As a man who has been alone for 15 years, it is not so much sex that I miss, it is the knowledge that someone loves me. I could get sex, but what good is it if there is no feeling that comes with it? Loneliness is a terrible thing.
That's it.. Something has definitely changed in the world. I am not putting anything into a funeral fund for that same reason. I go out alone every week , and wonder what's the point, people don't want to make conversation any more.
Your statement reminds me of an observation a writer made about strip clubs, (paraphased) ' Its like seeing a wonderful banquet but not being able to sit down and really enjoy.' I am a woman alone for several years. It would be fun to have the whole package, someone to laugh with, confide in, sex with, enjoy the journey of life, but ...so elusive.
@@CB-vg1wq The person who makes a woman feel aroused, is the person who does not give a shit about them, ultimately. Any woman who can solve that problem in her own mind, will be happy. I believe it's possible, but very difficult. There's a poem by Piet Hein that I think gets at this problem(and gets many problems in life in general, because they have the same fundamental structure): A bit beyond perception's reach I sometimes believe I see That life is two locked boxes Each containing the other's key.
As a woman, it is impossible to understand how men bond in a genuine loving way through sex because women function differently. Sex is merely an expression of love that is the result of loving, not the means to reaching that feeling of profound love. It is just like a kind of little gift of pleasure she thinks she is giving some man she likes, as a way of saying thank you for his love and care of her. In the case of desperate women, they will offer sex as a kind of lure or inducement to a man, to get him to show her love and care. Even when a prostitute trades her sex for money, that is what she is really seeking. Money, as a demonstration of a man's caring of her, even if it is brief or the money has to be obtained by force, via her minders manhandling him to get him to pay up for the sexual service. This fundamentally different ways the genders see sex Co tributes to so much misunderstanding. There is no way to ever make sense of how men think and feel or for men to understand the seemingly irrational behaviour of women. I cope by simply accepting that men are as they are. One does not have to as lways understand something in order to love it. You can simply just accept it. So long as it is not too bad. But, even if it foes seem bad, you need to ask yourself how much of this apparent badness is actually the other gender or how much of it is simy caused by your own crazy, unreasonable expectations often fuelled by other members of your own gen der supporting you. I acc pt that most male behaviour M as kes no emotional sense to me. But I still like certain special malwes around me because they feel good to have access to g or me, as a woman.
As a divorced male I dated a gal who turned out to be narcissistic, and demanding of everyone. At one point she demanded I do something that was unethical shouting “if you don’t do it there will be no sex!” I laughed and said “you’re right! I’m going to miss you”. She made that exit too easy. But if in the formation of the relationship a gal verbally states she is going to manipulate you using your need for sex, she has put herself in a no win situation. Women just don’t truly realize how important it is. A female weight lifter started taking testosterone to build muscle. The side effect was she thought about sex all the time. She said “holly cow, is that what you guys go through. I can’t even concentrate without getting some relief, it’s exhausting being like this”.
I dated someone similar --- I finally figured out she was borderline. She told me that after some disagreement with her ex-husband she refused him sex for 2 months. They were in their early 40s. She once later pulled that on me.
'A female weight lifter started taking testosterone to build muscle. The side effect was she thought about sex all the time. She said “holly cow, is that what you guys go through. I can’t even concentrate without getting some relief, it’s exhausting being like this”' the version I heard was that she was a lesbian who wanted to try to see what it was like to be a man - and dressed as a man, pretended to be a man, and joined men in social groups - first she was amazed that men were friendly and supportive - not totally bitchy and catty like women - and secondly she wanted to have sex with everyone she saw walking on the street and went wow - that's what it's like to be a man - I had no idea !
27 years of marriage tomorrow...we have had so many ups and downs and close to divorce. We learned to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another and to allow the other to feel safe in their vulnerability. This opened the flood gates of genuine intimacy. Our communication is much better, but we also communicate through touch. Making love is not always intercourse, but it leads to amazing intercourse. He learned not to grope only when he wants sex, and I learned to communicate what does turn me on. Which leads to some fun conversations and lots of flirting. I think when each person is focused on being their morst healthy, authentic selves, it just happens, and we crave one another and genuinely enjoy one another emotionally, mentally, and physically.
It also sounds to me like communication is very important.....so many times problems can be solved but aren't because people won't talk about it....Ive found that generally to be pretty common too in the older generations...
💜 What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing. Today, July 13th 2024 would have been my 27 year wedding anniversary, but we didn't make it. As much as I longed for the intimacy you have achieved with your husband, mine was unable/unwilling to "go there". I needed more authenticity in my life, so I walked away.
The problem for many guys is not just the lack of sex. Its the attatude of the women that its not a big deal. That hurts. Being treated like you are insane for wanting it. Book definiton of gaslighting.
A man is nothing but resources to men. We need to redefine the whole structure of relationships. Men need multiple wives. Women would like this structure better.
I'm 58 and have been a married man for 29 years. I'm glad that my sex drive is waning. I was quite the horndog all those years, fortunately my wife has had a fairly healthy drive herself. I've noticed that we do a lot more touching that doesn't lead to the "final act" these days if you know what I mean. I think we (men) have to learn to be ok with this. I'm guessing aging women are perfectly fine with it? Often we men withdrawal from all intimacy when we can't go "all the way". Thats a mistake. Women LOVE caressing and touching and it would behoove every partnered man to learn to enjoy this as well. Aging is like riding in a car that is slowly losing speed. Its reality, and you can make it a good journey, or an unhappy trip. Aging, imo, is a fight best done with a partner. MOST women are good souls and IF you show them love will fight for you to the end if you simply keep showing/giving love. I'm still learning and yea, I'll die before I learn everything I should have:)
@@ibrahimbaghdadi2187 He's saying for some, men may go to other men because they understand the importance of intimacy and for some women going towards women because they can have a better understanding of non sexual relationships. Basically more understanding of their partners than in a heterosexual relationship in some cases.
As a male, you have forfeited your own power to create the change you seek, with love. How sad. Probably the problem what caused the wife to reject you anyway. (Don’t attack the messenger.) Women follow the leader. You probably were forfeiting YOUR role as leader, most likely in ways you don’t even realize. Very sad.
Bettina is a gem! So erudite, open, frank, perceptive, fair to both sides, researched, sensible, and so Australian in idiom. She does such great work in her field. A terrible shame she is ignored by MSM because her agenda is not 100% SJW, lefty, feminist.
@@st6086 I have some friends who are humans. They like to come and swim at my beach and stroke my back. Some just think I'm a dumb fish. A few others and I discuss the psychology of human sexuality. That's how I first heard about Bettina.
She certainly isnt the ONLY one many female therapists are PRO male (as well as pro female in within a HEALTHY psychological freamework) and who DO see things from the viewpoint of men quite often. I am a professor of cliical psychology and always insisted my graduate students see the point of view of males as well as females. Many females are highly neurotic and conflicted at best about sex. Their neuroses need treatment...such treatment is the bread and butter of any therapist's practice. Mistaken beliefs and assumptions about how men operate and judmentalism are NOT helpful for women to have for themselves. They miss so much POSITIVITY and pleasure in life if they cannot enjoy themseves sexually. Sex is a big part of contentment in life ..at any stage of adulthood. Women and men both can be taught how to better please each other with the right guidance...either as a couple or as a single. It is a capacity for generosity that is necessary for this to take place, and often negative GENERAL attitudes have to be adressed FIRST before working on sexual skill in pleasuring another can happen. There is no greater joy for most people than loving, caring expression of deep love through sexual pleasure...it is the pinnacle achievement of one's life for those who do achieve it. I say this not only philosophically, but based on my experience as a therapist and trainer of other therapists since 1979 ...as well as a loved woman with a 41 year very happy ( in every way) relationship. Sybil Francis PhD clinical psychologist
She actually lied about being a psychologist for over 20 years. And has a penchant for supporting peodophiles. If you do want a reputable therapist look into the work of Esther Perel
My wife right after marriage: "Stop groping me", so no more groping. Later she says, "Is all you ever think about is sex?" No, but I think about it a lot. Then some time after that she came downstairs when I was taking care of myself, She said, "your supposed to come to me for that!" What come to you and beg?
If a woman asks you, “ is sex all you ever think about?” You should answer, “ only when I’m not getting any”. getting regular sex for a man frees us up to think about and do other things. It is also the fuel that drives us.
Groping is just unskilled touching which has a sexual intent attached. If non-sexual touch (i.e. affection) is not common and touch is only engaged when the male desires sex, it creates a boundary because the woman feels like some repository rather than a sentient being who is being engaged as a matter of connection or being enticed according to what actually seduces her.
Wow, you can just hear the kindness and compassion in her heart. Rarely ever have I heard a woman look outside themselves in the sexual department and try to understand the mans point of view. So very proud of Dr. Arndt for having the courage , heart and wisdom to say these things. I’ve heard millions of sermons, magazine articles, discussions on TV forums for women only , psychiatrists on radio shows talking about women’s physical, mental and emotional needs . And that’s fine but that’s only half the human race, often the men are shrugged off as if they are a mechanical device without a heart , or feelings. Far more concern about dogs and cats and turtles than human males, who are in a free fall physically , mentally, emotionally, economically and educationally in the west. And no one seems to care. Oddly it’s mostly a few women with compassion that seem to even care: Dr.Hellen Smith, Dr.Janice Fiamingo and others are very concerned about the west’s attack on and the destruction of men in the West. All very wise, discerning , and compassionate women. They are not politically or agenda driven , but almost a motherly compassion appears to be the fuel that drives these precious , noble ladies that I have the highest regard for. Thank you , Thank you Mrs. Arndt!!
Books & magazine articles about successful marriage always make mens needs very clear. This is not a surprise to women. Good women who love their husbands & want to have happy families are certainly concerned about their husbands every need.
Women have been ''understanding'' men's POV for millennia whether we wanted to or not. Try being a young girl and having men lie to you in order to get sex, tell you that ''sex isn't love'', discard you afterwards and then wonder why women feel the way they do.
As a woman i have no problem giving and receiving great sex from my man if im in a relationship as long as he reciprocates and we are connected and bonding. Emotional intimacy is key!!!
I saw a guy trying to launch a kite. There was wind enough, but every time the kite got into the air -- swish, bonk -- it did a loop and hit the ground. I could see the problem. "You need more tail," I told him, "Yeah," he said, "that's what I told my wife, and she told me to go fly a kite."
women get surgeries of all kinds to be pleasing to a man, just for him to cheat on someone younger. Men should consider losing the gluten gut, pay someone to keep you clean and tidy, get whatever surgery keeps you looking 26, just as you expect from women
The lack of sex in my marriage is what finally ended it. Constantly trying to initiate intimacy and being constantly turned down; feeling unwanted, undesirable and the hurt. I finally left. But what I can't understand is that if so many middle aged women loose their desire for sex than why are so many more middle age women having affairs?
Because its not they lose their desire for sex full stop, its just they lose their desire for their partner. The hot young lifeguard or bartender or yoga instructor or even just similar aged co-worker at work who is new and interesting, they have desire for these men.
They also may not be looking for sex. My wife didn’t lose her interest in sex until we got married. Studies shows the top 2 reasons men get married is to have kids and access to sex . Women get married to have kids and to have access to money. Once women are married they have completed their punch list.
Three men went fishing early Sunday morning. Conversation erupted and fisherman #1 asked #2 what did he have to do? He said I had to promise to do dishes, mop the kitchen. #1said that's nothing, I had to promise to stain the deck..... Time went by and finally they noticed #3 was uncannily quiet. Finally asked him, so what did you have to do to get permission to go fishing today? He said, I woke early, 5 o'clock, nudged her awake and said, should I go fishing or stay and have sex? She said, don't forget the sunscreen......
Men should learn to give her body what her body needs. Sometimes that is basking in the blissful safety of your arms, sometimes that is deep relaxation, sometimes that is being held while crying or laughing together, sometimes that is orgasm. Giving -- without always being transactional -- shows you care about what feels good to her, and you care for her body's needs. This is the roadmap back to awakening her feeling of the magnetic love in her heart which draws her to you, and, only then, alighting her desire.
@@donquijotedelamancha3529I think her point is that women are happy to give it freely once certain base requirements are met first. Or at least that’s how it is for me with my husband. It is hard for women to “open up” if their need for emotional safety, respect, and feeling of being cherished is not there. But I also understand that it would be hard for a man to give that if he has been repeatedly rejected. So it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation I suppose.
Her speech was funny and pointed out what the problem was. But no solution was given. It reminds me of my 23 year relationship. I wonder what happened to our love. We have a 21 year old son. But she recently divorced me. He was born out of love. But somewhere along the line she started ignoring me in the bedroom. Everything was too much. It reminded me of the man who was aske...what would you rather have Sex or Christmas? He answered Christmas...at least that is once a year. I should have known something was wrong. It really is painful to be ignored to be rejected everytime. And the final rejection came when she said I do not see a future with you anymore...she has someone else already....like it was planned. Should have brought the issue up years ago. It would have saved both of us a lot of time...
Reading these sorts of stories.....I don't think what the Red Pill community says is wrong. Men need to at least be aware of hypergamy. When females say that it's all over or there is no future for us......she has been planning the exit for some time and has a guy or 2 in waiting. They move on so quickly that a Blue pilled guy is stunned as to how the love of his life could move on after him so fast.
@cf6282 - That was a unbelievable story you told. 23 years together with 1 kid and she wanted out and left. Most women leave and the men are left feeling betrayed 🤬
All through the comments are statements of heartbreaking tone - never get married, never again, all women/relationships wind up like this... I just want to say that no, all women are not. My husband and I have 20 wonderful years of still passionate marriage. We are the happiest married couple I know! The key is that we have always been on the same page in communication and are very connected physically. Men, please believe that some women are capable of being loving and sexual for the long run. If my husband and I have the fairy tale, so can you! Women, if you are turning your partner down constantly, then you need to watch this video again and buy the book. I'd bet you're complaining about him and his lack of attention to all your friends. His happiness should be something you consider at least equal to your own. Be what he needs and he will do the same for you! I wish everyone the happiness that my husband and I have ❤️
@@SeekerGoOn2013 thanks I really appreciate that but I wish it wasn’t a rare thing. I do see the sad truth of your statement. I wish there was a way to help people see the truth about relationships and what they contribute to their success and failure. I try to tell women I talk to and I will keep trying to spread the message!
@@MyBehrmann sadly, I believe that it is this way in most marriages. I ram it through my kids heads that relationships are a two way street. It seems that most women believe that they are the table, and the marriage becomes a oneway street.
Wow. Just stumbled on this gem. Recently engaged after a 16 marriage that ended 15 years ago. Sex is always wild, fun and abundant in my new relationships, then slowly fizzle a couple years in. I have recently come to realize exactly this woman’s advice on my own. The man I’m engaged to is so kind, loving, sweet, empathetic, engaging and up for learning and change…the least I can do is rally for a 5-10 minute frolic more often than I want to. I realize we are different beasts with different needs…and if I want all the wonderful things he gives and try’s to give, if he is trying to meet my needs, for the sake of me loving him, I want to do the same. Love isn’t about what you want, it’s about meeting another’s needs in the way they need it. As long as no one is getting hurt. Just do it.
Amen!!! I take it for the team regularly. He prefers when I’m in the mood but it’s not frequently enough for him. But I love him and what a wonderful partner he is! A husband is an appliance you screw in the bedroom to get the dishes done… my appliance works great! Men are like floors, you lay them well you can walk all over them lol😂😂😂😂
@@seneynah I'm certain that thought process is why MGTOW became a thing and gained traction, as it should. Men only want peace at home. If they can't find peace, they'll seek a new home.
"the least I can do is rally for a 5-10 minute frolic more often than I want to. " Damn! No wonder it´s so hard for me to find a good woman. I´m not satisfied under at least 30 minutes - and she better come to an orgasm, too. I don´t enjoy orgams alone nearly as much as coming together...
I believe that if a couple truly love each other they care enough to please the other when needed.And the act itself should never be one sided. The end goal should be satisfying the other before themselves. Love is not selfish. Nor should sex be. If you get to the point where you're not concerned about your partners needs. You probably don't love them like they deserve
Sex is no different than any other compatibility issue. Either your desires are compatible or they aren't, and if they aren't, then you each just need to find a more compatible partner. But talk about it first, because a partner might voluntarily compromise to save the relationship. And remember that "...there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy, there's only you and me and we just disagree...".
The problem is that sex is plentiful early in the relationship but often the sex drive decrease dramatically for the women leaving the man to suffer. “This is not what I signed up for” he thinks. If he’s a good man, he loves her and cares for her and protects her and is kind and thought, but still no sex. Then what? Gotta leave. He shouldn’t suffer in silence for the rest of his life. If he expresses his needs and they aren’t met, who would blame him for wanting a change?
She was absolutely fantastic! And yes, I am going through the same issue with my husband and why is it so hard to talk about sex? It’s so silly but we’re here I definitely will try to make more of an effort to please my husband, he is a wonderful man…But menopause, it knocked me for a loop.
That’s something that is ignored. Menopause is a doozy. That and our testosterone wanes. It’s liking swimming up hill. I wish that my libido was where it used to be but it’s not.
Me too… can I introduce you to Jose Cuervo??? A shot of that and some sexy music in the AirPods if he doesn’t like music… I have a whole playlust… you gotta get creative you don’t just get in the mood without help anymore.
Why worry about if you feel in the mood? A five minute blow job doesn't need you to feel anything. Just start being nice to your husband, this one is not about you.
Needs are a two way street. If the woman has to do all/most of the housework, cooking, work full time, take care of the kids, and her emotional and/or physical needs aren't met, then yeah there's no energy or desire there to meet the husbands needs. Both partners need to ask the needs of the other and work to fulfill their needs. It's a two way street, and the many comments on here that are derogatory toward women and blaming them show a total lack of awareness of this fact!
@@mr.andrew6042 yeah i feel like theres certain women who pander to men's points of views esp on YT, though this lady seems wholesome. And it was a real speech not some YT creation.
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It's a situation where they want to go to it and Im like why don't we do something else fun and classy. Something romantic, anything. It's like you have no value unless you perform.
Then tell your partner what you need and ask them what they need and encourage each other to speak up as things come to your attention. Even humans who are very close can't always anticipate the needs of their partners because we can't read minds. Communication is the foundation of your emotional and physical relationship. Communication itself lets your partner know that you're interested in your relationship and you want to keep it healthy and you can frame it in that way. It should be a two way communication and interest in the other at all times and helps to feel valued as well.
So agree with you, and also the fact that that the men are no prepared to spend time getting their partner in the mood, yes there are times when you do both feel passionate and that never goes, but.selfish lover will soon leave you uninterested. So men get out there and start reminding yourself how you started and doing what you did then but more importantly show love and caring…not slouching around in a chair why she does everything nd then oh yes its bed..oh not its not, do your share and help shares the chores and share the bed…and love an tenderness goes a long way and if you do not know how, plenty of books and Bettina to show you how…
If you want an interesting take on the difference between how women feel and how men feel, talk to a transgender who is transitioning from female to male, and is on testosterone hormone replacement therapy. I read one in an interview who said basically that she never realized what men were going through and was asking men how they tolerated being so intensely horny all the time. Sounds about right,
Marriage: Keep your mouth shut to keep the peace. Solution guys: Don’t get married. You’ll have sex before you get married, but once you sign that license, you’re not a priority. I’ve been putting up with this BS for 35 years. The sex was good before we got married.
Married women usually only want sex from the man they're cheating with. I've been with too many married women... it's so much easier than getting with a single woman. I'm disgusted by how common it is for women to cheat on a spouse & I'm trying really hard NOT to keep having sex with married women. It's difficult. Another married one tricked her way into my bed just last week... I pretended to be asleep so "it" didn't happen. They all say that they don't have sex with their husbands anymore, probably a lie... even if it's true, I still don't want to share & don't want to be part of the problem. They either need to go ride their husbands, or divorce, or stop doing it on the side with guys like me & give up sex altogether. I don't want to hear any more excuses... the (adult) kids wouldn't approve ... the house payments... the medical insurance... etc... They only want sex when they know I don't (with them). The minute I change my mind then they don't want it anymore. Modem women have ruined sex for me. I want to go back in time.
Reminds me of the old saying "Sex is the price women pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men pay for sex." Not as true today with modern morals (lack thereof) but in some ways the gist if it holds true.
This is certainly a multi faceted issue. In my experience, this is more about INTIMACY than it is about SEX. When each of you got married, you made a vow to take care of each other’s sexual needs/desires. When you choose to ignore their needs, you are breaking that vow. If you think that is acceptable, you are lying to both yourself and to your partner. Yet you are often surprised when your partner gets those needs met elsewhere, the needs which you actively ignored and viewed as unimportant. It’s similar to “wreckless driving” you have chosen to “wrecklessly drive”your marriage into the ground. So many families deeply damaged due to “ lack of maintenance.” Pay attention, and do your part to maintain.
It's complex and depends. Some might and do use this as an excuse to cheat. For others, it could be a warranted issue and complaint. Communication is also a major component.
Hmm, I don't recall vowing to take care of my husband's *sexual* needs/desires in our wedding vows. Strange to include in wedding vows, especially considering it's a public ceremony...
If your woman is denying you sex in a marriage. She’s not happy. There’s something deeper going on. As a woman i will tell you that I’m OK with sex any day. You got to have amazing amounts of trust, respect, etc. And you have to spend time with each other. A lot of time if you wanna have a lot of sex..
I tried to tell my partner what I would like. His response was Nobody's ever said that to me before - as if obviously I was wrong. AND since I just told him - I must be NOBODY.
I find it incredibly sad that many women I know are at best ambivalent about sex, at worst loathe it. This is changing - girls are being taught that sex is for them too and not a bargaining tool in a relationship. Women do need affection, kissing, arousal...if this doesn't rouse your woman then consider why you want to remain in a relationship.
I think it’s a myth that women want foreplay more than men, it’s one of the things we miss the most! Women hold back on that, too, because they’re afraid they’ll be pressured to continue on to sex.
Sorry, I did all that and I have enough experience with women to get her to climax. But after the second baby she felt different about her body and the constant stress with working full time too pretty much devastated her drive. I gave her YEARS of patience and time, always providing intimacy, being a loving and supportive partner both with kids and her career. Oh and I have all the sixes and am approached by women regularly (still faithful, painfully). Just doesn’t work as well with my wife for some reason. Personally I think women are built differently, they could have the best thing and still become bored and lose interest. It got a bit better after intensive talks but it’s not anywhere near where we were before marriage and kids. I still think she’s gorgeous and love her but it’s killing me inside being like this.
@@christoph3187 It's the double axis of their attraction. You are a good man so you are friendzoned. You are her Pokémon in the ball. More than likely she's sleeping with someone at work or something, that rates high on her bad boy axis.
@@jedahn I found overly friendly chat messages with one of her coworkers and know she was meeting him and her superior in work related but casual after work sessions as well as on business trips. Both don´t look as good as me and are married themselves with kids at least the coworker. Besides that nothing anywhere. I honestly think she just doesn´t feel it like me but me even writing this shows how much trust has been damaged.
I told my wife that if she could learn how to cook, I could fire the chef. She told me that if I could just learn how to make love, she could fire the chauffeur.
@Ismael Barrera My wife told me that we could talk about sex all I wanted to after we got married. So, I married her and now she says, you cant TALK about it all you want. She said, don't worry, whenever you wanna have sex, just let me know and I'll leave the room to give you some privacy.
Where is the discussion on what sex means to women? When the relationship feels emotionally disconnected, having sex feels like prostituting yourself. When a woman feels seen and loved she wants to connect. When she feels unseen and unloved she wants nothing to do with sex.
I’ve heard 10,000 sermons and seminars on the question you just asked about women and their needs. If seen this addressed thousands of times on shows like Oprah, Ellen, the View, the 1990’s show Woman to Woman , countless movies snd series deal with women’s emotional and sexual news. I used to go to books a million and look at the hundreds of magazines devoted to women and their physical, economic, mental , emotional, hobbies on and and on. Maybe one or two the approached men’s issues. Men are dying on the vine as this subject is way way over due. If men collapse the women will too. It’s a cooperation not a war. I’m speaking in general here I have no offers what your personal situation is. Men are in decline in health, economy, mentally, educationally in virtually every area . And Nono e seems to care. If this trend is not halted it is the end of our society
When the relationship feels sexually disconnected, going to work feels like he's enslaving himself. When a man feels sexually seen and loved, he wants to emotionally connect. When he feels sexually unaccepted, he want's nothing to do with emotional connection. There's an inversion of desire between men and women when it comes to whether emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy comes first. Women are more sexually vulnerable than emotionally vulnerable. Men are more emotionally vulnerable than sexually vulnerable. The discussion on what best suits women, emotionally and sexually, is and has been everywhere for decades. And the politicized aspects of the focus have involved the widespread denigration of male sexuality. The female-centric narrative of sex in a relationship, which says "deep emotional connection first, and sex at the very end... if even that," combined with the sexual shame that men are made to have in our culture, is a major cause of serious misunderstandings between partners. The solution is obviously to talk more about the other side of the equation - exactly what Bettina is doing. It's rather disingenuous that instead of acknowledging the symmetries and asymmetries between men and women that Bettina is revealing, you instead complain about the fact that she's primarily discussing men's needs.
@@AnitaBJay Women are culturally *saturated* with the demands of men’s sexual “needs” 24/7. The “sexual shame” of *men?* What planet are you from? If sexuality wasn’t *socially* constructed, why did Ancient Egypt promote marriages between biological siblings? Taboo is a powerful cultural force. I just don’t understand why she makes excuses for male domination the way she does. And how about Ancient Greece with the male preference for homosexual relations between men? Why don’t people recognize the power of culture?
As an older dude said to me recently, "There's no point in me taking Viagra. It'd just give me a tool I'd have to use, and there's no use for it at home. Since I'm not trying to get annihilated in divorce court, I think I'll just leave bad enough alone, yeah?"
I have a healthy labido,but due to my exhusbands being cruel and abusive i just get turned off! Many men say and do things that turn women off .they don’t realize what they are costing themselves and their relationship
If women only knew the power and potential reward that comes through loving their man and sexually satisfying him, they should think differently. A sexless marriage is not a marriage, in my opinion... Some women are just selfish. Having said that, the man needs to know how to be sexually attractive and satisfying to his partner..
I am a 47 year old female. I have been single for 15 years because I just dont have a sex drive. I decided many years ago that it was unfair to pair with someone knowing this about myself. Its pretty lonely sometimes.
You're completely normal. That's why English mothers used to tell their daughters, "Close your eyes & think of England" (ie, it's okay to make a sacrifice for the good of others.). Plus... if this speaker's canoodling theory is correct, it may be no sacrifice after the boat pushes offshore. But you may prefer loneliness, and it's ok to choose that sacrifice.
Arndt is an entertaining speaker and her advice is good, as far as it goes. She ignores several things. First, because men have 20 times more testosterone than women, sex is far more important to them than to a woman -- a fact few women truly appreciate since it is alien to their own experience. It's like trying to explain classical music to someone who is tone deaf. Second, whereas nearly all men achieve orgasm readily, the female orgasm is still a work in evolutionary progress: some women achieve orgasm easily, some only with specific types of stimulation, and some rarely if ever. And with the commencement of menopause, it gets even more complicated as women lose testosterone and have more variable responses to sex. Third, sex for men is largely physical and separate from the emotion of love; it is best when you love your partner, but quite satisfactory for them with a willing stranger. The converse is true for women: closeness, love and trust enhance and are often vital for the orgasmic response. Men have difficulty appreciating how important that emotional connection is for women. The solution to bridging the sexual differences is caring. If there is reciprocal caring and a basic understanding of the opposite sex, couples will figure out a way to have satisfactory sex, which is vital to the emotional bond between men and women. If the caring isn't there, no amount of sexual therapy or medication is going to compensate for it. Finally, citing Helen Fisher as an authority on male-female relationships is misguided. Fisher's degree is in anthropology; she abandoned that field to write popular books on dating , which requires no credentials whatsoever. If she has done relevant research, it should be cited. But in my view, there are better authorities that should be cited instead.
If closeness love and trust are necessary for women to want sex then why would any woman ever...ever reject a caring father to their children, good husband who is fit and desirable, in order to have an affair with another woman's husband? Too much doesn't line up.
I must be a man then… I used to get spontaneous “erections” and demand sex from my husband or date… heck I even had wet dreams waking up climaxing.. but that is slowly going away as menopause approaches. Not all women are the same. But I recommend a high drive woman if sex is a big deal to you. My husbands first wife was hot as a playmate but had little interest in sex. He learned a huge lesson! I don’t have the perfect ass or tiny waist but until recently had the libido of a 18 year old boy… we’ve been married 3x longer than his first marriage.
I listen to this and I hear so much laughter from Woman. It makes my skin crawl. I suggest that they know everything that was said, but dont give a crap.
As a woman watching this I felt the same way, basically laughing at others pain/rejection because it is tied to sex. Is it because it's ingrained as a joke in our culture so often that it's just a reflex and they weren't being critical about it? The speaker seems to care but also does nothing but suggest women add sex to their to-do list. This is just so uninspired.
No, women and girls vent inner tensions through laughing, more than men do. And if there is a kernel of truth in it, that makes a joke funny. They get caught here. (Btw I am a woman...)
Thank you so much for your entertaining and very informative talk. In these times when we can’t always find the right balance between caring for ourselves and caring for our partner, thank you for reminding us of the Bible line that simply says ‘ love one and other’… 💝
Dear Men & my fellow brethren! I have been married for over 18 years now. (I got married at a fairly young age). Needless to say, if I had the time machine, I would never get married. Here are my two cents... A) If you are single, stay single. B) If you are married (and in a pathetic, sexless relationship) then don't underestimate the power of your hand (AKA masturbation.) C) If you are married (and in a pathetic, sexless relationship) then let your work and hobbies take precendee over your marital life. D) Read the chapter on sexual transmutation by Napoleon Hill. Frustrated, I resorted to B in the beginning. However, I implemented D and have been practicing C. I have never felt happier and content in my life. Note: I don't condone divorce(odds are against you, childhood custody) extramarital affairs (you could end up raising someone else's child or get wrongly accused of rape)
I have a different perspective than you do. My suggestion to any man who gets married is to wait at least 2 years before having children. Women in the Western countries lose interest in sex with in a year or two. If the sex drops off and does not meet your expectations you tell her either it changes or the marriage is over. Any man who tolerated an unhealthy sex life and allows it to go unchecked, deserves what he gets. I was married, and she tried that on me so I got out. Women will test the man to see what she can get away with. If he does not meet the challenges early then she loses respect for him and will walk all over him.
As a middle-aged man who's never married I've heard and seen too many horror stories of sexless, unhappy marriages to even consider marriage seriously. I'll stay single, thanks.
This is actually not bad advice. A good filipina woman, generally speaking, takes the sexual needs of her husband more seriously than western women, in my experience. And perhaps they value being "wanted/desired" more as well, so to them, engaging in sexual intimacy, even if not in some ideal mood, is part of taking care of you.
@@ForgotMyOrangeOr you can choose to work on your attitude to be part of a relationship with mutual interest. Otherwise, sex slaves will do what described in this comment more effectively.
My guess is women have had to feel unsafe for about ehm.. 500 years? (More?) I am no historian btw. But there is ofcourse a reason behind Feminism, womens rights and needs. About 80 percent have experienced one way or another sexual violence, or unwanted pregnancy. The mindset of a woman must be naturally different and careful. I hope more men nowadays will speak with their partner to bridge that gap, which is so important that both feel loved and desired. ✌🏽💛
@@slimshany4602 Wow! Thank you again!!🤣 Im just so happy to read that you acknowledge that we have had to fight for a long time to have the same rights and is still not there!!💙💙💙💙
Men are so sexually needy but they don't stop to think what it might feel like from the opposite side... seeing that godawful looking body part come at you. Eeeuw. Any man reading this... imagine another man's genitals coming at you as though you are some kind of toilet for their physiological needs. Would you be interested? Keen? Really??? or perhaps disinterested at best and kinda just grossed out at worst? So join the club. I'll tell you, the only time it makes "sense" is when a woman is feeling very sexually hot. Which is just not all tne time. Not even often. And remember that sexual desire in women sorta tanks after menopause. That's life. Tough. Sorry to break it to you but your sexual neediness is your own problem, your own egoic nature, your own alternative for actual emotional intelligence. God gave you hands to relieve yourself. So use them. Nobody "owes" you anything. Make yourself happy... find your true purpose in life. Find meaning and purpose. Everyone has to find their happiness without blaming someone else or making it conditional upon what others do "for me", they "owe me". Nobody else is responsible for your happiness but you! Nobody else needs to "give you what you want". They have to similarly tend to their own happiness. Awaken more to your spiritual self... you'll find far more rewarding and fulfilling experiences there. And youll realise that this constant hankering after sex is a poor substitute for developing your emotional and spiritual intelligence. Actually, thats what women like... is both of those things. Have you never wondered why it is that woman tend to love hanging out with gay men? Because they can relate to them! Duh. They have so much more emotional and spiritual intelligence. They can listen and hold a meaningful conversation. And the connection a woman can feel with a man with those qualities could be a turn on because there's a real connection. Ask not what your woman can do for you. Ask what you can do for yourself and let her be true to herself. And seriously, grow up.
@@jimihendrix1575 Dude, take a look at the comments here. You think MEN are shy about their feelings? It just turns out they often have HORRIBLE feelings. Just look at all these one sided comments that place blame squarely on a woman they fucking MARRIED. Thats just fucked up. If you marry somebody who doesn't enjoy sex thats on them, or on marrying somebody who was lying to them but they didn't notice. Or they figured that satisfying whatever sexual request they have was going to be a lifelong ambition for them. But then there was a youtube about child rearing and all the americans posting were saying "we're just all unhappy". Thats something else entirely.
@@mikearchibald744 People shouldn't get married then if they have different expectations. I've noticed women and men both have different expectations of what marriage is and what it should be like. Yet no one wants to make compromises for one another.
With erectile dysfunction being such a widespread problem, makes me wonder how much of the issue is actually related to the constant rejection leading to your body no longer bothering getting it up to start with and then eventually it can’t.
Well I assure you my mate and I had wonderful sex all 41 years we were together. I adored him every minute. He did at 70 start to have ED issues but Viagra took care of it til the last few mos of his life. What really bothered him was that near the end when he still COULD function he had become numb...I am quite sure this was related to nerve insensitivity from less blood flow....it only happened once about a month before he died and in a week he began the illness that ended his life so we never had sex again. He was very very upset....sex was very important to both of us. We were so lucky to have had the beautiful l8fe we had together. After he died I FIRST felt overwhelming gratitude...the pain came later after the shock of his death wore off.
I read that 90 percent of Viagra users only needed the drug psychologically and asked and older co worker why this might be. He said it's like a dog being told no, no, no to peeing inside and then suddenly saying it's ok now, go for it and being surprised they can't. As a younger man I always wondered how these embittered men were created, now I definitely see why we get super into our hobbies - we think if you're not keen, I'm not chasing it anymore.
One problem for me has been the feeling of always having to say yes to sex whenever my girlfriend craved sex. It created some performance anxiety issues as I was usually doing it for her sake. I have a strong sex drive, but I desperately needed the emotional bonding after sex when she was relaxed having her orgasm and much more available to listen to me.
Bettina is fabulous but needs imo to talk about attachment style (dismissive avoidant; fearful; healthy; and anxious) and how that emotional orientation effects sex drive and expression.
@@robertherring3341 Buddy, you're going about it the wrong way. Your first mistake is asking over and over again. Begging makes her hate you because you're giving up your dignity as a man. Your second mistake is acting like a normal and dutiful husband when she doesn't give you sex. It sends her the message that there are no consequences for her behavior. When she gets upset that you're not being as dutiful as you usually are, don't fight with her. Act like you don't give a fuck. Work out and get in shape. If all else fails, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. She doesn't love you.
Like the old saying goes, for women, it just as easy to love a rich man as it is a poor one. The corollary for a man is the definition of Love consists of overestimating the difference between two women
I would agree. Traditionally, women were told to marry a man who loves her more. Or women are encouraged to let a man “grow on them” or to give a guy they aren’t attracted to “a chance.” No man is ever given such advice. And discourage women to “chase” a man. I believe relationships are better when the woman recognizes her interest in a man and pursues that. Not necessarily chase them but this playing hard-to-get and make a man chase you advice that a lot of women hear is terrible. Of course, there’s more to a relationship than sex but it is an important component. It’s all about balance. I also think a standing date to connect physically weekly at the very least is important, especially couples who are busy with work and other responsibilities.
@@ktkole4017 but that’s what makes men interested in a woman, when she’s not in his bed on the first date, that’s Mather Nature made a men this way, they, in fact, do like to chase a woman. I know someone who used to be with hundreds and hundreds of women (he’s pretty old now) and women adore him, but ones he said he married his wife cause she wasn’t as available as others. So you see, it’s proven again and again men like to chase.
I can connect with this too Seems to be "menopausal issues ' I think they should hire a professional lady every now and again just to take care of that need
Just for sex? What is the difference between a marriage and any other relationship if you remove sex? In my opinion, if she doesn't want to have sex with me she is no longer my "wife" and just a roommate with stickier legal ties, especially if there are no children.
I thought you might get a kick out of this, since I happen to run into your program by accident on TH-cam. I live in the USA and it one time lived in Southern California. I was a juvenile delinquent living in the Midwest and my family sent me to California to live with an older brother in Los Angeles. My older brother had a roommate named Bob. Bob is no longer with us. Bob was Dutch Indonesian and in his early forties at the time and this man had more sex drive in his early forties than any teenager I have ever known. He had been married to a woman that was as the rock and roll song goes oh, she was cold as ice. He was having an affair with a woman close to his age and her husband was somewhat a sort of milk toast and not interested in sex and I believe she was a nymphomaniac as far as I could tell. Physically, they were the perfect couple. But there were only certain times they could get together and sometimes Bob would sit on the couch with his feet up on the couch and his knees up in the air crying out the following with his unique Dutch accent..." I have got to have sex, I have got to have p*ssy ... I have got to have it!" The man was sitting there and I thought he was going to chew his fingernails off! This is no exaggeration. I literally had never seen anything like it. And I was 18 years old and if anyone could understand it I should be able to? He wanted to hire a prostitute but this particular woman only worked with her partner. He was begging me to go along with the deal. I resisted. He said, I will pay for it! He kept hounding me come but the thought of it was repulsive to me, to have sex with a woman just for money? Well, I finally gave in because I couldn't get away from him harping on me. It was one of the single most repulsive experiences of my life. And I ended up with the gift that keeps on giving! I am allergic to penicillin so I had to go to the Hollywood free clinic can get a special treatment it would take several days and you had to take gallons of water with the product. And every time I would urinate it felt like acid coming out of me! I wanted to do bad things to this woman! Bob just laughed it off and thought it was funny. He would tell me stories about his wife laying there and just turning over and going to sleep and he had the most miserable marriage that a man could possibly have and she could care less! I thought you would appreciate the story.
Yikes! I remember a guy who used to talk like that, but he was a catholic and masturbation was a sin and so he said if he's going to have to confess to a priest then it might as well be for the full deal!
@@rexwave4624 I'm suggesting, that if a man brings a woman to climax, before actual intercourse, he's much more likely to get what he wants as well. If a man doesn't know how to bring his partner to climax, well, then, that's a whole other story...
A great sex life doesn't start in the bedroom - that is where people make there mistake - it starts at the beginning of each day - it starts with how much respect you show each other, when you show him or her how much value they have, by doing little things throughout the day for one another, putting them first, letting them know that what they think & feel matters. Women get lost in the day-to-day life of taking care of family, home and husband. They need to know they are deeply loved for the wonderful person they are and that affirmation comes from their spouse- no one else. When you act like sex is a right and she "owes" you - you will lose her every time.
Ummmm it is a RIGJT when you get married. Even the Bible says to not withhold sex from each other. If it is not a mutual "right" then are you fine with home finding sex elsewhere?
Try being a wolf. Until she lives stay. Don't buy into the narrative of men are dogs. Find better analogies. Get your brain to work if you can get time from other things.
@mikem6176 men dont take much interest in learning about womens bodies and how to please them. You can try and try to teach them to please you but most cannot get it and Women don't demand that men learn what makes them excited. And groping is never delicate they are like a bear trying to get honey out of a tree stump. Pawing and clawing at delicate parts hurts. Most are like cavemen. Women need to not be shy about showing a man what to do. They usually just give up.
00:19 🛌 The discussion revolves around the correlation between sex and happiness. 03:37 📉 A significant number of women report low desire in relationships, impacting couples' dynamics. 07:00 🔄 Women may enjoy sex even without initial desire if they initiate it as an effort for connection. 10:18 🚫 Addressing rejection in relationships, both partners should consider its impact on their connection. 12:00 🌍 Historical context: Women's right to say no in relationships evolved from critical societal changes. 16:00 🔄 Aging and health impact sexual dynamics, requiring couples to adapt and communicate effectively.
'The grope' do they understand how demeaning it feels when the husband realises that the wife feels that way about his plea for affection? They really know how to break a man.
If a couple is "making love" and not just "having sex" the terms should be words like "caress" "touch" "massage". If a woman is interpreting the man's actions as a "grope" it sounds like their relationship is not a loving relationship. Intimacy requires physical stimulation for both partners, otherwise, you are not making love. The man's goal, who really loves his wife, is to express how precious she is to him. She is more valuable than fine gold, she is more beautiful than precious gems. Marriage requires two: loving each other, forgiving each other, helping each other, serving each other, relying on each other...
@@MichaelJohnson-lx2dl Exactly. Grope sounds too much like Rape in this context. Basically Grope is Rape without any proof required. Guilty in the court of social justice. No wife should put her husband in this position.
@@MichaelJohnson-lx2dl Thank you! Finally!!! a comment from someone who is actually concerned more about mutual affection and pleasure for *both* partners! There's far too many comments on here from men who clearly believe in the act of sexual penetration as an entitlement in a relationship. It's about love, people! And that is NOT the same as sex for women. Love and affection and caring and talking come first. If you're in a LTR or marriage and you're STILL using a fumble or grope to initiate an intimate encounter, grow up, have the courage to TALK honestly with your partner about what *she* wants!
This was therapeutic. All the time I put myself down to cope with the rejection in relationship, I feel gears for now. I thought something is wrong with me.
It’s not you, mate. Evolution has turned us men into baby-making machines. If a woman can’t handle that, she should not seek a husband. It is who we are.
Shes saying that it's about connection but that plays more into intimacy and men aren't interested in non sexual intimacy. That's the issue. Men say it's not just about sex but if sex was off the table so would the relationship.
...and boys are not even allowed their feelings as children, in many cases. Not allowed softness and cuddles and tears:( So they grow up literally not knowing how to help the women in their lives. The reverse could be true also. Women are not allowed to have any sort of sexuality. Then suddenly they are married and it's all okay(?)
It’s not a battle ground it’s about give and take. If a woman feels appreciated, loved and her emotional needs met , well she will give forever. The problem is women are working outside the home and still left with 100% of the house work and child care. So that creepy hand coming over when your exhausted and don’t feel loved or appreciated & it just feels mechanical sex with no love it just makes you feel used. Where has romance gone. To say my ex who is an ex for many good reasons could have sex even in the middle of his violent outbursts. Had I felt loved and not hated and treated like a slave I too would have had sexual desire. I still have sexual desire now into my 5th decade and the only thing I need to feel sexual is I need to feel the other person loves me and not just looking to have a quick shag. People that play to extremist feminists and extremist mgtow do more damage to the normalcy of human relationships than good. Open the lines of communication instead and tell the other person what you need and find out what the issues are. It’s not that complicated or that black and white. Women on the oral contraceptive pill may have low sex drive it’s a isted side effect. You need to meet a womans need to be emotional loved, and not just leave her to to everything while you both work. You sit back let her sort the kids, homework, school lunch who’s minding then tomorrow while you both work, all the house work cook you dinner wash up, get the kids to bed . Then arrive up to bed at 3/4 am and think your going to have a woman full of life desiring a good bang when they have to get up at 6 to start the work day all over again is simply unrealistic. The problem feminism brought is women go to work and keep their job once married with kids and pay their way yet they still get to do 100% of all the house work and organizing the kids. There needs to be more give and take and most of all proper civilized communication & trust in relationships. Feminists ran away with themselves looking to keep women working yet did nothing to say if both are working both need to help keep the house and kids running. It’s exhausting to do it all and leaves you with nothing left to give. It’s bullshit saying women don’t crave sexual desire as it’s simply not true, it maybe different to a mans needs because they are more emotional. Just make your girlfriend, partner, wife feel appreciated and help out ( I’m not taking about buying her stuff it’s physically helping with the house and kids and giving her your time) trust me she will be back having sex with you in no time.I was never lonelier than the 22yrs I was married. I never went out other than work yet he kept all his hobbies and was never home from work at a decent hour. He went out with is friends every weekend coming home the next morning in time for me to leave for work if I was lucky. I never got to do anything even get my hair done because he took all the time for himself while I worked, minded the kids did the housework, food shopping, gardening and maintenance. This woman glorifies every man and condemns every woman and that isn’t always the way and while I know some women are also to blame it quite simply isn’t always they way she is describing. She sounds like she is describing a housewife from the 1950s who’s only job was to take care of the family and the home. I earned more than my husband and it was my house I bought before I met him. So think the guy is your great provider and all women should submit and meet their husbands sexual desire because somehow they don’t have any desire is nuts. Of course they have sexual desire and needs too. The reason there is no sex from one side or the other is because somewhere in the relationship the other person doesn’t feel they are appreciated be that the man or the woman. Getting to the bottom of that will make any relationship that is salvageable perfect. No one should stay in any relationship that they are miserable in.
Excellent!!! Thank you so much! These comments are leaving out completely any analysis into the 'why'. Crazy, how immature some relationships still are. MANY women love and need sex just as much! It's just what comes before it (everyday life and foreplay too) paves the way.
It helps if the man is good in bed & knows what he is doing also. No woman wants to lay there and be humped during the 5 minutes it takes for him initiate, ejaculate and than roll over and fall asleep. If he can't put some effort into the whole process forget about it.
Well said!!..I have read most of the comments on here..by mostly males...not many ladies on here defending themselves..but I think most women are sexual creatures..which needs the emmotional connection along with the physical..they need to feel appreciated, desired, respected..not taken for granted..they like to be romanced..on and on..we are not robotic sex machines..we need a good connection with out mate...hope this advice helps!!.
11:45 Of course I am not promoting dating or marital rape....... but........ "A woman's right to say no"...... really? So do men have the same right to say no? No to things like, I am not going to do my part in this marriage but I still expect you to carry your part, I am not going to work anymore, I am not in the mood, I am tired, I have a head-ache so I am not going into work today. I am not paying for your food anymore, you can support yourself. I am not paying to heat or cool this house anymore and you'll just have to live here under those circumstances but I still expect you to do your part and clean the house, wash the clothes, cook the meals somehow while I am not buying any food...... and you'll have to do without the things you want and crave in this marriage because.... I am just not "feeling" it today.
Came across this by accident I found it terribly painful I never married due to all these things being so prominent in my parents marriage mum saying he ( meaning my dad) I'd always groping me!! I felt so for them both they were so unhappy for so long told me far too much as regards their problems. I am unwanted child ruined their sex life this is so true too true and too painful for words!!!
Don't think that way, Susan. You shouldn't be shouldering the blame. You were their excuse (or her excuse) not to have sex. Experience has shown me that when a woman really wants to have sex, her kids aren't a factor. Hell, look at off the single moms out there with 4 kids and 4 different baby daddies.
That man who said next time you initiate and it's been 8 years, I totally get it. Same situation. Except that I stopped being anxious, resentful and angry about it and I feel relief. Moved out of the bedroom, best rest I've had, best decision I've made in the marriage. No more begging.
1. Rather than worrying about sex first, it's best to focus on cultivating an affectionate connection between you, as well as being vulnerable enough to talk about this topic openly. 2. We don't question the need to let the cat out or take the dog for a walk. It's their nature. For men, it's natural to want sex. But beyond physical desire, deep satisfaction comes from the intimacy this involves. It does matter who it's with. Without emotion, the physical desire itself is not more significant than going to the bathroom. And yet if their closest partner keeps the bathroom door locked, what do you expect will happen? 3. Men have been exposed to the idea they need to be sensitive and loving; but conversely, women shouldn't treat sex as an awkward chore. Rather it's up to both to find a way to make it an extension of their affection and attachment. 4. As she says, women and also men can naturally "get into the mood" when their partner needs it, as long as there is sensitivity, connection and communication.
Time is cruel because when women's internal tissues become more fragile (and can therefore take less duration of friction) at the same time it takes men longer to reach completion -- if they even can -- so they take forEVER.
Its amazing how even though there are men in the audience, when the lady cracks jokes about how men aren’t getting any, women are laughing hysterically like they could care less about men’s feelings....
And then the speaker jokes about ED and shrivelled up erections being like weeds after being killed with Round Up!!!!!!! Unbelievable!!! And we are supposed to believe she can relate to and feel compassion for men???!!!!!!!
I call BS. The truth is, after some time, a woman will cease to feel like having sex often, and it will be less convenient , so they will have sex to make the man happy, which turns into "get it over with." And there's you're wham bam thank you ma'am. Little by little. And you change the dynamic of the whole relationship. Congratulations. You've ruined two lives.
As a wise woman once said: He treats me like a princess for twenty three hours and forty five minutes a day. I can do whatever he wants for fifteen minutes.
This is a tough subject. Everyone is so different. My late husband of 24 years refused my advances of sex that included no inhibitions later I found out it was due to prostitutes. Then After a clean bill of health! Fast forward to my boyfriend of 10 years who turns me down EVERY time but his issues are different, it has to be his idea. Lucky are those who find the one in this lifetime who gets them.
@@mamamuzicMy ex partner was/is a porn addict and a serial cheater. He seemed to think that affairs enhanced/spiced up a relationship so he didn't believe in monogamy. Yet, he pretended to be faithful and tried to hide his affairs. Obviously, he believed monogamy was unnatural, but only for him. He was addicted to novelty and excitement of new relationships, the variety.
@@iramsavir5631 for some it’s the excitement of getting away with something. Those are the ones when you agree to an open relationship it’s no longer fun for them
@@mamamuzicsame. Unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be, or even what women are physically capable of. We've got no script, no hairball makeup crew, no lighting, no director... and plain old human sexuality somehow isn't good enough for them. Reality can't compete with their imagination.
This is sooo sad!!!! My heart breaks for couples who lost that passion! No wonder men feel rejected. OMG.... I love Sex with my 💖 ! It's connecting with my soulmate! I think men or at least my man, they like non-vanilla sex. They like excitement and novelty. I love this lady as a story telling. I think sex is critical for our well being. It has so many healing properties. Have you heard of all the vitamins when men ejaculate? It actually is suppose to help their immune systems and PMS works, moods, etc. Wow listening to this video, I feel so fortunate my 💖 is soooo passionate! Thank you for teaching on this subject. It's more that sex. It's deep connection. Great job!
Oh dahng boi_good point. It is to create children nothing more. Men and woman arnt biologically meant to be together all their lives. Humans have made that up through marriage.
Because we got sold on some silly romantic idea of love, marriage, children and family. Without some accepted societal or religious influence, it falls apart. Men are simple and are just now waking up.
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Agreed. One of my American exes hit me so hard once that my eye was black and blue for 8 days. HER PARENTS helped me to get joint custody with them of my son.
@@lalaspap9986 because she was a chronic physical abuser and the assaults went on far too long. Unfortunately Western culture far too often does not tolerate men standing up against their female abusers... It is the result unfortunately of some stoic nonsense.
@@thomaslemon3971 It was about my coming to understand what she needed to allow sex, and about me communicating to her what sex meant to me. That it wasn't just a physical need; that it was about my feeling loved, appreciated, connected. For men, it is an emotional need. There is an evolutionary reason for why we need it. Get counseling to facilitate this project. We needed to have a regular habitual plan for when and where sex happens. We needed to come up with our own choreography for what we do. For us, we meet every Sunday morning. It starts with me giving her a 25 minute backrub. I won't give you the rest of the details. But you need to work out your own plan. We also go on dinner/movie dates.
The big motivation for me is that we have three kids. I wanted us to show them that marriages stick together till death do we part. I knew that divorce hurts kids. And I do love my wife.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 84 วันนี้!! คู่เอก "ก้องศึก vs เมืองไทย"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3kuzsAIDf1c/mqdefault.jpg)
As a man who has been alone for 15 years, it is not so much sex that I miss, it is the knowledge that someone loves me. I could get sex, but what good is it if there is no feeling that comes with it? Loneliness is a terrible thing.
So true. 😔
In your exact shoes, so I'm wishing you good luck. Easy to sympathize.
That's it.. Something has definitely changed in the world. I am not putting anything into a funeral fund for that same reason. I go out alone every week , and wonder what's the point, people don't want to make conversation any more.
Your statement reminds me of an observation a writer made about strip clubs, (paraphased) ' Its like seeing a wonderful banquet but not being able to sit down and really enjoy.' I am a woman alone for several years.
It would be fun to have the whole package, someone to laugh with, confide in, sex with, enjoy the journey of life, but ...so elusive.
@@CB-vg1wq The person who makes a woman feel aroused, is the person who does not give a shit about them, ultimately. Any woman who can solve that problem in her own mind, will be happy. I believe it's possible, but very difficult. There's a poem by Piet Hein that I think gets at this problem(and gets many problems in life in general, because they have the same fundamental structure):
A bit beyond perception's reach
I sometimes believe I see
That life is two locked boxes
Each containing the other's key.
Wow... a woman who actually gets that men need sex not just for release but for deep bonding too. Amazing.
Most women do that is why they don't buy the line "it was just sex"
Sex to me is about being close to your lover. It’s more enjoyable and authentic.
@@marieroth3940 6:36
For men love is simple and phsycal. We show love tru action. We want to do love actions.
As a woman, it is impossible to understand how men bond in a genuine loving way through sex because women function differently. Sex is merely an expression of love that is the result of loving, not the means to reaching that feeling of profound love. It is just like a kind of little gift of pleasure she thinks she is giving some man she likes, as a way of saying thank you for his love and care of her. In the case of desperate women, they will offer sex as a kind of lure or inducement to a man, to get him to show her love and care. Even when a prostitute trades her sex for money, that is what she is really seeking. Money, as a demonstration of a man's caring of her, even if it is brief or the money has to be obtained by force, via her minders manhandling him to get him to pay up for the sexual service. This fundamentally different ways the genders see sex Co tributes to so much misunderstanding. There is no way to ever make sense of how men think and feel or for men to understand the seemingly irrational behaviour of women. I cope by simply accepting that men are as they are. One does not have to as lways understand something in order to love it. You can simply just accept it. So long as it is not too bad. But, even if it foes seem bad, you need to ask yourself how much of this apparent badness is actually the other gender or how much of it is simy caused by your own crazy, unreasonable expectations often fuelled by other members of your own gen der supporting you. I acc pt that most male behaviour M as kes no emotional sense to me. But I still like certain special malwes around me because they feel good to have access to g or me, as a woman.
As a divorced male I dated a gal who turned out to be narcissistic, and demanding of everyone. At one point she demanded I do something that was unethical shouting “if you don’t do it there will be no sex!” I laughed and said “you’re right! I’m going to miss you”. She made that exit too easy. But if in the formation of the relationship a gal verbally states she is going to manipulate you using your need for sex, she has put herself in a no win situation. Women just don’t truly realize how important it is. A female weight lifter started taking testosterone to build muscle. The side effect was she thought about sex all the time. She said “holly cow, is that what you guys go through. I can’t even concentrate without getting some relief, it’s exhausting being like this”.
I dated someone similar --- I finally figured out she was borderline. She told me that after some disagreement with her ex-husband she refused him sex for 2 months. They were in their early 40s. She once later pulled that on me.
'A female weight lifter started taking testosterone to build muscle. The side effect was she thought about sex all the time. She said “holly cow, is that what you guys go through. I can’t even concentrate without getting some relief, it’s exhausting being like this”'
the version I heard was that she was a lesbian who wanted to try to see what it was like to be a man - and dressed as a man, pretended to be a man, and joined men in social groups - first she was amazed that men were friendly and supportive - not totally bitchy and catty like women - and secondly she wanted to have sex with everyone she saw walking on the street and went wow - that's what it's like to be a man - I had no idea !
I think about sex all the time, but I don't do it. 😂
Why not ?@@valerietaylor9615
@@valerietaylor9615you should release yourself
27 years of marriage tomorrow...we have had so many ups and downs and close to divorce. We learned to allow ourselves to be vulnerable with one another and to allow the other to feel safe in their vulnerability. This opened the flood gates of genuine intimacy. Our communication is much better, but we also communicate through touch. Making love is not always intercourse, but it leads to amazing intercourse.
He learned not to grope only when he wants sex, and I learned to communicate what does turn me on. Which leads to some fun conversations and lots of flirting.
I think when each person is focused on being their morst healthy, authentic selves, it just happens, and we crave one another and genuinely enjoy one another emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Thank you for taking the time to write that down. It gives a good input.
Omg, this is so beautiful. Thank you❤
Yep. I have had that relationship. Its wonderful.
It also sounds to me like communication is very important.....so many times problems can be solved but aren't because people won't talk about it....Ive found that generally to be pretty common too in the older generations...
💜 What a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing.
Today, July 13th 2024 would have been my 27 year wedding anniversary, but we didn't make it. As much as I longed for the intimacy you have achieved with your husband, mine was unable/unwilling to "go there". I needed more authenticity in my life, so I walked away.
The problem for many guys is not just the lack of sex. Its the attatude of the women that its not a big deal. That hurts. Being treated like you are insane for wanting it. Book definiton of gaslighting.
Or like its just some pithy obligation they have to begrudgingly fulfill. Massive turn off.
Yes!!!
Bingo !!!
Sex negative women don't just treat you like you're crazy for wanting it. They treat you like a degenerate monster.
A man is nothing but resources to men. We need to redefine the whole structure of relationships. Men need multiple wives. Women would like this structure better.
I'm 58 and have been a married man for 29 years. I'm glad that my sex drive is waning. I was quite the horndog all those years, fortunately my wife has had a fairly healthy drive herself.
I've noticed that we do a lot more touching that doesn't lead to the "final act" these days if you know what I mean. I think we (men) have to learn to be ok with this. I'm guessing aging women are perfectly fine with it? Often we men withdrawal from all intimacy when we can't go "all the way". Thats a mistake. Women LOVE caressing and touching and it would behoove every partnered man to learn to enjoy this as well. Aging is like riding in a car that is slowly losing speed. Its reality, and you can make it a good journey, or an unhappy trip.
Aging, imo, is a fight best done with a partner. MOST women are good souls and IF you show them love will fight for you to the end if you simply keep showing/giving love.
I'm still learning and yea, I'll die before I learn everything I should have:)
I ❤ this. (Aging woman.)
Hits the nail on the head. Aging man that still likes sex but will touch for hours.
I love this too. 36yo woman here married to my high school sweetheart. Thank you for your wisdom sir.
Yes, I would definitely prefer more cuddle over intercourse.
You do you but at 55 I would never go without.
After 47 years of marriage and 13 years as a widow I still miss his presence, care, jokes, caresses, and sharing sex together.
This is called "sexual bereavement"
This is an important topic. It truly represents a silent epidemic of human suffering and, when relationships fail, tremendous loss.
As a male I can tell you if your spouse rejects you (especially most of the time) the relationship is over
@@ibrahimbaghdadi2187 He's saying for some, men may go to other men because they understand the importance of intimacy and for some women going towards women because they can have a better understanding of non sexual relationships. Basically more understanding of their partners than in a heterosexual relationship in some cases.
As a female u can tell you if your husband rejected you it's time for divorce. And so I did.
I agree
As a male, you have forfeited your own power to create the change you seek, with love. How sad. Probably the problem what caused the wife to reject you anyway. (Don’t attack the messenger.) Women follow the leader. You probably were forfeiting YOUR role as leader, most likely in ways you don’t even realize. Very sad.
💯
Bettina is a gem! So erudite, open, frank, perceptive, fair to both sides, researched, sensible, and so Australian in idiom. She does such great work in her field. A terrible shame she is ignored by MSM because her agenda is not 100% SJW, lefty, feminist.
She's a national treasure! Her message is so, so important.
Agree.
Thank you Australia for sharing your treasure with the world (greetings from Switzerland) 😀
You’re incredibly articulate, for a dolphin…
@@st6086
I have some friends who are humans. They like to come and swim at my beach and stroke my back. Some just think I'm a dumb fish. A few others and I discuss the psychology of human sexuality. That's how I first heard about Bettina.
This woman makes a lot of sense; too bad there are not more good therapists out there like her
i wouldnt know,could not hear her......
She certainly isnt the ONLY one many female therapists are PRO male (as well as pro female in within a HEALTHY psychological freamework) and who DO see things from the viewpoint of men quite often. I am a professor of cliical psychology and always insisted my graduate students see the point of view of males as well as females.
Many females are highly neurotic and conflicted at best about sex. Their neuroses need treatment...such treatment is the bread and butter of any therapist's practice. Mistaken beliefs and assumptions about how men operate and judmentalism are NOT helpful for women to have for themselves. They miss so much POSITIVITY and pleasure in life if they cannot enjoy themseves sexually.
Sex is a big part of contentment in life ..at any stage of adulthood. Women and men both can be taught how to better please each other with the right guidance...either as a couple or as a single.
It is a capacity for generosity that is necessary for this to take place, and often negative GENERAL attitudes have to be adressed FIRST before working on sexual skill in pleasuring another can happen.
There is no greater joy for most people than loving, caring expression of deep love through sexual pleasure...it is the pinnacle achievement of one's life for those who do achieve it. I say this not only philosophically, but based on my experience as a therapist and trainer of other therapists since 1979 ...as well as a loved woman with a 41 year very happy ( in every way) relationship. Sybil Francis PhD clinical psychologist
If you need a therapist, better to find a different partner in life.
She actually lied about being a psychologist for over 20 years. And has a penchant for supporting peodophiles.
If you do want a reputable therapist look into the work of Esther Perel
My wife right after marriage:
"Stop groping me", so no more groping.
Later she says, "Is all you ever think about is sex?" No, but I think about it a lot.
Then some time after that she came downstairs when I was taking care of myself, She said, "your supposed to come to me for that!"
What come to you and beg?
Exactly what I’m going through right now!
Women hate seeing you happy! Chris Rock does a great skit on this topic
But if she becomes super ok with you doing it yourself you’ll say she’s wrong for that. But obviously you aren’t taking care of her.
Ask her if she minds if you get a girlfriend. If that doesn't change her tune, the relationship is definitely over with.
If a woman asks you, “ is sex all you ever think about?” You should answer, “ only when I’m not getting any”. getting regular sex for a man frees us up to think about and do other things. It is also the fuel that drives us.
Groping is just unskilled touching which has a sexual intent attached. If non-sexual touch (i.e. affection) is not common and touch is only engaged when the male desires sex, it creates a boundary because the woman feels like some repository rather than a sentient being who is being engaged as a matter of connection or being enticed according to what actually seduces her.
Exactly
This
Agreed…. I like the grope but my husband touches and caresses me often without implicit sexual intent. It cements emotional connections.
Yes, so those women should stop marrying. Women primarily marry for investment and security.
Thank you for the word ‘repository’. Much better than ‘c*m bucket’.
You make an agreement to only eat at one restaurant the rest of your life and it's constantly closed.
Excellent Analogy ! 👍 ... only open when they feel like Opening !
And you'll be penalised if you are caught eating at any other restaurant.
This. And then the restaurant is mad when you don't express interest in dining at it because what would be the point?
The service is poor and slow, the menu is dull and never changed and the restaurant hasn't been redecorated in 10 years?
@@andrewhoneywell5244 So true ! You nailed it ! ... and when we finally get served "Leave No Tip" !
Wow, you can just hear the kindness and compassion in her heart. Rarely ever have I heard a woman look outside themselves in the sexual department and try to understand the mans point of view. So very proud of Dr. Arndt for having the courage , heart and wisdom to say these things. I’ve heard millions of sermons, magazine articles, discussions on TV forums for women only , psychiatrists on radio shows talking about women’s physical, mental and emotional needs . And that’s fine but that’s only half the human race, often the men are shrugged off as if they are a mechanical device without a heart , or feelings. Far more concern about dogs and cats and turtles than human males, who are in a free fall physically , mentally, emotionally, economically and educationally in the west. And no one seems to care. Oddly it’s mostly a few women with compassion that seem to even care: Dr.Hellen Smith, Dr.Janice Fiamingo and others are very concerned about the west’s attack on and the destruction of men in the West. All very wise, discerning , and compassionate women. They are not politically or agenda driven , but almost a motherly compassion appears to be the fuel that drives these precious , noble ladies that I have the highest regard for. Thank you , Thank you Mrs. Arndt!!
Books & magazine articles about successful marriage always make mens needs very clear. This is not a surprise to women. Good women who love their husbands & want to have happy families are certainly concerned about their husbands every need.
Women have been ''understanding'' men's POV for millennia whether we wanted to or not. Try being a young girl and having men lie to you in order to get sex, tell you that ''sex isn't love'', discard you afterwards and then wonder why women feel the way they do.
There is a war against men and masculinity.
Women don't even understand themselves. How tf can they understand something as simple and easygoing as a man?
TH-cam is telling me your comment has 4 replies, but it is only displaying 1 of them.
As a woman i have no problem giving and receiving great sex from my man if im in a relationship as long as he reciprocates and we are connected and bonding. Emotional intimacy is key!!!
Yeah, but how LONG are these relationships? The speaker is mostly talking about long term & marriage,
@@DefundTheFringesmine is 20+ years now. I haven’t taken my running shoes off yet but I’m thinking about it. 😂
Ditto!
Long term, committed to me & me alone. That's what I'm talking about. Will certainly go the gambit then. Devoted, connected, yessir!
unicorn
I saw a guy trying to launch a kite. There was wind enough, but every time the kite got into the air -- swish, bonk -- it did a loop and hit the ground. I could see the problem. "You need more tail," I told him, "Yeah," he said, "that's what I told my wife, and she told me to go fly a kite."
😂😅😂 good one!
women get surgeries of all kinds to be pleasing to a man, just for him to cheat on someone younger. Men should consider losing the gluten gut, pay someone to keep you clean and tidy, get whatever surgery keeps you looking 26, just as you expect from women
😁 so funny
The lack of sex in my marriage is what finally ended it. Constantly trying to initiate intimacy and being constantly turned down; feeling unwanted, undesirable and the hurt. I finally left. But what I can't understand is that if so many middle aged women loose their desire for sex than why are so many more middle age women having affairs?
Are they ? Where is that statistic from ?
Because its not they lose their desire for sex full stop, its just they lose their desire for their partner. The hot young lifeguard or bartender or yoga instructor or even just similar aged co-worker at work who is new and interesting, they have desire for these men.
Because they have emotional affairs first ,coupled with sex in their therms ….witch is all women want .
They also may not be looking for sex. My wife didn’t lose her interest in sex until we got married. Studies shows the top 2 reasons men get married is to have kids and access to sex . Women get married to have kids and to have access to money. Once women are married they have completed their punch list.
I take it she spent your earn money with weekly repetition?
Three men went fishing early Sunday morning. Conversation erupted and fisherman #1 asked #2 what did he have to do? He said I had to promise to do dishes, mop the kitchen. #1said that's nothing, I had to promise to stain the deck..... Time went by and finally they noticed #3 was uncannily quiet. Finally asked him, so what did you have to do to get permission to go fishing today? He said, I woke early, 5 o'clock, nudged her awake and said, should I go fishing or stay and have sex? She said, don't forget the sunscreen......
Funny as hell
Sad as possible.
The hypocrisy is constant neediness and being served not the compassionate required service it basically is
Golf joke rings better
“ golf course or innner course “
This is why men aren't bothering with relationships anymore. Risk is much too high and the rewards are virtually nonexistent.
@Robert Slack And have more money/ freedom
@Robert Slack pathetic & empty is being a mindless, hormonal animal.
@@consciousgentile5141 being celibate and living by yourself beats being celibate and constantly being nagged at.
@@MrAranton 😆😅
@Robert Slack would you call the Pope's life " pathetic and empty?
He is supposedly celibate too
Men should learn to give her body what her body needs. Sometimes that is basking in the blissful safety of your arms, sometimes that is deep relaxation, sometimes that is being held while crying or laughing together, sometimes that is orgasm. Giving -- without always being transactional -- shows you care about what feels good to her, and you care for her body's needs. This is the roadmap back to awakening her feeling of the magnetic love in her heart which draws her to you, and, only then, alighting her desire.
@@singingway star
You are absolutely correct on every point!
What a great comment.
And what about women and what they should learn to give his body what his body needs? Just a thought.
@@donquijotedelamancha3529I think her point is that women are happy to give it freely once certain base requirements are met first. Or at least that’s how it is for me with my husband. It is hard for women to “open up” if their need for emotional safety, respect, and feeling of being cherished is not there. But I also understand that it would be hard for a man to give that if he has been repeatedly rejected. So it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation I suppose.
If you want your husband to cheat on you or leave you, just keep denying him sex but expect him to satisfy all your needs.
Amen, brother! So tragic that women don't get this.
Your supposed to stay in a sexless marriage because "responsibility" and some cheap moral saying 🙄🙄
😮
Yes, men need to be intimate and when the couple can’t connect, men sometimes have to find it elsewhere. It is how they express love.
@@JoeN-ny1xe Divorce him for whatever reason you want. You might as well, because statistics show that very few marriages survive bringing in others.
Her speech was funny and pointed out what the problem was. But no solution was given. It reminds me of my 23 year relationship. I wonder what happened to our love. We have a 21 year old son. But she recently divorced me. He was born out of love. But somewhere along the line she started ignoring me in the bedroom. Everything was too much. It reminded me of the man who was aske...what would you rather have Sex or Christmas? He answered Christmas...at least that is once a year. I should have known something was wrong. It really is painful to be ignored to be rejected everytime. And the final rejection came when she said I do not see a future with you anymore...she has someone else already....like it was planned. Should have brought the issue up years ago. It would have saved both of us a lot of time...
Sorry to say, she is an emotional criminal.
TH-cam is telling me your comment has 1 reply, but when I click it will not display it.
Reading these sorts of stories.....I don't think what the Red Pill community says is wrong.
Men need to at least be aware of hypergamy.
When females say that it's all over or there is no future for us......she has been planning the exit for some time and has a guy or 2 in waiting.
They move on so quickly that a Blue pilled guy is stunned as to how the love of his life could move on after him so fast.
@@HomeAtLast501I've had this same issue with TH-cam replies to comments for months now.
@cf6282 - That was a unbelievable story you told. 23 years together with 1 kid and she wanted out and left. Most women leave and the men are left feeling betrayed 🤬
So so painful to cope with
The lady got it so so spot on
All through the comments are statements of heartbreaking tone - never get married, never again, all women/relationships wind up like this...
I just want to say that no, all women are not. My husband and I have 20 wonderful years of still passionate marriage. We are the happiest married couple I know! The key is that we have always been on the same page in communication and are very connected physically.
Men, please believe that some women are capable of being loving and sexual for the long run. If my husband and I have the fairy tale, so can you!
Women, if you are turning your partner down constantly, then you need to watch this video again and buy the book. I'd bet you're complaining about him and his lack of attention to all your friends. His happiness should be something you consider at least equal to your own. Be what he needs and he will do the same for you!
I wish everyone the happiness that my husband and I have ❤️
You are rare these days!
If my wife did something nice for me, I’d be suspicious.
@@SeekerGoOn2013 thanks I really appreciate that but I wish it wasn’t a rare thing. I do see the sad truth of your statement. I wish there was a way to help people see the truth about relationships and what they contribute to their success and failure. I try to tell women I talk to and I will keep trying to spread the message!
@@voltairedecent255 that comment made me laugh and feel bad for you at the same time!
@@MyBehrmann sadly, I believe that it is this way in most marriages. I ram it through my kids heads that relationships are a two way street. It seems that most women believe that they are the table, and the marriage becomes a oneway street.
Wow. Just stumbled on this gem. Recently engaged after a 16 marriage that ended 15 years ago.
Sex is always wild, fun and abundant in my new relationships, then slowly fizzle a couple years in. I have recently come to realize exactly this woman’s advice on my own.
The man I’m engaged to is so kind, loving, sweet, empathetic, engaging and up for learning and change…the least I can do is rally for a 5-10 minute frolic more often than I want to. I realize we are different beasts with different needs…and if I want all the wonderful things he gives and try’s to give, if he is trying to meet my needs, for the sake of me loving him, I want to do the same. Love isn’t about what you want, it’s about meeting another’s needs in the way they need it. As long as no one is getting hurt.
Just do it.
Amen!!! I take it for the team regularly. He prefers when I’m in the mood but it’s not frequently enough for him. But I love him and what a wonderful partner he is! A husband is an appliance you screw in the bedroom to get the dishes done… my appliance works great! Men are like floors, you lay them well you can walk all over them lol😂😂😂😂
@@seneynah I'm certain that thought process is why MGTOW became a thing and gained traction, as it should.
Men only want peace at home.
If they can't find peace, they'll seek a new home.
"the least I can do is rally for a 5-10 minute frolic more often than I want to. "
Damn! No wonder it´s so hard for me to find a good woman. I´m not satisfied under at least 30 minutes - and she better come to an orgasm, too. I don´t enjoy orgams alone nearly as much as coming together...
@@seneynah awesome wifey material
@@Lalala0714 nice…. I think my husband sometimes isn’t in the mood and just does it for me occasionally…. Do for each other….
I believe that if a couple truly love each other they care enough to please the other when needed.And the act itself should never be one sided. The end goal should be satisfying the other before themselves. Love is not selfish. Nor should sex be. If you get to the point where you're not concerned about your partners needs. You probably don't love them like they deserve
Sex is no different than any other compatibility issue. Either your desires are compatible or they aren't, and if they aren't, then you each just need to find a more compatible partner. But talk about it first, because a partner might voluntarily compromise to save the relationship. And remember that "...there ain't no good guy, there ain't no bad guy, there's only you and me and we just disagree...".
Yay Dave Mason.
@@robinfleet7094 Yeah... from 1977... not sure how many young people have heard it, but a wise message, indeed.
Yer a young one.
The problem is that sex is plentiful early in the relationship but often the sex drive decrease dramatically for the women leaving the man to suffer. “This is not what I signed up for” he thinks. If he’s a good man, he loves her and cares for her and protects her and is kind and thought, but still no sex. Then what? Gotta leave. He shouldn’t suffer in silence for the rest of his life. If he expresses his needs and they aren’t met, who would blame him for wanting a change?
Q: What's the difference between your wife and your job? A: After five years your job will still suck.
LOL. Priceless.
I heard that 25 years ago. Biggest truth I’ve ever lived.
😂
I would rather be single than be expected to suck.
She was absolutely fantastic! And yes, I am going through the same issue with my husband and why is it so hard to talk about sex? It’s so silly but we’re here I definitely will try to make more of an effort to please my husband, he is a wonderful man…But menopause, it knocked me for a loop.
That’s something that is ignored. Menopause is a doozy. That and our testosterone wanes. It’s liking swimming up hill. I wish that my libido was where it used to be but it’s not.
Me too… can I introduce you to Jose Cuervo??? A shot of that and some sexy music in the AirPods if he doesn’t like music… I have a whole playlust… you gotta get creative you don’t just get in the mood without help anymore.
Why worry about if you feel in the mood? A five minute blow job doesn't need you to feel anything. Just start being nice to your husband, this one is not about you.
Same!
This is not about sex. This is brilliant. Anyone who values long term relationships need to know this. And very funny at times.
I'd rather eat chocolate now than bother with women
Tastes better for sure
Chocolate and Cigars bro. It works keeps the peace. And it taste good going down.
I get all my kisses from Hershey now.
@@SeekerGoOn2013 😅😅😅😅😅👍
found the incel
Beautifully presented “ very amusing
Our dog likes to sit at the foot of the bed............. so he can learn how to beg.
Rodney Dangerfield
@@formallyknownasjojoemc3174 You..... Are..... Correct!
😆😆😆😆😆😆
😂
😂
Needs are a two way street. If the woman has to do all/most of the housework, cooking, work full time, take care of the kids, and her emotional and/or physical needs aren't met, then yeah there's no energy or desire there to meet the husbands needs. Both partners need to ask the needs of the other and work to fulfill their needs. It's a two way street, and the many comments on here that are derogatory toward women and blaming them show a total lack of awareness of this fact!
Man here. This is a reasonable comment.
@@mr.andrew6042 yeah i feel like theres certain women who pander to men's points of views esp on YT, though this lady seems wholesome. And it was a real speech not some YT creation.
It's a situation where they want to go to it and Im like why don't we do something else fun and classy. Something romantic, anything. It's like you have no value unless you perform.
Then tell your partner what you need and ask them what they need and encourage each other to speak up as things come to your attention. Even humans who are very close can't always anticipate the needs of their partners because we can't read minds. Communication is the foundation of your emotional and physical relationship. Communication itself lets your partner know that you're interested in your relationship and you want to keep it healthy and you can frame it in that way. It should be a two way communication and interest in the other at all times and helps to feel valued as well.
So agree with you, and also the fact that that the men are no prepared to spend time getting their partner in the mood, yes there are times when you do both feel passionate and that never goes, but.selfish lover will soon leave you uninterested. So men get out there and start reminding yourself how you started and doing what you did then but more importantly show love and caring…not slouching around in a chair why she does everything nd then oh yes its bed..oh not its not, do your share and help shares the chores and share the bed…and love an tenderness goes a long way and if you do not know how, plenty of books and Bettina to show you how…
If you want an interesting take on the difference between how women feel and how men feel, talk to a transgender who is transitioning from female to male, and is on testosterone hormone replacement therapy. I read one in an interview who said basically that she never realized what men were going through and was asking men how they tolerated being so intensely horny all the time. Sounds about right,
Maybe that's the only good things about the trans movement. Women finally beginning to understand men.
@@nnndddzzz1 men transition to female at a ratio of 3 men for every one woman going male.
Tells you all you need to know about the 'patriarchy'.
@@nnndddzzz1
"Women" LOOOL
Marriage: Keep your mouth shut to keep the peace. Solution guys: Don’t get married. You’ll have sex before you get married, but once you sign that license, you’re not a priority. I’ve been putting up with this BS for 35 years. The sex was good before we got married.
Have you told her that if you don’t get it from her you must get it from someone else? Escort etc.?
That's basic Leykis-101.
32 years for me hahaha.
Life sentance.
With a Rebel yell she cried more more more, more cash lol
Married women usually only want sex from the man they're cheating with. I've been with too many married women... it's so much easier than getting with a single woman. I'm disgusted by how common it is for women to cheat on a spouse & I'm trying really hard NOT to keep having sex with married women. It's difficult. Another married one tricked her way into my bed just last week... I pretended to be asleep so "it" didn't happen. They all say that they don't have sex with their husbands anymore, probably a lie... even if it's true, I still don't want to share & don't want to be part of the problem. They either need to go ride their husbands, or divorce, or stop doing it on the side with guys like me & give up sex altogether. I don't want to hear any more excuses... the (adult) kids wouldn't approve ... the house payments... the medical insurance... etc... They only want sex when they know I don't (with them). The minute I change my mind then they don't want it anymore. Modem women have ruined sex for me. I want to go back in time.
@@jackandblaze5956
When I first saw Ashley Madison, I thought it was part of SNL. I couldn't believe it was a real website.
Reminds me of the old saying "Sex is the price women pay for marriage. Marriage is the price men pay for sex." Not as true today with modern morals (lack thereof) but in some ways the gist if it holds true.
What do you mean with modern morals ?
@@chrisbuesnell3428 maybe marriage is no longer a price that men have to pay for sex.
You are a wise wise wise man...
I had way, way, way more sex when I was single. It’s not even close…
Well I only married women who were red hot randy!!! So not an issue😅
This is certainly a multi faceted issue.
In my experience, this is more about INTIMACY than it is about SEX. When each of you got married, you made a vow to take care of each other’s sexual needs/desires. When you choose to ignore their needs, you are breaking that vow. If you think that is acceptable, you are lying to both yourself and to your partner.
Yet you are often surprised when your partner gets those needs met elsewhere, the needs which you actively ignored and viewed as unimportant.
It’s similar to “wreckless driving” you have chosen to “wrecklessly drive”your marriage into the ground.
So many families deeply damaged due to “ lack of maintenance.”
Pay attention, and do your part to maintain.
No you didn't lol Please tell us, where in your vows it said that
Gee, my wedding vows never mentioned promising to satisfy each other sexually.. and I've never heard that at any wedding I've ever attended. 😶
It's complex and depends. Some might and do use this as an excuse to cheat. For others, it could be a warranted issue and complaint. Communication is also a major component.
Hmm, I don't recall vowing to take care of my husband's *sexual* needs/desires in our wedding vows. Strange to include in wedding vows, especially considering it's a public ceremony...
I think you mean well and have a point.
Cant help to say that this reminds me terribbly of the Church's reign up untill about the 60's. Yiikes
If your woman is denying you sex in a marriage. She’s not happy. There’s something deeper going on. As a woman i will tell you that I’m OK with sex any day. You got to have amazing amounts of trust, respect, etc. And you have to spend time with each other. A lot of time if you wanna have a lot of sex..
I tried to tell my partner what I would like. His response was Nobody's ever said that to me before - as if obviously I was wrong. AND since I just told him - I must be NOBODY.
Sorry you had to go through that
Mine has said that, but in an impressed way. He finds it amazing that I can communicate about sex without any ounce of shame.
I find it incredibly sad that many women I know are at best ambivalent about sex, at worst loathe it. This is changing - girls are being taught that sex is for them too and not a bargaining tool in a relationship. Women do need affection, kissing, arousal...if this doesn't rouse your woman then consider why you want to remain in a relationship.
I think it’s a myth that women want foreplay more than men, it’s one of the things we miss the most! Women hold back on that, too, because they’re afraid they’ll be pressured to continue on to sex.
Sorry, I did all that and I have enough experience with women to get her to climax. But after the second baby she felt different about her body and the constant stress with working full time too pretty much devastated her drive. I gave her YEARS of patience and time, always providing intimacy, being a loving and supportive partner both with kids and her career. Oh and I have all the sixes and am approached by women regularly (still faithful, painfully). Just doesn’t work as well with my wife for some reason. Personally I think women are built differently, they could have the best thing and still become bored and lose interest. It got a bit better after intensive talks but it’s not anywhere near where we were before marriage and kids. I still think she’s gorgeous and love her but it’s killing me inside being like this.
@@christoph3187 It's the double axis of their attraction. You are a good man so you are friendzoned. You are her Pokémon in the ball. More than likely she's sleeping with someone at work or something, that rates high on her bad boy axis.
@@jedahn I found overly friendly chat messages with one of her coworkers and know she was meeting him and her superior in work related but casual after work sessions as well as on business trips. Both don´t look as good as me and are married themselves with kids at least the coworker. Besides that nothing anywhere. I honestly think she just doesn´t feel it like me but me even writing this shows how much trust has been damaged.
Turn up the volume!
Exactly. Someone is paying no attention to what normal audio levels are/should be. To hear anything, you have to max your volume settings.
@@WildBikerBill Even then............
Yes so quiet hard to hear almost gave up
WANNA TO TALK ABOUT SEX ?!?!
I told my wife that if she could learn how to cook, I could fire the chef.
She told me that if I could just learn how to make love, she could fire the chauffeur.
🤣🤣
@Ismael Barrera Life is good!
@Ismael Barrera My wife told me that we could talk about sex all I wanted to after we got married.
So, I married her and now she says, you cant TALK about it all you want. She said, don't worry, whenever you wanna have sex, just let me know and I'll leave the room to give you some privacy.
@@im1who84u damn 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Where is the discussion on what sex means to women? When the relationship feels emotionally disconnected, having sex feels like prostituting yourself. When a woman feels seen and loved she wants to connect. When she feels unseen and unloved she wants nothing to do with sex.
Like Brettina said, communicate and just fake it. Or else sh-t happens, words to that effect
I’ve heard 10,000 sermons and seminars on the question you just asked about women and their needs. If seen this addressed thousands of times on shows like Oprah, Ellen, the View, the 1990’s show Woman to Woman , countless movies snd series deal with women’s emotional and sexual news. I used to go to books a million and look at the hundreds of magazines devoted to women and their physical, economic, mental , emotional, hobbies on and and on. Maybe one or two the approached men’s issues. Men are dying on the vine as this subject is way way over due. If men collapse the women will too. It’s a cooperation not a war. I’m speaking in general here I have no offers what your personal situation is. Men are in decline in health, economy, mentally, educationally in virtually every area . And Nono e seems to care. If this trend is not halted it is the end of our society
When the relationship feels sexually disconnected, going to work feels like he's enslaving himself. When a man feels sexually seen and loved, he wants to emotionally connect. When he feels sexually unaccepted, he want's nothing to do with emotional connection.
There's an inversion of desire between men and women when it comes to whether emotional intimacy or sexual intimacy comes first. Women are more sexually vulnerable than emotionally vulnerable. Men are more emotionally vulnerable than sexually vulnerable.
The discussion on what best suits women, emotionally and sexually, is and has been everywhere for decades. And the politicized aspects of the focus have involved the widespread denigration of male sexuality. The female-centric narrative of sex in a relationship, which says "deep emotional connection first, and sex at the very end... if even that," combined with the sexual shame that men are made to have in our culture, is a major cause of serious misunderstandings between partners.
The solution is obviously to talk more about the other side of the equation - exactly what Bettina is doing. It's rather disingenuous that instead of acknowledging the symmetries and asymmetries between men and women that Bettina is revealing, you instead complain about the fact that she's primarily discussing men's needs.
@@AnitaBJay very well said!
@@AnitaBJay Women are culturally *saturated* with the demands of men’s sexual “needs” 24/7. The “sexual shame” of *men?* What planet are you from? If sexuality wasn’t *socially* constructed, why did Ancient Egypt promote marriages between biological siblings? Taboo is a powerful cultural force. I just don’t understand why she makes excuses for male domination the way she does. And how about Ancient Greece with the male preference for homosexual relations between men? Why don’t people recognize the power of culture?
As an older dude said to me recently, "There's no point in me taking Viagra. It'd just give me a tool I'd have to use, and there's no use for it at home. Since I'm not trying to get annihilated in divorce court, I think I'll just leave bad enough alone, yeah?"
Very funny. Love it! that is why Viagra sales are down and the divorce rate is up.
Up your testosterone and N1O1 or you'll end up a eunich, practically speaking.
If women were told no as often when they wanted to talk or to snuggle we would hear about it.
@mike a ive done this before many times. drives them INSANE lol. people in glass houses hey?
@mike a I wish I could like your comment more than once.
@@welshie2007 is he dead?
@@welshie2007 And what is the downside ? 😉
@@welshie2007 he's dead🙂
I have a healthy labido,but due to my exhusbands being cruel and abusive i just get turned off! Many men say and do things that turn women off .they don’t realize what they are costing themselves and their relationship
Or...women are more willing to destroy a relationship than men are.
Yes if he was just yelling and calling you names, it kind of flattens the mood.
Libido
"Cruel and abusive" how comes nothing is ever the woman's fault
@@Martin-bj8eq Past experience w/an ex turns off for future partners???
So refreshing that someone knows my pain. Thank you
If women only knew the
power and potential reward that comes through loving their man and sexually satisfying him, they should think differently. A sexless marriage is not a marriage, in my opinion...
Some women are just selfish. Having said that, the man needs to know how to be sexually attractive and satisfying to his partner..
Absolutely hilarious speech- the best way to get a serious issue in the open. Bravo madam!
I am a 47 year old female. I have been single for 15 years because I just dont have a sex drive. I decided many years ago that it was unfair to pair with someone knowing this about myself. Its pretty lonely sometimes.
Go get your hormone levels checked!! Changed my mid-life completely around for the better:)
You're completely normal. That's why English mothers used to tell their daughters, "Close your eyes & think of England" (ie, it's okay to make a sacrifice for the good of others.). Plus... if this speaker's canoodling theory is correct, it may be no sacrifice after the boat pushes offshore. But you may prefer loneliness, and it's ok to choose that sacrifice.
You should connect with my husband. He has no sex drive, just wants to cuddle! There is someone out there for you!
Crazy… it is a gift from God
@@SaanichtonMinistries for you maybe.
Arndt is an entertaining speaker and her advice is good, as far as it goes. She ignores several things. First, because men have 20 times more testosterone than women, sex is far more important to them than to a woman -- a fact few women truly appreciate since it is alien to their own experience. It's like trying to explain classical music to someone who is tone deaf. Second, whereas nearly all men achieve orgasm readily, the female orgasm is still a work in evolutionary progress: some women achieve orgasm easily, some only with specific types of stimulation, and some rarely if ever. And with the commencement of menopause, it gets even more complicated as women lose testosterone and have more variable responses to sex. Third, sex for men is largely physical and separate from the emotion of love; it is best when you love your partner, but quite satisfactory for them with a willing stranger. The converse is true for women: closeness, love and trust enhance and are often vital for the orgasmic response. Men have difficulty appreciating how important that emotional connection is for women.
The solution to bridging the sexual differences is caring. If there is reciprocal caring and a basic understanding of the opposite sex, couples will figure out a way to have satisfactory sex, which is vital to the emotional bond between men and women. If the caring isn't there, no amount of sexual therapy or medication is going to compensate for it.
Finally, citing Helen Fisher as an authority on male-female relationships is misguided. Fisher's degree is in anthropology; she abandoned that field to write popular books on dating , which requires no credentials whatsoever. If she has done relevant research, it should be cited. But in my view, there are better authorities that should be cited instead.
Bang on!
If closeness love and trust are necessary for women to want sex then why would any woman ever...ever reject a caring father to their children, good husband who is fit and desirable, in order to have an affair with another woman's husband?
Too much doesn't line up.
understanding by communication- especially listening- your comments,so clearly put thanks for your input
I must be a man then… I used to get spontaneous “erections” and demand sex from my husband or date… heck I even had wet dreams waking up climaxing.. but that is slowly going away as menopause approaches. Not all women are the same. But I recommend a high drive woman if sex is a big deal to you. My husbands first wife was hot as a playmate but had little interest in sex. He learned a huge lesson! I don’t have the perfect ass or tiny waist but until recently had the libido of a 18 year old boy… we’ve been married 3x longer than his first marriage.
I listen to this and I hear so much laughter from Woman. It makes my skin crawl. I suggest that they know everything that was said, but dont give a crap.
I think you just assume that the women open-minded enough to turn up to this event, do give a crap
As a woman watching this I felt the same way, basically laughing at others pain/rejection because it is tied to sex. Is it because it's ingrained as a joke in our culture so often that it's just a reflex and they weren't being critical about it? The speaker seems to care but also does nothing but suggest women add sex to their to-do list. This is just so uninspired.
@@photenttriggered hey?
Well if you knew how much she had to push back against the feminazis and all the grief she got you would realise how much she cares.
No, women and girls vent inner tensions through laughing, more than men do. And if there is a kernel of truth in it, that makes a joke funny. They get caught here. (Btw I am a woman...)
Thank you so much for your entertaining and very informative talk. In these times when we can’t always find the right balance between caring for ourselves and caring for our partner, thank you for reminding us of the Bible line that simply says ‘ love one and other’… 💝
Dear Men & my fellow brethren! I have been married for over 18 years now. (I got married at a fairly young age). Needless to say, if I had the time machine, I would never get married. Here are my two cents...
A) If you are single, stay single.
B) If you are married (and in a pathetic, sexless relationship) then don't underestimate the power of your hand (AKA masturbation.)
C) If you are married (and in a pathetic, sexless relationship) then let your work and hobbies take precendee over your marital life.
D) Read the chapter on sexual transmutation by Napoleon Hill.
Frustrated, I resorted to B in the beginning. However, I implemented D and have been practicing C. I have never felt happier and content in my life.
Note: I don't condone divorce(odds are against you, childhood custody) extramarital affairs (you could end up raising someone else's child or get wrongly accused of rape)
I have a different perspective than you do. My suggestion to any man who gets married is to wait at least 2 years before having children. Women in the Western countries lose interest in sex with in a year or two. If the sex drops off and does not meet your expectations you tell her either it changes or the marriage is over. Any man who tolerated an unhealthy sex life and allows it to go unchecked, deserves what he gets. I was married, and she tried that on me so I got out. Women will test the man to see what she can get away with. If he does not meet the challenges early then she loses respect for him and will walk all over him.
Nonsense, most custody if automatically 50/50, only 11% of women get alimony and only for a short time.
@GBU61 yes beta and simp Males and my friend got to sleep on the couch while the girlfriend's kids sleep in the bedrooms!!!!!
This is felt.
Just get a mistress. So many men do this or pay an escort. Wow your hand.. Men also want affection too..
As a middle-aged man who's never married I've heard and seen too many horror stories of sexless, unhappy marriages to even consider marriage seriously. I'll stay single, thanks.
Marriage is a shit deal-if a woman I'm seeing shows any sign of withholding sex she is gone & replaced very quickly...
Wise man.
Marry a Filipina.
This is actually not bad advice. A good filipina woman, generally speaking, takes the sexual needs of her husband more seriously than western women, in my experience.
And perhaps they value being "wanted/desired" more as well, so to them, engaging in sexual intimacy, even if not in some ideal mood, is part of taking care of you.
@@ForgotMyOrangeOr you can choose to work on your attitude to be part of a relationship with mutual interest. Otherwise, sex slaves will do what described in this comment more effectively.
My guess is women have had to feel unsafe for about ehm.. 500 years? (More?) I am no historian btw. But there is ofcourse a reason behind Feminism, womens rights and needs. About 80 percent have experienced one way or another sexual violence, or unwanted pregnancy. The mindset of a woman must be naturally different and careful. I hope more men nowadays will speak with their partner to bridge that gap, which is so important that both feel loved and desired. ✌🏽💛
💯🎯
🎉 thank you!
@@slimshany4602 Wow! Thank you again!!🤣 Im just so happy to read that you acknowledge that we have had to fight for a long time to have the same rights and is still not there!!💙💙💙💙
Men are so sexually needy but they don't stop to think what it might feel like from the opposite side... seeing that godawful looking body part come at you. Eeeuw. Any man reading this... imagine another man's genitals coming at you as though you are some kind of toilet for their physiological needs. Would you be interested? Keen? Really??? or perhaps disinterested at best and kinda just grossed out at worst?
So join the club. I'll tell you, the only time it makes "sense" is when a woman is feeling very sexually hot. Which is just not all tne time. Not even often. And remember that sexual desire in women sorta tanks after menopause. That's life. Tough.
Sorry to break it to you but your sexual neediness is your own problem, your own egoic nature, your own alternative for actual emotional intelligence. God gave you hands to relieve yourself. So use them.
Nobody "owes" you anything. Make yourself happy... find your true purpose in life. Find meaning and purpose. Everyone has to find their happiness without blaming someone else or making it conditional upon what others do "for me", they "owe me". Nobody else is responsible for your happiness but you! Nobody else needs to "give you what you want". They have to similarly tend to their own happiness. Awaken more to your spiritual self... you'll find far more rewarding and fulfilling experiences there.
And youll realise that this constant hankering after sex is a poor substitute for developing your emotional and spiritual intelligence. Actually, thats what women like... is both of those things. Have you never wondered why it is that woman tend to love hanging out with gay men? Because they can relate to them! Duh. They have so much more emotional and spiritual intelligence. They can listen and hold a meaningful conversation. And the connection a woman can feel with a man with those qualities could be a turn on because there's a real connection. Ask not what your woman can do for you. Ask what you can do for yourself and let her be true to herself. And seriously, grow up.
thank you!
Why have I never seen this before. SO important!
Because no ones cares about how men feel. They never have.
@@jimihendrix1575 Dude, take a look at the comments here. You think MEN are shy about their feelings? It just turns out they often have HORRIBLE feelings. Just look at all these one sided comments that place blame squarely on a woman they fucking MARRIED. Thats just fucked up. If you marry somebody who doesn't enjoy sex thats on them, or on marrying somebody who was lying to them but they didn't notice. Or they figured that satisfying whatever sexual request they have was going to be a lifelong ambition for them.
But then there was a youtube about child rearing and all the americans posting were saying "we're just all unhappy". Thats something else entirely.
@@mikearchibald744 People shouldn't get married then if they have different expectations. I've noticed women and men both have different expectations of what marriage is and what it should be like. Yet no one wants to make compromises for one another.
With erectile dysfunction being such a widespread problem, makes me wonder how much of the issue is actually related to the constant rejection leading to your body no longer bothering getting it up to start with and then eventually it can’t.
Well I assure you my mate and I had wonderful sex all 41 years we were together. I adored him every minute. He did at 70 start to have ED issues but Viagra took care of it til the last few mos of his life. What really bothered him was that near the end when he still COULD function he had become numb...I am quite sure this was related to nerve insensitivity from less blood flow....it only happened once about a month before he died and in a week he began the illness that ended his life so we never had sex again. He was very very upset....sex was very important to both of us. We were so lucky to have had the beautiful l8fe we had together. After he died I FIRST felt overwhelming gratitude...the pain came later after the shock of his death wore off.
I read that 90 percent of Viagra users only needed the drug psychologically and asked and older co worker why this might be.
He said it's like a dog being told no, no, no to peeing inside and then suddenly saying it's ok now, go for it and being surprised they can't.
As a younger man I always wondered how these embittered men were created, now I definitely see why we get super into our hobbies - we think if you're not keen, I'm not chasing it anymore.
One problem for me has been the feeling of always having to say yes to sex whenever my girlfriend craved sex. It created some performance anxiety issues as I was usually doing it for her sake. I have a strong sex drive, but I desperately needed the emotional bonding after sex when she was relaxed having her orgasm and much more available to listen to me.
I think you're vastly over-playing the extent of erectile dysfunction
Congratulations, you nailed it. It’s not even a question at this point.
Bettina is fabulous but needs imo to talk about attachment style (dismissive avoidant; fearful; healthy; and anxious) and how that emotional orientation effects sex drive and expression.
Absolutely. I think I have a high sex drive because I have an anxious attachment style so it’s my way of keeping close.
Yeah, she's missing a lot by focusing on only one set of married couples.
MGTOW. The connection gets lost. I hate being married & have given up. It sucks being married, & it’s easier to stop caring.
Amen brother.
Cut off 12 years ago. I stopped asking years ago. My advice, if u like sex, don't feed her the wedding cake. It's poisoned.
@@robertherring3341 Buddy, you're going about it the wrong way. Your first mistake is asking over and over again. Begging makes her hate you because you're giving up your dignity as a man. Your second mistake is acting like a normal and dutiful husband when she doesn't give you sex. It sends her the message that there are no consequences for her behavior. When she gets upset that you're not being as dutiful as you usually are, don't fight with her. Act like you don't give a fuck. Work out and get in shape. If all else fails, GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE. She doesn't love you.
Amen
Holidaying in Asia simplifies life so much easier and practical, just resist bringing one back with you.
This was just as depressing as I thought it was.
This is helping me understand why I'm angry at my husband.
Thank you!
Sadly many women do not marry who they truly desire. They marry for his income or potential income and resources.
Great point.
My mother told me that , and I never got married .
Like the old saying goes, for women, it just as easy to love a rich man as it is a poor one. The corollary for a man is the definition of Love consists of overestimating the difference between two women
I would agree. Traditionally, women were told to marry a man who loves her more. Or women are encouraged to let a man “grow on them” or to give a guy they aren’t attracted to “a chance.” No man is ever given such advice. And discourage women to “chase” a man. I believe relationships are better when the woman recognizes her interest in a man and pursues that. Not necessarily chase them but this playing hard-to-get and make a man chase you advice that a lot of women hear is terrible. Of course, there’s more to a relationship than sex but it is an important component. It’s all about balance. I also think a standing date to connect physically weekly at the very least is important, especially couples who are busy with work and other responsibilities.
@@ktkole4017 but that’s what makes men interested in a woman, when she’s not in his bed on the first date, that’s Mather Nature made a men this way, they, in fact, do like to chase a woman. I know someone who used to be with hundreds and hundreds of women (he’s pretty old now) and women adore him, but ones he said he married his wife cause she wasn’t as available as others. So you see, it’s proven again and again men like to chase.
I caught a peeping tom outside of our bedroom window last week.
He was pointing and laughing.
I really connect with this. I am suffering a sexless marriage.
I feel like a begger in bed.
I don't want to leave her just for sex.
It's not just sex for men ,just like for women emotional connect is everything sex is for men
@@dhananjaypadwal4302 True
I can connect with this too
Seems to be "menopausal issues '
I think they should hire a professional lady every now and again just to take care of that need
Just for sex? What is the difference between a marriage and any other relationship if you remove sex? In my opinion, if she doesn't want to have sex with me she is no longer my "wife" and just a roommate with stickier legal ties, especially if there are no children.
@@RRaiderI agree. Just a friendly roommate.
I thought you might get a kick out of this, since I happen to run into your program by accident on TH-cam. I live in the USA and it one time lived in Southern California. I was a juvenile delinquent living in the Midwest and my family sent me to California to live with an older brother in Los Angeles. My older brother had a roommate named Bob. Bob is no longer with us. Bob was Dutch Indonesian and in his early forties at the time and this man had more sex drive in his early forties than any teenager I have ever known. He had been married to a woman that was as the rock and roll song goes oh, she was cold as ice. He was having an affair with a woman close to his age and her husband was somewhat a sort of milk toast and not interested in sex and I believe she was a nymphomaniac as far as I could tell. Physically, they were the perfect couple. But there were only certain times they could get together and sometimes Bob would sit on the couch with his feet up on the couch and his knees up in the air crying out the following with his unique Dutch accent..." I have got to have sex, I have got to have p*ssy
... I have got to have it!" The man was sitting there and I thought he was going to chew his fingernails off! This is no exaggeration. I literally had never seen anything like it. And I was 18 years old and if anyone could understand it I should be able to? He wanted to hire a prostitute but this particular woman only worked with her partner. He was begging me to go along with the deal. I resisted. He said, I will pay for it! He kept hounding me come but the thought of it was repulsive to me, to have sex with a woman just for money? Well, I finally gave in because I couldn't get away from him harping on me. It was one of the single most repulsive experiences of my life. And I ended up with the gift that keeps on giving! I am allergic to penicillin so I had to go to the Hollywood free clinic can get a special treatment it would take several days and you had to take gallons of water with the product. And every time I would urinate it felt like acid coming out of me! I wanted to do bad things to this woman! Bob just laughed it off and thought it was funny. He would tell me stories about his wife laying there and just turning over and going to sleep and he had the most miserable marriage that a man could possibly have and she could care less! I thought you would appreciate the story.
Yikes! I remember a guy who used to talk like that, but he was a catholic and masturbation was a sin and so he said if he's going to have to confess to a priest then it might as well be for the full deal!
Almost no audio volume.
Fantastic advice about an extremely serious issue presented with humor. Thank you, Bettina Arndt.
What a Great Lady, Bettina is. No 'blaming', all empathy. No, not all. She has humour. No feminist awfulness.
If men are listening, here’s the best thing to hear with regards to you getting more: “She comes first”. You’re welcome 😉😄
That comes off as entitlement, not communication. But I think this conversation is mostly about marriage and boredom.
Not always true.
Selfish.
@@rexwave4624 I'm suggesting, that if a man brings a woman to climax, before actual intercourse, he's much more likely to get what he wants as well. If a man doesn't know how to bring his partner to climax, well, then, that's a whole other story...
Not selfish at all, read above reply to @rexwave4624
A great sex life doesn't start in the bedroom - that is where people make there mistake - it starts at the beginning of each day - it starts with how much respect you show each other, when you show him or her how much value they have, by doing little things throughout the day for one another, putting them first, letting them know that what they think & feel matters.
Women get lost in the day-to-day life of taking care of family, home and husband. They need to know they are deeply loved for the wonderful person they are and that affirmation comes from their spouse- no one else.
When you act like sex is a right and she "owes" you - you will lose her every time.
Ummmm it is a RIGJT when you get married. Even the Bible says to not withhold sex from each other. If it is not a mutual "right" then are you fine with home finding sex elsewhere?
Fine, if the denial of sex is preceded by a lack of affection and respect. But you know damn well it doesn't go that way.
"If a owner is not feeding the dog , the dog will look for food in other places "
Sure, but who wants a dog...
Get after it … woof!
Try being a wolf. Until she lives stay. Don't buy into the narrative of men are dogs. Find better analogies. Get your brain to work if you can get time from other things.
Comparing men to dogs? Gee no wonder women dont marry up these days!
“...the grope.” Pretty much all we’ve got left.
yup
@mikem6176 men dont take much interest in learning about womens bodies and how to please them. You can try and try to teach them to please you but most cannot get it and Women don't demand that men learn what makes them excited. And groping is never delicate they are like a bear trying to get honey out of a tree stump. Pawing and clawing at delicate parts hurts. Most are like cavemen. Women need to not be shy about showing a man what to do. They usually just give up.
00:19 🛌 The discussion revolves around the correlation between sex and happiness.
03:37 📉 A significant number of women report low desire in relationships, impacting couples' dynamics.
07:00 🔄 Women may enjoy sex even without initial desire if they initiate it as an effort for connection.
10:18 🚫 Addressing rejection in relationships, both partners should consider its impact on their connection.
12:00 🌍 Historical context: Women's right to say no in relationships evolved from critical societal changes.
16:00 🔄 Aging and health impact sexual dynamics, requiring couples to adapt and communicate effectively.
'The grope' do they understand how demeaning it feels when the husband realises that the wife feels that way about his plea for affection? They really know how to break a man.
Ask any woman - Sex and love are the exact same thing.
If she doesn't want to have sex with you, it means she doesn't love you.
If a couple is "making love" and not just "having sex" the terms should be words like "caress" "touch" "massage". If a woman is interpreting the man's actions as a "grope" it sounds like their relationship is not a loving relationship. Intimacy requires physical stimulation for both partners, otherwise, you are not making love. The man's goal, who really loves his wife, is to express how precious she is to him. She is more valuable than fine gold, she is more beautiful than precious gems. Marriage requires two: loving each other, forgiving each other, helping each other, serving each other, relying on each other...
@@MichaelJohnson-lx2dl Exactly. Grope sounds too much like Rape in this context. Basically Grope is Rape without any proof required. Guilty in the court of social justice.
No wife should put her husband in this position.
At the very first sign, go to couples therapy. Second sign, end it. It’s the death of a mutual soul to continue.
@@MichaelJohnson-lx2dl Thank you! Finally!!! a comment from someone who is actually concerned more about mutual affection and pleasure for *both* partners!
There's far too many comments on here from men who clearly believe in the act of sexual penetration as an entitlement in a relationship.
It's about love, people! And that is NOT the same as sex for women. Love and affection and caring and talking come first. If you're in a LTR or marriage and you're STILL using a fumble or grope to initiate an intimate encounter, grow up, have the courage to TALK honestly with your partner about what *she* wants!
From the background level of the vocal register, it sounds like it's only the women laughing at this. I didn't.
This was therapeutic. All the time I put myself down to cope with the rejection in relationship, I feel gears for now.
I thought something is wrong with me.
It’s not you, mate. Evolution has turned us men into baby-making machines. If a woman can’t handle that, she should not seek a husband. It is who we are.
Shes saying that it's about connection but that plays more into intimacy and men aren't interested in non sexual intimacy. That's the issue. Men say it's not just about sex but if sex was off the table so would the relationship.
True
True. Men aren't interested in friendships with women, and ignore women they find unattractive.
If men understood affectionate touching they'd get a lot more sexual touching You can tell a man that a thousand times, but it doesn't compute.
You are completely right. Women respond to warmth, caring, intimacy, . . not groping.
...and boys are not even allowed their feelings as children, in many cases. Not allowed softness and cuddles and tears:(
So they grow up literally not knowing how to help the women in their lives.
The reverse could be true also. Women are not allowed to have any sort of sexuality. Then suddenly they are married and it's all okay(?)
It’s not a battle ground it’s about give and take. If a woman feels appreciated, loved and her emotional needs met , well she will give forever. The problem is women are working outside the home and still left with 100% of the house work and child care. So that creepy hand coming over when your exhausted and don’t feel loved or appreciated & it just feels mechanical sex with no love it just makes you feel used. Where has romance gone. To say my ex who is an ex for many good reasons could have sex even in the middle of his violent outbursts. Had I felt loved and not hated and treated like a slave I too would have had sexual desire. I still have sexual desire now into my 5th decade and the only thing I need to feel sexual is I need to feel the other person loves me and not just looking to have a quick shag. People that play to extremist feminists and extremist mgtow do more damage to the normalcy of human relationships than good. Open the lines of communication instead and tell the other person what you need and find out what the issues are. It’s not that complicated or that black and white. Women on the oral contraceptive pill may have low sex drive it’s a isted side effect. You need to meet a womans need to be emotional loved, and not just leave her to to everything while you both work. You sit back let her sort the kids, homework, school lunch who’s minding then tomorrow while you both work, all the house work cook you dinner wash up, get the kids to bed . Then arrive up to bed at 3/4 am and think your going to have a woman full of life desiring a good bang when they have to get up at 6 to start the work day all over again is simply unrealistic. The problem feminism brought is women go to work and keep their job once married with kids and pay their way yet they still get to do 100% of all the house work and organizing the kids. There needs to be more give and take and most of all proper civilized communication & trust in relationships. Feminists ran away with themselves looking to keep women working yet did nothing to say if both are working both need to help keep the house and kids running. It’s exhausting to do it all and leaves you with nothing left to give. It’s bullshit saying women don’t crave sexual desire as it’s simply not true, it maybe different to a mans needs because they are more emotional. Just make your girlfriend, partner, wife feel appreciated and help out ( I’m not taking about buying her stuff it’s physically helping with the house and kids and giving her your time) trust me she will be back having sex with you in no time.I was never lonelier than the 22yrs I was married. I never went out other than work yet he kept all his hobbies and was never home from work at a decent hour. He went out with is friends every weekend coming home the next morning in time for me to leave for work if I was lucky. I never got to do anything even get my hair done because he took all the time for himself while I worked, minded the kids did the housework, food shopping, gardening and maintenance. This woman glorifies every man and condemns every woman and that isn’t always the way and while I know some women are also to blame it quite simply isn’t always they way she is describing. She sounds like she is describing a housewife from the 1950s who’s only job was to take care of the family and the home. I earned more than my husband and it was my house I bought before I met him. So think the guy is your great provider and all women should submit and meet their husbands sexual desire because somehow they don’t have any desire is nuts. Of course they have sexual desire and needs too. The reason there is no sex from one side or the other is because somewhere in the relationship the other person doesn’t feel they are appreciated be that the man or the woman. Getting to the bottom of that will make any relationship that is salvageable perfect. No one should stay in any relationship that they are miserable in.
Excellent!!! Thank you so much! These comments are leaving out completely any analysis into the 'why'. Crazy, how immature some relationships still are. MANY women love and need sex just as much! It's just what comes before it (everyday life and foreplay too) paves the way.
It helps if the man is good in bed & knows what he is doing also. No woman wants to lay there and be humped during the 5 minutes it takes for him initiate, ejaculate and than roll over and fall asleep. If he can't put some effort into the whole process forget about it.
Well said. Especially the last paragraph.
Another woman wrote something similar and a male comment was 'yawn'. See the problem?
The boys will never get it.
Well said!!..I have read most of the comments on here..by mostly males...not many ladies on here defending themselves..but I think most women are sexual creatures..which needs the emmotional connection along with the physical..they need to feel appreciated, desired, respected..not taken for granted..they like to be romanced..on and on..we are not robotic sex machines..we need a good connection with out mate...hope this advice helps!!.
Good luck Mr Gorsky - brilliant
11:45 Of course I am not promoting dating or marital rape....... but........ "A woman's right to say no"...... really?
So do men have the same right to say no? No to things like, I am not going to do my part in this marriage but I still expect you to carry your part, I am not going to work anymore, I am not in the mood, I am tired, I have a head-ache so I am not going into work today. I am not paying for your food anymore, you can support yourself. I am not paying to heat or cool this house anymore and you'll just have to live here under those circumstances but I still expect you to do your part and clean the house, wash the clothes, cook the meals somehow while I am not buying any food...... and you'll have to do without the things you want and crave in this marriage because.... I am just not "feeling" it today.
Exactly, #Equality
@Juliana Silva Really Juliana? Do you believe that?
Who hurt you?
Men can either obey or be demonized.
im1who84u
Are you in the wrong comment section or did that same guy delete his comment?
Mike Wallens
Or conquer
Came across this by accident I found it terribly painful I never married due to all these things being so prominent in my parents marriage mum saying he ( meaning my dad) I'd always groping me!! I felt so for them both they were so unhappy for so long told me far too much as regards their problems. I am unwanted child ruined their sex life this is so true too true and too painful for words!!!
Well, I feel empathy for you, so you should be able to find someone to comfort and love you.
Don't think that way, Susan. You shouldn't be shouldering the blame. You were their excuse (or her excuse) not to have sex. Experience has shown me that when a woman really wants to have sex, her kids aren't a factor. Hell, look at off the single moms out there with 4 kids and 4 different baby daddies.
Thank you Susan for showing us another side to this whole saga
You didn’t ruin anything. ❤️
when I was young it mattered, now Im happy to do without, cant even understand why I would
Wow!!! Thank you! So authentic, truly loved this xx
That man who said next time you initiate and it's been 8 years, I totally get it. Same situation. Except that I stopped being anxious, resentful and angry about it and I feel relief. Moved out of the bedroom, best rest I've had, best decision I've made in the marriage. No more begging.
1. Rather than worrying about sex first, it's best to focus on cultivating an affectionate connection between you, as well as being vulnerable enough to talk about this topic openly.
2. We don't question the need to let the cat out or take the dog for a walk. It's their nature. For men, it's natural to want sex. But beyond physical desire, deep satisfaction comes from the intimacy this involves. It does matter who it's with.
Without emotion, the physical desire itself is not more significant than going to the bathroom. And yet if their closest partner keeps the bathroom door locked, what do you expect will happen?
3. Men have been exposed to the idea they need to be sensitive and loving; but conversely, women shouldn't treat sex as an awkward chore. Rather it's up to both to find a way to make it an extension of their affection and attachment.
4. As she says, women and also men can naturally "get into the mood" when their partner needs it, as long as there is sensitivity, connection and communication.
This woman has saved many marriages !
..i would be interested in her “success rate”…as, i find it difficult to imagine ANY woman taking ANY accountability and making a change…
Time is cruel because when women's internal tissues become more fragile (and can therefore take less duration of friction) at the same time it takes men longer to reach completion -- if they even can -- so they take forEVER.
This discussion was brilliant!
Its amazing how even though there are men in the audience, when the lady cracks jokes about how men aren’t getting any, women are laughing hysterically like they could care less about men’s feelings....
And then the speaker jokes about ED and shrivelled up erections being like weeds after being killed with Round Up!!!!!!! Unbelievable!!! And we are supposed to believe she can relate to and feel compassion for men???!!!!!!!
Most men think sex is wham bam thankyou mam. Women want love & affection & whole body love. If men understood that EVERYONE would be much happier
Communication?
That’s way over simplified. If there is never a payoff or it takes more and more to get there, that is is the game that ruins marriage.
More so when your young it changes when you are older
I call BS. The truth is, after some time, a woman will cease to feel like having sex often, and it will be less convenient
, so they will have sex to make the man happy, which turns into "get it over with." And there's you're wham bam thank you ma'am. Little by little. And you change the dynamic of the whole relationship. Congratulations. You've ruined two lives.
Your sermon truly appreciated 11 years later. well done.
As a wise woman once said: He treats me like a princess for twenty three hours and forty five minutes a day. I can do whatever he wants for fifteen minutes.
This is a tough subject. Everyone is so different. My late husband of 24 years refused my advances of sex that included no inhibitions later I found out it was due to prostitutes. Then After a clean bill of health! Fast forward to my boyfriend of 10 years who turns me down EVERY time but his issues are different, it has to be his idea. Lucky are those who find the one in this lifetime who gets them.
My late husband had a pornography addiction, and wow, does that mess everything up!
@@mamamuzicMy ex partner was/is a porn addict and a serial cheater. He seemed to think that affairs enhanced/spiced up a relationship so he didn't believe in monogamy. Yet, he pretended to be faithful and tried to hide his affairs. Obviously, he believed monogamy was unnatural, but only for him. He was addicted to novelty and excitement of new relationships, the variety.
@@iramsavir5631 for some it’s the excitement of getting away with something. Those are the ones when you agree to an open relationship it’s no longer fun for them
That's alot of missed opportunities. Stupid men.
@@mamamuzicsame. Unrealistic expectations of what marriage would be, or even what women are physically capable of. We've got no script, no hairball makeup crew, no lighting, no director... and plain old human sexuality somehow isn't good enough for them. Reality can't compete with their imagination.
This is sooo sad!!!! My heart breaks for couples who lost that passion! No wonder men feel rejected. OMG.... I love Sex with my 💖 ! It's connecting with my soulmate! I think men or at least my man, they like non-vanilla sex. They like excitement and novelty.
I love this lady as a story telling. I think sex is critical for our well being. It has so many healing properties. Have you heard of all the vitamins when men ejaculate? It actually is suppose to help their immune systems and PMS works, moods, etc.
Wow listening to this video, I feel so fortunate my 💖 is soooo passionate!
Thank you for teaching on this subject. It's more that sex. It's deep connection. Great job!
Why bother going into any relationship if this is the inevitable out come?
Oh dahng boi_good point. It is to create children nothing more. Men and woman arnt biologically meant to be together all their lives. Humans have made that up through marriage.
The inevitable outcome is we die. Find someone with care that enjoys your happiness, not your assets.
Because we got sold on some silly romantic idea of love, marriage, children and family. Without some accepted societal or religious influence, it falls apart. Men are simple and are just now waking up.
Taylor Jones is essentially the only woman participating in this discussion. What does that mean?
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Men, be safe!
Glad to hear. A lot of women are violent and abusive and a lot of women have assaulted and murdered their boyfriends and husbands.
Agreed. One of my American exes hit me so hard once that my eye was black and blue for 8 days. HER PARENTS helped me to get joint custody with them of my son.
@@AmericanFlyOnTheWall That's terrible. Sorry to hear that. I'm also happy to hear that you got custody of your son.
why did you place a restraining order on her?
@@lalaspap9986 because she was a chronic physical abuser and the assaults went on far too long. Unfortunately Western culture far too often does not tolerate men standing up against their female abusers... It is the result unfortunately of some stoic nonsense.
Great talk. I've been there. My marriage was sexless. We worked it out. Well worth the effort. Seek counseling. Save your marriage.
How did you fix it? I know it doesn’t magically happen overnight, but what did you find was the root cause?
@@thomaslemon3971 It was about my coming to understand what she needed to allow sex, and about me communicating to her what sex meant to me. That it wasn't just a physical need; that it was about my feeling loved, appreciated, connected. For men, it is an emotional need. There is an evolutionary reason for why we need it. Get counseling to facilitate this project. We needed to have a regular habitual plan for when and where sex happens. We needed to come up with our own choreography for what we do. For us, we meet every Sunday morning. It starts with me giving her a 25 minute backrub. I won't give you the rest of the details. But you need to work out your own plan. We also go on dinner/movie dates.
Yeah, there is no spontanaity. Yeah, it's the same thing every time. But it works.
The big motivation for me is that we have three kids. I wanted us to show them that marriages stick together till death do we part. I knew that divorce hurts kids. And I do love my wife.