I have adhd, NLD and ASD I also have really dificulties in switching tasks. This is incredible. I have difficulties in automatising tasks to. Like for example taking a shower. It takes me much more time than others. So I shower in the evening not in the morning. So that I' m sure I' m on time at my work.
I find my ability to adult depends on how many spoons I have/ how well rested I am/ my anxiety levels/ my mood levels. Some days things are a bit easier to get done, other days I just can't do more than survive. 💚
@@Muhluri I used to have that problem when I was younger. Now I can get to sleep fine, but I can't stay asleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, so I never feel really rested.
unrelated, but I first read "depends on how many spouses I have" instead of spoons and thought that would be interesting way of solving the issue of not functioning well XD
It has been very helpful for me to realize that some days I will get a lot done, and some days I won't. Just accepting that keeps me from beating myself up for being "lazy" or "incompetent."
For me it's like....I guess it's an executive dysfunction thing. The shower doesn't bother me in a sensory way way but DEAR GOD it's so hard to make myself get up and do it when I first get up. I DO IT but I literally struggle so much.
What I hate the most about it is how much things I have to do. Picking the clothes, asking everyone else in the house if they need to use the bathroom before I use it, take my clothes off, getting in the shower, regulating the water's temperature, getting off the shower, drying myself and putting my clothes on (which is really hard in the small place that is the bathroom), drying my hair, etc. The worst is that the fact that they are so many things makes me also constantly feel like I'm missing something.
I've gotten myself into a regular routine of showering every four days as that's when my hair gets too gross for comfort, but OMG starting that process on the day is awful! I find it so so upsetting too when the shower isn't clean, hot, and high pressure... Anyone else also just HATE staying over at someone else's house? I have nothing I need there! I'm not prepared!
I dont like staying at others houses either. I have a city i go to regularly and i always stay in the same hotel. I know its clean (my allergies warn me 😂), the bed is suitable for my back problem and the sheets are soft. Plus i see familiar faces 😅
I have always hated staying over at someone else’s house…unless it was my Grandmother’s house. But she was probably autistic as well and being at her place was very routine and relaxing.
Yep. I just hate having to dip into a 'wash bag'. I hate having to put my toothbrush with a wet and now slightly mushy bar of soap. Even if it goes into it's own container - there's body soap on the toothbrush. Or the toothbrush bristles get tangled in the buffpuff. In most cases - there is nowhere in the shower to put the wash bag. Usually have to place it on the side of the shower tray. It get's full of water and lord only knows what germs it's getting on it given that it's now where people's feet go. Then it's damp, and has strange feet on it, and it has to go back in the bag with my clothes like that. Edit: I have recurring nightmares (actual nightmares) about this scenario. I've 'traveled' more than I wanted to or should have and used strange showers way too much. I do like to see new things, though. I just f*****g hate unfamiliar showers. And I hate packing. I think you have to be really laid back and casual to not get traumatised by holidays and the like.
I always bring everything I need (no travel sized containers for me haha) but it’s soooo annoying taking it out of the bag, then using it, then putting it back in the bag wet (eick)… yeah I’m much happier in my own space 😂
@@batintheattic7293Ugh, packing is the worst! I need so much stuff and DETEST planning outfits a week in advance... like what if I feel different in four days and those clothes will feel awful to wear?! I rely on too many things to be able to feel vaguely comfortable in my own skin. I also love to see new places but find travelling so, so stressful and overwhelming :(
In regards to shopping, and meal prep, I will only shop at stores I’m comfortable with, and typically buy the exact same items. The store clerks laugh with me, about that predictability. In school, I ate a boloney sandwich/white bread, +same chips+same drink, nearly every day, for four years. It never got old.
When I was young people thought I was stuck-up because I didn't say hi back to them. I would imagine that sometimes I wasn't aware they hadn't spoken to me, but I also know it was because I spoke so softly they didn't hear me. I am now 71. In the last 10 years or so my previous co-workers and my husband are much more likely to ask me to lower my voice. As you stated, unaware and unable to control. Related to many things here. Thank you
I know where every convenient bathroom is in various areas of town because all of a sudden.....I have to pee! I tend to do that a lot and when I have to go...I have to go NOW!
the best choices are like, health clinics. they arent disgusting like restaurant bathrooms. and no one knows you're not a patient waiting for your appointment, just pop into the waiting room and use their bathroom .
@@transsexual_computer_faery Yeah, and the men's bathrooms are often all wet on the floor and sticky. One time I nearly slipped. I was so upset I took my shoes off and drove home in my socks. Good thing they were old shoes. I threw them away. They do tend to keep things cleaner in health clinics like you said.
I related most to the part about grocery shopping being overwhelming and following a recipe taking too much mental energy. And I never know what I feel like eating either!
Same, I hate grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cleaning items for home and other types of shopping. There are millions of choices all over the place, last time I went into a Walmart store after five minutes I ran out because of the sensory and one employee started screaming at me. Nowadays I do my food, clothes and cleaning items shopping online. If I do go out around town it is mostly thrift stores or vintage places. I have done exactly what my aunt taught me to always have things prepped ahead of time. I have my favorite comfort meals and I know exactly what I am eating. It takes me an hour and a half every five days, but worth it. I have saved a lot of money and put it away for future vacation time. My cousins and I did learn to cook, but for me on some days it feels like a pain and on other days it feels like therapy. It keeps my hands busy and my head clear of any negative self-talk.
@@hameley12 that’s a good idea- to prepare food for the days ahead. It’s less stressful that way knowing you have something to eat when you open the fridge. And stores always overwhelm me with all the people flying around and the music and the announcements on the loud speakers… it’s all too much!
Am the same with showers. I hate showering. Not the actual shower itself but the afterwards feeling freezing cold and drying myself off. I currently am suffering from a cold I think I picked up at the job centre last Wednesday or on the bus or bus station and because I have felt like shit the last 5 days I haven't washed at all. I not even kept my hair tidy. Just haven't been bothered. I hate being ill. I barely left my flat the last week because I am so ill. Hate being sick.
I'm not sure if you're looking for suggestions but adaptogens such as Chaga mushroom and Reishi help boost the immune system when taken for weeks at a time
@@MrDaydreamer1584 Or, shower before bed and have the electric blanket warm the bed up for when I get out of the shower. It just takes a perfunctory drying to not create a lethal situation. As long as I'm not actually dripping - it's okay.
Fuckin' same. Been struggling with personal hygiene and daily chores for as long as I can remember. I dunno what your local council is like but my council has been super supportive of me. They hooked me up with an experienced and understanding social worker, who then referred me to a private care company called Agincare and got the council to fund the whole lot. Now people visit me daily who are helping me sort my life out, they listen to me and understand my issues with anxiety + executive dysfunction. They're helping me plan my day, do things in public a bit more and get the stuff done that my PDA brain has a hissy fit about, like personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning etc. They don't quietly do things for me, they actively support me which is great, it's what I think I've needed for a long time - people to actually hold me accountable for the things I can do and help me with the things I can't. I struggle a lot with social anxiety but for some reason when I know their job is to help me the anxiety just fizzles away and I don't shut up about my problems lol.
That is remarkable. Is this in the UK? Does it take just getting an official diagnosis to completely shift from being trapped between getting just about functional and being wiped out (where there is no space) to offers of everyday living support? I'm booked to talk to a psychologist, that specialises in autism and ADHD, at the end of February. The psychologist might be able to give me an official 'yay or nay'. So, then, I'm hoping I will be put in touch with top flight autistic employment agencies. Right now - I've got JC+ phoning every fortnight (give or take) to ask me what I have done to find wholly unsuitable and unsustainable employment. And that's death. I get about two days, between the Green Mile walks, where I'm not overcome with anxiety about it but it's not long enough to get anything done. They connected me to their own agency without, apparently, being aware that it would involve me driving eighty miles per day (when I don't have a car and there is no public transport) in order to attend 'back to work', but with cognitive and functional problems, help sessions. When I realised that I was expected to drive - I called this agency to see if there was an online or telephone (don't like telephone conversations but I can do it) version. I spoke to somebody who was utterly inflexible and disinterested in figuring out how to make the whole thing operable. So, that's just me failing again! I'm pinning my hopes on an official diagnosis putting me into a different stream. I want the perfect job (and it won't be, what JC+ keeps trying to hurl me at, in customer interface however much an intensity of concern and ability to recall seemingly minor details really impresses those wanting to fill customer interface positions) so I don't have to wallow in terror, constantly, of the impending JC+ hectoring. I'm hoping I'll be connected with agencies that actually know their stuff. You appear to have found excellent support. I'm not sure I need as much, as you, but it would be really refreshing to be offered it. :) I don't think I'd be comfortable with having strangers around me all the time, anyway, even if they are trying to help me.
@@batintheattic7293 yes I'm in the UK, and it wasn't as simple as just getting an official diagnosis, I was diagnosed at a young age and after ~20 years of minimal support I am still privileged in that I have (somewhat) supportive parents who helped me through the process of getting the rare social worker who wasn't completely clueless about autism, who then referred me to this service. I've been through the JC ringer too, I felt like if anything it made it HARDER for me to get in the headspace to work! I was also anxious about seeing strangers at first but they introduced me slowly and I grew accustomed to it after a few weeks. If you are able to work and have the income for it you might be able to refer yourself to Agincare or a similar care company for young adults with autism. Expensive, though. If you are able to get a diagnosis I would contact your local council and see if you can get assigned a social worker that has experience with autism so they can find you the right support services. Good luck with your search.
I've struggled with a million things since I was a toddler too. My training did not begin until I became verbal at age 9, by training I mean they trained us for talking, walking, eating, socializing, life survival skills, and creating things out of paper or other materials which were recycled later. I always enjoyed creating things out of recycled materials, creating art, and playing with puzzles but my damn shaky hands and my butter fingers would make mistakes or a mess. My family did not know about my diagnosis yet but they put me through a rough training until my 18th birthday. It wasn't until five years ago, at age 29 I was finally diagnosed with AuDHD/ ASD and high tendencies of self-harm. But most definitely doing daily chores, making eye contact, self-care, etc was and still is excruciating. My coach was amazing at helping me with daily chores, creating to-do lists, helping me remember things, and even training me on multi-tasking. My present coach Cassius is an amazing person who enjoys the same activities as me: cleaning, reading, tai-chi, yoga, video gaming, arts and music. I just wish more Autistic people had someone like him in their lives.
I'm not autistic (I don't think), I probably have a few of the common traits though, but I do have ADHD and it gets so boring just learning about my own neurodivergence sometimes, and I have a few friends on the spectrum, so I'm glad I stumbled across you're channel... Very interesting videos and I find some of it pretty relatable! I have the same thing I think but with hunger and thirst where I'll think I'm hungry or thirsty but then won't be able to recognise when I'm no longer thirsty or full so I'll just keep eating till I feel stuffed a lot of the time or wind up starving hungry an hour later and I'll either drink too much water in one go and then feel a bit sick, or drink too little and get very headachy. Then when it comes rk temperature I'm never a comfortable temperature. I'm constantly fluctuating between feeling too hot then too cold than too hot again depending on what I'm doing and I have shit circulation, so the rest of me can be a comfortable temperature while I've lost all feeling in my hands. Showering is the absolute worst! For me I hate the before and after so much, the actual showering feels good usually. I have eczema and the hot water massively drys out my skin so I basically have to drown myself in moisturising cream afterwards (which takes ages!) and wander around the house basically in the nude for half an hour so it can set in, so by the rime I eventually get dressed I'm absolutely freezing and my extremities have usually gone numb and because I haven't showered in absolutely ages, that takes ages too- so basically I never have the time and put it off so much till I feel gross enough that it motivates me to hop in the shower. Absolutely dispise it! I think it would be so much easier to do if I didn't have exzema though 😢
I have also been told to stop shouting so many times by people and been unaware i was and i can also relate to not being loud enough when meeting strangers so when i do i pray they heard me because when i hear the words, what? or pardon?. I feel like dying on the spot knowing i have to say it again 😂
Showers, I have temp regulation problems too. Sometime I have to get into a hot shower just get warm again, I literally can't get warm even under pile of blankets. I can be cold when it's +30 Celsius out.
I really wish that the entire world would adopt a universal standard of measurement....it drives me nuts to hear someone saying it's 30 degrees out and comfortable when 30 degrees is two degrees below freezing. Same thing applies to measurements of distance why can't we all just use a uniform standard of miles instead of kilometers?
The majority of the world has done what you ask. There are only 3 countries that have not officially recognized the metric system. As an American I understand the frustration when it is not the system you grew up with. I was constantly telling my boss I don't think in metric, but it is by far the better system. Much more logical.@@michaezell4607
That's interesting that you would mention temperature regulation problems today. I've been freaking out and taking my temperature every 10 minutes since yesterday when I just happened to take my temperature and it was 95.5. That's only half a degree before mild hypothermia is diagnosed. I'm 98.4 degrees right now, which is good, but it fluctuates between 98.5 and 95.5. I'm keeping my eye on it as I've never noticed that before on me. Now I'm repetively taking my temperature. My hands and feet get cold but that in and of itself doesn't seem to affect the core body temperature on me because it can be high or low even if my hands are hot or cold. I'm on a new medication for my ADHD but everything I read about it says it can raise body temperature at the same time as causing coldness in the extremities. I'm actually significantly worried but I struggle with worry anyways. If I don't have something to worry about....I'll find something to worry about. I'm AuDHD with a splash of OCD.
Many neurodivergent people struggle with many aspects of life beyond social and academic skills, more so than a lot of people would realize. So it's definitely great that you speak on these issues and get the word out there. I'm dyspraxic and struggle with personal hygiene and household organization but probably for different reasons than what you endorse with your unique autistic variant. I don't know how well I can speak for other dyspraxics in this regard but in my case, it's more of a case where motor and executive function impairments just slow down every thing I do, making simple things like showering shaving, preparing meals, etc very expensively time consuming. I do shower and shave daily and for health reasons, prepare all of my meals from scratch, using raw minimally processed ingredients. But I just wish it didn't take me so long. I often lament how much life I miss out on because everything takes me so long to properly execute.
My life dream is to build a "programmer monastery" so I can have the meals prepared from scratch, using whole heirloom foods while I focus on my special interest (programming). The food problem really does need to be addressed by someone capable of monk-like effort, namely someone whose special interest is preparing food in a way we can all agree is more-or-less "right."
I don't shower or shave daily, as I find it excessive, but I do cook every meal from scratch for me and my gf, and honestly, most days it's like a full time job. I never cease to amaze myself at how long it takes me to do stuff... (though the quality is usually pretty good, to my credit).
@@NickleJ exactly, I literally find meal prep to be tantamount to a full time job often totaling around 8 hours per day on most days. At seven days a week, that even constitutes as full time under contemporary neoliberal global capitalism, 😆
I can absolutely relate with the shower thing. It takes me days to get up the energy- physical, mental, and emotional to do it and I hate that it takes me that long. It makes me feel like I'm dirty somehow. I can certainly wear the same clothes daily but I can at least get myself to change those daily without nearly as much difficulty. With the showering I thought if I bought products that I like that that would help, and I am finally an appointment my life where I can afford to do so to an extent, but it doesn't really make much of a difference. I still struggle with it. And it's not like I don't like being wet I just don't like the transition I guess? Going from drive to wet, wet to dry. My idea of the ideal would be like in those science fiction books that I love so much where it's like a sonic shower you just step in and all of the grime is just blitzed off you and you don't even have to take off anything you're just clean in a matter of seconds. I also have to do grocery shopping every other day because my kids and I have varied tastes and in order to accommodate everyone I have found it best to keep it flexible because otherwise one or more of us will go to bed starving because we won't eat it. And that just isn't okay. When they were much younger it wasn't quite so bad but once they hit middle school it was like a whole new ball game- they were willing to go to bed without food and I won't stand for that. And I can't blame them because I'm the same way. If I don't like a food I'm not going to eat it, so why should I force them to eat food that they don't like either?
It took me decades to realize I don't have to do several things every day to have okay hygiene, i could do part of one thing at a time as I have the energy for it. There'd been pressure to do all the things normal people do all the time, but usually "all" actually means "some" to them. They just cherrypick the data and call the rest "exceptions." It's like claiming you scored 100% on 3/4 of a test. They just seem to genuinely believe themselves, and judge us for identifying our imperfections.
I definitely get the toilet thing. Before I understood that I'm autistic it would confuse people when I would ask "what if I need the toilet?" And they would respond "Do you need the toilet?" And I would say "I don't think so, but what if I do?" For them it didn't matter because they could understand their bodily signals and find a toilet within plenty of time. But for me, I need to know where the toilet is ahead of time so that I can go as soon as I need to.
I struggle with showering too. I hate being dirty and I get self conscious about it, but I often times avoid it even if I really want to. I hate being wet and I hate being cold even more. I have curly hair so my hair also takes hours to dry and if I don’t dry it properly or wear something that can catch the drips the water will run down my neck and send me into fits. I only shower at night because of that and because I can’t stand putting clothes over my still damp skin. The only comfy clothes in that case are either none or something very loose, which I normally don’t like to wear out of the house. If I have to rush, I won’t shower. If I’m in the shower, I love it so much I have to soak up every hot steamy second and quick showers take away all the enjoyment which, in my mind, makes it pointless. And god forbid I live somewhere where the water goes cold after 10 minutes. Showers haven’t been a simple affair for me ever and it’s very stressful. That said, recently I’ve been taking them nearly every day since I’ve been working at my new job. It’s kind of a warehouse/retail job and the place is dirt incarnate. I have to kneel and sit on the floor a lot throughout the day and there isn’t a moment I’m not fully cognizant of the filth and grime on me. Even when I wash my hands multiple times they still feel dirty. All I can think of by the time I get home is washing it all away so I can relax again, so it’s become a core part of my routine. Now I get more stressed out if I don’t shower. Edit: I also struggle with brushing and flossing my teeth. I’ve gotten into it as a part of my routine in the last couple years but it’s still a heave and a ho to get me there and I’m mostly motivated by the fear of losing them. I hate how it feels, mint hurts and tastes bad, and the blood that comes from flossing also tastes bad and makes me feel nauseous. I do it every day now and it helps that I’ve gotten to a point where the taste in my mouth when I wake up feels worse and I feel thrown off and can’t sleep if I can feel plaque in my mouth. It wasn’t always this way because I’d struggle with transitioning from being comfy in my bed to going into the bathroom to subject myself to mild torture. But now I spend all my time in the basement which means I have to go upstairs and past the bathroom to get to my room, so I may as well stop in on the way. The proximity makes the difference for me. It’s been quite a journey and I’ve come a long way. I hope I can maintain these good habits when I inevitably have to move again.
OKAY like, I genuninely thought I just somehow, was really friggin' quiet & I just need to constantly, be so conscious of projecting my voice *every single time* lol WOW, I had no idea that was an autism thing. I am relating to so much in this video 🌸
I've discovered that I prefer it when people complain that I'm speaking too loudly rather than too quietly. I think the associations others make are less negative and detrimental when I'm too loud rather than too quiet. The profundity of their brow furrows is less when I'm too loud. "I can't hear what you're saying. Speak up." always seems accusatory (like I have a Machiavellian reason for speaking quietly).
@@batintheattic7293 That plus society roles forced on us can complicate this, like it's socially acceptable to a lot of people in where I am, that I'm quiet, cuz I'm a five foot white woman. But yeah, I do get frustrated when I have to repeat myself, kinda brings up this feeling of "*sigh* Does anyone listen to me?"
Thank you for vocalizing my struggles in such a nice way. now i can finally communicate what the fuck is going on in my brain every day while "i'm being lazy". i'll just show them this video
Showering for me is difficult because I as an autistic woman with five other diagnosed disabilities outside of autism, have fine motor skill issues in both of my hands that makes getting the shampoo I use out of my hair more difficult and/or it takes me so long to finish washing and using conditioner or apple cider vinegar after washing my hair with shampoo, that I feel I only have e time to squeeze enough Dr. Bronner's Unscented baby mild soap on a silicone cleaner and put enough water to make it suds all over the rest of body except for my hair and face. I also have introception issues. I usually cannot tell when I am hungry and when I am full. I also tend to feel pain worst than it is. I cannot deal with chlorine bleach along with cleaners that are bleach based and ammonia and ammonia based cleaners. Those are too strong smelling for me along with certain smells like farts and poop smells smelling too strong for me. I tend to hear things louder than there are or softer than they are depending on the situation. Yelling to me is too loud for me. I tend to like a lot of flavor on my foods outside of soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper and Dale's seasoning (that I cannot stand the taste if ever). I cannot eat cow's milk and goat's milk in any form since 2018 since my body reacts badly to it that has nothing to do with my autism and 4 other diagnosed disabilities outside of autism. I can for some reason eat buffalo/water buffalo milk and sheep's milk in any form without waking up in the morning having to deal with a stuff runny nose that needs to be blone by a tissue some or a lot. I finally have to use adaptive equipment like an adaptive cutting board with a rocker knife to be able to help cut up fruits and vegetables in different ways. I forgot to mention I have problems with cleaning the inside top of my toilet because I have problems seeing the top of the inside of the toilet nearest me easily even though I have 20/20 vision. I finally own a toilet brush that is bent on the side of it that is supposed to make cleaning the top inside rim of the toilet easier for me. I just need to find the right toilet tab or toilet spray to clean the inside of the toilet better for me.
Thank you for talking about showers, it takes me hours to get into the shower, i shower twice a week. I hate being cold and the sound and feel of the shower water.
Autistic Adult: I’m ok with the shower, (prefer baths) but it takes me Sooo long to cool down afterwards! Trying to get ready to do something when I’m too hot is difficult!
I hate cooking. Too many steps but the worst part is they have to be done at the right time and my brain doesn't process time correctly so it is very hard to do. I used to make big salads. No time related cooking involved. But since I got physical health problems even salads are hard.
Showering i sometimes split up, so doing my hair a different moment than my lower torso. Also, as with many chores as well, to make myself doing chores i for example brew some tea in advance, so when i am done it looks like someone treats me with tea, it is myself, but it helps me keep going. Supermarket also very relatable, i hate doing groceries and the overwelming choise or dissapointment if it's not available.
Defiantly relatable to showering, don't think Ive showered much over this winter, do also struggle with my volume and don't know my own strength too >.>
Think of all the money you've been saving! Everything about showering costs money! Moderation is the key. Do it when you think you really need to rather than trying to fit some imposed ideal. I don't think any of us like to think about how dirty the person we're talking to is. Most of the time, though, it has to be very dirty indeed to be noticeable. And many more of us, than care to admit, don't adhere to the imposed regimen. I have a C Section scar that lets me know when I really should shower. It takes about four days and then I notice it getting itchy and I don't like what happens next if I leave it itchy. My hands get a hell of a lot of washing. That's the important thing. Nobody needs to be concerned if I make them a sandwich - so long as they don't go near my scar.
@@batintheattic7293 xD I don't beat myself up about it too much, is just executive dysfunction from my ADHD side that stops me reinforced by sensory issues on the autism side xD they work together in a rare few cases to disable me xD, if I need to be clean Ill force myself through the unpleasantness, but I won't do it easily just for me >.
Lately my interoception issue has been hunger signals. I get this irritated feeling that I can't pinpoint, and then I see what time it is and go, "Shit, I haven't had lunch and it's nearly 1pm!" And clumsiness, too. I'm amazed that I haven't broken a toe given how many times I've stubbed them on furniture legs, doorways, or other random objects.
Absolutely relate to the task switching thing, especially for stuff I want to do/love doing. It can be incredibly hard to make myself start something even if I really want to do it, but once I am able to get started I do it for like 4-6 hours straight without breaks. I also really struggle with volume regulation. I frequently get very loud and only realize how I am talking and the volume after I've already embarrassed myself, and sometimes I get very quiet and cannot make myself speak any louder.
My sensory issues around personal hygiene are worse than those around showering lol, that’s the only reason I manage to shower everyday 😂 I also have thick/long hair that I only wash once every one to two weeks (that I tend to put off until I can no longer take it); the rest of the time I put it up so it doesn’t get wet BECAUSE wet hair is one of my worst sensory triggers 😬
My sleep schedule got messed up 4 days ago and I still haven't recovered mentally from waking up a couple hours later than usual 🙃 Also last week I went to go get some snacks from the convenience store (I was starving and leaving the house is a Big Deal), only to realize I forgot my wallet, which meant I didn't eat and now I can never go back there again lol. Huge meltdown. It takes so long to bounce back from setbacks.
I feel like the grooming expectations for women are quite hard. Possibly curling/straightening hair, makeup, shaving and moisturizing everywhere, doing nails, and trying to dress stylishly, it’s confusing and exhausting. I don’t bother with most of it anymore. I do shower and brush my hair regularly. If it’s a special occasion I will wear makeup and I have a friend or family member confirm that the outfit I selected is appropriate for the occasion (this is something I struggled with when I was younger).
Your room looks similar to mine with having so much stuff in it and the cat water fountain on the floor 😂. I also think I have autism and am pursuing a diagnosis.
Oh mi'god! This is nuts! You're *me*! It's like watching *meself* tell others about *my* life!... Uncanny. I'm *literally* stunned. I feel so seen AND called out, rn. Like it's endlessly validating & comforting to know that it's not just me, that someone else 'gets it'; But it's just as shameful and cringey to see one's own greatest issues 'publicly broadcast' like that, as well. I hope that makes sense; I don't mean to come off rude. I just have alot of shame around it. But it feels incredible to've found this video, and I want to encourage you, congratulate you and praise you for your honesty, bravery and effort & commitment to putting this content out here, for others - like me - to find!
Dont worry it us not just you. After watching the video I have also seen myself completely in it. There are days of "better" executive functioning and also the worse ones but every person does its best 👍
Never heard this term before. But i do not feel embarrassed (I think). or anyhow bad. Alexithymia does not help 😐. What it means in relation to the video ?@@f2dw
Oh I'm sorry Tomas, I meant to address my reply to Alexandra who commented before you about feeling cringey. I am not used to the controls on here so am not sure how to address her specifically. I apologize if it looks like a reply to your comment. I don't know if individuals that experience alexithymia can experience vicarious embarrassment or not. I feel like it requires a lot of mirror neurons to experience vicarious embarrassment and individuals with alexithymia have a deficit in mirror neurons.
No problem 😄. Yeah it seemed to be answer to me. Thanks for explaining. It confused me a little because i think there is nothing to be embarrassed about any struggle mentioned in the video.@@f2dw
I don’t have a mid range on the voice either people can’t hear me and they say I mumble… default or When I actually have to project my voice to be heard then I’m told are. you’re yelling at me. 😢 I found that the voice issue for me is more that I don’t seem to have the breath capacity to speak in the mid range it really hurts actually when I have to yell and it’s really hard on me so I’m very low voice actually is my COPD default maybe more than autism but I’m also not aware that I’m yelling or I appear that I’m yelling when I’m trying to project my voice so a lack of self-awareness is likely autism🤷♀️ And yes it’s either too hot or too cold Goldilocks does not happen in my life of just write very often but it’s so nice when it does. And yes the not knowing you need to urinate until the very last minute is quite traumatizing actually and while I can tell you it doesn’t get better with age and only gets worse I’m 60 and it’s a lot worse🤷♀️ And I’m so extremely sensitive to sense that I have the diagnosis of multiple chemical sensitivity but I also get the sensitivity reaction and qualify for the mast cell activation diagnosis so it just kind of goes together and then it’s like but is that just a part of autism they seem to hang out together🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ Having to transition just totally sucks. Can’t get yourself to go to bed can’t get yourself to get out of bed can’t get yourself to go to work can’t get yourself to leave work it has nothing to do with wanting to do something it’s just the transition. Same with the shower don’t wanna get in the shower don’t wanna get out of the shower there doesn’t seem to be any boundaries with this one don’t want to start eating don’t want to Decide what to eat but then once I’m eating I don’t want to stop eating that thing😅
I have a lot of the same food issues. I can't plan ahead, I have no idea what food I will be able to eat or what energy I will have to prepare it. The hungrier I am, the less I can eat. My functioning drops until I am in full shutdown. If I go to the store, I am exhausted for days after. I can't make a list or plan ahead so my husband can shop as I need to look at everything to compare prices and quality and to know what to eat. Yet, most weeks, I don't have the energy to leave home. If I am away from home, I can't plan what to bring and can't manage prices going out. Plus, I have allergies and many sensitivities. I agree. It is a real struggle.
Part of what stresses me out about showering is any changes. If the curtain moves due to the water pressure (and especially if it touches me), if a bottle slides, if my razor falls off, or especially if the water temp changes, it sends me. I must control the entire environment, and if it changes during an event that already stresses me out and takes so much energy, then I’m done. Also, I spend at least ten minutes total in the shower taking the every little strand hair off my hands 😅
Thank you so much. Personal hygine is a huge problem, and I push it away as far as I can. All of it is a problem - brushing teeth, washing hair (never in the shower, I can't stand the touch of wet hair - stand bend over to wash it), clipping nails... And, as you said, it's a thing where I'm ashamed to mention it anyone, I pretend I'm doing stuff sometimes so others don't think I'm such a huge slob, A day/moment when I can push one more day to not do it is my little victory. I am OK with shopping once I finally leave the house, but I choose hours with fewer people. I eat more or less similar things, but always must have a few options, as I don't know what I will like. I force myself to cook for multiple days, freeze some, so I don't have to waste the time to cook. I live with my Mom (also autistic, but I also have ADHD, so different) and it forces me to do stuff I hate for her sake. I feel if I lived alone, I would be eating much worse than now. All the other things - "screaming", unusual strength, inability to switch tasks, to clean around the house (waste of time), etc.
12:48 I constantly have this problem where I think I'm talking at a normal volume but then nobody can hear me because I'm talking too quiet. And then I get so annoyed and think people are ignoring me but no its just me
Dammit!! how are you so similar to me. I dislike (bordering on hating) the act of showering, but really like being clean. Although I really like cooking & baking, the speed it just dissolves into a melt-down is ridiculous. "Why do I feel so dam crap? Oh yeah I haven't eaten or drunk for 6 hours."
The way I find myself relating more and more to you for every video of yours, pertaining to ASD, that I watch. ...On top of that, I'm quite literally watching this as I'm putting off showering and the point you made about body temperature regulation throughout the entire showering process is SO real and accurate to my experience aswell. I'm glad someone else seems to be sharing practically all of my autistic traits and hardships, whilst openly articulating them like this, it definitely helps me feel more validated. ❤️
I have a thing where (miraculously), I shower every day. Didn’t realize that is a struggle with people on asd. But my thing is I really don’t feel like eating or starting breakfast, etc. until I’ve showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, etc. If I try to eat in between steps I get thrown off and don’t do so well. It took me until about a year ago to realize trouble with transitions is a thing. (I’m 55) my last family vacation a few months ago I would wake up a few hours early to shower and I was usually done with breakfast as the rest of the people in our air b and b were waking up. All cause I can’t stand eating unless I’m clean first. I don’t know how others do it. And one reason I bring all this up, I can feel the struggle is there. Right below the surface. So before I do anything else, (even if I’m running late), I force myself to get it over with first.
I remember friend saying I'm mad, because I can't eat after either. Because the feeling on teeth makes me feel unclean. And sensory wise I can't abide the Ick feeling. Literally crawl out myself. So coffee, shower. Before anything. The down side is then not eating all day until the evening because else that whole routine would have to happen again.
Yeah, the hot / cold shower thing's a biggie. We used to live in a different horse farm, and the house had real electricity hookup and we could keep my bathroom warm enough, and it was a good walk-in shower with a lot of water pressure and always warm enough, so I didn't have so many problems there. But we got wrongly thrown off that farm by a judge who showed she was an Autistic person hater and went out of her way to make the case go against us because of her extreme prejudices against my being Autistic and she acted joyful at throwing us off our farm, like "take that." And, so, we got another farm, but at first, there was a huge hole in the floor of the house, so we had to put up a tent and get a giant horse water trough, and put cold well water in from the horse hose, and then heat it in order for me to be able to take a bath. That horrible Autistic hating judge was I'm sure laughing HaHaHa that she had done this to someone who is Autistic. But, anyway, I went around 10 months with no way to take a bath or shower at all, and that was bad, The Autism-hating judge did that to me. Finally, when we got the horse water trough bath method hooked up, I could only manage to take one about every 3 weeks because I get too cold and then I can't take off clothes if the air feels too cold, even if the water is hot enough. I only got the water trough bath for a few months, and then it became October and the nights and mornings started getting cold, and I couldn't do any more baths because of the cold air and I can't take being too cold. So, it went a lot longer, and we had to get someone to repair the hole in the floor of the house, and someone else to put a shower head on the shower, before I could get another bath or shower. And, again, oftentimes the air was too cold or the water didn't exactly heat up enough, and I can't do luke warm or cold water, so it was a huge problem. Also, there is no electricity at the new farm, so we had to get a propane heater and propane water heater so we could make the air warm enough for me to take my clothes off and heat the water enough so I could take a shower. And, sometimes the air is just too cold so even with the propane heater, I can't get warm enough to take a shower. And I can't do going from hot to cold, either. I have huge temperature regulation problems. I can't go in and out of places where the air conditioning is turned way too cold inside and it's very hot outside, and go in and out like that, because I can't regulate the temperature differential. Right after I eat dinner, I get very cold for awhile, and have to out on warm clothes, bundle up, and get under blankets, even in the summer. In the winter, it's much worse. And, I can't tell when I'm too hot, either. I start getting sick feeling, but then when I go away from heat or outside if it's much cooler there, I suddenly realise my sick feeling was I was too hot, and I couldn't tell I was too hot. But, yeah, the temperature thing is HUGE. These judges in the United States and in California and Florida treat Autistic people like animals, and they treat their dogs and cats better, so Autistic people just have to try to do the best they can because we don't get any help from the authorities people who are supposed too help us, but instead they Autism hate and they go out of their way to harm us and leave us in inhumane conditions. In California judges left me because they're Autistic haters in situations where the only way I could bathe was out of a farm horse hose with cold water even when there was ice on the ground in California. It was total cruelty toward me by those judges.
Rechargeable candle lights are quite good for portable, gentle light. Probably quite safe in a bathroom too as very little voltage I would think. A quick and easy solution until you decide on other options. Otherwise cheap plastic sunglasses?
Yeah, and I can't switch to doing different things, either using the Neurotypical timer method, and it's so hard to actually get going on some things because either I'm in too much pain to move, or have a huge headache from being made to write, or I'm not in an Autistic flow, then I can't just get up and start a task, And, even if I can get up to get another cup of coffee, that doesn't mean I can start some certain other types of things. Also, if I get overloaded, then sometimes I have to go into shutdown, and whether I get overloaded usually depends on some Neurotypical overloading me with their Neurotypical ways and expectations that are totally unrealistic for someone who is Autistic. And, like last nite, my rain boot heel got hung on the filly fence when I went through to feed them dinner, and it wouldn't come free, and threw me forward, and I got thrown down on the ground face first on on my knees with my head in the dirt in the filly shed, and all the grain went on the ground, and I hit the ground right between four fillies feet, down on the ground with them looking at me. And that hurt, especially my knees. So, this morning, I'm not physicially moving very fast, because too much pain. But, on other days, there can be many other reasons for pain. And, that's one thing. But, if I manage to get in an Autistic flow, I have to take advantage of that flow, because I can't do that all the time or just summon it to happen, and then I can't change to a different thing. And, sometimes I can't do anything at all to switch out of that, because some Neurotypical overloaded me or got pushing me to go faster than I can go and caused an overload and I shut down, and then I have to recover from that. So yeah. switching tasks is a huge problem, and I definitely can't do it on Neurotypical expectations, time schedules, and demands - even under Neurotypical threats to punish me or do something bad to me. I'm Autistic and my brain and body don't work that way.
Despite having an Aspergers (now Autism Spectrum) diagnosis I think I've changed as a person since I got it. I've become more neurotypical and been able to cope more. The main problem for me is if I don't have anybody living with me to make me accountable to myself I start to struggle. A lot. I'm not a very independent person. I have sensory issues around certain textures of food still and around large crowds and lots of noise which make me very anxious. Also feel the cold a lot more and tend to sweat a lot when its incredibly warm in Summer. I constantly switch between doing things to the point where I don't finish them too!
I can also move furniture quite easily until my eds started effecting me too badly. The volume of my voice is definitely annoying too. Thx you bring up great points and I love how honest and frank you are😊
While I dont wish these struggles upon anyone, it is somehow calming to know I'm not alone in this. I don't have my diagnosis yet, my second diagnostic appointment was two days ago so now I gotta wait, but I struggles with all of these things the same and it makes my life unbearable most days. For showering specifically I found it is a little easier to wash instead. So my mom told me a few days ago that you dont need to shower to be clean, you can also wash your hair and wash the most important parts of your body with a wash cloth. That way you can shower every other week but still keep fresh where you need to. I'm still struggling to believe her in this regard but I'm trying that at the moment, as showers are also physically so exhausting, that I have to lay down for an hour or two afterwards. Hope this helps anyone maybe.
The biggest issue I have interpersonally is being spontaneous. I can do it for myself, like adding a shopping stop on my way home or getting some snack, but if I'm asked to go do something, for an unknown amount of time, to a potentially unknown place, without my car, it's a huge drain even if I have fun. Then I'm down and exhausted for up to a week, or longer if other stuff is going on in my life. I've had a few relationships fizzle out because I get comfortable and yet am always in recovery mode. It's honestly a nightmare to date, even more so than meeting new people I'm not going to date.
Thank you so much for making this. Also who cares about the showering. My first thought when I opened this, before you started talking, was that your hair looks really cool. I liked how it matches the red shirt you are wearing. Anyway, really enjoyed the content as always. Thanks again!
I believe that once society (at large) accepts and understands autism, that a lot of its problems will be solved. I hope your videos will bring more understanding to (NT) people so they'll / can understand it better, even if it is a little bit, that is better than nothing, and a whole lot better than the opposite (such as hate and over pathologization). Although I agree it will take effort to create an understanding, I think they'll manage, if they want to.
Shaving my head completely was one of the best things I've done. Luckily I also loved the way I looked too. I regrew my hair out of peer pressure. So many asking when I'm growing my "loveky curle back". That question would make me cry, they made me feel like I looked terrible with a shaved head.
I can totally relate ❤ I am 50 years old and my therapist brought to my attention that I am autistic. She asked me a series of questions and suggested that I find a psychologist to get an assessment. This was all last year when it occurred to me that I indeed am autistic. My therapist told me her son is autistic and that we share the same traits. I can definitely relate to the not wanting to shower. Or wearing the same clothes over and over. I have to remind myself to change into different clothes day by day because I have a TH-cam channel and if I don't wear something different on each video my subscribers get confused as to which video is which. I like your channel ❤
When you mentioned that you can’t eat even if you’re ravenous, that reminded me of cats, the most autistic animal :’) hahaha, they do the same I’m also autistic and I can relate sooooo much! Except for the strength, I’m the other way around, I look like I should have more strength but I’m so physically weak 😂
I have that! I think I'm dyspraxic (my brother is diagnosed dyspraxic so...) so my hands sometimes just forget how much pressure to use to hold things like my cutlery & I will drop it! Really annoying when it happens & messy if I'm eating soup 🤣
@@laura.bseyoga I'm investigating that myself. It seems that nobody really knows if it should be considered part of the autistic traits or if it is a comorbidity. I walk into door frames a lot, am horrible at things like miniature golf and sometimes my hands will randomly fling things by exerting too much pressure, etc.
Also, I can't do the cooking and house cleaning. I've never been able to cook meals. So, my husband, who is actually also Autistic, has to cook all my means for me, and house clean. so, there's that, too.
I'm pretty sure you could do at least some of the cooking & cleaning. You don't need to make an entire meal, I almost never do. You just need to know how to do a few very basic things to be able to feed yourself. You could slice a cucumber & red pepper, add some cooked chicken or a can of rinsed beans or nuts or cheese whatever other veggies you had & make a salad with or without dressing. You could cut up some fruit & put it in a bowl. You could open a can or a carton of soup & heat it up. You could boil a few eggs, peel them, mash them & add some mayo & salt & pepper for egg salad. You could add yoghurt and berries to a blender and make a smoothie. You could totally feed yourself without help, you would just need to eat basic, non complicated things. As far as cleaning, I struggle with strong smells, but I just found one that didn't bother me & I pace myself if I don't have a lot of energy. Now I make my own cleaners so I have control over smells & chemicals etc.
For cleaning, just do a little at a time starting from top to bottom. (ie Countertops, then floor) I never clean the whole bathroom or whole kitchen in one day. I'll clean the countertop, sink & mirror & sweep the bathroom floor. The next day I'll scrub clean the shower & toilet, next day I'll take out the trash & scrub the kitchen sink & counter & stovetop. You get the idea, just pace yourself, you can totally clean
I also have trouble task switching. I call it perseverating when I get stuck in an activity. It happens a lot. I find unscented products smell like lard. I can't use them as they make me nauseous. If the scent is too strong or chemical, it gives me a bad headache, though. I am allergic or sensitive to soaps and shampoos. My skin feels like it is burning when I use any, even natural products. I can't afford to buy expensive hypoallergenic products, and what I have tried still burns. I shower. But I dread it. I want to shave my head the irritation is so bad, but I hate even having short hair. Thanks for making these videos by the way. It is good to know I am not the only one who struggles with these things. Oh, and have literal nightmares over using public bathrooms or even shared bathrooms or food areas, so leaving home is extremely stressful for me.
In regard to the unknowingly speaking at higher volumes, I totally relate!!! I have always either been too loud or too quiet. I saw a video once and they discussed a possible cause for it. Neurodivergent brains process sensory input differently than neurotypical brains do. The person said because everything sounds louder to us and we are picking up on so many noises, so the volume of our voices tend to raise as well. Not sure how much validity this has, but I thought it was interesting. 🙂
I used to have a reputation for accidentally breaking toys and such... video game controllers, any kind of knob or trigger, etc. Knowing or controlling how much force to put into an action has always been a struggle for me, as well as the volume of my voice thing. Honestly they're more or less the same problem to my mind.
As someone who also likes long hair and can't stand the feeling of wet hair on me, I cut my hair shorter (chin length) and now I get braids. Not cornrows, but just medium knotless braids, down to my butt. Now I have pretty long hair, and no need to wash it. Best thing I have ever done for my sensory issues when it comes to hair, and a little bit my vanity. 😂
Two of my favorite historical people were Saint Jerome who did not believe in the pagan practice of washing and Saint Francis of Assissi who was removed from the Vatican by security for being a scruff. Anybody who objects to smells is free to examine their own person to see if all parts smell of roses.. You're coping with things that some normal people could never survive through.
That's interesting that you would mention temperature regulation problems today. I've been freaking out and taking my temperature every 10 minutes since yesterday when I just happened to take my temperature and it was 95.5. That's only half a degree before mild hypothermia is diagnosed. I'm 98.4 degrees right now, which is good, but it fluctuates between 98.5 and 95.5. I'm keeping my eye on it as I've never noticed that before on me. Now I'm repetively taking my temperature. My hands and feet get cold but that in and of itself doesn't seem to affect the core body temperature on me because it can be high or low even if my hands are hot or cold. I'm on a new medication for my ADHD but everything I read about it says it can raise body temperature at the same time as causing coldness in the extremities. I'm actually significantly worried but I struggle with worry anyways. If I don't have something to worry about....I'll find something to worry about. I'm AuDHD with a splash of OCD.
Hey. I hope you got this figured out, but if you are freaking out and checking your temp all the time, stop. Your body temp fluctuates throughout the day -- it's normal. I've struggled with health anxiety, too. What you are doing is a form of body scanning. Because your brain is looking for something wrong, it's finding it. Try to focus on something else
@@artmakeslight Hey thanks for the information! I have the temperature thing figured out. When I went to the ER I compared the temperature they got versus the temperature from my thermometer. There's was about a degree and a half higher, which means my brand new thermometer was off. I returned it to the store. However, as I was talking to triage I mentioned really bad calf pain that felt like a Charlie Horse. They found an acute superficial blood clot in my calf. That's better than deep vein but I still don't like it. Plus it hurts. I've had a slipped disk that had to be fused because it was endangering my spinal cord, detached retinas on both eyes, cataract lenses misplaced causing blindness, tortioned testical, and my Psoriatic Arthritis sometimes causes my optic nerve to swell mimicking a stroke due to momentart vision loss as if I'm looking through a camera lens that got a rain drop on it or like looking through a glass of watered down milk. Many of these issues have taken 5 or 6 trips to the ER to diagnose because they kept sending me home. Now my PTS from that causes me to have health anxiety, which is a really polite way of saying I'm a Hypochondriac now. Your right though about trying to place my mind on something else instead of sitting here worrying. Then I get anxiety and chest pain and I'm like, "Oh my God! It's on the move!" I'm just going to sit here and listen to music...that should help for a while until I start to worry that the bruise on my hand from the IV may be getting infected. Here we go again! Oh dear...I feel dizzy. Just kidding on the dizzy. Have a great week!
Heyyyy for the lighting issue when showering, (I have light sensitivity too) I use electric candles or sometimes real candlelight when I shower! It’s SO much more relaxing… For the longest time I had a solar powered candle which was the BEST but any kind of candlelight is not too bright for me, relaxing, and turns showering into a spa experience haha 😆 I SO relate to not buying food for the week as well! I’m really big on intuitive eating and it makes it really hard sometimes to plan, like for example I tried to this week but I got sick so that was a reset on what I thought I needed 😅 sooo annoying…
All of this is relatable, but I'm especially intrigued by the strength thing. I'm also an exceptionally physically strong woman right out of the gate without any training, and my dad who is a lifter noticed it when I was 7 and deadlifted 100lb barbell with no issue just because it was sitting there and gave it a try lol I knew about correct form from watching dad. My husband is a lifter and is big on keeping charts and looked into what category I fall into, but as a novice I was strong enough to be competitive. Now I do train because it's fun, but funny enough I hate deadlifts because they scrape my shins and that just sends me out of my body 😱
I do relate to the showering one to an extent, particularly the temperature changes being a nightmare. Recently I bought a space heater to at least make the transition between in/out shower be less horrible because I'd just be a shivery mess every time. If I've found it in my to exercise before the shower it's goes a lot easier though, and the whole being sweaty is more of a discomfort than pushing myself into the shower at that point. With food I essentially just... eat on a schedule rather than trying to rely on when I'm hungry. Breakfast and lunch are virtually always the same thing. I've had the same breakfast pretty much every day for probably over 15 years now, and my lunches also remain almost entirely static. It is definitely a source of distress if I'm out of some stuff for these though. Dinner gets stressful a lot but my partner and I are now tending more toward making larger batches and then eating the same dinner for the next 3-4 days. Also trying to ditch the shame around grabbing microwave meals or ordering takeout; fortunately we're in a position where we can afford it. Switching tasks: gosh, yeah getting out of bed in the morning and starting off _getting ready_ for bed are really damn difficult. Recently I just sat at my computer for 1.5 hours straight just clicking from discord channel to discord channel instead of going to bed, while telling myself I had to go to bed the entire time. I'm always tired and then just... don't give myself the chance to actually get enough sleep. I do like the whole chaining of tasks like you mention; once I get up and going I do tend to find task after task, to the point I feel like I _need_ to do all of them because if I go sit down it's not going to happen. I suppose bathing also ties into this point; if I lay down in the bath instead of showering, I just get fucking stuck there. I'll lay there easily up to an hour watching the tap drip twice a minute, getting increasingly uncomfortable as the water cools only to then finally wash myself while almost sobbing about the discomfort of starting to do so and/or the temperature change. And yet I'll still routinely go "oh yeah a bath sounds nice and relaxing". Welp I've written a lot. Can't stop myself but I'll throw in the disclaimer that I'm recently self-realised autistic (a bunch of things clicked in place in November when I learned about masking and alexithymia for the first time after scoring "weirdly" high on the RAADS-R). Currently waiting to hear back whether I get to be on the waiting list for assessment after a lengthy pre-assessment paper questionnaire and all that. It's been about a month. The imposter syndrome is hitting hard, and this is the first time I'm even acknowledging it all in a public place, but I guess I'm glad I wrote this. I've been really enjoying your videos, they're by far the most relatable ones I've seen on youtube, and I've been watching ehm, a _lot_ on the topic. I know ThE AlGoRiThm isn't as much of a fan of content that isn't hyper-optimized to reel people in, but it's honestly just such a breath of fresh air. So just want say a sincere thank you for talking to us as openly as you do. I expect there's quite a few folks like me who don't (yet) allow themselves to be heard, getting a lot out of it.
Task switching is a nightmare for me too, i eventually started wallpapering my stairs a year aftef buying the stuff but that made start wallpapering the other 3 rooms i wanted done at the same time so now i have the dilemma of which one am i going to continue with before stating 😂😂
I think I figured out something critical, recently. Allistic people - I think they live their lives like 'tacking stitch' (do this and then this and then this etc.). Autistic people, perhaps, are more naturally 'back stitch' people. So, we start something and then we go back a little bit, then we jump forward, then we go back a little bit. Eventually, so long as we are maintaining the line, it's a very strong stitch. So, for instance, I want to do something. I start doing it but it needed another step in place to be effective. So then I do that thing. Then I can 'finish' the first thing but, in doing that, another step has manifested. And it goes on like that. That's how things get done for me. And now I'm not trying to do the prescribed tacking stitch any more! I am, somewhat, at peace. Edit: Because I realise you may be confused as to how this relates to your predicament.. You planned meticulously. You got all the stuff you needed. Your attempt to do it all, according to your plan, step by step - it's not working very well is it? You're beating yourself up because you think your problem is massive. It's because you want to rigidly follow your own plan. You want to put the wallpaper up - but where is the paste, or the paste brush, and should you maybe clean the walls first? Launch. You'll do a bit and then realise - yeah, I really need that special brush. So you find a brush (might not be the perfect one) but you get another length up. Then the pasting table turns up just where you are sure you already looked. My point is - you don't need all the steps laid out in a linear fashion. If you are set on the tacking stitch - you'll never get anything done.
I struggle with every single point haha. The task switching one most of all. When I was working and someone would try to make me do something while I was in the middle of doing something else (that I always had to prepare for to do things in a way that was easiest and quickest for me and took so much bloody time) I would literally get so frustrated that I probably sounded like a had a really bad attitude. Really I was just mad because someone was telling me to do something else when all my energy was going into what I was already trying to do. Also simply being told what to do just makes me instantly mad.
I imagine I'm a juggernaut made of ectoplasm. I can build up good speed, if I'm on a straight road, but heaven help me if there's an obstacle or I need to take a bend in which case juggernaut and ectoplasm will revert to following their own physical laws. Wheels, such as they are, will want to go one way and everything else just carries on the existing trajectory with the existing momentum.
Oh gosh, I feel you on the shower thing it is such an ordeal. Not for the same reasons as you entirely (temp regulation yes) but there are just soo many steps and a number of them are unpleasant. As you spoke about it, I was thinking of what I'd do in your situation to make it less unpleasant. 1. Privacy film- it doesn't have glue, its not permanent, basically a little water and it clings to glass until you peel it off. Its very inexpensive, if you used a matte white you'd still get a lot of light, just less harsh so it could make mid-day showering less harsh on the eyes 2. Wax earplugs. It's like moldable putty, it reduces sound, and its waterproof. I've used them during a float in a sensory deprivation tank, they are a lot less annoying than other earplugs 3. Mix unscented and scented soaps into a bottle to create a lighter scent that is less offensive but still helps you get that "clean" smell achieved. Its certainly not a perfect solution, but making something 5% less annoying is still 5% less annoying. When you mentioned morning showers, I used to do that- and honestly, everything about them bothered me less aside from being tired. I think that may be because I was still drowsy, so I wasn't alert enough to notice all the things, my brain was just stuck on how mad I was to be awake, haha. But also maybe just because I still had all my spoons (see spoon theory if that reference made no sense)
And, these Autism hating judges constantly let other side's lawyers give them the Neurotypical "gist" that my husband and I are "law school graduates" and then that makes them all have a false concept of my daily life, because they don't ever clue in on my extreme daily struggles due to being Autistic that i've had ever since I was a child, all through all parts of my life, and now, and they don't have any idea ! And, every time I try to tell them I'm Autistic, or try to raise being Autistic as an issue, or give them some materials to educate them about Autism, they just skip right over it and continue to say and do things that shows they have this portrayal of my daily life as being like some Neurotypical abelist 25 year old right out of law school with no daily struggles at all. And, that has inflicted such vast harm on me, because I do have daily, and I mean daily, struggles due to being Autistic. Most people who really know me can't believe with the daily struggles I have that I have achieved some of the things I have, and these Neurotypicals and Neurotypical lawyers and judges invalidate all of that, invalidate me, and treat me like I'm broken and need to be fixed. Anyway, good you put out this video, because far too many people have no idea the daily struggles Autistic people can go through. It's not even on their radar.
I’ve managed to get pretty consistent for videos and am slightly louder than a conversational level to make sure everything is caught (or try to anyway), and then edit it down a little, but sometimes I have to boost or turn down certain parts still. I’m happy to know it sounds right!! 🥰
Showers are overrated. But what isn't overrated is climbing! Maybe you've tried it, idk, but with your strength, something like climbing, bouldering, weight lifting, etc. might be fun!
Ugh I feel you on shit being perpetually broken. 2 suggestions that could immediately help the showering: 1. Lighting issue: move a lamp into the bathroom(if you have counter space) or plug a nightlight into an outlet, so you're not having to shower in pitch black if the shower must happen at night. On the flip side, you could use a sheet/blanket/pillow case depending on size need, to cover the window(s?) to soften the light coming through in the day time. (Or curtain of course if you have one, or can afford one you might find at a dollar store or thrift store or something.) 2. Waterproof Ear plugs. Depending on how you feel about them, this might be a "choose the lesser of two evils" situation. I.e.: which is worse: the pressure and feeling of shit in my ears? or the painful overload of too much sound? If PDA says no to these (because affordability, change, not how it "should be", etc., tell it: "I deserve accommodations for my disabilities, and I deserve to find ways to make them happen." Okay on to the rest of the video lol.
I love your accent. Stay blessed, and I hope that you find the support that you need. I wish we were part of the same community so I could interact with you more and we could share our struggles.
my autism is so debilitating, i stopped trying to fit in years ago. i do what works for me. for example i buy all the same brands of clothing and household items. i wear only one color of everything for example i own 20 black crewneck t shirts and 20 black shorts, black underwear, black no show socks, black shoes,black belt with silver buckle so that i am always matching similar to a police officer or a security guard. for foods i will only eat fresh fruits and vegetables or things that don't have to be cooked like sandwiches with lunch meat. i do things a lot differently than most people but i do what works for me. i like simplicity and routine. i usually act calm and serious all the time. i don't talk unless i really have to in real life but on the internet i communicate by writing comments or reviews. i just don't like to have face to face conversations.
I have the screaming pipes. That's what makes me reluctant to shower. I'm okay once I'm in there but it's the knowledge that some issue, possibly connected with the pressure management valve on the roadside regularly failing, causes serious procrastination. I absolutely get it that it is so aggravating when people say things like, "Why don't you just do this.." Maybe we can't afford it. Maybe we could afford it but can't get help to do it. We don't all live in perfectly functioning new builds and we don't all have professional plumbers etc. to contract.
I have that same thing with showering, I can't stand that time when getting out of the shower being wet and cold. Also can't stand having wet hair either.
It is also my case (lifting heavy things), I don't think it's about being strong as much as it is not registering the pain/fatigue because you see it as a task to complete and nothing else. The missing signals is spot on, I sometimes register being cold only when I can't feel my toes and most of the time "cold" is not even the word that comes up in my mind, it's just feeling unwell, stiff. I hate how stupid it sounds, but it is really what happens
I can’t stand showering either. I don’t have a problem with the sound of the shower or the smells of the shower gel and shampoo, but I really struggle with the feeling of being cold when I get undressed and when I get out of the shower. But for me, the worst thing is that I don’t like the way water feels against my skin. So I don’t shower as often as I really should. Doing the washing up is a nightmare. The feel of water is horrible, but the feel of wearing rubber gloves is even worse. I’ve tried all different types of rubber gloves, but they feel so awful that I have to take them off the second I put them on, or I would vomit. So I have to do the washing up with bare hands. I also find that when my hands have been wet for more than a few minutes, I can’t stand to touch paper for about an hour after. I don’t know if it’s because it takes time for my fingertips to regain their coating of oil after they’ve been wet, but paper just feels horrible for a while. My hypersensitivity to touch really gets me down.
I agree about the shower part. I don't like rubber gloves either. The feel and they make my hands smell like rubber. But I can tolerate them if necessary.
I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but would sponge baths instead of showers help any? Becareful lifting the heavy things or you could wind up with permanent back damage, like I have.
Way too much hassle. Sponge baths? At least, in the shower, the water stays mostly in the shower. Standing in front of a sink, or bowl, naked/semi naked and shivering and trying to get clean with just that container of rapidly cooling water and a sponge. A sponge bath is okay if somebody else is doing it to you because you can't move.
@@batintheattic7293 What is too much hassle for one person is a better option for another. You've revealed something that I should clarify, though, so thanks. I meant the sponge bath to be something between the weekly showers and not a full body deal -- just the parts that need washing the most. The water won't get cold before you're done. As far as getting water everywhere, just fill a container and take it to the shower or bathtub with you.
i’m the opposite, i spend way way too long in the shower because i have a very strict cleaning routine i need to go through every day. but it takes a ton of energy and i consider it equally disabling
The food struggle is horrible. Like, I buy everything! I live alone! I should like my options, right? But I don't.
Task switching is a big one. I have ADHD + autism, and many of the things you bring up are entirely relatable
Same/similar with me.
#AuDHD IS my hardware or BIOS, technically expressed.😂😊💚🤓⚠️
@@tomteanders1357yes I know that
I have adhd, NLD and ASD I also have really dificulties in switching tasks. This is incredible. I have difficulties in automatising tasks to. Like for example taking a shower. It takes me much more time than others. So I shower in the evening not in the morning. So that I' m sure I' m on time at my work.
@@tomteanders1357 +1
Indeed
I find my ability to adult depends on how many spoons I have/ how well rested I am/ my anxiety levels/ my mood levels. Some days things are a bit easier to get done, other days I just can't do more than survive. 💚
Good Sleep is a superpower.
The problem is that I always get really deep into a task at bed time 🙃
@@Muhluri I used to have that problem when I was younger. Now I can get to sleep fine, but I can't stay asleep for more than a couple of hours at a time, so I never feel really rested.
unrelated, but I first read "depends on how many spouses I have" instead of spoons and thought that would be interesting way of solving the issue of not functioning well XD
@@Eryniell 🤣multiple spouses would certainly complicate things!
It has been very helpful for me to realize that some days I will get a lot done, and some days I won't. Just accepting that keeps me from beating myself up for being "lazy" or "incompetent."
For me it's like....I guess it's an executive dysfunction thing. The shower doesn't bother me in a sensory way way but DEAR GOD it's so hard to make myself get up and do it when I first get up. I DO IT but I literally struggle so much.
What I hate the most about it is how much things I have to do. Picking the clothes, asking everyone else in the house if they need to use the bathroom before I use it, take my clothes off, getting in the shower, regulating the water's temperature, getting off the shower, drying myself and putting my clothes on (which is really hard in the small place that is the bathroom), drying my hair, etc. The worst is that the fact that they are so many things makes me also constantly feel like I'm missing something.
@@LightblueStar27indeed me2
I've gotten myself into a regular routine of showering every four days as that's when my hair gets too gross for comfort, but OMG starting that process on the day is awful! I find it so so upsetting too when the shower isn't clean, hot, and high pressure... Anyone else also just HATE staying over at someone else's house? I have nothing I need there! I'm not prepared!
I dont like staying at others houses either. I have a city i go to regularly and i always stay in the same hotel. I know its clean (my allergies warn me 😂), the bed is suitable for my back problem and the sheets are soft. Plus i see familiar faces 😅
I have always hated staying over at someone else’s house…unless it was my Grandmother’s house. But she was probably autistic as well and being at her place was very routine and relaxing.
Yep. I just hate having to dip into a 'wash bag'. I hate having to put my toothbrush with a wet and now slightly mushy bar of soap. Even if it goes into it's own container - there's body soap on the toothbrush. Or the toothbrush bristles get tangled in the buffpuff. In most cases - there is nowhere in the shower to put the wash bag. Usually have to place it on the side of the shower tray. It get's full of water and lord only knows what germs it's getting on it given that it's now where people's feet go. Then it's damp, and has strange feet on it, and it has to go back in the bag with my clothes like that.
Edit: I have recurring nightmares (actual nightmares) about this scenario. I've 'traveled' more than I wanted to or should have and used strange showers way too much. I do like to see new things, though. I just f*****g hate unfamiliar showers. And I hate packing. I think you have to be really laid back and casual to not get traumatised by holidays and the like.
I always bring everything I need (no travel sized containers for me haha) but it’s soooo annoying taking it out of the bag, then using it, then putting it back in the bag wet (eick)… yeah I’m much happier in my own space 😂
@@batintheattic7293Ugh, packing is the worst! I need so much stuff and DETEST planning outfits a week in advance... like what if I feel different in four days and those clothes will feel awful to wear?! I rely on too many things to be able to feel vaguely comfortable in my own skin. I also love to see new places but find travelling so, so stressful and overwhelming :(
In regards to shopping, and meal prep, I will only shop at stores I’m comfortable with, and typically buy the exact same items. The store clerks laugh with me, about that predictability. In school, I ate a boloney sandwich/white bread, +same chips+same drink, nearly every day, for four years. It never got old.
Indeed! Same 4 me😊
In high school i ate pizza everyday for 4 years. If pizza was the only food on earth id be just fine unless its those nasty frozen 🍕
When I was young people thought I was stuck-up because I didn't say hi back to them. I would imagine that sometimes I wasn't aware they hadn't spoken to me, but I also know it was because I spoke so softly they didn't hear me. I am now 71. In the last 10 years or so my previous co-workers and my husband are much more likely to ask me to lower my voice. As you stated, unaware and unable to control. Related to many things here. Thank you
I know where every convenient bathroom is in various areas of town because all of a sudden.....I have to pee! I tend to do that a lot and when I have to go...I have to go NOW!
the best choices are like, health clinics. they arent disgusting like restaurant bathrooms.
and no one knows you're not a patient waiting for your appointment, just pop into the waiting room and use their bathroom .
@@transsexual_computer_faery Yeah, and the men's bathrooms are often all wet on the floor and sticky. One time I nearly slipped. I was so upset I took my shoes off and drove home in my socks. Good thing they were old shoes. I threw them away. They do tend to keep things cleaner in health clinics like you said.
I related most to the part about grocery shopping being overwhelming and following a recipe taking too much mental energy. And I never know what I feel like eating either!
42yo and i still don't know what i want to eat
Same, I hate grocery shopping, clothes shopping, cleaning items for home and other types of shopping. There are millions of choices all over the place, last time I went into a Walmart store after five minutes I ran out because of the sensory and one employee started screaming at me. Nowadays I do my food, clothes and cleaning items shopping online. If I do go out around town it is mostly thrift stores or vintage places. I have done exactly what my aunt taught me to always have things prepped ahead of time. I have my favorite comfort meals and I know exactly what I am eating. It takes me an hour and a half every five days, but worth it. I have saved a lot of money and put it away for future vacation time. My cousins and I did learn to cook, but for me on some days it feels like a pain and on other days it feels like therapy. It keeps my hands busy and my head clear of any negative self-talk.
@@hameley12 that’s a good idea- to prepare food for the days ahead. It’s less stressful that way knowing you have something to eat when you open the fridge. And stores always overwhelm me with all the people flying around and the music and the announcements on the loud speakers… it’s all too much!
Am the same with showers. I hate showering. Not the actual shower itself but the afterwards feeling freezing cold and drying myself off. I currently am suffering from a cold I think I picked up at the job centre last Wednesday or on the bus or bus station and because I have felt like shit the last 5 days I haven't washed at all. I not even kept my hair tidy. Just haven't been bothered. I hate being ill. I barely left my flat the last week because I am so ill. Hate being sick.
Feel better soon ❤
When I get out of the shower, I immediately put a robe on. I wait awhile, then get dressed little by little. It doesn't feel as cold that way.
I'm not sure if you're looking for suggestions but adaptogens such as Chaga mushroom and Reishi help boost the immune system when taken for weeks at a time
@@MrDaydreamer1584 Or, shower before bed and have the electric blanket warm the bed up for when I get out of the shower. It just takes a perfunctory drying to not create a lethal situation. As long as I'm not actually dripping - it's okay.
Have you got burnout
Fuckin' same. Been struggling with personal hygiene and daily chores for as long as I can remember. I dunno what your local council is like but my council has been super supportive of me. They hooked me up with an experienced and understanding social worker, who then referred me to a private care company called Agincare and got the council to fund the whole lot. Now people visit me daily who are helping me sort my life out, they listen to me and understand my issues with anxiety + executive dysfunction. They're helping me plan my day, do things in public a bit more and get the stuff done that my PDA brain has a hissy fit about, like personal hygiene, cooking, cleaning etc. They don't quietly do things for me, they actively support me which is great, it's what I think I've needed for a long time - people to actually hold me accountable for the things I can do and help me with the things I can't. I struggle a lot with social anxiety but for some reason when I know their job is to help me the anxiety just fizzles away and I don't shut up about my problems lol.
That is remarkable. Is this in the UK? Does it take just getting an official diagnosis to completely shift from being trapped between getting just about functional and being wiped out (where there is no space) to offers of everyday living support?
I'm booked to talk to a psychologist, that specialises in autism and ADHD, at the end of February. The psychologist might be able to give me an official 'yay or nay'. So, then, I'm hoping I will be put in touch with top flight autistic employment agencies. Right now - I've got JC+ phoning every fortnight (give or take) to ask me what I have done to find wholly unsuitable and unsustainable employment. And that's death. I get about two days, between the Green Mile walks, where I'm not overcome with anxiety about it but it's not long enough to get anything done. They connected me to their own agency without, apparently, being aware that it would involve me driving eighty miles per day (when I don't have a car and there is no public transport) in order to attend 'back to work', but with cognitive and functional problems, help sessions. When I realised that I was expected to drive - I called this agency to see if there was an online or telephone (don't like telephone conversations but I can do it) version. I spoke to somebody who was utterly inflexible and disinterested in figuring out how to make the whole thing operable. So, that's just me failing again!
I'm pinning my hopes on an official diagnosis putting me into a different stream. I want the perfect job (and it won't be, what JC+ keeps trying to hurl me at, in customer interface however much an intensity of concern and ability to recall seemingly minor details really impresses those wanting to fill customer interface positions) so I don't have to wallow in terror, constantly, of the impending JC+ hectoring. I'm hoping I'll be connected with agencies that actually know their stuff. You appear to have found excellent support. I'm not sure I need as much, as you, but it would be really refreshing to be offered it. :) I don't think I'd be comfortable with having strangers around me all the time, anyway, even if they are trying to help me.
@@batintheattic7293 yes I'm in the UK, and it wasn't as simple as just getting an official diagnosis, I was diagnosed at a young age and after ~20 years of minimal support I am still privileged in that I have (somewhat) supportive parents who helped me through the process of getting the rare social worker who wasn't completely clueless about autism, who then referred me to this service.
I've been through the JC ringer too, I felt like if anything it made it HARDER for me to get in the headspace to work!
I was also anxious about seeing strangers at first but they introduced me slowly and I grew accustomed to it after a few weeks. If you are able to work and have the income for it you might be able to refer yourself to Agincare or a similar care company for young adults with autism. Expensive, though. If you are able to get a diagnosis I would contact your local council and see if you can get assigned a social worker that has experience with autism so they can find you the right support services. Good luck with your search.
I've struggled with a million things since I was a toddler too. My training did not begin until I became verbal at age 9, by training I mean they trained us for talking, walking, eating, socializing, life survival skills, and creating things out of paper or other materials which were recycled later. I always enjoyed creating things out of recycled materials, creating art, and playing with puzzles but my damn shaky hands and my butter fingers would make mistakes or a mess. My family did not know about my diagnosis yet but they put me through a rough training until my 18th birthday. It wasn't until five years ago, at age 29 I was finally diagnosed with AuDHD/ ASD and high tendencies of self-harm. But most definitely doing daily chores, making eye contact, self-care, etc was and still is excruciating. My coach was amazing at helping me with daily chores, creating to-do lists, helping me remember things, and even training me on multi-tasking. My present coach Cassius is an amazing person who enjoys the same activities as me: cleaning, reading, tai-chi, yoga, video gaming, arts and music. I just wish more Autistic people had someone like him in their lives.
I'm not autistic (I don't think), I probably have a few of the common traits though, but I do have ADHD and it gets so boring just learning about my own neurodivergence sometimes, and I have a few friends on the spectrum, so I'm glad I stumbled across you're channel... Very interesting videos and I find some of it pretty relatable!
I have the same thing I think but with hunger and thirst where I'll think I'm hungry or thirsty but then won't be able to recognise when I'm no longer thirsty or full so I'll just keep eating till I feel stuffed a lot of the time or wind up starving hungry an hour later and I'll either drink too much water in one go and then feel a bit sick, or drink too little and get very headachy.
Then when it comes rk temperature I'm never a comfortable temperature. I'm constantly fluctuating between feeling too hot then too cold than too hot again depending on what I'm doing and I have shit circulation, so the rest of me can be a comfortable temperature while I've lost all feeling in my hands.
Showering is the absolute worst! For me I hate the before and after so much, the actual showering feels good usually. I have eczema and the hot water massively drys out my skin so I basically have to drown myself in moisturising cream afterwards (which takes ages!) and wander around the house basically in the nude for half an hour so it can set in, so by the rime I eventually get dressed I'm absolutely freezing and my extremities have usually gone numb and because I haven't showered in absolutely ages, that takes ages too- so basically I never have the time and put it off so much till I feel gross enough that it motivates me to hop in the shower.
Absolutely dispise it! I think it would be so much easier to do if I didn't have exzema though 😢
I have also been told to stop shouting so many times by people and been unaware i was and i can also relate to not being loud enough when meeting strangers so when i do i pray they heard me because when i hear the words, what? or pardon?. I feel like dying on the spot knowing i have to say it again 😂
same
Showers, I have temp regulation problems too. Sometime I have to get into a hot shower just get warm again, I literally can't get warm even under pile of blankets. I can be cold when it's +30 Celsius out.
I really wish that the entire world would adopt a universal standard of measurement....it drives me nuts to hear someone saying it's 30 degrees out and comfortable when 30 degrees is two degrees below freezing. Same thing applies to measurements of distance why can't we all just use a uniform standard of miles instead of kilometers?
The majority of the world has done what you ask. There are only 3 countries that have not officially recognized the metric system. As an American I understand the frustration when it is not the system you grew up with. I was constantly telling my boss I don't think in metric, but it is by far the better system. Much more logical.@@michaezell4607
That's interesting that you would mention temperature regulation problems today. I've been freaking out and taking my temperature every 10 minutes since yesterday when I just happened to take my temperature and it was 95.5. That's only half a degree before mild hypothermia is diagnosed. I'm 98.4 degrees right now, which is good, but it fluctuates between 98.5 and 95.5. I'm keeping my eye on it as I've never noticed that before on me. Now I'm repetively taking my temperature. My hands and feet get cold but that in and of itself doesn't seem to affect the core body temperature on me because it can be high or low even if my hands are hot or cold. I'm on a new medication for my ADHD but everything I read about it says it can raise body temperature at the same time as causing coldness in the extremities. I'm actually significantly worried but I struggle with worry anyways. If I don't have something to worry about....I'll find something to worry about. I'm AuDHD with a splash of OCD.
I am so cold all the time
Isn't Celsius used by most of the world? It just makes sense 0 is freeze 100 is boil. Same with kilometres @@michaezell4607
Many neurodivergent people struggle with many aspects of life beyond social and academic skills, more so than a lot of people would realize. So it's definitely great that you speak on these issues and get the word out there.
I'm dyspraxic and struggle with personal hygiene and household organization but probably for different reasons than what you endorse with your unique autistic variant. I don't know how well I can speak for other dyspraxics in this regard but in my case, it's more of a case where motor and executive function impairments just slow down every thing I do, making simple things like showering shaving, preparing meals, etc very expensively time consuming. I do shower and shave daily and for health reasons, prepare all of my meals from scratch, using raw minimally processed ingredients. But I just wish it didn't take me so long. I often lament how much life I miss out on because everything takes me so long to properly execute.
My life dream is to build a "programmer monastery" so I can have the meals prepared from scratch, using whole heirloom foods while I focus on my special interest (programming). The food problem really does need to be addressed by someone capable of monk-like effort, namely someone whose special interest is preparing food in a way we can all agree is more-or-less "right."
I don't shower or shave daily, as I find it excessive, but I do cook every meal from scratch for me and my gf, and honestly, most days it's like a full time job. I never cease to amaze myself at how long it takes me to do stuff... (though the quality is usually pretty good, to my credit).
@@NickleJ exactly, I literally find meal prep to be tantamount to a full time job often totaling around 8 hours per day on most days. At seven days a week, that even constitutes as full time under contemporary neoliberal global capitalism, 😆
I have the opposite problem when it comes to the strength thing. I'm autistic, and struggle to lift anything. Milk jugs feel SO heavy to me. 😅
I can absolutely relate with the shower thing. It takes me days to get up the energy- physical, mental, and emotional to do it and I hate that it takes me that long. It makes me feel like I'm dirty somehow. I can certainly wear the same clothes daily but I can at least get myself to change those daily without nearly as much difficulty. With the showering I thought if I bought products that I like that that would help, and I am finally an appointment my life where I can afford to do so to an extent, but it doesn't really make much of a difference. I still struggle with it. And it's not like I don't like being wet I just don't like the transition I guess? Going from drive to wet, wet to dry. My idea of the ideal would be like in those science fiction books that I love so much where it's like a sonic shower you just step in and all of the grime is just blitzed off you and you don't even have to take off anything you're just clean in a matter of seconds. I also have to do grocery shopping every other day because my kids and I have varied tastes and in order to accommodate everyone I have found it best to keep it flexible because otherwise one or more of us will go to bed starving because we won't eat it. And that just isn't okay. When they were much younger it wasn't quite so bad but once they hit middle school it was like a whole new ball game- they were willing to go to bed without food and I won't stand for that. And I can't blame them because I'm the same way. If I don't like a food I'm not going to eat it, so why should I force them to eat food that they don't like either?
It took me decades to realize I don't have to do several things every day to have okay hygiene, i could do part of one thing at a time as I have the energy for it.
There'd been pressure to do all the things normal people do all the time, but usually "all" actually means "some" to them. They just cherrypick the data and call the rest "exceptions." It's like claiming you scored 100% on 3/4 of a test. They just seem to genuinely believe themselves, and judge us for identifying our imperfections.
I definitely get the toilet thing. Before I understood that I'm autistic it would confuse people when I would ask "what if I need the toilet?" And they would respond "Do you need the toilet?" And I would say "I don't think so, but what if I do?" For them it didn't matter because they could understand their bodily signals and find a toilet within plenty of time. But for me, I need to know where the toilet is ahead of time so that I can go as soon as I need to.
I struggle with showering too. I hate being dirty and I get self conscious about it, but I often times avoid it even if I really want to. I hate being wet and I hate being cold even more. I have curly hair so my hair also takes hours to dry and if I don’t dry it properly or wear something that can catch the drips the water will run down my neck and send me into fits. I only shower at night because of that and because I can’t stand putting clothes over my still damp skin. The only comfy clothes in that case are either none or something very loose, which I normally don’t like to wear out of the house. If I have to rush, I won’t shower. If I’m in the shower, I love it so much I have to soak up every hot steamy second and quick showers take away all the enjoyment which, in my mind, makes it pointless. And god forbid I live somewhere where the water goes cold after 10 minutes. Showers haven’t been a simple affair for me ever and it’s very stressful.
That said, recently I’ve been taking them nearly every day since I’ve been working at my new job. It’s kind of a warehouse/retail job and the place is dirt incarnate. I have to kneel and sit on the floor a lot throughout the day and there isn’t a moment I’m not fully cognizant of the filth and grime on me. Even when I wash my hands multiple times they still feel dirty. All I can think of by the time I get home is washing it all away so I can relax again, so it’s become a core part of my routine. Now I get more stressed out if I don’t shower.
Edit: I also struggle with brushing and flossing my teeth. I’ve gotten into it as a part of my routine in the last couple years but it’s still a heave and a ho to get me there and I’m mostly motivated by the fear of losing them. I hate how it feels, mint hurts and tastes bad, and the blood that comes from flossing also tastes bad and makes me feel nauseous. I do it every day now and it helps that I’ve gotten to a point where the taste in my mouth when I wake up feels worse and I feel thrown off and can’t sleep if I can feel plaque in my mouth. It wasn’t always this way because I’d struggle with transitioning from being comfy in my bed to going into the bathroom to subject myself to mild torture. But now I spend all my time in the basement which means I have to go upstairs and past the bathroom to get to my room, so I may as well stop in on the way. The proximity makes the difference for me. It’s been quite a journey and I’ve come a long way. I hope I can maintain these good habits when I inevitably have to move again.
OKAY like, I genuninely thought I just somehow, was really friggin' quiet & I just need to constantly, be so conscious of projecting my voice *every single time* lol WOW, I had no idea that was an autism thing. I am relating to so much in this video 🌸
I've discovered that I prefer it when people complain that I'm speaking too loudly rather than too quietly. I think the associations others make are less negative and detrimental when I'm too loud rather than too quiet. The profundity of their brow furrows is less when I'm too loud. "I can't hear what you're saying. Speak up." always seems accusatory (like I have a Machiavellian reason for speaking quietly).
@@batintheattic7293 That plus society roles forced on us can complicate this, like it's socially acceptable to a lot of people in where I am, that I'm quiet, cuz I'm a five foot white woman.
But yeah, I do get frustrated when I have to repeat myself, kinda brings up this feeling of "*sigh* Does anyone listen to me?"
Thank you for vocalizing my struggles in such a nice way. now i can finally communicate what the fuck is going on in my brain every day while "i'm being lazy". i'll just show them this video
Showering for me is difficult because I as an autistic woman with five other diagnosed disabilities outside of autism, have fine motor skill issues in both of my hands that makes getting the shampoo I use out of my hair more difficult and/or it takes me so long to finish washing and using conditioner or apple cider vinegar after washing my hair with shampoo, that I feel I only have e time to squeeze enough Dr. Bronner's Unscented baby mild soap on a silicone cleaner and put enough water to make it suds all over the rest of body except for my hair and face. I also have introception issues. I usually cannot tell when I am hungry and when I am full. I also tend to feel pain worst than it is. I cannot deal with chlorine bleach along with cleaners that are bleach based and ammonia and ammonia based cleaners. Those are too strong smelling for me along with certain smells like farts and poop smells smelling too strong for me. I tend to hear things louder than there are or softer than they are depending on the situation. Yelling to me is too loud for me. I tend to like a lot of flavor on my foods outside of soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper and Dale's seasoning (that I cannot stand the taste if ever). I cannot eat cow's milk and goat's milk in any form since 2018 since my body reacts badly to it that has nothing to do with my autism and 4 other diagnosed disabilities outside of autism. I can for some reason eat buffalo/water buffalo milk and sheep's milk in any form without waking up in the morning having to deal with a stuff runny nose that needs to be blone by a tissue some or a lot. I finally have to use adaptive equipment like an adaptive cutting board with a rocker knife to be able to help cut up fruits and vegetables in different ways. I forgot to mention I have problems with cleaning the inside top of my toilet because I have problems seeing the top of the inside of the toilet nearest me easily even though I have 20/20 vision. I finally own a toilet brush that is bent on the side of it that is supposed to make cleaning the top inside rim of the toilet easier for me. I just need to find the right toilet tab or toilet spray to clean the inside of the toilet better for me.
Thank you for talking about showers, it takes me hours to get into the shower, i shower twice a week. I hate being cold and the sound and feel of the shower water.
Same🎉🎉🎉😮
I loved seeing your cat doing the Flying Leap across the room during your intro!! It was a lovely chuckle 😊
opomom
Autistic Adult: I’m ok with the shower, (prefer baths) but it takes me Sooo long to cool down afterwards! Trying to get ready to do something when I’m too hot is difficult!
I hate cooking. Too many steps but the worst part is they have to be done at the right time and my brain doesn't process time correctly so it is very hard to do. I used to make big salads. No time related cooking involved. But since I got physical health problems even salads are hard.
Mannnn not knowing my own strength was a classic for me too. That is the one thing I relate to most in this video. Great content as always ❤
Showering i sometimes split up, so doing my hair a different moment than my lower torso.
Also, as with many chores as well, to make myself doing chores i for example brew some tea in advance, so when i am done it looks like someone treats me with tea, it is myself, but it helps me keep going.
Supermarket also very relatable, i hate doing groceries and the overwelming choise or dissapointment if it's not available.
Girl, I totally get what you mean!
Defiantly relatable to showering, don't think Ive showered much over this winter, do also struggle with my volume and don't know my own strength too >.>
I can definitely relate with regard to the showering issue
Think of all the money you've been saving! Everything about showering costs money! Moderation is the key. Do it when you think you really need to rather than trying to fit some imposed ideal.
I don't think any of us like to think about how dirty the person we're talking to is. Most of the time, though, it has to be very dirty indeed to be noticeable. And many more of us, than care to admit, don't adhere to the imposed regimen. I have a C Section scar that lets me know when I really should shower. It takes about four days and then I notice it getting itchy and I don't like what happens next if I leave it itchy.
My hands get a hell of a lot of washing. That's the important thing. Nobody needs to be concerned if I make them a sandwich - so long as they don't go near my scar.
@@batintheattic7293 xD I don't beat myself up about it too much, is just executive dysfunction from my ADHD side that stops me reinforced by sensory issues on the autism side xD they work together in a rare few cases to disable me xD, if I need to be clean Ill force myself through the unpleasantness, but I won't do it easily just for me >.
thanks for talking about all that. I am horrible at task switching.
Lately my interoception issue has been hunger signals. I get this irritated feeling that I can't pinpoint, and then I see what time it is and go, "Shit, I haven't had lunch and it's nearly 1pm!"
And clumsiness, too. I'm amazed that I haven't broken a toe given how many times I've stubbed them on furniture legs, doorways, or other random objects.
I hit my toes so much but I hate wearing shoes in the house!
1pm is quite early for eating lunch though. Personally I always eat lunch at around 2:30-3:00pm
Absolutely relate to the task switching thing, especially for stuff I want to do/love doing. It can be incredibly hard to make myself start something even if I really want to do it, but once I am able to get started I do it for like 4-6 hours straight without breaks. I also really struggle with volume regulation. I frequently get very loud and only realize how I am talking and the volume after I've already embarrassed myself, and sometimes I get very quiet and cannot make myself speak any louder.
My sensory issues around personal hygiene are worse than those around showering lol, that’s the only reason I manage to shower everyday 😂 I also have thick/long hair that I only wash once every one to two weeks (that I tend to put off until I can no longer take it); the rest of the time I put it up so it doesn’t get wet BECAUSE wet hair is one of my worst sensory triggers 😬
My sleep schedule got messed up 4 days ago and I still haven't recovered mentally from waking up a couple hours later than usual 🙃 Also last week I went to go get some snacks from the convenience store (I was starving and leaving the house is a Big Deal), only to realize I forgot my wallet, which meant I didn't eat and now I can never go back there again lol. Huge meltdown. It takes so long to bounce back from setbacks.
I feel like the grooming expectations for women are quite hard. Possibly curling/straightening hair, makeup, shaving and moisturizing everywhere, doing nails, and trying to dress stylishly, it’s confusing and exhausting. I don’t bother with most of it anymore. I do shower and brush my hair regularly. If it’s a special occasion I will wear makeup and I have a friend or family member confirm that the outfit I selected is appropriate for the occasion (this is something I struggled with when I was younger).
Your room looks similar to mine with having so much stuff in it and the cat water fountain on the floor 😂. I also think I have autism and am pursuing a diagnosis.
Oh mi'god! This is nuts! You're *me*! It's like watching *meself* tell others about *my* life!... Uncanny. I'm *literally* stunned. I feel so seen AND called out, rn. Like it's endlessly validating & comforting to know that it's not just me, that someone else 'gets it'; But it's just as shameful and cringey to see one's own greatest issues 'publicly broadcast' like that, as well. I hope that makes sense; I don't mean to come off rude. I just have alot of shame around it.
But it feels incredible to've found this video, and I want to encourage you, congratulate you and praise you for your honesty, bravery and effort & commitment to putting this content out here, for others - like me - to find!
Dont worry it us not just you. After watching the video I have also seen myself completely in it. There are days of "better" executive functioning and also the worse ones but every person does its best 👍
I also feel like she was describing me exactly. The feeling you described is called vicarious embarrassment.
Never heard this term before. But i do not feel embarrassed (I think). or anyhow bad. Alexithymia does not help 😐. What it means in relation to the video ?@@f2dw
Oh I'm sorry Tomas, I meant to address my reply to Alexandra who commented before you about feeling cringey. I am not used to the controls on here so am not sure how to address her specifically. I apologize if it looks like a reply to your comment. I don't know if individuals that experience alexithymia can experience vicarious embarrassment or not. I feel like it requires a lot of mirror neurons to experience vicarious embarrassment and individuals with alexithymia have a deficit in mirror neurons.
No problem 😄. Yeah it seemed to be answer to me. Thanks for explaining. It confused me a little because i think there is nothing to be embarrassed about any struggle mentioned in the video.@@f2dw
I struggle with showers too as I just dont like the feel of water on my skin. I can't stand Lound car engine sounds and ambulance or pig sirens.
I don’t have a mid range on the voice either people can’t hear me and they say I mumble… default or When I actually have to project my voice to be heard then I’m told are. you’re yelling at me. 😢
I found that the voice issue for me is more that I don’t seem to have the breath capacity to speak in the mid range it really hurts actually when I have to yell and it’s really hard on me so I’m very low voice actually is my COPD default maybe more than autism but I’m also not aware that I’m yelling or I appear that I’m yelling when I’m trying to project my voice so a lack of self-awareness is likely autism🤷♀️
And yes it’s either too hot or too cold Goldilocks does not happen in my life of just write very often but it’s so nice when it does.
And yes the not knowing you need to urinate until the very last minute is quite traumatizing actually and while I can tell you it doesn’t get better with age and only gets worse I’m 60 and it’s a lot worse🤷♀️
And I’m so extremely sensitive to sense that I have the diagnosis of multiple chemical sensitivity but I also get the sensitivity reaction and qualify for the mast cell activation diagnosis so it just kind of goes together and then it’s like but is that just a part of autism they seem to hang out together🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Having to transition just totally sucks. Can’t get yourself to go to bed can’t get yourself to get out of bed can’t get yourself to go to work can’t get yourself to leave work it has nothing to do with wanting to do something it’s just the transition. Same with the shower don’t wanna get in the shower don’t wanna get out of the shower there doesn’t seem to be any boundaries with this one don’t want to start eating don’t want to Decide what to eat but then once I’m eating I don’t want to stop eating that thing😅
def relate to the showering. i used to shower twice a day when i thought i was a functioning adult and now i can never remember the last time i did.
I have a lot of the same food issues. I can't plan ahead, I have no idea what food I will be able to eat or what energy I will have to prepare it. The hungrier I am, the less I can eat. My functioning drops until I am in full shutdown. If I go to the store, I am exhausted for days after. I can't make a list or plan ahead so my husband can shop as I need to look at everything to compare prices and quality and to know what to eat. Yet, most weeks, I don't have the energy to leave home. If I am away from home, I can't plan what to bring and can't manage prices going out. Plus, I have allergies and many sensitivities. I agree. It is a real struggle.
Part of what stresses me out about showering is any changes. If the curtain moves due to the water pressure (and especially if it touches me), if a bottle slides, if my razor falls off, or especially if the water temp changes, it sends me. I must control the entire environment, and if it changes during an event that already stresses me out and takes so much energy, then I’m done. Also, I spend at least ten minutes total in the shower taking the every little strand hair off my hands 😅
If you rub your hands together and the hairs will stick together and ball up for faster removal.
@@Catlily5 omg that’s so smart thank you
Thank you so much. Personal hygine is a huge problem, and I push it away as far as I can. All of it is a problem - brushing teeth, washing hair (never in the shower, I can't stand the touch of wet hair - stand bend over to wash it), clipping nails... And, as you said, it's a thing where I'm ashamed to mention it anyone, I pretend I'm doing stuff sometimes so others don't think I'm such a huge slob, A day/moment when I can push one more day to not do it is my little victory. I am OK with shopping once I finally leave the house, but I choose hours with fewer people. I eat more or less similar things, but always must have a few options, as I don't know what I will like. I force myself to cook for multiple days, freeze some, so I don't have to waste the time to cook. I live with my Mom (also autistic, but I also have ADHD, so different) and it forces me to do stuff I hate for her sake. I feel if I lived alone, I would be eating much worse than now. All the other things - "screaming", unusual strength, inability to switch tasks, to clean around the house (waste of time), etc.
12:48 I constantly have this problem where I think I'm talking at a normal volume but then nobody can hear me because I'm talking too quiet. And then I get so annoyed and think people are ignoring me but no its just me
Dammit!! how are you so similar to me. I dislike (bordering on hating) the act of showering, but really like being clean. Although I really like cooking & baking, the speed it just dissolves into a melt-down is ridiculous. "Why do I feel so dam crap? Oh yeah I haven't eaten or drunk for 6 hours."
The way I find myself relating more and more to you for every video of yours, pertaining to ASD, that I watch. ...On top of that, I'm quite literally watching this as I'm putting off showering and the point you made about body temperature regulation throughout the entire showering process is SO real and accurate to my experience aswell.
I'm glad someone else seems to be sharing practically all of my autistic traits and hardships, whilst openly articulating them like this, it definitely helps me feel more validated. ❤️
I have a thing where (miraculously), I shower every day. Didn’t realize that is a struggle with people on asd. But my thing is I really don’t feel like eating or starting breakfast, etc. until I’ve showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, etc.
If I try to eat in between steps I get thrown off and don’t do so well.
It took me until about a year ago to realize trouble with transitions is a thing. (I’m 55) my last family vacation a few months ago I would wake up a few hours early to shower and I was usually done with breakfast as the rest of the people in our air b and b were waking up. All cause I can’t stand eating unless I’m clean first. I don’t know how others do it.
And one reason I bring all this up, I can feel the struggle is there. Right below the surface. So before I do anything else, (even if I’m running late), I force myself to get it over with first.
I remember friend saying I'm mad, because I can't eat after either. Because the feeling on teeth makes me feel unclean. And sensory wise I can't abide the Ick feeling. Literally crawl out myself. So coffee, shower. Before anything. The down side is then not eating all day until the evening because else that whole routine would have to happen again.
thank you for raising awareness about autism. we need more people like you
Yeah, the hot / cold shower thing's a biggie. We used to live in a different horse farm, and the house had real electricity hookup and we could keep my bathroom warm enough, and it was a good walk-in shower with a lot of water pressure and always warm enough, so I didn't have so many problems there. But we got wrongly thrown off that farm by a judge who showed she was an Autistic person hater and went out of her way to make the case go against us because of her extreme prejudices against my being Autistic and she acted joyful at throwing us off our farm, like "take that." And, so, we got another farm, but at first, there was a huge hole in the floor of the house, so we had to put up a tent and get a giant horse water trough, and put cold well water in from the horse hose, and then heat it in order for me to be able to take a bath. That horrible Autistic hating judge was I'm sure laughing HaHaHa that she had done this to someone who is Autistic. But, anyway, I went around 10 months with no way to take a bath or shower at all, and that was bad, The Autism-hating judge did that to me. Finally, when we got the horse water trough bath method hooked up, I could only manage to take one about every 3 weeks because I get too cold and then I can't take off clothes if the air feels too cold, even if the water is hot enough. I only got the water trough bath for a few months, and then it became October and the nights and mornings started getting cold, and I couldn't do any more baths because of the cold air and I can't take being too cold. So, it went a lot longer, and we had to get someone to repair the hole in the floor of the house, and someone else to put a shower head on the shower, before I could get another bath or shower. And, again, oftentimes the air was too cold or the water didn't exactly heat up enough, and I can't do luke warm or cold water, so it was a huge problem. Also, there is no electricity at the new farm, so we had to get a propane heater and propane water heater so we could make the air warm enough for me to take my clothes off and heat the water enough so I could take a shower. And, sometimes the air is just too cold so even with the propane heater, I can't get warm enough to take a shower. And I can't do going from hot to cold, either. I have huge temperature regulation problems. I can't go in and out of places where the air conditioning is turned way too cold inside and it's very hot outside, and go in and out like that, because I can't regulate the temperature differential. Right after I eat dinner, I get very cold for awhile, and have to out on warm clothes, bundle up, and get under blankets, even in the summer. In the winter, it's much worse. And, I can't tell when I'm too hot, either. I start getting sick feeling, but then when I go away from heat or outside if it's much cooler there, I suddenly realise my sick feeling was I was too hot, and I couldn't tell I was too hot. But, yeah, the temperature thing is HUGE. These judges in the United States and in California and Florida treat Autistic people like animals, and they treat their dogs and cats better, so Autistic people just have to try to do the best they can because we don't get any help from the authorities people who are supposed too help us, but instead they Autism hate and they go out of their way to harm us and leave us in inhumane conditions. In California judges left me because they're Autistic haters in situations where the only way I could bathe was out of a farm horse hose with cold water even when there was ice on the ground in California. It was total cruelty toward me by those judges.
Rechargeable candle lights are quite good for portable, gentle light. Probably quite safe in a bathroom too as very little voltage I would think. A quick and easy solution until you decide on other options. Otherwise cheap plastic sunglasses?
Yeah, and I can't switch to doing different things, either using the Neurotypical timer method, and it's so hard to actually get going on some things because either I'm in too much pain to move, or have a huge headache from being made to write, or I'm not in an Autistic flow, then I can't just get up and start a task, And, even if I can get up to get another cup of coffee, that doesn't mean I can start some certain other types of things. Also, if I get overloaded, then sometimes I have to go into shutdown, and whether I get overloaded usually depends on some Neurotypical overloading me with their Neurotypical ways and expectations that are totally unrealistic for someone who is Autistic. And, like last nite, my rain boot heel got hung on the filly fence when I went through to feed them dinner, and it wouldn't come free, and threw me forward, and I got thrown down on the ground face first on on my knees with my head in the dirt in the filly shed, and all the grain went on the ground, and I hit the ground right between four fillies feet, down on the ground with them looking at me. And that hurt, especially my knees. So, this morning, I'm not physicially moving very fast, because too much pain. But, on other days, there can be many other reasons for pain. And, that's one thing. But, if I manage to get in an Autistic flow, I have to take advantage of that flow, because I can't do that all the time or just summon it to happen, and then I can't change to a different thing. And, sometimes I can't do anything at all to switch out of that, because some Neurotypical overloaded me or got pushing me to go faster than I can go and caused an overload and I shut down, and then I have to recover from that. So yeah. switching tasks is a huge problem, and I definitely can't do it on Neurotypical expectations, time schedules, and demands - even under Neurotypical threats to punish me or do something bad to me. I'm Autistic and my brain and body don't work that way.
Despite having an Aspergers (now Autism Spectrum) diagnosis I think I've changed as a person since I got it. I've become more neurotypical and been able to cope more. The main problem for me is if I don't have anybody living with me to make me accountable to myself I start to struggle. A lot. I'm not a very independent person.
I have sensory issues around certain textures of food still and around large crowds and lots of noise which make me very anxious. Also feel the cold a lot more and tend to sweat a lot when its incredibly warm in Summer.
I constantly switch between doing things to the point where I don't finish them too!
Most relatable video ever 💯. Even the voice volume 🥲 I simply see myself in it . Thanks 👍
Kitty is like, hi mom! Whatcha doing?
you are describing me...wow...
I can also move furniture quite easily until my eds started effecting me too badly. The volume of my voice is definitely annoying too. Thx you bring up great points and I love how honest and frank you are😊
While I dont wish these struggles upon anyone, it is somehow calming to know I'm not alone in this. I don't have my diagnosis yet, my second diagnostic appointment was two days ago so now I gotta wait, but I struggles with all of these things the same and it makes my life unbearable most days.
For showering specifically I found it is a little easier to wash instead. So my mom told me a few days ago that you dont need to shower to be clean, you can also wash your hair and wash the most important parts of your body with a wash cloth. That way you can shower every other week but still keep fresh where you need to. I'm still struggling to believe her in this regard but I'm trying that at the moment, as showers are also physically so exhausting, that I have to lay down for an hour or two afterwards. Hope this helps anyone maybe.
The biggest issue I have interpersonally is being spontaneous. I can do it for myself, like adding a shopping stop on my way home or getting some snack, but if I'm asked to go do something, for an unknown amount of time, to a potentially unknown place, without my car, it's a huge drain even if I have fun.
Then I'm down and exhausted for up to a week, or longer if other stuff is going on in my life. I've had a few relationships fizzle out because I get comfortable and yet am always in recovery mode. It's honestly a nightmare to date, even more so than meeting new people I'm not going to date.
Thank you so much for making this. Also who cares about the showering. My first thought when I opened this, before you started talking, was that your hair looks really cool. I liked how it matches the red shirt you are wearing. Anyway, really enjoyed the content as always. Thanks again!
New here and I related to literally all of this. I subbed. Thank you for putting it into words for others!
I believe that once society (at large) accepts and understands autism, that a lot of its problems will be solved. I hope your videos will bring more understanding to (NT) people so they'll / can understand it better, even if it is a little bit, that is better than nothing, and a whole lot better than the opposite (such as hate and over pathologization). Although I agree it will take effort to create an understanding, I think they'll manage, if they want to.
Shaving my head completely was one of the best things I've done. Luckily I also loved the way I looked too. I regrew my hair out of peer pressure. So many asking when I'm growing my "loveky curle back". That question would make me cry, they made me feel like I looked terrible with a shaved head.
I can totally relate ❤ I am 50 years old and my therapist brought to my attention that I am autistic. She asked me a series of questions and suggested that I find a psychologist to get an assessment. This was all last year when it occurred to me that I indeed am autistic. My therapist told me her son is autistic and that we share the same traits. I can definitely relate to the not wanting to shower. Or wearing the same clothes over and over. I have to remind myself to change into different clothes day by day because I have a TH-cam channel and if I don't wear something different on each video my subscribers get confused as to which video is which.
I like your channel ❤
When you mentioned that you can’t eat even if you’re ravenous, that reminded me of cats, the most autistic animal :’) hahaha, they do the same
I’m also autistic and I can relate sooooo much! Except for the strength, I’m the other way around, I look like I should have more strength but I’m so physically weak 😂
I'm starting to notice more and more how my hands start to go strange on me like I'm not totally in control of them. 😮💨
I have that! I think I'm dyspraxic (my brother is diagnosed dyspraxic so...) so my hands sometimes just forget how much pressure to use to hold things like my cutlery & I will drop it! Really annoying when it happens & messy if I'm eating soup 🤣
@@laura.bseyoga I'm investigating that myself. It seems that nobody really knows if it should be considered part of the autistic traits or if it is a comorbidity. I walk into door frames a lot, am horrible at things like miniature golf and sometimes my hands will randomly fling things by exerting too much pressure, etc.
Also, I can't do the cooking and house cleaning. I've never been able to cook meals. So, my husband, who is actually also Autistic, has to cook all my means for me, and house clean. so, there's that, too.
I'm pretty sure you could do at least some of the cooking & cleaning. You don't need to make an entire meal, I almost never do. You just need to know how to do a few very basic things to be able to feed yourself. You could slice a cucumber & red pepper, add some cooked chicken or a can of rinsed beans or nuts or cheese whatever other veggies you had & make a salad with or without dressing. You could cut up some fruit & put it in a bowl. You could open a can or a carton of soup & heat it up. You could boil a few eggs, peel them, mash them & add some mayo & salt & pepper for egg salad. You could add yoghurt and berries to a blender and make a smoothie. You could totally feed yourself without help, you would just need to eat basic, non complicated things. As far as cleaning, I struggle with strong smells, but I just found one that didn't bother me & I pace myself if I don't have a lot of energy. Now I make my own cleaners so I have control over smells & chemicals etc.
For cleaning, just do a little at a time starting from top to bottom. (ie Countertops, then floor) I never clean the whole bathroom or whole kitchen in one day. I'll clean the countertop, sink & mirror & sweep the bathroom floor. The next day I'll scrub clean the shower & toilet, next day I'll take out the trash & scrub the kitchen sink & counter & stovetop. You get the idea, just pace yourself, you can totally clean
I also have trouble task switching. I call it perseverating when I get stuck in an activity. It happens a lot.
I find unscented products smell like lard. I can't use them as they make me nauseous. If the scent is too strong or chemical, it gives me a bad headache, though.
I am allergic or sensitive to soaps and shampoos. My skin feels like it is burning when I use any, even natural products. I can't afford to buy expensive hypoallergenic products, and what I have tried still burns. I shower. But I dread it. I want to shave my head the irritation is so bad, but I hate even having short hair.
Thanks for making these videos by the way. It is good to know I am not the only one who struggles with these things.
Oh, and have literal nightmares over using public bathrooms or even shared bathrooms or food areas, so leaving home is extremely stressful for me.
In regard to the unknowingly speaking at higher volumes, I totally relate!!! I have always either been too loud or too quiet. I saw a video once and they discussed a possible cause for it. Neurodivergent brains process sensory input differently than neurotypical brains do. The person said because everything sounds louder to us and we are picking up on so many noises, so the volume of our voices tend to raise as well. Not sure how much validity this has, but I thought it was interesting. 🙂
I used to have a reputation for accidentally breaking toys and such... video game controllers, any kind of knob or trigger, etc. Knowing or controlling how much force to put into an action has always been a struggle for me, as well as the volume of my voice thing. Honestly they're more or less the same problem to my mind.
You explained everything very well and put words to many experiences I haven’t been able to express. Thank you!
As someone who also likes long hair and can't stand the feeling of wet hair on me, I cut my hair shorter (chin length) and now I get braids. Not cornrows, but just medium knotless braids, down to my butt. Now I have pretty long hair, and no need to wash it. Best thing I have ever done for my sensory issues when it comes to hair, and a little bit my vanity. 😂
Two of my favorite historical people were Saint Jerome who did not believe in the pagan practice of washing and Saint Francis of Assissi who was removed from the Vatican by security for being a scruff. Anybody who objects to smells is free to examine their own person to see if all parts smell of roses.. You're coping with things that some normal people could never survive through.
I can relate! As an AuDHD-er, executive issues are at the top of the list, for me. Fortunately, my NT wife reminds me to eat!
That's interesting that you would mention temperature regulation problems today. I've been freaking out and taking my temperature every 10 minutes since yesterday when I just happened to take my temperature and it was 95.5. That's only half a degree before mild hypothermia is diagnosed. I'm 98.4 degrees right now, which is good, but it fluctuates between 98.5 and 95.5. I'm keeping my eye on it as I've never noticed that before on me. Now I'm repetively taking my temperature. My hands and feet get cold but that in and of itself doesn't seem to affect the core body temperature on me because it can be high or low even if my hands are hot or cold. I'm on a new medication for my ADHD but everything I read about it says it can raise body temperature at the same time as causing coldness in the extremities. I'm actually significantly worried but I struggle with worry anyways. If I don't have something to worry about....I'll find something to worry about. I'm AuDHD with a splash of OCD.
Hey. I hope you got this figured out, but if you are freaking out and checking your temp all the time, stop. Your body temp fluctuates throughout the day -- it's normal. I've struggled with health anxiety, too. What you are doing is a form of body scanning. Because your brain is looking for something wrong, it's finding it. Try to focus on something else
@@artmakeslight Hey thanks for the information! I have the temperature thing figured out. When I went to the ER I compared the temperature they got versus the temperature from my thermometer. There's was about a degree and a half higher, which means my brand new thermometer was off. I returned it to the store. However, as I was talking to triage I mentioned really bad calf pain that felt like a Charlie Horse. They found an acute superficial blood clot in my calf. That's better than deep vein but I still don't like it. Plus it hurts. I've had a slipped disk that had to be fused because it was endangering my spinal cord, detached retinas on both eyes, cataract lenses misplaced causing blindness, tortioned testical, and my Psoriatic Arthritis sometimes causes my optic nerve to swell mimicking a stroke due to momentart vision loss as if I'm looking through a camera lens that got a rain drop on it or like looking through a glass of watered down milk. Many of these issues have taken 5 or 6 trips to the ER to diagnose because they kept sending me home. Now my PTS from that causes me to have health anxiety, which is a really polite way of saying I'm a Hypochondriac now. Your right though about trying to place my mind on something else instead of sitting here worrying. Then I get anxiety and chest pain and I'm like, "Oh my God! It's on the move!" I'm just going to sit here and listen to music...that should help for a while until I start to worry that the bruise on my hand from the IV may be getting infected. Here we go again! Oh dear...I feel dizzy. Just kidding on the dizzy. Have a great week!
Heyyyy for the lighting issue when showering, (I have light sensitivity too) I use electric candles or sometimes real candlelight when I shower! It’s SO much more relaxing… For the longest time I had a solar powered candle which was the BEST but any kind of candlelight is not too bright for me, relaxing, and turns showering into a spa experience haha 😆
I SO relate to not buying food for the week as well! I’m really big on intuitive eating and it makes it really hard sometimes to plan, like for example I tried to this week but I got sick so that was a reset on what I thought I needed 😅 sooo annoying…
All of this is relatable, but I'm especially intrigued by the strength thing. I'm also an exceptionally physically strong woman right out of the gate without any training, and my dad who is a lifter noticed it when I was 7 and deadlifted 100lb barbell with no issue just because it was sitting there and gave it a try lol I knew about correct form from watching dad.
My husband is a lifter and is big on keeping charts and looked into what category I fall into, but as a novice I was strong enough to be competitive. Now I do train because it's fun, but funny enough I hate deadlifts because they scrape my shins and that just sends me out of my body 😱
I do relate to the showering one to an extent, particularly the temperature changes being a nightmare. Recently I bought a space heater to at least make the transition between in/out shower be less horrible because I'd just be a shivery mess every time. If I've found it in my to exercise before the shower it's goes a lot easier though, and the whole being sweaty is more of a discomfort than pushing myself into the shower at that point.
With food I essentially just... eat on a schedule rather than trying to rely on when I'm hungry. Breakfast and lunch are virtually always the same thing. I've had the same breakfast pretty much every day for probably over 15 years now, and my lunches also remain almost entirely static. It is definitely a source of distress if I'm out of some stuff for these though. Dinner gets stressful a lot but my partner and I are now tending more toward making larger batches and then eating the same dinner for the next 3-4 days. Also trying to ditch the shame around grabbing microwave meals or ordering takeout; fortunately we're in a position where we can afford it.
Switching tasks: gosh, yeah getting out of bed in the morning and starting off _getting ready_ for bed are really damn difficult. Recently I just sat at my computer for 1.5 hours straight just clicking from discord channel to discord channel instead of going to bed, while telling myself I had to go to bed the entire time. I'm always tired and then just... don't give myself the chance to actually get enough sleep. I do like the whole chaining of tasks like you mention; once I get up and going I do tend to find task after task, to the point I feel like I _need_ to do all of them because if I go sit down it's not going to happen. I suppose bathing also ties into this point; if I lay down in the bath instead of showering, I just get fucking stuck there. I'll lay there easily up to an hour watching the tap drip twice a minute, getting increasingly uncomfortable as the water cools only to then finally wash myself while almost sobbing about the discomfort of starting to do so and/or the temperature change. And yet I'll still routinely go "oh yeah a bath sounds nice and relaxing".
Welp I've written a lot. Can't stop myself but I'll throw in the disclaimer that I'm recently self-realised autistic (a bunch of things clicked in place in November when I learned about masking and alexithymia for the first time after scoring "weirdly" high on the RAADS-R). Currently waiting to hear back whether I get to be on the waiting list for assessment after a lengthy pre-assessment paper questionnaire and all that. It's been about a month. The imposter syndrome is hitting hard, and this is the first time I'm even acknowledging it all in a public place, but I guess I'm glad I wrote this.
I've been really enjoying your videos, they're by far the most relatable ones I've seen on youtube, and I've been watching ehm, a _lot_ on the topic. I know ThE AlGoRiThm isn't as much of a fan of content that isn't hyper-optimized to reel people in, but it's honestly just such a breath of fresh air. So just want say a sincere thank you for talking to us as openly as you do. I expect there's quite a few folks like me who don't (yet) allow themselves to be heard, getting a lot out of it.
Task switching is a nightmare for me too, i eventually started wallpapering my stairs a year aftef buying the stuff but that made start wallpapering the other 3 rooms i wanted done at the same time so now i have the dilemma of which one am i going to continue with before stating 😂😂
I think I figured out something critical, recently. Allistic people - I think they live their lives like 'tacking stitch' (do this and then this and then this etc.). Autistic people, perhaps, are more naturally 'back stitch' people. So, we start something and then we go back a little bit, then we jump forward, then we go back a little bit. Eventually, so long as we are maintaining the line, it's a very strong stitch.
So, for instance, I want to do something. I start doing it but it needed another step in place to be effective. So then I do that thing. Then I can 'finish' the first thing but, in doing that, another step has manifested. And it goes on like that. That's how things get done for me. And now I'm not trying to do the prescribed tacking stitch any more! I am, somewhat, at peace.
Edit: Because I realise you may be confused as to how this relates to your predicament.. You planned meticulously. You got all the stuff you needed. Your attempt to do it all, according to your plan, step by step - it's not working very well is it? You're beating yourself up because you think your problem is massive. It's because you want to rigidly follow your own plan. You want to put the wallpaper up - but where is the paste, or the paste brush, and should you maybe clean the walls first? Launch. You'll do a bit and then realise - yeah, I really need that special brush. So you find a brush (might not be the perfect one) but you get another length up. Then the pasting table turns up just where you are sure you already looked. My point is - you don't need all the steps laid out in a linear fashion. If you are set on the tacking stitch - you'll never get anything done.
I struggle with every single point haha. The task switching one most of all.
When I was working and someone would try to make me do something while I was in the middle of doing something else (that I always had to prepare for to do things in a way that was easiest and quickest for me and took so much bloody time) I would literally get so frustrated that I probably sounded like a had a really bad attitude. Really I was just mad because someone was telling me to do something else when all my energy was going into what I was already trying to do. Also simply being told what to do just makes me instantly mad.
I imagine I'm a juggernaut made of ectoplasm. I can build up good speed, if I'm on a straight road, but heaven help me if there's an obstacle or I need to take a bend in which case juggernaut and ectoplasm will revert to following their own physical laws. Wheels, such as they are, will want to go one way and everything else just carries on the existing trajectory with the existing momentum.
@@batintheattic7293 That is seriously the best way I've heard someone explain it haha! That's spot on.
Oh gosh, I feel you on the shower thing it is such an ordeal. Not for the same reasons as you entirely (temp regulation yes) but there are just soo many steps and a number of them are unpleasant.
As you spoke about it, I was thinking of what I'd do in your situation to make it less unpleasant.
1. Privacy film- it doesn't have glue, its not permanent, basically a little water and it clings to glass until you peel it off. Its very inexpensive, if you used a matte white you'd still get a lot of light, just less harsh so it could make mid-day showering less harsh on the eyes
2. Wax earplugs. It's like moldable putty, it reduces sound, and its waterproof. I've used them during a float in a sensory deprivation tank, they are a lot less annoying than other earplugs
3. Mix unscented and scented soaps into a bottle to create a lighter scent that is less offensive but still helps you get that "clean" smell achieved.
Its certainly not a perfect solution, but making something 5% less annoying is still 5% less annoying.
When you mentioned morning showers, I used to do that- and honestly, everything about them bothered me less aside from being tired. I think that may be because I was still drowsy, so I wasn't alert enough to notice all the things, my brain was just stuck on how mad I was to be awake, haha. But also maybe just because I still had all my spoons (see spoon theory if that reference made no sense)
And, these Autism hating judges constantly let other side's lawyers give them the Neurotypical "gist" that my husband and I are "law school graduates" and then that makes them all have a false concept of my daily life, because they don't ever clue in on my extreme daily struggles due to being Autistic that i've had ever since I was a child, all through all parts of my life, and now, and they don't have any idea ! And, every time I try to tell them I'm Autistic, or try to raise being Autistic as an issue, or give them some materials to educate them about Autism, they just skip right over it and continue to say and do things that shows they have this portrayal of my daily life as being like some Neurotypical abelist 25 year old right out of law school with no daily struggles at all. And, that has inflicted such vast harm on me, because I do have daily, and I mean daily, struggles due to being Autistic. Most people who really know me can't believe with the daily struggles I have that I have achieved some of the things I have, and these Neurotypicals and Neurotypical lawyers and judges invalidate all of that, invalidate me, and treat me like I'm broken and need to be fixed. Anyway, good you put out this video, because far too many people have no idea the daily struggles Autistic people can go through. It's not even on their radar.
Is it easier to regulate volume on these videos? Or do you adjust it when editing? It sounds just right here. 😊
I’ve managed to get pretty consistent for videos and am slightly louder than a conversational level to make sure everything is caught (or try to anyway), and then edit it down a little, but sometimes I have to boost or turn down certain parts still. I’m happy to know it sounds right!! 🥰
Showers are overrated. But what isn't overrated is climbing! Maybe you've tried it, idk, but with your strength, something like climbing, bouldering, weight lifting, etc. might be fun!
Oh, and you're > 170 cm, right? That could help in gyms with bad (non-inclusive) setting. 🙈
Ugh I feel you on shit being perpetually broken.
2 suggestions that could immediately help the showering: 1. Lighting issue: move a lamp into the bathroom(if you have counter space) or plug a nightlight into an outlet, so you're not having to shower in pitch black if the shower must happen at night. On the flip side, you could use a sheet/blanket/pillow case depending on size need, to cover the window(s?) to soften the light coming through in the day time. (Or curtain of course if you have one, or can afford one you might find at a dollar store or thrift store or something.)
2. Waterproof Ear plugs. Depending on how you feel about them, this might be a "choose the lesser of two evils" situation. I.e.: which is worse: the pressure and feeling of shit in my ears? or the painful overload of too much sound?
If PDA says no to these (because affordability, change, not how it "should be", etc., tell it: "I deserve accommodations for my disabilities, and I deserve to find ways to make them happen."
Okay on to the rest of the video lol.
ps "opomom" was added by my cat doing the Clumsy Cat Jump.
I love your accent. Stay blessed, and I hope that you find the support that you need. I wish we were part of the same community so I could interact with you more and we could share our struggles.
my autism is so debilitating, i stopped trying to fit in years ago. i do what works for me. for example i buy all the same brands of clothing and household items. i wear only one color of everything for example i own 20 black crewneck t shirts and 20 black shorts, black underwear, black no show socks, black shoes,black belt with silver buckle so that i am always matching similar to a police officer or a security guard. for foods i will only eat fresh fruits and vegetables or things that don't have to be cooked like sandwiches with lunch meat. i do things a lot differently than most people but i do what works for me. i like simplicity and routine. i usually act calm and serious all the time. i don't talk unless i really have to in real life but on the internet i communicate by writing comments or reviews. i just don't like to have face to face conversations.
i use my loop earplugs pretty much 24/7 and omg so important for the shower for me
I feel like you're my doppelgänger... When i was younger I looked exactly like you
I have the screaming pipes. That's what makes me reluctant to shower. I'm okay once I'm in there but it's the knowledge that some issue, possibly connected with the pressure management valve on the roadside regularly failing, causes serious procrastination.
I absolutely get it that it is so aggravating when people say things like, "Why don't you just do this.." Maybe we can't afford it. Maybe we could afford it but can't get help to do it. We don't all live in perfectly functioning new builds and we don't all have professional plumbers etc. to contract.
I have that same thing with showering, I can't stand that time when getting out of the shower being wet and cold. Also can't stand having wet hair either.
It is also my case (lifting heavy things), I don't think it's about being strong as much as it is not registering the pain/fatigue because you see it as a task to complete and nothing else. The missing signals is spot on, I sometimes register being cold only when I can't feel my toes and most of the time "cold" is not even the word that comes up in my mind, it's just feeling unwell, stiff. I hate how stupid it sounds, but it is really what happens
I can’t stand showering either. I don’t have a problem with the sound of the shower or the smells of the shower gel and shampoo, but I really struggle with the feeling of being cold when I get undressed and when I get out of the shower. But for me, the worst thing is that I don’t like the way water feels against my skin. So I don’t shower as often as I really should. Doing the washing up is a nightmare. The feel of water is horrible, but the feel of wearing rubber gloves is even worse. I’ve tried all different types of rubber gloves, but they feel so awful that I have to take them off the second I put them on, or I would vomit. So I have to do the washing up with bare hands. I also find that when my hands have been wet for more than a few minutes, I can’t stand to touch paper for about an hour after. I don’t know if it’s because it takes time for my fingertips to regain their coating of oil after they’ve been wet, but paper just feels horrible for a while. My hypersensitivity to touch really gets me down.
I agree about the shower part. I don't like rubber gloves either. The feel and they make my hands smell like rubber. But I can tolerate them if necessary.
I'm so grateful for your channel! I'm constantly finding things I relate to that I hadn't pieced together before now. Keep up the great work!
OMG I Recognize myself in everything you said ! (im french sorry if my english sucks )
I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but would sponge baths instead of showers help any?
Becareful lifting the heavy things or you could wind up with permanent back damage, like I have.
Way too much hassle. Sponge baths? At least, in the shower, the water stays mostly in the shower. Standing in front of a sink, or bowl, naked/semi naked and shivering and trying to get clean with just that container of rapidly cooling water and a sponge. A sponge bath is okay if somebody else is doing it to you because you can't move.
@@batintheattic7293
What is too much hassle for one person is a better option for another. You've revealed something that I should clarify, though, so thanks. I meant the sponge bath to be something between the weekly showers and not a full body deal -- just the parts that need washing the most. The water won't get cold before you're done. As far as getting water everywhere, just fill a container and take it to the shower or bathtub with you.
I take sponge baths when I can't shower and I have to go somewhere. I just use a damp washcloth or paper towels. It doesn't make a big mess.
I don’t have strength, can’t even open a bloody coke bottle lol
i’m the opposite, i spend way way too long in the shower because i have a very strict cleaning routine i need to go through every day. but it takes a ton of energy and i consider it equally disabling