It is abuse, as you said. In Cook County, Illinois, where Mom lived, Protective Services did a really good job. The district attorney didn't prosecute, though, since there was no recovery possible (the spongers had already spent all her money) and the DA had bigger things to deal with.
So true! But I bet sister tries pretending to others about how good she is even though her actions are to gain wealth... if no money involved this wouldn't have happened
My brothers have done this to me. My brothers and sister have taken my mothers money and stuff and left me out. Now they won't show me where it all went to. So I have to force this with a judge. I mean if you have nothing to hide why won't you show me. grrrr
My brother did the same. Mom knew what she was doing though, her will left all to the narc sister but mom knew that the will didn’t cover her funds since that was in a joint account with my brother thankfully. Sister made it difficult for us to visit since she moved in. Sister gaslit mom for several years. Moms final years she escaped into dementia, so sad but when she went in nursing home it was easier to visit thankfully but mom didn’t know who I was at that point.
My mom is poor and my siblings have all decided she's mine when she's old so I suppose her being broke has its perks. I just want my mom to be taken care of as an old lady. Stuff is just stuff.
The sister probably believes she is the hero because she is living there "caring" for her. So tragic that she would isolate this poor lady from the rest of her family.
Must covert narcissists exploit their parent’s health condition for two reasons: to look like the martyr by being the primary caregiver, and to take advantage of the finances for their own purpose and greed.
Sometimes I believe it might not be like that. The rest of the siblings don't want to take any responsibility of the parent and yet will stand up for money. Very common in Indian families. Also taking care of someone who suffers from dementia or parent with any health condition isn't easy. The parent yearns for the child to come see them but they don't. If they were left in a care home all the money would be finished within a couple of years and one wouldn't even know how the parent were treated.
@@kumari6004- This is how I see it too. I definitely feel for the caller but the moment I heard her say that the crazy sister "took her" and moved the mother in with her, I thought.."well why didn't you or your inheritance siblings do that?" They aren't taking the same interest that the sister is taking. Whether she is right or wrong, she is actually doing something and the others aren't. It's only an issue when they start talking money.
@@ecclairmayo4153you’re a fkin idiot if you believe this…. You probably didn’t listen to the whole video. When you’re dealing with a narcissist there’s no joining forces without becoming a narcissist yourself.
You don't "get" Power of Attorney. The person gives POA to someone. It only comes into play when the person is incompetent. Oh, by the way, it also ends at the person's death. So, if you have POA and the person dies, your authority comes at an end. You have no authority to disburse money etc. Oh, I live in California but I think this is pretty much the same all over. Example; In our trust, I authorized my husband to have POA over my finances and healthcare if and when I am unable to take care of myself. If he doesn't want to, then my youngest daughter is alternate. I set this up on purpose because my oldest daughter said she could never pull the plug. I believe in the quality of life and so I did not name her as either primary or secondary POA. It is my business, not my kids business, who I want to have in charge of my life and finances. My husband has given me POA over his health and finances. If I can't or don't want to do it, one niece is secondary for health and the other for money. This is because of their education and personalities. I hope this helps you understand what goes on. Too, I can change the POA anytime I want as long as I am mentally alert enough to do so. By the way, no matter how old you are, you need to appoint a POA and have your wishes in writing what to do if you are in a coma and won't ever wake up. Traffic accidents happen to all of us. It would take a lot of money to attorneys for this gal who called Dave Ramsey to prove that her mother was not of sound mind. Also, she said she just wants to help "care" for her mother. Perhaps she doesn't really understand her mother's health situation. Look at Caregivers.com for horror stories. Now, I have also seen horror stories where one child takes advantage of an elderly parent. But, you have to prove it. Healthcare providers also are notorious for gaining an elder person's confidence and then taking their money.
Actually what families need to do is well in ADVANCE the entire family needed to get together and plan for potential scenarios like this. Who will step into certain roles IF something happens should be determined years in advance of anything happening, but families are too cowardly to face the subject head-on ahead of time and no one plans in advance for their potential degrading health, etc. This is an American tragedy that I see happen time and time again in families- I've seen something similar happen between my parents and their siblings as to which siblings bled my grandparents dry being irresponsible adult baby leeches and all around horrible humans.
My 86yr old mother used live with me, but since I moved away out of state, my mother choose to live with my sister, not my three brothers. I send some money to my sister to support regularly twice a year. Sending money is the way of my appreciation to my sister for taking care of our mother. Thankful our mom is happy and well under my sister's care.
My mother did this in our family. No one wanted to stop her and she convinced my grandfather that we were all trying to take away his freedom. After she got the money and a car, she kicked him back to his house where he died miserably. There was nothing we could do in the end, and our family is ruined over money. My mother is a narcissist and this is typical behavior of what is known as the "golden child". This may help you understand the "why?" you have in regards to your sister. There are many TH-cam videos on this subject (traditional therapists are not usually useful in this area). I hope this helps and am so very sorry for your situation. It really is maddening.
True....the golden child almost always turns on the parents. Happened in our family too. My mom literally died with broken heart syndrome written as a cause on her chart.
I a similar situation myself. Have a sibling who has taken control of our elderly parents money, and all decisions related to their care. My father has late stage dementia and my mother is more and more confused. The sibling in question has disavowed herself from my brother and I. I think Dave’s advice here is spot on. You have to decide the value of the fight. Is it worth it? I’d gladly give over my inheritance to my sister as long as she does in fact take care of my parents in their final days. These things usually come down to money and the one that wants it the most will often take control.
We are going through this problem now. My sister in law stole 298,000 from my 93 years old mother in law over 5 years and is almost no money left for her assistant living. My mother in law is devastated.
Fight it in court if you are going to break even at the end, lose or win, but at least have you will have stood up for what is right. Narcissists hate to be challenged as they are used to getting things without opposition. Your relationship either way with sister is gone thanks to her greed.
my sister has been trying her hardest to pressure my dad and influence my mom to do the same to him so she can get him to sign over the power of his estates to her. She even accidentally mentioned that she would get a doctor to certify that my dad is out of his mind and that he has dementia etc. There is no mountain high enough nor sea deep enough for greedy people. They are so consumed by their own demon and blood relation means nothing. May God purify their souls and guide them to the path of light.
The attorney who changed a trust, etc needs to be reported to the State. It sounds like he knowingly accepted a 'mentally ill' person's word. In my State they're supposed to be Really Sure the person is of sound mind to sign a legal document. We went thru this w/person who was in the beginning stages of dementia.
So sad! We had a similar situation occur with my wifes grandma. We used to be incredibly close with her but then during the covid lockdowns time when we had a newborn things changed drastically. We were at home with a newborn and my wifes sister and family used this time to show up every day to love bomb grandma. After that time grandma grew incredibly close to them and pretty much pushed us out of her life. Gave them a $300k piece of property and countless things for those grandkids... but nothing for my wife or kids. They lied and said they "purchased" the property" and a lot of other lies occurred including about us (telling grandma we have been given so much and are rich etc). Family functions were awful after that involving them hijacking grandma and her husband from us by sitting very close, arms around them and going way over the top on serving... then using the time to quietly talk to them saying "we really need to get those papers signed etc" and talking/pressuring grandma to do things against her will. Tons of vindictive love bombing to get their way and then disappearing for months on end after given something...(until needing/wanting something else). My wifes feelings have been so hurt. When she talked to her sister the response was "all you do is care about money... we aren't even into money". Then to top it off my wifes mom chose to be onboard with the sister and say "where is the lord in all this" (towards us) and somehow turn it so we are the bad guys. Wifes sister and husband and mom all claim to be Christians but have no problems missing church for months at a time. Skipping church to go spend time with grandma etc. Grandma has sever mental illness and recently passed away. We want to forgive but it us so tough. So many lies and dishonest behaviors. I really want to move on but thing after thing continues to cause more wounds and hurt such as their kids bragging to my kids about what they got from grandma... and my brother in law loudly bragging at Christmas to others about the "2.5 acres he got that he is going to build a custom house on". So tough. Such betrayal! Wanting to forgive and move on but forgetting us so tough especially with all the lack of trust involved in this situation. I hate this kind of thing! So sad never thought this type of thing would have happened!!
everystate has an office called OPA..older person advocate and they will help you with elder abuse, DAVE you need to know if you are going to advise people
The issue being that if the older adult is still lucid and mentally able to make their own decisions, there is not a lot that can be done. I know a woman who just keeps giving her adult son money because she wants to keep him happy and does not want to lose him in her life. She does not have Alzheimers or dementia, she is just soft. Sadder is that he thinks it is great to be supported by his mama. He may be more mentally inept than his mother.
Typically an older sister taking all the money and playing martyr and exploiting their parent’s illness for their own profit and greed should go to jail. Especially if they didn’t probate the will and had them sign a POA with mild cognitive impairment. ✅
Adult protective services should be notified if the mother is truly unable to make decisions. Adult protective services will investigate and determine if the woman is competent and/or being taken advantage of.
Lord No!!. Unfortunately I never had a sister. I am just 83 years old and have seen a lot of life. Also, I am on Caregivers.com website and see what others are going through. I am fortunate to have two "Sisters of my heart ". who are really girlfriends of over 50 years.
I had to do this for my mom, my aunt was stealing her money & my mom had no food and bills weren’t being paid. I am on my way to get her to live with me.
I can't talk to my dad on the phone. She was omitted from the will with a no contest clause...I am his only heir..yet I am not allowed to speak to my dad..because he fell on the floor after the police were forcing her to return expensive jewels...then she become the POA...she is probably drained his money and she defames me on the net and defames and lies about me online. This is not my legal name in my avatar..I had a 15 minute conversation with her since I was 19...my father calls my landlord crying...she put him on a 14 lane highway...
I went to a funeral once and the daughter got up and did a poem and the step mom started screaming and the ohhhhhhhh it was something. Later, my dad told me that apparently, she blocked the kids from seeing their dad and it was a big deal. Crazy. They were telling stories about dad from like two years before and how now it is dead. I can't imagine. It would be bad though.
Medical directive doesn't give you authority over her finances. Need Durable Power of Attorney for that. Contact Adult Protective Services for welfare check on her.
We had a VERY similar thing happen in our family. It is very stressful. I had nightmares about it for the two years that it was happening. I am very sorry that this is happening to your family.
My sister and her worthless children stole all Mom's money and left her $72,000 in credit card debt. When the money was gone, they decided to get their own place. All that time Mom kept saying everything was fine. We discovered it when our poor brother visited and found a credit card statement that Sis didn't hide quickly enough. Fortunately, the other brother is quite wealthy and I'm moderately wealthy. I'm also a retired CPA with some knowledge and lots of time. We hired an elder law firm to file for benefits and a private social worker to find a good place to live. The creditors are just out of luck and the law firm continues to advise occasionally. Mom died five months ago so it's over now. The whole process cost a few days a month and a little over $20,000 and it was worth every penny.
This is why my parents named a family friend exector of their estate and not any of us 4 kids. A situation happened long time ago between one sister and my brother. Thankful they did this. Father still living.
I am trying to get my dad to do that.....but he has picked the child who has a long criminal rap-sheet as their executor. The one who legit believes and openly says that it is the victim's fault if they get taken advantage of. Literally and my dad knows this..... yet still wants him to be the executor.
Anyone who changes wills, trusts, adds themselves as powers of attorneys is the culprit and the thief. They are the one who goes after the assets, especially when dementia is involved. I have a controlling sibling and she is a money grubbing sort. You have to prove mental capacity in court. I am on 14 months in court and over three years of trying to prove before I found evidence.
Yup, been through this just this past year - best of luck, and lots of love - Solicitor's are useless!! Nobody wants to stick their neck out and help you out - rips your heart out :( Crazy people have a lot of power over vulnerable people.
What we don't know is if the caller is actually the crazy one and the sister is protecting the mother. We don't know. Sounds like the caller wasn't that involved with her mom to have all this done behind her back. I think caller is mostly concerned about money and not that worried about her mother.
This is what I said! Especially the part about them taking her to see if she was incompetent and also when the "crazy sister" moved in with the mom. Well, why didn't these sisters move their mom in or step up to care for her? It sounds like they only think about her when it comes to money. So, whether the sister is right or wrong, she is actually doing SOMETHING and they aren't. They coukd have been just as close as she was
Get an attorney and get guardianship. And call the police and adult protective services. IMO she’s not in her right mind to allow the abuse. Act now for real. I had to do this to stop a sibling from sponging off my parents.
I hear a jealous person who wants the money. That's why she took her mom to the doctor to see if she was "incompetent". Kind of awful to think a kid could do that to their mom.
Yup, and the part where she said her "crazy sister" moved their mom into her home I thought..."why didn't you do that?" It sounds like they only want to be bothered with serious care for their mother when money is involved. Maybe the sister is wrong, but at leastbshe is doing SOMETHING. The others want nothing to do with it, unless it's about money.
I totally, totally agree to discuss your Will ( a trust is 100 times better ) with your heirs. I have seen it, good and bad. ( probate issues and fights)
My kindest sister has taken 100k from our parents. My other sister said we can't do anything because she and her husband are unemployed for 10 years and moved to retirement area to 'take care of' mom and dad ... but now that they are out of investments to pillage it's not as fun so they have taken over our parents home in Missoura.
if 1 sibling is willing to move in with and take care of aging parents the other siblings need to step back (since they didn't want to step up), that 1 sibling may need to do things w/$ to help the parents (medicine is not cheap, health care is not cheap) and there may not be any left when all is said and done BUT it's the parents $ and if it's spent on them then it should be fine. I have a feeling these other 2 siblings just want the money and want no responsibility of taking care of their parents, they don't want to interrupt their lives.
I agree with everything you have said. My brothers threw my parents in a nursing home all to just help themselves to the money and stuff. Sick sick sick.
Four of my siblings paid themselves (asked the lawyer-never told me) for cleaning the home, $1500 each. The executor sister lost the will- right? I took care of my mother for one year- no pay. It's interesting how differently siblings and I are though we grew up in the same home. Honestly, it isn't a big surprise. I'm glad I got one year with mother. They got a few bucks. Someone needs to write a book on what to expect.
She didn't say she took the money, just that she is in control with power of attorney, which the sister seemed to have gotten without other siblings being consulted. Sister might have the best intentions in mind but if we believe the caller, that does not appear to be the case.
My sister has a joint account with my parents and has them believing it will go to the estate. It will not because she has rights to survivorship. I get frustrated trying to tell them what’s really going on. She has the only copy of the will. Very frustrating especially because I live with them and sleep with my door open at times. My mother used to have seizures in the middle of night - really scary. She still won’t give my parents her home phone number and barely answers her cell phone when they call. It angers me and I wish they didn’t have money or a house because it would save me all this trouble.
I was able to take my mother to the bank and withdraw all the funds because my sister had the money in a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT. The bank didn’t even question it because it was a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT WHICH MEANS BOTH PARTIES HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO THE FUNDS! JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON’T DO THE SAME THING!
"Undue influence" is the legal term she should investigate. Try to find a lawyer who will take the case on a contingency basis. You have a 4-6 month window to file after her death. I'd say wait until that happens to pursue it. Good luck.
Why are people so dysfunctional - especially with their own family??? That's something I'll never understand. ALL children should be given Power of Attorney, not just one of them or a few of them. They should consider taking this to court and have the court do what's best for the situation. Hopefully, the judge would see the truth of what's going on.
There ARE public resources out there, but the names vary by state and even county. Look for "seniors and disabilities" or "area aging and disability." There are protective services for vulnerable adults.
My wife's sister got a little over $100,000 from her mom who has Dementia When we found out we called the police, They told us that their resources were stretched too thin and they didn't have the manpower to go after her. We stopped it but that money is gone and my sister in law got away with it.
My mom and I were close. I was her primary caregiver. Long story short my 26 yo pos nephew got mad and went behind my back and bullied mom into reneging from a home sale we worked for 2 mos to get to. They took me off her Kaiser mom hates me. Like the caller is saying I’m not allowed to see my mom now. They lied and said that the sales contract was illegal that our broker wasn’t licensed and elder abuse scammer. My mom can be difficult but she hates me now while also blaming me for everything??? Which is all false. I cry every day just because it’s so sudden. They are only there bc we went to sell the house they are greedy. My BIL is ill and has sundowners. They are very peculiar weird ppl. I want to sue them for one dollar just to find out what really happened and just for closure.
I said the same but now they won’t let me wash my hands of my inheritance, now they want to force it on me😂. Either I take it or relinquish to a sibling who is basically getting our parents home for free . These ppl who left my parents in their waste literally . For this reason I’d rather take it and give it to charity rather than let them have it
I'm not sure why, but I mistrust this caller's motives. It does sound like the other sister is manipulative, but I don't think this is all about concern for the mother - I think it's very much about the value of the home and money.
Me too! She barely spoke about her mother only her things. Not buying it. It could be the exact opposite and the other sister is protecting their mother. I got no broken heart vibes out of this caller.
That's what I hear too. Everything from taking their mother to be deemed incompetent to saying the "crazy sister" moved in with the mother or moved her in. Why didn't they care for her or take her in? They clearly just weren't as close as the other lady is, but they now want to be concerned only with regard to money
Sounds like my husbands family. The sister moved in and they kept a time sheet and said all that time taking care of the elderly mom will come out of the estate funds! They took it ALL! DONT BE DUMB FOLKS.. FIGHT FOR THE INHERITANCE!!! and care for them also of course (your parents).
I do not think it is fare calling this sister crazy or manipulative. She is not there to tell her side and this lady just seems concern with the mother's money and not wanting to care for her. Why not tell her sister she will completely take care of their mother and take the control she wishes she had. It is sad these sibling are being this way just for some petty cash.
Sadly they should have gotten in there much earlier and been involved. This sister didn't just start getting controlling, shes probably always been this way
omg me too my sister kicked me out of our home with my mom and forced her into an old age home and wouldnt tell me where whe was until she didnt remember me. during that time she got mom to change her wil leaving her completley in control of the whole estate. i am screaming while im righting this i am lost as she is executor and refused to give me any info re moms estate says my mom didnt want me having anything. helo me figure this out. another thing is is she is 35 yrs a paralegal at lawfirm and says she has no duties as en executor and i have no rights as beneficiary .this is such a lie. in the will only the changes made effect my inheeritance, she has compete control as to hom much she wants me to have and up to 10 yrs to give it to me. i am 51 yrs old. her children get there inheritance before me and not even legal age. i cant breath my whole days are consumed with how to fight her she is such a narcassist . i have her yelling at my mom threatning her if she didnt get her own way while my mom was still alive. any advise pls
The sister that decided to step in might have a different story. Maybe she was moms favorite .. that happens. The lady on the phone said she was far away. I'm guessing didn't visit much, and now she's mad cos she sees that sweet inheritance slip away. Maybe crazy sister was helping mom all along. Running errands, helping with the house etc. Maybe she knows the other sisters would put mom in a home and cash out the house. Dave's right. We have no idea what's happening here.
If her mother is being isolated suspicious as heck. Many do this then the parent feel abandoned unaware the gatekeeper with greed is turning everyone away.
@@vickimerritt2832 same happening to me . I’m the black sheep always have been. The oldest Narc seems to control the other siblings . But they way I see it they’re fully grown adults they can’t be so naive to not see through her games and lies
@@vickimerritt2832 yes that happened in my family, sister isolated mom. Sister moved in and soon mom stopped talking, literally. Sister yelled at her too often when she did say something. Moms final years were not happy and filled with love. In hindsight I should have done something but it’s so hard to deal with a narcissist
This is what I hear as well. They coukd have just as well took their mom in just like the "crazy sister", but instead the only thing they did was take her to be deemed mentally incompetent
Family members who do this stuff are EVIL.
And this is before medically assisted dying becomes the norm.
Misappropriation of funds is abuse!!! Report to Adult Protective Services!!!!!!!!!!!
Then it's Institutional Living, if you can find one that's not just for millionaires. They'll shamelessly take it all.
It is abuse, as you said. In Cook County, Illinois, where Mom lived, Protective Services did a really good job. The district attorney didn't prosecute, though, since there was no recovery possible (the spongers had already spent all her money) and the DA had bigger things to deal with.
Would the sister have done this if mom was broke? Sister isn’t crazy. She’s greedy.
So true! But I bet sister tries pretending to others about how good she is even though her actions are to gain wealth... if no money involved this wouldn't have happened
How sad people pick money over family.
Rhoades Traveled It is heartbreaking.
Those people were either born with a mental issue or were badly educated
My brothers have done this to me. My brothers and sister have taken my mothers money and stuff and left me out. Now they won't show me where it all went to. So I have to force this with a judge. I mean if you have nothing to hide why won't you show me. grrrr
My family found money to be more important than me too. It has broken my heart in half:(
@@anngarcia3985 How's it going ?
I have a friend his mother passed and his older sister was the executor and split the money equally between all siblings, now thats a real woman.
The executor is legally obligated to carry out the will. The executor can't just decide who gets what unless there are no directives in the will.
Thats a normal, mentally healthy woman.
@@thebunkreport ok
Is it you? , sounds like it
My brother did the same. Mom knew what she was doing though, her will left all to the narc sister but mom knew that the will didn’t cover her funds since that was in a joint account with my brother thankfully. Sister made it difficult for us to visit since she moved in. Sister gaslit mom for several years. Moms final years she escaped into dementia, so sad but when she went in nursing home it was easier to visit thankfully but mom didn’t know who I was at that point.
I have been listing to Dave for 25 years. I'm now retired and have a paid house. Thanks Dave your still the best !
My mom is poor and my siblings have all decided she's mine when she's old so I suppose her being broke has its perks. I just want my mom to be taken care of as an old lady. Stuff is just stuff.
You’re a good person
You’re amazing! Enjoy your mom
The sister probably believes she is the hero because she is living there "caring" for her. So tragic that she would isolate this poor lady from the rest of her family.
Must covert narcissists exploit their parent’s health condition for two reasons: to look like the martyr by being the primary caregiver, and to take advantage of the finances for their own purpose and greed.
Sometimes I believe it might not be like that. The rest of the siblings don't want to take any responsibility of the parent and yet will stand up for money. Very common in Indian families. Also taking care of someone who suffers from dementia or parent with any health condition isn't easy. The parent yearns for the child to come see them but they don't. If they were left in a care home all the money would be finished within a couple of years and one wouldn't even know how the parent were treated.
@@kumari6004- This is how I see it too. I definitely feel for the caller but the moment I heard her say that the crazy sister "took her" and moved the mother in with her, I thought.."well why didn't you or your inheritance siblings do that?" They aren't taking the same interest that the sister is taking. Whether she is right or wrong, she is actually doing something and the others aren't. It's only an issue when they start talking money.
@@ecclairmayo4153you’re a fkin idiot if you believe this…. You probably didn’t listen to the whole video. When you’re dealing with a narcissist there’s no joining forces without becoming a narcissist yourself.
This is exactly my situation with my sister. She claims this I do more than you scenario every time
People should not be allowed to get a power Attorney over their parents unless all the other siblings agree!
You don't "get" Power of Attorney. The person gives POA to someone. It only comes into play when the person is incompetent. Oh, by the way, it also ends at the person's death. So, if you have POA and the person dies, your authority comes at an end. You have no authority to disburse money etc. Oh, I live in California but I think this is pretty much the same all over.
Example; In our trust, I authorized my husband to have POA over my finances and healthcare if and when I am unable to take care of myself. If he doesn't want to, then my youngest daughter is alternate. I set this up on purpose because my oldest daughter said she could never pull the plug. I believe in the quality of life and so I did not name her as either primary or secondary POA. It is my business, not my kids business, who I want to have in charge of my life and finances. My husband has given me POA over his health and finances. If I can't or don't want to do it, one niece is secondary for health and the other for money. This is because of their education and personalities.
I hope this helps you understand what goes on. Too, I can change the POA anytime I want as long as I am mentally alert enough to do so. By the way, no matter how old you are, you need to appoint a POA and have your wishes in writing what to do if you are in a coma and won't ever wake up. Traffic accidents happen to all of us.
It would take a lot of money to attorneys for this gal who called Dave Ramsey to prove that her mother was not of sound mind. Also, she said she just wants to help "care" for her mother. Perhaps she doesn't really understand her mother's health situation. Look at Caregivers.com for horror stories. Now, I have also seen horror stories where one child takes advantage of an elderly parent. But, you have to prove it. Healthcare providers also are notorious for gaining an elder person's confidence and then taking their money.
I realize that
Actually what families need to do is well in ADVANCE the entire family needed to get together and plan for potential scenarios like this. Who will step into certain roles IF something happens should be determined years in advance of anything happening, but families are too cowardly to face the subject head-on ahead of time and no one plans in advance for their potential degrading health, etc. This is an American tragedy that I see happen time and time again in families- I've seen something similar happen between my parents and their siblings as to which siblings bled my grandparents dry being irresponsible adult baby leeches and all around horrible humans.
I wouldn't change anything except the word IF to WHEN something happens.
Parents don't believe one child will be this greedy. You cannot take action on your own.
My 86yr old mother used live with me, but since I moved away out of state, my mother choose to live with my sister, not my three brothers. I send some money to my sister to support regularly twice a year. Sending money is the way of my appreciation to my sister for taking care of our mother. Thankful our mom is happy and well under my sister's care.
My mother did this in our family. No one wanted to stop her and she convinced my grandfather that we were all trying to take away his freedom. After she got the money and a car, she kicked him back to his house where he died miserably. There was nothing we could do in the end, and our family is ruined over money. My mother is a narcissist and this is typical behavior of what is known as the "golden child". This may help you understand the "why?" you have in regards to your sister. There are many TH-cam videos on this subject (traditional therapists are not usually useful in this area). I hope this helps and am so very sorry for your situation. It really is maddening.
True....the golden child almost always turns on the parents. Happened in our family too. My mom literally died with broken heart syndrome written as a cause on her chart.
😥
It will be sad letting go of your mom but at least you won’t have to deal with your sibling anymore.
I a similar situation myself. Have a sibling who has taken control of our elderly parents money, and all decisions related to their care. My father has late stage dementia and my mother is more and more confused. The sibling in question has disavowed herself from my brother and I.
I think Dave’s advice here is spot on. You have to decide the value of the fight. Is it worth it? I’d gladly give over my inheritance to my sister as long as she does in fact take care of my parents in their final days. These things usually come down to money and the one that wants it the most will often take control.
We are going through this problem now. My sister in law stole 298,000 from my 93 years old mother in law over 5 years and is almost no money left for her assistant living. My mother in law is devastated.
As a nurse I see this way too much. Familial Financial abuse of the elderly is so common
I know a social worker who says the same thing, financial abuse of elders by family is very common, its so tragic
I see this all the time. Greed is very powerful. My sister got my mom to sign over power of attorney to her.
There is an option, Adult Protective Services will investigate financial elder abuse. APS is CPS for vulnerable elderly people.
I am running into a problem like this. My sister is taking over and is trying to take over.
Fight it in court if you are going to break even at the end, lose or win, but at least have you will have stood up for what is right. Narcissists hate to be challenged as they are used to getting things without opposition. Your relationship either way with sister is gone thanks to her greed.
my sister has been trying her hardest to pressure my dad and influence my mom to do the same to him so she can get him to sign over the power of his estates to her. She even accidentally mentioned that she would get a doctor to certify that my dad is out of his mind and that he has dementia etc. There is no mountain high enough nor sea deep enough for greedy people. They are so consumed by their own demon and blood relation means nothing. May God purify their souls and guide them to the path of light.
So true....nothing stops their evil....and they do things that the general population can't even conceive of.
The attorney who changed a trust, etc needs to be reported to the State. It sounds like he knowingly accepted a 'mentally ill' person's word. In my State they're supposed to be Really Sure the person is of sound mind to sign a legal document. We went thru this w/person who was in the beginning stages of dementia.
I’m so sick over this situation. I am in the same situation. My sister has taken over
Same my sis I’ve realised late in life is a narc . Controls all
The siblings and if you don’t agree you are the black sheep, the so called “problem”.
Very sad😭.
I work with elderly people,I see many stories like this..
Family fighting over their parents stuff before they died and after..
So sad! We had a similar situation occur with my wifes grandma. We used to be incredibly close with her but then during the covid lockdowns time when we had a newborn things changed drastically. We were at home with a newborn and my wifes sister and family used this time to show up every day to love bomb grandma. After that time grandma grew incredibly close to them and pretty much pushed us out of her life. Gave them a $300k piece of property and countless things for those grandkids... but nothing for my wife or kids. They lied and said they "purchased" the property" and a lot of other lies occurred including about us (telling grandma we have been given so much and are rich etc). Family functions were awful after that involving them hijacking grandma and her husband from us by sitting very close, arms around them and going way over the top on serving... then using the time to quietly talk to them saying "we really need to get those papers signed etc" and talking/pressuring grandma to do things against her will. Tons of vindictive love bombing to get their way and then disappearing for months on end after given something...(until needing/wanting something else).
My wifes feelings have been so hurt. When she talked to her sister the response was "all you do is care about money... we aren't even into money". Then to top it off my wifes mom chose to be onboard with the sister and say "where is the lord in all this" (towards us) and somehow turn it so we are the bad guys.
Wifes sister and husband and mom all claim to be Christians but have no problems missing church for months at a time. Skipping church to go spend time with grandma etc. Grandma has sever mental illness and recently passed away.
We want to forgive but it us so tough. So many lies and dishonest behaviors. I really want to move on but thing after thing continues to cause more wounds and hurt such as their kids bragging to my kids about what they got from grandma... and my brother in law loudly bragging at Christmas to others about the "2.5 acres he got that he is going to build a custom house on".
So tough. Such betrayal! Wanting to forgive and move on but forgetting us so tough especially with all the lack of trust involved in this situation. I hate this kind of thing! So sad never thought this type of thing would have happened!!
I would stand on the public sidewalk in front of her house and have placards saying 'we love you!'
I’m in a very similar situation. It’s making me depressed
MAN - we are going through the same thing with my grandmother!
everystate has an office called OPA..older person advocate and they will help you with elder abuse, DAVE you need to know if you are going to advise people
The issue being that if the older adult is still lucid and mentally able to make their own decisions, there is not a lot that can be done. I know a woman who just keeps giving her adult son money because she wants to keep him happy and does not want to lose him in her life. She does not have Alzheimers or dementia, she is just soft. Sadder is that he thinks it is great to be supported by his mama. He may be more mentally inept than his mother.
sounds like all daughters are trying to get their claws on the money. that one just got there first and the others are pissed.
Aaron O'Sullivan lol yes
Bingo
Completely agree.
Aaron O'Sullivan, The caller obviously
Typically an older sister taking all the money and playing martyr and exploiting their parent’s illness for their own profit and greed should go to jail. Especially if they didn’t probate the will and had them sign a POA with mild cognitive impairment. ✅
Adult protective services should be notified if the mother is truly unable to make decisions. Adult protective services will investigate and determine if the woman is competent and/or being taken advantage of.
Karri Allen
I didn't know there was an adult protective services.
Yes there is. Also in some places there is an "Office on Aging" or just call the cops or DA.
Mary Carricaburu you seem very passionate are you the sister she's talking about?
Lord No!!. Unfortunately I never had a sister. I am just 83 years old and have seen a lot of life. Also, I am on Caregivers.com website and see what others are going through. I am fortunate to have two "Sisters of my heart ". who are really girlfriends of over 50 years.
I had to do this for my mom, my aunt was stealing her money & my mom had no food and bills weren’t being paid. I am on my way to get her to live with me.
I can't talk to my dad on the phone. She was omitted from the will with a no contest clause...I am his only heir..yet I am not allowed to speak to my dad..because he fell on the floor after the police were forcing her to return expensive jewels...then she become the POA...she is probably drained his money and she defames me on the net and defames and lies about me online. This is not my legal name in my avatar..I had a 15 minute conversation with her since I was 19...my father calls my landlord crying...she put him on a 14 lane highway...
I went to a funeral once and the daughter got up and did a poem and the step mom started screaming and the ohhhhhhhh it was something. Later, my dad told me that apparently, she blocked the kids from seeing their dad and it was a big deal. Crazy. They were telling stories about dad from like two years before and how now it is dead. I can't imagine. It would be bad though.
This sounds like elder abuse, and I think there are groups that advocate for the elderly in these situations.
Medical directive doesn't give you authority over her finances. Need Durable Power of Attorney for that. Contact Adult Protective Services for welfare check on her.
The mother is being held captive.
We had a VERY similar thing happen in our family. It is very stressful. I had nightmares about it for the two years that it was happening. I am very sorry that this is happening to your family.
Me too.....
They use your estates money to pay socalled friends. Who end up robbing you. Sad world.
My sister and her worthless children stole all Mom's money and left her $72,000 in credit card debt. When the money was gone, they decided to get their own place. All that time Mom kept saying everything was fine. We discovered it when our poor brother visited and found a credit card statement that Sis didn't hide quickly enough. Fortunately, the other brother is quite wealthy and I'm moderately wealthy. I'm also a retired CPA with some knowledge and lots of time. We hired an elder law firm to file for benefits and a private social worker to find a good place to live. The creditors are just out of luck and the law firm continues to advise occasionally. Mom died five months ago so it's over now. The whole process cost a few days a month and a little over $20,000 and it was worth every penny.
Report the situation to elder abuse agencies in your area
Sister probably got her mom to change the will Dave. So having a will doesn't matter if the sister was allowed to get power of attorney over her mom.
This is exactly what happened in our family. My parents left me with nothing and gave my sister almost 100k... 😳 🙄
This is why my parents named a family friend exector of their estate and not any of us 4 kids. A situation happened long time ago between one sister and my brother. Thankful they did this. Father still living.
I am trying to get my dad to do that.....but he has picked the child who has a long criminal rap-sheet as their executor. The one who legit believes and openly says that it is the victim's fault if they get taken advantage of. Literally and my dad knows this..... yet still wants him to be the executor.
I am living this now in PROBATE Court. Jesus help.
Anyone who changes wills, trusts, adds themselves as powers of attorneys is the culprit and the thief. They are the one who goes after the assets, especially when dementia is involved. I have a controlling sibling and she is a money grubbing sort. You have to prove mental capacity in court. I am on 14 months in court and over three years of trying to prove before I found evidence.
This exact scenario happened in my family
Family betrayal of this kind is the worst. Sometimes it’s best just to walk away, protect yourself and heal. So sad.
Wow so sad! I’m in her shoes.
When my only child complains about not having siblings- I fully intend on playing videos like this.
Not something you should be proud of
So what happens to Mom once her money runs out? What will crazy sister do then?
Yup, been through this just this past year - best of luck, and lots of love - Solicitor's are useless!! Nobody wants to stick their neck out and help you out - rips your heart out :( Crazy people have a lot of power over vulnerable people.
Going through this now. Really sucks.
What we don't know is if the caller is actually the crazy one and the sister is protecting the mother. We don't know. Sounds like the caller wasn't that involved with her mom to have all this done behind her back. I think caller is mostly concerned about money and not that worried about her mother.
This is what I said! Especially the part about them taking her to see if she was incompetent and also when the "crazy sister" moved in with the mom. Well, why didn't these sisters move their mom in or step up to care for her? It sounds like they only think about her when it comes to money. So, whether the sister is right or wrong, she is actually doing SOMETHING and they aren't. They coukd have been just as close as she was
Get an attorney and get guardianship. And call the police and adult protective services. IMO she’s not in her right mind to allow the abuse.
Act now for real. I had to do this to stop a sibling from sponging off my parents.
I've been in this situation and it is terrible. Don't let money divide family
That sister sounds exactly like my sister!!!
Same
Same
This is SO sad! 😭😭😭
Get a lawyer. Don't call Dave Ramsey. Think $5,000 to $10,000.
I’d call the state on elderly abuse.
You can't argue with a fool....it only proves theres two.
Having a beneficiary as a trustee is a bad arrangement.
My sister was the trustee and ended up with almost everything.
I hear a jealous person who wants the money. That's why she took her mom to the doctor to see if she was "incompetent". Kind of awful to think a kid could do that to their mom.
Yup, and the part where she said her "crazy sister" moved their mom into her home I thought..."why didn't you do that?" It sounds like they only want to be bothered with serious care for their mother when money is involved. Maybe the sister is wrong, but at leastbshe is doing SOMETHING. The others want nothing to do with it, unless it's about money.
My oldest sister did the same thing. It really breaks my heart.
My youngest sister did the same thing.
I totally, totally agree to discuss your Will ( a trust is 100 times better ) with your heirs. I have seen it, good and bad. ( probate issues and fights)
The main thing is to look after your mother and her needs.
Caller cares more about the money though. If she cared about the mom she would have been more involved.
@@littleripper312 not with a covert narcissist you don’t.
Your sister was always crazy, should've seen it coming. Let it go.
Financial abuse is still abuse.
My kindest sister has taken 100k from our parents. My other sister said we can't do anything because she and her husband are unemployed for 10 years and moved to retirement area to 'take care of' mom and dad ... but now that they are out of investments to pillage it's not as fun so they have taken over our parents home in Missoura.
if 1 sibling is willing to move in with and take care of aging parents the other siblings need to step back (since they didn't want to step up), that 1 sibling may need to do things w/$ to help the parents (medicine is not cheap, health care is not cheap) and there may not be any left when all is said and done BUT it's the parents $ and if it's spent on them then it should be fine. I have a feeling these other 2 siblings just want the money and want no responsibility of taking care of their parents, they don't want to interrupt their lives.
TemeryN I Agree 100%
TemeryN Amen!
TemeryN they were beginning to but the sister was already financially abusing the mother already.
@@Nilonimir probably wanted to put her in a nursing home
I agree with everything you have said. My brothers threw my parents in a nursing home all to just help themselves to the money and stuff. Sick sick sick.
this was really helpful. Thank you
Four of my siblings paid themselves (asked the lawyer-never told me) for cleaning the home, $1500 each. The executor sister lost the will- right? I took care of my mother for one year- no pay. It's interesting how differently siblings and I are though we grew up in the same home. Honestly, it isn't a big surprise. I'm glad I got one year with mother. They got a few bucks. Someone needs to write a book on what to expect.
Did she even say anything about the sister taking the mother’s money? I don’t get it.
She didn't say she took the money, just that she is in control with power of attorney, which the sister seemed to have gotten without other siblings being consulted. Sister might have the best intentions in mind but if we believe the caller, that does not appear to be the case.
The only one concerned about money is the caller
My sister has a joint account with my parents and has them believing it will go to the estate. It will not because she has rights to survivorship. I get frustrated trying to tell them what’s really going on.
She has the only copy of the will. Very frustrating especially because I live with them and sleep with my door open at times. My mother used to have seizures in the middle of night - really scary.
She still won’t give my parents her home phone number and barely answers her cell phone when they call. It angers me and I wish they didn’t have money or a house because it would save me all this trouble.
I was able to take my mother to the bank and withdraw all the funds because my sister had the money in a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT. The bank didn’t even question it because it was a JOINT BANK ACCOUNT WHICH MEANS BOTH PARTIES HAVE EQUAL ACCESS TO THE FUNDS! JUST MAKE SURE YOU DON’T DO THE SAME THING!
Adult protective services is the only other way to possibly help.
When my son asks why I never wanted any more kids after him, he will hear this.
"Undue influence" is the legal term she should investigate. Try to find a lawyer who will take the case on a contingency basis. You have a 4-6 month window to file after her death. I'd say wait until that happens to pursue it.
Good luck.
Why are people so dysfunctional - especially with their own family??? That's something I'll never understand. ALL children should be given Power of Attorney, not just one of them or a few of them. They should consider taking this to court and have the court do what's best for the situation. Hopefully, the judge would see the truth of what's going on.
chrisgast no. The mother decides who she trusts enough to be the POA.
@@MiamiPush2theLimit often it is the failed to launch kid already living off the parent that pulls this off without a hitch. Very common.
@@vickimerritt2832 exactly.
There ARE public resources out there, but the names vary by state and even county. Look for "seniors and disabilities" or "area aging and disability." There are protective services for vulnerable adults.
My wife's sister got a little over $100,000 from her mom who has Dementia When we found out we called the police, They told us that their resources were stretched too thin and they didn't have the manpower to go after her. We stopped it but that money is gone and my sister in law got away with it.
My mom and I were close. I was her primary caregiver. Long story short my 26 yo pos nephew got mad and went behind my back and bullied mom into reneging from a home sale we worked for 2 mos to get to. They took me off her Kaiser mom hates me. Like the caller is saying I’m not allowed to see my mom now. They lied and said that the sales contract was illegal that our broker wasn’t licensed and elder abuse scammer. My mom can be difficult but she hates me now while also blaming me for everything??? Which is all false. I cry every day just because it’s so sudden. They are only there bc we went to sell the house they are greedy. My BIL is ill and has sundowners. They are very peculiar weird ppl. I want to sue them for one dollar just to find out what really happened and just for closure.
We have a similar situation.
I just stayed away from my crazy family and let them fight over the money. It ain’t that important
I said the same but now they won’t let me wash my hands of my inheritance, now they want to force it on me😂. Either I take it or relinquish to a sibling who is basically getting our parents home for free . These ppl who left my parents in their waste literally . For this reason I’d rather take it and give it to charity rather than let them have it
I'm not sure why, but I mistrust this caller's motives. It does sound like the other sister is manipulative, but I don't think this is all about concern for the mother - I think it's very much about the value of the home and money.
Me too! She barely spoke about her mother only her things. Not buying it. It could be the exact opposite and the other sister is protecting their mother. I got no broken heart vibes out of this caller.
Agreed....when we keep bringing up specific points we show our true intent.....her mother's care is not her main focus.
That's what I hear too. Everything from taking their mother to be deemed incompetent to saying the "crazy sister" moved in with the mother or moved her in. Why didn't they care for her or take her in? They clearly just weren't as close as the other lady is, but they now want to be concerned only with regard to money
Sounds like my husbands family. The sister moved in and they kept a time sheet and said all that time taking care of the elderly mom will come out of the estate funds! They took it ALL! DONT BE DUMB FOLKS.. FIGHT FOR THE INHERITANCE!!! and care for them also of course (your parents).
I'm in the same situation.
Manipulative woman tries to out-manipulate her manipulative sister
Not at all the situation but thanks for playing
Thats how I hear it too
Any sane person would back off but it's not about sanity it's about the insanity of money here. The mother is not important for them.
If your sister is really taking care of your mom and her needs are met, forget it. Consider it a life lesson. I am so sorry.
This situation is ELDER ABUSE it is a FELONY issue.
I do not think it is fare calling this sister crazy or manipulative. She is not there to tell her side and this lady just seems concern with the mother's money and not wanting to care for her. Why not tell her sister she will completely take care of their mother and take the control she wishes she had. It is sad these sibling are being this way just for some petty cash.
Agreed...she kept showing us what her real focus was.....not her mom's care.
Definitely. they ever did was take her to see if she was legally incompetent
Sadly they should have gotten in there much earlier and been involved. This sister didn't just start getting controlling, shes probably always been this way
You have to just walk away. Some relatives are just too dangerous to take on
Send the police in to do a welfare check? There's no other way I know of to find out if sister is actually caring for mom.
omg me too my sister kicked me out of our home with my mom and forced her into an old age home and wouldnt tell me where whe was until she didnt remember me. during that time she got mom to change her wil leaving her completley in control of the whole estate. i am screaming while im righting this i am lost as she is executor and refused to give me any info re moms estate says my mom didnt want me having anything. helo me figure this out.
another thing is is she is 35 yrs a paralegal at lawfirm and says she has no duties as en executor and i have no rights as beneficiary .this is such a lie.
in the will only the changes made effect my inheeritance, she has compete control as to hom much she wants me to have and up to 10 yrs to give it to me. i am 51 yrs old. her children get there inheritance before me and not even legal age. i cant breath my whole days are consumed with how to fight her she is such a narcassist . i have her yelling at my mom threatning her if she didnt get her own way while my mom was still alive.
any advise pls
Look up the legal term "undue influence.". Talk to an attorney.
Walk away...u have ur home and love around u...thats worth all the money in the world 🌎 ❤️
Family isnt always blood. Blood isnt thicke than water r. Siblings like this are evil.
I would just pray for mom and sister. God can change things.
Someone needs to remind Dave it's cavalry, not Calvary.
I thought of that too. He has said that a number of times 🙂
Christian problems...
I'm an only child so I won't have any drama when my parents are gone.
Fortunate
If your close to your parents you wouldnt have let it go this way in the first place.Unfortunately she beat you to it!!!
That's not true at all. Maybe she just didn't expect her sister to be a malignant narcissist.
Not true. Overt and covert narcissists only care about one person. Themselves. And they will exploit and discard anyone in their way.
Right. Literally their contribution was taking her to a doctor to deem her medically incompetent
"ur a doll" ... thats a little much
Sarah Burggraf lol, Dave’s response was” bless your heart”
Why don't somebody make a life-size Dave Ramsey doll for Jennifer? She'd be so happy!
The sister that decided to step in might have a different story. Maybe she was moms favorite .. that happens. The lady on the phone said she was far away. I'm guessing didn't visit much, and now she's mad cos she sees that sweet inheritance slip away. Maybe crazy sister was helping mom all along. Running errands, helping with the house etc. Maybe she knows the other sisters would put mom in a home and cash out the house. Dave's right. We have no idea what's happening here.
Agreed. Need more details.
If her mother is being isolated suspicious as heck. Many do this then the parent feel abandoned unaware the gatekeeper with greed is turning everyone away.
@@vickimerritt2832 same happening to me . I’m the black sheep always have been. The oldest Narc seems to control the other siblings . But they way I see it they’re fully grown adults they can’t be so naive to not see through her games and lies
@@vickimerritt2832 yes that happened in my family, sister isolated mom. Sister moved in and soon mom stopped talking, literally. Sister yelled at her too often when she did say something. Moms final years were not happy and filled with love. In hindsight I should have done something but it’s so hard to deal with a narcissist
This is what I hear as well. They coukd have just as well took their mom in just like the "crazy sister", but instead the only thing they did was take her to be deemed mentally incompetent
My older brother and his wife tried to do this