It seems like you have a validation problem, there is a quote that says, "If outside validation is your only source of nourishment you will hunger for the rest of your life", point is, work on yourself to a point where you can "love yourself" and you can validate yourself, i think the fear stems from needing to be validated by other people because when you look inwards, there is barely anything to validate, so seeking that validation from other people is like a coping mechanism, next time you go to work, maybe say to yourself, only i get to validate myself, i don't need your validation, hence it makes you present, in the moment, doing your job and that's it, your not there to make them like you, your there to make and serve coffee, that's it. Also i learned another thing which is that socialising should never be about acting how you think the other person wants you to act so that they like you and you can get validated, socialising is all about enjoying the company of another, it's not about you getting validated, it's a mutual thing, when you try and get validated, you end up acting fake, so just focus on the person, don't even focus on them liking you, just focus on something and talk about it, and you could even talk about yourself. hope this helps. im also dealing with social anxiety and i just learned this
Every time I start a new job, I make an effort to be talkative, but I always wind up becoming silent after a few days because I run out of things to say. Once my coworkers start to dislike me, I stop talking to them and quit my position.
I'm the same 😭 it's always on the first few days that I really try my hardest to get a conversation with people I meet be it at school or work. I really do try to be talkative, I laugh at their jokes even if I don't find them funny or offer help just to let them know I'm approachable. But in the end, it gets so tiring that I ran out of things to say, that I'll just settle with whatever, whether we click or not. They either get bored or find me weird :(
Omg i totally relate to sounding like im not interested while talking to people. It's not like I don't want to talk its just my social anxiety draining my energy lol.
I can totally resonate with you! I went through the exact same thing. But things got better when I realised I cant be a good person to every one in this world. I've always been very careful not to be the "bad person" in people's eyes, but when I decided that its okay to be the "bad person" in view of some people, I felt like a weight got down from me and I got less anxious in similar situations that once got me worried if i offended or hurt or do they think im bad or dumb kinda thoughts. I think we somehow learnt to be very reliant on seeing our own selves through other people's eyes that we dont know how its like to see us through our own perception. Just wanted to share this to you. I hope you find happiness and peace❤️
Hi Swedha, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts :) Someone described me as 'diplomatic' once and I get it. I too try hard to not be the 'bad guy' but sometimes you just have to be.
I can relate to this so much. I find myself actually giggling or laughing a lot due to anxiety issues. Which may not be good as folks may misinterpreted and think that I am mocking them. Also, stuttering is quite a struggle too. Great video!
1 is is interesting to me that you’re able to keep the smile up. I used to do that when i first had signs of SA but now i only smile for a second to show that i’m not “rude” or whatever if that even works. I found it way too tiring to plaster the smile for so long. with SA i actively try to avoid talking or interacting with anyone and if I do, i try to say or do as little as possible because i’m afraid of embarrassing myself or doing something embarrassing and then being judged. 4 was very real, even if I hate it it’s hard for me to say no bc i don’t want ppl to hate me, asking for help too because they might think i’m stupid. 5 too omfg i cant with that, it doesn’t make sense but ur stressed and trying to talk but it comes out ALL wrong. Same with the mono tonic voice, but people think im being sarcastic or don’t want to talk, which i don’t but that’s just my voice. Like, im not gonna sound like its mf christmas everyday??? That way trying to sound genuine is VERY HARD becasue i just can’t sound LIKE THAT? I also can’t make eye contact it actually pains me because it feels so unnatural. lastly, what you said about not caring about improving yourself. I’m not gonna be one of those people who gives fake hope or anything so i’m not gonna say, “oh you should totally gEt OUt oF yOuR cOmfOrt ZoNe” or “things will get better!” because id just be making shit up because it might not ever get better. instead i’ll just relate again. I know i’m like 9 years younger than you but i’ve struggled with SA for years, and in college i definitely have reached the point where I realize it’s not going to get better, it’s only going to get worse and I haven’t even gotten a job yet (how tf am i even gonna do that lmao). Times I realize, this is just who i am even with SA, and i’m probably going to live the rest of my life by myself, everything is hopeless, and i’m going to die like this anyways thanks for the vid, like others have said, it’s comforting to know others are struggling too and im not the only one. there is literally nobody I can talk to irl about SA except my parents obviously and they just say the usual lines, the getting out of you comfort zone and reaching out and talking to people, all that BS as if i haven’t done that before.
I agree with all of these but especially number 1. Especially with getting bullied as a kid I thought I was completely different from everyone else so smiling unnecessary during conversation is the best way I feel I can make it now and days. I’m never the type to lead a convo I can’t wait for the convo to be done with😂
I think I won't be smiling as much if I didn't have a resting bitch face lol. Another reason I have to smile is if I don't, people think I'm mad/sad when I'm just fine.
I avoid my neighbours at all cost because of social anxiety. If I see the lift moving, I don't press the button so I can avoid using the lift in case someone is already in there.
Hello Wing! Really glad i found your channel and your videos are really nice and calm. I enjoy your vids because, i can relate to you 💛 just like you i have S-A, Lifes hard like im lost. Im such a loner and an outcast like that, and i found you and i feel not alone💛💛💛. Its funny we have the same Like outfit, i have the same hair with you and i wear glasses same vibe.
Hi there, thank you so much for watching :) It'd be great if we can meet in person since we share the same vibe and social anxiety. I rarely see any girls who have hair as short as mine irl or online lol.
I know it's kind of different thing to say but I need to say what's bothering me too much, very soon, I have to tell a presentation to 4 university groups in one room, more than 60 people. I'm a socially anxious and shy ambivert but especially it's all increased at that moment and then I end up having a stage fright. No matter how well and how many times I learn read and know the information, I'm instantly forgetting it on stage, I really don't know what to do, but I think not watching at 60+ people's eyes and expressions would be much easier.
Internally cringing at every social interaction I've ever had even if it was 10+ years ago
I cannot even explain how much I resonate with the things you experience with anxiety. Glad I'm not the only one.
It seems like you have a validation problem, there is a quote that says, "If outside validation is your only source of nourishment you will hunger for the rest of your life", point is, work on yourself to a point where you can "love yourself" and you can validate yourself, i think the fear stems from needing to be validated by other people because when you look inwards, there is barely anything to validate, so seeking that validation from other people is like a coping mechanism, next time you go to work, maybe say to yourself, only i get to validate myself, i don't need your validation, hence it makes you present, in the moment, doing your job and that's it, your not there to make them like you, your there to make and serve coffee, that's it. Also i learned another thing which is that socialising should never be about acting how you think the other person wants you to act so that they like you and you can get validated, socialising is all about enjoying the company of another, it's not about you getting validated, it's a mutual thing, when you try and get validated, you end up acting fake, so just focus on the person, don't even focus on them liking you, just focus on something and talk about it, and you could even talk about yourself. hope this helps. im also dealing with social anxiety and i just learned this
Every time I start a new job, I make an effort to be talkative, but I always wind up becoming silent after a few days because I run out of things to say. Once my coworkers start to dislike me, I stop talking to them and quit my position.
I'm the same 😭 it's always on the first few days that I really try my hardest to get a conversation with people I meet be it at school or work. I really do try to be talkative, I laugh at their jokes even if I don't find them funny or offer help just to let them know I'm approachable. But in the end, it gets so tiring that I ran out of things to say, that I'll just settle with whatever, whether we click or not. They either get bored or find me weird :(
@@anemoia3603 yeah true
Omg i totally relate to sounding like im not interested while talking to people. It's not like I don't want to talk its just my social anxiety draining my energy lol.
I can totally resonate with you! I went through the exact same thing. But things got better when I realised I cant be a good person to every one in this world. I've always been very careful not to be the "bad person" in people's eyes, but when I decided that its okay to be the "bad person" in view of some people, I felt like a weight got down from me and I got less anxious in similar situations that once got me worried if i offended or hurt or do they think im bad or dumb kinda thoughts. I think we somehow learnt to be very reliant on seeing our own selves through other people's eyes that we dont know how its like to see us through our own perception. Just wanted to share this to you. I hope you find happiness and peace❤️
Hi Swedha, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts :) Someone described me as 'diplomatic' once and I get it. I too try hard to not be the 'bad guy' but sometimes you just have to be.
I can relate to this so much. I find myself actually giggling or laughing a lot due to anxiety issues. Which may not be good as folks may misinterpreted and think that I am mocking them. Also, stuttering is quite a struggle too. Great video!
1 is is interesting to me that you’re able to keep the smile up. I used to do that when i first had signs of SA but now i only smile for a second to show that i’m not “rude” or whatever if that even works. I found it way too tiring to plaster the smile for so long.
with SA i actively try to avoid talking or interacting with anyone and if I do, i try to say or do as little as possible because i’m afraid of embarrassing myself or doing something embarrassing and then being judged.
4 was very real, even if I hate it it’s hard for me to say no bc i don’t want ppl to hate me, asking for help too because they might think i’m stupid. 5 too omfg i cant with that, it doesn’t make sense but ur stressed and trying to talk but it comes out ALL wrong. Same with the mono tonic voice, but people think im being sarcastic or don’t want to talk, which i don’t but that’s just my voice. Like, im not gonna sound like its mf christmas everyday??? That way trying to sound genuine is VERY HARD becasue i just can’t sound LIKE THAT?
I also can’t make eye contact it actually pains me because it feels so unnatural.
lastly, what you said about not caring about improving yourself. I’m not gonna be one of those people who gives fake hope or anything so i’m not gonna say, “oh you should totally gEt OUt oF yOuR cOmfOrt ZoNe” or “things will get better!” because id just be making shit up because it might not ever get better. instead i’ll just relate again. I know i’m like 9 years younger than you but i’ve struggled with SA for years, and in college i definitely have reached the point where I realize it’s not going to get better, it’s only going to get worse and I haven’t even gotten a job yet (how tf am i even gonna do that lmao). Times I realize, this is just who i am even with SA, and i’m probably going to live the rest of my life by myself, everything is hopeless, and i’m going to die like this
anyways thanks for the vid, like others have said, it’s comforting to know others are struggling too and im not the only one. there is literally nobody I can talk to irl about SA except my parents obviously and they just say the usual lines, the getting out of you comfort zone and reaching out and talking to people, all that BS as if i haven’t done that before.
I agree with all of these but especially number 1. Especially with getting bullied as a kid I thought I was completely different from everyone else so smiling unnecessary during conversation is the best way I feel I can make it now and days. I’m never the type to lead a convo I can’t wait for the convo to be done with😂
I think I won't be smiling as much if I didn't have a resting bitch face lol. Another reason I have to smile is if I don't, people think I'm mad/sad when I'm just fine.
I avoid my neighbours at all cost because of social anxiety. If I see the lift moving, I don't press the button so I can avoid using the lift in case someone is already in there.
Hello Wing! Really glad i found your channel and your videos are really nice and calm. I enjoy your vids because, i can relate to you 💛 just like you i have S-A, Lifes hard like im lost. Im such a loner and an outcast like that, and i found you and i feel not alone💛💛💛. Its funny we have the same Like outfit, i have the same hair with you and i wear glasses same vibe.
Hi there, thank you so much for watching :) It'd be great if we can meet in person since we share the same vibe and social anxiety. I rarely see any girls who have hair as short as mine irl or online lol.
Hi wing glad i found your channel. I can relate to you , I too am scared of kids.
Hi Irina, thanks for stopping by :) I think babysitting my nephew has made me a little less afraid of children.
OMG. I can relate to all of these! Lol.
I can relate to everything you said in this !
I know it's kind of different thing to say but I need to say what's bothering me too much, very soon, I have to tell a presentation to 4 university groups in one room, more than 60 people. I'm a socially anxious and shy ambivert but especially it's all increased at that moment and then I end up having a stage fright. No matter how well and how many times I learn read and know the information, I'm instantly forgetting it on stage, I really don't know what to do, but I think not watching at 60+ people's eyes and expressions would be much easier.
You are actually very interesting and articulate. You are an introvert maybe and could possibly be a sigma female? Look into that.