I very much enjoy my self-freedom and time that I can have to myself. Not having to clean up after everyone else or someone else all the damn time, none of my stuff goes _missing_ or ends up broken as a result of someone else's carelessness, much easier to focus/concentrate on tasks to accomplish some of my much more technical-projects without having to be distracted or interrupted by someone else _always_ having some damn so-called *emergency* (due to their _own_ carelessness and/or _over-panicking),_ etc. Although this might be an easier thing for the male gendre as they get older since those of us in our right minds find that we actually _highly value_ the time that we can have to _ourselves_ (the female gendre is much more oriented towards _social_ relationships by default). Even with as much time as I _seemingly spend alone_ I actually never really feel alone nor isolated. I guess the biggest turning point for me was when, for some reason, I experienced what would _normally_ be called *dreams,* but, they were not mere dreams, but, some alternate experience/existence that continued from where it left off every time I went back to sleep (this actually continued for three whole months in a row). In _that_ existence/dream-sequence, I had plenty of friends, and, I could even remember all of the physical-sensations from that... other... universe as I will call it (the other-universe or perhaps I will shorten it to other-verse). Whilst I was going through this other-verse experience, I absolutely remember that its *realness* was actually _more _*_objective_* to me than back here in this earth-life. If nothing else, you could also just invest in Pepper the Robot, and, yes, people do make friends with self-learning artificial-intelligences. In fact, there are MANY very interesting subjects that will usually almost never be brought up amongst _social_ norms, but, are very highly interesting and fascinating, such as parapsychology, the Mandela Effect, the intentionally suppressed cures for cancer (e.g.: listen to Ric Schiff's court testimony), information that cannot be easily found on YT that you might get from BitChute, Rumble, LBRY, BrandNewTube, etc. One of life's main purposes is to learn as much as you can after all.
I'm single and very happy. I think finally healing in the inside so much that I now have positive supportive self talk. Plus I have goals each day and healthily balance what I can do with rest. I exercise, eat well and have interests at home so am always happily doing something (learning, creative). I have stopped worrying about not making friends where I live, I realise it's not my fault, and when I have the energy, I will move somewhere that could provide better opportunities for good relationships.
I've come to a conclusion that loving myself is necessary but not sufficient. In my opinion, people need connection with other humans on a very biological level, we are social creatures a priori. That said, need for intimacy for me is less like a societal norm or expectation but but more like my own internal need. At the same time, I'd rather stay single that be in a toxic relationship.:)
I’m facing the worry of having the same problem, I got broken up with from my 4 year long relationship. This breakup was genuinely 80% my fault but it was all things I could learn from. Deep down I wish and dream every night that we can still be together after I’ve worked on myself. (She won’t come back :
@@acatfrompoland5230 Have you heard about the concept of love addiction? It's when people can get addicted to their romantic partners. What you wrote about the "replacement" for you ex-partner reminded me of this concept. There's a great book by Pia Mellody on this topic, she speaks about how people can be either Love Addicts or Love Avoidants and how these two groups are powerfully attracted to each other.
Discernment. Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman Safe People by Henry Cloud Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin 8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
I originally started a career in social care. Then with all the abuse from staff unto clients happening in these institutions and services triggered the sh!t out of me, got addicted to drugs...my mother is and always has been domestically abusive to my schizophrenic father. Now I'm a cleaner studying part time in cyber security and hope to help others/organisations stay safe and secure! I can't be working in toxic environments that impact the most vulnerable.
1. It doesn't what you do at the start; just do something. 2. All experience is good experience. 3. Have a healthy, committed relationship with yourself first (what Daniel said). 4. Partners come and go. Never make them the centre of your life. 5. Profit.
It may not be necessarily the case that all experience is good experience. I’ve read that many teenagers, for example, who work jobs end up being negatively affected by them because they add stress to their life which may already have stress from school and family, and these jobs may add toxic relationships and/or work environment to their life as well and may increase the probability that they get into drugs. You may say in response to that: “well yes but at least then the teenagers can avoid mistakes in the future such as toxic relationships and learn something from all of these experiences,” which is absolutely true, but the thing is that these teenagers do not have to learn things the hard way. These teenagers do not have to go through awful and stressful events just to learn these important life lessons. Instead, these lessons can be instilled in them in a different, far more loving and compassionate way that involves far, far less pain. So, this is just one of many examples I could give for why I don’t agree with the statement that “all experience is good experience.”
I’m 36 and still trying to figure this out. Thank you for your worlds. This is indeed a fake, sick world and the person that values authenticity and the spiritual path can at times struggle to navigate it. I know this from personal experience. I love what you said about getting real clear about how we think, feel, and operate before we decide what we are “going to do” career wise. I continue to pray for guidance in that area. You are a gem. 🙏
If you are a young persion who sees a hostile and an insane world its because your mind isnt destroyed yet and your point of reference is a healthy one. My advice to you is isolate yourself from anyone who doesnt see this reality, or, accept it as a way of life. Unfortunatelly it will very likely leave you a lonely person and will even separate you from closest friends and family. So, learn to trust your gut and beware that almost anything from the outside is out to get you, including the nicest things in life. Life is a straggle and relies on ongoing battles until you die.
this has been my exact experience for the past few months. A few days ago I sent my stepfather an email that informed him that he was indeed sick in the head and an asshole, of course backed with a study on Domestic violence for him to read up on. Im incredibly grateful for people like yourself and Daniel, that not only see it for what it is but also speak out on it. Super well written paragraph ron! thanks
@@bummercentral768 I'm going to tell you something that I read on Reddit. If we look at this logically, the less people you know, the safer you are. Statistically, you are more likely die in a car accident than in a plane crash. This is because there are less pilots than drivers. If we apply the same logic to people, this means that the less people you have in your life, the less likely you are to get drawn into their turmoil and affairs. This ultimately means you'll have a better and safer life if you are a loner. This was basically the gist of the guy's post. I tend to agree with it.
I think there are people, places, cultures that are better at being nice and inclusive and forming a community than other places. When I was younger, I was more needy and couldn't be alone, and chose difficult people because when I was around nice people my own emotional disregulation welled up and I felt ashamed at how i couldn't be calm and happy. However, deep down I had a strong sense of self and what was right and true, and would leave horrible people behind. Hence, right now I am very much alone, because where I live people are extremely aggressive, though it took me a long time to stop trying and I wish I had spent less time feeling upset about how disappointing it was. I have found with a lot of places the people were dysfunctional in a way particular to that place. So I would move on. I do feel there must have been good genuine people in these places, but I didn't meet them. Right now, I gave up trying to meet people a few years ago and am focussed on being very happy and content doing my own activities and establishing a healthy life doing what I love. And when I know I can be good on my own, i am going to explore a new city and then a new country where I think the social culture is probably better and a better fit for my personality (I'm not agressive or competitive and I am creative and sensitive to the environment). Given I speak to almost no one at all except once or so a week to a dear family member, I am remarkably happy and well balanced and healthy. So much for needing people, but I still think it would be nice to have some lovely kind warm people in my life and I may find them, but if not, I know I am going to love how I spend my time for the rest of my life.
Things I wanted to do with my life were honestly just ways of filling the hole left in me from childhood. What I really want to do is heal, and it’s what my unconscious drives me towards. Once I help my unconscious, I have a feeling it will know exactly what to do with me and I can let it take the wheel.
I agree with the view that the more we get to know ourselves the more we know what career to follow and which partner to choose...though I think sometimes even choosing the wrong partner or career could in the long term give us an insight into what would suit us better. I think what's mostly important is to be open to change and not being afraid of admitting our failures. Thanks again Daniel!
I've often called it "being a professional human"... it was cool to hear you said it like "the career of developing a healthier self". Thanks for this.
@@alexandroskourtis5268 No worries: you’re the PERFECT age to be wondering what you want to do with your life. (That’s what I tell my son: it’s not time to panic yet!) My advice to young people (whom I love, generally): be true to yourself, don’t worry what other people are doing, keep your eyeballs peeled for opportunity, and let come what may. May blessings abound, my friend! 🌻
I can relate with that mothers jealousy if I'd find a girlfriend - betrayal. She is so afraid of it that she cannot speak about it. Also is my fathers jealousy towards my sister. They are unable to wish us to have a satisfying relationships. Its like they are stuck with that perfect love illusion from our childhood, when we saw them through oedipal/electra complex as irreplaceable lovers. They failed to be our guide in life. They made us also stuck through emotional blackmail
I have to ask you, do you think you turned around and had the same jealous reaction toward others? I have a close friend who is still a victim of emotional incest from his mother. When he was growing up and through his 30's he acted like his sister was his property and would become quite hostile and aggressive toward anyone who was interested in her. When she finally got married he and his mother can't let a day pass without disparaging her husband and they were both livid with her for years after she got married.
@@tahiyamarome I don't think so. Towards my sister not, cause I tried to talk with her many times why she's still single (42), and she always say - cause she didn't meet a special guy, but I think also that it would crush my father. She really needs to break up with him first. I am almost 1000km away from that home and enmeshment, have relationship almost 5 years long. Our relationships will never be good enough for them
@@veruc_w I have seen mothers undermine their daughters and sons independence because they don't want to give up being important in lives and they can't grow beyond being a mother and getting back to life of their own. And mothers who are jealous of their daughters being more attractive and talented and young and capable, so they undermine them. As well as mothers who are too intrusive on their sons private lives and independence. It's not good or healthy.
The problem is that the pool of people who are self-aware and functional is so small...so you are limited. I guess the key for me is don't expect the other person to be my parent and meet all of my unmet needs from childhood. You should in fact LOWER your expectations of a partner. They aren't supposed to be your everything. Like Pia Mellody says, your partner should meet SOME of your needs SOME of the time and you can learn to appreciate that you have someone in your life who gives you some affection and who likes you. As long as they aren't abusive or hindering your growth, you shouldn't be looking for a "soulmate" or fantasy person anyway. You basically choose to love someone, you don't fall in love. Nothing to do with your feelings.
Hah, hah, hah, Oh my Dannie Boie!!! You and me!.. I did pretty much just as you. However you were a late bloomer & I started on the run early. Graduated HS at 16, graduated with BS in biology. Worked in research and teaching. Went to grad school; MS & did work on PhD. (Learned much in the subject matter, but also in life, self and people and personal exploration.) Worked in psychiatry & misc hospital jobs for 3 years. Interesting. Then quit everything and went to art school (unplanned, just taking a break, but... . Graduated with art, architecture, interior design. Lived and worked on major projects (planned a city in Korea) and traveled the world over. Explored and experimented. Had affairs but nothing lasting. Many friends but nothing lasting. Wore myself out. Retired and went back to art school. Now I'm alone drawing and painting and writing. Self development and sharing has been my focus. Single and celibate here, but not lonely, just alone. But would take an offer in a heart beat it it seemed/proved right. Sound remotely familiar?
Great advice Daniel. Without knowing WHO and WHAT you are, you will never know your life purpose. Once there is knowlege of Self, everything falls into place.
I do in many ways agree with you that we have to build a loving and robust relationship with ourselves before chasing romantic relationships. Thank you a lot for your content Daniel! I really feel your authenticity and you have some really profound wisdom, so thank you 🙏
Just binge watching some old videos and as a 28 year old single guy that took an unconventional career path and hasn’t partnered up like my friends and felt abnormal because of it, this video soothed me so much. Thank you. My upbringing seems to be similar to yours re: parents that hated each other and a father that laments the way I am.
Daniel I love you. Im so grateful I found your channel. Thankyou so much for your honest authenticity, you've helped me realise Im not just crazy. You are wonderous.
I’ve seen this video about three times and I think it’s best to be with friends. I’ve known a man for wow 9 years now and we were in a relationship for so long. It’s nice to be friends but we have so many issues we need to work out. Inner work is so important but I usually lean toward cleaning or care giving but I can’t care give unless I’m healed and grown like you said.
Thanks Daniel. I’m an also Daniel M. I have been a therapist for 5+ years. I think of quitting at times . I enjoy your videos. I too introjdcted mom and need to break away- it’s kept me from healthy adult relationships. Sending you a hug. Thanks again for your Kenosis
@@murrayshevlin7289 I think you have to watch for their reactions. From what I've seen people make it clear if they value your curiosity or don't value it. If they value it they let you know, verbally or nonverbally. And the same if they don't. value it...
A couple of things you said made me think of a subject different from this video and about society. Yes it is so true that this world is set up easier for the ones who are shut down, but also many people say how its "off the rails" and full of crime and filled with broken families and losing old traditions and such not seen before. Yet looking at the big picture about where humanity is headed, in a positive light, perhaps this is just part of the process of opening up for many and for society, that things can look a mess when you finally stop repressing generations of familial and societal crap.
I was told to do an academic and artistic career, but as a 15 year old in a remote rural town, I had no idea how to do that, and should have asked, because it is totally spot on and too many decades have passed to have a career in that as I could have if I had started it in the 1970s. But now I have healed inwardly to the point of being whole,..and my own best friend and partner, I am pursuing artistic and intellectual interests and will just enjoy every minute of it, however and wherever it takes me for the years and strength I have left. :-) And here's my thoughts on being alone and meeting nice/not nice people: I think there are people, places, cultures that are better at being nice and inclusive and forming a community than other places. When I was younger, I was more needy and couldn't be alone, and chose difficult people because when I was around nice people my own emotional disregulation welled up and I felt ashamed at how i couldn't be calm and happy. However, deep down I had a strong sense of self and what was right and true, and would leave horrible people behind. Hence, right now I am very much alone, because where I live people are extremely aggressive, though it took me a long time to stop trying and I wish I had spent less time feeling upset about how disappointing it was. I have found with a lot of places the people were dysfunctional in a way particular to that place. So I would move on. I do feel there must have been good genuine people in these places, but I didn't meet them. Right now, I gave up trying to meet people a few years ago and am focussed on being very happy and content doing my own activities and establishing a healthy life doing what I love. And when I know I can be good on my own, i am going to explore a new city and then a new country where I think the social culture is probably better and a better fit for my personality (I'm not agressive or competitive and I am creative and sensitive to the environment). Given I speak to almost no one at all except once or so a week to a dear family member, I am remarkably happy and well balanced and healthy. So much for needing people, but I still think it would be nice to have some lovely kind warm people in my life and I may find them, but if not, I know I am going to love how I spend my time for the rest of my life.
I love this!!! I can relate to so many things that have been mentioned here. I'm 32 and I'm still working on a few things but I have reached the same conclusions too.
Refreshing answers... learning to know ourselves with lovin' care, like a warm soft gentle comforting breeze, swirling through a field of aromatic wildflowers and standing tall always towards the sun like the sunflower. I just began my hand at Haiku.. rhythmic flow capturing a moment in time, ending with a seasonal word, although a bit off, ain't bad if i do say so meself 🌷🍃🌷🍃🌻🌅
How can you handle the terrible jobs stage as I am in a very similar position where I am grieving but also reliant on my family and looking through I realize they liked it that way I've never held a job for so long. I had a TBI about a year ago and i am actively trying to resistant the regression and family that want me to be fully reliant on them. Is there something wrong with me not being able to just suck it up and work a job I don't like?
oh it's so interesting to find out that you studied biology cause i was very captivated by you since the first video i watched (i studied a lot of biology in high school and participated in olympiads and contests) and maybe this at least partially explains it, i kinda sensed some of my personality in you
Great video.. wow.. i wasnt sure if others have had similar experiences. I cant believe how similar i think.. only for me.. im just starting my practicum for therapy. Make more videos .. you speak in authenticity
What would you have to know to know who you are? You already are and have inclinations, preferences, reactions and drives along with this you can have a story of your life. Learning this will probably help.
@@dominicsey3032 This is all true and I can list my preferences. I will try writing them all down. I just can't make sense of them because nothing feels 'enough' or satisfying. I am stuck in an endless spiral of deep worry and avoidance and then an inability to to pinpoint what I want to do instead. It feels like limbo. Thank you for your response though I am going to use that to help me understand that I already am a set of preferences etc.
@@celinestgeorge it reads like you have depression and or are lost. Depression is usually a symptom of other things from physical health to past trauma. You may need a deeper connection with life and others or perhaps need some connection with something bigger than yourself. Whatever it is you can find it if you start looking. To get out of limbo usually you just gotta direct yourself in some course of action, a project, activity, routine etc. Perhaps you should try writing a biography of who you have been, where you have been and your roots, along with where you wanna be. I would hope that helps. Typically the way out is throigh
Well, your own words show you may already know where to start, spend a lot of time finding out who you are. Were you allowed to be you in childhood? Maybe read the book of Proverbs and Psalms, you may find some connections.
@@celinestgeorge for me, learning how to let go of the "stories" of my life helped me pay attention to the parts of me I hated. Then with help, I started making peace with each of those parts one by one over time, as they felt safe enough to connect with me. When you've been at war with yourself your whole life, it's hard to imagine there's any other way to feel. It sounds to me like you could have some (as Daniel might say) cut-off parts of yourself. When you can feel safe enough, they will make themselves available (which often sucks in my experience, btw, but it's still way better). I had to really learn about trauma de-escalation techniques, for example in the book The Body Keeps the Score. As far as guidance, my own blessed madness had many useful pointers along the way! 😁 Finding safety means establishing and nurturing those internal trusting connections. They're younger you, and you're grown them. Show them the ropes. They will laugh at all your dumb jokes. It's actually quite great. 🌱✨💛
Random question, and I'm glad I found your channel somehow, I really resonate with what you found and it really is hard to confront realising that my whole life I've been disassociated from the cold emotional neglect and betrayal by my parents. Yeah. But I'm intrigued by your gestures as you speak, it really mimics the way I gesticulate! So, wondering if you know of Myers Briggs and which personality you resonate with? Thanks for reading my comment :)
Hi Daniel, I don't know if you'll even see this comment, but could you maybe do a video on the subject of holding the two parts of you- the hurt child, and the now adult caregiver- at the same time? I find whenever I try to connect to my hurts, and feel and grieve, but having to comfort this part or even just assure it it's okay to feel, it's gone, and idk maybe some are struggling with it too. it also leads to interesting questions imo if the societal emphasis on self-healing, and putting that responsibility on the self isn't just a byproduct of individualistic pov and a capitalisc strive for independence, self-sufficiency and functionality, and maybe a form of shifting blame and responsibility from social-communal issues (and solutions) to self issues. Idk. Thanks you for your videos, and all the time, thoughts and effort you put to them, it makes a difference.
This video is enjoyable with helpful ideas and also i can relate to a lot. There’s more to add to comment (gahh 🙃😬lost the previous one typed here) i relate to a lot in video...and for now long story short “ideal” priorities = self-love-> friendships-> romantic relationships (and all can mix in ways...glad to have my comfort zone be single as i’ve technically always been single with lots of dates esp. over last decade and ranges of “genres” 🤣if told as storytimes including tragicomedy experiences...all said the self-love is essential to cultivate- hmm think that’s the word that works well...) *Agree about doing the inner work. Expression that helps i think especially when stuck or know of their desire in any career but are afraid to try, for overanalyzers like me “Clarity comes from engagement not thought” (marie forleo) and it doesn't have to be permanent... 100% applicable all the time not exactly- yet i think very helpful for overanalyzers to encourage exploring interests and careers, dreamlife, passions (Like and borrowed the term "multipassionate")... also adding some play and fun whenever possible (that said to people esp. just starting work though i feel like im still in early 20’s and not exactly a wise adult😅..if the job is truly awful runnnn bish 😭🤯😝)
IMO Daniel’s personal history resembles that of a FA. And at least to the point in time this video was recorded, it represents a snapshot into what not fully having the luck and privilege of a corrective environment, corrective others can look like. That IMO the mistrust and inner chaos can still stir. Not that I suppose it ever goes away completely and disappears but strong corrective experiences, bonds, contexts AFAIK can help it wane. But as Daniel senses, and IMO many of us as well on some level, it takes incredible luck to meet with others willing and able to be that type of presence. Daniel’s sense around our “screwed up world” IMO centres on the prevailing cultures and systems that incentivise and perpetuate the same cycles and patterns that continue the trauma, despair, transgressions etc. Those of us lucky enough to find that relentless unconditional love and care, be it with a psychotherapist, friend(s), and/or partner, really struck gold. The rest of us can just continue to try to, to the best of our capacities, while knowing the numbers are stacked in an ideal manner out there and there is a component of luck. What we can all do either way is to try to model to others the sort of relating we know to be affirmative and radiate out waves of seeing the humanity of others, to try to affect change in the social fabric with our own individual contribution on a day to day basis
I relate to a lot of this very closely. Besides the fact that you enjoy being a trauma crisis medic, which is not something I want to do. But everything else sounds almost just like me. I agree that shut down people fit in better because of how sick society is. I completely agree that doing the inner work and focusing on the self is the most important work people should do. And I've also been single for most of my adult life. I've also gone many years without sex too, which is something you mentioned in another vid. But the way you talk about that is like it was your choice to do that which is something I never related to. I always felt other people were choosing not to have sex with me even though I wanted to
Would be curious to know what your results of the Myers Briggs personality test is. I've taken it a couple of times and came up with the same results. INFP.
I wasn’t aware you could choose a partner like something one buys in a shop and as for a career, that depends on intellect and opportunity. Life is chance for most.
Hello thank you for your videos.sorry for my english it's not my first language. I wanted to be a psychiatrist to help people then i started to search about it and i realized maybe there's something wrong with this industry , medications have many side( or maybe main) effects and some of them are even permanent . Is it wrong to be a psychiatrist even when i understand their pain(because since i was i child i had mental illnesses) and i just wanna help them. Is it even possible to help them in this systems of mental health? your opinion is very important to me
I didn't know what profession I wanted to study for many years after high school. I'm 33 and going to graduate by next year. When others complain that they lost only two or three years of their life being lost I think to myself that I would've loved to have that problem. I wasted over 10 years of my time, money, and effort studying the wrong things.
Not a waste. My husband was nearly 40 before he got his doctorate and a tenure-track position at a local college. He was a “late-bloomer”, but life isn’t a race. And someone once said: that which is more complex takes longer to develop. I think that’s true. ❤️
@@recynd77 Kudos to your husband for not giving up and for getting that far. Thanks for sharing this story. I do still believe that despite everything, continuing on a quest for a better lifestyle is worth it. ✨
@@huckaf Once he made up his mind what he wanted to do (teach college), he was completely goal oriented. Not a minute was wasted getting to that goal, and he never once turned down an opportunity to assist his professors. I don’t know how desperate your situation is, but unless it’s dire, you probably don’t want to be rushing into anything new at the moment. Spend some time (weeks, months) praying/meditating on your divine purpose. Make a list of the things you hate to do, things you like to do, things you’re good at, and things you’re bad at. Meditate on that.
It's all true- having relationships with people can be challenging because people are so complex. We must have a healthy relationship with ourselves so we can have healthy relationships with others. Inherently, we are social creatures, and we strive for meaningful connections.
@daniel macler Hi, could you give an advise what so do if i am in a commited relationship, but I feel like haven't explored my sexuality quite yet and sometimes as adhd i am impulsive and i don't know whether these impulses are because of some unmet needs that I can experience in my current relationship or is it something that would be not acceptable to my partner until split off
Hmm, I'm not sure what to say. Maybe that's something you can talk about with your partner? Maybe not though, I'm not sure. I'm wishing you the best. Daniel
Those aptitude tests are invaluable and usually quite accurate as evident in Daniel Mackler's case. Problem is, as in his case, people often don't like the results because they don't know the profession recommended and had other plans for themselves. Daniel would have been a great trauma care person and they experience burnout less than therapists do, because it's a team thing. The comment about people who are psychologically shutdown fitting in better in an ever sick society is spot on.
Well, but rn it seems very much that being on a path of truth actually akwardizes me more and more from people and I am so very lonely. So idk if I would wanna live on my own forever especially now since covid like there is no way to meet with other people a lot its just frying my brain even though I have stayed somewhat sane. Maybe you can stay on your own but I am certainly not wired that way. I would rather have people around me every day, but people, who are on a quest for truth as am I, other people I cannot stand longer than a few hours anymore unfortunately. Finding a partner seems impossible though so probably I will end up somewhat like you I presume. I think doing jobs you dont like can really crush you and I dont wanna do it. I am supposedly studying at university rn but because I refuse to get pcr tests or vaccines forced on me I will probably end up quitting, not doing this anymore, people just dont care if our democracies crumble and one day we wake up and we wont remember that one has a right to decide over their own body and to meet other people. I care. So thats not good, bc well, I'll get barely by if I am luck or if not land on the street. People look at me like I am crazy and hopefully I am, bc then the world will turn normal again soon, which I would very much prefer.... Also picking a partner means you have people to pick from. I feel like I am so a mess that only people with poor boundaries approach me and GOD do I really wanna have more people with poor boundaries around me?? ALL the TIME??? NO!!! So I better clean up the mess in my soul first, I agree.
You gotta figure out how to trust yourself ( before you trust **any** **one** or thing, else ). And the way to *figure* *that* *out* is to trust, other peoples and things; then, afterwards, you’ll know what’s OK and what’s **never** going to be **OK** 🙅♀️ Sometimes, or *most* times, you get to learn through your own experience; finding a spouse and career are so, incredibly, subjective; I mean, finding an entity, that you’re contented with ( rather than complacent, with ) is entirely based upon your own opinion ✅ No one else, no book and no card game, has that answer; as it’s a gamble 🎲 Disenchanted yet, attentive are the words that best describe my investment in this game. I’ve still got some brainstorming and work to do and I trust that new projects are waiting to be discovered by me 🥳
The best advice is don't waste time asking for advice or permission around grieving. Be patient, be with it when it arises, honor it in the way that seems best. All events change us, that is the nature of living. All internal conditions also change, including grief. Tomorrow comes. With great loss, there has for me also been great gratitude for having known what or who is lost. Let that gratitude rise up as well if it appears. Bathe in each. 🙋🏻♀️
I'm thinking that turning an opinion into a fact is helpful, like instead of having a bad opinion of someone or something, just remove yourself from the opinion and look at the fact, the fact that it happened and you do not seem to like it, you have certain feelings, and that's how it is right now. When you are stuck in the opinion you have no solution but when you have turned it into a fact you can just look at it from the outside. Easier said than done I guess.
Oh shit. I see you a lot in my boyfriend. God gave me a vision that his mom and him are attached at the hip. Yikes! And you just confirmed it. It’s awkward because I don’t want to bring it up with the person I’m seeing but I guess I just have to see how this all plays out. She’s already trying to correct me in public and he tries to do the same thing. Both of them need a lot of healing. He does everything with his mother it’s crazy. And now they are both trying to get me to do things with them because they lost his dad. I’m feeling like I’m the father in this… idk it’s so odd and not healthy. I plan on going down my own path. I’ve already set boundaries and told him I don’t want to have him cook for me and his mom.
100-150 years ago, I think you would have become a priest, maybe would have sailed to China or the Philippines to join or start a mission there. When I hear your voice, I wonder if you’ve ever done any acting, amateur or professional. I would like to hear some Shakespeare read by you, for example.
Funny that you mention acting. Just today I was helping some friends record parts for a children's book they'd written. I was voicing (and singing) the part of a grandfather...
What if there isn't a thing u enjoy enough to make a career of it. What if u get bored or stressed out by it and u feel consumed by it. What if u can't do it in this system what if u can't go through the process for example the 10 years of stupid university study to be able ot allowed to do what u wanna do. There is so much holding u back, including u, yourself. I sometimes envy the old way of life of hunters and gatherers. A simple life. Just do what u have to do and than come back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Not sure I even agree with this "career" concept, at least for myself. The point of my "career" is simply to make the money I need to fund my projects and my adventures. In this sick and dying society, where all institutions are part of a rotting whole, why would a career be something desirable? I say, make money, then use that to fuel the life that you enjoy. I don't feel the need to make a career part of by self-image as many do.
Develop **unimpeachable** power with your own `soul`; or whatever's inside your chest... Maybe I'm paraphrasing of Robert Greene's work; he's an excellent Author, and one that I'd hated at first 🙃 in 48 Laws of Power, the first time I'd read it, I'd thought he had NPD; but he's really just a nerd, that wrote about **his** observations of what human's need to do, to climb the social hierarchy. #firstWorldproblems
Man, you said once you are American, but you are so British, you are a living image of a Brit. Even decoration in backstage is so... old-school conventional (british😉)
Find someone with character, values and morals. Find someone who is a consistently GOOD decision maker. Find a person who doesnt love to argue and who doesnt gaslight and defend their mistakes but apologizes honestly
I’ve noticed you mention a lot that the world is screwed up, fake and dishonest. This might be true to some extent, but I do think you are over-emphazising it.
![[ไฮไลต์] แบดมินตันชาย วิว กุลวุฒิ (ไทย) vs LEE Zii Jia (มาเลเซีย) รอบรองชนะเลิศ | โอลิมปิก 2024](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/mvBiEAqlssw/mqdefault.jpg)
“The real partner is within” Amen
Could you also do a vid on how to thrive when alone/single? For people that went from a relationship to another? It's like a whole new world
I very much enjoy my self-freedom and time that I can have to myself. Not having to clean up after everyone else or someone else all the damn time, none of my stuff goes _missing_ or ends up broken as a result of someone else's carelessness, much easier to focus/concentrate on tasks to accomplish some of my much more technical-projects without having to be distracted or interrupted by someone else _always_ having some damn so-called *emergency* (due to their _own_ carelessness and/or _over-panicking),_ etc. Although this might be an easier thing for the male gendre as they get older since those of us in our right minds find that we actually _highly value_ the time that we can have to _ourselves_ (the female gendre is much more oriented towards _social_ relationships by default).
Even with as much time as I _seemingly spend alone_ I actually never really feel alone nor isolated. I guess the biggest turning point for me was when, for some reason, I experienced what would _normally_ be called *dreams,* but, they were not mere dreams, but, some alternate experience/existence that continued from where it left off every time I went back to sleep (this actually continued for three whole months in a row). In _that_ existence/dream-sequence, I had plenty of friends, and, I could even remember all of the physical-sensations from that... other... universe as I will call it (the other-universe or perhaps I will shorten it to other-verse). Whilst I was going through this other-verse experience, I absolutely remember that its *realness* was actually _more _*_objective_* to me than back here in this earth-life.
If nothing else, you could also just invest in Pepper the Robot, and, yes, people do make friends with self-learning artificial-intelligences. In fact, there are MANY very interesting subjects that will usually almost never be brought up amongst _social_ norms, but, are very highly interesting and fascinating, such as parapsychology, the Mandela Effect, the intentionally suppressed cures for cancer (e.g.: listen to Ric Schiff's court testimony), information that cannot be easily found on YT that you might get from BitChute, Rumble, LBRY, BrandNewTube, etc. One of life's main purposes is to learn as much as you can after all.
This would a be a good video.
I'm single and very happy. I think finally healing in the inside so much that I now have positive supportive self talk. Plus I have goals each day and healthily balance what I can do with rest. I exercise, eat well and have interests at home so am always happily doing something (learning, creative).
I have stopped worrying about not making friends where I live, I realise it's not my fault, and when I have the energy, I will move somewhere that could provide better opportunities for good relationships.
In all respect, the comment asked for help on THEIR issue. They don’t need to hear how you don’t have the same issue. 😂
Amazing idea, would be helpful for anyone who's been addicted to relationships and unable to fully focus on oneself.
“Choose a career that not only covers the bills, but one that feeds the soul”
I've come to a conclusion that loving myself is necessary but not sufficient. In my opinion, people need connection with other humans on a very biological level, we are social creatures a priori. That said, need for intimacy for me is less like a societal norm or expectation but but more like my own internal need. At the same time, I'd rather stay single that be in a toxic relationship.:)
I’m facing the worry of having the same problem, I got broken up with from my 4 year long relationship.
This breakup was genuinely 80% my fault but it was all things I could learn from.
Deep down I wish and dream every night that we can still be together after I’ve worked on myself. (She won’t come back :
@@acatfrompoland5230 Have you heard about the concept of love addiction? It's when people can get addicted to their romantic partners. What you wrote about the "replacement" for you ex-partner reminded me of this concept. There's a great book by Pia Mellody on this topic, she speaks about how people can be either Love Addicts or Love Avoidants and how these two groups are powerfully attracted to each other.
Discernment.
Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Safe People by Henry Cloud
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Getting The Love You Want by Harville Hendrix IMAGO
Are You The One For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis
Wired For Love by Dr Stan Tatkin
8 Dates by John and Julie Gottman
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future - Sam Vaknin podcast
Speaking of romance: I think I love you Daniel. Brilliant monologue.
Aww 😊
That's a disgusting and rude, confusing comment. How dare you try to plague this comment section.
@John Doe LMAOO
Same, LOL
I originally started a career in social care. Then with all the abuse from staff unto clients happening in these institutions and services triggered the sh!t out of me, got addicted to drugs...my mother is and always has been domestically abusive to my schizophrenic father.
Now I'm a cleaner studying part time in cyber security and hope to help others/organisations stay safe and secure! I can't be working in toxic environments that impact the most vulnerable.
Hey maybe you dont mind me asking. Hows it going for you, how do you find cyber security?
1. It doesn't what you do at the start; just do something.
2. All experience is good experience.
3. Have a healthy, committed relationship with yourself first (what Daniel said).
4. Partners come and go. Never make them the centre of your life.
5. Profit.
Yum
It may not be necessarily the case that all experience is good experience. I’ve read that many teenagers, for example, who work jobs end up being negatively affected by them because they add stress to their life which may already have stress from school and family, and these jobs may add toxic relationships and/or work environment to their life as well and may increase the probability that they get into drugs. You may say in response to that: “well yes but at least then the teenagers can avoid mistakes in the future such as toxic relationships and learn something from all of these experiences,” which is absolutely true, but the thing is that these teenagers do not have to learn things the hard way. These teenagers do not have to go through awful and stressful events just to learn these important life lessons. Instead, these lessons can be instilled in them in a different, far more loving and compassionate way that involves far, far less pain. So, this is just one of many examples I could give for why I don’t agree with the statement that “all experience is good experience.”
I’m 36 and still trying to figure this out. Thank you for your worlds. This is indeed a fake, sick world and the person that values authenticity and the spiritual path can at times struggle to navigate it. I know this from personal experience. I love what you said about getting real clear about how we think, feel, and operate before we decide what we are “going to do” career wise. I continue to pray for guidance in that area. You are a gem. 🙏
Words*
@@lifeasvocation1557 btw, you can click on the 3 dots at the side of your comment to edit your post.
Good luck ❤
@@lifeasvocation1557he is sharing his worlds :) … well typo’d
At 32 this is so helpful. I feel like I’m just now learning all of these things. Thank you so much!
hey me too! :)
The career/relationship paradigm worked for so many people it became the ONLY game in town to remedy ALL of your unmet needs..
If you are a young persion who sees a hostile and an insane world its because your mind isnt destroyed yet and your point of reference is a healthy one. My advice to you is isolate yourself from anyone who doesnt see this reality, or, accept it as a way of life. Unfortunatelly it will very likely leave you a lonely person and will even separate you from closest friends and family. So, learn to trust your gut and beware that almost anything from the outside is out to get you, including the nicest things in life. Life is a straggle and relies on ongoing battles until you die.
this has been my exact experience for the past few months. A few days ago I sent my stepfather an email that informed him that he was indeed sick in the head and an asshole, of course backed with a study on Domestic violence for him to read up on. Im incredibly grateful for people like yourself and Daniel, that not only see it for what it is but also speak out on it. Super well written paragraph ron! thanks
@@bummercentral768 I'm going to tell you something that I read on Reddit. If we look at this logically, the less people you know, the safer you are. Statistically, you are more likely die in a car accident than in a plane crash. This is because there are less pilots than drivers. If we apply the same logic to people, this means that the less people you have in your life, the less likely you are to get drawn into their turmoil and affairs. This ultimately means you'll have a better and safer life if you are a loner. This was basically the gist of the guy's post. I tend to agree with it.
I think there are people, places, cultures that are better at being nice and inclusive and forming a community than other places.
When I was younger, I was more needy and couldn't be alone, and chose difficult people because when I was around nice people my own emotional disregulation welled up and I felt ashamed at how i couldn't be calm and happy.
However, deep down I had a strong sense of self and what was right and true, and would leave horrible people behind.
Hence, right now I am very much alone, because where I live people are extremely aggressive, though it took me a long time to stop trying and I wish I had spent less time feeling upset about how disappointing it was.
I have found with a lot of places the people were dysfunctional in a way particular to that place. So I would move on.
I do feel there must have been good genuine people in these places, but I didn't meet them.
Right now, I gave up trying to meet people a few years ago and am focussed on being very happy and content doing my own activities and establishing a healthy life doing what I love.
And when I know I can be good on my own, i am going to explore a new city and then a new country where I think the social culture is probably better and a better fit for my personality (I'm not agressive or competitive and I am creative and sensitive to the environment).
Given I speak to almost no one at all except once or so a week to a dear family member, I am remarkably happy and well balanced and healthy.
So much for needing people, but I still think it would be nice to have some lovely kind warm people in my life and I may find them, but if not, I know I am going to love how I spend my time for the rest of my life.
Things I wanted to do with my life were honestly just ways of filling the hole left in me from childhood. What I really want to do is heal, and it’s what my unconscious drives me towards. Once I help my unconscious, I have a feeling it will know exactly what to do with me and I can let it take the wheel.
That is beautifully and poetically expressed.
I agree with the view that the more we get to know ourselves the more we know what career to follow and which partner to choose...though I think sometimes even choosing the wrong partner or career could in the long term give us an insight into what would suit us better. I think what's mostly important is to be open to change and not being afraid of admitting our failures. Thanks again Daniel!
I've often called it "being a professional human"... it was cool to hear you said it like "the career of developing a healthier self". Thanks for this.
this is a perfect subject for me right now in my life
My son, too (he’s 23). It’s so difficult to know how to best counsel him.
@@recynd77 im 23 too :) ...
@@alexandroskourtis5268 No worries: you’re the PERFECT age to be wondering what you want to do with your life. (That’s what I tell my son: it’s not time to panic yet!)
My advice to young people (whom I love, generally): be true to yourself, don’t worry what other people are doing, keep your eyeballs peeled for opportunity, and let come what may. May blessings abound, my friend! 🌻
@@recynd77 When is it time to panic?
@@charthers8903 Not yet!
I can relate with that mothers jealousy if I'd find a girlfriend - betrayal. She is so afraid of it that she cannot speak about it. Also is my fathers jealousy towards my sister. They are unable to wish us to have a satisfying relationships. Its like they are stuck with that perfect love illusion from our childhood, when we saw them through oedipal/electra complex as irreplaceable lovers. They failed to be our guide in life. They made us also stuck through emotional blackmail
I have to ask you, do you think you turned around and had the same jealous reaction toward others? I have a close friend who is still a victim of emotional incest from his mother. When he was growing up and through his 30's he acted like his sister was his property and would become quite hostile and aggressive toward anyone who was interested in her. When she finally got married he and his mother can't let a day pass without disparaging her husband and they were both livid with her for years after she got married.
@@tahiyamarome I don't think so. Towards my sister not, cause I tried to talk with her many times why she's still single (42), and she always say - cause she didn't meet a special guy, but I think also that it would crush my father. She really needs to break up with him first. I am almost 1000km away from that home and enmeshment, have relationship almost 5 years long. Our relationships will never be good enough for them
@@veruc_w I have seen mothers undermine their daughters and sons independence because they don't want to give up being important in lives and they can't grow beyond being a mother and getting back to life of their own. And mothers who are jealous of their daughters being more attractive and talented and young and capable, so they undermine them. As well as mothers who are too intrusive on their sons private lives and independence.
It's not good or healthy.
That's totally strange
The problem is that the pool of people who are self-aware and functional is so small...so you are limited. I guess the key for me is don't expect the other person to be my parent and meet all of my unmet needs from childhood. You should in fact LOWER your expectations of a partner. They aren't supposed to be your everything. Like Pia Mellody says, your partner should meet SOME of your needs SOME of the time and you can learn to appreciate that you have someone in your life who gives you some affection and who likes you. As long as they aren't abusive or hindering your growth, you shouldn't be looking for a "soulmate" or fantasy person anyway. You basically choose to love someone, you don't fall in love. Nothing to do with your feelings.
You choose to love someone? I have to disagree with that. Love will find you. You dont have any chance.
Hah, hah, hah, Oh my Dannie Boie!!! You and me!.. I did pretty much just as you. However you were a late bloomer & I started on the run early. Graduated HS at 16, graduated with BS in biology. Worked in research and teaching. Went to grad school; MS & did work on PhD. (Learned much in the subject matter, but also in life, self and people and personal exploration.) Worked in psychiatry & misc hospital jobs for 3 years. Interesting. Then quit everything and went to art school (unplanned, just taking a break, but... . Graduated with art, architecture, interior design. Lived and worked on major projects (planned a city in Korea) and traveled the world over. Explored and experimented. Had affairs but nothing lasting. Many friends but nothing lasting. Wore myself out. Retired and went back to art school. Now I'm alone drawing and painting and writing. Self development and sharing has been my focus. Single and celibate here, but not lonely, just alone. But would take an offer in a heart beat it it seemed/proved right.
Sound remotely familiar?
Great advice Daniel. Without knowing WHO and WHAT you are, you will never know your life purpose.
Once there is knowlege of Self, everything falls into place.
I do in many ways agree with you that we have to build a loving and robust relationship with ourselves before chasing romantic relationships. Thank you a lot for your content Daniel! I really feel your authenticity and you have some really profound wisdom, so thank you 🙏
Just binge watching some old videos and as a 28 year old single guy that took an unconventional career path and hasn’t partnered up like my friends and felt abnormal because of it, this video soothed me so much. Thank you. My upbringing seems to be similar to yours re: parents that hated each other and a father that laments the way I am.
Daniel I love you. Im so grateful I found your channel. Thankyou so much for your honest authenticity, you've helped me realise Im not just crazy. You are wonderous.
Thanks!
I’ve seen this video about three times and I think it’s best to be with friends. I’ve known a man for wow 9 years now and we were in a relationship for so long. It’s nice to be friends but we have so many issues we need to work out. Inner work is so important but I usually lean toward cleaning or care giving but I can’t care give unless I’m healed and grown like you said.
Thanks Daniel. I’m an also Daniel M. I have been a therapist for 5+ years. I think of quitting at times . I enjoy your videos. I too introjdcted mom and need to break away- it’s kept me from healthy adult relationships. Sending you a hug. Thanks again for your Kenosis
can you try teaching?
Hi Daniel M. :)
@@dmackler58 How can you tell if a authority figure like a teacher or a counselor hates your curiosity.
@@murrayshevlin7289 I think you have to watch for their reactions. From what I've seen people make it clear if they value your curiosity or don't value it. If they value it they let you know, verbally or nonverbally. And the same if they don't. value it...
@@dmackler58 So what did your boss do at the prison at South American alarmed you that he didn't like your curiosity.
A couple of things you said made me think of a subject different from this video and about society. Yes it is so true that this world is set up easier for the ones who are shut down, but also many people say how its "off the rails" and full of crime and filled with broken families and losing old traditions and such not seen before. Yet looking at the big picture about where humanity is headed, in a positive light, perhaps this is just part of the process of opening up for many and for society, that things can look a mess when you finally stop repressing generations of familial and societal crap.
I was told to do an academic and artistic career, but as a 15 year old in a remote rural town, I had no idea how to do that, and should have asked, because it is totally spot on and too many decades have passed to have a career in that as I could have if I had started it in the 1970s. But now I have healed inwardly to the point of being whole,..and my own best friend and partner, I am pursuing artistic and intellectual interests and will just enjoy every minute of it, however and wherever it takes me for the years and strength I have left. :-)
And here's my thoughts on being alone and meeting nice/not nice people:
I think there are people, places, cultures that are better at being nice and inclusive and forming a community than other places.
When I was younger, I was more needy and couldn't be alone, and chose difficult people because when I was around nice people my own emotional disregulation welled up and I felt ashamed at how i couldn't be calm and happy.
However, deep down I had a strong sense of self and what was right and true, and would leave horrible people behind.
Hence, right now I am very much alone, because where I live people are extremely aggressive, though it took me a long time to stop trying and I wish I had spent less time feeling upset about how disappointing it was.
I have found with a lot of places the people were dysfunctional in a way particular to that place. So I would move on.
I do feel there must have been good genuine people in these places, but I didn't meet them.
Right now, I gave up trying to meet people a few years ago and am focussed on being very happy and content doing my own activities and establishing a healthy life doing what I love.
And when I know I can be good on my own, i am going to explore a new city and then a new country where I think the social culture is probably better and a better fit for my personality (I'm not agressive or competitive and I am creative and sensitive to the environment).
Given I speak to almost no one at all except once or so a week to a dear family member, I am remarkably happy and well balanced and healthy.
So much for needing people, but I still think it would be nice to have some lovely kind warm people in my life and I may find them, but if not, I know I am going to love how I spend my time for the rest of my life.
Makes sense that being in touch with your True self would be reflected in relationships and fulfilling work.
Would seem that if you give your unconscious what it wants, it’ll return the favor 😁
Yes to being my own partner 😊❤ I agree about fitting in to the outside world, it is harder we know who we are. 🎉 I’m celibate too!
Thank-you Daniel, this was great!
I resonate with your journey so much!
Great video daniel
Thank you for your insights!
Good sound advice Daniel.
I love this!!! I can relate to so many things that have been mentioned here. I'm 32 and I'm still working on a few things but I have reached the same conclusions too.
Very well put.
Daniel i am so grateful for the fact that i've found you. Thank you so much for all the work you've done, sending lots of love from Azerbaijan
Great Message!
But don't forget to open your heart, open to receive.
Thank you for the video, very nice!
I wish I had someone like you in my life ❤
Wow WoW WOW!! You speak for so many of us
Refreshing answers...
learning to know ourselves with lovin' care,
like a warm soft gentle comforting breeze, swirling through a field of aromatic wildflowers
and standing tall always towards the sun like the sunflower.
I just began my hand at Haiku.. rhythmic flow capturing a moment in time, ending with a seasonal word,
although a bit off, ain't bad if i do say so meself 🌷🍃🌷🍃🌻🌅
How can you handle the terrible jobs stage as I am in a very similar position where I am grieving but also reliant on my family and looking through I realize they liked it that way I've never held a job for so long. I had a TBI about a year ago and i am actively trying to resistant the regression and family that want me to be fully reliant on them. Is there something wrong with me not being able to just suck it up and work a job I don't like?
oh it's so interesting to find out that you studied biology cause i was very captivated by you since the first video i watched (i studied a lot of biology in high school and participated in olympiads and contests) and maybe this at least partially explains it, i kinda sensed some of my personality in you
Great video.. wow.. i wasnt sure if others have had similar experiences. I cant believe how similar i think.. only for me.. im just starting my practicum for therapy. Make more videos .. you speak in authenticity
Thank you Daniel
I have BPD. I can’t decide. I’m afraid of everything. I’ve done two degrees and I still feel wrong. I have no idea what to do and who I am....
What would you have to know to know who you are? You already are and have inclinations, preferences, reactions and drives along with this you can have a story of your life. Learning this will probably help.
@@dominicsey3032 This is all true and I can list my preferences. I will try writing them all down. I just can't make sense of them because nothing feels 'enough' or satisfying. I am stuck in an endless spiral of deep worry and avoidance and then an inability to to pinpoint what I want to do instead. It feels like limbo. Thank you for your response though I am going to use that to help me understand that I already am a set of preferences etc.
@@celinestgeorge it reads like you have depression and or are lost. Depression is usually a symptom of other things from physical health to past trauma. You may need a deeper connection with life and others or perhaps need some connection with something bigger than yourself. Whatever it is you can find it if you start looking. To get out of limbo usually you just gotta direct yourself in some course of action, a project, activity, routine etc. Perhaps you should try writing a biography of who you have been, where you have been and your roots, along with where you wanna be. I would hope that helps. Typically the way out is throigh
Well, your own words show you may already know where to start, spend a lot of time finding out who you are. Were you allowed to be you in childhood? Maybe read the book of Proverbs and Psalms, you may find some connections.
@@celinestgeorge for me, learning how to let go of the "stories" of my life helped me pay attention to the parts of me I hated. Then with help, I started making peace with each of those parts one by one over time, as they felt safe enough to connect with me. When you've been at war with yourself your whole life, it's hard to imagine there's any other way to feel.
It sounds to me like you could have some (as Daniel might say) cut-off parts of yourself. When you can feel safe enough, they will make themselves available (which often sucks in my experience, btw, but it's still way better). I had to really learn about trauma de-escalation techniques, for example in the book The Body Keeps the Score. As far as guidance, my own blessed madness had many useful pointers along the way! 😁
Finding safety means establishing and nurturing those internal trusting connections. They're younger you, and you're grown them. Show them the ropes. They will laugh at all your dumb jokes. It's actually quite great. 🌱✨💛
Random question, and I'm glad I found your channel somehow, I really resonate with what you found and it really is hard to confront realising that my whole life I've been disassociated from the cold emotional neglect and betrayal by my parents. Yeah. But I'm intrigued by your gestures as you speak, it really mimics the way I gesticulate! So, wondering if you know of Myers Briggs and which personality you resonate with? Thanks for reading my comment :)
Very good advice for young ppl
Yes to who we really are!!! 🎉😊
Hi Daniel, I don't know if you'll even see this comment, but could you maybe do a video on the subject of holding the two parts of you- the hurt child, and the now adult caregiver- at the same time? I find whenever I try to connect to my hurts, and feel and grieve, but having to comfort this part or even just assure it it's okay to feel, it's gone, and idk maybe some are struggling with it too. it also leads to interesting questions imo if the societal emphasis on self-healing, and putting that responsibility on the self isn't just a byproduct of individualistic pov and a capitalisc strive for independence, self-sufficiency and functionality, and maybe a form of shifting blame and responsibility from social-communal issues (and solutions) to self issues. Idk.
Thanks you for your videos, and all the time, thoughts and effort you put to them, it makes a difference.
This video is enjoyable with helpful ideas and also i can relate to a lot. There’s more to add to comment (gahh 🙃😬lost the previous one typed here) i relate to a lot in video...and for now long story short “ideal” priorities = self-love-> friendships-> romantic relationships (and all can mix in ways...glad to have my comfort zone be single as i’ve technically always been single with lots of dates esp. over last decade and ranges of “genres” 🤣if told as storytimes including tragicomedy experiences...all said the self-love is essential to cultivate- hmm think that’s the word that works well...) *Agree about doing the inner work.
Expression that helps i think especially when stuck or know of their desire in any career but are afraid to try, for overanalyzers like me “Clarity comes from engagement not thought” (marie forleo) and it doesn't have to be permanent...
100% applicable all the time not exactly- yet i think very helpful for overanalyzers to encourage exploring interests and careers, dreamlife, passions (Like and borrowed the term "multipassionate")... also adding some play and fun whenever possible (that said to people esp. just starting work though i feel like im still in early 20’s and not exactly a wise adult😅..if the job is truly awful runnnn bish 😭🤯😝)
I was always told that I was TOO GOOD to fit into this world. Even as a 3, 4 , 5 , 6 , 7, 8 yrs old. 5:55
Volcels unite :)
You don't choose your partner. Connection develops. We just call it we are choosing. Your partner will come.
IMO Daniel’s personal history resembles that of a FA. And at least to the point in time this video was recorded, it represents a snapshot into what not fully having the luck and privilege of a corrective environment, corrective others can look like. That IMO the mistrust and inner chaos can still stir. Not that I suppose it ever goes away completely and disappears but strong corrective experiences, bonds, contexts AFAIK can help it wane.
But as Daniel senses, and IMO many of us as well on some level, it takes incredible luck to meet with others willing and able to be that type of presence. Daniel’s sense around our “screwed up world” IMO centres on the prevailing cultures and systems that incentivise and perpetuate the same cycles and patterns that continue the trauma, despair, transgressions etc.
Those of us lucky enough to find that relentless unconditional love and care, be it with a psychotherapist, friend(s), and/or partner, really struck gold. The rest of us can just continue to try to, to the best of our capacities, while knowing the numbers are stacked in an ideal manner out there and there is a component of luck. What we can all do either way is to try to model to others the sort of relating we know to be affirmative and radiate out waves of seeing the humanity of others, to try to affect change in the social fabric with our own individual contribution on a day to day basis
I relate to a lot of this very closely. Besides the fact that you enjoy being a trauma crisis medic, which is not something I want to do. But everything else sounds almost just like me. I agree that shut down people fit in better because of how sick society is. I completely agree that doing the inner work and focusing on the self is the most important work people should do. And I've also been single for most of my adult life. I've also gone many years without sex too, which is something you mentioned in another vid. But the way you talk about that is like it was your choice to do that which is something I never related to. I always felt other people were choosing not to have sex with me even though I wanted to
We love you
fantastic
Would be curious to know what your results of the Myers Briggs personality test is. I've taken it a couple of times and came up with the same results. INFP.
did he mention he is an INFP? I would have guessed him to be an ENFP..
I wasn’t aware you could choose a partner like something one buys in a shop and as for a career, that depends on intellect and opportunity. Life is chance for most.
Hello thank you for your videos.sorry for my english it's not my first language. I wanted to be a psychiatrist to help people then i started to search about it and i realized maybe there's something wrong with this industry , medications have many side( or maybe main) effects and some of them are even permanent . Is it wrong to be a psychiatrist even when i understand their pain(because since i was i child i had mental illnesses) and i just wanna help them. Is it even possible to help them in this systems of mental health? your opinion is very important to me
I didn't know what profession I wanted to study for many years after high school. I'm 33 and going to graduate by next year. When others complain that they lost only two or three years of their life being lost I think to myself that I would've loved to have that problem. I wasted over 10 years of my time, money, and effort studying the wrong things.
Not a waste. My husband was nearly 40 before he got his doctorate and a tenure-track position at a local college. He was a “late-bloomer”, but life isn’t a race. And someone once said: that which is more complex takes longer to develop. I think that’s true. ❤️
@@recynd77 Kudos to your husband for not giving up and for getting that far. Thanks for sharing this story. I do still believe that despite everything, continuing on a quest for a better lifestyle is worth it. ✨
any tips about how you did find it? pls
@@recynd77 any hint/clue of how your husband did it? please
@@huckaf Once he made up his mind what he wanted to do (teach college), he was completely goal oriented. Not a minute was wasted getting to that goal, and he never once turned down an opportunity to assist his professors.
I don’t know how desperate your situation is, but unless it’s dire, you probably don’t want to be rushing into anything new at the moment. Spend some time (weeks, months) praying/meditating on your divine purpose. Make a list of the things you hate to do, things you like to do, things you’re good at, and things you’re bad at. Meditate on that.
What do you do now for work?
It's all true- having relationships with people can be challenging because people are so complex. We must have a healthy relationship with ourselves so we can have healthy relationships with others. Inherently, we are social creatures, and we strive for meaningful connections.
@daniel macler Hi, could you give an advise what so do if i am in a commited relationship, but I feel like haven't explored my sexuality quite yet and sometimes as adhd i am impulsive and i don't know whether these impulses are because of some unmet needs that I can experience in my current relationship or is it something that would be not acceptable to my partner until split off
Hmm, I'm not sure what to say. Maybe that's something you can talk about with your partner? Maybe not though, I'm not sure. I'm wishing you the best. Daniel
Those aptitude tests are invaluable and usually quite accurate as evident in Daniel Mackler's case. Problem is, as in his case, people often don't like the results because they don't know the profession recommended and had other plans for themselves. Daniel would have been a great trauma care person and they experience burnout less than therapists do, because it's a team thing.
The comment about people who are psychologically shutdown fitting in better in an ever sick society is spot on.
The real partner is within.... read the book 'you are the one you've been waiting for' from Dick Schwartz
Medical trauma recovery is a good way to describe your videos.
How do you deal with feelings of lonlines?
Do you do coaching ?
I am retired from both!
Well, but rn it seems very much that being on a path of truth actually akwardizes me more and more from people and I am so very lonely. So idk if I would wanna live on my own forever especially now since covid like there is no way to meet with other people a lot its just frying my brain even though I have stayed somewhat sane. Maybe you can stay on your own but I am certainly not wired that way. I would rather have people around me every day, but people, who are on a quest for truth as am I, other people I cannot stand longer than a few hours anymore unfortunately. Finding a partner seems impossible though so probably I will end up somewhat like you I presume. I think doing jobs you dont like can really crush you and I dont wanna do it. I am supposedly studying at university rn but because I refuse to get pcr tests or vaccines forced on me I will probably end up quitting, not doing this anymore, people just dont care if our democracies crumble and one day we wake up and we wont remember that one has a right to decide over their own body and to meet other people. I care. So thats not good, bc well, I'll get barely by if I am luck or if not land on the street. People look at me like I am crazy and hopefully I am, bc then the world will turn normal again soon, which I would very much prefer.... Also picking a partner means you have people to pick from. I feel like I am so a mess that only people with poor boundaries approach me and GOD do I really wanna have more people with poor boundaries around me?? ALL the TIME??? NO!!! So I better clean up the mess in my soul first, I agree.
You gotta figure out how to trust yourself ( before you trust **any** **one** or thing, else ).
And the way to *figure* *that* *out* is to trust, other peoples and things; then, afterwards, you’ll know what’s OK and what’s **never** going to be **OK** 🙅♀️
Sometimes, or *most* times, you get to learn through your own experience; finding a spouse and career are so, incredibly, subjective; I mean, finding an entity, that you’re contented with ( rather than complacent, with ) is entirely based upon your own opinion ✅ No one else, no book and no card game, has that answer; as it’s a gamble 🎲
Disenchanted yet, attentive are the words that best describe my investment in this game. I’ve still got some brainstorming and work to do and I trust that new projects are waiting to be discovered by me 🥳
Did you choose another career after being a therapist ?
Do you have any thoughts on how to deal with the loss of a loved one? How to grieve? Is there any end to in grieve?
The best advice is don't waste time asking for advice or permission around grieving. Be patient, be with it when it arises, honor it in the way that seems best. All events change us, that is the nature of living. All internal conditions also change, including grief. Tomorrow comes. With great loss, there has for me also been great gratitude for having known what or who is lost. Let that gratitude rise up as well if it appears. Bathe in each. 🙋🏻♀️
Thanks a lot 😊
Why You Can’t Grieve | Daniel Mackler
th-cam.com/video/CfOIr7hSdPc/w-d-xo.html
🙏
❤️❤️❤️❤️
I'm thinking that turning an opinion into a fact is helpful, like instead of having a bad opinion of someone or something, just remove yourself from the opinion and look at the fact, the fact that it happened and you do not seem to like it, you have certain feelings, and that's how it is right now. When you are stuck in the opinion you have no solution but when you have turned it into a fact you can just look at it from the outside. Easier said than done I guess.
I mirror myself in you.
Oh shit. I see you a lot in my boyfriend. God gave me a vision that his mom and him are attached at the hip. Yikes! And you just confirmed it. It’s awkward because I don’t want to bring it up with the person I’m seeing but I guess I just have to see how this all plays out. She’s already trying to correct me in public and he tries to do the same thing. Both of them need a lot of healing. He does everything with his mother it’s crazy. And now they are both trying to get me to do things with them because they lost his dad. I’m feeling like I’m the father in this… idk it’s so odd and not healthy. I plan on going down my own path. I’ve already set boundaries and told him I don’t want to have him cook for me and his mom.
❤
How do I give this video 500, thumbs up ?
100-150 years ago, I think you would have become a priest, maybe would have sailed to China or the Philippines to join or start a mission there.
When I hear your voice, I wonder if you’ve ever done any acting, amateur or professional. I would like to hear some Shakespeare read by you, for example.
Funny that you mention acting. Just today I was helping some friends record parts for a children's book they'd written. I was voicing (and singing) the part of a grandfather...
What if there isn't a thing u enjoy enough to make a career of it. What if u get bored or stressed out by it and u feel consumed by it. What if u can't do it in this system what if u can't go through the process for example the 10 years of stupid university study to be able ot allowed to do what u wanna do. There is so much holding u back, including u, yourself. I sometimes envy the old way of life of hunters and gatherers. A simple life. Just do what u have to do and than come back and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Not sure I even agree with this "career" concept, at least for myself. The point of my "career" is simply to make the money I need to fund my projects and my adventures. In this sick and dying society, where all institutions are part of a rotting whole, why would a career be something desirable? I say, make money, then use that to fuel the life that you enjoy. I don't feel the need to make a career part of by self-image as many do.
I agree with your opinion😊
Develop **unimpeachable** power with your own `soul`; or whatever's inside your chest...
Maybe I'm paraphrasing of Robert Greene's work; he's an excellent Author, and one that I'd hated at first 🙃 in 48 Laws of Power, the first time I'd read it, I'd thought he had NPD; but he's really just a nerd, that wrote about **his** observations of what human's need to do, to climb the social hierarchy. #firstWorldproblems
I like you a lot. :)
Both are pointless in that you think you have the option or ability to choose. The arrow has been released and it will hit where you aimed.
People can choose a career but not know ones self it’s sad.
I was recommended to be a park ranger by those career tests
Man, you said once you are American, but you are so British, you are a living image of a Brit. Even decoration in backstage is so... old-school conventional (british😉)
In a more altruistic way 🙏
Find someone with character, values and morals. Find someone who is a consistently GOOD decision maker. Find a person who doesnt love to argue and who doesnt gaslight and defend their mistakes but apologizes honestly
In Christianity that’s the first place Christians start with their identity.
I mean no offense when I say this, but I assumed you were gay. Appreciate the insightful videos.
Hope you enjoy more of the videos!
Don’t get married.
I do not fully agree with you
I’ve noticed you mention a lot that the world is screwed up, fake and dishonest. This might be true to some extent, but I do think you are over-emphazising it.