@@drrocketman7794 No, more like, "mom broke my laptop 3 years ago and I don't even remember what I did that was so bad." Because, let's be serious, a parent that goes for breaking an expensive item hasn't been properly teaching their kid to start with. Either that, or they have impulse control issues.
@@mandlerparr1 my mom actually smashed my laptop that she bought for me around 5‐6 ish years ago, and I remember what I did. She actually hid it first because she said I needed a break since I was on it all the time, and was putting it before school, HW, etc. But I found it & never told her and just played on it again whenever she was at work But my grandma caught me eventually (since she lived with us) and told my mom without me knowing. When my mom came home, I came out to greet her, but she stormed straight to the place she hid the laptop, took it out, walked to the hallway, got a hammer and started smashing it over and over, my grandma and my lil brother were watching. Afterwards, she was screaming at me, with tears spilling, that she was gonna surprise me with it, that it was time to give it back, but me sneaking, lying, was a big no, and that I broke her trust, which sadly wasn't the first time, I've snuck and lied to her before, and it takes her a while to trust again, but i hurt her once again. My reaction, wasn't really like the kids in the video, I was mainly, um, scared.. because she had never done anything like this before, so I was in shock, and started crying. Then she told me that my grandma was the one who told her, and so I looked up to her, and deep down I knew she felt so guilty since she looked away trying not to cry as well. Then I went to my room and just cried more. I resented my grandma for "snitching" which I knew I shouldn't have especially since I could tell she regretted it. I could hear her telling my mom that it was too harsh. A few years after, we would then talk about it, joke about it, I already forgave my mom and grandma by then. She's never done anything like that since, and just this year I told her that what she did wasn't the best choice for a punishment, she looked down and semi-slowly nodded. It was a crazy experience, sadly my dad till this day I found out, just won't let it go, he'll once and a while, complain that she shouldn't have "snitched" and that it was still her fault. Although if she didn't, then I would have kept sneaking, and.... who knows, there are many possibilities. He doesn't favor his mother in law unfortunately which hurts me sometimes, but oh well, it's life I guess. Oh boy I don't think I've typed for this long before, so sorry, guess I wanted to share my story and vent a little, which made me a lil emotional remembering it again so vivdly 😅 Um hope you guys have a good day :)
When you give something as a gift to someone, doesn't it become their property? And last time I checked, destroying someone else's property is a crime. Worst case scenario, these parents are criminals. Best case scenario, their kids will leave them the minute they turn 18 and they won't see them ever again. Hope they'll be able to afford all the therapy they'll need after being traumatized by those who were supposed to love and protect them.
I think every kid is emotionally and mentally different, I forgave my mom when she broke something of mine, even though she bought it,and im 20 almost 21 still living with my parents lol I love watching little house on the prairie with them, This is just MY opinion fyi, but I think it's because I didn't watch these kind of vids after my incident with meh mum, and I didn't read people's comments like these, so I got over it and forgave, being forgiving gives you peace of mind, I know what it's like to resent, it does slowly destroy you :/
@@MihaelaMihaylova007 yea you're right, but we all make mistakes, it just depends too if they're sorry for it and don't do it again, I know not every parent is like that I get now that you're speaking for those who's parents don't feel sorry for what they've done to their kids,etc. Just wanted to share from my perspective Hope you're having a lovely day :)
nah. who caused kids to be attached more to the thing than them? who caused such a state in which they overreact like that? clearly from the parents own behavior they did. they’ll break you down and take away the only escape you have. they don’t need a “valid reason”. i’m 30 btw
There are consequences that help children learn. Then there are consequences that are only about the parent. That's where trauma comes in. My mom would do things like this. She would tear up posters, cut up band t-shirts, anything to make it hurt. She threw away things that were signed by my favorite bands. She would purposely find things to hurt me because I "back talked" or "didn't listen" or wouldn't stop liking a boy she didn't approve of. She would put my brother's phones in water or smash them in front of her. If one of my foster parents did this to the kids I work with, I would absolutely move the kid and have a serious conversation about whether they should be fostering or not. The kid with the video games being mowed over is abusive. Like that is clearly the kid's life goal to work with video games. All that parent did was alienate his child and make sure that he has nothing to do with his son in the future. I don't care if a parent doesn't agree with a child, destroying property is a form of violence that will continue a cycle and beget violence from the child. It's emotional abuse.
"I destroyed my own property that I spent money on, and make it unable to repair in any way! THAT'LL learn 'em!" Or just hide the cables and keep the thing functional, doof. Also, how is flinging razor sharp plastic shards over YOUR OWN YARD supposed to teach your kid a lesson? Bullying your kids, who are smaller and in a lower power dynamic that you, doesn't mean you "owned" them, or give you badass points, it makes you a sad, strange little wo/man... and you have my pity.
The parents underestimate the war a child can start after such an incident - and some kids (like I was - *sinister laugh*) have the patience, the intelligence to get their sweet revenge. Like passive-agressive behaviour for months, sarcasm, snarky comments and just hit the nerve and silence. I was very fixated on games myself and after my parents took it was I was fixated on reading books excessively. It was my escape. I had other problems, my family had other problems and this behaviour will backfire longterm on the parents in some way. The reason why I did that as a child were deeper problems - with life. I agree with you on resticting the time and being consequent. But that means the parents have to do that too - the mobile-mom was sitting there with her phone (double standard?!). Where did her child learn that? I often agree with your videos but here not when you talk to the teenagers, I think you have forgotten how you felt as a teen. Life as a teen sucks - every single moment. They want to be with their peer group, where they can be theirself. So when you said you get it, it's an escape, imho I think you don't really get it. "Get a life" - This is the problem - the real life, the real people - even as a functioning and working aduld other people are often annoying. I would suggest the parents should play with the kid for once and just watch how they react. Is it a ventil for anger, is it a room to express other sides they can express in their family (sexuality? Introversion). When do parents stop wanting to control their child, transform, it into something they don't even are theirself and start to guide them?
I work in human services. Destroying someone’s property intentionally is considered a form of abuse-at the very least warrants a referral to counseling (which most of the families in this clip need, along with parenting education). If they’re trying to enforce consequences for bad behavior, then ground said kid and confiscate said items and make them inaccessible until said issues are resolved. Don’t destroy it-it will just lead to more volatile behavior later in life (probably within a few moments of above actions).
YUP. I work with kids who have a lot of trauma in their backgrounds, and stories of parents/guardians destroying property is so very common. for that reason, plus the added humiliation of recording it and putting it online, I found this video pretty freaking unsettling.
@@anjafrohlich1170 There’s a difference between taking someone’s property and disciplining. Confiscating items (ie cellphone, games) are considered appropriate discipline per child services.
You should know that substituting one act of someone doing unto another what's hateful when done unto you with another act which is also hateful when done unto you is breaking the moral "golden rule" and not "a good". Your advise should entail a good. Grounding and confiscating another's property are also things considered so immoral and harmful to the point of criminality, we consider them so bad for someone's mental health we actually banned them as criminal acts which can earn you jail time, theft and false detainment/confinement. They do carry lot's of psychological negative effects and break the moral golden rule to exclusively say they should only be done against a certain people is a prejudicial double standard and a bigotry.
@@SamuraiGirl02 Child services also considered assault domestic violence and degradation advisable for years. They like all systems will constantly change their claims of what's right and wrong, whilst claiming right/wrong doesn't change. It's not ok to just take steal someone's stuff and give it back because you felt offended in some way by them, it's condescending, patronising, immature, petty revenge and it's also doing unto other's what's hateful when done unto you.
I don’t agree with you saying they should reprioritize their life. Their phone or Xbox could be their (only) way to have contact with the people they care about. Their reaction could be related to 'people', but even if it isn't. Maybe it is because of the difference in generation, but I definitely understand why they react the way they do. Someone they trust is breaking something that is very important to them (you could see it as something they see as a part of their identity) and they can't stop it. Just as people who lose all their stuff in a fire. Pictures, memories and future possibilities are gone (and they don't know if they will get them back). It's just heartbreaking/horrible to see the distress in these children.
The kids should reprioritize and relate to people, like their parents. Ya know, the people who feel the need to smash their property and then post a video of it to the public to demonstrate how they 'got one over' on their kid.
My problem with the these videos is that we don't know of the kids were really spoiled or not. These so called "adults" claim that their kids are spoiled, right before doing horrible things to their kids often while they themselves are throwing tantrums that would put terrible twosing toddlers to shame. My own mother was a cruel narcissist (she was actually officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder by her psychiatrist this isn't internet diagnosing) and forced me to both keep the house clean and raise my 2 youngest siblings. I was an abused, parentified, and an understandably angry teenager as a result. These hurt to watch because my Mother LOVED to humiliate me, especially in front of company, and when I reacted badly to it she would blame me and play the victim. And because no one would ever know what was really going on in my home and didn't see what she did to me BEFORE they arrived all they saw was what they considered to be a brat and they would openly suggest that she do to me the same shit we see these asshole parents doing. And my mother LOVED reminding me that she could easily get away with doing every single one of those things. Amd if she had actually acted on any of her threats and actually smashed or destroyed the things that I owned I would have been a crying mess just like that. It is a helpless and awful feeling when an abusive parent pulls the "I PAID FOR IT SO F**K YOU!" card when they want to hurt you. And honestly, the fact that these so called "adults" felt so safe putting these videos of themselves online for the entire world to see them literally shooting their child's laptop, or throwing their kid's gaming systems out of the window tells me not to trust them. There is A LOT more to these stories that we aren't seeing. I guarantee it.
agreed, my mom was a similar way. but also, even if the kids were quote "spoiled," wouldn't that also be the parent's fault for spoiling them? i would assume if you teach kids responsibility from a young age in a respectful way then you don't get these kinds of responses when they have to fulfill that responsibility. so even if these kids ARE self centered, that's still the parent's fault for not preparing them and then punishing them for it out of nowhere
Yeah, if a parent feels the need to post their punishment and humiliation of their kid online then there is clearly a lot more going on than the parent just teaching the child that there are reasonable consequences for their actions. "You offended me, so I'm going to punish you and humiliate you in front of the entire world." is clearly a desire to feel powerful and in control.
fun fact: NO ONE born spoiled It is ALWAYS an outside source which is 90% of the time the parent's doing So it disgusts me that they have the audacity to blame the kid for THEIR incomepetence and to top it all of they try to justify literal abuse with it(the cherry on the cake is that a lot of times the kid is not even acting spoiled to begin with)
I'm also concerned about what happens off-screen, especially with the kid who started hitting himself. If this is the least troubling thing happening, or at least not troubling enough to them that they believe it's ok to share online, then there are bigger problems. I agree that there is a lot more going on (there is always more going on than outsiders get to see) they're just showing what protects their image.
"Your role as a parent is not to be the authority that the child has to obey. Your role as a parent is to teach your children that choices have consequences" AMEN
@@RaineInChaos You're absolutely right. Kids need a safe haven. If every child would be made 'ready to survive the harsh reality' we'd have a very nasty society (I mean in some parts we do... but probably because of exactly this belief of surviving the harsh reality). I am not a parent either but I am an assistant in a school for children with special needs and I am becoming a therapist. I worked with dozens of children who have gone through such 'parenting'. Has it helped them? Not at all... You don't need to be a parent to see that. You just need to be part of the everyday life of children to notice what is going wrong.
Choices have consequences? a 2 year old knows that. A severely brain damaged person knows that. It takes about two seconds to learn, is learnt through observation and only needs to be learnt once and only once to be known, not continuously repeated over and over again like if this didn't work to teach it the first time maybe it will the 12. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein. A parent doesn't teach such a (painfully) obvious common sense thing and it's not their role to do so, their "role" is to minimise "doing unto other's what's hateful when done unto them" in every interaction, more they do so the better they did in their "role" as spouse/co-worker/friend/enemy/boss/neighbour AND parent.
As a Mother a son should be responsible and should be independent. If destroying your son’s toys will make them responsible then destroy their toys so they can learn to grow up as adults if not sent them to military and they’ll whip them back inside shape. Hope this advice helps every parent
@@hannahshih9203 It should never be about helping the parents. It should be about helping the kids. Don't do unto other's what's hateful when done unto you.
@Mr.Goodkat what I’m saying is children need discipline so they can learn to grow up and take responsibility. Children need to survive on their own, they can’t just rely on their parents. Discipline will help the children in the future even if they don’t know it yet.
"the axe forgets, but the tree remembers." I feel like this is the key ingredient in how much these videos demonstrate how these parents are actively damaging their relationship with their kids. My family would do the same, and while I've not gone to jail for property damage (lol) I've become very protective of the things that are mine. Confiscate it, restrict their access, but if you destroy the things that your kids value I can't see how anyone can expect your kids to feel safe around you. Also, regarding stern parenting, obviously necessary, but rare is the parent that is equally loving as they are strict. In my experience, strict parents see the necessities and material as the only kind of love a child need ever have.
Idk... life is weird, my mom broke my laptop, I made a comment about on here somewhere, but I forgave her, I feel safe with her, I love her SO much that it breaks me knowing I'll live one day without her on this world....... But on the OTHER hannnd, my dad has never broken my stuff, but emotional hurts me and says I take things too personally, I probably do ¯\_(°-° )_/¯ And although I don't wish him dead or wish that he disappeared into thin air anymore, I'm still closer to my mom than my dad :l
Agreed to every bit. My mom beat the crap out of me over her erroneous perception that I was having sex - I wasn’t! I wasn’t even interested in boys yet (late bloomer). She started beating me when I was 12, and it did stop until I ran away. She had this obsession with sex. To the point that she destroyed and burned the cassettes and posters of my favorite boy bands “because I could meet them and have sex with them. So best I forgot they existed”. It still hurts that she burned my stuff. I found it cruel and despicable then, and I find it the same way now at 40. The last straw came in 2013 when she told me she wished I was dead. That’s the day I finally cut her off my life. She will always have issues and I’ll never heal if the snake continues to bite.
@@simplyrowen I'm sorry your mom said that to you, my mom beat me till I was maybe early teens, but she still shows and tells me she loves me and hasn't hit me anymore, which is why I guess I'm not sccared,etc. But yea it's sad that parents treat their kids like that, my grandma was sharing her stories the other day how her mom did not want her, it was so heartbreaking seeing the pain in her eyes as she vivdly remembers. All I could do was give her a hug, but yea hope you're doing alright a little more now 👍
@@MilkTea_Bear I didn't mean to say that the only way people hurt their children is through destruction of their material possessions, but often when people hurt their children and especially when they're controlling them, destroying what that kid loves the most is part of it. Not always, though. And as someone who has (mostly) come out of the other side of having two thoroughly abusive parents, often your brain will try to protect you from reality a bit by trying to create a relationship with the less obviously horrible parent. I don't know you, and definitely not trying to say that you're not seeing things clearly, but for children in general it's hard to swallow that neither of your parents treat you well. Also, forgiveness is something that doesn't mean the person being forgiven necessarily did any work to make amends. I forgave my parents for my own sake, for example. It's a sign that you've moved forward.
@@simplyrowen sorry to hear... and yeah, my mother had many of the same obsessions with the life I lead (or, as more often was the case, didn't lead) outside of her purview. It's simply too much for some parents to see their kids as not objects and give them respect. It's sad to see parents ruin their relationships with their kids through treating them like resources, and those same parents being confused when they have no relationship with those kids in adulthood. I think as I've aged, I've realized that the quality of the relationship a kid has with their parents as an adult is as close to a 'report card' as any parent gets. Sorry for rambling, but glad you're doing better :)
The thing that hurts me the most when I see children's stuff get broken by their own parents is that they are not able to actually gainthose things back unless the parent who broke it provides money to buy the things back. They are not economically self-sufficient, so it's not just being sad because something that belongs to you gets broken by someone you trust, but being powerless in remedy the situation. Who insures you that just by doing those chores your parent will buy you back the laptop (maybe you needed it to write, study etc.) Instead of using it as a bargaining chips to obtain what you believe they want and never give it back? It breaks my heart, more than growing up in a disfunctional and abusing family like I did.
We were a military family who moved a lot and more than once when we arrived in a new place a bunch of my stuff wasn’t there. Weight limits etc meant unimportant stuff didn’t get moved, and unimportant meant mine. (I mean, maybe my sisters lost some stuff too, but they never mentioned it.) So I get the kick in the gut feeling of having your stuff just ripped away from you forever. It sends quite a message to you as a kid.
Exactly. I think most of the pain we see in the kid's reaction comes from a sense of helplessness. It isn't actually about attachment to objects, it's feeling helpless and unsafe.
There's also the stuff on the device. A kid may earn enough to buy a new laptop but unless they were backing up all of their stuff all the time, who knows what they lost. Art? Writing? Photos of lost friendships? That, to me, would have been the real kicker as a kid. Take away the stuff I put a piece of my soul in to.
@@TheCloverGal i do feel the same about it. When I was young I used to have all my stories, art projects and pictures on my computer but I couldn't buy any kind of external memory, nor there were clouds back then... I would have been broken by losing it.
Not to mention the attachment to the media, stories or progress you had with those objects. Many are to pass the time, sure, but some are actual stories or challenges that you dedicated yourself to get. And now, it's all gone. It does hurt, even if it isn't real. Like losing the save files of a work in progress
Parents throwing tantrums and breaking things like this, while simulationously expecting CHILDREN to behave better than their own parents... its embarrassing and traumatizing to say the least.
Actually... parents destroying the property of their children is CHILDISH behaviour. It is a very unhealthy and immature way of dealing with negative emotions. Children will learn to do the same thing to others and be just as emotional immature when they grow up. Horrible cycle.
@@tetrahexaeder6312 Fr and then they resent they’re parents and don’t take them seriously my mom would break my Xbox and then I just said do it you’re dumbass is going to buy another one and that’s when she knew she was a child and stupid to waste money 😂💀
The thing that gets me about these is that they aren't actually teaching their kids responsibility. They're teaching their kids that they can't own nice things because someone is going to come along and destroy it. It teaching the kids they can't trust anyone. And it's not even 1:1 with real consequences. In the real world, if you don't do your job, your boss doesn't come to your house and break your stuff. Overall, I don't know why these parents think this is helpful. EtA response to the end of the video: I'm a big gamer, always have been. The kids reacting the way they do to the XBOXes going out the window or getting run over isn't how they feel about the device, it's about the time and effort that went into it. It's along the same line as someone destroying your computer with all of your files on it or destroying a photo album. It's something that has a physical representation of you memories, time, and effort on it. So all of your hard work getting literally thrown out a window is a big middle finger.
I agree with you, i think he didn't think enough about it, besides these devices are expensive too, i don't get why videogames are so demonized as a hobby.
I came to the comments to say pretty much this same thing. Its not about the object, its the time and effort and passion that went into it. Its the experiences, or appreciation or the art of it all, or hard effort and time spent in something they are passionate about. Its not about the system in 95% of cases. Its the memories of spending time with great friends, hours of work building in or experiencing created worlds, its the pride of finally beating a really difficult part that held you back for weeks. When parents destroy these things, its basically saying "I don't understand you or your passions, and I don't care to. Even though its very important to you, its worthless to me, so it doesn't matter if I destroy it. You won't do what I want you to, so what you care about doesn't matter." If you must, take away access to their current game or online access, refuse to buy them another game until they are willing to TALK THINGS OUT and try to improve. Don't do anything permenantly destructive. Don't destroy something they put their heart into, just because you could care less about it.
@@theoryquery it really really broke my heart to watch those videos, it is exactly as you describe it. When i was a kid my father broke my brother's piano because he was mad at him, it was one of the most sad and scariest thing i've seen, so i don't get how this is different, the worst part is that the reason behind it was totally stupid, so i won't supose that those parents in the videos are justified in their anger, we don't know what porcentage of them just felt like ruining the property of their sons, just because they are violent people, anything would have satisfied that necessity of breaking and humilliating their sons, if it had been any other object instead of a console or a phone, people would react differently. Why is this funny to people? I don't get it.
Or compare it to destroying your art you made. Some do digital art and writing - I would go mad if someone destroys my desktop with all my works on it - even if it's fiction for myself only.
@@shoficorazon Why it's funny to people? because it's happening to children aka an identity with no pride in it (unlike every other one) only shame and second class citizenship, it's a bigotry, if anyone else no laughter only outrage.
As someone on the Autism spectrum (specifically Asperger's,) the one with the Xbox games really hit me. I know those mannerisms all too well and have reacted similarly with not understanding why something is happening. For this clip it'd be the time (maybe multiple times) that my aunt (legal guardian from ages 11-18) went to my messy room with a trash bag, saying she'd toss out my toys if I didn't start cleaning right that minute. She didn't toss them out, (thank goodness,) but I still remember the fear, anxiety, and adrenaline to this day.
my dad did this ALL the time. Especially if he was fighting with my mom. They'd get into a fight and we (me sister and I) would get SCREAMED at to start cleaning right this second before i throw everything away.
as far as i know that clip is fake and part of an entire series of similar acted out events, but the acting is really really good so its entertaining but also makes you think about how stuff like that actually does happen
I honestly had a hard time watching this video. I have never understood how seeing people, especially kids, be in distress is funny. If the kids are spoiled, who's fault is that? It's not like the kids can spoil themselves. You reacted to these kids lacking emotional maturity and having reactions that were blown out of proportion. And you laughed at it. At some point these kids will be adults and will have to learn how to get some emotional maturity on their own, but they should have been able to learn this mostly from their parents. I work with kids. I work specifically with the kids that can't behave. I have never ever met a child that misbehaves because that is what they really want. I have never met a child that doesn't want to be good. What I have met are many kids that believe they are bad people and that trying to be good is no point because they know they will fail. And I'm genuinely disappointed in the fact that people find videos like this entertaining. I do not understand how seeing someone screaming and crying, even over "unimportant" things, is funny
This is exactly it. It makes sense with what I've seen with small kids as well. And as someone who as a child that had an exceptionally hard time behaving & had no idea why (and lived in an abusive household), I have always said that punishments like this or when I was hit just taught me that I was inherently bad & to try to hide "bad" behaviour better. And as many people in other comments have said, I remember the punishments but have no idea what they were for. Consequences need to follow & be firmly attached to the lesson they were given to teach. I had to learn all that self-regulation myself as an adult since I wasn't taught it as a child. Cause it was never about me not wanting to be "good" - I just didn't know how I could be. Nothing in this video (except the one where the girl was apologizing for stealing) was about teaching - it was solely about the anger of the parent. Also the reactions of the children are pretty equivalent to what I would expect if you did that to an adult too. I know lots of adults that greatly value those same things (computers, phones, consoles, etc) for a lot of the same reasons.
1:20 "as long as he paid for that laptop I think he has every right to destroy it" feels really wrong to me. my dad once took my glasses off my face and threw them across the room to break them because quote "I paid for these." by that logic apparently he was in the right to do that. imo parents do have a responsibility to pay for certain things for their child and shouldn't destroy them when they feel slighted or want to assert their dominance. especially when you're a minor and you literally do not have the means to support yourself, all the parent is teaching is that nothing the child has actually belongs to them and that it can be taken away at any moment.
Also, a gift is a gift. If you gave you child a thing it is now theirs. Did the thing come with terms, then those terms should be included from the start; fx. "you have to use this for school work and you have to do your chores or I take it back". Also, as a parent I would feel it is my failure in parenting if my child does not listen to and respect me. I would feel ashamed to film and publish my failure. And, watching a video with children we don't know anything about, we don't know if the parent are like this all the time... I only cringe at all these videos, no entertainment value at all. So much abuse going on.
1:20 "as long as he paid for that laptop I think he has every right to destroy it" yes and no. Officially, yes. Now, you break an object you gave to your child: you break the trust they have in you, you break the emotionnal attachment they have to that particular object, and you may also break a lot more... Eventually, you harm your child, and it will certainly backfire to you someday, thus harming you. Don't do that. Please. Just talk with your child. Calmly. Put limits where limits shall be put, but also listen to him. There's always a reason for something to be done or not be done. Your child is playing to much video-game. Ok, why ? Does he need it? Or does he not realise the consequences behind? Talk. Have a conversation. Listen. Work together to build your child's life and future. Don't just go a break everything because you can't hold it. That's childish, that's animal-ish. Show better to your kid. Please.
It's kind of funny that if a boyfriend were to destroy his girlfriend's glasses because hey, he paid for it, we'd call it abuse even though it's happening between adults. Meanwhile if an adult does the same thing to a child, it's somehow fine.
@@annalundquist7247 Then it is not a gift. You give a gift to someone to make them happy not to use it as another way to try and control them This is literally how groomers work to The offer you something in return of things that they want It is disgusting and it is NOT how a GIFT works
the lawnmower one is the worst for me because I think back when I first saw the video it was discovered that the teenager has autism…and his father really did that to him. As someone with it I could see some similarities when he was biting his shirt. There was like an extended video with him having a melt down and his brother laughing and filming him and he throws something at him, still screaming. it was all just disgusting.
This was mt first thought when I saw his body / arm movements. And his voice was more anguish than rage. It's cruel. If you had enough time to make a pile and get out the mower, then you had enough time to box it up and put it elsewhere.
I had a feeling he had autism based on his reactions. I was recently diagnosed with autism as an adult, I’ve had meltdowns before over very trivial things, I don’t think a meltdown in his case is at all unwarranted. He even said he wanted gaming to become his career; as someone who also has an interest in the gaming industry from a career perspective, it broke my heart even more. I can 100% understand the pain and I cringed at Jonathan’s reaction to that clip in particular. To that teen, those games were his future and his dreams, and his dad just ran them over with a lawnmower. I couldn’t imagine the pain I’d feel as a child or teen if my parents destroyed a game console, computer or my drawing tablet because I wasn’t doing what they wanted me to. It’s just heartbreaking. Should he have gotten a job still? Yeah, but the better way to go about it would have been to get him to understand that he can still pursue gaming as a career, but he also needs to gain some sort of steady income in the mean time. With autism, sometimes it can be hard to not see things in absolutes. It can take someone else to point out the grey areas and alternatives to us for us to even realize they’re there, or to seriously consider them.
I had not seen the video before, but that does make sense. My brother and I are autistic, and when he's not at his part time job, he's a recluse on the computer. About 10 or so years ago, my parents bought my brother (maybe in his teens, unemployed) a computer by way of buying parts and having my other brother build a desktop. The number of times my dad threatened to UTTERLY destroy that computer (and mine, though mine was bought by me with gift money from my grandparents) because things weren't going his way were innumerable... including but not limited to chores not getting done when/how he wants them (even as small as taking out a trash bag). He still likes threatening destruction of property, and laughs like a cartoon villain when our phones/computers aren't working properly...
yeah exactly, i picked that out from his first word and especially the melt down afterwards. the idea that this dad would take everything that brings his son on the spectrum comfort and destroy it like that because he graduated school three months ago and doesn't have a job yet is just awful. i can't believe anyone would get joy out of watching something like this, and i love jonathan but i'm also surprised he joined in with making fun of the kids in some points. the entire thing is sickening
I was unaware of the original video but having worked with a lot of autistic kids, was picking up on that vibe. It's horrible either way but the family deliberately targeting an autistic sibling to gang up on and bully him is just disgusting. Makes it even more disturbing, and even more unarguably abusive.
For a lot of kids, and X Box is also a resource they use to socialize with their friends. It's how kids hang out with each other. Destroying a console can disrupt how a kid keeps in touch and spends time with his friends. Taking away the console and making it clear that the console is a privilege is the way to go. But also for some of these kids, the reaction they have seems correct to me
Completely true. It happened to me with a phone, as a young adult. The one I had was damaged and I had to last two months without a phone and my God, the number of people I lost track of and contact with because I didn't have a cell phone.
My ex partner's largest group of friends were gamers living in Spain, he doesn't live in Spain. It's how he bonds with the majority of his friends because he only sees them once a year. You don't even need to be kids to socialize through consoles.
Yeah even as a adult ALL my friends are either in another country or too far to see often, without them i have no one because im not good at socializing in person. plus gaming is my hobby i spend hours and hours building towards something and the idea of losing my progress scares me so much.
So true. All my friends live far away and we stay in constant contact via phone. In person friends are great, but not that easy to come by, especially when health and finances aren't great. Not even mentioning the escapism my PC and phone brought me as a child and teenager living in an abusive home.
Isolation is a common abuse tactic. If the victim can't interact with others, then you've demonstrated total control over any possible source of happiness, thus making the victim afraid of you and more compliant later on. They are then told there's something wrong with them for wanting the object that allowed them to communicate with non-abusive people, which helps them internalize the idea wanting to interact with others is wrong and stupid. That keeps them from connecting with others, so the next abuser in their life has an easier time isolating them and hurting them. It's a beautiful cycle of abuse leading to more abuse.
I disagree with the laptop thing. He can take it away from her but her personal stuff is on there and maybe its important stuff on there. It is not okay to destroy it. I thing he goes over her privacy line. For a parent this is to far. And the violent aspect to shoot on it is way over the top. Sorry for English I'm not that fluent :) Love your videos even if I disagree! Greetings.
Your English was fine, and I whole-heartedly agree. Who knows what data she had on there that she now cannot get back. Not to mention he's teaching her to fire upon all her problems.
@@Mudfire15 smh, that kinda thing can keep a kid from graduating too then, when you factor in that a lot of schools can and do use graduation as a way to shake down student debt payments.
Me too. That kind of thing makes me wish someone would take that father's gun and smash it to pieces, see how he likes it. And the gun probably has far less put into it than that laptop.
I don’t think telling kids to “re-prioritize” is the right move here. If they’re acting like that over objects, i’m willing to bet that the larger family structure has a set of relationships where this kind of materialism festers. It would be better to deal with that than to tell minors to deal better with their parents’ bullshit
This. My parents were so antisocial on top of being immigrants who were unfamiliar and unwilling to integrate into society that I literally wasn't allowed to have any kind of connections. They cut off all their extended family and they wouldn't trust me to spend time with anyone who wasn't related so I had no choice but to bond with things. On top of that, it's really common for those with autism to form attachments to objects. They can feel safer and easier to understand than fickle people
Yeah, re-prioritising might not be the thing to do, because maybe objects are a need in the kid's life. Maybe just seek help, talk about it to the nurse at school, or to a psychiatrist (if available)?
I can tell you from a childhood of over the top punishments like this, I don't remember most of the things I supposedly did wrong. I remember the times I was punished for someone else's actions, but I don't remember any of the things I did wrong to warrant such severe punishments. I remember the times my mother punished me without my dad knowing and I remember the things I did wrong those times. Because those punishments were usually a good talking to. Not a lecture for hours, but telling me what I did wrong, why it was wrong, and how it impacted others. All my severe punishments ever taught me were to always say yes to a man, shut up, everything is your fault and it doesn't matter what you say or do, your are still always wrong.
I feel like Johno has missed something in the kids responses. These aren't about losing the phones, games, or systems themselves. They lost something more important than that. They have lost their link to people who they feel connected to. These parents even being able to do these things speaks volumes about why their kids are spending so much time on these devices and systems. They are finding connection to people who understand them on the other end. The responses aren't about losing an item, it's about lost connections, and they are grieving that in those moments. This coming from a mother of 4 kids who used devices over the last 3 years to stay connected to people because of social distancing. I am very disappointed in his take in this.
wholeheartedly agree. I usually like jonathan but this is really disappointing. even the idea he talks about in the video that the only things kids have a right to are food, clothes, and shelter, and that everything else is a privilege that can be taken away is really disturbing. kids don't have a right to social connections? to medical care? comfort objects, bodily autonomy, physical safety, respect? i get that's all you're legally required to provide as a parent, but that's still a person. a little person you created who is unable to provide for themselves. why even have a kid if you think that's the case? coming from someone whose parents used that argument to justify all kinds of messed up stuff, i find the whole thing really disgusting
@@tabaxi I think Jono was pointing out that phones and videogames, at the end of the day, ARE a privilege. You're not your kid's friend and no kid should be playing videogames for hours on end every day. There should be healthy boundaries with devices because kids are getting them to early and getting addicted to the point where they have meltdowns in school if asked to put them away during a class where they're supposed to be learning. Parents are part of the issue too where they're texting their kids all throughout the school day when the kid is supposed to be focused and in school.
Same. I didn't have a cell phone when I was a teenager and I didn't get into gaming until my 20's, my when I was a teenager my mom, in a fit of rage destroyed one of my books. I could have easily replaced it with babysitting money, but that doesn't undo the fact that she destroyed a book I love in the first place. Its not the loss of the object, its how the object came to be lost. A parent destroying something their child loves is cruel. My mom actually apologized to me, and my dad replaced the book, but the memory still disturbs me, and I haven't reread that specific book since and I'm in my thirties now.
These are all terrible parents. Breaking stuff, screaming at the kids, and delighting in their suffering? Oh yes, it is a wonder the kids aren't better behaved when their example is horrendous no? None of this was ok.
I’ve been watching content from both this channel and Cinema Therapy and this is the first time I have been genuinely disappointed at Jono’s take on something. The amount of emotional violence these parents are inflicting on their children is disgusting. A child (especially a neurodivergent one) is going to be greatly harmed by the destruction of one of their only means of escaping an obviously abusive home life. The idea of “I bought it for them so I can shoot it with a gun” turned my stomach. At the core of it, this Isn’t even about the object anymore. This is one person using a dramatic show of destruction to impose their will on another person- and then publicly humiliating them for being upset about it. I have thought about how someone normally so empathetic could find this funny and as someone who went through abuse as a child, it really hurt to see the pain these kids were going through here go unacknowledged.
Same… I trust his opinion on most things, but this video was a disappointment. I was kind of surprised, too, since when they covered _The Little Mermaid,_ he seemed adamantly opposed to the part where King Triton yells at Ariel and destroys her stuff and admitted that it was a terrible example of parenting. I don’t know why his take on essentially the same situation seems so different, here.
The gun thing definitely gave me the air of "and if you disobey me this gun is going to be turned on you" because what kinda crazy person breaks people's stuff with a gun and isn't abusive? Heck, break other people's in general, what kinda unhinged person does that?
As a mom I feel this is horrible. Even the one where the parent takes the child in to admit their wrongdoing, the public shaming is not ok. That in itself is a betrayal of trust if the child didn't consent to having the video uploaded for the world to see. Outside of all of that, there is so little context, Some of the reactions look like meltdowns and as an autistic these things that parents are doing to their children would trip me as an adult into a meltdown. The destruction of a possession I clearly value and use to regulate.... That could send me as an adult who has had years of learning and finding techniques to calm myself into a meltdown, with the added stress of being videotaped? I would never do that to my children.
I think you're pretty wrong in this one right from the beginning. I fundamentally disagree that it's fine to destroy the laptop just because he paid for it. And with a gun too. It's such a violent, heartless display of power and lack of compassion for your child. It's awful
And 3:23-3:25 you just called a genuinely traumatized by his dad young (teenage?) adult spoiled without ANY understanding if the kid's perspective?? WTF?
This video is basically my least favorite one of your videos so far. You say some good things but too many things endorsing child abuse, laughing at abused children, calling them spoiled, acting like their property is really the parents' property to do whatever they want with, and making me honestly feel less sure of how good of a parent you are to your 5 children when it comes to how unsympathetic you are to these children's trauma.
He didn't say it was fine. He said the parents were as childish as their children in letting their frustration lead them to act out and destroy their kids things. In every situation we saw here, except the father making his daughter admit to stealing, it is a parent failing as much as the children. The parents are oblivious to how wrong and how self-defeating it is because, that's how they were parented. Monkey See, Monkey Do. Nobody comes into this life knowing how to be a good parent. And unsurprisingly, people who were parented well, tend to be good parents because they learned from good parents. So, compassion is needed here for both the child and the parent, because they are hurting each other, and they need help. You have to lead by example if you are a parent. Your child needs to trust you and respect you, but if you don't trust your child's potential to grown up to be a decent human being, and if you don't respect that potential enough to give your child firm boundaries, this what you get. You have to make it about consequences, rules, and boundaries. Remember, these responses didn't just come out of the blue. The seeds of conflict were planted some time before. So both parent and child in these videos need retraining, and some self-discipline.
@@BigHenFor He waited till too late in the video to start saying it wasn't okay, acted like some of it was closer-to-okay than it was, and I very much disagree that "compassion is needed here for both the child and the parent, because they are hurting each other" - that's victim blaming, acting like the child is hurting the parent. Yes, compassion is needed for both. Yes, people who are abusive parents weren't parented well themselves most of the time and have unhealed trauma, sure. But I'm a survivor of child abuse and I actually am putting in the effort to learn how to be a good parent before even having kids, and learn how to handle my own triggers and heal from my own childhood too. At a certain point, when you are traumatizing others, the fact that there's an explanation for why you are this way doesn't excuse any of it.
@@VioletEmerald Violet, I hope when you read this, you are calm, thoughtful, and empathetic for everyone in this video. You will have had time to process things. He obviously didn't. He was put on the spot to react to behaviour that was shocking, and unsurprisingly his response wasn't perfect. He can see the feedback, and address it, and if I was his producer, I might choose less shocking material for review. It was just too triggering. He's an office-based therapist, and although he's a parent himself, I doubt that he's come across such behaviour like that before. He or his wife wouldn't do that. But even as a therapist, he's a human being himself, and he was unprepared for what he saw. You could see how shocked he was. I would say it was like sending a fireman to a fire, and by the time they get there its too late, and it's horrific. It takes time to process that, you can't come always prepared for everything. So, what I hope is that everyone involved learns from this, and does better next time. (You may wonder why I spoke about a fireman coming to a fire where it was impossible to save anyone, and they can see people dying. One of my favourite channels published a video about an infamous fire in New Orleans, that has important historical and social impact even today. It was arson. The description of the fire, and what happened to the victims before, during, and after the fire triggered me. It horrified me, and had to take time to process that. My fave did it because he wanted to tell the story, and explain why the social impact and politics is still revelant today. I was still staggered by it, and because it revealed what casual hatred can do. He knew the material was heavy, and asked viewers to remember the positive things that came out of it. I was still shocked for hours afterwards, but even the members of the community impacted found mercy and forgiveness for the suspected arsonist, who committed suicide a year after.) So, we can all learn something from this.
Anything beyond food, a roof above your head and clothes are entitlement... Honestly, I felt so unsafe when I heard that. I won't get into my parents fighting but they fought a lot and draw blood sometimes. My dad would lie and say 'everthing is fine in this family.' and as a kid I was afraid of my dad so I would play innocent, smile and agree. When I was 10/11, my Mother 'ran away' from home. She felt so terrified of my dad that she went back to her home, booked a ticket in secret and everything. I was the only one home at that time and didn't know what to do. My older brother was in school and my dad was overseas working. I called my dad later that day. We got our mom 'back' during the holidays a month later. According to my mom, she was scolded by her family for leaving us... The next year, I was taking my PSLE. On December, we went on a holiday that my dad planned but he didn't come along with us... When we came home, he had redecorated the whole house and done a bunch of other things. He threw away most my brothers' and my teddy bears. He painted my room pink because I was a girl... Just for extra context, pink was my least color and the previous color, warm yellow was my favourite color. So, he changed the color of my wallpaper, big deal right? Well, I remember feeling like I lost my safe space. I remember having an absolute meltdown and I felt unsafe in my own room. I still live with my parents now at 20 turning 21 later this year. I still hate it. That wasn't all he had done. He had thrown away our books and rearranged so many stuff. I remember my brother absolutely screaming and arguing with my dad because some of those books and papers were actually important and necessary for school. I lost things and was upset too. I drew on my walls. My dad was super upset but at that point I didn't care about anything anymore. Before, I felt like I had control over my room. It was kept as neat and tidy as I was able to make it... After that day, I didn't bother cleaning. I scribbled and made a mess of my room and still I didn't feel safe in it anymore. I would spend hours just crying. I remember holding back tears when I was a kid everytime we had homework about things like 'write an essay on the things you are grateful for from your parents'. When I was 13, I owned my first smart phone and well my room wasn't a safe space but my phone was sweet escapism... I can't even imagine how I would react if that was taken from me too...
I am so wierded out as to why would you be so chill about this. The only thing you seemed shocked about is the children's reactions - the only thing that seemed completely understandable to me. Children are people. If somebody enters your space and screams at you, insults you, and then takes your device for communication with your friends or something you use regularly and just shatters it before your eyes, all the while filming you and making YOU out to be the villain and exposing you to be shamed and ridiculed by literally anybody, you have every right to get upset. You wouldn't do that to an adult. It's like laughing at a child getting slapped - breaking something dear to another person's heart is just VILE, even if that thing is technically yours. It's crazy to me that you're like "eh, hehe spoiled kids, they should do chores", like, these children have a right to feel safe. That's not a privilege, it's a right. And in all of these videos, that right is severely violated. They have a right to a sane, non aggressive parent who they feel safe with, and this ain't it, man. Like, the technology and the chores is the least of their issues. In my eyes, the only parent here who isn't downright abusive is the one whose kid was stealing. For all the others, getting your kids to do the dishes is soooooo low on the priority list that it isn't even worth mentioning. Literally if they did anything similar to that to an adult, they'd be labeled as an abuser. The only difference is that children's brains are not developed yet, so they have these extreme reactions (these kids weren't aggressive to the parent, just freaked out) and then it's sooo easy to go "ah, poor parents". It's crazy to me how little empathy people have for children.
Kids problems are the world to them. You are still demonstrating ageism here and dismissiveness here. It doesn't matter that you think your problems are more serious. The one upmanship of who has the worst problems are the only only ones who get to feel it or complain is a terrible way to look at life. All you do when you tell someone you don't know what 'real' problems are is dismiss your children and teach them to offer love and help on some heirarchy of pain. All problems and pain are real to the people that are feeling them. Guide them through it and teach them coping tools and how to manage their problems so that they can handle them. Every second of this look what I can do to you was disgusting
I completely agree. Pain is objective AND subjective. I would like to add that "kids problems" can be on the level of perhaps a kid being visibly upset coming home to tell their parent that someone in their class stole their favourite pencil and then the parent has to set aside their own biase (history of perhaps having a very expensive item stolen) to provide support & put themselves in the position of the child & to not just be dismissive or devalidate them. We don't have to put ourselves in a child's position to know that it is violating to have another person purposely break our belongings expecially a laptop in front of us. It's not really just the attachment to the devices, If I accidently dropped & broke my laptop as a result my responce would be very different to if a person grabbed a hammer & started hitting it perhaps while laughing. No matter my age. It's context, these parents are bullying & humiliating their kids and the kids are responding. Sadly a lot of parenting is just behaviorism, they want them to behave in a certain way without caring why the are doing the things the are doing that they don't want them doing which is really not preparing them for adulthood. I hope these kids are able to figure these things out to not continue the cycle which they probably won't even have the guide from their parents for.
100 percent agree. People need to remember kids don’t have as much life experience as adults do so their ‘reference library’ for experiences is smaller. Of course a toddler is going to cry a lot when he hits his head on something, it’s the worst pain he’s experienced so far. And similarly a teen is going to have that reaction when their property is destroyed by their parents. Comparing pain only compounds it.
It is only the AMOUNT that can make a SITUATION worse but not the problem any less real or serious It is disgusting if a person who literal JOB to help people by finding out something that the victim can't still dismisses IMPORTANT parts of it and spreads harmful misinformation
That any parent would feel the need to destroy the things that make their children feel safe and happy is absolutely disgusting. A child not doing chores or talking back is not even in the same universe as destroying a child’s property. No wonder your kids don’t want to spend time with you. You aren’t even remotely safe.
It also teaches the kid that you don't talk things out, you do something to hurt the other person back when they hurt you. I know, because when my dad destroyed things I would deliberately act like I felt nothing because I knew it would hurt him just as much as having my stuff destroyed hurt me. I remember being eight and pulling that, which is very young to be engaging in psychological warfare with a parent. Currently we talk once every few months now that I'm an adult and it's mostly by accident, when I call home and he picks up instead of my mom.
Am I the only one who couldn’t watch this whole thing without getting anxiety?! I read through the comments and was surprised it wasn’t all over the place. Watching parents treat their kids like that is heartbreaking. I get not wanting your kids to be spoiled or whatever, but there are MUCH better ways to go about it. I couldn’t get through half of it!
@@Mohenjo_Daro_ Aged based bigotry runs *deep* in our society, even the therapists and mental health "experts" aren't safe from it, remember these were the people who recommended domestic violence a very short time ago with fervour too. It's best to remember everyone is a person first and their job second, they bring a lot of prejudice, bias and whole history of their own to work, in this case a bigotry.
It doesn't give me anxiety because having lived through it, my brain just kind of gets static-y and distant when this sort of thing happens. It's wild the kind of things you can get used to and how your mind can learn to just not feel until the danger has passed.
The right and privilege part caught me. Food, Shelter, Clothing OBVIOUSLY he doesn't mean just that, I get it but ....surely children have a right to a little more from parents right? As far as guiding and protecting a humans mental well being as they grow up and learn life.
@@malexandra2492 Exactly "Guiding and protecting a humans mental well being as they grow and learn life" he literally mentioned the parents reacting with childish erratic behavior WHICH IS LITERALLY what their kids learned from them. They aren't protecting and Guiding at all and it just I guess bothered that he didn't mention more. I know he's covering things in broad topic etc but these parents lol I don't trust them 😂
The “parents prank their kids” thing makes me angry, but this is even worse. These people think they’re so funny and clever and other parents are cheering for them… but one day those kids will cut them out of their lives forever and they’ll wonder why because they think they did nothing wrong.
Yes! Absolutely. These parents are doing much more harm than good. Their kids will then end up potentially doing the same actions, or even treating their spouses or kids this way in the future. When my uncle misbehaved, a therapist or someone told my grandma took take away all of his belonging and that includes pictures on walls and stuff. Like everything. She didn’t do it. It’s one thing to take away a select item, but taking away everything from a kid’s room is going to make them feel like they’re in a jail cell
I usually agree with most of what you say in your videos. But I think the biggest driving factor in the kids' reactions in these videos is that the phone or console might be their only way of interacting with their friends or loved ones. Suddenly having the device destroyed often means that there is no other method to contact those people until the device is replaced entirely, and that can depend on the mood of the person who destroyed the device. And yes, obviously there is also a separate problem of gaming addiction, but anecdotally, online connections these days can be just as or even more fulfilling than a real life friendship which is a concept that simply didn't exist up until the late 90s. I think that might be a perspective that is sometimes lost on people that didn't grow up with the internet in their pockets. That being said, I love your videos! I'm not a teenager, but I still forget there are people who didn't grow up with Myspace. c:
A lot of parents tell their child they shouldn't be on electronics so much, but also don't allow the child to have any social interaction outside of electronics. I think it's a power trip thing, personally. If you make the only outlet of communication something you can break, then you can break your child's spirit on demand, whenever you want.
I also just want to add, the reaction from most of these parents, triggered a fear response in me. Legitimately I felt like I wanted to run and hide from them. I had a father that would yell and throw stuff when he got upset or frustrated. He NEVER was willing to listen to reason, or our side, or why this stuff was important to us. It was so dehumanizing for me and my sister. Even worse was when he got frustrated or overwhelmed, and had outbursts like these. We learnt to fear getting in his way or getting on his bad side. He was the adult, and what we wanted, or needed, or cared about mattered less than his, because he was the adult and "because I said so". I LOATHE that phrase and hope to never say it to my kids. I NEVER want my kids to have to fear me, EVER.
My parents wrote "Because I said so" on the paddle they used to spank us with. We got slapped, shoved, one of us got tackled to the ground. I hate that phrase, too. Absolutely hate it.
I stopped watching the video when the therapist admits that he's entertained. Listening to these children in distress brought out the opposite effect on me: my stress hormones have gone through the roof. I can not imagine how a child feels in that moment. I can't imagine giggling at a child feeling unsafe. I'm angry that these things happened to minors, and that they were filmed and broadcast for the world to see. Also, about the young teen in the orange shirt (Dad lawn mowed his video games). I'd bet he's neurodivergent in some way, not "spoiled". I have no way of knowing for sure, but his mannerisms seem different. I think this video is in poor taste for a therapy education video. I only write the comment because I think this channel usually does have great content, and would want to hear constructive criticism.
You'll notice that in most of these videos the parents are actually shouting louder/acting more unstable than the child who is watching their things get destroyed. That really says a lot doesn't it?
I have a problem. At the end you said, "You can interact with the people that you live with, it's not too much to ask." As a person who had an extremely abusive childhood, it can be too much to ask. If people hurt you, even the smallest interaction outside of what is necessary is too much to ask. In general though, the fact that some of these parents recorded this stuff and put it online makes me think they're doing so for clout, and I find the concept of publicly shaming your kids to get attention abhorrent. Bad bad bad on them.
I don't think these kids are spoiled. They're probably neurodivergent, or have trauma that has previously destroyed their family relationships. The parents don't want to take responsibility for their part in that trauma, so they inflict more trauma. These are the parents who will whine about their kids moving away, never visiting, and never calling. They will claim they love their kids and did their best, while refusing to acknowledge their own toxic behavior.
Wow. You really missed the mark with this one. That kid who immediately started apologizing and crying...That is the response of someone who has already been abused and knows what's coming.
It is really difficult for me to watch children being blatantly abused. Can we put a content warning on here? I guess we don't have to. But this is really hard to watch
Eh. It's not about the actual item itself in these cases (at least not for the majority of kids). It's about the things ON the device. If my parents destroyed my computer as a teen, I would have lost art, writing, poetry, diaries, important papers like my transcript, photos, videos, and more. I would have lost friends as well. Not to mention basic computer and email access is crucial to get through school these days. Even on the base level, losing video game progress isn't really as minor as it can seem -- most video games are either social (more lost friends, hooray) or are effectively stories you are both experiencing and writing. If my parents had come through and burned my physical writing and my book collection, that's the same hurt. That it's digital doesn't matter. Particularly as kids don't have the means to even begin to replace their lost items...like jeez man it's basically a house fire to them. I normally agree with you on things, and maybe it's my age - 20s - but when I see laptops getting destroyed my first thought is not "oh gosh that's like $1k, yikes." It's "oh my gosh, all of their most deeply personal stuff is just...gone." It's isolating.
I want to touch on something that struck a nerve with me, as someone who was one of those kids that had a parent that destroyed my things, took the door off the hinges, deleted my files, and all around disrespected my autonomy and my privacy. This idea of "you can do some chores" and "you can interact with the people that you live with" is very much too much to ask. These clips that you watched are just snapshots of people's lives. Meaning that for something so mundane or silly as video games to be so important to these kids means that these parents aren't only acting childishly agressive in situations where the child isn't obeying. I really need to reiterate- it is TOO MUCH to ask. Sometimes I think adults take for granted just how children are blank slates that are going through life actively learning behavior from their parents and peers. If a child isn't being open and forward with compassion is love, I have found that it's because of a negligence on the parent's end- whether they know it or not. Not to mention, we could apply this to adult things as well. My grandfather tried to sell my mother's home while she was still living in it. My Grandmother has a bad habit of never showing affection. This had been compounded into my mother, who has the tendency to over excagerate problems and become swept up in her reactions to any little situation that could have been fixed if she knew how to listen, to empathize, and to understand that my world is entirely different from hers. My doing chores was never good enough for her. My sitting in the same room was just a gate way for her to belittle and nit-pick everything I did. These kids are people too. As a family counselor, I urge you to reconsider your understanding on situations like these. These aren't one offs. These videos are how the parents typically deal with their children. And to destroy something that your child loves, even if it's not real or that it's not helping them, is always bad. To kids, losing something important to them IS a real problem. To kids, keeping up with their friends IS a real responcibility. To kids, being able to make some autonomous decisions is essential or they will start to feel like they can't be their selves at home. Please, please, please. Try to see things from a kid's perspective in tandem with their parent's when giving advice for situations like this.
What I find so profound is this isn't just with electronics. Everyone gets so frustrated over kids loving their Xbox, phone, computer, etc. so much. I was like this before I was even old enough to have such things. My dad was really abusive, and I knew if I ever made a mistake I would be beaten or starved. It was much easier, and, frankly, nicer to live in a fantasy world. I'm on the spectrum so basically had 0 friends until I was in high school, so back in the day, I'd sit in my room playing with my toys or I'd run around the backyard and make up fake worlds. If I could help it, I would never hang around my family and if they took any of these things off me, I was distraught. The reason being - they were my only source of happiness. It's not electronics that are the problem, it's parents not setting clear boundaries with consequences, and abusive parents who don't give the child space to WANT to hang out with them.
@@gh0st_xr "clear boundaries with consequences" is a euphemism for awful treatment. The only problem is a lack of genuine love and affection and that *never* entails hurting or causing emotional or physical pain to another person to any extent we recognise and understand this in ALL of our other relationships but can't in the son/daughter/father/mother one? The problem is having zero trust in children thinking they need strict control and things forced on them to act like decent people, truth is they already are better than merely decent and giving "consequences" is what makes them less so.
Therapists, looking at toxic families: "You can interact with these people." Kids: "I don't like being treated like garbage and I like interacting with people who don't scream at me." Therapists, sighing: "Just do your chores and hang out with them, it'll be fine." I live in the state with the highest suicide rate in the US (well, when Alaska isn't beating us, we trade off every three or four years). I had classmates who mentioned their therapists invalidating them before they killed themselves. It's not something any therapist will ever admit but a lot of the time, being told not only do what you feel and think don't matter but the toxic environment wouldn't be toxic if you just tried harder is enough to make someone go, "everyone would be better off without me" or "I know things aren't ever going to get better" and do something they can't take back.
Losing something important is a problem for everyone not just for kids. Regardless i 100% agree with your point! Children are NOT property, they are an EQUAL and INDIVIDUAL living being with their own dreams and personalities! You can not just tell them to behave! You need to show AN EXAMPLE with yourself unless you have NO RIGHTS to even ask for them to cooperate with you! I can not believe that even a psychologis is that short minded that it is not one of his FIRST THOUGHT to imagine them in someone else's shoes. Seriously how people get this job even if they can not think at least on a level of a toddler.
as a parent of teens it never fails to blow my mind that adults can act like children and refuse to just treat their kids like people. have a fucking conversation with your kids and NONE of this shit would be necessary. it's disgusting. Edit to add: please explain why seeing anyone, especially a child's pain is funny or entertaining in any way. coming from a professional, especially.
Kids are constantly trying to reason with adults from the dawn of time and receiving only coercion, double standards, gaslighting, punishments/sufferings, hypocrisy, cruelty and humiliations but when someone behaves in an abhorrent way we say they're behaving like "children" even whilst knowing and recognising the fact the majority of abhorrent behaviour (immoral and criminal acts) are not done by them at all. Reason I responded with this is because I strongly agree with parts of your comment (particularly the end) but you said when you seen this poor behaviour from the parent's they were acting "like children" and making that identity/label synonymous with bad behaviour/unreasonable etc, is part of the reason why they're (mis)treated this way in the first place so you're unknowingly perpetrating the bigoted attitude which undergirds this abuse even though well meaning and speaking truth.
Except for the girl apologizing for shoplifting (and even then it shouldn't have been recorded), these are all terrible parenting. The big tell for me is that it's not actually about the stuff. Destroying the kid's stuff will do nothing to change the undesired behaviour. Likely it will make them want to do the desired behaviour even less. In the case of the laptops and maybe even the phones, the kid may have needed the device for schoolwork, so it's not just about toys and games here. The parents have turned themselves into erratic, unpredictable monsters to their kids. Their absolute only leverage is the fear they instill. That's not going to last forever -- eventually the kid will be bigger/stronger/more independent, and the control will cease. And then what happens when the kids does grow up and move out? Who wants to visit a parent who controlled you with fear?
The lawnmower guy literally shredded hundreds of dollars in one go. For his son not being out of the house/getting a job *3 months* after graduation. The son didn't just watch his games get destroyed- he watched his dream job go up in flames. And lmao, what's with all these parents taking videos of their kids in pain? The best parent I can spot here is the theft one, but even then, wtf? WHY would you record it? And then SHARE it? Really, I know kids screaming/crying over physical possessions like they're people is bad, but I find parents who record this kind of stuff worse than whatever tantrum is happening onscreen.
Wow these parents are terrible human beings. I thought the same thing about that kid locking his mom out after she broke his laptop 🤣 I feel like the guy who had his X-Box games destroyed could sue his father and would win in court.
"You need some acquaintance with real problems." Sir, I genuinely enjoy your videos and I have respect for you, but how is a parent having a full grown temper tantrum, gleefully destroying their child's stuff while mocking their pain, not a real problem? When I was a teenager, I upset my mom one too many times to the point where she had one of these tantrums, but the thing she destroyed was not a gaming device (didn't have a cell phone at that point, and I wasn't a gamer until my 20's). She grabbed one of my harry potter books and threw it down the stairs and broke the spine. A book is sooo much more easier for a teenager to replace than an expensive gaming device or phone. I had a job at the time too, so I had the money to replace it. I never did. Her reaction was deeply upsetting. The words she said as she was throwing things around was deeply upsetting. I never replaced that book, not because I couldn't afford to, I certainly could, but because that book is now associated with the night that my mom deliberately destroyed something she knew I loved, because she was momentarily angry with me. My dad did eventually replace the book, and while I do have it among my collection of books that I have carried with me into every place I've ever lived as an adult, I have never opened it up to read it. And it was just a book.
I think it's important to keep in mind, that this is the stuff they do in front of a camera. Some they chose to film themselves, so this was planned out and they're on their best behavior to look like a good parent, some are because another kid pulled out their phone to record because they knew that small issue was going to escalate into something worth recording. Both scenarios suggest the parents are this bad or way worse ALL THE TIME! The kids may not be right to act the way they do, but has anyone modeled better behavior or given them the connection at home that they're searching for through texting friends? These parents are abusive and their "spoiled" kids are actually just coping and living in survival mode! I know, because my parents were very similar, but even they didn't get this extreme! It will take a lifetime of therapy to undo the harm my parents did to my siblings and me!
As an introvert and gamer, watching these videos is heartbreaking. The parents are only breaking what little trust their kids have left in them. My father unplugged and hid the modem for the internet more than once. It only made me distrust him more than I already did. I'm even in therapy for reasons I don't need to share here, but they are attached to him.
Even when I was in my early twenties, when visiting my dad for a few months, he STILL tried to regulate my ability to connect to the internet. It's absurd. Just made me more angry, especially on nights when I literally couldn't sleep because I suffer from insomnia. It wasn't the computer keeping me up, the computer was just helping me cope through my inability to sleep.
My dad broke my stuff and I genuinely cannot recall trusting him. I'm sure that was a thing at some point but it hasn't been for so long I can't recall thinking he could be trusted with anything.
Okay, counterpoint: These kids aren't just reacting to losing a device. They're freaking out because the parent successfully emotionally manipulated them by taking their favorite thing and using their position of power to destroy it. The parent is making the statement, "You have no freedom under me, and you don't seem to get it, so allow me to take the escape you have and leave you hopeless." I think that's the issue. As an adult, that's how I'd feel if someone deleted my Google photos. It's not a person, but it's two decades of something really important to me, and to know that someone hated and disrespected me enough to destroy that would be absolutely devastating.
Good point. It isn't just about losing access to the property, it's also the flex the parent is doing. "Everything that you have access to is actually mine, and I can take it away if you displease me, and you have no recourse." If my wife was financially dependent on me, I bought her a nice dress and then trashed it when she displeased me, there is a lot more at play there than just her not being able to wear that dress. My act of destroying her dress is implicit (arguably explicit) way of asserting my dominance over her.
You have to understand that a lot of these are not just some videogames, but ways to connect to other people. At some time in my life I also was spending a lot of time in an online video game, but it was mainly for the people I got to know there. I had almost no real life friends, not that I didnt want to, but it isnt always easy to connect to others, if you are always a bit of a weirdo. I also had some romantic interessts in this game, and plans to meet them in real life. If someone would suddenly permanently take all of this away, I also would have been very upset and desperated. So I can totally understand these reactions and not at all think they are too much.
The screaming and swearing at the kids, destroying their beloved items, and throwing tantrums just shows that these "parents" are unhinged and immature. They need serious help.
I disagree with the end bit about the kids reactions. As many have said these devices are more than just games there's all kinds of uses and a big one these days is communication. Modern gaming has a huge social aspect to it. As someone who struggled growing up to make connections in real life some of my best friends were those I connected to online. Losing my only reliable means to interact with them would have been devastating. This is also very important in regards to American living culture. So many people live wayyyy too far away from their IRL friends that they likely only get to see them at school and that's another power pushed onto the parent for 16 years or in most cases even longer is to drive their kids to their friends house because walking/biking is unreasonable in many locations (I was fortunate enough to have lived in a walkable town for a while growing up but I also have lived on the side of a highway before where without my parents I couldnt go anywhere). If they have friends farther than their hometown they likely never get to see them. The only way to interact with them would be through online means. Destroying these devices can devastate their social relationships with friends and that rightfully makes these kids upset. It's also a huge sadness that comes from something you're passionate about being disregarded entirely as if things I like will never hold any meaning. My parents threw away my Yugioh cards growing up and it was awful. I was always told my stuff was childish and I need to "grow up". well I still have yugioh cards to this day and as an adult realize it has its own niche community of people who love playing this game. Imagine if they took that time to invest in my hobby and allowed me to connect with others who were interested in it instead. Obviously there needs to be a fine line but by disregarding my hobby I learned only to keep stuff from my parents rather which resulted in them not being a part of who I am. Not to mention games are something I spent a lot of time on. I wanted to be involved with gaming growing up only to have my parents shut me down at every opportunity cause I just wanted "to play". I wanted to make games. It was a passion I threw away due to how my parents always turned down my passions and look at the industry now (slowly working on getting back into it now at 30yrs old). Its so freaking huge. I empathize greatly with these kids who are being entirely disregarded in their lifestyle by the very people who are supposed to guide them.
I was vaguely disappointed by your statement that these kids are over reacting and need to reevaluate their attachments to objects. Kids over react! Their brains are not good at emotional regulation yet & it takes a lot of work to develop. How do you expect kids, who don’t have fully developed fronts lobes, to manage their emotions in a situation where the adults are intentionally trying to get an emotional rise out of them?
The worst part to me is the fact that one of the family members is filming this traumatic moment of the child & then posting it online for them to be forever humiliated by it as if the punishment wasn’t already punishment enough… just think of the bullying if their peers ever found the video of them in that vulnerable state, if you’re gonna have these extreme parenting tactics at least keep it privately in the family, that would make me lose trust in my family even more than the lost trust from breaking my things!!!
Most of the time I agree with and love your videos, I had a hard time with this one. I grew up in a house like this. My parents were very abusive and this is how they responded to everything. Seeing these videos… why are you laughing and saying it’s entertaining??? You’re a family therapist!!! You should know that if this is happening enough to where someone knows to start filming then this is not a “one-off parent-made-a-rash-decision” and they are NOT going to follow “with an increase of love” yeah the one where he took her to apologize is good, but again, why is it being FILMED!!! My heart breaks for these kids! I’m really struggling with your reaction because yes having those belongings is a privilege but I can guarantee that’s not all that’s being taken away. The one where the mom says she’s gonna take his DOOR and the HE HITS HIMSELF!!!! And YOU LAUGHED!!! I cried. I watched my brother do that because if he hit himself and looked “sorry enough” then maybe he wouldn’t get beaten when dad got home. Removing privacy is abuse. Your kid deserves to be able to change without the house watching. Again except for the one where he takes her to apologize and be accountable (because that’s a consequence that fits and aligns with their behavior and actions) except for that one, all of these just scream abuse to me. No one deserves to be made to feel like they will have the things they care about ripped away from them at any time. Also, you say they need “real world problems” to balance it out??? Adults were surveyed about the biggest betrayal they ever experienced and many related something like a friend taking an Xbox game to the same level as a business partner running off with $10,000!!!! Those things hurt. Just because a popsicles color isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not to a kid. Do better.
This is just straight up abuse. My parents did this crap to me long before youtube and facebook were a thing, and they delighted so much in my anguish that I can guarantee they'd have filmed and uploaded it had the technology been available. I was *not* a bad kid by any stretch of the imagination. They punished me for fun and as catharsis for not having control over their own lives. There were many times they accused me of things I never did and wouldn't have done because I was so deeply terrified of them, and often they'd say "Well, you're being punished now so you won't ever even think of doing it." Then they'd throw all of my books and toys in a pile in the middle of my room, and make me choose what they'd destroy. It's not funny. It is terrorizing your kids, and posting their anguish and fear of your domineering behavior is public humiliation on top of bullying them and teaching them that you cannot be trusted. To parents thinking this is funny: Your kids are not your property. They are humans. Stop doing this. It's not about the objects you're destroying; it's about how you are treating them. They will never forget it and it will bother them for the rest of their lives. And I'd also like to add, for people who think these videos are entertaining or a guilty pleasure: For those of us who have lived through it, these videos can legitimately trigger C-PTSD flashbacks. It is NOT entertainment. It's making us relive the memories of being screamed at and reminded that we weren't real people.
Most of those kids were never once taught how to regulate their emotions, clearly. That kid shifting from “ get out of my room! “ to “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” just symbolises that he learn to express emotions through a fight for power with his parents. I’m learning so much about what not to do in the future!
But they're not reacting like an object has died, Jonathan. They're children and these objects are their connections to the only safe spaces that function for them and losing that connection while having little to no hope to find a decent replacement (in their family) then that is devastating. They're showing a normal reaction! Appropriate to their situation. They're children who just have these coping mechanisms - as their parents were not in a place of giving them another, maybe because they didn't know any better. And they're as emotionally disregulated as the lack of skillets that their parents have allowed them to be and modeled to them. The kids and the devices are not the problem. The adults and systems in which the adults live, are the problem. I personally can't have any guilty pleasures there. It's just devastating no matter which angle I look at it from. They're flaunting to the world how very lost they are snd how little hope they have for improvement. The last one was technically better but practically absolutely abusive. Because once you put that stuff into public, you rob the child off their chances to actually make a comeback. You have no control over who will see it and judge them by their past self. It's already difficult enough for adults but adults at least in theory can access tools to handle that impact. Kids and teens cannot. Which makes it completely disproportionate punishment. Especially if you never stopped to ask WHY your child would stoop so low as to steal. And if you aren't punishing a child for a clumsy and inappropriate attempt to e.g. escape peer to peer bullying. And then punished their cry for support, never addressing the issue and making yourself an unsafe source of help. I really agree with the stance that at the very least it must be weighed up with unconditional love. And parents must reflect very welk on what "appropriate" even means, from the child's not the adult's perspective. How to do it if you don't even know what things ACTUALLY mean to your kid? People never attach to anything without reason. Know the reason! Install ways to communicate the reason. Observe enough to fill in the gaps. Be safe to get chores done for you before throwing a tantrum of not getting help AND properly rule out medical issues like ADHD first before implying laziness and malice out of a place of hurt ego. So, yes, it is too mucb to ask to interact with the people in your home if they're not safe to interact with. That was my Ted talk.
Dr Decker, usually, I find your content insightful, but this is the only time where I don't consider it so. This is my first (and only) comment and I made it in the spirit of constructive criticism. I think your condemning the parents was good, but not strong enough. I agree with your assessment of the shoplifting situation. #badparents #badparenting #parentingadvice Indeed, I think that you completely missed the point underlying the video, especially with the advice to children part about maturing and gaining more life experience because their objects are important to them, those parents were doing psychological warfare on their children: destroying their belongings and thus shattering their safe space to assert dominance because they were displeased that their offspring wasn't compliant. The issue is the following: the parents refuse to acknowledge their children's personhood because they consider these children as extensions of the adults... after all, these children are THEIRS...like a pet, or a car. And, like those two, the children should be at the adult's beck and call, obeying them blindly, if not, then they are to be punished to be reminded who their masters are. The advice you should have given was to be on how to survive in a household where they aren't considered as individuals with rights to privacy and ownership nor to empathy, but as extensions of their parents, and thus, objects meant to obey their masters. As other people have mentionned, the parents were emotionally abusive and no joy should be taken from the videos, these children should be empathized with, not mocked or told in nice platitudes to grow up. They should be given tools and resources to navigate this fraught environment while preserving their agency, rationality and trust in others. I personnally would have advised them to seek support and comfort in people outside of the home to whom they could vent, like friends, for example. I am not a parent myself, but I have worked with children and teenagers for enough time to know that these parents' behaviour is unaccceptable...if teachers did any of this, they would be out of a job in a day with justifiably outraged adults on their heels demanding the revocation of their teaching license. But since these adults are parents, they can choose to raise their kids however they want, however irresponsibly and cruelly, because, and I quote sarcastically, they are trying their best with no training and they gave them life, which brings us back to the perception of children as extensions of their parents.
@@alalalal5952 I worked in summer camps since I was sixteen, first as a helper to a councellor for two, then as councellor for four years. I also studied in education for three years, worked a little in schools. Finally, I have an interest for developmental psychology and psychology in general. I also am lucky to have found genuine kind people with more life experience than me from whom I can learn and who gently set me straight when I'm wrong.
This. You have no idea how many times counselors, mentors, teachers, therapists, and friends have told me to "create space." I still have no idea what that means. I've also heard of grey rocking but that's about as effective as "just ignore them" when it comes to bullies. With parents, that technique makes them angrier because they think you aren't paying attention
@@calladricosplays Maybe "to create space" means to create a space that is uniquely yours outside of the home, it can be venting to friends you trust about your feelings, using art or sports to let out that anger. I know no solution is perfect and ignoring them isn't always the answer, but it can help whenever it's possible. For example, close the door to your room if they are yelling at you from far away or try to rationalize their actions like this you don't see them as all powerful anymore. I personnally don't know your situation, so forgive me if my answer sounds generic.
I have an older friend who loves to collect certain things. I think he may be ever so slightly on the autistic spectrum. When he was an adolescent, his father and step-mom threw out all his collectible toys when he was at summer camp because they thought he should "man up." He is now well into his late 50s and he still is incensed by that act and casually mentions it every so often. It's not exactly the same as what's happening in a videos, but just goes to show that parents can sometimes cause lasting damage without realizing it. I think it sometimes goes deeper than what a parent might see as just a physical object but the violation of trust and boundaries it represents.
this video is horrifying! This isn't "spoiled kids getting owned!" it's grown-ass adults taking their emotions out on children they're in a position of power over
A few months ago, my family discovered some old home videos. The last 10 minutes of one tape was both my parents chasing my brother around (about age 7/8, 30 now) with the camera, harassing him about not getting his homework done and threatening to show the tape to future friends/girlfriends/etc. - little bro was crying profusely, but they couldn't have cared less... When I was about 9/10, my mom stood by in near-hysterics while I gathered up my meager pokemon collection (several cards, a guide book, and some happy meal toys) to be tossed out immediately. She claimed it was because she'd seen stuff on the news about babies choking on toy poke balls and something about the pokemon being essentially 'pocket devils'. My youngest brother was a baby, so the choking hazard almost made sense (except the only pokeballs i had were from Burger King and would barely fit in my adult hand now). Years later, she admitted that she and/or my dad were 'worried I was getting addicted' - with banning/removing pokemon from the house being the only answer. When I was in the low-mid single-digits, I cut my brother's hair and that of a stuffed Max from The Little Mermaid. One day, Max disappeared. Several years later, mom revealed - in public, at the hair-cutter's - that she'd thrown it away. She was laughing. I had to keep a straight face and steady voice asking about it, without receiving decent answers... In the years since, there's been: tons of screaming, threats of property removal/destruction, violence and threats of violence/death... but I was raised around people who believed that intense threats/actions were perfectly fine. Only in the last couple of years have I learned that much of what I and my siblings/relatives/colleagues endured was abuse. In other news, an old friend once shared with me and a small group that he had OUT OF ANGER busted one of his son's nerf guns over his leg - and only regretted it because it caused him (the father) physical pain...
I work in a shelter for homeless youth. in 9/10 cases the youth are coming from backgrounds of abuse, and destroying kids possessions is extremely common in those situations. whether or not the parent spent their money on those possessions initially is honestly irrelevant -- a child isn't in control of what is given to them as gifts or who it's from, and tearing a gift back I order to destroy it is 110% an exercise of control and domination. these parents aren't just behaving childishly and they're not just imparting a bad lesson. they are behaving abusively, paired with recording that abuse to further humiliate their children online (with the exception of the father having his daughter return something she stole, though I still don't see a positive spin on recording it and posting it online, something the kids doubtfully agreed to). whether or not the parents are generally abusive is beside the point, because these actions are taken with a deliberate intent to cause harm and exert control, and that is not in any way acceptable.
these reactions left me disappointed now i just have a bitter taste in my mouth... these parents are the ones who haven't taught their children how to manage screen time and how to deal with their emotions yet somehow this video pins the responsibility on the child??? (shown by some comments throughout the video and especially the end where the youth is advised to re prioritize their lives) raising a child is a huge responsibility and of course the parents won't be perfect but treating their child this way is not gonna fix anything... this abhorrent behavior is only gonna cause mistrust, sadness and maybe for some the feelings of loneliness and guilt with make them spiral into self hate
Coming from ...an unsafe childhood....I struggled to watch these. Having no idea what would set off a parent, being punished for accidents and things not always the fault of the child being punished. One sibling actually took a lot of the heat to protect me (two of us in the home, more siblings living elsewhere). Yelling of any kind within any of the households would mean *discipline* and be a trigger even in school when a teacher raised their voice to correct a student. The childish reactions of the parents I agree are unhealthy, it is not good parenting. I appreciate your statements about how if a parent is going to be this hard (and honestly I do think it can turn into abusive in an instant) that they need to follow up just as hard with love and proper discussion. About the only one I felt was okay parenting (I believe the video was shaming personally and some kids are already considering themselves failures at an early age and will ruminate even years later on a wrongdoing) was the parent with the young shoplifter. All the others I believe were done in anger and spite because the parents couldn't control themselves. If you struggle to regulate yourself in difficult situation or interactions....what example are you setting for your children? And finally...if they paid for that, they don't care about money. If the child earned money to pay for it, the parent truly did not have a right in destroying the tech, no matter how mad they were.
Lawn mowing the games genuinely made me almost cry. In my perspective, the reaction to all of those games getting destroyed wasn't spoiled behavior. He also screamed something around "This is going to be my job" which, to me, shows he really had his heart set on it. Wanting someone to go outside instead of gaming all day isn't going to take anger to fix. He seemed genuinely ruined and won't be able to trust anyone that tells him to go outside now.
These parents are mad because they didn't teach their kids properly in the first place and so when they misbehave like this, they immediately go to the extremes. These are terrible people who feel they own their kids but have no intentions of actually parenting. Their just bullying their own kids and teaching them shitty behaviors and an extreme lack of trust.
Not to mention, a lot of this parental behavior can be indicative of more abusive and manipulative practices by the parents that span beyond the videos.
I don't think the grief of the kids is overblown. It's not just an object. It's connection with peers. It's access to a hobby. It's invested time. It's identity. A lot of people find achievement in video games. And yes, these things are designed to be addictive. Maybe talk about that too.
Its not about the system in 95% of cases. Its not about the object, its the time and effort and passion that went into it. Its the experiences, or appreciation or the art of it all, or hard effort and time spent in something they are passionate about. Its the memories of spending time with great friends, hours of work building in or experiencing created worlds, its the pride of finally beating a really difficult part that held you back for weeks. When parents destroy these things, its basically saying "I don't understand you or your passions, and I don't care to. Even though its very important to you, its worthless to me, so it doesn't matter if I destroy it. You won't do what I want you to, so what you care about doesn't matter." If you must, take away access to their current game or online access, refuse to buy them another game until they are willing to TALK THINGS OUT and try to improve. Don't do anything permenantly destructive. Don't destroy something they put their heart into, just because you could care less about it.
This was more wholesome than I was expecting it to be thanks to your insight :) As an autistic adult of autistic kids, I would like to respond to a comment in the video: "If you are reacting over an object to the way you would a human being being thrown out of a window, or dropped into a pool or run over with a car, it's time to reprioritise your life" This really is sometimes the case for those of us who are not neurotypical and it's nothing to be ashamed of or to seek change for unless it's impacting you negatively and you wish to make that change. Autistic people often humanise objects to a point where it can cause us great distress when it becomes broken, or lost etc - it's called object personification and if any of these children are autistic, these aren't tantrums, they are a meltdown response to an overwhelming situation they are struggling to process - 2 extremely different situations, however can appear similar from the outside. Wanted to add this because I feel like often the autistic community get mislabled as "spoiled brats" as children, when really they're just struggling to have their needs met.
thank you for stating this. as an autistic i'd certainly react this way and i'm no way in hell spoiled more like neglected. If i lost important objects like these kids i'd be ruined and i can't help feeling this way and it's good that is acknowledged
As a (self-diagnosed) autistic, I still have a memory from like age 3 years old of feeling betrayed that my parents threw out my baby bottle because it was kind of like my comfort object. It belonged to me and they threw it away. I have trust issues over my belongings specifically because of that incident. It still upsets me. Also, as soon as I realized that certain types of water bottles for teens and adults are similar to baby bottles (like gatorade bottles), I immediately got attached to those when I started high school.
I agree with Jonathan for the most part, but I would also like to point out these situations have nuance that isn’t always obvious. I had a dad that was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. The only way I could cope was by silently reading in my room and hoping they wouldn’t remember I existed. They would take my books throw them in the garbage. When my dad was angry about something that happened in his day he would come home and take it out on the family. The only thing I used my laptop for was school and homework, but he broke it to show me “his power”. Nothing and no one was more important than him. Not my education. Not my mom. And definitely not my feelings. I’ve been in therapy for years from his “parenting”
When I was five I stole a candy bar and I thought I got away with it. That was until we got to the parking lot and my grandmother turned around and said, “Okay, now take it back inside and apologize.” She wasn’t mean about it and the embarrassment stopped me from ever thinking about stealing again. I can understand a parent getting so mad that they break something but I don’t like the implication that it’s good parenting or entertaining.
When I was around six or seven, my mom took me out shopping. I had undiagnosed ADHD so I was easily distracted - I must have been looking at fishing lures at one point because one ended up in my pocket. There was zero ill intent with the action, just a brain hiccup. When my mom found the lure in my pocket when doing the laundry, my stepdad flipped out and nothing I as a small child said or did could convince him otherwise about the supposed life of villainy I was headed down. He claimed I was lying, took me to the store owner as I was having a meltdown and made me apologize while puffing his chest out like he's some legendary father of the century (and it should be noted, he has his fair share of things of ours he's destroyed for imagined or disproportionate slights on his list - I couldn't watch much of this video). I've been pretty soured against forcing kids to apologize in general, especially to store managers about supposed 'theft', but honestly the way your gran handled that sounds pretty spot on and I'm glad you were able to take something away from the experience (even if it wasn't the candy bar).
I don’t understand the mentality of it’s my house and my rules. Children don’t get to choose if they are born and then have to follow the will of their parents. I grew up in a household like that and it has led to trust issues, independence to a harmful degree and emotional trauma. Hearing “when you get your own house you can make your own rules” is exactly what happened. I left at 18 and never looked back. I truly hope those children get help and learn that not everyone will disrespect and destroy their personhood or property because they make a mistake or don’t do what they want.
This!! absolutely this!! Once I graduate I don't wanna come back! My parents aren't even bad but whenever I hear them spew about "I'm not here to be your friend, I'll be your friend later in life" it just sounds like "I'll control you till you pay your own bills then we'll be buddys" like NO I'm outta here lmao. I crave independence so badly it's not even funny.
Most of these comments are saying reasons why this is bad on a deeper level (ie. the objects representing something bigger like an escape from an abusive environment) but honestly I don't think it's even that deep? That stuff belongs to the kid, even if the parent bought it it still belongs to the kid because it was given to the kid, and their stuff is being broken. I think they have the right to be upset, especially when it's being done in such a brutal way. We don't teach kids that it's okay to break other kid's things, and it's not okay to break other people's things in general, why is it suddenly okay to do it when it's somebody you're responsible for raising? It just feels bitter and mean and honestly, if these kids really are as spoiled as these videos want us to believe, then I think that entitlement can be traced back to their parents' behaviours too. This is heartbreaking to watch. But hey I'm barely older than a kid myself so what do I know :P ALSO I'M JUST CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY IS BEING THROWN AWAY HERE, maybe it seems childish that that one guy got so upset over his xbox games being run over but looking at how many there were in that pile, that's probably several hundred dollars that just got destroyed and teenagers generally aren't exactly rich and don't get paid super high salaries
No one should feel joy out of abusing children, and it feels even more scary hearing that from a therapist. Children do not have fully formed brains. Their emotions are raw and they are still learning to control them. I dont care how adult they look, our brains are still developing until we are 25, and most of these kids are a decade away from that or more. This video is a big yikes for me as far as delivery. Sure to an adult, destroying a phone may seem like nothing because we have real adult problems, but to a child that is their world. Thats how the communicate with their friends. Thats how they even make friends in the times of COVID. Its one thing for karma to bite shitty adults, but I seriously worry about anyone that find any sense of joy watching parents treat their children like this. Children they chose to have and then allow to act this way until the point they explode. And telling a child they need to get some perspective is just asinine as they can't just make that happen.
couldn't have said that better! as someone who still remembers what being a kid was like, has worked with kids for years, and understands their mentality, some things in this video really rubbed me the wrong way 😬 i wish we'd have a little bit more compassion for children
I agree. Like kids who live in a good household with good parents don't act like any of these kids. These kids have literally had not only their connection to friends probably severed, but any projects and schoolwork they might've been working on, and just their escape from their parents destroyed. I don't know about you, but that's a reasonable thing to be upset about. Like I doubt you'd find anyone regardless of age, who wouldn't get upset if you just walked into their room and smashed their laptop.
My mom told me when I was 10 that she was only required to give me shelter, clothes, and food. Then she proceeded to keep me grounded for another 6 years (I had been lock in my room since i was adopted at 4 by this point). I have always thought that when a 6 year old makes a mistake you let them try and learn again. I was never given the chance to prove I was anything other than a f-up, and to this day she insists I am a bad person who makes bad choises... because of this I have always gone above and beyond to be a positive impact to others so I can scrub this idea of being a horrible person from society. I would and have given the shirt off my back to someone who needs it more, and my mom still insists I am the devil incarnation. As an adult, this still hurts me. My own mother...
At this point, screw her. I know it's hard to hear, considering you probably still want some semblance of hope that she will (by only a God miracle at this point) turn around and realize what a wonderful human she's brought to the world and hopefully apologize for the shit she put you through... But she isn't your mom anymore. In all honesty she never was. Moms are the kind of people who teach their kids and help them up when they fall and give them hugs when something sad happened at school. She was never there to give you those things, so she honestly doesn't deserve the title. "Egg Donor" or "Baby Oven" would suit her just fine. Your real-but-not-by-blood mom is elsewhere, and it's your job to find them. Best of luck with your search.
Only parents who either value their anger over money or have disregard of money act this way and destroy what could easily be resold or confiscated until later. Too many parents act like children. This behavior is just triggering trauma of my abusive childhood because too many times my mother yelled, cussed, or broke things whether I was at fault or not. This behavior is not vigilante or just, children often become entitled due to poor parenting, this is just abusive behavior. Confiscation and communication is key.
I feel like a lot of these problems could have been solved with proper communication. I get parents who get frustrated, but they probably shouldn't take their frustrations out on their kids.
the idea of a parent breaking something that belongs to the kid was very far fetched to me until I failed in college so bad that when i told my parents, my dad got so angry that he threatened to break my car. i thought he was joking but he got so serious and so angry, i didn't take any chances. i grabbed my backpack, my keys and quietly left the house with my things. i did come back but he didn't speak to me for 2 weeks. now, 3 years later, I'm in a similar situation and I'm once again scared he'll break something that belongs to me, specially my phone that i bought with my money. my mom keeps saying im exaggerating and that he won't do it, but how can I trust him?
Imagine if the positions were reversed. Your mother or father does something that displeases you so you threaten to trash their car. They'd probably call the police, and to be honest they would be perfectly entitled to do so. But they don't think the same standards apply to them.
My 3 year old spilled water all over my desk where my favorite notebook with all my crochet notes and patterns was ruined. I was upset, and I immediately reacted too much. I scolded her for being messy. She immediately apologized, and I could see the regret on her face. I reacted too big. We stopped everything, I got on her level and she, without prompting, crawled into my lap. We were both teary at this point, but I said her name, and apologized for reacting so big at her. I told her I was sorry, and that I cold see that it was an accident, and that she didn't mean to. We had a great moment, and some snuggles, then we cleaned up together. We don't have to be perfect as parents, but we should own up to our mistakes too. Especially to our kiddos. If we can show our kids how to humble ourselves and own up to our mistakes, hopefully they will do the same, and eventually...maybe...the world will get a little better.
Almost everything that I thought has already been said so I'm just going to add this: My brother used to throw these kind of overblown tantrums, and they happened often. Granted, they stopped when he was diagnosed and got treated for ADHD at the age of 9, but if he hadn't been? Maybe he'd be in one of these videos, being told to "set his priorities straight". How do you know that something like that isn't happening in one of these situations? Jonathan, you have ADHD as well, you must know how insensitive it is to be told to just "set yourself straight", especially with the oh so great examples these children have in their lives...
Oh god! I just recognized that the dad who destroyed his son's phone with a hammer for not doing his chores was the controversial DaddyOFive! They were a vlogging channel who used to film "pranks" on their children which was mostly just them yelling at their children for things they didn't do and would actively encourage their children to hit and wrestle each other for views. It got to the point where CPS came and took two of their children away and gave them to their biological mother. So yeah, you were right to call that dad out for his bad parenting skills, but trust me.......that was the least of it.
Ugh, that first one was all over the news about ten years back. I've wondered if it ever came back to bite that guy in the most sensitive area. Basically, that guy's actions scream "If you hate something, shoot it." I've worried that it may have escalated someday to his looking down the barrel of an even bigger gun with his daughter holding the business end.
When I was in highschool living with my mother, I lost my faith in the religion the whole community believed in and ended up in an emotionally and physically abusive house, going to school with strangers I could never connect with, shit sucked. My phone was my lifeline. It connected me to people who would understand. It was never like offline, face to face relationships, but it was the best I had. When my mother snatched my phone out of my hand and flung it across the living room, I almost fucking broke. When you're just a kid, you often don't have healthy coping mechanisms or even an understanding of what that is. When you're options are disassociation or living through the thick of an out of control environment you simply have to survive in for years more to come, you can get seriously attached. Often that attachment is the healthiest relationship you can have. (By the way, the phone did not break. It's a pretty tough cookie, still works :D )
The real kicker to all of these “punishments” is that these kids are being punished for behaviors that the parents are almost 100% responsible for. Like, kids don’t become spoiled, lazy, entitled screed addicts out of the blue, on their own. Their parents nurtured that in them. Then, those same parents punish them for it? All that does is teach kids to resent and mistrust their parents, and that punishment does not equal justice.
Yeah it's unjust to an extremely disgusting extent, it's actually causing another human being to suffer a great deal of distress and pain because you ruined them.
I only see the abuse and not the entertainment with the property damage because I was severely bullied as a child and so I only see the bullies the parents are. Loved the idea of having the child go back to the store to apologize for theft.
Phones and gaming consoles are sometimes the soul form of contact that some kids have to people that actually care about them. If you're family is that shitty to you, you need your friends more than ever. Seeing those things be destroyed feels like losing a functional part of yourself that you relied on for survival. If you can imagine breaking someones glasses and them being upset because you took the tool they needed to see away, then try and imagion breaking a phone as taking someones key social tool away. If a young person is sinking all their time into phones and games then address the reasons they do that first. Real life face to face interactions with people that make you feel valued and respected will win every time over other distractions.
Thankfully, there was no video of this sort of thing when I was a kid, nor did we have phones and game consoles, etc. However, the one thing my mom DID do when I was about 4....I was told to stay in my room Christmas Eve. I was not to come out for any reason or Santa wouldn't come. Well, of course I had to go to the bathroom and I did that, then slipped into the kitchen for a drink. My mom was at the dining room table and saw me. All she said was "that's it". I ran back to my room, assuming Santa hadn't been there yet so he didn't see me. The next morning...everything was gone. The tree, the decorations, no gifts, nothing. All gone. mom told me Santa took it all away because I was naughty. I cried all the way through New Year's, and to this day even as an adult I won't leave my room until the sun comes up on Christmas morning. A little deep rooted trauma for ya.
I used to work in-home for a gentleman who was terminally ill. He and his wife were in their mid 50s, and had a child later in life, and maybe the stress of becoming a single mom soon was too much, so his wife used to destroy the kid's TV or video games or who knows what when he misbehaved. I once considered calling CPS from the crazy tirades and attacks. It was once so bad, she asked me to leave the home early, but I was still paid for the full shift. I can only imagine what I missed that day. It was rough to watch.
In HS my parents destroyed some of my clothes for being dirty (I think it was a sex pistols t shirt and one that said Route 69). I reacted like this. It wasn't about the shirt. I felt disrespected. I did extra chores tp earn the money and the trip to hot topic. I was proud that I bought my own clothes. I felt it was unfair. There was no discussion Just anger and punishment. The lesson I learned is "keep secrets from your parents and don't show your interests or hobbies because they don't care". It wasn't an isolated incident.
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but in a home where parents are acting like that, the phone and games and such may be the only comforting thing for the child. Then the same scary adult comes and destroys the thing in a very violent way infront of them.... the child has not been learning to cope with their emotions in a healthy way, with parents like that, so that kind of explosive emotions are very easy to understand in the situation. The older kids may even have bought the items themselves so no wonder they're upset. We are not often able to choose our family, and interacting with your own family, in some cases, is just taking extra risk of abuse. I'd like to hear your opinion
Honestly, destroying your kids stuff will just make them resent you, they will learn nothing positive from it-
Oh, Mom, I don't like how you did X. I burnt down the house when you left town.
@@drrocketman7794 No, more like, "mom broke my laptop 3 years ago and I don't even remember what I did that was so bad." Because, let's be serious, a parent that goes for breaking an expensive item hasn't been properly teaching their kid to start with. Either that, or they have impulse control issues.
@@mandlerparr1 my mom actually smashed my laptop that she bought for me around 5‐6 ish years ago, and I remember what I did.
She actually hid it first because she said I needed a break since I was on it all the time, and was putting it before school, HW, etc.
But I found it & never told her and just played on it again whenever she was at work
But my grandma caught me eventually (since she lived with us) and told my mom without me knowing.
When my mom came home, I came out to greet her, but she stormed straight to the place she hid the laptop, took it out, walked to the hallway, got a hammer and started smashing it over and over, my grandma and my lil brother were watching.
Afterwards, she was screaming at me, with tears spilling, that she was gonna surprise me with it, that it was time to give it back, but me sneaking, lying, was a big no, and that I broke her trust, which sadly wasn't the first time, I've snuck and lied to her before, and it takes her a while to trust again, but i hurt her once again.
My reaction, wasn't really like the kids in the video, I was mainly, um, scared.. because she had never done anything like this before, so I was in shock, and started crying. Then she told me that my grandma was the one who told her, and so I looked up to her, and deep down I knew she felt so guilty since she looked away trying not to cry as well. Then I went to my room and just cried more. I resented my grandma for "snitching" which I knew I shouldn't have especially since I could tell she regretted it. I could hear her telling my mom that it was too harsh.
A few years after, we would then talk about it, joke about it, I already forgave my mom and grandma by then. She's never done anything like that since, and just this year I told her that what she did wasn't the best choice for a punishment, she looked down and semi-slowly nodded.
It was a crazy experience, sadly my dad till this day I found out, just won't let it go, he'll once and a while, complain that she shouldn't have "snitched" and that it was still her fault. Although if she didn't, then I would have kept sneaking, and.... who knows, there are many possibilities. He doesn't favor his mother in law unfortunately which hurts me sometimes, but oh well, it's life I guess.
Oh boy I don't think I've typed for this long before, so sorry, guess I wanted to share my story and vent a little, which made me a lil emotional remembering it again so vivdly 😅
Um hope you guys have a good day :)
@@MilkTea_Bear That shouldn't have happened that way but you did learn not to be sneaking around. I'm sorry for the rift it caused.
@@drrocketman7794 thanks ( •́‿•̀ )
When you give something as a gift to someone, doesn't it become their property? And last time I checked, destroying someone else's property is a crime. Worst case scenario, these parents are criminals. Best case scenario, their kids will leave them the minute they turn 18 and they won't see them ever again. Hope they'll be able to afford all the therapy they'll need after being traumatized by those who were supposed to love and protect them.
I think every kid is emotionally and mentally different, I forgave my mom when she broke something of mine, even though she bought it,and im 20 almost 21 still living with my parents lol
I love watching little house on the prairie with them,
This is just MY opinion fyi, but I think it's because I didn't watch these kind of vids after my incident with meh mum, and I didn't read people's comments like these, so I got over it and forgave, being forgiving gives you peace of mind, I know what it's like to resent, it does slowly destroy you :/
@@MilkTea_Bear you can absolutely forgive someone who abused you and even have a good relationship with them! but what they did is still abuse
@@MihaelaMihaylova007 yea you're right, but we all make mistakes, it just depends too if they're sorry for it and don't do it again, I know not every parent is like that
I get now that you're speaking for those who's parents don't feel sorry for what they've done to their kids,etc. Just wanted to share from my perspective
Hope you're having a lovely day :)
@@MilkTea_Bear i hope you will never forgive that a red light above the road mind don't cross it. it could hurt you badly.
@@alalalal5952 sorry, can you explain what you mean? I'm not understanding it so well :')
nah. who caused kids to be attached more to the thing than them? who caused such a state in which they overreact like that? clearly from the parents own behavior they did. they’ll break you down and take away the only escape you have. they don’t need a “valid reason”. i’m 30 btw
There are consequences that help children learn. Then there are consequences that are only about the parent. That's where trauma comes in. My mom would do things like this. She would tear up posters, cut up band t-shirts, anything to make it hurt. She threw away things that were signed by my favorite bands. She would purposely find things to hurt me because I "back talked" or "didn't listen" or wouldn't stop liking a boy she didn't approve of. She would put my brother's phones in water or smash them in front of her. If one of my foster parents did this to the kids I work with, I would absolutely move the kid and have a serious conversation about whether they should be fostering or not.
The kid with the video games being mowed over is abusive. Like that is clearly the kid's life goal to work with video games. All that parent did was alienate his child and make sure that he has nothing to do with his son in the future. I don't care if a parent doesn't agree with a child, destroying property is a form of violence that will continue a cycle and beget violence from the child. It's emotional abuse.
"I destroyed my own property that I spent money on, and make it unable to repair in any way! THAT'LL learn 'em!"
Or just hide the cables and keep the thing functional, doof. Also, how is flinging razor sharp plastic shards over YOUR OWN YARD supposed to teach your kid a lesson?
Bullying your kids, who are smaller and in a lower power dynamic that you, doesn't mean you "owned" them, or give you badass points, it makes you a sad, strange little wo/man... and you have my pity.
The parents underestimate the war a child can start after such an incident - and some kids (like I was - *sinister laugh*) have the patience, the intelligence to get their sweet revenge. Like passive-agressive behaviour for months, sarcasm, snarky comments and just hit the nerve and silence.
I was very fixated on games myself and after my parents took it was I was fixated on reading books excessively. It was my escape. I had other problems, my family had other problems and this behaviour will backfire longterm on the parents in some way. The reason why I did that as a child were deeper problems - with life. I agree with you on resticting the time and being consequent. But that means the parents have to do that too - the mobile-mom was sitting there with her phone (double standard?!). Where did her child learn that? I often agree with your videos but here not when you talk to the teenagers, I think you have forgotten how you felt as a teen. Life as a teen sucks - every single moment. They want to be with their peer group, where they can be theirself. So when you said you get it, it's an escape, imho I think you don't really get it. "Get a life" - This is the problem - the real life, the real people - even as a functioning and working aduld other people are often annoying. I would suggest the parents should play with the kid for once and just watch how they react. Is it a ventil for anger, is it a room to express other sides they can express in their family (sexuality? Introversion). When do parents stop wanting to control their child, transform, it into something they don't even are theirself and start to guide them?
I work in human services. Destroying someone’s property intentionally is considered a form of abuse-at the very least warrants a referral to counseling (which most of the families in this clip need, along with parenting education). If they’re trying to enforce consequences for bad behavior, then ground said kid and confiscate said items and make them inaccessible until said issues are resolved. Don’t destroy it-it will just lead to more volatile behavior later in life (probably within a few moments of above actions).
YUP. I work with kids who have a lot of trauma in their backgrounds, and stories of parents/guardians destroying property is so very common. for that reason, plus the added humiliation of recording it and putting it online, I found this video pretty freaking unsettling.
same here. destruction of property is a form of abuse. serious red flag.
@@anjafrohlich1170 There’s a difference between taking someone’s property and disciplining. Confiscating items (ie cellphone, games) are considered appropriate discipline per child services.
You should know that substituting one act of someone doing unto another what's hateful when done unto you with another act which is also hateful when done unto you is breaking the moral "golden rule" and not "a good". Your advise should entail a good.
Grounding and confiscating another's property are also things considered so immoral and harmful to the point of criminality, we consider them so bad for someone's mental health we actually banned them as criminal acts which can earn you jail time, theft and false detainment/confinement. They do carry lot's of psychological negative effects and break the moral golden rule to exclusively say they should only be done against a certain people is a prejudicial double standard and a bigotry.
@@SamuraiGirl02 Child services also considered assault domestic violence and degradation advisable for years. They like all systems will constantly change their claims of what's right and wrong, whilst claiming right/wrong doesn't change. It's not ok to just take steal someone's stuff and give it back because you felt offended in some way by them, it's condescending, patronising, immature, petty revenge and it's also doing unto other's what's hateful when done unto you.
I don’t agree with you saying they should reprioritize their life. Their phone or Xbox could be their (only) way to have contact with the people they care about. Their reaction could be related to 'people', but even if it isn't. Maybe it is because of the difference in generation, but I definitely understand why they react the way they do. Someone they trust is breaking something that is very important to them (you could see it as something they see as a part of their identity) and they can't stop it. Just as people who lose all their stuff in a fire. Pictures, memories and future possibilities are gone (and they don't know if they will get them back).
It's just heartbreaking/horrible to see the distress in these children.
You mentioned pictures and I realized, a lot of pictures nowadays ARE on phones and computers and such instead of photo albums on a shelf.
@@RisaPlays Imagine it's a deceased loved one and those were the only pics, utterly destroying, a devastating hell.
The kids should reprioritize and relate to people, like their parents. Ya know, the people who feel the need to smash their property and then post a video of it to the public to demonstrate how they 'got one over' on their kid.
agree
Just because something is not important to YOU does not make it less important to the actual owner
My problem with the these videos is that we don't know of the kids were really spoiled or not. These so called "adults" claim that their kids are spoiled, right before doing horrible things to their kids often while they themselves are throwing tantrums that would put terrible twosing toddlers to shame.
My own mother was a cruel narcissist (she was actually officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder by her psychiatrist this isn't internet diagnosing) and forced me to both keep the house clean and raise my 2 youngest siblings. I was an abused, parentified, and an understandably angry teenager as a result. These hurt to watch because my Mother LOVED to humiliate me, especially in front of company, and when I reacted badly to it she would blame me and play the victim. And because no one would ever know what was really going on in my home and didn't see what she did to me BEFORE they arrived all they saw was what they considered to be a brat and they would openly suggest that she do to me the same shit we see these asshole parents doing. And my mother LOVED reminding me that she could easily get away with doing every single one of those things.
Amd if she had actually acted on any of her threats and actually smashed or destroyed the things that I owned I would have been a crying mess just like that. It is a helpless and awful feeling when an abusive parent pulls the "I PAID FOR IT SO F**K YOU!" card when they want to hurt you.
And honestly, the fact that these so called "adults" felt so safe putting these videos of themselves online for the entire world to see them literally shooting their child's laptop, or throwing their kid's gaming systems out of the window tells me not to trust them. There is A LOT more to these stories that we aren't seeing. I guarantee it.
True. If this is what they're willing to put on video, I hate to think of what goes on behind closed doors.
agreed, my mom was a similar way. but also, even if the kids were quote "spoiled," wouldn't that also be the parent's fault for spoiling them? i would assume if you teach kids responsibility from a young age in a respectful way then you don't get these kinds of responses when they have to fulfill that responsibility. so even if these kids ARE self centered, that's still the parent's fault for not preparing them and then punishing them for it out of nowhere
Yeah, if a parent feels the need to post their punishment and humiliation of their kid online then there is clearly a lot more going on than the parent just teaching the child that there are reasonable consequences for their actions. "You offended me, so I'm going to punish you and humiliate you in front of the entire world." is clearly a desire to feel powerful and in control.
fun fact: NO ONE born spoiled
It is ALWAYS an outside source which is 90% of the time the parent's doing
So it disgusts me that they have the audacity to blame the kid for THEIR incomepetence and to top it all of they try to justify literal abuse with it(the cherry on the cake is that a lot of times the kid is not even acting spoiled to begin with)
I'm also concerned about what happens off-screen, especially with the kid who started hitting himself. If this is the least troubling thing happening, or at least not troubling enough to them that they believe it's ok to share online, then there are bigger problems. I agree that there is a lot more going on (there is always more going on than outsiders get to see) they're just showing what protects their image.
"Your role as a parent is not to be the authority that the child has to obey. Your role as a parent is to teach your children that choices have consequences" AMEN
@@RaineInChaos You're absolutely right. Kids need a safe haven. If every child would be made 'ready to survive the harsh reality' we'd have a very nasty society (I mean in some parts we do... but probably because of exactly this belief of surviving the harsh reality).
I am not a parent either but I am an assistant in a school for children with special needs and I am becoming a therapist. I worked with dozens of children who have gone through such 'parenting'. Has it helped them? Not at all...
You don't need to be a parent to see that. You just need to be part of the everyday life of children to notice what is going wrong.
Choices have consequences? a 2 year old knows that. A severely brain damaged person knows that. It takes about two seconds to learn, is learnt through observation and only needs to be learnt once and only once to be known, not continuously repeated over and over again like if this didn't work to teach it the first time maybe it will the 12.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein.
A parent doesn't teach such a (painfully) obvious common sense thing and it's not their role to do so, their "role" is to minimise "doing unto other's what's hateful when done unto them" in every interaction, more they do so the better they did in their "role" as spouse/co-worker/friend/enemy/boss/neighbour AND parent.
As a Mother a son should be responsible and should be independent. If destroying your son’s toys will make them responsible then destroy their toys so they can learn to grow up as adults if not sent them to military and they’ll whip them back inside shape. Hope this advice helps every parent
@@hannahshih9203 It should never be about helping the parents. It should be about helping the kids.
Don't do unto other's what's hateful when done unto you.
@Mr.Goodkat what I’m saying is children need discipline so they can learn to grow up and take responsibility. Children need to survive on their own, they can’t just rely on their parents. Discipline will help the children in the future even if they don’t know it yet.
"the axe forgets, but the tree remembers."
I feel like this is the key ingredient in how much these videos demonstrate how these parents are actively damaging their relationship with their kids. My family would do the same, and while I've not gone to jail for property damage (lol) I've become very protective of the things that are mine. Confiscate it, restrict their access, but if you destroy the things that your kids value I can't see how anyone can expect your kids to feel safe around you. Also, regarding stern parenting, obviously necessary, but rare is the parent that is equally loving as they are strict. In my experience, strict parents see the necessities and material as the only kind of love a child need ever have.
Idk... life is weird, my mom broke my laptop, I made a comment about on here somewhere, but I forgave her, I feel safe with her, I love her SO much that it breaks me knowing I'll live one day without her on this world.......
But on the OTHER hannnd, my dad has never broken my stuff, but emotional hurts me and says I take things too personally, I probably do ¯\_(°-° )_/¯
And although I don't wish him dead or wish that he disappeared into thin air anymore, I'm still closer to my mom than my dad :l
Agreed to every bit. My mom beat the crap out of me over her erroneous perception that I was having sex - I wasn’t! I wasn’t even interested in boys yet (late bloomer). She started beating me when I was 12, and it did stop until I ran away.
She had this obsession with sex. To the point that she destroyed and burned the cassettes and posters of my favorite boy bands “because I could meet them and have sex with them. So best I forgot they existed”. It still hurts that she burned my stuff. I found it cruel and despicable then, and I find it the same way now at 40.
The last straw came in 2013 when she told me she wished I was dead. That’s the day I finally cut her off my life. She will always have issues and I’ll never heal if the snake continues to bite.
@@simplyrowen I'm sorry your mom said that to you, my mom beat me till I was maybe early teens, but she still shows and tells me she loves me and hasn't hit me anymore, which is why I guess I'm not sccared,etc.
But yea it's sad that parents treat their kids like that, my grandma was sharing her stories the other day how her mom did not want her, it was so heartbreaking seeing the pain in her eyes as she vivdly remembers. All I could do was give her a hug, but yea hope you're doing alright a little more now 👍
@@MilkTea_Bear I didn't mean to say that the only way people hurt their children is through destruction of their material possessions, but often when people hurt their children and especially when they're controlling them, destroying what that kid loves the most is part of it. Not always, though. And as someone who has (mostly) come out of the other side of having two thoroughly abusive parents, often your brain will try to protect you from reality a bit by trying to create a relationship with the less obviously horrible parent. I don't know you, and definitely not trying to say that you're not seeing things clearly, but for children in general it's hard to swallow that neither of your parents treat you well. Also, forgiveness is something that doesn't mean the person being forgiven necessarily did any work to make amends. I forgave my parents for my own sake, for example. It's a sign that you've moved forward.
@@simplyrowen sorry to hear... and yeah, my mother had many of the same obsessions with the life I lead (or, as more often was the case, didn't lead) outside of her purview. It's simply too much for some parents to see their kids as not objects and give them respect. It's sad to see parents ruin their relationships with their kids through treating them like resources, and those same parents being confused when they have no relationship with those kids in adulthood. I think as I've aged, I've realized that the quality of the relationship a kid has with their parents as an adult is as close to a 'report card' as any parent gets.
Sorry for rambling, but glad you're doing better :)
The thing that hurts me the most when I see children's stuff get broken by their own parents is that they are not able to actually gainthose things back unless the parent who broke it provides money to buy the things back. They are not economically self-sufficient, so it's not just being sad because something that belongs to you gets broken by someone you trust, but being powerless in remedy the situation. Who insures you that just by doing those chores your parent will buy you back the laptop (maybe you needed it to write, study etc.) Instead of using it as a bargaining chips to obtain what you believe they want and never give it back?
It breaks my heart, more than growing up in a disfunctional and abusing family like I did.
We were a military family who moved a lot and more than once when we arrived in a new place a bunch of my stuff wasn’t there. Weight limits etc meant unimportant stuff didn’t get moved, and unimportant meant mine. (I mean, maybe my sisters lost some stuff too, but they never mentioned it.)
So I get the kick in the gut feeling of having your stuff just ripped away from you forever. It sends quite a message to you as a kid.
Exactly. I think most of the pain we see in the kid's reaction comes from a sense of helplessness. It isn't actually about attachment to objects, it's feeling helpless and unsafe.
There's also the stuff on the device. A kid may earn enough to buy a new laptop but unless they were backing up all of their stuff all the time, who knows what they lost. Art? Writing? Photos of lost friendships? That, to me, would have been the real kicker as a kid. Take away the stuff I put a piece of my soul in to.
@@TheCloverGal i do feel the same about it. When I was young I used to have all my stories, art projects and pictures on my computer but I couldn't buy any kind of external memory, nor there were clouds back then... I would have been broken by losing it.
Not to mention the attachment to the media, stories or progress you had with those objects. Many are to pass the time, sure, but some are actual stories or challenges that you dedicated yourself to get. And now, it's all gone. It does hurt, even if it isn't real. Like losing the save files of a work in progress
Parents throwing tantrums and breaking things like this, while simulationously expecting CHILDREN to behave better than their own parents... its embarrassing and traumatizing to say the least.
Actually... parents destroying the property of their children is CHILDISH behaviour. It is a very unhealthy and immature way of dealing with negative emotions. Children will learn to do the same thing to others and be just as emotional immature when they grow up. Horrible cycle.
@@tetrahexaeder6312 Fr and then they resent they’re parents and don’t take them seriously my mom would break my Xbox and then I just said do it you’re dumbass is going to buy another one and that’s when she knew she was a child and stupid to waste money 😂💀
idk what you mean by "Actually..." we just said the same thing in different ways
It’s scary how dangerous hypocrisy can be
@@tetrahexaeder6312 ...Dude, there is no "actually" here, you're literally saying the exact same thing they already did.
The thing that gets me about these is that they aren't actually teaching their kids responsibility. They're teaching their kids that they can't own nice things because someone is going to come along and destroy it. It teaching the kids they can't trust anyone. And it's not even 1:1 with real consequences. In the real world, if you don't do your job, your boss doesn't come to your house and break your stuff. Overall, I don't know why these parents think this is helpful.
EtA response to the end of the video: I'm a big gamer, always have been. The kids reacting the way they do to the XBOXes going out the window or getting run over isn't how they feel about the device, it's about the time and effort that went into it. It's along the same line as someone destroying your computer with all of your files on it or destroying a photo album. It's something that has a physical representation of you memories, time, and effort on it. So all of your hard work getting literally thrown out a window is a big middle finger.
I agree with you, i think he didn't think enough about it, besides these devices are expensive too, i don't get why videogames are so demonized as a hobby.
I came to the comments to say pretty much this same thing.
Its not about the object, its the time and effort and passion that went into it. Its the experiences, or appreciation or the art of it all, or hard effort and time spent in something they are passionate about.
Its not about the system in 95% of cases.
Its the memories of spending time with great friends, hours of work building in or experiencing created worlds, its the pride of finally beating a really difficult part that held you back for weeks.
When parents destroy these things, its basically saying "I don't understand you or your passions, and I don't care to.
Even though its very important to you, its worthless to me, so it doesn't matter if I destroy it. You won't do what I want you to, so what you care about doesn't matter."
If you must, take away access to their current game or online access, refuse to buy them another game until they are willing to TALK THINGS OUT and try to improve.
Don't do anything permenantly destructive.
Don't destroy something they put their heart into, just because you could care less about it.
@@theoryquery it really really broke my heart to watch those videos, it is exactly as you describe it. When i was a kid my father broke my brother's piano because he was mad at him, it was one of the most sad and scariest thing i've seen, so i don't get how this is different, the worst part is that the reason behind it was totally stupid, so i won't supose that those parents in the videos are justified in their anger, we don't know what porcentage of them just felt like ruining the property of their sons, just because they are violent people, anything would have satisfied that necessity of breaking and humilliating their sons, if it had been any other object instead of a console or a phone, people would react differently. Why is this funny to people? I don't get it.
Or compare it to destroying your art you made. Some do digital art and writing - I would go mad if someone destroys my desktop with all my works on it - even if it's fiction for myself only.
@@shoficorazon Why it's funny to people? because it's happening to children aka an identity with no pride in it (unlike every other one) only shame and second class citizenship, it's a bigotry, if anyone else no laughter only outrage.
As someone on the Autism spectrum (specifically Asperger's,) the one with the Xbox games really hit me. I know those mannerisms all too well and have reacted similarly with not understanding why something is happening. For this clip it'd be the time (maybe multiple times) that my aunt (legal guardian from ages 11-18) went to my messy room with a trash bag, saying she'd toss out my toys if I didn't start cleaning right that minute. She didn't toss them out, (thank goodness,) but I still remember the fear, anxiety, and adrenaline to this day.
my dad did this ALL the time. Especially if he was fighting with my mom. They'd get into a fight and we (me sister and I) would get SCREAMED at to start cleaning right this second before i throw everything away.
as far as i know that clip is fake and part of an entire series of similar acted out events, but the acting is really really good so its entertaining but also makes you think about how stuff like that actually does happen
I honestly had a hard time watching this video. I have never understood how seeing people, especially kids, be in distress is funny.
If the kids are spoiled, who's fault is that? It's not like the kids can spoil themselves. You reacted to these kids lacking emotional maturity and having reactions that were blown out of proportion. And you laughed at it. At some point these kids will be adults and will have to learn how to get some emotional maturity on their own, but they should have been able to learn this mostly from their parents.
I work with kids. I work specifically with the kids that can't behave. I have never ever met a child that misbehaves because that is what they really want. I have never met a child that doesn't want to be good. What I have met are many kids that believe they are bad people and that trying to be good is no point because they know they will fail.
And I'm genuinely disappointed in the fact that people find videos like this entertaining. I do not understand how seeing someone screaming and crying, even over "unimportant" things, is funny
This comment got much less admiration than it deserves
Yes exactly. This.
This is exactly it. It makes sense with what I've seen with small kids as well. And as someone who as a child that had an exceptionally hard time behaving & had no idea why (and lived in an abusive household), I have always said that punishments like this or when I was hit just taught me that I was inherently bad & to try to hide "bad" behaviour better. And as many people in other comments have said, I remember the punishments but have no idea what they were for. Consequences need to follow & be firmly attached to the lesson they were given to teach. I had to learn all that self-regulation myself as an adult since I wasn't taught it as a child. Cause it was never about me not wanting to be "good" - I just didn't know how I could be.
Nothing in this video (except the one where the girl was apologizing for stealing) was about teaching - it was solely about the anger of the parent.
Also the reactions of the children are pretty equivalent to what I would expect if you did that to an adult too. I know lots of adults that greatly value those same things (computers, phones, consoles, etc) for a lot of the same reasons.
You worded this better than I would ever have, thank you 🙏
thanks for your comment,i completely agree,i feel bad for these kids :(
1:20 "as long as he paid for that laptop I think he has every right to destroy it" feels really wrong to me. my dad once took my glasses off my face and threw them across the room to break them because quote "I paid for these." by that logic apparently he was in the right to do that.
imo parents do have a responsibility to pay for certain things for their child and shouldn't destroy them when they feel slighted or want to assert their dominance. especially when you're a minor and you literally do not have the means to support yourself, all the parent is teaching is that nothing the child has actually belongs to them and that it can be taken away at any moment.
Also, a gift is a gift. If you gave you child a thing it is now theirs. Did the thing come with terms, then those terms should be included from the start; fx. "you have to use this for school work and you have to do your chores or I take it back". Also, as a parent I would feel it is my failure in parenting if my child does not listen to and respect me. I would feel ashamed to film and publish my failure. And, watching a video with children we don't know anything about, we don't know if the parent are like this all the time... I only cringe at all these videos, no entertainment value at all. So much abuse going on.
1:20 "as long as he paid for that laptop I think he has every right to destroy it" yes and no. Officially, yes. Now, you break an object you gave to your child: you break the trust they have in you, you break the emotionnal attachment they have to that particular object, and you may also break a lot more... Eventually, you harm your child, and it will certainly backfire to you someday, thus harming you. Don't do that. Please. Just talk with your child. Calmly. Put limits where limits shall be put, but also listen to him. There's always a reason for something to be done or not be done. Your child is playing to much video-game. Ok, why ? Does he need it? Or does he not realise the consequences behind? Talk. Have a conversation. Listen. Work together to build your child's life and future. Don't just go a break everything because you can't hold it. That's childish, that's animal-ish. Show better to your kid. Please.
It's kind of funny that if a boyfriend were to destroy his girlfriend's glasses because hey, he paid for it, we'd call it abuse even though it's happening between adults. Meanwhile if an adult does the same thing to a child, it's somehow fine.
you do not assert "dominance" over your own child in the first place, that is abuse of power
I agree with the rest of the comment
@@annalundquist7247 Then it is not a gift. You give a gift to someone to make them happy not to use it as another way to try and control them
This is literally how groomers work to
The offer you something in return of things that they want
It is disgusting and it is NOT how a GIFT works
the lawnmower one is the worst for me because I think back when I first saw the video it was discovered that the teenager has autism…and his father really did that to him. As someone with it I could see some similarities when he was biting his shirt. There was like an extended video with him having a melt down and his brother laughing and filming him and he throws something at him, still screaming.
it was all just disgusting.
This was mt first thought when I saw his body / arm movements. And his voice was more anguish than rage. It's cruel. If you had enough time to make a pile and get out the mower, then you had enough time to box it up and put it elsewhere.
I had a feeling he had autism based on his reactions. I was recently diagnosed with autism as an adult, I’ve had meltdowns before over very trivial things, I don’t think a meltdown in his case is at all unwarranted. He even said he wanted gaming to become his career; as someone who also has an interest in the gaming industry from a career perspective, it broke my heart even more. I can 100% understand the pain and I cringed at Jonathan’s reaction to that clip in particular. To that teen, those games were his future and his dreams, and his dad just ran them over with a lawnmower. I couldn’t imagine the pain I’d feel as a child or teen if my parents destroyed a game console, computer or my drawing tablet because I wasn’t doing what they wanted me to. It’s just heartbreaking.
Should he have gotten a job still? Yeah, but the better way to go about it would have been to get him to understand that he can still pursue gaming as a career, but he also needs to gain some sort of steady income in the mean time. With autism, sometimes it can be hard to not see things in absolutes. It can take someone else to point out the grey areas and alternatives to us for us to even realize they’re there, or to seriously consider them.
I had not seen the video before, but that does make sense. My brother and I are autistic, and when he's not at his part time job, he's a recluse on the computer. About 10 or so years ago, my parents bought my brother (maybe in his teens, unemployed) a computer by way of buying parts and having my other brother build a desktop. The number of times my dad threatened to UTTERLY destroy that computer (and mine, though mine was bought by me with gift money from my grandparents) because things weren't going his way were innumerable... including but not limited to chores not getting done when/how he wants them (even as small as taking out a trash bag). He still likes threatening destruction of property, and laughs like a cartoon villain when our phones/computers aren't working properly...
yeah exactly, i picked that out from his first word and especially the melt down afterwards. the idea that this dad would take everything that brings his son on the spectrum comfort and destroy it like that because he graduated school three months ago and doesn't have a job yet is just awful. i can't believe anyone would get joy out of watching something like this, and i love jonathan but i'm also surprised he joined in with making fun of the kids in some points. the entire thing is sickening
I was unaware of the original video but having worked with a lot of autistic kids, was picking up on that vibe. It's horrible either way but the family deliberately targeting an autistic sibling to gang up on and bully him is just disgusting. Makes it even more disturbing, and even more unarguably abusive.
For a lot of kids, and X Box is also a resource they use to socialize with their friends. It's how kids hang out with each other. Destroying a console can disrupt how a kid keeps in touch and spends time with his friends. Taking away the console and making it clear that the console is a privilege is the way to go. But also for some of these kids, the reaction they have seems correct to me
Completely true. It happened to me with a phone, as a young adult. The one I had was damaged and I had to last two months without a phone and my God, the number of people I lost track of and contact with because I didn't have a cell phone.
My ex partner's largest group of friends were gamers living in Spain, he doesn't live in Spain. It's how he bonds with the majority of his friends because he only sees them once a year. You don't even need to be kids to socialize through consoles.
Yeah even as a adult ALL my friends are either in another country or too far to see often, without them i have no one because im not good at socializing in person. plus gaming is my hobby i spend hours and hours building towards something and the idea of losing my progress scares me so much.
So true. All my friends live far away and we stay in constant contact via phone. In person friends are great, but not that easy to come by, especially when health and finances aren't great. Not even mentioning the escapism my PC and phone brought me as a child and teenager living in an abusive home.
Isolation is a common abuse tactic. If the victim can't interact with others, then you've demonstrated total control over any possible source of happiness, thus making the victim afraid of you and more compliant later on. They are then told there's something wrong with them for wanting the object that allowed them to communicate with non-abusive people, which helps them internalize the idea wanting to interact with others is wrong and stupid. That keeps them from connecting with others, so the next abuser in their life has an easier time isolating them and hurting them. It's a beautiful cycle of abuse leading to more abuse.
I disagree with the laptop thing. He can take it away from her but her personal stuff is on there and maybe its important stuff on there. It is not okay to destroy it. I thing he goes over her privacy line. For a parent this is to far.
And the violent aspect to shoot on it is way over the top.
Sorry for English I'm not that fluent :)
Love your videos even if I disagree!
Greetings.
Your English was fine, and I whole-heartedly agree. Who knows what data she had on there that she now cannot get back. Not to mention he's teaching her to fire upon all her problems.
Yeah, it gets worse. I remember when that one first circulated. Apparently, that was her *school* laptop...
@@Mudfire15 smh, that kinda thing can keep a kid from graduating too then, when you factor in that a lot of schools can and do use graduation as a way to shake down student debt payments.
Yea, unfortunately laptops have become a necessity in school, so really there’s no reason for destroying it
Me too. That kind of thing makes me wish someone would take that father's gun and smash it to pieces, see how he likes it. And the gun probably has far less put into it than that laptop.
I don’t think telling kids to “re-prioritize” is the right move here. If they’re acting like that over objects, i’m willing to bet that the larger family structure has a set of relationships where this kind of materialism festers. It would be better to deal with that than to tell minors to deal better with their parents’ bullshit
This. My parents were so antisocial on top of being immigrants who were unfamiliar and unwilling to integrate into society that I literally wasn't allowed to have any kind of connections. They cut off all their extended family and they wouldn't trust me to spend time with anyone who wasn't related so I had no choice but to bond with things. On top of that, it's really common for those with autism to form attachments to objects. They can feel safer and easier to understand than fickle people
Yeah, re-prioritising might not be the thing to do, because maybe objects are a need in the kid's life. Maybe just seek help, talk about it to the nurse at school, or to a psychiatrist (if available)?
I can tell you from a childhood of over the top punishments like this, I don't remember most of the things I supposedly did wrong. I remember the times I was punished for someone else's actions, but I don't remember any of the things I did wrong to warrant such severe punishments. I remember the times my mother punished me without my dad knowing and I remember the things I did wrong those times. Because those punishments were usually a good talking to. Not a lecture for hours, but telling me what I did wrong, why it was wrong, and how it impacted others. All my severe punishments ever taught me were to always say yes to a man, shut up, everything is your fault and it doesn't matter what you say or do, your are still always wrong.
I feel like Johno has missed something in the kids responses. These aren't about losing the phones, games, or systems themselves. They lost something more important than that. They have lost their link to people who they feel connected to. These parents even being able to do these things speaks volumes about why their kids are spending so much time on these devices and systems. They are finding connection to people who understand them on the other end. The responses aren't about losing an item, it's about lost connections, and they are grieving that in those moments. This coming from a mother of 4 kids who used devices over the last 3 years to stay connected to people because of social distancing. I am very disappointed in his take in this.
I am also a little disgusted that he would find any of this entertaining as a guilty pleasure. That is awful.
wholeheartedly agree. I usually like jonathan but this is really disappointing. even the idea he talks about in the video that the only things kids have a right to are food, clothes, and shelter, and that everything else is a privilege that can be taken away is really disturbing. kids don't have a right to social connections? to medical care? comfort objects, bodily autonomy, physical safety, respect? i get that's all you're legally required to provide as a parent, but that's still a person. a little person you created who is unable to provide for themselves. why even have a kid if you think that's the case? coming from someone whose parents used that argument to justify all kinds of messed up stuff, i find the whole thing really disgusting
@@tabaxi oh absolutely
@@tabaxi I think Jono was pointing out that phones and videogames, at the end of the day, ARE a privilege. You're not your kid's friend and no kid should be playing videogames for hours on end every day. There should be healthy boundaries with devices because kids are getting them to early and getting addicted to the point where they have meltdowns in school if asked to put them away during a class where they're supposed to be learning. Parents are part of the issue too where they're texting their kids all throughout the school day when the kid is supposed to be focused and in school.
Same. I didn't have a cell phone when I was a teenager and I didn't get into gaming until my 20's, my when I was a teenager my mom, in a fit of rage destroyed one of my books. I could have easily replaced it with babysitting money, but that doesn't undo the fact that she destroyed a book I love in the first place. Its not the loss of the object, its how the object came to be lost. A parent destroying something their child loves is cruel. My mom actually apologized to me, and my dad replaced the book, but the memory still disturbs me, and I haven't reread that specific book since and I'm in my thirties now.
These are all terrible parents. Breaking stuff, screaming at the kids, and delighting in their suffering? Oh yes, it is a wonder the kids aren't better behaved when their example is horrendous no? None of this was ok.
I’ve been watching content from both this channel and Cinema Therapy and this is the first time I have been genuinely disappointed at Jono’s take on something. The amount of emotional violence these parents are inflicting on their children is disgusting. A child (especially a neurodivergent one) is going to be greatly harmed by the destruction of one of their only means of escaping an obviously abusive home life.
The idea of “I bought it for them so I can shoot it with a gun” turned my stomach. At the core of it, this Isn’t even about the object anymore. This is one person using a dramatic show of destruction to impose their will on another person- and then publicly humiliating them for being upset about it.
I have thought about how someone normally so empathetic could find this funny and as someone who went through abuse as a child, it really hurt to see the pain these kids were going through here go unacknowledged.
Same… I trust his opinion on most things, but this video was a disappointment. I was kind of surprised, too, since when they covered _The Little Mermaid,_ he seemed adamantly opposed to the part where King Triton yells at Ariel and destroys her stuff and admitted that it was a terrible example of parenting. I don’t know why his take on essentially the same situation seems so different, here.
The gun thing definitely gave me the air of "and if you disobey me this gun is going to be turned on you" because what kinda crazy person breaks people's stuff with a gun and isn't abusive?
Heck, break other people's in general, what kinda unhinged person does that?
Came here to write the same thing... I thought he was sarcastic, but-
As a mom I feel this is horrible. Even the one where the parent takes the child in to admit their wrongdoing, the public shaming is not ok. That in itself is a betrayal of trust if the child didn't consent to having the video uploaded for the world to see. Outside of all of that, there is so little context, Some of the reactions look like meltdowns and as an autistic these things that parents are doing to their children would trip me as an adult into a meltdown. The destruction of a possession I clearly value and use to regulate.... That could send me as an adult who has had years of learning and finding techniques to calm myself into a meltdown, with the added stress of being videotaped? I would never do that to my children.
I've recently learned that property destruction falls into the physical abuse category.
Yes it does
Definitely does
I think you're pretty wrong in this one right from the beginning. I fundamentally disagree that it's fine to destroy the laptop just because he paid for it. And with a gun too. It's such a violent, heartless display of power and lack of compassion for your child. It's awful
And 3:23-3:25 you just called a genuinely traumatized by his dad young (teenage?) adult spoiled without ANY understanding if the kid's perspective?? WTF?
This video is basically my least favorite one of your videos so far. You say some good things but too many things endorsing child abuse, laughing at abused children, calling them spoiled, acting like their property is really the parents' property to do whatever they want with, and making me honestly feel less sure of how good of a parent you are to your 5 children when it comes to how unsympathetic you are to these children's trauma.
He didn't say it was fine. He said the parents were as childish as their children in letting their frustration lead them to act out and destroy their kids things. In every situation we saw here, except the father making his daughter admit to stealing, it is a parent failing as much as the children. The parents are oblivious to how wrong and how self-defeating it is because, that's how they were parented. Monkey See, Monkey Do. Nobody comes into this life knowing how to be a good parent. And unsurprisingly, people who were parented well, tend to be good parents because they learned from good parents. So, compassion is needed here for both the child and the parent, because they are hurting each other, and they need help. You have to lead by example if you are a parent. Your child needs to trust you and respect you, but if you don't trust your child's potential to grown up to be a decent human being, and if you don't respect that potential enough to give your child firm boundaries, this what you get. You have to make it about consequences, rules, and boundaries. Remember, these responses didn't just come out of the blue. The seeds of conflict were planted some time before. So both parent and child in these videos need retraining, and some self-discipline.
@@BigHenFor He waited till too late in the video to start saying it wasn't okay, acted like some of it was closer-to-okay than it was, and I very much disagree that "compassion is needed here for both the child and the parent, because they are hurting each other" - that's victim blaming, acting like the child is hurting the parent. Yes, compassion is needed for both. Yes, people who are abusive parents weren't parented well themselves most of the time and have unhealed trauma, sure. But I'm a survivor of child abuse and I actually am putting in the effort to learn how to be a good parent before even having kids, and learn how to handle my own triggers and heal from my own childhood too. At a certain point, when you are traumatizing others, the fact that there's an explanation for why you are this way doesn't excuse any of it.
@@VioletEmerald Violet, I hope when you read this, you are calm, thoughtful, and empathetic for everyone in this video. You will have had time to process things. He obviously didn't. He was put on the spot to react to behaviour that was shocking, and unsurprisingly his response wasn't perfect. He can see the feedback, and address it, and if I was his producer, I might choose less shocking material for review. It was just too triggering. He's an office-based therapist, and although he's a parent himself, I doubt that he's come across such behaviour like that before. He or his wife wouldn't do that. But even as a therapist, he's a human being himself, and he was unprepared for what he saw. You could see how shocked he was. I would say it was like sending a fireman to a fire, and by the time they get there its too late, and it's horrific. It takes time to process that, you can't come always prepared for everything. So, what I hope is that everyone involved learns from this, and does better next time. (You may wonder why I spoke about a fireman coming to a fire where it was impossible to save anyone, and they can see people dying. One of my favourite channels published a video about an infamous fire in New Orleans, that has important historical and social impact even today. It was arson. The description of the fire, and what happened to the victims before, during, and after the fire triggered me. It horrified me, and had to take time to process that. My fave did it because he wanted to tell the story, and explain why the social impact and politics is still revelant today. I was still staggered by it, and because it revealed what casual hatred can do. He knew the material was heavy, and asked viewers to remember the positive things that came out of it. I was still shocked for hours afterwards, but even the members of the community impacted found mercy and forgiveness for the suspected arsonist, who committed suicide a year after.) So, we can all learn something from this.
Anything beyond food, a roof above your head and clothes are entitlement... Honestly, I felt so unsafe when I heard that.
I won't get into my parents fighting but they fought a lot and draw blood sometimes. My dad would lie and say 'everthing is fine in this family.' and as a kid I was afraid of my dad so I would play innocent, smile and agree.
When I was 10/11, my Mother 'ran away' from home. She felt so terrified of my dad that she went back to her home, booked a ticket in secret and everything. I was the only one home at that time and didn't know what to do. My older brother was in school and my dad was overseas working. I called my dad later that day.
We got our mom 'back' during the holidays a month later. According to my mom, she was scolded by her family for leaving us...
The next year, I was taking my PSLE. On December, we went on a holiday that my dad planned but he didn't come along with us...
When we came home, he had redecorated the whole house and done a bunch of other things.
He threw away most my brothers' and my teddy bears. He painted my room pink because I was a girl... Just for extra context, pink was my least color and the previous color, warm yellow was my favourite color. So, he changed the color of my wallpaper, big deal right? Well, I remember feeling like I lost my safe space. I remember having an absolute meltdown and I felt unsafe in my own room. I still live with my parents now at 20 turning 21 later this year. I still hate it. That wasn't all he had done. He had thrown away our books and rearranged so many stuff.
I remember my brother absolutely screaming and arguing with my dad because some of those books and papers were actually important and necessary for school. I lost things and was upset too.
I drew on my walls. My dad was super upset but at that point I didn't care about anything anymore.
Before, I felt like I had control over my room. It was kept as neat and tidy as I was able to make it... After that day, I didn't bother cleaning. I scribbled and made a mess of my room and still I didn't feel safe in it anymore. I would spend hours just crying.
I remember holding back tears when I was a kid everytime we had homework about things like 'write an essay on the things you are grateful for from your parents'.
When I was 13, I owned my first smart phone and well my room wasn't a safe space but my phone was sweet escapism...
I can't even imagine how I would react if that was taken from me too...
You did not deserve that! I hope things are better now
I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you can find somewhere you can be safe soon.
I am so wierded out as to why would you be so chill about this. The only thing you seemed shocked about is the children's reactions - the only thing that seemed completely understandable to me. Children are people. If somebody enters your space and screams at you, insults you, and then takes your device for communication with your friends or something you use regularly and just shatters it before your eyes, all the while filming you and making YOU out to be the villain and exposing you to be shamed and ridiculed by literally anybody, you have every right to get upset. You wouldn't do that to an adult. It's like laughing at a child getting slapped - breaking something dear to another person's heart is just VILE, even if that thing is technically yours.
It's crazy to me that you're like "eh, hehe spoiled kids, they should do chores", like, these children have a right to feel safe. That's not a privilege, it's a right. And in all of these videos, that right is severely violated. They have a right to a sane, non aggressive parent who they feel safe with, and this ain't it, man. Like, the technology and the chores is the least of their issues. In my eyes, the only parent here who isn't downright abusive is the one whose kid was stealing. For all the others, getting your kids to do the dishes is soooooo low on the priority list that it isn't even worth mentioning. Literally if they did anything similar to that to an adult, they'd be labeled as an abuser. The only difference is that children's brains are not developed yet, so they have these extreme reactions (these kids weren't aggressive to the parent, just freaked out) and then it's sooo easy to go "ah, poor parents". It's crazy to me how little empathy people have for children.
Kids problems are the world to them. You are still demonstrating ageism here and dismissiveness here. It doesn't matter that you think your problems are more serious. The one upmanship of who has the worst problems are the only only ones who get to feel it or complain is a terrible way to look at life. All you do when you tell someone you don't know what 'real' problems are is dismiss your children and teach them to offer love and help on some heirarchy of pain. All problems and pain are real to the people that are feeling them. Guide them through it and teach them coping tools and how to manage their problems so that they can handle them. Every second of this look what I can do to you was disgusting
I completely agree. Pain is objective AND subjective. I would like to add that "kids problems" can be on the level of perhaps a kid being visibly upset coming home to tell their parent that someone in their class stole their favourite pencil and then the parent has to set aside their own biase (history of perhaps having a very expensive item stolen) to provide support & put themselves in the position of the child & to not just be dismissive or devalidate them. We don't have to put ourselves in a child's position to know that it is violating to have another person purposely break our belongings expecially a laptop in front of us. It's not really just the attachment to the devices, If I accidently dropped & broke my laptop as a result my responce would be very different to if a person grabbed a hammer & started hitting it perhaps while laughing. No matter my age. It's context, these parents are bullying & humiliating their kids and the kids are responding. Sadly a lot of parenting is just behaviorism, they want them to behave in a certain way without caring why the are doing the things the are doing that they don't want them doing which is really not preparing them for adulthood. I hope these kids are able to figure these things out to not continue the cycle which they probably won't even have the guide from their parents for.
YES!!!
This!
100 percent agree. People need to remember kids don’t have as much life experience as adults do so their ‘reference library’ for experiences is smaller. Of course a toddler is going to cry a lot when he hits his head on something, it’s the worst pain he’s experienced so far. And similarly a teen is going to have that reaction when their property is destroyed by their parents.
Comparing pain only compounds it.
It is only the AMOUNT that can make a SITUATION worse but not the problem any less real or serious
It is disgusting if a person who literal JOB to help people by finding out something that the victim can't still dismisses IMPORTANT parts of it and spreads harmful misinformation
That any parent would feel the need to destroy the things that make their children feel safe and happy is absolutely disgusting. A child not doing chores or talking back is not even in the same universe as destroying a child’s property. No wonder your kids don’t want to spend time with you. You aren’t even remotely safe.
It also teaches the kid that you don't talk things out, you do something to hurt the other person back when they hurt you. I know, because when my dad destroyed things I would deliberately act like I felt nothing because I knew it would hurt him just as much as having my stuff destroyed hurt me. I remember being eight and pulling that, which is very young to be engaging in psychological warfare with a parent. Currently we talk once every few months now that I'm an adult and it's mostly by accident, when I call home and he picks up instead of my mom.
Am I the only one who couldn’t watch this whole thing without getting anxiety?! I read through the comments and was surprised it wasn’t all over the place. Watching parents treat their kids like that is heartbreaking. I get not wanting your kids to be spoiled or whatever, but there are MUCH better ways to go about it. I couldn’t get through half of it!
@@Mohenjo_Daro_ Aged based bigotry runs *deep* in our society, even the therapists and mental health "experts" aren't safe from it, remember these were the people who recommended domestic violence a very short time ago with fervour too. It's best to remember everyone is a person first and their job second, they bring a lot of prejudice, bias and whole history of their own to work, in this case a bigotry.
It doesn't give me anxiety because having lived through it, my brain just kind of gets static-y and distant when this sort of thing happens. It's wild the kind of things you can get used to and how your mind can learn to just not feel until the danger has passed.
The right and privilege part caught me. Food, Shelter, Clothing OBVIOUSLY he doesn't mean just that, I get it but ....surely children have a right to a little more from parents right? As far as guiding and protecting a humans mental well being as they grow up and learn life.
Well, children also have the right to not be abused, and most of these videos exhibit abuse.
@@malexandra2492 I wonder how you preserve mental health and install right values with abuse?
@@malexandra2492 Exactly "Guiding and protecting a humans mental well being as they grow and learn life" he literally mentioned the parents reacting with childish erratic behavior WHICH IS LITERALLY what their kids learned from them. They aren't protecting and Guiding at all and it just I guess bothered that he didn't mention more. I know he's covering things in broad topic etc but these parents lol I don't trust them 😂
The “parents prank their kids” thing makes me angry, but this is even worse. These people think they’re so funny and clever and other parents are cheering for them… but one day those kids will cut them out of their lives forever and they’ll wonder why because they think they did nothing wrong.
Yes! Absolutely. These parents are doing much more harm than good. Their kids will then end up potentially doing the same actions, or even treating their spouses or kids this way in the future. When my uncle misbehaved, a therapist or someone told my grandma took take away all of his belonging and that includes pictures on walls and stuff. Like everything. She didn’t do it. It’s one thing to take away a select item, but taking away everything from a kid’s room is going to make them feel like they’re in a jail cell
Even without the child's will, it will backfire. Because the child might not feel safe anymore, in a house where he is not allowed to have his things.
I usually agree with most of what you say in your videos. But I think the biggest driving factor in the kids' reactions in these videos is that the phone or console might be their only way of interacting with their friends or loved ones. Suddenly having the device destroyed often means that there is no other method to contact those people until the device is replaced entirely, and that can depend on the mood of the person who destroyed the device. And yes, obviously there is also a separate problem of gaming addiction, but anecdotally, online connections these days can be just as or even more fulfilling than a real life friendship which is a concept that simply didn't exist up until the late 90s. I think that might be a perspective that is sometimes lost on people that didn't grow up with the internet in their pockets.
That being said, I love your videos! I'm not a teenager, but I still forget there are people who didn't grow up with Myspace. c:
A lot of parents tell their child they shouldn't be on electronics so much, but also don't allow the child to have any social interaction outside of electronics. I think it's a power trip thing, personally. If you make the only outlet of communication something you can break, then you can break your child's spirit on demand, whenever you want.
I also just want to add, the reaction from most of these parents, triggered a fear response in me. Legitimately I felt like I wanted to run and hide from them.
I had a father that would yell and throw stuff when he got upset or frustrated.
He NEVER was willing to listen to reason, or our side, or why this stuff was important to us.
It was so dehumanizing for me and my sister. Even worse was when he got frustrated or overwhelmed, and had outbursts like these.
We learnt to fear getting in his way or getting on his bad side.
He was the adult, and what we wanted, or needed, or cared about mattered less than his, because he was the adult and "because I said so".
I LOATHE that phrase and hope to never say it to my kids.
I NEVER want my kids to have to fear me, EVER.
My parents wrote "Because I said so" on the paddle they used to spank us with. We got slapped, shoved, one of us got tackled to the ground. I hate that phrase, too. Absolutely hate it.
I stopped watching the video when the therapist admits that he's entertained. Listening to these children in distress brought out the opposite effect on me: my stress hormones have gone through the roof. I can not imagine how a child feels in that moment. I can't imagine giggling at a child feeling unsafe. I'm angry that these things happened to minors, and that they were filmed and broadcast for the world to see.
Also, about the young teen in the orange shirt (Dad lawn mowed his video games). I'd bet he's neurodivergent in some way, not "spoiled". I have no way of knowing for sure, but his mannerisms seem different.
I think this video is in poor taste for a therapy education video. I only write the comment because I think this channel usually does have great content, and would want to hear constructive criticism.
You'll notice that in most of these videos the parents are actually shouting louder/acting more unstable than the child who is watching their things get destroyed. That really says a lot doesn't it?
I have a problem. At the end you said, "You can interact with the people that you live with, it's not too much to ask." As a person who had an extremely abusive childhood, it can be too much to ask. If people hurt you, even the smallest interaction outside of what is necessary is too much to ask.
In general though, the fact that some of these parents recorded this stuff and put it online makes me think they're doing so for clout, and I find the concept of publicly shaming your kids to get attention abhorrent. Bad bad bad on them.
I don't think these kids are spoiled. They're probably neurodivergent, or have trauma that has previously destroyed their family relationships. The parents don't want to take responsibility for their part in that trauma, so they inflict more trauma. These are the parents who will whine about their kids moving away, never visiting, and never calling. They will claim they love their kids and did their best, while refusing to acknowledge their own toxic behavior.
Wow. You really missed the mark with this one. That kid who immediately started apologizing and crying...That is the response of someone who has already been abused and knows what's coming.
It is really difficult for me to watch children being blatantly abused. Can we put a content warning on here? I guess we don't have to. But this is really hard to watch
It's considered fun entertainment but only when it's children suffering and being abused, otherwise nobody would be laughing, they'd be outraged.
Eh. It's not about the actual item itself in these cases (at least not for the majority of kids). It's about the things ON the device. If my parents destroyed my computer as a teen, I would have lost art, writing, poetry, diaries, important papers like my transcript, photos, videos, and more. I would have lost friends as well. Not to mention basic computer and email access is crucial to get through school these days.
Even on the base level, losing video game progress isn't really as minor as it can seem -- most video games are either social (more lost friends, hooray) or are effectively stories you are both experiencing and writing. If my parents had come through and burned my physical writing and my book collection, that's the same hurt. That it's digital doesn't matter.
Particularly as kids don't have the means to even begin to replace their lost items...like jeez man it's basically a house fire to them. I normally agree with you on things, and maybe it's my age - 20s - but when I see laptops getting destroyed my first thought is not "oh gosh that's like $1k, yikes." It's "oh my gosh, all of their most deeply personal stuff is just...gone." It's isolating.
I want to touch on something that struck a nerve with me, as someone who was one of those kids that had a parent that destroyed my things, took the door off the hinges, deleted my files, and all around disrespected my autonomy and my privacy.
This idea of "you can do some chores" and "you can interact with the people that you live with" is very much too much to ask.
These clips that you watched are just snapshots of people's lives. Meaning that for something so mundane or silly as video games to be so important to these kids means that these parents aren't only acting childishly agressive in situations where the child isn't obeying. I really need to reiterate- it is TOO MUCH to ask.
Sometimes I think adults take for granted just how children are blank slates that are going through life actively learning behavior from their parents and peers. If a child isn't being open and forward with compassion is love, I have found that it's because of a negligence on the parent's end- whether they know it or not. Not to mention, we could apply this to adult things as well.
My grandfather tried to sell my mother's home while she was still living in it. My Grandmother has a bad habit of never showing affection. This had been compounded into my mother, who has the tendency to over excagerate problems and become swept up in her reactions to any little situation that could have been fixed if she knew how to listen, to empathize, and to understand that my world is entirely different from hers.
My doing chores was never good enough for her. My sitting in the same room was just a gate way for her to belittle and nit-pick everything I did. These kids are people too.
As a family counselor, I urge you to reconsider your understanding on situations like these. These aren't one offs. These videos are how the parents typically deal with their children. And to destroy something that your child loves, even if it's not real or that it's not helping them, is always bad. To kids, losing something important to them IS a real problem. To kids, keeping up with their friends IS a real responcibility. To kids, being able to make some autonomous decisions is essential or they will start to feel like they can't be their selves at home. Please, please, please. Try to see things from a kid's perspective in tandem with their parent's when giving advice for situations like this.
You make excellent points! I hope he reads this!
What I find so profound is this isn't just with electronics. Everyone gets so frustrated over kids loving their Xbox, phone, computer, etc. so much. I was like this before I was even old enough to have such things. My dad was really abusive, and I knew if I ever made a mistake I would be beaten or starved. It was much easier, and, frankly, nicer to live in a fantasy world. I'm on the spectrum so basically had 0 friends until I was in high school, so back in the day, I'd sit in my room playing with my toys or I'd run around the backyard and make up fake worlds. If I could help it, I would never hang around my family and if they took any of these things off me, I was distraught. The reason being - they were my only source of happiness. It's not electronics that are the problem, it's parents not setting clear boundaries with consequences, and abusive parents who don't give the child space to WANT to hang out with them.
@@gh0st_xr "clear boundaries with consequences" is a euphemism for awful treatment. The only problem is a lack of genuine love and affection and that *never* entails hurting or causing emotional or physical pain to another person to any extent we recognise and understand this in ALL of our other relationships but can't in the son/daughter/father/mother one? The problem is having zero trust in children thinking they need strict control and things forced on them to act like decent people, truth is they already are better than merely decent and giving "consequences" is what makes them less so.
Therapists, looking at toxic families: "You can interact with these people."
Kids: "I don't like being treated like garbage and I like interacting with people who don't scream at me."
Therapists, sighing: "Just do your chores and hang out with them, it'll be fine."
I live in the state with the highest suicide rate in the US (well, when Alaska isn't beating us, we trade off every three or four years). I had classmates who mentioned their therapists invalidating them before they killed themselves. It's not something any therapist will ever admit but a lot of the time, being told not only do what you feel and think don't matter but the toxic environment wouldn't be toxic if you just tried harder is enough to make someone go, "everyone would be better off without me" or "I know things aren't ever going to get better" and do something they can't take back.
Losing something important is a problem for everyone not just for kids. Regardless i 100% agree with your point!
Children are NOT property, they are an EQUAL and INDIVIDUAL living being with their own dreams and personalities! You can not just tell them to behave! You need to show AN EXAMPLE with yourself unless you have NO RIGHTS to even ask for them to cooperate with you!
I can not believe that even a psychologis is that short minded that it is not one of his FIRST THOUGHT to imagine them in someone else's shoes. Seriously how people get this job even if they can not think at least on a level of a toddler.
as a parent of teens it never fails to blow my mind that adults can act like children and refuse to just treat their kids like people. have a fucking conversation with your kids and NONE of this shit would be necessary. it's disgusting. Edit to add: please explain why seeing anyone, especially a child's pain is funny or entertaining in any way. coming from a professional, especially.
Kids are constantly trying to reason with adults from the dawn of time and receiving only coercion, double standards, gaslighting, punishments/sufferings, hypocrisy, cruelty and humiliations but when someone behaves in an abhorrent way we say they're behaving like "children" even whilst knowing and recognising the fact the majority of abhorrent behaviour (immoral and criminal acts) are not done by them at all.
Reason I responded with this is because I strongly agree with parts of your comment (particularly the end) but you said when you seen this poor behaviour from the parent's they were acting "like children" and making that identity/label synonymous with bad behaviour/unreasonable etc, is part of the reason why they're (mis)treated this way in the first place so you're unknowingly perpetrating the bigoted attitude which undergirds this abuse even though well meaning and speaking truth.
Except for the girl apologizing for shoplifting (and even then it shouldn't have been recorded), these are all terrible parenting.
The big tell for me is that it's not actually about the stuff. Destroying the kid's stuff will do nothing to change the undesired behaviour. Likely it will make them want to do the desired behaviour even less. In the case of the laptops and maybe even the phones, the kid may have needed the device for schoolwork, so it's not just about toys and games here.
The parents have turned themselves into erratic, unpredictable monsters to their kids. Their absolute only leverage is the fear they instill. That's not going to last forever -- eventually the kid will be bigger/stronger/more independent, and the control will cease.
And then what happens when the kids does grow up and move out? Who wants to visit a parent who controlled you with fear?
The lawnmower guy literally shredded hundreds of dollars in one go. For his son not being out of the house/getting a job *3 months* after graduation. The son didn't just watch his games get destroyed- he watched his dream job go up in flames.
And lmao, what's with all these parents taking videos of their kids in pain? The best parent I can spot here is the theft one, but even then, wtf? WHY would you record it? And then SHARE it? Really, I know kids screaming/crying over physical possessions like they're people is bad, but I find parents who record this kind of stuff worse than whatever tantrum is happening onscreen.
Wow these parents are terrible human beings. I thought the same thing about that kid locking his mom out after she broke his laptop 🤣 I feel like the guy who had his X-Box games destroyed could sue his father and would win in court.
"You need some acquaintance with real problems." Sir, I genuinely enjoy your videos and I have respect for you, but how is a parent having a full grown temper tantrum, gleefully destroying their child's stuff while mocking their pain, not a real problem? When I was a teenager, I upset my mom one too many times to the point where she had one of these tantrums, but the thing she destroyed was not a gaming device (didn't have a cell phone at that point, and I wasn't a gamer until my 20's). She grabbed one of my harry potter books and threw it down the stairs and broke the spine. A book is sooo much more easier for a teenager to replace than an expensive gaming device or phone. I had a job at the time too, so I had the money to replace it. I never did. Her reaction was deeply upsetting. The words she said as she was throwing things around was deeply upsetting. I never replaced that book, not because I couldn't afford to, I certainly could, but because that book is now associated with the night that my mom deliberately destroyed something she knew I loved, because she was momentarily angry with me. My dad did eventually replace the book, and while I do have it among my collection of books that I have carried with me into every place I've ever lived as an adult, I have never opened it up to read it. And it was just a book.
Same here.
This just makes me furious. I want to call CPS on all of these parents.
I think it's important to keep in mind, that this is the stuff they do in front of a camera. Some they chose to film themselves, so this was planned out and they're on their best behavior to look like a good parent, some are because another kid pulled out their phone to record because they knew that small issue was going to escalate into something worth recording. Both scenarios suggest the parents are this bad or way worse ALL THE TIME! The kids may not be right to act the way they do, but has anyone modeled better behavior or given them the connection at home that they're searching for through texting friends? These parents are abusive and their "spoiled" kids are actually just coping and living in survival mode! I know, because my parents were very similar, but even they didn't get this extreme! It will take a lifetime of therapy to undo the harm my parents did to my siblings and me!
As an introvert and gamer, watching these videos is heartbreaking. The parents are only breaking what little trust their kids have left in them.
My father unplugged and hid the modem for the internet more than once. It only made me distrust him more than I already did. I'm even in therapy for reasons I don't need to share here, but they are attached to him.
Even when I was in my early twenties, when visiting my dad for a few months, he STILL tried to regulate my ability to connect to the internet. It's absurd. Just made me more angry, especially on nights when I literally couldn't sleep because I suffer from insomnia. It wasn't the computer keeping me up, the computer was just helping me cope through my inability to sleep.
My dad broke my stuff and I genuinely cannot recall trusting him. I'm sure that was a thing at some point but it hasn't been for so long I can't recall thinking he could be trusted with anything.
Okay, counterpoint: These kids aren't just reacting to losing a device. They're freaking out because the parent successfully emotionally manipulated them by taking their favorite thing and using their position of power to destroy it. The parent is making the statement, "You have no freedom under me, and you don't seem to get it, so allow me to take the escape you have and leave you hopeless." I think that's the issue. As an adult, that's how I'd feel if someone deleted my Google photos. It's not a person, but it's two decades of something really important to me, and to know that someone hated and disrespected me enough to destroy that would be absolutely devastating.
Good point. It isn't just about losing access to the property, it's also the flex the parent is doing. "Everything that you have access to is actually mine, and I can take it away if you displease me, and you have no recourse." If my wife was financially dependent on me, I bought her a nice dress and then trashed it when she displeased me, there is a lot more at play there than just her not being able to wear that dress. My act of destroying her dress is implicit (arguably explicit) way of asserting my dominance over her.
Heard someone say recently that when a person destroys someone’s property in anger, they are telegraphing the violence they want to do to that person.
You have to understand that a lot of these are not just some videogames, but ways to connect to other people. At some time in my life I also was spending a lot of time in an online video game, but it was mainly for the people I got to know there. I had almost no real life friends, not that I didnt want to, but it isnt always easy to connect to others, if you are always a bit of a weirdo. I also had some romantic interessts in this game, and plans to meet them in real life. If someone would suddenly permanently take all of this away, I also would have been very upset and desperated. So I can totally understand these reactions and not at all think they are too much.
The screaming and swearing at the kids, destroying their beloved items, and throwing tantrums just shows that these "parents" are unhinged and immature. They need serious help.
I disagree with the end bit about the kids reactions. As many have said these devices are more than just games there's all kinds of uses and a big one these days is communication. Modern gaming has a huge social aspect to it. As someone who struggled growing up to make connections in real life some of my best friends were those I connected to online. Losing my only reliable means to interact with them would have been devastating. This is also very important in regards to American living culture. So many people live wayyyy too far away from their IRL friends that they likely only get to see them at school and that's another power pushed onto the parent for 16 years or in most cases even longer is to drive their kids to their friends house because walking/biking is unreasonable in many locations (I was fortunate enough to have lived in a walkable town for a while growing up but I also have lived on the side of a highway before where without my parents I couldnt go anywhere). If they have friends farther than their hometown they likely never get to see them. The only way to interact with them would be through online means. Destroying these devices can devastate their social relationships with friends and that rightfully makes these kids upset.
It's also a huge sadness that comes from something you're passionate about being disregarded entirely as if things I like will never hold any meaning. My parents threw away my Yugioh cards growing up and it was awful. I was always told my stuff was childish and I need to "grow up". well I still have yugioh cards to this day and as an adult realize it has its own niche community of people who love playing this game. Imagine if they took that time to invest in my hobby and allowed me to connect with others who were interested in it instead. Obviously there needs to be a fine line but by disregarding my hobby I learned only to keep stuff from my parents rather which resulted in them not being a part of who I am. Not to mention games are something I spent a lot of time on. I wanted to be involved with gaming growing up only to have my parents shut me down at every opportunity cause I just wanted "to play". I wanted to make games. It was a passion I threw away due to how my parents always turned down my passions and look at the industry now (slowly working on getting back into it now at 30yrs old). Its so freaking huge. I empathize greatly with these kids who are being entirely disregarded in their lifestyle by the very people who are supposed to guide them.
I was vaguely disappointed by your statement that these kids are over reacting and need to reevaluate their attachments to objects.
Kids over react! Their brains are not good at emotional regulation yet & it takes a lot of work to develop.
How do you expect kids, who don’t have fully developed fronts lobes, to manage their emotions in a situation where the adults are intentionally trying to get an emotional rise out of them?
The worst part to me is the fact that one of the family members is filming this traumatic moment of the child & then posting it online for them to be forever humiliated by it as if the punishment wasn’t already punishment enough… just think of the bullying if their peers ever found the video of them in that vulnerable state, if you’re gonna have these extreme parenting tactics at least keep it privately in the family, that would make me lose trust in my family even more than the lost trust from breaking my things!!!
Most of the time I agree with and love your videos, I had a hard time with this one. I grew up in a house like this. My parents were very abusive and this is how they responded to everything. Seeing these videos… why are you laughing and saying it’s entertaining??? You’re a family therapist!!! You should know that if this is happening enough to where someone knows to start filming then this is not a “one-off parent-made-a-rash-decision” and they are NOT going to follow “with an increase of love” yeah the one where he took her to apologize is good, but again, why is it being FILMED!!! My heart breaks for these kids! I’m really struggling with your reaction because yes having those belongings is a privilege but I can guarantee that’s not all that’s being taken away. The one where the mom says she’s gonna take his DOOR and the HE HITS HIMSELF!!!! And YOU LAUGHED!!! I cried. I watched my brother do that because if he hit himself and looked “sorry enough” then maybe he wouldn’t get beaten when dad got home. Removing privacy is abuse. Your kid deserves to be able to change without the house watching. Again except for the one where he takes her to apologize and be accountable (because that’s a consequence that fits and aligns with their behavior and actions) except for that one, all of these just scream abuse to me. No one deserves to be made to feel like they will have the things they care about ripped away from them at any time.
Also, you say they need “real world problems” to balance it out??? Adults were surveyed about the biggest betrayal they ever experienced and many related something like a friend taking an Xbox game to the same level as a business partner running off with $10,000!!!! Those things hurt. Just because a popsicles color isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not to a kid. Do better.
This is just straight up abuse. My parents did this crap to me long before youtube and facebook were a thing, and they delighted so much in my anguish that I can guarantee they'd have filmed and uploaded it had the technology been available. I was *not* a bad kid by any stretch of the imagination. They punished me for fun and as catharsis for not having control over their own lives. There were many times they accused me of things I never did and wouldn't have done because I was so deeply terrified of them, and often they'd say "Well, you're being punished now so you won't ever even think of doing it." Then they'd throw all of my books and toys in a pile in the middle of my room, and make me choose what they'd destroy.
It's not funny. It is terrorizing your kids, and posting their anguish and fear of your domineering behavior is public humiliation on top of bullying them and teaching them that you cannot be trusted. To parents thinking this is funny: Your kids are not your property. They are humans. Stop doing this. It's not about the objects you're destroying; it's about how you are treating them. They will never forget it and it will bother them for the rest of their lives. And I'd also like to add, for people who think these videos are entertaining or a guilty pleasure: For those of us who have lived through it, these videos can legitimately trigger C-PTSD flashbacks. It is NOT entertainment. It's making us relive the memories of being screamed at and reminded that we weren't real people.
This is so triggering. I want to cry for these kids.
Most of those kids were never once taught how to regulate their emotions, clearly. That kid shifting from “ get out of my room! “ to “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to” just symbolises that he learn to express emotions through a fight for power with his parents. I’m learning so much about what not to do in the future!
To see a therapist laugh at that part made me sick, yuck
I think it goes further than that. He changed in an instant, and cowered into the corner and protected his head as if he had been hit before.
But they're not reacting like an object has died, Jonathan. They're children and these objects are their connections to the only safe spaces that function for them and losing that connection while having little to no hope to find a decent replacement (in their family) then that is devastating. They're showing a normal reaction! Appropriate to their situation. They're children who just have these coping mechanisms - as their parents were not in a place of giving them another, maybe because they didn't know any better. And they're as emotionally disregulated as the lack of skillets that their parents have allowed them to be and modeled to them.
The kids and the devices are not the problem. The adults and systems in which the adults live, are the problem.
I personally can't have any guilty pleasures there. It's just devastating no matter which angle I look at it from. They're flaunting to the world how very lost they are snd how little hope they have for improvement.
The last one was technically better but practically absolutely abusive. Because once you put that stuff into public, you rob the child off their chances to actually make a comeback. You have no control over who will see it and judge them by their past self. It's already difficult enough for adults but adults at least in theory can access tools to handle that impact. Kids and teens cannot. Which makes it completely disproportionate punishment. Especially if you never stopped to ask WHY your child would stoop so low as to steal. And if you aren't punishing a child for a clumsy and inappropriate attempt to e.g. escape peer to peer bullying. And then punished their cry for support, never addressing the issue and making yourself an unsafe source of help.
I really agree with the stance that at the very least it must be weighed up with unconditional love. And parents must reflect very welk on what "appropriate" even means, from the child's not the adult's perspective. How to do it if you don't even know what things ACTUALLY mean to your kid? People never attach to anything without reason. Know the reason! Install ways to communicate the reason. Observe enough to fill in the gaps. Be safe to get chores done for you before throwing a tantrum of not getting help AND properly rule out medical issues like ADHD first before implying laziness and malice out of a place of hurt ego.
So, yes, it is too mucb to ask to interact with the people in your home if they're not safe to interact with.
That was my Ted talk.
Dr Decker, usually, I find your content insightful, but this is the only time where I don't consider it so. This is my first (and only) comment and I made it in the spirit of constructive criticism. I think your condemning the parents was good, but not strong enough. I agree with your assessment of the shoplifting situation. #badparents #badparenting #parentingadvice
Indeed, I think that you completely missed the point underlying the video, especially with the advice to children part about maturing and gaining more life experience because their objects are important to them, those parents were doing psychological warfare on their children: destroying their belongings and thus shattering their safe space to assert dominance because they were displeased that their offspring wasn't compliant. The issue is the following: the parents refuse to acknowledge their children's personhood because they consider these children as extensions of the adults... after all, these children are THEIRS...like a pet, or a car. And, like those two, the children should be at the adult's beck and call, obeying them blindly, if not, then they are to be punished to be reminded who their masters are.
The advice you should have given was to be on how to survive in a household where they aren't considered as individuals with rights to privacy and ownership nor to empathy, but as extensions of their parents, and thus, objects meant to obey their masters. As other people have mentionned, the parents were emotionally abusive and no joy should be taken from the videos, these children should be empathized with, not mocked or told in nice platitudes to grow up. They should be given tools and resources to navigate this fraught environment while preserving their agency, rationality and trust in others. I personnally would have advised them to seek support and comfort in people outside of the home to whom they could vent, like friends, for example.
I am not a parent myself, but I have worked with children and teenagers for enough time to know that these parents' behaviour is unaccceptable...if teachers did any of this, they would be out of a job in a day with justifiably outraged adults on their heels demanding the revocation of their teaching license. But since these adults are parents, they can choose to raise their kids however they want, however irresponsibly and cruelly, because, and I quote sarcastically, they are trying their best with no training and they gave them life, which brings us back to the perception of children as extensions of their parents.
Top comment. Why? How? Where did you get all that experience and skills? No joke, i don't thing any kind of therapy will give me social experience.
@@alalalal5952 I worked in summer camps since I was sixteen, first as a helper to a councellor for two, then as councellor for four years. I also studied in education for three years, worked a little in schools. Finally, I have an interest for developmental psychology and psychology in general. I also am lucky to have found genuine kind people with more life experience than me from whom I can learn and who gently set me straight when I'm wrong.
This. You have no idea how many times counselors, mentors, teachers, therapists, and friends have told me to "create space." I still have no idea what that means. I've also heard of grey rocking but that's about as effective as "just ignore them" when it comes to bullies. With parents, that technique makes them angrier because they think you aren't paying attention
@@calladricosplays Maybe "to create space" means to create a space that is uniquely yours outside of the home, it can be venting to friends you trust about your feelings, using art or sports to let out that anger. I know no solution is perfect and ignoring them isn't always the answer, but it can help whenever it's possible. For example, close the door to your room if they are yelling at you from far away or try to rationalize their actions like this you don't see them as all powerful anymore. I personnally don't know your situation, so forgive me if my answer sounds generic.
@@mariab.1225 That makes more sense than trying to invite extraterrestrials lol. It does help to try to separate your identity from their actions
I have an older friend who loves to collect certain things. I think he may be ever so slightly on the autistic spectrum. When he was an adolescent, his father and step-mom threw out all his collectible toys when he was at summer camp because they thought he should "man up." He is now well into his late 50s and he still is incensed by that act and casually mentions it every so often. It's not exactly the same as what's happening in a videos, but just goes to show that parents can sometimes cause lasting damage without realizing it. I think it sometimes goes deeper than what a parent might see as just a physical object but the violation of trust and boundaries it represents.
this video is horrifying! This isn't "spoiled kids getting owned!" it's grown-ass adults taking their emotions out on children they're in a position of power over
A few months ago, my family discovered some old home videos. The last 10 minutes of one tape was both my parents chasing my brother around (about age 7/8, 30 now) with the camera, harassing him about not getting his homework done and threatening to show the tape to future friends/girlfriends/etc. - little bro was crying profusely, but they couldn't have cared less...
When I was about 9/10, my mom stood by in near-hysterics while I gathered up my meager pokemon collection (several cards, a guide book, and some happy meal toys) to be tossed out immediately. She claimed it was because she'd seen stuff on the news about babies choking on toy poke balls and something about the pokemon being essentially 'pocket devils'. My youngest brother was a baby, so the choking hazard almost made sense (except the only pokeballs i had were from Burger King and would barely fit in my adult hand now). Years later, she admitted that she and/or my dad were 'worried I was getting addicted' - with banning/removing pokemon from the house being the only answer.
When I was in the low-mid single-digits, I cut my brother's hair and that of a stuffed Max from The Little Mermaid. One day, Max disappeared. Several years later, mom revealed - in public, at the hair-cutter's - that she'd thrown it away. She was laughing. I had to keep a straight face and steady voice asking about it, without receiving decent answers...
In the years since, there's been: tons of screaming, threats of property removal/destruction, violence and threats of violence/death... but I was raised around people who believed that intense threats/actions were perfectly fine. Only in the last couple of years have I learned that much of what I and my siblings/relatives/colleagues endured was abuse.
In other news, an old friend once shared with me and a small group that he had OUT OF ANGER busted one of his son's nerf guns over his leg - and only regretted it because it caused him (the father) physical pain...
I work in a shelter for homeless youth. in 9/10 cases the youth are coming from backgrounds of abuse, and destroying kids possessions is extremely common in those situations. whether or not the parent spent their money on those possessions initially is honestly irrelevant -- a child isn't in control of what is given to them as gifts or who it's from, and tearing a gift back I order to destroy it is 110% an exercise of control and domination. these parents aren't just behaving childishly and they're not just imparting a bad lesson. they are behaving abusively, paired with recording that abuse to further humiliate their children online (with the exception of the father having his daughter return something she stole, though I still don't see a positive spin on recording it and posting it online, something the kids doubtfully agreed to). whether or not the parents are generally abusive is beside the point, because these actions are taken with a deliberate intent to cause harm and exert control, and that is not in any way acceptable.
these reactions left me disappointed
now i just have a bitter taste in my mouth...
these parents are the ones who haven't taught their children how to manage screen time and how to deal with their emotions yet somehow this video pins the responsibility on the child??? (shown by some comments throughout the video and especially the end where the youth is advised to re prioritize their lives)
raising a child is a huge responsibility and of course the parents won't be perfect but treating their child this way is not gonna fix anything...
this abhorrent behavior is only gonna cause mistrust, sadness and maybe for some the feelings of loneliness and guilt with make them spiral into self hate
Coming from ...an unsafe childhood....I struggled to watch these. Having no idea what would set off a parent, being punished for accidents and things not always the fault of the child being punished. One sibling actually took a lot of the heat to protect me (two of us in the home, more siblings living elsewhere). Yelling of any kind within any of the households would mean *discipline* and be a trigger even in school when a teacher raised their voice to correct a student. The childish reactions of the parents I agree are unhealthy, it is not good parenting. I appreciate your statements about how if a parent is going to be this hard (and honestly I do think it can turn into abusive in an instant) that they need to follow up just as hard with love and proper discussion. About the only one I felt was okay parenting (I believe the video was shaming personally and some kids are already considering themselves failures at an early age and will ruminate even years later on a wrongdoing) was the parent with the young shoplifter. All the others I believe were done in anger and spite because the parents couldn't control themselves. If you struggle to regulate yourself in difficult situation or interactions....what example are you setting for your children? And finally...if they paid for that, they don't care about money. If the child earned money to pay for it, the parent truly did not have a right in destroying the tech, no matter how mad they were.
Lawn mowing the games genuinely made me almost cry. In my perspective, the reaction to all of those games getting destroyed wasn't spoiled behavior.
He also screamed something around "This is going to be my job" which, to me, shows he really had his heart set on it.
Wanting someone to go outside instead of gaming all day isn't going to take anger to fix. He seemed genuinely ruined and won't be able to trust anyone that tells him to go outside now.
Probably was a twitch streamer and the dad couldn't comprehend that being a real job.
@@Kaeinlya That and there's game design, game testing, etc
I've never liked parents who refuse to hear about these things. :/
It's fake. Their videos are fake, look them up. They are called the McJuggernuggets. They are known for the Pyscho Kid series.
These parents are mad because they didn't teach their kids properly in the first place and so when they misbehave like this, they immediately go to the extremes. These are terrible people who feel they own their kids but have no intentions of actually parenting. Their just bullying their own kids and teaching them shitty behaviors and an extreme lack of trust.
Not to mention, a lot of this parental behavior can be indicative of more abusive and manipulative practices by the parents that span beyond the videos.
I don't think the grief of the kids is overblown. It's not just an object. It's connection with peers. It's access to a hobby. It's invested time. It's identity. A lot of people find achievement in video games. And yes, these things are designed to be addictive. Maybe talk about that too.
Its not about the system in 95% of cases.
Its not about the object, its the time and effort and passion that went into it. Its the experiences, or appreciation or the art of it all, or hard effort and time spent in something they are passionate about.
Its the memories of spending time with great friends, hours of work building in or experiencing created worlds, its the pride of finally beating a really difficult part that held you back for weeks.
When parents destroy these things, its basically saying "I don't understand you or your passions, and I don't care to.
Even though its very important to you, its worthless to me, so it doesn't matter if I destroy it. You won't do what I want you to, so what you care about doesn't matter."
If you must, take away access to their current game or online access, refuse to buy them another game until they are willing to TALK THINGS OUT and try to improve.
Don't do anything permenantly destructive.
Don't destroy something they put their heart into, just because you could care less about it.
This was more wholesome than I was expecting it to be thanks to your insight :)
As an autistic adult of autistic kids, I would like to respond to a comment in the video:
"If you are reacting over an object to the way you would a human being being thrown out of a window, or dropped into a pool or run over with a car, it's time to reprioritise your life"
This really is sometimes the case for those of us who are not neurotypical and it's nothing to be ashamed of or to seek change for unless it's impacting you negatively and you wish to make that change. Autistic people often humanise objects to a point where it can cause us great distress when it becomes broken, or lost etc - it's called object personification and if any of these children are autistic, these aren't tantrums, they are a meltdown response to an overwhelming situation they are struggling to process - 2 extremely different situations, however can appear similar from the outside.
Wanted to add this because I feel like often the autistic community get mislabled as "spoiled brats" as children, when really they're just struggling to have their needs met.
thank you for stating this. as an autistic i'd certainly react this way and i'm no way in hell spoiled more like neglected. If i lost important objects like these kids i'd be ruined and i can't help feeling this way and it's good that is acknowledged
@@jenniferwilson5379 Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm glad you feel seen from my comment
As a (self-diagnosed) autistic, I still have a memory from like age 3 years old of feeling betrayed that my parents threw out my baby bottle because it was kind of like my comfort object. It belonged to me and they threw it away. I have trust issues over my belongings specifically because of that incident. It still upsets me. Also, as soon as I realized that certain types of water bottles for teens and adults are similar to baby bottles (like gatorade bottles), I immediately got attached to those when I started high school.
I agree with Jonathan for the most part, but I would also like to point out these situations have nuance that isn’t always obvious. I had a dad that was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive. The only way I could cope was by silently reading in my room and hoping they wouldn’t remember I existed. They would take my books throw them in the garbage. When my dad was angry about something that happened in his day he would come home and take it out on the family. The only thing I used my laptop for was school and homework, but he broke it to show me “his power”. Nothing and no one was more important than him. Not my education. Not my mom. And definitely not my feelings. I’ve been in therapy for years from his “parenting”
When I was five I stole a candy bar and I thought I got away with it. That was until we got to the parking lot and my grandmother turned around and said, “Okay, now take it back inside and apologize.” She wasn’t mean about it and the embarrassment stopped me from ever thinking about stealing again.
I can understand a parent getting so mad that they break something but I don’t like the implication that it’s good parenting or entertaining.
When I was around six or seven, my mom took me out shopping. I had undiagnosed ADHD so I was easily distracted - I must have been looking at fishing lures at one point because one ended up in my pocket. There was zero ill intent with the action, just a brain hiccup. When my mom found the lure in my pocket when doing the laundry, my stepdad flipped out and nothing I as a small child said or did could convince him otherwise about the supposed life of villainy I was headed down. He claimed I was lying, took me to the store owner as I was having a meltdown and made me apologize while puffing his chest out like he's some legendary father of the century (and it should be noted, he has his fair share of things of ours he's destroyed for imagined or disproportionate slights on his list - I couldn't watch much of this video).
I've been pretty soured against forcing kids to apologize in general, especially to store managers about supposed 'theft', but honestly the way your gran handled that sounds pretty spot on and I'm glad you were able to take something away from the experience (even if it wasn't the candy bar).
I don’t understand the mentality of it’s my house and my rules. Children don’t get to choose if they are born and then have to follow the will of their parents. I grew up in a household like that and it has led to trust issues, independence to a harmful degree and emotional trauma. Hearing “when you get your own house you can make your own rules” is exactly what happened. I left at 18 and never looked back. I truly hope those children get help and learn that not everyone will disrespect and destroy their personhood or property because they make a mistake or don’t do what they want.
This!! absolutely this!! Once I graduate I don't wanna come back! My parents aren't even bad but whenever I hear them spew about "I'm not here to be your friend, I'll be your friend later in life" it just sounds like "I'll control you till you pay your own bills then we'll be buddys" like NO I'm outta here lmao. I crave independence so badly it's not even funny.
Most of these comments are saying reasons why this is bad on a deeper level (ie. the objects representing something bigger like an escape from an abusive environment) but honestly I don't think it's even that deep? That stuff belongs to the kid, even if the parent bought it it still belongs to the kid because it was given to the kid, and their stuff is being broken. I think they have the right to be upset, especially when it's being done in such a brutal way. We don't teach kids that it's okay to break other kid's things, and it's not okay to break other people's things in general, why is it suddenly okay to do it when it's somebody you're responsible for raising? It just feels bitter and mean and honestly, if these kids really are as spoiled as these videos want us to believe, then I think that entitlement can be traced back to their parents' behaviours too. This is heartbreaking to watch. But hey I'm barely older than a kid myself so what do I know :P
ALSO I'M JUST CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY IS BEING THROWN AWAY HERE, maybe it seems childish that that one guy got so upset over his xbox games being run over but looking at how many there were in that pile, that's probably several hundred dollars that just got destroyed and teenagers generally aren't exactly rich and don't get paid super high salaries
No one should feel joy out of abusing children, and it feels even more scary hearing that from a therapist. Children do not have fully formed brains. Their emotions are raw and they are still learning to control them. I dont care how adult they look, our brains are still developing until we are 25, and most of these kids are a decade away from that or more. This video is a big yikes for me as far as delivery. Sure to an adult, destroying a phone may seem like nothing because we have real adult problems, but to a child that is their world. Thats how the communicate with their friends. Thats how they even make friends in the times of COVID. Its one thing for karma to bite shitty adults, but I seriously worry about anyone that find any sense of joy watching parents treat their children like this. Children they chose to have and then allow to act this way until the point they explode. And telling a child they need to get some perspective is just asinine as they can't just make that happen.
couldn't have said that better! as someone who still remembers what being a kid was like, has worked with kids for years, and understands their mentality, some things in this video really rubbed me the wrong way 😬 i wish we'd have a little bit more compassion for children
This video is disgusting to me.
I agree. Like kids who live in a good household with good parents don't act like any of these kids.
These kids have literally had not only their connection to friends probably severed, but any projects and schoolwork they might've been working on, and just their escape from their parents destroyed.
I don't know about you, but that's a reasonable thing to be upset about. Like I doubt you'd find anyone regardless of age, who wouldn't get upset if you just walked into their room and smashed their laptop.
My mom told me when I was 10 that she was only required to give me shelter, clothes, and food. Then she proceeded to keep me grounded for another 6 years (I had been lock in my room since i was adopted at 4 by this point). I have always thought that when a 6 year old makes a mistake you let them try and learn again. I was never given the chance to prove I was anything other than a f-up, and to this day she insists I am a bad person who makes bad choises... because of this I have always gone above and beyond to be a positive impact to others so I can scrub this idea of being a horrible person from society. I would and have given the shirt off my back to someone who needs it more, and my mom still insists I am the devil incarnation. As an adult, this still hurts me. My own mother...
At this point, screw her. I know it's hard to hear, considering you probably still want some semblance of hope that she will (by only a God miracle at this point) turn around and realize what a wonderful human she's brought to the world and hopefully apologize for the shit she put you through... But she isn't your mom anymore. In all honesty she never was. Moms are the kind of people who teach their kids and help them up when they fall and give them hugs when something sad happened at school. She was never there to give you those things, so she honestly doesn't deserve the title. "Egg Donor" or "Baby Oven" would suit her just fine.
Your real-but-not-by-blood mom is elsewhere, and it's your job to find them. Best of luck with your search.
Only parents who either value their anger over money or have disregard of money act this way and destroy what could easily be resold or confiscated until later. Too many parents act like children. This behavior is just triggering trauma of my abusive childhood because too many times my mother yelled, cussed, or broke things whether I was at fault or not. This behavior is not vigilante or just, children often become entitled due to poor parenting, this is just abusive behavior. Confiscation and communication is key.
I feel like a lot of these problems could have been solved with proper communication. I get parents who get frustrated, but they probably shouldn't take their frustrations out on their kids.
the idea of a parent breaking something that belongs to the kid was very far fetched to me until I failed in college so bad that when i told my parents, my dad got so angry that he threatened to break my car. i thought he was joking but he got so serious and so angry, i didn't take any chances. i grabbed my backpack, my keys and quietly left the house with my things. i did come back but he didn't speak to me for 2 weeks.
now, 3 years later, I'm in a similar situation and I'm once again scared he'll break something that belongs to me, specially my phone that i bought with my money.
my mom keeps saying im exaggerating and that he won't do it, but how can I trust him?
Imagine if the positions were reversed. Your mother or father does something that displeases you so you threaten to trash their car. They'd probably call the police, and to be honest they would be perfectly entitled to do so. But they don't think the same standards apply to them.
My 3 year old spilled water all over my desk where my favorite notebook with all my crochet notes and patterns was ruined. I was upset, and I immediately reacted too much. I scolded her for being messy. She immediately apologized, and I could see the regret on her face. I reacted too big. We stopped everything, I got on her level and she, without prompting, crawled into my lap. We were both teary at this point, but I said her name, and apologized for reacting so big at her. I told her I was sorry, and that I cold see that it was an accident, and that she didn't mean to. We had a great moment, and some snuggles, then we cleaned up together.
We don't have to be perfect as parents, but we should own up to our mistakes too. Especially to our kiddos. If we can show our kids how to humble ourselves and own up to our mistakes, hopefully they will do the same, and eventually...maybe...the world will get a little better.
Almost everything that I thought has already been said so I'm just going to add this:
My brother used to throw these kind of overblown tantrums, and they happened often. Granted, they stopped when he was diagnosed and got treated for ADHD at the age of 9, but if he hadn't been? Maybe he'd be in one of these videos, being told to "set his priorities straight". How do you know that something like that isn't happening in one of these situations? Jonathan, you have ADHD as well, you must know how insensitive it is to be told to just "set yourself straight", especially with the oh so great examples these children have in their lives...
Oh god! I just recognized that the dad who destroyed his son's phone with a hammer for not doing his chores was the controversial DaddyOFive! They were a vlogging channel who used to film "pranks" on their children which was mostly just them yelling at their children for things they didn't do and would actively encourage their children to hit and wrestle each other for views. It got to the point where CPS came and took two of their children away and gave them to their biological mother. So yeah, you were right to call that dad out for his bad parenting skills, but trust me.......that was the least of it.
Ugh, that first one was all over the news about ten years back. I've wondered if it ever came back to bite that guy in the most sensitive area. Basically, that guy's actions scream "If you hate something, shoot it." I've worried that it may have escalated someday to his looking down the barrel of an even bigger gun with his daughter holding the business end.
When I was in highschool living with my mother, I lost my faith in the religion the whole community believed in and ended up in an emotionally and physically abusive house, going to school with strangers I could never connect with, shit sucked. My phone was my lifeline. It connected me to people who would understand. It was never like offline, face to face relationships, but it was the best I had. When my mother snatched my phone out of my hand and flung it across the living room, I almost fucking broke. When you're just a kid, you often don't have healthy coping mechanisms or even an understanding of what that is. When you're options are disassociation or living through the thick of an out of control environment you simply have to survive in for years more to come, you can get seriously attached. Often that attachment is the healthiest relationship you can have.
(By the way, the phone did not break. It's a pretty tough cookie, still works :D )
"I have to text people back!" "Why?" because that's how communication works?? That's just how texting works, what kind of answer was she expecting?
The real kicker to all of these “punishments” is that these kids are being punished for behaviors that the parents are almost 100% responsible for. Like, kids don’t become spoiled, lazy, entitled screed addicts out of the blue, on their own. Their parents nurtured that in them. Then, those same parents punish them for it? All that does is teach kids to resent and mistrust their parents, and that punishment does not equal justice.
Yeah it's unjust to an extremely disgusting extent, it's actually causing another human being to suffer a great deal of distress and pain because you ruined them.
I only see the abuse and not the entertainment with the property damage because I was severely bullied as a child and so I only see the bullies the parents are. Loved the idea of having the child go back to the store to apologize for theft.
Phones and gaming consoles are sometimes the soul form of contact that some kids have to people that actually care about them. If you're family is that shitty to you, you need your friends more than ever. Seeing those things be destroyed feels like losing a functional part of yourself that you relied on for survival. If you can imagine breaking someones glasses and them being upset because you took the tool they needed to see away, then try and imagion breaking a phone as taking someones key social tool away. If a young person is sinking all their time into phones and games then address the reasons they do that first. Real life face to face interactions with people that make you feel valued and respected will win every time over other distractions.
Thankfully, there was no video of this sort of thing when I was a kid, nor did we have phones and game consoles, etc. However, the one thing my mom DID do when I was about 4....I was told to stay in my room Christmas Eve. I was not to come out for any reason or Santa wouldn't come. Well, of course I had to go to the bathroom and I did that, then slipped into the kitchen for a drink. My mom was at the dining room table and saw me. All she said was "that's it". I ran back to my room, assuming Santa hadn't been there yet so he didn't see me. The next morning...everything was gone. The tree, the decorations, no gifts, nothing. All gone. mom told me Santa took it all away because I was naughty. I cried all the way through New Year's, and to this day even as an adult I won't leave my room until the sun comes up on Christmas morning. A little deep rooted trauma for ya.
I used to work in-home for a gentleman who was terminally ill. He and his wife were in their mid 50s, and had a child later in life, and maybe the stress of becoming a single mom soon was too much, so his wife used to destroy the kid's TV or video games or who knows what when he misbehaved. I once considered calling CPS from the crazy tirades and attacks. It was once so bad, she asked me to leave the home early, but I was still paid for the full shift. I can only imagine what I missed that day. It was rough to watch.
These adults are kids too honestly. I'm assuming they paid for the things they're destroying so wtf.
In HS my parents destroyed some of my clothes for being dirty (I think it was a sex pistols t shirt and one that said Route 69). I reacted like this. It wasn't about the shirt. I felt disrespected. I did extra chores tp earn the money and the trip to hot topic. I was proud that I bought my own clothes. I felt it was unfair. There was no discussion Just anger and punishment. The lesson I learned is "keep secrets from your parents and don't show your interests or hobbies because they don't care". It wasn't an isolated incident.
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but in a home where parents are acting like that, the phone and games and such may be the only comforting thing for the child. Then the same scary adult comes and destroys the thing in a very violent way infront of them.... the child has not been learning to cope with their emotions in a healthy way, with parents like that, so that kind of explosive emotions are very easy to understand in the situation. The older kids may even have bought the items themselves so no wonder they're upset.
We are not often able to choose our family, and interacting with your own family, in some cases, is just taking extra risk of abuse.
I'd like to hear your opinion