How Narcissists Manipulate & Smear |Why Flying Monkeys Believe It
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ต.ค. 2024
- It's uncanny how destructive and manipulative narcissists are and how flying moneys are BLIND to the truth. For face to face coaching to work w Michele:www.micheleleenieves.com
Understanding how narcissists manipulate flying monkeys during smear campaign can be helpful so that you realize what you may be doing that's falling into their trap.
This information isn't meant to keep your focus on the narcissist, rather it's meant to open your eyes so as to see the covert manipulation. When you can see it and understand it you can break out the games that you've been forced to play.
For anyone that needs more assistance on transforming their life after narcissistic relationships -please check out the Thrivers School of Transformation and see if it's a good fit for you: micheleleeniev...
The Thrivers School of Transformation was formed to create a safe place for individuals recovering from narcissistic abuse, codependency and complex ptsd. John Bradshaw stated 'The best way to come out of hiding is to find a non-shaming intimate social network. We have to get on a core, gut level because shame is core, gut level stuff. The only way we can find out we were wrong about ourselves is to risk exposing ourselves to someone elses scrutiny. When we trust someone else and experience their love and acceptance, we begin to change our beliefs about ourselves.' THAT IS WHAT YOU WILL FIND IN THIS SCHOOL!!
For $79/month you will receive:
*Daily support in a private membership page (not on facebook)
*Weekly podcasts
*Weekly Live Meetings:
1. Book Club - analyzing together specific publication that help on the healing journey
2. Live Q & A - send in your personal questions and we can go over them together
3. Rapid Fire Coaching - 5 - 10 min. coaching sessions
4. Exercises to help overcome social anxiety and expand your window of tolerance
WHO YOU ENTER AS WILL NOT BE WHO YOU LEAVE THE SCHOOL AS!!!
WILL YOU JOIN US?
If you get a chance please check out my new website that I put together - as a non tech savvy person I'm pretty proud of myself =) : micheleleeniev...
☕ If you'd like to show me some love and say thank you for my videos by buying me a coffee, visit my Ko-fi page:
ko-fi.com/mich...
You're always the bad guy when dealing with a narcissist - and flying monkeys can be narcissists too
Narcissists surround themselves with a) other narcissists b) the very gullible c) people who know they are full of shit but are financially ruled by them.
Everyone else is tossed out pretty quickly. Whole sicial networks. Whole suburbs. Whole cities.
In order to get along with a narc you must believe that 99% of people are worthless pieces of shit.
Demonic.
Let me add that after me and my SO were together for awhile and his mom became Nana.. the worse his sister's behavior got. She literally cut her brother completely off and said "she needed a break"... Um what? When he's doing the very best in his life, thriving with his family... She all of a sudden is triggered from their dad and past drug use.. um what? It's so ridiculous that we aren't allowed to go by his mom's when she's in town... She has tried to get their mom to tell him her reason why... Um no.. we're in our 30s.. there's so so so much more. My poor boyfriend is literally realizing and seeing all of these things and has finally stood up for himself.. thankfully but unfortunately I do have a lifetime of experience with this problem. It's so heartbreaking when it's family.
Only toxic people believe only fools like them.
Narcissist don’t like anyone, it’s a show for them. They may feed off you but there is no common ground. They are not happy, constantly plotting,,, but mask themselves as joyful. people can see their falsehood, they have no true heart. They can’t sympathize. So they play the mock game towards everyone
Narcissists use it how their victims react about them to show how hard to handle they are. Abusers will aways deny their part of the problem so the victim will aways seen as a burden, not a gift.
Yep, and it will seem to the outside world that it's "your" loss.....when it's actually the narcissist's loss.
But let's face it -- by the the time we realize what's going on in the relationship (whether it's a parent, spouse, sibling, coworker, etc.), the damage has been done. The narcissist will end up winning because the seeds of doubt have already been planted in the flying monkeys' minds. One cannot be abused for weeks, months, or years -- and then disconnect from their emotions (like the sick, manipulative narcissist can). The best way I've learned to deal with this insidious narcissistic behavior is to simply tell the unsuspecting fools in a calm manner, "You don't know her/him....s/he has another side." If the person then chooses to remain friends with you, great; if not, good riddance! Life's too short. Remember that if you have to work hard at proving yourself to someone - that person is not your friend. 😉
True.
Absolutely true
Unfortunately, with narcissists it's always games and manipulations so we have to learn to respond to their games for our own protection well-being.
These tactics aren't just limited to personal relationships. There is a real problem with societal narcissism. Take for example our politicians. They pit one group of people against another. There are hundreds of millions of people out there who don't know they are flying monkeys. They are convinced they are on the side of good and that the thoughts in their heads are their own.
That's right -- they've been brainwashed and have no clue!
Funny , I had a similar thought, but kind of in reverse to yours. My thought was that narcissists use very similar tactics in their social "ambit" that politicians and leaders use in order to get away with some very morally dodgy stuff. It pays to be just as cynical about some people in our everyday lives as about these machiavellian politicians.
Talking about trump/republicans... 😤🤷♂️🤦♂️🤐
@@mclarsen61 ...and there it is. Liberal narcs secured their flying monkeys via media lies and big tech cencorship. Congratulations, you're a member of the game.
@@mclarsen61 Hi, Flying Monkey! 🙈🙉
This is how my covert narcissistic mother managed to destroy our “family” therapy, by sitting back, being reticent and observant, and only saying nice, caring things about me in front of the therapist. When I reacted in anger, explaining to the therapist that my mother was anything but caring and nice behind closed doors, the therapist aggressively jumped in and told my mother that my behavior must remind her of the abuse she experienced from my father (who was domestically violent to my mother). Now, I’m in the position of having to deny that I’m abusing my elderly mother. How twisted! I feel so violated. And, what’s worse is that she has the therapist and my adult daughter thinking, or at least wondering if I’m committing “elder abuse,” which is NOT the case. Michele, could you please do a video on this, and the potential legal ramifications this can have for the actual victim of such abuse? Thank you.
Yep - it's very twisted. I'm a caregiver, and a few months ago I worked for a malignant narcissist who accused me of having an affair with her 84-year-old husband.🙄 Seriously...if I'm gonna have an affair, it's gonna be with her 30-year-old grandson!😁 In any case, I tried to tell the home-health nurse that she had NPD and was very abusive - and the nurse looked at me as though I were the abusive one. She chided me for being insensitive towards this narc's "dementia." You just can't win with these people - the best you can do is to walk away from all of them and never look back.
@@elizabethd.2398 I got a chuckle out of that! But, seriously, I’m afraid you’re right. They will shy away from nothing to put you in a bad light. They’re counting on the ignorance of the other people. The home-health nurse sounds like she doesn’t have any training in NPD.
@@breakthroughmoment1647 No, she wasn't trained in NPD -- they are trained to believe that the lies and manipulations of the narcissist is dementia. So of course the narcissist will milk it for all it's worth. The only nurses who know about NPD are the ones who've actually lived it.
@@elizabethd.2398 Well said. That’s the insidiousness of narcissistic abuse because those that should be recognizing it (people in responsible positions, i.e., the head nurse) are NOT, and those that have the experiential knowledge can’t “prove” it because it has plausible deniability; it’s just “dementia,” so, they get away with it.
Narcs don't do therapy for therapy's sake. Like everything else, they use it as a weapon. Someone that toxic needs to be completely out of your life.
I've heard one of our friends say a couple of times now how 'HE ALWAYS says nice things about YOU.' Makes my blood boil. lol. I told her it's not the same things he tells me in private. I asked her who it made 'look good' him or me for him to say nice things about me. It makes him look good, not me and that's his plan.
I went through and am going through the same. Feel the same blood boiling situation.
@@saj4642 It sure is hard to deal with! My situation is such that I really can't leave and with my narc having retired and with the covid epidemic now, the situation is worse than ever. I can't escape him.
@@lindamoore9729 Much sympathy. What a terrible situation. 🙏🏻
They are legends in their mind only, pathetic. They always have to win, winning is everything to them. Such empty and emotionless beings. Knowledge has brought me much needed release. They backstab everyone under the guise of care and concern, planting negativity brings them utter joy. So grateful to have escaped them❣️
This is exactly what my ex wife did to me. She was able to turn my 2 kids and my sister against me after we filed for divorce. She is a master manipulator and I know exactly what she is doing but no one else can see it. You hit the nail right on the head with the way they can smear you. Great video! Thank you!
To me, her turning my children against me was by far the most painful abuse and the longest lasting pain.
@@olympics1234567 Amen 😞
There's no reasoning with a narc family. It will just make you crazier and more frustrated. If they can engage you in ANY conversation, they win. No contact works every time.
My dad just talks people down until the other person gives up.
The bank manager told him he would get a loan just to shut him up. Then of course he didn't actually get it because he can't cause his history is so bad. Banker was just sick of talking to a broken automiton so shut him up.
How do they live like this? It is infuriating.
I would just say ok sure. Have neither the time nor the energy nor the personal responsibility to fix the gullible minds of shallow people who I don't want in my life anyway.
That's what I do
They all have the same eyes. That look of envy and those small pupils. This is how you can detect them. It's like they are a different form of species.
It's not just their eyes - it's also their smug or disdainful expression, or their narcissistic grin. I always get knots in my stomach when they're around.
@@elizabethd.2398 Yes you are right. I am just also pointing out that their eyes honestly do look different than the person who doesn't have the disorder. Their pupils look different than the person who doesn't have the disorder.
@@elizabethd.2398 Yep, Some narcs looks like an evil cartoon character:) Some more subtle.
Reptilian eyes. Vacant with occasional flashes of contempt for those around them.
It’s like their eyes have all light sucked out of them. They are reptillian like. It’s because they are demon possessed
Why are there so many narcissists? My Mother is one and she abused my Dad so much he became an abuser also. I was her other scapegoat and I've walked away and accepted and moved on but every where I go there are narcissists. Are they are a different race or something 🤔 😳
Well, it certainly seems that way -- and I wouldn't rule it out (seriously!). The same way it took DECADES to discover a link between certain abusers and NPD, it may just take decades longer to discover a gene mutation of some sort to explain Cluster-B personality disorders.
A cute joke just came to mind: "Scientists just discovered the gene that causes shyness. They would've found it sooner - except it was hiding behind another gene." 😀
It’s because we’re living in the end times this is a spiritual battle and they are demon possessd
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Ephesians 6:12
Lazy parenting.
@@BigHeartNoBS it's a lot more than laziness, it's deliberate.
I remember having a crush on this guy and I didn't know he was narcissistic at the time, but he had asked me to a movie, never followed through and then allowed his friend to bully me for my values. A year went by and then he went out one time with some other girls and it confused me because around them he seemed like the cheerful self he always portrays himself as at open mic nights in a crowd. The worst thing about narcissists is they show their true colors when you're one on one, but in a crowd, they act normal and make you feel like you're going crazy.
When you’re in a crowd they use their subliminal language to provoke you, try and make you lash out so they can victimise themselves.
@Savagegent777 Not that easy. coverts are everywhere.
To support my X in the art of lying, she made the children lie to back up her story on what an abuser I am. The abuse I did to my x was say NO, Stop. That made me to be the bad guy. Amazing on how they enjoy to fight provoke arguments and want to hurt you constantly.
And they never stop only if they want something from you. Leaving her was the best thing I ever did.
The movie The Cable Guy is a good example. Jim Carrey fools everybody, and Mathew Broderick looks bad.
Yeah, this is so true and it's set up in a way if you react in anger and frustration you look bad, even though it's justified and if they knew the truth they would understand, so don't react no matter what, really hard but that's what it takes!
"A guilty dog, always barks"! 😒
Had no idea what was happening until it was too late. It’s truly evil how someone can do this. I had no idea people like this existed, to hear what I went through described in detail is so incredible. Thank you
Hi Michele. You explained my ex wife behaviors, after her cheating and our divorse.. It was really painfull when mutual friedns just erased me from their life. Thank you for your work.
Great knowledge.. thanks. This is how child alienation is achieved. Please check video it ran twice. At 16.37 it kept playing.
So true
There’s no way out for the victim , no one ever believes the victim , unbeknown to the victim, by the time they find out what’s really been going on , the narcissist has been smearing their partner since they met them , it’s almost a no win situation 😱🙏🏻
What you describe could have been my father's playbook, scene by scene. I learned as a child not to show him any reaction, but my family members didn't so we had to keep dancing his dance until I refused to have anything to do with him (and some of them) as an adult.
This sounds incredibly familiar. So glad I’ve found your videos. I have had many of these people in my life, a parent included, and am just now getting this figured out. My 2nd husband did and still is doing this. Saddest part is it’s been about 12 years since we separated. 12 years. And he is still at it. His wife too. She has been his flying monkey since before we even separated. Just about every time I talk to my sons, I find out something negative about myself that I never knew or was horribly misconstrued. Does it ever end??? I feel like I’m stuck having to deal with this for the rest of my life.
Bless you! This is real. This is my life. Part of me wants to cry because this hits so close to home but I'm also overjoyed to hear someone else call this out. I always feel stronger after watching your videos. You are literally my hero and savior.
Yup! She brings sanity to this insane world!🙏💙
My sisters are triangulating at the moment, using my cousins ( some of them) as flying monkeys. I’m sure of it.
I find myself being hyper vigilant, and recognise the terms used as part of smearing.
I find this so very helpful and insightful. Thank you Michele. X
PS. I kept a record of text messages and emails over the years, and so I can “flip it “ very readily.
And one of the methods I use is to make references to what happened, but in an historic sense. So for example; when a flying monkey recently referred to me “ badmouthing” my sisters, I pointed out that badmouthing takes place in response to abuse,whilst abuse is taking place, not after the abuse is ended.
I ended the abuse having been scapegoated by my sisters and no longer have any contact with them, so I pointed out further that what appears as badmouthing is not in fact badmouthing, it’s just a reference to something that happened in history. Badmouthing is an expression of pain when that pain is being inflicted. It’s too late, I have already experienced that pain when it was inflicted, have been marginalised and bullied out and scapegoated, past tense. It can’t happen now, it already happened then.
What I am doing, when I refer to my sisters as liars, is talking about something that happened in history.
It’s not an expression of a new or repeated feeling, it’s a reflection of an old one. There’s a big difference.
And the “flip it “ clincher? It’s not possible to scapegoat someone who is already scapegoated. I am scapegoated, and can prove it.
It’s coming to terms with it that makes the significant difference.
Thank you Michele.
All so true. They will strip you of every friend you ever had 😢
Beautiful example of how to deal with the nonsense thank you Michelle
This is the best description of a smear campaign/ why they believe it, I have come across ❤
Another great narrative articulating the various levels of manipulation are occurring at the same time by shifting stories in between people. I really like how Michelle can define the various positions that get taken or mistaken. My sister is a life long time flying monkey of my father and this helps me understand what’s going on behind the curtain. Thank you Michelle
I agree. I've checked out a lot of channels that discuss similar topics but nobody compares to Michele. She was made for this and really found her calling in life.
Yes! So real! I would of never know what wrong with my life without out Michelle!🙏💙
This is like the Narc Movie Producer and Director playing his actors one against the other get the drama of the scene they desire, feeding a script and a role to each. This tactic is called Controlled Opposition, you define the role of your adversary and program them on demand or PPE Provoke, Pacify, Exploit-1) shift the focus to hidden anger in your opponent you want to exploit because your own abuse, when the accomplices(flying monkeys who eat what you feed them-the fm's are victims who are flattered and get euphoria from the abuser confiding in them)get angry or the victim gossiped about, anger ensues and manifests even in silent tense agonizing, nauseous body language, 2)shift to pacify them and flatter them, console them with false condescending compassion(here the abuser gets angry if the monkey tries to defend the victim gossiped about, or sympathizes too much for their taste, or is not upset enough which is ironic and a give away as to their intentions)3) further ;programming and conditioning is now possible, emotional reactions to the target, so all monkeys play the game and shun the target, like a leper or don't believe a word they say, or see, I told ya they would react that way! as if that is proof their lie is true...what is missing is JUSTICE and TRUTH, only lies and false mercy, and justification prevail when the abuser writes the script
Another useful & true reframing is good to point out to yourself/your reliable supporters WHEN the person with narcissistic traits/narcissistic pathology/psychopathy/etc tries to convince people that you're actually the one who's 'crazy' which is very common. I think it must be in the Pathological Person's Playbook! 🙂😢🤬 This allegation is also used when you're taking action to improve your mental health eg getting therapy, going to rehab, etc. My point is I did whatever was suggested including voluntarily spending a week or so in a psychiatric ward, because I desperately wanted to be well again. In contrast, people who are abusive negatively affect the mental health of their family members while taking no responsibility or action for their own mental health & being judgemental instead of supportive of the mental state of their same family members! The condemnation of people with mental unwellness/illness to a life of remaining mentally ill is often no longer applicable. For me, I have done a lot of counselling & finding out about narcissistic/psychopathic/etc abuse was enough to lift the brain fog & give me back energy & get back to feeling more 'normal' again which may be a state I have never truly experienced before! T
Thank you. You made good points. This has happened to me.
I had both an ex and family members do this. In fact, my ex & mother exploited others sympathy by playing victim and getting others to gain their view of them being innocent and me to abuser. In other words, anything I did before or after the smear made their smear more effective. In all, this has been a learning experience and I have triumphed with their smear campaign by staying good with intentions without these people.
Good job...don't play their games & get off the toxic train!
I go through too much of this manipulation ...
I never get what i want in life. I just know they are narcissists!
And i know who many of the narcs are in my life
Thank you for everything you are talking about. I have lost count of how many smear campaigns I have been through but thank you. So much for all you do on your channel to the one that is currently experiencing this
This is just too real. 🎯🎯🎯 looking back, I experienced it all.
Thanks Michelle. To this day I don’t know what lies are being/have been spread about me. I used to think I wanted to know what was being said but now I really don’t care. I’ve managed to maintain enough self-control to avoid looking at the facebook pages of the people who have been abusive to me. I’ve got to say that I find this maligning of my character particularly unfair as I usually put a lot of thought into how to best handle situations & I find it very uncomfortable to lie. This makes my life much more difficult than it is for other people eg when looking for a place to live, we were honest about having a dog & 2 cats which made finding a place to rent very difficult!
I think that’s a great suggestion for dealing with people who the narcissist has manipulated - how do you remember it? Another suggestion could be trying to step back & look at the big picture eg “I don’t think it’s appropriate for your mother/father to be discussing that with you. You have enough to try not to worry about!” T
Hi Michelle. Watching you .I finally broke free. I retired and moved to Costa Rica and started a new life. Thank u
My grandmother and I are currently in the midst of a smear campaign right now with family members, who have even went so far as to calling our church and telling lies on us
Omg...This is so spot on. I was married to one for 7 years and I thought he was my soulmate and best friend. Boy was I wrong. Anyway after being left with absolutely NOTHING, he was killed in a car accident. Talk about Karma. I didn't want that or wish it on him, but he was an evil man. 😓 I'm still trying to heal from the damage...I've never been the same. I love your channel.
Sometimes i need to replay some things you’re saying, bc i can almost feel caught inside old ‘crazymaking’ scenarios and it takes a lot of focus and applying what I’ve learned so far, to just begin get my mind around it all, y’know? ❤️ thank you for your thorough clarification 🙏
My head just exploded!
Thankyou so much for explaining all of this so well.
My son has every flying monkey set against me, I'm just so angry and crazy as perceived by everyone around me.
This vid is 100% on the money, I'm not angry or crazy or fucked up as I've been described.
Thankyou so much, this has gone a long way towards helping with dealing with my son and setting a course of action.
Great explanation and insight as to how they operate! Thank you 🙏
When I first met my husband, I was so impressed by the kind things he said about his ex-wife. “What a nice guy,” I thought. Becoming one of his loyal Flying Monkeys almost from day one really made it confusing when my own relationship with him started going toxic. I truly didn’t know what to think. Thank you, you have helped me so much!! I thought I was losing my mind.
In all honesty, I fear damaging my kids by "smearing" who i believe to be their abusive mothers. My attempt to get them to understand what's been happening for years include trying, for instance, to get my oldest son to go to therapy at his college -he refuses (I don't want to be involved aside from pushing him to go). I follow your videos because I feel like it's a roadmap for me in making decisions to guide them and encouragement to know I'm on the right path. It's hard to not just outright say, "your mother is playing you." But i don't because i still want to support a positive relationship for them. I hope you can help further. Am I doing ok?
You're in a no win situation. Just except that she's probably been working on turning them against you, through their whole childhood.
Anything short of a miracle from God, you'll never have the full and beautiful relationship with your children, that you desire.
It's painful, but you have to heal yourself and find joy in life, apart from them. If you get your miracle, that will be great, if you don't, you will still have peace and joy in your heart.
Maybe with time they will see their mom true colors.
The best you can do for yourself and children is to be honest and truthful. Are you hiding the truth from them or equipping them by telling them the truth for them to make better decisions even with their own relationships. Think about it!
@@joycek4929 aside from gently opening their eyes to the actual situation we're in, i say little to nothing if i think they haven't grasped the situation.
One day we were sitting in the car after an emotional explosion at home and i was trying to explain. After biting my tongue for maybe two+minutes I managed to get some words out: "Your mother is being a bit of a bully"
10yo son: "Yeah, I noticed".
I Don't hide it from them but try to allow them to express their experiences. Same son is starting college soon and being pushed to stay local. I'm glad that he seems to understand the repercussions if he does.
Thank you for the support, wishes, and advice.
I recently seen your name pop up on here with a video about narcissistic and wow I am going threw this and it has been going on for years. Now I know that i am married to an narcissistic but I am forever grateful for finding your page. I am now subscribed to your page and your videos are very informative and educational.....
It’s a little different topic but it’s negatively amazing how people go out of their way to try and justify narcissistic behavior. If you complain about narcissistic abuse towards yourself or others, people just try to “explain” how narcissistic people are what they are because of this or that. Oh his father was a very prominent person in society so narcissism is just in his blood. Yes but that does NOT make it OKAY !!!! Narcissism is still wrong !!! It hurts others for no reason at all. Narcissists need to be held ACCOUNTABLE !!
Excellent video and great insight. I really needed to understand how to deal with this situation. Please pray for me.
Michelle, I really appreciate this view into how someone can control other people's view of someone! This is a real eye-opener for me! Namaste 🙏
When the stupid narcissist can't control you, they will manipulate and tell lies and make others control you🤦🏻♀️.. But those narc idiots don't know that they are accumulatimg negative energy and spreading negativity which will bounce back to them at some point of time when the truth comes out and most people start noticing how evil the narc can go against their own family member.
My sister is doing just all these crazy things and I am the main scapegoat in original family and her poor husband is the scapegoat on their family after marriage. She goes to the extent of brainwashing her own kids against their father by manipulating, spreading lies, and even baiting him to react badly by torturing him emotionally behind closed doors and acting like a victim in from of their children.
Children are innocent and they get carried over and they can't see or think these manipulations by their own mom against their father and even against all, other family members which is all of us. I feel really sad for my nephew and niece, but there is no option to make them see the truth that their own mom is seriously bad and does all these kinds of shit because it took me many months to come to terms with the evil things my sister does for their own loved ones and those two are still too children. Hope they get married into right partners, and then see the truth of their own mother and then they will be grown up and will have the mental power to digest the fact that their own mom behaves so pathetic to the point of evilness by her cunning tactics and idiotic manipulations due to the disorder.
Thank you for your videos. You have helped me to understand far more than I expected.
This is how my narcissistic husband played a game to my adult children. Even my daughter is in his hold and behaving very bad to me, stating that, "Dad said only good about you.".
Same my son is 11 and is speaking the same! I don't know how to respond, anger takes over! 😢
Yes..my ex did just these things.
@@dividedconquered3784 pray
Yep. My kids falsely accuse me of everything some of them and the narcissist is guilty of.
Wow... This was super helpful. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
Your videos are so great, so spot on! Thanks for spreading the message! So many people don’t get it! 👏
michele
you've radically present
I’m trying - that’s my goal 😊🤗👋
@@FromSurvivingToThriving I'm from Canada. What is your advice? Same here being bullied, mobbed, gaslighting, harassed at the hospital for over 12 years. I've happened to be the top worker for 38 years and have never been suspended. These bullies are jealous and miserable people. Union, manager, HR and the police are all totally useless. Bullies are lazy bums and stupid managers are scared of the bullies. They say about me I'm crazy, I drink, I'm a stalker all bs defamation of character. The biggest mistake since they removed disciplinary measures. They should arrest the bullies and fire the manager. Action speaks louder than nasty words. It destroyed my reputation. I will never quit to make these lazy bums ever win. If I decide to transfer to another hospital and may start the mobbing me once again, I don't know all the new managers etc. like in every department like now. So best to not change hospitals. I will never let bullies try to control me from quitting. I don't react anymore and don't defend myself which is what they want. Never let these low life lazy bums ever win.
Good insights Michele, thank you for making these simple, clear and useful videos.
You make so much sense - as always
You are spot on, that’s exactly what my ex narc did to the people we both knew but to strangers or people that didn’t know me she painted a false picture how much she was abused by me. When we were alone she would gaslight me and I’d get worked up and try defend myself, explaining tirelessly whatever happened it wasn’t the way or truth. Basically she would put words in my mouth that I never acted out or said, it was so frustrating then she would use word salad that got me even more annoyed. Then I’d just go no didn’t do or say that this is what I said or did and then I’d leave it at that.
When out socialising she would trigger me by saying something to her friends or flying monkeys (after me already telling her my side or actually what did happen) her bull dust version and I’d respond with reactive abuse back and look like the bad guy. BOOM I just played into her manipulative plan and she got me just where she wanted. 2 years on and no contact With smearing me constantly these days when I’m out and we bump into each other she ignores me when she with people, even tho she lobs up at my front door frequently drunk and wanting sex or her calling and messaging to see if she can come over, but I bet none of her friends know this, because it would expose her lies about me.
Thank u Michelle for your wise words, you truly helped me get through a horrible relationship. Keep up the great video content.
People only believe what they precieve! We do get stuck! Being raised by Narcissists, we see black and white! Someone who is delusional or using self projection is the ultimate annoyance! Really get my anger going!😒
Then 2020 should have you enraged. Trying to mandate a vaccine so you be "immune" but doesn't offer any immunity so you need to still social distance and wear face panties that do nothing to stop viruses, any more than a chain link fence stops mosquitoes. The vaccine companies can't be held liable for any harm but you have to take it to be immune even though it won't make you immune. But we can trust our dear leaders and corporations to never, ever lie to us to make money off of us. Nah, that's impossible.
@@dakoderii4221 I have thought this!😏
@@dakoderii4221 Won't take it, The government is corrupt AF! I would rather sanitize and keep distance!
@@dakoderii4221 True. All the governments of the world are controlled by malignant narcissistic globalists who are gas-lighting everyone and they scape-goat anyone who speaks the truth.
@@dreamdiction So true! 🙌 100% agree!
I really l❤️💕 love your style of how the sublimly you show the eye's , it gives a perfect picture how it works in reality 🙏
Please, keep making more videos ❤️
It helps. Plus call blocking for a time. Flipping the switch back onto them is priceless. Be just as fake nice back at them as they are but do it better with more ambiguity. Ie. When they are pretending to be kind or caring, just thank it and tell them they have done quite enough, more than enough, I don't need your help, take a rest. Then use the same approach behind their back telling others how much they helped but slide in how they screwed you over or got some serious fact wrong. Point it out. Fake worry about their stress and how great they are. Fake concern for drinking drug judgement problem. And don't feel guilty just remember the weird fkn shitty things they said to you or how they tried to scam you or others. Always double check whatever bullshit alleged facts come out of their mouths. Chances it's bs. Don't feel the guilt, feel the glory.
exact description,. This video deserves more views.
Your blouse is so stunning & looks so good on you!! I left the narca demon on 5/9/20 & we haven't spoken since. I'm gathering all his crap & handing it all over to our daughter's house. I need to save for a double size bed, because I have no use for a queen. Knowing he use to be beside me, makes me sick!! I went out & brought a purple stool, with white polka dots, of course. Now, I can reach the top shelf, without his 35' arms. If he calls you cup cake, it has a nasty meaning calling you good narc bait. This good narc bait left him & walked out the door. When, I'm done, I'm done. Do not ever go back, it will just get worse!! My love is no longer there & my care, for him, is dying!!
Reactive abuse the target has to be aware of,lashing out say8ng things when your angry, or upset it's hard to understand for outsiders unless they go through your name being drug through the mud,your history being changed,and we are responsible for the way we act,but it can be so hard not to react badly.
Ideally, one wants to get out of this negative feedback loop. It's a huge waste of energy. Many pitfalls in trying to out-manipulate the narcissist. If those around you are susceptible to manipulation.... then a major fork in the road is ahead of you. Adults with balanced psyche's are difficult to manipulate. Those posit the kind of friend one can depend on. Socially-wrapped persona, however, likely make up the preponderance of the people... jettisoning those you can may be the productive alternative. it is challenging battle as you say.
My partner is keeping our son in her custody, living separately with him without anyone's support. She calls me only when ever she wants to know something. Over phone she tells me how great she takes care of son, her job and everything and gives me a rosey picture. When ever I ask her permission to take my son for anride she will just disconnect for a week. What is going on in her mind? What can I do?
Merry Christmas 🕯🕯🕯🕯🐾🐾😻🕯🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Great video!!! I needed this!
GASLIGHTING fine examples/ explanation.
Thank you so so much! Love from Brazil
I had to cut off pretty much _everyone_ after I left my Ex covert Narc. I had 2 "friends" choose him *after* I had shared with them the abuse.... 😳🤯 It broke my heart! But also revealed who these people truly were. I left them too.
Buh-bye!
I really don't care what he's telling other people. The people who matter will ask me what happened and not jump to conclusions. I know who I am and who HE is. He knows too. ☺️
All that matters to me is that I'm FREE from that hellish prison that I never believed I would get out of!!! Dread woke me up every morning. Dread and anxiety met me in bed every single night.
Free 2 years now and remarried to an amazing man who is real, healthy, loving, nurturing, and allows me to say no and be myself 💗💗💗❤️❤️❤️❤️
THANK YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH MICHELE, YOU ARE ALWAYS SO WONDERFUL AND SO VERY VERY HELPFUL !!!!!!!!!
Thank you for this. I always feel horrible about myself when I communicate with my family of origin. They act in ways that exclude me or outright put me down. My father is the ringleader in all of this, and everyone else has his permission to completely disrespect me. One minute everything is fine with my brother and I, the next he no longer speaks to me. I honestly believe my father is behind this rupture, because he was jealous that he was the only one I was talking to. Now I speak to no one, and my father suspiciously sends me an e-mail (we are no contact) and sends me a hurtful picture of the people that mean the most to me (mother, nieces, nephew) all together having fun and, suspiciously leaving him and my sister out, who have hurt me and who I am angry with. I am tired of this game, tired of feeling confused and hurt.
Ah, this is my mom and my ex. They just care so much and are so worried about me (concern trolling). They actually spoke with each other about me while I was still married.."she has has such a good heart but not very good at managing her time". It actually worked on me and had me believing that my life is one big sad story.
I actually caught this type of smear campaign in an article written by a mother who couldn't understand why her son was cutting off contact with her...she just always wanted what was best for him and they were always so close. So many red flags mixed in with her promoting herself as such a caring mother.
once you have reacted... ..kiss any chance of reconciliation with your narc emeshed child goodbye... ..get used to it.. ...move on, its too late. wipe your past, move forward or :(
😢
Thanks a lot again for one more perfect message. 🥰 And that 10:04 “Love your Mom...!” is really cute, hilarious and painfully true.
I have heard endless times - “love your dad” as if all the problems will be resolved if I could just do that one thing. He who abuses and keeps my mom under his thumb, made my sister go nearly crazy and who smears me and my lovely wife and kid relentlessly. Now when I hear someone asks me to love him, I get a smile inside. I just resist the temptation to defend myself and say “I love him from the depth of my heart...but we are good being apart.”
And there ends the influence of a flying monkey. They can just talk and talk and talk....if there is no reaction from you, they will retreat to the hell holes where they came from.
This all sounds familiar... 🙄
Thank you Michele for a very insightful video. You are absolutely right about how this works, and especially about how they plant negative emotions in other peoples minds without them realizing. However, you mentioned specifically adult children. My experience is that they will do this with younger children too. My children did not seem to be overly susceptible to these tactics below the age of about 11. Perhaps she didn't use this tactic when they were younger, but my suspicion is that younger children are quite logical and objective so they are less susceptible, but when they reach their teenage years they become more emotionally driven, and much more susceptible to these tactics. It is heat breaking to have previously good relationships with my children systematically destroyed, to the extent that she has even re-written history. Re-framing memories of happy times into un-happy memories of the same events. The events are largely unchanged, but the emotional memories are completely changed in a detrimental way. She is stealing both happy childhood memories and a relationship with their father from her own children. I now only have a relationship with my youngest son who is 13. He is very impatient and angers quickly and easily at the slightest stress. This anger is invariably directed at me with him swearing at me and calling me names. I can understand why this is happening, because his mind is constantly being filled with negative emotions towards me in exactly the way that you describe. My son doesn't understand why he gets so angry and often regrets his swearing and name calling afterwards, but he can't stop himself from doing it again next time. He is trying to maintain a relationship with both parents, but finding it very difficult. I can appreciate how mixed up he is. He doesn't understand where his negative feelings towards me are coming form. I think that it would be correct to say that, in my presence, he is suffering cognitive dissonance. His sisters have already resolved this issue by buying into their mother's reality and not maintaining a relationship with me. Please could you advise me on how I can help my son. I don't want to consult psychological professionals/councilors because my experience (on two occasions now with social workers in the UK) is that they will accept the mother's reality and treat the children as abused children. Essentially the "so called" professionals are recruited as flying monkeys with power and credibility to persuade the children to accept the mother's reality as correct. Any advice to help my son would be much appreciated.
The eyes in the background look just like my “dad’s” eyes! Creepy.
Thank you you nailed it great video
As a kid, I read the book 'The Time Machine' by HG Wells many times. What stuck with me were the 3 kinds of humans depicted in the book - the submissive, dull-minded Eloi, the Morlocks who feed, clothes and eat the Eloi while living underground and out of sight and operating technology and the Time Traveler who challenges the Morlocks but is sympathetic towards the Eloi - and even tries to help them.
Guess how this can be compared to Narcs, Flying Monkeys and you! And me. My brain latched on to this story back then, probably because it was trying to warn me about my situation at that time!
Hey Michelle i have heard this same thing over and over from so many victims when your in it its like who are you in public and then behind closed doors its like OH there you are the Pseudo concern they show is very pitiable after you finely wake up and say WTF did i step in cus it really stinks in here
Wow! That was so helpful. A bible verse says, "Satan appears as an angel of light." This must be how my ex is manipulating everyone
So true
I have a friend did this recently...but to whom all she did ...are narcissist s too
Thanks Michelle! I would love to see a how to outsmart a covert narc? How is it different from your other videos on strategies to handle narc people when you cannot leave? How do covert narcs get supply and how do you stop giving them that?
I am SO glad you spoke about this! This is what my Narcissistic ex husband did…to a “T”!! Or adult children he had brainwashed into becoming his flying monkeys . One daughter said, “well, at least he’s not a malignant narcissist (like your brother OR “my”-her-Ex!” And the other daughter exclaimed, “Do you REALLY think dads’s a narcissist?!?” They often comment on how much better he’s gotten
Yet,…they won’t go to him for money (even though he’s SET for life; likely with millions!)…our stay long at his place. He’s still the one, however, who is their “security net”, so to speak, if any thing went seriously disastrous.
But narc ex took our girls and the new wife he cheated on me with pretty much “the MINUTE” we divorced…to Europe-which he and I talked about doing for decades (since we had each lived there for a couple of years before we met and married).
I was REALLY glad to hear you say that this type of behavior is more about the ex punishing his former spouse (me) than about what he’s doing with the new spouse.
So, he’s got the children convinced. He’s working REALLY hard to convince my extended family (the ones for whom he married me-to make HIM look good!)..as well as my second husband convinced that he’s really a “GREAT“ guy. His wife was “at it” too…with my second husband. She greeted him like a long lost lover when she encountered him in person for the first time. She didn’t know him from Adam! And yet she greeted him as though he were one of her very best friends. VERY FLIRTATIOUS! = how she got my first husband.
I wanted to say to her, “Joy! Look here! I’ll FIND ‘em; and YOU steal them away! Ok?!!! Since you’re so good at doing that!”. I am now homeless and penniless; and she travels the world with the husband she took. They’re about ready to build a second home. They already have a huge home; a cabin; a camper; a boat (?-if not yet; then soon). No doubt “toys” like motorcycles, as she’s a motocross gal. It just goes on and on.
By the way, their front towards my second husband worked! They convinced him that they’re wonderful people. And my second husband left. After all, how could “I” be so angry at such “nice” people!
Oh! He also did ALL the OTHER things I begged and pleaded (-my FIRST mistake) him to do while he and I were married…FOR YEARS! Wild horses could not have gotten him out of his “football-watching/newspaper-reading chair”…for ANYTHING!! Yet! He, while cheating (then marrying her) and does them ALL…WITH ABANDON!!!! Talk about HURT!!!
How?! The Big Fake!! THAT’S HOW!
That's why I hate it when people become so attached and stalkers because most of the ones being stalked I think are narccisstic and want that narcissitic supply so they feel good about themselves. And then that silly person ends up looking like the creep. People need to stop getting so attached and boosting up these people who play mind games to get your attention and then act dismissive. It's a game.
So dam educational thank you
So true to the tee !
Things shifted to where he would blast me with so much ugly, and then I would be ghosted, no responce, nothing, nothing to our twins, via text, or nothing on both ends about any visitation at all. There is a court order but he failed that near a year ago. He does nothing for children with visitaion, he pays support because he doesnt want to go to jail, but nothing else. To me, I love my kids am always here for them with everything, he seems to care less. It is weird. Strange. Tring to understand it. There is no understanding why a father doesnt want to be with their kids ever.
Let us not get sucked into the narcisist’s sick and twisted reality.
great information
these people are so calculated
Thank you so much!! This is everything my husband has done to me for years.. I started noticing h always tried to affect me before we went to family events and I never ended up being myself and he constantly is in other people ear about me and they are even treating me like trash because of his words and it is exactly what he does to me not what I do to him... my family has turned on me and I have not been able to make a friend since I've been it him and it is so defeating sometimes and I don't understand why..?? I did everything I could to make him happy..
Thank you!!
My narc ex did all this and it tore me down. She cheated and rubbed it all in my face and got gleeful happiness out of it. But one thing i know that she can never have is real happiness.
That's what my first narcissistic boyfriend did. Never took me out and next thing, he was at a lodge with new girlfriend.
He was a benign narcissist. The more I listen to these videos, the more I realize that I have a trail of Narcissists. My goodness.