Coming Out Of The Closet: Realizing You're Gay
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 ก.ย. 2024
- Welcome Back, Friends! Today I wanted to share a message we could all have used back in the day. Being positive and proud of who you are takes time, work, and support.
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/ jaksattacks
Hope the day is a beautiful one and See you Next time!
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Jaks , well said. I’m 80 now, and proudly call myself one of the Stonewall generation, becoming an unapologetic queer activist of the 1970’s. Met my same-sex spouse in 1972; we got married in 2008. Thank you for your candor and optimism. What doesn’t surprise me is that your generation still often must be selectively closeted. This should not be in our presumed enlightened 21st century society. Best. 💕🏳️🌈
@brucegreenberg7573 ..i am 67 .. it was your generation..that helped open the door.. here i am in high school 1973.. in love with a man.. and it is a felony. i am so excited to see what is taking place today.. it gives me hope. thank you.
Thank you, Bruce. As incredibly tough as my coming-out experience was. I have no doubt that it was made easier by the fight you helped lead. You and those you locked arms with are to be commended. I honor your commitment to make change.
@@Progressive_James Greatly appreciated!
If I can greatly appreciate you, Bruce, please let me know. ;-)@@brucegreenberg7573
Hes a cute dude
I was born in 1953. I came out to my family around 1970. just in time to openly fight the good fight for our rights. Although I never got along with my parents, they accepted my sexuality to my face but i found out later that they never really did. I changed countries loooking for " my tribe " only to love and loose and then HIV and also heroin took friends and a very special freind... Im now 70 and live quietly on my own in the countryside and have a circle of friends... Ive never shared that before. . Kind thoughts from Australia Jaks. 🙋♂
I came out at 37 and met the love of my life. Been together now 21 years, raised three children into adulthood and are about to have our first grandchild. Every coming out is very personal and different for all of us. You can’t force someone to come out. They have to choose to do it and I respect that ❤
This is so true . We all choose our journey .
I'm older 64 came out at 40 . I'll always regret waiting but I'm out now. You are a good young man. Enjoy your life.
Jaks, I enjoyed watching your video. I'm 61 and from Long Island, NY. As you mature as you get older, you'll quickly learn that you must follow your own bliss. Human sexuality is so diverse, and there is no "one size fits all" approach to how we express ourselves. Don't believe in all the hype about what homosexuality, heterosexuality, and bisexuality is. Each person is unique to themselves. No homosexual man or woman is obligated to do what other homosexuals do. I say be loving and honest with yourself and others. Live within your means. Stand your ground and be sincere about your principles. Live by the golden rules of life and happiness will always be a part of your everyday life. And most of all, continue to love yourself. Peace and eternal life always!
If I was 30 years younger maybe coming out would make more sense. After all this time I fear I will die with this secret. At this point I feel it’s better to spare my family and keep quiet. I admire your courage and honesty
Likewise
@@pmn2821the truth will set you both free.
I know just how you feel and it sucks.
We likely have some things in common.
@@pmn2821definitely appreciate knowing Im not the only one who feels like this
@mrock828
@rjcarter2904
I wish that when I was younger I could have met someone like you to share life with. You seem to be wiser than your years and I'm drawn to that. Your videos have been very helpful.
I’m 74 almost 75 and it was real hard for me to come out I was 31 when I finally came out and I came out all by myself. I’m coming out out of my closet into the streets. Thank you for the MATACHINE society.
I wish so much I had this video in 2010, when I was coming to terms. It was still nice to see even in 2024. Very relatable and validating in many ways. Thank you.
I want everyone to know that you matter you are loved you will find people who will except you and will be there for you. What a video emotional baby over here. Sending everyone 🤗❤️
WHY is this so hard to say!~ It never seems to get easier. Much love!
Amazing video. Truly from the heart. Youre a terrific role model for young gays. Please keep being you!
So well articulated and thoughtful ❤
It took me 15 years to come to terms with who I am and start coming out. Coming out never stops. I've been with my husband for over 30 years now and we still come out whenever we meet someone new.
I want to tell you I know it still even takes strength and courage to make videos like this no matter how far you've come, how long you've been out, how much you've overcome to accept yourself and speak your truth, etc. And it is important to keep telling your story. Most of all, thank you for wanting to help others dealing with those feelings of intimidation, shame and fear. It gets easier with time but it's something as you said you will never forget. Good on you.
Thank You Jaks for this! As the great bard Shakespeare said "To thine own self be true" is the only way to live!
Believe me, we all find our niche in the scheme of life. Follow your inner spirit and you'll never go wrong!
Being able to say it, being able to to accept it, being able to love it…Very long road with a lot of ups and downs. Think it’s great you touched on how all of us are our own people. Thank you for sharing this, well wishes to you in all that you do! ❤
I’ve been where you are honey. Almost everyone I know in our world has had to make that journey and it’s rarely been easy for anybody. But you must remember you still are a young guy. And you’re also very handsome young guy I’ve had my life and now I am old. You have so much that’s going to be good ahead of you. You made a delightful video and I wish you all the luck in the world. By the way I would never ever trade to be straight I have truly enjoyed my life and all my friends and all the magic that came after you sort it all out. Adam.
Virtual hugs to each and every one of you all.
Same to you ❤
@@steventrosiek2623 thank you very much. How are you doing
Very happy and proud of you. Thank you for sharing!!!
came out in '69 in Texas, imagine how repressed it was back then and when my Austin home was burned down and dog and cat poisoned in 84/85 I left the US FOR NZ where our rights were set in law. Good luck and best wishes
Absolutely love your points here, thank you for making this video. I came out to my family indirectly when my little cousin had found the coming out video I had made, and my family had wished I had just felt comfortable to tell them earlier, but like you sad, coming out can still be a very difficult process depending on your individual circumstances and your history with self-doubt and self-hatred. It's videos like yours that help people realize there is hope, as seeing your experience reflected in someone else is such a relieving feeling!
The problem is that more often than not, they already know. The see it in you, just you don't know. The subject of their attitude is never mentioned and that's where the isolation comes from. That's apart from the homophobic arsehole family members.
About your family saying they wished you had felt comfortable in mentioning something earlier.... Your family is saying that in retrospect. By stating that directly they're disavowing that fact that THEIR established behavior patterns could not possibly have led you to conclude that coming out to them was not the best idea. They're trying to make something that is about them appear to be about you.
I've seen this countless times in my own family and in families I've worked with in previous jobs. This applies to many things, not just coming out.
My point is... Please don't let their statement that you should've felt comfortable telling them lead you to think you misjudged the situation. It's more likely that you judged accurately.
@@ak5659 thank you for the validation! I agree, hindsight bias sure is real!
Thank you for you words of encouragement. I had no one to help me find the person I am today 75. I m blessed to be loved and share the love of my best friends
A heartfelt posting Jaks. I listened all the way through. Not once did you say, “I don’t know. And I felt caring and supportive towards you. I’m 66 and coming out to myself. And who I sleep with is nobody’s business.
Congratulations ! Wishing you love and kindness 💜💜💜
I came out to my parents when I was in college in 1990. I was nervous and scared. I told them and they said "yeah, we thought you might be". And that was that. It was never a big deal and I would bring my boyfriend around to family functions. I was extremely and unusually lucky.
Jake, I’m so glad that you made this video. It will help people who are in the closet to come out. I’ve been in the closet for 38 years and I finally came out after watching your video.
Your journey toward ultimate self-acceptance was deeply moving. Thank you for sharing it so openly. ♥️ My struggle to fully embrace my own bisexuality-even at an advanced age- continues to this day. Your story helps inspire me to believe that I will win that battle in this lifetime. Your unapologetic example of candor, self-respect and self-affirmation can offer a lifeline to younger people-or to people of any age-who are fighting to acknowledge, declare and embrace their true identity. I think they will deeply appreciate your compassion. You have convincingly underlined that they-as does everyone-deserve to be happy as they are. Thank you so much again. 😊🙏🏾
You are spot on. All the challenges you mentioned are no doubt faced by most of us at one time or another in our own coming out journeys. I hope those still struggling with it will find your videos, and find strength in your words. Thanks for sharing!
In about 1986 I knew my parents would never understand but they found out and it almost destroyed them. However thats nothing compared to my husband. When he told his parents his mum spontaneously vomited. The brutality of witnessing such visceral disgust has been almost as traumatising for poor Stuart as the shame he had been burdened with around his gayness and 30 years later it still rears its head.
You explained this so good. I've experienced the exact same thing growing up and I still do. Thank you for your videos Jaks, I love watching them! 🩵
Glad I found you ... I never came out really but I had parents that never made an issue of who I was dating or what I did ... they let me be me and it was just known that I dated men.
Great talk
I so appreciate you sharing your thoughts Jax - spot on. So wish the resources available today would have been available for those of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s. So respect my peers who risked so much to pave the road and live their authentic selves. I’m in my mid 50s and have come out to a select few which all have been supportive. My actions have been motivated by a number of younger LGBTQ+ people like yourself. Please keep sharing!!!
Such wisdom. Wish I had the some opportunities as the young have today ❤
I came out at 45 now 54 but not much changed. Still pretty quiet and keep to myself have very few friends mostly online. Maybe if I had moved from living in the middle of nowhere in a southern state to a place that is more accepting it might have been different.
Of all your videos, this is the very best. It relates to every single one of us.
wise beyond your years, Jaks! I struggled until I was 32 with this, and the first people I told, I was PETRIFIED! I didn't know if they would walk away or continue loving me as we always had...! Each time got easier but through life I've found I'm always having to come out, over and over again. It never ends! (also, before I was emotionally ready to come out, I was outed to my brother unexpectedly by a friend of his who then ghosted me...until I tracked him down at his work through a general number in the phone book for his company! Of all the staff, HE picked up the phone! He couldn't ignore me then. I just needed to know why, and what exactly had he told my brother. What a horrible thing to do to someone - outing them that is. Coming out is uber personal, and the choice is theirs and theirs alone to make...!)
Very proud of you ! I hope you meet your soul mate and claim your happiness with lots of love !
Well done Jaks, that was expressed perfectly.❤
"To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders."
- Lao Tzu (a Chinese philosopher and writer)
Great video. You have come a long way in your life. You are so right on many level. Keep moving forward in your life.
You are amazing. If you had a book....it would be a BESTSELLER. You speak from a place of comfort and honesty. There is an audience for this.
Thanks for your courage in sharing your insight. You selflessly chose to help others through your own experience, and that is heartwarming. Best wishes going forward.
You know, for someone who seems fairly young, there is a lot of wisdom and truth you spoke about. And you said it all beautifully and humbly as well.
While watching, I almost felt like there should be a group chat with name tags where we can all share our stories and support each other.
My background was very religious, and still to this day, struggle with my identity. I officially came out in my late 40s, and my mom passed away shortly after that. The very next morning, my dad told me he never wanted to see me again. My sister took his side.
Sorry, I am long-winded, and I digress.
@adscri, thank you. I get carried away and ramble on.
I am so scared because I have lived life as a straight man and have a family, with a wife and 3 kids. My wife knows, but I just don’t know what to do. I just know that either way, I will be a villain just because I kept telling myself that I will change. But I know now that I was born this way. I just don’t want to lose my family and my life and it just makes me sad and ashamed continually. I really don’t know what I could or should do. How do I live a life as my true self without hurting the ones I love? I am beyond scared and ashamed. ..
John, I am in a very similar boat. May I recommend getting a Therapist. It’s a big step but I think you may find that there are answers. One step at a time, we can find peace!
78 years young. Was in Air Force 64-68. In closet as most of us were in those days. The shame and stress of being exposed. If they discovered my sexuality then I Would have been put in the brig and court martialed. You are a brave man and very intelligent and inspiring.
Hi jaks ☺️ ✊🏳️🌈 and your brutal and beautiful honesty - I'm not the stereotype, people tend to just think I've just got an unusually good dress sense for a guy - but I'm hardly covered in glitter... Every time one says says their truth is bravery beyond comprehension.
I'm so lucky that I had parents who I was never worried about and I never really needed to pretend to be straight other than school - don't get me wrong, I didn't come out to myself and family really until I was almost done with uni... Several guys in (and one girl just to make sure) I had a relationship and talked to my mum; and I knew she would be okay; but it still took me years to admit it to myself and then a whole other battle coming out to anyone else; and every time I meet someone new I again need to think about it coming out is needed again, every time. Every queer person, even those just confused; you are perfect, you are beautiful and you have the right to be happy, that's yours and it's a rainbow after all- every shade and colour of person.
One love x
Such a handsome young guy, wish you all the love luck and happiness that comes your way.
Congratulations
Most important to know yourself.
After a bit of time it'll just be another thing about your life.
Keep telling your own story.
PS you're attractive ❤
You have no clue how much I needed to hear this.
Hello Dear ! When I watch your videos, you smile, you smile and you smile.
I wish you to continue to be happy, to enjoy life and take care of yourself in any situation.
Greetings from France ! ☀️🍀💫
JUST BEAUTIFUL! You made me cry. Dave
I wish you happiness, peace, love and good health. It is so healthy to be true to yourself (despite the difficulties).
I hope you find the man of your dreams. Be happy. Be yourself ❤🌈
You are smart and very attractive! You will have no problem finding a great husband! PS we are happier and more fulfilled in every way than any straight couple I’ve ever met.
Love you jaks. You are awesome and amazing.
I see such a sweet soul in you. 😢
It taken me 63 years to admit I’m bi. My first experience was at 14. I was confused but knew I liked it. I came to the conclusion everyone had these same sex attraction and went on with my live. In the 1970-80 I wanted to have kids and that time that option was not open to two men. I’ve been married 42 yrs with two adult children. To me my attraction are fluid. When I had kid hetro desires were stronger but when we decided 2 kids were the right number my same sex attraction have gotten increasingly stronger. I’ve finally concluded I’m probably bi with a strong attraction to men. It been a long journey and I’m comfortable with who I am
I came out at the end of the 90's to j'y friends first and they told me they knew. I did it at my work no problem there either beside a girl who was a Jehova witness stopped talking to me. It was more complicated with my family. We are 3 boys and I am the youngest. I came out to my brothers and although their reaction was different, they accepted it. The problem was my mom and dad, my brother didn't want me to tell them. When my dad passed away he was aware of it but never talked to me about it. When I went to the wake, I had to go alone leaving my now partner of life behind. I was staying at my mom apartment. We had a good discussion with her and understood later how I was feeling. She later met my partner and even came to my place. At that point on ,I was able to talk openly to my family about it.
Keep searching for your truth, and keep striving to listen to what others have to say. And keep learning how to convey your inner feelings and truths to others. You have a light Jaks. We all do. Keep shining yours: the world needs it
Doug 61 and still learning, growing!
ps thank you for highlighting what many of us have gone through that young people may not understand. It is most appreciated...
Beautiful! I love this video Jaks. It has been so helpful to hear your perspective, your empathy. Bless your Heart. You have great wisdom and thank you for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your empathy through your honest life Jaks. I've only watched one of your videos but will look at more.
Diversity is the very most beautiful and strong quality of humanity, may the blossoming of all our unique stories including yours inspire all us to be like one big sun, radiant and nurturing from within and without 🙌🏽
Think you very much. Denis, Sherbrooke, 78 years old. ❤❤❤❤
I just watched this video again. You are just so genuinely beautiful ! Dave
Congrats!, I remember how hard it was for me to come out to my mom.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it helps someone realize that they can come-out, or simply continue living their life, but without that one thing hanging over them. ❤️
“Once you label me you negate me”
-Søren Kierkegaard
I understand this concept, but I'm not at all sure I agree with it.
What is your point?
You have to know how you won't be treated. And be prepared to walk away from those that don't support you. It ain't easy. You will be doing a lot of walking. But I was never really in the closet. Just just did what I wanted from early teens. 60 now. It's really not personal. They treat everyone like shit. Even str8 growing up. You just may be so busy to notice. You family always knows. But I also moved out at 16. Went to college and moved on.
You resonate the experience of so many. You are a very thoughtful, wise young man and the world is better for having your spirit, optimism and compassion in it.
Be true to yourself and the best you. It’s what the world deserves. Unless you harm others, sharing your experience is a greater of good.
My heart goes out to everyone who is battling discrimination because of who they are. No one should have to go through this.
It's mostly because of whom we love, some people have accepted my life style but, will not accept the person I, love even though we have been together for 36 years. So we don't socialize with either of our families and unfortunately most of our friends have passed. We have made some plans for our future alone and it's scary.
@@billgreen1861 I understand.
I wish this was available 25 years ago! Very well said & thought through! I didn’t have any models who I could learn or gain understanding until I was in my late 20’s, which made the whole discovery process long and difficult.
Hi, I saw your coming out story and I was very impressed at how you articulated your liberation after understanding that your not broken,the opinions of others is the broken aspect especially if they can't see your obvious beautiful soul in front of them 😊and so confident in his own skin. Thanks for sharing from the heart. I wish you many happy moments on your continued journey😊👍
Congratulations. Coming out is very hard especially in this crazy time. But just know that you’re not alone in the world. You’ve got many brothers and sisters who stand beside you. 😁
Wow, look at you. I’m sure that had I had your looks as a young man, it would have made coming out a lot easier. It may sound shallow, but we live in a world that places an enormously high premium on how we look. It shouldn’t matter so much, but it really does.
Life isn’t a dress rehearsal. We do it once. I have to be in line with my true self. Living to please others is not really living. Be true to yourself. 😊
Thanks for telling everyone about the issue.
Such a nice voice. Enjoyed listening.
Thank you so much!
You can demean me. I truly don't care. I'm good at blocking people when the disrespect becomes abusive.
There is nothing wrong with you at all. You're part of an elite group of people and family. So so proud of you.
You Sir are an exceptional person! Thank you for sharing your journey and incites you have picked up along the way.
Well done, mate. You came out and you're now yourself! You 'knew' and REALIZED it's time to be YOU.
Bless you.❤❤❤❤
I liked this video a lot. It was well executed. He made his point and kept good eye contact doing so. It’s not easy to do, to make yourself understood, keep it real, and keep your viewers engaged, visuals aside.
You are such a "Handsome Young Man". Wish I was a little younger. But, thanks for your videos. They are very "Enlightening".
Like your jumper just saying hi from Oz 🎉
Hugs and BRAVO for your courage ❤
Welcome and be proud. Love from Singapore 🇸🇬
Hey man your story sounds a lot how I felt and feel now about it Thank you for sharing it's nice to see others that had similar struggles over it. Take care, Wayne
I started following you a few weeks ago. You, sir, are the voice of reason in these crazy times. Everything you say makes sense! Also, you're cute. :-)
Be strong, be proud and most of all just be you! Good luck! 👍
Jaks you are doing wonderful work. What a blessing.
Good for you for telling your story ! Your important and an inspiration to others.
Thank you for your excellent, wise video post! Your words will be helpful to many people. So proud of you, Jaks!
Beautiful video from a beautiful man. ❤
Very courageous and probably nessecary for you
Welcome to yourself, Jaks! 🌈 I have many LGBTQ2IA+ friends and you'll always have support from open-minded people like me. It's true, as you say, you're not alone... nor anyone figuring themselves out... none of you are alone (even when it feels like it). There's no one template for any disposition, so don't think you have to squeeze yourself into a box that doesn't suit you. If you seek, you *will* find people you'll get along with. Keep learning and loving... and allow yourself to learn and to be loved. 🫂
Believe me, as soon as you start talking, we knew! We knew! 🙄
So helpful Jaxs Thank you!
I grew up in the very liberal state of California, southern California to be exact. Coming out was a piece of cake for me and nobody even batted an eye over it not in California! Lol
Very well expressed, Jaks. Fully enjoyed your video and it will be very helpful to those who wonder. Take care.