I noticed that I take care of people as much as I needed to be cared and assisted when I was a child. I was raised to be a little adult. I also struggle with self worth. I instinctively consider others deserve the real deal and that I'm not even worth to be cared. The traumatic experiences are so true...
@@catgirlamy6838 No hard feelings, but I gotta disagree here. I believe he genuinely wants the best for people... anyone can see that if they watch a lecture or two of his or perhaps by reading some excerpts from his book. There are people who would have you think he's an awful person without investigating it for yourself-I wouldn't say their motivations are exactly wholesome here. I crawled out of a dark place in my life partly due to the multitude of insights he's shared. While it would be wrong to say he's perfect, as he'll freely admit himself, you'll be hard pressed to convince me he's at that level of awful because he made a public stand against speech-codes written into public policy. I don't understand why preserving free-speech as a principle and on principle is controversial. You don't give governments an inch in this area... history shows us what happens when we compromise on fundamental liberties. You don't get egalitarian societies, you get bloodbaths every single time.
Why do we care for others and not ourselves 1. People pleasing 2. Wanted to belong & loved 3. To distract ourselves from our own problems 4. Struggle with confidence and self-worth 5. Trauma or abuse in the past -> put us to shame and feel like we don’t deserve compassion in our life. Thanks so much Kati
Cue me dropping everything to help everyone else and repressing my needs until I fall into a pit of depression...or forcing myself to belong because it’s easier than to deal with rejection
🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 You need these? You are cared for. You have permission to care about yourself just like ours. I give you that right because I have been there and know now that you deserve it as much as I do.
You're not alone I put my butt on the lines for to many people that ghost me me when I am helping a blind man with addiction issues while I go to the same therapeutic place he does but they normally will always show you their true selves if they don't show care.. to you.. like don't want to talk to you unless they normally want something.. we all want to have authentic friends which is hard to come by.. Distraction of other people helping them deflect our stress and pains and helping them makes us feel better to not focus on our own pains.
I have the same problems. The worst is helping disabled people that have addictions ..they take advantage of me.. I continued to give them more chances..
I have always been like this. I think it stems from me not being loved and protected growing up from the people that were suppose to love and protect me. So I wanna show everyone else love and protection because I know the pain to not feel loved and protected.
Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. I just went through a bad breakup and found myself thinking about all the ways I could have made it work, but in reality, I was just desperate to feel loved. I was trying to bend over backwards to make him care about me and to make him care about himself. But it’s just like you said, I can’t control how he reacts. I can’t make him care about me or help him when he doesn’t want to help himself. I was working so hard to make that relationship work that I completely lost sight of what I needed and wasn’t getting. I just kept telling myself that if I filled his cup he would fill mine later. But that was taking such a huge toll on me and I was completely ignoring my own needs waiting for him to see them. It’s so hard to admit that a relationship I want is not one that I need. It’s so hard to let go, but thank you for helping me see why I felt that.
Fitting in vs. Belonging. You hit the nail on the head. I realize I am often trying to fit in and I end up sacrificing my own needs along the way. Then I become angry and frustrated with myself. Thank you for pointing this out. No one seems to care about my needs or appreciate things I do for them. Yet I keep doing it to try and fit in and be accepted. I have decided to stop doing this and make my own needs a priority.
Somewhere at some point in my childhood I was programmed that my needs were less important than others and that there isn’t time for me to take adequate care of myself. I still have to remind myself this isn’t the case. I haven’t figured out the exact origins of this yet.
"The real antidote to shame is vulnerability" Wow, this blew my mind. I never thought about this, but it makes a lot of sense. It is fascinating how much a simple sentence can help.
I just find it easier to put the blame on myself. No one really wants to listen to my thoughts, but repeat the words they want to hear. I don't do the things I am suppose to do. If I am lazy it is easier for them to except, and then I can go home and hide from the world.
I’ve spent the last 2 days listening to your videos while I do things around the house. The words resonate well and I find myself going back over them. I’ve listened to your bipolar, suicide, depression videos and just- thanks for posting. For making mental illness more human.
The last one about trauma really spoke to me. I grew up having spinal surgeries at least once a year and it took a toll on me. I frequently have nightmares that I'll have another one. I've always put myself down and tried to tell myself that this isn't trauma and that I'm being overdramatic about it. Others had real trauma. But that point you made really stood out to me and made me realize that maybe I'm running away from my own problems like this, which is why I'm more open to help and care for others over myself. Loving your videos. Thank you!
It can be so hard dealing with repeated traumas like that.. I am so sorry you had to go through that. :( I am glad you are enjoying the videos and I hope today's was helpful too!! xoxo
@Taryn Ambrose this one spoke to me a lot, too. I have a similar history (growing up having multiple surgeries), and I never thought about the intense empathy I felt for others as a coping mechanism or distraction from the repeated trauma, but it was. I'm sorry that you experienced so many surgeries, but I'm proud of you for sharing your story and wanted to thank you. I think this video can help us both to realize that , yes, we ARE enough. We are NOT our traumas. And we are just as deserving of the care we give to others 💜
That's horrible to hear, but I hope that you're doing a lot better now. I have a problem with comparing myself to others as well. Too often I feel like my struggles are invalid or of little significance because I know people who are going through worse or seemingly have similar struggles yet still are able to keep everything under control.
@@thegiovannimauro Thank you! I appreciate your kindness. I am doing better now! While I do still compare myself sometimes, I've gotten a lot better at validating and accepting myself and what I've gone through. :) Thank you for also sharing your experiences - I sincerely wish you the very best. Please know you are valid in your feelings and struggles. You're amazing!
Whenever I feel sad and lonely, I watch Kati videos for my big comfort and your videos really make me feel validate to me alot and again, want to say even when there is on one beside me, yet Kati , I feel like watching your videos feel like you are beside me as a therapist and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart
This came at the perfect time. Its like you hear what im struggling with and boom there is the video. I've been watching your videos for years and they always help me. You are the reason I reached out for help. I am now on a waiting list for a emotions course thanks for the inspiration Kati! Xxx
Yep, I am all five. It's interesting to realize how interconnected they all are for me, personally. The confidence and self-worth have absolutely been a longtime struggle that I say I'm gonna work on but never do, so I'll definitely try bridge statements.
This is a great video! I love this topic because it is so common and I struggle so much too. Something that you didn’t touch on, was that many of us have been brought up and taught to “be kind”, “share”, “do for others before yourself”. Those of us who are religious really believe that humility and selfless love are valued traits. But this doesn’t mean that we take care of others at our expense. How can people who really want to have character traits of selfless love and humility learn how to balance this with making sure we are taking care of ourselves first and not running ourselves ragged?
Good stuff. Had to watch this a few times. As a survivor of many abuses, it is tough to stick up for yourself. Always good to have a reminder from someone who is objective.
I used to feel that others deserved to be cared for, but I didn’t deserve it because I hated myself, so I would help people a lot, and I was kind, and polite, and I tried to be what everyone else needed not giving a thought to myself because I dealt that they deserve it, and I deserved the worst. I struggled with confidence, and self worth. It’s part of what caused me to fall into depression, and suicidal thoughts.
I was also abused by my dad, but eventually I came to forgive him, and he changed, and became my best friend until I lost him in a failed attempt to get us all to the country he was in before he married my mom. When he was abusive my sister always had my back, and I had hers, but now she’s gone too, and life seems terrifying.
for me I would just rather play off that I'm fine to everyone else so that no one feels bad for me and so that I don't feel like I'm hurting/upsetting others with my own personal issues
Thanks so much for making this video. I really really needed to see it. I was abused by an ex-friend/roommate for a few years and even though it’s about 4 years later, I haven’t processed any of the trauma because I’ve been avoiding it and focusing on other peoples’ issues instead. I haven’t really focused on my problems because I haven’t felt like I deserve help. I get anxious when I think about receiving help and this video was really nice and encouraging👍
This is why I self isolate others I will just throw myself into healing others as a distraction, plus it's hard to recognise why anyone would want to spend time with me so I create a need which, typing it now sounds so Sinister
This video resonated with me so much, the amount of time and effort and everything about myself I've wasted because I wanted to make others feel good just to have it thrown in my face sucks but no matter how much it does get thrown back at me I still try and see the good in people and the cycle repeats
Thank you for making and posting this, Kati. I've been feeling really worthless about a lot of things (i.e., my job - even though it's an awesome one). I identify with almost all of the points you talked about, and I'm glad you provided ways to combat each one.
Your videos are so helpful Kati! Thank you for sharing. I’m realizing that I have childhood trauma around belonging so I focus on others and people please, making them more important and draining my own cup. I’ll cancel everything I have planned in a day for someone else, even when they don’t ask for it or need it. I don’t prioritize myself and it’s the always the first thing I cancel. Thank you for helping me see this insight!
Keep up the great video content Kati. I've been able to pick up aspects, here and there, of almost all your videos to apply in my daily life. You really are a bright spot in the mental health corner of TH-cam. I love that you admit that mental health isn't just "fluffy" self care regimens, but that it's hard and also scary at times. BUT it's completely doable and worth the effort. Thank you. 🙂
Wow, I had a realization while watching this video. I tend to feel badly when I'm able to focus more than my husband can, as I hate when I trigger his BPD issues with my success of getting through the BPD issues in myself. Last night, I went to bed on eggshells and woke on eggshells, which only enhances the anxiety in myself and the avoidance in my husband. Rough days happen. Sometimes more often than not. But the little moments where I sanity check myself and find peace help me be there for people in a healthier way. I black out less often from DPDR these days, all because I'm putting self-care as a priority.
I am so grateful for your work. I cannot access mental health and im going thru this at this very moment. This short peice is very helpful information . thank you for the work you do on here 🙂
Thank you so much Katie. I've been following your channel for a couple of years now and you have been great help. I have battled with people pleasing since I was a child but I did not realize that I was neglecting myself until I reached burnout and your videos help me realize that my body was giving me signals that it was time to take care of me.
I also feel like it is easier to care for others before ourselves because it is a way to not focus on ourselves. When all of our time is taken up with tasks or other people, it is easier to not look inward. Looking inward is scary, and can lead to emotions we aren't used to dealing with.
Well spoken Paige, but the thing is, caring for oneself is caring for others as well, and it gives you the power to be there even more for others. have a wonderful day and wish you a merry Christmas! 😊
Thanks Kati! Great video! Especially this week! My best friend died and I’ve been so busy focusing on everyone else I haven’t had time for myself. I’m gonna share this video with my therapist tomorrow, she’s been hearing bits and pieces for years! Lol But honestly, thank you! Much love and hugs❤️ praying the air is improving there and fires going out and you and Sean can start getting out for walks again soon!
Glad I'm not the only one with this issue. This is also why I take issue with the insipid saying that the only way to love others is to love ourselves, first. I can see why that makes sense, but it doesn't always work that way. Some of us love others and have no idea how to love ourselves. At all.
I can just feel your anxiety coming through in the beginning. Are you okay, Kati? I hope you’re taking your own advice here - take care of yourself!! You give so much love and help so many people. I hope you’re doing the same for yourself! ❤️
Yes! I took the first step already, you know. I reached out to a therapist. Thank you Kati I was praying so that you do a video on this but I did not find words. Thanks a lot Kati!
here's why this episode is important to me: narcissist mom instructs me. at some impressionable age, specifically not in the typical concept of "put others first," but instead "always put yourself last." after I'd had a few days to absorb this. i asked, "put myself 'last' after how many people? like, all of them? & she just shrugged & stared back at me, like "you figure it out. i didn't make up the rules." so, to me, anyone and everyone in the world is kore deserving of my time, attention, & care.
God bless you all!:) I'm so very blessed to have a lot of great people in my life who take care of me and encourage self-care, but I'm so glad you did a video about this Kati:)
This was really helpful. Thank you,Kati! I think the reason I struggle with people pleasing is trauma because I feel I am too broken to be worth fixing. My left brain tells me this is false but my right brain screams over my left. At least that's how I describe it.
Hi Kati!! I need help, could you maybe do a video about avoidant personality or social anxiety, agoraphobia and the graduation ceremonies. I have been told I need to pay fees if I don’t go and I really do not want to go, just leaving my house for more than a hour or two is huge for me and going back to highschool for graduation is making me feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, I have no friends there and having even just a second of spotlight on me is enough to make me want to throw up. My family is being very pushy about it because they don’t see it as a big deal since « you’ll never see them again » and honestly they just want me with the clothes and hat on but to me it holds no meaning at all and I hated my highschool years. What should I do?? Can I tell the school I won’t attend? Do I have to go for my family?? They probably don’t believe in avoidant personality disorder so I never told them abt it but they know about my social and generalized anxiety, panic attacks and my agoraphobia and they often tell me I’m just overdramatic. I don’t want to be rude and disappoint them but it’s just too much to take. I don’t know what to do I’m sorry for writing too much and annoying you it’s okay if you don’t answer!! Thank you for all your helpful videos💗💗
I see that the first four are examples of point 5. I would say that mine is abusive reinforcement which is also part of 5. I was treated like I was bad. I was ignored and lacked proper socilising skills. As an adult I thought I had to try and qualify to get attention. I panicked when attention came on me. I felt people were angry with me for standing out or may attack me with lies due to jealousy. I became hysterical when I was cornered into a situation where it was possible for me to be blamed for something I could not do. I felt condemned and sometimes diseased. What made me feel relevant was doing a good job. It increased my problem solving skills and my isolated moments made me a good body language reader and I would see things long before it happens. I believe that restrictions in life offer up skills that are unique or even genius. I hope those struggling with this issue like me and my past, can develop avenues to come out of it. Recently I have been going through counselling sessions that allowed me to trust myself more and be a little more selfish. The latter was hard but the first one, trust, helped me support my own views and not differ to others. It was nice of my counsellor to say that I am saying I dont trust people but you dont even trust yourself. That made me sit down. She is good. So please be cautious in knowing how important it is that step to trusting yourself is in coming out of this zone we suffer from at times. I am looking at videos learning how to organise myself so that I can be more "selfish/self-serving".
Thank you so much mam ...this video helped me a lot in figuring out the major problems and the actual reason behind my stress and tension ... thnks a lot 🤗🤗🤗
Guys never be an emotional punching bag for anyone, even if it's unintentional. You don't have to save everyone, that can become very toxic very fast. Don't destroy your life you're too precious okii?
I noticed that I take care of people as much as I needed to be cared and assisted when I was a child. I was raised to be a little adult. I also struggle with self worth. I instinctively consider others deserve the real deal and that I'm not even worth to be cared. The traumatic experiences are so true...
Me
Thats me as well
Why have i never heard this before. I totally believe that's why i can't stop caring for others and neglecting myself
I feel so sad right now. Kati's videos are so comforting
I am sorry you're feeling low.. I hope this video was helpful!! xoxo
Hugs to you❤️
I can CONFIRM to that
🥺💕
Sending you some love!
"Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping." -JBP
Woah
Wish JBP would help himself not be an awful person tho :(
@@catgirlamy6838 wait, what did he do?
@@Jinx-iw6zb Nothing.
@@catgirlamy6838
No hard feelings, but I gotta disagree here.
I believe he genuinely wants the best for people... anyone can see that if they watch a lecture or two of his or perhaps by reading some excerpts from his book.
There are people who would have you think he's an awful person without investigating it for yourself-I wouldn't say their motivations are exactly wholesome here. I crawled out of a dark place in my life partly due to the multitude of insights he's shared. While it would be wrong to say he's perfect, as he'll freely admit himself, you'll be hard pressed to convince me he's at that level of awful because he made a public stand against speech-codes written into public policy. I don't understand why preserving free-speech as a principle and on principle is controversial. You don't give governments an inch in this area... history shows us what happens when we compromise on fundamental liberties. You don't get egalitarian societies, you get bloodbaths every single time.
Why do we care for others and not ourselves
1. People pleasing
2. Wanted to belong & loved
3. To distract ourselves from our own problems
4. Struggle with confidence and self-worth
5. Trauma or abuse in the past -> put us to shame and feel like we don’t deserve compassion in our life.
Thanks so much Kati
That distinction between fitting in and belonging is so important. I love how you explain it.
Hey Cassie, aye that was such a spot on explanation! 😊
Feel free to stop by if you wanna see some Kindness videos.
Have a wonderful day!
Cue me dropping everything to help everyone else and repressing my needs until I fall into a pit of depression...or forcing myself to belong because it’s easier than to deal with rejection
🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 🤗 You need these? You are cared for. You have permission to care about yourself just like ours. I give you that right because I have been there and know now that you deserve it as much as I do.
You're not alone I put my butt on the lines for to many people that ghost me me when I am helping a blind man with addiction issues while I go to the same therapeutic place he does but they normally will always show you their true selves if they don't show care.. to you.. like don't want to talk to you unless they normally want something.. we all want to have authentic friends which is hard to come by..
Distraction of other people helping them deflect our stress and pains and helping them makes us feel better to not focus on our own pains.
I have the same problems. The worst is helping disabled people that have addictions ..they take advantage of me.. I continued to give them more chances..
I have always been like this. I think it stems from me not being loved and protected growing up from the people that were suppose to love and protect me. So I wanna show everyone else love and protection because I know the pain to not feel loved and protected.
I understand that..me too
This is EXACTLY how I feel 😞
It's not bad that we love and protect others but we should find people who will do the same for us.
I ask myself this question every single day, and still do it anyway!
Same
Admir Barucija. Hello hope you been doing ok
@@nikkimckay860 Hello, I hope you have as well :)
Thank you 🙏 for making this video 💕
It can be hard to stop.. but I hope this video helps!!! xoxo
Thank you. I really needed to hear this today. I just went through a bad breakup and found myself thinking about all the ways I could have made it work, but in reality, I was just desperate to feel loved. I was trying to bend over backwards to make him care about me and to make him care about himself. But it’s just like you said, I can’t control how he reacts. I can’t make him care about me or help him when he doesn’t want to help himself. I was working so hard to make that relationship work that I completely lost sight of what I needed and wasn’t getting. I just kept telling myself that if I filled his cup he would fill mine later. But that was taking such a huge toll on me and I was completely ignoring my own needs waiting for him to see them. It’s so hard to admit that a relationship I want is not one that I need. It’s so hard to let go, but thank you for helping me see why I felt that.
Fitting in vs. Belonging. You hit the nail on the head. I realize I am often trying to fit in and I end up sacrificing my own needs along the way. Then I become angry and frustrated with myself. Thank you for pointing this out. No one seems to care about my needs or appreciate things I do for them. Yet I keep doing it to try and fit in and be accepted. I have decided to stop doing this and make my own needs a priority.
Somewhere at some point in my childhood I was programmed that my needs were less important than others and that there isn’t time for me to take adequate care of myself. I still have to remind myself this isn’t the case. I haven’t figured out the exact origins of this yet.
cen. childhood emotional neglect aka cptsd. google dr jonice webb, 'running on empty'. ✌
"The real antidote to shame is vulnerability"
Wow, this blew my mind. I never thought about this, but it makes a lot of sense.
It is fascinating how much a simple sentence can help.
And then they will tell u vulnerability is weak cause it leads to you being exploited or used. That’s why she said with a Therapist
I just find it easier to put the blame on myself. No one really wants to listen to my thoughts, but repeat the words they want to hear. I don't do the things I am suppose to do. If I am lazy it is easier for them to except, and then I can go home and hide from the world.
I’ve spent the last 2 days listening to your videos while I do things around the house. The words resonate well and I find myself going back over them. I’ve listened to your bipolar, suicide, depression videos and just- thanks for posting. For making mental illness more human.
The last one about trauma really spoke to me. I grew up having spinal surgeries at least once a year and it took a toll on me. I frequently have nightmares that I'll have another one. I've always put myself down and tried to tell myself that this isn't trauma and that I'm being overdramatic about it. Others had real trauma. But that point you made really stood out to me and made me realize that maybe I'm running away from my own problems like this, which is why I'm more open to help and care for others over myself.
Loving your videos. Thank you!
It can be so hard dealing with repeated traumas like that.. I am so sorry you had to go through that. :( I am glad you are enjoying the videos and I hope today's was helpful too!! xoxo
@Taryn Ambrose this one spoke to me a lot, too. I have a similar history (growing up having multiple surgeries), and I never thought about the intense empathy I felt for others as a coping mechanism or distraction from the repeated trauma, but it was. I'm sorry that you experienced so many surgeries, but I'm proud of you for sharing your story and wanted to thank you.
I think this video can help us both to realize that , yes, we ARE enough. We are NOT our traumas. And we are just as deserving of the care we give to others 💜
@@allicurry8854 thank you so much! ❤❤
That's horrible to hear, but I hope that you're doing a lot better now. I have a problem with comparing myself to others as well. Too often I feel like my struggles are invalid or of little significance because I know people who are going through worse or seemingly have similar struggles yet still are able to keep everything under control.
@@thegiovannimauro Thank you! I appreciate your kindness. I am doing better now! While I do still compare myself sometimes, I've gotten a lot better at validating and accepting myself and what I've gone through. :)
Thank you for also sharing your experiences - I sincerely wish you the very best. Please know you are valid in your feelings and struggles. You're amazing!
Whenever I feel sad and lonely, I watch Kati videos for my big comfort and your videos really make me feel validate to me alot and again, want to say even when there is on one beside me, yet Kati , I feel like watching your videos feel like you are beside me as a therapist and thank you so much from the bottom of my heart
This came at the perfect time. Its like you hear what im struggling with and boom there is the video. I've been watching your videos for years and they always help me. You are the reason I reached out for help. I am now on a waiting list for a emotions course thanks for the inspiration Kati! Xxx
Yep, I am all five. It's interesting to realize how interconnected they all are for me, personally. The confidence and self-worth have absolutely been a longtime struggle that I say I'm gonna work on but never do, so I'll definitely try bridge statements.
This is a great video! I love this topic because it is so common and I struggle so much too. Something that you didn’t touch on, was that many of us have been brought up and taught to “be kind”, “share”, “do for others before yourself”. Those of us who are religious really believe that humility and selfless love are valued traits. But this doesn’t mean that we take care of others at our expense. How can people who really want to have character traits of selfless love and humility learn how to balance this with making sure we are taking care of ourselves first and not running ourselves ragged?
Good stuff. Had to watch this a few times. As a survivor of many abuses, it is tough to stick up for yourself. Always good to have a reminder from someone who is objective.
I used to feel that others deserved to be cared for, but I didn’t deserve it because I hated myself, so I would help people a lot, and I was kind, and polite, and I tried to be what everyone else needed not giving a thought to myself because I dealt that they deserve it, and I deserved the worst. I struggled with confidence, and self worth. It’s part of what caused me to fall into depression, and suicidal thoughts.
I was also abused by my dad, but eventually I came to forgive him, and he changed, and became my best friend until I lost him in a failed attempt to get us all to the country he was in before he married my mom. When he was abusive my sister always had my back, and I had hers, but now she’s gone too, and life seems terrifying.
for me I would just rather play off that I'm fine to everyone else so that no one feels bad for me and so that I don't feel like I'm hurting/upsetting others with my own personal issues
THIS IS ME 100% !!
Much easier plus nobody has gossip
I always puts other needs before my own. I can relate to all you said.
Life is a physical test - we are all spiritual beings undergoing it. Thanks so much for this great advice.
Mental and emotional too.
This video is gold! The people pleasing and self confidence is something I struggle with
This was exactly what I needed to hear! The funny part is that I am about to talk about this topic with my therapist later today. Thank you :)
Thanks so much for making this video. I really really needed to see it. I was abused by an ex-friend/roommate for a few years and even though it’s about 4 years later, I haven’t processed any of the trauma because I’ve been avoiding it and focusing on other peoples’ issues instead. I haven’t really focused on my problems because I haven’t felt like I deserve help. I get anxious when I think about receiving help and this video was really nice and encouraging👍
This is why I self isolate others I will just throw myself into healing others as a distraction, plus it's hard to recognise why anyone would want to spend time with me so I create a need which, typing it now sounds so Sinister
It felt so nice setting boundaries. Thank you for these videos and for guiding.
Just what I needed to hear. I struggle with every reason you said
Yet another video from Kati that feels tailored to me personally.
This video resonated with me so much, the amount of time and effort and everything about myself I've wasted because I wanted to make others feel good just to have it thrown in my face sucks but no matter how much it does get thrown back at me I still try and see the good in people and the cycle repeats
Yes to the belonging vs fitting in!! Great explanation on the differences! Thank you!
Thank you for making and posting this, Kati. I've been feeling really worthless about a lot of things (i.e., my job - even though it's an awesome one). I identify with almost all of the points you talked about, and I'm glad you provided ways to combat each one.
your voice calms me down so much 😩 whenever I'm feeling down all I have to do is to watch your videos
Your videos are so helpful Kati! Thank you for sharing. I’m realizing that I have childhood trauma around belonging so I focus on others and people please, making them more important and draining my own cup. I’ll cancel everything I have planned in a day for someone else, even when they don’t ask for it or need it. I don’t prioritize myself and it’s the always the first thing I cancel. Thank you for helping me see this insight!
Keep up the great video content Kati. I've been able to pick up aspects, here and there, of almost all your videos to apply in my daily life. You really are a bright spot in the mental health corner of TH-cam. I love that you admit that mental health isn't just "fluffy" self care regimens, but that it's hard and also scary at times. BUT it's completely doable and worth the effort. Thank you. 🙂
Wow, I had a realization while watching this video. I tend to feel badly when I'm able to focus more than my husband can, as I hate when I trigger his BPD issues with my success of getting through the BPD issues in myself. Last night, I went to bed on eggshells and woke on eggshells, which only enhances the anxiety in myself and the avoidance in my husband. Rough days happen. Sometimes more often than not. But the little moments where I sanity check myself and find peace help me be there for people in a healthier way. I black out less often from DPDR these days, all because I'm putting self-care as a priority.
I am so grateful for your work. I cannot access mental health and im going thru this at this very moment. This short peice is very helpful information . thank you for the work you do on here 🙂
Thank you so much Katie. I've been following your channel for a couple of years now and you have been great help. I have battled with people pleasing since I was a child but I did not realize that I was neglecting myself until I reached burnout and your videos help me realize that my body was giving me signals that it was time to take care of me.
Wow!!! You blew my mind!!! I have to watch this a few more times and meditate on this more!!!
I also feel like it is easier to care for others before ourselves because it is a way to not focus on ourselves. When all of our time is taken up with tasks or other people, it is easier to not look inward. Looking inward is scary, and can lead to emotions we aren't used to dealing with.
Well spoken Paige, but the thing is, caring for oneself is caring for others as well, and it gives you the power to be there even more for others.
have a wonderful day and wish you a merry Christmas! 😊
Thanks Kati! Great video! Especially this week! My best friend died and I’ve been so busy focusing on everyone else I haven’t had time for myself. I’m gonna share this video with my therapist tomorrow, she’s been hearing bits and pieces for years! Lol But honestly, thank you! Much love and hugs❤️ praying the air is improving there and fires going out and you and Sean can start getting out for walks again soon!
I’m from Russia but your articulations is so good so I can understand you without subtitles 👏🏻
I care about others more because I want everyone to be my friend and to think I'm a nice person.
It's so great that you got a sponsor! Yay! 😄 And two last reasons you bring up resonnated with me. Thank so much for all your great videos!
You are so welcome!
Glad I'm not the only one with this issue. This is also why I take issue with the insipid saying that the only way to love others is to love ourselves, first. I can see why that makes sense, but it doesn't always work that way. Some of us love others and have no idea how to love ourselves. At all.
This video is exactly what I needed to see. It is what I deal with.
Thank you, Kati................................................Berta
I can just feel your anxiety coming through in the beginning. Are you okay, Kati? I hope you’re taking your own advice here - take care of yourself!! You give so much love and help so many people. I hope you’re doing the same for yourself! ❤️
Hi Kati!! I really love your videos! This video really helped me a lot right now
Kati I am always looking forward to seeing your videos. Thanks for being so awesome
You’re helping me so much, thanks Kati! 🥺❤️
Awe I am so glad :) xoxo
Thanks for your help i can certainly do with some right about now😌
Thank you very much. I've always lived for everyone. I personally feel good about what I do. Wish you well.
Thanks Kati you hit the nail on the head with the last one, Now I think I understand why I care for more for other people than myself, but it's hard.
This is amazing Kati!! Thank you for your wise words and positivity ❤️
Thank you so much for this video. I don't know if this will fix me or not. But I am glad I watched it
I literally cried by the end of the video thank you so much kati ❤❤
I just realized a couple days that I really struggle with this. Thanks for the help💕
Thank you Katie for always being their for us.
Yes! I took the first step already, you know. I reached out to a therapist. Thank you Kati I was praying so that you do a video on this but I did not find words. Thanks a lot Kati!
here's why this episode is important to me: narcissist mom instructs me. at some impressionable age, specifically not in the typical concept of "put others first," but instead "always put yourself last." after I'd had a few days to absorb this. i asked, "put myself 'last' after how many people? like, all of them? & she just shrugged & stared back at me, like "you figure it out. i didn't make up the rules." so, to me, anyone and everyone in the world is kore deserving of my time, attention, & care.
Thank you. This video was much needed
I'm self pleasing. And it feels good. Done with them
Thankyou Kati, these videos help a lot.
This was so helpful and informative, Kati! And so cool
that you mentioned Dr. Caroline Leaf! She's great!!!! Love that.
i really needed this today ! thank you Kati 💖
Because that’s what good human beings do. You should absolutely love and cherish someone like that if you befriend them
God bless you all!:) I'm so very blessed to have a lot of great people in my life who take care of me and encourage self-care, but I'm so glad you did a video about this Kati:)
You are so genuine. Thank you
This was such a powerful video! Thank you, Kati!
Thank you so much someone I know needed this
Hi Kati! 😄💞 Thanks for the video. People pleaser's anonymous. LoL. Really tho something I've struggled with for a long while.
Thanks for that link to the vitamins. Loved that little quiz.. great info.. 👊 bump.
Internalised Guilt can also be a big reason.
But at the root of it all is a lack of self love, sometimes even some self hate or dislike... 🙏❤️
This is such a great video. Thank you Kati!
Kati you are such a great communicator this talk really gave me a lot to think of 🤔
Oooooo belonging vs fitting in 😱 such a great point!!
I love your stuff. Thanks for always being authentic and supportive in ways you don't even know. BTW I love your podcast with Sean OTDM 💜
Awe thanks!! And I am so glad you're enjoying our podcast :) xoxo
thank you, this is all i needed to hear
Thank you so much I really needed this!!!
This was really helpful. Thank you,Kati! I think the reason I struggle with people pleasing is trauma because I feel I am too broken to be worth fixing. My left brain tells me this is false but my right brain screams over my left. At least that's how I describe it.
Thank you Katie! Just teared up. Great video
Hey, congrats on the 1 million subs, by the way!
I think sacrifice ourselves is in part of our genes. In the past people lived and helped each other other to overcome everyday issues.
I really need this kind of information. Thank you.
I needed this video. Thank you.
I still ask myself "How do I _truly_ know what I tell myself aren't lies?" I genuinely don't know anymore. I KNOW they are but... still.
Hi Kati!! I need help, could you maybe do a video about avoidant personality or social anxiety, agoraphobia and the graduation ceremonies. I have been told I need to pay fees if I don’t go and I really do not want to go, just leaving my house for more than a hour or two is huge for me and going back to highschool for graduation is making me feel extremely overwhelmed and anxious, I have no friends there and having even just a second of spotlight on me is enough to make me want to throw up. My family is being very pushy about it because they don’t see it as a big deal since « you’ll never see them again » and honestly they just want me with the clothes and hat on but to me it holds no meaning at all and I hated my highschool years. What should I do?? Can I tell the school I won’t attend? Do I have to go for my family?? They probably don’t believe in avoidant personality disorder so I never told them abt it but they know about my social and generalized anxiety, panic attacks and my agoraphobia and they often tell me I’m just overdramatic. I don’t want to be rude and disappoint them but it’s just too much to take. I don’t know what to do I’m sorry for writing too much and annoying you it’s okay if you don’t answer!! Thank you for all your helpful videos💗💗
Katie please elaborate more about the Long Time effects of a “care taker” like PTS etc. Thanks. Love ur work
Kati Morton omg I needed this. Thank you
I swear this video was made for me. Thanks for the knowledge !!
It's possible for my self value to grow, even out of the ashes of 2020.
So helpful! Thank you for sharing!
I see that the first four are examples of point 5. I would say that mine is abusive reinforcement which is also part of 5. I was treated like I was bad. I was ignored and lacked proper socilising skills. As an adult I thought I had to try and qualify to get attention. I panicked when attention came on me. I felt people were angry with me for standing out or may attack me with lies due to jealousy. I became hysterical when I was cornered into a situation where it was possible for me to be blamed for something I could not do. I felt condemned and sometimes diseased. What made me feel relevant was doing a good job. It increased my problem solving skills and my isolated moments made me a good body language reader and I would see things long before it happens. I believe that restrictions in life offer up skills that are unique or even genius. I hope those struggling with this issue like me and my past, can develop avenues to come out of it. Recently I have been going through counselling sessions that allowed me to trust myself more and be a little more selfish. The latter was hard but the first one, trust, helped me support my own views and not differ to others. It was nice of my counsellor to say that I am saying I dont trust people but you dont even trust yourself. That made me sit down. She is good. So please be cautious in knowing how important it is that step to trusting yourself is in coming out of this zone we suffer from at times. I am looking at videos learning how to organise myself so that I can be more "selfish/self-serving".
Thank you so much mam ...this video helped me a lot in figuring out the major problems and the actual reason behind my stress and tension ... thnks a lot 🤗🤗🤗
Guys never be an emotional punching bag for anyone, even if it's unintentional. You don't have to save everyone, that can become very toxic very fast. Don't destroy your life you're too precious okii?
This is so accurate.
feel like this video is soooooooo me I say so many things to myself that I would never say to anyone else!!!
That was powerful💥!!!