For a girl who grew up with a narcissistic father and ended up marrying a narcissist you have been like a father to me helping me heal. I can never thank you enough for the support you provide to people like us who lives in a fog of confusion.
Anyone who clouds your perception of yourself is a demonic piece of shit and not your friend. Never question they are out for themselves at your expense. It gives one an amazing sense of clarity!!! Yay!!
Totally agree! Well said and I can’t thank Dr. Carter enough…I am not able to physically detach from my narcissistic ex purely for financial reasons…I only need be around him two days a week (when we’re both off work)…I never understood that I could have psychological power while still being in contact…I do needed to hear this advice..very wise words..
What a relief to finally stop responding; leave them in your rear view mirror and know that nothing you do will change their attitude toward you; it won't happen!
It took, UNfortunately 2 years AFTER leaving my husband to say "I release you, Oscar" I honestly do not know how I came to say that to him. Much to my surprise, it worked. Not too long after that, him and I went fully no contact, and I am very grateful.
I Will Give Higher Priority to : •My own good decisions •Becoming steady, emotionally •My inner peace, living into it •A life of goodness •Self restraint •I am not a person of fear or anger •Commited to the way of love •Connecting to people who know how to connect •Shedding myself of individuals who bring negative emotional energy Gracias, Dr. Carter
i keep having to remind myself that i don’t owe them anything. not an explanation, not to answer their texts or reply to their manipulations. Silence is golden.
The Art Z Scientist this is absolutely powerful and made me really think that I need to snap out of it! Bc I keep thinking over and over that he said he loved me...reality is....if you REALLY love someone, you don’t just throw them away like a peace of trash bc someone says something in a way you don’t like smh
“You’re clinging to a hope that is not going to come to fruition.” That was SO me with my narc husband! I went to counselling for 3 years before we finally split up. My counsellor said to me once, “ You’ve been hoping for a long time [that he’ll change] but it hasn’t happened”. That hit me hard & was one of the turning point for me.
This is one of the hardest truths to accept. I'm currently married to one. I've been hoping praying....sowing seeds of love. But its time for me to wake up and realize that it's dead ground. Nothing is going to grow outta that no matter how much I sow. And I don't want to wast another minute of another day in my life doing that. I did that with my sister, and looking back I'm still kicking myself with regret. Not this time...like the song goes, won't get fooled again.
I've tried so many things for 12 years but sadly nothing works and nothing will. Now in the process of separating as he plans to leave after I went stone-cold and no affection any longer.
Thank you for sharing this. They are incapable of change. They are a broken record from the depths of hell. Cheers and enjoy being narcissistic/parasitic free
Seriously I regretted so many things but never leaving a Narc behind. Yes it doesn't solve everything but it solves like 95% lol a pretty neat deal after years of give 40 and take 1 relationships 😂
Life's too short for fruitless conversations, or fruitless anything. "I release you" is the best advice ever. This person who cannot find peace or happiness is never going to want you to have it either.
Me too....its like a light went on in my head. The narcaccist loves to make you feel like you are damaged and wrong, and tries to make it seem that "everyone" feels and thinks the same.
A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down in pain management vs. Adding salt to the womb. Opinions are not Truths but lessons in wisdom. Wisdom has it cure. Time. ...Greater Loving Wisdom has no time. Let it Be....Let it Be... Mother Mary came to me speaking words of Wisdom...Let it be.
Last year I had a situation when a narc wanted desperately for me to share what was going on with me by trying to force me to as if sharing was my duty to him as if I owed that person that (when he did nothing in his life to deserve me sharing feelings, because when I did, they were used against me by Poor treatment and labeling me as weak and even crazy). After listening to his non sense drama to make me feel even guilty for not sharing I just simply said: I have nothing to share with you and I can tell by your face that does not satisfy you, But that is not my problem, is yours. He left in silence and did not bother me again (I distanced myself well after that) Narc disarmed!
For YEARS- my narc tried to convince me that anytime I thought about someone else’s feelings that I was being selfish- because he was the epitome of empathy and I should only think or care about how HE feels... which 9/10 was never very nice, or empathic. Dr. Carter, I can never thank you enough for giving me the permission to release myself from what he thought!!
I Release You is the most profound response to a narcissist. Your channel, sir will help me help my clients who are victims and survivors of domestic violence.
Thank you Jennifer for helping those you're helping. I've gotten help from a few counselors. It's so wonderful being able to talk to someone who understands.
Thirty years ago when I saw the narc starting to treat my chldren (as they grew) the same way he was treating me I gave higher priority to the emotional well-being of my children. I released him. His response was to tell me that he would never visit his children because he knew it would cause them deep emotional wounds and that was his way of punishing me for leaving. Screamed it right to my face as he was standing in the middle of the street. It was the only time he ever kept his word. Thank God he did. It was a blessing to us all. Today my children are happy, functional, caring adults.
You stole pieces of me In all the love I gave you And never got back Keep it now it is my gift to you For you will not get more- And that my love Is my gift to me ... Atticus’
I know what it feels like when they steal pieces of you and you start to feel like a shell of a person and numb... wasting all your love and energy on someone who never gives back the same true love
My Narc H asked, "what were you laughing at?" On Sun. Evening, I watched the best SNL skit on mother's day & laughed histerically for an hour! His response was, "what an AWFUL SOUND you were making!" My reply, "I have never laughed so hard in 10 yrs of our marraige! And YOUR RESPONSE to my laughter is "WHAT AN AWFUL SOUND????" That is wrong! Not to mention, I think a wife's laughter should be music to her husband. A man in LOVE does not say this to his wife.
Dear J Alexandria, you are so right about that. I have had 3 wonderful ladies in my life for over thirty years and I was in love with them as well as loving them, anything I did to make them happy made me happy as well. He could be jealous he never made you laugh like that. I hope you are a happy woman. Take care and God bless.
You are not alone. My narc father said my laugh hurt his ears, and now my narc brother has picked up the theme - our last interaction 6 months ago, his big insult was that I have a stupid laugh. I was thinking 'is that all you've got?'
Same, he was in his bad mood and me laughing was a sound of an old hag, my voice was ugly made him cringe... lool, me having a nice fun time also annoyed him lool.
Yes, they are broken and don't do life very well. They cannot have empathy. They cannot love. They cannot affirm. They cannot sympathize. They can only dismiss, control and destroy. They can only be selfabsorbed and selfish. They don't care what others feel. They cannot appreciate a good heart. Hurt people, hurt people.
"I want to give higher priority to be known not as a person of fear or anger, but a person commited to the way of love." Wow, that resonated. As a christian I want that for myself! Thank you for this video, I now have what to think about! :)
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C, thank you for all your videos! I refer your videos to everyone I know. I enjoyed this video and I've begun releasing from the troubled souls in this journey. I think it's important to "Release" but I also choose to release any bitterness. I pray that they can find peace as well on their journey.
This "I release you" can also be extended to people who discard you because they side with the narcissist. It does hurt but it also shows you who your true friends are.
wifferste ABSOLUTELY true!!! Other narcissists showed their colors as soon as I left my narc. They contacted me DEMANDING that I explained my action, as though I owed it to them! I blocked them all.
Flying monkeys can be hard to release... I'm not using the term in jest, it describes those who do the narcissist bidding. Think about it and it might make sense.
@@smithenterprise quote "narcissist bidding" hmm, maybe just say that to the flying monkeys. something like "hmmm, narcissist bidding, I have heard of that before, by by"
Realize she does not have the emotional health to give you the proper love and approval you deserve. Release her of meeting your needs, as she doesn't know how. What works is to love her "in spite of herself". Have pity upon her. She is the pitiful one -- not you!
@@j.c.hunter8960 thank you for these words. I'm crying as I read them. My own mother passed away over 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with the memories of abuse.
@@rebeccaperson8581 They're projecting their dark side on you and you can see it as an opportunity to know what they're guilty of. It hurts though because it feels like a false accusation on you and they don't even know how wrong they are. 😵 Really feels like my sanity is...
I have been married to a narcissist for 41 years and finally left. Les Carter, you’re a genius. You explain so clearly and accurately about what it’s like to be in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, it’s all consuming, and ultimately a waste of one’s life. This video motivates me each day to live a mentally, emotionally and physically healthy life. I will no longer sacrifice my precious life to a person who has no self awareness and whom I’ve allowed to take up so much space in my mind. I am released from that toxic bond! Thank you!
This message is critical for me as I prepare to officially end a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Eleven years of believing he simply struggled with his dysfunctional childhood, struggled with depression, struggled with work/life balance, struggled to get ahead... all the while resenting me for my sense of self, my stability, my character, my financial security, my optimism and my hope for him. I realize now that I almost lost myself, but with the support of a wonderful counselor, and my own internal compass, I finally saw the light - and it was blinding. I will echo the sentiment below: when the student is ready the teacher appears. I find courage, and especially wisdom here. For this I am grateful.
When the student is ready the teacher appears ... that was both emotionally moving and inspirational ... Dr. Carter's words were precisely what I needed to hear ... thank you Dr. Carter.
It's almost funny...all the years in these relationships, knowing something was wrong; feeling crappy about myself; thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. Turns out the issues were at least 90% them. Knowledge is liberating!!!
It seems to be one of the narcissists biggest goals: sowing seeds of self-doubt into our system. Even after disconnecting I kept defending myself internally by saying to myself 'there is nothing wrong with you, you are healthy and you did not do anything wrong and you are a whole person'. They really attack our positive thoughts and confidance and try to make us feel like a bad or disturbing person while they are the ones triggered bc we confront them with their own bad state of mind compared to a human being with and social emotions.
This is making me ugly cry 😭 Everything you said is true of my recent leaving my husband a week ago. 39 years of having “that” conversation over and over and over, hoping I would say the right words. He just agrees, straightens up for a while. Then it just goes back to the same way. Hoping this would be the time he would respond. He never has...he’s not mean. He’s a draining narcissist. Drains me... I’m actually sitting in my sons house watching this video realizing what I want I will never have. I’ve been trying for 39 years to get him to see his lack of empathy and the me, me, me, attitude was hurting me and his children. He’s never been violent or mean, so I thought it was me overreacting. He made it appear he was so unassuming, caring, loving and yet so emotionless. So deliberately cunning in his approach of gaslighting. I only discovered he was a narcissist in 2015 when we separated for 4 months. I always knew his cold hearted actions of cunning manipulation without empathy wasn’t right. But I still gave him passes time after time. It was just his way and his personality. But during our separation in 2015 I began my research and discovered he is a narcissist. A cunning, manipulative, pitiful, soothe sayer of kind tender words and promises of grand things. That he never intended to follow through on. In the past 3 years he’s been trying to convince me I’m becoming a invalid. Convincing me I truly need his help. Convincing me of things that just aren’t true. I began to see through his gaslighting this year. I was wondering why I was having physical problems, trouble walking. Just not being able to do things I used to do without effort. I figured it out over the last 2 months. I’m lethargic, becoming weak and losing my zest for life. He’s slowly gaslighting me to think he can do everything and I can just relax. Keeping me under his thumb and under control. He controls the finances, pays all the bills, drives me around, I no longer drive. My car broke down and he said it couldn’t be fixed and we couldn’t afford to buy another one. He’s totally in control of my life and I’m miserable 😩 and I don’t even know it. I’m to stupid to understand I need to be away from him. But my desire to be with him is strong and stupid at the same time. 39 years of this and I know it’s not going to disappear overnight. I’m so broken in so many ways. I’m living with my son and I told my husband there will be no contact. I’m struggling and praying daily that I can come out of this alive and free. I just want to live 😭
I don't know how you're doing now, but I sure hope things are better for you, & that you've been able to release yourself from the negative crap you've been living under. Never give up, & always remember God loves you, & is there for you!
I pray🙏🏽that you’re doing better now. Your post was long but necessary and helpful. It helped me after 34 years and facing divorce to know that I’m not alone in staying too long in a narcissistic relationship. I knew he was different,thought it was just a matter of opposites attracting. Just found out about narcissism a few years ago.
@@dyoung2739 blessings on your journey dear one I left mine 10 years ago best thing I ever did. It’s a long process but so worth the work Now I’m just getting rid of the last Narc friend from high school 40 years ago I’ve come so far and so happy Hugs 🥰
Please know that it's not your fault. You are a loving person. He is not. You are a God person. He is not. The good thing is: Healing for you is there in every moment. I come from a narc. family and had a narc. boyfriend. It almost killed me. I felt the life energy leaving me. But as mentioned... healing is there in every moment. Believe in it. Let go of all the sickness and feel the healing.
"I release you" is more to help release ourselves from letting a narcissist have power over us by clinging to the hope that he or she will magically change to a sympathetic loving empathic person. Thank you for good, simple, plain talking advice.
It seems to be along the same lines as forgiveness. People don't understand what purpose forgiveness really serves, but now I'll be using "I release you" instead when trying to explain it to people. I think it'll make much more sense. It's not about excusing their behavior, it's about allowing yourself to let go and move on. It's something you do for yourself, not them. Very healing!
@@m0L3ify forgiveness is hard for me to grasp because it has been used by my narcissists to gain leverage. But I hear you. Can not let someone live rent free in the kind or heart. It just keeps the pain going. "I release you" feels safer. Like...I dont forgive someone just so they can keep hurting me. I release them and never look back.
My favourite response to a pestering Narciopath is: "I'll give that due consideration" - this TOTALLY bewilders them & they don't know what to say next because it is non committal, neutral, unresponsive to their agitation.
As soon as I read your post it hit me like a ton of lead lol !! It’s been over 2 months now my girlfriend (if I can even use that term, she’s hidden our relationship the whole time she’s been with me, yr &a half now) and I my last text message to her I said something similar and she immediately replied what do you mean by that !! Funny how something that we know is so simple to comprehend gets their kind of response that’s full of confusion and bewilderment lol !! Yet she thinks she’s smarter then me and is part of her gaslighting bullshit but hasn’t the brain capacity to understand such a simple statement from us !! Thanks for your comment, I’ll be sure to use this one if I bother to respond to her texts I’m getting after 2 months pretending she’s concerned about me and asks hope all is well, but doesn’t realize if she didn’t cheat on me and blatantly rub it in my face, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place !! Shows the disconnect and immaturity level she’s really at to now keep texting me all of a sudden she cares about me but what’s funny is any one who really does care about there partner calls that person and or makes the effort to come and see me to show what a normal human shows there partner they’ve been with for over a yr & a half lol !! Good one Bill, thanks
Yep - Narciopaths whole existence revolves around extracting attention & preoccupation one way or another - neutrality baffles them and leaves them without bullets to fire - really we need to totally ostracise these little demons altogether in one big concerted effort - find them a remote desert island where they can't harm anybody but each other and stick them all there.
I have found the same type of responses to my partner is also the most advantageous. Go us! Makes my life a lot easier to limit ‘narcissistic injury’ to the poor, delusional soul.
I did this too, said it out loud and never looked back, never felt bad, never felt more me. Don’t say it silently, grab your stuff, realize the life is short to just be somebody else fuel station. Love your self more than you love the narcissist. Care about your feelings and emotions. Your heart and mind. Release the person that suck the life and air out of you and you will grow and expand to fill the space instead. I don’t watch these as I often as I previously did but it is good to go back and remember why I took the actions I did. Continue all on your lovely journey in life and you will find happiness.
Amen!!! No contact and even need to parent but every time they are around it’s a game. Mine will not go away and hanging onto my parents and playing games with everyone. He has a girlfriend and I was happy about that but he is still stalking me on line and stuff!!! When do they go away? My parents are caught up in it and we are tip toeing around his bs right now! They don’t want him around anymore after showing them proof of his lies! I collected for years to sink his butt! They are good liars and stealthy!
Anitra Moore as long as they get energized from people they will hang around, and I guess you and your family has to tell him no, that he is not welcome or you all are not interested in having him around. If you got kids with him, it will be harder. I wish you good luck and hope you get your peaceful life.
Realize -the hurt, the pain, the lies, the insecurity and the and the mistreatment are not implicit on us. These are negative energies that people direct toward you (are displaced from the insides of them) When you recognize these behavior patterns, release those toxic energies, and 'return to sender' It never belonged to you, and that's how we can maintain our freedom and good health.
Two years with a narcissist. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and I think this was when I realized how little he cared. These responses... it’s exactly what I do. I’m clinging to the hope that if I work harder or tip toe more delicately or if I can explain it in a way he might understand ... he will change. This was eye opening. Thank you for reminding me I’m 1) not crazy 2) not alone. ❤️
@@jackilynpyzocha662 I’m happy to report that I escaped my horribly abusive spouse and I’m rebuilding my life - I work a lot but I’m happy and I’m doing it all on my own. Proud of myself. There is life beyond that hell. I’m living proof. ❤️
You have this 64 year old Grammy fist pumping - “I release you!” I have been free of my narcissistic husband for a year now, and am truly feeling happy and free for the first time in years. Thank you so much, and God bless you Dr. Carter! God has used you to bless and change my life. I’m so thankful for your wisdom. I never miss your videos, and look forward to each new one.
I so wish I had known this 50 years ago. I kept thinking "Someday, I can make him understand how I feel." I wasted so many years, and the thing I most regret: my children are paying for all the craziness, my choices.
@@Noahsoak I am so grateful to Dr. C, he has answered so many of my questions. I know I can't change the past, but my heart and mind are quieter. I will pray for the same for you and your children.
Judy Whittlesey - Know that you did the best you knew how to do at the time you really did. Rememeber as well society didnt supoort women leaving as it does now - financially and otherwise.
@@raia9 Raia, Thank you for the encouragement, yes thankfully there is more community support now, but still not enough. Just today, I thought; "I really think I'll speak to someone at my local shelter about volunteering." I not sure I can, I worry about being triggered, but there is such a need, even more since the covid quarantine. My local media reported on 2 deaths this week. It's never-ending.🙇♀️
Bless you both🙏🏻❤💯At least you found out the truth and are now doing your best to change and heal the past with yourself snd your children❤ I was a child of a narcissistic mother and a father who was the enabler. It was painful yet i am at the place now where i forgive them both.They truly were in a dysfunctional program and playing out patterns and progrming which was unresolved pain from their own childhoods.I did have alot of repressed anger and pain underneath that and underneath the pain was fear and shame below that was sadness and loneliness and beneath that my true self and the unconditional love i craved from my parents and family and as i heal myself and love my self i am filling the void i carried for so long. We are born beautiful innocent beings that dont question if they are good enough etc..babies just are who they are, and as we become conditioned by the world around us we stuff ourselves down down down and accept the projection and beliefs of others which i say with compassion this consciousness shit isn't easy.You both did the best you could with what you had and with compassion and understanding totally comend you for doing what my parents didn't do,i never got the chance to talk about this with my father he died years ago,but i bet if he was here today he would and wouldn't have shut me down like mother who i have no contact with anymore but the catharsis and healing that happens between anyone experiencing this especially parents and their children....it's quite powerful.Even though i didn't experience it with my own parents i have helped people mend it with their own families. Much love to you both and blessings to you and love to your children.
I have dealt with a very narcissistic family member for years, I spoke up to her once and quickly realized I had made a big mistake. My husband and I have come to realize there is no reasoning with a narcissist and have kept our family gatherings to a minimum.. I love the thought of releasing that person, it will certainly help me in future gatherings. I imagine a giant hot air balloon lifting off!
She just got served her released AKA divorce papers this past Friday. 15 years of buying the peace at any price, pleading, explaining the logic behind my reasoning, all for naught. It is released time, thank you dr. Carter for shedding so much light on so much darkness.
Thank you for your wise words. When you said "I want you to have a good life" I nearly started crying. No one has ever said that to me before. It was wonderful to hear. I look forward to leaving my narcissistic family & all of the trauma they've caused behind me forever. 😔 💔
Trying to maintain or mend a toxic relationship with a Narc is certainly not worth our time or energy. They don’t have healthy relationship goals and we pay the price with our peace and sanity. ‘I release you’ is a mantra I will be using henceforth. Thank you, Dr Carter😊🙏🏼
Denise S, sorry for what you lost. Mine was a 27 year battle with a Narc husband. Physically, I have been free from him for 3 years. But he’s still lurking there mentally and emotionally. Time to release him from there. All the best to you, dear!
It's all just so much sadness tho.... So many years too.... Never expected this stuff at this age... We could have had completely different and happy lives...
@ Peta Brown I think we need to mourn our losses and let them go. I've missed many a year of accomplishments and left a really good job for someone like this. Does lost time make me sad? Yes. But we cannot look backward because we will miss what's right in front of us-a healthy future. We got this!
It is a loss you have to grieve. It’s only been a year for me. So even though I am healing, some nights I just sit here and let the tears flow. No noise, no wailing, I just let them flow. So much loss.
I feel exactly the same Peta - so much sadness over practically an entire lifetime lost & crippled by a covert narcissist mother. So bad that I had to go no contact at age 40 & am 68 now & still trying to heal. Can't afford therapy but at least have great videos from Dr. C, others, & a loving Father in God to help me heal.
Before I came to a place of acceptance, I tried everything to get through to Hollow Man. I tried reasoning, I tried explaining logically, I worked hard to be as clear as I could be in my communication. I tried emailing him when verbal communication didn't work. Eventually, I broke down and started screaming at him and became abusive myself. None of it worked. It was like bashing myself against a brick wall. I finally reached the deep understanding that he was never going to change, and nothing I did was going to make a difference. That was difficult to accept, but once I gave up the last of my hope, I did feel a kind of inner peace. I no longer try to get through to him. I am quietly and covertly working on my exit plan.
Deborah Armstrong I agree with Venus rising - U will Be MUCH happier! I finally made my exit for good. There is a peaceful solitude that comes with the immediate freedom from being someone’s supply. Just be swift, under-the-radar & don’t breathe a word to the narc. Wishing u the best in your return to self. Enjoy the reunion! You deserve it. Personally, I have never slept more soundly.
Good for you. Be careful because people like this will go to extreme lengths to stop you from leaving and be prepared for the possible sabotage and smear campaign.
Tonight my narcissist said when I came in to talk i looked defiant, I said i am an adult who came in to talk, you can label me defiant, but I can’t be defiant to you, you’re not my parent or my boss, you’re have no power over me, so I’m not defiant or rebeling against you, I’m an adult who disagrees with a situation. One little step at a time
I had just this revelation a couple of days ago. I was living in a mental and emotional hell dictated by the narc in my life and the. I just chose to release myself. I don’t have to take his calls, I don’t have to respond, I don’t have to defend myself, I don’t have to live the drama. I can concentrate on my own good life. Seeing this video feels like an angel has reached out and guided me to you. I have been looking for the path to freedom and I hope I can get there once and for all. Thank you
That is a very interesting subject, especially when it is the other way. You, 'the victim" releases the narcissist. That's what I did and my covert narcissist ex partner didn't like that of course. She lost control of the situation. Frankly, I honestly don't think she even cared, because she hasn't got empathy skills to deal with such feelings and situations. My advice, take your losses if that's part of ending it, accept that it is over, don't expect any excuses or apologies from the narcissist, close the door behind you, start healing and living again.
Her response is to be expected. The releasing is for you, so that you aren't standing there waiting for her to hear and respond appropriately to you, so that you have passed her hot potato back to her.
Fun Lovin Bloke ....Exactly, no empathy. They will throw you under the bus, abandon you in times of trouble and they really have no grasp as to why someone would show compassion. With them, it's all about their self image and it's all mental, no heart. Really liberating when you realize it's a waste of time to try and argue with them. It's all about black and white, win or lose, control and asserting their own superiority. I laugh because I am a retired Canadian civil engineer and she was just a housewife and worked various jobs. Yet, she thinks she's superior. Her need for control and power is a sickness that comes from an unhappy childhood. An angry person within. Works hard to keep it under wraps.
It's an eye opener to realize the type of person we let in to our lives. Time heals and with the invaluable knowledge you now have... the future should look a little brighter. Hopefully you don't have any things of permanence tied to this person. For some, the cost of that knowledge comes too late and can leave a good person devastated in so many ways. I'm glad you survived... Life will get better !!!
I'm like an old wandering spirit caught between the world of the living but not yet dead. And that life long struggle l have had with my unfinished business still stands before me. It remains immovable as I am to its hellish bondage. I have said my piece but felt no peace. What has been lacking was me saying the words...I release you! I release you to your fate as I release me to mine.
I release you for you are no longer my sky. No longer will I tremble and cower beneath the brewing storm of your thundering insults, blaming & shaming of my tender heart. I release you cos now, I am now my only sky.
You're so right. Once you kill the hope that they can become this or that, it's a freedom that eventually puts you in a place where no matter what they say...IT HAS NO EFFECT ON YOU. The " I release you " strategy...magic.
I am so thankful to have found this community of narc survivors. I was discarded on April 23rd..realizing through your videos that I have a problem as an empath. He is a true narc and I never realized this was such a widespread thing! These videos have literally saved me. Thank you Dr. Carter and Laura
I'm an Empath as well and just went through the same thing. Believe me, you are a better person than they ever could be. Put them in the rear view and go forward. There are many good people. The best revenge is to forget them and live well. Good Luck.
hey nanc, i got the final discard in feb. i'm still trying to move on but once i realized the guy was a covert narc and that everything wasn't my fault, i was able to find some peace with the situation. not total peace. i still think about the situation all the time. but each day it gets a little better. watching the videos on this channel has also been beneficial. try looking up support forum for narcissistic abuse on reddit. also helpful to read the stories there
@@venusrising6554 The BEST revenge is FREEING yourself,,,,AND,,,moving on into a HEALTHY, LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND BEING HAPPY! NARCS HATE THAT! SO, SMILE! 😉
He said “ When you are happy I am sad “ So I said “A good marriage is a win win situation where both have a measure of happiness. I wouldn’t want to waste not one more minute of you being sad so I’ll set you free. I hope your never sad again. “
Thank God for you and your wisdom. I am lucky to be alive. I didn't know what a narcissist was . I release you works . The word says we are called to peace. Plus took myself back along with the fruits of the spirit. Iron sharpens iron.
So very hard to give up that hope especially when children are involved. Not only enduring abuse but also seeing your children endure it is so horrible. I thank you again for the videos...they are helping a great deal.
I will play this over and over until I have it all written down! These have been my solutions with the narcissists who were in my life. But you articulate it so beautifully. Thank you, Dr. Carter!
It truly is amazing advice!! I took down notes as well and I strongly agree with you that he articulates his points extremely well! Also, it is so rare to have this kind of incredible advice available to us for free, I am super grateful for this guy and that he dedicates his time to sharing this with us!
Been married to one 63 years and 5 years ago I found your talks and the suggestions I have gained from listening to you has made miraculous changes in my life. I use these often and my life with this same husband is much better. Almost not believable. Even though he is much easier to live with I will never let myself trust him. I still catch him in small lies and let him know I know. Thank you so very much for helping me claim my real life back.
Daughter has been verbally financially abusing me for 30 years,I have been chasing her looking for her love.My granddaughter was the ransom.lying cheating gas lighting manipulation withhoulding, not wishing me well,threating mocking, spreading rumours saying my church was a courThouses of dollars and no thank you over the years, putting myself down to allow her o feel better about myself. Today the I release response has freed me oh thank You thank You A free woman at last!!!
Dr. Carter, I wasted 5 years of my life with a narcissist trying to hear just the words you said: “I want you to have a life grounded in what you know to be the wisest and best.” I knew that the narcissist in my life was not right, but I release them nonetheless. “I release them.” So simple, yet so powerful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that you may have the best life and God shower his choicest blessings upon you.
I release you narcisists and toxic enablers. I choose to live life in peace and serenity. Thank you for your kind and loving heart. ❤God bless you dr Carter❤
Years ago I resigned from my job to get away from the constant manipulations and character assassinations from a covert sycophant narcissist and his overt narcissist friend. Before resigning I remained professional yet my blood pressure had risen to dangerous levels. After leaving, my BP returned to healthy levels. I went completely no contact ignoring their attempts to reconnect. Every now and then I still get angry and have to reconnect with my values separate from the pathetic world they still live in. I know time will heal but the scars remain.
Thank you for your comment. I, too, resigned from my job to get away from my boss. After discovering this channel, I realized that I had been working with an overt narcissistic boss. I enjoyed my job; however, the emotional blow-ups, the blaming, the put-downs became so overwhelming that I couldn’t relax over the weekend, and dreaded Monday mornings. My health was suffering. It took me nearly 2 weeks after I quit to finally relax and enjoy daily life again. I am thankful for Dr. C’s videos, as it now helps me manage my dignity and emotions as I deal with my next door Neighbor From Hell, whom we met when we recently moved into our new house.
@@probablynot1368 Thank you as well. Dr. Carter's videos are definitely helping my self-esteem. I 'm learning that I took the high road despite their ugliness. This experience taught me that no job or position is worth losing your health and self-esteem over. My family is more important.
@@user-uh5fc3rd9e Hi, I heard an amazing statistic, many years ago that always surprised me. Most heart attacks in men happen on a Monday morning. Our neighbour had one at that time so it really struck home. You did the right thing.
I was managing a covert N. It was a nightmare of lies. Resigned. Am rebuilding. It’s a process. Took a pay cut but no job is worth your peace or health. Much much happier.
For 12 years of trying to please my husband only to find out just recently that he's a narc and there's no chance for this marriage to work. I've started to accept the reality of the situation I have been for over a decade of my life. Am glad that after doing some research about abusive husband, I came across NPD which describes his personality based on the cycle and patterns of abuse that I went through. I started to tell him that I am not his property and so I refuse to be his victim. Then I went on by getting cold and showing no interest and less reactive to his rage. Until he mentioned of leaving me and our daughter behind by next month. I agreed with relief and excitement that I'll be free at last. I have been praying for God's intervention and safety while he's still with us and could not attempt to harm us.
I love the idea of releasing the narcissist and releasing myself. As a recovering codependent, I neet to give myself permission to not let the narc's opinion be a determining factor in what I believe and how I behave/react. I have been trying to figure out how to cut the truama bond between myself and the narc and it turns out that I am the one holding the key! So, powerful. I took detailed notes on this video and am establishing today as the day I released the narc so I can begin my life anew to realize my full potential. Thank you Dr. Carter. Your videos have saved my sanity and my life!
How did you seperate your feelings of who you thought they were and who they actually are? That's where I'm stuck. I need to realize I dont actually know this person.
@@januarybaby I left and went no contact. This is a long ongoing process. I continue to educate myself about narcs and journal about abusive experiences. I allow myself to feel the feelings and write about those also. I realised that the narcissism is not my fault bc it stems from unresolved trauma in the narcs life. The narc is in a tremendous amount of internal pain that we can do nothing about. This is not an excuse for how the narcs abuses us, but allows me to be somewhat empathetic that they will never be happy or healed. For me it makes it a little bit easier to forgive and release. This is allowing me the freedom to heal. We have to admit that this happened to us and that we are responsible for our own healing. It is challening and confusing, but focus on finding your true self. I hope this helps.
It’s unbelievable how textbook these individuals are. I’m in the midst of being discarded by my narcissistic partner of 10yrs. It’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror and know that I have let this person humiliate and degrade me for the past several months. Hoping I get the courage and strength to end it soon. Thank you for these videos. If they help one victim, they’re worth it. 😊
I basically said "Im giving myself closure. We both want different things. I want someone who is trustworthy and consistent, and remembers simple things like "Happy Valentines Day."
I know this. Thank you. If you cannot be civil, respectful, responsible and reliable...I release you. If you are the one with the anger issues and have abandoned me or ghosted me because of a perceived slight...I release you. When you agree to meet me to civilly discuss something, yet try to start an argument....I release you.
I'm 26 and for my whole life, I was having fights and fights with my dad, trying to defend and to give reasoning to my thoughts unsuccessfully. My mom tried the same, she couldn't do it and left my dad 14 years ago. These all had a huge negative impact on our lives, our confidence, health, and self-love. Few days ago after another fight, another confronting my dad with so many truths he said - those are all lies - and after just another shaming, I've told him that he is a narcissist and I've given him a test to do to prove him that he really is. After he finished the test he told me that the test isn't really good and that they should have asked him for opinions before making it. Just imagine at what level he is. Somehow I finally ended up on your youtube channel and omg it's like a story about my dad. I've started with the oldest videos and will try to watch them all and I will try to have a completely different mindset for all future conversations. Thank you doctor Carter for giving away all these information for free
Interesting and totally valid as it’s about the best one can do with one of them. Have you noticed if you ever get any sort of pseudo-apology from a narcissist it’s some very near equivalent to this? It’s polite to express regret or sorrow like that, and of course a narcissist counts on exceptions being made and living in the gray area. Extending that polite courtesy is offering them the exception of still hearing something apologetic. Took me quite a while to refine that into “that’s unfortunate” or “sucks doesn’t it” LOL but now I don’t even pretend to apologize to someone for their lack of reason anymore. That said, of course I didn’t have that even close to figured out until a good while after it would have been most useful and I was well into not often finding myself in these kinds of conversations anymore. I released them....ran and even covered my tracks too, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing in terms of somebody thinking so completely differently than I do (since they pretend that they don’t) and I made or accepted rational excuses for the irrational .... and was ultimately hooverable. When it’s your family of origin and that leftover childhood survival strategy that allows you to think “they love you but just aren’t great at showing it” or they “love you as much as anyone can after the trouble you’ve been” is still in place all you’ve done is release a monster that can still get you back. Monsters don’t need masks with kids who still hold out hope their parents only looked like monsters lots of times. I left home at 13 (boarding school) and thank God, but at 46 when my dad died I was still asking myself stuff like if he was never gonna let me win (have his approval) why didn’t he just tell me as much and leave me to it during any of six estrangements that lasted longer than a year (the last 3-4 of which were my decision). Nobody asks themselves if I was so awful why he kept bringing me back, so I guess they actually believed he was some long-suffering model dad and aren’t the ones who’d see his cruelty in treating me explicitly differently from my halfbrother in his will. In such a situation one hasn’t even necessarily begun to accept it for oneself before finding seven or eight times as many photos of him with his other son in unrecognized places boxed up (what is it with narcissists and pictures I swear to God it’s gotta be their workaround for absent object permanence and constancy) because without being informed about NPD (and in the presence of the NPD’s and everybody else’s satisfaction by all imaginable excuses) a person can actually still manage to try believing something less than completely horrible about their parent. I was going to make a peaceful memory as a matter of fact I had already reached a peaceful perspective on the experience of surviving my father. Knowing he’d treated a son badly enough to maybe suspect drove me to the detached ability to do that would absolutely be the petty sort of thing an abuser would not want to let a target have, so whether or not he had that much insight it pretty well cinches what he was. The only good thing that can come out of some POS making a clean getaway and needing you to know they’ve committed the perfect crime against you is a very late explanation for why you already know the others are whack anyway. But at least I have some perspective on the past and can stop walking into endless betrayals for stupidly wanting a family that’s always been the most treacherous place to be the safest. I’m damn sure the only one sorry I feel this way, so I’m not about to mince words for their benefit.... Scapegoat has quit, and where there is indignity behind appearing dignified I release those motherfuckers to it😉😳
Dr. Carter, you out here saving lives and repairing souls! You can tell that you feel deeply about this because you say things from your whole chest meaning your whole heart. The beam is from your heart into others as you speak. That's the power of a real true healer even if you didn't have a bunch of letters after your name!
it takes a while to get through the "clinging to hope" aspect of the relationship. I just keep reminding myself that I want to be healthy in my own skin and, if I continue to think that maybe one day it will get better with them, I'm losing valuable time.
"If I just...talk, walk, crawl, ask, speak, act, think differently and accept the persons why of being. Or if I change myself...perhaps then we will be able to communicate or have a good relationship or understand eachother" Thank you for this video, it gave me the answer I have been looking for about 25-30 years.
Such a great message. After 20 years (we have kids) I've gone through many stages of growth and I am at this point to release him. This has given me my strength and joy back. Now, everything goes my way. I have a new vibrance and love of life. And this helps the kids. Thank you!!!
Best advice I ever got. All of a sudden she wants to work it out and "change " after 22 yrs. Because I took this advice, and went as far as to tell her that is how I feel. I don't believe she can change, just another act. Thank you for all your advice, it really helped me move on and focus on working on me.
The only thing I'm not going to release my self from is you! You're stuck with me and you have your self to blame for that!! You are so, I know I say this word a lot, but darn, you are AWESOME!!! God Bless!!
This was a beautiful explanation of how to release someone and a great reminder that we are responsible for how we react. That we should never give up that power and ultimately lose trust in ourselves. I love, love, love your videos Dr. Carter. You are doing a great public service. Truly, you're a hero in my book.
Wow. By the end of this one the tears were welling up. This goes beyond dealing with the narcissist and promotes the agenda of the soul. Feeling gratitude, Dr. Carter.
I've been seeing all your videos for a while now, I'm stunned by the epiphany of continuous discovery about myself and the people around me. I feel so relieved since I'm understanding/questioning so much at such high pace. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
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For a girl who grew up with a narcissistic father and ended up marrying a narcissist you have been like a father to me helping me heal. I can never thank you enough for the support you provide to people like us who lives in a fog of confusion.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Anyone who clouds your perception of yourself is a demonic piece of shit and not your friend.
Never question they are out for themselves at your expense.
It gives one an amazing sense of clarity!!! Yay!!
I agree & relate
Yes, we have no idea what a good man is. All we know are the bad. Help!!!!
Totally agree! Well said and I can’t thank Dr. Carter enough…I am not able to physically detach from my narcissistic ex purely for financial reasons…I only need be around him two days a week (when we’re both off work)…I never understood that I could have psychological power while still being in contact…I do needed to hear this advice..very wise words..
What a relief to finally stop responding; leave them in your rear view mirror and know that nothing you do will change their attitude toward you; it won't happen!
It took, UNfortunately 2 years AFTER leaving my husband to say "I release you, Oscar" I honestly do not know how I came to say that to him. Much to my surprise, it worked. Not too long after that, him and I went fully no contact, and I am very grateful.
As the old saying goes... with friends like that, I don't need enemy's!
I Will Give Higher Priority to :
•My own good decisions
•Becoming steady, emotionally
•My inner peace, living into it
•A life of goodness
•Self restraint
•I am not a person of fear or anger
•Commited to the way of love
•Connecting to people who know how to connect
•Shedding myself of individuals who bring negative emotional energy
Gracias, Dr. Carter
Thanks 😊
La gracia también la tiene usted por hacer el resumen 🙂
❤
I will watch this daily until I release myself to have a life of peace.
Jim Kurn me to jim
Amen! May God continue to richly Bless You as you seek liberty and peace !
Me too
That's what I did ! I found my self watching videos of dr. Phil. When I suspected that he is a narcissist
I do this now for support and encouragement ! Good idea
i keep having to remind myself that i don’t owe them anything. not an explanation, not to answer their texts or reply to their manipulations. Silence is golden.
Stay strong. You deserve to only associate with people who are kind to you.
Turning on my phone is my biggest anxiety every morning
Yes lol and it keep living life with a smile on your face 😜
Truth, keep pushing soldier 💙
Yes. That's exactly what I'm reminding myself too. I owe him nothing!!!!!
Narcissists are cold hearted. They will fake loving you in trade for your slave like ways toward them.
The Art Z Scientist this is absolutely powerful and made me really think that I need to snap out of it! Bc I keep thinking over and over that he said he loved me...reality is....if you REALLY love someone, you don’t just throw them away like a peace of trash bc someone says something in a way you don’t like smh
Some fake love you for money
Oh my God this is true
@@jennygabat4094 No, SO true!!!!
How true ! These videos give me the proper words and actions to stop or shut up the narcissist !
Core principle! "Clinging to a hope for something that is never going to change." That realization made all the difference.
“You’re clinging to a hope that is not going to come to fruition.” That was SO me with my narc husband! I went to counselling for 3 years before we finally split up. My counsellor said to me once, “ You’ve been hoping for a long time [that he’ll change] but it hasn’t happened”. That hit me hard & was one of the turning point for me.
I'm so sorry this happened to you but so happy you found the strength to walk away, I admire you x
This is one of the hardest truths to accept. I'm currently married to one. I've been hoping praying....sowing seeds of love. But its time for me to wake up and realize that it's dead ground. Nothing is going to grow outta that no matter how much I sow. And I don't want to wast another minute of another day in my life doing that. I did that with my sister, and looking back I'm still kicking myself with regret. Not this time...like the song goes, won't get fooled again.
I've tried so many things for 12 years but sadly nothing works and nothing will. Now in the process of separating as he plans to leave after I went stone-cold and no affection any longer.
Thank you for sharing this. They are incapable of change. They are a broken record from the depths of hell. Cheers and enjoy being narcissistic/parasitic free
5 1/2 years ago I said "I'm Done" and walked away. Never happier or healthier. No regrets
Be you! Dr. C
That's my goal!!!
Seriously I regretted so many things but never leaving a Narc behind. Yes it doesn't solve everything but it solves like 95% lol a pretty neat deal after years of give 40 and take 1 relationships 😂
"I'm already gone!"
@@SurvivingNarcissism We should always be ourselves-no one else is qualified to do the job!
Life's too short for fruitless conversations, or fruitless anything. "I release you" is the best advice ever. This person who cannot find peace or happiness is never going to want you to have it either.
Oh my goodness this is so true! It's perfect.
Yesss! So true! These kinds of people are sappers and have no generosity of spirit, hell, they can't even be happy for themselves! Well said!
So very true
“Your opinion serves only you and your broken ego.” 😆 I feel so empowered saying that
Me too....its like a light went on in my head. The narcaccist loves to make you feel like you are damaged and wrong, and tries to make it seem that "everyone" feels and thinks the same.
I don't think you are supposed to say it. Unless you are looking to hurt them.
A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down in pain management vs. Adding salt to the womb. Opinions are not Truths but lessons in wisdom. Wisdom has it cure. Time. ...Greater Loving Wisdom has no time. Let it Be....Let it Be... Mother Mary came to me speaking words of Wisdom...Let it be.
Last year I had a situation when a narc wanted desperately for me to share what was going on with me by trying to force me to as if sharing was my duty to him as if I owed that person that (when he did nothing in his life to deserve me sharing feelings, because when I did, they were used against me by Poor treatment and labeling me as weak and even crazy). After listening to his non sense drama to make me feel even guilty for not sharing I just simply said: I have nothing to share with you and I can tell by your face that does not satisfy you, But that is not my problem, is yours.
He left in silence and did not bother me again (I distanced myself well after that)
Narc disarmed!
I LOVE YOUR REPLY!
For YEARS- my narc tried to convince me that anytime I thought about someone else’s feelings that I was being selfish- because he was the epitome of empathy and I should only think or care about how HE feels... which 9/10 was never very nice, or empathic.
Dr. Carter, I can never thank you enough for giving me the permission to release myself from what he thought!!
I Release You is the most profound response to a narcissist. Your channel, sir will help me help my clients who are victims and survivors of domestic violence.
Thank you Jennifer for helping those you're helping. I've gotten help from a few counselors. It's so wonderful being able to talk to someone who understands.
That works? 3 words! I don’t believe
Thirty years ago when I saw the narc starting to treat my chldren (as they grew) the same way he was treating me I gave higher priority to the emotional well-being of my children. I released him. His response was to tell me that he would never visit his children because he knew it would cause them deep emotional wounds and that was his way of punishing me for leaving. Screamed it right to my face as he was standing in the middle of the street. It was the only time he ever kept his word. Thank God he did. It was a blessing to us all. Today my children are happy, functional, caring adults.
He was projecting when he said those words in the manner he chose because the children are a reminder of what he lost.
You did great 👍
I wish that could have happened for my children. Instead, they have left him - and are happier for it.
You stole pieces of me
In all the love I gave you
And never got back
Keep it now it is my gift to you
For you will not get more-
And that my love
Is my gift to me ...
Atticus’
ooooh nice.
Beautiful
I know what it feels like when they steal pieces of you and you start to feel like a shell of a person and numb... wasting all your love and energy on someone who never gives back the same true love
❤️❤️❤️ 🙏
Beautiful x
My Narc H asked, "what were you laughing at?" On Sun. Evening, I watched the best SNL skit on mother's day & laughed histerically for an hour! His response was, "what an AWFUL SOUND you were making!" My reply, "I have never laughed so hard in 10 yrs of our marraige! And YOUR RESPONSE to my laughter is "WHAT AN AWFUL SOUND????" That is wrong! Not to mention, I think a wife's laughter should be music to her husband. A man in LOVE does not say this to his wife.
Dear J Alexandria, you are so right about that. I have had 3 wonderful ladies in my life for over thirty years and I was in love with them as well as loving them, anything I did to make them happy made me happy as well. He could be jealous he never made you laugh like that. I hope you are a happy woman. Take care and God bless.
You are not alone. My narc father said my laugh hurt his ears, and now my narc brother has picked up the theme - our last interaction 6 months ago, his big insult was that I have a stupid laugh. I was thinking 'is that all you've got?'
@@betsyhood1206 Dear Betsy Hood, so sorry to hear you have two sicko's in the family, like one was not enough.
Same, he was in his bad mood and me laughing was a sound of an old hag, my voice was ugly made him cringe... lool, me having a nice fun time also annoyed him lool.
I would love any laughter these days. Good for you. It is music to the ears.
Yes, they are broken and don't do life very well. They cannot have empathy. They cannot love. They cannot affirm. They cannot sympathize. They can only dismiss, control and destroy. They can only be selfabsorbed and selfish. They don't care what others feel.
They cannot appreciate a good heart.
Hurt people, hurt people.
"I want to give higher priority to be known not as a person of fear or anger, but a person commited to the way of love." Wow, that resonated. As a christian I want that for myself! Thank you for this video, I now have what to think about! :)
Thanks for this good input, Marketa. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Dr C, thank you for all your videos! I refer your videos to everyone I know. I enjoyed this video and I've begun releasing from the troubled souls in this journey. I think it's important to "Release" but I also choose to release any bitterness. I pray that they can find peace as well on their journey.
This "I release you" can also be extended to people who discard you because they side with the narcissist. It does hurt but it also shows you who your true friends are.
Very good point!
wifferste ABSOLUTELY true!!! Other narcissists showed their colors as soon as I left my narc. They contacted me DEMANDING that I explained my action, as though I owed it to them! I blocked them all.
Thanks, I needed to read your words.
I appreciate this.
Wulfy
Flying monkeys can be hard to release... I'm not using the term in jest, it describes those who do the narcissist bidding. Think about it and it might make sense.
@@smithenterprise quote "narcissist bidding" hmm, maybe just say that to the flying monkeys. something like "hmmm, narcissist bidding, I have heard of that before, by by"
I visualized myself saying that to my mother and my heart was saddened. However, she needs to be released. My mental health demands it.
How are you, dear? I relate.
Yes! I can relate. I am doing it for my health and sanity
Realize she does not have the emotional health to give you the proper love and approval you deserve. Release her of meeting your needs, as she doesn't know how. What works is to love her "in spite of herself". Have pity upon her. She is the pitiful one -- not you!
@@j.c.hunter8960 thank you for these words. I'm crying as I read them. My own mother passed away over 2 years ago and I'm still struggling with the memories of abuse.
I love this. There is a difference between being selfish, and having self love
There is. Just like there is a difference between vanity and self-pride.
I have a new mantra! Thanks, doc!
There are so many points which the n. throws back at you that they are actually doing....
@@rebeccaperson8581 They're projecting their dark side on you and you can see it as an opportunity to know what they're guilty of. It hurts though because it feels like a false accusation on you and they don't even know how wrong they are. 😵 Really feels like my sanity is...
I don't see it.
I have been married to a narcissist for 41 years and finally left. Les Carter, you’re a genius. You explain so clearly and accurately about what it’s like to be in a relationship with a toxic narcissist, it’s all consuming, and ultimately a waste of one’s life. This video motivates me each day to live a mentally, emotionally and physically healthy life. I will no longer sacrifice my precious life to a person who has no self awareness and whom I’ve allowed to take up so much space in my mind. I am released from that toxic bond! Thank you!
This message is critical for me as I prepare to officially end a relationship with a vulnerable narcissist. Eleven years of believing he simply struggled with his dysfunctional childhood, struggled with depression, struggled with work/life balance, struggled to get ahead... all the while resenting me for my sense of self, my stability, my character, my financial security, my optimism and my hope for him. I realize now that I almost lost myself, but with the support of a wonderful counselor, and my own internal compass, I finally saw the light - and it was blinding. I will echo the sentiment below: when the student is ready the teacher appears. I find courage, and especially wisdom here. For this I am grateful.
Definitely. At some point you have to unhook.. Best wishes as you move forward. Dr. C
When the student is ready the teacher appears ... that was both emotionally moving and inspirational ... Dr. Carter's words were precisely what I needed to hear ... thank you Dr. Carter.
You're welcome! So pleased to be with you on the journey! Dr. C
It’s a Buddhist axiom.
I agree. I stumbled on this totally randomly. Sent when needed most. Thank you
Same here!
Same. Thank you so much.
It's almost funny...all the years in these relationships, knowing something was wrong; feeling crappy about myself; thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. Turns out the issues were at least 90% them. Knowledge is liberating!!!
Deffo xxx
I have had the same experience but with the great help from Dr Carter I have reached the same conclusion as you. Stay on your guard X
It seems to be one of the narcissists biggest goals: sowing seeds of self-doubt into our system.
Even after disconnecting I kept defending myself internally by saying to myself 'there is nothing wrong with you, you are healthy and you did not do anything wrong and you are a whole person'.
They really attack our positive thoughts and confidance and try to make us feel like a bad or disturbing person while they are the ones triggered bc we confront them with their own bad state of mind compared to a
human being with and social emotions.
Knowledge is a beautiful thing, especially when you’ve been in the dark for decades (referring to myself).
@@tedschmitt178 Yep, same.
This is making me ugly cry 😭
Everything you said is true of my recent leaving my husband a week ago. 39 years of having “that” conversation over and over and over, hoping I would say the right words. He just agrees, straightens up for a while. Then it just goes back to the same way. Hoping this would be the time he would respond. He never has...he’s not mean. He’s a draining narcissist. Drains me...
I’m actually sitting in my sons house watching this video realizing what I want I will never have. I’ve been trying for 39 years to get him to see his lack of empathy and the me, me, me, attitude was hurting me and his children. He’s never been violent or mean, so I thought it was me overreacting. He made it appear he was so unassuming, caring, loving and yet so emotionless. So deliberately cunning in his approach of gaslighting.
I only discovered he was a narcissist in 2015 when we separated for 4 months. I always knew his cold hearted actions of cunning manipulation without empathy wasn’t right. But I still gave him passes time after time. It was just his way and his personality. But during our separation in 2015 I began my research and discovered he is a narcissist. A cunning, manipulative, pitiful, soothe sayer of kind tender words and promises of grand things. That he never intended to follow through on.
In the past 3 years he’s been trying to convince me I’m becoming a invalid. Convincing me I truly need his help. Convincing me of things that just aren’t true. I began to see through his gaslighting this year. I was wondering why I was having physical problems, trouble walking. Just not being able to do things I used to do without effort.
I figured it out over the last 2 months. I’m lethargic, becoming weak and losing my zest for life. He’s slowly gaslighting me to think he can do everything and I can just relax. Keeping me under his thumb and under control. He controls the finances, pays all the bills, drives me around, I no longer drive. My car broke down and he said it couldn’t be fixed and we couldn’t afford to buy another one. He’s totally in control of my life and I’m miserable 😩 and I don’t even know it. I’m to stupid to understand I need to be away from him. But my desire to be with him is strong and stupid at the same time. 39 years of this and I know it’s not going to disappear overnight.
I’m so broken in so many ways. I’m living with my son and I told my husband there will be no contact.
I’m struggling and praying daily that I can come out of this alive and free.
I just want to live 😭
I don't know how you're doing now, but I sure hope things are better for you, & that you've been able to release yourself from the negative crap you've been living under. Never give up, & always remember God loves you, & is there for you!
I pray🙏🏽that you’re doing better now. Your post was long but necessary and helpful. It helped me after 34 years and facing divorce to know that I’m not alone in staying too long in a narcissistic relationship. I knew he was different,thought it was just a matter of opposites attracting. Just found out about narcissism a few years ago.
@@dyoung2739 blessings on your journey dear one I left mine 10 years ago best thing I ever did. It’s a long process but so worth the work
Now I’m just getting rid of the last Narc friend from high school 40 years ago
I’ve come so far and so happy
Hugs 🥰
@@bodymindsoul60 Thanks❤️!
Please know that it's not your fault. You are a loving person. He is not. You are a God person. He is not. The good thing is: Healing for you is there in every moment. I come from a narc. family and had a narc. boyfriend. It almost killed me. I felt the life energy leaving me. But as mentioned... healing is there in every moment. Believe in it. Let go of all the sickness and feel the healing.
There's only one successful response to a narcissist: FLEE.
"I release you" is more to help release ourselves from letting a narcissist have power over us by clinging to the hope that he or she will magically change to a sympathetic loving empathic person. Thank you for good, simple, plain talking advice.
Yes, you get it! Dr. C
It seems to be along the same lines as forgiveness. People don't understand what purpose forgiveness really serves, but now I'll be using "I release you" instead when trying to explain it to people. I think it'll make much more sense. It's not about excusing their behavior, it's about allowing yourself to let go and move on. It's something you do for yourself, not them. Very healing!
Excellent if ur unable to walk away.. but mentally a sanity saver 👏👍🙏🤗
@@m0L3ify forgiveness is hard for me to grasp because it has been used by my narcissists to gain leverage. But I hear you. Can not let someone live rent free in the kind or heart. It just keeps the pain going. "I release you" feels safer. Like...I dont forgive someone just so they can keep hurting me. I release them and never look back.
@@rougirmore ♥
My favourite response to a pestering Narciopath is: "I'll give that due consideration" - this TOTALLY bewilders them & they don't know what to say next because it is non committal, neutral, unresponsive to their agitation.
As soon as I read your post it hit me like a ton of lead lol !! It’s been over 2 months now my girlfriend (if I can even use that term, she’s hidden our relationship the whole time she’s been with me, yr &a half now) and I my last text message to her I said something similar and she immediately replied what do you mean by that !! Funny how something that we know is so simple to comprehend gets their kind of response that’s full of confusion and bewilderment lol !! Yet she thinks she’s smarter then me and is part of her gaslighting bullshit but hasn’t the brain capacity to understand such a simple statement from us !! Thanks for your comment, I’ll be sure to use this one if I bother to respond to her texts I’m getting after 2 months pretending she’s concerned about me and asks hope all is well, but doesn’t realize if she didn’t cheat on me and blatantly rub it in my face, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place !! Shows the disconnect and immaturity level she’s really at to now keep texting me all of a sudden she cares about me but what’s funny is any one who really does care about there partner calls that person and or makes the effort to come and see me to show what a normal human shows there partner they’ve been with for over a yr & a half lol !! Good one Bill, thanks
Yep - Narciopaths whole existence revolves around extracting attention & preoccupation one way or another - neutrality baffles them and leaves them without bullets to fire - really we need to totally ostracise these little demons altogether in one big concerted effort - find them a remote desert island where they can't harm anybody but each other and stick them all there.
@@user-el3lm4hf2t Is that a thing Narcissists do? Hide relationships? God, I wasn't the only one
Thanx great tool.
I have found the same type of responses to my partner is also the most advantageous. Go us! Makes my life a lot easier to limit ‘narcissistic injury’ to the poor, delusional soul.
I did this too, said it out loud and never looked back, never felt bad, never felt more me. Don’t say it silently, grab your stuff, realize the life is short to just be somebody else fuel station. Love your self more than you love the narcissist. Care about your feelings and emotions. Your heart and mind.
Release the person that suck the life and air out of you and you will grow and expand to fill the space instead.
I don’t watch these as I often as I previously did but it is good to go back and remember why I took the actions I did. Continue all on your lovely journey in life and you will find happiness.
Are you a bear?!
@@barbaraevening3854 lol
Amen!!! No contact and even need to parent but every time they are around it’s a game. Mine will not go away and hanging onto my parents and playing games with everyone. He has a girlfriend and I was happy about that but he is still stalking me on line and stuff!!! When do they go away? My parents are caught up in it and we are tip toeing around his bs right now! They don’t want him around anymore after showing them proof of his lies! I collected for years to sink his butt! They are good liars and stealthy!
I am in covid lockdown. I feel as if I am in a bad episode if the Twilight Zone with no way out. I have to go.....
Anitra Moore as long as they get energized from people they will hang around, and I guess you and your family has to tell him no, that he is not welcome or you all are not interested in having him around. If you got kids with him, it will be harder.
I wish you good luck and hope you get your peaceful life.
Should be ten million likes. To everyone who has fit the criteria of narcissism in my life, I release you, and expect nothing from you!
Realize -the hurt, the pain, the lies, the insecurity and the and the mistreatment are not implicit on us. These are negative energies that people direct toward you (are displaced from the insides of them) When you recognize these behavior patterns, release those toxic energies, and 'return to sender' It never belonged to you, and that's how we can maintain our freedom and good health.
I love it when people are able to speak from the heart and offer HEALTHY and EMPOWERING advice.
This video is a lifesaver, thank you so much! Peace
Two years with a narcissist. I was recently diagnosed with cancer and I think this was when I realized how little he cared. These responses... it’s exactly what I do. I’m clinging to the hope that if I work harder or tip toe more delicately or if I can explain it in a way he might understand ... he will change. This was eye opening. Thank you for reminding me I’m 1) not crazy 2) not alone. ❤️
I pray that you are ok now.
@@2010cmarie same
You deserve to live in peace! Don't walk on eggshells. He's not worth the trouble.
@@jackilynpyzocha662 I’m happy to report that I escaped my horribly abusive spouse and I’m rebuilding my life - I work a lot but I’m happy and I’m doing it all on my own. Proud of myself. There is life beyond that hell. I’m living proof. ❤️
@@2010cmarie thank you! I am! I got away from my narcissist and I’m in remission from cancer! 💪
Yes - "I release you" means I am really freeing my own self ! Truth!
You get it! Dr. C
1. Suppress
2. Agressive
3. Passive aggressive
4. assertive
5. RELEASE THE PERSON FROM FALSE HOPE
I could listen to this man's voice all day. Not just because he puts out such helpful videos, but also because he has such a soothing temperament.
You have this 64 year old Grammy fist pumping - “I release you!” I have been free of my narcissistic husband for a year now, and am truly feeling happy and free for the first time in years. Thank you so much, and God bless you Dr. Carter! God has used you to bless and change my life. I’m so thankful for your wisdom. I never miss your videos, and look forward to each new one.
Janet, I am 64 too, and released him three months ago, after 48 years of hoping… I have peace in my heart. God knows I tried year after year.
I so wish I had known this 50 years ago. I kept thinking "Someday, I can make him understand how I feel." I wasted so many years, and the thing I most regret: my children are paying for all the craziness, my choices.
Judy Whittlesey ditto. I knew but was afraid to go. Our children suffered for it and it definitely did them damage.
@@Noahsoak I am so grateful to Dr. C, he has answered so many of my questions. I know I can't change the past, but my heart and mind are quieter. I will pray for the same for you and your children.
Judy Whittlesey - Know that you did the best you knew how to do at the time you really did. Rememeber as well society didnt supoort women leaving as it does now - financially and otherwise.
@@raia9 Raia, Thank you for the encouragement, yes thankfully there is more community support now, but still not enough. Just today, I thought; "I really think I'll speak to someone at my local shelter about volunteering." I not sure I can, I worry about being triggered, but there is such a need, even more since the covid quarantine. My local media reported on 2 deaths this week. It's never-ending.🙇♀️
Bless you both🙏🏻❤💯At least you found out the truth and are now doing your best to change and heal the past with yourself snd your children❤
I was a child of a narcissistic mother and a father who was the enabler. It was painful yet i am at the place now where i forgive them both.They truly were in a dysfunctional program and playing out patterns and progrming which was unresolved pain from their own childhoods.I did have alot of repressed anger and pain underneath that and underneath the pain was fear and shame below that was sadness and loneliness and beneath that my true self and the unconditional love i craved from my parents and family and as i heal myself and love my self i am filling the void i carried for so long. We are born beautiful innocent beings that dont question if they are good enough etc..babies just are who they are, and as we become conditioned by the world around us we stuff ourselves down down down and accept the projection and beliefs of others which i say with compassion this consciousness shit isn't easy.You both did the best you could with what you had and with compassion and understanding totally comend you for doing what my parents didn't do,i never got the chance to talk about this with my father he died years ago,but i bet if he was here today he would and wouldn't have shut me down like mother who i have no contact with anymore but the catharsis and healing that happens between anyone experiencing this especially parents and their children....it's quite powerful.Even though i didn't experience it with my own parents i have helped people mend it with their own families. Much love to you both and blessings to you and love to your children.
I got to the point where I had to say to him "go be free" and ever since then I'VE been free because my expectations became zero.
BRILIANT!!!
I have dealt with a very narcissistic family member for years, I spoke up to her once and quickly realized I had made a big mistake. My husband and I have come to realize there is no reasoning with a narcissist and have kept our family gatherings to a minimum.. I love the thought of releasing that person, it will certainly help me in future gatherings. I imagine a giant hot air balloon lifting off!
Addicted to the hope is it’s own sickness
She just got served her released AKA divorce papers this past Friday. 15 years of buying the peace at any price, pleading, explaining the logic behind my reasoning, all for naught. It is released time, thank you dr. Carter for shedding so much light on so much darkness.
I hope you find the happiness you deserve.
Haha "release papers" that's awesome! I wish you all the happiness in the world once it's over!
Thank you for your wise words. When you said "I want you to have a good life" I nearly started crying. No one has ever said that to me before. It was wonderful to hear. I look forward to leaving my narcissistic family & all of the trauma they've caused behind me forever. 😔 💔
So pleased for these comments, Katherine. Dr. C
@Aurora Nemesis I hope you begin living the beautiful life you deserve. Keep growing forward.. I'm going to do the same. 🦋🌺❤
Yeah I felt that one too! Well let me say it to you, I want you to have a truly wonderful life!
@@laurabarber6697 Thank you for your caring words Laura. I genuinely hope your kindness blesses your life also. 😇❤
I also want you to have a good life- full of dreams coming true and power and purpose and destiny😘
Trying to maintain or mend a toxic relationship with a Narc is certainly not worth our time or energy. They don’t have healthy relationship goals and we pay the price with our peace and sanity. ‘I release you’ is a mantra I will be using henceforth. Thank you, Dr Carter😊🙏🏼
I have tried for 40 years. Almost cost me my life. I have released him finally. He is on his own journey. And I love the person I have become.
Denise S, sorry for what you lost. Mine was a 27 year battle with a Narc husband. Physically, I have been free from him for 3 years. But he’s still lurking there mentally and emotionally. Time to release him from there. All the best to you, dear!
@Nelumbo Nucifera- Denise S - Mine was 40 years. Congratulations!
You'll be happier.
Pray this daily : I release you & won't stay tethered. & kept from my higher priorities of peace & goodness ......Amen. 🙏
I release everything
The VERY END you said, “ I release ME”. WOW, THAT’S the ticket! That’s WISDOM and LOVE from on High.
"I release you." Such powerful words! Relief, freedom.
33 years of being married to a narcissist and I really needed this. Thank you 🙏
It's all just so much sadness tho.... So many years too.... Never expected this stuff at this age... We could have had completely different and happy lives...
@ Peta Brown I think we need to mourn our losses and let them go. I've missed many a year of accomplishments and left a really good job for someone like this. Does lost time make me sad? Yes. But we cannot look backward because we will miss what's right in front of us-a healthy future. We got this!
It is a loss you have to grieve. It’s only been a year for me. So even though I am healing, some nights I just sit here and let the tears flow. No noise, no wailing, I just let them flow. So much loss.
I feel exactly the same Peta - so much sadness over practically an entire lifetime lost & crippled by a covert narcissist mother. So bad that I had to go no contact at age 40 & am 68 now & still trying to heal. Can't afford therapy but at least have great videos from Dr. C, others, & a loving Father in God to help me heal.
@@pegihaider813 Stay strong...
Powerful message, moving me to ugly cry. I survived narc abuse. I released him. I will find the me he swore didn’t exist!
Before I came to a place of acceptance, I tried everything to get through to Hollow Man. I tried reasoning, I tried explaining logically, I worked hard to be as clear as I could be in my communication. I tried emailing him when verbal communication didn't work. Eventually, I broke down and started screaming at him and became abusive myself. None of it worked. It was like bashing myself against a brick wall. I finally reached the deep understanding that he was never going to change, and nothing I did was going to make a difference. That was difficult to accept, but once I gave up the last of my hope, I did feel a kind of inner peace. I no longer try to get through to him. I am quietly and covertly working on my exit plan.
I remember the same fruitless journey and came to the same conclusion. Congratulations ! You will be much happier.
@@venusrising6554 I really look forward to just being alone!
When I read what you have put here I have done it all too...it amazing how all of them seem to have the same m.o
Deborah Armstrong
I agree with Venus rising - U will
Be MUCH happier! I finally made my exit for good. There is a peaceful solitude that comes with the immediate freedom from being someone’s supply. Just be swift, under-the-radar & don’t breathe a word to the narc. Wishing u the best in your return to self. Enjoy the reunion! You deserve it. Personally, I have never slept more soundly.
Good for you. Be careful because people like this will go to extreme lengths to stop you from leaving and be prepared for the possible sabotage and smear campaign.
Tonight my narcissist said when I came in to talk i looked defiant, I said i am an adult who came in to talk, you can label me defiant, but I can’t be defiant to you, you’re not my parent or my boss, you’re have no power over me, so I’m not defiant or rebeling against you, I’m an adult who disagrees with a situation. One little step at a time
I had just this revelation a couple of days ago. I was living in a mental and emotional hell dictated by the narc in my life and the. I just chose to release myself. I don’t have to take his calls, I don’t have to respond, I don’t have to defend myself, I don’t have to live the drama. I can concentrate on my own good life. Seeing this video feels like an angel has reached out and guided me to you. I have been looking for the path to freedom and I hope I can get there once and for all. Thank you
Hearing myself made me stronger!!
"I release you...I'll move on to people who have more refined relationship skills." My new mantra.
Keep learning and stay strong! Dr. C
That is a very interesting subject, especially when it is the other way. You, 'the victim" releases the narcissist. That's what I did and my covert narcissist ex partner didn't like that of course. She lost control of the situation. Frankly, I honestly don't think she even cared, because she hasn't got empathy skills to deal with such feelings and situations. My advice, take your losses if that's part of ending it, accept that it is over, don't expect any excuses or apologies from the narcissist, close the door behind you, start healing and living again.
Good for you. Be happy.
Her response is to be expected. The releasing is for you, so that you aren't standing there waiting for her to hear and respond appropriately to you, so that you have passed her hot potato back to her.
Fun Lovin Bloke ....Exactly, no empathy. They will throw you under the bus, abandon you in times of trouble and they really have no grasp as to why someone would show compassion. With them, it's all about their self image and it's all mental, no heart. Really liberating when you realize it's a waste of time to try and argue with them. It's all about black and white, win or lose, control and asserting their own superiority. I laugh because I am a retired Canadian civil engineer and she was just a housewife and worked various jobs. Yet, she thinks she's superior. Her need for control and power is a sickness that comes from an unhappy childhood.
An angry person within. Works hard to keep it under wraps.
It's an eye opener to realize the type of person we let in to our lives. Time heals and with the invaluable knowledge you now have... the future should look a little brighter. Hopefully you don't have any things of permanence tied to this person. For some, the cost of that knowledge comes too late and can leave a good person devastated in so many ways. I'm glad you survived... Life will get better !!!
Your tomorrow will be much better than your yesterday!
This was an Excellent video....I hope that everyone who has ever encountered a NARC to find, have and keep your PEACE!!!
I'm like an old wandering spirit caught between the world of the living but not yet dead. And that life long struggle l have had with my unfinished business still stands before me. It remains immovable as I am to its hellish bondage. I have said my piece but felt no peace. What has been lacking was me saying the words...I release you! I release you to your fate as I release me to mine.
I release you for you are no longer my sky. No longer will I tremble and cower beneath the brewing storm of your thundering insults, blaming & shaming of my tender heart. I release you cos now, I am now my only sky.
She had the nerve to tell me “I release you and you negative energy”.I think she was projecting. Knowing I was tired of the bs.
You're so right. Once you kill the hope that they can become this or that, it's a freedom that eventually puts you in a place where no matter what they say...IT HAS NO EFFECT ON YOU. The " I release you " strategy...magic.
" I release you" ---- words of gold.
I am so thankful to have found this community of narc survivors. I was discarded on April 23rd..realizing through your videos that I have a problem as an empath. He is a true narc and I never realized this was such a widespread thing! These videos have literally saved me. Thank you Dr. Carter and Laura
So pleased you are on board with us! Dr. C
I'm an Empath as well and just went through the same thing. Believe me, you are a better person than they ever could be. Put them in the rear view and go forward. There are many good people. The best revenge is to forget them and live well. Good Luck.
hey nanc, i got the final discard in feb. i'm still trying to move on but once i realized the guy was a covert narc and that everything wasn't my fault, i was able to find some peace with the situation. not total peace. i still think about the situation all the time. but each day it gets a little better. watching the videos on this channel has also been beneficial. try looking up support forum for narcissistic abuse on reddit. also helpful to read the stories there
@@venusrising6554 The BEST revenge is FREEING yourself,,,,AND,,,moving on into a HEALTHY, LOVING RELATIONSHIP AND BEING HAPPY! NARCS HATE THAT! SO, SMILE! 😉
@@venusrising6554 Thank you Venus
He said “ When you are happy I am sad “ So I said “A good marriage is a win win situation where both have a measure of happiness. I wouldn’t want to waste not one more minute of you being sad so I’ll set you free. I hope your never sad again. “
Sherry Mace,You look cute 🥰,Hope you are not with a narcissist….
Thank God for you and your wisdom. I am lucky to be alive. I didn't know what a narcissist was . I release you works . The word says we are called to peace. Plus took myself back along with the fruits of the spirit. Iron sharpens iron.
So very hard to give up that hope especially when children are involved. Not only enduring abuse but also seeing your children endure it is so horrible. I thank you again for the videos...they are helping a great deal.
He is teaching me how to talk myself out of the narc's vicious circle... Can't be anymore grateful. Thank you!
I will play this over and over until I have it all written down! These have been my solutions with the narcissists who were in my life. But you articulate it so beautifully. Thank you, Dr. Carter!
It truly is amazing advice!! I took down notes as well and I strongly agree with you that he articulates his points extremely well! Also, it is so rare to have this kind of incredible advice available to us for free, I am super grateful for this guy and that he dedicates his time to sharing this with us!
They will never change They are hopeless
He spent a lot of time trying to convince me he had changed" such a fool" 😁
Been married to one 63 years and 5 years ago I found your talks and the suggestions I have gained from listening to you has made miraculous changes in my life. I use these often and my life with this same husband is much better. Almost not believable. Even though he is much easier to live with I will never let myself trust him. I still catch him in small lies and let him know I know. Thank you so very much for helping me claim my real life back.
Peggy Taylor,You deserves better
Daughter has been verbally financially abusing me for 30 years,I have been chasing her looking for her love.My granddaughter was the ransom.lying cheating gas lighting manipulation withhoulding, not wishing me well,threating mocking, spreading rumours saying my church was a courThouses of dollars and no thank you over the years, putting myself down to allow her o feel better about myself. Today the I release response has freed me oh thank You thank You A free woman at last!!!
Dr. Carter, I wasted 5 years of my life with a narcissist trying to hear just the words you said: “I want you to have a life grounded in what you know to be the wisest and best.” I knew that the narcissist in my life was not right, but I release them nonetheless. “I release them.” So simple, yet so powerful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that you may have the best life and God shower his choicest blessings upon you.
Thank you Dr. C. ❤ This is much needed tonight. 🙏
Brilliant. They can’t change. Release them to their world. And take our power back to our own. Cheers!
Love this. I need to assert. To release to a broken life needs work for me. They do not get brokeness.
I release you narcisists and toxic enablers. I choose to live life in peace and serenity. Thank you for your kind and loving heart. ❤God bless you dr Carter❤
Years ago I resigned from my job to get away from the constant manipulations and character assassinations from a covert sycophant narcissist and his overt narcissist friend. Before resigning I remained professional yet my blood pressure had risen to dangerous levels. After leaving, my BP returned to healthy levels. I went completely no contact ignoring their attempts to reconnect. Every now and then I still get angry and have to reconnect with my values separate from the pathetic world they still live in. I know time will heal but the scars remain.
Thank you for your comment. I, too, resigned from my job to get away from my boss. After discovering this channel, I realized that I had been working with an overt narcissistic boss. I enjoyed my job; however, the emotional blow-ups, the blaming, the put-downs became so overwhelming that I couldn’t relax over the weekend, and dreaded Monday mornings. My health was suffering. It took me nearly 2 weeks after I quit to finally relax and enjoy daily life again. I am thankful for Dr. C’s videos, as it now helps me manage my dignity and emotions as I deal with my next door Neighbor From Hell, whom we met when we recently moved into our new house.
@@probablynot1368 Thank you as well. Dr. Carter's videos are definitely helping my self-esteem. I 'm learning that I took the high road despite their ugliness. This experience taught me that no job or position is worth losing your health and self-esteem over. My family is more important.
@@user-uh5fc3rd9e Hi, I heard an amazing statistic, many years ago that always surprised me. Most heart attacks in men happen on a Monday morning. Our neighbour had one at that time so it really struck home. You did the right thing.
The scars do remain.
I was managing a covert N. It was a nightmare of lies. Resigned. Am rebuilding. It’s a process. Took a pay cut but no job is worth your peace or health. Much much happier.
For 12 years of trying to please my husband only to find out just recently that he's a narc and there's no chance for this marriage to work. I've started to accept the reality of the situation I have been for over a decade of my life. Am glad that after doing some research about abusive husband, I came across NPD which describes his personality based on the cycle and patterns of abuse that I went through.
I started to tell him that I am not his property and so I refuse to be his victim. Then I went on by getting cold and showing no interest and less reactive to his rage. Until he mentioned of leaving me and our daughter behind by next month. I agreed with relief and excitement that I'll be free at last. I have been praying for God's intervention and safety while he's still with us and could not attempt to harm us.
I love the idea of releasing the narcissist and releasing myself. As a recovering codependent, I neet to give myself permission to not let the narc's opinion be a determining factor in what I believe and how I behave/react. I have been trying to figure out how to cut the truama bond between myself and the narc and it turns out that I am the one holding the key! So, powerful. I took detailed notes on this video and am establishing today as the day I released the narc so I can begin my life anew to realize my full potential. Thank you Dr. Carter. Your videos have saved my sanity and my life!
How did you seperate your feelings of who you thought they were and who they actually are? That's where I'm stuck. I need to realize I dont actually know this person.
@@januarybaby I left and went no contact. This is a long ongoing process. I continue to educate myself about narcs and journal about abusive experiences. I allow myself to feel the feelings and write about those also. I realised that the narcissism is not my fault bc it stems from unresolved trauma in the narcs life. The narc is in a tremendous amount of internal pain that we can do nothing about. This is not an excuse for how the narcs abuses us, but allows me to be somewhat empathetic that they will never be happy or healed. For me it makes it a little bit easier to forgive and release. This is allowing me the freedom to heal. We have to admit that this happened to us and that we are responsible for our own healing. It is challening and confusing, but focus on finding your true self. I hope this helps.
@@rodneyrowell228 wow yes thanks🥰
It’s unbelievable how textbook these individuals are. I’m in the midst of being discarded by my narcissistic partner of 10yrs. It’s so hard to look at myself in the mirror and know that I have let this person humiliate and degrade me for the past several months. Hoping I get the courage and strength to end it soon. Thank you for these videos. If they help one victim, they’re worth it. 😊
I basically said "Im giving myself closure. We both want different things. I want someone who is trustworthy and consistent, and remembers simple things like "Happy Valentines Day."
I know this. Thank you. If you cannot be civil, respectful, responsible and reliable...I release you. If you are the one with the anger issues and have abandoned me or ghosted me because of a perceived slight...I release you. When you agree to meet me to civilly discuss something, yet try to start an argument....I release you.
I'm 26 and for my whole life, I was having fights and fights with my dad, trying to defend and to give reasoning to my thoughts unsuccessfully.
My mom tried the same, she couldn't do it and left my dad 14 years ago.
These all had a huge negative impact on our lives, our confidence, health, and self-love.
Few days ago after another fight, another confronting my dad with so many truths he said - those are all lies - and after just another shaming, I've told him that he is a narcissist and I've given him a test to do to prove him that he really is.
After he finished the test he told me that the test isn't really good and that they should have asked him for opinions before making it. Just imagine at what level he is.
Somehow I finally ended up on your youtube channel and omg it's like a story about my dad. I've started with the oldest videos and will try to watch them all and I will try to have a completely different mindset for all future conversations.
Thank you doctor Carter for giving away all these information for free
My standard response is “Im sorry you feel that way.”
Same concept. Dr. C
Interesting and totally valid as it’s about the best one can do with one of them. Have you noticed if you ever get any sort of pseudo-apology from a narcissist it’s some very near equivalent to this? It’s polite to express regret or sorrow like that, and of course a narcissist counts on exceptions being made and living in the gray area. Extending that polite courtesy is offering them the exception of still hearing something apologetic. Took me quite a while to refine that into “that’s unfortunate” or “sucks doesn’t it” LOL but now I don’t even pretend to apologize to someone for their lack of reason anymore. That said, of course I didn’t have that even close to figured out until a good while after it would have been most useful and I was well into not often finding myself in these kinds of conversations anymore.
I released them....ran and even covered my tracks too, but I didn’t understand what I was seeing in terms of somebody thinking so completely differently than I do (since they pretend that they don’t) and I made or accepted rational excuses for the irrational .... and was ultimately hooverable. When it’s your family of origin and that leftover childhood survival strategy that allows you to think “they love you but just aren’t great at showing it” or they “love you as much as anyone can after the trouble you’ve been” is still in place all you’ve done is release a monster that can still get you back.
Monsters don’t need masks with kids who still hold out hope their parents only looked like monsters lots of times. I left home at 13 (boarding school) and thank God, but at 46 when my dad died I was still asking myself stuff like if he was never gonna let me win (have his approval) why didn’t he just tell me as much and leave me to it during any of six estrangements that lasted longer than a year (the last 3-4 of which were my decision). Nobody asks themselves if I was so awful why he kept bringing me back, so I guess they actually believed he was some long-suffering model dad and aren’t the ones who’d see his cruelty in treating me explicitly differently from my halfbrother in his will. In such a situation one hasn’t even necessarily begun to accept it for oneself before finding seven or eight times as many photos of him with his other son in unrecognized places boxed up (what is it with narcissists and pictures I swear to God it’s gotta be their workaround for absent object permanence and constancy) because without being informed about NPD (and in the presence of the NPD’s and everybody else’s satisfaction by all imaginable excuses) a person can actually still manage to try believing something less than completely horrible about their parent. I was going to make a peaceful memory as a matter of fact I had already reached a peaceful perspective on the experience of surviving my father. Knowing he’d treated a son badly enough to maybe suspect drove me to the detached ability to do that would absolutely be the petty sort of thing an abuser would not want to let a target have, so whether or not he had that much insight it pretty well cinches what he was.
The only good thing that can come out of some POS making a clean getaway and needing you to know they’ve committed the perfect crime against you is a very late explanation for why you already know the others are whack anyway. But at least I have some perspective on the past and can stop walking into endless betrayals for stupidly wanting a family that’s always been the most treacherous place to be the safest.
I’m damn sure the only one sorry I feel this way, so I’m not about to mince words for their benefit.... Scapegoat has quit, and where there is indignity behind appearing dignified I release those motherfuckers to it😉😳
... but typically “I’m sorry you feel that way” is a classic response from a narcissist who does not at all care how you feel and is never “sorry”.
should probably be 'too bad you feel that way' why should we be sorry they're not ...
Dr. Carter, you out here saving lives and repairing souls! You can tell that you feel deeply about this because you say things from your whole chest meaning your whole heart. The beam is from your heart into others as you speak. That's the power of a real true healer even if you didn't have a bunch of letters after your name!
Thanks so much, Kay! Dr. C
100-percent agree 💕
it takes a while to get through the "clinging to hope" aspect of the relationship. I just keep reminding myself that I want to be healthy in my own skin and, if I continue to think that maybe one day it will get better with them, I'm losing valuable time.
I need to listen to this all day every day until it really sinks in. Thanks, Dr. Carter! You’re renewing my faith in humanity.
"If I just...talk, walk, crawl, ask, speak, act, think differently and accept the persons why of being. Or if I change myself...perhaps then we will be able to communicate or have a good relationship or understand eachother" Thank you for this video, it gave me the answer I have been looking for about 25-30 years.
Such a great message. After 20 years (we have kids) I've gone through many stages of growth and I am at this point to release him. This has given me my strength and joy back.
Now, everything goes my way.
I have a new vibrance and love of life. And this helps the kids.
Thank you!!!
Best advice I ever got. All of a sudden she wants to work it out and "change " after 22 yrs. Because I took this advice, and went as far as to tell her that is how I feel. I don't believe she can change, just another act. Thank you for all your advice, it really helped me move on and focus on working on me.
The only thing I'm not going to release my self from is you! You're stuck with me and you have your self to blame for that!! You are so, I know I say this word a lot, but darn, you are AWESOME!!! God Bless!!
Narcissists are everywhere, particularly in our governmental structures. Humanity as a whole needs deep healing from this dynamic.
Dr. Carter you ARE such a blessing , THANK YOU , THANK YOU , THANK YOU THANK YOU ❤
Truly a blessing ❣️ And this is one the most important techniques he has explained
@@DeniseMeissner such a blessing!!
This was a beautiful explanation of how to release someone and a great reminder that we are responsible for how we react. That we should never give up that power and ultimately lose trust in ourselves. I love, love, love your videos Dr. Carter. You are doing a great public service. Truly, you're a hero in my book.
Absolutely 💯
Wow. By the end of this one the tears were welling up. This goes beyond dealing with the narcissist and promotes the agenda of the soul. Feeling gratitude, Dr. Carter.
So pleased. Thanks, Esther. Dr. C
I so easily forget that I am in control of my own life and who I invite to be a part of it!
Thank you soo much, Dr.Les Carter, for your knowledge, insight and inspiration ❤
I've been seeing all your videos for a while now, I'm stunned by the epiphany of continuous discovery about myself and the people around me. I feel so relieved since I'm understanding/questioning so much at such high pace. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
You're quite welcome.