Being shy is often seen as a disadvantage but it can actually be a very powerful advantage since shy people tend to be more mentally aware of other peoples feelings. 👍🏾
Machi74005 this i can remember one instance where better understanding of others was a positive thing, usually it just makes people somewhat wary of me its not like i call them out, judge or shit talk, I'm always careful about it since I'm highly emotional but some reason it always ends up like they're guarding themselves more nothing I can prove, but it does feel like it. Well I also have a problem with often avoiding people and not having much in common with them so there could be more at play here either way I hate it
I worked real hard on my self confidence over the years, to the point that the people I meet now can’t believe I’m actually a shy person. I can be a good leader and I’m not afraid of speaking in public. Still, I struggle making friends and starting conversations with strangers. I still have a long way ahead of me. Thanks for the tips, I’ll try to work on my body language to appear more open and available. I still struggle making eye contact with strangers, even though I am working on that too. Love your videos, they always give a great insight on big issues but also everyday problems.
It’s interesting you say about being kind to ourselves because I was shy for so long because I was emotionally abused by my dad for so long that I felt it wasn’t okay. So, I have had to teach myself to be the introverted extrovert I really am. Thanks for your video!
Hi Kati! I love you! This video is perfect! I am super shy in social situations and get anxiety... especially during periods of awkward silence. As you mention, I am introverted and prefer to be to myself, but sometimes when you have a hard time making friends, you do tend to get lonely sometimes. Thank you for being you Kati!
@@marisaswanson2061 From my experience, this usually comes from a low self-esteem. Talk therapy is amazing for that. If it's coming from a trauma, you might want to try exposure therapy. I first would silently observe other people's conversations, until I got the guts to approach people on my own and then I knew the way people normally started a conversation or how to respond etc. I find it to be much better to be the one who starts the conversation, because it's much easier to be on the offense, and you dont have to do much talking. Pick a neutral topic or something that the other person is passionate about and casually mention it/ask their opinion. Trust me, they will end up doing most of the talking, and you can always plan it before and think of questions to ask about that topic. I still hate confrontation, but I used to start shaking when I had to call people on the phone, or freeze when I met someone I knew. It's definitely scary at first, but practice is what makes it better. While I was trying to overcome social anxiety, i decided to take a job that would force me to talk to people. I started working as a salesperson in a shoe store - a great opportunity to try talking about something neutral to people who didnt know me before. I then started working as a receptionist(!) - my whole job was to talk to people! I won't say it's easy, cuz it's not, but I was able to make new friends this way, who didn't know me before, and it's definitely easier to have friends to help you along! I hope this helps! Good Luck!
I cant wait to learn from this video I am very introverted and have some social anxiety I am definetly going to try these things out. Hoping this will help me get over my fear of therapy too i am just scared of the a new human part lol.
i read up on malaptive daydreaming and watched the video Kati made about it and i seem to fit the symptoms pretty well except i don't talk to myself out loud. as for ADHD i fit those symptoms too but i don't really know who to ask for it. i'v been to therapy and my therapist thinks it's all normal.
Thank you so much! I am typically very social and have no problem connecting with others, but sometimes if my anxiety or depression is higher than usual I find myself trying to hide in public. It's like I know how to make conversation, but sometimes I get too nervous...maybe a fear of rejection? Definitely a helpful topic.
I usually say: "hey you, do you have a pen, I forgot mine." After the lecture, while giving him the pen back, I mostly try to start a conversation. But often I just say awkwardly thanks and run away. 😅
warrior100girl I have the hardest time around girls I really like. I literally just change in my behavior and such. If someone ever watched me, like really paid attention, they would probably crack up.
I was really bad at socializing well into my 20s. I could never really hold a conversation and eye contact always felt so awkward to me. Because of this I never really wanted to socialize. Then one day I decided I wanted to get better at talking to people. I figured practice makes perfect, so I made a plan to talk with someone that I didn't know every day. No matter how awkward it felt I always tried my best to maintain eye contact. It was very rough at first but the more I did it the easier it became. Eventually maintaining eye contact just became a natural thing to do when talking with people and it no longer feels awkward. I know this approach may not work for everyone but it might be worth trying.
Great video and something so many can relate to especially when we have social anxiety! I love what you’re about and always find inspiration for my channel and videos!
I’m an introvert, I love staying by myself and a lot of my life it caused me to not get close to people. I was really mean to myself but when I started picking out the small things I like about myself i started meeting people that liked and respected me. So tips for anyone who wants it, everyday look in the mirror and say three things you like about yourself. If you can’t say three then say two or even one. Once you start getting used to it increase the amount of things you like about yourself. I’m at seven right now, my goal is to reach at least ten. Also if their are days where you feel like crap it’s okay to not push yourself to say seven nice things about yourself. Just start small and you’ll get there. Take care everyone! ❤️
Going to local comic shops etc can really help as you can meet people with similar interests and even pick up a new hobby. A lot of these shops also hold social events where you can meet people who will have interests similar to yours making talking easier
Positive self talk didn't see that coming aha. 5 positives vs 1 negative. But strangers are scary. Pretending your confident helps especially with eye contact. Do things that you like doing like I go to theatrey things so I have things to talk about with people who go there. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️
I haven't watched your channel in a while, but I just noticed you're putting your transcription in the video description. Thank you for doing this! I work as a transcriptionist because I think it's so important to have real humans making audio and information accessible :)
Mandi Lu Welcome back! Kati also now has cc’s in both English and Spanish! And I know international Kinions are always encouraged to submit cc’s in their native language!
Thanks kati so much for your videos. I first saw your videos on new years eve and I'm so happy I found it . where I'm from mental health is something that is rarely spoken about . resources for help are limited. It is really lonely knowing there is a problem but no one around you knows or understands it. Thanks a lot
I have been working so hard on all of these things the last year or so. My therapist helped so much! I still struggle mostly because I don't get a ton of practice. I have disabling chronic illnesses that can make getting out and about really difficult. Luckily I am getting a custom manual wheelchair soon which will open up so many new social doors for me because I will be able to safely leave the house without another person to help. Nowadays when I do get the chance to go to a store or coffee shop I see all the events going on and I get sad because I know my body can't handle going to them on my own. Once I get my wheelchair I will have much more freedom to go places and practice socializing and I am so stoked for it
Great topic Kati! I recently read about active listening. It takes some getting used to. People want the same thing. They want to be heard and validated. Sometimes we mean well, but our advice to friends may come off as dismissive. Active listening is very important.
I'm not 100% if more tips are required for my situation, but this video is _exactly_ what I needed! In April, I'm going to a concert where the guest of honor is my celebrity heartthrob and if I get the chance to meet him, I'll be absolutely *terrified* about how I'll act and what I'm gonna say! I want to treat him like a regular person so he doesn't feel too awkward (especially around me), but at the same time, he's such an angel that he deserves a bit of praise so I want him to know he's the best. Overall, I just want to show him respect and be myself. I've never met a celeb or anyone that means this much to me before, I hate that my excitement is being overshadowed by my anxiety! 😫
My problem is getting nervous and then talking too much about things others aren't interested in. My strategy now is to ask people questions about themselves. I live in a very transient city so I tend to open conversations by asking people how long they've lived in the city and what brought them here. Also trying to find common ground. It's easier now I have a baby, I can talk about kids with people, but before kids I'd ask people about their hobbies, favourite foods, etc.
I noticed you didn't say sorry after admitting to the repetition of saying the same thing over and over again, yay! We are all works in progress, you've been invaluable to helping me along. Have a great one 🙌🙏
Thanks for your presentation. Again informative and interesting. It reminded me of a time I had to make a presentation in front of my classmates. On one occasion I totally chocked. However another time I was doing a presentation about a placement that I had to do for a school credit. Because I knew my information about my placement better than anyone else in my class it gave me the confidence to speak authoritatively about the subject. I notice that this can help if you want to overcome your shyness. At the beginning just stick to topics that you know really well and can feel confident in speaking about. Thanks again for a great presentation.
Ive always been shy and quiet. As I got older I forced myself to be more open. Overtime, I got confident talking to new people especially if we have a lot in common. I have a hard time expressing myself with body language and eye contact. Some days I’m out there super confident and making people laugh and other days I’m the guy standing there with nothing to say. Ugh, I hate that. I find myself confident talking to strangers but have a hard time talking to close friends and family at times. They’re so life experienced that they love talking about the memories that I can’t relate to or everyone was there except me. So I feel left out and can’t think of anything to say.
Thank you for this video Kati! I loved this video and I can relate so much to it. I'm getting better at socializing exactly because I am being kinder to myself. But, I also learned so many new tips I didn't think about, like body language and the eye contact. I appreciate it!
I struggle greatly with this. One thing I have done to help initiate conversation with strangers is asking the cashier how they are doing and calling them by name. Many of them have name tags so while I am waiting in line, I look for their name tag and practice in my head saying something like "How are you Jane?" or "It sure is busy today Steve." I noticed a big difference in myself when I call them by name. Also as I leave, I will say something like, "thanks Bill, have a great day." I have found that to really good practice for when I am in more formal situations.
I'm usually ok talking to just 1 person, one on one, but if it's more than that I just fade into the background. And if it's a cute girl that I'm attracted to, then I get totally self conscious and awkward and either shut down or make a fool of myself. Sigh. Such is the life of an introverted HSP.
im literally the opposite I find it easier to talk in a group because then I can just add in things and make people laugh or try to and the convo isn't all held by me, whereas if it's 1 on 1 I struggle to think of interesting topics to talk about and I just choke up and the convo dies out and I go back to being introverted, I just think too much on what to say and don't let the convo flow. This is different though if im talking with a person I know because we have common interests but if it's a new person I blank out, sometimes this even happens with friends that im close with, this response is long as shite
The phone advice is great. My phone is something I always turn to if I don’t know what to do in a social situation working on not grabbing it every time I feel uncomfortable
Always love your videos, you know just what to upload and when to post it haha thanks for everything, your the reason i made my 1st therapy appointment. Love you so much thanks for everything♥️♥️♥️
Yay I love this topic this is one of the things I'm actually working in therapy I've have social anxiety and I found it extremely hard to talk to people and give eye contact so this video was awesome
Omg I love this video so much! It’s so much helpful!!!! I asked my sister to watch it bc she’s really shy AND NOW SHE WONT STOP WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS😂❤️, I’m so extremely extrovert person!
I've realised that I'm just not a social person... It's not exactly shyness, just I no longer have any desire to be sociable. This doesn't mean I don't love my small group of friends, or that I'm unfriendly to strangers or customers at work, just that I've accepted myself and my relationships now so I want to invest my tiny amount of social energy into them :) A small amount of loneliness or feeling like I'm wrong for not being social especially as a young person is worth it for a few close relationships and rarely having to go into social situations !
This video couldn’t have come at a better time lol I have to go around my schools cafeteria and ask people some questions for my psych class and I’m so shy, so thanks for this video
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I really need that, this september I will start high school and I want to begin in the best of the way
I am SUPER SUPER shy. I’m so shy that my college major was wrong and it took me MONTHS to work up the courage to talk to the psychology advisor to declare my right major with her, even though she was my professor. I couldn’t order food at restaurants or talk on the phone to someone I didn’t/don’t know. It’s so hard. I still struggle with talking on the phone and ordering food. I don’t make eye contact, even in therapy.
Most of my interests are obscure or not very interesting to others. I make sure I look up the weather for the next week when I wake up in the morning. Then I have something to say. Talking about the weather is cliche but everyone knows about weather and has to deal with it so it's relatable and safe. It's also a good transition topic. If i mention the weather is going to be nice this weekend the other person might continue the conversation with what they are doing this weekend.
I'm always considered shy, I'm a lot better than I used to be as my job requires interaction with people, my old bosses put me on a public speaking course, leadership course, made me give presentations and I would escort up to 50 people to places and back. All of this helped a lot but I'm still considered shy.
Nice video Katie. Could you discuss overcoming a habit of reading negatively into peoples conversation/comments? By this I mean getting defensive when you feel directly or indirectly critiqued. In reality the topic is rarely meant as a critique but the defensive behaviour remains
God... Just the idea of locking eyes with someone for more than two seconds gives me shivers xD. Something about eye contact feels incredibly intrusive and intimate. I'd rather people stare at my bare genitals, I'm serious! But there's no escape from it, I know that. No choice other than to keep trying
A handy situation for practicing maintaining eye contact is when you just paid and the cashier returned smaller bills or whatever. Maintain eye contact! And enjoy some additional change. Cheers!
Wish I knew this and found you when I was a kid. I had no friends until high school because I didn’t know how to talk to people. I also didn’t know you were supposed to have eye contact when talking to someone until I was 10.
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT VIDEO I NEED???? i just started a new school and it has been rough to say the least. i walked out of school yesterday because i couldn't take it anymore. thankyou xx
@Jacquline Ard I highly recommend the library for meeting new people. I volunteer at mine and have made friends with many of the staff. And I even joined a club that is run by one of the librarians. Try something like what I did and maybe you might make new friends and find a new hobby. :D
i can't find things to talk about. i never manage to keep alive the fresh formed relationship. i always find it easy to initiate conversation, but after some time, the ideas and enthusiasm fades away. what does this mean?
Could you have a video about letting things go? I mean things like schools and maybe workplaces that you have to leave that you felt really safe in. I'm a ninth grader and in Sweden that means I have to switch school to something that I choose myself, which is exciting! But the school I am at now is so safe and filled with people that care and has helped so much, I can't stop thinking about how horrible it'll be to leave. I usually handle change well but this is just a bit to much. (It's not even until 4 months but it hurts thinking about it)
Introverted person isn't actually shy, he just don't want a lot of communication and don't care about it as much as extroverted do. "Shy" - it's all about social phobia and anxiety
I’m shy because once I feel comfortable around someone, I feel soooo paranoid that I’m being overbearing or “too much” because once I start talking I just keep going and going and going and going. It’s like the #1 thing I’m self conscious about. Maybe I’m just too hard on myself and people don’t think that at all lol.
Ah... I have autism, and I find ALL of these things extremely difficult. If anything, I find that therapy is surprisingly ineffective too, because for some reason I can apply those things with not much effort within the therapy environment, but outside it all feels extremely alien. Therapy I find can be helpful for applying myself when I'm actually feeling okay, but outside that secure environment, a lot of the time I am not.
Kati could you do a video on different types or treatments for depression/anxiety and dissociation I know there’s so many but I feel so uneducated on them and trying to learn about them is so overwhelming could you do a video on it? Thanks
I struggle with Social Anxiety (amongst other things) all the time! I will definitely try these tips!. I do have a question and this may have already been covered in a previous video and I just haven’t seen it yet but, I struggle almost everyday with depression and lately I’ve been finding my ‘depressive episodes’ as I call them, have been happening more and more frequently and lasting more than a few days.. I’m talking a couple months long. What are some useful tips I can try and use to help pull me out of this dark hole? 😩.
Could you make a video on how to share secrets, or how you feel with people, like being abused, I find it so hard to tell people things because of a variety of negative feelings towards what happened, but not telling people about it makes it hard for them to understand me and does more harm than good
Hey Kati I watch a lot of your videos and I always use the methods that you say to help out my friends and all my friends go to me with their problems sometimes I’ll ask if they are ok if I notice they are sad that day or something but it’s really hard to talk to them about myself and it’s hard to apply things I learn in both therapy and TH-cam to myself how do I use tools on myself not other people
My particular issue that I physically don't look approachable. Now I try to be clean shaven and have a smile on my face and have a relaxed body language. I just have that look that is somewhat intimidating. Even though deep inside I'm a very happy and reasonably friendly person. And when I want to approach someone I always am afraid of disturbing them or even maybe even frightening them a little bit. 😖
I find myself in situations where the conversation all of a sudden just dry up. I really have no idea how to even start a new subject that everyone would be interested in. My life just doesn't generate any interest to others.
My trouble is that I don't know what to talk about. Sometimes I can come up with a couple of standards (weather, what did you do this weekend), but after that, no idea. That can include coming up with a topic, but also responding to someone else. "What's been going on?" "Uh..... I dunno ..... must be the usual, because nothing's coming to mind ......"
I'm not shy, I'm an introvert! I can approach and talk to people, but they exhaust me! I need lots of alone time (probably too much) and really don't enjoy spending time with people. Lots of acquaintances, no real friends, by choice I guess....
Hii, I want to say first that ur videos are so useful thank so much and I'm wondering where can I ask a question which I didn't find in ur videos, it's about friendship how to deal with different types of friends
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If you could do a video dedicated to social anxiety! It would be amazingly helpful. Thank you!!
L P Kati already has several videos on this! Ck out her Anxiety playlist!! th-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqzYEpSwo3dspzwjkZ46Wb5M.html
She has several videos dedicated to social anxiety. Just search: Kati Morton social anxiety 😀
Being shy is often seen as a disadvantage but it can actually be a very powerful advantage since shy people tend to be more mentally aware of other peoples feelings. 👍🏾
I speak from years of experience..........it is not any kind of advantage.
Not always ive seen shy people who only care about themselves
Machi74005 this
i can remember one instance where better understanding of others was a positive thing, usually it just makes people somewhat wary of me
its not like i call them out, judge or shit talk, I'm always careful about it since I'm highly emotional but some reason it always ends up like they're guarding themselves more
nothing I can prove, but it does feel like it.
Well I also have a problem with often avoiding people and not having much in common with them so there could be more at play here
either way I hate it
I worked real hard on my self confidence over the years, to the point that the people I meet now can’t believe I’m actually a shy person. I can be a good leader and I’m not afraid of speaking in public.
Still, I struggle making friends and starting conversations with strangers. I still have a long way ahead of me. Thanks for the tips, I’ll try to work on my body language to appear more open and available. I still struggle making eye contact with strangers, even though I am working on that too.
Love your videos, they always give a great insight on big issues but also everyday problems.
It’s interesting you say about being kind to ourselves because I was shy for so long because I was emotionally abused by my dad for so long that I felt it wasn’t okay. So, I have had to teach myself to be the introverted extrovert I really am.
Thanks for your video!
Hi Kati! I love you! This video is perfect! I am super shy in social situations and get anxiety... especially during periods of awkward silence. As you mention, I am introverted and prefer to be to myself, but sometimes when you have a hard time making friends, you do tend to get lonely sometimes. Thank you for being you Kati!
Love this topic. I used to struggle with social anxiety, I wish I would've seen this back then...💕
Abbey C how’d you overcome it
I hope you are doing so much better now 💚💚
@@marisaswanson2061 From my experience, this usually comes from a low self-esteem. Talk therapy is amazing for that. If it's coming from a trauma, you might want to try exposure therapy. I first would silently observe other people's conversations, until I got the guts to approach people on my own and then I knew the way people normally started a conversation or how to respond etc. I find it to be much better to be the one who starts the conversation, because it's much easier to be on the offense, and you dont have to do much talking. Pick a neutral topic or something that the other person is passionate about and casually mention it/ask their opinion. Trust me, they will end up doing most of the talking, and you can always plan it before and think of questions to ask about that topic. I still hate confrontation, but I used to start shaking when I had to call people on the phone, or freeze when I met someone I knew. It's definitely scary at first, but practice is what makes it better. While I was trying to overcome social anxiety, i decided to take a job that would force me to talk to people. I started working as a salesperson in a shoe store - a great opportunity to try talking about something neutral to people who didnt know me before. I then started working as a receptionist(!) - my whole job was to talk to people! I won't say it's easy, cuz it's not, but I was able to make new friends this way, who didn't know me before, and it's definitely easier to have friends to help you along!
I hope this helps!
Good Luck!
I am now what is considered to be an extroverted introvert ;)
I still like to spend a lot of time with myself, but noone would know that....
Abbey C Me too!
Please keep reiterating about that positive self talk ..never gets old
I cant wait to learn from this video I am very introverted and have some social anxiety I am definetly going to try these things out. Hoping this will help me get over my fear of therapy too i am just scared of the a new human part lol.
i start daydreaming halfway through conversations
You might actually be disassociating.
might be i will have to read more about it
Could you be a malaptive daydreamer perhaps?
Do a screening test for ADHD.
i read up on malaptive daydreaming and watched the video Kati made about it and i seem to fit the symptoms pretty well except i don't talk to myself out loud. as for ADHD i fit those symptoms too but i don't really know who to ask for it. i'v been to therapy and my therapist thinks it's all normal.
Thank you so much! I am typically very social and have no problem connecting with others, but sometimes if my anxiety or depression is higher than usual I find myself trying to hide in public. It's like I know how to make conversation, but sometimes I get too nervous...maybe a fear of rejection? Definitely a helpful topic.
I usually say: "hey you, do you have a pen, I forgot mine." After the lecture, while giving him the pen back, I mostly try to start a conversation. But often I just say awkwardly thanks and run away. 😅
warrior100girl I have the hardest time around girls I really like. I literally just change in my behavior and such. If someone ever watched me, like really paid attention, they would probably crack up.
Haiii this is a good tips thanks!!!
I was really bad at socializing well into my 20s. I could never really hold a conversation and eye contact always felt so awkward to me. Because of this I never really wanted to socialize. Then one day I decided I wanted to get better at talking to people. I figured practice makes perfect, so I made a plan to talk with someone that I didn't know every day. No matter how awkward it felt I always tried my best to maintain eye contact. It was very rough at first but the more I did it the easier it became. Eventually maintaining eye contact just became a natural thing to do when talking with people and it no longer feels awkward. I know this approach may not work for everyone but it might be worth trying.
Thank you for this tip 💖🙏🏻
Kati, your channel is the best channel I've ever subscribed to. I love your advice, aura and general attitude! Thank you for being on this planet!
Eleftheria Chatzitheodoridou Welcome to the Community!!
@@_just_TK Thank you!
Great video and something so many can relate to especially when we have social anxiety! I love what you’re about and always find inspiration for my channel and videos!
I’m an introvert, I love staying by myself and a lot of my life it caused me to not get close to people. I was really mean to myself but when I started picking out the small things I like about myself i started meeting people that liked and respected me. So tips for anyone who wants it, everyday look in the mirror and say three things you like about yourself. If you can’t say three then say two or even one. Once you start getting used to it increase the amount of things you like about yourself. I’m at seven right now, my goal is to reach at least ten. Also if their are days where you feel like crap it’s okay to not push yourself to say seven nice things about yourself. Just start small and you’ll get there. Take care everyone! ❤️
I love this video because it highlights how to work on something in a positive way, rather than just being abundently aware of it :)
Going to local comic shops etc can really help as you can meet people with similar interests and even pick up a new hobby. A lot of these shops also hold social events where you can meet people who will have interests similar to yours making talking easier
Positive self talk didn't see that coming aha. 5 positives vs 1 negative. But strangers are scary. Pretending your confident helps especially with eye contact. Do things that you like doing like I go to theatrey things so I have things to talk about with people who go there. Good luck ❤️❤️❤️
I haven't watched your channel in a while, but I just noticed you're putting your transcription in the video description. Thank you for doing this! I work as a transcriptionist because I think it's so important to have real humans making audio and information accessible :)
Mandi Lu Welcome back! Kati also now has cc’s in both English and Spanish! And I know international Kinions are always encouraged to submit cc’s in their native language!
Thanks kati so much for your videos. I first saw your videos on new years eve and I'm so happy I found it . where I'm from mental health is something that is rarely spoken about . resources for help are limited. It is really lonely knowing there is a problem but no one around you knows or understands it. Thanks a lot
I have been working so hard on all of these things the last year or so. My therapist helped so much! I still struggle mostly because I don't get a ton of practice. I have disabling chronic illnesses that can make getting out and about really difficult. Luckily I am getting a custom manual wheelchair soon which will open up so many new social doors for me because I will be able to safely leave the house without another person to help. Nowadays when I do get the chance to go to a store or coffee shop I see all the events going on and I get sad because I know my body can't handle going to them on my own. Once I get my wheelchair I will have much more freedom to go places and practice socializing and I am so stoked for it
Great topic Kati! I recently read about active listening. It takes some getting used to. People want the same thing. They want to be heard and validated. Sometimes we mean well, but our advice to friends may come off as dismissive. Active listening is very important.
I literally haven’t had any time to watch any of your videos I’m glad I got a sec to watch this one!
I'm not 100% if more tips are required for my situation, but this video is _exactly_ what I needed! In April, I'm going to a concert where the guest of honor is my celebrity heartthrob and if I get the chance to meet him, I'll be absolutely *terrified* about how I'll act and what I'm gonna say! I want to treat him like a regular person so he doesn't feel too awkward (especially around me), but at the same time, he's such an angel that he deserves a bit of praise so I want him to know he's the best. Overall, I just want to show him respect and be myself. I've never met a celeb or anyone that means this much to me before, I hate that my excitement is being overshadowed by my anxiety! 😫
My problem is getting nervous and then talking too much about things others aren't interested in. My strategy now is to ask people questions about themselves. I live in a very transient city so I tend to open conversations by asking people how long they've lived in the city and what brought them here.
Also trying to find common ground. It's easier now I have a baby, I can talk about kids with people, but before kids I'd ask people about their hobbies, favourite foods, etc.
I noticed you didn't say sorry after admitting to the repetition of saying the same thing over and over again, yay! We are all works in progress, you've been invaluable to helping me along. Have a great one 🙌🙏
Thanks for your presentation. Again informative and interesting. It reminded me of a time I had to make a presentation in front of my classmates. On one occasion I totally chocked. However another time I was doing a presentation about a placement that I had to do for a school credit. Because I knew my information about my placement better than anyone else in my class it gave me the confidence to speak authoritatively about the subject. I notice that this can help if you want to overcome your shyness. At the beginning just stick to topics that you know really well and can feel confident in speaking about. Thanks again for a great presentation.
Ive always been shy and quiet. As I got older I forced myself to be more open. Overtime, I got confident talking to new people especially if we have a lot in common. I have a hard time expressing myself with body language and eye contact. Some days I’m out there super confident and making people laugh and other days I’m the guy standing there with nothing to say. Ugh, I hate that. I find myself confident talking to strangers but have a hard time talking to close friends and family at times. They’re so life experienced that they love talking about the memories that I can’t relate to or everyone was there except me. So I feel left out and can’t think of anything to say.
Thank you for this video Kati! I loved this video and I can relate so much to it. I'm getting better at socializing exactly because I am being kinder to myself. But, I also learned so many new tips I didn't think about, like body language and the eye contact. I appreciate it!
I struggle greatly with this. One thing I have done to help initiate conversation with strangers is asking the cashier how they are doing and calling them by name. Many of them have name tags so while I am waiting in line, I look for their name tag and practice in my head saying something like "How are you Jane?" or "It sure is busy today Steve." I noticed a big difference in myself when I call them by name. Also as I leave, I will say something like, "thanks Bill, have a great day." I have found that to really good practice for when I am in more formal situations.
Congrats Kati on the 711,000 subs! It's special number for me. Great work!
I'm usually ok talking to just 1 person, one on one, but if it's more than that I just fade into the background. And if it's a cute girl that I'm attracted to, then I get totally self conscious and awkward and either shut down or make a fool of myself. Sigh. Such is the life of an introverted HSP.
Exactly same here (though I'm a girl)
im literally the opposite I find it easier to talk in a group because then I can just add in things and make people laugh or try to and the convo isn't all held by me, whereas if it's 1 on 1 I struggle to think of interesting topics to talk about and I just choke up and the convo dies out and I go back to being introverted, I just think too much on what to say and don't let the convo flow. This is different though if im talking with a person I know because we have common interests but if it's a new person I blank out, sometimes this even happens with friends that im close with, this response is long as shite
i was worried you wouldn't say THE welcome
The phone advice is great. My phone is something I always turn to if I don’t know what to do in a social situation working on not grabbing it every time I feel uncomfortable
Hey kati. Pleaseeee dont forget about the topic on people being misdiagnosed with bpd when they actually have autism.
Always love your videos, you know just what to upload and when to post it haha thanks for everything, your the reason i made my 1st therapy appointment. Love you so much thanks for everything♥️♥️♥️
Halle Pashkin Congrats!❤️
Social anxiety has been ruining me 🤦🏻♂️ so glad you posted this. Gonna try and use these tips.
Impecable work once again, ma'am. I hope to see your videos soon.
Best wishes, John
Yay I love this topic this is one of the things I'm actually working in therapy I've have social anxiety and I found it extremely hard to talk to people and give eye contact so this video was awesome
Omg I love this video so much! It’s so much helpful!!!! I asked my sister to watch it bc she’s really shy AND NOW SHE WONT STOP WATCHING YOUR VIDEOS😂❤️, I’m so extremely extrovert person!
Sara :D YAY!!! ❤️❤️❤️
This video was posted at a perfect time because I’m starting my first day of a new school in a few days😬❤️
I've realised that I'm just not a social person... It's not exactly shyness, just I no longer have any desire to be sociable. This doesn't mean I don't love my small group of friends, or that I'm unfriendly to strangers or customers at work, just that I've accepted myself and my relationships now so I want to invest my tiny amount of social energy into them :) A small amount of loneliness or feeling like I'm wrong for not being social especially as a young person is worth it for a few close relationships and rarely having to go into social situations !
This video couldn’t have come at a better time lol I have to go around my schools cafeteria and ask people some questions for my psych class and I’m so shy, so thanks for this video
I learn alot from u. Thanks alot❤️🙏🏼
Your videos are so good! Getting lots of ideas for my channel on mental health 💕💕💕💕 thanks for the inspiration
I'm upset with my therapist this has helped me more than the therapist I have seen in a year put together
I've always struggled with being shy and starting conversation. This is so helpful. Thank you Kati! ❤️
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I really need that, this september I will start high school and I want to begin in the best of the way
I am SUPER SUPER shy. I’m so shy that my college major was wrong and it took me MONTHS to work up the courage to talk to the psychology advisor to declare my right major with her, even though she was my professor. I couldn’t order food at restaurants or talk on the phone to someone I didn’t/don’t know. It’s so hard. I still struggle with talking on the phone and ordering food. I don’t make eye contact, even in therapy.
Yeah!! Eye contact is one of my biggest problems!!🙄
How do you always know the kind of videos I need???
God youre amazing
Most of my interests are obscure or not very interesting to others. I make sure I look up the weather for the next week when I wake up in the morning. Then I have something to say. Talking about the weather is cliche but everyone knows about weather and has to deal with it so it's relatable and safe. It's also a good transition topic. If i mention the weather is going to be nice this weekend the other person might continue the conversation with what they are doing this weekend.
Your channel is amazing, you are such an inspiring person ! Could you do a video on dealing with eating disabilities please?
I'm always considered shy, I'm a lot better than I used to be as my job requires interaction with people, my old bosses put me on a public speaking course, leadership course, made me give presentations and I would escort up to 50 people to places and back. All of this helped a lot but I'm still considered shy.
Thank you Kati !!!
Nice video Katie. Could you discuss overcoming a habit of reading negatively into peoples conversation/comments? By this I mean getting defensive when you feel directly or indirectly critiqued. In reality the topic is rarely meant as a critique but the defensive behaviour remains
Kati!!!! Thank you for making these videos. ❤️❤️
God... Just the idea of locking eyes with someone for more than two seconds gives me shivers xD.
Something about eye contact feels incredibly intrusive and intimate. I'd rather people stare at my bare genitals, I'm serious!
But there's no escape from it, I know that. No choice other than to keep trying
A handy situation for practicing maintaining eye contact is when you just paid and the cashier returned smaller bills or whatever. Maintain eye contact! And enjoy some additional change. Cheers!
Wish I knew this and found you when I was a kid. I had no friends until high school because I didn’t know how to talk to people. I also didn’t know you were supposed to have eye contact when talking to someone until I was 10.
This helped so much. At least I know when I've been trying, I was on the right track, and I just need to keep going with it. 🙂
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Kati!!!! This topic really hits home for me 💕
thank you for this. i just started a new job and needed the advice.
Being shy is more common than you think!
Especially asking someone out on a date
wow this was uploaded at a great time! thanks
Thanks Kati,you’ve helped so much
I've never been one to fake a smile.
HOW DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT VIDEO I NEED???? i just started a new school and it has been rough to say the least. i walked out of school yesterday because i couldn't take it anymore. thankyou xx
This is what I needed like always thank you kati
as a pokémon go player this hurts:( but then again i’m here. thank u for the tips. look forward to applying them into my life
Kati has a video on Pokemon Go! th-cam.com/video/gFjn2SmotA4/w-d-xo.html
Wow! Exactly the type of video I needed ❤️ thanks so much Kati💕
I stopped tiktok for this video. Its going to be interesting. I need this one Kati. I have had a hard time with meeting with people.
@Jacquline Ard I highly recommend the library for meeting new people. I volunteer at mine and have made friends with many of the staff. And I even joined a club that is run by one of the librarians. Try something like what I did and maybe you might make new friends and find a new hobby. :D
This is my life!!
Great topic!
thank you so much
i can't find things to talk about. i never manage to keep alive the fresh formed relationship. i always find it easy to initiate conversation, but after some time, the ideas and enthusiasm fades away. what does this mean?
@@medilimun thank you!
Happy Thursday kati
Could you have a video about letting things go? I mean things like schools and maybe workplaces that you have to leave that you felt really safe in. I'm a ninth grader and in Sweden that means I have to switch school to something that I choose myself, which is exciting! But the school I am at now is so safe and filled with people that care and has helped so much, I can't stop thinking about how horrible it'll be to leave. I usually handle change well but this is just a bit to much. (It's not even until 4 months but it hurts thinking about it)
how did you know I needed this
Needed this today 🙂
Introverted person isn't actually shy, he just don't want a lot of communication and don't care about it as much as extroverted do. "Shy" - it's all about social phobia and anxiety
I’m shy because once I feel comfortable around someone, I feel soooo paranoid that I’m being overbearing or “too much” because once I start talking I just keep going and going and going and going. It’s like the #1 thing I’m self conscious about. Maybe I’m just too hard on myself and people don’t think that at all lol.
Ah... I have autism, and I find ALL of these things extremely difficult. If anything, I find that therapy is surprisingly ineffective too, because for some reason I can apply those things with not much effort within the therapy environment, but outside it all feels extremely alien. Therapy I find can be helpful for applying myself when I'm actually feeling okay, but outside that secure environment, a lot of the time I am not.
Kati could you do a video on different types or treatments for depression/anxiety and dissociation I know there’s so many but I feel so uneducated on them and trying to learn about them is so overwhelming could you do a video on it? Thanks
Kati has a great playlist on the types of therapy, hope this is helpful!
TK thanks!
I struggle with Social Anxiety (amongst other things) all the time! I will definitely try these tips!. I do have a question and this may have already been covered in a previous video and I just haven’t seen it yet but, I struggle almost everyday with depression and lately I’ve been finding my ‘depressive episodes’ as I call them, have been happening more and more frequently and lasting more than a few days.. I’m talking a couple months long. What are some useful tips I can try and use to help pull me out of this dark hole? 😩.
Kati has a TON of great videos on depression already! Ck out this playlist: th-cam.com/play/PL_loxoCVsWqzZv5mmk-Xw4IvoHRzc7ki4.html
Thank you for this video 🤩
Great video kati!
Could you make a video on how to share secrets, or how you feel with people, like being abused, I find it so hard to tell people things because of a variety of negative feelings towards what happened, but not telling people about it makes it hard for them to understand me and does more harm than good
Wow this is so helpful I will try and do this when making new friends and especially talking to my crush aha
Hey Kati
I watch a lot of your videos and I always use the methods that you say to help out my friends and all my friends go to me with their problems sometimes I’ll ask if they are ok if I notice they are sad that day or something but it’s really hard to talk to them about myself and it’s hard to apply things I learn in both therapy and TH-cam to myself how do I use tools on myself not other people
If you’re shy: don’t be! It’s easy!
trayas22 🤦♀️🤦♀️
Love ur vids
My particular issue that I physically don't look approachable. Now I try to be clean shaven and have a smile on my face and have a relaxed body language. I just have that look that is somewhat intimidating. Even though deep inside I'm a very happy and reasonably friendly person. And when I want to approach someone I always am afraid of disturbing them or even maybe even frightening them a little bit. 😖
I've also been told that I have one of those voices that are kind of grumpy sounding even though I'm not grumpy.
I feel like shy people are less hated bc they often dont speak their opinion so theres nothing to disagree with
The channel Charisma On Command has some great videos for more specific tips in particular situations or areas of focus.
Great vid!
I find myself in situations where the conversation all of a sudden just dry up. I really have no idea how to even start a new subject that everyone would be interested in. My life just doesn't generate any interest to others.
My trouble is that I don't know what to talk about. Sometimes I can come up with a couple of standards (weather, what did you do this weekend), but after that, no idea. That can include coming up with a topic, but also responding to someone else. "What's been going on?" "Uh..... I dunno ..... must be the usual, because nothing's coming to mind ......"
Very informative young lady.
I'm not shy, I'm an introvert! I can approach and talk to people, but they exhaust me! I need lots of alone time (probably too much) and really don't enjoy spending time with people. Lots of acquaintances, no real friends, by choice I guess....
Hii, I want to say first that ur videos are so useful thank so much and I'm wondering where can I ask a question which I didn't find in ur videos, it's about friendship how to deal with different types of friends