The day I realised I could choose not to have a child as an actual option for my life was one of the happiest and most significant days of my life. I told my husband the same day and literally within a few hours we had both decided that we were 95% certain we would not choose to have a child. All of that within a few hours. That choice solidified within the next few years.
The stories where one person is childfree and the spouse just happens to be 100% on board are so inspiring. It seems like most men want to treat a female partner as an incubator whether they actually like kids or not. For a “legacy”
“If you like your life now you won’t like having a kid” - I don’t absolutely love my life but I value my quiet time, just chilling with my cats, doing what I want. I’ll stay childfree
This needs to go viral! Common sense says having children is an OPT IN. It’s alarming how few people think their future offspring’s life allllll the way through to their death. You’ve set in motion a whole adult life! It’s not just a cute baby forever, and I feel like that’s why some people have baby after baby - they’re not interested in raising a human, they just want to “have a baby”.
Absolutely. I had a talk with one CF lady, she was 43 by that time. She's from extremely poor family, her mother had 6 or 7 kids (can't remember exact number now), they starve regularly, steal food from neighbors, they eat for so many years basic food like potato, bread, etc. they were bullied in school for wearing the same clothes for years. All that sad things that comes with poverty u know. Father left them, didn't help. But lived in the same village. when she was around 8 she already understand how poor they were, how life is hard and once she asked her mom why she have so many brothers and sisters and mom said :"oh because when u are new borns u so cute and sweet like angels" .nonsense. I think it's some lack of empathy, or brain damage (which is the same) to have horrible life, suffer , but still bring to exact same situation ur own kids just because u enjoy them their few years and then they would starve and neglect by actually you. like wtf wrong with you
Mom of an adult daughter here. I absolutely support your decision and your arguments are valid. Here some more: - The people who want you to have a baby would rarely adopt your child if you both got into a car accident and died (which I unfortunately witnessed with a class mate of my daughter) - Each and every mom in the kindergarten of my daughter when she was small, their every thought circled around the ways they could get rid of their child for an extra hour (job, exhaustion, me-time, urgent emergencies, etc.), none of them thought about how to shorten the kindergarten time so they'll be with their kids more - The loudest voices for children are often those who profit from children but rarely contribute positively to their lives But... you don't have to exhaust yourself in arguing with these people either, "Because I don't wanna" is a full legitimate sentence. They can get r*kt. Respectfully, an exhausted mom
Wanting a break from your kids does not mean you are an unfit mother! It means that you are a human being. No shame there. By taking little breaks here and there you will have more patience with your kids.
If a mom is so overworked she is finding any way to escape her kid then there is some kind of neglect going on. Why do we expect moms to be 24/7 caregivers? I had a “provider” dad aka not a parent at all. Forget having a kid with someone like that, you are just screwing yourself and the kid over. Have a big savings account for child care cost so you can have your breaks and don’t expect anyone (friends family etc) to do that work for you for free. Childcare is work and if you decide to have kids it’s your responsibility even if it’s hard. Our society neglects moms and children, but in the end most mothers chose this the children did not so they still have an obligation to provide enough care. And an iPad is not care. Despite what a lot of parents these days think. I think cost of living is causing a lot of families to need to work more and this has/will negatively impact the kids. I say, don’t have kids so casually. Think it through, heavily. Either way those are good points you listed as well as everything else said in the video.
I love you for pointing out that people who have children are so negative about their children. I do think a fair amount of this is due to the fact that there is no longer any community and support network for moms and men are still behaving like there is, expecting women to do everything (including providing). But that's even more of a reason for women to be child free. While I have a bunch of kids whom I adore and can't imagine living without, I 100% get why a lot of women want something different. It's heartbreaking to see how kids are treated when parents didn't think about WHY they want to have them.
We’ve been married 28 years and raised two lovely kids. No regrets. But my husband and I both agree that having kids isn’t something we would do if we had it over to do. For those who choose not to have children it makes perfect sense to us. We have one grandchild and know for a fact that’s the only one we will have. We completely support our kids choices.
Wow this is one of the saddest things I've ever read. Why do you hate your children so much that if you could do it over you wouldn't have had them? Don't they have value in and of themselves?
So happy you are on TH-cam and making longer form content! I lost my fertility after cancer treatment. My gynecologist/oncologist was so shocked that I didn't want to freeze my eggs. I just told her having kids wasn't ever something I would be interested in doing. I had a horrific childhood and don't want to "try" being a normal parent when my blueprint was so fucked up.
I had a male co-worker sat and argued with me for HOURS trying to convince me to have kids. I never wanted kids. The biggest reason. Pregnancy. And on top of that, I already have severe medical issues. So I won’t be able to give as much as I should to take care of a child. I can barely take care of myself most days. But he was convinced that he was right because he has a kid. And that I was “missing out” and that I would “change my mind” once I became pregnant. Despite the actual valid reasons I gave. He finally walked away after rolling his eyes and told me I would “regret” my decision… If I do, for whatever reason, decide to have a child. I’m adopting. Period.
I’ve heard one woman that said in the similar situation to that man: “I want to have a kids if I can be a dad”. The audacity of this man to bother you like that, it’s none of his business. Next time don’t entertain those people, walk away
I used to have coworkers like this at my old job. I'm glad my coworkers at my current job mostly don't care. It's really none of their business anyway and if they really press me or someone new asks me that's what I'll say. Or maybe somethink like it like "It's bold of you to assume I CAN have kids"
@@Commentator488 I'm just sick of these people. The OP said that her MALE coworker would not leave her alone for HOURS! That's absolutely ridiculous and made me rage just thinking about trying to put up with that.
The not surviving the Zombie Apocalypse comment "I would just roll over and die" has me CACKLING. I shared similar sentiments about how I don't give a ham sammich on rye about the future of mankind, I'm focused on being kind to man during my time here.
I would literally be the first to go if that ever happens- not because I'm stupid but because I'm clumsy AF and would probably fall into a horde and get picked apart lmao
Omg sameeeee I’ll greet death as an old friend. This life is hard enough without kids. Can you imagine tryna keep kids alive. Never a good sleep for the rest of your life 😂😂😂😂 anxiety sleep.
I had one. Becoming a mother has made me realize how horrible the world truly is. So many people are predators or enablers to predators. I feel isolated because I protect my son’s innocence. I definitely will not have more.
It’s actually super weird how children learn how to “play babies” , so with you on all of this 💯‼️ the world is just too far gone at this point . Omg yes n wtf being pregnant is scary as F! So many women still die during childbirth today
Kids mimic what they see adults doing - so playing with dolls and playing house are them doing what mom and dad do. Nurturing baby dolls also has been seen as an innate behaviour in toddlers/young kids - because reproduction is built in to our evolutionary drive. Not saying I love that, it’s just a fact.
I am so happy to hear more and more women talking about this! People feel so entitled to our bodies and love to tell us what to do with them. The best thing a woman can do in this present day is not have children imo. I find it very hard to see how it's worth it for most moms. So many men reveal their true abusive selves once they get a woman pregnant. The division of labor is not equal and I especially love how you mentioned that men's lives do not change when they have children. Their bodies certainly do not!
This reminds me of the Charles Bukowski quote: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence “. Satoshi Kanazawa, evolutionary psychologist who is based at the London School of Economics, analyzed data between the direct correlation between a woman’s intelligence and whether or not she chooses to become a mother. More specifically, his findings indicate that women with higher IQs are statistically less likely to become mothers. He analyzed data from the United Kingdom’s National Child Development Study and found that even controlling for variables such as economics and education the findings still indicate that the higher a woman’s intelligence, the less likely she is to have children. If you are an intelligent, introspective woman who possesses self-awareness and thinks deeply about having kids and the responsibilities involved, that it’s a 24 hour/ 365 day full time- unpaid job then you realize how hard it is and are more likely to opt out. To each her own but I truly can’t find one good reason to have a child that isn’t selfish.
Yes, this is why it is still illegal in many places to educate girls. When girls have food, shelter and education they don't breed more slaves. Those that have money hire nannies, maids and cooks to do the labor. So either way, it's slavery for a woman. Why do you think men say women shouldn't work, should marry young, etc.? Men know what they do. Women who think men don't know are naive.
That's because you are being willfully ignorant. Society *REQUIRES* children to continue to exist. You require hundreds of thousands of people to sustain your lifestyle, both indirectly, (through the people who sustain the economic base that supports you) and directly. (Through the people who take care of you when you are sick/infirm/invalid.) The people who sacrifice their bodies and lives to create and raise the children that you rely on are indeed doing society in general, and you in particular, and huge service. Although people certainly DO have children for selfish reasons, the idea that having children in and of itself is a selfish act is so hilariously absurd that it reminds me why talking to people in TH-cam comments is a waste of time. Also, your point about it being a 24/365 unpaid job is what is called a "self-report." You are the one showing your selfishness when you imply that you should be compensated (by who, exactly?) for raising a child, instead of understanding that perpetuating humanity is a duty that you cannot be bothered to participate in because it would cramp your style and you're too afraid that you aren't up to the task that your entire biology is literally designed around.
@@mylesleggette7520 ”You require hundreds of thousands of people to sustain your lifestyle, both indirectly and directly.“ Not when theres machines and computer programs. Most jobs especially low tech ones can be replaced by them instantly. (Don't even know what kind of lifestyle ur referring to exactly and if they are even necessary, but yeah lets run on your assumption for now) Assuming people should be created just to sustain jobs is ridiculous, no new people (who have needs such as food shelter and medicine) created directly means no need to sustain them, and also theres a clearly excess of people aka overpopulation because u can probably see theres unemployment in every country, if the number of people are created exactly as needed by society (1) all unnecessary low tech jobs would be removed asap and people'd be actively discussing how to reduce to need for creating new humans (2) everyone'd hold extremely important roles, yet as far as I can tell, people are doing mindless work purely to feed themselves, and when asked why parents are creating kids, they only reply you with "I want", as oppose to "well as per society's request, society needs a new human for this specific purpose that will serve everyone and I am therefore fulfilling exactly that role" Hence why your arguments are not valid, and yes, right now especially, having kids is indeed selfish, and its done purely for the desires of those who procreate.
Wouldn’t this also maybe be because higher intelligence women may have high powered careers (so no room to have kids) or perhaps don’t have a mate (because of introversion, or being intimidating to men, or whatnot?)
A messed up childhood and the belief that i am not mentally or psychologically fit to be a parent always came to the fromt of my mind whenever people tried their damn best to tell me i would regret not having them. My parents had kids for the wrong reason, dad to control mum, he was in late 40s. My mum was 23 and she thought giving this man kids will keep him( despite being married) from the side chicks he couldnt rid himself of. She left him and he blocked her from seeing us. Growing up surrounded by people who had kids to be like the Jones, and stay together for the kids only to split when the nest was empty. I havent the tolerance nor patience to be a parent.
I've learned that most people don't want children. But accidents happen. And instead of trying to correct the mistake, they just keep making that mistake, repeatedly. As for propaganda, that's true. That's completely true. Society pushes that because society benefits the most from having more meat for the meat grinder.
I've always said I'd adopt, my bf kinda wanted one of his own...until his siblings had kids. Now he's "if we want kids, we'll adopt an older kid" which is kinda what I wanted in the first place lol. Kids are expensive and exhausting, and I'm barely functional as-is. I'm stoked to be an aunt soon, and I love saying hi to the kids that play outside the apartment complex, but I don't wanna be a mom.
Not trying to come off as rude but I’m adopted. Saying things like “one of his own” causes issues for a lot of adoptees bc a lot know they were only adopted bc their adoptive parents had fertility issues. It implies that child is not REALLY your child when you say stuff like that. Tbh it doesn’t hurt my feelings, my sister is my parents biological child, but I understand the reality of my situation. Just trying to share perspective if you do talk to adoptees or consider adoption further.
Because of said propaganda, that wants to sell you the idea that your life is miserable exactly because you didn‘t „follow your natural/god given/whatever BS duty to procreate“
Having kids is not hard, giving the kids a good life is a hard part and is only possible if the parents are financially and mentally well off and stable
I've been horrified by pregnancy and childbirth since I learned the details of what happens when I was ~ 8 years old. For awhile, I figured I would adopt, but then in high school I had to play the Virgin Mary in a church Christmas play. I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable, or felt more judged and objectified in my life. That was the moment I decided, nope, no kids at all. No thank you. IF I ever change my mind, I will adopt, because I do think that having your own kids is selfish, no matter how you spin it. But here I am, age 33, and I've yet to experience that "biological clock" that everyone talks about 🤷🏻♀️ And like you said, it's not that I hate kids. I also taught for several years, and I actually like kids. But i don't like them enough to want one at home. I like them BECAUSE I get to give them back, lol.
I have medical issues that would make careying a pregnancy to term extremely dangerous for myself and the baby. If this comes up, often I tell people my only option would be surrogacy. This is surprisingly controversial. The amount of people who get mad is astonishing. Ive had people roll their eyes and "Really?" me for needing a willing women with lesser risks to carry my baby. Once, when getting this reaction, a woman told me "I just think its so unfair. Like, if you think its ever okay to use someone else's body to make YOUR child, you're selfish and don't deserve children." I had to tell her "Well, i totally agree with the last part, but we're going to have to tell the men about it, because they've been doing it from the dawn of humanity." Also, just fyi, I don't want kids, have been adamant about it my whole life, but the people, who pressure me to most to risk my life to have a child, were also the ones most disgusted with the ONLY way I could safely do so.
Surrogacy is evil. You abuse thecpovetty of another women. Why not take in a fister child you can adopt if it wohks our? Or do you need a Baby to Parade around?
Men can't have children but their partners do it normally by free will You Plan to pay for that. Pregnancy prostitution plus human trafficking. You are Diss Guss Thing
It's funny that no one talks about adoption. The kid already exists and would prefer parents and a home to whatever nightmare arrangement they are currently trapped in. If you don't want to birth, adopt! Now that's true selflessness!
I was raised mormon. I had to unlearn the most severe form of "you must have kids" propaganda that exists. Now im suspicious that my negative reaction to the idea is a trauma response. (Thanks for the pillars of patriarchy videos. I'm glad to have found them at 22yo)
I have a nightmare labor and emergency c-section story too long to post here, but long story short I did not realize how much it messed up my child developmentally until it was too late in the state of NC to file a lawsuit. His father was extremely emotionally abusive to me as well, and would often leave me to do all of the work while he spent time with the 3 “normal” kids he had with his ex wife. I had to leave him. My son and I were happy until something happened at the school to where he is now absolutely traumatized to go back, he even freaks out with therapists if I’m not right there with him. Waiting lists for assistance are painfully long, most of the time I don’t get calls back when I’m supposed to. No medication has helped him and caused worse side effects. It has been hell. And lonely. I often think of ending my life but I can’t because I don’t want to leave him behind. I don’t regret having him one bit. I just regret having him in this world.
One should really be considering why making an ENTIRE NEW HUMAN.... just because they want a clone and something they can leave behind. WOW....SUPER narcissistic. Well not surprised. I know who i am married to.
I think whats interesting is that you were not "raised" to think you needed a kid. As a result you thought about it for yourself. I was raised the same way and think i could go either way. But when given the option of genuine choice I actually think you are right, not everyone really wants a kid.
There is literally 0 ROI on having kids lol. Unless you count the parents own selfish desire for “unconditional” love? Which when we look around, we know doesn’t even exist? I’m with you, I think kids are so cute but that’s not a reason to have them…
You don’t have kids. They have you. Just remember YOU chose that life and YOU brought that “mini me” into existence so you have no right to resent them no matter how annoying they can be.
I was my moms mini me and she wanted to get my tubes tied as soon as she realized she messed up. lol no worries there. I learned from both my parents, you act as a friend, you'll never once feel like your parents child.
I've helped care for and tutor peers and people older than me who often have disabilities their parents don't know how to handle. One just pretty much let the state raise her daughter to adulthood and I've never seen any of the woman's relatives because she had spina bifida very badly and was very limited by it. When she was anemic, she refused the iron pills I often keep on hand for my periods (I've since been diagnosed with PCOS, which is why they've always been insane since I was 11) because the Dr's didn't give them to her. I've helped turor people with different learning disabilities soon after I learned mine.(graduated early,but still have dyscalculia. I don’t believe in just giving up, getting married, and having kids to tie a husband to taking care of me because I've seen too many divorces) I've seen and lived through so many people getting rejected by thier families for not being or functioning just like them. Why would I ever put someone through coming into a world to be rejected and talked down to for things out of thier control?!
This is a question because we are experiencing the fall of Western civilisation, all civilisation when falling experience this hedonistic and selfish phase as explained by Unwin.
Hello, awesome video! I love your content❤. I just wanted to tell you that I found it a bit hard to read the thumbnail for this video. The yellow words are a bit too similar to yellowish sand background. I don't know if it's only me with this problem.Your videos are sooo good, I just don't want people glossing over your content because the thumbnail is hard to read. More power to you and I hope you get many more subs!❤
Another issue that's hardly pointed out for why people have kids is the meal tickets. When i was 22 i was venting to a female coworker about barely able to afford food and clothes for myself, and she literally in all seriousness said "just have a baby. You'll get hundreds in foodstamps cash assistance and medicaid". This girl also got almost free tuition for nursing school. She was a rare rype to actually admit it but ive always felt these people who keep continuing to have kids when their lives and relationships are clearly fucked, are really just doing it for the government support and jts all they know, hate to say.
The only thing that stops me from believing you is your age - so many young women do change their minds in mid to late 30s; it’s the same with your marriage - you two haven’t weathered the storms that hit almost all couples in their 30s/40s. I’d say brace yourself because issues like infidelity and divorce hit most marriages…so many give yourself some room with your ideas for your future - life can be surprising.
"Why Is Having Kids The Norm & Not the Exception?" Because if it were the exception it's highly unlikely the human race would have survived 300.000 years ago, let alone watching your TH-cam videos right now.
How can you in a 30 second span say "I love my life" (7:12) and then say "I don't even wanna be here. I'm waiting for the apocalypse to come and take me at this point" (7:46). Like clearly the only reason you don't want a child, and probably why you believe all these misery-inducing things about the darkest depths of feminism and patriarchy and human nature itself, now bordering on antinatalism, is because you're depressed and unhappy.
Most people are depressed and unhappy here. But we still try to look on the bright side to get by. Either way life is hard enough without bringing in another poor soul here to suffer
It's crazy Americans have all these luxuries and people are having so few children were below the replacement rate now. I Heard the things she said my whole life too about how bad it is and how dangerous. Well anything worth doing has risks and sacrifice associated with it, like you may die in a car crash on the way to get groceries, we all know this but calculate the risks. Plus we're taught its such a disadvantage to women that it's just not worth it. Really you have to ask what is life about? To be true it's about Jesus. And that He created us in His image with specific purposes in mind for each of us. When you put value on yourself and your husband, mother, father, etc it's easy to stay feeling a desire for your own children too. And the courage to actually have them.
She is capable of calculating her risks for herself. You have no way to back up the thing you said about Jesus either, you have Zero proof and you know it. Go spread judgement and non facts somewhere where that sh*t is welcome.
There are plenty of unselfish reasons to have a child, chief among them that people have a duty to perpetuate humanity in general and their society in particular. You blather on for almost ten minutes about how most/all of the people who have children are stupid, yet they are the ones who are ensuring that the life you claim to enjoy so much can continue. Who harvests the resources you require to live? Other people's children. Who provides the services you rely on? Other people's children. Who is going to take care of you when you're old and infirm? Other people's children. If you are not a person who would make a good parent then you're certainly not obligated to have children. But you should show some gratitude to the people are *are* willing to make what YOU *openly acknowledge is a sacrifice* to have children, because someone has to. The idea that it makes no sense that living things perpetuating themselves is willful ignorance - I know you took science class in grade school.
Just assume what ur saying is true, its humanity's duty etc etc (tho I already disagree but whatever skip all that), I see no reason 1. for people to work low tech jobs mindlessly just to survive - all low tech jobs can be replaced by technology already, and people end up working creative, managerial decision making jobs instead if at all 2. Since people have to come into existence to work *and then die*, all "jobs" should be extremely important, to a point where ur able to justify to that fresh new human this "job" you are calling them into existence to do is very important to humanity, yet what are people doing? People are born to work at McDonalds and Starbucks. I find it totally impossible to justify that a fresh new human has to be born to then do these things Its not like they have zero consequences for being born, please remember that, *they will have to die*, and also suffer from some terminal illnesses etc 3. I also see no reason why people should have to pay for housing. Since you have the honour to bring them into existence for them to work for you, shouldn't basic needs such as housing, food and medicine be covered forever for them? Yet anyone can see thats not the case and people are indeed working to survive, aka to pay for their housing and food 4. Also, the most important point: when u ask parents why they had kids, their consideration is definitely not "because society now needs this specific and important role so I am making a human for that", they always say "I want" - a mini me, a legacy, someone to take care of me when I am old, for joy, pride, money, so please stop wrapping the parents selfishness with some pretty paper and market it as "they are doing it for humanity", they are not, they are having kids purely for themselves. And its time for humanity to stop this total exploitation and madness.
We have a duty.... Who says? You? Oh. Well good luck with that. We never signed the agreement for this society. Our society has proven they don't deserve my offspring.
The day I realised I could choose not to have a child as an actual option for my life was one of the happiest and most significant days of my life. I told my husband the same day and literally within a few hours we had both decided that we were 95% certain we would not choose to have a child. All of that within a few hours. That choice solidified within the next few years.
i love this so much!!!
The stories where one person is childfree and the spouse just happens to be 100% on board are so inspiring. It seems like most men want to treat a female partner as an incubator whether they actually like kids or not. For a “legacy”
I hate to point this out but guys are only childfree once they‘ve been cremated or in the ground for a week.
“If you like your life now you won’t like having a kid” - I don’t absolutely love my life but I value my quiet time, just chilling with my cats, doing what I want. I’ll stay childfree
This needs to go viral! Common sense says having children is an OPT IN. It’s alarming how few people think their future offspring’s life allllll the way through to their death. You’ve set in motion a whole adult life! It’s not just a cute baby forever, and I feel like that’s why some people have baby after baby - they’re not interested in raising a human, they just want to “have a baby”.
Absolutely.
I had a talk with one CF lady, she was 43 by that time. She's from extremely poor family, her mother had 6 or 7 kids (can't remember exact number now), they starve regularly, steal food from neighbors, they eat for so many years basic food like potato, bread, etc. they were bullied in school for wearing the same clothes for years. All that sad things that comes with poverty u know.
Father left them, didn't help. But lived in the same village.
when she was around 8 she already understand how poor they were, how life is hard and
once she asked her mom why she have so many brothers and sisters and mom said :"oh because when u are new borns u so cute and sweet like angels"
.nonsense. I think it's some lack of empathy, or brain damage (which is the same) to have horrible life, suffer , but still bring to exact same situation ur own kids just because u enjoy them their few years and then they would starve and neglect by actually you. like wtf wrong with you
Mom of an adult daughter here. I absolutely support your decision and your arguments are valid.
Here some more:
- The people who want you to have a baby would rarely adopt your child if you both got into a car accident and died (which I unfortunately witnessed with a class mate of my daughter)
- Each and every mom in the kindergarten of my daughter when she was small, their every thought circled around the ways they could get rid of their child for an extra hour (job, exhaustion, me-time, urgent emergencies, etc.), none of them thought about how to shorten the kindergarten time so they'll be with their kids more
- The loudest voices for children are often those who profit from children but rarely contribute positively to their lives
But... you don't have to exhaust yourself in arguing with these people either, "Because I don't wanna" is a full legitimate sentence. They can get r*kt. Respectfully, an exhausted mom
Wanting a break from your kids does not mean you are an unfit mother! It means that you are a human being. No shame there. By taking little breaks here and there you will have more patience with your kids.
If a mom is so overworked she is finding any way to escape her kid then there is some kind of neglect going on. Why do we expect moms to be 24/7 caregivers? I had a “provider” dad aka not a parent at all. Forget having a kid with someone like that, you are just screwing yourself and the kid over. Have a big savings account for child care cost so you can have your breaks and don’t expect anyone (friends family etc) to do that work for you for free. Childcare is work and if you decide to have kids it’s your responsibility even if it’s hard. Our society neglects moms and children, but in the end most mothers chose this the children did not so they still have an obligation to provide enough care. And an iPad is not care. Despite what a lot of parents these days think. I think cost of living is causing a lot of families to need to work more and this has/will negatively impact the kids. I say, don’t have kids so casually. Think it through, heavily. Either way those are good points you listed as well as everything else said in the video.
I love you for pointing out that people who have children are so negative about their children. I do think a fair amount of this is due to the fact that there is no longer any community and support network for moms and men are still behaving like there is, expecting women to do everything (including providing). But that's even more of a reason for women to be child free. While I have a bunch of kids whom I adore and can't imagine living without, I 100% get why a lot of women want something different. It's heartbreaking to see how kids are treated when parents didn't think about WHY they want to have them.
We’ve been married 28 years and raised two lovely kids. No regrets. But my husband and I both agree that having kids isn’t something we would do if we had it over to do. For those who choose not to have children it makes perfect sense to us. We have one grandchild and know for a fact that’s the only one we will have. We completely support our kids choices.
Wow this is one of the saddest things I've ever read. Why do you hate your children so much that if you could do it over you wouldn't have had them? Don't they have value in and of themselves?
@@Shelb13v nice try.
You can love your family members AND have a realistic view of life. They’re not mutually exclusive.
So happy you are on TH-cam and making longer form content! I lost my fertility after cancer treatment. My gynecologist/oncologist was so shocked that I didn't want to freeze my eggs. I just told her having kids wasn't ever something I would be interested in doing. I had a horrific childhood and don't want to "try" being a normal parent when my blueprint was so fucked up.
I had a male co-worker sat and argued with me for HOURS trying to convince me to have kids. I never wanted kids. The biggest reason. Pregnancy. And on top of that, I already have severe medical issues. So I won’t be able to give as much as I should to take care of a child. I can barely take care of myself most days. But he was convinced that he was right because he has a kid. And that I was “missing out” and that I would “change my mind” once I became pregnant. Despite the actual valid reasons I gave. He finally walked away after rolling his eyes and told me I would “regret” my decision…
If I do, for whatever reason, decide to have a child. I’m adopting. Period.
I’ve heard one woman that said in the similar situation to that man: “I want to have a kids if I can be a dad”.
The audacity of this man to bother you like that, it’s none of his business. Next time don’t entertain those people, walk away
I used to have coworkers like this at my old job. I'm glad my coworkers at my current job mostly don't care. It's really none of their business anyway and if they really press me or someone new asks me that's what I'll say. Or maybe somethink like it like "It's bold of you to assume I CAN have kids"
@@LightsHikesAndWanderlove
Well that’s savage 😂
@@Commentator488 I'm just sick of these people. The OP said that her MALE coworker would not leave her alone for HOURS! That's absolutely ridiculous and made me rage just thinking about trying to put up with that.
CF woman here. If my mind even thinks about kids in the slightest, I always come back to reality !
sameeeee
Facts 😂😂😂
The not surviving the Zombie Apocalypse comment "I would just roll over and die" has me CACKLING. I shared similar sentiments about how I don't give a ham sammich on rye about the future of mankind, I'm focused on being kind to man during my time here.
you get me!! 😭💀
I would literally be the first to go if that ever happens- not because I'm stupid but because I'm clumsy AF and would probably fall into a horde and get picked apart lmao
Omg sameeeee I’ll greet death as an old friend. This life is hard enough without kids. Can you imagine tryna keep kids alive. Never a good sleep for the rest of your life 😂😂😂😂 anxiety sleep.
I had one. Becoming a mother has made me realize how horrible the world truly is. So many people are predators or enablers to predators. I feel isolated because I protect my son’s innocence. I definitely will not have more.
It’s actually super weird how children learn how to “play babies” , so with you on all of this 💯‼️ the world is just too far gone at this point . Omg yes n wtf being pregnant is scary as F! So many women still die during childbirth today
Kids mimic what they see adults doing - so playing with dolls and playing house are them doing what mom and dad do. Nurturing baby dolls also has been seen as an innate behaviour in toddlers/young kids - because reproduction is built in to our evolutionary drive. Not saying I love that, it’s just a fact.
I am so happy to hear more and more women talking about this! People feel so entitled to our bodies and love to tell us what to do with them. The best thing a woman can do in this present day is not have children imo. I find it very hard to see how it's worth it for most moms. So many men reveal their true abusive selves once they get a woman pregnant. The division of labor is not equal and I especially love how you mentioned that men's lives do not change when they have children. Their bodies certainly do not!
This reminds me of the Charles Bukowski quote: “The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts and the stupid ones are full of confidence “.
Satoshi Kanazawa, evolutionary psychologist who is based at the London School of Economics, analyzed data between the direct correlation between a woman’s intelligence and whether or not she chooses to become a mother. More specifically, his findings indicate that women with higher IQs are statistically less likely to become mothers. He analyzed data from the United Kingdom’s National Child Development Study and found that even controlling for variables such as economics and education the findings still indicate that the higher a woman’s intelligence, the less likely she is to have children.
If you are an intelligent, introspective woman who possesses self-awareness and thinks deeply about having kids and the responsibilities involved, that it’s a 24 hour/ 365 day full time- unpaid job then you realize how hard it is and are more likely to opt out. To each her own but I truly can’t find one good reason to have a child that isn’t selfish.
Yes, this is why it is still illegal in many places to educate girls. When girls have food, shelter and education they don't breed more slaves. Those that have money hire nannies, maids and cooks to do the labor. So either way, it's slavery for a woman. Why do you think men say women shouldn't work, should marry young, etc.? Men know what they do. Women who think men don't know are naive.
That's because you are being willfully ignorant. Society *REQUIRES* children to continue to exist. You require hundreds of thousands of people to sustain your lifestyle, both indirectly, (through the people who sustain the economic base that supports you) and directly. (Through the people who take care of you when you are sick/infirm/invalid.) The people who sacrifice their bodies and lives to create and raise the children that you rely on are indeed doing society in general, and you in particular, and huge service. Although people certainly DO have children for selfish reasons, the idea that having children in and of itself is a selfish act is so hilariously absurd that it reminds me why talking to people in TH-cam comments is a waste of time.
Also, your point about it being a 24/365 unpaid job is what is called a "self-report." You are the one showing your selfishness when you imply that you should be compensated (by who, exactly?) for raising a child, instead of understanding that perpetuating humanity is a duty that you cannot be bothered to participate in because it would cramp your style and you're too afraid that you aren't up to the task that your entire biology is literally designed around.
@@mylesleggette7520
”You require hundreds of thousands of people to sustain your lifestyle, both indirectly and directly.“
Not when theres machines and computer programs. Most jobs especially low tech ones can be replaced by them instantly. (Don't even know what kind of lifestyle ur referring to exactly and if they are even necessary, but yeah lets run on your assumption for now)
Assuming people should be created just to sustain jobs is ridiculous, no new people (who have needs such as food shelter and medicine) created directly means no need to sustain them, and also theres a clearly excess of people aka overpopulation because u can probably see theres unemployment in every country, if the number of people are created exactly as needed by society (1) all unnecessary low tech jobs would be removed asap and people'd be actively discussing how to reduce to need for creating new humans (2) everyone'd hold extremely important roles, yet as far as I can tell, people are doing mindless work purely to feed themselves, and when asked why parents are creating kids, they only reply you with "I want", as oppose to "well as per society's request, society needs a new human for this specific purpose that will serve everyone and I am therefore fulfilling exactly that role"
Hence why your arguments are not valid, and yes, right now especially, having kids is indeed selfish, and its done purely for the desires of those who procreate.
Wouldn’t this also maybe be because higher intelligence women may have high powered careers (so no room to have kids) or perhaps don’t have a mate (because of introversion, or being intimidating to men, or whatnot?)
The idea of bringing a kid into this sick world seems insane to me.
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A messed up childhood and the belief that i am not mentally or psychologically fit to be a parent always came to the fromt of my mind whenever people tried their damn best to tell me i would regret not having them. My parents had kids for the wrong reason, dad to control mum, he was in late 40s. My mum was 23 and she thought giving this man kids will keep him( despite being married) from the side chicks he couldnt rid himself of. She left him and he blocked her from seeing us. Growing up surrounded by people who had kids to be like the Jones, and stay together for the kids only to split when the nest was empty. I havent the tolerance nor patience to be a parent.
I'm making T-shirts that say "The idiot children can inherit the world"
I've learned that most people don't want children. But accidents happen. And instead of trying to correct the mistake, they just keep making that mistake, repeatedly.
As for propaganda, that's true. That's completely true. Society pushes that because society benefits the most from having more meat for the meat grinder.
Lol i was a teacher and it did make me hate kids. I think teaching made me child free
I've always said I'd adopt, my bf kinda wanted one of his own...until his siblings had kids. Now he's "if we want kids, we'll adopt an older kid" which is kinda what I wanted in the first place lol. Kids are expensive and exhausting, and I'm barely functional as-is. I'm stoked to be an aunt soon, and I love saying hi to the kids that play outside the apartment complex, but I don't wanna be a mom.
Not trying to come off as rude but I’m adopted. Saying things like “one of his own” causes issues for a lot of adoptees bc a lot know they were only adopted bc their adoptive parents had fertility issues. It implies that child is not REALLY your child when you say stuff like that. Tbh it doesn’t hurt my feelings, my sister is my parents biological child, but I understand the reality of my situation. Just trying to share perspective if you do talk to adoptees or consider adoption further.
But if you hated your life, why would you bring a kid into that?
Because of said propaganda, that wants to sell you the idea that your life is miserable exactly because you didn‘t „follow your natural/god given/whatever BS duty to procreate“
Thank you showing up another way!
Having kids is not hard, giving the kids a good life is a hard part and is only possible if the parents are financially and mentally well off and stable
This is facts. New sub. BurbN bougie sent me
I've been horrified by pregnancy and childbirth since I learned the details of what happens when I was ~ 8 years old. For awhile, I figured I would adopt, but then in high school I had to play the Virgin Mary in a church Christmas play. I don't think I've ever been more uncomfortable, or felt more judged and objectified in my life.
That was the moment I decided, nope, no kids at all. No thank you. IF I ever change my mind, I will adopt, because I do think that having your own kids is selfish, no matter how you spin it. But here I am, age 33, and I've yet to experience that "biological clock" that everyone talks about 🤷🏻♀️
And like you said, it's not that I hate kids. I also taught for several years, and I actually like kids. But i don't like them enough to want one at home. I like them BECAUSE I get to give them back, lol.
I have medical issues that would make careying a pregnancy to term extremely dangerous for myself and the baby. If this comes up, often I tell people my only option would be surrogacy. This is surprisingly controversial.
The amount of people who get mad is astonishing. Ive had people roll their eyes and "Really?" me for needing a willing women with lesser risks to carry my baby.
Once, when getting this reaction, a woman told me "I just think its so unfair. Like, if you think its ever okay to use someone else's body to make YOUR child, you're selfish and don't deserve children."
I had to tell her "Well, i totally agree with the last part, but we're going to have to tell the men about it, because they've been doing it from the dawn of humanity." Also, just fyi, I don't want kids, have been adamant about it my whole life, but the people, who pressure me to most to risk my life to have a child, were also the ones most disgusted with the ONLY way I could safely do so.
Surrogacy is evil. You abuse thecpovetty of another women.
Why not take in a fister child you can adopt if it wohks our?
Or do you need a Baby to Parade around?
Men can't have children but their partners do it normally by free will
You Plan to pay for that.
Pregnancy prostitution plus human trafficking.
You are Diss Guss Thing
Wow I've never seen it that way but you're right, men are practicing surrogacy since the beginnings of times
It's funny that no one talks about adoption.
The kid already exists and would prefer parents and a home to whatever nightmare arrangement they are currently trapped in.
If you don't want to birth, adopt!
Now that's true selflessness!
I was raised mormon. I had to unlearn the most severe form of "you must have kids" propaganda that exists. Now im suspicious that my negative reaction to the idea is a trauma response. (Thanks for the pillars of patriarchy videos. I'm glad to have found them at 22yo)
I have a nightmare labor and emergency c-section story too long to post here, but long story short I did not realize how much it messed up my child developmentally until it was too late in the state of NC to file a lawsuit. His father was extremely emotionally abusive to me as well, and would often leave me to do all of the work while he spent time with the 3 “normal” kids he had with his ex wife. I had to leave him. My son and I were happy until something happened at the school to where he is now absolutely traumatized to go back, he even freaks out with therapists if I’m not right there with him. Waiting lists for assistance are painfully long, most of the time I don’t get calls back when I’m supposed to. No medication has helped him and caused worse side effects. It has been hell. And lonely. I often think of ending my life but I can’t because I don’t want to leave him behind. I don’t regret having him one bit. I just regret having him in this world.
This! 100%
One should really be considering why making an ENTIRE NEW HUMAN.... just because they want a clone and something they can leave behind. WOW....SUPER narcissistic. Well not surprised. I know who i am married to.
Ur amazing
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I think whats interesting is that you were not "raised" to think you needed a kid. As a result you thought about it for yourself. I was raised the same way and think i could go either way. But when given the option of genuine choice I actually think you are right, not everyone really wants a kid.
There is literally 0 ROI on having kids lol. Unless you count the parents own selfish desire for “unconditional” love? Which when we look around, we know doesn’t even exist? I’m with you, I think kids are so cute but that’s not a reason to have them…
You don’t have kids. They have you. Just remember YOU chose that life and YOU brought that “mini me” into existence so you have no right to resent them no matter how annoying they can be.
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I was my moms mini me and she wanted to get my tubes tied as soon as she realized she messed up. lol no worries there. I learned from both my parents, you act as a friend, you'll never once feel like your parents child.
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I've helped care for and tutor peers and people older than me who often have disabilities their parents don't know how to handle. One just pretty much let the state raise her daughter to adulthood and I've never seen any of the woman's relatives because she had spina bifida very badly and was very limited by it. When she was anemic, she refused the iron pills I often keep on hand for my periods (I've since been diagnosed with PCOS, which is why they've always been insane since I was 11) because the Dr's didn't give them to her. I've helped turor people with different learning disabilities soon after I learned mine.(graduated early,but still have dyscalculia. I don’t believe in just giving up, getting married, and having kids to tie a husband to taking care of me because I've seen too many divorces)
I've seen and lived through so many people getting rejected by thier families for not being or functioning just like them. Why would I ever put someone through coming into a world to be rejected and talked down to for things out of thier control?!
This is a question because we are experiencing the fall of Western civilisation, all civilisation when falling experience this hedonistic and selfish phase as explained by Unwin.
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Hello, awesome video! I love your content❤. I just wanted to tell you that I found it a bit hard to read the thumbnail for this video. The yellow words are a bit too similar to yellowish sand background. I don't know if it's only me with this problem.Your videos are sooo good, I just don't want people glossing over your content because the thumbnail is hard to read. More power to you and I hope you get many more subs!❤
Another issue that's hardly pointed out for why people have kids is the meal tickets. When i was 22 i was venting to a female coworker about barely able to afford food and clothes for myself, and she literally in all seriousness said "just have a baby. You'll get hundreds in foodstamps cash assistance and medicaid". This girl also got almost free tuition for nursing school. She was a rare rype to actually admit it but ive always felt these people who keep continuing to have kids when their lives and relationships are clearly fucked, are really just doing it for the government support and jts all they know, hate to say.
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Oh, I guess that's why a lot of moms are missing teeth :o
The only thing that stops me from believing you is your age - so many young women do change their minds in mid to late 30s; it’s the same with your marriage - you two haven’t weathered the storms that hit almost all couples in their 30s/40s. I’d say brace yourself because issues like infidelity and divorce hit most marriages…so many give yourself some room with your ideas for your future - life can be surprising.
"Why Is Having Kids The Norm & Not the Exception?"
Because if it were the exception it's highly unlikely the human race would have survived 300.000 years ago, let alone watching your TH-cam videos right now.
Well, since we created incels, I think we should have disappeared earlier.
How can you in a 30 second span say "I love my life" (7:12) and then say "I don't even wanna be here. I'm waiting for the apocalypse to come and take me at this point" (7:46). Like clearly the only reason you don't want a child, and probably why you believe all these misery-inducing things about the darkest depths of feminism and patriarchy and human nature itself, now bordering on antinatalism, is because you're depressed and unhappy.
Most people are depressed and unhappy here. But we still try to look on the bright side to get by. Either way life is hard enough without bringing in another poor soul here to suffer
I think she's saying that in comparison to if she had kids, she loves her life, but that in general she hates living in this messed up world.
It's crazy Americans have all these luxuries and people are having so few children were below the replacement rate now.
I Heard the things she said my whole life too about how bad it is and how dangerous. Well anything worth doing has risks and sacrifice associated with it, like you may die in a car crash on the way to get groceries, we all know this but calculate the risks. Plus we're taught its such a disadvantage to women that it's just not worth it.
Really you have to ask what is life about? To be true it's about Jesus. And that He created us in His image with specific purposes in mind for each of us. When you put value on yourself and your husband, mother, father, etc it's easy to stay feeling a desire for your own children too. And the courage to actually have them.
She is capable of calculating her risks for herself. You have no way to back up the thing you said about Jesus either, you have Zero proof and you know it. Go spread judgement and non facts somewhere where that sh*t is welcome.
Jesus Himself said some people will be kept from marriage. Having kids out of wedlock is a sin, so by definition there will be childless people
There are plenty of unselfish reasons to have a child, chief among them that people have a duty to perpetuate humanity in general and their society in particular. You blather on for almost ten minutes about how most/all of the people who have children are stupid, yet they are the ones who are ensuring that the life you claim to enjoy so much can continue. Who harvests the resources you require to live? Other people's children. Who provides the services you rely on? Other people's children. Who is going to take care of you when you're old and infirm? Other people's children.
If you are not a person who would make a good parent then you're certainly not obligated to have children. But you should show some gratitude to the people are *are* willing to make what YOU *openly acknowledge is a sacrifice* to have children, because someone has to. The idea that it makes no sense that living things perpetuating themselves is willful ignorance - I know you took science class in grade school.
Whatever
I have no duty to human species. It s*cks
Nobody has a duty, nature doesn't give a shit about us we could disappear in a secons and that would be perfectly fine
Just assume what ur saying is true, its humanity's duty etc etc (tho I already disagree but whatever skip all that), I see no reason
1. for people to work low tech jobs mindlessly just to survive - all low tech jobs can be replaced by technology already, and people end up working creative, managerial decision making jobs instead if at all
2. Since people have to come into existence to work *and then die*, all "jobs" should be extremely important, to a point where ur able to justify to that fresh new human this "job" you are calling them into existence to do is very important to humanity, yet what are people doing? People are born to work at McDonalds and Starbucks. I find it totally impossible to justify that a fresh new human has to be born to then do these things
Its not like they have zero consequences for being born, please remember that, *they will have to die*, and also suffer from some terminal illnesses etc
3. I also see no reason why people should have to pay for housing. Since you have the honour to bring them into existence for them to work for you, shouldn't basic needs such as housing, food and medicine be covered forever for them? Yet anyone can see thats not the case and people are indeed working to survive, aka to pay for their housing and food
4. Also, the most important point: when u ask parents why they had kids, their consideration is definitely not "because society now needs this specific and important role so I am making a human for that", they always say "I want" - a mini me, a legacy, someone to take care of me when I am old, for joy, pride, money, so please stop wrapping the parents selfishness with some pretty paper and market it as "they are doing it for humanity", they are not, they are having kids purely for themselves. And its time for humanity to stop this total exploitation and madness.
We have a duty.... Who says? You? Oh. Well good luck with that. We never signed the agreement for this society. Our society has proven they don't deserve my offspring.
Emojis of appreciation
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Kids are to expensive in America