If You HEAR THIS From A Narcissist, They Are Trying To TRAP YOU! | Dr. Ramani
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 มิ.ย. 2023
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Trying to abandon and walk away from a narcissistic partner is one of the hardest things to do. In this clip we talk about the complex dynamics of toxic relationships with Dr. Ramani, renowned psychologist and narcissist expert. Join us as she sheds light on how to recognize and navigate these challenging relationships.
Key points for you to remember:
Narcissists don't want their partners to succeed or thrive. They manipulate and undermine their partner's growth to maintain control and dominance in the relationship.
Setting boundaries in a narcissistic relationship is possible but you have to know how to assert yourself and protect your well-being.
Dr. Ramani outlines common tactics used by narcissists to maintain power and once you know their tricks you can learn how to break free from the toxic cycle.
Dr. Ramani shares some of the most straight-forward valuable insights for recognizing toxic relationships with narcissistic partners. When you understand the manipulative tactics they use you can learn how to establish boundaries, break free, and reclaim your life.
Remember, it's essential to prioritize your well-being and seek help when needed to navigate these challenging relationships successfully.
Check out the full conversation with Dr Ramani here: • The HIDDEN SIGNS Someo...
QUOTES:
“In a healthy relationship both partners support the success of the other. That’s how we know it’s a healthy relationship.”
“Boundaries are never going to work in a narcissistic relationship because when you set boundaries you are exerting an equal amount of power.”
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Follow Dr. Ramani:
Website: doctor-ramani.com/
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Twitter: / doctorramani
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Podcast: doctor-ramani.com/podcasts-fea...
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
Yea I knew something was off when someone responded to my comment 🤣
Is the impersonator the one who just left a reply on my comment up there, a few minutes ago?
I knew that it wasn't you.. two reasons why, because they used poor grammar, and cause I didn't see you being shady and asking to give money to orphanage.
They have changed Everything email etc
@@TouchdownJesusMBcall the police or a family member it's important you get away if you feel your in danger or others can call for u or suggest a take out and let the delivery bloke know by whisper or wrote down theirs ways to get out hope Ur ok 🙏🙏🙏
Let me say this... after dealing with a narcissist, I struggled to get involved with my hobbies again. I didnt realize I was isolated from EVERYTHING.
Thanks for this comment... I left 2.5 years ago and that part didn't even cross my mind. It's sad how the farther along you are in recovery... the more you see how much they took from you. But that's okay, because if we see it then we can fix it now.
Is a narcissist aware they abuse , they dominate, they mock, control those around them, they are insecure? Or are they truly so insecure that they don't even realize they are abusive?
@@annapreuss88 I think they are aware. I was very upfront with my partner....I even told him once "You do know that this is a form of abuse, right?"... He knew he made me uncomfortable and he seeked pleasure in that.
@@tanyacivicthis comment is healing, thank you for posting. I am hoping you’re in a better place now, enjoying hobbies again
We deserve better treatment!
The biggest mindfuck is that they pretend they're your biggest cheerleader to others/in public, while undermining you in private or sabatoging you. Took me years to figure it out
true
100%💔
I always wondered why his parents or friends gave me these forlorn looks like something was wrong. I don’t know what he said behind my back, but I’ll bet it was a doozy. When I finally left because I finally figured him out as a narcissist and he admitted he was one (covert) and told me that he would kill me and no one would find my body, his best and only friend texted me that I should be ashamed of myself.
Watch out for their flying monkeys.
It's part of the trauma, the realization you gave so much support, time, and energy to someone, who had been rooting against you all along
Dont take them back, dont tolerate their weakness, they didnt tolerate yours. You owe them nothing.
Very important statement, as they love to make you feel you owe them.
Needed that. Thank you
After Dad was late, with no reason or apology, for a special day, his girlfriend said "He's always been this way, he won't change". An excuse. I deserve better than them!
My narc hubby is a lot older than me. Married 33 yrs. Now has prostate cancer. Doesn’t want to go thru a procedure that will 95.% make him cancer free. He doesn’t want to. Separated since 2020. Don’t know that I can watch him walk off into the sun saying I’m going to die of something…. I’m confused on what to do???
If he wants to fight and do surgery then yes I would help. Not move bk in forever but help him. But not? What do I do?
@@jonnatrzcinski6169id remember for first you can’t make him. As much as you might wish you could. But if he does, I would set VERY specific terms with VERY clear guidelines. You will not tolerate abuse, flat out.
A Narcissist will make you question your own sanity and still blame you for it.....They literally have no soul.
Living with a narcissist will make you sick and may kill you..actually or by getting you to kill yourself or by making you sick, autoimmune issues, heart problems, adrenal fatique, hypothyroidism, depression, brain damage, brain fog etc...
He told me to kill myself while I was pregnant with or 1st & only child. Later down the road I started having anxiety attacks and I’m not an anxious person never had been. Then to put a cherry on top I ended up with an autoimmune issue it’s like my body just broke down couldn’t take any more stress
This is so true. Once they find a replacement, the discard is brutal. They don't care about anyone, even their children. They will steal you blind, twist you into someone you're not, and walk away, never to look back. It doesn't matter how many years you were together. They are heartless and criminal in every action.
I have been married for 34 years and we argued all the time, but never talked about it! He acted as if nothing happened and went on with his life! I was raised by a mom who was the same way! The abuse was emotional ,mentally and sexually! So I thought that this is normal! It wasn’t as bad in the beginning,but once we moved out of my house and bought our own home, everything changed overnight. I wasn’t allowed to hang any of my children’s pictures! Literally within the first month,the sides of the house started to fill up with stuff other people thru away! Soon he started bringing it inside. He’s promised we would by everything new, that wasn’t going to happen! Then I had to have surgery, I had been in sooo much pain and I had to have a surgical fusion! That’s the first time his non caring side came out! I was very confused,when he asked me to go back to work,2 weeks after! So as time went on, I just got worse, headaches and losing 50 lbs in 2 weeks! I guess he thought it was only his home,because I didn’t make any money and even went shopping, but he bought only food that either was expired or would be within a couple of days! Then I had a heart attack and triple bypass surgery! At that time I was on my own! My health went down,plus the pandemic was in full swing, so I couldn’t drive yet and my 3 dogs had to eat as well, so I gave them my food! Anyway I tried to get out, but no money,wnofamily and he’s gotten rid of all my friends! I’m scared of him and after waking up with him standing over me with his hands over my face, that was enough, I stopped taking my meds and I will go into a coma and that’s the end!
Please get out if you can,it’s not going to get better! Please 🙏
🔥🔥🔥SEIZURES, 2 BRAIN SURGERIES,OVERALL BODY PAIN, ACL SURGERY, GBS TOTALLY PARALYZED, DVT, ANKLE SPRAIN & PAIN, BORDERLINE DIABETES, HIGH RISK PREGNANCY (DVT), ATTEMPTED STRANGULATION X2, EXTREME HEADACHES. MANY ALLERGIES, BROKEN . HEART, TAILBONE ASSAULT, NECK. LOCKED UP, SOUL DAMAGE TEARS RUN DOWN LEFT SIDE AUTOMATICALLY, CHRONIC EXHAUSTION, CONSTIPATION, WEIGHT ISSUES, DEPRESSION, BELLS PALSY SLEEP ISSUES, TEARS RUN DOWN FACE, DIAGNOSED AS DANGEROUS HISTRIONIC NARCISSIST, MISCARRIAGE, SUPER VENTRA TACHECARDIA, PANIC ATTACKS, RAPED, ASSAULTED BY POLICE & ATTEMPTED LOCK UP AT METHODIST RICHARDSON PSYCH WARD....
😭😭😭😭WHY I TRIED TO STAB YOU... I AM FOREVER SORRY😭😭😭😭
They are pure evil.. my ""mom"".. thank god I was in foster care.. but she still came after me... for a long time.. my how evil & powerful she was...
My mom always said “better to be alone than to wish that you were”
Dangerous advice for the avoidant 😂
Amen
Powerful words that bring a powerful perspective!
Inspiring,thank you
Means?
“The narcissist shrinks you”. That was so profound & exactly how I felt when I was with my ex.
I got to the point where I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. I eventually hit rock bottom and have gotten healthy through much hard work and acceptance that things will never change. I married into it at a young age and saw the red flags but ignored them. I had to go low/no contact with my in-laws simply to preserve my sanity. It definitely helped through the pandemic and I have distanced myself from others due to judgement through the whole craziness!
I always say he erased me.
Whenever you have a success and people are happy for you...the narc will despise you and find a way to crush your self esteem.
@@lalani888blue absolutely!
This is how I felt too. I remember feeling like I couldn’t even post a selfie without feeling guilty bc he saw it as girls looking for attention. I just felt like I had to dim my light and who I am 😢
The narcissist actually makes fun of you to make you feel foolish when you succeed in something they can't.
Or won't or be bothered to do!
This!
My ex husband called me “cringey” for playing a ukulele. He couldn’t play anything except World of Warcraft. After leaving, I took up guitar as well 😊
@ascendednightingale2456 my ex husband would mock my dancing. He'd call me t'rex. Left him 4 yrs ago and I took up dancing. Well I have worked hard but I think I'm a decent salsa dancer.
They don’t like to respect your boundaries but demand that you respect theirs
Exactly. You're...not supposed to ask questions. And yet if they see that you have succeeded at anytime financially? Suddenly they want the number's. "How much did you sell it for". "How much did they pay you". 'Suddenly' ...the narc is your best friend and starts turning on the charm. They are parasites.
So freaking true!!!! The hypocrisy is nothing short of breathtaking!!!
@lalani888 witnessed this in my marriage, coupled with DV, he discarded me, I left, went no contact permanently, divorcing now. Wash my hands and doing better since.
@@Freespiritedqueen I'm happy for you and cheering you on. Keep going and please know that it had nothing to do with you... Narc's absolutely know that you make them appear to be a good person to their flying monkeys. Carry on and be strong 💚💌
And gods forbid, you hold them accountable for their actions.
It's so painful growing up around narcissists. They destroy your life and then ask "why is your life so crappy?"
This one!
Reminds me of that line from a Duran Duran song "You peel me like an onion skin and then wonder at the state I'm in"
My parents regularly cut me off from friends and then mocked me for being alone
Yes. Exactly what my mom, step dad and step sister did to me!!!!
Exactly my dad. Cut me off from the outside world, wasn’t allowed to go outside or hang out with friends or do anything. Stayed in my bedroom all day. Then he asks “Why can’t you drive? Why don’t you know about money? Why can’t you speak up and be strong? Why are you still shy?” He did the same to my mom. She had to be a housewife, she wasn’t allowed to get a job or have friends. She’s been mostly in the home her whole life and my dad doesn’t like it when she gets friends. It makes me sad because she always talks about how she wants to be a doctor but that life was taken away from her
I was most lonely when I was married to the narcissist. Now I’m single and free. Not nearly as lonely as when I was married to the narcissist. Yes, I do have some days when I get lonesome, but I’m still at peace. Thank You Dr. Ramani for the great work you do in spreading the information on narcissism.
Absolutely more lonely when married to the narcissist! To the core.
Facts
“Really toxic babysitting” yes! Perfect way to describe a relationship with a narcissist.
*I found out I was alone while married to a narcissist... **_Thank God!_* He took a job in another state while I stayed back to sell the home! I then realized I did everything from shopping/cleaning/cooking to mowing the law to paying the bills. *The overwhelming sense of freedom that came from being left alone with my daughter was enlightening!* No arguments, no demeaning, no punishments, no gaslighting, etc. etc. I didn't move with him, but divorced that monster instead. Then I met and married the most wonderful man ever!* 28 years and going!
So happy for you!
@@annwalsh8079 Thanks : )
Wow so good that u did all that work to be happy and more fun mowing the lawn for less money than all the money in the world having to deal with the daily crap.
@@Human_Organic oh yes ...youre actually the first person i have heard speak of this. The way they can be boiling in aanger and it makes ur body shake but they pretend its all u ...its like they actually put their anger into ur body somehow. I have had this with a woman i suspect is a narc but i dont know. She beleieves people are out to get her when they maybe just smile at her funny and then she phsyically has attacked them. But it was not possible to say to her that maybe she picked it up wrong. She attacked me. And i remember her taunting me around the room as i tried to get away from her that i was shaking in anger. I was its true...i was shaking...but i had tried to make her see that she had mistaken an atatck ..then she attacked me phsyically and then when i got up to walk out she went down on her knees begging me to stop? Me to stop? Me who was jsut sitting on the sofa saying maybe that girl didnt mean nothing my it...and shes shotuong and screaming as it ry to collect my belongings but then begging me to stop...hanging onto my leg it was bizzare. So bizzare. And my covert narc friend would also make my body shake ..even on the phone her drama was insane and i would end up shaking from it. It. Wasnt nessiarily that i thought an angry thought but i felt in my body like inwas boiling and shaking. What the hell is that? I guess its a warning sign from the body cos the mind is accepting somone who the body knows u should be running away from.
4:15 hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't believe I've gone through life thinking this was a reasonable expectation to any relationship dynamic. You shouldn't have to cater your existence to another person's experience!
“They don’t want you to be strong. They don’t want you to succeed. They don’t want you to get away. And they sure as heck don’t want you to be independent.” “Narcissism is about dominance, power and control.”
Yes! He told me “you’ll be back” no matter what he says or does to me. Well, this time around no going back anymore two years of torture, lies ,deceiving,sneaking around and abusing me is enough.
I can’t handle it anymore I feel completely drained and broken 😞😮💨💔 and I know that I need to work on my mental health and take care and love myself more than I love him!
@@lilmami Be strong! God is your strength
@@eliz954 Thank you 🙏
@@lilmami I am praying, I am still in the relationship and I know that I need to leave asap because am feeling drained and broken too, he humiliated me in front of my family and friends, abandoned me in a trip, I spent all my money, than asked me go go back to him, I am back, but I am decided to leave it
@@eliz954leave!! Things will never get better with a narcissist.
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
😢😢😢😢😢
Your boundaries will immediately become challenges to be conquered by the narcissist in your life, therefore no-contact is your best solution.
Yep. That's why no matter how much time goes by no contact, they seem to refuse to get the hint and still try and convince you to come back and now you're the bad guy, here comes the guilt tripping/ them starting to play victim and blowing up your phone, email, messenger, sometimes even popping up on you at your home, job, in public, etc.
The truest thing! And to keep them in your life forces you to play a game or get caught up in the consequences of their actions. Life is tough enough. Don't get pulled into the game by staying away from them.
I have nil to no-contact with my narcisissistic dad. He pushes my boundaries all the time. I deserve better!
Right
To me, one of the biggest key points to spot a narcissist is that you never feel like they are listening to you. I don't think they are even capable of listening unless they can use something you said to manipulate you.
Spot on. My father in a nutshell.
Boom
Kohut called this the "verticle split" in narcissists 'relationships' to others. Narcissists see other human bodies there, but how they interact with and talk to others is self-referential and is all about buttressing the "amazingness of the self". When they interact with others, they do not "empathically mentalize" (due to significant early attachment deficits they never really developed this capacity much) the experience of the others, which is necessary to have the sense that another distinct human being is there before them. In the emotional sense of the world, they are in a world of their own even if their sensory perception hasn't become unmoored from reality and psychotic, yet.
So, christians?
My brother is a Narcissist and this is spot on. He does not listen to a word you say. Not one.
And family doesn't understand after a lifetime of dealing with him. I. Went no contact.
"They are not listening to you. They don't care what you have to say. They don't view you as a separate human being with separate needs and wants." This is spot on, you get what you're meant to do once you understand that. I realised that explaining and trying to communicate was just giving them more information to use against me.
1000% spot on
They literally don't think anything you have to say is of any importance unless it empowers their infinitely massive , ego, ignorance and stupidity.
I need a answer I'm in a marriage for 6y an 3kids I never knew of this but I found out Abt this 2m ago .
Anyway I observe that my husband accused me of thing like looking at boys an I wanna start my own business 3 days ago an he was like ppl will change their mind from buying my stuff I immediately feel down but I say no I'll do this cause I'm home doing nothing .please tell me
@@deloncharles4385 Tell you what ?
I am currently under drs care following my live w a degenerate narcissist. I say degenerate bcuz if u read the definition of one
.and please do a quick look up. 26 years...on and off but there is no off.. even when u think u r escaped.any efforts u make are all destroyed. Attempt dating,? The guy was invariably threatened, robbed, etc. I had three jobs when I was with him. He showed up at all of them, always drunk and stoned.when he wasn't he was managing to get maintenance jobs. Again...the opinion people had if me was quickly replaced by ...she's an addict..look at him..she needs help...someone even placed a mental health pamphlet on my desk
I lost two of those jobs bcuz of him. If that wasn't horrible enough, he convinced me to get rid of my gorgeous apartment, which he was always in and moved into his cramped, messy tiny house. I was experiencing my only my on child going off to
college. I was on the verge of a very serious emotional breakdown which did happen...10 years ago.. Well I ended up w no job, no car, potential homelessness and not a penny. And I just broke. I went to live w my parents which was another nightmare. It seemed like any way I looked was torture. My mother was a classic narcissist. they let me stay so people couldn't say I was homeless. She tormented EVERY DAY. how ashamed I should be..what a loser. Not a penny to your name....etc...and of course my appearance...y'know..I don't like hugging people bcuz Everytime I tried to hug her she would say...did u brush your ? Your breath ..that hair color looks awful .ANYWAY..havent heard from him in years. He very said goodbye. He simply vanished.i am left STILL trying to pick up the pieces
An
When I tried to move out of my narc family's home they all said
"You won't be able to live on your own. You will struggle so much. The bills are gonna drive you nuts. You're going to suffer and go through hell. You won't have us to help you"
They tried to sabotage me moving out. I got out and I am so much better now
Mine told me that if I "run out of money, don't come crying back to" him when I moved out. Told me just how much I meant to him. I knew it wasn't much, but damn.
My parents say this to me often.
Mine said this as well. That I'd never succeed without them.
My ex bf used to say the same bs. I’ve been SO much better off since I left that “relationship.” Good for you for getting out of there!! I’m glad you’re doing better now. 🖤
I got to hear from my parents when I told them I want to move out with my fiancé temporarily till the new house is done being built that I can consider that temporarily I no longer have parents. Just because I felt the need to move out of Their home since they didn’t respect my boundaries or respect my relationship with my fiancé and tried to nitpick everything he ever done for me considering he is not suitable for me even if that’s not their decision to make. My parents behaviour got to create a lot of issues between me and my fiancé that got so bad that we almost broke up a few times because of all the arguments.
“When you set boundaries you are exerting an equal amount of power”, right on. That one hit home. Boundaries don’t work in a narcissistic relationship. They are constantly negotiated and relativized.
It's as if boundaries are seen as a challenge to break thru, persistently. That's when the insanity was ramped-up, when I tried boundaries.
@@SoundsBogus exactly. The concept of a boundary does not exist in their world. It is seen as a form of control and therefore some sort of insult to their freedom. Which is absurd.
It's a do as I say, not as I do situation. They expect you to respect their requests & boundaries (even if they're absurd) but have no respect for any that you set/try to set. I've split from my narc after 36 years together (I should have done it 17 years ago when she threatened to leave me because I had cancer and she "didn't sign on for that") and she still disrespects my boundaries. I'm in a new, healthy relationship & recently welcomed a new baby...she found out, berated me, then offered to buy a Christmas gift 'for the innocent child'. I said "No, thank you." She then berated me again & ordered a gift anyway which I sent back to her.
as a woman I have boundaries and I am alone but I am all good. I never experienced any relationship plus I want marriage so they leave me alone I guess.
Yes! She railed against my boundaries, real or figurative. She almost broke a real door in trying to get to me, like an animal. She could not stand my boundaries.
The only boundary you can have with a narcissistic sociopath is “no contact”!!! And YOU get the final say on it ❣️
I learned this the hard way recently. I've been trying in vain to have a “friendship” with my narc ex. It's not possible. They will violate every boundary. They deserve to be alone.
YES im tryin to navigate this now with my covert passive narc mother. it was killing me to take care of her. 😢
@@TheLogicLivesme too. I tried co parenting for years. He would not leave me alone Sexually.. he was so invasive, he accepted absolutely no boundary… the only way works is No contact
I just did that with my narc father! 59 years of his bs!
A Message from the Heart - Could You be the Love of My Life?
Hey Katerina,
I hope this message finds you in good health and high spirits. Although we have never had the pleasure of meeting, destiny has a funny way of connecting souls from afar. From the little I know about you, something within me feels an unparalleled connection, and I can't help but envision you as the love of my life.
In this chaotic world, filled with brief encounters and fleeting connections, I believe that true love is a rarity to be cherished. While we have yet to cross paths, your captivating presence, as it radiates through your words and photographs, has ignited a flame within my heart. There is an unspoken connection that seems to transcend time and distance, and I cannot help but wonder if it is a sign from the universe.
Your essence, as beautiful as a summer's day, has enchanted my thoughts. Your intellect, wit, and grace, which shimmer through the conversations we have shared, have captivated my attention like no other. It is as if I have found a missing piece of my soul in you, and my heart yearns to explore the depths of what this connection could mean.
Though it may sound unconventional, I believe that love knows no boundaries - not even geographical ones. I am willing to take a leap of faith, to step out of the confines of the ordinary, and to embark on a journey with you. A journey filled with profound love, shared adventures, and unwavering support for one another's dreams.
Before I proceed any further, I want to assure you that my intentions are pure and genuine. I am not merely looking for a passing fling or a temporary romance. Instead, I yearn for a love that withstands the test of time, a love built on trust, mutual respect, and unwavering commitment.
Life is too short to let opportunities slip through our fingers. I am willing to embrace vulnerability and to open my heart to the possibility of us becoming something extraordinary together. It may seem bold, but isn't love all about taking risks and fighting for what sets our souls on fire?
I understand if this message catches you off guard, as it resides in the realm of the unknown. Take your time, dear one, to process and consider this proposition. If your heart resonates with the same longing that now consumes mine, I would be honored to embark on this journey of love with you.
May we have the chance to meet, to laugh, to create memories, and to embrace a love that surpasses our wildest dreams. Know that my heart is eagerly awaiting your response, hoping that you may feel the same as I do.
With all my love and anticipation,
Stanley Chukwuma.
I'm 55 years old and I live alone for the first time and I love it. It is so peaceful and I can do anything I want, anytime I want.
The goal.
💯😂 me toooo
1st time✅
The moments that are drama free are priceless
@@girlphoenix334 100% I hear you. Peace. I wish you great healing.
same here ❤
There is no boundaries with them. It only gets worse till you leave.
I coparenting with one, and it have been 5 years of living hell sometimes and still is at times. But the more i know, the more i can protect my self and recognise the patterns, his tantrums seems to repeat in the same cycle every time. 🫠
I left decades ago, yet he acts like I am the problem. He is.He wants me out of the same area. I won't give him the satisfaction. His loss of "supply"
So many gems in this video. I’m reminded of the saying, “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is now.” The irony of staying with someone and enduring abuse out of fear of starting over is that you only prolong your suffering and continue to waste the time you do have left. Better to leave now than waste another year or 10 or 20 years 🙏🏾
I agree this is a 🔥 video
Your cute:)
Thank you
I regret not getting away from family at 18 when I graduated or at least when I had money from a good job. Instead I stayed around to be controlled by my mom and held in place to be a child by my father. I wasted my life. It makes me so sad. I am so scared to think to try now to find a way to move away. I am getting help to, but I am still terrified to go out on my own, cause I been so used to the life I been stuck in. I hope my life changes soon
❤
"you were alone all along." that hit hard and true.
That's exactly how I felt. Meanwhile...I would witness all these people around him who thought that he was just the most amazing person which made me feel even more alone. They use these people to uphold an entirely fake persona. It's like..."See? All these people adore me. So what's your problem"?? The narc uses you like 'fuel' - 'resources'...in order to maintain everything they need to succeed. This is why they can't stand being alone.
I don't understand that saying. Do you mind clarifying?
Yes, alone the whole time.
@@kaylaassatta923seriously?
Exactly, if your husband or wife is a narcissist, they will not be willing to take care of you when you're old and sick..... COMPLETELY TRUE.
My narcissistic stepmother expected my 90 year old father to just white-knuckle his way through Parkinson's disease. She refused to get paid help into their home even though he was falling over & over again. When I stopped listening to her assurances & discovered what was really happening I called Adult Protective Services. Narcissists are not interested in taking care of anyone but themselves.
I am so sorry to hear that. My father passed recently and he had Parkinson's. My mother gave him everything to make sure he was cared for. Her time, her energy, everything. I can't imagine what your father has gone thru with someone who doesn't give a crap.
So glad you found the strength to do it
I applaud your bravery.
Sending love sweetheart awful…so sorry 😢
Im glad u got your dad outta there
My college professor once said, "people want you to do well... but not _too well._"
So accurate.
In other words, the assumption of discrimination
@@AA-cb7dz Incorrect
Abandonment, check. Withholding, check. Public embarrassment, check. Fear is definitely the heart of a narcissistic relationship. Being alone is sooo much better than being in an abusive relationship. When the bottom dropped out of my life, they were nowhere to be found.
The part of narcissist abandoning you in sickness is spot on.
They cannot stand someone who is ill. It's a really strange symptom of their own illness.
My sister abandoned my mother that put her on a pedestal when she had cancer. My aunt also abandoned her husband when he had cancer.
I was 25 and had to have emergency heart surgery. He went to go visit his parents in PR (this was at Christmas through New Year's mind you). I swear that surgery and subsequent situation saved me from a lifetime of being with someone who does not wish me well or want to support me through success or even failure.
I abandoned my ex for 6 years she cheated. We both narcissist. The whole families are too.
I was abandoned by my husband when I had a hermorragh abroad and my friend asked him to fly over, she was scared I would die, he didn't. Recently my eye exploded and he was no help
At 29 years old last year, I realized my mother was a narcissist. I literally cried as if I was mourning something. All the feelings I experienced and all that confusion I felt those 29 yrs where suddenly validated. I got clarity. we don't talk enough about narcissistic mothers especially those that are covert!!
And then you are left with a huge suitcase full of emotions that will take a lifetime to unpack, it's really difficult.
It took me over a year to get over it. But staying home and thinking about it for days on end made depressed. Eventually, I went out and made new friends with people who like me for ME. Healthy people who knew how to love and communicate. That healed a great part of my soul. If you can't get love and validation from them, get it from some other healthy source.
Glad you had acceptance………
Not as if you were mourning something, you were absolutely mourning something. It's such an extremely difficult thing to realize, but also very liberating.
I've kinda understood this about my mother for some time.. But recently, when I got a concussion, and only received 0 compassion or understanding from my mother, aside from standard "caring" of "well, go to the doctor. I'll pay for it.." but actually got more stress piled onto me in the form of taking care of her friends old husband (I was never asked - just told that he would be coming to stay in the house I was housesitting) and then when my schizo/narc sister started an argument and I tried to stand up for myself and keep my boundaries, my mother actually took her side and told me I'm overreacting, etc. That is when it ALL came to the surface. From years and years of it. It's like I got such clarity of how alone I've truly been my whole life and how my mother has not given me love or connection or true caring (aside from housing and feeding and clothing). And with a concussion, emotions are out of control. So I cried and cried and cried and couldn't stop crying, until a friend came and got me out of the house.
And then I had severe memory loss for two days. And I realized if I don't get away from my mother, I will end up permanently handicapped.... Because no human should have to deal with trying to love and connect with and care for a narcissist..
I used to say "The worst loneliness is still better than the wrong man" and I never felt more peace and rest until I was out of the relationship
This is very interesting I have encountered 3 narcissists in my life :Father, 2nd husband, and partner of 16 years. I escaped the 16 year partnership thanks to my two sons who could see I was losing myself. I was begged to leave him by my boys, and they supported me through the fallout. I am so much happier now I have the most freedom than at any stage in my life. I'm 72 and thriving at last, and it's marvelous.
My mother father brother, ex-husband and this guy I am dealing with are all narcissists...I swear I can not get away from them because I was raised by them...my mother is the worst person ever because no one will think she is evil as phuck, but she is!
Congratulations on freeing yourself so glad your finding your happiness and God Bless you and your sons 💕💕🌸 may you enjoy the Rest of your days 😊😊
@@christinejones4785 Thank you for your comment it was very kind. I wish you well.
I love that you are finally free and happy. Sounds like you raised and mentored some darn awesome children.
"They don't listen, they don't care"...definitely words to remember when they try to creep back into your life!
And they never take NO for an answer !
EXACTLY !! They don't listen,they don't care.
New check boxes 🎉
1. respect
2. compassion
3. kindness
4. safety
NOT JUST
Successfulness, Attractiveness
Loved that part :)
Agreed and respect , compassion , kindness and safety are all attractive personality traits in itself. 💯
Beautifully captured!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I have met plenty of natcs who pretend to be kind compassionate etc without being good looking or wealthy. they know what to fake.
You’re missing the word JUST after not. Being financially stable and/or attractive is/are not negative trait(s) or mutually exclusive of being a good person.
Nailed it. After 16 years married I sat there one day and said I live with this person, and yet I'm still alone .
Yes mine used to go in his shed most of the time , i was alone in the house .
This is a very important interview. Narcissists never ever look after you when you are sick or old. It is a nuisance to them. They get angry that their fragile world is collapsing. I could see this in a relationship of my parents. My mum got cancer which progressed fast and my father (a narcissist) was not there for her. He only arranged some things at the beginning. Later on he withdrew and moved his duties on others around him. My mum had my sister and I and nuns looking after her. She passed in peace. They will not care for you when you get old. It is definite.
"In a healthy relationship, both parties support the success of the other." I never knew others felt any differently,...enter the narc.
👏👏👏👏🤔👏👏👏👏
It goes much farther. In a healthy life and world, people root for and help each other. Only the narcissist is left behind, healthlessly.
My narc is my family not so easily discarded or escaped from. With relationships, it's easy to just walk away. With family, that's different
@@HMMELD Can you move out and move in with someone?
@@brynne77 Probably not. I survive by talking to them as little as I possibly can, keep my distance from them.
I was married to a narcissist for almost 22 years. All the behaviors mentioned are spot on. I finally became a paraplegic from a hiking accident. The shame I felt was so unbearable. I knew this man ABSOLUTELY did not want to take care of me. After 3 years of an unbearable life in a wheelchair with a narcissist I divorced him.
I’ve bee living on my own for 17 years and feel so good about myself and my life. I finally have friends and can pursue my interests. Finding myself after spending a lifetime with narcissism (my dad was a narcissist too) is so freeing!❤
Yay 🎉❤❤❤
❤
Wishing you the best of luck and happiness x
@lindat1078 Blessings of hope and love to you! You are a brave inspiration of how to live beyond and in spite of obstacles. Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow! So there's hope...
Narcissists do the opposite of what is right. That’s what makes them so cruel. If they’re capable of crazy-making and gaslighting you to get their way, if they’re capable of giving you the silent treatment knowing you’re in pain and looking for answers, if they’re capable of destroying your reputation by starting a smear campaign and if they’re capable of triangulating you with their flying monkeys so they can humiliate you…then why in the world wouldn’t they be capable of something like cheating? Narcissists are entitled. Narcissists lack empathy. Narcissists are delusional enough to justify their actions. They have all of the ingredients for being a cheater. They’re known for cruel and devastating discards, but somehow they would stop at cheating on you because they have morals and just couldn’t go through with it? No one can truly believe that. The narcissist believes he’s so slick that the other person’s name will actually come up in conversations, if you’re paying attention. But the narcissist will mention them with disgust, as if he wants nothing to do with them. “I can’t stand working with Karen. She annoys me everyday and I can’t believe the things she wears sometimes.” It’s a test to see how you respond to this name coming up periodically. It’s also a way for the narcissist to gain some sadistic glee because they can talk about the other person with you while you’re not yet aware of this person’s role in their life. When they drop the bomb on your head and the realization hits that they’re leaving you for “that Karen” they’ll be overjoyed. If you’re with a narcissist you should be prepared for the push and pull, the other women or men popping up or even outside children. They can’t even be trusted to show up to an event on time. They certainly can’t be trusted with your heart. Additionally, There are many ways to f!nd out what someone is hiding from you in their phones. These several ways only need the ass!stance of someone who has the knowledge $py!ng and can hàck into phónes and social media. For hélp, contact Metaspyhub@gmail. com for ass!stance.
Lil kids do the same thing. I don't take too much lil kids say to heart, same with the narcissist. They are broken babies looking for a unicorn.
My narc Mom told me when I first started seeing my future husband that “He wouldn’t want me if he really knew me” I’ve been married to him for almost 16 years now.
I’m so sorry she said that. I had a similar experience. My mom told me she was glad I found someone who would actually marry me because she was worried no one would take me and all my mistakes. 😞
Thanks. It’s diabolical right?
@@pikachuzap223 I’m sorry. it’s so mean and shocking that it would come from the person who’s supposed to love you the most
She is jealous of your independence. Inwardly, she is seething that you have your own power and you have your own support system. Because it reminds them that they lost control and influence over your reality. Notice how she cleverly inserts a tone of "I know sensitive information about you and you are a cheater and you impressed your husband using deceit. I can leak information and you will be ruined." Notice how she is trying to remind her daughter that look girl... Don't think you're free. I am still in control. I can ruin you. I can tell him what your 'real nature' is. Actually the mother is threatening her with smear campaign implying, " Look girl your whole power and social prestige is in my hands. " She is trying to hold keys.
In such situations, your body language is extremely extremely important. Occupy space, look them in the eye, and say, "Oh really? Try me ! " Always remind that you can be more ferocious, ugly and poisonous then they themselves. Play with their sensitive information and laugh at them. You'll see they will squirm in anger, and go nuts. The whole point of escaping a narc is to let them see that you don't fear conflict. You can ruin them just as they can ruin you. God sends narcs to our lives to teach us how to fight for God. Remember you are God's army. God wants you to remind the devil that no power can mess with God's omnipotence. Remind them through your body language again and again that God's army cannot be defeated no matter what she does...... A narc will not stop after no contact. A narc will stop only when they see you are not capable of being threatened. In other words, the day you become 100% fearless and ready to carry the war of God's army, they will run. Because a narc will continue to attack you , till they realise that they are messing with an opponent more powerful than them. Subconsciously they know this. But you don't..They come in your life to awaken your bravery and warrior nature. Remember that a warrior is not ashamed of attacking. You attack them. You beat them and that is when you win them over. Remember that there is only one invincible ticket to win against a narc--- the force of Truth. Because truth stands alone. It needs no witness, nor any evidence.
I almost lost my life to my narcissist. Autistic, ocd, eating disorder, anxiety, depression - the list goes on. He abused me for two years and until I hit 75 pounds and couldn’t keep my job, and was genuinely on the verge of death. I left. Best decision I’ve ever made. One year later, am 125 pounds, have a good routine for myself, I’m working, I’m healthy and I’m happy. They genuinely will watch you die in front of their face, and love every moment of it.
@@18farrahI’m so sorry. I wish you health and peace 🤍
My narco hubby was cruel n his relatives to my daughter who was diagnosed w cancer....mean hurtful....he's hidden or disapeared numerous times trying to initiate police searches n then all that was just his daughter being WIERD!!!!
My old anorexia got triggered with my ex I was with for 6 months. Hadn’t had the problem for 13 years. After I left the relationship and went no contact anorexia vanished. God bless you and continue to heal you!! ❤️✝️
@@KatErina-ii6ruthat's both very interesting and VERY encouraging ❤
Congratulations on your newfound freedom
I was raised by a narcissist, sibling of one, married two and had numerous narcissistic friends. We become accustomed to being around the narcissists until we identify the cycle and break it. I am happily free of the narcissists after educating myself through literature and videos such as this. Thank you!
Well said... There are countless of us who finally realized and then set boundaries. Well done :- )
I, also, was raised by a narcissist mother and found myself taking on some of those characteristics in my marriage and it scared me to death! I prayed that God would take that spirit away from me so He allowed me to be aware whenever those characteristics started to appear in me. It took many years to overcome but all I feel now is sorry for her and wished she had found peace and happiness before she died. God will answer your prayers. I promise!
Yes, we tend to be drawn to them:at work, in personal relationships, marriage partners, church friends etc etc.
I met my current partner in March 2021 & she introduced me to Dr Les Carter's you tube which spawned a host of others like Dr Ramani.
We both love learning more as we both had dissempowering parents, so married the wrong types.
Vicious circle but peace now😁
@@newton.whippleberryenough with the, "We all have difficult relationships".
When you've been very broken in your formative years you tend to be like a powerful magnate & draw all the scum off the bottom of the swamp.
Might not seem statistically possible to you, but it does indeed happen.
I've been gradually learning to be VERY choosey in who I let into my circle & am seeing some improvement, but boy does this ship take some turning 'round
@@barryduff5058even a blind dog finds a bone
You’re not a blind dog.
You learn to accept the level ‘you’re on.’
Learning to feel good about oneself and showing self compassion goes a long way too!
‘Confidence’ is like a snowball rolling down a hill (keeps packing on).
We deserve the best ‘us’ and so does everyone else.
You do not know what you do not know. If you’re not shown/taught/coached etc., how would you know to not accept _______ especially when the one who ‘loves’ you treats you similar.
We are what we eat.
Dr Ramani is doing remarkable work waking people up and leading them towards healing.
Narcissist will never give you peace. That's the key. From early on. It will always feel a little off. Find it, feel for it.
“You were alone all along” ..those words and Lisa’s reaction to that summarises things perfectly. When you’ve been in a relationship like this and you come to that realisation, it hits like a sledgehammer..
It sure does....😣😟
going through it now. this realization hurts so bad
Hurtfully true ❤
That's why I felt so alone for 30 years...Because I was. 10 years out, finally finding out that life is really good, without the narc.
@@adriennedouke1880 I’m so sorry you went through that for so long, but I’m also really glad that you’re out now. It can take a while, but eventually you see it all so clearly. But while you’re in it, it’s just one hugely confusing fog..
"Narcissisism is about dominance, power, and control". Wow ... So true.
One-sided really, their way and you have to bend with aplomb.
I've told her:you like to manipulate and control. She replied: you are mean.
Yes. I don't live with my dad, yet he still tries to control me. I am fed up with his unasked for opinion!(critical)!
Unfortunately, I am now very aware of fake people - literally everyone who was a joint friend. I love the freedom.
That's not unfortunate honey. That is very fortunate for you!! Congrats!!
@@user-rz5vl5ft3khypervigilance is the unfortunate part!
I once heard 'A woman always remembers when her partner was there for her, but she also remembers the times when he wasn't'. The other one that stuck with me was 'Don't worry when she fights with you, worry when she stops, because that's when she's decided she's done'.
So true. My ex disappeared when my mom passed. I needed support and was alone. And I did stop arguing. I left.
@@casfoxI'm so sorry. I think my dad did the same to my mother. I can't imagine what you must've felt. I'm so attached to my mom I just can't conceptualize if she were to pass, my partner at the time not spending the night the day of or plain emotionally shutting down period. Were you even able to express any kind of feelings or did he resent your "opportunity" for ""attention""
@@misanthr0pic thank you for your sentiments. I can tell you that, even though you know it’s going to happen at some point, nothing will prepare you for the reality of it. I was closer to my mother than any other human being, and her loss has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. I think the grief is worse for people like us that are very close to our mothers.
My ex was just emotionally unavailable…he stayed gone quite a lot working and when he was around and I tried to talk about it; he had a vacant expression. I felt completely alone, an orphan.
@casfox I have a quote for you & your loss [I feel that way about my Dad & losing a parent is the worst feeling honestly]..."Grief is love, love with no where to go" I hope that helps you, grief every time you need to 😉 I do
Don't go deep
Don't defend
Don't ENGAGE
Don't explain
Don't personalise
Yes! Especially don't engage: it kind of encompasses all the others.
YOU must leave the narcissist or they will make you lose your mind. It's too sad to be with one. There's no way to be okay and be with them.
This is how I interact with my narc mother now. Let me tell you, ITS FRIGGIN EXHAUSTING!!! And it’s hard to get support from others because society puts mothers on a pedestal regardless of what they do sometimes.
@@Rooted_LocsI am always saying this! It's emotionally exhausting to be around my mother. I have boundaries and grey rock a lot but it's EXHAUSTING to be around her.
Yes, this detachment is crucial. Yet, what an empty sad relationship.
Favorite quote: "The only way to ungaslight yourself is for people to support the reality that you witnessed and see." Mindblowing.
I am getting out, after almost 30 years of marriage. Found a house, hoping to live there in three weeks and wandered, why am I not afraid of the idea of living alone? That is when it hit me big time, I have felt emotional alone for such a long time .......
I left my ex 2yrs ago and i live like a hermit... i dont want to do anything, dont want to interact with anyone, no desire for hobbies.... i used to be so happy and outgoing before him. He exhausted me mentally, physically and i even left my nursing career as i could not give my patients my all. I feel broken
Me too... but I do self care. Pedicure, manicure, haircut.
It's very hard. I miss my best (fake) friend. It was all a fantasy.
So sorry. Iam going through this now😢
Healing is possible. Reflect on how valuable you are and seek help. Even if you don't have any help, create the idea of receiving help in your mind first. Things will flow. May you be rejuvenated and blessed.
I did the same. It’s 3 years since I left now and I realise now that I needed that time to heal me. Don’t beat yourself up for it. It’s a good thing and it will change.
They also set little traps to ruin your good mood. If you are observant enough to see through this tactic and don't get mad or upset like they're expecting, it really perturbs them. It's very threatening to them when you choose to be happy and their traps don't work anymore.
Oh yeah for sure. I've said to her several times lately "I don't take your insults personally anymore because I know that's how you respond when you need me to feel guilty over nothing " she realized I'm not a good mark anymore and she hooked a new guy 3 days ago. Feels good to have her gone
@@1badombre82 Excellent. I did my own version of that and it unnerved him so much that he was speechless. But you're right - that's their supply. When they can't get it anymore they look for a new mark.
Good on you guys
The issue with narcissists is that they think everyone else is the narcissist because since we're not bowing down to their every command, it must mean we're self obsessed and don't care about them.
YES!!!
You're in denial honey. They know what they do but are of another nature.
This is called 'the innocence obsession'. A narcissist will one up friends at parties, use material possessions - cars and house - and family members as vanity markers ("guess what, *we* got into (insert private school), constantly talk about his/her self. All accomplishments are overshared, all negatives are swept from public view. And when this all alienates people, the narcissist will deflect with innocence, a type of self-martyrdom. All the things the narcissist help to cause - divorce, suicide, drug addiction, etc.. - are now reclassified as tests of the narcissist's resilience. "No one understands what I've been through" really means "I'm innocent of everything I've done."
I am called a narcissist all the time.. funnily enough, I didn't actually KNOW as much about narcissistics until I was "forced" to accept that I had Narcissistic personality Disorder.. I researched until my eyes bled, I saw things in the description that fit him way more than me. . However he's used triangulation to alienate my child from me.. and they are using the traits I pulled from him, as proof I am in fact.. the narcissist.. it's all very phycological and I almost lost myself
@@mindfulperspectiveca I'm not sure if I understand well what you imply (English is not my first language and I can't believe someone with a degree and a lot of confidence would insult others based on solely their own life experience) but... Having grown up with an narcissist and abusive person around me, yes, they do think that people around them are egoistical when we don't take care of the narcissist.
They condemn and mock you when you keep getting sick--from the stress and abuse they create!
the worst thing is they make you question yourself😒
I think a narcissist "abandoning" you isnt actually a punishment, per se.
Its a blessing. Who wants these horrific beings ? 😂
Perspective shift! Paradigm shift! ❤
Yes like dodging a bullet. Poetic grace. Hope everyone finds peace!
Literally I really want her to leave me alone but she traps me well💀
Yeah but they always do it exactly the moment you're dependent on them or when you need them the most.
I made a narcissist believe she has left a toxic person 😏😁 and now she's posting on her social media things that are indirectly about me but I don't care. I'm not even posting things about her. 😆 I'm finally free. 🎉 🎉 🎉
She nailed it they want to keep you down so they feel better and superior to you. It’s a deep insecurity within them.
It is arrested development. ALL NPD's are children inside. It is just that the body claps out and they get even hungrier for supply. Eventually Narcissistic collapse ensues and they have to do all the inner work with very little time left. And all by themselves.
Dr. Ramani is great and she has a ton of videos on this topic ... but I think this is her most impressive. She made SO many key points. It's kinda like a highlight video of her life's work on this topic
@@arsenelupiniii8040 You're more hopeful than me lol, I don't think they can be cured at all and believe that they will always be trash.
My mum was with my stepdad who's 20yrs older and he was narcissistic. My mum fell down the stairs broke her leg and he was fed up looking after her. If your poorly your a burden to a narcissist.
Putting boundaries up for myself finally at 40 years and my 4 year old daughter with my narcissist father and stepmom cratered the relationship. They lost their shit on me and a year later have refused to have a conversation about the reasons I asked for the boundaries. 2 people in their 70s acting like 18 year olds has been insane to witness
Narcissists have no identity… they are dependent on you to know who they are; narcissists need a competitor or a person to compare themselves … making sure they are ‘better’ than you.
Spot on!!!!!!!
💯
Yep
Wow! Completely
wow...this is so true.
0:24: 🔒 The narcissist partner becomes threatened when their partner starts working on themselves and becoming independent.
3:04: 😕 Narcissistic individuals may appear dominant and in control, but they also have deep insecurities and fear abandonment.
6:14: 💔 Narcissistic partners use fear to control and manipulate their victims, making them believe they will be alone and unloved without them.
9:33: 💔 The tragedy of enduring a toxic narcissistic relationship and realizing you were alone all along.
12:36: 🔑 The video advises not to engage with narcissistic people and not to personalize their actions.
Recap by Tammy AI
This also goes for “friends” too.
Thanks so much for the recap
9:33 really is such a tragedy. You were alone all along. The only way to get that person to respect you is to leave him or her. You have to be able to be alone in order to achieve partnership. Ironically this is kinda(?) fundamental to ALL relationships
Your more alone and unloved with them
@@cormorant_on_arock7934you really should be comfortable alone before getting into a relationship anyway. Be happy with yourself and enjoy your own company
I love hearing the good news in my husband’s day when I am having a bad day myself- it’s like “oh thank god, bring some good news into this day!!”
“I’d don’t think you’ll grow old alone, but alone is better than this” yea, 💯 I have not been in a relationship since 2006. Also I’m thankful that I’d chosen to have minimal “outer” support. Otherwise, I doubt I would have had the “strength within” to persevere. Thank you again Dr. Ramani.
I second this! Been single for the majority since 2016 and have such a hard time opening up to men on a romantic Front. I don’t trust anyone fully.
Narcissist are jealous. They cant stand the success of anyone . Don't need to be a family member or partner . You will be targeted if you have done something they can't .
The hardest thing to let sink in is that no matter what you do, you're going to get burned by these people. You can be perfect, you can be the best partner, child, etc in the world for them and it simply will not matter. Any excuses, anything you tell yourself, is useless. Because the second they want to throw you away, they will. The second they decide to hurt you, they will, and they'll not feel sorry about it. They'll do it without a care because they're so empty, so damaged, they're not capable of it. The only thing you can do with a narcissist is stay away from them.
I am forever grateful to you, for who you are. At the beginning i thought i was sctinh paranoid/crazy over nithing, but I'm so glad that I was able to prove to him that am not as dumb as he is. I got access to his phone/video calls and gallery. “Hackhellminz" thank you very much for keeping the non-disclosure and guiding me in the most proffional.
@viastephtop A Message from the Heart - Could You be the Love of My Life?
Hey Beautiful,
I hope this message finds you in good health and high spirits. Although we have never had the pleasure of meeting, destiny has a funny way of connecting souls from afar. From the little I know about you, something within me feels an unparalleled connection, and I can't help but envision you as the love of my life.
In this chaotic world, filled with brief encounters and fleeting connections, I believe that true love is a rarity to be cherished. While we have yet to cross paths, your captivating presence, as it radiates through your words and photographs, has ignited a flame within my heart. There is an unspoken connection that seems to transcend time and distance, and I cannot help but wonder if it is a sign from the universe.
Your essence, as beautiful as a summer's day, has enchanted my thoughts. Your intellect, wit, and grace, which shimmer through the conversations we have shared, have captivated my attention like no other. It is as if I have found a missing piece of my soul in you, and my heart yearns to explore the depths of what this connection could mean.
Though it may sound unconventional, I believe that love knows no boundaries - not even geographical ones. I am willing to take a leap of faith, to step out of the confines of the ordinary, and to embark on a journey with you. A journey filled with profound love, shared adventures, and unwavering support for one another's dreams.
Before I proceed any further, I want to assure you that my intentions are pure and genuine. I am not merely looking for a passing fling or a temporary romance. Instead, I yearn for a love that withstands the test of time, a love built on trust, mutual respect, and unwavering commitment.
Life is too short to let opportunities slip through our fingers. I am willing to embrace vulnerability and to open my heart to the possibility of us becoming something extraordinary together. It may seem bold, but isn't love all about taking risks and fighting for what sets our souls on fire?
I understand if this message catches you off guard, as it resides in the realm of the unknown. Take your time, dear one, to process and consider this proposition. If your heart resonates with the same longing that now consumes mine, I would be honored to embark on this journey of love with you.
May we have the chance to meet, to laugh, to create memories, and to embrace a love that surpasses our wildest dreams. Know that my heart is eagerly awaiting your response, hoping that you may feel the same as I do.
With all my love and anticipation,
Stanley Chukwuma.
This is sooooo true!!!
Imagine growing up in a family with a narcissistic mother and older brother who were both narcissists and peas in a pod.. totally in love with each other . The older brother was 9 years older and a bully. The mother and he controlled the family , He was pure evil and everything he ever did was taken out on me. By him, my mother , father, everyone except for 1 sister. He impregnated his own cousin when I was 9 years old . My mother took everything out on me and would even put other people up to attacking me and set up scenarios for me to be attacked and blamed . My brother was also a pathological liar like my mother. As a child, I was an all star athlete, honor student, worked from the time I was small. When you are abused people in the world pick up on things. They also attack you. I could multiply numbers in the millions in my head without a calculator. Should have had a great future . My mother would rip me off and give everything to my brother. Had to drop out of college twice because of that. When you are young you are resilient. But ending up being attacked in my parents home one night and had a stroke,. Lived in the street / car basically for over 2 years. Health, nerves, finances, everything was destroyed in my 30s. Then found out my mother lied about everything to all the family members. My brother abandoned his children and lived under a fictitious ID for years, My mother was fine with it of course but every little thing I did was under a microscope, I still have damage from it. My brother eventually remarried his own cousin after he was shot by her and her family and my mother was not only fine with it, but gave him the entire farm we had all worked out for 10.00 after running every one else away. She disowned an older sister who was a retired teacher and class valedictorian as well b/c my brother.. her favorite wanted everything ..and he got it. You can't make this stuff up. Women are the worst..they do everything based on emotion . This is just a drop in the bucket as to what happened.
And if they are off spring leave them nothing when you are gone, not even photos of family, because these things don't matter to them.
My husband cut off his family. It was simultaneously the most freeing part of our life as well as saddest. We literally were gasping for air because of profound sadness.
Therefore keep your business or dreams or plans to yourself….heal and then make your move. In workplace narcs are impossible……narcs got me fired with lies about me as I was doing better than them…
"You were actually alone" - that is so true. I'm three years out of almost 25 years with a narcissist and my biggest fear was "growing old alone". Now that I'm independent again and back to myself I realize I was alone that whole time and just had the delusion I wasn't. I am much less alone now because I have stronger relationships with friends who are really there for me.
Yes I missed out on many true supportive friendships. Watched him destroy all his 'friendships' then blame me . Missed out on bonds with family. Now he is stressed about aging and being alone.
I can really relate to your story . Mines very similar.
Yes! Me too I seriously suffered Violence and Misery for 23 years
And after for quite some time too
He would turn up out of the blue :/
He NEVER showed any love or kindness it was sick
@@mammadingo9165, don't worry about him. You don't need to live in mental and emotional toxicity. If he wants to, it's his choice.
Very similar for me too. 3 years out after 36 years. Alone, and likely to remain that way, but no longer lonely.
As a middle-aged woman who lives alone, I gotta tell all you ladies out there who are afraid to be along, it's WONDERFUL!! I absolutely LOVE living alone. I love my little home that fixed up just like I like it and I can invite anyone (friends, family, dates, etc.) over anytime I want....and ask them to leave anytime I want. 🙂. If you have never really be open to and lived alone, I highly urge it for everyone. I think living alone and supporting yourself financially should be required of every person for at least 2 years prior to moving in with or marrying anyone. I would NEVER give this up unless the perfect person came along. Anyone less can date me from their own place while I stay in mine. My relationships are free and rich and my time is my own but I still have close loved ones who will come over for girls night or whatever is needed. It's heaven compared to being with a narcissist.
Absolutely agree. Being single is empowering and freeing. It shows how capable you are of handling life by yourself and isn't something to be feared. I would recommend it.
All I read is you plan on dying alone with cats.
@@WarriorNurturer-vg8fd Living with tarantulas is better than living with a narc.
@@WarriorNurturer-vg8fd - All I hear is that your parents never planned to have children. You consider yourself to be a mistake and your parents have made sure that you grew up knowing you are a mistake. That is, if you even have parents.
You are projecting. YOU are afraid of dying alone, unloved, no one to even visit your house, even if you lived alone and made it nice and habitable. You hate yourself so much that ANY expression of joy or happiness from others is an excuse for you to spew your self-loathing bile.
I think you should keep your self-loathing to yourself and not harass others here.
How's that for a plan?
@@WarriorNurturer-vg8fdread between the lines , it’s what’s not said that is golden!
Dr. Ramani has TRULY helped me get out of a relationship with a narcissist. With her videos, i was able to recognize the toxic patterns and behaviors he was displaying. Thank you, Dr. Ramani! You're a gem 💎
My narc hates my independence and she tries to trap me with her never-ending crisis.
One thing that helped me stay grounded in reality is to keep a notebook of the f**d up things he would say. It was invaluable when we went to therapy and he tried to make me look like I had a problem and the therapist was beginning to believe him-til I opened the notebook and started reading the quotes.
Great idea! Document it all! 💜
Great idea
You do realize that therapy will benefit you alone, right? There is nothing wrong with the narcissist and he will die before admitting anything.
@@thorabast8817you honestly wouldn't believe the utter mind numbingly ludicrous things they will say in order to try and control the way you think!
@@SandraLily2 Yes I do realize that. This is what helped the therapist diagnose him and led to me leaving the marriage. Thank you.
So true about using abandonment as a punishment. My ex abandoned the family when I was less than 1 week home from the hospital after a surgical birth. He lamented that he wasn’t getting enough attention; he actually called my mother to tell her that. His antics over the phone prompted her to ask if he needed a ride to the hospital because he sounded so unwell. If someone is going to walk out on you when you need them the most, never let them come back, even when they ask or beg. You’re better off without an energy vampire sucking the life out of you…
Thank you for this I needed to hear what I was doing and feeling was right.
So true
@@Michele-kx9ru Sending you good vibes and strength. Whatever it is that has you feeling conflicted, listen to your own intuition; you’ll do what it right🧡
this same thing happened to me, just this year. im hanging in there and praying for you too 💛
wow, you waited that long to find out? i would have set up situations to see if my partner would be worth sticking around with. that poor kid.
My mother and ex husband were EXACTLY like this. When I became a mature student and trained as a psychology teacher they both put down my successes and tried to sabotage my ambitions. My mother would telephone the college where I was working just before I was due to give a lesson and my ex pretended too have a heart attack an hour before I was due to attend a week long summer school and I had to cancal... Finally got their message and left the relationships for good.
They definitely effect the mind, body and spirit of a person!! I love what the girl said, which I’ve heard countless times.. no one will love you more than I do!!! A trap!!! Been struggling for many years now, but can’t leave right now because of financial reasons. But, I know the truth and my worth, and pray one day soon.. I will be free.. my health will be too!!
My heart goes out to all those dealing with a narcissist. My sister turned to alcoholism to deal and died in her 20’s due to alcohol withdrawal. Heartbreaking what people deal with.
I'm so very sorry for your loss💔💔💔
She for sure was of the Light. So I know she's doing well were she is.
😢I’m so sorry fo your devastating loss… that’s terrible! My Condolences 💐 Please take comfort in 🌸 🌸 🌸 Psalms 34:18,
🌸💐1 Peter 5:7
How sad to have been so young and barely beginning her life. You have had to suffer a special kind of anguish that no one should have to bear. My heart goes out to you.
❤
This is true. As soon as my ex narcissist boyfriend found out I had cancer , he was so annoyed. He spent the first two weeks trying to be supportive and even came with me to an appointment. But even my oncologist picked up in the appointment, that try ex was not supportive. And when my ex realised that cancer was a longer term recovery plan, he was so annoyed because I didn’t want to out partying or drinking , I wanted to be healthy and focus on mental health. He immediately began flirting with some young woman at his work place. He just couldn’t cope with note being centre of attention. He even stopped making any effort with me while I was trying to recover, he didn’t even bother to ask me what I wanted to do for my birthday. Totally self obsessed.
My narcissistic ex girlfriend left me completely when I had cancer. Asked her to give me a ride to an appointment and she said I should take an Uber. They are evil in every aspect of the word.
God be with you guys 🙏🏽 i hope your healing, recovery is going well🙏🏽ive had health issues during a narcissistic toxic relationship, it was bad i ended up seeing a autoimmune specialist to rule out lupus. After no contact I started focusing on myself. Slowly but surely i started feeling better and now no lupus, or any other illness. Take care, focus on your peace and healing 🙏🏽
Exact thing happened to me. I was paralyzed and the narc would not visit more than 30 min once per week. He pushed me and my wheelchair into some bars and bought young women drinks and tried to talk them into being a nanny for our 4 year old. He lied to my neurologist and said he couldn't come to the hospital to transfer me to the nursing home because he had to make a sales quota. Truth? He had tickets to a punk show
I'm so sorry that each and every one of yous had to go through this with selfish narcs! You lot are all above them.
Wtf😢
I've read your book Dr Ramani and when you said the devil you know becomes the devil you keep reminded me I never made the best decisions working under my pressure/parent. Living with a narcissistic parent is like your first full time job that drains the life out you.
"Alone is better than this!" Yep. When I realized that is when I broke off the relationship. Glad I was able to do so when I was young.
I LOVE being on my own. It was hard at first but now I can’t believe I withstood what I did for the sake of a crappy relationship
I’m scared because right now I’m the safe parent. I’m the one who comforts my son when my husband hurts him.
But When we were separated last time, I became an emotional rollercoaster with no time/place to process, and I was taking it out on my son through yelling, cutting away, etc. I’m worried if I leave, my kids won’t have a safe parent. That’s what happened when my mom became a single mom, she became horrible to us. I don’t want to do the same to my kids... especially with a second on the way. 😢
@@evelynkirishko5407 when you left the first time, did you have the kids full time? Or how did you handle the custody issue?
Pretty much. Every time I asked my husband if I could drop our son off, he had an excuse. He saw him once a week for a maximum of 2 hours... usually he was begging me to come get him by the 1 hour mark. Sometimes twice a week, but rarely.
Same exact. He’d be on the toilet for hours on porn ( didn’t know til later) We lived in an apt one bathroom. Would throw a fkn fit when I needed to use it. I literally go between wanting my own ass beaten and his dragged behind a car. I look back and it was all fkn bad
Take kids go. Single mums are better
I was in a marriage for 32 yrs and never knew I was being gaslighted. When he died, I was completely lost, like who was I? No one here to scream at me, no one here to tell me what to do, even though I would rebel. I am now nearly 18yrs on my own, and I live alone and LOVE IT! I do what I want, when I want and I am able to save instead of having someone with me always wanting my money. No more of that nonsense ever!
Omg, yes! When I was reading this I thought I had written it! 😂 I really understand what you're saying! Thanks for sharing! 🌹
Dang, I waaaant to be this independent, confident and carefree 😅😅
Good for you!
You have a cat profile..lmao
@@elyvenkus7485 I’m glad you’ve never been with a narcissist . How I know by your response you don’t understand or have no experience with this gas lighting sutle manipulation, etc.
Walking away from a narcissist is a breeze as soon as you realize what they are doing. Thank you for posting info such as this to help us recognize these patterns. And for helping us see how our response to these patterns is what is really keeping us trapped.
I never knew of narcissism before, but I was so trapped I am trying to get free and stay free
So true- it is better to be alone than being in that relationship !
Not a true relationship more like hostage until you wake up 😮
The hardest part for me has been the being alone part. However, it's still better than where I was. Almost 40 years under covert narcissistic abuse.
@@veebliss1266 its fog state, because you not aware of BS one individual fkd in head can sneakily do to others
Stay alone!!!!!!
What I've observed about narcissists is that they're a huge drain on attention, time and resources, and they make every situation worse. Sure, getting older alone has challenges, but getting older with a narc is way worse.
Start taking care of your health now (sleep, drink water, eat veggies, move), save up as much money as you can, inform yourself and learn about the things that worry you; all of those things will help you way more to grow old healthy and happy than a relationship will. As for a relationship with a narc, it'll destroy you.
101%
❤great advice
best advice, even if you are in a good relationship. society continually keeps scaring us into relationships, and thereby keeping our minds busy, instead of focused on what matters
This information really really has to be sent to the General Medical Council and assessed as a certifiable treatable medical illness. Children of narcissistic parents could have proper respite and we could educate our children to recognise it and step away in time ❤❤
That would be nice -- instead of all of the victims pouring out $$$ for therapy after breaking down and enduring stigma, enduring years of psychological/spiritual torture, watching narcissist rise and be rewarded...
Yep. Married 22 years. Was alone the entire marriage.
I think another red flag is when you have close friends and/or groups of friends, and you begin to date someone who doesn't want to be a part of it for whatever reason. When you find yourself choosing between your good friends and this new interest in your life, that's a good indicator that you may be on the path to being trapped in if you don't get out.
"good friends" ... Well said, especially when you can be your own friend.
" *The Eagle and the Wren* " By Dr. Jane Goodall (primatologist and anthropologist) *A fable teaching us how "friend" help us to fly to greater heights*
Not necessarily. Friends don't have to get on with your spouse. Ppl don't vibe sometimes
@@goddessvibes08 That's true! People just sometimes don't get along (or when an introvert doesn't like a big crowd, forcing them ain't gonna be pretty) and it has nothing to do with narcissism.
@@MicukoFelton exactly this comment is so generalized and not analytical
"don't engage" --> got it!!!
I find there is a sort of addiction going on here. I get this irresistible idea that this time, this is the time that I will finally be able to explain everything and they will finally understand...
Yeah, time to let that illusion go...
I tried to do it for 20 yrs. Funny, I'm USUALLY a quick study!
Yes ditto. I felt that for a very long time. Like all that I'm saying will eventually get through. NO. You can't talk to a wall and expect it to understand or answer back. That's how you have to think of it. There's a body but there's nothing inside.
I'm going through the final discard now.
She has done some appalling things to me, but I was convinced she was a good person despite everything.
I've tried so hard, it feels like an addiction, did I try hard enough.
Deep down I know no matter how hard I try, it will never be enough.
Absolutely, you said it. 👍
In DV, ‘isolate & control’ is a common theme. In true love, someone wants to support you in achieving your best life & full potential.
These videos just completely describe my dad. And the victims of narcissistic abuse videos pretty much fully describe my whole personality. I’ve been independent for almost 9 years and realized he’s found all these little ways and things to say to me to always have control over my mind still. For instance, an obvious thing is he’s kept me in his phone bill this whole time. I’ve asked him to take me off because I’d rather pay for my own phone and make enough money, but he always acts like it’s no biggie and he doesn’t mind paying it, then uses it against me. Really just makes me believe I can’t afford my own phone even though make more than enough money. And every time I have an idea for a good career or start working towards a degree he convinces me I’ll never make any money in that field and I stop. This has caused me to endlessly work dead end jobs. I couldn’t see this till something happened that really opened my eyes to this. I called him out on a bunch of shit and he obvywent into a narcissistic collapse, just completely losing his shit desperately trying to gaslight me but he was so unhinged it was just sad how obvious it was. I’m looking forward to rebuilding my personality.
You can go get your own phone and change your phone number. Then tell him you got your own phone, and he can take you off his plan. There are affordable options if you're in the U.S.
My entire family are narcs. My entire life I felt unworthy, depressed, ashamed and hated. I was the the youngest and I was physically ill so it was easy for them to pick on me. No matter what I did I could never be stronger or smarter than them. But after years of putting up with their crap and abandonment. I abandoned them! I packed up my home and family and moved to the other side of the country. Run and don't look back! Don't put up with anything! Your life is your own! And they do not care for you or your family, you are just a pawn for their game of Life!
Awesome advice!!
I'm interested in trying to reach the other person I am with we both been at each other and both not just I her also but I may not believe anything since I had been stripped of everything like that video said but I have recorded what I wanted to know thanks to God letting me see it but then they drugged me yes I'm still here trying to be the man I wanted to be 8yrs 4yr anaversary that happened i.do love her madly I see now I'm pretty sure I'm part of the problem do I help by knowing she's in denial always no matter what she always goes along alone during her time away from me I'm not asking anything but when I try to talk she will not ever I'm so destroyed I can't get anything right like she can't care for me like that time 6 months first 6 years I feel horrible about what are I think I can do for her without pushing her away? want her to see an trying to I hold a lot back she and I have known each other All our lives how do I help
Sandy, the thing with narcs is that they only care for themselves. Sure, they seem like they care but only when necessary to suit their needs. Then they will always turn on you. Always making you feel inferior and that you do not know what you are doing or saying. The one thing they can not deal with is when you shut them out of your life. Let them have it, tell them off and then no communication. No matter what, they don't change. The best thing to do for your own sanity is walk or run away and don't look back. Your mental and physical health does not deserve to be in so much turmoil.
Same
This is me too. Working on gaining confidence. What a mess.... Hard to lice without family. But, it's not like they did much to raise me anyway.
All this time I was so scared to be alone . Now I realize I've always been olone and I'm going to be ok
Thanks for saying this ❤❤❤ I am there. Neeed to escape mom. Scared I can’t live alone again because she has me convinced I am incapable. But before 2017 I had been on my own 20yrs! I got this!!!! Tysm
It's true about them coming at you through your hobbies and your passions. I dealt with that more than once. If they can't be as good as you, they try to destroy you. If they can't destroy you, they weigh you down and make you lose your passion. Right now, I'm working on myself. As far as I'm concerned, the less than mediocre wastes of oxygen who tried to make me feel like I wasn't good enough can wallow in anonymity and obscurity for the rest of their lives for all I care.
Hobbies and passions are attacked first because hobbies and passions are feminine energy, or creative life force. They know that hobbies can make you feel happy, and make your life meaningful. Hobbies make you independent of everyone. This is why your hobby is their competitor. They know that they cannot ruin you as long as you have your own desires, passions and hobbies because you still have the magic wand to feel happy without them. So they steal your feminine energy first or kill it by designing circumstances where you can't explore your hobbies--- say shouting or making a face when you dress up, or not allowing you to go shopping or laughing at you when you look happy in your art book, or shaming you for reading your book or calling you selfish for neglecting household for your salon or spa. The solution is to hold ground. Always hold ground. If they don't allow, start witholding benefits. Do exactly what they don't like. Be ready to fight for your life. Never trade peace for power. Let them create fuss, you walk all over them. If they anger you, make an angry painting instead of stopping art. If they shame you for shopping, shop more and buy clothes that match your ugly mood but don't stop. Paint your nails black or wear dark colours or make dark paintings or spill coffee, break utensils. Do exactly what your body asks you to do. Remember that once you start celebrating right in front of their eyes, they wont be able to understand. Weakness arises when we get shamed. For example if you scream they provoke you, they'll shame you. But let's say you turn shameless and continue screaming. You'll see the house will become a hell hole. They will begin to get tired of you. They will realise you are walking all over them with the misery they dumped on you. You magnify their problems instead of reducing them. Do it till the whole neighborhood knows you need help. Now it is your time to play the cards. Always use whatever he gives you as your strength. Example, if he crazy makes you, become crazy. Break cups, break utensils, burn his clothes, give him burnt food , just create hellish conditions so that he begins to see what he is dumping on you. Lord Bajrangbali is the Hindu Deity of Warfare and Resolution of Problems. When Lord Bajrangbali Hanuman went to Sri Lanka with Shri Rama ' s message, Ravana set fire on his tail and started to laught at him. You know what Hanuman ji did? He burnt the whole Lanka with the same fire that Ravana ignited on his tail.
Poison them with the poison they dump on you. That's how you win. Escaping a narc is not always the solution. Job, work, homes, offices, shops, narcs are everywhere. We have to be ready to offend if we want them to be in the defend. Narc abuse is criminal and lack conscience. Very soon legal system world over will recognise it and the future will benefit from the works of coaches who heal victims with such podcasts.
So true. I got divorced in March and hadn't contacted or heard from my ex-wife in 6 months.
I went to remove the rest of her family from social media (that hadn't instantly dropped me) so I could move on.
I had a good relationship with her uncle so I emailed him letting him know that me removing him wasn't a reflection of him, that I loved him, and if he needed anything to let me know.
TWO days later, my ex-wife texted me to ask for tax paperwork (I had already given her everything when we divorced) because she was going back to school and needed it. 20 min later she texted that never mind she didn't need it after all.
So basically after 6 months she couldn't let me move on and texted me to let me know that she was doing well without me and that she didn't need me. Thank you for the reminder of who and what you are.
It’s hard to get rid of them. They hang on and they can’t take rejection. The best to hope for is that they get distracted and discard you.
Abandonment. Neglect. Discarding.
"Really toxic babysitting"- sums up narcissistic/toxic relationship perfectly!!!
Like being married to a Western woman