How To Deal With A Stubborn Child: 5 Positive Parenting Tips
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- 5 positive parenting tips on how to deal with a stubborn child:
1) Stay calm. As a parent, never allow your child's mood to control yours. Just keep breathing. Children aren't good at regulating their emotions, but you can--since you're an adult.
2) Take note of what you can control. Children normally choose something they could control.
You have control of the things you provide them.
3) Empower what your kids can control. Focus on the choice of your child. It's ok for you to say, "You know what sweetie, that's your choice". Empowering their choice and honoring them also mean there will still be consequences that children can't control.
4) Listen rather than argue with your kids. Children argue because it gives them a false sense of power. Take a listening approach. You can change the dynamic of the conversation. You can do this by saying, "Oh, that's interesting. Tell me more about that." Try it.
5) Be empathic than angry. Let them know that it's also hard on you as a parent.
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Dr. Paul Jenkins
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What If My Child Just Doesn't Care About Consequences - th-cam.com/video/Eu9_EXaVzOo/w-d-xo.html
you probably dont care but does someone know of a way to log back into an Instagram account?
I somehow lost my account password. I love any help you can give me.
I think you need to figure out what are "consequences" for ur kid. Maybe they are consequences for you but not for them. Everyone has a weak point.
1. Stay calm, keep breathing.
2. Remember what you control.
3. Empower what the kids control, honor their choice.
4. Listen.
5. Use empathy rather than anger.
Jake Orlando, great job.
Doesn't always work that way though..
Please help..
I'm the first born. The second-born sister i have is so stubborn. Would cry because she doesn't get what she wants. Ungrateful, and when i say ungrateful, i mean literally. She's ungrateful. Even when my aunts gave her the things she needed, she acts like a spoiled child.
Mind you, I'm 15 and she's 11 who just got her period a few days ago and she's still acting like a child.
She's ridiculous. Sometimes, my thoughts would just go like: "If mom isn't right here, I'm gonna beat the crap out of this bish."
And, fyi, I'm trying to straighten her up because she's ultimately disrespectful and doesn't even respect her elders. She talks like some brat.
I came to this looking for tips for my toddler and this is exactly what my husband does to me. Am I the child? 😭
heather ette, no. What I like to do is identify principles. Those principles can be applied to a wide variety of situations, people, and experiences. Hang in there.
You're probably just stubborn, not the child, haha. But seriously, I hope you consider yourself lucky that your husband puts the thought and effort keeping things positive even when you're being stubborn and try to do the same for him.
Lol
🤣🤣🤣
We all have a little person in all of us.....🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you! This really helps! I have six children, one of which is very stubborn. I have found that hugs really make him feel better. Sometimes when he is disrespectful, I have him go to the garage and cool off. When he is ready to come back in, he has to hug me and say he is sorry. The hug seems to soften his heart. He then will typically open up to me and talk with me about what is truly going on. I tell my kids, everything is negotiable in life. For instance, we must clean the house together, but if they prefer to clean a certain portion of the house, if they want my help with certain parts, if they need to do it at a certain time, we can negotiate these things no problem. I just need to know. I also routinely let my kids know that I cant wait to come home to see them because it is the best part of my day. It is never my goal to fight with them. I want to get along. We are a team. This also seems to help with the stubbornness. Thanks again for all of your help! You always give me pointers that help me so much!
I love the hug idea, it is connecting on a very real level, Krista Hollingsworth. Thanks for sharing.
Please explain giving examples more often. Sometimes I watch the videos but don't know to implement your teachings. Thank you for your channel.
It is tough to give enough examples, so many ages and stages of kids. Consider the Parenting Power-Up. There are 18 modules that take you through teenagers. I will attempt to give more examples, greentree.
Me too because my son really escalates and starts in on blaming and fault-finding. It’s always about how terrible I am when he isn’t getting what he wants. How do you NOT address such callous speech from a child?
@@victoriahill4568 I'd love to offer my 2 cents, and I have a 10 y.o. son and a 6 y.o. nephew that is, no joke or exaggeration, the most stubborn person I've ever met, so obviously I'm an expert, lol! Remember your son's comments are based on him being upset, they're not valid or appropriate judgements about you; hopefully that helps lessen the frustration and hurt they probably cause you. When he says these things, don't let him change the subject, remind him of the issue at hand. And talk to him (when things aren't escalated) about how he is allowed to be upset when he doesn't get his way but there are consequences if he acts or speaks inappropriately. When he's no longer getting a rise out of you and doesn't like the consequences, that should stop pretty quickly.
@@victoriahill4568 If you default to defending yourself with your child, chances are you are defaulting to that negative emotional response in other areas. You need to do some self-inventory and check whether you’re expending your energy constantly protecting yourself or acting on what you truly value. Sounds silly, but I recommend you watch The Croods movies. It’s a perfect picture of what happens to kids when their parent(s) are “never not afraid” vs confidently living out their values. Take some time for YOUR well-being! That’s what the calm breathing and the other steps are really about. You can’t help your son (kid of any age-mine are firecrackers ages 11 down to 5) if you are shaky about handling your own emotions in crunch time. As my husband likes to say: they can smell fear!
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”
Delighted Soul, thank you. We do need to remember that once we become adults we have more control and have a lot to do with our character. It can be improved.
Precisely. Also, it is the parents example of good character that gives them an extra push to improve their own character. When a child sees the benefits of having good character from their parents, they become more motivated to improve themselves. Instead of just telling your child that's its good to be generous, be generous and when they see the joy you experience from that, they will also want to do the same.
I will listen to this over and over again when I feel that I’m starting to lose it
Love this platform. Come back anytime for a refresher.
In fact: how to deal with any person... :)
Yes, septika pedi. I try to identify the principle, but how we apply it can be adapted to all age levels.
Yes!!
The most annoying adults are, in fact, just fully grown babies. Grown ups can choose to become adults, or grow up into a big baby with bigger problems as an adult. It happens when that stubbornness isnt corrected while growing up
At least you can ignore an adult.. You sgouldn't ignore a stubborn child.
My 3-year-old daughter has always had and still has tantrum episodes every single day. It’s humiliating. Bedtime is so stressful EVERY DAY! And this is not the only time she is out of control. I have tried it all; routine, stories, positive reinforcement, games, etc., still, nothing works. We can't figure it out… We would appreciate your input... I'm all ears!!! Thanks!!!
Lydia McFadden I m struggling same with my 20months old boy.he is very stubborn...
Lydia McFadden, have you stuck with a routine, or changed it up trying to find something that works? Just wondering how much the routine is changed? Kids need to know what will happen next. When she gets set off, can you see any triggers? How is she getting calmed down? By herself? Holding her? How verbal is she?
Same here!!!
Offer empathy
It is all about clear rules and a clever game so play it comfortably ❤
I like that. Remember to love them.
My daughter 27 was taken Dec.6 2020 in a car accident her 2 children were with her and survived they are 2 and 3 this happened on the three year olds birthday. It's a year later today . I had 4 children now have 3 . I'm 51. Youngest of my children is 17 .. So it's been along time since I had little ones 24-7. I am very grateful for your videos doing this alone doesn't feel as alone since I found your videos..It has helped me beyond words. Thank you for the work and help you are giving .
Honored to be on your team, sheila.
❤ my condolences and may your and those little ones hearts heal ❤they’re lucky to have you to take care of them ❤
These videos have helped me so much ♥️ I was raised by a narcissistic pastor and I literally have no idea how to empathize with my kids. All I ever heard growing up was basically “Stop feeling that negative stuff; you’re making me look bad.” So....thank you for these videos. Day by day, moment by moment, I’m finding my way through this parenting journey.
Remember, our feelings are never wrong, Grace Tyson. How we act out on those feelings can be wrong. Thank you for being a more positive parent to your children.
❤️❤️❤️ I hope you are ~ and may it go well on your journey
OH MAN, THIS VIDEO IS FOR ME. The one thing that helps the most with my toddler is speaking calmly to him (as calm as I can be) and explaining to him the reasoning behind what I'm telling/asking him to do. The other thing that works is that when he wants to keep saying no when i speak calmly, I raise my intonation (not necesarily my volume) and he gets kind of 'woken up' and accepts what I say. The other thing is that I'm teaching him to count from 1 to 10 when he gets agitated, we do it together and then I ask him if he feels calm :)
Your videos have helped us tremendously, kudos and blessings to you and your work team.
Kids do pick up on our voice and body language, Beatriz Alicia Palacio Jaramillo. Thanks for commenting.
Staying calm and taking a deep breath... instead of reacting. Taking a deep breath can help us manage our emotions and find a better way to deal with them...great video ! :)
So glad you agree, Erika K. This stuff works.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV absolutely ! :) your videos are great!!!
I always fail at staying calm.
Racha G, sorry. I hope with time and more videos you can get on top of this. If you need one on one coaching, go to www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
Same. I'm constantly fighting & arguing with my little girl, when ultimately all I want is for us to get along. She's my little mini me. But I'm not doing anything to help the situation. Thank you for the video
You see all over social media almost every mom is posting, "I have such a perfect baby, toddler, teenager". And it makes you think HOW is everyone else's kids listen and mine doesn't? I can't speak for all but in my case all of my friends' kids are perfect listeners regardless of their age according to their parents. When teachers complained about my child when he was 2-3-4 years old in pre-school, I remember being so upset, because I was told that he is the only kid who doesn't follow the rules or being very stubborn. My best friend has two kids and she is always so calm I was feeling so bad about myself for reacting when my child didn't listen.
Sunny C., social media is not the entire picture. We see the beautiful cake, but not the mess left in the kitchen. No child is perfect, always, (or adult). Some children have a harder time following the rules, but they aren't bad. Calmness does help out children remain calm. You are the perfect parent for your child.
@Emma and Audrey Forever Exactly
Frankly there are different levels of stubbornness in different kids just as there are in grown adults! They get tough, you are learning resilience, compassion, presence, and healthy intimacy right along with them! Stubborn kids from homes where they’re respected and taught basic relationship values statistically make the most successful adults because they push on the right “false boundaries”, conquer lies about who they are, and break glass ceilings. They adventure and take risks and stubbornly value what they were taught to value: spirituality, relationships, and wise use of their energy and time on earth. (Preaching to myself! 😂❤️)
I needed this video so bad. I have three wonderfully stubborn children and all of these steps I failed at lately but boy I needed this. Thank you so much for this video.
Glad you found the video, Daniela Miller. Good luck putting it into practice.
Thanks for the video, I controlled my anger today morning, when my 5 yr old brought 10supplies of soap and water from washroom, to wash his toys, and spread the soapy water all over his room over the wooden floor. You have to see to believe how can a small human can do all that....I was on official concall in other room for 1 hour. I almost yelled, but I got a dry wiping cloth and started wiping, just telling him now your room's floor is spoiled and we might to close this room... He actually joined me in the cleaning effort :)
Sounds like you turned it into a learning experience, he didn't understand. Now he does.
I like “ don’t allow your child’s mood to control you”
It really was a mind shift for me way back when my kids were younger.
Thank you for the tips. Good delivery. I’ll be watching.
Thank you!
Perfect video - and perfect timing with my daughter. 16months - staying calm, breathing, regulate
Thank you, Paul Ave (Dad Mastery). Honored to be on your team.
I just start to follow you today, and I’m really appreciated for all your advice.
Thank you, Ateena Yeung. It is an honor to be on your team! Welcome to the Live On Purpose family.
I am so excited to apply this with my kids! Going to need to rewatch...
Watch away, WatH Mama. Many others add it to their liked videos and watch again to pick up information missed. Honored to be on your team.
i wish being an adult would automatically mean one is always in control of their own emotions. if my little boy cries and complains long enough, i get very upset too. firstly because it stresses me a lot and secondly i get sad when the lil guy is sad too :( sometimes it's hard to say to yourself "this is for the greater good".
but thanks a lot for reminding me. i'll try to better myself!
That is a wonderful wish, RS. Thank you for showing up everyday for your kids.
Thank you for the advices.. I've been so stressed out these past few days because of my sons' stubbornness.. They're 5 and 7. They always fight with everything. 😭 I'm so emotional as i write this comment coz im seriously tired, stressed and super sad with them.. 😭😭
artcher pang-an, I hope you can get some respite time. Is there a babysitter or relative who could give you a break?
There's a little girl our the next door. She's really stubborn and hates ,bullies her todler sister and shouting so hard for everything. But her parents (both 're doctors) never blame or try to change her behavior. Their patience is amazing and I feel sorry about them. Your advice will be a great help for such parents. 🌹🌹
I hope they watch the channel. Kids need two things, love and discipline in the right measures.
Wow!great topic Dr.Paul and thank you for sharing.😊😊😊
My pleasure, Jessica Ilano.
This is super helpful. I try to read or watch something on positive parenting every day. It's a skill like anything else and I need to mindfully put it into practise.
Paige Taillefer, I am glad you have put this as a priority to work on every day. Thanks for being part of our community.
Last March, I stumbled upon this reading guideline *4ChildrenReading. Com* My son and I have already been really serious in performing reading lessons since then. I`m happy to report that he has been able to read several books on his own now. My boy feels very confident and is performing great in Kindergarten this year.?
Thank you! Your videos have completely transformed my home!!!
That is awesome! Slyms Bazile, thanks for sharing.
Great
Thank you very much Dr. Paul,
It is good if you give more examples on each tips. Thanks.
You are welcome, Riyaspvrt. Glad you found the video helpful! Thanks for being here.
Thanks. Very insightful and helpful.
Glad you enjoyed the video, Sirjana Subba. Thank you for watching.
Man I love this Team. Life changing. Love you guys so so much.
We are honored to be on your team, Candace.
Very helpful, thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks man especially about the breathing
You are welcome. It really does help.
Great advice.
Thanks for sharing.
Glad we have the TH-cam forum to do this, Jennifer Dembowski.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV me too!
Thank you so much wise and holy friends!😊
Thank you, Laura, glad we can meet.
I don't know how you always manage to put out videos the same day I need them. I love your channel. Thanks so much Paul!
I have heard that before, Christina D. Sounds like a few other parents have stubborn children.
Yes absolutely Agree Doctor... I myself have tried this in the past and miraculously it worked and it sure does. It's just that we as parents need to be in control of our negative emotions all the time. The moment we lose control of ourselves, we lose it and that's what has happened with me too. So it's a conscious effort and work on our part to be more able to first work on ourselves and take control of the situation. Excellent video as usual. Thanks a ton for sharing it👌👌💖💖
You are welcome, Vimi Maliakel, another reason why self-care is so needed to be our best selves.
Please Explain how did you handle your son, as I have 2.5 years old who is really stubborn
So true about the consequences, because we as parents look forward to a trip with our kids to some fun place, and when they do something and have to face consequeses - the trip has to be canceled, thats the consequence we as parents have to grieve over too, and makes you kinda mad at your kid, because as a responsible parent you have to stick to your words to show an example that when you say something you really mean it, but oh well, you have to do what you have to do…
IXOYE, so true, hopefully it only takes a missed event or two and the child understands.
Thanks for this video - life saver!! What’s rave and rescue?
I think I was referring to another video we did about how we yell at the kid and then rescue them from the consequences. That is the best of what I can remember. BTW, best not to do that.
thank you for all your videos.
You are welcome, thanks for being a part of our parenting community.
I always learn something new with your videos Dr, thank you
So glad we have our TH-cam Community.
Great insights. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
My 9 years old brother has ADHD and he’s so stubborn everything is a battle with him from gave him his medicine to put him to bed You can't imagine the suffering, the stress and the anxiety I'm going through taking care of him and worrying about his future even though I love him so much I wish sometimes he would die it's just an unbearable situation .
Sounds like there might be more than ADHD going on here. Hopefully the adults can come up with another plan.
You continue to amaze me! Wish I had you my head all day!
Wow, thank you! Watch away.
I appreciate this video! Tip 1 is everything! Being able to calm yourself and keep yourself in check as a parent is key. I'm always working hard at this with my five year old boy and even posting about it on my channel has made me even more accountable. I'd love to get your feedback on some of my story.
Oscar Cielos Staton, your channel looks interesting. I can't understand much of it, but the resources look awesome. Thanks!
Live On Purpose TV sorry you missed the vlog on parenting. That part is in English :-)
Thank you, doctor
You are welcome, Siham Basi. Thanks.
Thanks
Peter Joe, our pleasure.
Thañks doc,this help me alot for may stubborn kid
Keisha Traquina, thanks for letting me know. Keep calm and parent on.
“Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous”
Smyrna, wonderful reminder.
Or else... stones.
Yes exactly
Parents must exercise self control
Thank you 😊
You are welcome, Lyllies.
Thanks doc. My older teenager, snuck behind my back and contacted and fraternised with my estranged brother.i won't go into the epic violent sagas behind the estrangement. She insists she will do what she wants, even though I consider this an extreme betrayal. Thanks for reaffirming the basics over control..and this being her "choice".. (smile).. with consequences..
Sounds like she was trying to push some buttons, Shaynel Ahmed.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV she definitely has,and is continuing to do so. We are both dug in deep.. now waiting it out..
Thank you again Dr Paul you are great 👍
Thank you, Star uk StarTV, glad you are still at the channel.
Live On Purpose TV yes still here thank you so much for you and Vicky and Live on purpose TV as I will follow you everywhere oh now my Daughter watching you too! She love it 😍
This guy is hilarious, cracks me up lol, though this seems like an snl skit starring Daryl Hammond or Chris parnell, most of this is really good stuff. I could watch this stuff for days lol. Good work 👍😄
Brad Weber, honored to be on your team. We have lots of videos so there should be plenty to keep you busy for a while.
Listening can be frustrating. Great insights. Thank you Sir
Our pleasure.
Sir, u gave me a big lesson .... I m a single dad facing a adamant teenager
My best to you. I hope it works out.
Thank you Dr it is a very important lesson
Thank you for watching and commenting, Yeshi Abay.
Love your channel and you have helped us so much with your expert advice. Our daughter Marianne is 10 years old and very bright and generally friendly, though she sometimes squabbles with her brother. Recently, she shoved her brother while going up the stairs. To try to get her to own up to her behavior, we asked her if she shoved him (A) intentionally or (B) accidentally, or even (C) if she wasn't sure which of these two it was. However, she absolutely *refuses* to tell us why she shoved him. She also refuses to tell us why she refuses to tell us. And no matter what strategy we've tried, she still refuses to say: e.g. giving her time to think, assuring her we won't get mad at her, taking privileges away for *not* telling us, etc. What is going on? It's been weeks that we're trying-why can't she answer such a seemingly simple question so we can all move on from this incident? What can we do to get her to open up? Or should we just handle this some other way? Thank you for your help!!
Our Good Sale, figure out what you control and what you don't. You can't control what she tells you, keep an eye on the situation and the relationship, do lots of observing to see what is really happening and be fair. Give her some time, she may not have the words to express her feelings.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks so much for your help. I'll share your comment with my husband and we'll work on implementing those practices. :)
Thank you so much for putting all this time and effort into this channel and making such compact, comprehensive and high-quality knowledge available for us, you make me feel confident and secure as a soon to be mom:) Keeping the three stages of maturity in mind, I was wondering what you think of Montessori's approach, especially her views on independence? I would really appreciate it if you could share your point of view. Greetings from Turkey, Esra.
Esra Yazlak, I have not really studied Montessori enough to have a lot to say, other than I agree with the principle of independence for children. How you implement it is the approach and I leave that up to the parents as to what they are comfortable using.
My four year old says he doesn't want to brush his teeth until one of them fall out, lol! He is so stubborn he says all the time we wants what he wants and doesn't want what he doesn't want. I appreciate the tips!! He's a work in progress. He also has a high IQ for his age. Talks non-stop and has to be constantly entertained. Ahh, ha ha!
I hope the tips and other videos on the channel have helped, Jessica. Thanks for being part of our Live On Purpose community.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Yes, thank you. I started brushing his teeth early enough to give him a choice afterwards, and so far so good. Hard to use at bedtime, but have been really working the choices through out the day. My responsibilities and choices vs his. The staying calm thing sometimes though, for both of us, lol! I told him to breath through his nose and blow out the candles!
Best video I have watched yet!
Lindsay Rambo, thanks!
Fantastic tips!
pamperedgurl, glad you found them helpful.
Fantastic 💯.. we have 2 ears and 1 mouth.. use them proportionately. You never cease to teach me new things, thank you!!! At the end you mentioned “rant, rave, rescue” can you tell me which videos you go into detail on those? Thank you again and God bless!! 🤲
You are so welcome! I can't remember off the top of my head, sorry, we have just done so many to date.
Live On Purpose TV no problem.. I was just wondering what the method was! You can’t even imagine the impact you’ve had on me and my family since I’ve started watching your videos. You’re literally my nightly positive developmental classes!! I’m watching videos in almost all your categories! I honestly don’t know how to thank you and your team enough, God bless you all 💯💯✨
Great help
Jifi Burian, thanks for signing in, honored to be on your team.
I agree that you should incorporate more examples, but otherwise you have helped me more in this video than anyone else ever has.
Shaggilicious, thank you for letting me know. Honored to be on your team.
I have one 😅 thank you!
Good luck!
I need a lot of guidance with my 10 year old thank you for the video
Glad it was helpful! Keep watching and let us know if there is a topic we haven't hit on.
This is the hardest thing for me bc I’m bipolar 1 and I’ve always struggled to control my mind. I’ve been to therapy and on a million meds since 14 and being a mother to two babies makes me so guilty bc I feel like I’m always failing them and myself .
I always say that you are never wrong about your feelings, but feeling pass. You could reframe the frustration another way, that you are doing the best you can for these babies that you love dearly.
Thank you ser
You are most welcome, Tairka Hi. Honored to be on your team.
I just found this channel and many issues or behavior mentioned/explained/pointed-out I recognize in our day-to-day life. We have rarely that things escalate, but I would like to still improve the way we communicate and handle situations better. However, I feel most of the tips and do/donts is for older children. My oldest is just 3 and I think most of the advice I can't use yet, as she is mentally not in a state where she can comprehend and think it through. Do you have a playlist (I didn't find one regarding age) or some kind of keyword when going through your videos, on which one can find only the one for younger children? Often the title speaks to what I want to improve and then I end up with advice for children of age 6 or older.
Thank you for those videos! I have started watching 1 or 2 every day and hope the advice/tips will come to me when the situation calls for it!
MrsTin0r, with toddlers, we need to keep them safe and begin to show them what rules are by praising them when they obey and disciplining when they don't.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV That is what we are currently doing. From what age would you say would the methods in your videos make sense? (the ones not marked as for teenagers)
Hello Dr Paul, thanks a lot for your videos and they are all very helpful. Do you have any video that talks about dealing with competitive child? My daughter is 4.5 and she wants to be the first all the time. Thanks in advance.
Pak Beryl, playing games with kids is a great way to teach them that we take turns. Find some ways to do this in your home so she learns it is o.k. not to the first all the time. It will help her socially.
Lookin like a poverty version of Wayne Newton the Vegas attraction guy for those who do not know.
Super intelligent delivery, I applaud
Living Legend, interesting view. Thank you for watching.
Excellent explanation
Glad it was helpful!
My kids are so well behaved at school and with their grandparents but have a hard time following simple instructions at home and have melt downs once their in trouble..
It sounds like they feel safe with you. They will become more mature.
Love that I stumbled across your channel. Can you please do a similar video where you focus on toddler tantrums? I’m sure many of the same rules apply, but I find that some of these tips are better suited for older kids/teens. Would love to understand how to better handle my 2.5yo not listening/being defiant/having total meltdowns. Very stressful! And with another baby on the way, I’m panicking a little. Thank you!
lovelitlife, I will add your request to the topic development list. Thanks and good luck to you.
I agree. These tips are for older kids. Do you have any tips for toddlers?
I hope all worked out for you ! I’m going through this right now with my almost 3yrs old 😫😫I’ve never felt so defeated in life 😞😞😞☹️☹️
You are BRILLIANT!!! 😍🤗
Honored to be on your team, Janet Spiteri.
Ive been practicing this advice from he very beginning wth my first child especially bcuz i agree with the appraoch in the nature of my personality. And ive been excercising patience, kindness and having reactive control learned at their fullesy for my tool set for this method to work for me.
But it seems to hav back fired on me. The child appears to hav become convinced he has more power and entitlement than i. When moments call for me to step in and assert MYSELF as the PARENT he cant handle it.
And i do try to sit and talk to him and empathize with him and let him know that he is being heard and move at a pace that allows him to draw out action and consequence. But he confuses all of this loving appraoch as if he plays the role of a tyrant in my life.
I have no idea how long this has been going on and the background, but consistency is key and it may take some more time.
I love the video's you make I have 4 grandchildren I love them.my daughter had another one.
Lori Merchant. Grandkids are the best. Wish I lived closer to mine.
My stubborn child is quiet about it. She keeps breaking the rules even though the consequences are always there.
Be consistent and look for opportunities to praise her for things done well.
I smile now when I lay down the law so to speak, and he cant stand it and gets worried very worried. haha I love it! you have been a help. now again can we please do a video on how to stop older kid from tantruming, a.k.m.throwing a hudge screaming fit. please?
A Mc, what age are we talking here? If not too big, remove them from the scene and let them scream it out in the car with you standing outside. Give consequences so they know if they choose to lose control, it will hurt what they want. I assume the child can control their emotions and there isn't something else going on here.
thanks for the response. he is nearly 10. he was doing really well. then 5 weeks ago not so much. I talked to him and his teacher, and there is no reason for his tantrums, and or whining and defiance. he dose not have anything to diagnose, we went that route. I think he dose this on purpose to be annoying because he gets mad when he dose not get what he wants or gets to do what he wants. and he knows no one likes a tantrum, and he is able to control himself, but chooses not to because he knows it is annoying and wants to make me as mad as him. instead I stay calm and smile and tell him he has two choices you either stop or __________. sometimes that works, but sometimes it makes it worse. he screams so loud I know the neighbors hear it. I am still waiting for a therapist. I thank you so much!
My 15 year old boy talks to me as if he's the parent and I'm the child! My older boys 23 & 24 questioning me and ask my why does he have to or why can't he. (Depends on situation) this encourages him to question me. There so much I just can't put it here. Thanks for the tips. I do follow some of your advice but this I can't handle!
Angie Jones, if you need some one on one help, consider talking to one of our coaches at www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall to find out what we offer.
Theses tips work for real
They really do, thank you.
Hi Dr. Paul. I have a 3 year that has PTSD I believe from me not being his life too much for 8 months. Me, myself, 9 yr old boy, and 3yr old. My 3 yr old is SO defiant. My boys and I used to be close, especially the 3yr old. He is just SO mean and says some horrible things. I was hoping that you could point me in to the right direction to your tools and go in a better order. I've been jumping around your videos and i feel like I'm missing some in between. Some guidance would awesome! I feel like I really enjoy your videos and I have a better time understanding and using your tools. Any help would be great!
I am not sure there is an order here on TH-cam. Our Parenting Power-Up Program has order in the modules. Glad you are here.
"Empower their choices." Nice! 😼👏
Thanks, Wendi Watson!
Ok so a 6 year old that doesn't want to sit for homeschool, getting calls from the teachers ,him fighting and causing chaos daily. His room is empty yet still he will not budge. I'm sick of it.
A lot of your tips work for my older daughter. Nothing works on him. My son says the bird to consequences. He doesn't care about them.
divinelotus19, kids need love and discipline. When they get enough of both it normally works out. Have you seen a counselor?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV we watched a good amount of your videos together. For a 6 years old, he can understand what you say. During the watching of your videos there was a video about a man and his teenage son that didn't want to do homework and the dad took his son to Walmart at 2am to show him people working. (My husband works retail.)
That video worked on my son. See, he loves Robotic Engineering (we also watched UCLA robotics team videos) he loves it so much he told me that that's what he wants to be when he grows up. I told him he can, and that guess what, mommy studied Mechanical engineering and police work (criminal psychology) at CAL STATE LA in California. That I had friends who would build robots 🤖 and its a lot of fun... BUT... Its also hard at the same time. The hard is the school part which, you need. People like me and my friends didn't skip school, we paid attention and wanted to learn, WHY?, because I love building and reverse engineering. So I told him that HE needs to find his WHY and stick to it. Mommy can't do it because I already did, ... but not him, he still can do it and he's the captain of his life so make it a good one.
He understand and he cried a lot. Not out of anger but out of relief. I know he can and if he doesn't, that's also fine because, I told him that i will always love him, no matter what, and even if.
Thank you so much for your videos. They are saving lives. 🙏🙏🙏
My son just started headstart yesterday. He has never attended daycare or even been to a babysitter outside of our home. He is refusing to sit down during story time, follow directions or pick up his toys. He does all of these things at home. He smacked his teacher in the face yesterday when she insisted he stop playing and go sit down. I'm sure she was trying to force him. Today his teacher called jome saying he was refusing to keep his mask on and would have to put it back on his own face because they couldn't do it for him because of germs. Its difficult for him to put it on his own face. He isn't this misbehaved at home and I don't know what to do. He doesn't have behavioral issues normally and is being disruptive in class. I don't know what to do! When I mention he is just 3 years old the teacher rebuttals with the statement that all the other kids are listening. The class has 3, 4 and some 5 year olds. My thoughts are that he has to stay and learn to behave and listen to the teacher and his new environment. I can keep him home for another year but I really feel that he can benefit greatly from being in school. Your advice would be greatly appreciated!
JTFIGS, you can start a positive reinforcement program, where if he behaves at school, he gets a reward.
Do you know how helpful is your videos
Thank you 🙏
My pleasure 😊
Yes❤️
Thank you.
Consequences yes
And lots of love.
It's funny, because for our kid it seems to be a game. She has some tricks, which eventually don't work as expected because dad learns new tricks from Dr. Paul. But then she tries something else. One can actually see when she is adapting her strategy. So there are times when she wins the first second, e.g. I quickly respond as she has planned. I am very happy to have such a creative two year old. But in the evening, when I remember that cute but evil grin that she even tries to hide when she got what she wanted, I feel like I can respond better in the first second. So I would be very happy to know your advice, on how one can skip the unconscious reaction in the first second, so one can breathe consciously.
She sounds like a smart one, OB Joyful. I am not sure if I understand your question so I hope this makes sense. Are you reacting without thinking? Try breathing before speaking. That will give you time to think. It is hard to control and takes lots of practice.
And she calms down once we give her something in return
jeda adventure, perhaps this video might help? "How To Calm An Angry Child" - th-cam.com/video/ehxqACWkxcg/w-d-xo.html. Thank you for watching.
If one day your son sets fire to the living room rug.... take it easy on him ok
John B, got it!
Really interesting technique and approach. What would have been the consequence had your son actually gone? I imagine you don't want to threaten them with a consequence of course.
I'm trying to remember, it was something I had control over and didn't require his cooperation so it may have been access to the car or his phone or something of that nature. He is almost ready to graduate pharmacy school and has a wife and baby now so that was a while ago.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV thank you so much. Your experience is helping me with my toddler. 🙏 Congratulations on your son and family's success!
I think my 6yo is too young for these tips most of the time. When we have 5 min to leave and she's stopped cooperating knowing that it will put us behind the 8 ball. None of this will get us out the door in time.
Do what works for your situation.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV unfortunately I'm out of ideas. That's why I'm knocking on your youtube door.
I have a 1 child And his so stubborn I. Many thing specially in study
His turning 10 but his acting like 2 years old ..
jouls88 summer, I get that. It can be turned around.
I am a sister and I was crying for days because of my little siblings ,a teenager and a child .I always tell thel to clean after they mess up stuff but they don't listen 😭
I am not sure why you are dealing with your siblings like a parent. If you are in that role, check out some of the other videos on our channel about stage and age of kids. It could help you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I will,but my mom and dad are always busy to deal with my siblings so I have to make sure that everything is under control👍🏻
Wow💯
Winnie Osewe, thanks!
The suggested breathing tips are a part of yoga practiced in india!🙏🏼🌹
That is awesome. I just did yoga for the first time a bit ago. It was great.
Everything u say still doesnt work, they have a crazy moment until they get what they want and they start yelling
jeda adventure, I appreciate you being on the channel and that you are willing to try new things. Please look on the Positive Parenting playlist to see if there are any more relevant videos to your situation: th-cam.com/play/PLq2mRDkHEBPCclxt6agg3wrLBRkL7CCwU.html
Sometimes it would be most beneficial for a child to get some professional help. We do have a free 25 minute call with one of our Live On Purpose coaches, if you would like to start there. I am not asking you to hire me or my coaches, but this might get you going in the right direction. If that is something you want to do, please go here: DrPaulJenkins.com/breakthroughcall
Nice info 👍
Glad it was helpful!