“That didn’t happen. And if it did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not my fault. And if it was, I didn’t mean it. And if I did… You deserved it.”
Yes i deserved to being beaten up and actually it was not beating up because i did not end up in hospital and he was just restraining me and basically it was my fault because i dared to do little noise during day when he happened to be asleep. And the other time he caused me getting black eyes it was because he tipped over the carpet and he wanted to save me and his hand got a cramp and then his right hand flew this way and left hand flew the other way and actually he is the victim here.
17 years married to one. You speak truth. Was so bad, when she died, i felt like i was released from prison. I still have not mourned her death. Just glad the marriage is over.
Or if you disagree with them, or if they tell you a personal recent story about an experience they had, how they think someone was wrong and when they shared the other person involved's perspective & explain your opinion (they were counting on you automatically 'taking their side') they immediately discount your objective opinion & tell you, "oh, so you're being the devil's advocate..." Their opinion-the only one that counts, unless you agree with them or even praise them! Thank God I don't have to be on constant guard and try so hard to please them anymore. 5 years free now!
Was friends with one. The guy could talk shit about me infront of and behind by back but as soon as I made fun of his cone nipples he would act all insulted.
True. The narc's the only one allowed to openly hate the things you like, but as soon as the other person decides not to play, let's say, the narc's favorite video game cause of non-hateful reasons, it's the end of the world to the narc.
Exactly. They are very sensitive to minor criticism and insults, because it destroys their exaggerated sense of self-importance. Their sense of selfe-importance comes from the fact that they actually have low self esteem.
I made the huuuge mistake of telling my partner things i should've kept to myself..cos i had it in my head he is my soul mate....he shows his true colours in public ..outrageous flirt ..plays on the fact i have been cheated on and have trust issues ..
Dyan H omg! Right u r! I used to tell my Ex husband i should record our conversations because he would be vague to weasel out of stuff & i used to tell him i never wanted to be the Prosecutor in our relationship!
They also seem to forget what happened and what they said the day before.... really strange. They carry on like it never happened and that you are crazy.
Yeah the ones i met, more like seconds ago. I started sending screenshots, will then even play dumb. But the recent one..he didn't like i screenshotted stuff he said 🙃🙃
@@user-sl4ul4nc3t I know what you mean. Don’t have contact, sell the car and get a second hand that you own. If you are young it’s easy, if you are older it’s harder because society doesn’t appreciated older women working, it’s hard. I would say to all women, don’t stay at home with your kids, your employability is much less when the kids are gone and then you find yourself depending of this Narc. Best of luck stay strong, your not alone.
Yes, almost 4 years and about 2 years after he went to jail for assault. This old kindhearted Lady, learned some hard lessons. I didn't have much, but he stole everything he could. Even had a couple of sheriff's help him. He goes by Wisdom. LoL
uk election, i voted conservative just to oppose my narcissist wife who wanted me to vote labour. She got so upset for days, no sex for you etc... but i felt i got a bit of power back. That could be a trick, to do opposite to what they expect of you. Also i felt weird, bit fearful or guilty at first, i think that's the psychology control im under.
Yup. My mom litterly spit and closed the bathroom door as I was passing by it was hilarous like she was done with me or something. This videos saved my sanity! It was hilarous 🤣🤣🤣 feels good to be on this side of the road. As Everthing I watched and heard on those youtube videos happened right before my eyes. No going back from here. Hard as it is. I know it's going to the right direction. She's been playing for way to long now.
@SuperAussieOi I stood my ground against a narcissist and managed to win a debate using facts and logic. I proved him wrong. He ran out of arguments, threw a childish fit, started saying insults to me. It made me realize how pathetic he actually is.
@@Yue4me I also had problems with my own self-esteem. Still do a little , but it used to be a lot worse. I also had a rough childhood. I'm a quiet and nice guy, just don't like it when people bully or take advantage of me. I finally had enough of his hypocritical manipulative bullshit. I destroyed him and he resorted to throwing insults into my face, cause he knew had been proven wrong and didn't want to accept it. Really shows how pathetic narcissists actually are. I've learned my lesson and now try my best to avoid bad people. Being a nice doormat has never helped me. Sometimes you have to be rough.
Agree! I've dated a couple narcs and they definitely had mommy issues. Mothers that hovered and were too involved in their adult lives, although I'm sure the opposite, a neglectful mother, or an issue with the father, can result in narcissistic personalities too.
I am finding myself in that situation. I one year went by after she blew up at me the last time, . Then she, the (friend), made contact last November & WEASLED her way back into MY life, then last evening, she blew up at me again, playing her blame game... I cannot do it, it's so unhealthy & toxic to me.. it's exhausting...I'm done. 😦😝😩
@@coffe1892 No, it can't be genetical. If narcissism is proven to be genetical, then narcs are only victims and sufferers and they should only be sympathized with and not hated.
When the devil can't reach you, he sends a Narcissist. I just flushed one after 2 years of up and down behavior. She had no friends. She was never wrong. She never owned her erratic behavior. You couldn't confront her in any way...she just projects or avoids responding. Everything was about what she wants.... everything was about her....never us. She was constantly worried about what everyone thinks of her. She was also on my back about how I dressed....how I looked. I came to find out that it was not caring about me but her being embarrassed by my attire....my appearance. No....go practice your wicked game on someone else, lady. Glad to put her in my rearview. Live and learn.
What you just described is so insanely familiar it's completely fucking up my head! I could have written exactly what you did and it would be accurate in my situation.
There's a lot of this going around. I had never experienced the female version before this. I had plenty of experiences with the male version.....quarterbacks....politicians...generals....pro athletes.
Married to one for 10 years. I had no idea until a couple years ago this was a form of abuse. He even took me to a therapist for antidepressants because I was reacting to the abuse. Wow. Recovering every day. 5 years since separated
WOW. My exact story. 10 years. He made me an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist because he just wanted me to “get the help I need”. Me thinking he was being supportive, I went because I was desperate to feel/function better. But in actuality, I was an emotional wreck from all the cheating & being walked out on. All of his back & forth & mind games. All the gaslighting Had no idea that it was abuse. 1 year free. 🙌🏾
Good for you! That was 10 years wasted. Sorry to anyone who is married to one. I know a woman who has been married to a narcissist for 45yrs and still with him. She has such a low self esteem and she is so nice. Very unfortunate.
I didn't figure out k my dad was one til months after he died when I couldn't figure out why my family couldn't get over it. Turned out losing your abuser is hard for the abusers he created with his abuse
What really boggles my mind... narcissist are all alike.. It's like they went to University and studied how to be a narcissist.. Every single one of them do the same thing to me that is mind-boggling
Excellent point. It’s incredible, but fortunate for us...because of reports I read online matched everything I experienced, down to the dialogue, so completely, it helped me ascertain the situation swiftly. I waited decades to know what the hell was wrong. Even the nightmare of Christmas, described in detail by others, matched what my mother did.
It's witchcraft. Businessmen purposefully make themselves double minded, like the politicians, they are able to say a lie with one half their mind, and beleive it with the other. The double minded man in unstable in all his ways.
And the amount of alter egoes floating around this society is fucking retarded. Imagine in you own mind you are staring into a mirror of yourself, the tv traumatizes people, and their inner image becomes shattered / fragmented. The broken image is a form of demonic possession. We get gamed, then we start hazing each other unconsciously.
They will talk about themselves endlessly, but if you try to talk about them, unless its crafty ego stroking, forget it, they RUN. Leave you holding a rubber chicken.
@Twist Reject woww..this is wats happening here..u are shifting blame on others jus for them forming an opinion. The way u overreacted is what we jus said. U instantly became defensive and irrational.
This is the reason we survivors need to bingewatch all these damn videos to scrape up a sense of validation from such cunning manipulation. Had it not happened to me I would have never known ANYTHING like this exsisted or was possible.
Narcissists are hard to detect unless you live with one or work very closely with one. And even then it can take years to denote the patterns. Normal healthy people will always question themselves first. And that is why the narcissist chose you. the traits that make you a decent person is what they use against you.
@@cherrytop9616 I have lost one best friend who blamed me for it, and another who is blaming me. Its horrible..... I keep saying I wish my trauma had it been anyting else a rape a cancer diagnosis award victim anything that anyone could understand but when it comes to this no one backs you up if they just think like you said that you're crazy it's such a terrible place to be in.... I wish you peace on your journey
I was raised by a narcissist mother. She destroyed my relationship with my brother, because we were close. Always tells me I can trust her which I never will again. It took many years to break away. It is sad for me as I have no idea what it is like to have a mother that actually cares about you.
@Jacqueline Patrick You got cheated and ripped off. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling because my mom is a covert narcissist. The only thing I can do is be the mother to my children, that I didn’t get. I view her as an example of what not to do.♥️
This happened to me, only I eventually discovered that he also was playing the same narcissist games with me. He tried to cheat me out of an inheritance. He dropped dead at 53, and she’s still roaring along at 92. It’s a royal muss, and frankly I deserved a lot better.
My mom finally passed away at 95 a few years ago. Although I had distanced myself and rarely share personal information with her, it was only when she died that I felt free. When people talk about Mother's Day, and how much they loved their Mother all I feel is empty.
This my Daughter .....she is 56 years old ......I am a Widow ....my Husband her Farther, died 33 years ago at the age of 48."...... and I have tried so hard to please her......but I am blamed for every thing ....that is not right for ....... I can not speak to her ...I am 80 years old on 1st of November ...
Cynthia Rockett I’m very sorry to hear this, am 57 my daughter is 25, and is a narcissist. Her father is too. Am terrified to be in the same room with my daughter. I have no independence or friends. I feel my only choice is suicide.
I used to hate trying to cook. If I didn't ask for help they would get involved anyhow, or try to make changes when you were following a recipe it was frustrating and I got to the point where I said fuck it, it's not worth trying to do something nice for somebody
@@cynthiarockett6554 Sorry to hear that. My father passed away recently. And while I do my her(for blowing all his money, leaving the houses unfished making him sicker and sicker, plus stealing his painkillers so he couldn't do anything, plus all the anger issues. And yet trying to spin every bad decisions she made that really hurt me and my father instead, onto him.) but it must suck getting blamed like that.
2:32 They want your trust 3:54 They get the upper hand 5:00 They instill fear in you 6:23 They sabotage you behind your back 7:55 They weaponize your past mistakes 9:22 They play the victim card and blame others 10:18 They rule your life with an iron fist 11:28 A few key thoughts
That sets them off any way you try to do and they blame you. And you really need a psychologist between the two of you to sort things out so everybody's on the same page.
@@lorawalsh2412 I have listened to this fully. Now this video will prevent one from being affected by a narcissist and prevent the "forces" from "becoming" a narcissist: th-cam.com/video/K-MoPErk3l0/w-d-xo.html When one who is purifies by austerity, contemplative, free from desire and searching for life beyond all of this the video has been made. When this series is finished by way of accepting understanding practicing reiterating and perfecting is one ready for the next stage which is beautiful. I wish you well in your journey :)
You are so right I live with one I think he could troll but he and denial with him you style with yourself so he has to try to make everybody else be unhappy it sneaks around dust oven and he believes whatever he says to try to convince you to believe it are that you're stupid Down to where you're not happy The same to do is to get out of it And I'm the wife shall I know To be very shady They try to tell you that they know what love is but they don't And I want to make you think you're cute don't Because I don't know how to get that can return After water becomes very mentally and physically abusive you should because you're so unhappy with yourself
1. They charm you into trusting them. 2. They begin to establish the upper hand over you 3. They instill fear in you 4. They will sabotage you behind your back 5. They find your flaws and use them against you 6. They'll portray themselves as the victim even if it was their fault. They pin blame on anyone but themselves. 7. They turn life into a list of rules & obligations Don't give them the reaction they want. Don't fall into their traps.
My ex wife of 31 years had ALL narcissistic characteristics, and used all seven of these things on me and our only (now adult) kid. The kid hasn't spoken to me in almost three years.
can't/won't forgive you for anything...but EXPECT to be "forgiven" their faults (though they never Truly own up that they did/said anything unhelpful or hurtful...
I made it through college and law school while married to a narcissist. I learned very quickly NOT to mention any accolades or awards I received or he would be unbearable for days. I had to keep finals and papers due under wraps or he would completely sabotage me with temper tantrums. It took a while for me to even figure what the heck was going on, it was so outrageous.
I stayed for 34 years; I deserved better than that. You do, too. Find your strength for your children's sakes. Find your way out of this manipulative situation. Life on the outside? Wow! The air is clear, the kindness of others awesome. Be kind to you and. G.e.t. O.u.t. Namaste.
Try dealing with a alcoholic narcissist that’s what I’ve been dealing with for 33 years, last 10 him drinking heavily. In the process of getting a divorce now wish me luck & say a prayer for me.
I'm divorcing an alcoholic narcissist. I noticed the first signs when his mask came off. I ran. It was a short marriage but I refuse to deal with him anymore.
Try having a daughter in law that plays these games with. I'm divorced so she takes advantage of the fact it's just me. And now I have a grandson I hardly see because I won't play her games. It's so sad. But she has already destroyed my close relationship with my son because she has him do her dirty work for her like he has no choice. She has him wrapped around her pinky. I have to stay away because it's devastating to deal with this sneaky witch. I end up crying and leaving early every time I visit. It's a 4 hour drive and in disabled..(Back problems and Lupud) So I don't subject myself to them anymore. I can't for my Sanity! I'm still 💔 broken hearted.
It's great to have the internet its how I realised what I was dealing with was a narcissist was a painful realisation at first but the truth will set you free and I'm free of that person .
Some of the bullying teachers who make life he'll for the students .....I had experience of such a person in my sons school . Mr charisma he had two faces the smile and the sheer. Jealousy was behind all his bullying of teenage boys not the girls . He saw himself as Mr handsome .many women admired him other teachers and female students . But tteenage boys on receiving end of constant harassment they loathed him ...
It’s scary the sheer volume of ‘narcissists’ within our society these days. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who sees it as demonic..the good news is you’ll be so much wiser after tangling with one, and stronger if you choose to learn and be insightful about yourself
“1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. 2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, 4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; 5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. 6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, 7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith. 9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their's also was.” 2 Timothy 3:1-9
@@ghost-user559 this is really scary. I know he is evil. It makes me sick to know how evil he is and I still sleep beside him. I pray for safety and protection and I thank God for sending his Angels to show me and tell me that I am strong enough to keep fighting for a happy, healthy, safe, and loving life. He has actually said that he is the devil. He’s proud of it! It’s scary- he has me scared every day. He displays different personalities like clockwork but he’s still unpredictable. I’m looking for ways to legally prosecute him because of this “situationship”. I feel like I’m a hostage. Thank you for posting. With everything going the way it is around the world, I feel like we all should be trying to help people find the Lord and be saved from Hell. I’m living in Hell on Earth right now. I don’t want to experience Hell in the afterlife.
@@annetebailey4122 it is scary, especially how people take influence so easily. Untill the day comes that we work together for the collective efficiency of each other, the digressive personality type is winning, so to speak.
@@CriticalMassAwakening It is the ultimate loss of control. They can't do a thing about it either. They would rather have you fight with them and regain control. It really messes with them mentally especially if you have moved far away and are still in contact with the rest of your family.
Very true. Check out George Simon also. He speaks about not letting a narcissist dictate the terms of engagement -how they always start off whereby you are in a one-down position ....a major reason for NOT arguing with them, since it shows that you buy into their doubting of your merit and perspective. He says that it is so important to redefine the terms of engagement. I see it also as, question their right to question you ....or look at the 'thought behind the thought' .... great example would be to question their right to be abusive over a supposed criticism of your work. -This sneaky aggressive tactic, where they hide behind a supposedly legitimate criticism of your work and try to fool you into engaging on this level. I also found an article at www.excelatlife.com on dealing with Passive Aggressive behaviour ...namely, people who hide behind supposed "legitimate" criticisms to actually abuse somebody ...the trick is supposedly to say something like: "I may be wrong, but you sound really angry with me...?" ...and to repeat this sort of questioning until you FORCE the covert narcissist to OWN their hostility towards you (instead of hiding behind "legitimate" "constructive" criticism) OR they have to then back down and start behaving in a civil manner. Thought I'd pass this on. I am so OVER having these SHIT HOLE people in my life... I don't know what the future holds for me if I cannot manage to at last get serious distance from these toxic pieces of absolute crap.
@@lambchop6278 Thank you! I will check out the other persons posts and the article. This is a whole new area for me since becoming entangled for 5 years. This will never happen to me again! When you know, you go. When I knew, I flew. Best regards!
great point! I am quite sure my ex girlfriend was a narcissist! she would always crucify me for things that she did even worse than me. when i pointed out the double standard she would always say that she did it because of me. and omg, could she ever play the victim!
Once you have seen the true face of the narcissist, cut all cords (emotional, mental, physical, financial, social) and walk away. Don't engage in any kind of a conversation with them. It's like going down a rabbit hole. No resolution will come out of it. Don't ever let them back in your life, even if they apologize - it's yet another trick to pull you back into their clutches. And above all, always keep praying to the most high God to set you free from dark, evil, narcissistic energies. Prayers create miracles and even if the narcissist tries to keep you isolated and friendless with no one to ask for help, God is good and a way-maker even in seemingly hopeless situations. May we all be blessed and free of narcissistic energies! Amen🙏
If you live with a narcissist and if you stand up to them, you pay the price big time...either with anger or weeks of abuse. So you learn to walk on eggshells to keep the peace.
@@seekingthetruth304 maybe that's your experience. But it is not mine I have found out walking on eggshells only twists me and makes them more in control. I do choose my battles. But I don't walk on eggshells they're not the same.
Criticism, im never good enough or can't do anything right, he will go behind me and do over what I just did, even though the way I did it was just fine, the task got done..
Me: "You have broken my wrist" Narc: "If I have broken your wrist then you deserved it" No apology then tells everybody that I had a fall. However the hospital figured it out for themselves what really happened.
I was in a relationship that drove me towards almost committing suicide. When I got back home from the hospital, I was blamed for it, that was a red flag for me to leave
I have abandonment issues. It was chum in the water for her. Left me feeling like my soul was killed. God helped me and always has. Now I can help others. That is my reward.
Im so sorry. I went thru something similar. I had a mental breakdown at exes house and wanted to die. Then they kicked me out and ex told me I terrorized them. I was pregnant and sick. Somehow i still blame myself but jesus it’s so insane of them
My respect and empathy goes out to all that have have been directly and indirectly affected by narcissistic relationships. Here's to all you folk out there.
Oh, so true. My BPD/narc husband does nice stuff then, once we argue afterwards, his favorite line is “Oh, I guess the concert is over if he got me tickets to a concert. And, another good line is if I bring something to his attention that was unacceptable behavior, he says oh, just forget it. Deflects from his bad behavior. I now just laugh in his face and walk away. Ugh!
@Caroline Stone 100%! I've had adrenal fatigue (feel like I have the flu 24/7), chronic lower back pain, chronic sleep issues. Not to mention the isolation that comes with it. Find ways to take care of yourself. I started with yoga, I was soooo scared, shaking like a leaf, but I just kept going (4 times a week) and my life slowly changed and got better. Also Al Anon - a 12 Step program for friends and family of alcoholics, but everyone is welcome and it's really helpful.
trust me, it is. I was a therapist for many years, and had 2 very narcissistic parents who were very successful. I'm 65 and still dealing with the low self-esteem. One thing that may help you get in touch with your body and what it is telling you is to read books by Arnold Mindell, he's very good at interpreting messages from your body, he helped me alot.
@@weisabunny Yes Al anon is wonderful - and those folks are heroes. I've had the same health problems, now I have Hashimotos, too, pretty sure it all came from how I was raised by 2 narc parents.
Same here, I was always portrayed as the villain in the relationship but it was he always projecting his insecurities onto me. He has been out of my life for a decade and all I can say is good riddance to him.
@@shenanigans17100 thats great im proud of you mines dont come around as much anymore but when he do he claims hes checking on me sonething i dont need we have 4 children together and its sad that he only cares about himself he so selfish he cant even be right with them so im do what i have to do for them only thing is im waiting patiently for God to bless me with a place out of town so i can be totally clear of that demonic man
I started saying, “It doesn’t appear you’re happy in this relationship. Perhaps there’s someone better suited.” She ended it within two days. Now I can figure out who I am again,
You're lucky. Mine cheated on me and gave me chlamydia and blamed it on me. As if jacking off can create an std 😆 she was evil and the stress caused me to start balding
You can feal the hate. The little bit of “love” they offer feels like a patronizing/child like/immature way. I feel the hate is real. I don’t feel the love at all.
Yes I really believe my narcissistic husband of 36 yrs really actually hates me! He can do such thoughtful and kind things after being Mr Nasty as I call it. I know it’s the love bombing stage.
There are narcissist therapists . Yoga teachers business consultants . They will be considered successful as they have used their skills in Manipulation to their own advantage. Certainly Acting theatre and showbusiness is full of Narcissistic personalities.
I was married to a narcissist. We are apart now for 17yrs. I'm still becoming the person I truly am. It feels great to be free after almost losing my identity.
I was married for 10 yrs to a covert narcissist. It was the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. I felt like I was crazy. I've been out for 3 months, I've never felt better and more empowered 🤗🙏🥰. Of course he already has his NS and she's pregnant lol🤣. Better her then me😆.
Married 4years and gone 1 month filing divorce Oct. 24th. I love me even though I lost myself in him. I am finding more and more pieces of me everyday💪 and 😁
I’ve always thought that the narcissist’s trashing you to other people serves a purpose from their perspective. It serves to justify their poor treatment of you. You’re the ‘bad guy,’ so you deserved whatever it was they did to you.
So I am a second wife in a religious marriage. My husband started getting worse towards me after he found out I am pregnant with my first child. We have been in a rough time so this was the worst time to get pregnant, but it happened. I have only been married to him for a year but he and the first wife have been married for 10. So I would be minding my own business in the first wife's home (when I would go to help with her kids) and he would take time to poke me until I got irritate and spoke rudely to him to tell him off. The first wife would sit there and say "why are you bothering her? Just leave her alone" and he immediately defends himself saying "See? She is so rude. Who would want to be kind to someone like this. She deserves it for being disrespectful". This is after he scolds me or shouts at me to put me in my place for being rude towards him for pestering me (he normally would make offensive "jokes" or poke at my mentally illnesses). The first wife said that her entire 10 year marriage has been. No different and watching the way he teaches me is like reliving her initial years of marriage. Except she feels she must stay for the kids. And I bounced a couple weeks ago while being newly pregnant. Neither of them know where I am and she gave up doing his bidding to get me to return. The four kids (ages 2-9) have even been brought into this by my husband. Soon I will let them know I left the country we all resided in together (not our home country). Sis (as I call her), if he won't change for you after 10 years then I am nothing magical or special for him to change for me after one year. If he cared so much about this baby of mine he wouldn't put me under stress, trying to threaten that he can force me to abort, tell me to go kill myself twice (in her presence), refuse me to seek mental health treatment for my diagnosed illnesses, and refuse to allow me to seek a doctor for anything until 16 weeks. That sweet woman has bent over backwards, and then some, to help keep this family together. But I cannot keep burdening her with my marriage and she needs a break. I pray she gets every bit of a reward in the afterlife for everything she has done to be there for me through everything, but I had to leave. I miss her and the kids. "You two act more like a married couple than you and I do" -husband's comment about me and the first wife. Yeah, no dug, it's called respecting boundaries and genuinely loving one another without expectations or demands.
That explained how my eldest sister talked and behaved with every family member.... even for being empathic for my father!!! She thought that we are not right in our spiritual faith and bragged about God and Christian virtues. It's a life-long problem in the family. I left home to study and work since I was 18 years. But when I go back home, she is still the same crazy talker.
GIRL SAMEE!! I’m going through the same thing right now, it hurts so badly because you feel like you’re always doing something wrong and you actually believe it sometimes, it’s so messed up. Narcissistic people are just pathetic
@@princhipessa1969 if you keep schooling yourself in narcissism you will be able to move past the illussion of the love bombing your ex narc gave you as a perception of who he is if which he is not...knowledge is power over emotions....
Ugh my MOTHER is the eternal victim. She has refused to speak to me at all for six months (so far) despite my repeated apologies and I don’t even know what I did (this time)! I am quickly learning that she is narcissistic...it explains everything. It’s sad because now I know she won’t change and I will NEVER have a loving, supportive mom. I feel so sad but I think I have to go no contact. I can’t slip into self-destruction because of my mother.
In my experience, confrontation doesn't work. The result is a barrage of narcissistic rage. And they hold a grudge FOREVER. I've found the only thing that works is shunning them. Conflict only feeds their ego and love of drama, but they can't tolerate being ignored.
The narc I knew opened up by telling me his family weak points. It made me feel pressured to reveal my life. I thought he was being vulnerable. But all that disclosure was manipulative and painting him as a victim. Later I realised he didn't actually ever let on about "himself" like how he felt or how he was wrong. The max he would say is "I took responsibility for my part" but never said what that was. Such an easy sentence to say! Lol
My father was a narcissist, I saw him in the books I read on the subject. The most startling thing I read was: "They will never kill themselves because inside... they are already dead,"
The same applies to my father. After many years of mental abuse, my sister and I left him two years ago, never to go back. He tried relentlessly to invade our lives again and again, which did not work out. My sis needed psychological care for a long time. There is only one way to deal with narcissists: go away, stay away, burn all bridges. My father has been dead inside for as long as I can remember, without him knowing. He is like a mental cancer, consuming anyone who comes close.
My mother unfortunately. Best thing I ever did was go no contact over a year ago. She is the one that is mentally ill....when I waved my clean bill of sanity after spending hours with a top psychiatrist she was left speechless. Turns out I have C-PTSD. Finally free after 55 years!!
yes very true it is a deep state of apathy almost like being in a coma ( i have seen it visually like a very young child bent forward over their folded knees stuck at the bottom of a very deep dark well ) apathy is a suppression of feelings although numbness is the first authentic feeling thus if someone can even manage to acknowledge their apathy they might be able to sit in their numbness long enough to then grieve a bit. Grief is necessary to come out of that deep dark place of desolation and despair. Acknowledging devastation is necessary to begin to grieve these deep wounds. The power and control issues used to boost self esteem ( self image ) create more distance from the reality of feeling these wounds enough to safely grieve them. my father became a psychic medium and has relied upon antidepressants to separate from his feelings yet now in his eighties a lot of those dark spiritual separations are coming back into his body forcing him to feel pain yet I can not convince him that some of his physical pain is due to suppressed feelings as well. our spirit is love and love is a feeling our wisdom consciousness is made up solely of feelings which is denser than energy and the mental awareness is only energy thus only thirty percent of a feeling the tricky part of spiritual separation is the intellect since there are zero feelings in the intellect although the person can have a mental awareness of feelings and think they are feeling when they really are not feeling anything since feelings are both demonstrative and vulnerable the emotional tone scale explains how people move through a scale of feelings covert hostility is a good example as the person is stuck between fear and anger and they refuse to feel either since their depth of sensitivity regarding grief is too daunting for them to surrender to yet mentally they can believe that they are above fear or beyond it yet that is a mental rationalization or seduction since then they feel they are in control yet their aggression still squeaks out in inappropriate ways now to get to the point of my responding to your message here, it takes a great deal of vitality to actually kill yourself i am in no way suggesting suicide as any kind of remedy i am saying that feeling dead inside or being stuck in apathy doesn’t allow someone to choose suicide even if they do finally acknowledge feelings of devastation still there has to be a very strong feeling of assuredness that suicide is necessary truthfully thus a choice to suicide must come with a great deal of conviction that there is no other way out of life’s negative situation feelings are powerful since we can feel like we are dead emotionally due to our devastation about life’s circumstances yet it is our beliefs regarding our own self worth that tend to propel us into destructive actions and that is always due to the assumption that we have no value somehow, that we are not appreciated and our positive efforts are not given any credit... that is what I am learning about myself, that I am angry that all of my good intentions and positive efforts are not recognized as having merit and then I can take it all very personally and go into a tail spin over every slight that I have ever suffered as if these repetitive put downs are real and have meaning yet ultimately every action that I have ever taken can only be judged between me and my own higher self only my God knows my value and worth ; not another flawed human being like Stephen Levine teaches : we need to seek the love and mercy in our own human hearts for ourselves and others personally for me i have needed to see the game and the underlying tactics of the wounded people in my life to be able to witness it without getting caught up in it and losing my own center by reacting negatively and thus getting sucked into negative behaviors Dr Carter’s ideas about how to respond to the narcissist are helping me to see what I can be capable of and for my own journey I do wish to expose the narcissist I already know myself and I know my own intentions, I just need to not allow outside forces to convince me that I am less than what I know myself to be
Once you are fully aware you are dealing with a narcissist, the best way to deal with them, is to never deal with them again. The hard part is coming to this realisation.
I’ve experienced 6 out of the 7. My wake up call was when I started identifying that they always play the victim in every situation. It took me many years to become aware of his games but very quickly realized they are narcissistic. Even though I’m not 100% free, I am freer than I have ever been. I won’t ever go back. Thank you for the education, your videos are extremely helpful
@@PoyTroy I have children with him. I do need to communicate with him for child care reasons which tempts him to want to play games and control me once again. It is a struggle maintaining boundaries but I am in a much better place now emotionally than when I was married.
@@brown_eyed_girl I knew you were gonna say that, I'm in the same position. I'm free but still have to talk to them for my child here and there. I honestly am lucky cause they found a new supply and don't have to deal with their emotional baggage or constant criticism, it's just talks about my child and that's it
I was married for 25 years to a man fulfilling every sign you mention . Plus all those years we were in The Jehovah’s Witness Cult .....also Narcissistic !!!!! My life was hell ( I now know I am an empath ) . The religion teaches as a woman you NEVER leave your husband . At the end of 25 years I had NO personality left and was a wreck . I finally left him for my own mental and physical safety . Then I found out the TRUTH about JWs and disassociated myself . AT LAST I AM ME ...at 68 years old ....whew ...home at last !
Same 😩😭 then vented to my husband about it and he turned around and did the same thing. Ugh Lost all my confidence, don't know what's right or wrong any more 💔😭
@@lifeisgood7740 Welcome to Team Healthy. I posted this 3 years ago. Time flies under Dr. C'S guidance. You'll find your place of peace guaranteed. My narcassist is 97 and I've risen above her and her messy life. She hurts me no longer. It's glorious. 😘
As the ‘golden child’ or whatever of a communal narcissist father, i at least know what it’s like to think like a narcissistic person, but not a true narcissist cuz I saw a good therapist since freshman year, and I’ve worked very hard on changing my thought patterns, increasing empathy and compassion for others, taking full responsibility for my mistakes, and I stopped viewing people as selfish and dumb. And it was absolutely worth the hard work I’m a different person now and I see through all my fathers bs
Also my listening skills improved a lot cuz I now genuinely care about others and what they have to say. Also I don’t lie and I have a much deeper connection to my friends and family members besides my dad
I'm the scapegoat. It's hard having the narcissist's responsibility fall on me. Just too much! He can't be bothered, so I won't be. Dad is the narc. I deserve better!
Oh, never trust them and tell them your secrets because they'll grasp the first opportunity to use your secrets against you. They are liars and will play mind games all day long and everyday.
Kholoud Aladel that’s the issue you can’t just look at someone and say ooo there’s a narc don’t talk to them. No it’s the opposite they act normal and get you to trust them then they have you comfortable enough to spill your heart to them....then they begin their draining of you once you give them the ammo
The best way to drain a narcissist is by not telling him your secrets,it’s sometimes really hard,especially if it’s your very close relative,I learned how to change the subject(it took me 20 years to learn that)-talk about them and their interests instead,don’t let them leash u in your conversation,don’t let them trap u over and over again!
A narcissist is totally unaware of her ploy because she is soooo conviced about her infallibility, and when called out, soooo perfect in playing the victim.
Out is best but, it ain't always that straightforward, if you love them they've got you... and did you ever notice they never seem to ask for things (usually cos you give them everything to please them) and are never grateful and come out with comments like "I NEVER ASKED FOR THAT"...
Do they know they’re narcissists? I had a narcissist accuse me of being a narcissist. I started looking up what that meant. And it sounds EXACTLY like Them!!
The first time I really heard the term narcissist was from my sister as she’d call others that. Turns out she was projecting or something... she is absolutely one. Denial has to play a big role for many I suspect! It wasn’t until my own therapist identified her as one. Possibly borderline too. Funny how survivors of narcissists will get help (which is good) but then often times it’s those narcissist that really need help but will not ‘stoop’ to that level of vulnerability to ask for it or seek it out.
They know how to act sane, kind, insightful, and interested in you; but it’s all an act. In the blink of an eye, they will show their true selves: mean and strange!
YES SO TRUE MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST AS YOU SAY HE OK ONE MINUTE HE OK AND THE NEXT TOTALLY FLIP MODE 30 MINUTES LATER I LOVE YOU BABY LETS DO SOMETHING I TELL HIM TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IM LIKE WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU EARLIER HE SAYS ITS NOTHING WRONG BABY HE JUST GOING THROUGH SOMETHING AND HES SAYS NOTHING JUST DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW SO I LEARNED NOT TO STOP PUSHING TOO HARD AT THE SITUATION BECAUSE HE GETS VERY ANGRY AND VIOLENT RAGE THAT ALSO BECOMES MY PROBLEM AS WELL TO MAKE THIS STORY I THINK THAT HE REALLY TRY TO PLAY WITH MY MIND GAMES AND TRY TO MANIPULATE ME WITH THE PLAY OF THOSE MASTER MIND GAMES HE TRY PLAYING WITH ME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS CUT IT SHORT THATS WHY HIS HEAD HEADED ASS IN JAIL BECAUSE HE DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO NOTHING I SAY RIDE OVER MY OPINIONS ON THINGS HE JUST GO BY HIS OWN IN TAKE THAT'S WHY I THINK IM GOING TO PUT HIM IN CHECK WHEN HE GETS OUT OR HE CAN GET HIS ASS OUT MY LIFE BECAUSE IM TOO OLD FOR THIS BULLSHIT AND I EXPLAINED TO HIM IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER IM MOVING FORWARD AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR ME AND MY LIFE DAMN A MAN.(I CAN DO BAD BY MYSELF)!!!!!😎🤗😚 BUT ANYWAYS I FEEL WHERE YOU WAS COMING FROM AND I NEED A HERO NOT A ZERO BOO !!!####👑👑 A KING IN MY CORNER GOD BLESS YOU AND TAKE CARE PEACE & LOVE ,💘💘💘💘💘 PRAY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST FOR ME I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE LILE IT'S GOLDEN IM 39 YEAR-OLD WILL TURN THE BIG 40 THIS YEAR OKAY SO DON'T HAVE TIME FOR GAMES LOVE YOU TAKE CARE YOURSELF PEACE AGAIN 😛😛😛😛😀😀😀🙈🙉🙊
@@denisejackson6509 life is hard denise,but for a partner to make it even harder and misrible for you speaks volumes,i hope it works out for you,either your partner changes for the better or you leave him,its not easy, but from what you wrote you have some clarity .you deserve only the best denise,ivwish you all the very best..
Hahaha by saying that you give them attention, so you are manipulated as a supply to them. You don't say it, you just be it. You ignore them and cut them off or limited contact with boundaries.
@@mandolaa That's true, but in this case, I was deeply immersed in a legal conflict. I had to be clear. And to be honest, it's probably the only time that I've been honest to that person. It felt very good.
I told that to my sister, but instead I got a lot anger and hate from her part. Therefore, I think I tried to answer her with ok thanks for inviting to some random photo thing. I’m truly tired of being among my own family.
The only issue I have with your advice to confront the narcissist is that sometimes they can be violent and aggressive. I've seen many narcissistic rages. They can be frightening.
I agree. Confronting them is like the police warning a criminal that they coming. It just gives them more time to plan their escape. It's better to just back out of the Relationship because if they see it coming their ego needs to screw you over in some way to feel as if they won.
Abusers kill you when you go to leave them. You don't tell them you're leaving. You're going to visit your mom or sister or uncle. Then don't come back.
It has taken me years to be in control of my life again but in the beginning I was under his control completely. I took the blame for everything just for a quiet life but started standing up to him after 40 years, but it ended my marriage and although it gets lonely, it's peaceful and stress free.
Me to, 40 years married, of never being right about anything, he isolated me from my family and friends. Divorcing NOW! Wake up call: cancer in my female parts. He tried to say it really wasn’t that bad, after all I didn’t receive chemo or radiation treatments!!! The doctor caught the cancer extremely early in the cell of my uterus. He wouldn’t even take care of me after major surgery. Expected me to take care of HIS needs instead of my own body.
My experience 1. You talking about yourself makes them angry because they see that confidence in you which they do not want to exist. 2. You said something and they understood it some other way and make a big deal out of it(your explanation is never heard or approved). You cannot come out of it without a fight or a verbal abuse. 3. You always have to admit to their decisions and plans. 4. They are always correct.
It’s all about them or their interests! I don’t matter! I’m a nothing! Got to stop! These videos are an amazing insight into narcissistic behaviour! Thank you Les!
Jesus. 😭 I hope this video and comments make me feel better about myself. Every comment and everything has said in these 4 minutes I can relate to every single thing.
Listening to this I want to cry. I thought it was something wrong with me. That I lost my sense of self. I didnt know this was like a thing. Thank you for making these videos
Me too i questioned myself didnt know this even existed these type of people and then i started to match these behavior with my daughter father and i was like omgggg im not crazy lol is sooo sickening
Me too! These videos have saved me! Every single one I watch I learn from! It is like Dr. Carter lived in my house...sadly I had to end a 24 yr marriage..
I am so grateful for your advice and counseling. My brother and I are dealing with end-of-life care for our mother who is an extremely narcissistic person. My brother is actually providing day-to-day nursing-type care to her while she belittles him, insults him, and picks apart everything he tries to do to help her. I quit giving in to her demands about 18 years ago and she declared nuclear war on me and tried to break up my marriage, created a web of lies about me, and tried to get me fired from my job. I refused to fight back and simply stepped-away. My brother did not, and he is now trapped in the situation.
I love this guy. There is something lovable about him, kind of like a favorite uncle or cousin, and he is so knowledgeable on narcissism! But it's not just information. He's not only educating, he's kissing our boo boos from being hurt over our narcissist relationships.
1. They are smarter than you 2. They have no sympathy 3. They start stupid arguments and blame you 4. They don't accompany you to your family gatherings 5. The day starts out how they feel not caring about you or your day. 6. They speak louder and louder thinking that will make you agree with them. 7. Thay are aways in a bad mood, they are not happy very often. 8. They talk down to you and think it's funny. 9. You're always wrong 10. They require an exhausting amount of attention. If this is your experience, RUN! Never look back! And don't let their charming apology woo you back. Many men and women are mentally scarred for life. My anxiety attacks seized the very day I left. And this is not meant for self pity like some say. So many women have lost their lives being in this type of relationship. Men have too.
I am having to deal with my Father like that and the worse part he act's 3/4 of the time on what you posted here. I never seen it till I got my diploma. Mother isn't much of a help ether, only my sisters are helpful which I do appreciate since they deal with their bullshit for over 30 years now. But luckily I have a decent job and can save up for a decent car, like a 2000's civic. Sigh up for Community College in the Fall so there my deadline!
#2 on your list is a tricky one. I had a reality check and found out there is a significant difference between sympathy and empathy. My narc mother was able to sympathize but it wasn't her experiencing the pain or joyful feelings I was sharing. They don't actually feel the feelings of others. That is the essence of a lack of empathy. She would use sympathy as a smoke screen. Its a very subtle difference after becoming NA or Narc Aware. No Empathy. It's being soulless for anyone unless it's themselves
My ex would actually say "Don't talk with him or her". "Don't go here or there". They are control freaks, blameshifting totally unpleasant ppl! I'm putting it lightly too!
I swear, this is like a roadmap of my soon-to-be ex-wife. 11 years of lies and mental abuse had beaten me into submission. Thank God my faith has carried me through and the finish line to my long nightmare is in sight. I urge all of you in a relationship with a narcissist to get away and never look back. There are far worse things then being alone.
@@carolynnalvarez7032 You can do it. Faith in God and yourself can work miracles. You deserve better and it never too late to be happy. God bless you and I will pray for you to get to where you need to be.
@@carolynnalvarez7032 - I hear you & am so sorry you're in this situation. I am afraid also. Not of being alone, but of the actual divorce, after 17 yrs if being together. His rages are really 🤯😱 - but never show your fear Carolynn. Besides, he has told me "you won't get one cent from me" but for 14+ yrs was perfectly happy having me as a 50% bill payer, plus cook, worked as many hours as he did, did all shopping, did yardwork evenly, etc., etc. He has told me "I can bury a body where no one will ever find it." I spent my $ on things for the house. He never bought 1 thing, but happy to use everything I had. He was also very competitive (we had same job) never happy for my success & jealous of my ease with people. If he ever did anything good - I was supposed to heap adoration & comments about how great that was. None ever came back to me. I am injured from a serious horse accident, applying for SSDI now & for the 1st time in my adult life, can not work my way out of this nightmare. I can't wait to be free, to rediscover peace & joy, and my silliness & laughter again. Wishing the same for you & to all survivers here.
I was married to a wonderful woman for 20 years before she passed away. The last ten years of marriage she had turned into a narcissist and used all 7 of the mind games mentioned. Not being able to realize what she was doing I fell into many of her "traps", simply because I loved her and knew she was in pain from her ailments. We were like two roommates living in the same house. After she passed I got therapy for what I thought was loss of a loved one, but it turned out it was more than that. I had to de-program myself from how she treated me as well as the loss of a loved one. Your views on the 7 mind games narcissist's play, hots the nail on the head, all 7 nails. Thanks for giving me confirmation.
Went cold turkey from all narcissist, one in particular that caused havoc in my life, Resisted the temptation to to tell him off. No contact, none. I spend a lot of time in prayer whenever they cross my mind. An old saying from Vietnam officers goes like this..... if you are patient and wait long enough all of your enemies will come floating down the river. I assume that includes abusers, anyone playing mind games is an abuser. Who has the energy for all that BS.?
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 This is the 3rd response of yours I've read and they're all brilliant! You are great at reminding us of the mindset we need to have with narcs. Thank you for telling it like it is and giving me, at least, some additional coaching 😉
I went immediate no contact 2 yrs ago after I called him out on the bs and he didn't return a call. I figured he ghosted his 8 relationship with me. I did see him float by figuratively months later. I went out on a date with a very good looking, kind man that knew that the narc ghosted me. We accidently saw the narc ex boyfriend in public. My date waved and wished him a great night. The narc started crying and raging at a distance. My date said he deserved it and would fester over his loss for many years. This in addition to the Narc still being unemployed and new supply has been out of work for a year. So I cause I saw him float by snd he is still floating down the river. Pretty priceless actually.... no hoovers I assume he is drowing now in his dysfunction.
On 🎯. Thank you for the REMINDER, so I never fall for this again. The Narcissist LOVES to hate you with every breath they have. Narcissists groom you, then destroy you and LAUGH the whole time. Sick b@stards. In the end they loose because they end up totally alone when they are old! And nobody left to feed off of like a vulture.
Having learnt now about these hateful vampires. This past year and half. All l will add is this. The person you love and care about doesn't exist in any way shape or form so when you think about the good points in whatever relationship it was they were getting you on side to help their cause. Block them.from yr thoughts. It's a wast of yr time. Go live your life and learn from a man like Les and don't fall into the trap again.
Takes an interest in your past, in everything you’re about, all the things you feel.:. Just to use it all against you. Knowledge is power. And they can wield that power to make you feel small.
@Mr. R they also withhold information sometimes, to leave you feeling less knowledgeable and strip you of the power that they plan on using on you in the wrong way.
Holding your ground feels so good when you can do it. They will never admit you're right about anything, but they know when they are blowing smoke. When you can stun them into silence, you know you've struck a nerve.
My parents were like this, and my whole life I’ve attracted narcissists because I was taught I had to put up with it, in order to survive my family. At least I know why now I’ve had to stand up for myself so many times. There are a lot of narcissists out there.
Mine too. I ended up with a suicidal/seriously messed up boyfriend at age 15 and had no one to go to and kept wondering why I saw nothing wrong with it for 2 whole years and also blaming him. But now I can't really blame him anymore because he was nowhere near this bad and I'm thinking I was primed for it from the start because of my dad. Thank goodness I'm in a much healthier relationship now... but my current boyfriend's parents are also like this and we're both trying to deal with our own fallout while finding ways to escape all of them. Eventually we'll just drop everything and leave after school but of course my dad has a lot to say about how, when, if, what, etc marriage/a life with him MUST look like. I know a storm is coming that will probably end with him turning our whole community against me and I don't want to lose them but at the same time I'm so sick and tired of living under his thumb. I don't want to be that person that cuts people out of their life but I'm starting to think there's no other option...
When I learned how to remain calm, she accused me of not caring. Why learn how to deal with these people ? The only way to improve the situation is by leaving them .
“That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did…
You deserved it.”
Missy Sterling so accurate!
Perfectly worded
YES!
Missy Sterling Spot On.
Yes i deserved to being beaten up and actually it was not beating up because i did not end up in hospital and he was just restraining me and basically it was my fault because i dared to do little noise during day when he happened to be asleep. And the other time he caused me getting black eyes it was because he tipped over the carpet and he wanted to save me and his hand got a cramp and then his right hand flew this way and left hand flew the other way and actually he is the victim here.
They hardly ever like your music, movies, restaurants, friends, but get their feelings hurt if you ever dont like their preferences.
17 years married to one. You speak truth. Was so bad, when she died, i felt like i was released from prison. I still have not mourned her death. Just glad the marriage is over.
@@officernasty2648 I'm sorta giggling. Bc I totally understand.
Or if you disagree with them, or if they tell you a personal recent story about an experience they had, how they think someone was wrong and when they shared the other person involved's perspective & explain your opinion (they were counting on you automatically 'taking their side') they immediately discount your objective opinion & tell you, "oh, so you're being the devil's advocate..." Their opinion-the only one that counts, unless you agree with them or even praise them! Thank God I don't have to be on constant guard and try so hard to please them anymore. 5 years free now!
Was friends with one. The guy could talk shit about me infront of and behind by back but as soon as I made fun of his cone nipples he would act all insulted.
True. The narc's the only one allowed to openly hate the things you like, but as soon as the other person decides not to play, let's say, the narc's favorite video game cause of non-hateful reasons, it's the end of the world to the narc.
the narcissist isn't confident, they're grandiose. Inside they are wretchedly insecure
Exactly. They are very sensitive to minor criticism and insults, because it destroys their exaggerated sense of self-importance. Their sense of selfe-importance comes from the fact that they actually have low self esteem.
@@WolwerLeague So true.
@@WolwerLeague well said.
Totally agree
@@WolwerLeague and they are bullies
sending all my love to anyone whos endured narcissistic abuse ❤
So appreciated. Dr. C
Thank You!!! & The Same to You, from me !!! ❤️❤️❤️
@Paige Hennigar THANK YOU! Still suffering at this very moment.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I am in this relationship with a NAR right now, my son. On going. Feel will never end.
Thank u
Never tell them your secrets or insecurities.
Made that mistake..now every time he gets angry he throws it in my face
@@shannonnichole8833 😣 tell him he's ugly 🤣🤣
@@shannonnichole8833 the first time someone does it cut him out of your life
I made the huuuge mistake of telling my partner things i should've kept to myself..cos i had it in my head he is my soul mate....he shows his true colours in public ..outrageous flirt ..plays on the fact i have been cheated on and have trust issues ..
I allready did 😣..... Before i understand who she was!
Being around it is like being arrested. Anything you do and say can and will be used against you. 😢
Ain't that the truth. Dr. C
Dyan H omg! Right u r! I used to tell my Ex husband i should record our conversations because he would be vague to weasel out of stuff & i used to tell him i never wanted to be the Prosecutor in our relationship!
YES!!! It's like being charged for the same crime over and over again.
So true!!!
OMG sort us never occurred to me till now thank you!
They also seem to forget what happened and what they said the day before.... really strange. They carry on like it never happened and that you are crazy.
15 minutes after bothering me until I list it he suggested we go get icecream,
They never apologize.
Yeah the ones i met, more like seconds ago. I started sending screenshots, will then even play dumb. But the recent one..he didn't like i screenshotted stuff he said 🙃🙃
My mom does that convenient amnesia. I'm gonna do the same and see if it drives her nuts.
@@TazHall Wow and I first thought he was schizophrenic - dual personality!!
Once you know their game is impossible to have a relationship. It’s abuse . The only answer is not contact. It’s hell living with a narcissist.
So glad I never had to live with my Narcissistic snake
@@user-sl4ul4nc3t I know what you mean. Don’t have contact, sell the car and get a second hand that you own. If you are young it’s easy, if you are older it’s harder because society doesn’t appreciated older women working, it’s hard. I would say to all women, don’t stay at home with your kids, your employability is much less when the kids are gone and then you find yourself depending of this Narc.
Best of luck stay strong, your not alone.
Yes, almost 4 years and about 2 years after he went to jail for assault. This old kindhearted Lady, learned some hard lessons. I didn't have much, but he stole everything he could. Even had a couple of sheriff's help him.
He goes by Wisdom. LoL
That is so true the relationship seems faked in many ways. I see through it. And cant pretend it's a genuine relationship.
Even worse when their abusive physically
They truly hate you when you don’t play their games
uk election, i voted conservative just to oppose my narcissist wife who wanted me to vote labour. She got so upset for days, no sex for you etc... but i felt i got a bit of power back. That could be a trick, to do opposite to what they expect of you. Also i felt weird, bit fearful or guilty at first, i think that's the psychology control im under.
@@RIMJANESSOHMALOOG leave her
Yup. My mom litterly spit and closed the bathroom door as I was passing by it was hilarous like she was done with me or something. This videos saved my sanity! It was hilarous 🤣🤣🤣 feels good to be on this side of the road. As Everthing I watched and heard on those youtube videos happened right before my eyes. No going back from here. Hard as it is. I know it's going to the right direction. She's been playing for way to long now.
@@RIMJANESSOHMALOOG fearful,guilt yup see it as a symptom. It helps.
True
It’s so weird when you expose a narcissist, it’s like realising someone you thought was very confident and powerful becomes an insecure child
So true.
SuperAussieOi That's what I'm saying.. It's crazy how u view them once the invisible spell is gone.
@SuperAussieOi
I stood my ground against a narcissist and managed to win a debate using facts and logic. I proved him wrong.
He ran out of arguments, threw a childish fit, started saying insults to me.
It made me realize how pathetic he actually is.
It certainly is weird. Watched one of them turn into a 5 year old after I drew a boundary.
@@Yue4me I also had problems with my own self-esteem. Still do a little , but it used to be a lot worse. I also had a rough childhood. I'm a quiet and nice guy, just don't like it when people bully or take advantage of me.
I finally had enough of his hypocritical manipulative bullshit.
I destroyed him and he resorted to throwing insults into my face, cause he knew had been proven wrong and didn't want to accept it. Really shows how pathetic narcissists actually are.
I've learned my lesson and now try my best to avoid bad people. Being a nice doormat has never helped me. Sometimes you have to be rough.
I’ve met a lot of narc men with one thing in common: mommy issues. But sometimes daddy issues. It all starts at home.
Agree! I've dated a couple narcs and they definitely had mommy issues. Mothers that hovered and were too involved in their adult lives, although I'm sure the opposite, a neglectful mother, or an issue with the father, can result in narcissistic personalities too.
EXACTLY!!!!
THEY start shit and say nothing, then turn it on you like it's your fault.
YESSS!! You hit the nail on head.
That's playing the victim. They do that.
YESSSSSS They Do
EXACTLY! Perfectly said.
Of course they do. All they want to do is to control others.
No. Contact. Period.
It really is a beautiful thing.
Liz Beth yep!! It’s been almost 40 years for me since there has been any contact. Best decision ever!
Yes Liz this is the cure. My current situation dealing with a coworker
@eroMoD eroMoD I'm not the narcissist asshole. I'm the one that dealing with one.
I am finding myself in that situation. I one year went by after she blew up at me the last time, . Then she, the (friend), made contact last November & WEASLED her way back into MY life, then last evening, she blew up at me again, playing her blame game... I cannot do it, it's so unhealthy & toxic to me.. it's exhausting...I'm done. 😦😝😩
@@gingerbee6719 Toxicity is draining, damaging and exhausting. It doesn't get better. It's relentless.
some people are born without arms and legs.Narcissist's are born without empathy and compassion
It's just amazing how dry they can be!
@Sugared Violet it can also be genetic
@@coffe1892 No, it can't be genetical. If narcissism is proven to be genetical, then narcs are only victims and sufferers and they should only be sympathized with and not hated.
@RHIBEE A narc causes more trauma to a lot of people than the trauma they use as an excuse. Nut cases.
@Sugared Violet Its an inborn trait.I have seen this in children.
When the devil can't reach you, he sends a Narcissist. I just flushed one after 2 years of up and down behavior. She had no friends. She was never wrong. She never owned her erratic behavior. You couldn't confront her in any way...she just projects or avoids responding. Everything was about what she wants.... everything was about her....never us. She was constantly worried about what everyone thinks of her. She was also on my back about how I dressed....how I looked. I came to find out that it was not caring about me but her being embarrassed by my attire....my appearance. No....go practice your wicked game on someone else, lady. Glad to put her in my rearview. Live and learn.
What you just described is so insanely familiar it's completely fucking up my head! I could have written exactly what you did and it would be accurate in my situation.
@@russob7042 Same for me,thank God the nightmare is over for me,except for the horrible flashbacks.
There's a lot of this going around. I had never experienced the female version before this. I had plenty of experiences with the male version.....quarterbacks....politicians...generals....pro athletes.
1000% agree with your statement. They are evil. Very very degrading and evil. A slow death if you will.
@@MiraculusOnly it really doesn't feel that slow.
Married to one for 10 years. I had no idea until a couple years ago this was a form of abuse. He even took me to a therapist for antidepressants because I was reacting to the abuse. Wow. Recovering every day. 5 years since separated
How are you now?
I was married to one also. A covert one. They are evil people . I woke up late.
WOW. My exact story. 10 years. He made me an appointment for me to see a psychiatrist because he just wanted me to “get the help I need”. Me thinking he was being supportive, I went because I was desperate to feel/function better. But in actuality, I was an emotional wreck from all the cheating & being walked out on. All of his back & forth & mind games. All the gaslighting Had no idea that it was abuse. 1 year free. 🙌🏾
Good for you! That was 10 years wasted. Sorry to anyone who is married to one. I know a woman who has been married to a narcissist for 45yrs and still with him. She has such a low self esteem and she is so nice. Very unfortunate.
I didn't figure out k my dad was one til months after he died when I couldn't figure out why my family couldn't get over it. Turned out losing your abuser is hard for the abusers he created with his abuse
What really boggles my mind... narcissist are all alike..
It's like they went to University and studied how to be a narcissist..
Every single one of them do the same thing to me that is mind-boggling
I know!!! It’s totally unbelievable. They are evil robots.
yes, and I think it is cultural, they copy others who do the same who get away with it. It is the normal for them
Excellent point. It’s incredible, but fortunate for us...because of reports I read online matched everything I experienced, down to the dialogue, so completely, it helped me ascertain the situation swiftly. I waited decades to know what the hell was wrong. Even the nightmare of Christmas, described in detail by others, matched what my mother did.
It's witchcraft. Businessmen purposefully make themselves double minded, like the politicians, they are able to say a lie with one half their mind, and beleive it with the other. The double minded man in unstable in all his ways.
And the amount of alter egoes floating around this society is fucking retarded. Imagine in you own mind you are staring into a mirror of yourself, the tv traumatizes people, and their inner image becomes shattered / fragmented. The broken image is a form of demonic possession. We get gamed, then we start hazing each other unconsciously.
And they feel threatened and attacked when u try to talk to them about them
Yup,they're extremely fragile, defensive,and sensitive. They're like overgrown, insane, psychotic 2 yr olds. Very pathetic individuals.
They will talk about themselves endlessly, but if you try to talk about them, unless its crafty ego stroking, forget it, they RUN. Leave you holding a rubber chicken.
@Twist Reject woww..this is wats happening here..u are shifting blame on others jus for them forming an opinion. The way u overreacted is what we jus said. U instantly became defensive and irrational.
Typical narcissistic gaslighting.
And then they’ll turn it on you calling you the narcissist when you confront them with how they are lol! 😂
This is the reason we survivors need to bingewatch all these damn videos to scrape up a sense of validation from such cunning manipulation. Had it not happened to me I would have never known ANYTHING like this exsisted or was possible.
Narcissists are hard to detect unless you live with one or work very closely with one. And even then it can take years to denote the patterns. Normal healthy people will always question themselves first. And that is why the narcissist chose you. the traits that make you a decent person is what they use against you.
I know, when you try to describe them to someone that isn't familiar with it, they think you're crazy
@@cherrytop9616 I have lost one best friend who blamed me for it, and another who is blaming me. Its horrible..... I keep saying I wish my trauma had it been anyting else a rape a cancer diagnosis award victim anything that anyone could understand but when it comes to this no one backs you up if they just think like you said that you're crazy it's such a terrible place to be in.... I wish you peace on your journey
Sister Anonymous i agree and btw i love dr todd grande for really understanding the narcissist mind
@Grandma Fury I know, its hard to believe.. i have never felt more worthless in my life... but im still trying
I was raised by a narcissist mother. She destroyed my relationship with my brother, because we were close. Always tells me I can trust her which I never will again. It took many years to break away. It is sad for me as I have no idea what it is like to have a mother that actually cares about you.
Jacqueline Patrick,You deserve better
@Jacqueline Patrick
You got cheated and ripped off. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I know the feeling because my mom is a covert narcissist.
The only thing I can do is be the mother to my children, that I didn’t get. I view her as an example of what not to do.♥️
This happened to me, only I eventually discovered that he also was playing the same narcissist games with me. He tried to cheat me out of an inheritance. He dropped dead at 53, and she’s still roaring along at 92. It’s a royal muss, and frankly I deserved a lot better.
My mom finally passed away at 95 a few years ago. Although I had distanced myself and rarely share personal information with her, it was only when she died that I felt free. When people talk about Mother's Day, and how much they loved their Mother all I feel is empty.
@@nancyf7062 Find another role model. Must have been very painful to live that. Sorry but you are free now.
Blames you for everything
And freaks out at the smallest
Errors
This my Daughter .....she is 56 years old ......I am a Widow ....my Husband her Farther, died 33 years ago at the age of 48."...... and I have tried so hard to please her......but I am blamed for every thing ....that is not right for ....... I can not speak to her ...I am 80 years old on 1st of November ...
Plus, what they give out they can't take
Cynthia Rockett I’m very sorry to hear this, am 57 my daughter is 25, and is a narcissist. Her father is too. Am terrified to be in the same room with my daughter. I have no independence or friends. I feel my only choice is suicide.
I used to hate trying to cook. If I didn't ask for help they would get involved anyhow, or try to make changes when you were following a recipe it was frustrating and I got to the point where I said fuck it, it's not worth trying to do something nice for somebody
@@cynthiarockett6554 Sorry to hear that. My father passed away recently. And while I do my her(for blowing all his money, leaving the houses unfished making him sicker and sicker, plus stealing his painkillers so he couldn't do anything, plus all the anger issues. And yet trying to spin every bad decisions she made that really hurt me and my father instead, onto him.) but it must suck getting blamed like that.
As you begin to confront them, they begin playing "idiot game" where they don't understant what is wrong with their actions.
Yes. They are conveniently confused
Yea and start crying ...crocodile's tears
So Tru
OMG! this is so true!
Spot on
Narcissist favorite tool is getting you to love them.
Yep. And when they have you in the “enamored” state, they feel and express a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
They need you to side with them, see it their way. Emotions blind people to the truth
100
Omg yes they bloody do
2:32 They want your trust
3:54 They get the upper hand
5:00 They instill fear in you
6:23 They sabotage you behind your back
7:55 They weaponize your past mistakes
9:22 They play the victim card and blame others
10:18 They rule your life with an iron fist
11:28 A few key thoughts
Thank you!!
Thank you! I kept backing up to catch each word!
Lowlife blood sucking vampires
Thank you. Descripion of my husband.
Really like that you do this. Thanks
Standing up to a narc won't do nothing but make them more angry. Best way is to no contact.
No contact sounds and is great , then the holidays comes , family get together can be tricky .
@@bryanoliver5550 I don't even go to the events if I know the narc will be there.
Bryan, don't give them the attention they seek. Just be kind and move along. =] Happy Holidays.
That's what's happening to me it's killing me
What a great ending! He certainly helps a lot of people in distressed situations.
“Don’t give the reaction that they want “ Best advice ever!! Thank you!
Yes the best one don't even look they way
I'm so happy I found this, I have been feeling so alone for so long. Thank you
That sets them off any way you try to do and they blame you. And you really need a psychologist between the two of you to sort things out so everybody's on the same page.
@@lorawalsh2412 I have listened to this fully. Now this video will prevent one from being affected by a narcissist and prevent the "forces" from "becoming" a narcissist: th-cam.com/video/K-MoPErk3l0/w-d-xo.html
When one who is purifies by austerity, contemplative, free from desire and searching for life beyond all of this the video has been made. When this series is finished by way of accepting understanding practicing reiterating and perfecting is one ready for the next stage which is beautiful. I wish you well in your journey :)
You are so right I live with one I think he could troll but he and denial with him you style with yourself so he has to try to make everybody else be unhappy it sneaks around dust oven and he believes whatever he says to try to convince you to believe it are that you're stupid Down to where you're not happy The same to do is to get out of it And I'm the wife shall I know To be very shady They try to tell you that they know what love is but they don't And I want to make you think you're cute don't Because I don't know how to get that can return After water becomes very mentally and physically abusive you should because you're so unhappy with yourself
1. They charm you into trusting them.
2. They begin to establish the upper hand over you
3. They instill fear in you
4. They will sabotage you behind your back
5. They find your flaws and use them against you
6. They'll portray themselves as the victim even if it was their fault. They pin blame on anyone but themselves.
7. They turn life into a list of rules & obligations
Don't give them the reaction they want. Don't fall into their traps.
T
All those qualities describe my dad.
My ex wife of 31 years had ALL narcissistic characteristics, and used all seven of these things on me and our only (now adult) kid. The kid hasn't spoken to me in almost three years.
@@tedschmitt178 Why? You aren't the narcissist.
can't/won't forgive you for anything...but EXPECT to be "forgiven" their faults (though they never Truly own up that they did/said anything unhelpful or hurtful...
I made it through college and law school while married to a narcissist. I learned very quickly NOT to mention any accolades or awards I received or he would be unbearable for days. I had to keep finals and papers due under wraps or he would completely sabotage me with temper tantrums. It took a while for me to even figure what the heck was going on, it was so outrageous.
That’s sad! I am glad you made it out.🤝
I stayed for 34 years; I deserved better than that. You do, too. Find your strength for your children's sakes. Find your way out of this manipulative situation. Life on the outside? Wow! The air is clear, the kindness of others awesome. Be kind to you and. G.e.t. O.u.t.
Namaste.
Right. You can just sense something isn't right. It's not normal behavior
He needs to man up, grow up and shut up!
Kudos to you for your achievements!
Try dealing with a alcoholic narcissist that’s what I’ve been dealing with for 33 years, last 10 him drinking heavily. In the process of getting a divorce now wish me luck & say a prayer for me.
You and I are proof that it's never too late to fix a mistake. Well done :)
Good Luck!!
Why would you? For me 4 months is enough
I'm divorcing an alcoholic narcissist. I noticed the first signs when his mask came off. I ran. It was a short marriage but I refuse to deal with him anymore.
How are you doing? How it went?
Been there, done that. Only 2 years, but that was more than enough to make me get the hell out of there
So over the games! Nobody is worth a miserable life. I would rather be alone on an island than deal with a game playing narc!
🌟
Try having a daughter in law that plays these games with. I'm divorced so she takes advantage of the fact it's just me. And now I have a grandson I hardly see because I won't play her games. It's so sad. But she has already destroyed my close relationship with my son because she has him do her dirty work for her like he has no choice. She has him wrapped around her pinky. I have to stay away because it's devastating to deal with this sneaky witch. I end up crying and leaving early every time I visit. It's a 4 hour drive and in disabled..(Back problems and Lupud) So I don't subject myself to them anymore. I can't for my Sanity! I'm still 💔 broken hearted.
They still stunted your existence by isolation as last respite. See, & you will like it, you see, gangster
I'll join you...I'm tired of the b.s. seems like the whole world are narcissists....
@@michelleantonette9345 mines had my whole family turn against me....even after breaking my face....
Wish they taught this in high school.
same
A lot of people would be better off if they did.
Yup wtf where did this come from?
It's great to have the internet its how I realised what I was dealing with was a narcissist was a painful realisation at first but the truth will set you free and I'm free of that person .
Some of the bullying teachers who make life he'll for the students .....I had experience of such a person in my sons school . Mr charisma he had two faces the smile and the sheer. Jealousy was behind all his bullying of teenage boys not the girls . He saw himself as Mr handsome .many women admired him other teachers and female students . But tteenage boys on receiving end of constant harassment they loathed him ...
It’s scary the sheer volume of ‘narcissists’ within our society these days. I’m sure I can’t be the only one who sees it as demonic..the good news is you’ll be so much wiser after tangling with one, and stronger if you choose to learn and be insightful about yourself
It's very demonic, disturbing and evil. So you're description is quite accurate.
@@pjpj3416 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
“1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their's also was.” 2 Timothy 3:1-9
@@ghost-user559 this is really scary. I know he is evil. It makes me sick to know how evil he is and I still sleep beside him. I pray for safety and protection and I thank God for sending his Angels to show me and tell me that I am strong enough to keep fighting for a happy, healthy, safe, and loving life. He has actually said that he is the devil. He’s proud of it! It’s scary- he has me scared every day. He displays different personalities like clockwork but he’s still unpredictable. I’m looking for ways to legally prosecute him because of this “situationship”. I feel like I’m a hostage. Thank you for posting. With everything going the way it is around the world, I feel like we all should be trying to help people find the Lord and be saved from Hell. I’m living in Hell on Earth right now. I don’t want to experience Hell in the afterlife.
@@mistyparmer8772 hopefully you can leave and things will get better wishing you luck 🍀
Narcissism has become an epidemic. I'm truly worried for the fate of humanity
Me too and it is becoming an epidemic and just look at the man in the white house he's a narcissist now that's real scary
@@annetebailey4122 it is scary, especially how people take influence so easily.
Untill the day comes that we work together for the collective efficiency of each other, the digressive personality type is winning, so to speak.
Gamma Light Cooperation and teamwork and fair play are concepts utterly foreign to the narcissist.
I agree completely.
It's really common in developing countries.
The BEST REVENGE for a Narcissist is to IGNORE THEM COMPLETELY. Ghosting them is the ultimate blow to their egos. Forget they ever existed. 👍🏼
I am doing this now. This person insulted my wife and daughter. So I cut their ass.
@@CriticalMassAwakening It is the ultimate loss of control. They can't do a thing about it either. They would rather have you fight with them and regain control. It really messes with them mentally especially if you have moved far away and are still in contact with the rest of your family.
They write the rules, but don't follow them!
Very true. Check out George Simon also. He speaks about not letting a narcissist dictate the terms of engagement -how they always start off whereby you are in a one-down position ....a major reason for NOT arguing with them, since it shows that you buy into their doubting of your merit and perspective. He says that it is so important to redefine the terms of engagement.
I see it also as, question their right to question you ....or look at the 'thought behind the thought' .... great example would be to question their right to be abusive over a supposed criticism of your work. -This sneaky aggressive tactic, where they hide behind a supposedly legitimate criticism of your work and try to fool you into engaging on this level.
I also found an article at www.excelatlife.com on dealing with Passive Aggressive behaviour ...namely, people who hide behind supposed "legitimate" criticisms to actually abuse somebody ...the trick is supposedly to say something like: "I may be wrong, but you sound really angry with me...?" ...and to repeat this sort of questioning until you FORCE the covert narcissist to OWN their hostility towards you (instead of hiding behind "legitimate" "constructive" criticism) OR they have to then back down and start behaving in a civil manner.
Thought I'd pass this on.
I am so OVER having these SHIT HOLE people in my life... I don't know what the future holds for me if I cannot manage to at last get serious distance from these toxic pieces of absolute crap.
@@lambchop6278 Thank you! I will check out the other persons posts and the article. This is a whole new area for me since becoming entangled for 5 years. This will never happen to me again! When you know, you go. When I knew, I flew. Best regards!
Remember, they're really afraid of you.
Rachele Gilbert true
great point! I am quite sure my ex girlfriend was a narcissist! she would always crucify me for things that she did even worse than me. when i pointed out the double standard she would always say that she did it because of me. and omg, could she ever play the victim!
Once you have seen the true face of the narcissist, cut all cords (emotional, mental, physical, financial, social) and walk away. Don't engage in any kind of a conversation with them. It's like going down a rabbit hole. No resolution will come out of it.
Don't ever let them back in your life, even if they apologize - it's yet another trick to pull you back into their clutches.
And above all, always keep praying to the most high God to set you free from dark, evil, narcissistic energies. Prayers create miracles and even if the narcissist tries to keep you isolated and friendless with no one to ask for help, God is good and a way-maker even in seemingly hopeless situations. May we all be blessed and free of narcissistic energies! Amen🙏
Amen 😓😭
Amen 🙏🙏🙏
Amen
Amen 😔😞
Amen
Having a parent like this is torture.
I agree....
...and is THE good basis for becoming a narcissist, too (generalky spoken, not personally).
yes yes yes .
My mother-in-law is that way
I agree as I have one
"They are just joking" all the time. Duhhhhh.
110% true
@@mynameisreallycool1 this is so true.. why we can't we take a joke ;( what's wrong with us
@@samsavage8988 but they cant take any kind of jokes
@Alison Gaona dont show your emotions to them. Gray rock
Oh yes, “don’t take it personal”
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 7 years. Complete control and cheating at all times 😒. Finally getting myself and my children out of this.
Same here
Good luck. Do it!
If you live with a narcissist and if you stand up to them, you pay the price big time...either with anger or weeks of abuse. So you learn to walk on eggshells to keep the peace.
Walking on eggshells is not peace.😥
@@GDixon-ch3yl but compared to the anger or other manipulation, the eggshels can seem better...Ugghh...
@@seekingthetruth304 maybe that's your experience. But it is not mine I have found out walking on eggshells only twists me and makes them more in control. I do choose my battles. But I don't walk on eggshells they're not the same.
I've got very defensive I just throw it right back at them
Criticism, im never good enough or can't do anything right, he will go behind me and do over what I just did, even though the way I did it was just fine, the task got done..
They're trying to dim your shine.
So very true ... my daughter says, "everybody thinks you're very nice, but inside you're not nice at all"???
They'll take out the BULB!
Everyday!
I wish people knew what this really meant, the sheer extent of it. We're living in Brave New World, production of epsilons and all.
Me: “what you did was abusive.”
Narc. “That’s your perception, I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Wow!!! I hear that all the time...that is until I woke up and called him out on his nonsense!
“That wasn’t abusive I was playing”. “Everybody agrees with me you’re the crazy one” exhausting to even talk to them.
Yup; This happens to me constantly. 2 years in and I"M about to leave. It's always "I'm not responsible for the way you feel" WTF?
@@GenericPlaythroughs did ya leave yet?
Me: "You have broken my wrist" Narc: "If I have broken your wrist then you deserved it" No apology then tells everybody that I had a fall. However the hospital figured it out for themselves what really happened.
I was in a relationship that drove me towards almost committing suicide. When I got back home from the hospital, I was blamed for it, that was a red flag for me to leave
I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope your doing better now.
I know a narc who did the same thing...feel sorry you had to go through that
so sorry u went thru that. thats not fair.. I pray ur happy now and have the love u deserve
I have abandonment issues. It was chum in the water for her. Left me feeling like my soul was killed. God helped me and always has. Now I can help others. That is my reward.
Im so sorry. I went thru something similar. I had a mental breakdown at exes house and wanted to die. Then they kicked me out and ex told me I terrorized them. I was pregnant and sick. Somehow i still blame myself but jesus it’s so insane of them
One thing I always get is "after everything I've done for you". In my experience a narcissist will do literally anything to keep you tied to them.
You are their source of supply....until you decide to turn it off. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism it sure isn't easy
My respect and empathy goes out to all that have have been directly and indirectly affected by narcissistic relationships. Here's to all you folk out there.
Oh, so true. My BPD/narc husband does nice stuff then, once we argue afterwards, his favorite line is “Oh, I guess the concert is over if he got me tickets to a concert. And, another good line is if I bring something to his attention that was unacceptable behavior, he says oh, just forget it. Deflects from his bad behavior. I now just laugh in his face and walk away. Ugh!
The best thing to do is stay the hell away from them, even if they are your family.
Evil is the game they play i know doe are like one
they play great games but immature guys too
Thank you: the best thing to do is to stay away from them--even if it is a family member...
Same, once I get my car then I will leave my parents for good.
True
@@haaxxx9 are you parents narcissist?
I am beginning to think my health issues are possibly affected by his treatment of me. Yes hes always putting me down.
Caroline Stone take good care, an apple a day& water, never give up! I hear u!
@Caroline Stone 100%! I've had adrenal fatigue (feel like I have the flu 24/7), chronic lower back pain, chronic sleep issues. Not to mention the isolation that comes with it.
Find ways to take care of yourself. I started with yoga, I was soooo scared, shaking like a leaf, but I just kept going (4 times a week) and my life slowly changed and got better.
Also Al Anon - a 12 Step program for friends and family of alcoholics, but everyone is welcome and it's really helpful.
trust me, it is. I was a therapist for many years, and had 2 very narcissistic parents who were very successful. I'm 65 and still dealing with the low self-esteem. One thing that may help you get in touch with your body and what it is telling you is to read books by Arnold Mindell, he's very good at interpreting messages from your body, he helped me alot.
@@weisabunny Yes Al anon is wonderful - and those folks are heroes. I've had the same health problems, now I have Hashimotos, too, pretty sure it all came from how I was raised by 2 narc parents.
The hardest step is trusting your judgment first. When I left a relationship which I genuinely dreaded each day, my health and prospects improved.
My X- Narcissist husband portrayed me to his family a total different person than who I am! I’m free from that praise God almighty!
My x did the same, but there was a language barrier. It's been five years now and have zero contact.
Kristi Beers I think that’s my issue
Same here thankgod
Same here, I was always portrayed as the villain in the relationship but it was he always projecting his insecurities onto me. He has been out of my life for a decade and all I can say is good riddance to him.
@@shenanigans17100 thats great im proud of you mines dont come around as much anymore but when he do he claims hes checking on me sonething i dont need we have 4 children together and its sad that he only cares about himself he so selfish he cant even be right with them so im do what i have to do for them only thing is im waiting patiently for God to bless me with a place out of town so i can be totally clear of that demonic man
I started saying, “It doesn’t appear you’re happy in this relationship. Perhaps there’s someone better suited.” She ended it within two days. Now I can figure out who I am again,
You're lucky if they end it. Most times they will string you along while they start their new relationship with your replacement behind your back.
That's what my ex boyfriend always says. Wow, everything makes sense now
You're lucky. Mine cheated on me and gave me chlamydia and blamed it on me. As if jacking off can create an std 😆 she was evil and the stress caused me to start balding
You can feal the hate. The little bit of “love” they offer feels like a patronizing/child like/immature way. I feel the hate is real. I don’t feel the love at all.
Talking in a child like voice.
Yes I really believe my narcissistic husband of 36 yrs really actually hates me! He can do such thoughtful and kind things after being Mr Nasty as I call it. I know it’s the love bombing stage.
@@dubliner1303 ... and in a sing-song way!
They are incapable of love. Jesse Lee Peterson gives a good definition of love.
The hate or only continual pitying of you to your face as being only a hopeless case. Until every one of your own assets get used up.
How many narcissistic people are here taking notes and learning to smooth their craft 😂
They’re tricky like that in my experience
🤣🤣🤣🤣
John Probably hundreds
There are narcissist therapists . Yoga teachers business consultants . They will be considered successful as they have used their skills in Manipulation to their own advantage. Certainly Acting theatre and showbusiness is full of Narcissistic personalities.
Many NARCS have watched these videos and then decided that the videos do not apply to them.
I was thinking the same...a narcissistic supply source.
I was married to a narcissist. We are apart now for 17yrs. I'm still becoming the person I truly am. It feels great to be free after almost losing my identity.
Patricia, may I ask how you got away?
I was married for 10 yrs to a covert narcissist. It was the most toxic relationship I've ever been in. I felt like I was crazy. I've been out for 3 months, I've never felt better and more empowered 🤗🙏🥰. Of course he already has his NS and she's pregnant lol🤣. Better her then me😆.
Married 4years and gone 1 month filing divorce Oct. 24th. I love me even though I lost myself in him. I am finding more and more pieces of me everyday💪 and 😁
Yes 31 years married to one , it was awfull
I'm in the process of getting away from one. I can finally start to heal.
I’ve always thought that the narcissist’s trashing you to other people serves a purpose from their perspective. It serves to justify their poor treatment of you. You’re the ‘bad guy,’ so you deserved whatever it was they did to you.
So I am a second wife in a religious marriage.
My husband started getting worse towards me after he found out I am pregnant with my first child. We have been in a rough time so this was the worst time to get pregnant, but it happened. I have only been married to him for a year but he and the first wife have been married for 10.
So I would be minding my own business in the first wife's home (when I would go to help with her kids) and he would take time to poke me until I got irritate and spoke rudely to him to tell him off. The first wife would sit there and say "why are you bothering her? Just leave her alone" and he immediately defends himself saying "See? She is so rude. Who would want to be kind to someone like this. She deserves it for being disrespectful". This is after he scolds me or shouts at me to put me in my place for being rude towards him for pestering me (he normally would make offensive "jokes" or poke at my mentally illnesses).
The first wife said that her entire 10 year marriage has been. No different and watching the way he teaches me is like reliving her initial years of marriage. Except she feels she must stay for the kids.
And I bounced a couple weeks ago while being newly pregnant.
Neither of them know where I am and she gave up doing his bidding to get me to return. The four kids (ages 2-9) have even been brought into this by my husband. Soon I will let them know I left the country we all resided in together (not our home country).
Sis (as I call her), if he won't change for you after 10 years then I am nothing magical or special for him to change for me after one year. If he cared so much about this baby of mine he wouldn't put me under stress, trying to threaten that he can force me to abort, tell me to go kill myself twice (in her presence), refuse me to seek mental health treatment for my diagnosed illnesses, and refuse to allow me to seek a doctor for anything until 16 weeks.
That sweet woman has bent over backwards, and then some, to help keep this family together. But I cannot keep burdening her with my marriage and she needs a break. I pray she gets every bit of a reward in the afterlife for everything she has done to be there for me through everything, but I had to leave.
I miss her and the kids.
"You two act more like a married couple than you and I do" -husband's comment about me and the first wife.
Yeah, no dug, it's called respecting boundaries and genuinely loving one another without expectations or demands.
They beat you down for something you didn't even do. They Never Do Anything Wrong¡
Yes!!!!
Nope
Omg yes
That explained how my eldest sister talked and behaved with every family member.... even for being empathic for my father!!! She thought that we are not right in our spiritual faith and bragged about God and Christian virtues. It's a life-long problem in the family. I left home to study and work since I was 18 years. But when I go back home, she is still the same crazy talker.
I got so sick and tired of him being the eternal victim in every situation...
Renata Mileske omg! My ex is the eternal victim!
GIRL SAMEE!! I’m going through the same thing right now, it hurts so badly because you feel like you’re always doing something wrong and you actually believe it sometimes, it’s so messed up. Narcissistic people are just pathetic
@@princhipessa1969 Da-yum! Aren't you glad to be able to use that past-tense...."ex."😁
@@princhipessa1969 if you keep schooling yourself in narcissism you will be able to move past the illussion of the love bombing your ex narc gave you as a perception of who he is if which he is not...knowledge is power over emotions....
Ugh my MOTHER is the eternal victim. She has refused to speak to me at all for six months (so far) despite my repeated apologies and I don’t even know what I did (this time)! I am quickly learning that she is narcissistic...it explains everything. It’s sad because now I know she won’t change and I will NEVER have a loving, supportive mom. I feel so sad but I think I have to go no contact. I can’t slip into self-destruction because of my mother.
In my experience, confrontation doesn't work. The result is a barrage of narcissistic rage. And they hold a grudge FOREVER. I've found the only thing that works is shunning them. Conflict only feeds their ego and love of drama, but they can't tolerate being ignored.
Amen to that!
Carry a grudge if you mean it!
Yes Forever!!
Exactly right!
Ignore conflict and carry a grudge✔️
The narc I knew opened up by telling
me his family weak points. It made me feel pressured to reveal my life. I thought he was being vulnerable. But all that disclosure was manipulative and painting him as a victim. Later I realised he didn't actually ever let on about "himself" like how he felt or how he was wrong. The max he would say is "I took responsibility for my part" but never said what that was. Such an easy sentence to say! Lol
My father was a narcissist, I saw him in the books I read on the subject. The most startling thing I read was: "They will never kill themselves because inside... they are already dead,"
Sad.
The same applies to my father. After many years of mental abuse, my sister and I left him two years ago, never to go back. He tried relentlessly to invade our lives again and again, which did not work out. My sis needed psychological care for a long time. There is only one way to deal with narcissists: go away, stay away, burn all bridges. My father has been dead inside for as long as I can remember, without him knowing. He is like a mental cancer, consuming anyone who comes close.
My mother unfortunately. Best thing I ever did was go no contact over a year ago. She is the one that is mentally ill....when I waved my clean bill of sanity after spending hours with a top psychiatrist she was left speechless. Turns out I have C-PTSD. Finally free after 55 years!!
yes very true it is a deep state of apathy almost like being in a coma ( i have seen it visually like a very young child bent forward over their folded knees stuck at the bottom of a very deep dark well )
apathy is a suppression of feelings although numbness is the first authentic feeling thus if someone can even manage to acknowledge their apathy they might be able to sit in their numbness long enough to then grieve a bit. Grief is necessary to come out of that deep dark place of desolation and despair. Acknowledging devastation is necessary to begin to grieve these deep wounds. The power and control issues used to boost self esteem ( self image ) create more distance from the reality of feeling these wounds enough to safely grieve them.
my father became a psychic medium and has relied upon antidepressants to separate from his feelings yet now in his eighties a lot of those dark spiritual separations are coming back into his body forcing him to feel pain yet I can not convince him that some of his physical pain is due to suppressed feelings as well.
our spirit is love and love is a feeling
our wisdom consciousness is made up solely of feelings which is denser than energy and the mental awareness is only energy thus only thirty percent of a feeling
the tricky part of spiritual separation is the intellect since there are zero feelings in the intellect although the person can have a mental awareness of feelings and think they are feeling when they really are not feeling anything since feelings are both demonstrative and vulnerable
the emotional tone scale explains how people move through a scale of feelings
covert hostility is a good example as the person is stuck between fear and anger and they refuse to feel either since their depth of sensitivity regarding grief is too daunting for them to surrender to yet mentally they can believe that they are above fear or beyond it yet that is a mental rationalization or seduction since then they feel they are in control yet their aggression still squeaks out in inappropriate ways
now to get to the point of my responding to your message here, it takes a great deal of vitality to actually kill yourself
i am in no way suggesting suicide as any kind of remedy
i am saying that feeling dead inside or being stuck in apathy doesn’t allow someone to choose suicide even if they do finally acknowledge feelings of devastation still there has to be a very strong feeling of assuredness that suicide is necessary truthfully thus a choice to suicide must come with a great deal of conviction that there is no other way out of life’s negative situation
feelings are powerful since we can feel like we are dead emotionally due to our devastation about life’s circumstances yet it is our beliefs regarding our own self worth that tend to propel us into destructive actions and that is always due to the assumption that we have no value somehow, that we are not appreciated and our positive efforts are not given any credit... that is what I am learning about myself, that I am angry that all of my good intentions and positive efforts are not recognized as having merit and then I can take it all very personally and go into a tail spin over every slight that I have ever suffered as if these repetitive put downs are real and have meaning yet ultimately every action that I have ever taken can only be judged between me and my own higher self
only my God knows my value and worth ; not another flawed human being
like Stephen Levine teaches : we need to seek the love and mercy in our own human hearts for ourselves and others
personally for me i have needed to see the game and the underlying tactics of the wounded people in my life to be able to witness it without getting caught up in it and losing my own center by reacting negatively and thus getting sucked into negative behaviors
Dr Carter’s ideas about how to respond to the narcissist are helping me to see what I can be capable of and for my own journey I do wish to expose the narcissist
I already know myself and I know my own intentions, I just need to not allow outside forces to convince me that I am less than what I know myself to be
Same. Fuck that nigga.
Once you are fully aware you are dealing with a narcissist, the best way to deal with them, is to never deal with them again. The hard part is coming to this realisation.
Nothing "bad" is their fault. Everything "good" is something they caused.
Bingo!!!!
Exactly. This is hilarious but it really isn't. Mine even has a so called "Conscious Living" social page.. Just crazy. I have kids with this nut. Smdh
You are NOT lying! Dead on target with that statement.
th-cam.com/video/yYhaAwv6Cj4/w-d-xo.html
I’ve experienced 6 out of the 7. My wake up call was when I started identifying that they always play the victim in every situation. It took me many years to become aware of his games but very quickly realized they are narcissistic. Even though I’m not 100% free, I am freer than I have ever been. I won’t ever go back. Thank you for the education, your videos are extremely helpful
Why are you not completely free?
@@PoyTroy I have children with him. I do need to communicate with him for child care reasons which tempts him to want to play games and control me once again. It is a struggle maintaining boundaries but I am in a much better place now emotionally than when I was married.
@@brown_eyed_girl I knew you were gonna say that, I'm in the same position. I'm free but still have to talk to them for my child here and there. I honestly am lucky cause they found a new supply and don't have to deal with their emotional baggage or constant criticism, it's just talks about my child and that's it
I was married for 25 years to a man fulfilling every sign you mention . Plus all those years we were in The Jehovah’s Witness Cult .....also Narcissistic !!!!! My life was hell ( I now know I am an empath ) . The religion teaches as a woman you NEVER leave your husband . At the end of 25 years I had NO personality left and was a wreck . I finally left him for my own mental and physical safety .
Then I found out the TRUTH about JWs and disassociated myself . AT LAST I AM ME ...at 68 years old ....whew ...home at last !
Love love love love love your story 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Wow would I ever like to talk to YOU! Was raised JEHOVAH witness never got baptized because I saw my sister get dis fellowship saw how she was treated
You are a beautiful person!!!
Im also an ex JW.
Wow, thanks for sharing!! That makes a lot of sense regarding JW's
This is my mother! She's trashed my self-esteem & has manipulated those around me for over 50 years!
Yes, mine was as bad. Who would believe a mother could be so heartless.
I love u..
@Linda Raulston my story as well
😢😢😢😢
Same 😩😭 then vented to my husband about it and he turned around and did the same thing. Ugh Lost all my confidence, don't know what's right or wrong any more 💔😭
A comeback line that worked for me was... well honey I would love to agree with you..but then we would both be wrong!!!!!
Ha! Ha!
Ha! This is great! Narcissists lack a sense of humor.
Lol that one got me hahaha
I'd have got a week of silent treatment for that lip. My sister would've got a punch in the face.
Nice
The lovely thing about Dr. C's videos is that you can go back and rewatch when needed. It's an amazing catalog of therapy. Love being on team healthy.
So pleased, Ann. Dr. C
He is by far the BEST therapist. It’s like he know my husband!!
@@lifeisgood7740 Welcome to Team Healthy. I posted this 3 years ago. Time flies under Dr. C'S guidance. You'll find your place of peace guaranteed. My narcassist is 97 and I've risen above her and her messy life. She hurts me no longer. It's glorious. 😘
I have to say that my narc DOES NOT react well to being confronted or if I am standing up for myself.
If you are no longer with them, that won't matter.
None of them do. None of them ever will.
@@armadillotoe why do you assume it's s romantic partner?
Could be a parent, a sibling, a coworker, a neighbour.
The narc is the one with the problem, not their victims.
Experience, expertise and education is highly overrated.
I laugh at them now because they have no Idea that I can see right through them.I turn and walk away.
The narcissist is a saboteur in general. They’re always setting the relationship up for failure. Love this video.
So goddamn tru they pusg u away by saying things
As the ‘golden child’ or whatever of a communal narcissist father, i at least know what it’s like to think like a narcissistic person, but not a true narcissist cuz I saw a good therapist since freshman year, and I’ve worked very hard on changing my thought patterns, increasing empathy and compassion for others, taking full responsibility for my mistakes, and I stopped viewing people as selfish and dumb. And it was absolutely worth the hard work I’m a different person now and I see through all my fathers bs
Also my listening skills improved a lot cuz I now genuinely care about others and what they have to say. Also I don’t lie and I have a much deeper connection to my friends and family members besides my dad
I'm the scapegoat. It's hard having the narcissist's responsibility fall on me. Just too much! He can't be bothered, so I won't be. Dad is the narc. I deserve better!
Oh, never trust them and tell them your secrets because they'll grasp the first opportunity to use your secrets against you. They are liars and will play mind games all day long and everyday.
Kholoud Aladel that’s the issue you can’t just look at someone and say ooo there’s a narc don’t talk to them.
No it’s the opposite they act normal and get you to trust them then they have you comfortable enough to spill your heart to them....then they begin their draining of you once you give them the ammo
The best way to drain a narcissist is by not telling him your secrets,it’s sometimes really hard,especially if it’s your very close relative,I learned how to change the subject(it took me 20 years to learn that)-talk about them and their interests instead,don’t let them leash u in your conversation,don’t let them trap u over and over again!
You are so correct. It's like they're soulless.
th-cam.com/video/yYhaAwv6Cj4/w-d-xo.html
Couldn’t you be shameless and have no secrets?
Yes. Never, never share any secretes.
A narcissist is totally unaware of her ploy because she is soooo conviced about her infallibility, and when called out, soooo perfect in playing the victim.
AMEN BROTHER
Out is best but, it ain't always that straightforward, if you love them they've got you... and did you ever notice they never seem to ask for things (usually cos you give them everything to please them) and are never grateful and come out with comments like "I NEVER ASKED FOR THAT"...
Mine kept playing the mental health care
Do they know they’re narcissists? I had a narcissist accuse me of being a narcissist. I started looking up what that meant. And it sounds EXACTLY like Them!!
Make sure you watch the video, The Narcissist's Astonishing Lack Of Self Awareness. Dr. C
The first time I really heard the term narcissist was from my sister as she’d call others that. Turns out she was projecting or something... she is absolutely one. Denial has to play a big role for many I suspect! It wasn’t until my own therapist identified her as one. Possibly borderline too. Funny how survivors of narcissists will get help (which is good) but then often times it’s those narcissist that really need help but will not ‘stoop’ to that level of vulnerability to ask for it or seek it out.
Exactly what's happining to me atm.
that's called projecting.
omg he does the same to me I found out he was a narc and thats what i call him so he says im the narc fuckin goof
They know how to act sane, kind, insightful, and interested in you; but it’s all an act. In the blink of an eye, they will show their true selves: mean and strange!
Only problem with confronting them is that they're often actually dangerous and can get really nasty
YES SO TRUE MY BOYFRIEND IS JUST AS YOU SAY HE OK ONE MINUTE HE OK AND THE NEXT TOTALLY FLIP MODE 30 MINUTES LATER I LOVE YOU BABY LETS DO SOMETHING I TELL HIM TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE IM LIKE WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU EARLIER HE SAYS ITS NOTHING WRONG BABY HE JUST GOING THROUGH SOMETHING AND HES SAYS NOTHING JUST DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW SO I LEARNED NOT TO STOP PUSHING TOO HARD AT THE SITUATION BECAUSE HE GETS VERY ANGRY AND VIOLENT RAGE THAT ALSO BECOMES MY PROBLEM AS WELL TO MAKE THIS STORY I THINK THAT HE REALLY TRY TO PLAY WITH MY MIND GAMES AND TRY TO MANIPULATE ME WITH THE PLAY OF THOSE MASTER MIND GAMES HE TRY PLAYING WITH ME TRYING TO FIGURE OUT MY EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS CUT IT SHORT THATS WHY HIS HEAD HEADED ASS IN JAIL BECAUSE HE DON'T WANNA LISTEN TO NOTHING I SAY RIDE OVER MY OPINIONS ON THINGS HE JUST GO BY HIS OWN IN TAKE THAT'S WHY I THINK IM GOING TO PUT HIM IN CHECK WHEN HE GETS OUT OR HE CAN GET HIS ASS OUT MY LIFE BECAUSE IM TOO OLD FOR THIS BULLSHIT AND I EXPLAINED TO HIM IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER IM MOVING FORWARD AND ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR ME AND MY LIFE DAMN A MAN.(I CAN DO BAD BY MYSELF)!!!!!😎🤗😚 BUT ANYWAYS I FEEL WHERE YOU WAS COMING FROM AND I NEED A HERO NOT A ZERO BOO !!!####👑👑 A KING IN MY CORNER GOD BLESS YOU AND TAKE CARE PEACE & LOVE ,💘💘💘💘💘 PRAY AND HOPE FOR THE BEST FOR ME I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE LILE IT'S GOLDEN IM 39 YEAR-OLD WILL TURN THE BIG 40 THIS YEAR OKAY SO DON'T HAVE TIME FOR GAMES LOVE YOU TAKE CARE YOURSELF PEACE AGAIN 😛😛😛😛😀😀😀🙈🙉🙊
I liken it to the phrase someone taught me long ago "Whacking the hornets nest might be the best thing to do, but best left undone."
flutefun999 exactly!
@@denisejackson6509 life is hard denise,but for a partner to make it even harder and misrible for you speaks volumes,i hope it works out for you,either your partner changes for the better or you leave him,its not easy, but from what you wrote you have some clarity .you deserve only the best denise,ivwish you all the very best..
Denise jackson..run while you can you are a free agent. Get on your hands and knees and praise the Lord you did not have IT'S SPAWN.
Ugh, the non-forgiving is amazing....and then comes the silent treatment and ghosting.
Wow...u hit it right on the head
Yes!! Correct.
What's ghosting?
Silence is GOLDEN....
Ghosting and collecting other victims... for they have many
"You can't manipulate me" is the best thing I have ever communicated to my sister.
After that, I got healthy.
Hahaha by saying that you give them attention, so you are manipulated as a supply to them. You don't say it, you just be it. You ignore them and cut them off or limited contact with boundaries.
@@mandolaa That's true, but in this case, I was deeply immersed in a legal conflict. I had to be clear.
And to be honest, it's probably the only time that I've been honest to that person. It felt very good.
@@kimlarsson7259 I know sometimes you can't get away from a conflict with them. They don't wanna let you in peace. I hope you're doing better now🙏
@@mandolaa Thanx 🙂 The narcissist cut me off, permanently.. I'm fine! To hell with her ➡ 🔥
I told that to my sister, but instead I got a lot anger and hate from her part. Therefore, I think I tried to answer her with ok thanks for inviting to some random photo thing. I’m truly tired of being among my own family.
So true! They will hurt you and walk away like it was your fault! Leaving you very broken.
When someone begins an apology with the word, "if," then the apology is not sincere.
Spot on. Dr. C
And everything after the word.."but"...is the truth !!
The yes but apology is not an apology. I'm so tired.
Yes it is not an apology. It is a condition
or, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Major red flag there.
The day I realized I had a narcissistic friend was the last time I had contact with her. Cut them off, cold turkey. It’s not worth it.
I cut off my narcissist family and friend, i have a few toxic people to cut ties with
A T I'm going through that now. I feel empowered after watching this vid from Dr Carter
You look just like Steve Cary! Lol!!
Good for you. Cold turkey is the best. They can't be changed, don't listen, don't have empathy.
Love this . You did well . Cold turkey is the best !!!
The only issue I have with your advice to confront the narcissist is that sometimes they can be violent and aggressive. I've seen many narcissistic rages. They can be frightening.
They are controlled by demons
@@flowforever9084 Yep! Fluffy ducks on the outside, (*at first) Pain and anger on the inside.
I agree. Confronting them is like the police warning a criminal that they coming. It just gives them more time to plan their escape. It's better to just back out of the Relationship because if they see it coming their ego needs to screw you over in some way to feel as if they won.
Abusers kill you when you go to leave them. You don't tell them you're leaving. You're going to visit your mom or sister or uncle. Then don't come back.
@@joysoyo2416 I agree
It has taken me years to be in control of my life again but in the beginning I was under his control completely. I took the blame for everything just for a quiet life but started standing up to him after 40 years, but it ended my marriage and although it gets lonely, it's peaceful and stress free.
Me to, 40 years married, of never being right about anything, he isolated me from my family and friends. Divorcing NOW! Wake up call: cancer in my female parts. He tried to say it really wasn’t that bad, after all I didn’t receive chemo or radiation treatments!!! The doctor caught the cancer extremely early in the cell of my uterus. He wouldn’t even take care of me after major surgery. Expected me to take care of HIS needs instead of my own body.
My experience
1. You talking about yourself makes them angry because they see that confidence in you which they do not want to exist.
2. You said something and they understood it some other way and make a big deal out of it(your explanation is never heard or approved). You cannot come out of it without a fight or a verbal abuse.
3. You always have to admit to their decisions and plans.
4. They are always correct.
Yes you will explain yourself around in circles
Bruh I do all those 😂
The number 2 my grandfather did that to me 😱 how is called when i say something and someone understand different and make a big deal of it?
It’s all about them or their interests! I don’t matter! I’m a nothing! Got to stop! These videos are an amazing insight into narcissistic behaviour! Thank you Les!
Omg my ex did this rolled his eyes was passive aggressive. He hated my confidence, was always trying to one up and compete with me.
They isolate you anyway possible. Once you cut the rope , they come back with more force. They need control & can’t stand you moving on without them !
BINGO!
That’s been my experience. This may sound awful but the best revenge?
He’s dead & I’m still living!
Jesus. 😭 I hope this video and comments make me feel better about myself. Every comment and everything has said in these 4 minutes I can relate to every single thing.
Listening to this I want to cry. I thought it was something wrong with me. That I lost my sense of self. I didnt know this was like a thing. Thank you for making these videos
Me too i questioned myself didnt know this even existed these type of people and then i started to match these behavior with my daughter father and i was like omgggg im not crazy lol is sooo sickening
alixandra Haley neither did I. Wish I knew this before. Thought I was mad as that’s what he kept saying and always blaming me 😞
Bless you child.
Me too! These videos have saved me! Every single one I watch I learn from! It is like Dr. Carter lived in my house...sadly I had to end a 24 yr marriage..
I am so grateful for your advice and counseling. My brother and I are dealing with end-of-life care for our mother who is an extremely narcissistic person. My brother is actually providing day-to-day nursing-type care to her while she belittles him, insults him, and picks apart everything he tries to do to help her. I quit giving in to her demands about 18 years ago and she declared nuclear war on me and tried to break up my marriage, created a web of lies about me, and tried to get me fired from my job. I refused to fight back and simply stepped-away. My brother did not, and he is now trapped in the situation.
You can bet she does not appreciate his efforts.
I love this guy. There is something lovable about him, kind of like a favorite uncle or cousin, and he is so knowledgeable on narcissism!
But it's not just information. He's not only educating, he's kissing our boo boos from being hurt over our narcissist relationships.
I agree. He comforts me. I have been through hell
Elizabeth Staeheli 🥰
So true. Our very own Dr. Uncle Carter. Love him soooo much.
Bottom line is they get off on messing with you.
They sure do am i imagining this or is it really happening.
THATS RIGHT BUT YOU KNOW PAYBACK IS A BITCH
1. They are smarter than you
2. They have no sympathy
3. They start stupid arguments and blame you
4. They don't accompany you to your family gatherings
5. The day starts out how they feel not caring about you or your day.
6. They speak louder and louder thinking that will make you agree with them.
7. Thay are aways in a bad mood, they are not happy very often.
8. They talk down to you and think it's funny.
9. You're always wrong
10. They require an exhausting amount of attention.
If this is your experience, RUN! Never look back! And don't let their charming apology woo you back. Many men and women are mentally scarred for life. My anxiety attacks seized the very day I left. And this is not meant for self pity like some say. So many women have lost their lives being in this type of relationship. Men have too.
I am having to deal with my Father like that and the worse part he act's 3/4 of the time on what you posted here. I never seen it till I got my diploma. Mother isn't much of a help ether, only my sisters are helpful which I do appreciate since they deal with their bullshit for over 30 years now.
But luckily I have a decent job and can save up for a decent car, like a 2000's civic. Sigh up for Community College in the Fall so there my deadline!
#2 on your list is a tricky one. I had a reality check and found out there is a significant difference between sympathy and empathy. My narc mother was able to sympathize but it wasn't her experiencing the pain or joyful feelings I was sharing. They don't actually feel the feelings of others. That is the essence of a lack of empathy. She would use sympathy as a smoke screen. Its a very subtle difference after becoming NA or Narc Aware.
No Empathy. It's being soulless for anyone unless it's themselves
He just send me a pic on whatsapp guess he is gonna try to manipulate me r play r make me feel bad about myself
This sounds like the guy I'm WITH!!
@@kearab4238 run!
My ex would actually say "Don't talk with him or her". "Don't go here or there". They are control freaks, blameshifting totally unpleasant ppl! I'm putting it lightly too!
My response to a narcissist: I’M not getting anything out of this conversation, so i’m not having it. Bye bye.
But that's the psychopathic approach
@@collynharris8441 no its not. Context is key. This is self preservation x
Depends on the conversation I'm sure. I could see this being used from the person from the other end if the person is being insulted.
My response was...'I've heard enough'. Then I left him standing there ,and went back inside my house.
My response:
I apparently grew up in a house full of narcissists. Remember folks, it's always somebody else's fault.
I swear, this is like a roadmap of my soon-to-be ex-wife. 11 years of lies and mental abuse had beaten me into submission. Thank God my faith has carried me through and the finish line to my long nightmare is in sight. I urge all of you in a relationship with a narcissist to get away and never look back. There are far worse things then being alone.
I wish you all the best glad you got out, I feel like I never will. Im afraid .
@@carolynnalvarez7032 You can do it. Faith in God and yourself can work miracles. You deserve better and it never too late to be happy. God bless you and I will pray for you to get to where you need to be.
@@LayzeeGiant so nice to hear that thank you for taking the time to reply 😊
@@carolynnalvarez7032 - I hear you & am so sorry you're in this situation. I am afraid also. Not of being alone, but of the actual divorce, after 17 yrs if being together. His rages are really 🤯😱 - but never show your fear Carolynn. Besides, he has told me "you won't get one cent from me" but for 14+ yrs was perfectly happy having me as a 50% bill payer, plus cook, worked as many hours as he did, did all shopping, did yardwork evenly, etc., etc. He has told me "I can bury a body where no one will ever find it." I spent my $ on things for the house. He never bought 1 thing, but happy to use everything I had. He was also very competitive (we had same job) never happy for my success & jealous of my ease with people. If he ever did anything good - I was supposed to heap adoration & comments about how great that was. None ever came back to me. I am injured from a serious horse accident, applying for SSDI now & for the 1st time in my adult life, can not work my way out of this nightmare. I can't wait to be free, to rediscover peace & joy, and my silliness & laughter again. Wishing the same for you & to all survivers here.
Absolutely. Only casting out their demonic spirits will help. No amount of therapy.
I was married to a wonderful woman for 20 years before she passed away. The last ten years of marriage she had turned into a narcissist and used all 7 of the mind games mentioned. Not being able to realize what she was doing I fell into many of her "traps", simply because I loved her and knew she was in pain from her ailments. We were like two roommates living in the same house. After she passed I got therapy for what I thought was loss of a loved one, but it turned out it was more than that. I had to de-program myself from how she treated me as well as the loss of a loved one. Your views on the 7 mind games narcissist's play, hots the nail on the head, all 7 nails. Thanks for giving me confirmation.
Hi Nelson! How did you de-program yourself, please? Thank you.
Went cold turkey from all narcissist, one in particular that caused havoc in my life, Resisted the temptation to to tell him off. No contact, none. I spend a lot of time in prayer whenever they cross my mind.
An old saying from Vietnam officers goes like this..... if you are patient and wait long enough all of your enemies will come floating down the river. I assume that includes abusers, anyone playing mind games is an abuser. Who has the energy for all that BS.?
No need for long drawn out discussions with Narcs. Two words work fabulously me....."Get FUCKED!!!!"😂
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 This is the 3rd response of yours I've read and they're all brilliant! You are great at reminding us of the mindset we need to have with narcs. Thank you for telling it like it is and giving me, at least, some additional coaching 😉
We should share a chocolate cake...🎂
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 🏆🏅🥇👍
I went immediate no contact 2 yrs ago after I called him out on the bs and he didn't return a call. I figured he ghosted his 8 relationship with me. I did see him float by figuratively months later. I went out on a date with a very good looking, kind man that knew that the narc ghosted me. We accidently saw the narc ex boyfriend in public. My date waved and wished him a great night. The narc started crying and raging at a distance. My date said he deserved it and would fester over his loss for many years. This in addition to the Narc still being unemployed and new supply has been out of work for a year. So I cause I saw him float by snd he is still floating down the river. Pretty priceless actually.... no hoovers I assume he is drowing now in his dysfunction.
On 🎯. Thank you for the REMINDER, so I never fall for this again.
The Narcissist LOVES to hate you with every breath they have. Narcissists groom you, then destroy you and LAUGH the whole time. Sick b@stards.
In the end they loose because they end up totally alone when they are old! And nobody left to feed off of like a vulture.
I'd rather be alone than with people who enjoy emojis.
@@alastairp Now, that is a weird comeback...
Probably a narcissist.
Exactly 100 and the car crashes and crush them to death...karma big time!
Too bad it takes decades before they get what they deserve..
Having learnt now about these hateful vampires. This past year and half. All l will add is this. The person you love and care about doesn't exist in any way shape or form so when you think about the good points in whatever relationship it was they were getting you on side to help their cause. Block them.from yr thoughts. It's a wast of yr time. Go live your life and learn from a man like Les and don't fall into the trap again.
Kim Newis Yes! Thank you! For me as well this past year and a half to two years, real love is not conditional.
Amen!
For the past 10 years the ringtone I set for narc mother is “Head Games.” Recently went NC.
Takes an interest in your past, in everything you’re about, all the things you feel.:.
Just to use it all against you. Knowledge is power. And they can wield that power to make you feel small.
Well said and the narcissist is there to manipulate you when you let down your guard.
True
@Mr. R they also withhold information sometimes, to leave you feeling less knowledgeable and strip you of the power that they plan on using on you in the wrong way.
Dont overshare personal info
Holding your ground feels so good when you can do it. They will never admit you're right about anything, but they know when they are blowing smoke. When you can stun them into silence, you know you've struck a nerve.
My parents were like this, and my whole life I’ve attracted narcissists because I was taught I had to put up with it, in order to survive my family. At least I know why now I’ve had to stand up for myself so many times. There are a lot of narcissists out there.
It's an epidemic.
Yes, there are a LOT of narcissists out there. The worst is when you survive a narcissist and explain what you went through... to another narcissist.
Mine too. I ended up with a suicidal/seriously messed up boyfriend at age 15 and had no one to go to and kept wondering why I saw nothing wrong with it for 2 whole years and also blaming him. But now I can't really blame him anymore because he was nowhere near this bad and I'm thinking I was primed for it from the start because of my dad. Thank goodness I'm in a much healthier relationship now... but my current boyfriend's parents are also like this and we're both trying to deal with our own fallout while finding ways to escape all of them. Eventually we'll just drop everything and leave after school but of course my dad has a lot to say about how, when, if, what, etc marriage/a life with him MUST look like. I know a storm is coming that will probably end with him turning our whole community against me and I don't want to lose them but at the same time I'm so sick and tired of living under his thumb. I don't want to be that person that cuts people out of their life but I'm starting to think there's no other option...
100% accurate
When I learned how to remain calm, she accused me of not caring. Why learn how to deal with these people ? The only way to improve the situation is by leaving them .