Therapist Reacts to RUNAWAY BRIDE
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- Is she scared of commitment? Lying to herself and others? Doesn't know who she is? What makes Maggie Carpenter (Julia Roberts) keep literally running from relationships? Why does Ike Graham (Richard Gere) fall in love with her? How does director Garry Marshall not screw it all up?
Relationship expert licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about the classic rom-com Runaway Bride, from quirky characters to classic tropes, and what this one actually gets right about relationships, attachment, and excess flirtatious energy.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis - ภาพยนตร์และแอนิเมชัน
Alan went from an 'unlicensed filmmaker' to a *Professional* filmmaker
THE GLOW UP
HA!
HECK YES WE LOVE YOU ALAN
Sounds like Alan got some therapy about self deprecation, lol.
'All you need is love plus a lot of other things and it's hard work'
That's realism punching romance making it possible because of it at the same time, right there.
And that is a giant sentence ending with 'right there', right here..
BTW: why áre sentences ending with 'right there' always short? Like I know the type of sentences are firm and argumentative. Nothing wrong with a firm sentence being long. Just be creative.
Audience, raise your hand if you feel you're getting free therapy out of this channel.
Edit: If you actually do need therapy, please seek out real help
🙋♀️
maybe not completely free as I have to put in the time to watch way to many ads 😏 but extremely cheap 😂
I swear every episode is perfect timing too
this is so great to learn not only about favourite movies, but also about psychology/atry (I dont know which is which)
absolutely yessir
🙋🙋🙋
Seeing two grown men be so emotionally literate and vulnerable is so rare and so appreciated! I love this channel!
balance is a keyword to achieve happiness i guess ^^
Yes!!!
Same here
honestly this is true manliness
Yeah, I still find cringy people love to see that.
"Compatibility can mean sameness or similarity, other times it means you go well together....Real love says 'I just want your happiness'." Adding this to the wall of Jonathon quotes.
There is a great book by Chuck Snyder called Incompatibility Still Grounds for a Great Marriage.
Haha, I was writing down Jonathan quotes from this vid too.
For me compatibility meant that we can see ourselves building a life together,you don't have to like same things,but you do have to have similar visions of what a marriage and family should be. People can love each other very much,and be great together,but if their vision of the future is different to the point that there is no way to compromise and one side is just going to have to concede,they are probably heading for a disaster.
Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!!
Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance:
2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,
4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:
6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished:
7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!
The idea of finding your 'eggs benedict' has become shorthand in our family for figuring out what you really want, not what you think you're supposed to want. It's mostly used when someone is struggling to make a decision and is quite a useful tool in our discussions.
sounds like a cool family. This idea would make a lot of things more efficient I guess. Bravo!
Same for my mom and me!
Love that
Eggs Benedict is all I order from my local diner 😊
That’s awesome! I’m going to use this from now on 💕
I love how Alan has started making a point of calling himself a professional filmmaker as opposed to an unlicensed filmmaker. He deserves to acknowledge his expertise.
Please don’t make sexual jokes or advances or swear God wouldn’t like that and there are children here May God bless you and your family and help you Give your life to Jesus Christ and repent. I pray that God will lead on the path to Jesus Christ and send the Holy Spirit to be your helper. I pray this in the mighty name of Jesus Christ I pray Amen! Jesus Christ loves you. Give your life to Jesus Christ and ask for forgiveness for ALL OF YOUR SINS. Even the ones committed in the past and repent. He’s coming soon. Please pray and repent. GOD IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!! THE BEGINNING AND THE END!!! GOD SENT HIS SON DOWN TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS. PLEASE GIVE YOUR LIFE TO HIM!!! PRAY AND REPENT AND GOD IS COMING!!!!!! THERE IS NO TIME. FELLOW CHRISTIANS GOD WILL BE COMING DON’T LOSE FAITH!!! PLEASE!! PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND DON’T DOUBT HIM!!!
Romans 10:9 “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:10 “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”
2 Peter 3:1-18 “1 This second epistle, beloved, I now write unto you; in both which I stir up your pure minds by way of remembrance:
2 That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Saviour:
3 Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,
4 And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
5 For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:
6 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished:
7 But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men.
8 But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.
9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness.
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.”
concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.
11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
12 Looking for and hasting unto the coming of the day of God, wherein the heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat?
13 Nevertheless we, according to his promise, look for new heavens and a new earth, wherein dwelleth
righteousness.
14 Wherefore, beloved, seeing that ye look for such things, be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace, without spot, and blameless.
15 And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation; even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him hath written unto you;
16 As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.
17 Ye therefore, beloved, seeing ye know these things before, beware lest ye also, being led away with the error of the wicked, fall from your own stedfastness. GOD JESUS CHRIST AND THE HY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA!!
18 But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen.” GOD, JESUS CHRIST, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT IS ALPHA AND OMEGA.
@@angelemeana2754What?
One thing I always loved about this movie is that he is the only groom who actually runs after her
Maybe those other guys would have gotten a bit further in their relationships if they had done that. If they had stopped being the receivers and instead started chasing. chasing as in giving of themselves-not like stalkers.
Whoa ! So true. I didn't pick on that.
YES BABY!!!!! ...sorry, thaaat was a bit too loud. But I'm glad somebody else got it! xD
Thank you! I was looking for that comment - that’s the same thought I had when I first watched it.
Yes exactly!!!! I noticed that as well - the one that really saw who she was - was the one who truly loved her and so he fought for it.
"I miss the golden days of Sandra Bullock, Julia Roberts, and Reese Witherspoon teaching me how to love."
SIR, YOU FORGOT MEG RYAN
I think some of her movies are bordeline creepy.
@@missanikoh89 It doesn't change that she was in several well-known rom-coms. Plus, plenty of these movies have an element of "creepiness" by today's standards.
That's exactly what I was thinking! How can you forget "You've Got Mail"?
Exactly! I was surprised he forgot her!
I was gonna say "meg Ryan did not made rom-coms so u could give credit to other people."
Me, who knows nothing about relationships and is a single pringle: “ah yes I completely agree with everything that Jonathan says”
You can learn through observation as much as practice. Why burn your hand on the stove when you can watch someone else do it and say, "Now I know not to touch a hot stove."
@@NoiseDay I agree. But truths do anchor themselves better in your mind when practice confirms them
This mad me laugh
@@AliciaB. i wouldn't say truths. That suggests that certain things are malleable and can be slightly different from another perspective. Facts. Many relationships are an experiment for those in them. And through that, and trial and error, they discover what they like, want, need, and love.
@@NoiseDay I literally did that when I was young. Lol. Because of my intellectual disability, my response to pain is delayed. Not by much now, but back then, oof.
I like the fact that she kept running away. So many people ignore all the warning signs including their own subconsciousness and marry anyway.
Truth
Regrets, major regrets
I would prefer if she knew before ceremony. But yes, I agree. Better run now then never.
My twin sister told me many times after she got married:"marridge is not a goal that will make you happy and that you have to achieve. It's just a new livestile. And you should marry someone that you can immagine to live with even 50 years later without killing each other"
Lol I had a car run into the beauty salon right underneath me when I was getting my wedding make up done. I went ahead anyways lol. My marriage ended up being kinda like that car hitting the beauty salon.
@@ksy4747 Oof yikes. Hopefully both of you are in happier, less car-crashy situations now
"You can love someone and still treat them poorly." -Alan
YES, THIS! I was reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents recently and a lot of the book tackles this
This hit me a lot!
@@JaneMagdalena ... me too
I LOVE that book! Nice reference!
Great book! I'm a therapist and I recommend it frequently to clients. Unfortunate title, but excellent content. So glad you mentioned it!
Thanks for the book title. This comment helped heal me a little and I wish I could tell him too …
Two things I figured out today:
- I like omelettes
- I have daddy issues
Same.
YES. That whole bit about what are **her** favorite eggs blew my mind the first time I watched it. It still haunts me, but like in a good way
Same here. It's what my teenage mind took away from this show.
Omg same, that's a scene I remember the most. And that also made me realize that poached eggs is my favorite. Lol.
when i first saw this movie, i still was a kid and had single to no clue what is the "bad thing" of running from your wedding. But that egg-testing thing stayed with me for so many years :)
@@marxsescondo1352 Same here, poached eggs for sure!
The egg thing is one of the only parts I even remembered about the movie until rewatching it recently.
Maggie's issues are a no brainer. The real question is: how come men keep asking her in marriage? What are their issues?
Those MOMMY ISSUES that they JUST became aware of🤣🤣🤣😭
@@thekatvita So: pretty and submissive. Got it XD
Because they think she's hot.
She does not know who she is so she becomes who they want her to be. For me, the point is that Maggie is a nice person that can be loved, but because she was not her true self but pretended to share all their passions and hobbies she could not be happy.
@@sarazenha5626 in my case, yes it was because I was submissive. I would people please and encourage them them and unconditionally love them. I was easy going because that’s how I had to be with my dad growing up because he always needed to have his way. The way she found love with her dad was to just do what he wanted... so that’s how she treated other men in fear of being put down or criticized for not doing what he wanted. Her dad doesn’t support her or believe in her and he gives her conditional love. He doesn’t treat her like she is good enough.
She’s a people pleaser. She is charming and light hearted and easy going in order to pacify situations and also to get acceptance (love and attention). If someone likes what you likes and also knows how to prevent arguments and stressful situations, then that’s nice. They feel love and acceptance from her because she shows she likes what they like and they feel good enough and validation and worthiness because someone likes them for who they are.
_"They crave acceptance and love but they're also terrified of it, because if I get close to somebody then they can hurt me."_
That reminds me a lot of the dialogue in a particular Daria episode, where she and her boyfriend are struggling with how to be physically intimate. He believes it's because she's not ready but she tells him it's actually because she's scared, "The thought of that much intimacy... it's just overwhelming to me." It was always a really powerful bit of dialogue to me because it was really the first bit of media I ever saw that vocalized (and validated) the idea that not everyone is comfortable with the same level and speed of intimacy.
Yes so true - we never see that !!
Daria was one of the very few things on TV that was very true to life. It's amazing how cerebral that show was especially when you consider that it was supposed to be a spin-off of "Bevus and Butt-Head".
The eggs scene is a great analogy for anybody who is codependent. You have no sense of self or core values. I use that to explain why at 44 I am just learning what music I like, movies, books etc etc.
Glad you are still making progress. Keep it up! You're awesome. :)
i keep constantly challenging myself and finding my things because most of my life i was doing things to please others and never just for myself :)
@@tynameowth
It’s that lorelei gilmore moment of “do I even like pop tarts or am I just eating them because it’d piss my mother off?
I have to say, I’m studying psychology and for a little while I wanted to study film. Doing something like this would be a dream.
you just made a rhyme!
Good for you for pursuing psychology! I love doing psychological movie critiques. Good luck!!
Well unless you are in a masters program don't Worry you may end up in a vaguely related field because I know people who graduated with Honors in psychology and didn't get into any masters programs
Perhaps we could team up on my other channel. I’ve been wanting to do movie reviews/reacts of children’s films. I have been psychoanalyzing movies ever since I became an aunt a little over four years ago. Lol.
Good luck with it! You can do it! And if you have trouble with getting a master program, come to Europe for that2. :D
Maggie was an archetypal “Shape Shifter”; she was able to morph into the ideal partner, in the eyes of her fiancé, by assuming the personality of a women who loved the things they loved. The exception, of course, is the fact that she could not see herself or play the role of the ideal BRIDE. In the 80’s and 90’s when Rom-coms were popular it was acceptable to use sweeping generalizations about how men loved and how women loved so this movie assumes that men fell for women who “looked like” the ideal women therefore making them suitable wife material. Julia Roberts “guy-pal” personae (again being the who will play the role of being down w/getting hyped at a softball game or hiking etc.) would be most men’s dream wife.
This is a fun movie to explore first-tier relationship behavior.
She’s the “cool girl” Amy Dune talked about
meaning, she was codependent and being in enmeshed relationships
Very similar to Ann Perkins in parks and rec
"You can love someone and still treat them poorly" THANK YOU KIND SIR, THESE ARE IMPORTANT WORDS
"There's fear of commitment here but what's at the root of that?"
ad: People have said to me and probably to you too, it takes years of therapy... '
Jonathan’s analysis of Julia Roberts character sums up the first 30 years of my life!
I didn’t love myself. I was a people pleaser. I used to black out before I started new jobs and when I was doing applications because I thought nobody could ever like me and I would disappoint them and never be good enough. I had that urge to run VERY STRONGLY before I started great new job opportunities and sometimes I would sabotage myself and not go through with it.
The way she was with marriage is how I was with jobs. I also never got close to a man and let my guard down til I was 30.
Thank goodness for EMDR and trauma therapy.
I learned when I was 29 that my dad has paranoia, dissociative identity disorder, and narcissism. That’s why I could rarely ever please him or rarely feel like I was doing something right or good enough.
I learned to love myself when I was 30 after going to trauma therapy. I love myself now.
Snap EMDR was amazing in helping me.
I'm glad to read you're better now. :)
I just turned 30 and my boyfriend ended our relationship two weeks ago. I'm currently going through EMDR and learning to heal. I hope to have a healthier mindset and learn to love myself one day.
Wooooow.😮 That's me too.🤯 Especially with jobs. That's crazy🤔
@@16041987alex have you gone to therapy for help. I wish I found out about trauma therapy sooner. I didn’t even think I had traumas from childhood until about 2 months into my therapy. I initially went in for something else bad and shocking that happened when I was 29 years old.
I honestly would sit down to write or edit a resume to tailor it to a specific job, and I would black out for about 2 hours. I regularly did that. I learned later it was called dissociating.
Sometimes I would get an interview or invited to test, and I just wouldn’t show up. I once got dressed and studied so long for the test then when I got in the car, I was too petrified to make myself start the car and go to test.
It’s kinda sad because once I did work through it with my therapist... I actually got offered the first job I applied to after being terrified for a year and a half to apply anywhere. AND they offered me more money what I asked for. It was funny... the previous job I was offered about three years ago offered me more money than what I asked for too, but I sabotaged that one about a week and a half before my start day and ran away so to speak.
I had it bad.
I encourage you to get help. EMDR and trauma therapy worked for me. It could maybe work for you too.
Hey guys thank you so much for this one. I’ve recently lost my child’s father to a drug overdose. I constantly choose men who are wrong for me, because I had such a dark childhood that I think unless you’re hurting in the same way, we couldn’t understand one another. I have been dating someone for about a year, (10 month before he met my precious daughter), and at first I thought he was “too nice.” That he didn’t understand. He has stood by me trying to push him away, gracefully sharing his feelings when need be, or asking for space. Now that I know him better, he amazes me, and I deeply love him.
Thanks for the free therapy, and I realize I need to go to therapy for my child/new love. Thank you guys so much.
Thank you for being so open. Please let us know how things are going. We really want you to be happy/healthy!
@@CinemaTherapyShow Well I wanted to share so you know that I started watching for the entertaining analysis, and stayed for the wisdom ❤️ You are doing an amazing job.
I wish you all the best. My best friend had the same problem and thanks to therapy she has now been the last 4 years in a happy relationship with a loving, caring and respectful man who likes her for who she is. So go for it!!! 💪💖
@@helgaioannidis9365 Hey thanks! We’re doing our first weekend together, and he build my daughter a 40 ft tree swing! It feels great. I’m glad for your friend too.
I wanted you guys to know we did get married, and things are going well!!
"I didn't have bad intentions, hence my behaviour was okay" but not having bad intentions doesn't make your behaviour okay. Gosh, I want so many people to read that and watch these videos. Thanks for the free therapy and the movie trope pointers guys! Love your channel!
Joan Cusack is so underrated in everything. She's always amazing.
SHE WAS IN "INSTANT FAMILY" FOR LIKE 2 MINUTES AND SHE WAS AMAZING.
"Raising Helen" with Kate Hudson and Hayden Pannatiere!! 😃
Addams Family Values and School of Rock! I love her.
Shameless, she nails it
i love John Cusack but Joan has always been a hit or miss personally. some things i liked her in yet others she kind of annoyed me? idk if it's the characters she portrayed but some of them weren't very good
I got why the 'unlicensed filmmaker' joke was funny, but at the same time I'm so glad to hear Alan call himself a 'professional filmmaker'. Yes you are Alan, own it!!!
Can you guys talk about Megamind, I was thinking something along the lines of nature vs nurture.
Great idea! You should watch Schafrillas Productions’ video about Megamind, it analyses the movie as a whole but also talks about that
It’s also got a “nice guy” stalker that they could discuss as well
when you’re a whole lesbian with daddy AND mommy issues things get confusing REAL fast. took me a whole 20 years to realize i didn’t actually want to be with a man, i just wanted to feel accepted and respected by one 😭
Yeah, that sure makes things more complicated. Glad you did find your true self.
I LOVE how comfortable these two are. The fact that Alan is always able to cry or admit mommy issues and the friendship the two have (Jonathan calling Alan his "movie wife") is so refreshing and we should see more of people like this on the internet.
That being said, the analysis going on at 17minutes into the video is so relevant to my life right now. I broke up with my boyfriend two days ago and I had already known for awhile that it wasn't working out but I was constantly working on it. I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to happen. But he kept saying that he could change and be better. Yes, we all want to hear that; but do you really want to force someone to change because you want to leave them? There's no saying that they won't go back to not trying after they are comfortable again. We all need to come to the conclusion that as nice as it sounds, it is not ideal.
Would you ever consider doing Howl’s moving castle ?
I would love to watch a react on Howl's Moving Castle or a conversation and something such as self-confidence/acceptance. Great idea, I support it!
Great idea
Yessss
That would be wonderful! One of my faves
Oh, that would be amazing!!
No joke. I watched this movie for the fist time yesterday and thought to myself..."I would love to see a Cinema Therapy discussion on this movie".
Love that statement about it’s not just apologies it’s about accountability. I talk with my kids all the time about how saying sorry is the first step, the second is changing and being accountable for the behaviors
My fiance and I were talking about how we never would have chosen each other if we were relying on online dating. We are so different. I would have never considered an "outdoorsy" hunter/fisher. I am into art and animals and having an existential crisis every now and then. We are so different but so good for each other
I don't think it's a fear of commitment at all. I think it's a fear of not being wanted or good enough. She makes herself the person they want not who she is. Like the weddings are what the guy wants. I think it's running because once she marries she has to be that person forever. To be a fake person forever is a big ask just to make him happy and dies he really love her...no. no he doesn't love her he loves her mask.
I totally agree, however that is still a fear of commitment, just with a different root to it than what most people perceive to be a "typical" fear of commitment (myself included until I watched this video). She is still AFRAID of COMMITTING to marriage, but it is simply because she doesn't feel secure in herself/love herself, therefore she is morphing into this "perfect partner" or "perfect marriage" for the guy, rather than taking the time to discover herself and what SHE wants, as you said. That fear is rooting from your point of her mask, and being afraid to have to live in it for the rest of her life.
I think the fear of commitment has to do with what she believes commitment to mean, in which "it doesn't matter what she wants" (ex: making eggs how she likes them) because she had to care for someone else and there wasn't room for her wants/needs. With a core belief that "I'll never be seen and heard" it's no wonder that internal story kept her from saying what she wants/needs.
I think it may be a combination, but that's a really good point
Hey guys, I was wondering if you could make a Vid on "The King's Speech" and how childhood trauma and overly strict parenting may lead to a persistent stammer in adulthood?
Great content as always and love from Germany :)
I second that. But the movie was actually more about healing, not just "bertie" but also in a way "lionel" himself. Both found their sense of selfworth and even their voice through their work with one another, which turned into friendship and in the end into pure respect for one another as the people they actually were, and not as the roles their worlds forced upon them. They found similarities but also challanged one another. That combination allowed them to heal themselves and each other, but also to grow into their forms of greatness. And besides it was not just overly strict parenting, it was absent and deattached parenting. But you are absolutely on the right track with your interesting ideas. "the king's speech" is a true masterpiece and a very important because educational movie. I don't know if you are reading this or not, but thank you for your idea. I hope you enjoyed the movie like i did (multiple times).
@@leventmuyan21 I agree, that this movie has much more to learn from it than the stammer-thing. 😃 still this point interests me the most, especially from a therapist's point of view.
If this is done it would be good to have a speech and language pathologist involved.
@@TheRickymausi good to know. Without that reason/explanation it would have been just an oddly specific interest.....hehe....
But that wouldn't be a Bad thing, just a bit odd
@@sonyagaffney266that would be a great and practical idea. But only as long as it is not to technical, otherwise it would not be much like traditional Cinema Therapy.....I think.....
14:37 Love that zooming out! its like: oh, what a sweet couple... and they have a kid, how cute... two kids, that's lovely... and another child... and another one... goodness, a fifths, is this ever gonna stop?! 😂💗
It has stopped :) Measures have been taken ;)
What a lovely couple... I mean family.... Clan?... Are they going for a sports team?! 😜
I remember ages ago when I was just a middle schooler, I told my mother that love is not an emotion but an active decision you have to wake up and decide on every day. And she later told that to my brothers for their past girlfriends and before one of them got married. Its become somewhat of a catchphrase for the relationships in our family now. and all this time later i stand by that.
I've never seen this movie but that's not going to stop me from watching Cinema Therapy :)
That's one of the great parts of Cinema Therapy. You don't necessary have watched the movie itself before. But in a case like this you should probably watch the movie "runaway bride" at least after this. Because it is one of the most watchable movies of all time. Easy to watch and enjoy, but also easy to follow the plot. You could watch a movie like that on a cosie early afternoon. Comfortable to watch but also exciting and intriguing in its ways to entertain. But not to exciting, hence the comfort, and with some charming comedig elements that make the characters more satisfying to watch. Plus the two main characters show a lot of growth. If that sounds like your type of movie, you should definatively watch it someday.
@@leventmuyan21 yess exactly! It's an amazing movie and down to earth and comforting.
@@acelovesdiyschristopher7023 yes it is down to earth. Thanks for taking the time to think about it and to comment
@@leventmuyan21 aw thank u for taking the time to comment in the first place and to reply to mine and being so nice.👋🏻💚
@@acelovesdiyschristopher7023 And thank you for your kind words
I'd love to watch a video about the way Thor was portrayed in endgame, cause I can't decide if I like what they did with him. I love that they put a representation for people batteling with mental illness in a movie that famous, but it kinda feels like they added that aspect just for jokes. The scene with Frigga was perfect and the message "you are still worthy" is really powerful, but I don't like how they turned Thor's condition into a joke
I feel it was more than just putting it in there for jokes. Even when someone is suffering wit trauma, some humor comes into play with the anger and denial. That does not mean it is being made fun of.
@@gabrielleduplessis7388 I understand you, like, the characters IN endgame are very sensitive, except for maybe Rocket, though he does what he thinks is best for Thor. But I keep thinking about the viewers cause I don't know if everyone got it right
@@user-df8oh4vx9l you have to tackle this topic casually. otherwise it will never be handled properly. if you spotlight mental illness too much in a movie, then the reaction will be that people will be extremely careful of people with mental illness and then handle them in a special way, that alienates those with the illness.
I feel like it started as a joke, but Chris kept the fat suit on. There was no "get fit montage". He was living with the consequences of the trauma he'd been through. That's not something he could just shake off.
I hear what you’re saying. I was frustrated with Endgame for their treatment of Thor’s grief (ha ha he got fat lol) but also for Rocket’s (he lost his entire family ffs) until he finally blew up at Thor for acting like he was the only one who was suffering. I imagine that frustration had been brewing for a while, but he remained supportive until Thor’s wallowing threatened to jeopardize the plan, which Rocket had clearly hung all his hopes on. I think it was really well done - not as good as the Guardians films, but those are all about damaged people dealing with their emotional traumas - so I can overlook them trying to get a few laughs out of the situation even though I don’t particularly like it. I would have preferred them to spend more time on all the characters’ emotional reactions, but it’s an action film, not a drama. Thank god for fan fiction. 😉
Codependency - that’s what I have learned to call Maggie’s behavior in this movie. Glad she found recovery. :)
That’s how I was for a long time; doubtful of people’s feelings towards me, unsure of how to express myself, scared of rejection, bad at commitment. I still face some of these challenges. My partner and I, we “fixed the hole in the rain bucket.”
I just ended a relationship with a wonderful man I love because my commitment phobia was causing him a huge amount of distress and now I'm working on this with my therapist. So thank you.
could you try to make it work with him still?
Girl, you can do it. You are strong af. As a former Maggie... keep up working on yourself. It is amazing that things can change, even very old, hurting patterns.
regardless of the outcome, we are rooting for you!
So much love! Thank you guys! Eventually it didn't work anyway, but I'm fine 'cause this time I really gave it all and have no regrets. Thank you ♥
Any chance y'all would do The Princess Bride
We're not sure how soon we'll get to it, but we DEFINITELY will!
@@CinemaTherapyShow I think the proper reply was AS YOU WIIIIIISH
“As you wish” cinema therapy replied 🤪
Omg underrated line..
“Nobody looks like that in small towns. Too many carbs in small towns.”
When my husband and I met for the first time (we were flat mates during an exchange year in Italy) we were completely in love after spending one week together. Totally each other’s type of egg! And it felt so natural and calm somehow. So in our case, falling in love after one week totally exists.
How long did you wait before getting married, out of curiosity?
@@VioletEmerald we got married three years later.
I've always been of the opinion that you can fall in love at first sight. But also, if you're going to spend the rest of your life with a person then rushing to get a piece of paper is silly. Not having a marriage license doesn't stop you from starting your lives together and taking some time to be absolutely sure that the other person is your FAVORITE type of egg and not just a really good egg is a good idea
Yes!! I like that once she realized what was the real issue , she left to find herself before coming back to the guy and marrying him. It is so important to know who you are before getting into any relationship. Or else you lose yourself !
Came here to analyse Julia Roberts, got analysed myself instead. 10/10 either way!
I needed this episode. I've gone back to that egg thing many times since my divorce and am still in the process of plugging the hole in my bucket, so it's not the worst thing the pandemic has kept me from dating.
But the real question is WHERE WAS YOUR POPCORN??? You could've had their valentines mix...
Can we make a confession? We shot this episode like six months ago and had planned to release it quite a while ago... but then our episode schedule got all rearranged, and it ended up working out to release it for Valentine's.
The bit about Allen being your movie wife made me giggle but I like how it relates to your video before this on how you can get things you need from other people that you may not get from your partner or people you hope or expect to get it from. I feel like that's something I'm trying to figure out in my relationships, like what is something I really want from a committed relationship with a spouse and what are things that I'd be okay with getting from with a friend rather than having my spouse be everything.
That's exactly what I'm figuring out right now too! Thank you for putting it into words so nicely(I was struggling with explaining this before), it sounds like a great journalling prompt🙂 And good luck on your journey 🤗
I would be interested to see a video discussing the different love languages. Maybe analyzing movie/tv characters who demonstrate them?
Came to youtube for entertainment .....
Left realizing I have daddy issues I didn't know about
Dude same xD
Their discussion of parental neglect leading to seeking approval and acceptance elsewhere really resonates. I've been that overly flirtatious person who craved validation, and I still tear up when I disappoint people or make mistakes.
"Joan Cusack elevates everything she's in"
the truest truth about an actress, tho, honestly
Woah my mind is blown, I always self-sabotage myself in relationships when I feel like it's getting too real, and the only way I feel like I belong is when I'm hanging out with my male friends is by flirting and I never realize I'm flirting until I think about it later. I've never realized until this video that I'm pretty sure it stems from daddy issues. I legitly almost cried watching this, wow
My parents' marriage is an unhealthy train wreck so thank you guys for giving me faith in the institution of marriage and also teaching us about healthy relationships
You're so welcome. :)
Okay, o think you guys should definitely react to the Parent-Daughter relationship of this movie called Coraline. It’s a horror stop motion film, and since you guys are therapists (well, I guess one of you *needs* therapy), i feel like you’d find it interesting
Yes! They should do this for Halloween
@@xThemFatalex exactly!
Ooh Coraline would be a good one. Busy, stressed parents who are physically present, but who are insensitive to their daughter's isolation because they really need her to entertain herself while they work. From Coraline's perspective, she's practically neglected. Then there's the Other universe, with initially idealized parents.
The gloves. I think that's probably the best part of the whole movie, made possible through the movie itself being awesome.
I love the wholesomeness and positive outlook of this channel. You usually pick movies that stress your point and you don't try to criticize things (like for Aragon and his non-toxic masculinity you could have easily picked a film with toxic masculinity and criticized it). I really enjoy that.
So proud of Alan for realising that about himself, and even more so for keeping it in and posting it to help others. Love that courage! Honestly I'd love a video of you two just chatting about anything. Also have you seen Raising Helen? My favourite Joan Cusack film, she makes it her own. Could be a good one to discuss living past grief or finding your identity outside familial traditions, if you're interested. Thanks for another wonderful video! Love you all *smooch*
I had raising Helen on dvd in like middle school and watched it all the time!!
This is a great suggestion!
As a happily-single aroace woman who loves reading & writing about romance, I really love when your videos tackle romantic relationships because it indirectly gives me great advice on how to write good, healthy relationships! This was no exception! Thank you Cinema Therapy!!!
I'm an aro-spec asexual woman who still dates just without the sex or kissing etc and who hopes to write more fiction soon too, and that's very cool that this kind of analysis help with your writing!
Cusak and Greer are character actors. They are literally the best relying on talent instead of just physical attractiveness.
I love analysing the psychological aspects of films and cinema therapy is always giving me that. Love the channel so much! U people give us so much knowledge. Lots of love from India.
After a bad childhood, I'm now aware that I definitely have daddy issues and I should work on it... But this video also made me realize how relationships are portrayed in movies. We need more movies like this one, reminding us that things are not going to be great all the time... and that's ok, it's normal. The expectation that everything should be perfect forever is true poison for any relationship.
Can you guys do La La Land? I think it’d be interesting to hear your perspective on a relationship that was important but didn’t work.
I recently re-watched "Dead Poets Society" and I am definitely interested in seeing what y'all think from a therapist's and film-maker's point of view.
That is such a good movie! Watched it for the first time last month.
SAME!
How did you know I just finished watching this movie for the first time!!!🤯
We know everything.
TH-cam knows everything...
@@harrietst6114 Jonathan and Alan know everything!
@@kiraKX_ Indeed ❣️❣️
@@CinemaTherapyShow Do your wives share the same opinion about you guys?That you would know everything.......Just asking.....
Saint Thomas Aquinas said "To love is to will the good of the other."
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness Princess Vespa, daughter of King Roland going right past the altar, heading down the ramp and out the door! Stop her - Somebody STOP HER!
“Relationships are hard, not just romantic ones…you care so damn much” resonated with me today
Someday, I hope that you will discuss "Lars and the Real Girl." I have never seen a film handle mental health with such care and compassion.
I know ur not gonna see this and probably won’t do it but for the slightest chance you do can you react to “it’s ok to not be ok” it a k drama and has so much stuff in it. It truly is a beautiful drama it’s on Netflix. It’s about a female children’s book author with unresolved trauma with a lack of empathy and a psychiatric nurse with a autistic older brother he has to take care of. And it’s about their love story. It seems cheesy and cliché but it really isn’t in the slightest. their is so much stuff that is so emotional, true and beautiful. But also some things that could be portrayed better. I highly suggest it
I second this!!
Is it on Netflix?? Bc I’m totally invested now
@@chloevaughn9755 yes it’s on Netflix! It’s truly amazing
it's a tvN drama
oh, that's gotta be good
Aah the zombie child book still haunts me
Wow, the way Jonathan talks about fearing commitment or the feeling of anxious attachment like, "i'm flying too close to the sun right now, I should cut it off". I couldn't have said it better myself and he totally put something into words that I needed to hear. Very eloquently spoken
Jono choking up over his wife is the so lovely. He keeps bringing her up, keeps bringing up their relationship and how it works with them being so different. So damn cute man
Could you do something with Narnia? There's so much in there. And it's just so magical
Especially Prince Caspian. Peter, Susan and Caspian and dealing w adult responsibility
yes please!!!
Second this!!! 👆
You should do My Best Friends Wedding. Julia Roberts is such a train wreck in that one.
I agree 💯
Excuse me Sir, you're missing a MEG RYAN in that list of romcom women
Yes true!!! She was the queen of rom com in early 90s.
I like how alan describes himself as a professional filmmaker instead of him just writing himself off as unlicensed, idk if that makes sense
35 more hours boys. We must wait for their arrival.
Let's hope they show up and don't run with no return 😉
I'd love to see a therapist reacts to literally anything from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
"Someone who would challenge me," is a phrase that always hits me in the guts, because I've always been about 'not challenging people' to have them like me.
It's something I've been slowly realising I need to learn and change, that I need to be more assertive and stand by my opinion even if it means a bit of friction right then and there.
I remember one time we were staying at my nana’s house, and my mom was gonna make me some scrambled eggs, and she thought that blue cheese would be a good choice for some UNFATHOMABLE reason. I took one bite and was like “nope, not eating that”, and she thought I was exaggerating and took a bite, and she almost threw up. All that to say I think the moral of this story is to never trust the cheese in your grandmother’s fridge.
LMAO
I've always joked about having daddy issues but I didn't realize how deep those issues were until this video oof
I had this thought. Maybe running away is also like protecting yourself from your own behavior of pleasing others? Like noticing you are not able to know what you need and want and so your system freaks out? Just a thought.
I always viewed myself as having "commitment issues" and my first ex fiancé labelled me as "agnostic" but I finally have a healthy partner that has helped me to realise that no I'm just as lovable and not broken. There's a lot of affirmations at the school I work at and my favourite is "I just need to love me while I fix myself" and that's so true about love.
The way Jonathan and Alan love their wives SO much gives me joy. Like Jon mentions his wife approximately twice in every video
This is one of my favorite movies! I watched it a lot as child and it helped me grow as a person and a woman. It taught me to have my own personality and to reject men who try to fit me into their mold of a perfect woman. The eggs scene, the honest discussion between Julia Roberts and Joan Cusack, and when she finally ties the knot help me realize my own self worth, to better critique my self in different situations, and to accept who I am as a person.
Héctor Elizondo as a supporting character is a guarantee that I will enjoy a movie.
EDIT: Either Cusack is a good indication too.
Also side note. The blonde friend is in princess diaries and so is Hector Elizondo! I love that Garry worked with the same people a lot.
Y’all should do “Where the Wild Things Are”, there’s a lot to unpack there!
This movie is one of the few romcoms I actually like. Also, ironically, Eggs Benedict are my favorite.
Thank you! I feel like I got therapy today too. I realized that I really didn’t know myself when I was in University, and I felt lost and to some extent unlovable. It helped me realize that everyone “finds themselves” at a different pace and in different situations. It wasn’t until I went to culinary school that I felt ready to seek love. I really enjoy this channel. Thank you so much!
"You can love someone and still treat them poorly" THAT just resonates with me so much.
As how I often used to describe my dad, "He's a good person, just not a great father".
I'm sorry did we forget Meg Ryan?
Unforgivable.
Oof, Cimema Therapy and the butt maggots = love speech from Addicted to Love would be AMAZING.
@@laurahewitt5451i would love to see this
I am going to show this channel to a friend who desperately needs therapy. But like so many people he alreaedy 'knows', that "I know so many people who go to therapy and still are exactly where they were" or "I'm functioning". >.> ...
That just shows he isn’t ready to try or something. If he tries and understands, it makes your life easier. Even for people who don’t exactly need therapy. Like me :)
@The Fool Wtf? O.o I dunno what the hell you are talking about and it also makes zero sense in itself. Maybe you want to rephrase that?
@@RiesenWuschel from what I'm understanding, he's saying that these people only help political agendas for cisgender and heterosexual people. 😂😂😂😂 But that's just too dumb to be true; he's definitely hopefully not suggesting that.
There are different kinds of therapy. I prefer goal-oriented. They can give you actual practical tools to change a negative behavior, move past a trauma, etc. CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) especially seems to help change negative thoughts and actions in a direct way that gives people concrete methods of feeling a sense of accomplishment and control in situations that normally would make them feel powerless, depressed, and anxious.
@@availanila I also really really wonder where he got that from? It's super weird. Because last time I checked a lot of people need the help of a psychologist to recognise and reconcile their sexual preference and gender with their life... so if at all the argument could be made that therapists are for the 'queer' part of humanity...? I know that is why I myself am considering seeing one. I just don't know how to justify it? "I am confused" seems a weird way to ask for a session?
I watched this movie when I moved away from home 5 years ago and I related so much to her. I always just went with what everyone wanted or liked to the point where I had a hard time figuring out what my favorite things were. The eggs benedict bit was my lightbulb moment. Love this movie ! Can't wait for this one :D
I got to meet Garry Marshall in college. One of the best meetings of my life. I don't remember a thing he said, but just being in the same room with him was so awesome.
"When you love yourself then you can allow others to love you." True. What I love about a lot of these films around this time is that they're so character-centered, even family-centered, and there's such a unique depth about them.
I was shocked with how relatable this movie was. I am so excited for this! Yay!
I feel like “A silent voice“ would be the perfect movie for you to watch and comment on. It's about dealing with guilt, growing as a person and, whilst still making mistakes, finding redemption and peace with yourself including your flaws. Yeah it's anime but as someone who genuinely hated anime for a very long time (and for the most part still doesn't quite like it) just let me tell you that this one's just as enjoyable for anime fans as it is for people who usually don't like anime. Like myself. Maybe you could give it a shot, I'd love to hear your thoughts and views on this one.
I'm going to disagree on the "daddy issues", but agree with the commitment issues. Runaway Bride is about identity process and yes, loving yourself. To me, her lack of commitment is a lack of commitment to herself, not her partners. In not being complete within herself, she looks for completion in relationships. She becomes her partners mirror in every relationship and can't be alone, because she's not comfortable with getting to know who she is and committing to just being herself. It's a fault in her identity process, that she hasn't been herself, truly known herself, until she is alone in the end of the movie and realises, that she can still be herself, with the right partner. The reason she didn't commit to all her previous partners, is because she realised she was never herself, but whoever they needed her to be. And I want my eggs organic, free range and hard boiled...
I agree with much of what you said, but her “daddy issues” or codependence does mirror the same patterns. She was never full formed or realized as herself because she was caring for her alcoholic father, and covering for him at times. As an adult she has come to realize that she doesn’t like his alcoholism but doesn’t yet realize that his dependence on her is in part what shaped her ability to morph into the “perfect” support for the other men in her life. This is incredibly common in codependent family structures. I love this movie for the real portrayal of codependent awakening that doesn’t assume it can all be fixed over a few weeks. Breaking deeply ingrained codependent habits is a lifelong journey and requires constant vigilance.
has anyone else noticed that the three "wedding videos" ALL show the bridesmaids anticipating her running away? Even the first one? I get the feeling they filmed them all without knowing which one was going to be the first, not realizing that whichever one was the first was going to look out of sequence.
I think the Lego movie would be great for you two to cover.
Especially Unikitty’s unhealthy drive to be happy, no matter what
@@ohnowendigos8804
Yes. She and Batman do not get along very well. 🤣