They are INSANELY insecure. So i just laugh at them. They think they have the upper hand. They say things that dont make sense or are completely senseless in general/have nothing to do with what is being argued about. Complete losers
it will hurt for some time to be unfairly shunned by a group who have fallen for the narcissists lies. My only consolation was to accept that these people were not Fair Friendship material so i had to eventually let them go so that i could live in my own dignified reality. Thank u for helping me to See the patterns so that i do not allow the punishment of Her highness the Narcissist's chaotic drama to rattle my cage with her flying monkeys. In fact - they r the ones in the convoluted cage. It has taken me 5 yrs. to calm down into my own Validation. Belonging & acceptance r not easy to find but now i know where not to hang around. The sooner we can spot toxic behaviours the easier it becomes to hang onto Our true peaceful Selves!
@@dianedeclare8541 yep. toxic behaviors to look out for: - can't handle any kind of constructive criticism, especially from someone they perceive as "inferior" to them. - they truly believe they are better than you in all aspects of life - very proud with zero humility & zero gratitude for the help they've received in life. They truly believe they are a "self made" success. - gossiping non stop about others - all knowing arrogance & pompous proud behavior - snooty & snobbish and always looking down their noses at you or others - Can dish it out non-stop, but can't take it in when you finally put your foot down out of self respect and no longer allow them to bully you. - quick to speak, quick to interrupt, quick to anger when you don't adhere to their plan, - can't handle any kind of embarrassment with calmness & class - boasting & bragging constantly about their own accomplishments - gossiping about others - devaluation or invalidating others who aren't present to defend themselves
@@jsf8145 Yes, all of the above but we should NEVER treat these people with anger, as if they are normal people, they are not! This is someone who has a personality disorder, a person whose only way to fulfil their unconscious unmet needs is to dominate others and control reality without the capacity to see how their behaviour affects others. The only way to be able to manager them and their behaviour is to manage ourselves and how we perceive them, with a detached awareness of their mental disturbance, so as not to get caught up in their drama.
Almost everyone I know. Family, co workers. If I say goodmorning and smile they grimace and respond with what do you have to be happy about? Most of these people have some kind of substance abuse.
I spent 30 years in the same situation. Finally got away on my own. Took over my son's other house for myself to live quietly. Then my son told his dad...who was needing a place to stay." Just move in with mom and help her pay the bills by splitting it 50/50. No one told or asked me. Next thing I know I came home from work to find he moved in. Now I can't get rid of this horrible roommate. Typical fashion when I ask him to move out I get the controlling threats and how I owe him for 30 years of him supporting me and the children and just try to make him leave. Ugh! Can we ever get rid of the manipulative, insulting, merciless narcissistic?
@@mimiv3088 If you find that you can't make him give up on you for supply, the only thing left is to move out. Find your own place that you know no one but you can make decisions for. Everything you build must be yours, and yours only. It's the only way to be independent and free from narcissist leverage.
@@mimiv3088 you poor thing. ugh! finally found peace and then here he comes again!! thank God I have my own place. I'm in Maryland. what state do you live in?
"Always remember they want you to be very afraid, they want you to be angry, they want you to argue" Argument and anger feeds their narcissistic needs from you.
Not being angry, well then they will try push my buttons some other way. Perhaps they lock me up so I am forced to give it attention as it pleases. That is a risk to not get upset.
Yup. I have one that tries to outsmart me on facebook. Long story short, he turned out to be a huge globalist traitor to our country, so I deal with it to wake other people up that are surrounded by this cry baby all about me person. Slowly getting him to show the real true colors. He did the fake victim thing that it is my fault he would not return my calls from months ago. I was calling to ask him about what he had done and lied to my face for months. So, I called out the facts and told him to stop the victim attitude and man up. I am sure smoke is coming out of his ears. I do not care what he has to say and I will just leave it there. It is meant for other people to see and question what the hell is going on.
Mine that..I simply told him that’s his opinion..his opinion isn’t the only opinion.it doesn’t change who I know myself to be..it’s what I say I am..not what he says I am
A narcissist doesn't respect boundaries. Clear or otherwise. They just enjoy running you over and showing how boundaries have zero effect on them. They are vicious haters who want nothing more than to tear down any boundaries you try to put up for yourself and your sanity.
Yes! the best thing I ever did was finally seek help on loving me. Once I did that, the explaining, need to verbally defend myself and allowing ppl to get me emotionally drawn into their senseless agendas stopped. This is something I still work on of course, but they'll move on fast because I go def now! Seriously.
Just let go of how they make you feel. It will be empowering. Nurture what makes you happy within without hurting others. Make special time to enjoy what makes you feel good.
That's a great saying and so true. Narcissist survivors are the strongest peope in the world and leave the narcissist in the dust. They can never move on but we can and we do.
I’ve noticed when you ignore them they go absolutely crazy. They completely shut down and simply can’t understand it. You take your power back when you do this, it takes time but when you have the strength to do so you will win!
@@monikaazariah9237 If this is a loved one, you could try pointing out that a conversation is between 2 people and they both get to speak. (In a nice way, of course) If that doesn't work, ask them if they want you to be a participant in the conversation or do they just want you to listen to their monologue. Sometimes even narcissists want to get things off their chest. Otherwise if just want to hear themselves talk, make an excuse, like a bathroom break.
My mother exactly same. All she does is shouts at me, "Let me speak, "shut up." U are only here to hurt me". Then she'll cut across u when u try answer her question. Discard is very rude when trying to speak. Especially when its my mother. Then if I try speak to her she cut in the sentence before u finish it "Im sick of u planing to hurt me all the time, you have an evil heart". I'm like where on earth did u get a evil thought like that from. Mam I love u but u never let me speak its really hurtful, harmful too as I'm only learning to deal with all the awareness i have since 19yrs old when I went away to study behaviour analysis and about narks and when I got home I wasn't her supply anymore I pulled her up on her behaviour s well world war 3 had begun. Half way through she'll cut u off saying u are always at me im too old for this and I'm sick from u. Oh my goodness I just stay alone because I am trying to get my life back on track I don't care for anything that trys to rob my peace of mind ill walk away. I actually can't stand ppl taking about others too, I became enemy for that with an old nark friend would play victim, lies, maliplation and discards u. I lost two my fiance s im 37yrs old. My 1st fiance 12yrs died in my arms at 26yrs I was he 32yr. Sudden adult death syndrome. I met Lawrence 3yrs later and he was total socaptic covent nark. He died 3yrs ago 30yrs old suicide, he done it trying to hurt me. I left him, Then he moved into the same building as me, Then he tried to be my friend again but I kept my boundaries. He died on my way back from shop. So I am sticking to God and my down fall is im I.n.f.j and I feel people's pain. I lost a lot in life but trying to build again alone,I am a bible believing baptised Church, it is my start and I'm free from all that pain I once was in praise the Lord I saw the light. God bless you 🙏 all. Thanks to u all🥰😍
@@lisamarieromeo6122 Turning and choosing to follow Jesus is a good start, followed up with trusting in God, vengeance is of the Lords and most importantly turning the other cheek (keeping your emotions in check) knowing only God defines who you are.
@@raymondgarafano8604 I've had my Narc Neighbor on ignore now for 4 years, and it's driving her crazier than she already was. She continues on trying to verbally attack me if she see's me out behind my garage because she figures she's out of range of the Security Camera's I installed on my house because of her. Although it's still hard to ignore, once I get over her initial "attempts to verbally attack me yet again, I have to laugh at her stupidity really. She gets absolutely NO ATTENTION from me
Then they say " you never talk to me anymore!" And try to make an argument out of that instead of wondering the real reason we go gray rock or not contact 🤦♀️
Destiny Maxson Exactly,my narcs fav default comment since I've really been grey rocking,our problem with our relationship has always been my failure to communicate
Ahh! The trick is in recognising they NEVER loved us. Narcissists are incapable of love. It hurts when we finally see we were played, used and abused. But it sets us free emotionally and from that point on we can start to make some decisions as to where we want to go. How we want to deal with it.
Good for you!. It's so strange but they're uncapable to love in the first place. I don't understand that.They only want to destroy...... Are they demons?
Emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, etc. by the narc is all dependent on you caring what they think and how they feel. Once you no longer care... they've got nothing.
Yes that's true. My narcissist aunt will never admit her mistakes. Instead, she'll fake herself up as the righteous person and also acts as a poor victim. She'll put the blame back on other people. And yes, she always insult other people and berated them especially if they disagree with her unwanted opinions. I've stopped all contact with her and told my parents to minimise theirs too. My parents complain less by now compared to before. They are more happy. Before this, they just let the narcissist aunt to intrude everything in our lives just to keep the peace on the surface but ending up neglecting our own feelings and be miserable. I told my parents to stop entertaining her chronic complains, to stop accepting all her negative critics, to stop helping her, to stop giving her money and to stop lending her items which she never return anyway. Just say NO to her and stop. My older brother who lives with that aunt in my late grandmother's house is too naive and way too forgiving. I don't know how he can turn his eyes blind to all the terrible things that she has done. She had always been insulting my late grandparents and stole a lot of their money. Now she even self claimed the house although it legally belongs to my uncle. My older brother has been constantly preaching me to ask for forgiveness from that aunt. He also said that I'm full of hatred. Well, he preached the wrong person. I strongly refused. I stick to my opinion to have zero contact with her and he needs to respect that. I think I even need to avoid my own brother because no matter how bad that woman is, he'll be brainwashed by her over and over again. I see that he has been financially manipulated by her and also in term of physical labour. He is her ultimate victim and I don't think she'll ever let him leave the house and her. That's his choice. I don't want to be like him. I think it's fine to embrace hatred feeling if that particular person has done evil things to you and shows no remorse. Hate is not a taboo. Sometimes you forgive, but sometimes you just don't. So yes, narcissist gets more evil as they aged and won't change. Just give up on them and walk away.
@@hadotonini1189 great post and a glimpse of the coming end game of narcissism. When the narc team runs out of steam! It's fun to watch. I think it's ok to be angry at your perpetrator. And to have the discipline to turn it in a positive direction. But mostly, writing them off as a lost cause (some call it forgiveness) works the best. Because when the narc team runs out of steam, you've long since passed them by. Living well is the best revenge. It just doesnt matter what they think.😴
Oh my 100% teue. 43 years and I'm full of guilt.....for nothing. For having feelings . I couldn't grieve my mum at 8 years old coz it wasn't my loss it was my dad's. And I don't matter. HE does, I'm just a child who is not aware of Anything and should be seen and not heard. He lost his partner I didn't lose anything coz he is still here suffering his loss, nobody else lost anything as much as he did. I love him clearly coz I'm not a narc. For the first time in 35 years I now know why I was not allowed to go to my mum's funeral. Not to save me but, to make sure he got all the attention & sympathy .... see I feel guilty about saying that. Guilty for everything. No wonder I'm a wreck... Or am I?? I don't know ?????? Xxx
(1) "you can think it's "for me" or "against me" but that's not how I see it" (2) "you can have any opinion of me you want but I still have mine." (3) "i feel no need to fall in line with you" (4) "I get to choose my own activities" (5) "I will speak my truth." (6) embrace your own "other-ness" (7) you're not the person I base my self esteem on" (8) "I'm going to show mercy to myself."
I thought about that too",but I was hoping he would change..I dont think that he will ever change..its too bad:a real good looking man with the ugliest of personality disorders.hang in there,I will say a prayer for you..
We as women in our world today have to look out for ourselves..be strong..but stay strong..we must think about our hearts before they get broken..we ARE"capable of doing great things alone..sure it was nice to have a man,but it's not worth the ride to an untimely place of loneliness and unstableness..We are smart,strong,and we got this"..good luck to you out there who have recent turmoil with our men. ♡♡♡♡Happy valentines day to you women who are just like me..and have gone thru things as I did. Things are going to be allright..let us not let any one make us feel like like we cannot do things our way..our own way. God bless each of you,and never ever give up.I am on your side..feel freely to text me any time.i gave 35 yrs to someone who didnt know I was there..
"Another one of your stupid hobbies," is something I used to hear a lot of. It squelched my creativity for many, many years. I'm 18 years out from that and my creativity seems to be blossoming.
I hear you. I used to get, "Wrestling is stupid and only idiots watch it." So I decided to shove it up my Mother's arse and move to Calgary in 1995 to go to Stu Hart's wrestling school. I broke my neck part way through training and had to give it up, but I have no regrets whatsoever that I tried. And, I couldn't care less what she thinks.
@@gordonmckay4780 how sad that this behaviour goes on..I was abused by narcissists in family. .My mother used to be covert but could no longer hide..or rather,,G-d showed me finally..or I was able to see it..define it..and deal and cope better ..
Nancy Clay - good on you. An old boss I had many years ago, who I liked and respected, was dislexic and had suffered years of ridicule for it. He once gave me a cracking bit of advice when I was being pulled down by some around me: "Success is the best revenge son." What we define as success depends on who we are of course. So go create Nancy, have a ball doing it and be happy. It will torture your narc to their grave☺.
I didn't know he was narcissist and covert, and just found out on sun. I looked in our conversation and get together, and I felt off because I'm an super empth and then I stopped talking and everything.
Basically be yourself, have a backbone, integrity and selfrespect. Never be afraid to walk away from a toxic person. Even if it will cost you everything. In the long run, you're the one who's gonna smile :)
See this is the daily threats that I have to deal with.. I'm NOT trying to be difficult but when it comes to my children let's just say (I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THAT) That's not a threat that is a Promise!!! It KNOWS that???????????????
It breaks my heart that anyone lives in a home where you have to constantly stay on guard and develop strategies just to survive with your humanity and sanity intact!!!😞
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 I grew up that way. Trying to avoid mom's rages as a small child was like growing up in a war zone. Every word, breath, and move could trigger a land mine. :(
@@m0L3ify I think that's the saddest case of all. A child growing up with emotionally and mentally game-playing parents. These are your basic formative years. And your parents are the ones you look to to make you feel unconditionally loved and protected. How Very Sad that this was your childhood instead. I truly hope you have developed a strong and loving support system around you, sweetie.
When you deal with a narcissist, you just shut that down before they get started. I deal with them regularly and the thing they hate the most is that you don't care what they think. It works.
How do you handle a mother that does things that she know it goes under your skin. Like telling her not to put the puppy on a high chair because he can injure himself or things that you have mentioned a million times but she still does it.
@@MrDolcevita1 At this point I would treat her like a 2 year old and don't give her the opportunity to be in those situations. Like just feed the puppy yourself. It's hard to be the adult in the room when you're sure that she does things just to piss you off, but if you make her see that she's acting like a 2 year old, she might stop. Good luck!
Simple ways to deal with a narcissist: 1. Leave them forever 2 if you don’t have the luxury of leaving, avoid engaging in eye contact or talking to them
@@mish375 Indeed! The beautiful thing about this method is that they lose control and power over you once you show indifference, and if they dare try to gaslight or harm you when they realize this, the law, video recording, and police are by your side, sounds like a victory to me.
@@logicandreason9935 The funny part is, during a zoom call with my grandma a while back, my narcissist sister tried to fight with me about the efficiency of the cov vaccines just because she likes to fight for control. I shut her down with facts and then ignored her and started talking to other relatives like it never happened as she tried to get the final word in. It made her so angry that I simply didn't give a sh*t! 😅 I've cut her out of my life and it was the best thing for me. They can't believe that someone wouldn't want their attention! And when they don't get it, they're forced to take their parasitic personalities elsewhere.
Basically, don't seek their approval. They see it as a currency. It's not something done out of kindness because that's not how it was ever expressed to them.
He's trying to get a response from me I am not allowing him to get what he wants.. ONLY by the grace of GOD my tongue is muzzled and God's divine supernatural protection surrounds me although this is a very hard place to be right now. I don't know what's coming but I know he is defeated in the name of Jesus.
My narc parents were so hateful,scapegoating and projecting their rottenness onto me that it was obvious they wanted to just break me to the point I wouldn't recover . Considering I was a shy , introverted and artistic kid , I don't know why it was that they thought I deserved this evilness from them . The screaming insults and name calling and lies never stopped at our house but everyone was expected to play 'happy family' when others were around . I can't fake it - siblings could and still do . You never know what is going on in someone else's house. NO CONTACT is best .
Wow ! You are such a Survivor I could not imagine having parents like this and having no way to quit leave or move out as a child. Thank Goodness! ! you were strong enough to see through it!! And to realize the manipulating games that they play
I could have written your comment word for word...For me the hardest time was realizing my syblings were going along ..not stepping up to help me and not enable them..After a few years of this traumatic ordeal. .I no longer have them in my life..They are concerned with casting me out and waiting for my dad to pass to get money...sick souls.
I didn’t figure any of this out until living with my daughter, had already cut off my father (one year before). I was raised by narcs, married one and am the mother of one. Lots of healing and learning. I never really knew what narcissism meant until my daughter just broke my heart and I started looking for answers. For years I thought I am crazy, a loser blah blah blah, then when my own grown child displayed the same behavior towards her husband and children. At 62, I am right there with you. NO CONTACT. Its crucial to our survival.
Barbara Christie your comment is what I feel is in my grandsons heart and how he feels as an 8 year old when it comes to his mom (my daughter). I don’t know what to do for him. I don’t know what to do. I cry every night.
That’s the dream. Not always possible though at least not right away. My narc would destroy my life and our kids’ lives if I left. Narcs have the easiest time fooling the courts in custody. Also mine hordes all our money and caused me to lose my last job and car with his BS. So I can’t just leave with no money and no safe place to take my kids. Once they leave for collage or to live their live I’m running for the hills 🏃♀️💨💨💨
I'm so thankful for knowing that I'm not crazy. My tears have turned to laughter. I have been told by other people that i look younger and that I'm glowing. 17 years I thought something was wrong with me. Thanks for the knowledge on how to deal with Satan Demons (Narcissistic)
Getting the narcissists out of my life has transformed it. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life this side of puberty. All of a sudden, I’m getting all kinds of compliments on my looks and I believe it’s just a new confidence and joy that is coming from my newfound peace. ✨✨✨
I used to tell that to my narc all the time...You have been one of the best teachers for me...I married into a family of full blown narcissist...I walked away...
Angela Hagerman I married into a narc family cult too...took me 19yrs before I gained the knowledge of who they truly are and filed for divorce. Was yours a son-husband to his mommy dearest too? Sick, toxic individuals and I’m so happy to finally be free of that crazy making circus and all their flying monkeys!
@@mermaidlorelei1045 Oh, my - yes! My mother-in-law is a vicious, controlling narc and in the family dynamic my husband is the scapegoat. Originally I went into therapy to try and cope with my narc MIL but my therapist made me realize my husband is a covert narc deeply enmeshed with his mother and in a toxic, emotionally incestuous relationship. She even buys him underwear, and he buys lingerie for his sister., the "golden one". It's beyond creepy.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 Several years ago we went to couples counseling, the therapist was male, and he worked with both of us until my spouse decided it wasn't worth his time to continue, I continued to go by myself and the therapist told me he was a narc and would never change, and that I needed to leave before my self-esteem was totally destroyed, but I refused to believe it, I kept making excuses for him because his mother is so extremely toxic. More recently, I went for myself and alone because he wouldn't go, because I was allowing my toxic MIL to live inside my head and wanted to find ways to help me cope and to change how I responded to her. As far as why I attract narcs, I came from a very abusive home and experienced a lot of trauma which I don't want to get in to here, but the love bombing in the beginning was what I was craving and I completely romanticized the relationship. I am working on that part of myself and healing my trauma wounds and trying to develop a sense of worth.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 Oh she most definitely did. I met her mother - a very domineering, controlling, unhappy woman. I want to break the cycle so my children can live happier, healthier lives. I recognize the dynamics are unhealthy for all of us.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 I did ask the therapist I am working with now if I am a narc bc I have anger issues and sought help on how I could change. I don't believe all the issues are external to me, so yes, I would guess you are projecting your own issues on to me. My therapist says I am not a narc, I am a codependent with complex trauma. Some of my trauma conditioned me to accept being exploited as normal behavior. I don't want to discuss this on this forum anymore.
I was left extremely emotionally wounded and exhausted, very confused mentally after being married to a narcissist.It was hell on earth to me. I suffered very much for about 9 years and still have to deal with him as we have a young child together. I finally was able to move out and away from him. Never try to understand or sympathize with any narcissist because you never will. I will never be the same again!
Fran I was with a Narcassist for 22 years and 3 years later I’m still trying to get him to do a property settlement while he moved his then girlfriend (now 4th wife into our marital home he still lives in!!) My philosophy is I won’t be the same ......I’ll BE BETTER!!!! and I hope this for you as well. Keep growing 😊
Me too... My mother lived for my failures... she loved stating how she was better than me at everything... Luckily I had a father who was very happy and humorous and never understood their relationship as total opposites.
Yes I agree to flying monkeys I don't believe I've ever heard that expression but this man mr. C explains it exactly as it is. And I absolutely love listening to him
I used to want to argue when I thought someone believed the wrong things about me. But that's what they want you to do. Once you're exhausted trying to prove your integrity they'll start on something else. Now I don't care and I let them know I don't care what they think of me. That ends any relationship.
👏🏽👏🏽 I’m getting better at practicing this. For me I would be in utter shock of how conversations would go wrong, then defend my honor because what he would say was so far fetched... I had to often give myself time to absorb the ridiculousness. I finally just said “Sorry you feel that way” talk to you later 🤷🏽♀️. Wasting good brain cells on a broken person who likes to break people. Sheesh.
I don't know if you remember the Dilbert cartoon strip and the pointy headed boss or not. The artist wrote several books. Have your boss read one of those. If he says, "I don't get it." look for another job. I think many people would admit that narcissism is real but the ones that need to heed the insight don't get it. There is an old proverb that says, " Don't rebuke a fool for he will hate you for it."
@@wallylangsford3369 Not always the case. We have learned that first hand. We thought this way also, but not anymore since our son broke that mold on our thinking. It's like our son grew up in a different house than his siblings. Night and day.
It's crazy how people who've been victimized by CN's can relate to almost every trait you bring up. Like you have an immeasurable amount of knowledge about narcissists.
@Babs Franklin Don't worry... no contact can also be very limited contact and living separate lives for the most part. Do it as per what feels comfortable to you.
@Babs Franklin Try and keep a support person in contact with you on a regular basis. As long as you have a strong caring person to serve as your sounding-board the Narcs can't exert nearly as much effect on you!!
Fighting the narcs gives them supply. They love to fight even tho they are cowards. Jesus said "Turn the other cheek". That starves them. Meanwhile...be the best you, you can be. That is how you win. Be good, be happy and do the things that you dream of. Build a good life and you win !!!
I keep saying "narcissistic abuse" and her eyes glaze over. Shouldn't a therapist be interested in learning new things? Good grief, as an educator it's vital that I keep learning. It's discouraging that she won't educate herself about this.
If and when you stand up for yourself. They will discard you, because they need narcissistic supply. The only real solution with a narcissist is to have no contact. And leave the relationship, because it's a toxic relationship. And take care of yourself...🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
So true! As soon as you have had enough and take a stand your the jerk. Its sad really when it is people you love, but yes we have to take care of ourselves.
My daughter is a narcissist. She doesn't appreciate anything. As a matter of fact, if you treat her kind she takes it as a weakness. Two decades ago, I went No Contact. It's the best thing that I ever did for myself. She never thought that would happen because of the grandkids. She was going to be the middle-woman in that relationship to continue to keep up hell. My life was worth so much more.
Fist time that I cried because of my husband behaviour I was been really surprised that how happy he was. I did not see anything like this before. I found out something is really wrong and I am facing with a true evil.
Yes, I've seen that myself, that when he made me angry and I got all righteous and indignant, he got a rise out of it! I cold not believe it! I could see he was delighted that I was upset and engaged in defending myself. He was getting exactly the result he hoped for! He was feeding off my negative emotion! How horrible! Yeah . . . AVOID!!!
Yes my covert loves to see me upset and crying so he can pounce all over me name calling “ you are so sensitive” and “ you cry about everything”…. Now no matter what it is I do not let him see me upset. It just makes him feel good and gives him a way to see me as weak. Im lining up my new apartment and he won’t know until I start packing to move
I just realized this morning that every high functioning Narc I ever known will give you a house tour the first time you enter their living space. I find the practice of house tours very telling. I personally don't want strangers looking through every room of my home.
Giving a house tour is also a cultural custom of certain European cultures. It's especially justified when someone has built their own house or become a hobby collector of antique furnishings. It's also an old-fashioned way of saying, "no attackers hiding in other rooms" sort of thing. But what every Narcissist does that I've noticed is they get too intimate, too fast and thrive off of intensity. It's a means of disarming others. Perhaps the house tour thing would be an example of that "I have nothing to hide" disarming action?
My narcissist husband was going on and on about all my shortcomings...so I told him, "well then, you shouldn't want me." That shut him down. For a minute....
I’ve said this as well. He turned that around too. It became an hour of what he has endured with me since knowing me. I pointed out how does 3 1/2 hours of screaming everything he hates about me “even my tears, my prayers “ Add up to incredible love I’ll never understand as well as like flipping a switch he calmly began telling me “ now that’s hate I was merely irritated and you need to understand the difference. As well as, He wanted me to promise to focus on not irritating him or He will have to explain it again until I get it.
@@klaraterzic3910 like mercury poisoning. It happens so slowly, you don't even know you have it. Until you become sick. Then it's usually too late. Much like being married to a narcissist. Although it's never too late to finally get rid of one.
@@lealundquist6907 a true narcissist will have you apologizing for the stupidest things, right? Like, "I'm so sorry I made you hit me", lol. A conversation with a narcissist is hard work. A disagreement is impossible.
@@janniedotson9559 yeah like my repenting and asking forgiveness for the unclean spirit that I subjected him too while in a falling apart depressive state of mind. My God! Apologizing for the ill affect it had in him. Then I reallllly got it !!! After he sweetly thanked me and applauded . Then moved in to tell me what he’s endured with me divorcing him moving away etc. I finally put up my hand and said stop ✋ this stops now I will not take this Abuse 1min longer not even 30 min after. The orayful getting through the fall apart. I left blocked him again. That evening in my email He sent a video “ Reasons why God does not want you to give up hope and want you to rebuild your marriage. I deleted set to spam selected block contact but still can not figure out the auto empty set up so I have to open and delete. I have to stay no contact. It’s like listening allowing hope to take root then showing up to be trampled on.
Married my narc at 18 and didn't realize throughout the years that all the hurtful things and emotional abandonment we're because my spouse is a narcissist. Decades later he tries to use my past hurts and vulnerabilities by bringing them up and I do not respond the way my narc expects. I just give a blank stare and then when my narc repeats whatever hurtful thing he was saying I respond with "I got over that years ago but if you haven't then maybe you need to get some help". Of course once he realizes that he couldn't hurt me emotionally then he tries going into the eight year old tantrum and start an argument but I dont take the bait. I've noticed that these incidents are occurring less and less as time goes on.
@@isabelleparise5607 That's becouse people have been tought that it's wrong to judge a book by it's cover. To not see what's in front of them. That honesty is the same as being mean. When kids say someone is ugly, fat or wierd looking. They're scolded for expressing what they see. In our pc society, people will lose their jobs for telling the truth. Scientists/researchers are being censored, when they uncover uncomfortable truths about the human species. Becouse it's not socially acceptable to talk about it. As it implies we're not all equel. To make it short. Your eyes and your gut feeling, is probably right atleast 90% of the time.
Norman Comeau i know exactly what you mean! I did that to my sister after I just had a baby! Hell broke loose - they have no feelings at all they wanna make you “pay” for it
Make them small in your eyes... it's all about shifting your perspective. A good song to memorize is "That's About the Size of It" ...this is something that was on Sesame Street during my childhood... many years ago. It has a catchy upbeat tune, definitely uplifting! I'll try to find a link to it... Here it is! Memorize this jewel: th-cam.com/video/2ABxl46Ovv8/w-d-xo.html
7 Year relationship ended for me on Monday!! Yes!! I will be honest I felt like he destroyed me but now I know I was not alone. Now I know why he was jealous of my career and my accomplishments. I love this man so much but it's so weird when I dump him I just felt like I was set free.
Right, then after you humiliate them, they come after you with a never ending fury until you are ruined or dead. "YOU" or any one else cannot out smart or deal with a narcissist. They cannot be fixed.
John Smith No, you CAN outsmart them, but you need a plan, a careful one, you need your friends - and you need some secrecy while planning, ( just think how much secrecy and exclusion they have inflicted on you), I agree they cannot be fixed, but you can plan your survival, mentally, emotionally and physically. Go for it.
Oh Dr. Carter, I watch your vidro everyday as I recover. I had to move 2000 miles away from my alcholic narcissist husband of 20 yrs. Just today, I thought with a good chuckle....." now I know why there aren't ant Narcissist Conventions".....they would all be pissed that they weren't the keynote speaker!
'Outsmarting' them, means setting your feelings aside, and not loving them unconditionally. And always being aware of sudden wierd or nasty behavior. True deep love and good exchange or communication is impossible with a narc. Any type of narc. But, if close to one, some kind of pity and acceptance has to be made on your behalf. It's so tiring and sad to be with narcs. But they are everywhere nowadays. So, one needs the keys to move along with them! Difficult not to loose oneself in a narcs presence. It's a big lesson on how to grow and put oneself first in a healthy way. Not fighting but neither being walked over... Thx.
You said so well, ive come to do exactly that, walk beside them, but not with them, and not expose myself emotionally or communicate any emotions to them, so therefore they have nothing on me to use or manipulate - but what i have told him in the past i can not change, eg: my family's sortcomings, etc, he still uses on me to shame me, to get a rise of anger from me.... using it to make himself or his family as better tham mine.
@@sunflower6434 Good you already know how to deal with him now! It's his shortcomings that he uses against you, alas. Try and detatch from that too. As it's a fact, he won't want to change. Nor redirect correctly. Good luck. 🤗
I have a Narcissist mother, the easiest thing sadly I’ve had to do is stop communicating with her. Unless it’s family related I keep it short and sweet . I haven’t cried or felt bad about anything in over a year. I don’t feel guilty one bit, I tried for many years and as we all know , they are perfect ! Good luck to all dealing , no matter who they are don’t allow anyone to hurt you ❤️
When I had enough of both parents/both NARCs....I refused to have anything to do with them at age 18. For 5 years nothing/no contact/no talking. Then one day my Dad called. Still I keep them at arms length. SAVE yourself. Be well.
All my life I tried with all my might for her to give a shit about me, to care enough to help heal our broken relationship as Mother and daughter...my mom never gave a damn all these yearssss!! Finally in 2018, after many warnings to her that I would do this, I stopped all communication with her. I healed So much during that time!! Getting rid of that negativity (more like toxicity) made room for more positive in my life 😍🙏🙏💛
Narc mom & hub.they both collab against me.They tell each other how wonderful they are.My mother once let a friend "believe' she only had sons.I am her only daughter.I go low contact.It's very confusing for her.I'm 51 and it took me years, 2 head injuries,a spiritual awakening, and these videos and I was like,there is a disorder for these ppl?
Like when they know you are walking out the door to take your child to school and they call you and your supposed to drop everything your doing to talk to them, because what you have to do is not important???
Yes! Or when they know you have somewhere to be and they sabotage your morning by using anything that can derail you and disempower you. It’s quite sad.
Nothing we do is important to them...,.unless it benefits them . When it is important to you, they will do almost anything to keep you from doing it, even feigning interest if it takes you off track or takes your focus.
Yes the flying monkeys he mentioned. But as he points out that's kind of a screen for people that are people you know maybe not the kind of people you really want to be very close to anyway
@@carolmoore1038 That's true. I have had to let those shallow "friendships" go. I let THEM figure out who he really was on their own...instead of me trying to convince them of his narcissism. It took some a few years to realize his true side. By that time, he had burned his bridges with those friends and moved on to a new set of friends who haven't figured him out. Sad way to live.
I refuse to meet with my son unless there is a third party present. One on one he can be very controlling and abusive to me, but in a group he is charming. I also refuse any phone or voicemail without speaker phone or conference call. With others in on our conversations, he cannot intimidate, and later accuse me of not listening to him. He rarely contacts me....go figure.
@@crankyrussiantrollbot6514 Interestingly, there is no clear science on how narcissists are created, what makes someone a narcissist. As you say, no one is born a narcissist.
I think my son is this way because his dad was a narc although a lot worse I think they are born with a disposition so I think it's a combination a perfect storm if you like
Finding yourself and being comfortable with yourself is the most important decision anyone can make. Everything goes forward from there. Thank you for all you do to help so many people break the chain of control by narcassists ! We have to be happy inside first to have a happy life on the outside. I lost everything and everyone to a relationship with a narcassists over a 6 yr period and recovered it in 2. What an eye opener. You're an amazing doctor!
Kim White That is sooo true. I just kept working on me and a lot of things improved organically over time as a result of that. Healing and change comes from the inside out and not the other way around.
It's called "Girl, Wash Your Face!" When you truly understand that you are Better than what you are Tolerating and that you Deserve better. Then you pick yourself up, wash your tear- stained face, and start reclaiming your self worth, your human dignity and your independence!!!
I have to laugh because I've wasted a couple of years on a couple of different "counselors" and learned nothing(my last one talked about himself mostly and took naps), then I stumbled upon you and...bam! You nail it! Thanks for being you!
My counsellor showed me how to give myself permission to accept the person as narcissistic, and learn ways to focus on getting away, staying away, and regaining happiness in the depth of my soul. I guess I'm really lucky...
Ha! What you say is so true. My counselor, after my divorce, encouraged me to find someone new. Heck, I went right out and found another narcissist, worst than the first! Dr. Carter is the best psychologist I ever saw. He calls 'em as he sees 'em. For the first time in all these years I am beginning to see that the problems in my first marriage were not due to my own failure to please, but the fact that I was dealing with someone who actually did not even want to be pleased. That was his way of staying elevated above me and making me keep trying to reach the bar. It was a game to him and it seems as if he laughed at my failed efforts. It was an excuse he used for his affair with a girl half my age. Sadly, he manipulated me for most of 30 years with the use of religion -- his focus was wives being "obedient to their husbands." He deemed my failures to measure up as "disobedience." I am an old-fashioned Christian lady and believe in everything the Bible says. I believe in this, too, if the husband actually is a Christian man with Christian behavior. I enjoy looking up to someone and making that person happy. I live for that. But that is a personality trait that is so easy for a narcissist to abuse. It can be so disillusioning to be abused in that way and so bad for your children to witness it, because it undermines their view of what the Christian life should be about.
I agree: it is great that Dr Carter is on youtube - it's basically like giving a very needed and lacking form of therapy to people. -I have mostly given up trying to find a good therapist on this issue. There are at least some now, whereas you could almost never find this issue highlighted as being something therapists knew about on their websites etc; at least now with a google search you get something. ....But even then, I doubt the majority of those therapists could be something near to Dr Carter's level of ability. ...He is like my guru!! I have had some awful, VERY depressed moments or evenings, and watching one of these videos by Dr Carter is one of the only things that cures me of these low lows. ...Hardly anyone else gets this topic and what it's like to be on the end of bad behaviour from these types of people ...and it just makes you feel even more alone, which is what the narcissist is trying to do -make you feel totally isolated and powerless. ...It's so important to have access to Dr Carter's brilliance on this topic, to have this voice of wisdom... particularly if you are dealing with personality types who are sadly very persuasive/good at manipulating others and others are weak personalities who go along with them. ...I think narcs like to create an ecosystem that is just suited to them and then defend the fragility of it by attacking anything different. ...And if you are born into such an environment, it can be soul destroying.
I also have wasted years on poor counsellors .Last guy took phone calls for car repair, whilst in therapy and was all of 30 years old,finished up giving me a Chinese paper puzzle He was paid for that ,learnt more from this guy than any counsellor
I was raised this way. I definitely have some of these traits. I want to break the cycle, for myself and my kids. That's why I like these videos so I can catch myself next time.
Omg good foryou! I am so hopeful for you. I am living with a narc and my God he has a 0 percent chance of changing or redemption. It's only getting more outrageous and more controlling. I shut that shit right down. Good for you. Hope you're doing well. The people in your life will love you more if you fix any narc tendencies you have.
All human beings have some narcissistic traits. We just need to and want to learn by self reflection and self awareness that none of us are really without flaws. Sadly generally speaking many fully blown narcissistic people never self reflect and really often have minimal self understanding...they believe that they are always right about everything.
@@helenyates3951 I believe you're actually giving the specifications of what qualifies someone as a narcissist. If you self reflect and have self-realization you are probably not a narcissist. It a narcissist will never do those things never ever it takes guts to do those things and remember the narcissist is the way he is because he is insecure or she
I do voice overs and every time I got a job he would act jealous and remind me that I had not heard back from a job I had applied for previously. He would mock me and laugh when I cried! I am so free of this illness! It's amazing how strong and powerful I feel now that I have fully let him go!! Thanks Dr C. Love you thanks for everything that you do!! :)
You just summed up my relationship with my mother... She uses my failures against me all the time.. I always felt I had to defend myself and now I realize that is what she wanted is a "fight".. so now, I have taken these measures and though we hardly speak, I will not allow her to talk down to me.. These type of folks really hate happy people.. and I love being happy.. :) thank you for your videos...
I have been dealing with a narcissistic neighbor. I balked at how pushy she is. I stopped her from taking advantage of me. She has taken to staring at me and watching me. This is so hard for my tender heart!
She's trying to intimidate you! Ignore her. I know it's hard to know you're being watched (had it happen to me numerous times). You have to pretend it's not bothering you and carry on with your life. I really dislike that there are so many out there targeting us all the time. A narc neighbor I had went absolutely ballistic when I moved, she started to rip up trees outside!!! She even tried to follow me to see where I was moving to, but that didn't work when a T junction came up. I went one way, the movers another. She followed me right to the police station where she suddenly disappeared. The police then escorted me to my new place, and I haven't seen her since! It was a palaver but worth it. I hope your situation resolves itself soon, prayers and love ❤️ 🙏
She sounds bored and your 'it' to focus her anger upon. When you see her or she enters your mind remind yourself that you are a peaceful person and her not being peaceful is ok, you don't need to anything but love you ❤
Thank you! When My daughter was a child, I would whisper to her; "You're strong, you're beautiful, you're healthy- You can be anything you want to be!" I was an abused child with NO self esteem so I wanted her to have a better image of herself. Unfortunately, she took it to heart and now thinks she's way better than I am. She's ashamed of me and because she makes a lot of money and I was an 'embarrassment to her, she let her brother and Me live in a car for awhile instead of treating us as her family. I have very little, but we have enough to pay the bills and I've finished a book I've written. I honestly have come to feel sorry for her. She had no feelings for other people and thinks only about money and status. I really don't 'care' what other people think... So in that way, I'm more free than she will ever be. I enjoy your videos. Thank you!
Cassandra Liberty West, are you ok now? sorry about your daughter. that's a hard pill to swallow. may you find a warm peaceful home and a job that you love.
@@charlottewhite7065 Thanks for the kind words. We live in an apartment now and I have social security. We have plenty of food, air conditioning and my only problem now is finding help to get a clerical error fixed on my son's birth certificate so he can work. Due to the fact that his Social Security card conflicts with the name on his birth certificate, he can't work, have a bank account, drive or even have a library card. I have diabetes and I'm 72. He's 28... So while I'm not afraid to die, I AM terrified of what will happen to HIM if I do. Other than that though, Life is pretty good and we're way better off than before. Thanks for the thoughtful words.
@@cassandralibertywest4310 , Yes that must be taken care of immediately ( the clerical error) I'm very happy to know that you n your son have a place. what state do you live in? we're in Maryland. I used to have a narcissist in my life also. between the gaslighting, stealing, wanting to be the hero, oh it was horrible. but anyhow he's been told to hit the road about a year ago. You wouldn't believe some of the b. s. that he out me through. at the time I didn't know what a narcissist was, but I do now and it all makes sense now. ❤️👍😊 take it easy, hope that you thoroughly enjoy your time in your own apt
@@charlottewhite7065 I'm so sorry you went through all that. When the narcissist is your partner, I think it's particularly hard.... We've been fighting with the State of Oklahoma over my son's birth certificate for 20 years and they refuse to change it. I've contacted so many people and no one helps. All I can do it to try to be as healthy as I can and live as long as I can, because with no way to support himself or even get help from the government, he would be doomed. I hope you are at peace now and don't turn bitter against men. Take care and 'God bless.
@@cassandralibertywest4310 I would try to see if a non profit can assist and Google Legal Aid in your state. I would go as far as requesting to speak to a Supervisor at the Social Security..since they dropped the ball and you have the legal documentation. See if you can also contact an Attorney; social security maybe they know the ins and outs of how this can be fixed.
Narcissists hate to see u happy.They will do anything in their power to see u sad or cry & record u while u cry then show u later & mock u with it. And they answer u with very hurtful words when u ask why they treat u so badly
I just did that with the narc colleague who name-called our other colleague who called him out on his BS....that's all I said and ended the conversation 🤣🤣🤣
“It’s about isolation to control”, “It’s your personal problem/opinion, not mine, because thats not accurate thought”. Great info as always, Thank you, Sir
My narc says always, i will leave you, that way you will learn. I say, " no...you must stay..its good here..but under my terms now..." wow what ANGER..! I trapped the Narc!
Most of them will just say you are just being (lol): Thoughtless, dismissive, careless....and most famously: DISRESPACTFUL! They NEED that reaction. It feeds them.
Yes - committing to ending people-pleasing and instead to being your God-given (or true authentic self) is the best path to freedom. It's working with the covert narcissist in my life. Fortunately, I am able to create physical and emotional distance in my situation, which also helps. Thank you, Dr. Les
Here's to realizing at 35 years old, that you have been the scapegoat with a narc parent your whole life. I find it comforting that I've developed some of these techniques through just trying to survive. Thank you for these videos!
My husband, Mr Check-bouncer, had a complete meltdown when I got my own checking account and had my paychecks routed there. Total spaz. He was always blaming me for the bounced checks. Guess what? I never bounced any checks on my account but he continued to. Guess who’s fault it was? Mine because he no longer had my money to use even though I paid the mortgage, electric, and water. He bought the groceries.
FF EE I gotta tell you that my hubby is great but due to prior experience we decided to have one joint account just for the mortgage and then we each have our own separate accounts and he takes care of certain bills and I do the others. The problem was with the damn bank. They just couldn’t get it through their heads that we wanted separate accounts without the other person’s name. We’ve been married for over 21 years now with no financial arguments or problems. He buys what he wants with his own money after the bills are paid and so do I.
11:22 YES...they'll create arguments out of slight indifferences or neutral misunderstandings so that they can blame YOU for "starting a fight" & justify themselves for their unreasonable anger and verbal/emotional abuse and then absndonment/silent treatment. They LOVE to inflict this hateful cycle.
They're nothing but big immature bullies.
*small and weak. Nothing big about them apart from the issues they have
Absolutely and they are also very weak and fragile.
And lacking functioning brain cells.
My wife is one of em
They are INSANELY insecure. So i just laugh at them. They think they have the upper hand. They say things that dont make sense or are completely senseless in general/have nothing to do with what is being argued about.
Complete losers
”Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
-Lao Tzu
it will hurt for some time to be unfairly shunned by a group who have fallen for the narcissists lies. My only consolation was to accept that these people were not Fair Friendship material so i had to eventually let them go so that i could live in my own dignified reality. Thank u for helping me to See the patterns so that i do not allow the punishment of Her highness the Narcissist's chaotic drama to rattle my cage with her flying monkeys. In fact - they r the ones in the convoluted cage. It has taken me 5 yrs. to calm down into my own Validation. Belonging & acceptance r not easy to find but now i know where not to hang around. The sooner we can spot toxic behaviours the easier it becomes to hang onto Our true peaceful Selves!
Or as I like to say it, "You will always be their bitch".
Depends who they are, unless you want to be an atomaton
@@dianedeclare8541 yep.
toxic behaviors to look out for:
- can't handle any kind of constructive criticism, especially from someone they perceive as "inferior" to them.
- they truly believe they are better than you in all aspects of life
- very proud with zero humility & zero gratitude for the help they've received in life. They truly believe they are a "self made" success.
- gossiping non stop about others
- all knowing arrogance & pompous proud behavior
- snooty & snobbish and always looking down their noses at you or others
- Can dish it out non-stop, but can't take it in when you finally put your foot down out of self respect and no longer allow them to bully you.
- quick to speak, quick to interrupt, quick to anger when you don't adhere to their plan,
- can't handle any kind of embarrassment with calmness & class
- boasting & bragging constantly about their own accomplishments
- gossiping about others
- devaluation or invalidating others who aren't present to defend themselves
@@jsf8145 Yes, all of the above but we should NEVER treat these people with anger, as if they are normal people, they are not! This is someone who has a personality disorder, a person whose only way to fulfil their unconscious unmet needs is to dominate others and control reality without the capacity to see how their behaviour affects others. The only way to be able to manager them and their behaviour is to manage ourselves and how we perceive them, with a detached awareness of their mental disturbance, so as not to get caught up in their drama.
they are repulsed to see joy in someone.
That's my mom
readersea i knew someobe who used to say....well YOU seem awfully happy today. lol
Almost everyone I know. Family, co workers. If I say goodmorning and smile they grimace and respond with what do you have to be happy about? Most of these people have some kind of substance abuse.
That’s my husband
Great video, listened more than once! You really highlight the truth.
Everything you say to a Narcissist triggers them....their anger is off the charts, their anger can go from 0 to 1000 in the blink of an eye.
Which causes us to walk on eggshells even in the calm moments
I call this "walking on glass eggshells"
Everything is correct... If I just blink wrong, it means something against that person.. aka my mother..
You got that right! Even the most bland comment of basic facts.
But why do narcissist have sycophantic friends ???
one narcissist will teach you a million lessons❣️
Right but at our life expence
Amen to that
Yes but the hard way of learning a lesson!!!
Amen!
@@seaninlondon4424 trees can also be internally damaged by a storm
Especially A Child of a Narcissist
🥺
Living with a narcissist is like living with a home-based hater.
OMG sooooo true
Wondering..are Narcissist capable of murder?
Well said
You nailed it!!
Domestic terrorism
I wish I knew all of this 45 years ago. I spent my entire life giving in to the narc just for the sake of peace which never lasted long!
Me too for 35yrs!
I spent 30 years in the same situation. Finally got away on my own. Took over my son's other house for myself to live quietly. Then my son told his dad...who was needing a place to stay." Just move in with mom and help her pay the bills by splitting it 50/50. No one told or asked me. Next thing I know I came home from work to find he moved in. Now I can't get rid of this horrible roommate. Typical fashion when I ask him to move out I get the controlling threats and how I owe him for 30 years of him supporting me and the children and just try to make him leave. Ugh! Can we ever get rid of the manipulative, insulting, merciless narcissistic?
@@mimiv3088 If you find that you can't make him give up on you for supply, the only thing left is to move out. Find your own place that you know no one but you can make decisions for. Everything you build must be yours, and yours only. It's the only way to be independent and free from narcissist leverage.
@@mimiv3088 you poor thing. ugh! finally found peace and then here he comes again!! thank God I have my own place. I'm in Maryland. what state do you live in?
Mimi v, you must find another place. even if it is small. it'll be your own. hang in there.
"Always remember they want you to be very afraid, they want you to be angry, they want you to argue" Argument and anger feeds their narcissistic needs from you.
@@JES0484 do you know what they do then when you won't argue? They physically block the room so you can't leave!! My dad did that twice!!
@@emmajane646These "dads"..we didn't need them..
Exactly!
Not being angry, well then they will try push my buttons some other way.
Perhaps they lock me up so I am forced to give it attention as it pleases.
That is a risk to not get upset.
I won't stoop to the narcissist's low level!(Dad-narcissist). My win!
My self esteem and confidence drove him crazy..he never broke that
Had a boss like that. He had no influence over me so he tried to dominate me, and I just laughed at him.
SkyHug 💝
Amen!
Yup. I have one that tries to outsmart me on facebook. Long story short, he turned out to be a huge globalist traitor to our country, so I deal with it to wake other people up that are surrounded by this cry baby all about me person. Slowly getting him to show the real true colors. He did the fake victim thing that it is my fault he would not return my calls from months ago. I was calling to ask him about what he had done and lied to my face for months. So, I called out the facts and told him to stop the victim attitude and man up. I am sure smoke is coming out of his ears. I do not care what he has to say and I will just leave it there. It is meant for other people to see and question what the hell is going on.
Yeah I can be trying to explain myself but she hardly lets me get a word out at times.
They really hate it when you don't agree with their negative opinions about who they think that you are.
JFC this is so true. Immediately induces rage.
Omg I’m in this situation ☹️
Mine that..I simply told him that’s his opinion..his opinion isn’t the only opinion.it doesn’t change who I know myself to be..it’s what I say I am..not what he says I am
Sooo true. This is my mom
Like right...tf
The antidote to the narcissist is healthy self esteem, self love and clear boundaries!!
jcsrst - and get the heck out of the relationship !
A narcissist doesn't respect boundaries. Clear or otherwise. They just enjoy running you over and showing how boundaries have zero effect on them. They are vicious haters who want nothing more than to tear down any boundaries you try to put up for yourself and your sanity.
@@mimiv3088 That's not having boundaries.
Keep your distance is the only way.
If your parent was a narcissist, you don't even learn how the hell to that
A helpful saying in recovery is "Your opinion is none of my business."
Oooh...I like
@@monikaazariah9237 me too!
This is my favourite too! 🙂
Wow. This is my new self mantra.. thank you..
@Lallie - Another version of it is : "What you think of me is none of my business".
" I LIKE ME "
Once you realize this about yourself, verbal abuse washes over you.
Yes! the best thing I ever did was finally seek help on loving me. Once I did that, the explaining, need to verbally defend myself and allowing ppl to get me emotionally drawn into their senseless agendas stopped. This is something I still work on of course, but they'll move on fast because I go def now! Seriously.
LOVE life. No need for validation from others. Thank you for sharing
So very very true
Also, you find that you don't have to sit there and listen, just tell them you have something to do and leave!
Just let go of how they make you feel. It will be empowering.
Nurture what makes you happy within without hurting others.
Make special time to enjoy what makes you feel good.
"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
Albert Einstein
Yes I great quite I also have not heard...and the information is so good.
So true
i think Mark Twain said about the same thing.... i've been through challenge.... but god bless TH-cam and Self Development videos... and Dr.C
Spoken like a sage
That's a great saying and so true. Narcissist survivors are the strongest peope in the world and leave the narcissist in the dust. They can never move on but we can and we do.
I’ve noticed when you ignore them they go absolutely crazy. They completely shut down and simply can’t understand it. You take your power back when you do this, it takes time but when you have the strength to do so you will win!
They hate feeling irrelevant. Dr. C
Yup. True dat
I pretend my former controlling narcissistic friend is a sheet of plexiglass.
@@BlackfoxCritterGlitter nice! 👍🏼
This doesn't work for me, my husband will start poking my knee with his finger until I look up at him.
they want u to listen to every word in every Sentence; but like, cut you off.
I've experienced that for 13 years
@@monikaazariah9237 don't take it another 13 years.. take it from all on here.. u don't deserve that.. just get away from people like that!!!
@@monikaazariah9237 If this is a loved one, you could try pointing out that a conversation is between 2 people and they both get to speak. (In a nice way, of course) If that doesn't work, ask them if they want you to be a participant in the conversation or do they just want you to listen to their monologue. Sometimes even narcissists want to get things off their chest. Otherwise if just want to hear themselves talk, make an excuse, like a bathroom break.
My mother exactly same.
All she does is shouts at me,
"Let me speak, "shut up." U are only here to hurt me".
Then she'll cut across u when u try answer her question.
Discard is very rude when trying to speak.
Especially when its my mother.
Then if I try speak to her she cut in the sentence before u finish it
"Im sick of u planing to hurt me all the time, you have an evil heart".
I'm like where on earth did u get a evil thought like that from.
Mam I love u but u never let me speak its really hurtful, harmful too as I'm only learning to deal with all the awareness i have since 19yrs old when I went away to study behaviour analysis and about narks and when I got home I wasn't her supply anymore I pulled her up on her behaviour s well world war 3 had begun.
Half way through she'll cut u off saying u are always at me im too old for this and I'm sick from u.
Oh my goodness I just stay alone because I am trying to get my life back on track I don't care for anything that trys to rob my peace of mind ill walk away.
I actually can't stand ppl taking about others too, I became enemy for that with an old nark friend would play victim, lies, maliplation and discards u.
I lost two my fiance s im 37yrs old.
My 1st fiance 12yrs died in my arms at 26yrs I was he 32yr. Sudden adult death syndrome.
I met Lawrence 3yrs later and he was total socaptic covent nark.
He died 3yrs ago 30yrs old suicide, he done it trying to hurt me.
I left him,
Then he moved into the same building as me,
Then he tried to be my friend again but I kept my boundaries.
He died on my way back from shop.
So I am sticking to God and my down fall is im I.n.f.j and I feel people's pain.
I lost a lot in life but trying to build again alone,I am a bible believing baptised Church, it is my start and I'm free from all that pain I once was in praise the Lord I saw the light.
God bless you 🙏 all.
Thanks to u all🥰😍
@@lisamarieromeo6122 Turning and choosing to follow Jesus is a good start, followed up with trusting in God, vengeance is of the Lords and most importantly turning the other cheek (keeping your emotions in check) knowing only God defines who you are.
My mother hated to hear me laugh! Who the Hell hates the laughter of a child... About to be 44, so thankful I searched & found sense to this madness.
Mine did too! Crazy right?
Bless you❤️
Mine made this sick tee hee sound while making faces when I joyfully laughed. Now I’m laughing all the way to the bank 🏦
Haven’t seen her in 20 years
My father. Laughter would set him off, nobody ever made any jokes in the house, not when he was around.
Aw...that’s awful for a child.... hugs to you💜she was harmed seriously... you are stronger and more evolved🙏🏼💝
Most ppl tell me oh just kill them with kindness" but I have to disagree, you should never reward bad behavior!
For sure👍
i annoy the hell out of them and complement them whilst hinting at their narcissistic injury
Exactly!
C Powers - "Killing them with kindness" causes them to increase their abusive ways because they are not getting their desired effect.
What they actually mean is grovel to them...
Ignore them! They can stand being ignored.
Did you mean they can't stand to be ignored? sometimes trying to ignore a narc is like trying to ignore a bee up your backside, so not easy.
Raymond Garafano So so true
@@raymondgarafano8604 I've had my Narc Neighbor on ignore now for 4 years, and it's driving her crazier than she already was. She continues on trying to verbally attack me if she see's me out behind my garage because she figures she's out of range of the Security Camera's I installed on my house because of her. Although it's still hard to ignore, once I get over her initial "attempts to verbally attack me yet again, I have to laugh at her stupidity really. She gets absolutely NO ATTENTION from me
Then they say " you never talk to me anymore!" And try to make an argument out of that instead of wondering the real reason we go gray rock or not contact 🤦♀️
Destiny Maxson Exactly,my narcs fav default comment since I've really been grey rocking,our problem with our relationship has always been my failure to communicate
When he stopped loving me, I started loving myself. And I was set free!
Ahh! The trick is in recognising they NEVER loved us. Narcissists are incapable of love. It hurts when we finally see we were played, used and abused. But it sets us free emotionally and from that point on we can start to make some decisions as to where we want to go. How we want to deal with it.
They NEVER love us...they never love anyone.
They use, abuse, ghost, hoover, and love bomb. Again and again
Yes!
@@mightymouse1005 yep👍👏
Good for you!. It's so strange but they're uncapable to love in the first place. I don't understand that.They only want to destroy...... Are they demons?
Emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, etc. by the narc is all dependent on you caring what they think and how they feel. Once you no longer care... they've got nothing.
Yes that's true. My narcissist aunt will never admit her mistakes. Instead, she'll fake herself up as the righteous person and also acts as a poor victim. She'll put the blame back on other people. And yes, she always insult other people and berated them especially if they disagree with her unwanted opinions.
I've stopped all contact with her and told my parents to minimise theirs too. My parents complain less by now compared to before. They are more happy. Before this, they just let the narcissist aunt to intrude everything in our lives just to keep the peace on the surface but ending up neglecting our own feelings and be miserable. I told my parents to stop entertaining her chronic complains, to stop accepting all her negative critics, to stop helping her, to stop giving her money and to stop lending her items which she never return anyway. Just say NO to her and stop.
My older brother who lives with that aunt in my late grandmother's house is too naive and way too forgiving. I don't know how he can turn his eyes blind to all the terrible things that she has done. She had always been insulting my late grandparents and stole a lot of their money. Now she even self claimed the house although it legally belongs to my uncle.
My older brother has been constantly preaching me to ask for forgiveness from that aunt. He also said that I'm full of hatred. Well, he preached the wrong person. I strongly refused. I stick to my opinion to have zero contact with her and he needs to respect that. I think I even need to avoid my own brother because no matter how bad that woman is, he'll be brainwashed by her over and over again.
I see that he has been financially manipulated by her and also in term of physical labour. He is her ultimate victim and I don't think she'll ever let him leave the house and her. That's his choice. I don't want to be like him.
I think it's fine to embrace hatred feeling if that particular person has done evil things to you and shows no remorse. Hate is not a taboo. Sometimes you forgive, but sometimes you just don't.
So yes, narcissist gets more evil as they aged and won't change. Just give up on them and walk away.
@@hadotonini1189 great post and a glimpse of the coming end game of narcissism. When the narc team runs out of steam! It's fun to watch.
I think it's ok to be angry at your perpetrator. And to have the discipline to turn it in a positive direction. But mostly, writing them off as a lost cause (some call it forgiveness) works the best.
Because when the narc team runs out of steam, you've long since passed them by. Living well is the best revenge. It just doesnt matter what they think.😴
@@wandah9468 Thanks for your insight! I appreciate it.
@@hadotonini1189 Only narcissist I need in my life are all those Brecks daffodils I planted last week!😍🏵darn no daffodil emoji!!!
Oh my 100% teue. 43 years and I'm full of guilt.....for nothing. For having feelings . I couldn't grieve my mum at 8 years old coz it wasn't my loss it was my dad's. And I don't matter. HE does, I'm just a child who is not aware of Anything and should be seen and not heard. He lost his partner I didn't lose anything coz he is still here suffering his loss, nobody else lost anything as much as he did. I love him clearly coz I'm not a narc. For the first time in 35 years I now know why I was not allowed to go to my mum's funeral. Not to save me but, to make sure he got all the attention & sympathy .... see I feel guilty about saying that. Guilty for everything. No wonder I'm a wreck... Or am I?? I don't know ?????? Xxx
Basically- Stop 🛑 ✋ being their caretaker ! And start living
Perfect!
When you stop caring for/about them the punishments go down even harder and more cruel! !
keep dropping the ball.
@@Rebel6832 I hear that! Still reeling from the latest smack down. Takes more than a few deep breaths. Hope y'all are finding your wings out of it =)
Archon BUSTER Agree! Remove all empathy/sympathy for them!
30 years of therapy on 13 minutes.
💯💯💯
😄😄😄
Facts
YAHsome!!
You've clearly never done therapy
(1) "you can think it's "for me" or "against me" but that's not how I see it"
(2) "you can have any opinion of me you want but I still have mine."
(3) "i feel no need to fall in line with you"
(4) "I get to choose my own activities"
(5) "I will speak my truth."
(6) embrace your own "other-ness"
(7) you're not the person I base my self esteem on"
(8) "I'm going to show mercy to myself."
My favorite: You are Not the person I base my self esteem on.
I remember the first red flag I saw. If I would have left him right then and there I would have saved 7 years of my sanity.
What was the first red flag?
I thought about that too",but I was hoping he would change..I dont think that he will ever change..its too bad:a real good looking man with the ugliest of personality disorders.hang in there,I will say a prayer for you..
We as women in our world today have to look out for ourselves..be strong..but stay strong..we must think about our hearts before they get broken..we ARE"capable of doing great things alone..sure it was nice to have a man,but it's not worth the ride to an untimely place of loneliness and unstableness..We are smart,strong,and we got this"..good luck to you out there who have recent turmoil with our men.
♡♡♡♡Happy valentines day to you women who are just like me..and have gone thru things as I did. Things are going to be allright..let us not let any one make us feel like like we cannot do things our way..our own way. God bless each of you,and never ever give up.I am on your side..feel freely to text me any time.i gave 35 yrs to someone who didnt know I was there..
And me 15 years
Always pay attention to those 'red flags'.
"Another one of your stupid hobbies," is something I used to hear a lot of. It squelched my creativity for many, many years. I'm 18 years out from that and my creativity seems to be blossoming.
Nancy Clay ugh the denial
I can totally relate. During a road trip with my narcissistic sister I was crocheting. She said, "Put that shit down and look at this building."
I hear you. I used to get, "Wrestling is stupid and only idiots watch it." So I decided to shove it up my Mother's arse and move to Calgary in 1995 to go to Stu Hart's wrestling school. I broke my neck part way through training and had to give it up, but I have no regrets whatsoever that I tried. And, I couldn't care less what she thinks.
@@gordonmckay4780 how sad that this behaviour goes on..I was abused by narcissists in family. .My mother used to be covert but could no longer hide..or rather,,G-d showed me finally..or I was able to see it..define it..and deal and cope better ..
Nancy Clay - good on you. An old boss I had many years ago, who I liked and respected, was dislexic and had suffered years of ridicule for it. He once gave me a cracking bit of advice when I was being pulled down by some around me: "Success is the best revenge son." What we define as success depends on who we are of course. So go create Nancy, have a ball doing it and be happy. It will torture your narc to their grave☺.
Recording a narcissist drives them absolutely crazy,especially when you show it to others
Soooooo pissed!
So true. Lol. The second I whip out my phone acting like I'm recording.. instant clam closed
Omg so true. They shut down almost as if they know that what they are doing is wrong and deathly afraid that others will know
Good idea
Calling them out on social media drives them crazy
I outsmarted my narcissist by leaving him. He still tells people that I left for no reason.
He gets to think anything he wants. You know the truth. Dr. C
walk away , they never change.
They all know he’s a jerk and why you left. Stay strong!
I left on and stopped talking to him on Sunday. And he said u stopped talking to me because u choose that.
I didn't know he was narcissist and covert, and just found out on sun. I looked in our conversation and get together, and I felt off because I'm an super empth and then I stopped talking and everything.
Who left a thumbs down...... must be all the narcissists😂
LOL
229 of them!! I liked it.
Yes it probably is narcissists because they need to know what the rest of us are learning about them to try to circumvent it.
Do narcissist know what they are ?
😂🇮🇪👍🏼I agree
Basically be yourself, have a backbone, integrity and selfrespect. Never be afraid to walk away from a toxic person. Even if it will cost you everything.
In the long run, you're the one who's gonna smile :)
....Even if it costs you everything...💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯😎🥳💅🖤
Hard when kids are involved
See this is the daily threats that I have to deal with.. I'm NOT trying to be difficult but when it comes to my children let's just say (I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND THAT) That's not a threat that is a Promise!!! It KNOWS that???????????????
I'm in the process of doing that right now it's gonna cost me financially but I'm going to be OK.
Well-put
They punish you with petty games when you don't do what they want.
Truthfully Just by being my genuine, sweet, free spirited self - drives the Narcs around me absolutely crazy !
tl;dr: Outsmart them by not caring about what they think
agree
m0L3ify Also not caring about them At All helps!
It breaks my heart that anyone lives in a home where you have to constantly stay on guard and develop strategies just to survive with your humanity and sanity intact!!!😞
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 I grew up that way. Trying to avoid mom's rages as a small child was like growing up in a war zone. Every word, breath, and move could trigger a land mine. :(
@@m0L3ify I think that's the saddest case of all. A child growing up with emotionally and mentally game-playing parents. These are your basic formative years. And your parents are the ones you look to to make you feel unconditionally loved and protected. How Very Sad that this was your childhood instead. I truly hope you have developed a strong and loving support system around you, sweetie.
One has to be soooooooo secure when dealing with a narcissist...
Ebby C and they gravitate to insecure people. Or insecure people gravitate towards them.
Ebby C yes driving me crazy
That is what it is All About, staying in your Power
@@welderella True. If you don't crave people's acceptance, the narcissists aren't even gonna approach you.
@Saphyr Docius I can imagine (I genuinely can).
When you deal with a narcissist, you just shut that down before they get started. I deal with them regularly and the thing they hate the most is that you don't care what they think. It works.
Gray rock. Dr. C
...."you just shut that down before they get started"...Boom, there it is!💯
..."the thing they hate the most is you dont care what they think"...💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💅🥳😎
How do you handle a mother that does things that she know it goes under your skin. Like telling her not to put the puppy on a high chair because he can injure himself or things that you have mentioned a million times but she still does it.
@@MrDolcevita1 At this point I would treat her like a 2 year old and don't give her the opportunity to be in those situations. Like just feed the puppy yourself. It's hard to be the adult in the room when you're sure that she does things just to piss you off, but if you make her see that she's acting like a 2 year old, she might stop. Good luck!
Simple ways to deal with a narcissist:
1. Leave them forever
2 if you don’t have the luxury of leaving, avoid engaging in eye contact or talking to them
Avoiding eye contact with the ex after I got out sent him into a tailspin 🤭
I do this no eye contact thing....it drives them.crazyyyyy
Engaging in the "I'll ignore you so hard, you'll doubt your own existence" method works wonders. They simply can't stand it. And it's beautiful.
@@mish375 Indeed! The beautiful thing about this method is that they lose control and power over you once you show indifference, and if they dare try to gaslight or harm you when they realize this, the law, video recording, and police are by your side, sounds like a victory to me.
@@logicandreason9935 The funny part is, during a zoom call with my grandma a while back, my narcissist sister tried to fight with me about the efficiency of the cov vaccines just because she likes to fight for control. I shut her down with facts and then ignored her and started talking to other relatives like it never happened as she tried to get the final word in. It made her so angry that I simply didn't give a sh*t! 😅 I've cut her out of my life and it was the best thing for me. They can't believe that someone wouldn't want their attention! And when they don't get it, they're forced to take their parasitic personalities elsewhere.
All their need for control is based ENVY!
Basically, don't seek their approval. They see it as a currency. It's not something done out of kindness because that's not how it was ever expressed to them.
I like how dr Carter seems amused by the idea of outsmarting a narcissist
i agree. when im serving the outsmart im going to think about his giggle :)
You absolutely can outsmart a Narc...show them that you--as Dr Carter says--dont have to get in the box they have for you to get in...🖤💯
@@ilae.williams7675 won’t that piss em off somethin fierce?
Don’t let the Narc, change you from the good person you are.
He's trying to get a response from me I am not allowing him to get what he wants.. ONLY by the grace of GOD my tongue is muzzled and God's divine supernatural protection surrounds me although this is a very hard place to be right now. I don't know what's coming but I know he is defeated in the name of Jesus.
My narc parents were so hateful,scapegoating and projecting their rottenness onto me that it was obvious they wanted to just break me to the point I wouldn't recover . Considering I was a shy , introverted and artistic kid , I don't know why it was that they thought I deserved this evilness from them . The screaming insults and name calling and lies never stopped at our house but everyone was expected to play 'happy family' when others were around . I can't fake it - siblings could and still do . You never know what is going on in someone else's house. NO CONTACT is best .
Wow ! You are such a Survivor I could not imagine having parents like this and having no way to quit leave or move out as a child. Thank Goodness! ! you were strong enough to see through it!! And to realize the manipulating games that they play
I could have written your comment word for word...For me the hardest time was realizing my syblings were going along ..not stepping up to help me and not enable them..After a few years of this traumatic ordeal. .I no longer have them in my life..They are concerned with casting me out and waiting for my dad to pass to get money...sick souls.
I didn’t figure any of this out until living with my daughter, had already cut off my father (one year before). I was raised by narcs, married one and am the mother of one. Lots of healing and learning. I never really knew what narcissism meant until my daughter just broke my heart and I started looking for answers. For years I thought I am crazy, a loser blah blah blah, then when my own grown child displayed the same behavior towards her husband and children. At 62, I am right there with you. NO CONTACT. Its crucial to our survival.
Barbara Christie your comment is what I feel is in my grandsons heart and how he feels as an 8 year old when it comes to his mom (my daughter). I don’t know what to do for him. I don’t know what to do. I cry every night.
@@cyndimcgrath9617 Thank goodness he has a loving grandma! Love and encouragement are so powerful! I hope he gets to have extended visits with you.
One way to control a narcissist... Go no contact!!! 👍
When I quit talking to my Mother it did wonders for both my blood pressure, and my sanity.
Restraining order.
DAVID MATHEWS/The Minerals ....👍
That’s the dream. Not always possible though at least not right away. My narc would destroy my life and our kids’ lives if I left. Narcs have the easiest time fooling the courts in custody. Also mine hordes all our money and caused me to lose my last job and car with his BS. So I can’t just leave with no money and no safe place to take my kids. Once they leave for collage or to live their live I’m running for the hills 🏃♀️💨💨💨
@@vibe_oli Thank God I didn't have kids in the mix.
Mockers Scorners and Controllers.
No Contact.
I'm so thankful for knowing that I'm not crazy. My tears have turned to laughter. I have been told by other people that i look younger and that I'm glowing. 17 years I thought something was wrong with me. Thanks for the knowledge on how to deal with Satan Demons (Narcissistic)
These people are demon dominated by satanic ghouls and evil spirits...they are their own destruction
Getting the narcissists out of my life has transformed it. This is the happiest I’ve been in my entire life this side of puberty. All of a sudden, I’m getting all kinds of compliments on my looks and I believe it’s just a new confidence and joy that is coming from my newfound peace. ✨✨✨
Your right Narcissistics are demons,or close to it,they make peoples lives hell
Yup same
@@geraldinegallegos6146 they’re the demons Jesus was talking about
I used to tell that to my narc all the time...You have been one of the best teachers for me...I married into a family of full blown narcissist...I walked away...
Angela Hagerman I married into a narc family cult too...took me 19yrs before I gained the knowledge of who they truly are and filed for divorce. Was yours a son-husband to his mommy dearest too? Sick, toxic individuals and I’m so happy to finally be free of that crazy making circus and all their flying monkeys!
@@mermaidlorelei1045 Oh, my - yes! My mother-in-law is a vicious, controlling narc and in the family dynamic my husband is the scapegoat. Originally I went into therapy to try and cope with my narc MIL but my therapist made me realize my husband is a covert narc deeply enmeshed with his mother and in a toxic, emotionally incestuous relationship. She even buys him underwear, and he buys lingerie for his sister., the "golden one". It's beyond creepy.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 Several years ago we went to couples counseling, the therapist was male, and he worked with both of us until my spouse decided it wasn't worth his time to continue, I continued to go by myself and the therapist told me he was a narc and would never change, and that I needed to leave before my self-esteem was totally destroyed, but I refused to believe it, I kept making excuses for him because his mother is so extremely toxic. More recently, I went for myself and alone because he wouldn't go, because I was allowing my toxic MIL to live inside my head and wanted to find ways to help me cope and to change how I responded to her. As far as why I attract narcs, I came from a very abusive home and experienced a lot of trauma which I don't want to get in to here, but the love bombing in the beginning was what I was craving and I completely romanticized the relationship. I am working on that part of myself and healing my trauma wounds and trying to develop a sense of worth.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 Oh she most definitely did. I met her mother - a very domineering, controlling, unhappy woman. I want to break the cycle so my children can live happier, healthier lives. I recognize the dynamics are unhealthy for all of us.
@@mrsmallpinky9041 I did ask the therapist I am working with now if I am a narc bc I have anger issues and sought help on how I could change. I don't believe all the issues are external to me, so yes, I would guess you are projecting your own issues on to me. My therapist says I am not a narc, I am a codependent with complex trauma. Some of my trauma conditioned me to accept being exploited as normal behavior. I don't want to discuss this on this forum anymore.
I have live with my husband for 40 years sitting at his feet and I have gone through hell. Thank you for opening my eyes. Kenya.
Run....it’s never too late!
36 years for me and just discovering what this relationship has done to me.
I was left extremely emotionally wounded and exhausted, very confused mentally after being married to a narcissist.It was hell on earth to me. I suffered very much for about 9 years and still have to deal with him as we have a young child together. I finally was able to move out and away from him. Never try to understand or sympathize with any narcissist because you never will. I will never be the same again!
Fran Villarreal 43 years. 😱
No more confusion. God is not the author of confusion. May God bless you!
Fran Villarreal....you will grow into what you are ....a decent lady...and the best mother. May God bless you..sweetheart.
I love u..
Fran I was with a Narcassist for 22 years and 3 years later I’m still trying to get him to do a property settlement while he moved his then girlfriend (now 4th wife into our marital home he still lives in!!)
My philosophy is I won’t be the same ......I’ll BE BETTER!!!! and I hope this for you as well. Keep growing 😊
It’s tough when it’s your family. My mom was a malignant narcissist. It’s a miracle I achieved anything.
haha me too
same here...now shes onto my son.
I know just how you feel Karen..... we’ve survived! Good luck to you!
Me too... My mother lived for my failures... she loved stating how she was better than me at everything... Luckily I had a father who was very happy and humorous and never understood their relationship as total opposites.
Me too
“Flying monkeys”... I fell off my chair, such a great analogy!
icecaper AGREE!!!!
Thats the common term for them ...am surrounded by them
Thanks to Facebutt it’s worse these days with the “Flying Monkeys.”
Yes I agree to flying monkeys I don't believe I've ever heard that expression but this man mr. C explains it exactly as it is. And I absolutely love listening to him
I lost All of my friends and all of her family, they all became flying monkeys to do her evil bidding
I used to want to argue when I thought someone believed the wrong things about me. But that's what they want you to do. Once you're exhausted trying to prove your integrity they'll start on something else. Now I don't care and I let them know I don't care what they think of me. That ends any relationship.
Yes, save yourself by not giving a damn what a rattlesnake thinks...just move like a streak of lightning when you encounter one....💯
Bernice Rogers,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🥀,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!!
👏🏽👏🏽 I’m getting better at practicing this. For me I would be in utter shock of how conversations would go wrong, then defend my honor because what he would say was so far fetched... I had to often give myself time to absorb the ridiculousness. I finally just said “Sorry you feel that way” talk to you later 🤷🏽♀️. Wasting good brain cells on a broken person who likes to break people. Sheesh.
Omg!!! Absolutely!!! 150%
How could one person dislike this. Obviously a narcissist ;)
And/or maybe a paid government troll........
Full Iton Narcissism is caused by poor parenting. That is why narcissist children become narcissist parents.
I don't know if you remember the Dilbert cartoon strip and the pointy headed boss or not. The artist wrote several books. Have your boss read one of those. If he says, "I don't get it." look for another job. I think many people would admit that narcissism is real but the ones that need to heed the insight don't get it. There is an old proverb that says, " Don't rebuke a fool for he will hate you for it."
@@wallylangsford3369 Not always the case. We have learned that first hand. We thought this way also, but not anymore since our son broke that mold on our thinking. It's like our son grew up in a different house than his siblings. Night and day.
It's crazy how people who've been victimized by CN's can relate to almost every trait you bring up. Like you have an immeasurable amount of knowledge about narcissists.
This all falls apart when, like me, you have very low self-esteem. I took on board everything the narcissist said.
This is something I'm working on.
"I have different ideas and priorities. And I'm sticking with that"
That actually made me tear up
We contribute to our own bondage with these a-holes. If possible, go full on no contact.
I do have to do that for large chunks at a time, but eventually contact has to happen because he is a brother and we have an aging mother.
@@emryldzt2762 mine is the aging mother 😂 I spend days not speaking to her and cut short her shenanigans when she tries.
@Babs Franklin Don't worry... no contact can also be very limited contact and living separate lives for the most part. Do it as per what feels comfortable to you.
@Babs Franklin Try and keep a support person in contact with you on a regular basis. As long as you have a strong caring person to serve as your sounding-board the Narcs can't exert nearly as much effect on you!!
@Babs Franklin you're most welcome... you'll do great in time 🤗❤️
Find your assertiveness and never look back. Stand up to them, don't fight them. Huuuuge difference. Thanks doc!
Fighting the narcs gives them supply. They love to fight even tho they are cowards. Jesus said "Turn the other cheek". That starves them. Meanwhile...be the best you, you can be. That is how you win. Be good, be happy and do the things that you dream of. Build a good life and you win !!!
@@robertruge2916 I think your my hero, as you wrote the words I needed to see. Now to go watch twilight zone
This guy is so much better than my actual therapist.
I keep saying "narcissistic abuse" and her eyes glaze over. Shouldn't a therapist be interested in learning new things? Good grief, as an educator it's vital that I keep learning. It's discouraging that she won't educate herself about this.
Doctor Carter is a psychotherapist who specialises in healing from narcissism
Dr Carder is the Bomb !
Excellent, I could almost cry... You are summing up my lifelong experience with nasty person in my life thanks
You're not alone. Stay safe. X
It takes a while to finally get it. Don’t blame yourself.
I feel the same way!
@@iniubongnkanga9390 this is spam
Same with me.
If and when you stand up for yourself. They will discard you, because they need narcissistic supply. The only real solution with a narcissist is to have no contact.
And leave the relationship, because it's a toxic relationship. And take care of yourself...🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yes! The "Discard"! Cruelty, Slandering, & Disrespect for you as a human being... Malicious!
So true! As soon as you have had enough and take a stand your the jerk. Its sad really when it is people you love, but yes we have to take care of ourselves.
Yes did it..and am happy now.
yessssssssssss!!
Not an option when it’s your employer.
It’s really nice having you around Dr. Carter 😌
pastor c bonner
My daughter is a narcissist. She doesn't appreciate anything. As a matter of fact, if you treat her kind she takes it as a weakness. Two decades ago, I went No Contact. It's the best thing that I ever did for myself. She never thought that would happen because of the grandkids. She was going to be the middle-woman in that relationship to continue to keep up hell. My life was worth so much more.
Fist time that I cried because of my husband behaviour I was been really surprised that how happy he was. I did not see anything like this before. I found out something is really wrong and I am facing with a true evil.
Yes, I've seen that myself, that when he made me angry and I got all righteous and indignant, he got a rise out of it! I cold not believe it! I could see he was delighted that I was upset and engaged in defending myself. He was getting exactly the result he hoped for! He was feeding off my negative emotion! How horrible! Yeah . . . AVOID!!!
Yes the evil is real. If it wasn't for social norms and consequences, these people will literally pillage and murder. oh I believe it
@@hotspark78 They do this but covertly
I seen that as well laughing at my sadness...😕
Yes my covert loves to see me upset and crying so he can pounce all over me name calling “ you are so sensitive” and “ you cry about everything”…. Now no matter what it is I do not let him see me upset. It just makes him feel good and gives him a way to see me as weak. Im lining up my new apartment and he won’t know until I start packing to move
I just realized this morning that every high functioning Narc I ever known will give you a house tour the first time you enter their living space. I find the practice of house tours very telling. I personally don't want strangers looking through every room of my home.
True! Amazing you saw this. I will watch for it in the future.
Omg you’re so right!!! My ex mother in law did that all the time!!!
So true
My mom always did that! And yes, definitely a narc
Giving a house tour is also a cultural custom of certain European cultures. It's especially justified when someone has built their own house or become a hobby collector of antique furnishings. It's also an old-fashioned way of saying, "no attackers hiding in other rooms" sort of thing.
But what every Narcissist does that I've noticed is they get too intimate, too fast and thrive off of intensity. It's a means of disarming others. Perhaps the house tour thing would be an example of that "I have nothing to hide" disarming action?
My narcissist husband was going on and on about all my shortcomings...so I told him, "well then, you shouldn't want me." That shut him down.
For a minute....
I always felt that living with a narcissist husband compares to taking a slow killing poison daily
I’ve said this as well. He turned that around too. It became an hour of what he has endured with me since knowing me. I pointed out how does 3 1/2 hours of screaming everything he hates about me “even my tears, my prayers “ Add up to incredible love I’ll never understand as well as like flipping a switch he calmly began telling me “ now that’s hate I was merely irritated and you need to understand the difference. As well as, He wanted me to promise to focus on not irritating him or He will have to explain it again until I get it.
@@klaraterzic3910 like mercury poisoning. It happens so slowly, you don't even know you have it. Until you become sick. Then it's usually too late. Much like being married to a narcissist. Although it's never too late to finally get rid of one.
@@lealundquist6907 a true narcissist will have you apologizing for the stupidest things, right? Like, "I'm so sorry I made you hit me", lol. A conversation with a narcissist is hard work. A disagreement is impossible.
@@janniedotson9559 yeah like my repenting and asking forgiveness for the unclean spirit that I subjected him too while in a falling apart depressive state of mind. My God! Apologizing for the ill affect it had in him. Then I reallllly got it !!! After he sweetly thanked me and applauded . Then moved in to tell me what he’s endured with me divorcing him moving away etc. I finally put up my hand and said stop ✋ this stops now I will not take this Abuse 1min longer not even 30 min after. The orayful getting through the fall apart. I left blocked him again. That evening in my email He sent a video “ Reasons why God does not want you to give up hope and want you to rebuild your marriage. I deleted set to spam selected block contact but still can not figure out the auto empty set up so I have to open and delete. I have to stay no contact. It’s like listening allowing hope to take root then showing up to be trampled on.
Wow.... So, after watching a lot of these videos... I'm realizing, there's no "fixing" this. There is only one resolution to it.
What's the resolution?
Run while you can. Sadly that's the only way. The Narc will not change. And if you can't run, ignore them till they die.
If only I would have had social intelligence at a time of vulnerability. Thanks to Dr. C we are light years ahead of then !
Thanks again, Brad! Dr. C
We do have it its called gutt feeling and it does work.
@@isabelleparise5607 Yeah but most of us ignored our intuition that's how they gained access and control.
Married my narc at 18 and didn't realize throughout the years that all the hurtful things and emotional abandonment we're because my spouse is a narcissist. Decades later he tries to use my past hurts and vulnerabilities by bringing them up and I do not respond the way my narc expects. I just give a blank stare and then when my narc repeats whatever hurtful thing he was saying I respond with "I got over that years ago but if you haven't then maybe you need to get some help". Of course once he realizes that he couldn't hurt me emotionally then he tries going into the eight year old tantrum and start an argument but I dont take the bait. I've noticed that these incidents are occurring less and less as time goes on.
@@isabelleparise5607 That's becouse people have been tought that it's wrong to judge a book by it's cover. To not see what's in front of them. That honesty is the same as being mean. When kids say someone is ugly, fat or wierd looking. They're scolded for expressing what they see. In our pc society, people will lose their jobs for telling the truth. Scientists/researchers are being censored, when they uncover uncomfortable truths about the human species. Becouse it's not socially acceptable to talk about it. As it implies we're not all equel. To make it short. Your eyes and your gut feeling, is probably right atleast 90% of the time.
Helped a narcissist and what ensued was just need more help
When boundaries set, anger.
Norman Comeau i know exactly what you mean! I did that to my sister after I just had a baby! Hell broke loose - they have no feelings at all they wanna make you “pay” for it
So true. When you set boundaries, they will say all bad things about you behind your back. They are always playing the "Good Guys/Girls".
A genuine narcissist is very unlikely to ask for help. Needing help implies vulnerability. The last thing that they want is to appear vulnerable.
Don't fall out with a Narcissist, just let them fall by the wayside.
(Make very little of them do you.)
Make them small in your eyes... it's all about shifting your perspective. A good song to memorize is "That's About the Size of It" ...this is something that was on Sesame Street during my childhood... many years ago. It has a catchy upbeat tune, definitely uplifting! I'll try to find a link to it...
Here it is! Memorize this jewel:
th-cam.com/video/2ABxl46Ovv8/w-d-xo.html
If they are a crazy zealot type Narcoleptic You gonna need witness protection program.
@@isabelleparise5607
That's a good saying, but I would use lower-case "g" in writing it. Just out of respect for The Almighty God.
@@insertgoodname4809 isn't narcolepsy a sleeping disorder?
@@iwantthetruthandnothingbut6521 yeah narcotization is a real problem.
7 Year relationship ended for me on Monday!! Yes!! I will be honest I felt like he destroyed me but now I know I was not alone. Now I know why he was jealous of my career and my accomplishments. I love this man so much but it's so weird when I dump him I just felt like I was set free.
Right, then after you humiliate them, they come after you with a never ending fury until you are ruined or dead. "YOU" or any one else cannot out smart or deal with a narcissist. They cannot be fixed.
John Smith No, you CAN outsmart them, but you need a plan, a careful one, you need your friends - and you need some secrecy while planning, ( just think how much secrecy and exclusion they have inflicted on you), I agree they cannot be fixed, but you can plan your survival, mentally, emotionally and physically. Go for it.
Oh Dr. Carter, I watch your vidro everyday as I recover. I had to move 2000 miles away from my alcholic narcissist husband of 20 yrs. Just today, I thought with a good chuckle....." now I know why there aren't ant Narcissist Conventions".....they would all be pissed that they weren't the keynote speaker!
Priceless
oh snap!! good one!!
Tiffany Gendron ....ha ha lol..... so true
Ha ha ha! Best thing Ive read on the internet today!!
'Outsmarting' them, means setting your feelings aside, and not loving them unconditionally. And always being aware of sudden wierd or nasty behavior. True deep love and good exchange or communication is impossible with a narc. Any type of narc. But, if close to one, some kind of pity and acceptance has to be made on your behalf. It's so tiring and sad to be with narcs. But they are everywhere nowadays. So, one needs the keys to move along with them! Difficult not to loose oneself in a narcs presence. It's a big lesson on how to grow and put oneself first in a healthy way. Not fighting but neither being walked over... Thx.
Walk . I feel like a Trampoline 😞
If one can, it is always the best for one,s health to put yourself at the longest possible distance!
You said so well, ive come to do exactly that, walk beside them, but not with them, and not expose myself emotionally or communicate any emotions to them, so therefore they have nothing on me to use or manipulate - but what i have told him in the past i can not change, eg: my family's sortcomings, etc, he still uses on me to shame me, to get a rise of anger from me.... using it to make himself or his family as better tham mine.
@@sunflower6434
Good you already know how to deal with him now!
It's his shortcomings that he uses against you, alas.
Try and detatch from that too.
As it's a fact, he won't want to change. Nor redirect correctly.
Good luck. 🤗
They DO seem to be EVERYWHERE. Like an abundance of them were born in the 70"s and maybe even 60's on
Again, you have described a former friend of mine with 8/8. I am quite frankly amazed at the accuracy of what you have stated.
I have a Narcissist mother, the easiest thing sadly I’ve had to do is stop communicating with her. Unless it’s family related I keep it short and sweet . I haven’t cried or felt bad about anything in over a year. I don’t feel guilty one bit, I tried for many years and as we all know , they are perfect ! Good luck to all dealing , no matter who they are don’t allow anyone to hurt you ❤️
When I had enough of both parents/both NARCs....I refused to have anything to do with them at age 18. For 5 years nothing/no contact/no talking. Then one day my Dad called. Still I keep them at arms length. SAVE yourself. Be well.
Tell me about it, 15 years she kept coming back and spoiling my peace, finally I understood 7 years back
All my life I tried with all my might for her to give a shit about me, to care enough to help heal our broken relationship as Mother and daughter...my mom never gave a damn all these yearssss!! Finally in 2018, after many warnings to her that I would do this, I stopped all communication with her. I healed So much during that time!! Getting rid of that negativity (more like toxicity) made room for more positive in my life 😍🙏🙏💛
Now that I am gone I rarely get depressed.
Narc mom & hub.they both collab against me.They tell each other how wonderful they are.My mother once let a friend "believe' she only had sons.I am her only daughter.I go low contact.It's very confusing for her.I'm 51 and it took me years, 2 head injuries,a spiritual awakening, and these videos and I was like,there is a disorder for these ppl?
They gave me anxiety depression and yes mocked ridiculed god help us us fr 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏼
Andy Brar yes help US !!!
2 Timothy 1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
isabelle parise amen god bless you 🙏🏽🖖🏼
Jernisha Richard god bless 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Like when they know you are walking out the door to take your child to school and they call you and your supposed to drop everything your doing to talk to them, because what you have to do is not important???
Just ignore them or speak rationally and keep going.
Yes! Or when they know you have somewhere to be and they sabotage your morning by using anything that can derail you and disempower you. It’s quite sad.
Yes!
Nothing we do is important to them...,.unless it benefits them . When it is important to you, they will do almost anything to keep you from doing it, even feigning interest if it takes you off track or takes your focus.
@@mistydelaine6088 You are so very correct Misty.
He can't control me anymore, so now he tries to control what others think about me.
Christina Maguire,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!
Exactly!
Yes the flying monkeys he mentioned. But as he points out that's kind of a screen for people that are people you know maybe not the kind of people you really want to be very close to anyway
@@oscarwilliamson1264 Thank you.
@@carolmoore1038 That's true. I have had to let those shallow "friendships" go. I let THEM figure out who he really was on their own...instead of me trying to convince them of his narcissism. It took some a few years to realize his true side. By that time, he had burned his bridges with those friends and moved on to a new set of friends who haven't figured him out. Sad way to live.
I refuse to meet with my son unless there is a third party present. One on one he can be very controlling and abusive to me, but in a group he is charming. I also refuse any phone or voicemail without speaker phone or conference call. With others in on our conversations, he cannot intimidate, and later accuse me of not listening to him. He rarely contacts me....go figure.
Where did his behavior stem from? Narcs aren't born, they are created.
@@crankyrussiantrollbot6514 I'm not so sure that Nature doesn't play a role over Nuture sometimes.
@@crankyrussiantrollbot6514 Interestingly, there is no clear science on how narcissists are created, what makes someone a narcissist. As you say, no one is born a narcissist.
I thought I was te only parent going through this... Thankyou for info....
I ont deserve this I now can relate..
And know how to
Handle It
I think my son is this way because his dad was a narc although a lot worse I think they are born with a disposition so I think it's a combination a perfect storm if you like
Finding yourself and being comfortable with yourself is the most important decision anyone can make. Everything goes forward from there. Thank you for all you do to help so many people break the chain of control by narcassists ! We have to be happy inside first to have a happy life on the outside. I lost everything and everyone to a relationship with a narcassists over a 6 yr period and recovered it in 2. What an eye opener. You're an amazing doctor!
You're exactly right - yay self esteem!
Kim White That is sooo true. I just kept working on me and a lot of things improved organically over time as a result of that. Healing and change comes from the inside out and not the other way around.
It's called "Girl, Wash Your Face!" When you truly understand that you are Better than what you are Tolerating and that you Deserve better. Then you pick yourself up, wash your tear- stained face, and start reclaiming your self worth, your human dignity and your independence!!!
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 That's a great saying! Love it!
I knew a Kim White in Toronto when I was a kid back in the 70's. Is it you?
I have to laugh because I've wasted a couple of years on a couple of different "counselors" and learned nothing(my last one talked about himself mostly and took naps), then I stumbled upon you and...bam! You nail it! Thanks for being you!
My counsellor showed me how to give myself permission to accept the person as narcissistic, and learn ways to focus on getting away, staying away, and regaining happiness in the depth of my soul. I guess I'm really lucky...
Ha! What you say is so true. My counselor, after my divorce, encouraged me to find someone new. Heck, I went right out and found another narcissist, worst than the first!
Dr. Carter is the best psychologist I ever saw. He calls 'em as he sees 'em. For the first time in all these years I am beginning to see that the problems in my first marriage were not due to my own failure to please, but the fact that I was dealing with someone who actually did not even want to be pleased. That was his way of staying elevated above me and making me keep trying to reach the bar. It was a game to him and it seems as if he laughed at my failed efforts. It was an excuse he used for his affair with a girl half my age.
Sadly, he manipulated me for most of 30 years with the use of religion -- his focus was wives being "obedient to their husbands." He deemed my failures to measure up as "disobedience." I am an old-fashioned Christian lady and believe in everything the Bible says. I believe in this, too, if the husband actually is a Christian man with Christian behavior. I enjoy looking up to someone and making that person happy. I live for that. But that is a personality trait that is so easy for a narcissist to abuse. It can be so disillusioning to be abused in that way and so bad for your children to witness it, because it undermines their view of what the Christian life should be about.
Sounds like the last counselor you had was also a narcissist lol
I agree: it is great that Dr Carter is on youtube - it's basically like giving a very needed and lacking form of therapy to people. -I have mostly given up trying to find a good therapist on this issue. There are at least some now, whereas you could almost never find this issue highlighted as being something therapists knew about on their websites etc; at least now with a google search you get something. ....But even then, I doubt the majority of those therapists could be something near to Dr Carter's level of ability. ...He is like my guru!! I have had some awful, VERY depressed moments or evenings, and watching one of these videos by Dr Carter is one of the only things that cures me of these low lows. ...Hardly anyone else gets this topic and what it's like to be on the end of bad behaviour from these types of people ...and it just makes you feel even more alone, which is what the narcissist is trying to do -make you feel totally isolated and powerless. ...It's so important to have access to Dr Carter's brilliance on this topic, to have this voice of wisdom... particularly if you are dealing with personality types who are sadly very persuasive/good at manipulating others and others are weak personalities who go along with them. ...I think narcs like to create an ecosystem that is just suited to them and then defend the fragility of it by attacking anything different. ...And if you are born into such an environment, it can be soul destroying.
I also have wasted years on poor counsellors .Last guy took phone calls for car repair, whilst in therapy and was all of 30 years old,finished up giving me a Chinese paper puzzle He was paid for that ,learnt more from this guy than any counsellor
I get so mad at myself for putting up with all that for so long. Lost many young years I can never get back. 😣
💗
I was raised this way. I definitely have some of these traits. I want to break the cycle, for myself and my kids. That's why I like these videos so I can catch myself next time.
Omg good foryou! I am so hopeful for you. I am living with a narc and my God he has a 0 percent chance of changing or redemption. It's only getting more outrageous and more controlling. I shut that shit right down. Good for you. Hope you're doing well. The people in your life will love you more if you fix any narc tendencies you have.
Admission of a problem is always a good first step.
All human beings have some narcissistic traits. We just need to and want to learn by self reflection and self awareness that none of us are really without flaws. Sadly generally speaking many fully blown narcissistic people never self reflect and really often have minimal self understanding...they believe that they are always right about everything.
@@helenyates3951 I believe you're actually giving the specifications of what qualifies someone as a narcissist. If you self reflect and have self-realization you are probably not a narcissist. It a narcissist will never do those things never ever it takes guts to do those things and remember the narcissist is the way he is because he is insecure or she
I agree
I do voice overs and every time I got a job he would act jealous and remind me that I had not heard back from a job I had applied for previously. He would mock me and laugh when I cried! I am so free of this illness! It's amazing how strong and powerful I feel now that I have fully let him go!! Thanks Dr C. Love you thanks for everything that you do!! :)
They are unpleasant. Tell them you don't want unpleasant people in your life.
A big key to your freedom, is financial independence. Then you can make your move whenever you want to.
You just summed up my relationship with my mother... She uses my failures against me all the time.. I always felt I had to defend myself and now I realize that is what she wanted is a "fight".. so now, I have taken these measures and though we hardly speak, I will not allow her to talk down to me.. These type of folks really hate happy people.. and I love being happy.. :) thank you for your videos...
When he told me to my face... "I'm going to break you" ...I planned to leave after that.
I hope you left ASAP.
Cymbolic Human VERY GOOD I HOPE YOU DID & ARE HAPPY NOW! ME IM IN A BATTLE RIGHT NIOW.
Cymbolic Human mine said the exact thing, how foolish of him, if he only knew how empowered I am through videos like this
Mine said"Im going to drive you crazy"
I got him locked up and broke him with my words and discard.
I have been dealing with a narcissistic neighbor. I balked at how pushy she is. I stopped her from taking advantage of me. She has taken to staring at me and watching me. This is so hard for my tender heart!
@@sufferingsuccatash3867 thank you for you! I will stay strong ❤
Like the accuser himself watching you.
She's trying to intimidate you! Ignore her. I know it's hard to know you're being watched (had it happen to me numerous times). You have to pretend it's not bothering you and carry on with your life. I really dislike that there are so many out there targeting us all the time. A narc neighbor I had went absolutely ballistic when I moved, she started to rip up trees outside!!! She even tried to follow me to see where I was moving to, but that didn't work when a T junction came up. I went one way, the movers another. She followed me right to the police station where she suddenly disappeared. The police then escorted me to my new place, and I haven't seen her since! It was a palaver but worth it. I hope your situation resolves itself soon, prayers and love ❤️ 🙏
@@asseyez-vous6492 thank you. I'm hoping she will soon give up.
She sounds bored and your 'it' to focus her anger upon. When you see her or she enters your mind remind yourself that you are a peaceful person and her not being peaceful is ok, you don't need to anything but love you ❤
Thank you! When My daughter was a child, I would whisper to her; "You're strong, you're beautiful, you're healthy- You can be anything you want to be!" I was an abused child with NO self esteem so I wanted her to have a better image of herself. Unfortunately, she took it to heart and now thinks she's way better than I am. She's ashamed of me and because she makes a lot of money and I was an 'embarrassment to her, she let her brother and Me live in a car for awhile instead of treating us as her family. I have very little, but we have enough to pay the bills and I've finished a book I've written. I honestly have come to feel sorry for her. She had no feelings for other people and thinks only about money and status. I really don't 'care' what other people think... So in that way, I'm more free than she will ever be. I enjoy your videos. Thank you!
Cassandra Liberty West, are you ok now? sorry about your daughter. that's a hard pill to swallow. may you find a warm peaceful home and a job that you love.
@@charlottewhite7065 Thanks for the kind words. We live in an apartment now and I have social security. We have plenty of food, air conditioning and my only problem now is finding help to get a clerical error fixed on my son's birth certificate so he can work. Due to the fact that his Social Security card conflicts with the name on his birth certificate, he can't work, have a bank account, drive or even have a library card. I have diabetes and I'm 72. He's 28... So while I'm not afraid to die, I AM terrified of what will happen to HIM if I do. Other than that though, Life is pretty good and we're way better off than before. Thanks for the thoughtful words.
@@cassandralibertywest4310 , Yes that must be taken care of immediately ( the clerical error) I'm very happy to know that you n your son have a place. what state do you live in? we're in Maryland. I used to have a narcissist in my life also. between the gaslighting, stealing, wanting to be the hero, oh it was horrible. but anyhow he's been told to hit the road about a year ago. You wouldn't believe some of the b. s. that he out me through. at the time I didn't know what a narcissist was, but I do now and it all makes sense now. ❤️👍😊 take it easy, hope that you thoroughly enjoy your time in your own apt
@@charlottewhite7065 I'm so sorry you went through all that. When the narcissist is your partner, I think it's particularly hard.... We've been fighting with the State of Oklahoma over my son's birth certificate for 20 years and they refuse to change it. I've contacted so many people and no one helps. All I can do it to try to be as healthy as I can and live as long as I can, because with no way to support himself or even get help from the government, he would be doomed. I hope you are at peace now and don't turn bitter against men. Take care and 'God bless.
@@cassandralibertywest4310 I would try to see if a non profit can assist and Google Legal Aid in your state. I would go as far as requesting to speak to a Supervisor at the Social Security..since they dropped the ball and you have the legal documentation. See if you can also contact an Attorney; social security maybe they know the ins and outs of how this can be fixed.
“Team Healthy” I love it!
Narcissists hate to see u happy.They will do anything in their power to see u sad or cry & record u while u cry then show u later & mock u with it. And they answer u with very hurtful words when u ask why they treat u so badly
I think one of the most frustrating things you can say to a narcissist when they try to insult you is simply, "Ok."
Yes And don't Argue with them. You will just make yourself crazy.
You got it !!
I just did that with the narc colleague who name-called our other colleague who called him out on his BS....that's all I said and ended the conversation 🤣🤣🤣
Try “whatever”
Ooh ...I'm gonna try that "ok" and " whatever " are good ones
“It’s about isolation
to control”,
“It’s your personal problem/opinion, not mine, because thats not accurate thought”.
Great info as always,
Thank you, Sir
I like the way you say isolation and to control its exacly like that. I could describe this has a symbiotic relation with no free will.
Yup, Isolation is Always used to Control you and Conquer your Spirit!
@@gloriamaryhaywood2217 agree
I like this link it explain about control. annedennish.com/2018/01/24/control-and-submission/
I can't tell you how healing this is for me. Thank-you from the bottom of my heart 💖
So pleased for this feedback. Keep leaning forward! Dr. C
For me too.. Thanks from the bottom of my heart ! Always a smile of hope comes on me when I finish watching your videos
Same here!
Team Healthy, I love it!
My narc says always, i will leave you, that way you will learn. I say, " no...you must stay..its good here..but under my terms now..." wow what ANGER..! I trapped the Narc!
Most of them will just say you are just being (lol): Thoughtless, dismissive, careless....and most famously: DISRESPACTFUL!
They NEED that reaction. It feeds them.
Yes - committing to ending people-pleasing and instead to being your God-given (or true authentic self) is the best path to freedom. It's working with the covert narcissist in my life. Fortunately, I am able to create physical and emotional distance in my situation, which also helps. Thank you, Dr. Les
Here's to realizing at 35 years old, that you have been the scapegoat with a narc parent your whole life. I find it comforting that I've developed some of these techniques through just trying to survive. Thank you for these videos!
My husband, Mr Check-bouncer, had a complete meltdown when I got my own checking account and had my paychecks routed there. Total spaz. He was always blaming me for the bounced checks. Guess what? I never bounced any checks on my account but he continued to. Guess who’s fault it was? Mine because he no longer had my money to use even though I paid the mortgage, electric, and water. He bought the groceries.
FF EE I gotta tell you that my hubby is great but due to prior experience we decided to have one joint account just for the mortgage and then we each have our own separate accounts and he takes care of certain bills and I do the others. The problem was with the damn bank. They just couldn’t get it through their heads that we wanted separate accounts without the other person’s name. We’ve been married for over 21 years now with no financial arguments or problems. He buys what he wants with his own money after the bills are paid and so do I.
I cant believe I dated a narcissist. Warning when someone says they had a crazy upbringing by a possible crazy, believe them.
11:22 YES...they'll create arguments out of slight indifferences or neutral misunderstandings so that they can blame YOU for "starting a fight" & justify themselves for their unreasonable anger and verbal/emotional abuse and then absndonment/silent treatment. They LOVE to inflict this hateful cycle.