1. Trying to impress the therapist 2. Expecting a quick fix 3. Avoiding topics & not being direct 4. Thinking your therapist is always right 5.keeping therapy in therapy be good to yourself and patient. Growing isn’t linear.
I’ve learned that therapy is all about being honest, and it is more of a journey than looking for a quick fix. I’ve made some of those mistakes too when I first started attending therapy. But the most important part of my healing process is simply just being there and my willingness to confront my struggles, even when I stumble, which is what transforms me and helps me grow.
What about me , a person with social anxiety, who can't interact with people because he fears them.. all of them! He fears to say something wrong, fears to look somewhat stupid, or with less experience in life as he looks grown up with 21 years old, but lacks a lot of experience relative to his peers. . I'm too far away than anyone. . It really does hurt ! I wish i can love someone and be loved without being hurt or left out, rejected, or looked as someone who's not capable of anything, good or bad.. Someone who can't protect himself let alone his loved ones or his soul mate.. soulmate who never existed, and it may not be existed.. because he is not sufficient for that .
For those of us in the lower working class, therapy is basically impossible. Even with job provided insurance and co-pays, I personally can't afford to see anyone more frequently than once a month. Even then, I often only get access to student doctors. I'm just practice. For me, I'd need therapy at least once a week. The cost prohibitions have kept me from pursuing therapy for a long time, among other reasons. I think this is another aspect that is not often addressed. Rant over, I really do appreciate your content. Gets me thinking.
My therapist and I recently discussed why I was coming to therapy, because I expressed doubts about stopping therapy a few times when making a new appointment but I did always make a new appointement anyways. She was having trouble understanding the reasons I gave her for making a new appointment as well as the reasons I gave for my doubts. She also emphasised I should not be coming to therapy to please her and that I should be doing it for me, which made me realise why exactly I was having doubts and that is because I still have a hard time doing things for myself, I have difficulties with the fact that therapy is all about me. She said it was a good thing we came to that realisation. I do think sometimes you can avoid topics, for a certain time, if you're not ready for it, when it is still too difficult for you to talk about it. Or at least limit the time talk about a topic, if talking about it makes it too difficult for you to stay in the present. My therapist has sometimes decides we have to let a certain topic rest for a while, because she notices it's still too hard for me to talk about it. In these situations she helps me to ground again first and then she explains that she thinks it's better not to go on about that subject at the moment, because we can't work on it if I can't stay present. Sometimes you have to set subject aside for later, when you are feeling a bit stronger. My therapist has already appoligised to me for a time she felt she had made a mistake in session and told me she would work on her part of how that session went in her own therapy. Yes, therapist are human beings too. I don't hold that against her. Sometimes it's still difficult for me to apply the things I learn in therapy to my life, but I'm trying, I guess. And my therapist always says it's okay when I can only say I'll try when she gives me homework, she doesn't mind I can't make promises about doing my homework as long as I am willing to try. Sorry for the long comment and thank you for making this video!
i realized that trying to impress my therapist made the first year of therapy with her null and void basically. i would say i've done the homework, i would always try to find something positive to say even if i didn't resonate with it, etc i changed therapists once she went on maternity, and now i'm just very VERY real about it all. i don't feel impressive, i don't feel likeable, but it's EXACTLY how i feel when i'm beginning to be vulnerable with any person. and now i know that and it's awesome to learn
yea, thats another reason why i dont like therapy as a practise there just so much distance mentaly from client to doctor and most of the process is about closing that gap but still... Its too much work for the patience, while the therapist just says a buch of shit. like how am i soupsed to explain where in coning from, after years of shit, how can i sit down and tell what i need if im more lost than the therapist.
Sometimes it's a matter of not quite clicking with a therapist or sensing a weird dynamic. My previous therapist was closer to my mom's age. She had some outdated opinions, and while she was a nice person, I sometimes felt like she didn't really understand what I was saying. Some of our early sessions were helpful but the longer I worked with her, the more it became clear that she didn't have the right skills to help me. She was a listening ear but not much more than that. My current therapist is closer to my age, and I feel more comfortable saying some of the "stupid crap" that I would otherwise feel the need to censor with most people (including my last therapist). There have been a couple occasions where I preface a thought with "this sounds dumb/silly/childish", and she had reassured me that they were actually reasonable or understandable thoughts.
Many people go to a therapist to try to convince the therapist that they were wronged and were victimized instead of using therapy to better themselves by working through their issues. Because of this, some therapists know what their client is doing and take advantage by going the easy route - just collecting a fee and becoming a very expensive shoulder to cry on. Good therapists will gently guide their client away from manipulating people and towards opening up about the root causes of their problems and that's when good things start to happen.
Thank you for being so relatable and explaining things so well, Kati. You are the one I search out when I have a question about something because you are caring and kind and take the time to explain everything versus just expecting your clients to figure them out on their own.
@@KatimortonHello Madam, I really appreciate the excellent sound quality in your videos, and I’m curious about how you achieve it. Could you kindly share which microphone, setup, and other equipment you use to produce such high-quality sound? It would be great if you could make a video about your mic setup and share the purchase links for the equipment so that we can purchase them online. Thank you so much!
My last therapist before I moved to New England was amazing(as is my current one) but yeah the only way I could communicate to her was like you described, writing/journaling then having her read it in session so we could approach working with topics and she could understand what I was going through. It’s always been easier for me to write down what’s going on in my head and having someone read it than to verbally do so. When I came out to my parents it was in a letter that they read in front of me. Just before I moved I was needing to utilize that method of communication less and less. And now with my current therapist I verbally discuss what’s going on far more often than via a journal. I also have ADHD which was only diagnosed recently (but explains so much in my life, it still astounds me how many symptoms/issues I have stem from or are exacerbated by ADHD). But this also makes it hard for me to communicate (in addition to the CPTSD) and hold on to the points I want to make or remember what it is I want or need to talk about, or even to stay on topic. So writing it all down also means I won’t forget to cover/talk about something I need to. This is one reason why I am typing away when I see a pt, not only to keep a reminder of my concerns but also to make sure I have a quick reference to remind me of sxs and findings. (This is good practice for seeing your physical doctors too, but be aware at the same time if you have more than two or three issues that need to be addressed, in order to address them effectively it will require several visits, though it’s good to bring up all your concerns so that we can help you triage them and figure which ones need to be addressed first)
Why we as clients should not know ANY THING about them ( thirapists ) ? This question always pops into my head because me when I was a child who always saw my father as a very mysterious man he would never talk about him self or share his feelings with us and my mom did the same she won't talk about her self and always wears a fake mask infront of others .. when I first started therapy, it was so much traumatizing for me to know that thirapists also do the same .. this is a big issue for me, and it's so triggering. One day, i was sitting in front of my therapist and all my body was shaking because I felt a lot of fear because of that , i feel so scared when i talk to someone who i dont and should not know any thing about .. sorry if my English is not very good. I am from iraq . Your videos are very helpful for me thank you from all my heart for being you.
I've recently begun therapy. Thank you for offering your wisdom and giving helpful tips for me to use as a guide while I'm on my journey. I appreciate your willingness to share. I'm grateful that the negative stigmatism that surrounds "therapy" is slowly fading away in society. May you be blessed as you have blessed myself and others.
Not being direct with your therapist. Oooof. I have felt that one. Being direct can also feel very, very vulnerable, and that directness also comes from a matter of trust. For those of us who have come through trauma, learing how to speak up in therapy and being direct with the therapist can be very difficult. It's the therapist's job to keep that space open, and to be supportive of that situation, and to keep building that trust with the client. In terms of the "tough love," yes...that is needed to an extent. However, how it is delivered to a client is also a major component. That is also a matter of knowing your client, and what they can handle. I know that I need (and have) a therapist that is very supportive and encouraging, rather than in my face about what I need to do. Just my thoughts.
hey kati, i really appreciate what you do and all the information you offer to the world. can’t fall asleep without your podcast anymore cause i made it part of my night routine haha :)) take care and keep on being the great human you are lots of love from germany
I’ve discovered this channel lately and I have to say, I really like how you tend to exaggerate the facial expressions. It really helps understand the emotions behind them more, thank you for making these videos ❤
I love that you made this! This definitely breaks down the chaos phase in therapy because I think that's why patients usually quit mid way. This also allows them to feel a bit more in control of their worth with therapy. I have a question, what does a client do when the therapist is countertransferring similar behaviors the client was seeing the therapist for in the first place, what should a client do?
I am so glad you found it helpful!! If your therapist is countertransferring, I honestly believe you should find someone new. When a therapist is acting like that it's because they have their own issues they need to work on in their own therapy, and there isn't anything we can do as a patient to fix that. xoxo
I think my main problem in therapy is #5. The other 4 I'm decent at avoiding. #5 is both because it's scary (social phobia) and also because I've gotten weirdly comfortable in the misery that I know and the perceived "danger" that could lead to good things is too often exhausting to think about. I also tend to not follow up on successes and just enjoy them in the moment while they last and then ultimately don't do much progress.
Expecting a quick fix is so frustrating. I've had clients ask me about the root of their problems on the 2nd/3rd session, and when I didn't have an answer for them, they dipped. Honestly, the first couple of sessions are dedicated to building trust and rapport. Even if I have a theory about the root cause of your issues, it would be inappropriate to bring it up so quickly. As a therapist, I need to trust that if I help my clients re-open a wound, they will continue to see me and receive help. Like you said, I don't want to retraumatize my clients by poking around in their vulnerability prematurely.
Something I learned it's people never really are "just like that" (technically yes by hereditary disorders and that but what I mean is how it has developed and why it is EXACTLY as they are in each case) each person has suffered something, and no, that doesn't justify anything heinous people do and it needs to have the intention of changing and all that, but still you can't see it as black and white, nor in other neither in yourself, we are complex creatures and we shouldn't expect perfection, however seeking for better it's always better, in a healthy way and in an organic and really well felt way. Take care y'all
Thank you, Kati! This really put my own therapy progress in a whole different perspective! I was guilty of several of these over the last few years. 😅💯
I had a serious problem where I was in the HIV clinic getting my bloods done, sinking in deepest depression, and they tried setting me up with a psychologist using false pretences to get me there. Because I was dealing with the loss of multiple close friends, my partner on deaths door and abuse at work, they thought it good to try and force me to stop my gender transition. Therapy in the UK needs to change from conversion therapy to ACTUAL therapy. I was even shouted at by someone who hadn’t even told me why she was there or who she was way back before at my HIV diagnosis when they said they weren’t judgemental, and they are telling me I’m lying to them when I won’t even talk to them now. I wish I didn’t live in England, and that I had a therapist with integrity that I could trust.
Hello Madam, I really appreciate the excellent sound quality in your videos, and I’m curious about how you achieve it. Could you kindly share which microphone, setup, and other equipment you use to produce such high-quality sound? It would be great if you could make a video about your mic setup and share the purchase links for the equipment so that we can purchase them online. Thank you so much!
You can always ask for homework if you're not doing that yet - also you can set a journaling habit (15 minutes or a set number of pages in the morning or at the end of the day or whatever)
I notice the more private places who only take limited insurances tend to assign homework as they often have clients for a shorter time. Most talk therapy in places that widely accept insurances tend to not. I’ve definitely had my share of decent ones that accept my insurance over the years. Many are very open to giving therapy if that’s something you bring up. For me it usually consists of completing or even beginning a goal I’ve been struggling to begin/do, or something I struggled with and how I tried to work through it.
What about me , a person with social anxiety, who can't interact with people because he fears them.. all of them! He fears to say something wrong, fears to look somewhat stupid, or with less experience in life as he looks grown up with 21 years old, but lacks a lot of experience relative to his peers. . I'm too far away than anyone. . It really does hurt ! I wish i can love someone and be loved without being hurt or left out, rejected, or looked as someone who's not capable of anything, good or bad.. Someone who can't protect himself let alone his loved ones or his soul mate.. soulmate who never existed, and it may not be existed.. because he is not sufficient for that .
Some therapists do chat/message sessions or have a way to message them without communicating face-to-face. It could be a starting point to opening up. Also, a lot of therapists do phone or zoom appointments that you can do from the comfort of your own home.
thank you kati as always. just a thought: as a person struggling w depression and trauma in human relationship for over a decade, it's awfully difficult for me to follow these tips. i find myself lying and beating around the bush because that is what i've been doing for so long. i really wish the therapists themselves too, could give the patients the chance (or conscious reminders) to be truthful... rather than the patients having to watch these videos before the sessions and be extra prepared. i'm sorry for this thorny comment but i'm just terribly exhausted for trying and failing. thank you kati.
I finally felt comfortable sharing one of my traumatic stories to my therapist after a couple months and her response was "that sucks, doesn't sound like there's much you can do". I haven't seen her ever since and she hasn't even bothered to reach out to me at all either
And she got paid to say that. Sorry about your experience, but she was actually saying "I don't know how to help you. There's nothing I can do and I'm not interested in putting in the effort to try." Keep searching for solutions and the information you need.
@@MichaelWVaggMy dad is like that with my and his own *physical* health. Mysterious pains come out of nowhere, last for weeks, get worse and he won't do anything about it
I've been in therapy for 15 years and most of it's been completely ineffective. Sometimes I could only go once a month because the copay was $70 which my parents had to pay and inpatient stays left them in debt. So they got mad at me when I asked if I could go more often or when my therapist said I should be going more often, and they wondered why I wasn't getting better, or yelled at me when I wasn't doing what my therapist told me to do. After all, I'm responsible for my behavior. It's my choice. So if I never choose what's going to make me feel better, what right have I to complain or seek help at all? That's the logic my brain comes up with anyway. The treatment for my mental illnesses has actually made me worse in a roundabout kind of way.
gives me sad memories about my therapy experiences. I tried 6 therapists and they were all bad, how you described at 13:00 can't build trust anymore for new therapists, the memories trigger me
Has anyone else run into the situation where no therapist in the entire area will take them on as a client (I've also tried the online route, but also can't find a therapist who is willing to see me as they say my problems are too complex)? FWIW, I have a trauma background and dissociative disorder. Because of the dissociative disorder and the fact that I live alone, every therapist and IOP (including the ones specializing in trauma) say that I'm too much of a liability to take on.
Too often therapists make the mistake of letting their own feelings and opinions get in the way. The therapist will try to get the patient to do what the therapist thinks is right instead of what's good for the patient. Therapists often worry about the negative impact a patient's behavior has on other people. The therapist should be forgetting other people and only focus on what's good for the patient. If the patient's behavior is inappropriate and hurts other people, but the patient benefits, the therapist should support that behavior. It's all about what's good for the patient and making the patient happy. Most therapists don't comprehend that.
This is an interesting video. I'm always journalling about my sessions and if something comes up later I will write it down so I don't forget. Then I send a copy a day or 2 before session. That way my therapist and I are always on the same page I'm a little worried about the ads TH-cam is putting on mental health videos. This is the second time I've seen a video mentioning eating disorders and getting an ad for buying weight loss drugs.
I go to a Vet Center therapist which has been great and helpful in regard to several areas. There are a couple things that are not really service connected. They are also things I strongly wish just didn't exist. So, when I think about bringing those things up, it feels difficult to think about doing.
I’ve never worked on goals in therapy in an organized way like you describe. And my therapists don’t really teach me skills. If they do they are doing it on the down low. Treatment plan? Resources? Also, you’re talking about shame. I know that’s why I hold back talking about difficult topics. I wish therapists would be more direct.
Hi Ms Kati, could you please please make a video, about the difference between lovebombing and overexcitedness, I Have Adhd, Sometimes i feel like people see my overexcitedness as Red. i genuinely love to get know people and learn from them, i just feel like we are not here as long as we wanted to be, sometimes it make me feel sad because, its kinda everyone is a narcissist on the internet, red flags and all that. sometimes it makes me feel not try anymore, i hope there'll be an explanation or distinction between the 2. THANK YOUUU!
What? That is ridiculous! I recommend firing that therapist immediately and finding someone who understands eating disorders and how they can manifest.
@GrimAshford. Hello I'm Nikki I completely agree that Kati's mental health videos are very helpful and interesting also I don't really understand the term pufferfish
Great job! In this video. 1. Immediately, Kati gets right-to-the-point. Informative and specific. No wasting time. 2. I felt like this was an honest and straight-up video. Good Transparency and openness. 3. It was believeable, and Useful. This can actually help people. Off-topic sidenote: I'm curious what "Video editing software" Kati used for this video. I liked some of the effects, such as the "printed" Notes in white lettering on a Black background.
I’m in my head DURING therapy because the entire time I worry she’s thinking “is there anything this guy DOESN’T find traumatizing? Man the &%#@ up… geez.” I should honestly have a male therapist. 😂
As a therapist i can advise you to talk about this with your therapist. And if you can't tell her, write sth you read to her for example. It will be a very healing conversation and some times even life changing. Because what happens in therapy usually mirrors what happens in life too. And if you work this issue with a good therapist you will have a tool for life!
You had that kind of mum? My father was the issue. It has been so good to have a male therapist and see and feel that not all men are the same and get some guidance and protection I should have had a long time ago. Do not think what she thinks, observe her behaviour and what she actually says. And if she really does not validate you, change the therapist.
I was wondering something, do you ever take requests? If so, could you make a video in the near future as to what dreams say about a person? I guess what I am trying to ask is, do dreams really mean something at all or are they simple mere dreams?I am curious as to what your thoughts are about this topic.
I don't want to be anything to them. I want to resolve the issues I've presented. But at this point, I'm not sure there IS any solutions available that will allow me to reach my goals. And the MONEY. It's hard to accept that my only option is to pay someone to sit in a room with me while I cry about the constant 10 steps back while we plan for that one step forward. Also, I think sometimes therapusts can see progress where there is none - where there is no feeling of having moved forward - they sieze on the smallest positive without acknowledging that ANY progress I make with MY VERY OWN flawed decision making progress is going to have ALL of the same issues present UNLESS there is some RESOLVE to those core issues.
That was a truly great video Kati thank you so much for it, so could I ask for you to make a video in the future on sissy porn and sissy hypnosis it's something that I'm really struggling with and it's making me think that I should ran away and transition while I'm still young before I get any older, I can't stop thinking about becoming a woman maybe I'm wrong but I really would like some help with this if you ever make a video on this subject, anyway have a great day Kati.
What If I suspect that my therapist has cheated on me, while I being faithful, and even turned down offers ? Once I saw she had a hickey on her neck, very upsetting.
A question is it best to be on illegal drugs to get the help, for it twice as funded, I'm not on drugs and have never had help for severe schizophrenia
A bit of constructive feedback: I found the zooming in this video jarring and distracting. Also, what was with the screen just going black for several seconds around the 16 minute mark?
therapy shows anything but weakness. being honest about your struggles takes what? exactly, strength. showing yourself this open shows courage and that you’re brave. trust me it’s good for you and even if it isn’t atleast you tried. a therapist won’t ever tell you you’re weak for sharing your feelings and emotions the only one telling you that is yourself.
I live in Carluke Scotland and I can’t go beacuse I live with parents and family don’t want them find out so I’ll need pass and not do it at all and suffer alone.
@ you could look up some online therapy programs, in a lot of countries there are mental health phone call organizations, you can call or text them when you don’t feel good and they can offer you some support. i don’t know if there’s one in your country tho
Ugph I have done all of these 😬 avoiding by complaining about others has been one of my biggest issues. Instead of doing things and be active, I have been stuck in talking and thinking. Now I'm on medication again, and slowly feeling more brave to go into therapy again. Also, could you make a video about fear of criticism in therapy? or about AVPD and how it can make therapy difficult for some? Thank you for making these videos ☺
1. Trying to impress the therapist
2. Expecting a quick fix
3. Avoiding topics & not being direct
4. Thinking your therapist is always right
5.keeping therapy in therapy
be good to yourself and patient. Growing isn’t linear.
Avoiding tops? I would certainly hope one is dressed for their therapy sessions, virtual or not. lol.
I personally am avoid a therapist all together, but I like Katie & what she has to say.
I’ve learned that therapy is all about being honest, and it is more of a journey than looking for a quick fix. I’ve made some of those mistakes too when I first started attending therapy. But the most important part of my healing process is simply just being there and my willingness to confront my struggles, even when I stumble, which is what transforms me and helps me grow.
What about me , a person with social anxiety, who can't interact with people because he fears them.. all of them!
He fears to say something wrong, fears to look somewhat stupid, or with less experience in life as he looks grown up with 21 years old, but lacks a lot of experience relative to his peers. .
I'm too far away than anyone. .
It really does hurt !
I wish i can love someone and be loved without being hurt or left out, rejected, or looked as someone who's not capable of anything, good or bad..
Someone who can't protect himself let alone his loved ones or his soul mate.. soulmate who never existed, and it may not be existed.. because he is not sufficient for that .
For those of us in the lower working class, therapy is basically impossible. Even with job provided insurance and co-pays, I personally can't afford to see anyone more frequently than once a month. Even then, I often only get access to student doctors. I'm just practice. For me, I'd need therapy at least once a week. The cost prohibitions have kept me from pursuing therapy for a long time, among other reasons. I think this is another aspect that is not often addressed.
Rant over, I really do appreciate your content. Gets me thinking.
My therapist and I recently discussed why I was coming to therapy, because I expressed doubts about stopping therapy a few times when making a new appointment but I did always make a new appointement anyways. She was having trouble understanding the reasons I gave her for making a new appointment as well as the reasons I gave for my doubts. She also emphasised I should not be coming to therapy to please her and that I should be doing it for me, which made me realise why exactly I was having doubts and that is because I still have a hard time doing things for myself, I have difficulties with the fact that therapy is all about me. She said it was a good thing we came to that realisation.
I do think sometimes you can avoid topics, for a certain time, if you're not ready for it, when it is still too difficult for you to talk about it. Or at least limit the time talk about a topic, if talking about it makes it too difficult for you to stay in the present. My therapist has sometimes decides we have to let a certain topic rest for a while, because she notices it's still too hard for me to talk about it. In these situations she helps me to ground again first and then she explains that she thinks it's better not to go on about that subject at the moment, because we can't work on it if I can't stay present. Sometimes you have to set subject aside for later, when you are feeling a bit stronger.
My therapist has already appoligised to me for a time she felt she had made a mistake in session and told me she would work on her part of how that session went in her own therapy. Yes, therapist are human beings too. I don't hold that against her.
Sometimes it's still difficult for me to apply the things I learn in therapy to my life, but I'm trying, I guess. And my therapist always says it's okay when I can only say I'll try when she gives me homework, she doesn't mind I can't make promises about doing my homework as long as I am willing to try.
Sorry for the long comment and thank you for making this video!
i realized that trying to impress my therapist made the first year of therapy with her null and void basically. i would say i've done the homework, i would always try to find something positive to say even if i didn't resonate with it, etc
i changed therapists once she went on maternity, and now i'm just very VERY real about it all. i don't feel impressive, i don't feel likeable, but it's EXACTLY how i feel when i'm beginning to be vulnerable with any person. and now i know that and it's awesome to learn
yea, thats another reason why i dont like therapy as a practise there just so much distance mentaly from client to doctor and most of the process is about closing that gap but still... Its too much work for the patience, while the therapist just says a buch of shit.
like how am i soupsed to explain where in coning from, after years of shit, how can i sit down and tell what i need if im more lost than the therapist.
Sometimes it's a matter of not quite clicking with a therapist or sensing a weird dynamic.
My previous therapist was closer to my mom's age. She had some outdated opinions, and while she was a nice person, I sometimes felt like she didn't really understand what I was saying. Some of our early sessions were helpful but the longer I worked with her, the more it became clear that she didn't have the right skills to help me. She was a listening ear but not much more than that.
My current therapist is closer to my age, and I feel more comfortable saying some of the "stupid crap" that I would otherwise feel the need to censor with most people (including my last therapist). There have been a couple occasions where I preface a thought with "this sounds dumb/silly/childish", and she had reassured me that they were actually reasonable or understandable thoughts.
Many people go to a therapist to try to convince the therapist that they were wronged and were victimized instead of using therapy to better themselves by working through their issues. Because of this, some therapists know what their client is doing and take advantage by going the easy route - just collecting a fee and becoming a very expensive shoulder to cry on. Good therapists will gently guide their client away from manipulating people and towards opening up about the root causes of their problems and that's when good things start to happen.
maybe because they were victims? they want attention because they need it.
Love this info! The zooming in and out drove me nuts though. Thanks!😂❤
Thank you for being so relatable and explaining things so well, Kati. You are the one I search out when I have a question about something because you are caring and kind and take the time to explain everything versus just expecting your clients to figure them out on their own.
Kati Thanks for explaining more about therapy i need help ❤
Thanks for being such a big supporter of mental health content Nikki! Hope you have a great week!
@Katimorton thank you so much for your lovely comment you are welcome I appreciate you so much 🙏🏻
@@KatimortonHello Madam, I really appreciate the excellent sound quality in your videos, and I’m curious about how you achieve it. Could you kindly share which microphone, setup, and other equipment you use to produce such high-quality sound? It would be great if you could make a video about your mic setup and share the purchase links for the equipment so that we can purchase them online. Thank you so much!
My last therapist before I moved to New England was amazing(as is my current one) but yeah the only way I could communicate to her was like you described, writing/journaling then having her read it in session so we could approach working with topics and she could understand what I was going through. It’s always been easier for me to write down what’s going on in my head and having someone read it than to verbally do so. When I came out to my parents it was in a letter that they read in front of me. Just before I moved I was needing to utilize that method of communication less and less. And now with my current therapist I verbally discuss what’s going on far more often than via a journal.
I also have ADHD which was only diagnosed recently (but explains so much in my life, it still astounds me how many symptoms/issues I have stem from or are exacerbated by ADHD). But this also makes it hard for me to communicate (in addition to the CPTSD) and hold on to the points I want to make or remember what it is I want or need to talk about, or even to stay on topic. So writing it all down also means I won’t forget to cover/talk about something I need to.
This is one reason why I am typing away when I see a pt, not only to keep a reminder of my concerns but also to make sure I have a quick reference to remind me of sxs and findings.
(This is good practice for seeing your physical doctors too, but be aware at the same time if you have more than two or three issues that need to be addressed, in order to address them effectively it will require several visits, though it’s good to bring up all your concerns so that we can help you triage them and figure which ones need to be addressed first)
Why we as clients should not know ANY THING about them ( thirapists ) ? This question always pops into my head because me when I was a child who always saw my father as a very mysterious man he would never talk about him self or share his feelings with us and my mom did the same she won't talk about her self and always wears a fake mask infront of others .. when I first started therapy, it was so much traumatizing for me to know that thirapists also do the same .. this is a big issue for me, and it's so triggering. One day, i was sitting in front of my therapist and all my body was shaking because I felt a lot of fear because of that , i feel so scared when i talk to someone who i dont and should not know any thing about .. sorry if my English is not very good. I am from iraq . Your videos are very helpful for me thank you from all my heart for being you.
I've recently begun therapy. Thank you for offering your wisdom and giving helpful tips for me to use as a guide while I'm on my journey. I appreciate your willingness to share. I'm grateful that the negative stigmatism that surrounds "therapy" is slowly fading away in society. May you be blessed as you have blessed myself and others.
Not being direct with your therapist. Oooof. I have felt that one. Being direct can also feel very, very vulnerable, and that directness also comes from a matter of trust. For those of us who have come through trauma, learing how to speak up in therapy and being direct with the therapist can be very difficult. It's the therapist's job to keep that space open, and to be supportive of that situation, and to keep building that trust with the client.
In terms of the "tough love," yes...that is needed to an extent. However, how it is delivered to a client is also a major component. That is also a matter of knowing your client, and what they can handle. I know that I need (and have) a therapist that is very supportive and encouraging, rather than in my face about what I need to do.
Just my thoughts.
hey kati, i really appreciate what you do and all the information you offer to the world. can’t fall asleep without your podcast anymore cause i made it part of my night routine haha :))
take care and keep on being the great human you are
lots of love from germany
I watched it all the way to the end! ❤
So grateful that you hang in here with us, Kali - always find something useful in your videos that I can take to my own sessions - so appreciated ♥♥♥
I’ve discovered this channel lately and I have to say, I really like how you tend to exaggerate the facial expressions. It really helps understand the emotions behind them more, thank you for making these videos ❤
Thank you Kati. I find rapid camera zooming in and out distracting. Take care
I've been seeing a Therapist, Psychologicalist, School Counselor, etc... since I've been 5 years
I love that you made this! This definitely breaks down the chaos phase in therapy because I think that's why patients usually quit mid way. This also allows them to feel a bit more in control of their worth with therapy. I have a question, what does a client do when the therapist is countertransferring similar behaviors the client was seeing the therapist for in the first place, what should a client do?
I am so glad you found it helpful!! If your therapist is countertransferring, I honestly believe you should find someone new. When a therapist is acting like that it's because they have their own issues they need to work on in their own therapy, and there isn't anything we can do as a patient to fix that. xoxo
Why don't you talk to them about this? If you feel something goes wrong you better talk about it. It's your therapy after all! You have a saying in it
I think my main problem in therapy is #5. The other 4 I'm decent at avoiding. #5 is both because it's scary (social phobia) and also because I've gotten weirdly comfortable in the misery that I know and the perceived "danger" that could lead to good things is too often exhausting to think about. I also tend to not follow up on successes and just enjoy them in the moment while they last and then ultimately don't do much progress.
Expecting a quick fix is so frustrating. I've had clients ask me about the root of their problems on the 2nd/3rd session, and when I didn't have an answer for them, they dipped. Honestly, the first couple of sessions are dedicated to building trust and rapport. Even if I have a theory about the root cause of your issues, it would be inappropriate to bring it up so quickly. As a therapist, I need to trust that if I help my clients re-open a wound, they will continue to see me and receive help. Like you said, I don't want to retraumatize my clients by poking around in their vulnerability prematurely.
Very helpful videos Kati. I also really respect the way that you approach these topics as someone who has been there. Best!
Something I learned it's people never really are "just like that" (technically yes by hereditary disorders and that but what I mean is how it has developed and why it is EXACTLY as they are in each case) each person has suffered something, and no, that doesn't justify anything heinous people do and it needs to have the intention of changing and all that, but still you can't see it as black and white, nor in other neither in yourself, we are complex creatures and we shouldn't expect perfection, however seeking for better it's always better, in a healthy way and in an organic and really well felt way. Take care y'all
Thank you, Kati! This really put my own therapy progress in a whole different perspective! I was guilty of several of these over the last few years. 😅💯
I had a serious problem where I was in the HIV clinic getting my bloods done, sinking in deepest depression, and they tried setting me up with a psychologist using false pretences to get me there. Because I was dealing with the loss of multiple close friends, my partner on deaths door and abuse at work, they thought it good to try and force me to stop my gender transition.
Therapy in the UK needs to change from conversion therapy to ACTUAL therapy.
I was even shouted at by someone who hadn’t even told me why she was there or who she was way back before at my HIV diagnosis when they said they weren’t judgemental, and they are telling me I’m lying to them when I won’t even talk to them now.
I wish I didn’t live in England, and that I had a therapist with integrity that I could trust.
Sending care +prayer s and love to everyone in the comments i hope you are getting the help and support you need❤🙏🏻
Hello Madam, I really appreciate the excellent sound quality in your videos, and I’m curious about how you achieve it. Could you kindly share which microphone, setup, and other equipment you use to produce such high-quality sound? It would be great if you could make a video about your mic setup and share the purchase links for the equipment so that we can purchase them online. Thank you so much!
This is a such a fantastic video regarding therapy. Thank you Katie ❤
I still have yet to find a therapist who gives me homework or something.. I'm on #4 and am about to give up on it.
It’s ok to ask for homework if you feel it would be helpful.
@deannwagner9961 I did with two of them. It's one of the reasons I fired them
You can always ask for homework if you're not doing that yet - also you can set a journaling habit (15 minutes or a set number of pages in the morning or at the end of the day or whatever)
If your in just talk therapy, I dont believe they do home work!
I notice the more private places who only take limited insurances tend to assign homework as they often have clients for a shorter time. Most talk therapy in places that widely accept insurances tend to not. I’ve definitely had my share of decent ones that accept my insurance over the years. Many are very open to giving therapy if that’s something you bring up. For me it usually consists of completing or even beginning a goal I’ve been struggling to begin/do, or something I struggled with and how I tried to work through it.
What about me , a person with social anxiety, who can't interact with people because he fears them.. all of them!
He fears to say something wrong, fears to look somewhat stupid, or with less experience in life as he looks grown up with 21 years old, but lacks a lot of experience relative to his peers. .
I'm too far away than anyone. .
It really does hurt !
I wish i can love someone and be loved without being hurt or left out, rejected, or looked as someone who's not capable of anything, good or bad..
Someone who can't protect himself let alone his loved ones or his soul mate.. soulmate who never existed, and it may not be existed.. because he is not sufficient for that .
Some therapists do chat/message sessions or have a way to message them without communicating face-to-face. It could be a starting point to opening up. Also, a lot of therapists do phone or zoom appointments that you can do from the comfort of your own home.
This is really helpful; thank you, Kati!
thank you kati as always. just a thought: as a person struggling w depression and trauma in human relationship for over a decade, it's awfully difficult for me to follow these tips. i find myself lying and beating around the bush because that is what i've been doing for so long. i really wish the therapists themselves too, could give the patients the chance (or conscious reminders) to be truthful... rather than the patients having to watch these videos before the sessions and be extra prepared. i'm sorry for this thorny comment but i'm just terribly exhausted for trying and failing. thank you kati.
I finally felt comfortable sharing one of my traumatic stories to my therapist after a couple months and her response was "that sucks, doesn't sound like there's much you can do". I haven't seen her ever since and she hasn't even bothered to reach out to me at all either
And she got paid to say that. Sorry about your experience, but she was actually saying "I don't know how to help you. There's nothing I can do and I'm not interested in putting in the effort to try." Keep searching for solutions and the information you need.
@@MichaelWVaggMy dad is like that with my and his own *physical* health. Mysterious pains come out of nowhere, last for weeks, get worse and he won't do anything about it
I've been in therapy for 15 years and most of it's been completely ineffective. Sometimes I could only go once a month because the copay was $70 which my parents had to pay and inpatient stays left them in debt.
So they got mad at me when I asked if I could go more often or when my therapist said I should be going more often, and they wondered why I wasn't getting better, or yelled at me when I wasn't doing what my therapist told me to do.
After all, I'm responsible for my behavior. It's my choice. So if I never choose what's going to make me feel better, what right have I to complain or seek help at all? That's the logic my brain comes up with anyway.
The treatment for my mental illnesses has actually made me worse in a roundabout kind of way.
Ty. This was awesome in my opinion. Very helpful
gives me sad memories about my therapy experiences. I tried 6 therapists and they were all bad, how you described at 13:00
can't build trust anymore for new therapists, the memories trigger me
Has anyone else run into the situation where no therapist in the entire area will take them on as a client (I've also tried the online route, but also can't find a therapist who is willing to see me as they say my problems are too complex)? FWIW, I have a trauma background and dissociative disorder. Because of the dissociative disorder and the fact that I live alone, every therapist and IOP (including the ones specializing in trauma) say that I'm too much of a liability to take on.
Keep searching. There are therapists out there who would help you. Try looking at DBT.
Too often therapists make the mistake of letting their own feelings and opinions get in the way. The therapist will try to get the patient to do what the therapist thinks is right instead of what's good for the patient. Therapists often worry about the negative impact a patient's behavior has on other people. The therapist should be forgetting other people and only focus on what's good for the patient. If the patient's behavior is inappropriate and hurts other people, but the patient benefits, the therapist should support that behavior. It's all about what's good for the patient and making the patient happy. Most therapists don't comprehend that.
Subscribed!
This is an interesting video.
I'm always journalling about my sessions and if something comes up later I will write it down so I don't forget. Then I send a copy a day or 2 before session. That way my therapist and I are always on the same page
I'm a little worried about the ads TH-cam is putting on mental health videos. This is the second time I've seen a video mentioning eating disorders and getting an ad for buying weight loss drugs.
The "therapist" is responsible for setting the atmosphere of "trying to impress the therapist; not the client."
I go to a Vet Center therapist which has been great and helpful in regard to several areas. There are a couple things that are not really service connected. They are also things I strongly wish just didn't exist. So, when I think about bringing those things up, it feels difficult to think about doing.
I think maybe be honest about why you've hesitated to mention them, bring them up anyway and see how it goes! They may surprise you!
I’ve never worked on goals in therapy in an organized way like you describe. And my therapists don’t really teach me skills. If they do they are doing it on the down low. Treatment plan? Resources?
Also, you’re talking about shame. I know that’s why I hold back talking about difficult topics.
I wish therapists would be more direct.
You are perfect
I HAD ADHD AND SELF ABUSIVE BEHAIOR AS A CHILD AND A LEARNING DISABILITY.
Hi Ms Kati, could you please please make a video, about the difference between lovebombing and overexcitedness, I Have Adhd, Sometimes i feel like people see my overexcitedness as Red. i genuinely love to get know people and learn from them, i just feel like we are not here as long as we wanted to be, sometimes it make me feel sad because, its kinda everyone is a narcissist on the internet, red flags and all that. sometimes it makes me feel not try anymore, i hope there'll be an explanation or distinction between the 2. THANK YOUUU!
This is so insightful for me!
I wish u were my one on one therapist ❤
All i was in therapy was honest. Thru the tears and all.
I wish you were my therapist. Mine told me as long as I’m at a healthy weight, she doesn’t want to talk about an eating issue.
What? That is ridiculous! I recommend firing that therapist immediately and finding someone who understands eating disorders and how they can manifest.
Thanks for this, it's a really useful insight into things.
Could I ask what you mean by "pufferfish", I don't know that term.
@GrimAshford. Hello I'm Nikki I completely agree that Kati's mental health videos are very helpful and interesting also I don't really understand the term pufferfish
When a pufferfish feels threatened, it inflates, pushing out spines to keep other fish away, even if the other fish aren't the threat.
It sounds like someone who is being reactive to a situation, puffing up and inadvertently hurting people or pushing everyone away.
Great job! In this video.
1. Immediately, Kati gets right-to-the-point. Informative and specific. No wasting time.
2. I felt like this was an honest and straight-up video. Good Transparency and openness.
3. It was believeable, and Useful. This can actually help people.
Off-topic sidenote: I'm curious what "Video editing software" Kati used for this video. I liked some of the effects, such as the "printed" Notes in white lettering on a Black background.
I’m in my head DURING therapy because the entire time I worry she’s thinking “is there anything this guy DOESN’T find traumatizing? Man the &%#@ up… geez.” I should honestly have a male therapist. 😂
As a therapist i can advise you to talk about this with your therapist. And if you can't tell her, write sth you read to her for example. It will be a very healing conversation and some times even life changing. Because what happens in therapy usually mirrors what happens in life too. And if you work this issue with a good therapist you will have a tool for life!
You had that kind of mum? My father was the issue. It has been so good to have a male therapist and see and feel that not all men are the same and get some guidance and protection I should have had a long time ago. Do not think what she thinks, observe her behaviour and what she actually says. And if she really does not validate you, change the therapist.
I was wondering something, do you ever take requests? If so, could you make a video in the near future as to what dreams say about a person? I guess what I am trying to ask is, do dreams really mean something at all or are they simple mere dreams?I am curious as to what your thoughts are about this topic.
I don't want to be anything to them. I want to resolve the issues I've presented. But at this point, I'm not sure there IS any solutions available that will allow me to reach my goals. And the MONEY. It's hard to accept that my only option is to pay someone to sit in a room with me while I cry about the constant 10 steps back while we plan for that one step forward. Also, I think sometimes therapusts can see progress where there is none - where there is no feeling of having moved forward - they sieze on the smallest positive without acknowledging that ANY progress I make with MY VERY OWN flawed decision making progress is going to have ALL of the same issues present UNLESS there is some RESOLVE to those core issues.
Thats what i thought....6 sessions cant possibly do alot.Thats the system plan...6 visits thats it😢
Oh Kati.
What if your therapist does not take any notes? 6:12
That was a truly great video Kati thank you so much for it, so could I ask for you to make a video in the future on sissy porn and sissy hypnosis it's something that I'm really struggling with and it's making me think that I should ran away and transition while I'm still young before I get any older, I can't stop thinking about becoming a woman maybe I'm wrong but I really would like some help with this if you ever make a video on this subject, anyway have a great day Kati.
Not be prepared for change before going to your first session
What If I suspect that my therapist has cheated on me, while I being faithful, and even turned down offers ? Once I saw she had a hickey on her neck, very upsetting.
What kind of a therapist doesn't do treatment plans? Im totally ignorant to what's normal but that don't seem right
❤
A question is it best to be on illegal drugs to get the help, for it twice as funded, I'm not on drugs and have never had help for severe schizophrenia
A bit of constructive feedback: I found the zooming in this video jarring and distracting. Also, what was with the screen just going black for several seconds around the 16 minute mark?
Happy holidays 🎆 🎄🎉
What if you feel like you need therapy but you can’t pay it for it and scared to go beacuse it shows your week.
therapy shows anything but weakness. being honest about your struggles takes what? exactly, strength. showing yourself this open shows courage and that you’re brave. trust me it’s good for you and even if it isn’t atleast you tried.
a therapist won’t ever tell you you’re weak for sharing your feelings and emotions the only one telling you that is yourself.
try to change your mindset about it
i sadly can’t help you with the payment struggle since idk where you’re from
I live in Carluke Scotland and I can’t go beacuse I live with parents and family don’t want them find out so I’ll need pass and not do it at all and suffer alone.
@ you could look up some online therapy programs, in a lot
of countries there are mental health phone call organizations, you can call or text them when you don’t feel good and they can offer
you some support. i don’t know if there’s one in your country tho
I WAS IN SPECIAL ED IN SCHOOL.
Nothing is every fully private especially your dark side of wanting the world to burn or whatever
Ugph I have done all of these 😬 avoiding by complaining about others has been one of my biggest issues. Instead of doing things and be active, I have been stuck in talking and thinking. Now I'm on medication again, and slowly feeling more brave to go into therapy again. Also, could you make a video about fear of criticism in therapy? or about AVPD and how it can make therapy difficult for some?
Thank you for making these videos ☺
❤