Planned Family Vacation From Months But At Very Last Moment They Gave My Ticket To My Druggy Brother
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
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Story Summary :-
OP's brother Chad (25yrs) with a history of substance abuse has been a source of distress for the family. The family eventually cut ties with him after he put their father in the hospital, but circumstances changed when his wife sought a restraining order against him. OP's mother, against OP's wishes, allowed Chad to return home under the condition that he quit drugs.
Chad's presence in the household proved tumultuous, marked by withdrawal-induced aggression, financial strain, and disruptive behavior. Meanwhile, OP plans a dream family vacation to Seoul. After six months of meticulous planning, OP organized a vacation for the entire family.
Just three days before the vacation, OP's mother revealed the family's disappointment that Chad wasn't invited. OP, unwilling to fund a vacation with Chad due to concerns about potential disruptions, clashed with his mother. At last, the mother confirmed the vacation was on, only for Chad to overdose days before departure.
The mother, citing concerns about leaving Chad alone, threatened to cancel the vacation unless Chad went in OP's place. Seeking advice, OP turned to his grandpa, only to discover that the family had collectively decided that it would be best if OP didn't go on vacation. In a heart-wrenching decision, OP transferred his business class ticket to Chad and stayed back, feeling abandoned and not part of the family.
The situation took an unexpected turn when OP's sister called, revealing that their father had run out of cash, and their debit card was deactivated. The family, in need of financial assistance, asked OP for $6,000 to complete their trip. OP refused, suggesting they seek help from other family members to return home.
The mother’s side of the family labeled OP as selfish and cruel. Seeking an external perspective, OP contemplates apologizing to end the conflict if deemed necessary. In addition to the current dilemma, OP turns to the community for insights and experiences on the challenges of dealing with an addicted sibling. Wrestling with feelings of guilt for wanting to distance himself from Chad, OP questions whether it makes him a terrible brother.
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Why does OP's family think it's ok that the person who arranged and paid for the trip doesn't go ??????
What a family, sheesh.
They're f'ed up, point blank. They purposely wait until it was too late for OP to cancel everything to excluded him from something he planned and PAID for. Unbelievable, smh
thats what I dont get why he wouldnt just cancel for everyone
This is messed up !!! Mega messed up
Entitlement
Instead of wasting that money on a vacation, he should've just moved out. I wouldn't want to live with an active drug addict or their solar system of codependents enabling them.
So true, OP lacks a spine
OP could not get his money back
@@NessaEllenesseHe must have had other money if his parents were trying to borrow six grand. And he needs to get laid which he can't do in his childhood bedroom.
Just because his parents wanted to borrow six grand, doesn’t mean he had six grand, though, does it? He refused. Maybe not because he didn’t want to fund anymore of their vacation. Maybe he didn’t have it? Maybe he did have it, but refused the send it because he already had plans for his new place in the pipework.
@@juliemcgugan1244 Maybe he just said no because he'd already paid for a vacation they didn't want him on and was losing a month's pay to sit at home as a result. If people treat you badly you're under no obligation to let them continue to take advantage even if they're family.
Op is the biggest door mat I've heard of in the recent days.. hope he comes out of that phase
He doesn't have a chance because he's such a door mat.
This is spot on. If OP is a real person and this story is true, whatcha want to bet he's either dead by his brother's hand or still being used as a servant/ATM for his so called family.
I hope he realizes they made him a fool
I would have moved out that month they were overseas on vacation & never looked back. You paid for the trips & everyone excluded you. You are the ah for staying there to keep being belittled & letting them expect you to pay for everything!
This really would have been the right move
OP when are you going to realize you are only the family ATM and are no further use to them. Please get out of there and move far away and leave your family to do their thing.
Right When is a family not a family? When they are toxic as hell and think someone like OP is their ATM. OP, your family gives you headaches which is a sure sign that they not loving, caring, or decent people. Get away from them quickly as "gaslight" is not good for your mind, body or soul. Being around your family causes you stress, creating anger and fear in you. Find another family of friends who will treat you like decent people should.
OP's family is appalling! How could they have the nerve to exclude OP from a vacation that he paid for? Why is his family favouring the drug addict brother who isn't making the slightest effort to recover from his addiction? The family members on his mom's side can pay for his family to return! OP was right to let thrm struggle. OP needs to get away from his family and let them stew in their own juice.
I'm more pissed off that OP hasn't sent them the bill for the vacation.
He needs to send them a bill or let them get on the plane then cancel everything else. Let them get there and have mo place to stay or anything to do. Let them have the junkie and see.
They’re mad that OP “left them stranded”, when they literally left OP stranded at home from a vacation he planned?! The family makes me so unbelievably angry. Chad’s mental illness isn’t his fault, but it is his responsibility. He’s not even trying to get better, and the whole family is somehow deluded that OP is the bad kid in all of this? I’m so confused…
Like they say “don’t bite the hand that feeds you
Not just planned,....PAID FOR.
He had a month to move and still look after those pets or place them in boarding kennels. After moving out, no contact with anyone who excluded him. Not a big deal according to his cousin.
You can't help an addict get better if he doesn't want to get better.
This right here
Why didn't OP just didn't move out. If he could sponsor a family vacation for a month on the other side of the world then surely he can just get his own place
Why are you still living at home . You need to move as far away as possible.
Story #1: OP, you owe your ungrateful family ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! You paid their AIRFARE, LODGING, AND I'M ASSUMING SOME ACTIVITIES. They then SHAFTED YOU OUT OF YOUR OWN VACATION, TAKING YOUR DRUG ADDICT BROTHER, CHAD, WHO DOES NOTHING BUT CAUSE ONE PROBLEM AFTER ANOTHER.
Yeah, he needed to send them the bill for the vacation since you know ... HE PAID FOR IT!!!
This 100%
This why OP’s brother hasn’t changed because of his family enablers.
You’re not the AH OP, the best way to handle this is to go on your own and take care of yourself. I’ve dealt with addiction, and the best thing to do is let them hit rock bottom to realize they need to make a change in their life instead of believing they are entitled to do what they want with your kindness. If you continue to give, give, and give they will expect you always to come to the rescue. You need to get independence for your self you won’t stress out so much. Trust me. 👍
I've been clean and sober for 9 years and it took being at rock bottom to stop if my family had enabled me I wouldn't have stopped
Same here it’s been 9 years since I’ve been sober I also had to hit rock bottom being homeless in Oregon for 4 years and with the grace of God I had a chance to make my life worth living. Live and learn.
I’m proud of you 👍 too God bless you
Op cut off the family😮
He should. If there's no family about love. Or support you. Then don't see them ever again.
Drug addicts enthralled in the throws of addiction are not welcome to access to money or anything that can be stolen and traded/sold. It’s too dangerous with temptations around when they can’t control themselves. He sounds like a monster IMO
I’d tell her I’ll never loan them a single dime and I’d not claim them as family any more.
OP should’ve immediately canceled everything the moment they found out they were replaced! What a doormat
Why not just cancel everything and get a refund? I'd do it in secret, give them a real flightnumber (but fake tickets) that was early departure, so they'd go to the airport super early and then get denied entry at security check, having to go back past everyone.
And also no contact with all of the family forever.
Because his Mother only kicked him out of the vacation three days before they were leaving. The deadline for changes or refunds had long since passed. OP already checked with them, before the deadline. They kept quiet, because they wanted to force him into this. They knew he would cancel on them if he knew what they planned and they wanted to get their way. The question to ask is, how to morally bankrupt, emotionally abusive people like this exist without anyone in their extended family pulling them up about it? Answer is probably that they are just as bad as OP’s immediate family. Abuse begets abuse. I hope OP eventually removes himself from this and breaks the cycle.
It's very clear that Chad is a bit of a golden child to their parents and the parents are enablers. What family in their right mind would make the person who paid for the vacation stay home while they take the drug addicted brother who did nothing but cause issues! That just blows my mind. Glad OP is moving out!
Idiot parents, that's the kind of parents that do that.
OP should have blamed Mom for Brothers Condition. Tell her to stay home with him
CNcel all the tickets....they don't deserve it
Personally, I’d rather cancel it all and lose the money, rather than watch those scam artists enjoy the holiday I planned.
OP should have eaten the cancellation fees or find a few girlfriends to take and leave the family behind.
I'm glad that OP had the chance to go on a trip with his colleagues.
Oh my gawd! that family was just like mine. I had a drug addicted brother like OP. He stayed in their house, screamed and fought with my parents (his favorite was yelling downstairs for everyone to be quiet in the middle of the day to be quiet because he was sleeping. He would be gone for days and my parents would be worried about him. He could never keep a job. He would call in the middle of the night for my father to come get him because he ran out of gas. The ending was he was found in his car dead. Cause of death, enlarged heart and cocaine...
OP's family called him selfish for leaving them stranded. Well, they didn't have any problems leaving him at home and go on a vacation that was PAID by him. So yeah, that's their problem.
OP.....go on your own.. cancel their hotels...cancel everything
OP needs his own place ASAP and go no contact
I had two brothers who were addicts. I don't have them anymore and I don't miss them one bit. I regret what could have been but they made their choices and I couldn't do anything to change it.
11:32 who cares about a refund if you dont get to go
I would have told the family they can stay home and I will take a bunch of friends.
@reginafetty6374 exactly. I paid for it, if I'm not going guess who else isnt
Exactly. I would have waited until they were on the plane and canceled the return trip and hotel reservations. I would then block all of them. Then I would have used the month that they are away to find a new place and move out.
OP, how, in the name of Heaven, did your family expect to go on a month’s holiday without SAVING any money??? Was it always their plan to get YOU to pay , even if you weren’t there???? Oh, oh, oh, no , of course, the golden boy(dear Chadders - sarcasm!) would stand his hand!!! What a load of total NUMPTIES. I’m just making my way through this, I think I may just be back to add to this.
They can go, pay and leave me the hell alone, forever. Hope they have fun.
I feel so bad for OP, I grew up in a family of narcissists and I eventually had to go no contact with family except my mother who was also a witness to everything but didn't do much (self preservation) we only talk once a month to make sure everyone is still alive otherwise I want nothing from any of them. It even led me to go no contact with anyone and spend my life peaceful but alone because I don't really trust anyone.
Op should find his own place to live and don’t look back to his toxic family
Someone gave an alcoholic a job making cocktails 😂😂😂
Right?! It reminds me of another story, saying that that is like giving a pyromaniac a job in an explosives factory! LOL! Worst idea in the world.
He wasn't an alcoholic. He was a drug addict. Two completely different things. Yes both can be addictive but not all drug users are alcoholics and not all alcoholics use drugs.
tell the whole family to duck off. and cancel the whole thing
RUN OP RUN! Your supposed family is absolutely insane. They forced the person who paid for the trip to stay home and take the drug/alcohol addict abuser. No reasonable family would do that, right? You are better off without them.
OP needs to move out and take the pets with him
Mommy is gaslighting OP. Mommy is so dysfunctional with addictive brother. OP is getting shafted.
This is STUPID! The family is telling the person who was paying for the trip that he couldn't come. Of course you could do something. You CANCEL the trip!
It's too late to cancel the trip it's not refundable
His parent put themselves in that position. Op brother needed to stay home and fix himself and his addiction. Hes not the ahole
Op need to move out for their own sanity. Because the parents also needs therapy for the shit they are pulling.
Too bad OP didn't take all that money and move out
They steal the vacation he paid for, then have the gall to demand him to send them more cash?!? And they think HES the bad guy? Wow...if I was him,mI would cancel everything the second this started
Op is such are doormat.
I'm the 69-year-old adult granddaughter of an alcoholic. My paternal grandfather died before I was born, but my dad was 33 when Alateen was founded. Adult Children of Alcoholics was a small regional group when Dad died. He died the same week I became a medical librarian, so all of the information I found at work was too late to help HIM. It did help ME understand that I'd grown up by alcoholic family rules even though my parents were tobacco addicts, not alcoholics. An alcoholic's effect on his/her family can outlive the alcoholic. I'm so glad there's help for the families these days.
This was insane.
For OP's family... What did you expect? You disinvited the person who PAID FOR YOUR TRIP! Of COURSE OP didn't pay for a trip for a person who was CLEARLY a danger. And for not making sure you had enough money to pay yourselves?! YOU DIDN'T THINK OF THIS!?!? I'm willing to bet that they told OP late on purpose so they could have the trip their way. Sorry, life doesn't work that way. If you want something your way, do it with YOUR money. OP shouldn't have to pay for a trip he doesn't go on. It's like paying for a product you'll never receive, which NOBODY likes.
I also don't get why the family always rescued Chris. Alright, you love him, but bailing him out of every situation will only make him comfortable to continue the habit. No punishment, no deterrent. If you make a threat, you go through with it. Otherwise, it's not really a threat to begin with.
As for calling OP selfish... Um... Chris hurt other people too. Why don't the other family members hate Chris? I don't understand how one can be okay with someone who insults and steals from them. The whole family needs a mental exam, save for OP.
I hope OP does well in his new home, that his family realizes how horrible they were, and how they were always impeding Chris's progress by siding with him. Had they sided with OP, who was clearly in the right, Chris would've gotten better sooner.
If the family want the Druggie to go on the vacation that Op is paying for then they should pay for Chad's ticket and expenses.
@@lucillepfundt6757 Exactly!
OPs family doesn’t deserve him. I would have spent the month alone moving out, then going no contact with everyone but the little sister, and having a guest room ready for her. The elder brother is a bag of shit, and the mom is a nightmare.
Seriously he had a whole month off of work. He should have found a place moved himself in and went no contact with his family while they gone. He had plenty of free time. No excuse
I wonder if the mother is the reason that her son is dysfunctional and out of control...she seems to be an enabler....
No leave them there
"You're ruining the vacation, just get over it!"
My response: "Oh, you mean the FAMILY vacation I solely paid for and then got kicked from? I'm within EVERY right to ruin the vacation because I. Paid. For. It." 🤦♀️😡
I'd have sued them for any money I lost from the trip. And SCREW CHAD! I've known too many like him to feel much pity.
An addict will never want to quit until they are ready to quit.
This story is a huge example of “what will people say”. The whole family is a drama unfolding on an hourly basis!
Who in tf gives an alcoholic a job with alcohol?! If he hast been sober for at least a few years that's way too much way too soon. What planet do people come from these days?
I had to put a close family member into rehab. The whole family needs to go to a counselor that deals with intervention and help them understand not only the gaslighting and manipulation and lying of the addict, but how their own enabling, denial and manipulation are part of the problem. There is a saying in NA: "jails, institutions, or death". Without tough love, this is the reality of OP's brother. The parents are not doing the brother any favors. Also, I don't understand how the brother is allowed communication with any of them. That was part of the rehab rules for the first 2 weeks in my case. No communication, no visitors. It takes years to make amends for the behavior and the brother shows no signs of even acknowledging his faults in this entire situation. He absolutely is not ready to leave rehab for any reason. I wish them all good luck.
My sister is ToXIC and I literally just distanced myself from her after she fought me and my daughters. So all my family has isolated me and my kids. I’m a single mom. I only have my mom left on my side. It’s soooo peaceful
Cancel all reservations and get as much of your deposits back as possible and let them all fly there to have no reservations when they get there.
OP, there's nothing like having your own place, where you can come home to peace and quiet, no one treating you like an ATM then gaslighting you when you refuse to give in to them. Personally, I would have been gone when they returned from the trip I PAID FOR but was forbidden to attend. Enjoy your new life, if possible go LC with your family (all of them). Oh, and get cameras for your new home because your family will probably tell your junkie brother where you live and with his history will most likely try to break in to take your things to pay for his habit. Good Luck.
OP! Your family is toxic and will continue treating you the way they do until you draw boundaries and stick to them! This is the most outrageous story I have heard in awhile. Family forces you to give ticket to your drug addict brother after all your hard work in paying and planning this trip. I would have cancelled everyone else's trip that decided not to go because selfish, entitled, narsassistic mother tells everyone not to go if you go on the trip YOU paid for and planned! Outrageous! They knew you would back down with enough pressure and it worked. You deserve so much better OP. Leave these ppl and surround yourself with people who truly love and care for you. You sound like an amazing, loving individual. There are so many good people in the world who would be happy to go on a trip with you, cover their own expenses and pay their own way on top of it!
Be strong...just because you are united with your family at the moment on brother and rehab, make no mistake, they have shown you what they believe your status and position is within the family. They do not deserve you! Best of luck to you OP!
This story pisses me off so bad omg. the urge to throw the phone across the screen is real and I'm just halfway through! OP also needs to learn how to stand up for himself gossshhh
I say take the brother and leave him there.
OP is an enabler of his family's bad behavior He should have just used the ticket and left everyone at home, and then moved out after he came home. And if his parents try to get him back, he should have given them the ultimatum that either they force his brother into the rehab center or he will stay out.
Not the AH, OP did more than enough to pay for the trip etc. It's on everyone else if they spent to much money then made OP miss it.
Who needs enemies with family like that.
You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.
to OP’s _"family"_ = *Play Stupid Games, Win STUPID PRIZES !!!*
Never ever pay for your family to go on trip
It's called Tough Love, he will only get better when he hits rock bottom
I am glad how everything worked out for OP.
The whole story I’m saying “why doesn’t OP just MOVE OUT!” I hate it when people are gluttons for punishment and always looking for sympathy instead of solutions
True. You deserve what you tolerate.
If I was in OP's shoes I would have canceled everything except the flight money be damned. Let them squirm in a foreign country on their own devices
If I pay for a trip then IDC what "the whole family" says, I'm going. If they don't like it then they can stay home, without me.
I was an addict myself. Everywhere I went, i left a trail of destruction even tho i never tried to. You can't help an addict help themselves. It doesn't work
Now this can't be true 😂🤣😂 . I pay for the entire vacation and they say i can't go 😂 i would of left them and took a few friends.
I'd worry brother would steal from me while on vacation, mom needs to stop enabling the druggie brother
I am actually a little pissed off with OP. If I was in this situation, and the entire family did this to me 1.) I would be sending them each an invoice for the portion of their ticket / accommodation. 2.) I would have moved out there and then, and cut all.contactnwith every single person. 3.) spread the word around the town, and explain exactly what the entitled family all did. Believe me, if all the neighbour's werento discover what the family is actually like they would be mortified. 4.) Your employer not allowing you to come back to work, fine I quit. Go look for something else elsewhere. 5.) Tell your parents that the junkie is all theirs now and that they no longer have 2 sons. They can deal.with his BS. But I do have to agree, the OP let them all walk all over him. Bugger the expense, cancelation entire trip. If they want to go let them pay themselves.
I would have moved out before they came back. His family is entitled. They should have taken some money with them. He sent his entire family on vacation and told him he wasn't wanted and it wasn't enough for them.
NTA! Serves them right for kicking you off a trip you paid for then they tried to gaslight you into feeling guilty after they shot themselves in the foot.
I would have paid the fees and transfer all tickets to friends and acquaintances, hell strangers rather than give it to those ridiculous entitled ungreatful FOOLS!
Good stand up for yourself
Sure enough OP s a scapegoat of the family. Time to move out indefinitely
If I were OP, I'd have said "Ok, you think that the leech deserves a trip, then he can pay for it or you can. As for this trip? It's cancelled."
Because having someone swoop in and take a trip YOU planned without you is an awful feeling (and while I didn't lose any money on my version of this, I do know how much it sucks to have something you put energy into be sniped by others).
OP should have just moved out while they were gone.
As for his druggie brother-it's clear he's the golden child/grandchild of the mom and grandpa and OP is the scapegoat and the bratty sister is a bratty teen who doesn't want to be the new scapegoat and behaves accordingly.
Don't reveal the address to the parents, a mailbox centre allows your box to be referred to as "Flat 72" or similar, and that would be preferable than revealing the address, because you know the brother will be at the door as soon as he needs to obtain free stuff.
To move just 10 minutes away......nah his family deserves hours away distance.
OP is paying for this trip people need to be grateful and not be a holes, Chad’s not even trying to get better. The family needs to stop enabling him and give him some tough love.
What a DOORMAT! I would've eaten all the cancelation fees and moved TH out. Went no contact!
Honestly , I was expecting that the drug addict brother would get himself into trouble overseas, tossed in jail and they couldn't get back lol
NTA don’t send money. Also, you made the arrangements, reservations and purchased tickets? You owe them absolutely nothing. Move out of the house!!!! Let your parents support your druggy son. As for the extended family they can pay for them. Time for to stop being a door mat!!
This makes me very angry what kind of family always replace with Chad instead of op family members have to look out for each other not to take sides with toxic family members. So they just like left him here while a trip and they just took a selfie and having a great time what kind of family are they
What a little punk. Should have cancelled all their tickets and gone solo
It's good to see that you have finally decided to move out
Why are people like OP so gullible. Why still stay at home if you have a good job and can afford to splurge on plane fees, etc. SMH!!!
Should have left after the vacation incident if not beforehand - just helping the enabling! Imo
OP needs to move out and go no contract with family.
I'd have have gone on that vacation myself, and alone if they didn't want to come. But I'm sure, at least a few of them would have come, if he stayed firm. My money, my trip.
OP...YOUR MOM CAN KICK ROCKS...There is no way she should keep defending her drug addict son. YOU PAID...They were all wrong..Nobody is disappointed about Chad but your mother!! They still owe you for the vacation!!
OMG THE SPIDER!
Thank you for sharing with us. I love them
I am an addict in recovery. I was addicted to drugs after a doctor gave me way too many pain medication at 17 for my endometriosis. I was 22 I had lost my daughter to State, was homeless, and full grown addicted to everything! I’m gonna tell you right now the way he acted is definitely drug induced and the way the mom is acting is absolutely ridiculous. All she’s doing is is enable the addict. You don’t replace the child that’s doing good with the one who is doing drugs that’s like rewarding somebody for burning down a building and punishing the person that put it out. What the fuck is wrong with this family!
Sometimes when I hear these stories, it blows my mind that people have to go through this shit