I loved this TED Talk. We never talk about miscarriage. It happens so often and we don't know how to discuss it in our society. I think this talk opens the door to talk about an issue that we shouldn't ignore.
Thank you, Lovely Bettison for sharing how this affected you! I hope we can create a huge shift in the conversation so women can feel safe to express and grieve our losses. Thank you for being part of the change in the dialogue of loss.
Everyone needs to watch this video. From how to cope with loss to how to be with others who are coping, we all need to learn more about this very important topic. I remember feeling so alone when I had my miscarriages and later when I lost my mom unexpectedly. My "friends" disappeared. Thank you Soness for helping break the silence around grief and loss. xo
Stephanie Roth, Your Fertile Self thank you for sharing your story and your mission to support this dialogue. No one should suffer alone. When we speak up, we can be heard with compassion
I so very much appreciate that you address not just how hard it is to be in grief, but also how hard it is to bear the insensitive things people say, no matter how well meaning. Most of the time we can look at intention and ignore words - but when you are grudging the chasms of loss and grief, there isn't much left to be expansively forgiving with. It was so generous of you to share this pain and journey, and I appreciate the coaching you offer in how to better care for grieving people. Much love to you.
I've never been one for platitudes. (I realized at a young age people use them to make themselves feel better in a moment of powerlessness.) When someone tells me something almost too sad to process or imagine I tend to say the things you mention, because it's their pain, not mine. Platitudes can often be selfish. I'm so sorry you both went through this...and so happy you found a way to share your story with us in a way that allows us to face such awkwardly important moments with care and dignity.
Thank you for your insightful comment Career Makeover Academy. Yes, platitudes can often be selfish--a way to remove ourselves from the pain of the suffering. We both thank you. Actually, all 601 of us and 1/4 women thank you.
such an important talk, and delivered in such a thoughtful and thought provoking way. it is immensely helpful to get tips on how to be a better friend and ally to those who are struggling with miscarriage and, no doubt, to have your own experience vocalized if you have gone through this challenging and painful loss yourself. thank you, soness, for sharing your story, and for opening up the discussion on how we can better communicate about loss and grief.
Thank you Kristie Collins for taking the time to hear me, see how we can be better friends and allies, and embracing us mothers who suffer from baby loss. Thank you for being part of the change in dialogue!
If I had seen this Tedx-talk long ago, many things I have said and done could have been done way better. The things Soness Stevens talks about, in terms of breathing before speaking, being considerate and to choose ones words carefully in respect of other peoples pain and feelings, can be useful for many situations about loss and in dialogues where a person is feeling sad. I have not had many conversations about miscarriage and this Tedx-talk helped me understand some of the pain but most importantly my part in the heeling process. More people should get the chance to see this Tex-talk. I think many people believe they have to step in and save the situation when confronted with pain and sadness, they have to make things better right away but often they just make it worse by speaking to quickly, saying the wrong things, thinking more about what they want to say then what the person in pain needs to hear.
Thank you, Helle Kikerpuu! I'm so glad to hear this talk changed your feelings on speaking about grief and loss. And yes, while in the past we can all say we wished we could have said and done things better, that was then and you have the tools from now. No regrets (though I have to admit, I've gone back to apologize to quite a few people about how I could have been more present and compassionate), just you being so considerate now means all the world in the healing process. Again, thank you for taking your time to watch, comment and share.
Thank you for this, Soness...it actually sparked a conversation at a birthday party when someone who happened to watch it off my FaceBook page started talking about it. You ARE helping change the conversation
Thank you, Patti Villalobos, for sharing with your community! I would have loved to have heard the conversation at the party :) and YOU are helping to change the conversation by sharing. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story, Soness. I appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about these experiences. It is so helpful for those of us trying to show our compassion and failing dreadfully, or worse - not even trying, to have your kind guidance. Everyone should watch and expand their vocabulary of empathy.
Thank you, Kristen, for truly listening to the message in this talk. You are part of a big movement of empathy for all who suffer to feel heard. Thank you.
You have given words to a topic that leaves so many speechless. We could all use more skills in how to support people during challenging life experiences. Thank you for this.
Your love is so very strong here-- for all of the women (and their partners) who have suffered loss ... for those of us who want to be there for our loved ones but sometimes hold back because we do not want to cause more pain, for those of us who say "words" because we just don't know what to do ..... To speak about it is hard. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and the decision to speak out when it cannot have been easy. Each time I listen, I hear deeper into your message.... from when I saw you on stage in December of last year and each time I see your talk here, on the screen. I know words will never be enough, but I'm so, so sorry for your painful loss.
Soness, I'm so sorry. The healing hug your precious neighbor friend gave you was a wonderful thing to "say". Love and acceptance and to feel heard. Wow! Thank you for sharing this powerfully beautiful talk.
Thank you Lynda Roy for seeing the beauty in those moments and spreading the acceptance and love. Together we can change the conversation of loss so more women can speak up and feel heard with compassion.
Oh, Soness I am so sorry. I love that you shared this so others can know not only what to say but also how to react when someone is dealing with loss. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. ❤️
Thank you, Shelley Adelle, for sharing and being a part of the change. Together we can create a movement with these tools so women can truly feel heard with love and compassion.
I've struggled many times regarding an appropriate reaction to someone's loss and in my desire to help ease their pain, ended up responding with words that have been opposite of helpful. This really made me understand how to communicate my compassion effectively.
Thank you for sharing your story, Soness. You have opened my heart up to more compassion. I want to think that I would have responded as your neighbor Aki did. Now I know that I will.
you're a brave and inspirational lady, Soness, and this was very moving. thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, despite how painful that must have been.
Thank you Soness for this video. I lost so much in the past... not the baby though. Some of the loss almost killed me. But we have to go on no matter what. Don't we?
Tomáš Mach thank you for sharing. No ones loss is greater or less than another. The experience of grieving should be expressed and heard with compassion. Thank you for sharing.
I am so sorry that you had to experience loss. Your bravery to share your experience, your insights, and your truth is profound and inspirational. Hugs.
I am male so I can feel real pain about miscarriage. However, I can understand that I can listen to the female story. So I try to listen to that person carefully and want to help them.
Wow- What a powerful and inspiring talk. I used to find it difficult to find words to comfort friends and loved ones who experienced loss. Then I realized it's okay not to have words. Love and empathy are palpable.
Thank you, Nona Djavid, for sharing your vulnerability of not knowing what to say before and now being part of the movement to change the dialogue around loss so those suffering may be truly heard with love and empathy.
My mother has experienced miscarriage twice. I think if my mother met this video at that time, it may have become more comfortable. I suggested this video to my mother.
I have never think this topic. My friend soon give birth to a child. So, I felt something very familiar. You give me a good opportunity to think. Thanks.
I can not understand feeling to lose babys in fact.I am twenty. However I impressed the word 'Listening is Love' I want to be a docter in the future. I want to help the suffering people.
I think it's difficult for us to know accurately thoughts of those who have bitter experiences. In addiction, if they have the same experience, they don't necessarily have the same idea. I like your phrase, "communication is a gift from a speaker to a listener". I notice saying something to them is not for us, but for them. So we have to judge the best way to relieve them carefully.
Thank you for taking the time to process how challenging it is to be present with another's pain, whether we have the same experience or not. Thank you for listening.
I understood how important breath time before saying to pregnant and sympathy are. I’m man so I can’t follow the woman’s emotion completely, but I should try to share emotion.
Why are you bashing a powerful and important movement in the loss world? Women SHOULD speak out. You contradict yourself- why teach people how to respond if we arent also encouraging women to speak out? You could have made your point beautifully with out bringing down an important movement that other women are part of.... disappointing.
Hello Blue Horses, I'm sorry you see the talk as you commented above. I don't see it that way at all. I see it as the necessity of adding ANOTHER dimension to the very needed conversation of loss. We can encourage women to speak, ..... AND ..... "what does it take to really "hear" their message?" This is what I believe the talk is all about.
As a fellow loss mom, I do not agree with your talk. I have spent much time watching videos on miscarriage because it helps me heal. 1) You appeared to plagiarize a Tedx Talk done by another woman when you discussed the 5 things you shouldnt say- down to the intro and your tone of voice- you completely copied her. 2) You bash the movement for women to speak out about their loss and, in so doing, you shame women into being silent alone once again. You basically say how dare they put that pain on someone else? How, as a communications expert, do you think it is a good idea for women going through this to stay quiet and not communicate? You then go on to tell people how to respond to someone who has experienced this--- well what the heck is the point of this if women aren't sharing to begin with because they are too scared to burden someone else?! .I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can begin to see the importance of women speaking out and of encouraging women to do so ALONG WITH giving others tools on how to handle it.
PaperClouds10, I am so sorry for your loss. And this message is extremely difficult for me to send.... but I do want to say that I don't think that the talk is saying we shouldn't speak out about loss. Far from bashing the movement, I think Soness is saying that the conversation must go both ways, that it is important to open up a dialog. I feel as if you and she are saying the same thing, and it pains me to think you don't see it in the same way. You say, "I hope you can begin to see the importance of women speaking out and of encouraging women to do so ALONG WITH giving others tools on how to handle it." .... I think your lovely and powerful message is precisely what Soness is trying to say.....
I loved this TED Talk. We never talk about miscarriage. It happens so often and we don't know how to discuss it in our society. I think this talk opens the door to talk about an issue that we shouldn't ignore.
Thank you, Lovely Bettison for sharing how this affected you! I hope we can create a huge shift in the conversation so women can feel safe to express and grieve our losses. Thank you for being part of the change in the dialogue of loss.
Everyone needs to watch this video. From how to cope with loss to how to be with others who are coping, we all need to learn more about this very important topic. I remember feeling so alone when I had my miscarriages and later when I lost my mom unexpectedly. My "friends" disappeared. Thank you Soness for helping break the silence around grief and loss. xo
Stephanie Roth, Your Fertile Self thank you for sharing your story and your mission to support this dialogue. No one should suffer alone. When we speak up, we can be heard with compassion
I so very much appreciate that you address not just how hard it is to be in grief, but also how hard it is to bear the insensitive things people say, no matter how well meaning. Most of the time we can look at intention and ignore words - but when you are grudging the chasms of loss and grief, there isn't much left to be expansively forgiving with. It was so generous of you to share this pain and journey, and I appreciate the coaching you offer in how to better care for grieving people. Much love to you.
Thank you for listening deeply.
I've never been one for platitudes. (I realized at a young age people use them to make themselves feel better in a moment of powerlessness.)
When someone tells me something almost too sad to process or imagine I tend to say the things you mention, because it's their pain, not mine. Platitudes can often be selfish. I'm so sorry you both went through this...and so happy you found a way to share your story with us in a way that allows us to face such awkwardly important moments with care and dignity.
Thank you for your insightful comment Career Makeover Academy. Yes, platitudes can often be selfish--a way to remove ourselves from the pain of the suffering. We both thank you. Actually, all 601 of us and 1/4 women thank you.
such an important talk, and delivered in such a thoughtful and thought provoking way. it is immensely helpful to get tips on how to be a better friend and ally to those who are struggling with miscarriage and, no doubt, to have your own experience vocalized if you have gone through this challenging and painful loss yourself. thank you, soness, for sharing your story, and for opening up the discussion on how we can better communicate about loss and grief.
Thank you Kristie Collins for taking the time to hear me, see how we can be better friends and allies, and embracing us mothers who suffer from baby loss. Thank you for being part of the change in dialogue!
If I had seen this Tedx-talk long ago, many things I have said and done could have been done way better. The things Soness Stevens talks about, in terms of breathing before speaking, being considerate and to choose ones words carefully in respect of other peoples pain and feelings, can be useful for many situations about loss and in dialogues where a person is feeling sad. I have not had many conversations about miscarriage and this Tedx-talk helped me understand some of the pain but most importantly my part in the heeling process.
More people should get the chance to see this Tex-talk. I think many people believe they have to step in and save the situation when confronted with pain and sadness, they have to make things better right away but often they just make it worse by speaking to quickly, saying the wrong things, thinking more about what they want to say then what the person in pain needs to hear.
Thank you, Helle Kikerpuu! I'm so glad to hear this talk changed your feelings on speaking about grief and loss. And yes, while in the past we can all say we wished we could have said and done things better, that was then and you have the tools from now. No regrets (though I have to admit, I've gone back to apologize to quite a few people about how I could have been more present and compassionate), just you being so considerate now means all the world in the healing process. Again, thank you for taking your time to watch, comment and share.
Thank you for this, Soness...it actually sparked a conversation at a birthday party when someone who happened to watch it off my FaceBook page started talking about it. You ARE helping change the conversation
Thank you, Patti Villalobos, for sharing with your community! I would have loved to have heard the conversation at the party :) and YOU are helping to change the conversation by sharing. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your story, Soness. I appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about these experiences. It is so helpful for those of us trying to show our compassion and failing dreadfully, or worse - not even trying, to have your kind guidance. Everyone should watch and expand their vocabulary of empathy.
Thank you, Kristen, for truly listening to the message in this talk. You are part of a big movement of empathy for all who suffer to feel heard. Thank you.
You have given words to a topic that leaves so many speechless. We could all use more skills in how to support people during challenging life experiences. Thank you for this.
Thank you for resonating with this message! It means so much!
Your transparency, vulnerability and love shined through your talk. Thank you Soness for representing the heart of so many women worldwide.
Thank you, Marika, for continuing to share the change in conversation about loss.
Thank you for bringing your true self to the world. Your courage helps other people open up about challenging topics.
Thank you, Marble Track 3 construction, for seeing me. I hope this brings you courage, too. :)
Your love is so very strong here-- for all of the women (and their partners) who have suffered loss ... for those of us who want to be there for our loved ones but sometimes hold back because we do not want to cause more pain, for those of us who say "words" because we just don't know what to do ..... To speak about it is hard. Thank you so much for your vulnerability and the decision to speak out when it cannot have been easy. Each time I listen, I hear deeper into your message.... from when I saw you on stage in December of last year and each time I see your talk here, on the screen. I know words will never be enough, but I'm so, so sorry for your painful loss.
Thank you so much for sharing your story Soness. It takes courage to step onto the stage and share your journey and your pain so openly. x
Thank you, Lucretia, for listening with love.
Soness, I'm so sorry. The healing hug your precious neighbor friend gave you was a wonderful thing to "say". Love and acceptance and to feel heard. Wow! Thank you for sharing this powerfully beautiful talk.
Thank you Lynda Roy for seeing the beauty in those moments and spreading the acceptance and love. Together we can change the conversation of loss so more women can speak up and feel heard with compassion.
Oh, Soness I am so sorry. I love that you shared this so others can know not only what to say but also how to react when someone is dealing with loss. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. ❤️
Lindsey Hazel thank you for being part of the dialogue so women can feel heard with empathy.
Brilliantly shared, thank you!
Thank you, Terri Matsson, for watching!
This is such an important, vulnerable, and much appreciated talk! Share Share Share!
Thank you, Shelley Adelle, for sharing and being a part of the change. Together we can create a movement with these tools so women can truly feel heard with love and compassion.
I've struggled many times regarding an appropriate reaction to someone's loss and in my desire to help ease their pain, ended up responding with words that have been opposite of helpful. This really made me understand how to communicate my compassion effectively.
I'm so glad to hear it made an impact. Thank you for being part of the change in the conversation about loss with compassion, Uzair!
I received your message.
I would like to think more!
Thank you for sharing your story, Soness. You have opened my heart up to more compassion. I want to think that I would have responded as your neighbor Aki did. Now I know that I will.
Bodhi Kenyon thank you for listening and being part of the movement of change in dialogue. Your compassion heals.
@@SonessStevens you are a compassionate healer and such an inspiration! Thank you.
you're a brave and inspirational lady, Soness, and this was very moving. thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, despite how painful that must have been.
Thank you for listening, Omar.
Thank you Soness for this video. I lost so much in the past... not the baby though. Some of the loss almost killed me. But we have to go on no matter what. Don't we?
Tomáš Mach thank you for sharing. No ones loss is greater or less than another. The experience of grieving should be expressed and heard with compassion. Thank you for sharing.
I am so sorry that you had to experience loss. Your bravery to share your experience, your insights, and your truth is profound and inspirational. Hugs.
I am male so I can feel real pain about miscarriage. However, I can understand that I can listen to the female story. So I try to listen to that person carefully and want to help them.
Wow- What a powerful and inspiring talk. I used to find it difficult to find words to comfort friends and loved ones who experienced loss. Then I realized it's okay not to have words. Love and empathy are palpable.
Thank you, Nona Djavid, for sharing your vulnerability of not knowing what to say before and now being part of the movement to change the dialogue around loss so those suffering may be truly heard with love and empathy.
I didn't think about miscarriage before watching this video.
I want to be considerate to any people who had any experiences.
My mother has experienced miscarriage twice. I think if my mother met this video at that time, it may have become more comfortable.
I suggested this video to my mother.
I think this video encourages many people. I will learn about this topic.
I have never think this topic.
My friend soon give birth to a child.
So, I felt something very familiar.
You give me a good opportunity to think.
Thanks.
I can not understand feeling to lose babys in fact.I am twenty.
However I impressed the word 'Listening is Love'
I want to be a docter in the future.
I want to help the suffering people.
Thank you for listening deeply.
I think it's difficult for us to know accurately thoughts of those who have bitter experiences. In addiction, if they have the same experience, they don't necessarily have the same idea. I like your phrase, "communication is a gift from a speaker to a listener". I notice saying something to them is not for us, but for them. So we have to judge the best way to relieve them carefully.
Thank you for taking the time to process how challenging it is to be present with another's pain, whether we have the same experience or not. Thank you for listening.
I understood how important breath time before saying to pregnant and sympathy are. I’m man so I can’t follow the woman’s emotion completely, but I should try to share emotion.
Why are you bashing a powerful and important movement in the loss world? Women SHOULD speak out. You contradict yourself- why teach people how to respond if we arent also encouraging women to speak out? You could have made your point beautifully with out bringing down an important movement that other women are part of.... disappointing.
Hello Blue Horses, I'm sorry you see the talk as you commented above. I don't see it that way at all. I see it as the necessity of adding ANOTHER dimension to the very needed conversation of loss. We can encourage women to speak, ..... AND ..... "what does it take to really "hear" their message?" This is what I believe the talk is all about.
As a fellow loss mom, I do not agree with your talk. I have spent much time watching videos on miscarriage because it helps me heal. 1) You appeared to plagiarize a Tedx Talk done by another woman when you discussed the 5 things you shouldnt say- down to the intro and your tone of voice- you completely copied her. 2) You bash the movement for women to speak out about their loss and, in so doing, you shame women into being silent alone once again. You basically say how dare they put that pain on someone else? How, as a communications expert, do you think it is a good idea for women going through this to stay quiet and not communicate? You then go on to tell people how to respond to someone who has experienced this--- well what the heck is the point of this if women aren't sharing to begin with because they are too scared to burden someone else?! .I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can begin to see the importance of women speaking out and of encouraging women to do so ALONG WITH giving others tools on how to handle it.
PaperClouds10, I am so sorry for your loss. And this message is extremely difficult for me to send.... but I do want to say that I don't think that the talk is saying we shouldn't speak out about loss. Far from bashing the movement, I think Soness is saying that the conversation must go both ways, that it is important to open up a dialog. I feel as if you and she are saying the same thing, and it pains me to think you don't see it in the same way. You say, "I hope you can begin to see the importance of women speaking out and of encouraging women to do so ALONG WITH giving others tools on how to handle it." .... I think your lovely and powerful message is precisely what Soness is trying to say.....