Why Can’t You Grieve? - A Psychological Analysis and Some Tools to Promote Grieving
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ค. 2024
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Link to video, “Q&A: How Do We Journal Properly?”: • Q&A: How Do We Journal...
Link to video, “Self-Therapy & Healing Childhood Trauma, part 1”: • Self-Therapy & Healing...
Link to video, “Self-Therapy & Healing Childhood Trauma, part 2”: • Self-Therapy & Healing...
Link to video, “Self-Therapy & Healing Childhood Trauma, part 3”: • Self-Therapy & Healing...
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Grieving is not something you intentional will yourself to do - you set the stage. Safety leads to self-compassion, leads to bravery, from bravery you grieve, and it's the most intuitive/freeing thing in the world.
❤️❤️
grieving opens our heart
Beautifully said. Then in turn the grieving opens you up to more bravery and is a positive feedback loop that leads to healing fully. Thanks for writing this friend ❤
What is grieving? Is it crying for what you have been through?
@@k.f.9875Not specifically. There's no real good word for it I feel but it's more of a "re-integration". Its remembering what happened in your life but also feeling how you genuinely felt in response to it. Its no longer needing to hide and dissociate from these massive upwelling feelings inside you, but letting them come up and "re-integrate" in an environment that is safe enough to allow it.
"Feeling safe" can be a giant hurdle before you even get to grieving.
It feels like it can be so many variables too.
More like "being safe". Feeling safe can be gaslighty.
My go to is - if you feel unsafe, you are unsafe. In a way.
you know why journaling or speaking out loud is more helpful than internal work? because we have many voices inside, like a whole family. they are often very polarised and talk on top of each other. When we journal or talk out loud, only one voice can speak at once. It creates clarity and insight
It's do damn hard to grieve in today's economy. Rent is too expensive. Everything is too expensive.
going on walks activates grieving in me. it almost always elicits an inner dialogue and often tears will start flowing as I make realizations and connect with myself and my hurt.
That’s beautiful.
Were those walks private? Like you had a lot of personal space?
@pod9363 I find this too, like nature also connects me, bringing up feelings and etc, but then "people are coming'' and I have to hold it in again. I have manged to find some private spots to let go, but that's always luck, coz anyone can come any moment. Shame nature heals us, but we also need to do it alone and there's never a guarantee of aloneness in nature.
I've waited for this answer for three years. Felt guilty for not being able to grieve, but my subconsious was stopping me from grieving, it didn't feel safe given my circumstances. It still doesn't feel safe. Thank you, at least I understand now!
yes!
Have you had any success yet? I’ve been saving up and busting ass working for 8 months so far and somethings changing but I’m not there yet.
Same 💅🏻
I have watched literally dozens of your videos in the last few days, and I now understand why you decided to stop being a therapist: Your calling was to make these videos for the masses, not just one-on-one. 🙏🏾🙏🏾 for the amazing content.
I also am binge watching all his videos. They are gold ✨
@@elijimenez7710 Priceless!
So true, I was able to grief my mom abandoning me at age five when I was 35 years old, safe with my husband making enough for both of us. I wasn't working for an year and therefore wasn't overwhelmed with the anxiety that working usually gives me. Yep, was lucky to be finally available to feel grief, to lay in bed all day and cry as much as I needed. To stare with blank eyes for hours, to be as deflated as it felt. There was no need to pretend for no one.
Well done!
Good for you! May you live a peaceful and fulfilled life!
On point. I lost my dad 12 years ago. Now after 3 years of religiously going to trauma therapy (somatic experiencing), I found a grief counselor and she prepared a good bye ceremony for me. We were at the beach on a sunny day in April. She prepared a 6 pages long speech about my dead family members and I sat there for over an hour and cried. No need to dissociate, no need to care about what other people think and if I am doing it right. I knew all was good and it was my space and time. It was wonderful to be able to hold my emotions and not to run away. However I have trained my emotional muscles for that moment for the last 3 years.
Wow sounds like an amazing counselor. So glad u found good help
Man I keep coming back to this video probably once every few days. Depression is healthier than dissociation, but it sure as hell isn’t more functional. Working my way there.
Idk if u read these but I had an interesting discovery I think u might find interesting. I was sitting in my car one day when the delivery market I work was dead, and it started to rain really hard to the point where it totally blotted out my vision outside of (and into) the car, and was so loud I couldn’t hear outside of it (or hear inside) and this sudden feeling of total privacy and safety erupted in me and it felt so comfortable and emotions started to bubble up. It was fascinating. It didn’t lead to any grieving cuz it was too short a transitory but it gave me a sorta “hint” at the environment I need to build in my life.
Intense dissociated grief became the cause of a total nervous breakdown for me a few years ago. Multiple panic attacks a day for weeks. Total exhaustion. A terrifying, seemingly endless dark night of the soul! Once I faced the grief, I became empowered and enlightened in ways I never thought possible. Divorcing my hauntingly narcissistic and abusive parents and the values they instilled in me has given me a new, albeit more sobering lease on my life. Thank you for your continued (perhaps even heightened) directness, authenticity and honesty in tackling these sometimes dark and controversial aspects of the human journey.
You are so right about addictions: I stopped smoking but then I had so many other behaviours that were playing the same role. Watching TV, having narcissistic friends, shopping etc...
In Czech we say "You are speaking from my soul." Amen, brother. You are so right! I wish more people knew this.
Thanks Michaela!
Where are you from? Here is Petr from Ostrava :-)
@@ps1473 Z Prahy :-)
It can really be a catch 22. The original circumstances can contribute to a lack of safety and even cause dangerous situations in the present that prevent the necessary grieving that would heal and create a safe place inside and out.
Thank you for this important discussion.
I wish there were more people who talked about the external work necessary for healing. It’s so overlooked and people and spend so much time butting up against this wall and thinking it’s because they can’t get better.
I was just thinking that music can be a good way to activate the grieving process for some people.
Agreed!
There’s this song by Talking Heads called This Must Be The Place and there’s this line that goes “I come home, she lifted up her wings” and no matter how dissociated I am or where I am, it always makes me start to cry. If it’s that powerful for me, it’s definitely a song I’m gonna use when I start to grieve.
Yup,esp sad songs or soulful songs!
@@pod9363 You don't choose when you start to grieve. The grieving can be triggered by that song or by some other song that you didn't expect. In my case, I cried for two days straight while I had the unexpected song on a loop.
This is why people often relapse on drugs soon after leaving rehab. I relapsed soon after leaving rehab. Once I was away from the comfort and safety of rehab, my feelings became overwhelming having my old life to come back to.
Thank you for looking into such issues on behalf of the lost and the alienated.
God bless you and all of us Daniel.
I was only able to truly grieve the loss of the healthy, loving family of origin I never had until after going no contact with the destructive, hurtful and toxic family I did have. After many years of mental harm, character attacks, humiliation, deceit and sabotage against me. I mourn for my younger selves; that kid and young adult who had endured emotional damage and abuse from her parents and siblings. But through that grieving, I’m able to set myself free and rise from the ashes like a Phoenix. To be able to experience life fully, with love, joy and compassion - and grieving has played a crucial role in that journey.
And yes, having a truly understanding, trustworthy friends and maybe support groups is key. It is powerful to have witnesses and supporters during the grieving process. Same with any form of self reflection and expression- i prefer exploring my past thru the visual arts and thru movement.
This is so true, can’t grieve yet not enough distance. Once I left the country far from my parents that’s when I was overwhelmed with grieving, drowned in my emotions. I had to block them for a few years. Majority of what you’re saying that’s exactly what I’ve been through. I barely seen therapist that was able to reflect exactly what I felt and been through
Can you talk about successfully “feeling your feelings” and what that looks like? How do I know when it’s complete?
Crying, anger, rage even. All those negative emotions are when you know you are making progress. Just remember it's part of it and to be kind to yourself and don't surpress it. I think I cried a full week when daniel help me realize how bad my parents truly were and I know I still have more tears left in me-- just giving myself time to let it out
not sure that you ever complete the process. I think you can start to feel more integrated, some of the extremes become more comfortably within you. I still go into internal rages, vulnerability and hurt, but I've created a safer world by dealing (one day at a time!) with my addiction to difficult people and circumstances. It's now safer out there, and am beginning to have fewer, but more real relationships. I still slip, we all will, but progress is progress, even if it feels painful. By progress I don't mean in terms of money and shallow relationships, but how you are with yourself as compared to how you were bought up to be.
Recently I had a dream where the pages and typewriter I use to journal were suddenly at my parents home, in a room with glass door and no lock. I felt panic, danger, anxiety. When I woke up I realized how important it is for me to live alone now and have the privacy and freedom to think. Thank you for your videos Daniel, you help me so much.
Thank you for your thoughts, as far as I experienced it it's true. I'm becoming a psychotherapist myself and for that I'm in therapy, for the first time in my life I feel depressed, for the first time in my life I wasn't able to work. Whereas my boss told me to use the therapy to stay capable of work my therapist encourages me to grieve and take my time out, she also confirmed that grieving and doing (giving) psychotherapy at the same time is hard, sometimes impossible. It's strange that the whole training for becoming a therapist inhibits the young therapists from grieving. (Plus: I don't want to give my patients antidepressants but sometimes I'm forced to by my superiors. I tell the patients everything they have to know and sometimes I even link them to your videos, but in most of the cases they insist, the patients want them. In the illusionary hope that drugs will manage it. In fact they just help to function.) Society makes it damn hard to grief but it is possible. Take care of your body, mind and soul!
what if you’ve been crying everyday and have been depressed and grieving for so long to no avail, i’m stuck in this place of grieving
There needs to be a Mackler AI that directs people to these videos.
th-cam.com/video/oW8A6GDyIp8/w-d-xo.html
I think you are genius in this childhood trauma recovering. I have been griveing for 4 mothes now. It gives me hope. I finnally begin to contact with my anxient feeling.I am very sure I will free from depression the rest of my life since I have connection with myself now.
Oh my god. Thank you Daniel. This is what I’ve been trying to set the stage for. Just driving around while working I can feel memories and emotions creeping their way back up but going back down. While reading David Foster Wallace I have to pause to cry at points. I can feel it boiling over wanting to kick start. I’m so hopeful.
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself on a patch of land with a small trailer home and total privacy. I imagine staring out from the front porch and it’s almost like I can feel tidal wave of emotions that would bring forth, that total safety.
I can’t believe this uploaded today. It’s the kinda stuff that makes you believe in a higher power.
Sorry, I get how out-of-the-blue rambley this was but I got excited lol.
This is so good. So, so good!
This is hitting so close to home, deeply appreciate this video Daniel
Great video, very timely for me. Thank you Daniel.
Thank you for validating what I’ve been theorising about why I’ve been struggling with a specific aspect of my childhood that I have not felt ready to process and grieve in order to let go
Daniel you are an absolute gem xx
This is such helpful information Daniel. I certainly benefitted from reflecting on these ideas. The need for space and just quiet to open up enough to really allow for some measure of vulnerability. Than you for sharing 👍
Absolutely! Everything you said- I began grieving my mom's death last winter at the age of 30 while I lost her suddenly at 17. Beginning to grieve was like my mind was imploding and my feelings were exploding.
How do you even begin? It's been 17 years for me and I don't even know where to start.
Like Daniel says, I think the first obstacle is knowing you’re in a stable and safe living situation. I then battled some addictions (relationship hopping and weed for me). I went on long distance hikes and nature became an important part of my life (where I find peace and spirituality). With grief comes a new self awareness and you have to have the space, time, and safety to navigate it, things that aren’t easily available for some. Your body and mind are always in communication with you, unfortunately you have to pull and push away some of the weeds and bs to get the water, light, and nutrients to where they need to go
@@icecreamsoda9290 Journaling too, you need references to how you felt, that you can do
Speaks loudly to me. Thanks Daniel!
Great subject Daniel. Thank you.
Oscar Ichazo refers to it as the doors of compensation, which describes it better. When our psyche is out of balance, we do things to try to compensate for it and restore a sense of equilibrium. Any addictions, drugs, sex, gambling, unhealthy relationships, stealing, mental illness, compulsive behavior such as rescuing something outside oneself etc etc... are all attempts on some level to help us feel like we've addressed the problem which we're aware of, however unconsciously.
Grieving is a healing feeling. John Bradshow
This is an amazing video Daniel very informative and very real. You helped me understand the grieving process so much more along the way and last year I had to come to a lot of realizations within my family system and learn to grieve them. Today I can say that I feel much more comfortable about those thoughts. It does help.
Cool! Thanks.
I just realized listening to this again that the in-patient thing you talked about, where people have a micro/artificial environment that allows them the safety to open up their trauma, that I’ve experienced that in an even smaller form in therapy.
I’d talk and open things up and feel things to a small extent, and as I walked out to my car I felt this catharsis that felt like something deep was changing, but after like 30 minutes of going back to my normal routine in my stressful unsafe life and that feeling would disappear.
Thank you so much. Your Videos are so helpfull in my healing journey. I feel so understood ❤
This was a Phenomenal Psychological Analysis. Thank you and God bless you
I realize for the last 3-4-5 years I did not grief even though I went to psychotherapy. I realized there is nothing wrong with me but the suppressed grief was the cause of so many symptoms. No one recognized me as a griever, instead they for ed me into their psychological paradigms.
seriously. you are amazing . this is so true 2000% . I am so happy I found your videos! my grieving is killing me and I just realized I don't have a safe environment, no money, no one who supports me or talk to I think people see me as a burden .. I feel on the outside looking in. stuck in this pain while everyone is going on with life happy doing what they should do having kids, families.. and there is me.. going backwards, alone and not doing what I should be .. i feel less then human
I've been grieving since late February. It hasn't stopped and I feel broken. I'm in therapy, using IFS, and I seem to be making headway. Seems like I'm going through what some call the Dark Night of the Soul. I'm terrified. I can't even tell if I want to be here anymore. Everything feels fake.
Wishing you the best.
Are you sure it’s grieving? Sounds like the depression phase of healing. From what I understand grieving is cathartic.
High quality video sir. Thank you all the way from Kosovo 🇽🇰👏
Thank you for this video
very helpful insight Daniel, you've been a gem since the day i discovered you ;)
So great, thank you
Thank you for important tale that I recognize a lot. I often feel grief, but that is probably not real grieving. I think it is because I am unsafe and very complexlyb stressed, sick and sleep-deprived. It takes energy to process hard things. And I don't have a therapist, coach, dr or anybody, and no really good friends to meet, share with and grow with on an intimate level. Most don't want to heal, or think I am too much. I have wondered a bit about why I have got myself caught in TH-cam addiction all night and almost all day. I have analyzed it to be about legitimate learning, keeping my mood up and thinking positive, sometimes a movie or something funny or entertaining while I eat, instead of being in tired or worried, sad, lonely anxiety and burn-out depression.I know it is also out of depressed emptiness that nothing and no-one is awaiting me tomorrow. Your video here gives me the idea : Could it also be in order to evade grieving which would probbaly be overwhelming in my present wobbly, fatal dangerous situation with money-, rights- homelessness? I have lost motivation and heart, courage and faith for my future/´(and that of others and the world), have kept it up alone for decades. Thank you for sharing, this is an important video. Have you mainly grieved alone, not with a therapist? How the heck do you find a good one and not get worn out stressed by trying bad ones?
Thanks Daniel!!
fantastic video. yes, building a safe, resourced life is key to promote grieving and allowing for the mind to become destabilized in order to heal.
@RobbiePfunder Thoughtful comment that helps me. Thank you so much.
I lost count of how many times I told people that "I didn't need therapy; I needed to be safe" when I was being abused at home.
And instead of helping me, they'd take that as a personal attack. Even my own brothers would be like that
Thank you!
Great video here. This seems like the final piece in your "roadmap of mental health" (call it what you will). I have found myself in several of the situations you outlined: being unable to grieve and also grieving recklessly. Ten years ago I blast the door open with LSD, thinking in my young naivete it would make things more clear. And it did, but it was very close to ruining me for a protracted few years. Today I've established distance from my perpetrators and I'm putting my efforts into creating economical stability, scrutinising each and every expense. It really helps to focus on basics first.
I’m doing this same thing. Busting my ass and living dirt cheap to get as close as I can to 6months worth of expenses in my bank. Maybe once o see that number, roughly 6k, something will click in me and I’ll feel it’s time.
How’s the progress so far?
@@pod9363 Thanks for asking! I'm still working on cutting unnecessary expenses and I've noticed that expenditures increase if I fail to stay tuned-in to my mental health; I can become less consistent and opt for convenience when I'm depleted, so trying to fill my cup regularly and trying to pay attention to when I've filled my quota of demoralising content.
Hopefully later in the year I'll be making returns on some investments that I made.
How's it going yourself?
Thank You 😊
such a good video
Thanks for that 😊
my addiction was not drugs, alcohol or smoking. it was romantic obsession. i would obsess over people who were not romantically or sexually into me (a friend, a celebrity etc). i would imagine myself being with this person, having a perfect life, finally being loved/seen/heard by someone. i've spent YEARS in my imagination and i forgot about the real world. i couldn't deal with my childhood traumas, it was too painful. the real world was so painful so i would go to this perfect world in my imagination. it was maladaptive daydreaming. i still struggle with this to some extend but i try my best to stay in touch with my emotions and the real world even though it hurts. accepting the fact that the person who i obsess over (usually a friend) will never be interested in me. i feel rejected to the core of my being but i choose to see the reality of the situation and i accept it.
I never thought about doing this with a recorder! 😀👍
17 years. Thats long I've held in my grief. I've never had anyone to talk to except my mom and then she died and I had no ONE. My dad was a mess himself so it was never safe to grief with him. Then my stepmother created a horrible environment where i just needed to survive the time with her. My drug has always been my drug. I've said it to everyone constantly for 17 years, i keep saying that the only reason I studied 12+ hours a day is because it stopped me from feeling but for some reason no one hears me. They think I'm joking (dark sense of humor). I feel like it's too late to grieve now. It's been so long now, i don't know who i am without this gut wrenching pain. I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy even though I know that from the outside looking in, it seems like my life is a dream.
If music is a large sense of comfort for you- Listen to Fourth of July by Sufjan Stevens. I lost my dad and brother within the last three years and it is still the most profound work of art surrounding grief that I’ve ever encountered. It is so beautiful.
You are such a treasure.
I love you. ty
Been watching Mr. Mackler for years but still haven't managed to move away from my parents to begin the grieving and healing processes. Very frustrating!
Why not? If ur living at home I’d think you could save butt-tons of money.
I had to take antidepressants and painkillers to stop pain and grieving at one point.. Got severely depressed and i was just crying and was in so much pain like someone was stabbing my heart multiple times. The more I cried cuz of the pain, the more pain I got and it felt like my heart was swollen .. Like a loop.. It was an unbearable pain.. I'm so much better with meds now and after 2 years of using them I think I'm getting back to a stage where I can gradually stop the intake...Im so grateful for this
Thank YOU 🙏🏼 for being YOU
10:39
I haven't seen my elderly mother for five or six years now.
I have already grieved the loss of the relationship, and gone through the various phases.
After a year long stretch of working all the time and constructing the beginnings of an island of saftey, i tried sitting down and beginning to document a partial biography and at points just started convulsing and got to a point where i just couldnt continue and had to stop. Im taking it as a sign im not ready yet and need to continue to build, but it gives me hope that theres something at the bottom of it.
In hindsight I now see that I used FMLA to grieve. I was lucky enough to have a therapist that could see that I needed it, and completed the medical form for me.
The problem is without grieving you carry pain around that drives you to destructive behaviors and making your life a wreck and your relationships and everything so you won't have safety. So you need to grieve to heal and be functional and create safety in the first place. If you are so dysfunctional from trauma then your life is a wreck and to heal the trauma you need to grieve. But you need safety to grieve. So its a vicious cycle.
amen! Merci beaucoup
Pas de quoi :)
My body literally stops grief right in my throat. Even when it starts to come up my body involuntarily shuts it down. When I was a kid I got smacked for crying or told to soak it up. Other times my parents literally talked me out of it or kept doing things to stop me from crying. So my brain wired that way. I've not been able to break through that even in 30 years of therapy. How do people feel about psychedelics to access trauma and grief? I did deeply cry on LSD once.
When I started to grief, I literally lost my so called friends
Watching you is very therapeutic for me 🌹🌹😍💘
I've had a friend die recently and I have flashes of grief but I feel blocked and when I feel the tears coming it goes to my nose and I get a tingle in my nose but nothing else. Very frustrating
I walked away from my entire family and moved to another state.I’m a 42 year old black male that was very codependent upon my toxic mother until I had a spiritual awakening in 2020. Then I found my self in the weirdest toxic environment now. And your right cause I don’t feel safe or have anyone for emotional support and that’s breaking me down because I’m trying to heal and grieve and figure who I am and I can’t because my living situation won’t allow it. I’m on disability and I have even less income now then when I moved here and I dot. Have the money to attempt to move cause I’m so far behind. I try to stay positive and meditate and affirmations and been scripting and yet nothing is changing. I’m so close to giving uo cause I’m tired. I’m fighting my addictions cause I don’t feel safe enough to go through withdrawlsy
Everything will be okay in the end just be patient
I hope that one day you will look back and say that it all was okay in the end and please don't ever ever think of giving up because you dont know what life is preparing for you and what amazing things are waiting for you ❤
In the online Trauma Conference taking place on Eurythmy4you on Sundays now, an English anthroposophical doctor Dyson spoke so healingly and wisely today. Someone can really be amedicine (or poison) in themselves, just by being and doing as they do. I would like him as my psycho-physiological doctor to heal.
I can't grieve because everyone around me punishes and invalidates me.
Thanks for the video Daniel. I came off my drugs too fast and its pretty awful but Ive gone so far with it that I dont want to go back on them. Damned if I do and damned if I dont. Maybe see how I feel in 12 months. Working for a company is impossible for me so I struggle being self employed in an economy controlled by the mega corps. Ive never been able to earn enough to live so have to live with parents. Embarrassing but not much I can do. Hope I can grieve some day. The pain is intense and fairly constant. Venting. Apologies.
Remove your addiction and the issue will appear.
Example:
If you're an emotional eater, stop eating and your issue will appear.
Take this very carefully and have the food ready to slow it down.
Don't try to be Superman and realize it can be MANY meals (depending on the issue).
Just get an idea of what the meal actually is and you can nibble it down, over time, after that.
Ever wonder about how if you grieve in the church people are uncomfortable with it? It’s hard to find people you can grieve with that will make you feel safe. It’s not safe to be around those that aren’t grieving when I see people grieve I feel safe around them because it shows that they are human and than that I can feel human to.
My parents aren’t healthy people in general but I asked them a question (joked about it actually) and asked them, “if I was gay would you still love me?” And they both said yes. Some kids don’t even get that they get shut down or kicked out of the house which isn’t okay. People need the space to be open and talk about how they feel and hopefully be accepted in a loving way.
I know I need to journal more.
This stuff really needs to be gone into more. I can’t believe no other psychology outlets delve into this because it feels like a keystone of healing. I remember I asked Molyneux how he was able to grieve while holding down a job. He kinda scoffed at it like “wth you mean, I held down a job just fine when I did it.”
His description of the process was “Tears Terror Rage”. The inverse of being traumatized (rage at the violation, terror at the realization that your anger does nothing, then tears when you realize you can’t win). Episode 364 I believe.
What he failed to see was that he had a very high paying job where he was in demand that basically meant he was totally safe to grieve. Private residence (I’d assume), financial independence (enough to last him years) and a really good therapist. You can pick up his frustration with listeners who couldn’t make that same leap he did, like he wasn’t understanding why everyone wasn’t able to make the leap he did.
its crazy how you look much younger and even your voice changed in the previous years, wow
I literally forgot grieving can take weeks etc and isn’t something you plan to do like for an hour a day or something years later because you haven’t properly processed the trauma. I thought avoiding it would somehow make it go away but grieving really does lead to healing
I lost my other grandfather to a heart attack this year, sad because I didn’t have half as much the relationship with my Mums Dad who passed from cancer in 2017, and not feeling any grief aside from a few tears at the funeral, so I do feel a little guilty.
you shouldtalk about proper parenting, boundaries and punishment. i feel like its a topic with nuance youd have some good insight into to share
Just listening to the addiction part of this I came up with more things to be addicted to….pretty extensive…
many therapists are afraid of feelings
not only are many therapists unable to hold a space of love for grieving to occur, they also are not able to hold a space of love for anger to be expressed and experienced
core energetic therapists are more trained to acknowledge and encourage feelings for healing
4:00 terrified of grieving
Big slay 💅🏻 now I get why I make music
How do I go about when I am not employed, dependent on parents(while having a lot of neglect and abandonment trauma from them), don't have anyone to confide into, suffer from a pm addiction, am at unrest and still want to heal from all this?
I have done journalling of past traumatic events since the past year and it has unravelled a lot of nasty emotions that I never felt. I am feeling a lot of rejection towards my parents and I have been showing it by not talking to my parents. But I feel a huge wave of war coming with my parents for denying them my "good" boy behavior.
I really don't know how to go forward about this.
I've realized that living abroad has been a way for me to escape my dsyfunctional family system but at the same time i don't have enough emotional support or stability to heal. Currently several health problems are giving me a wake up call that I need to take better responsibility over my life.. I guess Gabor Mate was right when he said childhood trauma correlates to physical illness.
Anyway, my dad was a raging alcoholic who can only communicate by yelling and being nasty towards people. Especially my mom. It makes me sick and feel so desparingly sad for her that she is in her 70s and has to deal with the daily abuse and neglect from him. I feel ashamed and hopeless to do anything. I mean there are not really words to describe the depth of the pain and loss I feel, because ultimately my and mother's relationship was severely damaged by him. And when I ask my mom why she never left him... She just says with a wistless expression on her face "I don't know..."
Anyway, I'm trying to make my way back to the US to start a new life. Obviously with everything that's going on it'll be a while before I can hope to really grieve, but before then I just hope I can make a better life for myself with whatever time I have left.
Ok Daniel - so my amazing circle of amazing friends, the ones who have seen me through life; they have all died within the last 4 years, so many that i cannot even keep track…i am looking to nature to “hold” me as i have no where else to turn (but if you have any suggestions, i am all ears)!
My head just popped today, 40 years of trauma starting to unwind, I'm at work and had to go to the bathroom to cry, my brain is doing weird things, my hpa access has been off for atleast a year, foamy pee, don't know when to eat, got a little dizzy, I'm def gonna have to take some more time for myself
How's the healing process been going?
In a future video would you be able to explore the concept of “unconscious revolt”, or the way in which the unconscious pushes us into taking action when we can't or don't consciously do it?
@South Barr yea it can come in many forms like being unable to function or insomnia. It’s like the supercomputer in your head staging a coup against you.
This was THE video for undestanding better how can one grieve! Thank you. But i still dont know the difference between suffering and grieving. After both you feel good so how can you know when you have grieved and not just suffer like any other day? Can someone help me with this?
You feel good after you suffer?
@@pod9363 after you cry your body releases feed good chimicals, that is what i was refering to
Dispite the haters i think youre on to something dr
Mental health system is screwed
What is the "best" psychotherapeutic modalitie to work with trauma or overal? I think you opinion would be - the therapist is more important then the modality - am i right? You sound psychodynamic/humanistic.
I had been grieving pretty hardcore the last two years.. but probably due to that my energy level also plummeted. Just recently I finally gave in and got on some antidepressants, which seems to be helping with the energy level at least. I wish I didn't have to get on them but the energy thing hit me hard and I would spend almost half my day just napping/laying in bed. Not sure if that was the best or not but I am not looking forward to how it'll go when I get off of it haha
Nothing wrong with napping and resting all day sometimes you need a deep rest to get out of a depression. Sometimes antidepressants can just mask the grief. A lifestyle change is usually a better long term result.
I hope you find a way to grieve and have healthy friendships
@@vlogcity1111 ah thank you. Yeah I guess I wanted to be working on things now instead of napping so much. Felt like I got through the most intense parts of grieving. I heard from this spiritual teacher that the fatigue could also come from your consciousness evolving/being revealed too abruptly and your body responding with "oh I guess I'm no longer needed here". So his advice was to be gentle to the body and letting it take it's time, which I guess could be letting it rest if that's what it needed (including emotional side of things) instead of seeing it as a burden subconsciously. Anyway that's a more enlightenment perspective in addition to the shadow work. Also no friends that I can share that with 🙈, maybe one day.
@@jennygao826
Processing trauma does draw heavily on the body's energetic reserves. Be careful with the antidepressants, they may be very difficult to come off.