How To Be A Successful Step-Parent
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ต.ค. 2019
- What does it take to be a successful step-parent? Is there any real distinction between a real parent's and step-parent's responsibilities to the children? Join me in today's video as I give you helpful tips on how you can foster a great relationship with your stepchild!
00:13 Is there any real difference between a parent and a step-parent?
01:33 "You're not my real parent"
02:37 Primary job of a step-parent
03:42 Set and enforce appropriate limits
04:23 Be a provider of good times and good things
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
WHAT TO WATCH NEXT
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What Is A Step Parent's Role
• What Is A Step Parent'...
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#LiveOnPurpose
#PositiveParenting
As a 12 year step parent, the most important thing is show the kids you're an additional person that loves them, not a replacement of one.
So true. It is building up, not tearing down.
I see, I get it, my job is to love them no matter what even if... as a Step parent.
Thank you!
Peggy Yee, yep, that is the job.
Thank you SO MUCH for this video! When you said we could take the “step” off of parent I literally cried. I love my kids (no “step” required) so much and so much of the advice out there is so discouraging- I’m not as significant, I shouldn’t set/enforce limits, the kids will never love me like a biological parent. You are the ONLY source I’ve found so far that’s acknowledged me. Step parents are constantly battling this narrative, whether it’s from the other house or social/cultural expectations. I really needed this encouragement today. Thank you so much for your channel.
Honored to be on your team. Hang in there.
Being a stepfather is hard! What have worked for me is always focusing on my needs and ensuring I am there for my own first. 1. Be aware of your position (stepfather) 2. Always speak up for yourself and yours 3. Do not pretend to be the child father, you're not! Be the boyfriend/husband first. 3. Learn the mother discipline and enforce it! Never use physical, emotional or verbal but age appropriate discipline ex: taking things away, sending to room. 4. Set appropriate boundaries with the mother around the time the other father is communicating with that child. Ex; Do not allow another man voice/presence in your home past certain times. 5. Never get fooled by the mother or the child who may/Maynor call you dad; you're not their father! 6. The child responsibilities is not yours, let the mother and that father figure it out and help out when you can but do not make it your burden! 7. If you don't feel happy leave the relationship to avoid creating trauma for that child and your self
Well said, Joshua. It is hard work, but can be so helpful in the children's lives when done right.
Thank you Sir for your wonderful videos. I have been watching them for 3 years now. Your advice has been a big help. As a step parent I have much love and respect from all three of my step sons. What's sad is that the other parent absolutely HATES me for having a good relationship with them and is so hateful to em because of it but like you said, I just love em through it as the always positive person in their life who is just here for them. I am blessed to have the relationships I have with our boys and they are turning out to be fantastic young men! Thank you so much
Michael B, I am glad you are focused on what is important. You can't control the other person, just your behavior and it sounds like things are working out for you.
I truly appreciate your wisdom and hard work to give such consistently amazing information. I had a great upbringing from amazing caring older parents but I didn’t understand how great my parents really were until I had my own children and had to make hard decisions with them. Because of that consistent upbringing I think that I almost always instinctively knew what to do or at least where to find help to figure out what to do. My parents treated every child like they were their own. When we got older and they became foster parents, unless you were there when they came you would never have know that they were our biological siblings. When I and my siblings became married and separated by death or circumstances , we all got our different chances to be step parents. It was the same dynamic we had lived as children. There was no separation of love or powers in our home and everyone felt special loved and adored by each parent and sibling. What a beautiful dynamic. It is possible. You must be dedicated to your family. In this day and age of distraction I hope that more people find and listen to the wisdom you and your wife share. You guys are phenomenal and I always appreciate the work you put into always providing great content.
mrsyvonnenlee, what a great tribute and a beautiful blessing for you.
Live On Purpose TV Thank you. I wholeheartedly agree!
Thank you so much for this!!! I feel so much better
I'm so glad!
I struggle with the emotional side as a step parent, everyone sees me as her mum, social work took her from her mum when she was 2 and a half I've raised her and been her main care provider as a stay at home mum since she was 3 I have done everything for her potty trained taught her to read and write took her to nursery and school everyday all her appointments parties spent any money I got on her, home schooled her through lockdown, I'm the one to help her if she's sick, I sing to her every night before bed, I was the only parent at her nursery graduation when my son started calling me mummy so did she, we where so close every day after school she ran out and said Mummy! I love her so much, She is 7 now and her mum is back in her life once a month, she wanted this and I didn't want her to feel like she missed out but she seems emotional detached from me now and her mum told her not to call me mum. It hurts I have 2 sons and she is my only daughter I feel fake saying daughter now which hurts cos I've raised her since before my sons where even born, she said to me your not my real mum and she wished her dad would marry her real mum instead cos she buys her sweets and sleeps next to her at her supervised sleepovers at her grandmother's and she said she has toy's for me at her house and when I live with her one day I can have them in my room. I feel an emotional guard up now and like all my affection is fake cos I'm so heartbroken buy it I try not show it to her I know she is young and she will understand more when she's older how hurtful it is but I'm struggling alot inside. I feel like I've done all the work and her mums just coming along with sweets and false promises and degrading our relationship, I understand her mums feelings of wanting her daughter back and her need to explore that part of her family but I don't want to be tossed aside in the process. Every time she leaves I get upset cos I know she will come back with all these ideas.
Rachael, I can feel how much you love her. Get some help for yourself to navigate this situation. She is being influenced by her mom and that is o.k. You don't want to have a tug-of-war with the mom and end up ripping the child apart. You don't know if her mom will continue to be in her life so let her know you love her no matter what and even if.
I could have used this 22 years ago...
Loren Wegele, no time like the present.
Thank you❤️❤️❤️
You are welcome, Aulani Plumeria.
I have several kids, narc/BPD bio dad chooses to have no contact with me or the kids, been married to my sweetheart (SW) almost a year. Kids lived with bio for a year, now live solely with me and SW. They love SW, already see how much more normal/stable he is than bio. They try to do what we ask, but we are tightening up things that bio let slide (he let them sleep in their clothes, drop food and trash everywhere, just negligent). SW is trying to help me reteach the kids the appropriate limits and skills I had been trying to foster. I love that he's invested and wants to help. Where I am struggling is SW comes to me and asks why so and so left something on the floor/on the table/left a task undone, to which I have no idea because I was in a different room or outside and didn't see the kid do it/not do it, and then I go find the kid and ask them to fix what they did/didn't do. He sometimes will ask the kids directly, but mostly asks me, and I don't know why the kid flubbed it and don't like "being sent" every time to solve it. He does this because I have way more parenting experience, and he'd rather I solve the issue my way. Ok great, but I feel like this is a horrible dynamic bordering on something unhealthy, but I don't know what to replace it with, and it's putting me on edge. Is there a better way?
He may need some more confidence in how to handle the situation. Talk together and see if he is comfortable enough to handle some of these situations on his own. If not, you are the parent and will have to figure this out with his support.
Good words
Anisa Moh, thank you.
How to set limits if in fact you have no control on anything?
You do have control, do they get a door to their room? Do they get access to the car? Do they get wi-fi? Do they get a phone? Have it turned off for a bit. Do they get a ride to the event they want to attend? Brainstorm with someone and you will find yourself figuring out what you have control over.
What about when the father is still involved ?...
Ric Fig, if the biological father is still involved in the children's lives - and there is no abuse of any kind - then it would most likely benefit the children to continue the relationship with him. For ideas on how to co-parent effectively, here are some videos on that:
"Co-parenting Tips For Divorced Parents" - th-cam.com/video/wFIvzGrdQCs/w-d-xo.html
"How To Be A Better Co Parent" - th-cam.com/video/Sq8WiFusCAM/w-d-xo.html
"Co-Parenting With A Controlling Ex" - th-cam.com/video/t_2NWuswJgU/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Hello sir
Hello
😍
Anisa Moh, honored to be on your team.
As Salaamu Alaikum sister
Everyone says your step-kids are you kids, why is that, when the video says they have thier mother. And people say, I want a man or a woman that loves my children like I do. I mean step people can't love those kids like thier real parents do, it's different.. I feel people have the wrong idea.
Most do and that is why it ends badly. Over time, those feelings can develop and a relationship can form, but expecting it from day 1 is really unrealistic.
My partner says I don't love his kids, I probably don't but I do have good feelings for them and want all the good things in life for them. It's difficult when parents put you in the post like that, example: He loves his kids that's real, but his love for me it's different, so why parents spent us to love their kids like they do? I do think the loves are totally different.
Don’t be one
That’s how
KIMBRO JOHNSON, thank you.
This is not true. Step is step because you confuse children. They will grow up and your games will blow up in your face. You are not their parent. Stop playing games with children lives. Your question should be what is your job as a person? You should know your place in life. Don’t be a step parent. Don’t work! Too much drama.
Thank you for watching, ashley.
Don't try and be their parent, or replace their parent. Be a friend at first. When dealing with little kids at least. Leave it up to them if they decide to call you mom or dad.
So true, Denim Lether. Thank you for commenting.
I’ve been a dictator parent for the last 8-9 years, I think it’s time to let off the gas and have some fun with my kids. 🙂
L. Moreno, you got this!
It will be fun.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV how get along with my teen step daughter she doesnt like me but after chat with her mum she told me she doent want her mum get hurt again she sort want her mums get back together she now know that wont happen why after chat with her mum change her feels about me in her mum"s life ??.
How to be a successful step parent? DON'T BE ONE.....
I have heard that before.
Step parent = pretend parent
Thanks for watching.
Honestly these "pretend" parents can be even better than bio parents