NEVER Argue Or Fight With A Narcissist... DO THIS Instead To Take Your Power Back! | Dr. Ramani
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 มิ.ย. 2024
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Let’s be real guys, we all have to face a narcissist at some point or another, and so we need to be ready to deal with narcissists in all sorts of situations, from the workplace and professional settings, to family, friendships and romantic partners.
Today’s episode of Women of Impact will arm you with the strategies you need to come out of each encounter without losing yourself.
World renowned psychologist & narcissist expert Dr. Ramani is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER and she’s got even more wisdom to share from her 20+ years of experience studying narcissists and working with narcissistic abuse survivors.
With sooo much love and compassion, Dr. Ramani is giving us the advice we need, but might not WANT to hear when it comes to THAT narcissist in our lives.
In this episode, we’re going deep into:
- Why you MUST DISENGAGE with the narcissist when they are playing the victim
- How “soul distancing” can protect your well-being when the narcissist is gaslighting and invalidating you
- The counter-intuitive way to take your power back & ending a narcissistic relationship
- Why you need to learn to listen to your body for the red flags
- How to effectively deal with the charm AND lack of empathy of a narcissist
- Dr. Ramani’s 3 steps to narcissistic resistance so you can break free from the abuse
- & MORE!
Be sure to order your copy of Dr. Ramani's new book, “It’s Not You” here: a.co/d/7qYmF0f
Chapter Markers: 🚶♂️
🧠 [00:00] Tactics to put the narcissist in their place
🐅 [14:50] Going into the tiger’s cage
📚 [26:37] When the shelf breaks
❌ [40:30] Dealing with the repeated victimized narrative of the narcissist
😖 [49:57] Divorcing the narcissist
🪞 [56:37] Thin Skin & Charming or Charismatic?
💪 [01:06:13] Becoming narcissistic-resistant
👉 [1:28:49] Bonus Episode: Tracy Tutor
***Bonus Episode: Stand up for Yourself with Tracy Tutor***
If you want to stand up for yourself when someone disrespects you, keep watching for a BONUS conversation with the confident badass Tracy Tutor, and she’s built confidence from her failures, recovered from betrayal, and redefined what marriage and her relationships mean to her.
💣💣 DR. RAMANI’S NARCISSISTIC TRUTH BOMBS 💣💣
“Gaslighting is saying there's something wrong with you. You must have some sort of memory problem or some other psychiatric issue. You need help.".
"Having any form of relationship with a narcissist is like forever having to listen to an annoying podcast because they're not listening to you.".
"They want to dominate you. They don't want to understand you.”
"Narcissistic people are very, very sensitive...They react very strongly to any form of feedback or criticism.".
"To become gaslight resistant you have to give yourself permission to own your reality."
“I'd say to anyone in a narcissistic relationship, if you're going to stick it out, then you do what feels right to you. But you better have a plan B in place for when you get sick because I can promise you one thing, this person ain't changing your adult diapers."
Follow Dr. Ramani:
Website: doctor-ramani.com/
TH-cam: / @doctorramani
Order “It’s Not You”: a.co/d/7qYmF0f
Follow Tracy Tutor:
Website: www.tracytutor.com/
Instagram: / tracytutor
Facebook: / tracytutorofficial
Follow Me Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: www.radicalconfidence.com/
Instagram: / lisabilyeu
Facebook: / lisabilyeu
X: / lisabilyeu
If you want to dive deeper into my content, search through every episode, find specific topics I've covered, and ask me questions. Go to my Dexa page: dexa.ai/lisabilyeu
Themes: Confidence, Relationships, Business, Mental Health, Self-Improvement - บันเทิง
WARNING: I will never ask for your contact info in the comments section, that is someone impersonating me!
They are many leaving comments sadly!!
I had that experience on FB and reported it
I've experienced that a few times ⏲️ I ignore them.
Yup. We know. 💯😊✊💥good looking out though. 😎👈🏻
Lisa why do I feel like you are in a Narcissistic relationship with your husband. Your reaction to doctor ramani explanation hits you so hard. Dealing with Narcs myself whenever I hear something that I experience with a love one, it really do hits deep. So Lisa if this is true you already know what to do. It's OK we don't judge you if you decide to divorce. It could be for whatever reason you want it to be. We are not in your bedroom we won't know if it is a lie or not .
When you are chronically exhausted you are with a narcissist! Trust me!
So true,the stress theses vile creature put you through is unreal..such a travesty we have to fall as their prey .
When you feel as though you are crazy and doubt yourself you are definitely with a narcissist
💯🎯
When you don’t know if your coming or going you know your with a narc.
@@happyhealthyblessed Haven't heard this one yet, but so true! I remember the yearly [sometimes skipped a year haha] evaluationconversations at my job.As if I had said nothing [carefully explaining my points]] she sat there, staring at me. Giving me the idea that I was bothering her ..
Useless conversation.
Did not know about narcissism then....
"They don't want to understand you - they want to dominate you". Great advice, Dr Ramani.
Explaining makes it worse
They want to own you mind body and soul
@@youareloved8274Yeo they do they want ur brain cos theirs no good,so they wish to control it ..overbearing thugs.
🛑✝️🙏🏾AMEN N.AMEN.....🛑👹👹🛑 THEY ARE IRRELEVANT. IDC
Wow, yes! I wasted so so much time trying to explain and defend myself.
I’m finally leaving my narcissistic husband. I move into my new place Friday. He has no idea. Ladies remember never let them know you are leaving.‼️
Amen to that!!! Go someplace for a few days under a name NOBODY KNOWS. Rest, relax, breathe heal without fear. Gather your strength. Then go to your new home, armed, ready to convince thrm they are not welcome there. IGNORE THEIR WORDS, DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO APPROACH YOU. I fired a shot besude his head , on the second step I shot closer. He yelled I FELT THAT. I said in a calm dead voice 3rd won't miss. He drove over my mailbox leaving but I've never seen him since !!!
Good luck. Hope you are doing well :-)
Hard to do when you want to keep your home for you and your children… 😢
Yes! I made that mistake
I am so happy for you 💗
Narcissists are the enemies of empaths.
Yes they are,being too nice gets u no where ..I once had a neighbour saying your son too nice to people,just cos he helped her do the garden I thought wtf,but I think she was a narc .didn’t realise being nice is bad thing,but it can get u into trouble ..narcs like a victim to bear the brunt of their insecurities and when they feel pissed if they take it out on u..too many of thses scum bags out there.they torture u.
And empaths are the enemy of narcissists. I have heard.
Then again they don't want to mess with an empath.
And when this empath had enough, she became the annihilator of the enemy ⚔️🙃
@@mariekladis2564don't go there, it isn't a war you want.
Don’t go DEEP:
Don’t Defend
Don’t Engag
Don’t Explain
Don’t Personalize
Lol yeh be a dummy great,!
@@CScriptureI know right 😮
Best advice ever and it works great!!!
It was never about you.
I need to carry this with me everywhere I go
I've been a psychotherapist for 20 years. I find Dr.R to be one of the most superior practical therapists.
💖💖💖 Doctor Ramani. Tim Fletcher also has fantastic videos on TH-cam.
Im done with being neglected and now abandoned for the 2nd time. Why.? Because how dare i call out my grown childrens disrespectful behaviors in my house. It doesn't count cause we rent so me im not a man because of paying the bills for 35 yrs that has no count.. so disrespect me cause im not rich. I don't earn enough to be respected thats for rich men. Not men who live right.
That is so amazing and brave. It takes so much strength and courage to do what you did. Stay strong!❤
@@jeffreybarberich5787your right about all this. My daughter is same way. She thinks it's all my fault because I won't support her financially. However she doesn't want to work. She wants someone to take care of her. I just couldn't anymore. She can't come live with me.
@@jeffreybarberich5787 Narcissists hate people who live right. They're jealous of them. You "not being rich" is not the reason for the attacks, it's just a pretence they use to take out their anger at you.
If you were rich they'd use something else for "justifying" their resentments towards you.
Dont engage.. thats the answer right.. if we engage we walk into the narrative.. just go silent and fade away nice and quietly
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers for years to build her platform, and she calls those strangers "narcissists." There is no option to disengage when abusive frauds have 24/7 access to your life and continue abuse for years. It's like saying "disengage when someone is stealing your car.....disengage when a person is raping you," and disengaging is not possible. It's ridiculous Ramani and Lisa force strangers into abusive situations for years. They perpetuate abuse for years. They have benefited from all of their lies for years. However, when their abuse and all of their actions are addressed, they say "covert narcissists play the victim," to gaslight, shift blame, and dismiss their abuse. Now, they say "don't argue or fight with narcissists, go DEEP with narcissists," as another way to shift blame, gaslight, and deny their abuse. When their abuse is addressed, they don't have to acknowledge any of their actions because they say "don't engage," and they continue abuse. They speak about disengaging when they have created and perpetuated the entire situation. They can say "disengage" when they are fully engaged, when they have worked around the clock, 24/7 for years, to create and perpetuate abuse.
Lesson learned ❤! I get it now. Silence or 1 word only. This is hilarious 😆
He was telling me some date 2/28 - I said what date is that? He said date we started our relationship! I said, oh and I LOVED it 😊
Bingo!✨💕
@@1fancychik4God Perfect!👍 💯💅
But sometimes they get crazier & crazier til you do engage... You can feel them winding up tight as clock & ready to ring. ⏰ Sometimes I give him just enough to satisfy him. It all gets so boring, I just pop off on him & drive away to read in my car for awhile. Get back & he's satisfied that he pissed me off & met his quota for now.
Toxic people can fake genuineness
💯💯💯
Yes, but they are terrible at it
Faked genuineness has a smell. ('Has a smell' concept from Jocko Willink)
You must raise your senses, smell, observe and judge critically. Trust your instincts.
@@jamestang96 Learning from experience is key 👍
You can sense fake ness from microexpressions. Or just get the vibe from someone that something feels off. Get this a lot from my narc sister. Being in the same room, zaps me out, a strange heavy feeling. Dementor?
My regret was and always will be not leaving sooner.
Same here. I always say overstayed in my marriage.
Don’t regret dear friend. Don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up for a single thing in life. You left at the right time, who knows if you left him sooner, you might have had a change of heart and returned to him? You left exactly when you were the strongest. ❤
Me too
Me too!
Me too 💜
If someone is being narcissistic toward you and you ignore them, you are not being mean, you're doing the right thing
When I asked the divorce, I was supposed to receive 40k of the house, and my narcissist husband only gave me 25k in payments, and I couldn't get any of the furniture of the house. His excuse was everything of the house was out of his money when we both paid everything with our paychecks! Yeah, he did that to me. We were married for 24 years. It took me by surprise how greedy he was, and I took our youngest child with me, who at that point he was five years old. It's been almost fifteen years, and I chose to attend school, and very soon I will earn my bachelor's degree in psychology!
Wow!! That is so amazing and inspiring to me! I really needed to see your post!❤ This sounds very similar to me- I was in an 11yr narc abusive marriage, left when my child was young. And I, too, am working to finish my degree!
It has been 3 years since we left him and moved in with family hoping for emotional support while getting on our feet. But we are still struggling so much in so many unexpected ways in the aftermath, the resulting damage from years of smear campaigns, and his efforts to sabotage my family relationships while we were married.
What has made the damage last is that there is another narc in my own family circle who has continued the smear campaigns of my ex, tells me I am the cause, and has really enjoyed “wing-clipping” any small progress my daughter and I make along the way-complete with flying monkeys- attempting to cause more isolation for my daughter and I. So, to my sadness, there hasn’t been much family or support just yet, it’s very hard. But your story is very inspiring and you give me hope. ❤
That was my experience out of three very cheap very much for themselves they didn't even care about the kids they seriously only cared about t h e i r ugly ass self and they do turn ugly
Congrats & God bless you 🙏
Good on you, mom! ❤
A narcissist loves money and uses people
they not only don't care, they resent you for wasting their time with YOUR feelings
Bingo!
Correct !!
So true!
Yes!!!!!!
Bro… right?
The Bible says, don't resist an evil person... I didn't get it till now... you don't engage, don't defend, don't explain.. you just say OK and leave it at that! Makes so much sense and I believe it!
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Good point I must admit.
Resist the devil, and he will flee.
Never defend youself as in never defend yourself by arguing. But never hesitate to defend yourself physically if things gets violent.
@delaw2xoxo269 resist the devil and he will flee. Draw near to God and he will draw near (neigh) to you.
You resist the devil (spiritual being) by drawing near to God. This also applies to narcissistic ppl, by drawing near to God (on your own/personal relationship).
But when it comes to people, do not resist or argue with them.
My narcissistic dad just died. Funeral tomorrow. Hospice was a shit show with mom and sister. I've mourned the loss of those 3 relationships for 49 years at this point. Now that my dad has finally left my mom.. I feel free. I never have to return to the family that consistently throws me under the bus because of jealousy and narcissistic behaviors. I'm a healer and empath and I'm starting a new chapter in life... spreading love, encouragement, and inspiration to those that most likely need it most! I hope all of you empaths out there continue spreading your bright light and joy and love for life! Don't let anyone steer you off your course! All empaths need to team up and find each other... help lift each other up! 💞
Father didn’t die but my mum finally got up the courage to divorce him after 36 years - I understand that “free” feeling, and hearing my mum sounding more light hearted, happy and confident, I’m sure she also feels that freedom.
I couldn't agree more this is the conclusion I am coming to as well.
Empath, Bright Light, Love, I encourage you to speak with the heart and soul of your father in the "dream field" the ether, the afterlife, the cosmos, with god, whatever your resonant practice.. because I assure you, he was here to give you lessons to become who you are and had his own great sacrifices and pains. Become his friend, this will be the healing of the light, understand and get to know his pain, and encourage whatever that energy that is or was him, that remains in you, in others, in him.. that it may too, heal, evolve, raise his standards toward the consciousness that we are here to become.
While you are spreading your love, encouragement, and enthusiasm, be sure to give it to yourself first! So many of us empaths who grew up in these toxic environments are so quick to give everything away in life depleting ourselves. Self-care #1!
@@elmtree33this! So true
Wow, she confirms everything Ive learned from living with a narcissist. Dont share personal information with a narc. Its used against you or to hurt you.
It’s “EXHAUSTING “…..they slowly and painfully destroy you, your life, your family, everything…..they suck out your energy, vitality, joy, spirit…PREPARE, WORK , SAVE, LEAVE….
VERY TRUE WORDS!!!!
And learn to meditate to calm your sympathetic nervous system that wants to bring you to fight and express your anger, it's futile! Save your energy to create your new life. Yes, without him. Go to therapy to release abandonment beliefs. Celebrate that you will not abandon you🎉❤.
I@@ilovemytube2010
I'm about to get a second job soon, and save money so I can leave him. I'm very much ready to start my life, on my own terms.
He NEVER asks me, "how was your day?". And yes Im now to the point I dont share stuff, because I know it will be used against me in a court of narc.
😂😂Court of narc!! 😂😂😂😂😅
Please dont misunderstand, not devaluing your statement in anyway, its just so wierdly familiar and truuee.....
I literally just told my partner this but they want you to know about there and give feedback back n stroke there ego n consign what they say and do I’m going quiet very non chalant yes no nod my head I will not dicuss my plans goals nor my children and hell no I’m unable to run errands or link up ima study my ass off yep Ik they gonna be like she wasn’t studying before now she so focus surely am even if I ain’t for them I will be I’m putting myself first as they always did with me
I can totally relate! I tell him nothing anymore, good or bad!
Start a moving out fund. If you can, put it in a trusted person's name with you authorized as a signer so he can't find it. Even if you don't plan on leaving, get it started just in case.
Questioning yourself is the first sign that your with a narcissist. If your constantly questioning yourself your under the gaslighting phase.
Yes. I agree totally. I realized this a long time ago
🤯
When ppl show you who they are 👀 Believe Them ~
old school Mayangalo 😉😎😘
This. I tried to live this too.
BEFORE Her Saying IT ......Was TRUE! She Got IT From Seeing n Hearing Passed Down Generations.
It's Maya Angelou, luv
If you don’t engage with them then they can’t argue with you. They can’t argue with themself. This brings peace, start to plan to leave.
God bless you ❤️ 🙏
Exactly. I went DEEP when I got gaslighted in my previous job, and then I declined to renew the contract.
🏃♂💨💨
Yes ,and they even turn that around like. U,bling oh not talking then nget ina mood about that.lits just the sludge of a relationship u don’t want to clean up anymore..and why should u ,cos whatever u do or say or act will be open for a argument ..who wants to live with a nut case,cos that’s what they are.
"Once you see it, you can't unsee it" Dr. Ramani this is so true!
"Dont personalise.. they would do it to anyone in your position" so interesting.
They will do it to anyone they think will put up with it.
This is one of the reasons they pull this crap on close friends and family. Most people won't discard a member of the family. Friends don't walk away from friendships easily. This could be applied to romantic relationships as well.
I’m not going to lie. This is 10000% easier said than done ! Cause in the moment they are looking at you with a straight face projecting their reality on to you. The one that they firmly believe. Events that happened. How you behaved. When you both were there. You both know the truth but only one of you is being truthful. When they call you names that are so beyond your character. When they lie about things that happened infront of your family.
This was the hardest part of this relationship with me. It’s the lack of truth and the antagonism.
Although it took some time after i asked for a divorce i went no contact and suddenly the noise just stopped.
Its the only way.
I stay away, I stay in safe place, creating safe and comfortable grounds for me to heal, to lick my wounds, to stand and dance on my terms, to sing and love as I will.. AND... I speak with their souls in the dream space -- this has been huge for me. I have reached a couple of them in the heart and soul, because it wasn't their intent to be narcissist, others, I don't know, yes, safe distance, still hope and "seed" solutions for them, they are like addicts, addicted to this way, getting their "hits" from the energy of others, rather than realizing they can make their own.
Anxiety stopped too I bet
OMG ... Dr. Ramani is describing my 29 year marriage to a T. He said he wanted to leave, was shocked I expected half of our assets, and then decided he would stay. I told him we'll have to just be roommates because I'm NEVER sleeping with him again. He has lied, cheated, given me an STI, and completely dismissed everything I've done for him and our children. Thanks to Dr. Ramani, I don't expect him to EVER change. I can't leave yet, but one day I will. ❤️
Ouch. Pinch me tight.
There's no amount of $$ worth your piece of mind and safety. I'd pay twice what family court cost me if I could go back in time and give him the money to leave me alone.
Stay strong. 💪
OMG....take care of yourself.
That is VERY scary- and I have been there! My ex is a malignant narcissist, and those last 6 months living in the same house with him (before I was able to leave safely with my child), were truly a nightmare. I constantly feared for the safety of myself and my child-every moment… Meaning, I rarely slept at all during those final months… even when my child and I slept in a separate room down the hall from him every night during that time. Some of the most terrifying moments of my life.
Get out a soon as you can.🙏❤️
You can't ask ANYTHING of a narcissist. Either you get a muted response or a tantrum. If you're lucky, asking a couple of times might get you the result you want, which is likely very reasonable. They're insufferable and can't be trusted. All about them all the time and it's completely exhausting.
What a sad existence.
This is so true. This is why my narc left. We only texted so whenever he blamed me for something, I just tell him to scroll up. Whenever he wanted to know my day, I kept it vague. And whenever he hinted some kind interest for my info, I just wait till he asked. Then he left and said, "I dont understand you." And ghosted me. It wasn't until months later I realized that he was really saying was, "I cant manipulate you to get what I want so I'm leaving." Best day of my life. ❤
I also reverted to “text fighting” because my words cannot be used to create word salad. If they dwell on something besides the point, I would just reply myself and say “no, this is what I’m feeling”, or “no, that’s not what I said”.
The stonewalling happens very soon after I stand my ground 😂😅 peace
It's so sad that we have to be THIS strategic to have "normal" conversations with someone so toxic. I miss feeling curious and safe in a pursuit. -sigh- one day ❤
They will NEVER change. It took me the best part of 18 years to realise this. I cant leave yet but i will. Its a life of misery and madness to be married/live with a narcissist.
I left.
15 years. No kids thank goodness.
Silently
two years ago. I sofa surf among family and work two jobs . I don't mind sleeping in my car either. I do what I must.
I'm tired
but I'm free and content now.
I don't have much except my freedom and my mental health.
It's an upgrade!
It's enough for now.i wish you the best. Be brave and very silent. Just go if you can!
Leave as soon as you can, they will drain the life out of you and won't be sorry, I don't know what is going to happen to my two boys and I, after divorce but it's better than staying with someone that makes you feel like wasted space and a piece of trash. That's how my ex husband made me feel for no reason. I know no one will believe me but he seriously did
Yes it is, I was with narc ex husband for 37 years… a lot of the time I was gaslit into believing a lot of the arguments/fights etc. were my fault!! If you try and defend yourself they say you’re mad, they mix you up, start with word salad, cuss things up that happened years ago… turn everything around and blame you. They are cruel, nasty people with no concerns for anyone but themselves.
Arguing with a narcissist, you are only adding more fuel to the fire. You will only end up feeling drained trying to reason with someone who thrives on drama. Your mental health and energy is more important than wasting your time on these energy vampires. Focus on what truly matters to you while they revel in their own chaos.
They'll end up turning things around and blame you of what you accuse of them of.
@@jzen1455That is true. They’ll make you apologize for something you didn’t do wrong.
I did find taking a stand with a colleague meant she shut up hassling me so much. However, she's by nature deeply manipulative, so I'm minimising contact & hoping she just doesn't find me satisfying to hassle so much anymore!
Let them revel in their own chaos . That's a good saying
@@jzen1455this happened to me yesterday :'( Mom blamed me for being like my dad although I never met my dad:/ I pushed back while standing up for myself and I really didn't like raising my voice and getting angry in the process. It's like I forget to not engage and it usually doesn't end well:(
Honestly, you must leave and dont look back. You cant win.
A narcissist doesnt love.
Cant give or receive it.
Life is short.
My plan 17 yrs in the making, my smallest kid will be 18 yrs old next yr, as I became stronger emotionally and mentally, I got the chance to draw most boundaries. I never understood that yr peace of mind and well being is greatest gift, and loosing a property or material stuff is nothing compared to freedom
So happy for you
Im so happy that these demonse are being exposed!!!!!!
Thanks Dr Ramani!!
Hello , me too. The more I hear The more I want hear from Those Monsters , They being Moving around Hurting and Taking Advantage of good Human beings and No Consequences ! Some use The word Karma , what I think What way to live !
There U have , That you Karma .
I actually saw one that looked like my narcissist mom who was a demon and I pray the "Our Father" to remove that vision from my sight.
Same, only they’re not demons because demon = intelligent beings
Dr Ramani has great advice n all that she’s saying is so True!!! ‘They want to dominate, not understand’
I completely agree with you. So true.
Ramani has preyed on strangers, violated, exploited, targeted, defamed, stalked, and enslaved strangers to build her platform for years, and she calls those *strangers* "narcissists." Ramani projected who she is and described herself by saying "narcissists want to dominate and not understand." She has enslaved strangers for years. She has thrived on abuse for years, has thrived on enslavement, has built her platform stalking strangers 24/7 for years, and has told perpetual lies about strangers she doesn't know on her public platform for years. She has dominated, and she never had to understand, never had to ask those strangers one question to try to understand anything. She has told endless lies to dominate, over years, and her platform is built on lies. It's so ridiculous people claim she's telling the truth when she's literally describing who she is, especially when her actions never mattered. None of this matters
@@patricehoward9831 stop with your copy and paste comments on all the videos
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
I need God best therapist I. My life now I don’t have the money to pay but I got insurance
My narcissistic son said to me: "Mom, you've gotten selfish in your old age."
And I said, "Yes, I have. Isn't it wonderful?"
He was dumbstruck.
I have lived with a narcissist for 36 years! I just started listening to you Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
I was with mine 47 yrs, im out two yrs now, wish I'd left yrs ago. I was so afraid.
@😢bridgetwalker5249
@@bridgetwalker5249just be careful ur don’t meet another one off she’s rejects ,sounds like there a lot of them out there .
The only winning move is not to play
When I didn't engage, he became irate. So you could never win with a narcissist
He gets irate to try and get you into your old pattern of engaging and escalating. That is when you have to hold the line even more. And then you might have to do this pattern over and over again for a while.
And you never will.
Yeah when I don’t respond to his texts, he goes insane. But he can ignore me for days.
Omg! When you talk about being callus I went through that for 55 years…my husband never gave a damn and I knew that!!!!!!! It’s the most horrible feeling in the world. I was sick all my life but it was because of living with a Narcissist! Had I got out I maybe would have healed. Today I am still here but I have watched a lot of videos and I am my own person and avoid him and do not react. I learned to be alone. I spent my whole marriage alone. This session helped me to see that there are people who understand. ❤
I am going through the same thing. There were red flags. I am in a 8 year marriage. I am 69 yrs and he is 77. He was married 3 times before we got married. Red flags I have missed, with deep regret. I listen to this program.
There are people who understand, and there are also people who help people like us reclaim ourselves. I'm one of those people, I'm developing a podcast, and am in groups that support me to be me. I need that, after, 54 years of narcissistic abuse...
Why did you stay 55 years🙈
I understand completely. And, I am so happy you’ve made space for yourself. Make sure you find love too. Love with good friends, family… anyone. Make sure you have someone great who cares for you. Keep your smile strong ❤
The only way to take control from a narcissist is to get yourself from their domain first. You wont be able to figure out anything until and unless you are out of the hellish world. I will tell you one of my favourite stories. Once a King was too disturbed by everything that was happening around him. He felt as if no one was loyal to him and he was always afraid of his kingdom being attacked by perpetrators. He lost his sleep and his life had become hell. So he thought of taking a brief sojourn in the countryside. He passed through lush green fields and picturesque landscapes. The silent breeze that brushed through his hair filled his heart with joy. That is when he saw a farmer who was putting fence around his farmland. But his farmland had weeds all over and they hardly had any crops. This intrigued the King. He asked the farmer as to why was he putting a fence around the farm when the farm itself was covered with weeds. To this the farmer said that the farm was his own so he could get rid of the weeds whenever he liked. But he cant stop the stray dogs from running over his fields and destroying them. That is why he was putting the fence. To stop the stray dogs from venturing into the field. Once he was very assured about the security of his fields he can work on clearing the weeds and planting crops. On hearing this the King somewhat got the answer which he had been searching for. The human mind is also like the field. You cant control assholes from fiddling with your mind or saying bullshit. But you can definitely put a fence ( figuratively) so that these assholes cant influence you. And until and unless you dont put a fence you can never work on yourself. Once you have distanced yourself from toxic people then you can work on the healing process. Same is the case with narcs. Narcs are these stray dogs who suck your energy emotionally. They play mind games for fun because their mind wants melodrama. They hurt the very people who love them. So total isolation from these narcs is absolutely essential for the well being of your Mind. Once you are out of their mind games you can take decisions rationally. Narcs try to drain you emotionally. So everytime you respond to their low vibrations you tend to come to their level. But when you react confidently without panicking and without responding to their negative vibrations that is when you Win. When someone realises that you arent being influenced or being manipulated by their actions they will get tired of it. And after cutting them off completely from your lives you should work on your healing process. Work on clearing your mental clutter and keep yourself preoccupied. Read books and most importantly try to find your Purpose in life. When you find your Purpose you will be able to bear any pain in this World. Most importantly help others in need. When you find someone else who is stuck with a narc help them to get out of that. I feel this is the way to take control from a narcissist. P.S: I hardly find people around me who know about emotional abuse. But I think everyone should read and know about it. In today’s mean world you will find a lot of people who try to influence you or demoralise you using the sweetest of words. Its about identifying these covert manipulators and distancing yourself from them. I have immense respect for people who have survived narcissistic partners. They happen to be the most strongheaded and emotionally stable people you can come across. I learn a lot of things from them. Truly the broken will always be the most beautiful. What ever you do, don’t attempt to tail your spouse in the hopes of catching him or her cheating. Get a professional to do it for you Metaspyhub@gmail. com Ethical remote App - particularly if you need this evidence to file for divorce and damages.
I loved reading this❤️
I absolutely enjoyed reading your message ❤
Beautifully written and truthfully accurate ~ Abundant Blessings 🕊️💕
Beautifully written and I love the analogy of the farmer and stray dogs.
I have survived 2 narcissistic relationships, the last one being a covert narcissist.
The story of the king...was really so good. Thank you.
Is there on google a search for this story?
I would like to print it out.
Your explanation is gold.
But not easy. It takes long to get there.
I am tired, so i try to avoid all people alltogether...
Stray dogs are the best.
They know what real friendship is and behave in a way, where you feel for the first time real genuine companionship and genuine friendship for life. They know how to love.
Stray dogs...i would not make a fence against them. Ever.❤
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Sadly, this made me giggle
@@UrsulaZA Yes part of me wants to laugh at these situations sometimes, despite the horror.
100% correct… they do.
🎯💯👍
It's funny to read other people saying this phrase, bc I used it for years to describe an apparent BPD person's behavior until they passed. I guess I'm nit the only one who used that quote! 😅
It's so exhausting ALWAYS being on guard with a familial narcissist. I have been no contact. I'm done and my life if better for it!
Same! There’s no point in maintaining contact with someone who you can’t be real with and who will send the rest of the family after you if you upset them! I can only exist as a shell of a person when I’m around them.
I love this! I have spent 16 years with this madness. I keep my peace by keeping my distance. I feel so much better now. Ear plugs and loud music has been a life saver. You cannot confide in these people!
Is it a spouse or family member!? I'm just curious what makes you stay.
Totally get you been using my AirPods and loud music to cope with many things as a wife and mother feeling this way with my husband and his family 🙄🫠🥹🥲😔. Music has been my outlet and TikTok as well .
@@YadiraEspitiaVelazco87 , listening to positive people like Les Brown. I found out about Lisa on @TrentShelton podcast. She is amazing! Now this PhD is bringing the full picture in clear view!
I too cannot confide, he tells his adult kids everything that is my personal private business. Disappointing. It's been 9 years, still does it.
@@joyceadamothralls4858 , they can’t help themselves. It is their pathology. When I did it back, it was so pathetic to see how weak and small they are. Not worth it because I was acting like the very thing I despise. It didn’t make me feel better.
The deposition is a great analogy. I’ve described it as, “ Anything you say, don’t say-do or don’t do-real or imagined-can and will be used against you forever.”
Yup. The strategy is to PROTECT YOUR ENERGY.
The energy thing so true. Body and mind can wreck your day. ❤
I am seeing a counsellor because I needed help to manage the problems in my marriage. He is now saying I'm seeing a counsellor because I have "personality disorder, or psychotic "
I resorted to being silent, and now he is accusing me of abusing him because I'm giving him the silent treatment. I've learned that when I tried to explain myself or defend myself, he would call me angry or aggressive or abusive.
He has a tendency to taunting me. Saying hurtful things about my late mother. And when I reacted, he would call me psychotic
Sorry this is happening to you. Is leaving an option?
Number 1. rule..when he opens his mouth to say something....WALK AWAY. 2. No eye contact..at all. Keep your own thoughts to yourself.
After the cheating and having my Heart torn out..I stopped TRYING.I HATE my husband, can't stand to be in the same room...and this has been going for 25 yrs. So stop talking, eye contact...It's hard to live like this..if you can leave..leave...I can't at the moment..so I've gone on my own way of enjoying my life because my husband hates anything I do.and now it's fine because now I have REAL things that I fill my life with now.....and leave that asshole sitting in a chair talking to himself...I treat him like a roommate that you don't need to engage with..he's nothing!
@janpressler1491 I just left and have sense of relief. Peaceful mornings. I enjoy my peace and quiet. I hope you can start planning on getting out. If you unable to leave keep your friends and family close. Do not isolate yourself
I'm sorry
I had a similar problem. Don’t tell him anything at all about how you feel or any vulnerability you have. It’s probably ptsd if anything which is probably from him in the first place
"He would be 100% OK with you being homeless" made me cry. I know that from my mom and as a daughter 😪 Thank you Dr. Ramani, you're a TREASURE to all survivors.
They show you who they are. BELIEVE THEM!!
For Narcissists it’s about “Lesson Teaching” and proving they’re right about you and everything. They have no qualms about destroying your life to teach you “lessons” and prove they’re the true victim. STAY AWAY NO EXCEPTIONS
Literally my life.
After 42 years I disengaged, grey rocked and didn’t succumb to the victim mode. They didn’t leave, the escalated to suicide threats which was their go-to when I had tried before. I ended up calling the police to help him but it was me who HAD to leave before I was lost.
Those suicide threats are horrific! My narcissistic mother frequently did that to me as a teenager…💔💔💔 I was too young to figure out how to deal with it so first I ran away. She wanted an apology FROM ME when I returned. After another one of her dramas where she was going to “kill herself because she hated me”, I took an overdose of an antibiotic 🤭 then called someone to take me to the emergency room where they had to call home for consent. I drank syrup of epicac, vomited 🤮 the contents & listened to a nurse ADMONISH ME. Mother appeared in a kerchief & dark sunglasses & gave me the silent treatment for at least a month. It’s all about their IMAGE on the outside but behind closed doors… Wish I had known/thought of calling the police for her suicidal threats!!! At least the information is available now… back then I’d probably be the one locked up! I’m 70+ now so times have changed.
@user-ly8ft2wb1c you're right- times have changed- back in the early '70s when I first tried to leave my abusive parents, they got the police & I got the option of a home for bad children or go home to the devil I knew. There were no school counsellors or social services that would or could help - it was all: "good parents bad kids".
@@elipotter369 - at least we’ve evolved to a certain degree but our childhood was horrible.
@@user-ly8ft2wb1c you're right. I've had a lot of counselling and it seems a long long time ago down the road I've travelled. I hope you have some nice and lovely things and activities to enjoy now.
Wow MY NARC husband did the same thing! He told me that he would kill himself if I didn’t come back I honestly felt like he were. He hung up in my face . I kept calling him back. I got no answer. So I ended up calling police. Eventually he ended up calling me back angry that I had the police come to the house 🤦🏾♀️
It is a spirit that is operating in these people. Much deeper than we think.
I agree after experiencing this behavior of a narcissistic from my x wife I truly believe that there was a evil spirit that had to be controlling her actions.
@@troybrown4147 nah its just them. Regular people just being pure assholes
It's the way they were raised. It affected them in a way that developed this horrid personality.
@@troybrown4147Do not make excuses for narc poor choices to choose the Devil ways
The self is broken and with it went its humanity.... that left a void which filled up with something we don't quite understand. It is more a "not-being" than a spirit, a void (of light? of the odem? of the godly spark?) but yes, it does have a quality of its own. It's a quality of lack, of something missing, of resentment. .
It is what makes us feel we are dealing with a black hole that sucks in everything and gives nothing back.
At minute 53. Wow. Before he left, my ex husband threatened to put me out on the street with a divorce. He said this in front of our 3 children, too. Who says that? Who goes from saying they wanted to fix our marriage and a few weeks later threatens you that way? So glad I'm out of that.
As long as you have the kids in common to care for YOU are vulnerable to abuse. Expect to face continued challenges even escalating actions. BE SAFE.
I was separating from my ex and he said he still loved me and called me a peace of shit in the same breath. It's so screwed
Don’t Defend, Don’t Engage, Don’t Explain and finally Don’t Personalize.
Period
Ignore a Narcissist.....
Hi Sue, how's your day going with you?
I naturally have low blood pressure and my blood pressure will go so high and I feel hot and feel dizzy.
The heart beating in your ears and it feels as though your throat has started swelling?
Yes
❤i used to get this all the time. Heartbeat in the ears and dizzy. I had ko ifea that was from high blood pressure. I had it all the time. Thank God Im still here.
I argued yesterday. I felt terrible. I had gone a month without engaging then I slipped up. He disrespected me and threw daggers.
A whole month! Good for you! You're learning & getting stronger.
I just nod and smile, nod and smile, than when insulted I I smile real BIG and say "I love you" in a very gentle creepy calm voice, one it creeps them out and two how can they turn that around without looking like a jerk 😂 especially when in public, be the calm one, the nice one, the one who never steps out of line, become above reproach, establish a good reputation and let the narc go off in public lose his temper in public and that's how ya expose the narcissist, what scares them is calm, what scares them is the uncertainty, what scares a narcissist is that you could be more dangerous underneath the calm like a psychopath, become calm, quiet and uncaring, become cold and fake nice, they notice it freaks them out
Same here.
@@randideelancaster9904IT Also Depends On Which Nut You Dealing With. SOME You Can't Tease Will Think You Dissing Them. Creativity Has Saved Plenty From Savage Rapist/ Killers. Know WHEN To Fight, Flight Or Chill In Whatever.
@@randideelancaster9904💯
Thank you ladies I’m in tears at work just used my last to do an apt app and starting over is scary already say a prayer for me all the stories in this comment area gave me hope he literally makes my hands shake
❤
It is only Fear F=Face E=everything A=and R= Recover This is my motto to move on. Better place, I will always stand by this. Praying for all leaving. It is scary.
Be very CAREFUL about what you do and how you do it. Some narcissists will do almost anything to keep their convenient supply. It’s the most dangerous time to better your life. I’m saying Dangerous for a reason.
@@valleygirl2530 I made it out 🤞🏾 I’m staying with family until my money is saved we have a child so we talk but I’m solid and working through the pain of it all still in shock and it was getting aggressive slammed doors and screaming I truly believe I left right in time. Thank you so much
Stay strong, it will get better🙏🏻
You're just not taking the bait anymore ~ you're grounded
You're tapping out 😉😎
I can't ever watch Doctor Ramani's videos enough. Tim Fletcher has fantastic videos on TH-cam too.
He breaks down shame, complex trauma, codependency, narcissism, inner critic and much more. They are both great at what they teach💖
Second!
Tactics never work. The narc talks over and makes a ‘word salad’ to distract and confuse you and take you off topic.
Word salad is a really good analogy! 😆 Oh boy those are really frustrating:/ Like there's no logic to most convos with them either.
If you get sick, you’ll get told you’re being lazy and to get up and contribute to the house/family because you’re using them “as a slave”
People think they will put the narc in their place. THEY DONT CARE - is right. Explaining, telling them off is like talking to a wall ..
Ignoring them completely, is the only "NO" they understand.
+1 talking to a wall and having that wall deflect blame back 😅 I don't know why I forgot yesterday and engaged:/
I finally got that,you can not defend yourself,do not engage!!!!!
Excellent dr. Ramani! You’re explaining my mother. I’m so sorry I was raised by this human. It took me 45 years to realize it was her all along. She will answer one day to God for everything she’s done to me.
I literally learned that today. Don’t give them too much . I told her so much about my bad day at work and she didn’t care. I’m done confiding
You know I always thought it was weird that he’d call me several times throughout the work day and immediately start talking about whatever it was HE was doing, working on, whatever. Never ever just says Hello first or anything like it. Just immediately talking non stop about himself, his work day etc.,,
Dr Ramani - without you , I would have remain lost and broke forever. Thanks for being my guiding light..❤
Why would we be in that relationship in the first place? So RUN AND NEVER RETURN
Mine just blackmails me. He wont move out.
I was born into it 😅 We can choose to run and never look back. I'm working through some emotions and finances before I can move >
I am currently involved in a political campaign where I have been targeted by 2 lower level members of the campaign. I volunteer. They are paid. These men, in the past targeted me, separately.
A few days ago they targeted me in front of many people. This time they ganged up on me.
When they tried to gaslight me while yelling at me, I just looked them in the eye and said, "Your yelling at me, and behavior is not only unacceptable to me, but I feel disrespected."
Apparently someone told the candidate who later, in a very diplomatic fashion called them out, in front of me, for losing their cool, and not setting an example. The candidate didn't mention me, but it was obvious to everyone.
The next day, when one of them started to raise his voice to me, he stopped himself and said "You shouldn't be offended by what I say."
I just looked at him, and didn't verbally respond.
To me they are bullies.
She is absolutely right. When you walk around being someone's narcissistic chew toy for years like I have, then you need to equip yourself or absolutely lose yourself.
Don't engage. I don't stand up for myself. Because that's what he wants, I'll be the one starting the fight. He probably believes he has gained a little bit of control back, too. But if i was to say "that's not true." The 💩 would hit the fan and I would get the blame for starting a fight. Sometimes, it's a endless battle and you can't win... It's been about 20 years now. My biggest defense or backup thru this all has been TIME. Narcissist are charming & convincing, with WORDS. Not ACTIONS. People Believe the narcissist at first. Over time, people see the truth. Patience, is your best friend!
I remember my late father saying to my mother : you have no heart, and calling her crazy, and Saint Claudette when he was mad at her. That meant he knew what she is. I just wrote her an email telling her I know who she is. She is doing another smear campaign on me. I have cut her out of my life since July 2023, I am in that emotional transition now. God is helping me go through this. Hearing Dr Ramani explaining what narcissistic people are at core is too. God bless all the people who had a to deal with people like that. We are survivors! We are strong 💪!
i never knew my husband was a narcissist, because i didn’t know what a narcissist was. three years after i caught him cheating i finally figured it out. don’t engage, but understand they will find someone who will-whether you are married or not. marriage means nothing to them just like everything else.
The only winnable fight is not with the narc themselves, but by convincing the people around them. My narc 80 year old mom had a kindhearted neighbour, and the neighbour was terrorized by my mom. At first, my mom triangulated us nicely, with me paying extra visits to my mom where I apologized to the neighbor for my mom's behavior.
Then I saw that got us nowhere and I started telling the neighbor that the best thing she could do for herself, my mom, and me, was calling the police every time my mom made a ruckus. That put costs on my mom's behavior for the first time, and her behavior improved.
Absolutely they leave .because you just disengage and they are exposed. They cannot tolerate that. I live with a 100% narcissist. The insanity is off the charts. And Dr. RAMANI nails these people everytime. Im anazed at how right she is everytime.
I did the don't go deep method and learn to grey rock. Now without me holding up the relationship emotionally, It revealed a great void on his end of seeming to be almost inept at connection/empathy.
Currently experiencing this
He would scream “Why won’t you talk to me!” I would say ok, sure. Then he just stares blankly and goes on repeat,
I am so glad Tracy is talking about how women are our own worst enemies. I have found this to be true for so much of my life. I was quite literally a child of the 60's and a teenager of the 70's. Sooo by the time I entered young adulthood I had no choice but to enter into the workforce and was met with resentment from every direction. The Air Force men hated me for "taking a man's job" and their wives all assumed I was a whore because I worked with their husbands .. who were not only trying to sabotage my career but also trying to treat themselves to me and my precious time.. huh. I never dated those idiots and frankly always figured if the wives knew half the stuff I did, they wouldn't want those men either. (I used to just listen to them talking at work). In civilian work life every time I ended up working with women they ganged up on me and did the most atrocious things... I've changed jobs many times. I've never understood why women are so hateful to one another. I'm 65 now and still don't see how the burning of bra's by women in the 60s ever helped me. They took away my opportunity to ever really have my idea of a marriage because everyone, men AND women were so confused after that era, nobody could figure out where we stood or what we should be doing. The entire aftermath of the 60s left everyone discombobulated.
I'm sorry you went through that. Same happened to me at so many corporate jobs... You have a good point re: feminist movement. Battle of the sexes is at an all time high right now. I also blame the feminist movement & don't feel it benefited me either bc I'm a nurturer & am happy being home raising my children. Praying you find your peace & happiness.
Who could guess, bra burners wouldn't turn out supportive?
I too am a Veteran from the late 80s. I was the first female mechanic in a bunch of guys and 80% of them were so mean I had to grow a really thick skin and work twice as hard to have any respect at all. They told my Squad Leader they didn't want me before I arrived. It was brutal. Then afterward my bully ex broke my trust by bulldozing and not letting me be in a safe relationship. He would rather literally endanger my life than not feel like he won every battle he instigated. That's when I began planning my exit - when I could have died because of his anger and he didn't care.
Since it's still a man's world, women in the workforce fight each other like Alpha crabs in a trap for the promotions I never wanted. Dang if you do and dang if you don't politic and climb the ladder. You get eaten either way!
Most single men only want one thing, and now they use Fem as their excuse for doing what they always HAVE done anyway - use women in a temporary relationship! I don't play that game. I just work really hard at what I'm good at and hang with close friends. I'd like a spouse, but it seems almost impossible to find a healthy, safe, loving relationship in this new world.
I'm old school and too intelligent to keep tolerating the same cycles of abuse. That combo of smart and still conservative seems practically criminal these days, so I quit looking. I don't want "women's independence" but it was forced on me by this disposable Lib culture. Even good men complain about our culture, but then pick only the fake women. Men who want wives can always rob the cradle too, so I truly feel your loss.
Ty for this. I started doing this when he started blaming me for how i was being mistreated at work and i stopped telling him real time truths. I just kept it vague and boring and eventually he got bored of me and discard me. So glad my plan worked. 11 months and counting of no contact! Hurrah to me! ❤
'giving up on a love story' hit so hard for me. Could not be truer words.
You are so right. When I’m on the phone with her she’ll say ‘tell me something about yourself now, I’m tired of talking’… so i start a story which she interrupts within a couple of sentences and takes over. Now I’m on the phone w her going on and on, periodically asking ‘you still there?’ And then continuing on. This is so comical and predictable that it happens every time. So now if i have to talk to her I’ll just say ‘I don’t have any stories’.
She has adhd
My friend got like this when was manic on antidepressants.
@@user-cd4bn9tg2e Narcissism can look like ADHD. Narcissists have selective ADHD where they can focus if it's about them but otherwise lose interest.
My ex-husband did his best for years to force me to live in a cardboard box after our divorce. He has passed away, now, but his adult sons followed very well in his footsteps. He taught them well about how I, their mother, should be treated. He thought I deserved nothing in life, that was the example he enacted throughout our entire marriage. Therefore, his adult sons have followed suit. Radical acceptance is the way I deal with this. Some things cannot be changed.
Sending love your way.. none absolutely none deserves to be treated like they don't matter..infact we should look within ourselves, know what we want, then it should reflect on how we engage others. Respect and of high value.
I'm sorry you went through all of this. Nurture friendships and other people in your life that make you feel good and safe 💛
Sending virtual hugs 🫂
Have you seen the southern lady on TickTock that pretends to speak to him at his funeral? DAUUMMM. If you find it funny, you’re welcome. If it upsets you, I’m sorry for my dark humor,
54:00 - 100%. Apathy is worse than anger, malice, etc. It's hellish when you grow up with both, then attract mostly careless people. It's painful - really actually scary.
I made the huge mistake of defending myself and now I am the bad guy. They even said to me, "People are going to think I can't control you".
I made the mistake of standing up for myself yesterday too >< And I feel awful afterwards... Today I said to myself I feel like a horrible person.
That person who had been gaslighting me for yrs had always been egging me to engage more so "people would respect me" more despite so many times that NOTHING WILL CHANGE. He is forcing me to be like him who always want to fight with people. Until finally I accepted that he is part of the problem, if not, THE problem. Finally find the courage to cut tie with that family-member but only over a month, I've turned so many tables in my life. Without him who was secretly sabotaging my plans, it's just moving so smoothly with my hard work. Tho it's still a long journey to get back on my feet, it's a lot more peaceful.
Sounds wonderful- hope it keeps getting better for you.
My ex was so manipulative and at the time I just didn't see it - I was so naive I thought we were on the same team.
Once you share your needs,its over!
"We're having different experiences." PERFECT!
My narc brother has a dangerous temper. Anytime he pushes me, thus leading me to explain my feelings and get my point across, it triggers him to verbally torture me. "I have a problem. I need help. I'm naive. I'm wrong." Those are things he shoves in my face. It's NEVER his fault. He loves to make me cry.
It's a dangerous game we play. I feel physically sick when my brother tries to push my buttons just to get under my skin.
When our parents are gone, he's out of my life.
Don’t put up,with that..just go..could be years ur stuck around with him .
That “moment” will indeed show. That moment might be different for everyone…
Yes… yes it will.
10 yrs ago I met a “cool, calm, ‘successful’ guy. I thought I met my prince charming(he was very charming, attentive, always want to do what I like etc) love bomb 💣 left and right) All sudden like a train crash, he got controlling, passive aggressive, jealous, gaslighting. I was extremely confused, self blame, found of myself having to explain everything. When I got sick I felt bad and a burden. Physically I was getting sick and constantly 2nd guess myself 🤦🏻♀️. “ I had to leave the system “ is spot on.
“nothing I do here is going to make a difference” I too exhausted all possibilities. I was heartbroken but he was a wolf 🐺 in 🐑 clothing.
Thank you ladies !!!! ❤❤
I’ve started binging these. My divorce went through 2 years ago, but I’m still recovering. We were married for almost 25 years, and I lost my home, my financial security, and my friends. He’s so charming in public, they decided I was selfish. I had to do it, though. It was like a 25 year vortex of confusion, uncertainty, isolation, anxiety, and depression. I still have massive problems with anxiety and depression, but I can hang a picture on the wall and I don’t have to worry about whether or not it’s in the perfect place or not. I don’t have IBS anymore. My whole body started breaking down, but I had no idea it was abusive for over 2 decades. This is all so validating! Thank you so much for doing this work!
Glad you got away❤ ❤❤❤
The hypervigilance and the lack of trust in people, and selfdoubt, is something really hard to carry as an adult when you grew up with a narcisistic parent. Unpredictability is a source of power for them and really messes you up growing up walking on eggshelds to avoid sudden reactivity out of the blue. Then, years later, body reacts much faster than the mind does and tons hard emotions can hit in within less than a second for any reason
Omg… the coffee cup. That is the exact feeling. “Oh, I love this cup. This cup is so great. What a great cup.” This is exactly what happened to me when I got pregnant. Literally left me for the entire 9 months, never helped, never paid a dime, laughed when I called crying after working 17 hour days to pay for everything, and then tried to come back because he wants a “family”.
I just walk away and ignore them. I don't speak or engage more than necessarily. They are just toxic waste. (If you stay too close you get sick.) I'm not scared of them, only disgusted.
My: narc wouldn’t let let u walk away ,it incensed them.
Yes yes yes ~ disengage by keeping your distance in a delicate balance of showing enough interest to keep them inflated enough to leave you alone.
Once you're wise to their antics playing along to get along keeps you out of the ring so to speak.
Well said!!
This right here. Play chess ♟️
My ex LITERALLY lost his job and threatened to come after me for money (he waited until I was able to get a 'good' job) so he wouldn't have to give me spousal support. He was out of work for a while and had to start at the bottom again, all to not let me have any of 'his' money. They are CRAZY.
Th father of my children, and my husband, threatened to burn the house down if I went after it in the divorce even if that meant his children had no place to live in. He wouldn't pay child support for his 2 children. Never because it would mean giving me money. So I built my career and when I could support my children without child support, I left him. He never took his children for weekends. He saw them at dinners at his parents. He chatted with them but it was a superficial relationship. He eventually passed away from cancer. He said he had his funeral arrangements taken care of and a 250k life insurance policy for his children. There were no funeral arrangements made and the insurance was 50k. There was a small policy at a bank and my children sold his suv for a good sum. The house we bought for 95k was mortgaged for 199k and in foreclosure when he died. It was truly disgusting but not surprising. He had all addictions except sexual. He thought of no one but himself.
Dr. Ramani is the very best of the best!! So easy to understand! Lisa Bilyeu is also the best interviewer ever because she LISTENS! No contact interruptions !! She models how we can get the most of what Dr. Ramani is sharing. Too many hosts feel they have to show their worth too. Lisa is demonstrating her worth by respecting all of Dr. Ramani’s worth. Love, love, love this duo!
Dr. RAMANI,
Thanks. I have been married for 56 years and this broadcast has "opened my eyes" betrayal isn't always sexual.
In my case it was my values and what I believe in
God bless you ❤️ 🙏
He didnt discard me because I wasn’t functional or broken.. it was because I became so good at hiding my emotions and unmasked him. I guess he had to get supply from elsewhere.
Kinda the same for me. I was waiting for him to do the discard or to let it seem that way, but I had closed my heart and moved forward when he sent me the lousy text, hahaha. I haven't replied since. Totally radio silence. I will never look back.
I discarded,I set the stage implemented the day 1-1-24.
After 24 yrs relapse/recovery his last relapse metabolic steroids gym adoration porn social media.
He was pretty busy……. Never saw it coming. Happy New Year
I never looked back our lives are worth so much more. I’m 73 & fearless 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻
I discarded him as knew he was a DV covert narcissist and had tapped out many weeks before I finally told him to we were done. Lies, gaslighting, mind fks, deflection, projection, anger issues etc. sad to see it play out but after 3months I was done and told him it was over. Peace
Even though we were just friends. When I took my power back and left... The grief still hurts so bad. I felt like they did die. I did feel like I put them in the ground 6 feet under.
That’s what we need to do to people who make us feel that we are not worthy of the dust under their feet.
I can relate. We're way too empathetic for our own good. Even when we leave for our own sake, we still feel bad about hurting them.
@@christelleny omg in going through this right now... awake watching this video because of it
He agreed to stay in the home for the younger kids but separate bedrooms for us.
But I have to organise everything.. ordered the bed , put it together... I want to decorate the room in his style but older kids say don't bother... he wanted to go so let him do it himself.
They have a point. .. I think its just me so caring too much... being a bit of a fool maybe
@@jenster29 I wouldn't bother. I also started this way. He had a new supply within weeks and left. They'll never put the kids first.
@@christellenywow..a few weeks.
I guess I could see him leaving soon anyway .. his agreeing to stay was a very 'hero of the day' scene.
Yeah OK I won't bother... cheers for the advice. 😉
1:15:33 My now ex narcissist said then, not to start my own channel. He was very jealous and knew it would take time and attention away from him… I’ve been wanting to do and planning for this for years. He said it’s a dumb idea (dumb or not, I just hit 41k total views). You Lisa ❤️ and guests like Dr. R. have not only empowered me to grow and heal after a tumultuous break up, but have likely saved my life. Maybe others here as well. You’re helping me silence the negative voice installed by my ex and giving me a megaphone for my tiny voice of positive affirmations. Doing well in your own life is the BEST REVENGE!!
It is unbelievable how someone can have so much power over another person. It is a form of slavery! I enjoy this interview so much! I love that Lisa allows her guests to explain their responses to the questions without interruptions! She is the best listener ever! ❤