I was one of those manosphere goons who believed that women without kids was a bad thing. I have since been to therapy and grown out of that. Both me and my current girlfriend are Childfree and we love it. You are awesome Meghan.
Whenever I was told as a little girl "you'll understand when you become a mother", I would retort with "But I'm not having kids!" This was always met with a chuckle, as if I was lacking in the self awareness to know that I didn't want to be a mother. I never played with baby dolls and truly believe some girls actually wanted that for themselves but I knew at a young age I wouldn't be doing all that! I am now 41, still no kids. I never had the "biological clock". I had pressure from friends and family but have stood firm. I do not want kids and hate that people don't respect that. Pronatalism is anti choice tbh
I AGREE, and I love how you framed it that way! It is indeed anti-choice. I had the same frustration growing up whenever I would say I don’t want kids, I was told I’d change my mind and every time someone told me that it just made me even more determined to never have kids. Now I can’t imagine anything worse than being a mom, for myself. But I know a lot of people who love being a mom, and they’re great at it and I love that for them ☺️ just not for me!
@@meghansandor Same here though, it made me want to double down on my stance even further, not to be stubborn or rebellious, but to show people that I have conviction and self-awareness and really want that to be respected. When people say they want children nobody questions that, so the opposite should be true as well. Creating life is such a big deal in my opinion that If one decides to opt out, it should absolutely be respected by everybody!
I relate to this so much. Not only that, I’d also say that I don’t want a man, but they’d laugh it off, and say “for now.” As it turns out, I’m gay. Lmao.
@@TheYazmanian You’d be surprised. I’m convinced at this point that “freedom” is something politicians and pundits use to propagate their own agendas. But at the end of the day, they actually care very little about freedom. “Freedom” in the US at least means the freedom to be a slave to the state. But there are few places in the world that actually value freedom.
Mam, I hope this video one day reaches A BILLION VIEWS. I feel like you reached into my mind and found the words I have been unable to appropriately articulate throughout such a large part of my life. This video should be shown in every psychology/sociology college class. If I were ever so lucky to be able to shake your hand one day, it would be an incredible day. Well done.
As a CF person, I often get the question (that I do not understand): "You do not want to have a family?" - Like... is birthing a child the ONLY possible way to have "family" or loving people around me? - But that is the only real way to have family. You need a child. Who is going to take care of you when you will get old?" I start to realize that by "family" people mean to have an object (a child) who will serve a purpose of reducing the general human fear of aging and dying.
Nuclear family life is oppressive drudgery, it's a slog! Also becoming a parent highlights and exacerbates mental health struggles if you have them, not the opposite. That's my experience anyway.
Also, our pronatalist society and people in general like to use the word "family" when it comes to having a child. Wherever I look this word is largely used to describe the act of having kids: "Start a family. Raise a family. Family-friendly activities. Dream of family (mostly used in ads for IVF). Desire to have your own family." But what they mean by "family" is having a kid, like you can not possibly have a "family" without birthing a kid from your own body... I don't get this usage of word "family" in our society neither... This would be another interesting topic to better understand.
I also think this comes from the idea that family and love can only come from a child too, as in a small vulnerable person you can control and force to love you! So pro-childfree, we can find the connection and love that allows room for other people’s choices
@@cateyu5547And you so often find that those parents are often the cruelest ones. The ones who bring kids into this world to be their doll, and lash out when the kid wants to be their own person. They expect the kid to bring happiness, only to become stressed because they weren’t given all the information before they had kids. A lot of people refuse to talk about the many negatives that come with having children, or they severely downplay it. It’s no accident that so many afab people regret having kids, and the truth of how dangerous and unpleasant having kids can be is hidden. Especially if the parent(s) are already neurodivergent or mentally ill.
47:25 I'm so sorry for all the comments. But this one had me yelling too. This belief system that everything will magically work out is deeply rooted in religion, in my opinion. Choosing to be child free according to some religious people is essentially saying that you don't have faith in God and his ability to provide. I have yet to meet someone who is deeply embedded in their religious community but also chose to be child free. Those 2 are at odds with one another from my experience. As someone who chose to be child free I am definitely not deeply religious in any way shape or form and even as a child I would question some of the blind faith statements that were shoved in my face. I've been a free thinker for as far back as I can remember. 48:41 You are a breath of fresh air. Other than myself I have literally never heard anybody speak on the ethical ramifications that surround bringing somebody to this planet who can't consent to it in the first place. As I commented before, I was that child that questioned why I was born and I was certainly annoyed that nobody got my "permission" beforehand. People really need to think carefully because that individual might truly hate being here and also simultaneously be so terrified of dying. Yet the only way out of here is through death and why would you want your kids to die?! I completely understand that if everybody felt the way I do that the human race would cease to exist, but I'm a little bit of a nihilist, so I don't think that's necessarily a terrible thing. 😅😅
YES again such great context, I didn't even think of the blind faith element as being fundamentally religious but it absolutely is, and could probably be a deep-dive in and of itself! You've given me lots to think about, thank you! I definitely agree that life isn't always a gift, and it bears careful thought before deciding to bring someone into the world. For me, it's not so much nihilism as just a very deep concern for consent. It's really important to me to obtain consent in all types of situations, so having kids doesn't seem any different
@@meghansandor That's awesome, I love how we both given each other food for thought! This is exactly why open discussions like this are so important and should be encouraged! Again, thank you for the hard work and thought you've clearly put into these videos and I look forward to more! I'm very impressed with your level of research on the facts presented. This isn't just some opinion, these are well thought out arguments with data to back it up!
Haha I've heard that a lot from people! I've always been extremely vocal about how much I don't want them, so luckily people just stopped asking me once they realized I wasn't going to be hit with "baby fever" when I turned 25, and by 30 they'd given up completely 😆
The ISMS have used the children for oil sold them the Pied Pieper the PIMP has stolen the children why at the END of TIME would you bring children in this world they are all being raised up in the IMAGE of BABYLON. Those who harm a child will be as if a Milestone was around its neck and thrown into the OCEAN. Its Wise not to have children in these END OF DAYS the Pedos are no longer criminals you are under utter LAWLESSNESS. The World is in the Image of NARCISSISM one of the IMAGES of the Fallen Ones. Never mind Technology with clones and synthetic children. THE HORRORS of children they are our hero's for what is being done to them.
This was incredible. As a woman in her 30s who’s recently engaged, the constant questions about future children are beyond exhausting. Last year, I had to undergo surgery to remove one of my ovaries, and I’m uncertain how this might impact my fertility. While I do want children, I strongly resent the societal pressure placed on women to have them. I believe I could be perfectly happy even if I don’t have kids-I just hope I won’t have to face judgment if that’s the path my life takes.
Thank you for sharing part of your story, and I'm sorry to hear about the surgery! I hope everything is okay and that you're able to have the life you envision for yourself :)
Interesting take on Waitress. I’m ardently childfree, but never saw the movie this way. I never believed she didn’t want children *at all,* I just thought she didn’t want them with her husband (and who would).
I'm all about people living their best, most spiritually fulfilling lives and personally I am very monogamous but if people want to do otherwise as long as all are in agreement I see no harm. I am childfree by choice and I've always known I never wanted to fall into the roll of mother and it's only in the last 4 years I've found the language to talk about it and accept myself. Even if my partner changes his mind, I won't. There's so many factors at play for me, financial, no desire, mental health and disposition (introvert), phobia of hospitals, wanting my body to be my own, not wanting to shoulder most of the emotional/physical labour, wanting to discover who I am, heal ancestral wounds and spirituality in general. I just want to be free mostly.
My mother began having kids in her 40s because she was bored with life & couldn't find anything else to do. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she's been married to an abusive asshole for the majority of her life.
10:45 This process is similar to what happens to people who have hysterectomies, but retain functioning ovaries. There are enzymes that absorb the eggs back into the body every month.
21:10 Yes I've lost friends over the years to motherhoodand I guess the gap just became so wide while they took time off that we never really rekindled anything. Friendships like that make me feel very used. Like as soon as something better came along they dropped me and didn't need me anymore
I used to feel the same way about friends and loved ones who had kids and then dropped off the face of the planet. Again, I can only relate! ❤️ I used to feel really angry about it actually, and I'd feel resentful when people I loved had kids because it felt like they were telling me that they made this decision and our relationship is going to change forever, and there's nothing I can do about it and I'd better be happy for them on top of it. It felt like there was no room for my own anger, sadness and grief. Lately though, I've been trying to put a bigger context to it and realize that it's really really exhausting and overwhelming to raise kids in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship in a late-stage capitalist society and that our friends probably did (and do!) miss us, they just have very limited amounts of time and energy and nearly all of that has to go to keeping their kids alive and fed. And that's not their fault! Society is hard on us whether we have kids or not :(
@@meghansandor Yeah I think I'm still in the angry and resentful stage for one person. One of the friendships in question was already slightly rocky. As it turned out, she was very upset with me because I didn't want want her child crawling all over me. The kid was around 2 or 3 at the time. I have OCD and germaphobia and the child had sticky, dirty, icecream and snot hands and I was wearing white jeans. I said "no thank you" as the child tried to invade my personal space and apparently this offended Mom/ex-friend. She took it as me not wanting to have a relationship with her children and I took it as her not respecting my boundaries. In terms of the other friendships it truly was a case of them being very busy and overwhelmed and also us not living in close proximity anymore, and we still talk etc and I'm not mad at them at all but the first one I mentioned, I'm still a little salty about. I find it odd that some parents really don't find it necessary to teach their children about physical boundaries and how it's okay if you don't want someone to touch you or invade your personal space, no matter who you are or what age you, are that should be taught. But that's a whole nother can of worms!
@@Carcassbits11 I've definitely come to terms with it. I had to grieve the loss of them and our friendship as it's definitely not the same. I suppose I was in my anger phase but I am close to fully accepting and I understand their position
I need to listen to more of you. You have no idea how trans formative it is for me to hear the way i've felt forever, be articulated. I know I've internalized all of this and I didnt have words for it. I choose to be child free as well. For so many reasons I cant even think of one reason (for me) to have a child. My only sadness is thinking of my parents who still prescribe to the nuclear family etc and probably will always, will not get to experience having grandchildren which i can appreciate is hard for some who have not considered unpacking this crap. They have never outwardly expressed this, and have accepted grandFurbabies instead. but I know on some level its hard. I love that they are still together in a really supportive marriage. I think when they got together, life looked a lot different than today. I am 33 and they are still a big support for me. Pointing out that having children is for life. Not just until they are 18 (or whichever age one sees as "adult" - different in other cultures I figure).
I feel you! I’m glad my video made you feel seen, that was my goal! To speak to other people like me who have struggled for a long time with the idea of parenthood, either because we don’t want to be parents or because we became parents and then regretted it. You made a wise (if difficult) decision and you’re sticking to it and that’s incredible!
hey.. i'm a new youtuber and been analyzing youtube channels since I hope to make content similar to yours in the future.. not gonna lie girl, i think you'll blow up sooner or later. your videos are great :) keep it up
18:03 I'm just finishing up the talk now and have a bunch of different comments I wanted to leave still. We hear that argument a lot of "who will Take Care of you when you're old". Oftentimes children move to another city, state or even country and are therefore nowhere near you physically to even be able to take care of you. They may end up being incredibly selfish and decide they want nothing to do with you, even though you dedicated your whole entire life to them. I see it happen all the time. Also just because you raise someone from birth doesn't mean they're obligated to take care of you. Unfortunately, this is a reality that all parents must face. In Western societies, more than likely, the parents will not be taken care of to the extent that they hoped and wished for. Then when you showed that movie clip Where she had a baby and became all tough and wise. I immediately thought to myself "She's a mama bear! She can do anything now!! Oh wait, that's a stress response!" 😅 You are incredibly articulate and so well informed on this topic this has so far been such a great talk and I can't wait to finish the rest. I'll probably comment more because I say way too much on this topic and don't know anybody in real life who feels the same way as me, so it's been incredibly isolating and lonely to be a woman who chose not to have children in a society that glorifies and promotes pro natalism
I'm so sorry you feel lonely because of your choices, and I can only relate! That's why I make videos like this one, to (hopefully) bring awareness and education to alternative ways of thinking and being that aren't necessarily the norm, so that the people living that way (like you and I) don't have to feel like we're the only ones! And YES that is SUCH A GOOD POINT about kids growing up and moving far away, and one that I totally neglected to mention in the video!! Thank you for mentioning it in the comment, and thank you for taking the time to leave such thoughtful comments as well :)
@@meghansandor Absolutely and like you said, you just scratched the surface but you touched on so many of the main points that I've thought about and started to think about in my teens and 20s. Ultimately it was all of these issues that led me to choose to be child free for myself. I sincerely thank you and all the child free content creators for giving people like me a community and a place where we can relate to one another. There aren't a lot of us, so it's very nice to have a place to talk to like-minded people. I definitely subscribed and look forward to more content!
@@TheYazmanian thank you for all your comments and for watching this all the way through! It is definitely one of my goals for this channel to create community, so I'm very happy that you feel seen and heard :)
This is great and I agree with a lot of this video but the origins of the idea that overpopulation is leading to climate change is actually rooted in eugenics (look into Thomas Malthus). We have more than enough resources to go around, it’s just the distribution of resources and overconsumption by the rich that’s the real problem. I didn’t know about this until college (Environmental Management and Policy Major) and I love your videos, so no hate at all!
Hey Meghan. This is a good topic for discussion. Me, personally. I'm 50 this year and no plans of having kids anytime soon or ever. For me it's too late, and I'm okay with that. There are other ways in life to be a "mother" -Step, Pet or what have you.I'm not meant to have kids and at times it does make me sad but I know Ive made the right choice for me. If I had kids at this moment in time, I wouldnt be able to look after my Mom like I have been. I was free to move back home with her. What it comes down do is do what's best for YOU always.. Keep up the good vids!!!
Thank you for your comment, I always love hearing from people who are 40+ and don't have kids! We're told we're going to regret it by then, but consistently I've heard that's not the case at all. It's cool that you were able to live with your mom and take care of her! I'm doing the same right now with my grandmother, she just turned 89 a couple of weeks ago :)
"Hi Meghan, I wanted to let you know that your presentation was excellent. You made some very valid points about why people decide to have children or not. Ultimately, it comes down to personal choice, or as mentioned in the Bible, having free will. I agree that you barely scratched the surface because society has reached a turning point, especially in lower-income households. African-American households are often unable or unwilling to raise their kids the right way, leading to statistics of teen violence plaguing our urban cities. As the Bible points out, "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers," but the emphasis is on children being "disobedient to (their) parents," unthankful, unholy." (2 Timothy 3:2 KJV) I'm looking forward to Part 2. Thank you!"
Thank you for the super thanks! ☺ I think different styles of parenting come down to cultural differences, systemic poverty, violence and racism, social determinents of health, segregation, exclusion, underrepresentation, and whole lot of other social and systemic factors that go into keeping parts of the population poor and oppressed.
I might be asking this question in the wrong place, but I feel comfortable asking because it's kind of related to the topic. What can I do if I actually wanted kids, but it's actually too late and I missed my opportunity? I realize this is probably for a whole other video. Maybe this is way too complicated. 😢
If you feel ready for children, the only time that it is "too late" is menopause or death. There can be complications after 35, but if you have a professional you trust, it can happen. My mom had my youngest sister (unplanned, but welcomed) past 35. Mom used to be a breastfeeding consultant for new moms, and older (more financially stable) women were not uncommon. (If I recall, the USA average for first-time mothers is over 25 now?) The main hurtle is money, and if you feel willing to use it. Also, make sure you have a strong support network! Therapy and counseling are good things, because emotional burnout is a thing when raising children. IVF has some crazy science behind it. You can even find doners if you are missing something in the process, from eggs or sperm donations to even a womb (surrogate)! Fostering and adoption fits in a strange place as well. There is this sort of "purity" concept for children who are born from you being somehow more... real? or something? It has gotten so far as to insist that if you didn't push out your child, they are not really your child... so c-section and all fathers aren't "really" parents? What? I think being willing and able to provide a loving home to children who are already living on this planet is an amazing thing to do. Many grandparents end up raising their grandchildren when their children can't. Some children are unwanted from birth, others come from a bad situation, and having a safe place to grow is incredibly important. It allows the children to have a life and goals instead of struggling in survival mode on their own.
ME TOO, this is absolutely going to be my next video essay topic, after Part 2 of the pronatalism deep-dive. I've already started researching it and writing the script :)
Meghan.... The Theory of Parenthood began in the ancient days of Rome so people can have ancestors that will rise through the ranks of society to become a ruler of a nation or in other words, The Prime Minister or President.... The rulers of Rome, the Caesars, is an example.... And in our modern society the Parenthood or Family Empire includes... The Kennedys, the Rothschilds, and in Canada the ruling families include Irving Family, Sobey Family, and Thomson Family and others.... Family equals power in society... the end... Be Supportive and Be Amazed... CHEERS!
All the Isms of the Roman Ottoman Empire of Fallen Angel Knowledge BABYLON as i pointed out in a comment to you a while ago regarding Religion and Legions of Demons Religion brought in by PAGANISM/CONSTANTINE and the beat goes on that has INFILTRATED Sovereign Prophecy for where Jacob is so there is Esau until the Separation of the Tares/Wicked/Paganism and Wheat Sovereign Truth No PAGANISM in them and they reign Victoriously. This is all FRAGMENTATION of BABYLON CONFUSION HIGHER EDUCATION THE LIE OF FALLEN ANGELS ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IS A LIE for LOVE has been Hijacked and this is what you are left with FALSE DELUSIONS. The world in Moral Relativism of the image of Luciferianism not the Moral Mind of the Creator. Messiah will wipe away all PAGANISM fallen angel Lies Infiltration from the face of this earth. BABYLON will FALL
Funny you mentioned r/regretfulparents... I went into that sub thinking it was going to be packed mainly with people who regretted maybe having kids too early or wanting to spend more time with their kids but couldn’t. Instead it was just packed to the brim with narcissistic adult babies who were clearly in love with the *idea* of having a baby until they realized it takes actual effort and care into raising and nurturing them. Like they just wanted a live doll to play with and put away when they felt like it. There's so many hateful accounts of people essentially wanting to "ctrl-z" their kids out of existence because they can't go out or watch netflix whenever they want. "My child STOLE my life from me! Woe is me!!!" So it's immaturity and narcissism being passed onto a new trauma-filled, neglected generation. I feel little to no pity for most of them. They were not "lied" to. They went into it of their own volition with idealistic views. And now, they're online shitting on their kids and admittedly treating them like garbage in real time instead going and getting help like normal people.
That's a little unkind...when your entire society and culture is priming you to make one specific choice over another (ie. becoming a parent) and there are significant benefits to doing so (social status, validation, social connections with other parents, approval from family of origin, etc.) and significant punishments for not doing so (invalidation, condescension from those around you, having to pick up the slack for other parents at work, disappointing friends and family, losing friends to parenthood, feeling "behind," stigmatization, etc.) it's not really making a choice of your own volition, it's being coerced by powerful forces beyond your control. We shouldn't be blaming the people who fall victim to pronatalism, we should be asking ourselves why society puts so much pressure on people to have kids, why parenthood is romanticized, and what we can do to counter some of these narratives and tell the truth about the realities of parenting so that more people can go into it with their eyes wide open.
![[Full] 4 ต่อ 4 Celebrity EP.922 | 10 พ.ย. 67 | one31](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/zmV5HRIxIBI/mqdefault.jpg)
I was one of those manosphere goons who believed that women without kids was a bad thing. I have since been to therapy and grown out of that. Both me and my current girlfriend are Childfree and we love it. You are awesome Meghan.
Whenever I was told as a little girl "you'll understand when you become a mother", I would retort with "But I'm not having kids!" This was always met with a chuckle, as if I was lacking in the self awareness to know that I didn't want to be a mother. I never played with baby dolls and truly believe some girls actually wanted that for themselves but I knew at a young age I wouldn't be doing all that!
I am now 41, still no kids. I never had the "biological clock". I had pressure from friends and family but have stood firm. I do not want kids and hate that people don't respect that. Pronatalism is anti choice tbh
I AGREE, and I love how you framed it that way! It is indeed anti-choice. I had the same frustration growing up whenever I would say I don’t want kids, I was told I’d change my mind and every time someone told me that it just made me even more determined to never have kids. Now I can’t imagine anything worse than being a mom, for myself. But I know a lot of people who love being a mom, and they’re great at it and I love that for them ☺️ just not for me!
@@meghansandor Same here though, it made me want to double down on my stance even further, not to be stubborn or rebellious, but to show people that I have conviction and self-awareness and really want that to be respected. When people say they want children nobody questions that, so the opposite should be true as well. Creating life is such a big deal in my opinion that If one decides to opt out, it should absolutely be respected by everybody!
I relate to this so much. Not only that, I’d also say that I don’t want a man, but they’d laugh it off, and say “for now.” As it turns out, I’m gay. Lmao.
@@Reed5016 😂😂😂 LOL people are hilarious with their impositions, I swear. I thought the West valued individualism, but I guess not everyone here does!
@@TheYazmanian You’d be surprised. I’m convinced at this point that “freedom” is something politicians and pundits use to propagate their own agendas. But at the end of the day, they actually care very little about freedom. “Freedom” in the US at least means the freedom to be a slave to the state. But there are few places in the world that actually value freedom.
Mam, I hope this video one day reaches A BILLION VIEWS. I feel like you reached into my mind and found the words I have been unable to appropriately articulate throughout such a large part of my life. This video should be shown in every psychology/sociology college class. If I were ever so lucky to be able to shake your hand one day, it would be an incredible day. Well done.
Omg thank you, that means a lot! This video is my magnum opus a little bit, so you have no idea how much tha means to me 🥺
As a CF person, I often get the question (that I do not understand):
"You do not want to have a family?"
- Like... is birthing a child the ONLY possible way to have "family" or loving people around me?
- But that is the only real way to have family. You need a child. Who is going to take care of you when you will get old?"
I start to realize that by "family" people mean to have an object (a child) who will serve a purpose of reducing the general human fear of aging and dying.
Nuclear family life is oppressive drudgery, it's a slog! Also becoming a parent highlights and exacerbates mental health struggles if you have them, not the opposite. That's my experience anyway.
Also, our pronatalist society and people in general like to use the word "family" when it comes to having a child. Wherever I look this word is largely used to describe the act of having kids:
"Start a family. Raise a family. Family-friendly activities. Dream of family (mostly used in ads for IVF). Desire to have your own family."
But what they mean by "family" is having a kid, like you can not possibly have a "family" without birthing a kid from your own body... I don't get this usage of word "family" in our society neither... This would be another interesting topic to better understand.
I also think this comes from the idea that family and love can only come from a child too, as in a small vulnerable person you can control and force to love you!
So pro-childfree, we can find the connection and love that allows room for other people’s choices
@@cateyu5547And you so often find that those parents are often the cruelest ones. The ones who bring kids into this world to be their doll, and lash out when the kid wants to be their own person. They expect the kid to bring happiness, only to become stressed because they weren’t given all the information before they had kids.
A lot of people refuse to talk about the many negatives that come with having children, or they severely downplay it. It’s no accident that so many afab people regret having kids, and the truth of how dangerous and unpleasant having kids can be is hidden. Especially if the parent(s) are already neurodivergent or mentally ill.
47:25 I'm so sorry for all the comments. But this one had me yelling too. This belief system that everything will magically work out is deeply rooted in religion, in my opinion. Choosing to be child free according to some religious people is essentially saying that you don't have faith in God and his ability to provide. I have yet to meet someone who is deeply embedded in their religious community but also chose to be child free. Those 2 are at odds with one another from my experience. As someone who chose to be child free I am definitely not deeply religious in any way shape or form and even as a child I would question some of the blind faith statements that were shoved in my face. I've been a free thinker for as far back as I can remember.
48:41 You are a breath of fresh air. Other than myself I have literally never heard anybody speak on the ethical ramifications that surround bringing somebody to this planet who can't consent to it in the first place. As I commented before, I was that child that questioned why I was born and I was certainly annoyed that nobody got my "permission" beforehand. People really need to think carefully because that individual might truly hate being here and also simultaneously be so terrified of dying. Yet the only way out of here is through death and why would you want your kids to die?! I completely understand that if everybody felt the way I do that the human race would cease to exist, but I'm a little bit of a nihilist, so I don't think that's necessarily a terrible thing. 😅😅
YES again such great context, I didn't even think of the blind faith element as being fundamentally religious but it absolutely is, and could probably be a deep-dive in and of itself! You've given me lots to think about, thank you!
I definitely agree that life isn't always a gift, and it bears careful thought before deciding to bring someone into the world. For me, it's not so much nihilism as just a very deep concern for consent. It's really important to me to obtain consent in all types of situations, so having kids doesn't seem any different
@@meghansandor That's awesome, I love how we both given each other food for thought! This is exactly why open discussions like this are so important and should be encouraged! Again, thank you for the hard work and thought you've clearly put into these videos and I look forward to more! I'm very impressed with your level of research on the facts presented. This isn't just some opinion, these are well thought out arguments with data to back it up!
@@TheYazmanian thank you!! I try really hard to present good quality information from reputable sources, so that means a lot :)
The best part about being 40 is people stopped asking me about having kids.
Haha I've heard that a lot from people! I've always been extremely vocal about how much I don't want them, so luckily people just stopped asking me once they realized I wasn't going to be hit with "baby fever" when I turned 25, and by 30 they'd given up completely 😆
The ISMS have used the children for oil sold them the Pied Pieper the PIMP has stolen the children why at the END of TIME would you bring children in this world they are all being raised up in the IMAGE of BABYLON. Those who harm a child will be as if a Milestone was around its neck and thrown into the OCEAN. Its Wise not to have children in these END OF DAYS the Pedos are no longer criminals you are under utter LAWLESSNESS. The World is in the Image of NARCISSISM one of the IMAGES of the Fallen Ones. Never mind Technology with clones and synthetic children. THE HORRORS of children they are our hero's for what is being done to them.
I’m 39 this year and still getting “it’s not too late!” 😂
@@notmychelle oh noooo I'm sorry, that's so annoying! I hate it when people say stuff like that.
Sooo i got 2 more years till people stop asking me.... Cool. Cool cool cool. 😂
This was incredible. As a woman in her 30s who’s recently engaged, the constant questions about future children are beyond exhausting. Last year, I had to undergo surgery to remove one of my ovaries, and I’m uncertain how this might impact my fertility. While I do want children, I strongly resent the societal pressure placed on women to have them. I believe I could be perfectly happy even if I don’t have kids-I just hope I won’t have to face judgment if that’s the path my life takes.
Thank you for sharing part of your story, and I'm sorry to hear about the surgery! I hope everything is okay and that you're able to have the life you envision for yourself :)
Yasss 🙌 Regretting motherhood by orna donath! The nuance! Love it!
I was just about to give up on video essays. Then I met your channel. Great job ❤
WOW that is a huge compliment! Thank you so much :)
Interesting take on Waitress. I’m ardently childfree, but never saw the movie this way. I never believed she didn’t want children *at all,* I just thought she didn’t want them with her husband (and who would).
For me it was more the idea that having a baby solved all of her problems :)
I'm all about people living their best, most spiritually fulfilling lives and personally I am very monogamous but if people want to do otherwise as long as all are in agreement I see no harm. I am childfree by choice and I've always known I never wanted to fall into the roll of mother and it's only in the last 4 years I've found the language to talk about it and accept myself. Even if my partner changes his mind, I won't. There's so many factors at play for me, financial, no desire, mental health and disposition (introvert), phobia of hospitals, wanting my body to be my own, not wanting to shoulder most of the emotional/physical labour, wanting to discover who I am, heal ancestral wounds and spirituality in general. I just want to be free mostly.
My mom is always saying that she regrets having kids despite loving us.
😳🥺
My mother began having kids in her 40s because she was bored with life & couldn't find anything else to do. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that she's been married to an abusive asshole for the majority of her life.
10:45 This process is similar to what happens to people who have hysterectomies, but retain functioning ovaries. There are enzymes that absorb the eggs back into the body every month.
21:10 Yes I've lost friends over the years to motherhoodand I guess the gap just became so wide while they took time off that we never really rekindled anything. Friendships like that make me feel very used. Like as soon as something better came along they dropped me and didn't need me anymore
I used to feel the same way about friends and loved ones who had kids and then dropped off the face of the planet. Again, I can only relate! ❤️ I used to feel really angry about it actually, and I'd feel resentful when people I loved had kids because it felt like they were telling me that they made this decision and our relationship is going to change forever, and there's nothing I can do about it and I'd better be happy for them on top of it. It felt like there was no room for my own anger, sadness and grief.
Lately though, I've been trying to put a bigger context to it and realize that it's really really exhausting and overwhelming to raise kids in a monogamous, heterosexual relationship in a late-stage capitalist society and that our friends probably did (and do!) miss us, they just have very limited amounts of time and energy and nearly all of that has to go to keeping their kids alive and fed. And that's not their fault! Society is hard on us whether we have kids or not :(
@@meghansandor Yeah I think I'm still in the angry and resentful stage for one person. One of the friendships in question was already slightly rocky. As it turned out, she was very upset with me because I didn't want want her child crawling all over me. The kid was around 2 or 3 at the time. I have OCD and germaphobia and the child had sticky, dirty, icecream and snot hands and I was wearing white jeans. I said "no thank you" as the child tried to invade my personal space and apparently this offended Mom/ex-friend. She took it as me not wanting to have a relationship with her children and I took it as her not respecting my boundaries. In terms of the other friendships it truly was a case of them being very busy and overwhelmed and also us not living in close proximity anymore, and we still talk etc and I'm not mad at them at all but the first one I mentioned, I'm still a little salty about. I find it odd that some parents really don't find it necessary to teach their children about physical boundaries and how it's okay if you don't want someone to touch you or invade your personal space, no matter who you are or what age you, are that should be taught. But that's a whole nother can of worms!
Don't take it personally, they are probably exhausted and their lives are no longer about them and their happiness.
@@Carcassbits11 I've definitely come to terms with it. I had to grieve the loss of them and our friendship as it's definitely not the same. I suppose I was in my anger phase but I am close to fully accepting and I understand their position
Phenomenal, Meghan. I love hearing what you have to say
Thank you!
I need to listen to more of you. You have no idea how trans formative it is for me to hear the way i've felt forever, be articulated.
I know I've internalized all of this and I didnt have words for it. I choose to be child free as well. For so many reasons I cant even think of one reason (for me) to have a child.
My only sadness is thinking of my parents who still prescribe to the nuclear family etc and probably will always, will not get to experience having grandchildren which i can appreciate is hard for some who have not considered unpacking this crap. They have never outwardly expressed this, and have accepted grandFurbabies instead. but I know on some level its hard. I love that they are still together in a really supportive marriage. I think when they got together, life looked a lot different than today.
I am 33 and they are still a big support for me. Pointing out that having children is for life. Not just until they are 18 (or whichever age one sees as "adult" - different in other cultures I figure).
to clarify, that't what I believe because I am disabled...mostly by society though *eyeroll
I feel you! I’m glad my video made you feel seen, that was my goal! To speak to other people like me who have struggled for a long time with the idea of parenthood, either because we don’t want to be parents or because we became parents and then regretted it. You made a wise (if difficult) decision and you’re sticking to it and that’s incredible!
@@meghansandor Oh that means so much to me :D Do you have a reading/watching list somewhere?
@@Krista-388 I don't, unfortunately! But there are lots of books for childfree people out there, check Goodreads for recos! :)
hey.. i'm a new youtuber and been analyzing youtube channels since I hope to make content similar to yours in the future.. not gonna lie girl, i think you'll blow up sooner or later. your videos are great :) keep it up
Thank you! I hope so, been slugging away at this for 2 years now 😉 thanks for watching!
Ooh.. how did i miss the comphet vid?!?
Thanks for another banger!
Haha thanks! The comphet video didn't do as well, I gotta look into my keywords and posting times! ;)
It's especially sad when a girl baby is born into this world.
I agree, I worry for my nieces every single day.
18:03 I'm just finishing up the talk now and have a bunch of different comments I wanted to leave still. We hear that argument a lot of "who will Take Care of you when you're old". Oftentimes children move to another city, state or even country and are therefore nowhere near you physically to even be able to take care of you. They may end up being incredibly selfish and decide they want nothing to do with you, even though you dedicated your whole entire life to them. I see it happen all the time. Also just because you raise someone from birth doesn't mean they're obligated to take care of you. Unfortunately, this is a reality that all parents must face. In Western societies, more than likely, the parents will not be taken care of to the extent that they hoped and wished for.
Then when you showed that movie clip Where she had a baby and became all tough and wise. I immediately thought to myself "She's a mama bear! She can do anything now!! Oh wait, that's a stress response!" 😅
You are incredibly articulate and so well informed on this topic this has so far been such a great talk and I can't wait to finish the rest. I'll probably comment more because I say way too much on this topic and don't know anybody in real life who feels the same way as me, so it's been incredibly isolating and lonely to be a woman who chose not to have children in a society that glorifies and promotes pro natalism
I'm so sorry you feel lonely because of your choices, and I can only relate! That's why I make videos like this one, to (hopefully) bring awareness and education to alternative ways of thinking and being that aren't necessarily the norm, so that the people living that way (like you and I) don't have to feel like we're the only ones!
And YES that is SUCH A GOOD POINT about kids growing up and moving far away, and one that I totally neglected to mention in the video!! Thank you for mentioning it in the comment, and thank you for taking the time to leave such thoughtful comments as well :)
@@meghansandor Absolutely and like you said, you just scratched the surface but you touched on so many of the main points that I've thought about and started to think about in my teens and 20s. Ultimately it was all of these issues that led me to choose to be child free for myself. I sincerely thank you and all the child free content creators for giving people like me a community and a place where we can relate to one another. There aren't a lot of us, so it's very nice to have a place to talk to like-minded people. I definitely subscribed and look forward to more content!
@@TheYazmanian thank you for all your comments and for watching this all the way through! It is definitely one of my goals for this channel to create community, so I'm very happy that you feel seen and heard :)
Meghan as always you are amazing. You have definitely given me something to think about.
Thanks Dave! I'm glad you got something out of it :)
This is great and I agree with a lot of this video but the origins of the idea that overpopulation is leading to climate change is actually rooted in eugenics (look into Thomas Malthus). We have more than enough resources to go around, it’s just the distribution of resources and overconsumption by the rich that’s the real problem. I didn’t know about this until college (Environmental Management and Policy Major) and I love your videos, so no hate at all!
Hey Meghan. This is a good topic for discussion. Me, personally. I'm 50 this year and no plans of having kids anytime soon or ever. For me it's too late, and I'm okay with that. There are other ways in life to be a "mother" -Step, Pet or what have you.I'm not meant to have kids and at times it does make me sad but I know Ive made the right choice for me. If I had kids at this moment in time, I wouldnt be able to look after my Mom like I have been. I was free to move back home with her. What it comes down do is do what's best for YOU always.. Keep up the good vids!!!
Thank you for your comment, I always love hearing from people who are 40+ and don't have kids! We're told we're going to regret it by then, but consistently I've heard that's not the case at all. It's cool that you were able to live with your mom and take care of her! I'm doing the same right now with my grandmother, she just turned 89 a couple of weeks ago :)
"Hi Meghan, I wanted to let you know that your presentation was excellent. You made some very valid points about why people decide to have children or not. Ultimately, it comes down to personal choice, or as mentioned in the Bible, having free will. I agree that you barely scratched the surface because society has reached a turning point, especially in lower-income households. African-American households are often unable or unwilling to raise their kids the right way, leading to statistics of teen violence plaguing our urban cities. As the Bible points out, "For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers," but the emphasis is on children being "disobedient to (their) parents," unthankful, unholy." (2 Timothy 3:2 KJV) I'm looking forward to Part 2. Thank you!"
Thank you for the super thanks! ☺ I think different styles of parenting come down to cultural differences, systemic poverty, violence and racism, social determinents of health, segregation, exclusion, underrepresentation, and whole lot of other social and systemic factors that go into keeping parts of the population poor and oppressed.
@meghansandor 👌Wow! And right on! I see you have done thorough research. Once again, I can't until Part 2. When will that be?
Thanks for another great video!
I need fo show this to my mother
Oof that’s a mood
very well made. thank you!
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed
14:57 yes!!!!!! Exactly!!!
I might be asking this question in the wrong place, but I feel comfortable asking because it's kind of related to the topic. What can I do if I actually wanted kids, but it's actually too late and I missed my opportunity? I realize this is probably for a whole other video. Maybe this is way too complicated. 😢
I'm so sorry, that's a really hard thing to deal with ❤ I think talking to a therapist might be the most helpful thing, if you can
IVF, adoption, foster care
If you feel ready for children, the only time that it is "too late" is menopause or death. There can be complications after 35, but if you have a professional you trust, it can happen. My mom had my youngest sister (unplanned, but welcomed) past 35. Mom used to be a breastfeeding consultant for new moms, and older (more financially stable) women were not uncommon. (If I recall, the USA average for first-time mothers is over 25 now?)
The main hurtle is money, and if you feel willing to use it. Also, make sure you have a strong support network! Therapy and counseling are good things, because emotional burnout is a thing when raising children. IVF has some crazy science behind it. You can even find doners if you are missing something in the process, from eggs or sperm donations to even a womb (surrogate)!
Fostering and adoption fits in a strange place as well. There is this sort of "purity" concept for children who are born from you being somehow more... real? or something? It has gotten so far as to insist that if you didn't push out your child, they are not really your child... so c-section and all fathers aren't "really" parents? What?
I think being willing and able to provide a loving home to children who are already living on this planet is an amazing thing to do. Many grandparents end up raising their grandchildren when their children can't. Some children are unwanted from birth, others come from a bad situation, and having a safe place to grow is incredibly important. It allows the children to have a life and goals instead of struggling in survival mode on their own.
there are more people now than it has ever been in history ever. how is it few?🤔
Thanks!
Oh wow thank you @Clayton Crawford! My very first ever super thanks, I appreciate the support so much ☺️❤️
Well detailed discussion!😊
thank you!
I'd be very interested in this 29:40
ME TOO, this is absolutely going to be my next video essay topic, after Part 2 of the pronatalism deep-dive. I've already started researching it and writing the script :)
Meghan.... The Theory of Parenthood began in the ancient days of Rome so people can have ancestors that will rise through the ranks of society to become a ruler of a nation or in other words, The Prime Minister or President.... The rulers of Rome, the Caesars, is an example.... And in our modern society the Parenthood or Family Empire includes... The Kennedys, the Rothschilds, and in Canada the ruling families include Irving Family, Sobey Family, and Thomson Family and others.... Family equals power in society... the end... Be Supportive and Be Amazed... CHEERS!
Yep that’s a good point! Lots of people have (and have had) kids throughout history for legacy reasons ☺️
All the Isms of the Roman Ottoman Empire of Fallen Angel Knowledge BABYLON as i pointed out in a comment to you a while ago regarding Religion and Legions of Demons Religion brought in by PAGANISM/CONSTANTINE and the beat goes on that has INFILTRATED Sovereign Prophecy for where Jacob is so there is Esau until the Separation of the Tares/Wicked/Paganism and Wheat Sovereign Truth No PAGANISM in them and they reign Victoriously. This is all FRAGMENTATION of BABYLON CONFUSION HIGHER EDUCATION THE LIE OF FALLEN ANGELS ALL YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IS A LIE for LOVE has been Hijacked and this is what you are left with FALSE DELUSIONS. The world in Moral Relativism of the image of Luciferianism not the Moral Mind of the Creator. Messiah will wipe away all PAGANISM fallen angel Lies Infiltration from the face of this earth. BABYLON will FALL
6:50 bro has 11 kids
Hey Meghan
Hello! Thanks for checking out the video ☺
Funny you mentioned r/regretfulparents... I went into that sub thinking it was going to be packed mainly with people who regretted maybe having kids too early or wanting to spend more time with their kids but couldn’t. Instead it was just packed to the brim with narcissistic adult babies who were clearly in love with the *idea* of having a baby until they realized it takes actual effort and care into raising and nurturing them. Like they just wanted a live doll to play with and put away when they felt like it. There's so many hateful accounts of people essentially wanting to "ctrl-z" their kids out of existence because they can't go out or watch netflix whenever they want. "My child STOLE my life from me! Woe is me!!!"
So it's immaturity and narcissism being passed onto a new trauma-filled, neglected generation. I feel little to no pity for most of them. They were not "lied" to. They went into it of their own volition with idealistic views. And now, they're online shitting on their kids and admittedly treating them like garbage in real time instead going and getting help like normal people.
That's a little unkind...when your entire society and culture is priming you to make one specific choice over another (ie. becoming a parent) and there are significant benefits to doing so (social status, validation, social connections with other parents, approval from family of origin, etc.) and significant punishments for not doing so (invalidation, condescension from those around you, having to pick up the slack for other parents at work, disappointing friends and family, losing friends to parenthood, feeling "behind," stigmatization, etc.) it's not really making a choice of your own volition, it's being coerced by powerful forces beyond your control.
We shouldn't be blaming the people who fall victim to pronatalism, we should be asking ourselves why society puts so much pressure on people to have kids, why parenthood is romanticized, and what we can do to counter some of these narratives and tell the truth about the realities of parenting so that more people can go into it with their eyes wide open.