection opens up a further dimension -- seeing and loving them for who they could be, and for who we could become under their influence. This means recognizing that we both have an important part to play in helping each other become more fully who we are....A soul connection not only inspires us to expand, but also forces us to confront whatever stands in the way of that expansion.
This is not attachment and is definitely not unhealthy, but I understand that the general concept of "soul mate" would appear to be one of "you complete me"
Pretty words, but he's trying to hammer home a more basic point that many guys need. Plus, all this "alchemy" talk you used is the type of cosmic soul-joining quasi-religious language that makes men put women on pedestals and act Beta.
This is really interesting! I've recently started to love myself more and more and now I'm waaay more confident than I used to be! I still think I'm not confident enough yet, but I'll continue to try to improve!
Interesting point of view, I also feel we're social beings, human contact is important at some point, kind of hard to say to someone who never get touched by the opposite sex to not be needy. That person would need to be touched to realize if it's that good or not. Some stuff need to be done, mistakes need to be made, good things need to be lived. I don't think it's that simple with all those emotions we have as humans
My personal take-away was that you have to understand the motivation behind the need. It would be a problem If someone thought their life would be terrible/less worth living because they never touched someone of the opposite sex.
You have to do what you can to be content with yourself every day. If you make your self-worth conditional (and on something external) you'll miss what's good now.
I totally agree with you, at some point you have a work to do on yourself learning how to be content with yourself is of course an honorable journey, certains primary needs are still gonna make your life a pain in the arse, having enough food, having a warm place you can rest, and being confort with human contact for exemple are critical things if you want to fulfill your life, I invite you to check the Maslow Pyramid that give a good overall idea about how to feel accomplished in your life :3 it's a very interesting one@@gaycryptidhours
Hey Julien, i know you always get a lot of shit on these videos and i would just like to remind you what an amazing human being you are and the fact that you bring insane value to this world, especially to those who are actually willing to listen and make big changes to become a better self.
Always remember that despite the critics your value will never diminish so on behalf on humanity I would like to thank you for being so kind and sharing your wisdom with us.
All the best ❤️
🙏🙏🙏
Nice take of self-love and self-fulfilment. You can’t truly love someone else until you are satisfied and comfortable with yourself.
Yes! Glad this resonates!
Thanks for this video... Lately I felt i was being too attached to a friend of mine. And it got so extreme to the point that i couldn't pass a day without talking to her at least once. Naturally, she felt a bit uncomfortable and advised me to distance ourselves for a bit... Even i couldn't understand myself why did i get so severely attached and obsessed with her... I have to get myself back. Thanks again 💖
14:14 this kind of thinking "Would I say that to someone I care about" is what actually got me through my existential crisis. It's really simple, but crazy how little we actually think in that regard.
I tried explain this exactly to people in Twin Flame community and they almost exploded from anger. 😅 It's so sick to think that we aren't complete and someone else can give us sense of value or meaning of life.❤
must be some immature twin flame community, lol.. because truly spiritual people understand a Twin Flame or "soulmate" is here to compliment and challenge us further, not "complete" or fill our voids... lol
What is the Twin flame community?
True that's bullshit I've been there too it's so silly
Oh god I did hang in one in a while I felt I landed in a mental hospital. Retraining orders against them were in place from them twin flames, some were in a "TF connection" with famous singers, and the guru proclaimed he was Jesus reincarnated.
Most people I’ve met who talk about twin flames get smacked silly by their other half
I always say I’ve never been in love. And it’s true because I never truly loved myself. Now I do. I trust that the next time I find someone it will be love, because I wouldn’t accept anything less
Glad you now love yourself!
I feel like it's impossible to get rid of needs, but it's healthy to work towards "yes I have needs, but without acomplishing them, i'll still be ok"
I struggle with self love, self respect and self commitment so much. This video actually just helped me… it put a lot of things in perspective. I seriously need to… do better. I write music… and have been for years. Every relationship I have ever gotten into… destroyed me. I always end up giving everything to that person… and lose myself. To the point where I am dysfunctional around others. I wish to be and feel like a complete human. But damn nah you right af I DO have hands!
He’s right in his core message. You need to love yourself and not depend on anyone/anything for your happiness because life is unpredictable, but he can’t say more money or better relationships won’t make you happier, because they will. I am a witness to it.
As long as you know how to use the money and your relationships florish.
It truly is a nightmare thinking something or someone is needed to complete the circle. Once the realization of self completion dawns, everything else begins to fall into place.
Thanks a lot for this video. I was needy of friends all the time but I learnt to be happy with myself. All 40yrs, someone will come and complete me. I stopped searching 3days ago and today I am watching this video. That is life
In vice Versa, my girl friend or boy friend may got bored very soon and neglected in past . It broke me very badly because I never loved myself all these 40 yrs. but I am happy now , love myself , happy myself
Thanks man, I have been struggling with this always, I haven't been treating myself well and I promise I'll treat myself like I would to a loved one.
Glad this resonated with you! Let me know if you’d like my help with this btw: application.julienhimself.com
❤ I have been going through this transformation internally, but people around me cannot understand it. They have such a resistance to accepting me that It feels as if I am isolated. I just keep getting this sense that it should feel BETTER not worse.
I saw your video pop up many times and always scrolled passed it. I'm not chasing anyone, I have no potential love interests, so I'm not needy don't need to watch that.
This is exactly what I needed to watch. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I consider that I used to be a blind person and you have given me sight.
Put in a way that makes 100% sense, brilliant.
Thank you.
You are so welcome! Thank you for giving my content a chance and I'm glad it's been insightful for you! 🙏
Damn, I watched you all the way back in the early 2010s, you are one of the ones who made me make my own self-dev channel (not this one). You guys were WAY ahead of the game back then. You've still got it. Grats on the kids too.
Thanks! 🙏
SUMMARY : ~Stop chasing things they not gonna satisfy your need You are good on your own ...example : If you think you need relationship to be happy you will still be unhappy because of the *fear of loosing it* (or you'll want more and more from that relationship like a greedy person) The more you need something the more you experience neediness
Thank you.
lol, wrong summary
@@cristiplopeanu hey i have some questions can you answer it to me if yes then listen
So is it not worth chasing to build a good physique is it not worth chasing money for ourself for our parents and for our good ? Should we just settle down as it is ?
@@prathameshbafana1093 Hi, bro! Thanks for the questions, these are really nice questions.
A simple model of us is:
Physiology -> Emotions, Feelings -> Thoughts -> Behaviors.
"Chasing" things means the Emotions, Feelings and Thoughts that we experience while we're engaged in different activities are of low-frequency (commonly known as 'negative'): Fear, Anxiety, Anger, Sadness.
But we have the choice to engage in the SAME activities, while experiencing high-frequency emotions, feeling and thoughts (commonly known as 'positive'): Appreciation, Love, Beauty, Gratitude.
The Problem is that we should not decide what to do or not do, the problem is that we should decide what to feel and not feel.
@@prathameshbafana1093 Here's an example:
1. Low-frequency Energy
- Action: Chasing Money
- Emotions: Fear, Loneliness, Sadness
- Thoughts: Why some people are so lucky and have lots of money!?
! LOGIC: I will be happy only after I make more money.
2. High-Frequency Energy
- Action: Earn Money
- Emotions: Appreciation, Gratitude
- Thoughts: "Earning money is hard, but also satisfying. I might not have a lot right now, but I can always learn to make more."
! LOGIC: Learning how to earn money is a responsibility I take in order to live my dream life.
I lost my closest friend because of my excessive neediness, i feel empty. After this video ik there's a lot of work to be done, I'm glad i found ur yt Chanel
"What is Love? It's Two WHOLE poeple coming together and there's a certain synergy that happens called love. Otherwise it's attachment.
When you understand that too you realize that most people have never actually experienced love. They only experience attachment and craving. "
DAMN!!! THAT'S DEEP AND REALLY CAUGHT ME !!
THANK U !!
Two weeks ago I broke off a relationship with someone I knew for 6 months. Was an LTR for these last 2 months. Really thought we could be a team, she seemed to "get me" like almost no one else. Once in the LTR, she completely changed for the worse. There was gaslighting, increasing disrespect, extreme double standards and jealousy (everyone in my life was a threat to her) on her part. Nothing added up. In a heated argument about these double standards and her untrustworthy behavior (she was being manipulative & "telling on herself"), I left and there's been no contact since. We had both made comments like this could be the love of our lives, & we're a bit older (Owen's age). In my research since, she is textbook NPD and BPD. I have been around the block, but this has thrown me - the amount of trauma in a short period of time. I need healing and peace.
Sorry to hear about your experience... Definitely a lot to process and let go of. Let me know if you'd like my help: application.julienhimself.com
I experienced this 2 years ago, i was in too deep & she was the reason I discovered what the word that describes that excuse for a human being, narcissist. It got so bad that no matter how horrible she spoke to me, i didnt let it bother me, & id tell her, “cmon u dont mean that stuff but go ahead i know u are frustrated & so self loathing that you have to say those things to me” (she would tell me shes happy my mother died in front of me & that my mother hated me & im the reason etc) idk why i was stuck on the girl i met the first 2 months, who was so amazing that i couldnt believe it (lovebombing to the max) & i never knew anything about the fact someone could even think of manipulating a guy who they just met with bigger plans to destroy me/our excuse for a relationship
what is LTR? Long term relationship?
Howdo you go from 6 mo to ltr 2 mo. So after 4 mo its ltr? Come on man
This is what i needed to hear ♡ after being hurt so many times its easy to fall into bad habits. Time to self-reflect and find myself before I rush into anything again 😊
How do you make a heart like that? 😮
@@8all8at8once8 its through my keyboard on my phone under symbols rather than the TH-cam ones ♡
All I can think about when I listen to this is bojack in that Netflix show bojack horseman and how much I relate to him
It’s one of the best videos about relationships’ psychology and motivation I’ve ever seen. Thanks!!
I dont understand selflove and selfrespect before i knew this video .thank you i am trying to understand to love myself the whole time .
The tones and accents keep me SO engaged. I love the expressions, it's how I emote lol this was FANTASTIC. I am so glad I watched this.
Honestly I wasn't going to post this because of the amount of shame I still feel for being that type of guy and getting manipulated by the person I least expected it from my childhood friend/girlfriend cause that's how the relationship felt even though we where just friends for over 10 years since kinder up to a sophomore I would be the needed one but once I stopped or slowed down the need then she would pull back and then that would make me need her again and it wasn't even that I need her cause I've learned to be independent from a young age but it was the fear of someone else having her and her not wanting to be friends no more .the craziest thing is that I thought it was real love since we started that relationship when we where kids and maybe it was but then it just turned into an attachment in the end she made me chase her again so I did then she pulled back . I finally saw the pattern and decide not to chase for once and that was the last time I saw her 😮😢😊😅
I think we generate this feeling of wanting to be with another to simply motivate ourselves to do that very thing. Simple as that. There is a good reason to want to be with someone else and one of those reasons is making a baby. If you had a throbbing desire to get a pen to "make you whole" you now have a pen to write and draw with. Which is HUGELY beneficial.
Thank you for what you do.
I needed to hear this about not being enough.
I've always knew I'm enough.
But I've forgotten about.
Eating dinner alone has been easy for me years ago.
Before being married for 15+y and divorced now. An not been single for many years. So I forgotten what I was like before being married. An I'm learning who I am again.
It's been driving me crazy because of not remembering me before marriage.
I have adhd so I forget things fairly easy and it's hard to get those thoughts back without a outside spark to bring the thought back.
That's what this video helped me to remember.
Thank you again.
Dude, this is effin great talk! Much wisdom in nearly every point made in here, very impressive but also very relatable.
Thanks so much! Glad this resonates!
I love that on top of delivering good life advice, you're also a comedian who delivers a lot of funny analogies to make your point. 😅
I needed to hear this. I would get anxious and overcompensate to make up my self worth 😢
Your video is knowledgeable, humorous, and enjoyable! Thank you.
You're so welcome! 🙌
The fact that is appeared at my page. I am so glad. This is brillant. The fact that we don't respect ourselves and don't care about ourselves and say shitty things to ourselves is sad but that's the truth
While I understand and agree to the most part, humans are wired to partner and be close with other humans. We do need eachother but there’s a fine like between codependency and need in a healthy way.
Relationships is not about 2 people mending each other, it's about 2 happy people sharing their happiness.
Yeah, no. That's just what today's selfish society convinces themselves. We all need someone, be it family or friends. Life is about helping each other and completing each other. It makes no sense to say it's okay to need family and friends, but the moment you say you need someone who happens to be someone you love romantically, suddenly it's wrong. It's one thing to not be able to function without another person. That isn't good or healthy. One shouldn't base their life on finding someone to share it with, but love is still the driving force behind everyone who isn't a narcissistic selfish pos. It is the thing that truly makes life wonderful and worth it.
This Gentleman has a Great way of Articulating common Problems and Frustrations that Most of us Bury deep within ourselves, or contemplate in deep moments of Alone-ness. Confession of one’s pain is a large key to Open the doors of Healing
“if I could just and this wall could be anything get to partner and be in a relationship then I would be whole again. If I could just accomplish x amount of success then I'll get the missing piece back and I'll be whole so it's this self-generated lack where you choose I'm not good enough as I am I'm putting the part of me behind this wall and then you chase it as opposed to no I am whole as I am and sure I can go after this goal but before or after I'm whole and nothing affects my self-worth.”
Wow, just wow. This line is really fucking meaningful to me cause I've been through a heart-broken time. And after that incident I always thought "Iam not enough for her, I regret doing this and that..." Now I know Iam worthy and I can work to better myself, achieve certain goal, I will do so for my own growth and satisfaction rather than searching for some missing piece to fill an imagined lack within. I am whole as I am. (iam a hoe as i am💀 ... lol)
This whole video is just de-stressing me and i feel so good ❤❤❤ thankyou so much for what you do, just some things i needed to hear or be reminded by ❤❤ Thankyouuu
Thank you. We should love, approve, respect, enjoy being ourselves (enjoy what you do and do what you enjoy) more.
As someone that was a broken person in a relationship with another broken person it is one of those situations where it works absolutely perfectly until it doesn't. The second it starts cracking is the exact same second that the entire floor of the relationships has already disappeared beneath you and you're in complete chaotic freefall. I have extreme abandonment issues, most people in my life have just disappeared on me and in my best guess have forgotten I even exist; Because of this I make an effort to never give up on anyone until I have to cut them out because it is literally going to kill me and I've been to that place several times in my life. So this relationship was no different. I've mentioned my abandonment issues, her issues were from her parents dying when she was in early high school to drugs and alcohol and her adoptive parents being a rage addict and a recovering alcoholic and her being pushed into ALNON from her parents' death onwards. She was a serial monogamist and I was overly dedicated to someone I knew was going to leave me or make me end things because of how bad they would get for me, obviously not a good combination. I was with her for 2.5 years we were engaged for 6 months, she then started becoming unstable and eventually it became violent. Eventually she decided she wanted to break off the engagement but keep the relationship going, which I read as "I want to soft end this relationship but I want to drag it out until I have another man lined up", which now I think she already had someone else lined up and she may have cheated. At the time I told her that we could work with that and see where it went, we agreed on terms, but nothing was ever the same again. Eventually we got engaged again, under the agreement that if she ever took off the ring again, the relationship was entirely over. It lasted two weeks until she finally took the ring off; she then proceeded to physically assault me several times, and on one instance I attempted to drink myself to a point of alcohol poisoning with no luck where she proceeded to bring my gun down from under the bed and told me to just do it so she could move on with her life.
At this point I decided to move out of our house, move across the state. She proceeded to stalk me for over a year, even after getting a new boyfriend. I moved across the country, had to change my phone number twice, and finally the calls stopped. Somehow she got married this past December, I'm 100% sure she doesn't even remember that I exist or was a major part of her life for years. Meanwhile I've been single for almost 5 years still trying to recover, getting an increasingly warped view of the female approach to life, and have basically become completely incapable of healthy human interaction.
Nothing good comes from trying to find someone to complete you; you just end up missing more parts especially if the person that you're trying to complete yourself with is also missing parts of themselves. I got the TV; she got what was left of my humanity.
That’s so tough, I’m really sorry to hear that.
This whole speech is a masterpiece. You nailed It. 🔥
Thank you so much!
Speaking facts, my guy!
I think I need to watch this about 15 more times so it really sinks in. Until I have all the points memorized. Until I can really change.
I have always heard of the word "self-love" and thought I knew the meaning, but this video, the explanation and the way it is delivered shifted the perspective of my understanding. Brilliant brother 👏🏼 and thanks 🙏🏽
loved how effortlessly you explained this ! we have our power to feel complete and safe within our own energy..you have such a deep understanding on this ..grateful for this video🌻
This actually just changed my life ima download it and listen to it everyday.
This video is completely eye opening and inspiring!! It makes me reflect on what truly is gonna fulfill me then? If it's not friendships, competence of a job, relationship. Of course all this is important to be steady but in the basis, what is gonna fulfill me inside? Gotta meditate
now i learn how to be in relationship with ourselves...😍thank you brother...
You're welcome!
We give meaning to actions people places. We take our power back take the meaning off it. Amazing talk. Thank you 🙏
Alone for 12years learned how to love and respect myself. No drama’s dealing with.
I needed to here this exact thing. Thank you. Now I know what went wrong.
13:00 this entire concept is profound. I just sat with this for a while. I love this concept.
What’s cringey is I used to think this way. “A woman will complete me”. I’ve completely swerved that mentality now.
Bro! You blessed me today. I feel whole now.
I agree with this on the relationship level. Fully agree with that especially with looking at yourself as a whole….In life though I would hope everyone is always looking for better, especially in terms of jobs. The thing that really truly makes me feel terrible is getting stepped on and treated unfairly. When you get complacent and too happy with your bosses at a job, what happens? They screw you over. Make sure you are always looking for more there.
Quite insightful about something that should be obvious. Enjoyed your analogies and descriptions; they are relatable funny, relevant, and visceral.
I literally just realized that I can make myself come, thanks
You should teach a masterclass on microphone and sound quality! Your voice and this video is a pleasure to listen to. I wish all TH-cam videos had this level of volume and clarity.
Thank you!
I agree your talk for the most part, but in the middle I was very confused about the part where you talked about feeling that you yourself is good enough without any external attributes, because I absolutely can't stand people who are like "I'm so good, yeah I broke up with that guy cause he's not good enough for me". I agree that you don't want any relationship to be built on a attachment, but I don't think it just ends with ego boosting yourself by saying I'm "complete" on my own. I think as an idea for couples, this is a good place to start, but for just people in general I think this could also inhibit personal growth. Understanding your weakness Is Necessary for anyone to improve, and if you don't clear this root cause it will never be completely removed from your core. And I believe that this can coexist with treating yourself with kindness. Sorry if it just comes down to phrasing, but rather than saying you're complete on your own, I'll say you can always be better, but you don't need to be perfect, and you just need to be good enough on your own. When you have the power to change what you hate about yourself, you will be kind to yourself and be confident on your own. Using your masturbation metaphor, you should know you have hands, but you still need to stroke yourself to cum. At least that's the case for me, I look at myself and I don't think I have such and such attributes, but as long as I'm working to become better I can feel more complete, and when this growth spurt stops, I know I've improved and I'm good enough as of this moment.
I really hope this comment gets read
Hey Mann,this video helped me a lot with the things I have been going through.
So thank you
You’re welcome!
wow that last bit ... that really hits different. you got 2 hands.
Ironically I've become needy watching this presentation over and over again 😊
This video is one big treasure, packed with value! I absolutely love the many light bulbs that could potentially be lit listening to this share! Outstanding!
You are a hero julien❤
🙏🙏🙏
i never thought about me being a half in finding true love i always thought the other person will be the opposite of me but we complement each others characteristics. Thats how I am with my best friends we almost always think the opposite and never shut up when we are together, which is way more fun than a literal copy of me agreeing with me all the time. Or somebody who will always act like they are better than me and trying to show me the way. They should challenge me not always agree nor be too perfect to care which is narcisistic.
I saw this video in my recommendations and holy, you've opened my eyes sir, thank you so much, my ex boyfriend has been literally like this for months, and i almost gave into his neediness and manipulation but all my friends were basically holding me back so i wouldn't make that move of getting back with him.
All of what you've said applied to my situation and now I'm super thankful to my friends for keeping me from going back to that toxic relationship.
As a boy, I feel bad for him, you, girls would be nice to recognise these patterns, and maybe try to explain to us a little bit, what's the deal with this needyness.
what are the best steps to take towards being able to "make myself come"? sometimes it just feels like my brain overrides the positive self talk with nervous sensations
thank you for the video though, ive been on self improvement for 4 months now and i really think im finally learning the goals arent gonna serve me
or that they wont make me feel complete i need to be ok with me first
Try some awareness meditations, I enjoy Rupert Spira. Positive self-talk is good for changing patterns, but if you try to fight thoughts with more thoughts, you will not win.
I hate the idea of “better half, other half” whatever that is so much! With passion! I’m a whole package, complete person and I can 100% get by without anyone. Also, I have no time to fix a broken man, when I was broken no one fixed me besides me. Hence why, only the worthy one will get the better version of me. :)
I don't know. I've watched hundreds of videos, always depressed, always angry, impulsive. And the worst thing is, I thought I was right, that that was me, so I wouldn't change. ALWAYS insulting myself.
And then I saw this video.
And suddenly, everything changes. Or at least, I now know how to change it. So... you know, man: thanks for maybe, saving my life and make it better.
Waking up every day knowing you're fulfilled is the key