Ever cleaned out a closet? As soon as you start pulling everything out, the mess spreads out into the room and even into the whole house. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s the only way to get that space clean and clear.
Khecid’s Dragons There is a method for approaching this with intent to maintain balance and momentum while attacking such piles. I will describe it in the main comments section.
Excellent analogy. This is especially true if you have kept journals over the years. As ones pulls out the boxes of journals from the closet, the memories are literally written on the pages. The process is enough to send one spinning off into oblivion!
If I hadn't started on my journey of healing my trauma caused by my parents I would still be medicated up to my eyeballs to deal with severe depression and anxiety. I am on nothing now and feel so free like I was reborn. Going no contact with my abusers was a critical part of this.
I started trauma therapy more than a year ago with EMDR, I was more of a “head on” person back then, really insisted to dive right into my trauma, and got very unlucky with a therapist who didn’t bother to correct me, to teach me how trauma therapy actually works, to teach me how to stabilize my emotions. I was on the verge of psychosis after sessions with him. Then I decided to change a therapist and my current therapist was a true blessing, she often reminds me to not push myself too far, reassures me that we are “not wasting time” when I need a light session or just regular talk therapy. She says I am building a tolerance with putting one foot into my trauma and then letting this foot to rest before keeping testing/exploring the depth of my trauma further. I still go into a panic response when I have to open up or talk about some of the painful experiences, but a year ago I wouldn’t even IMAGINE being able to talk about it at all. Plus it’s taking me way less time to stabilize, and in recent weeks I stopped spiraling all together after a session. I cannot thank life enough for sending me my therapist, I know she’s truly there for me, and although my functioning is very low these days, I practically don’t work anymore, I know I’m taking this time to get better, and that my resource is being spent on my healing, so I don’t care about chasing some financial goals/bigger sales/etc. I found peace in my non-functioning and finally learned how NOT TO push myself, because I know if I keep pushing, I’ll push myself to the edge. It’s been a few months now without suicidal thoughts (that I’ve had for 3 years) and a few weeks without violent intrusive thoughts (I’m down from several a day to one or two in 2 weeks), I’m far from being healed by I’m finally accepting that this IS a marathon, and not a sprint.
You're quickly becoming my favourite TH-camr. How you speak so volubly about these issues really gets through to me. I've just gone into therapy for social anxiety disorder (in the UK), and watching your videos has helped me become mindful of aspects of myself that need extra work and care. Thanks for your output - it's tremendously valuable.
Thank you for this. You have just described exactly what happened to me when I was in counseling for anxiety and depression. My story came out during counseling sessions. I was sexually abused by a very close and beloved family member at age four. Again, by a neighbor at age 7-8. Yet again by my fathers cousin, an adult male, when I was nine. When I told my parents, I was 44. My mother thanked me for telling her. My father walked away from me and didn’t want to hear my story; the family members who abused me were on his side of the family. Mom passed 17 years ago. Dad is 87 now and still doesn’t believe me. He has even asked why I didn’t tell my mom when I was first abused if it was so bad...🙄. I explained that at age four I had no idea what had happened nor did I have the words or intellectual capacity to explain what had happened. At ages 7 through 9, I still had no way to communicate my traumas. At age 40 I began getting panic attacks. That went on for over two years. When I saw my doctor, I explained my feelings and he was the one who referred me to a counselor. That counselor was well prepared to get to the cause of my anxiety and depression. It is very hard work to realize what was done to me. To this day I have flashbacks. I know that I’m safe yet my heart still aches for the little girl who lost her innocence to selfish adults.
I am so sorry, words cannot describe how you feel or what you've gone through Im sure... I sincerely hope one day you can be at some peace and have some happiness. Take care of yourself always and do what's best for yourself esp while you heal.
Daniel Mackler. I have been hurt by lots of therapists in the ways you describe. Thank you for letting me know I’m not crazy for being hurt, that I’m not just denying help by thinking I know what’s good for myself. That’s all I can really say. It means a lot.
"Life becoming worse"... Yea it became worse for others who try to use my trauma to try to manipulate and take advantage of me. It's hard for others to function with my newfound ability to say 'No'. Healing my trauma has been overwhelming and hard to deal with but i would never go back to the time that i didn't actively heal. It's a slow(wouldn't say stagnant) and rewarding process and i embrace my experience so far. I used to live my life for others first, now i live my life for me. It brings me so much peace knowing that i nourish myself with love and understanding every single day.
My healing has been like floodgates. I hate grieving the life I thought I had. But I’m soo much happier I had, even when it’s difficult it outweighs the bad
@@user-dq2ym1nn9k Hi! That’s so kind of you to ask. So much better. I’ve just finished a year and a half of weekly therapy with a great therapist. Moved out of my toxic home almost three years ago. Happily living on the other side of my city. Starting the journey felt so raw, but I’m no longer mentally enmeshed in the drama that consumed my childhood and life. Even with its moments, I’m stronger and happier I’m excited about the future I’m making. I love this little time capsule haha 😊 wishing everyone the best!!
If you don't work on a trauma, it keeps repeating and repeating because it want's to be healed. It is a very long and lonely journey if you truly commit to self-healing. It was 2017 when I realised, that I can't be hurt if I don't have a deep wound already. I got triggered on the sentence "you are unwanted". I was ready to feel this pain and it felt like death, it felt like my skin starts burning and got ripped off and I processed through it. I just thought: "ok, if I have to die now, I am ready" But I did not. And this was the key momen when I realized I won't die. I lost ALL my fear for triggers and I am longing for them, I am thankful for them. I lost my fear of abandonment. But Daniel is right, you need to have a good preparation, a save surrounding and in best case someone who already went through it. My journey of self-study, behavorial therapy, spirituality, daily meditation, yoga.. already began 8 years ago (I started early with 25, same time I cut off most "family" members). So you see, it took me ages of preparation until I started understand the whole picture and was able to handle the process. And I can't describe how thankful I am that all my work pays off, I feel more and more complete, I lose fears, I know my own truth, the strange veil between me and others fades more and more, for the first time I have a will to live because I feel wanted (by myself!). It's incredibly sad that there are "professionals" who walk around and tell people, it's not worth it to HEAL trauma. (Come on, wtf..) There is also a lot of literature which tells that traumatized people will be fucked up forever because there isn't a cure. I never believed them and I was right. Just because the way is the heardest fucked up thing you ever did, it doesn't mean there isn't a way. All my love for the fighters out there, keep fighting, you will be rewarded
I thought your explanation of the pain was excellent - your skin burning and being ripped off. I often refer to it as a rebirthing process. Excessively painful and as close to death as we can get, but the relief on the other side is so so very worth it. Rebirthing yourself and learning to love yourself in a way that wasn’t modelled for you (and is our actual inherent birth right), is the kindest most loving thing you can do for yourself. ♥️
I've noticed this as well. If you really want to freak someone out and break them. Give them hope and tell them there is a way out, that they can get better. That realization will awaken the droves of hidden resentment and anger that they were ignoring just to survive their current situation with their sanity in tact. It can get really bad. Gotta be careful who you give hope and the chance of healing too.
You're being kind Daniel, some "healers" exploit their clients' vulnerabilities to dominate and gaslight them & cause harm, to satiate their undiagnosed MH problems & unresolved feelings of powerlessness. .
A supportive network is so important for dealing with deep stuff. When I was in the middle of supportive retreats I could look at horrible stuff much more easily than living on my own or with unsympathetic people.
You have to have a balance to it. I started the work in late 2014 and then 2015. I did well for a few years. Then this year, I realized I'd gone back to some unhealthy coping methods so now I'm back on a healing path. It takes years to get to a healthy place. Different for us all.
Being aware of the trauma reaction paradox can give you advantage. Trauma is something that happens to you. If someone had intervened to prevent it, you would not be traumatized. But no, the trauma is with us; into us; upon us; inside us polluting our hearts and minds and hobbling our bodies. Now, the paradox is that no one but you can straighten yourself out. How you attempt that is a big deal. But you will be stuck in reaching out as if to prevent something which has already happened if you unconsciously believe (pre-conscious) that any other person can save you.
Before even starting to watch this video I will say that yes, it is SO worth it to heal your trauma. It is THE ONLY way I was able to truly get rid of my depression.
Of course it is! Until I was ready to do the hard work, and address my trauma I was using food, men, shopping and alcohol to run away from the horror of my childhood and early adult trauma. It took me decades to be ready to face it but I had to. My life was stuck and I wasn't progressing.
Kat, would you be open to sharing how you worked through and past your personal traumas? Was a therapist involved? And, if so, what types of therapies were implemented? Talk therapy, Gestalt, DBT, ACT, EMDR, etc.? Did you journal, attend support groups?
@@bethanysaxton7351 It all started in late 2014. I saw a graphic segment on The Today Show where an NFL player had physically assaulted his fiance and they showed it on tape. It triggered my abuse flashbacks and instead of shutting me down I started researching what was happening to me in terms of my response(I have PTSD). I quickly realized that some of the television shows, movies and even porn I had been watching for years was a way to retraumatize and revictimize myself. I also realized and this was BIG, the reason I dissociated all my life is because I viewed my body as the "scene of a crime." That's because it was! I have a history of childhood and early adult sexual trauma and physical abuse. Anyway, I called a local counseling center and went on a waitlist. In the meantime I started going to groups at the center until my therapist became available. It was the first place I went where they did grounding techniques and asked me to scan my body to see where I was holding fear, anxiety Etc. Just doing that technique stopped me from dissociating because I had to be in my body to know and describe what was happening to it. At the same time I picked up yoga. I would do yoga in front of a humongous mirror so that my asanas were correct, and because I had to look in my own eyes it caused me to see the pain, anger, sadness-i had to stay in the present to name those emotions. A month later I met my therapist and I could tell she was the right fit for me when she came out into the lobby and called my name! It wasn't any particular style of therapy but what was important is that I asked to be matched with someone who also had a trauma background. That's why she and I were such a good fit. I did art therapy as instructed by her, and on my own I began to write a lot of poetry and songs and I began to listen to early bebop jazz. There's A LOT of pain in that style of music and it was so cathartic. I began to eat mindfully instead of abusing my body as I always had. And I began to explore my spirituality by learning about Buddhism. So yoga, therapy, writing in my journal, writing poetry and songs, deepening my spiritual practices, eating mindfully, and beginning to open up to the Universe by setting my intention for the day is what helped me get through psychically ripping my guts out on the table in weekly therapy sessions. Still, if any one of those had not been in place I may not have lived to tell you about it. My flashbacks became so severe during this process that I was suicidal. There's no way I could walk you through everything that I went through but I healed as much as I could in those six months. I have to tell you that talking about being raped in a more public forum literally change the way that I walked. I held my head high(reading Maya Angelou helped with this, too!), and I released DECADES of shame and put it back on my perpetrators where it belonged. It was the right time as I had never been so motivated to look at my trauma and deal with it head-on AND I had the right tools in place to do it. I am currently in two 12-step programs(OA and SLAA), plus Refuge Recovery(Buddhist-inspired recovery program). I am finally tackling my food issues and some of my sexual addiction patterns in the right way for me. I am now a Buddhist and proud to be on this path of continued healing. I think when you have had as much trauma as I've had it can take years and years to bring it all out and deal with it. I haven't had that brick of anxiety in my stomach since 2014 and at the time I didn't realize that that sensation never left my abdomen until I started doing the grounding and sensing work (and healing) at that center. Complete healing is possible. I have made peace with that little girl who was so badly harmed and brought her fully into the light with the adult woman I am today.
Kat, wow. Just WOW. What a testimony you have and such determination and strength. I am so grateful to you for sharing, and in such detail. And, yes - you are right. The shame does not belong to you. I don’t know you, but I am so proud of and inspired by you. I wish you continued healing and happiness. ❤️❤️❤️
@@bethanysaxton7351 oh, thank you for saying that. Glad you got something out of it. I tried to be as detailed as possible. It has been a long road to healing. I'm meeting Refuge recovery meetings. It is different than 12 step programs. You can be much more raw and vulnerable and you have a longer time to do it. I'm thankful that I have Warriors to walk the path with. You haven't said anything but are you on a road of healing as well? Don't feel compelled to share if you're not comfortable.
By far one of the most honest and insightful commentaries on the process of finding a good therapist and healing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this way and for being true to yourself and helping others along the way ! Your thoughts need to be heard a lot louder than some of the prominent psychologists and TH-camrs out there .
I like your videos a lot, Thank You. Baby Steps and Support from C-PTSD/Trauma Therapy. Trauma can cause Infantilization and that can make it difficult for people to look into healing from their Traumas - it can seem quite overwhelming. We do need Support with this - Very Important! "When you're going through Hell, keep going." ~Winston Churchill
My own personal preference? I choose to leave the past alone. I need to function and be a responsible adult. I do better observing my own behavior and trying to do better. And if you disclose trauma to a therapist you are taking a huge risk. I did with my therapist and she played along telling me to reprocess it and then the very next session told me she was leaving to be with her son at the end of the month. The leaving wasn't upsetting. Her knowing she was leaving and allowing me to talk about it and saying she would help me through it if I got numb inside is what did it. Never again. Such a waste. She tricked me because she couldn't tell me she was leaving. She let me get knee deep in trauma and then told me she "waited " to let me know she was leaving and I had only one session left with her. I plan on writing a letter to her supervisor for some kind of closure.
Be vareful getting that attached to a therapist or placing your recovery in anyone elses hands. You can reprimand the therapist but ultimately its your healing.
Thank you for the validation Daniel. I feel so defeated everyone is asleep around me and I want to wake them up feel I’m alone like childhood vicious cycle. Keep believing in yourself!!
Great video. When I was in therapy trauma just came rushing out uncontrollably and I had amnesia for everything I said. My therapist didn't let me talk about trauma again.
I’ve been addicted to your channel the last few weeks. I came across it at a time where I really needed to hear the things you’re saying. Approaching trauma is of the upmost importance in my life right now. This content has been tremendously helpful, and I just want to say thank you..
Super info and very timely. Thank you Mr Mackler 🙏😊🙏 I'm an ex jw and trying to heal from religious trauma. Religious trauma syndrome is very real. What you said about the pressure within a culture or group to think the same way, be the same way is a massive thing with JW's. Expressing your Individuality is extremely frowned upon. I'm still trying to find out who I am!
I understand, have grieved the same terrible inheritance, I'm so grateful there is so much more online discussions to support specifically this trauma... Much luv friend 🙏🏻😇
Thank you for posting this video. It's very helpful to know that you recognize that healing can be extremely difficult. I started a process of healing with a therapist about eight months ago, and I'd like to offer a "client" perspective. The reason I found it difficult was because it's unlike most educational experiences. When you want to learn how to play the piano, you take lessons, you practice. And even if it sucks at the beginning, there is a clear feedback loop to help you know that you're getting better. It happens with sport, learning a new topic, creating art, almost everything. With therapy, it was extremely difficult to know if what I was doing was helping me or hurting me. My therapist walked me through the process, but it didn't help *enough*. So the first thing I wish this therapists did was provide a better feedback loop. The second is that the exercises given to me felt vague. I was asked to "grieve", "connect", not repress my feelings. These are, by definition, general terms. It's not like being told to learn chapters 1 through 4 and take quizzes. Instead you think about stuff, or write down stuff, and then... just wait. This makes it extremely frustrating. So the second thing is I wish therapists used clearer language and just got down to brass tacks *and stayed there*. I know therapy perhaps isn't as straightforward, but as it stands now, it feels way too much like the wild wild west. Improvements would be welcome and reduce frustration.
So true! I’m trying to go through a trauma on my own currently. It’s so difficult, but I have decided to face it and to experience the darkest feelings that buried so deep. When I concentrate my mind sometimes, I got the inner knowing and wisdom that I could not have known normally and those inner guidances brought me hope and confidence to walk through that dark channel.
I learned a lot from this video- thank-you for this! When you were speaking about wha happens if we don’t heal our traumas I thought of the common example of a festering wound. We’re terrified and sickened to look at it and know the pain involved in cleaning and patching it up so we keep not dealing with it until it literally starts to poison us to death. I think not dealing with our traumas is like that. We will live a kind of dead life and/or shorten our lives due to illness developing from our internal pain or making very destructive life choices to forget about the pain.
Lol it's funny that you bring this up now, because I've been in the process of this for a week now. Crying like a baby at night. Spending entire days thinking about my life and what Led to where I am today. And sitting family members and friends down and laying down my emotions for them to see who I really am. I'll have to see if its worth it for me. But I'll tell you it would have been a lot easier not to do it, and go on living a lie.
Im going through the same thing right now also,its painful as hell,ive hit rock bottom and everyday is a struggle.but we must keep going.ive got people to see this week to kinda lay my cards out to them,my anxiety is through the roof at the very thought of the things i need to say,but it must be done to go forward.hope u feel better soon x
EMDR is really very helpful instead of talk therapy & it works pretty quickly too! Also paying attention to IFS within. Yes it is worth it to heal our traumas!
I stuffed everything down with heroin for a decade. I’m much better and off dope...and while I had trouble at first I’m so much better now. Helping people by talking about my own shit has helped tremendously. (Esp “Why I Am A Recluse” & “Suicide Attempt” vids.) I have a much very different youtube channel started by accident. ... In a way that is who was there to help me get thru stuff and listen. It did get ‘rough’ for a little and had to slow down in a way (Livestreams got very personal.) I’ve never had a therapist who has helped me. I loved what you spoke about in terms of learning to trust yourself. Spot on. I don’t really keep up with many TH-cam channels but I love this one !
Daniel, you have such great and conscientious insight. Sooooo true that mental health professionals DO go in a little hastily and bareknuckle with no regard for the aftermath: this really hurt someone I love so much.
I also wanted to add.. that since last summer, watching your videos helped me stabilize my feelings of my self worth and question myself less. I'm making strides in healing steps that are unfathomable to some. Started my own channel as well this yr revealing a box of my childhood documents & letters. I'm struggling w getting the videos made because it's grief striking and no support emotionally. This account now I'm leaving my comment on is the account I use to watch and comment on TH-cam. Idk if I'm allowed to comment my channel but it is called Soul Shattered 2 SuperStar. Your input would b treasured, as you have helped me get there too. Ty. 💛
People have lost their resilience, it is so difficult to heal it has taken me more than 7 years, and I am fortunate not to have to work, but the changes are so worth it. The practice of network chiropractics is great because trauma is held in the body not the mind. The body does know how to heal itself with the stimulation of nerves. My experience is that you are correct. The therapist cannot give enough love to heal that child within. Yes you have to integrate the bad stuff but the feeling of integration is wonderful. It is so hard to do but so worth it.
Really good video. Really appreciate your perspective and passion to help others. Thank you. And one obvious answer to your friend that you didn't mention is - well, perhaps we need better screening, better education and training and healing for anyone who contemplates helping others so that the therapists themselves are more inwardly whole and mature (and have resolved their own traumas) AND to make sure that the therapists have real love and compassion in their heart and the capacity to be there for someone who goes through the profoundly difficult process of healing the deep painful wound of trauma. this is not just a technical skill that you learn i class, that is real depth of heart and the maturity and sensitivity and compassion that comes out of real awareness of the process of living.
But how? The very training is massively flawed. Narcissists are drawn to the power and authority and weeeding them out would be difficult but also the people in charge are probably like that themselves and don’t want it to change. I see my psychologist and how absolutely stuck she is on useless therapy that gives her money, prestige and supply from patients. She’s not giving that up. She constantly worried about liability too.
Yes thank you. You are correct. I did it on my own and still struggle but I reformed my fragmented self and move ahead. I went deep within and connected internally and it’s a daily minute by minute process. Thank you for all you do and clarify. I never found a therapist that got it, no tools to help myself just wanted to keep me telling my story over and over.
2024 and just landing. When it’s time it’s time. This presentation affirms where I am at: Reparenting. The grieving process and ego death was hell. When you find yourself in hell keep going. Many thanks for this video Daniel. It’s a beacon in the darkness for those of us self-healing consciously, stepping into the true light of our beings. Shalom!
I did a lot of processing of my unresolved traumas last year. I felt like every trauma I pulled out, there was another one behind it - felt like a box of Kleenex where you pull out one and the next one pops up. It was overwhelming but I took it at my own pace and managed the process myself and got support where needed. I did so much healing work via my own dreams. My dreams showed me split off parts of myself that needed to be seen. I was lucky to have a counsellor to work with on occasion during this time who was totally present and let me lead the pace - I am realizing from this video that I was lucky to have that! I also love what you are saying about coming back to self, listening to self. So much wisdom here.
Becoming more conscious can create some positive things but also has the danger of creating its own trauma, especially if handled too hard and too fast, or arrogantly, or even semi-malignantly. I had this experience with “personal development healing“ gurus who did just this. The good psychotherapy I eventually found was so much better. However I also met a few awful therapists to begin with, who I agree with Daniel, just re-traumatised me, including group therapy. But somehow, somehow, and it was a massive battle when I was ill and had so little money, I kept kept going till I found one who could help me.
So true. Happened to me after opening the doors of trauma. I now see that the chaotic episode that followed was a necessary part of my healing from trauma. These videos for me, are better than any psychotherapy session.
It depends. Some people function very well indeed in our messed up society with their traumatised selves, particularly the sociopathic/narcissistically inclined. Ignorance is bliss for these individuals. As for the rest of us? Yes healing our traumas is worth it so we are no longer victims or prey to such people, suffering in the shadows of their abuse. It’s the only way to find any peace of joy as adults in this fucked up world.
Love this! As Ive felt quite stuck sometimes, like was it all even worth it? Will I feel like myself again. But we are also doing this work for the next generation, sort of cleaning up the mess.
It’s either take a step back to deal with the pain to eventually take 2 steps forward or live in dissociation/denial with drugs & alcohol, wreck less behavior
Thank you, Mr. Mackler, for this video. You are spot on with your analysis of trauma and the need to face it. Additionally, the focus on staying busy in the community is more important than your own feelings will slow down or prevent a traumatized person from ever having the inward strength to overcome the trauma. Staying busy in the community as a distraction therapy is systemic in the CMH system. Being distracted from the trauma by panting pictures or piece work in a sheltered workshop s not going to solve the issue, but it the effects of the trauma will foster and grow in the mind of a person that is told his feelings don't matter, and that the thoughts and opinions of others are far more important.
14:50 ............. powerful stuff Daniel thank you. I just ended a relationship with my 12 step NA sponsor. Though my sponsor had 18 years in NA recovery , the two of us together were exemplifying this exact dynamic. I tried to speak to what I was seeing to her on multiple times, to no avail. I was told "stop avoiding yourself by taking my inventory.......... I have more recovery tools and am the one sponsoring you.....not vice versa........" Maybe I am too unruly for the steps..... but the meetings are a help. I am now told "If you are sponsoring yourself, you are being sponsored by an idiot" . I am accountable to a friend, but that is questioned by 12 step group think. Hard times...... but glad to be clean and sober. K
I came to the same conclusions! Still in process of healing and this is the hardest thing I ever went through. I hope, I'll come to "another side", in "way of me" that is more stable.
Thank you Daniel. Lots of honest truth in your talk. I appreciate you.Your talks in these videos have had (are having) a beneficial influence in the developement of my understanding of my own neuroses, and in my understanding of what I can and cannot (or should not) expect (or require) of a therapist.
Beautifully insightful, honest, clear truth. Daniel, you really do ‘get it’ and see things with the complexity with which they exist. Everything you share is so valuable and for that, I thank you.
great video...this precise issue makes me super hesitant to seek help. On the client end I don't know who is really qualified to help me with opening up in a constructive deep healing way. I want help, I want to do the work, and yet, I have had therapeutic experiences that left me exposed and not benefited. The qualified therapist is hard to find, rare, elusive so far for me
THANKYOU so much. I needed this video tremendously today. Ty for ALL your videos, but today, this was HUGE for me in a solitude environment looking for my direction in healing. 💛
your discussion on therapists is very interesting. Im starting a masters in therapy this fall, but I have also had nothing but negative experiences with therapists. At this point I have given up finding a therapist (after several negative experiences in a row). But I do believe that it has increased my ability learn about myself, because what else can you do?
Really great talk, Daniel. Thank you. I know of many examples that reflect what you describe here. One woman I know has had several series of sessions with different therapists over the years. These series were funded by the government in response to acute situations she found herself in, so they were short term arrangements, not enough sessions to establish the trust required for deep work. Not surprisingly, she now has a very low opinion of psychotherapy and instead is seeking relief by following various new age spiritual gurus around the world in order to heal by “receiving their energy”. Have you ever spoken on the topic of spiritual bypassing, or guru-worship? Perhaps an idea for a future video?
Very insightful video yet again. I have healed a lot of my trauma's and indeed life is hard when you heal and even after healing the major wounds, exactly because I am aware how aware I am. Haha. Nevertheless I am so much happier and now able to help others. I wouldn't want it any other way. Healing for me is a life time effort and I think it is beautiful. Thank you Daniel! 🙏🏼
Your sharing, Daniel, is a saving grace! I love you as a soulmate, as a fellow traveler. You have no idea how helpful this is - it supports my experience, confirms to me that I'm not the only one on this planet with my experience and discoveries ! I got to know myself quite late in life and what you found in hiking, I discovered in landscape and wildlife photography. It was an unusual thing to do among my peers, something out of ordinary, but it gave me life, freedom, a completely new perspective of the world and of myself. Cheers!
JewelsWatchingJems here. This is my channel 💛 I left you a couple comments under my watch name. I just wanted to say TY again. This Video validated TOO MUCH to say. Just the boost in my self reflection I needed at this point in where I stand in my healing. Much love and light to you. 💛💥
I was lucky. A breakup triggered my latent trauma and sent me into years of anxiety and insomnia. It was only after starting bodywork therapy that it got better. Still not 100% there but getting close. I don't know if I could have faced it had it not been done for me, so to speak.
Been binge watching your videos and have watched a few more than once. I especially am thankful for this one, I need to heal my traumas and finding one to assist is stressful. I'm confidant about knowing what to look for in choosing a therapist. Thanks again.
Again, like with your other videos; well-said! As a mental health counselor, I know that Trauma-informed therapy is big right now since it's guided by Medicaid, State licensing boards, and it's big money, like Mindfulness was big money 10 years ago (still is pretty big, since people are starved for spirituality and meaning and Mindfulness is a generic way to address the issue; doesn't really address it well, though, at least in agencies, but it does mean money, and the Providers can feel good about it.) I've gotten much feedback from my clients in the past 15 years, that I really do help them. Some, I am absolutely sure, I have NOT helped. This is due to my own wounding, just as you describe. I must take responsibility for that. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully, I can make amends and/or keep striving to be a better person/clinician. Keep up your magnificant work!
There is no choice. Pain of addiction and bs or pain of grieving. We have to fall apart to come together. Its taken me decades. Yes, its been hard. Its a mind fuk. But its sooo worth it once it starts to come together.
![[Live สด] การออกรางวัลสลากกินแบ่งรัฐบาล งวดวันที่ 16 ธันวาคม 2567](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dNTiBBthKgQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Ever cleaned out a closet? As soon as you start pulling everything out, the mess spreads out into the room and even into the whole house. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s the only way to get that space clean and clear.
Khecid’s Dragons There is a method for approaching this with intent to maintain balance and momentum while attacking such piles. I will describe it in the main comments section.
Excellent analogy. This is especially true if you have kept journals over the years. As ones pulls out the boxes of journals from the closet, the memories are literally written on the pages. The process is enough to send one spinning off into oblivion!
That’s what I always say. At first you Have to get the shit out to look at
Khecid’s Dragons Great metaphor.
and the method to deal with feelings without getting worse? EFT!!!!!!!!!!
If I hadn't started on my journey of healing my trauma caused by my parents I would still be medicated up to my eyeballs to deal with severe depression and anxiety. I am on nothing now and feel so free like I was reborn. Going no contact with my abusers was a critical part of this.
Have you had the experience of grieving yet?
I understand.
Tell me more! I deal with those things it looks dark
Healing is the best investment of your resources in the long term if you want to find genuine happiness, contentment, and inner peace.
I started trauma therapy more than a year ago with EMDR, I was more of a “head on” person back then, really insisted to dive right into my trauma, and got very unlucky with a therapist who didn’t bother to correct me, to teach me how trauma therapy actually works, to teach me how to stabilize my emotions. I was on the verge of psychosis after sessions with him. Then I decided to change a therapist and my current therapist was a true blessing, she often reminds me to not push myself too far, reassures me that we are “not wasting time” when I need a light session or just regular talk therapy. She says I am building a tolerance with putting one foot into my trauma and then letting this foot to rest before keeping testing/exploring the depth of my trauma further. I still go into a panic response when I have to open up or talk about some of the painful experiences, but a year ago I wouldn’t even IMAGINE being able to talk about it at all. Plus it’s taking me way less time to stabilize, and in recent weeks I stopped spiraling all together after a session. I cannot thank life enough for sending me my therapist, I know she’s truly there for me, and although my functioning is very low these days, I practically don’t work anymore, I know I’m taking this time to get better, and that my resource is being spent on my healing, so I don’t care about chasing some financial goals/bigger sales/etc. I found peace in my non-functioning and finally learned how NOT TO push myself, because I know if I keep pushing, I’ll push myself to the edge. It’s been a few months now without suicidal thoughts (that I’ve had for 3 years) and a few weeks without violent intrusive thoughts (I’m down from several a day to one or two in 2 weeks), I’m far from being healed by I’m finally accepting that this IS a marathon, and not a sprint.
Have you told her ? Show her your comment here maybe
You're quickly becoming my favourite TH-camr. How you speak so volubly about these issues really gets through to me. I've just gone into therapy for social anxiety disorder (in the UK), and watching your videos has helped me become mindful of aspects of myself that need extra work and care. Thanks for your output - it's tremendously valuable.
Thank you for this. You have just described exactly what happened to me when I was in counseling for anxiety and depression. My story came out during counseling sessions. I was sexually abused by a very close and beloved family member at age four. Again, by a neighbor at age 7-8. Yet again by my fathers cousin, an adult male, when I was nine. When I told my parents, I was 44. My mother thanked me for telling her. My father walked away from me and didn’t want to hear my story; the family members who abused me were on his side of the family. Mom passed 17 years ago. Dad is 87 now and still doesn’t believe me. He has even asked why I didn’t tell my mom when I was first abused if it was so bad...🙄. I explained that at age four I had no idea what had happened nor did I have the words or intellectual capacity to explain what had happened. At ages 7 through 9, I still had no way to communicate my traumas.
At age 40 I began getting panic attacks. That went on for over two years. When I saw my doctor, I explained my feelings and he was the one who referred me to a counselor. That counselor was well prepared to get to the cause of my anxiety and depression. It is very hard work to realize what was done to me. To this day I have flashbacks. I know that I’m safe yet my heart still aches for the little girl who lost her innocence to selfish adults.
try to do inner child work
Congrats for having the courage to deal with your painful experiences from the past and pursuing your well-being
I am so sorry, words cannot describe how you feel or what you've gone through Im sure... I sincerely hope one day you can be at some peace and have some happiness. Take care of yourself always and do what's best for yourself esp while you heal.
Prayers are with you.
Please see if there's anyone in your area who is EMDRIA trained & can have EMDR sessions w/ you. That really does work!
Daniel Mackler. I have been hurt by lots of therapists in the ways you describe. Thank you for letting me know I’m not crazy for being hurt, that I’m not just denying help by thinking I know what’s good for myself. That’s all I can really say. It means a lot.
This!! So many people can live their entire lives never processing their trauma and unconsciously inflicting their trauma into others. So sad.
"Life becoming worse"... Yea it became worse for others who try to use my trauma to try to manipulate and take advantage of me. It's hard for others to function with my newfound ability to say 'No'. Healing my trauma has been overwhelming and hard to deal with but i would never go back to the time that i didn't actively heal. It's a slow(wouldn't say stagnant) and rewarding process and i embrace my experience so far. I used to live my life for others first, now i live my life for me. It brings me so much peace knowing that i nourish myself with love and understanding every single day.
My healing has been like floodgates. I hate grieving the life I thought I had. But I’m soo much happier I had, even when it’s difficult it outweighs the bad
How are you going now...4 years later ? xx
@@user-dq2ym1nn9k Hi! That’s so kind of you to ask. So much better. I’ve just finished a year and a half of weekly therapy with a great therapist. Moved out of my toxic home almost three years ago. Happily living on the other side of my city. Starting the journey felt so raw, but I’m no longer mentally enmeshed in the drama that consumed my childhood and life. Even with its moments, I’m stronger and happier I’m excited about the future I’m making. I love this little time capsule haha 😊 wishing everyone the best!!
@@thesweetestlaax8791you made me smile and feel warm after hearing your update. Blessings
💯❤️🙏🏽
Why can’t I like this video multiple times? Brilliant! Thank you for your deep commitment to speaking to the truth of self-healing.
If you don't work on a trauma, it keeps repeating and repeating because it want's to be healed. It is a very long and lonely journey if you truly commit to self-healing.
It was 2017 when I realised, that I can't be hurt if I don't have a deep wound already. I got triggered on the sentence "you are unwanted". I was ready to feel this pain and it felt like death, it felt like my skin starts burning and got ripped off and I processed through it. I just thought: "ok, if I have to die now, I am ready" But I did not. And this was the key momen when I realized I won't die. I lost ALL my fear for triggers and I am longing for them, I am thankful for them. I lost my fear of abandonment.
But Daniel is right, you need to have a good preparation, a save surrounding and in best case someone who already went through it.
My journey of self-study, behavorial therapy, spirituality, daily meditation, yoga.. already began 8 years ago (I started early with 25, same time I cut off most "family" members). So you see, it took me ages of preparation until I started understand the whole picture and was able to handle the process. And I can't describe how thankful I am that all my work pays off, I feel more and more complete, I lose fears, I know my own truth, the strange veil between me and others fades more and more, for the first time I have a will to live because I feel wanted (by myself!).
It's incredibly sad that there are "professionals" who walk around and tell people, it's not worth it to HEAL trauma. (Come on, wtf..) There is also a lot of literature which tells that traumatized people will be fucked up forever because there isn't a cure. I never believed them and I was right. Just because the way is the heardest fucked up thing you ever did, it doesn't mean there isn't a way.
All my love for the fighters out there, keep fighting, you will be rewarded
Thanks for this comment.
I thought your explanation of the pain was excellent - your skin burning and being ripped off. I often refer to it as a rebirthing process. Excessively painful and as close to death as we can get, but the relief on the other side is so so very worth it. Rebirthing yourself and learning to love yourself in a way that wasn’t modelled for you (and is our actual inherent birth right), is the kindest most loving thing you can do for yourself. ♥️
I've noticed this as well. If you really want to freak someone out and break them. Give them hope and tell them there is a way out, that they can get better. That realization will awaken the droves of hidden resentment and anger that they were ignoring just to survive their current situation with their sanity in tact. It can get really bad. Gotta be careful who you give hope and the chance of healing too.
You're being kind Daniel, some "healers" exploit their clients' vulnerabilities to dominate and gaslight them & cause harm, to satiate their undiagnosed MH problems & unresolved feelings of powerlessness. .
Yes, yes, yes....finally somebody gets it. I'm not alone. So brilliant. Thank you so much. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
A supportive network is so important for dealing with deep stuff. When I was in the middle of supportive retreats I could look at horrible stuff much more easily than living on my own or with unsympathetic people.
Drop the unsupportive people. Alwaya,has worked for me and helped me keep more in communication with this ARE supportive.
Daniel nails it again!
...nails *multiple* concepts!!!
You are a very good guy, Daniel! My life had gotten so much worse the more I open up about what has tramatized me now.
You have to have a balance to it. I started the work in late 2014 and then 2015. I did well for a few years. Then this year, I realized I'd gone back to some unhealthy coping methods so now I'm back on a healing path. It takes years to get to a healthy place. Different for us all.
Being aware of the trauma reaction paradox can give you advantage. Trauma is something that happens to you. If someone had intervened to prevent it, you would not be traumatized. But no, the trauma is with us; into us; upon us; inside us polluting our hearts and minds and hobbling our bodies. Now, the paradox is that no one but you can straighten yourself out. How you attempt that is a big deal. But you will be stuck in reaching out as if to prevent something which has already happened if you unconsciously believe (pre-conscious) that any other person can save you.
Before even starting to watch this video I will say that yes, it is SO worth it to heal your trauma. It is THE ONLY way I was able to truly get rid of my depression.
Of course it is! Until I was ready to do the hard work, and address my trauma I was using food, men, shopping and alcohol to run away from the horror of my childhood and early adult trauma. It took me decades to be ready to face it but I had to. My life was stuck and I wasn't progressing.
Kat, would you be open to sharing how you worked through and past your personal traumas? Was a therapist involved? And, if so, what types of therapies were implemented? Talk therapy, Gestalt, DBT, ACT, EMDR, etc.? Did you journal, attend support groups?
@@bethanysaxton7351 It all started in late 2014. I saw a graphic segment on The Today Show where an NFL player had physically assaulted his fiance and they showed it on tape. It triggered my abuse flashbacks and instead of shutting me down I started researching what was happening to me in terms of my response(I have PTSD). I quickly realized that some of the television shows, movies and even porn I had been watching for years was a way to retraumatize and revictimize myself. I also realized and this was BIG, the reason I dissociated all my life is because I viewed my body as the "scene of a crime." That's because it was! I have a history of childhood and early adult sexual trauma and physical abuse. Anyway, I called a local counseling center and went on a waitlist. In the meantime I started going to groups at the center until my therapist became available. It was the first place I went where they did grounding techniques and asked me to scan my body to see where I was holding fear, anxiety Etc. Just doing that technique stopped me from dissociating because I had to be in my body to know and describe what was happening to it. At the same time I picked up yoga. I would do yoga in front of a humongous mirror so that my asanas were correct, and because I had to look in my own eyes it caused me to see the pain, anger, sadness-i had to stay in the present to name those emotions. A month later I met my therapist and I could tell she was the right fit for me when she came out into the lobby and called my name! It wasn't any particular style of therapy but what was important is that I asked to be matched with someone who also had a trauma background. That's why she and I were such a good fit. I did art therapy as instructed by her, and on my own I began to write a lot of poetry and songs and I began to listen to early bebop jazz. There's A LOT of pain in that style of music and it was so cathartic. I began to eat mindfully instead of abusing my body as I always had. And I began to explore my spirituality by learning about Buddhism. So yoga, therapy, writing in my journal, writing poetry and songs, deepening my spiritual practices, eating mindfully, and beginning to open up to the Universe by setting my intention for the day is what helped me get through psychically ripping my guts out on the table in weekly therapy sessions.
Still, if any one of those had not been in place I may not have lived to tell you about it. My flashbacks became so severe during this process that I was suicidal. There's no way I could walk you through everything that I went through but I healed as much as I could in those six months. I have to tell you that talking about being raped in a more public forum literally change the way that I walked. I held my head high(reading Maya Angelou helped with this, too!), and I released DECADES of shame and put it back on my perpetrators where it belonged.
It was the right time as I had never been so motivated to look at my trauma and deal with it head-on AND I had the right tools in place to do it.
I am currently in two 12-step programs(OA and SLAA), plus Refuge Recovery(Buddhist-inspired recovery program). I am finally tackling my food issues and some of my sexual addiction patterns in the right way for me. I am now a Buddhist and proud to be on this path of continued healing. I think when you have had as much trauma as I've had it can take years and years to bring it all out and deal with it. I haven't had that brick of anxiety in my stomach since 2014 and at the time I didn't realize that that sensation never left my abdomen until I started doing the grounding and sensing work (and healing) at that center.
Complete healing is possible. I have made peace with that little girl who was so badly harmed and brought her fully into the light with the adult woman I am today.
Kat, wow. Just WOW. What a testimony you have and such determination and strength.
I am so grateful to you for sharing, and in such detail. And, yes - you are right. The shame does not belong to you. I don’t know you, but I am so proud of and inspired by you.
I wish you continued healing and happiness. ❤️❤️❤️
@@bethanysaxton7351 oh, thank you for saying that. Glad you got something out of it. I tried to be as detailed as possible. It has been a long road to healing. I'm meeting Refuge recovery meetings. It is different than 12 step programs. You can be much more raw and vulnerable and you have a longer time to do it. I'm thankful that I have Warriors to walk the path with.
You haven't said anything but are you on a road of healing as well? Don't feel compelled to share if you're not comfortable.
@@katjames7601I'm so sorry for what you've been through but wow what a great job you're doing to recover fully ❤❤❤
By far one of the most honest and insightful commentaries on the process of finding a good therapist and healing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts in this way and for being true to yourself and helping others along the way ! Your thoughts need to be heard a lot louder than some of the prominent psychologists and TH-camrs out there .
I just went through this process in finding my tru self and overcoming a number of traumas. This is good stuff.
Dave, may I ask what kind of therapy or therapies you used?
Yes. I would also like to know, how and what kind of therapy you did.
I like your videos a lot, Thank You. Baby Steps and Support from C-PTSD/Trauma Therapy. Trauma can cause Infantilization and that can make it difficult for people to look into healing from their Traumas - it can seem quite overwhelming. We do need Support with this - Very Important!
"When you're going through Hell, keep going." ~Winston Churchill
My own personal preference? I choose to leave the past alone. I need to function and be a responsible adult. I do better observing my own behavior and trying to do better. And if you disclose trauma to a therapist you are taking a huge risk. I did with my therapist and she played along telling me to reprocess it and then the very next session told me she was leaving to be with her son at the end of the month. The leaving wasn't upsetting. Her knowing she was leaving and allowing me to talk about it and saying she would help me through it if I got numb inside is what did it. Never again. Such a waste. She tricked me because she couldn't tell me she was leaving. She let me get knee deep in trauma and then told me she "waited " to let me know she was leaving and I had only one session left with her. I plan on writing a letter to her supervisor for some kind of closure.
Be vareful getting that attached to a therapist or placing your recovery in anyone elses hands. You can reprimand the therapist but ultimately its your healing.
So good to hear honesty in psychology.
It's a mindset. Healing vs acceptance. A break between the ego & the persona...acceptance for self is the key to self actualization.
True. Well said 👍~🌹~
Thank you for the validation Daniel. I feel so defeated everyone is asleep around me and I want to wake them up feel I’m alone like childhood vicious cycle. Keep believing in yourself!!
J Cat ❤️😘
"The unexamined life is not worth living" ~ Socrates
Great video. When I was in therapy trauma just came rushing out uncontrollably and I had amnesia for everything I said. My therapist didn't let me talk about trauma again.
I’ve been addicted to your channel the last few weeks.
I came across it at a time where I really needed to hear the things you’re saying.
Approaching trauma is of the upmost importance in my life right now.
This content has been tremendously helpful, and I just want to say thank you..
Super info and very timely. Thank you Mr Mackler 🙏😊🙏
I'm an ex jw and trying to heal from religious trauma. Religious trauma syndrome is very real. What you said about the pressure within a culture or group to think the same way, be the same way is a massive thing with JW's. Expressing your Individuality is extremely frowned upon. I'm still trying to find out who I am!
I understand, have grieved the same terrible inheritance, I'm so grateful there is so much more online discussions to support specifically this trauma...
Much luv friend 🙏🏻😇
Thank you for posting this video. It's very helpful to know that you recognize that healing can be extremely difficult. I started a process of healing with a therapist about eight months ago, and I'd like to offer a "client" perspective. The reason I found it difficult was because it's unlike most educational experiences. When you want to learn how to play the piano, you take lessons, you practice. And even if it sucks at the beginning, there is a clear feedback loop to help you know that you're getting better. It happens with sport, learning a new topic, creating art, almost everything. With therapy, it was extremely difficult to know if what I was doing was helping me or hurting me. My therapist walked me through the process, but it didn't help *enough*. So the first thing I wish this therapists did was provide a better feedback loop. The second is that the exercises given to me felt vague. I was asked to "grieve", "connect", not repress my feelings. These are, by definition, general terms. It's not like being told to learn chapters 1 through 4 and take quizzes. Instead you think about stuff, or write down stuff, and then... just wait. This makes it extremely frustrating. So the second thing is I wish therapists used clearer language and just got down to brass tacks *and stayed there*. I know therapy perhaps isn't as straightforward, but as it stands now, it feels way too much like the wild wild west. Improvements would be welcome and reduce frustration.
So true! I’m trying to go through a trauma on my own currently. It’s so difficult, but I have decided to face it and to experience the darkest feelings that buried so deep. When I concentrate my mind sometimes, I got the inner knowing and wisdom that I could not have known normally and those inner guidances brought me hope and confidence to walk through that dark channel.
I learned a lot from this video- thank-you for this! When you were speaking about wha happens if we don’t heal our traumas I thought of the common example of a festering wound. We’re terrified and sickened to look at it and know the pain involved in cleaning and patching it up so we keep not dealing with it until it literally starts to poison us to death. I think not dealing with our traumas is like that. We will live a kind of dead life and/or shorten our lives due to illness developing from our internal pain or making very destructive life choices to forget about the pain.
Very well said!
Well said indeed
Lol it's funny that you bring this up now, because I've been in the process of this for a week now. Crying like a baby at night. Spending entire days thinking about my life and what Led to where I am today. And sitting family members and friends down and laying down my emotions for them to see who I really am. I'll have to see if its worth it for me. But I'll tell you it would have been a lot easier not to do it, and go on living a lie.
Im going through the same thing right now also,its painful as hell,ive hit rock bottom and everyday is a struggle.but we must keep going.ive got people to see this week to kinda lay my cards out to them,my anxiety is through the roof at the very thought of the things i need to say,but it must be done to go forward.hope u feel better soon x
Brilliant! Subconscious dynamics explored in details.
EMDR is really very helpful instead of talk therapy & it works pretty quickly too! Also paying attention to IFS within. Yes it is worth it to heal our traumas!
8:18. Yes ! Totally agree Daniel.
I stuffed everything down with heroin for a decade.
I’m much better and off dope...and while I had trouble at first I’m so much better now.
Helping people by talking about my own shit has helped tremendously.
(Esp “Why I Am A Recluse” & “Suicide Attempt” vids.)
I have a much very different youtube channel started by accident. ... In a way that is who was there to help me get thru stuff and listen. It did get ‘rough’ for a little and had to slow down in a way (Livestreams got very personal.)
I’ve never had a therapist who has helped me. I loved what you spoke about in terms of learning to trust yourself. Spot on.
I don’t really keep up with many TH-cam channels
but I love this one !
Daniel, you have such great and conscientious insight.
Sooooo true that mental health professionals DO go in a little hastily and bareknuckle with no regard for the aftermath: this really hurt someone I love so much.
Incredible video!
Totally! Impressively articulated, Daniel.
I also wanted to add.. that since last summer, watching your videos helped me stabilize my feelings of my self worth and question myself less. I'm making strides in healing steps that are unfathomable to some. Started my own channel as well this yr revealing a box of my childhood documents & letters. I'm struggling w getting the videos made because it's grief striking and no support emotionally. This account now I'm leaving my comment on is the account I use to watch and comment on TH-cam. Idk if I'm allowed to comment my channel but it is called Soul Shattered 2 SuperStar. Your input would b treasured, as you have helped me get there too. Ty. 💛
took the thoughts right out of my mind.
I'm glad you finally have a patreon
People have lost their resilience, it is so difficult to heal it has taken me more than 7 years, and I am fortunate not to have to work, but the changes are so worth it. The practice of network chiropractics is great because trauma is held in the body not the mind. The body does know how to heal itself with the stimulation of nerves. My experience is that you are correct. The therapist cannot give enough love to heal that child within. Yes you have to integrate the bad stuff but the feeling of integration is wonderful. It is so hard to do but so worth it.
Really good video. Really appreciate your perspective and passion to help others. Thank you. And one obvious answer to your friend that you didn't mention is - well, perhaps we need better screening, better education and training and healing for anyone who contemplates helping others so that the therapists themselves are more inwardly whole and mature (and have resolved their own traumas) AND to make sure that the therapists have real love and compassion in their heart and the capacity to be there for someone who goes through the profoundly difficult process of healing the deep painful wound of trauma. this is not just a technical skill that you learn i class, that is real depth of heart and the maturity and sensitivity and compassion that comes out of real awareness of the process of living.
But how?
The very training is massively flawed. Narcissists are drawn to the power and authority and weeeding them out would be difficult but also the people in charge are probably like that themselves and don’t want it to change.
I see my psychologist and how absolutely stuck she is on useless therapy that gives her money, prestige and supply from patients. She’s not giving that up. She constantly worried about liability too.
This explanation of client and therapist is crystal clear. Thank you for sharing your wise understanding everything rings true. Excellent video.
Yes thank you. You are correct. I did it on my own and still struggle but I reformed my fragmented self and move ahead. I went deep within and connected internally and it’s a daily minute by minute process. Thank you for all you do and clarify. I never found a therapist that got it, no tools to help myself just wanted to keep me telling my story over and over.
Have you gotten anywhere three years after this comment?
2024 and just landing. When it’s time it’s time. This presentation affirms where I am at: Reparenting.
The grieving process and ego death was hell. When you find yourself in hell keep going.
Many thanks for this video Daniel. It’s a beacon in the darkness for those of us self-healing consciously, stepping into the true light of our beings. Shalom!
I did a lot of processing of my unresolved traumas last year. I felt like every trauma I pulled out, there was another one behind it - felt like a box of Kleenex where you pull out one and the next one pops up. It was overwhelming but I took it at my own pace and managed the process myself and got support where needed. I did so much healing work via my own dreams. My dreams showed me split off parts of myself that needed to be seen. I was lucky to have a counsellor to work with on occasion during this time who was totally present and let me lead the pace - I am realizing from this video that I was lucky to have that! I also love what you are saying about coming back to self, listening to self. So much wisdom here.
Becoming more conscious can create some positive things but also has the danger of creating its own trauma, especially if handled too hard and too fast, or arrogantly, or even semi-malignantly. I had this experience with “personal development healing“ gurus who did just this. The good psychotherapy I eventually found was so much better.
However I also met a few awful therapists to begin with, who I agree with Daniel, just re-traumatised me, including group therapy. But somehow, somehow, and it was a massive battle when I was ill and had so little money, I kept kept going till I found one who could help me.
So true. Happened to me after opening the doors of trauma. I now see that the chaotic episode that followed was a necessary part of my healing from trauma. These videos for me, are better than any psychotherapy session.
It depends. Some people function very well indeed in our messed up society with their traumatised selves, particularly the sociopathic/narcissistically inclined. Ignorance is bliss for these individuals.
As for the rest of us? Yes healing our traumas is worth it so we are no longer victims or prey to such people, suffering in the shadows of their abuse. It’s the only way to find any peace of joy as adults in this fucked up world.
Love this! As Ive felt quite stuck sometimes, like was it all even worth it? Will I feel like myself again. But we are also doing this work for the next generation, sort of cleaning up the mess.
This man is very insightful!!!
It’s either take a step back to deal with the pain to eventually take 2 steps forward or live in dissociation/denial with drugs & alcohol, wreck less behavior
Thank you, Mr. Mackler, for this video. You are spot on with your analysis of trauma and the need to face it. Additionally, the focus on staying busy in the community is more important than your own feelings will slow down or prevent a traumatized person from ever having the inward strength to overcome the trauma. Staying busy in the community as a distraction therapy is systemic in the CMH system. Being distracted from the trauma by panting pictures or piece work in a sheltered workshop s not going to solve the issue, but it the effects of the trauma will foster and grow in the mind of a person that is told his feelings don't matter, and that the thoughts and opinions of others are far more important.
I would so much enjoy knowing more people like you. You care about things that matter most. 😊
14:50 ............. powerful stuff Daniel thank you. I just ended a relationship with my 12 step NA sponsor. Though my sponsor had 18 years in NA recovery , the two of us together were exemplifying this exact dynamic. I tried to speak to what I was seeing to her on multiple times, to no avail. I was told "stop avoiding yourself by taking my inventory.......... I have more recovery tools and am the one sponsoring you.....not vice versa........" Maybe I am too unruly for the steps..... but the meetings are a help. I am now told "If you are sponsoring yourself, you are being sponsored by an idiot" . I am accountable to a friend, but that is questioned by 12 step group think. Hard times...... but glad to be clean and sober. K
"earn my trust" YES!! thank you!
I came to the same conclusions! Still in process of healing and this is the hardest thing I ever went through. I hope, I'll come to "another side", in "way of me" that is more stable.
Thank you Daniel. Lots of honest truth in your talk. I appreciate you.Your talks in these videos have had (are having) a beneficial influence in the developement of my understanding of my own neuroses, and in my understanding of what I can and cannot (or should not) expect (or require) of a therapist.
Beautifully insightful, honest, clear truth. Daniel, you really do ‘get it’ and see things with the complexity with which they exist. Everything you share is so valuable and for that, I thank you.
Excellent content as usual 💖
Daniel, you are so awesomely unconventional!
Thank you for sharing your journey 💜
I was told the truth: It's going to get worse before it gets better.
This is very good! Spot on... in so many ways...🦋🕊
Great words from a great man. God bless you sir!
great video...this precise issue makes me super hesitant to seek help. On the client end I don't know who is really qualified to help me with opening up in a constructive deep healing way. I want help, I want to do the work, and yet, I have had therapeutic experiences that left me exposed and not benefited. The qualified therapist is hard to find, rare, elusive so far for me
So sorry hearing that Wesley but I am so sure there must be a good Therapist out there you can find. Send you strength
Another fabulous video thank you.. these can save people’s lives.. for sure.. thank you again 💚
THANKYOU so much. I needed this video tremendously today. Ty for ALL your videos, but today, this was HUGE for me in a solitude environment looking for my direction in healing. 💛
your discussion on therapists is very interesting. Im starting a masters in therapy this fall, but I have also had nothing but negative experiences with therapists. At this point I have given up finding a therapist (after several negative experiences in a row). But I do believe that it has increased my ability learn about myself, because what else can you do?
Really great talk, Daniel. Thank you.
I know of many examples that reflect what you describe here. One woman I know has had several series of sessions with different therapists over the years. These series were funded by the government in response to acute situations she found herself in, so they were short term arrangements, not enough sessions to establish the trust required for deep work. Not surprisingly, she now has a very low opinion of psychotherapy and instead is seeking relief by following various new age spiritual gurus around the world in order to heal by “receiving their energy”.
Have you ever spoken on the topic of spiritual bypassing, or guru-worship? Perhaps an idea for a future video?
So incredibly helpful and insightful. Thank you
Very insightful video yet again. I have healed a lot of my trauma's and indeed life is hard when you heal and even after healing the major wounds, exactly because I am aware how aware I am. Haha. Nevertheless I am so much happier and now able to help others. I wouldn't want it any other way. Healing for me is a life time effort and I think it is beautiful. Thank you Daniel! 🙏🏼
You are awesome Daniel
17:00 Yes! That's why even though I would dearly love to get certification and help people...I don't feel worthy until I completely heal in myself.
So, so many great/profound thoughts here....have to listen again!!!
Your sharing, Daniel, is a saving grace! I love you as a soulmate, as a fellow traveler. You have no idea how helpful this is - it supports my experience, confirms to me that I'm not the only one on this planet with my experience and discoveries ! I got to know myself quite late in life and what you found in hiking, I discovered in landscape and wildlife photography. It was an unusual thing to do among my peers, something out of ordinary, but it gave me life, freedom, a completely new perspective of the world and of myself. Cheers!
JewelsWatchingJems here. This is my channel 💛 I left you a couple comments under my watch name. I just wanted to say TY again. This Video validated TOO MUCH to say. Just the boost in my self reflection I needed at this point in where I stand in my healing. Much love and light to you. 💛💥
I was lucky. A breakup triggered my latent trauma and sent me into years of anxiety and insomnia. It was only after starting bodywork therapy that it got better. Still not 100% there but getting close. I don't know if I could have faced it had it not been done for me, so to speak.
So grateful for making this video that has answered almost all the questions I have had in traumatic counselling experience
Been binge watching your videos and have watched a few more than once. I especially am thankful for this one, I need to heal my traumas and finding one to assist is stressful. I'm confidant about knowing what to look for in choosing a therapist. Thanks again.
Understanding one's role in psychotherapy is fundamental, as is understanding the role and limits of a therapist.
Again, like with your other videos; well-said! As a mental health counselor, I know that Trauma-informed therapy is big right now since it's guided by Medicaid, State licensing boards, and it's big money, like Mindfulness was big money 10 years ago (still is pretty big, since people are starved for spirituality and meaning and Mindfulness is a generic way to address the issue; doesn't really address it well, though, at least in agencies, but it does mean money, and the Providers can feel good about it.) I've gotten much feedback from my clients in the past 15 years, that I really do help them. Some, I am absolutely sure, I have NOT helped. This is due to my own wounding, just as you describe. I must take responsibility for that. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but hopefully, I can make amends and/or keep striving to be a better person/clinician. Keep up your magnificant work!
Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. I just found your channel and I am SO SO incredibly grateful. THANK YOU.
So thankful I found this channel!
Thankyou Daniel, another great and softly truthful vidieo. I had emdr twice years ago. It was helpful for a while.......
This is another great insight from you Daniel which will be treasured. Thank you for sharing!
you put my feelings into words! amazing.
Love this Daniel Mackler, your insight is true, real and valuable, thank you for your videos xx
Life changer u got here, Daniel Macker ❤
Mackler* ❤
Your videos are really helping me healing throughout the way ,
U r doing a great impactful thing ,
Grateful 🙏
You're so right about the needy clinician....
This material is gold. Thank you so much.
There is no choice. Pain of addiction and bs or pain of grieving. We have to fall apart to come together. Its taken me decades. Yes, its been hard. Its a mind fuk. But its sooo worth it once it starts to come together.
Poetic.
Applaud
Bravo. Well said. 100% accurate.
Very awesome deep subject