The Smear Campaign & Flying Monkeys of the Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ส.ค. 2024
- Smear Campaign & Flying Monkeys: "Dear Meredith, Thank you for your videos. I consider you a true friend. I am being targetted by this very vicious woman and her flying monkeys. She has spread lies and gossip which are untrue. Growing up in a family where there was a lot of psychological suffering and a unloving mother, I grew up into a fearful, insecure woman with very low self esteem. I guess that's how I landed in this viper pit. This woman and her flying monkeys have reached a point where I feel I may loose my sanity. I don't want this to happen as I have children and I want to be centered for them. Your advice will mean a lot to me. Wish you a very happy new year in advance. May the new year bring all of us peace, happiness and prosperity. God bless!"
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor. She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal and transform your life after narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships. Meredith teaches the mindsets and tactical skills to help with recovery. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. Meredith recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and relational trauma in order to help you with the complex-PTSD symptoms. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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My Father had an expression he used in situations like this “there is no game if you are not playing”
Amen!
@Fluff Your Garfield just to make sure this is not another comment to fall through the cracks of powerless dispair here is the expert on narcissism himself with your solution th-cam.com/video/X-6OhpcPHbo/w-d-xo.html th-cam.com/video/X-6OhpcPHbo/w-d-xo.html
It doesn’t always work. A person can be a pawn and or dupe. A person can also be an unwitting victim. I work hard at my job and mind my own business but found out I was being targeted by a visors Jezebel and her flying monkeys. I had no idea of the game that they were playing until I was up in HR clueless as to why people had lied about me. I wasn’t playing the game as I had no clue a game was being played until I was targeted. Now I see what these people do and how they systematically target people and use HR as a tool to lie, harm and vilify the innocent.
So your statement is a nice way to think but it is not true. But a naive way of thinking.
It is biblical that these wicked souls target people who are going about their life and loving God. In fact those who love the Lord and walk a path of love are often targeted because the evil spirits are angered by holy spirits.
Carol, I wish this were true, but sometimes even if we take no part we can still be hurt, either by lying to the police to have you arrested, contacting your work, making you lose friends, spreading very serious lies that will tarnish your reputation potentially forever
It's a sick game and we don't need to play to get hurt.
👏👏👏👏👏
I came across a quote that I had to write down because it really spoke to me:
"When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth just like you did."
I remind myself of this whenever I start feeling like I'm the crazy one.
Ment3l Torture Wishing you the best. Stay strong xx
Ment3l Torture
Me too. :(
Stay strong, and believe that it says way more about them than about you. Eventually the right people will note your composure and dignity, and notice the rants and smears and lies are all made by someone addicted to drama and victimhood. It's really nasty sadistic abuse. And it really shows, they trip up eventually.
XX♡♡
Chunlita . True . I was accused of complete utter crap I wasnt even doing lol . Apparently I was spreading rumours about them 😂. Ummm no . What for . I just told them to get the hell over themselves. I dont have time to sit down going around like a pathetic idiot making up crap all day . I was like what theee 😐. I think narcs just think way to much of themselves.
The society is sort of built on -guiltying someone, -making a "bad example" of someone, don't you think? It's even in Hollywood movies - "oh that woman is crazy, she is not a human, just nuts". Try playing another role?
Brianna C. You're right that they eventually do themselves in. I used to want so badly to somehow get revenge on my narc. But I realized that sooner or later they get what they deserve, because they can only screw over so many people before it eventually comes back to bite them in the ass.
They start a smear campaign before you even know you're a target. Before you sadly realize what narcissism is. Then it all makes sense. All the wierd looks from family and stand off behaviour that makes no sense. The judegemental looks from the past all make sense once the puzzle comes together. You never had a chance because you were unaware and don't play that way. No contact all the way.
Tracy Yes, it's like duh, NOW I get it! I never understood it until I remembered the many traumas and realized what was really happening! Now, no one knows even where we are, problem solved!
Tracy This is absolutely what happened to me. Family, friends and administrators at my child's school. I noticed everyone reacting differently to me, to the point of aggression. And who did I lean on? The narc. When I finally realized what happened, the damage was done. I had to let all those people go bc I choose my children, my husband and myself. While it hurt for a long time to cut people out of my life, I am starting to get over it. What she (the lady doing the video, I'm new here) said is so true, if the important people in my life were so quick to believe all these lies, maybe they really aren't that important, or at least they shouldn't be. And we are still cutting people out bc the narc hasn't given up. They seek information through people still associated with us and get them to lie to conceal their relationship. Our sons therapist told us to cut all ties with the narc, which we did, and to cut all ties with people who still have contact with them. And sadly, we Ares till having to do that, more than 2 years later.
I also want to add that we got off all social media. That was a tool the narc used to ferret out people in my life that she originally had no knowledge of. We don't have fb or Twitter or any of that. Not to mention it is a way the narc can keep track of you through the people you still have contact with.
When my husband and me went through a difficult time, with various unresolved health issues of both us parents and our two toddlers plus loosing our jobs, my mother saw the opportunity to finally get rid of my husband, who she hat always hated because he is foreign. However I was not aware of what she was doing at all, thinking she was actually helping us. Several of my family members kept saying weird things to me. These comments made no sense to me, because I was completely unaware that my mother was talking badly about us behind my back. I thought I was loosing my marbles from the sleep deprivation I was suffering at the time related to my kids health issues. Only now, years later, after finding out about the smear campaign, I remember these comments and odd behaviour towards us and they finally make sense. I feel really stupid for not realising what went on then.
Tab tabtab cute
"They get off on watching people cannibalize on other people's souls." well said.
Yes, exactly!
Ezekiel 13:17-19 King James Version (KJV)
17 Likewise, thou son of man, set thy face against the daughters of thy people, which prophesy out of their own heart; and prophesy thou against them,
18 And say, Thus saith the Lord God; Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes, and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to hunt souls! Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you?
19 And will ye pollute me among my people for handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread, to slay the souls that should not die, and to save the souls alive that should not live, by your lying to my people that hear your lies?
Yes evil
It's a control thing. With flying monkeys, not only does the narc have control of them, but they control the victim through the flying monkeys. Unfortunately, when you go no contact, the narc still has some control. They just made you go no contact, right? Something to think about. With a narc, there is no winning.
Govern your own mind! "be the captain of your own ship"
WITH ASSASSINS CREED 4 BLACK FLAG!!
Half the flying monkeys you don't even know.
The smear campaign seems like a goofy after school special about bullies childish tactics.
It hurts so much. Cutting out people who you thought had your back but just worked for the narcissist. Time heals but it's tough going through that.
Awakened Bear Pity them.
Don't even do that - give them no energy at all. They are not worth your life energy in any way shape or form.
They will always have been like that - it's just that you missed it. You are waking to that fact now.
Awakened Bear That is the hard part, the people that betray on behalf of the narcissist.😞
I know it hurts and I know it's a kind of pain that not everyone can understand. I know it's painful to have to cut people out especially when they were someone we thought was a true friend. I'm going through this now so I do understand
I love the term "smear campaign". It's perfect. An entire group of former friends have decided I've done something wrong based on one person's opinion of me. And this person has a bad opinion of me because I set up boundaries with her and told her to stop verbally abusing me. Now I'M the bad guy. It's truly driving me crazy!
They HATE boundaries. Another person setting a boundary indicates to them that they aren't as perfect as they want to appear to be, so they have to make you out to be the nasty one. You have to prepare yourself for the extreme drama.
whats done in the dark will eventually come out in the light wait for it let it happen on its on its extremely gratifying
I’m with you!!!
Same thing is happening with me.
I have been hunted by predators, flying monkeys for 10 years now in my neighborhood. They have not slowed down after all this time.. The only thing that has declined is my health from the continual stress . Though I don't do anything and never had done anything to them - they say they do it to me "because I'm a bad person".
This is the story of my life. My parents are narcs and my siblings are their flying monkeys. The gossip they spread is truly hurtful and draining. 'No contact' goes against my upbringing and culture, so I thought that it also went against Christian beliefs...but it doesn't. I've always hated meeting someone new, putting my best foot forward, only to receive a look that said, "Oh, this is her." No matter how I conducted myself, it simply didn't matter. The narcs and flying monkeys set the stage and enjoyed watching me walk in and play the role they'd prepared for me. I will no longer throw my pearls to the swine, though. I have to finish mourning the loss of my "family," and am done seeking their approval because they will spitefully refuse to give it to me...in their eyes, I exist for their narcissistic entertainment. As I look back, it all makes sense now.
tridonarcs tridonarcs I
I could have written this myself. I truly hope things get better for you. ♡
Vick Lisb Same. Has everything they need. Spite.
I feel for you. Grew up with narc dad and sister. Only connection was my mom who died when I was 19. Cut ties 15 years ago while narc in-laws continued the legacy. Used the entire system and communities against us...I'm surprised we're all alive. They have new supply with my grandkids now and they make connections with anyone they can use to create doubt, hatred and anger. Meditations and videos like this give me hope. Stay strong. Love and Light.
Thank you for expressing this.
I've learned that when it comes to flying monkeys and anyone appearing as one is to cut contact IMMEDIATELY and lay low. Silence is Golden is extremely important when pertaining to these situations. Excellent video!...God bless!
Very true 💯
The hardest thing is letting go and ending the need to explain yourself when a narcissist and their flying monkeys are trying to smear you. I had such a hard time until I realized how much power I was giving them by feeding into it all and worrying about whether or not people would believe them and not me.
It is truly exhausting, but since I have cut them out of my life and ignore them when they try to contact me, I have had so much peace!
And not only that, I have focused on working hard creatively and I have been able to get great art opportunities. This helped me realize that my work and my integrity will speak for itself as long as I keep my focus on healing, keep showing up and keep being myself no matter what anyone else says.
They need a reaction in order to keep the chaos alive but I don't have to give that to them. None of us have to.
Im so happy that you got through it, I admire your strength.
Good experience of healing.
@wild enemy very well said, I’m dealing with smearing, the noise campaign etc. harassment of people who are lower than me obsessive sociopathic people sometimes I want to be violent, not to prove anything but to really take it to another level. I practice not to think like that knowing that it’s a trap along with me being gang stalked, even the police and fireman are in on it, do you have any advice for me please
❤❤
So true... Not responding nor perticipeting... The best ways is even look comfortable, be successful and happy.. That is absolutely devistating to them!
There are those that take it to the next level and take it upon themselves to consistently destroy your successes.
And dance like nobody is watching, it brings good energy, and healing....
I wish I had someone tell me this when I was being emotionally abused and smeared by a narcissist as a teen 😔 I got really depressed thinking people were going to hate me because of them.
@@moyamontgomery1468Do you mean those narcissists? Yes, thats true. My siblings are like this.... It seems like htat becomes their liv=fe mission... Keep no contact, and see in between their motives... Send love and be happy...!
@@igirly123 Its never to late for that Miu. Never to late...
No external control - no contact - go new places - do new things - meet new people - start over you can absolutely do it -
My narc moved upstairs from me. He convinced the older woman there with his lies and charm. He moved my coworker there with him. He then connected with the mother of one of my children's friends. I've lived here for 20 years and not only has he smeared me with my neighbors, but he and his flying monkey's have my family thinking there's something wrong with me. None of my neighbors speak to me anymore. So I have gone No Contact with everyone. I cannot move right now, but your videos have been so very helpful. Thank you so much.
Vera T
why is this sick crap allowed to continue? Stop the madness.
Other people have NO RIGHT to control you, or take your happiness and peace from you.
God speed.
If it makes you feel any better, I pretty much have to go, "no contact" with my whole entire family, on both sides and stay away from my home town. all compliments of my beloved mother. Everybody thinks she's such sweet, innocent victim of two difficult daughters....
Hi @Help Me Your story resonated with me. I too grew up as the lone wolf (black sheep/scapegoat) in a Cluster B family. The covert's are the worst. Like you, I figured out that something was wrong with them and although it took many decades to figure out exactly what it was, I just feel so lucky that my inner compass was always True North, you know? My theory is that I was spared their affliction, and gained a healthy objectivity, due to a year I spent away from my parents, when I was around 2 years old. From what I understand, the brain disorder is established between the age of 2 and 3, if one is subjected to the "right" conditions. I think I must have detached somewhat from my parents at that very young age. On the one hand it makes me think "Jayzus! What kind of parents send their 2 and 5 year old daughters to live with relatives thousands of miles away, for an entire year??" But on the other hand I think, "Fuckin' ell! That was a lucky strike!" Ironic that their neglect and incapability of being parents should end up being the very thing that created the conditions for me to escape becoming one of them. "Trip out!" as my old rehab roommate used to say! I have a lot of sadness for my older sister though who is still in denial and co-dependently enmeshed with our mother. I don't think she'll be truly free until my mother dies which is horrible.
A year has passed. Did you get out? Did they see?
I'm truly sorry you went through that Vera. I've been going through difficulties as well, because of my covert narcissist adult son keeps smearing my name to friends and family, and they to are believing my covert son. It's unfortunate. Best to keep going forward and listening to helpful videos such as these. My family and other people think there is something wrong with me to. Your not alone. Reading the bible can help to. God bless you Vera!!
I've come to realize the look on my face says it all to the narcissistic person looking for a victim. Smile ignore and get out if you can! I went through this for years at a previous job and the job market was bad then. I kept my head held high and everyone turned against me for fear of being marked out also. They ended up leaving before I did! Don't let them see you sweat, they aren't worth your time and energy!
I have been the target of a smear campaign for many years from a covert narcissist sociopath. I understand that the only person I can control and protect is me and my own space. I have lost all my friends and have few family members remaing on my side. This is a mess. Thanks for explaining exactly what this life lesson is for me.
I did not participate in my sister craziness and she got even more crazy and attack my children since she couldn't get to me. They are very dangerous!
Very.
Shittum Wood your daughter’s the narc?
@Shittum Wood i'm not sure. my younger brother seems like a malignant narc while my mom is definitely covert. some people identify with their abusers, meaning they adopt their bad traits and grow up to mistreat people in similar ways. i gotta break the cycle.
I have been through this personally, I chose not to react to the gossip,it was hard but it worked, the toxic people left me alone and started doing it to someone else!, I guess because I didn`t react , I wasn`t fun for them, they couldn`t play with me, so they got bored with me and went to find someone else to play with. these people are SO pathetic. loved this vid Meredith. :)
Miss Plague Maiden could I ask, how long did it take until they stopped?
What about the people who looked at you different during the smear campaign? Since you did not react, did they became “normal” towards you?
"they need to know that they've hurt you and put you down. "
they don't see you and they don't care about you.
I would not want to be in their shoes cause the karma they're going have will take care of them...
I live with the narc and every time I get angry, she is overjoyed. I just want to go live on the street.
Page Morgan Read narcsite.com - it will set you free.
They make you want to live on the street.. I feel your pain. You need to have faith in your own intelligence/survival skils and leave the PIT. I did!
I do live out of my car. It's much more peaceful, and no one knows where I'm at.
Page Morgan: As long as it's a street far, far away...
Holly Golightly I would like to know how that works...I want to save money and just be more independent of the system. Please PM me.
I like the analogy of a viper pit. Getting out is the safe and only way to escape the harm.
Yes, "Viper Pit" exactly it.
We do not want to become like the narcissist when we respond to them knowing that it will escalate things. Ignoring it is the best because it is feed back that these people are looking for. I agree with this talk! God says in the Bible "do not throw your pearls before swine." We are wise when we do what God said and that is to remain silent to someone who will not listen.
Gwendolyn Wehage I'm writing your comment down on a piece of paper and taping it to my mirror. Thank you.
Actually these ppl are destined for hell. Ironically they don't think so. But so did the pharasies...and all jews.
I to am writing down your comment and tapping it to my mirror as well. I believe that was God inspired. God bless you!!
Jane Doe oh my god...
I just did the same exact thing!
I wrote this down and hung it up...
I want to see this every day...
To help me through the anger I have...
I see these parasites all the time....
And it’s getting me so angry...
It’s very hard for me to hold it in anymore..
There's no surviving a viper's nest. I want to learn to fly like an eagle high above the flying monkeys. You have great advice that I've lived through. In hind sight, I wish I'd known some of this. I never would have tried to convince the monkeys of the truth. What a waste of energy and mental health!
I can't believe that there is a name for this and people know how devastating it is
This is good advise for people being bullied at school as well.
@antijpug Very true. I bet the bullies are Cluster Bs, if not psychopaths.
It starts from messed up parent/s who learned from their parent/s and now hold a PhD to teach their own innocent children. ...its all taught unfortunately..like a creature fighting to survive, its the only way the know how to. Some do it so well and get pleasure out of it. Making themselves addicts to the feeling of devaluation of another unsuspecting victim whom they see better than themselves...but weak enough to break. You may never know that someone is competing with you, while you quitely going about your ignorantly Blissful life... How can one be ignorant to evil...but aware of it at the same time, By watching everything and choosing not to participate.
BLESSINGS to all, in time of chaos.
Yes this is good. They are band together. And all have sadistic personality drop them all no regrets, They don't act nice don't respect them deny them reject everything of them. They triangulate together and spread malicious gossip this is their favourite trick. Slander defamation.
wow humans are dangerous. thanks for sharing.
Magda Freeman Humans aren't dangerous, narcissistics like slow assassins, flying monkeys like droids, biorobots. They are very, very dangerous!
It's not humans, it's demonic spirits.
@@BrandiNaCole no its just people. Stop making excuses for them. It's not spirits.
Humans are ok, these people are polished.. get away they are looking for adoration and somewhere to dump their internal evils;
This is my situation. My boss is a covert narc, and almost all of the staff are flying monkeys. I just got a new job. He is furious that I didn't tell him I am leaving and that I didn't use him as a reference.
Loved this! I had this when my mum died at my church. Moved churches. Once I moved churches, my sanity returned
I started going to church to help me through the pain I was going through with all the narcs in my life...
I loved it....
It was very peaceful...
I even got involved in the church...
But now I see trouble in the church...
I don’t think I will last there much longer...
It’s so sad...
I had this happen to me in high school, I broke up with my boyfriend who was a senior and I was a junior. He made sure everyone in school thought I was a slut, I couldn't go to the bathroom, eat lunch, walk the halls sit in class without someone calling me names or throwing stuff at me. I lost all my friends and ate alone for an entire year. But I wouldn't give them the satisfaction I would not say a thing and I wouldn't let them see me cry. It took three years for people to lose intrest in bullying me and leave me alone, I didn't gain back my popularity but some people were no longer afraid to be friends with me. I still graduated in spite of the drop in my grades and missed days, I never dropped out even thoe I really wanted too, I tried to switch schools but I lived in the country and there was only one high school so the only other high school I could go to was an hour away and my parents would have to drive me, and that wasn't possible for my parents. In all I survived but it changed me completely and I mourn the person I was but am happy with who I am now in spite of my past.
Michelle Reilingh I bet you're a much stronger person now having been through that.
This sounds like my high school story, I couldn’t understand why it was happening to me , I was such a quiet person who did my work in school but I had a lot of people jealous and I couldn’t understand why. My ex smeared my name as being a hoe and I had only been with him. So I went through the same as you , bullying, name calling , and isolation. I know now it was just based off of jealousy
Yes when your leaving them "they ain't got nothing to lose" so be careful.
17 narcs dislike this video.
We can only hope the FMs learn the facts and grow up... but here is the problem .. the normal person does not believe gossip.
The healthy mind laughs and thinks its jealousy. But FMs think its fact.
Well said Lorraine!
So true. When people hear a bunch of bs about someone and they decide to believe it based on one persons word then they have their own agenda and must be getting something from the narc. At least that’s been my experience. The flying monkeys who were so against me knew what my abuser was like but chose to continue their disgusting smear campaign. It’s because the narc makes it all a competition between people. Whoever will do the most for the narc is the “winner”. That’s their sick mindset. And the ones who fall for it are just as sick as the narc in my opinion.
Because JEALOUSY birds of a feather flock together! I finally had to accept that perhaps their jealousy was INDEED a big motive in it all. Bonus points for you mentioning their gossip... Because as I got to know these people over the years I noticed a lot more weird misplaced and mean gossip about other people. I should not have been shocked when it finally came for me from them, but I lived through it
Sadly no one had my back but that's life
Same here
Same, but it’s a learning experience. I am partly to blame for getting involved with a narcissist. I knew something was off , but I didn’t trust my gut. I believe God was showing me the way, which was to observe and remain silent during the smear campaign. Even though you want to fight back, the absolute best thing to do is go no contact.
Absolutely! The biggest benefit is that you find out who your real friends are. It's a blessing! It lets you prune out the dead wood. You'll be better off in the end. This is why i never listen to or join in with gossip. I either walk away, or i say something like, That's a pity because she speaks very highly of you! It shuts them up. But beware, they might then turn on YOU. Vile people. Avoid.
I'm experiencing this but with a person who I've only had 1 cup of coffee with, 3 years ago! He turned a town against me. I've found who my friends are now. Nobody. Nobody. Not 1 person has my back. I lost someone I thought was a friend.
I got more understanding re codependency in a minute than I got in a lifetime. Grateful. But I did learn that although I can't control them, they can't control me. I won't give them that much power. Also, re smearing...where there is no wood, the fire goes out. Stay silent.
Sounds like being a hermit is the way to go...lol
*"You can't LOVE someone into healthy."*
Powerful.
I'm definitely going to remember this.
Educating myself thru TH-cam videos has helped TREMENDOUSLY!
Thank You!
Peace and Blessings!
It's Character Assassination.
I just recently went through this and from watching your video I realized that i actually did such a good job at ignoring them and focusing on myself. the girl turned everyone against me and even made it so the guy i loved chose another girl over me because of her lies. even though he knew he made a mistake and tried coming back to me, my heart is still broken from this. i do not know what to do except for focusing on what i need to do with my life, school and my goals. it is horrible to go through something like this, but just keep being strong. don't let them see you sweat. every time i felt vengeful i said to my self "get angry but sin not". it helped me through so much.
Nöelle W. ...I went through the same but it left an Opening..like ???..My ex Narc girlfriend destroyed me and my female classmate friendship..I liked her so much like POW..My classmate will not talk to me like 0 no response..My ex Narc girlfriend made me look bad and like I was a Playa and we will always be sleeping together...Yeah she told my classmate that..I apologize to my classmate and bought her flowers just to try to have fair ground and explain things...I haven't heard from her in 7 months period...I can't blame her from her end but I really did like her I thought at least she would hold a conversation by cell so I could tell the real deal...She done with me it's clear she believes my ex Narc girlfriend that calls her all types of H's and B's to me when I dumped her from my presence...it's crazy but I can't blame my classmate from her end she has no idea.
RRY PHILL I'm sorry you went through that and I feel your pain. Some people are not mature enough to see the truth for themselves. If it's meant to be it will be and no one, not even the narc can stand in the way of that. I pray for the best for you 💖
Nöelle W. ...Appreciated.
"Reality check" ... made me cry. It's true people who know me well really are necessary when so much b.s. is thrown on me. It's one of the worst and painful things when being a good person and having integrity is what is important to you.
Especially when my daughter is a narcissist it breaks my heart ❤️ literally she used the grand children as flying monkeys! A test no contact but she keeps trying to get to me through them. If I engage and It’s down the rabbit hole!!! I think I may have to walk away from my grandchildren maybe move away. Please do a chat about narcissist adult children she is 36. Her dad was covert and she is both! I couldn’t understand why everything was so f up all the time! Sickness and negative energy!!!
I was so blinded until about 3 years ago my husband died. I was totally unaware. My son helped me by explaining wtf a narcissist was! He told me that I was codependent! I was asleep. I’m on the journey and I’m awakened. No contact for sure! It’s so hard! I love my daughter she’s a my baby! She’s so mean and cruel now that I found out! No empathy. Dark dank energy and I’m not enmeshing ever again! No more narcs!!! Thank you for this you tube video. A good reminder. I’d move to Mexico if I spoke Spanish lol 😝
I'm going through this now.
Walk away, no RUN!!! and listen to all these videos, over and over, Charlie Parks
You are too good!! I am so glad I found you..the way you talk..just feel like a close friend is talking to you. God bless you!
Wow I absolutely agree about walking away. I worked as a paralegal at a law firm 10 years ago. My first day, I met a secretary who was supposed to help train me on the firm’s software. I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes. She made clear that if I meant to make friends with her, I needed to earn her respect. Now, I was a law school graduate with a new baby at home, probably at least 5 years older than her and there was no way I was going to suck up to her just to gain admission into her little girls’ club. And she certainly had a group of flying monkeys there in the firm who did her bidding. Shockingly, they were all older than her, married with children while she was in her early 20’s, single and without children. Yet these ladies allowed her to lead them by the nose. I refused to participate, ignored them all, and learned to do my job without their help or friendship. I knew they were talking about me behind my back but I refused to be controlled by them. A year later I left for another job and learned that the ringleader had recently complained to her little group about me, saying I was not friendly and did not respond to her efforts to become my friend. That’s when I finally understood. She had to be seen as either the all-powerful leader who granted/withheld permission to join her inner circle, or the victim. My worst crime against her was my indifference to her because it left her impotent in front of everyone. I just didn’t care what she thought and she couldn’t let anyone else see that.
Do not play games with these people. They can be tricky to recognize as narcissists at first but once you do, stay as far away from them as possible.
A woman made a smear campaign against me in another state for FIFTEEN YEARS before I found out! But she did end up looking bad. Probably because I was in another state, she self-destructed. My friends that have known me since high school didn't buy it.
Meredith, im definetly applauding the excellent advice youre giving here, this is a great video and i really hope it helps people break free and find their own power.
i needed to hear this.. i have tried ssooo hard to make my narc husband stop the smear campaines... and i kept fighting back and losing each time.. he looks clean and pristine yet behind closed doors , he is dr. jekyl and Mr. Hyde... he could literally have killed me august 6th 2016... i ended up in the hospital, he actually called the ambulance, i do not know how long i layed there before he did as he had knocked me completely out. he's burned my mail... i have witnesses, thank God ... he said at court it was junk mail... see it is ordered by the state he not have any contact and he had his mail forwarded to his mothers. his own daughter living in a shack at the end of the driveway cursing me, described my mail and my narc admitted to burning it.. but in court he said something completely different... the gas lighting, so many many lies he has told... and they call me crazy. i went above and got a TPO on top of the state ordered no contact. he moved one door down so he can still sneak through the woods.. the judge said 50p yards he has to stay sway... but he sneaks through the woods.. he slipped in court and the judge caught it.. i was thankful and was hard not to cry.. as i was on the stand. i still have more court dates, any help and advice that is helpful for me.. please. .. this has been gut wrenching and hurt to the depths of my heart. in many ways. i want to be free. i married who i grew up with, my parent.... a narc.. i was alwaya ugly and she tried to kill me at 23 years old... i wouldnt know her if i saw her its been so long... i stull love her and i pray for her from afar... help me to not feel rejected and like my life has no meaning whatsoever. .. i have a beautiful daughter i want to teach that this behavior he has and what i was brought up with is so wrong.. i nevwr want my daughter to feel like i have... so i made myself stay away.. but married into it...even at a young age she said how wrong i have been done... made me cry.. out of the moutjs of babes.. now she is 15.. and says momma, he is going to do it again.. so i finally stood up for myself and i am seeking happiness and peace.. i want ao badly.. help me..
How are you doing today year later?
my sister in law, my husband's brother's wife is a narcissist and the problem is that everyone in his family sides with her because they do not yet know who she really is. I went completely no contact just before Christmas when she left me a threatening voicemail my father in law listened to and dismissed as a "misunderstanding". She has only been married to their son for one year and prior to that they had a 6 month long distance relationship in which they only spent a total of two weeks together before getting married, the reason why she came after me is because I have four children and had no time to become her slave (watch her son, take care of her dog, run errands for her, water her plants, etc) I also am a responsible parent who refuses to get drunk in my house with my children watching me, something she deeply hated about me, so when I refused to compromise her attacks begun, backhanded compliments, little insults here and there, I ignored it all knowing nobody would believe me anyway, so she escalated her behavior, insults, put downs, yelling at me, bullying me on Facebook, smear campaign, i still chose to ignore her so she had no choice but to explode and unleash her true nasty self on me, insulting me and threatening me, the smear campaign continues, and my main issue is my in laws are back for the summer and I'm forced to spending time with this witch from time to time, what advice do you have for me on how to survive this? Her teenage son and husband, who used to be a friend to me, are her flying monkeys.
Solstice I would not participate in any events they have where she is involved or be prepared to beat her ass unapologetically.
Just keep setting your boundaries dear, and when you do it in public her true face will come out...
Once you see it, you can't unsee it.
Just what I needed, in the midst of a smear campaign starting from my covert narc boss spreading to my coworkers. I was feeling like I was gonna lose it, thanks for the grounding :)
This is a gold mine! If only I had your teaching 30 years ago , I would not of gone so impulsively out of my mind.. I was a subject of false abuse and co workers made more lies . I was so confused and so unstable ... The same social gain up happens still different people same crazy stuff ... Gosh u are so spot on !!!!! Your a angel so wise so so very wise . Now it's happening in my neighborhood , I'm always so shocked that the others do no see thru the narcissism
Thank you !
I don't have any friends anymore, it is very hard to cut off everyone. I did it 10 years ago and had just one sister like me and she past away 2 years ago, now I am trying to fine new friends but I do not trust many anymore. it seam I attract always the same crazy people. Or maybe I am really the one insane.
Knowledge is self empowerment. Educate yourself with you. self remember and know and trust who you are. Learn about narcissists techniques - gaslighting, fear campaigns and regain your self esteem. Do not let them break you. Stand strong and start nurturing yourself. Know your blind spots and your weaknesses because they will target them. You need to do this so new ones don't come along. This is happening to many people at the moment, more than you can know. It's very disturbing but you are now in the process of identifying toxic people in your life. Learn about character disturbance. God Bless
unelady2 You'll find friends eventually. Just the right people will come to you. I'm very sorry that happened to you.
Same. I'll be your friend.
And you are not insane.
You're not insane. I was going through a similar situation, attracting so many of these people. Then I realized I had to heal my deep, old wounds in order to change my reality. I'm still loosing friends, family members, I've been massively attacked, but now I see this like a big, big cleaning in my life. All the best💗
If you don't have anybody to relay on?How to re-born healthy?They know you are the pray...They love to put you down.Is like a sport for them.They don't want to lose you,and that is not from love.
"It can feel like a loss*** one of the best things youve.said
Great video. Thanks Meredith
This was the exact thing I needed at the exact moment I needed to hear it! Thank you so much!!!!! I adore you!!
I am so glad that I found you, you are really very good and enjoy your advice. Thank you very much!
The way you describe it seems so accurate. Thank you for making this video really needed to hear this! Really going through this.
This is such a great reminder, thanks for sharing.
You are, and have been, such an Angel of comfort through such a storm of healing.
Thank you for being just flat out awesome! ( not a luv bomb, a factoid! )
Seriously, the earnest heart of who you are is so present.. Thank you so much!
Thank you so much Meredith your videos are so informative and helpful. Still have some work to do I'm afraid but isolating the problem seems the most diffacult.
Even after the survival phase and within the healing process (for years now), your kind videos really educate and support. Thank you 👼 Angel.
Thank you.. I’ve had this done to me countless times in every area of my life. You really don’t know what to do.
Meredith Miller, your insights about narcs are unbelieveable. I appreciate particularly this video as it depicts my work climate. Thanks Universe that somebody is a real expert in rising awarenes about this kind of creatures. I am your big fan! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
thank you meredith. I am from brazil!!! so much gratitude for you work inner integration
Meredith I can say you did this video for me! You talked about having to deal with a narcissist at work, and the only escape seems to be...run as far as you can and as soon as you can. I would have so much to say about how one person destroyed or to say at least, damage the lives of many. I did not know about narcissists or sociopath. It took me a long time to understand that this person, who is in charge of a team, put all of her energy toward destruction. And as you say, she manage to have around her people, followers that seem to be completely brainwashed. Now, I am the last one in the team to face her. And I can tell she is at work. She cut me off from the rest of the team. They are new people and they do not know her. So I am far from home, I have nobody to talk to, I work by myself with no communication whatsoever with the rest of the group. But I am glad at least, I do not play her game. I ignore her, keep the communication at the minimum, all work related. Still, I am angry I was trapped in her manipulation a while ago and ever since she is focused in hurting me. I learned a lot from your videos, I thank you so much! You help me to deal with the waves of emotions which at the time seems to flood me. I can tell you Meredith, for me and for other people who got to know her, she is the worst think ever happened in our lives. God bless you Meredith! Thank you for sharing your own experiences and knowledge with us!
Thank you so much! I needed to here this so much right now! I is heartbreaking though that I heard it from you instead of hearing those words from my best friend ... Law of attraction in action :) Thanks again
Meredith, your lessons are life saving
You are right on target! This story that someone wrote to you could have been my story. Thanks for the advice. I have spent the last 10 years trying to control the damage only to get hurt even more.
I can't get rid of that person. I just want out. Good advice you have as always. I hate hiding and faking. I detest it. This isn't my life but it's the life I'm forced to live until an exit opens up.
Shnuzel S.
Same it sucks
I want to thank you for all you do to help people and myself. This video was so helpful to me as I am leaving my job in part due to narcissistic abuse at work. Fortunately I've worked there many years and I am able to retire, and I am still young. I have had sleepless nights wondering whether I should speak to my supervisors and let them know that in part my retirement is due to the narcissist coworker. I wanted to express my feelings to my supervisors, which at one time I had tried to do before and they turned my concerns around on to me which at that point I realized they did not understand. After watching this video I realized that I should not talk to them as that would only make me look bad because the narc is covert and has fully gained their support. I soon will be free and I thank you for your guidance and support through a difficult time. I am a long time subscriber and you videos are life saving to me and many that you reach. You are a beautiful soul. 🌹
Another great talk, very wise advice on the subject, I totally agree. It is uplifting to see genuine human helpfulness like this in today's deteriorating world. Please keep up your excellent work.
Thank you so much, everything you advocated here, I already felt strongly in favor of doing, but you really clinched it for me and made me see that it's the sole sane course. And it's immensely cathartic to hear independent testimony and corroboration of my own experience.
Thank you for this video. It is very stressful when you are facing these situations in work place which makes to loose self confidence. To keep going accepting so called defeats as a lesson for your own elevation is the best option ...and never make it a habit of feeling low ...live your own life the way you want to live !
Meredith...I binge watch your videos I absolutely love you and your advice! Thank you for your knowledge and choosing to do what you do ❤❤
This video has blessed me and I want to thank you I am in the midst of trying to heal from this and move on with my life
Wow, I really needed to hear this right now, thank you!
I needed to watch this video. Thank you for your wisdom
I needed this affirmation. Thank you so much. Cut off whole family today.
Very insightful. Well said. Thank you
I admire you. You are the best. Thanks
Thank you 💙such thoughtful strong healing empowering words
Gracias Meredith ! Yo soy mexicana pero vivo en EU . Tus vídeos me han ayudado mucho por qué yo soy un magnet para esos narcisistas y gracias a ti entendí por qué 😘
Excellent. Thank you!
I'm learning a lot about my whole life through your videos. Thank you.
Meredith-I can not get enough of your videos. I feel like the information and life experience you are sharing are like water on my parched soul. I have been in an abusive marriage situation which has been gut wrenching. I have 3 children 2 adult and a 17 year old son who has been drawn into the covert abuse my husband has inflicted on my for 35 years. I have finally after all this time gotten my courage to follow through on divorcing him. I have endured abuse by each one of my kids as they had been indoctrinated into the Stockholm syndrome as well. I totally relate to the compassion keeping me immeshed and hoping. I am so grateful to you for your generosity of helping put words to my pain. I have been hospitalized 2 times for suicidal depression and my children did not even come to see me. They have had their consciences killed and we have been robbed of a normal and healthy mother child loving relationship. I also feel so much regret, remorse and shame that I was reacting and defending myself with anger and misdirected rage and neglect as I sunk ever deeper into despair over the generational patterns. Could you please talk about this component of parental alienation and the abusive cycle and chronic grief in being traumatized by your children. The good news is I have over time been gaining my equilibrium by no contact and holding fast to my support system of loving friendships. This is crazy long but my heart can not keep up with all the things going through my mind. Thank you does not seem adequate. Kelley
your videos have literally saved my life and motivated me to be the best mom I can possibly be to my 3 year old and 5 year old boys. I honestly dont know where I would be right now if I hadnt started watching your videos. Your videos have been a huge "reality check" for me and have allowed me to come out of a 4 year trance and begin to fight for my life, fight to get my life back and finding myself again. You are an awesome person and always know that you are helping more people than you probably even know about. Dont ever stop making videos!!! bless your kind heart!
Thank you for this video!
I have been listening to a few of your videos and the topic do resonate. This one... I have survived... I had to attend CODA meetings ... It is real thanks for the reminders to protect and nurture self.
Thank you for this video you are so inspiring in the way you explain everything about narcissism and ways how to deal with it....I am in the middle of a huge smear campaign and taking your advice of no contact, it's so painful and sometimes unbearable having to ignore family members and friends that I always got on well with, and now I am alone ...But I do get comfort knowing I am not alone in my suffering, as it seems thousands of people around the world are going through the same kind of suffering and we need to build each other up to move forward...God bless you and keep up the good work in helping so many people...🙏👍
Meredith Miller, your advice and well constructed dialogue are better than GOLD. As a subscriber to your channel, the information that you present is a life-line towards the steps necessary for the ultimate protection and healing from narcissistic abuse. Thank you, and Cheers.
11:28
This is paramount advice right here. This information is essential to removing/stripping all and every molecule of power from the narcissist in the most ultimate form. Pure power!
Videos like yours and others on here are what helped me understand all of this and saved my life. The craziness and destruction these narc's cause is like a disease that kills from the inside out. There is no limits to their lies and well planned manipulation. The only way to survive is to step back and let the universe decide your fate as you live in isolation until you heal. I owe all of you well informed and helpful people who saved my life.
Thank you Meredith.
Awe he told you I was a liar and crazy. That’s how how he covers up his lying , cheating, abusive deeds.
I've only heard 2 of your videos so far...but it all resonates with me to the core!
Wow this was really illuminating just emerged from such a campaign but working on my best self was my salvation your words n wisdom put it all in perspective Thank You
Awesome advice. Thank you so much for this.
thank you so much for this , going thru this now
In the past 24 hours I have watched your videos and become empowered with the insights and reactions you have presented. I couldn't have received more validation of my feelings and tips to control my responses from anyone else. They feel personal and directed to every situation I am living with right now this minute, and the false responsibility that I have placed upon myself for the actions of others has now been lifted. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Agree with so much. But victims aren't targeted because of weaknesses in them that they need to 'work on.' It's because they are kind and open. We don't want to change that. Just make aware of dangers, not flaws that make them targets. And getting away seems so easy to some, sometimes people are completely financially trapped. Also, I hate the word codependency. It's a made up word to Condemn a type of relationship that we all can be stronger for. Depending on our partner. If they show up, two are stronger than one. But as soon as the partner drops his or her responsibility in the relationship, the victim is blamed for having depended on him in the first place. Everywhere, the victim is blamed. If you speak of a hurricane Katrina victim, nobody shames them for any part of it nobody shames them for calling themselves a victim. Nobody says well you were targeted because you are defective. Same thing with World Trade victims. Nobody questions who they were before that put them in that situation, nobody questions if they reacted well in the midst of terror, nobody says they should be able to heal on their own. Everybody knows they are innocent and need help. Period.
Great comment!
@Fabled Creature Nice thought but you are wrong. I don't know if you grew up in a Cluster B family or not but that is what this presentation is about. So maybe you only got with Narcissists in adulthood in which case this stuff doesn't apply to you. It totally applies to me. Also, ALL words are "made up" (LOL)- it only matters if they're useful or not. Codependency is a very useful word to describe the lack of separate identity that can occur in a victim of Cluster B upbringing. My sister for example is completely codependent with my mother and cannot find the objectivity necessary to recognize my mother's illness. She over-identifies with my mother and has internalized her negative voice and bullshit about how it's "disloyal" to tell others about my mother's monstrous acts of cruelty.
I definitely have a giant target on my back and it is not because I'm kind. It's because I have CPTSD from my Cluster B background, so that I lack healthy boundaries, I was trained to discount my gut feelings, I was trained to doubt myself, I was trained to respond to love-bombing, I was trained to ride on rollercoasters thus I will get on other rollercoaster rides (with other Cluster Bs) because the extreme emotional swings are familiar to me and not as obviously fucked up as they would be to someone not from a Cluster B family. In the past few years I have been realizing how many of the friendships I made in my youth were with toxic Cluster Bs, just like my family. I've been identifying and dumping these people ever since I made this realization, and try to be on the lookout so that I don't get new ones in my life!
Your whole post seems really defensive and like you were personally insulted by the information in the video. Well then, you speak for yourself and how this doesn't apply to you, fair play. But you don't get the last word here honey and you don't get to tell others that a particular word has no meaning, and you don't get to say that there's nothing "wrong" with us. Maybe that makes you feel uncomfortable but that's your problem. I have no problem admitting that there is something wrong with me - I mean, how could there not be, being raised around that insanity? The great part is that it's not my fault and I can do something about it.
Finally, you are obviously confused about the difference between PTSD and CPTSD if you are comparing abuse victims to survivors of random acts of violent destruction, such as a hurricane, that were not directed at them personally! Seriously! What on earth are you talking about? Of course Hurricane Katrina didn't single out "defective" individuals in order to ruin their lives. It's not a sentient being with emotions or intentions. The 9/11 hijackers are, but again, they had no idea who would die, specifically, when they flew into the WTC. But the Cluster Bs DO target specific individuals. They have something like a sixth sense for spotting the vulnerable (and by the way "defective" is your word, and it never appeared in the video) and the vulnerable are usually people raised in Cluster B families. There is no shaming here about being a victim so again, your comments seem just way off base. Best of luck.
@@dianarosalindland1566
Hay I was told it is my fault for being hit by a hurricane via living in Florida. So I say it is their fault if WHATEVER.
Always blame them for any tragedy. No matter what.
true, they hunt us not because we weak.. they target us because we have something they want to have but can't... so they just destroy it from you
actually, people *do* say hurricane katrina victims were targeted