I'm Worried My In-Law's Financial Problems Will Be My Burden
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ต.ค. 2020
- I'm Worried My In-Law's Financial Problems Will Be My Burden
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My parents raised me with the idea that if you don’t know how to manage your money well, it doesn’t matter how much you earn, you’ll end up broke anyway.
Parents did great, My respects. Are you asian btw ? I am.
@@virtuosowins yes I am
Similar to the advice I got. If you make a million dollars and spend a million dollars, you’re still broke.
@@KTSpeedruns Exactly. Too many stories about lottery winners going broke.
Akira M yeah easy come easy go. Also the kind of people who buy lotto tickets are particularly ill suited to manage large funds.
I have 2 older brothers. Both live with my dad. They are 35 and 39. No retirement, savings, career, car, or aspirations. I used to try and help. But they walk all over me. I stopped stressing about how bad their situation was, best thing I ever did.
If they're not worried, why should you be?
Can I ask what’s the update for your brothers 3 years later?
Im 34 and I have 3 younger brothers. They can care less of dave ramsey or don't want to take information as an emergency. I'm just trying to lead by example and hopefully they inquire and or pick up before they are too far down the rabbit hole. Hopefully your brothers picked up
I noticed he valued the program more when he paid for it than when it was free. When things are free we tend to discount their value.
💯
Very true
Yup its amazing how our concept of value is dependent on numbers.
Only time I value free in that sense is when I coupon 😂
Tell this to the welfare crowd.
The in-laws sound like the type of people that won't listen, but will have their hands out when things get desperate for them. The caller needs to stop talking about how well he and his wife are doing right now. The in-laws won't remember his advice, but they will remember where to borrow money from.
@@moma5501 you did owe them. Be thankful for the sacrifices they took for your success. As long as it's only a few times they need help that's awesome. Now if they start abusing it and asking for money twice a year for the rest of your life that's a different story.
OmG this!!!!!!!!!
“Well why did you change” is such a great question to ask when teaching.
I've found about 1 out of 10 people are interested in listening to people who live a debt free life. So I pretty much now don't talk about it. I just enjoy my life. If someone is interested, I recommend them to read your books and watch your show.
Same here. One of the ladies at work asked me to help with her budget and I found her about $300 a month just cutting out coffee and fast food. She went to Starbucks every morning and couldn't understand why she was broke all the time. It was easy and staring her right in the face but she didn't want to give up her guilty pleasures and got kind of offended that I suggested she do it. At that point I just said, to each their own, I'll do my thing and take care of myself.
Yes no one cares its like the ship has sailed. People just looked at me like I was dumb and crazy.
I feel ya. I have no payments. I pay food, utilities and insurance.
I hear friends and co-workers complain about how they have very little after bills.
I tell them I have no payments. My utilities and insurance are auto pay every month. If I go to a restaurant, I don't worry about menu prices, I just get what I want. I tell them it's a sweet life.
I give advice and suggest Dave's program. But they don't care to change anything. One lady who complains that she desperately needs a raise drove to work with a brand new Ford Mustang.
Other people argue with me that credit is essential to a good life. I tell them that it's not. I don't know my score and couldn't care less if it was a 300
@@TeKnoVKNG23 Yes, to each his own.
03:41 Chris: “But then you have people that won’t do it until they get ready to do it.”
Dave: “There are people in my family who don’t do it. And I’m Freakin’ Dave Ramsey.”
Folks don't forget that when you marry, you also marry into the extended family and their drama can become your drama. Choose your wife/husband carefully.
No when you marry your family is first and if you have to distance yourself so be it.
@Taylor Anne ok what are we in disagreement with? Lol I meant your new family is first. Your old family mom and dad are not priority no more
@@JorgeGarcia-lo5wi No, but if something is a problem for your wife then it's also a problem for you because now you are one.
And if your wife brings student debt it's now your debt, only way I get married is if a woman has about equal wealth as me with no debt
Extended family can become a drama.
That's why you and your partner must discuss this matter as early as possible.
Put boundaries, it's a must.
And always try to hear both sides .
It’s not how much money you make, but how much money you keep, how hard it works for you, and how many generations you keep it for
@Sir We Are About to Die you have to teach them correct principles. By the time they inherit anything, they should already have good money management skills
Truth 💯
@Sir We Are About to Die It’s how the Hispanics, Asians and some other immigrants tend to do it. I had a client from Mexico a couple weeks ago. Money and homes are in an irrevocable trust and corporations in Mexico. He has no direct control, nor does his sisters and brothers. They have multi million dollar homes around the US. They have an administrators and accountants that do all of the work. Same with Rich Asians, in the US generational wealth is not taught, it’s not built by many and it may be our downfall.
@Sir We Are About to Die you have a victim complex.
@Sir We Are About to Die are you an incel?
My parents are the same as his in-laws.... broke. They get irritated if I even say Dave Ramsey! Dave is a household name in our home! So we don’t bring it up. I figure they can sit back and just watch!
The other part of the call that did not get addressed was his fear of having to support his in laws. This is the only reason why he wanted advice on how to talk to them so that they had time to clean up their own mess.
Agree 100%
I applied Dave money step to my business model and because of that, I OWN everything, truly life changing!
It’s a life changing thing when you stop using the banks loaned money … our car, our house and everything we have in life, we own it. We don’t borrow money and if we don’t have the cash we don’t buy it
"Don't should on people." Haha, nice quote, I'll have to steal that one too
LOOOOOL
When I was in the Marines my senior leader’s favorite word was “should”. You should do it but that doesn’t mean they’re going to do it. lmao 🤣
With our parents/in laws - we have had to discuss them saving for their own retirement for over a decade. Unfortunately, some people just won't be responsible. Take care of your immediate family first, otherwise you won't be able to "help" anyone else.
You can’t help adults, I told a friend I was getting out of debt just over a year ago, he thought I was bunker, a month ago he drove me down to a deal where I paid cash for my new used car, he tried to convince me to buy on finance since was a huge amount. He doesn’t believe he can get out of debt, I told him he can, but he has to create a budget first. People don’t like budgeting, they think it is too controlling, but that is the only way you stand a chance of clearing your debt.
My story was, is, and ALWAYS will be...
NEVER AGAIN, people!!
NEVER AGAIN, will I ...
No. 1) Borrow money from family members!
No. 2) Make another car payment, as long as I live!
No. 3) Rely on the government to supply ALL of my needs!
Period!
Anyway, need I say more! 😎
Just run. Your wife is going to pressure you to help her parents financially. You’re gonna go broke trying to help your in laws.
I’m jealous that his company offered Dave’s program to employees
Considering you comment on every video I doubt you need Dave's program.
@@ChrisMFlorida she's not just here you'll see her comments on bigger pockets and other Finance channels. Often saying brrrrrr lol that's the dedication of someone that's going to be an everyday millionaire!
Right? Dave's program should be offered to all high schoolers.
My husband works for a financial company and they enrolled the entire staff at least at his level to go to FPU one of the coaches came to their job on company’s dime once a week and taught it. I wish I was privy to it then. When he came home talking about “Dave Ramsey said....” I was like “good for Dave Ramsey he doesn’t live in this house.” Now I’m addicted.
@@sepharaSwift 😂😂.
Lead by example. 2 years from now when you're doing great and they are still struggling, they might want to do something about it.
Dude's on babystep 2 and is worried about his in-laws' situation. He needs to get somewhere himself first. Best of luck
"You cain't make grown-ups not be stupid."
- Dave Ramsey's Quote of the Day
Dawg!!!!!! This is our story with MY parents. My wife and I are trying to get my parents to understand this stuff.
People tend to relate to stories. If he shares his *story* with them instead of just pontificating, it certainly could resonate and be what they need to hear. Great points!
Dave and Chris always make the best duo. I sense they’ve been there done that and genuinely trying to grow peoples knowledge of money:)
Unfortunately, my impression is that some of these situations have to be treated like prepping. You can love these people and you can care. You can talk to them as carefully and we’ll/planned as you like. But, sometimes, you know that train is still coming.
I have told no one that I’m prepping, nor have I advised them to do so. Why? Because that’s not what they hear. What they here is that “I am prepping.” What they think I’m saying is, “Just grab a fork, come over, bring your friends, and eat through 6 months of MY food and supplies in 6 minutes.” So, as it relates to people who won’t start treating their money right, what they may hear is that, as you’ve done well enough to become a little financial guru, that means you have money, are comfortable now, and they’re coming to make a giant withdrawal and your bank account had better be open. You can’t stop some people from doing themselves in, without you climbing into the sinking ship also.
OMG! The guy wrote an essay about his in laws financial trouble and read it on Dave's show. Now, when someone writes an essay about your problems. You know you're in trouble.
The one thing that Dave doesn’t mention in these videos is interest rates and how the money adds up!
When I graduated from 7 yrs of school (between undergrad and Grad school) I incurred $140k in student loan debt.
I consolidated the debt to what I thought was a low interest rate of 2.125% APR and started making minimum payments while putting the rest in savings, investments a house and a car.
I really didn’t know how these interest rates worked. One day I pulled up my loan statement (about 10yrs into repayment) and saw that I’d already paid $49,000 in interest!!!
That was my epiphany (even before I found Dave) and started accelerating my repayments for my car loans, student loans and mortgage. Now I’m 44 and debt free and have probably saved around $300,000 in interest by paying off my loans faster!
Yeah, I had the same moment paying down my first card at 5k ish debt, spent about 11k in about a year of minimum payments. Granted I was using it too, but that shocked me into paying it off quicker.
When you borrow money over a long time (20 years), you pay back 3.7x what you took.
The best way is to pay off quickly
When a human is lead by their Ego & Fears they completely dismiss any logical advice.
Lead by your actions and allow them to follow in your footsteps without words...
No one else’s problems are yours unless you let the be you problem
2:11-2:44 - This is why I will never buy a Ramsey Plus site license for our church (we have FPU every semester): People are vested and more serious when they have skin in the game. If they're not willing to pay for the Financial Peace class, then they probably won't finish the class, or practice the steps.
Agreed.
I convinced my mother at 73 to allow me to handle her finances. After she had put a second mortgage on her home and had been been emotionally taken by scammers and continued to do things for scammers. She's still in contact with scammers. Yet now wants her finances back. Continues to tell others I took her money. How can I help if my mom continues to be lie to me and about me on her finances??? Please help
Give your Mom her finances back, and don’t get involved anymore. You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink. (You can warn her about scammers, but you can’t stop what she does with her money).Just like she doesn’t need to know about your financial situation, she doesn’t have to tell you about hers. Just make sure she isn’t trying to give out your personal information or finances out.
If you know who the scammers are, report them to Federal Trade Commission
That’s a hard situation to be in. But, it sounds like she need helping wether she wants it or not. If she continues to let herself be scammed and runs out of money to take care of herself, you will probable have to step in and do it anyway. She may have some form of dementia. Keep a paper trail of ALL the transactions you make on her behalf. Get a WITNESS or ally you can trust to confirm your actions. Someone who doesn’t have anything financially to gain. The scammer are going to continue to scam.
Yeah my grandmother lost 30000 to scammers before we caught it and took her money I don’t understand what goes through thier mind now my wife’s mom is doing the same thing now good grief ....so we took her money and put her on a 100$ a week for food and spending money now I know why they go after the elderly it’s super easy for some reason
And when she spends her 100$ early and says she has noting to eat I literally hand her a bag of rice and a bag of beans
Let her do her own thing. Grown people are grown.
Once you get fed up, change is easier a lot
Don’t worry about the in laws they aren’t your problem. Don’t tell them how much money you have.
They will become your problem, unless your spouse puts up some concrete boundaries. Mine didn’t until years later and it hurt us …
Feel for him. We keep to ourselves. Both sides of our family won't stop making bad financial decisions. They refuse to live in an Apartment. They both expect our help in the future. Told them it won't be what they want. Of course we will check on them and feed them. But whatever SSI they get is what they get. No more vacations or casinos.
Any updates on the situation?
@@KushWings well one side does the same thing. One side has been listening to more Dave Ramsey videos. So progressing better. Because they realize it's not the children's job to make sure you're set. I have been teaching my Mother some side jobs. She loves it.
Leading by example is an excellent way to influence others.
This is one reason I have an issue with my stepfather. I love him, horrible financial practices and desires to do the opposite of what is asked of him. My in laws and my mom I will gladly care for.
Sometimes people realize the problem too late in life.
Not your problem. Take care of your own and let them figure it out. Stop talking about how well you and your wife are doing with money because the in-laws will just know where they can come for a handout when they realize they have nothing saved. Hopefully your wife is on board with you, and be prepared to cut contact if necessary. From my own personal experience, people that are in debt/broke and not that good with money, really don't want to hear any advice from you regardless of how well you are doing.
*Dave just loves the complicated family situation videos* 😂😂
You can lead a horse to water but you can’t force it to drink. You can teach a person about personal finance, but you can’t force them to be smart with their money.
Talking about how well he's doing might open up another can of worms for him, where now the expectation could be that they'll be financially able to help.
If that happens, then they can offer to help with certain conditions, such as having to attend FPU.
Parents usually are at least a little insulted to hear financial advice from their children.
Well said, lead with example.
For years coworkers have told me I’m nuts for not buying stuff I want but can’t afford and don’t need. Systems are more effective than goals. Live in the Ramsey system and goals will take care of themselves.
When the in-laws finally get Dave's course, get hooked and find this video...oh boy! Lol
I would never tell anyone I'm debt free. I would have everyone who knows me asking for money or hating ppl for ignoring them!!!
There’s people in my family that don’t do it, and i’m freakin Dave Ramsey!! Haha it’s so true
Statistically speaking they will be. Get ready for it.
Send them the most applicable Dave rant.
I love the chemistry of these two...
I am worried about my son's girl friend's parents. They recently emigrated to USA and will never have the benefits of social security or medicare. In addition she has $200,000 student load debt with a pharmacy degree. If they get married he may have to help support her family.
I've seen situations like this. Unfortunately, it's not an "if"but a "when". Culturally families who come to the US expect to be taken care of. Especially if they helped to fund her education. Think of it this way the Americanized kids end up being the (retirement plan/Medicare/nursing home,, etc). This is a tricky situation since you are his mom and probably don't want to come off as disapproving. If possible encourage him to ask questions about expectations, go to pre marriage counseling, or personal counseling. Try your best to stay available for support.
He should let her know that If they immigrate he wont be responsible for them! Pharmacists earn well and it's an important job. If she is smart she can pay back her loan? Also some countries pay out your pension when you emigrate. Maybe they have a house in their country they are renting out and getting money from it. He shouldn't let them depend on him especially not in the beginning
Don’t know how old his in-laws are, but my mom is pushing 80 and is very low income.
She has been very stubborn up until now, due to this year has been very rough healthwise for her, so we are helping her out at the moment. She will be applying for medicaid, and food stamps. We have decided to look at it as part of our charity giving, to help her out at this time. You could, as you work thru the steps, set up an “in-law” sinking fund if you want to also.
I have spoken to a few people my age that are doing that type of thing.
No one can force you to make their problems your own. Grow a backbone.
I wish they would address the threat of ‘filial responsibility laws’ in most states that can make kids financially responsible for parents.
And I'm freaking Dave Ramsey!
That was funny🤣
“Don’t should on people” comes from Preachers Todd Clark’s book “Should happens”.
Personal finances are personal. He can tell them his story, but he can't tell them what to do. They're grown-ups. I don't tell my folks what to do, even though I don't agree.
Pretty legit dude. Funny how much less stress after you complete the journey
Wow this should be separate and it’s their control if they stay with it. Just set boundaries and stick to them!!!!
I'm freaking Dave Ramsey. I love it :)
Its their life and none of my business
that's like dealing with my in-laws
Yall forgot to tell him that his in law’s financial mistakes WILL NOT and should not become his responsibility.
3:43 🤣🤣
I personally have a hard time between the bragging/fact thing lol.
I used to help my my sister and brother in law with money because I just wanted to help. 1 year and $12,000 later I come to find out they took advantage of my love, trust and how naive I was to their situation. My sister wanted money to forget how screwed up her situation is and my brother in law was using my money to buy meth and get high all the time. They barely spent anything on their 6 kids.
They may be family but it’s their problem if they can’t grow up and figure stuff out. Not yours.
Survival is your responsibility!!!
I’m a dividend investor My wife and I have invested in the s&p500, both through my TSP with the government, and through Fidelity in her 401-k.Cashed out 270k from the S&P and invested with a Full service broker . Until around 4 years ago we were 100% in the s&p after over 30 years.I'm retiring at the end of this month at 62, while my wife will retire next year at 60. We currently have 1.7 million in out tax deferred savings..so I don't actually agree with this..
Wow this is really impressive...congrats on your success
you made that much from s&p500!! do you by any chance do referrals on your broker?
@@chrissain9455 Certainly I do,he has a website and everything but you can try reaching him via mail at
My mom keeps asking me for money and I have to pay her bills in order to avoid her eviction.
I refuse to pay for my mom's life because she won't handle money. I also will not support my kids. It's a person's responsibility to take care of themselves. I learned the hard way to manage money.
I am terrified of this 😬
I didn't hear the caller explain exactly how he thought his in-law's money problems...were going to become his?
@@michaelpalumbo4880 When you call someone that you're just signaling that you're an INCEL.
I guess he is assuming that they will ask him for money in the future.
I'm in the same boat.
Me too, unfortunately this behavior is somewhat routed in our culture that kids will take care of their parents and we will look so disgraceful if we don't take care of them to an acceptable level when they retire
I'm sorry! That Quote of the Day shoulda been....
"Don't should on people."
!!!!
Brother be right. Tell your story, do not brag, and drop it if they dont want help. Plant the seed. But you cant force them. Nobody could force you.
*Reads title*
You and me both buddy!
They are adults. If they make poor choices, it's up to them to deal with the consequences of those choices. It's not you or your wife's job to take care of them because they refused to take care if themselves.
At the end of the day, they can live on social security in public housing if that's where their choices lead.
Haven't watched the video yet and going to roll the dice on a comment based on the title. Here goes: Tell them NO. There, not your burden.
How about this: Print a copy of Dave's 7 Baby Steps, explain the steps to your in-laws, then let them decide if they want to do it or not.
Read the book "how to make friends and influence people "
That's actually a great recommendation! I'm amazed how relevant that book still is today even though its 80+ years old.
Happened to me...
I am in this same boat. I really want my family to get on the Dave Ramsey train but I've only been able to get my brother on board. If they like where they are you cant get then to jump on a train to get out of the debt with you.
To eat a burrito made of Asado is to live a rich man's life.
They are wise.
Listen to the end of this advice Dave gives. Wow, so nice to have a relatable comment about grown adult children. Absolutely burns me up to see the 30-somethings 'in-the-soup' - all we can do is stand by and watch it happen. I had the conversation with my kids and didn't 'should' on them - good advice. No one likes to be 'should' upon.
Does it change the conversation if the in-law financial decisions, financially effect you?
How can in laws decisions affect person financially ? Unless that person is a doormat
@@edgehodl4832 They pass away and have no money saved for a funeral. Even as simple as they start to struggle with paying their bills. You don't have to be a doormat to be willing to help them.
I feel like the most important part of this caller’s concern was that his in-law’s financial problems would become *his* burden. That wasn’t addressed, unfortunately. Is his wife of the believe that she and the caller will bail them out? Who knows, it wasn’t addressed. It should have been.
It's weird seeing Chris on these older videos knowing he was boinking other folks in the Ramsey organization.
Can't wait to watch
Apparently, you could wait and make a stupid comment before you watched
This poor man is entertaining his ego mind negative thought cycle instead of letting it go and be present.
That's why
Always have prenuptial
And never co-mingle money
and buy home before marriage...
Dave Ramsey needs to stop taking guests from the Dr. Phil Show.
Sorry.
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Best thing is not to marry and then you won't have to worry about "in-laws" problems. Girlfriend parents won't even look your way🤣 I'll be like, y'all better look at your kids for financial support cause sugar daddy ain't here😂
They're not your parents, they're hers ad your wife can't force you to support them. Now if your wife has in income, she can throw money at them if she wants.
Sounds like he's worried about the inlaws spending the inheritance...
Go hunt or fish with only F-in law. Trout on the campfire, cigars & a drink
are optional. Then let it come natural. Nothing like a couple of cats sitting
by a fire relaxed & shooting the shit !
LFOD !
Boomers gonna boom