Growing up in a family where criticism is default, being told your useless is common, being spoken over is continual, your opinion or wishes are irrelevant, even after 49 years I still struggle to break out from those experiences. I'm only now learning I have to remove certain individuals in my family from my life, which is difficult to do without losing the whole family. What you experience in childhood can scar you right throughout your life. Thank you for the video.
I’m watching all your videos. Slowly. Not all at once. Than I’m watching them again. I want to absorb them like a sponge so I can live them. You really help me. Your very kind and compassionate. Thank you!
Way back in 2013 I purchased some of your hypnosis downloads to help me beat depression, anxiety etc. and to get some courage to speak in front of a small set of people (like 3-4). Those downloads helped me immensely and almost 15-20 years later I feel that I have become much more relaxed (though still struggling with depression) and also able to speak in front of fairly large crowds (50-70 people) many a times. My sincere thanks and I wish many people get to know your work and take advantage of it.
I'm taking the self esteem course and it’s been really hard. I’m feeling better but i guess my brain is finding it hard to accept. Never allowed to make my own decisions before and feeling incapable on my own now; that’s so accurate. My relatives all got thru it by marrying young before they got a chance to have their own lives. I’ve been on my own for ten years but it’s only hit me now that I’m living alone and have been (kind of not really) surviving on my own. I didn’t think I was depressed still but I think I might need more time before going back to the course.
I don't know what is going on but I would suggest working more and bringing in more money to be truly independent. And if you have an interest in pursuing go to a technical school or find a course to learn more. TH-cam is great also. Good luck to you.
Hi. It's interesting to see what you tell therapists to do. I've had a number of student therapists now, because I had no health insurance and the students were free, and I've been so unsure about whether they actually helping me, that it made me really mistrustful. I kind of laughed on the inside about how silly they were. But I see that these exercises are in fact very silly, and apparently are supposed to be that way. So I may have misjudged my student therapists. On the other hand, I wished I would've known what was going on because of course I KNOW what active steps I can take, but I'm still not doing them.....and the latter is my problem. Not that I don't have insight.
Recently it was found that helplessness isn't learned, but the default behavior. Instead, competence is learned or sometimes forgotten when not enough positive reinforcements. See: Debunked: “learned helplessness,” a theory developed from a cruel animal experiment Helplessness isn't learned - it's an instinctual response that can be overcome.
Thanks for this, I looked it up and you're right. However, it seems that the solutions are roughly the same, except for the comparisons with the chilhood state. The main development then, seems to be the knowledge that all humans do this, and that it's not necessary to look for trauma in your childhood to understand your reaction to the current situations. But most importantly: get out of the adverse circumstances that create your state! The latter would've been helpful to know sooner because I thought that I should work on myself first, instead of moving on to something new.
The bird cage metaphor reminds me of bobcat release videos, once free from a trap the bobcat stays put scared & snarling, not realising it is now free.
i am involved with person who has learned helplessness... but it comes because a doctor told him a LONG time ago that he would never walk again, even tho now there is no medical reason for him to be in a wheelchair or totally inactive, he could walk if he wanted to but that old belief keeps him from doing that or getting better he thoroughly believes this and ALL of his family are pretty fed up with this whole show.. i know hypnosis could alter that believe system, but there is nothing within 400 miles that may address that... i am not family either, i just want to help the guy get a grip on life .is there a cd that would help address this, being he is not going to any counselling and the family doesnt understand how hypnosis or hypnotherapy would help him ...everybody is older including me ,60's -80's years old ....i know there is more going on here but that is the main hurdle,, his belief system......the other part is i have alot of knowledge and some practical experience with hypnosis, so i could help him ...BUT i have NO voice anymore (lost it to cancer) so i can see what needs to be done and how to go about it ...but cannot act which is very frustrating to me .....no voice =no help .
I'm a Wildlife Biologist & Ethologist. The caged bird is now too old to learn how to live in the wild and innately feels safer inside it's cage which is home and where food is delivered to it. While re-introducing black-footed ferrets in WY, only the teen-aged ferrets would successfully make the transition from raised in a cage to life in the wild, because we mammals are daring in our teens, feel invincible, are more curious than afraid, and trust that we'll be cared for because we always have been. The older we get, the more bad experiences get rooted into our subconscious minds and the more cautious we become; riddled with anxieties. So teen-aged girls run off with their bad boyfriends in order to escape their controlling parents, but older wives stay with their controlling husbands out of knowing full well they would have a much tougher time keeping a roof over their heads, car running, and all the other demands of living and/or raising kids on their own.
And teens have less to lose than middle aged women who may have children and may actually be murdered by their abusive husband's. A teen has not given up everything or been forced to give up everything to an abuser. It is a bit different.
@@mysticmiserly7732 Good objection, neuroplasticity exists but change is a strenuous task for our brain, that's why we actually dread to make any focused attempt despite all the fancy talk about its plasticity. Greater change and adaptation occur as a reaction to changed life circumstances rather than conscious choices and deliberate practice.
The open birdcage analogy is patently false. Whenever I open the door my parrots will venture out, fly around the house and usually go back inside all on their own in the evening. Anyone who has ever kept birds can attest to this. Birds are intelligent, inquisitive and have far better eyesight than humans. Also a pet bird released into the wild will starve and die within days. Not a good ending!
The analogy is based on a bird that has been punished every time it leaves the cage. You’re clearly a great lover of birds and treat them well; the same cannot be said for other owners.
how many YEARS of therapy would you need with THIS GUY waiting while he helps you build trust and confidence before you could finally assert yourself at the office? Metaphor, 'viva la difference" and what's that 'active problem solving?" -good grief what a load of horse shit! Day 1 'what do you want, and how do you plan to get it?' Ok, let's go do it. If there's a Day 2, it will be as direct and painful as day 1. Otherwise you're just coddling a lazy, sad person. Help them find their way, and let them know the road's not paved in some places. -there's your metaphor mate.
@NSPS Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy suggests the practice of "disputation'' which states that: Rather than simply being warm and supportive, therapists need to be blunt, honest and logical in order to push people toward changing their thoughts and behaviors.'' -Albert Ellis (REBT a founding philosophy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) That said, there is no blanket technique or set thereof that works for everybody. I had a drill sergeant at Ft. Benning who exposed me to the single most insightful moment of Zen in my life and he couldn't have quoted Dogen or the Dali Lama if his Army green balls depended on it. And Drill Sergeant Kallany was NOT going to allow me to ''feel helpless'' or ''like a victim'' or any other such weakness in training or on the battlefield.
@NSPS I did equate the two didn't I? Well in cases of trauma therapy there are many different techniques and philosophies. Ellis' work is seminal for REBT and CBT which are both used across the spectrum for those who suffer psychological damage. Find one that works for you and good luck with therapy. -this is not sarcasm, I wish you well.
Why the anger? The whole point is that people with ‘learned helplessness’ won’t acknowledge what they want and have no plan to get it. Would you recommend CBT to a child who has been abused and tortured for years? Would you view them a “lazy sad person”. You probably would!
@@sophiethorpe3622 I'm frustrated that people seem to want to be victims, and I'm not nearly as angry at this revelation as you seem to be with me for pointing it out. I haven't abused anyone, called them names or accused them of mirroring my own desperation. Seek help immediately if my post has triggered you and know that you have my support for what it's worth. *Until this moment I haven't mentioned ''abused and tortured children.'' Get over yourself.
Growing up in a family where criticism is default, being told your useless is common, being spoken over is continual, your opinion or wishes are irrelevant, even after 49 years I still struggle to break out from those experiences. I'm only now learning I have to remove certain individuals in my family from my life, which is difficult to do without losing the whole family. What you experience in childhood can scar you right throughout your life. Thank you for the video.
I’m watching all your videos. Slowly. Not all at once. Than I’m watching them again. I want to absorb them like a sponge so I can live them. You really help me. Your very kind and compassionate. Thank you!
Way back in 2013 I purchased some of your hypnosis downloads to help me beat depression, anxiety etc. and to get some courage to speak in front of a small set of people (like 3-4). Those downloads helped me immensely and almost 15-20 years later I feel that I have become much more relaxed (though still struggling with depression) and also able to speak in front of fairly large crowds (50-70 people) many a times. My sincere thanks and I wish many people get to know your work and take advantage of it.
this is beautiful. wish you well.
Thanks for this. I’m not a mental health professional I’m am taking control of my mental health to the best of my ability. Thanks for the resource
me too!
The open bird-cage analogy is really good.
No one on this Earth will love you more than you love yourself. Be intentional.
🖊️
I'm taking the self esteem course and it’s been really hard. I’m feeling better but i guess my brain is finding it hard to accept. Never allowed to make my own decisions before and feeling incapable on my own now; that’s so accurate. My relatives all got thru it by marrying young before they got a chance to have their own lives. I’ve been on my own for ten years but it’s only hit me now that I’m living alone and have been (kind of not really) surviving on my own. I didn’t think I was depressed still but I think I might need more time before going back to the course.
I don't know what is going on but I would suggest working more and bringing in more money to be truly independent. And if you have an interest in pursuing go to a technical school or find a course to learn more. TH-cam is great also. Good luck to you.
Just found bout "Learned Helplessness and found your video. I like this third person approach ❤
Hi. It's interesting to see what you tell therapists to do. I've had a number of student therapists now, because I had no health insurance and the students were free, and I've been so unsure about whether they actually helping me, that it made me really mistrustful. I kind of laughed on the inside about how silly they were.
But I see that these exercises are in fact very silly, and apparently are supposed to be that way. So I may have misjudged my student therapists.
On the other hand, I wished I would've known what was going on because of course I KNOW what active steps I can take, but I'm still not doing them.....and the latter is my problem. Not that I don't have insight.
Recently it was found that helplessness isn't learned, but the default behavior. Instead, competence is learned or sometimes forgotten when not enough positive reinforcements. See: Debunked: “learned helplessness,” a theory developed from a cruel animal experiment
Helplessness isn't learned - it's an instinctual response that can be overcome.
Thanks for this, I looked it up and you're right.
However, it seems that the solutions are roughly the same, except for the comparisons with the chilhood state. The main development then, seems to be the knowledge that all humans do this, and that it's not necessary to look for trauma in your childhood to understand your reaction to the current situations. But most importantly: get out of the adverse circumstances that create your state!
The latter would've been helpful to know sooner because I thought that I should work on myself first, instead of moving on to something new.
This explains my dreams of being trapped
Thank you for clear quality audio!!
The bird cage metaphor reminds me of bobcat release videos, once free from a trap the bobcat stays put scared & snarling, not realising it is now free.
i am involved with person who has learned helplessness... but it comes because a doctor told him a LONG time ago that he would never walk again, even tho now there is no medical reason for him to be in a wheelchair or totally inactive, he could walk if he wanted to but that old belief keeps him from doing that or getting better he thoroughly believes this and ALL of his family are pretty fed up with this whole show.. i know hypnosis could alter that believe system, but there is nothing within 400 miles that may address that... i am not family either, i just want to help the guy get a grip on life .is there a cd that would help address this, being he is not going to any counselling and the family doesnt understand how hypnosis or hypnotherapy would help him ...everybody is older including me ,60's -80's years old ....i know there is more going on here but that is the main hurdle,, his belief system......the other part is i have alot of knowledge and some practical experience with hypnosis, so i could help him ...BUT i have NO voice anymore (lost it to cancer) so i can see what needs to be done and how to go about it ...but cannot act which is very frustrating to me .....no voice =no help
.
Thank you for your work !
Thank you, liked and subscribed.
00:01:40 to get to the steps. Although it's a short video.
1. use metaphor
2. live the difference
3. encourage problem solving
Thanks for that video, a very welcomed insight to manage my life.
Thank you
Very good vidio ,thank you so much.
I'm a Wildlife Biologist & Ethologist. The caged bird is now too old to learn how to live in the wild and innately feels safer inside it's cage which is home and where food is delivered to it. While re-introducing black-footed ferrets in WY, only the teen-aged ferrets would successfully make the transition from raised in a cage to life in the wild, because we mammals are daring in our teens, feel invincible, are more curious than afraid, and trust that we'll be cared for because we always have been. The older we get, the more bad experiences get rooted into our subconscious minds and the more cautious we become; riddled with anxieties. So teen-aged girls run off with their bad boyfriends in order to escape their controlling parents, but older wives stay with their controlling husbands out of knowing full well they would have a much tougher time keeping a roof over their heads, car running, and all the other demands of living and/or raising kids on their own.
So very true. This fact is unfortunately nevver mentionned in "pep talks" Thx
This comment made me feel helpless again.
And teens have less to lose than middle aged women who may have children and may actually be murdered by their abusive husband's. A teen has not given up everything or been forced to give up everything to an abuser. It is a bit different.
Hello ? Where is neuroplasticity
@@mysticmiserly7732 Good objection, neuroplasticity exists but change is a strenuous task for our brain, that's why we actually dread to make any focused attempt despite all the fancy talk about its plasticity. Greater change and adaptation occur as a reaction to changed life circumstances rather than conscious choices and deliberate practice.
Great communicator!
thank you so much! This is super helpful!
do you do telehealth with facetiming.?
Great video!
Thank you!
I love this! Thank you!
Sounds like self talk…am I right?
Very helpful.
Client. What about myself?
Good video
01:49
is learned helplessness part of an inferiority complex?
The open birdcage analogy is patently false. Whenever I open the door my parrots will venture out, fly around the house and usually go back inside all on their own in the evening. Anyone who has ever kept birds can attest to this. Birds are intelligent, inquisitive and have far better eyesight than humans. Also a pet bird released into the wild will starve and die within days. Not a good ending!
The analogy is based on a bird that has been punished every time it leaves the cage. You’re clearly a great lover of birds and treat them well; the same cannot be said for other owners.
Not victims
I find metaphors patronizing! Do people really need metaphors to understand?
I love metaphors its the best way for me to learn and express my thoughts. So your answer is YES ome people need it and its not patronizing.
You might find them patronising, however, many people find metaphors (or stories in their long-form) help to assimilate new ideas or ways of thinking.
how many YEARS of therapy would you need with THIS GUY waiting while he helps you build trust and confidence before you could finally assert yourself at the office? Metaphor, 'viva la difference" and what's that 'active problem solving?" -good grief what a load of horse shit! Day 1 'what do you want, and how do you plan to get it?' Ok, let's go do it. If there's a Day 2, it will be as direct and painful as day 1. Otherwise you're just coddling a lazy, sad person. Help them find their way, and let them know the road's not paved in some places. -there's your metaphor mate.
@NSPS Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy suggests the practice of "disputation'' which states that: Rather than simply being warm and supportive, therapists need to be blunt, honest and logical in order to push people toward changing their thoughts and behaviors.'' -Albert Ellis (REBT a founding philosophy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy)
That said, there is no blanket technique or set thereof that works for everybody.
I had a drill sergeant at Ft. Benning who exposed me to the single most insightful moment of Zen in my life and he couldn't have quoted Dogen or the Dali Lama if his Army green balls depended on it.
And Drill Sergeant Kallany was NOT going to allow me to ''feel helpless'' or ''like a victim'' or any other such weakness in training or on the battlefield.
@NSPS I did equate the two didn't I? Well in cases of trauma therapy there are many different techniques and philosophies. Ellis' work is seminal for REBT and CBT which are both used across the spectrum for those who suffer psychological damage. Find one that works for you and good luck with therapy. -this is not sarcasm, I wish you well.
Why the anger? The whole point is that people with ‘learned helplessness’ won’t acknowledge what they want and have no plan to get it. Would you recommend CBT to a child who has been abused and tortured for years? Would you view them a “lazy sad person”. You probably would!
@@sophiethorpe3622 I'm frustrated that people seem to want to be victims, and I'm not nearly as angry at this revelation as you seem to be with me for pointing it out.
I haven't abused anyone, called them names or accused them of mirroring my own desperation.
Seek help immediately if my post has triggered you and know that you have my support for what it's worth.
*Until this moment I haven't mentioned ''abused and tortured children.'' Get over yourself.
Thank You