If this video hit home for you, please share with someone who may need this. *I did forget to put learned helplessness definition in the video so please see in the description box!!
I really struggle with this . I struggle so much, sometimes that ive noticed how i sometimes begin to feel weak at the knee's as if my legs are about to fold away from under the weight of my body
There are so many vids on learned helplessness and this is the first that actually has useful tips. Would love to hear more about desensitization to failure.
I just wanna say thank you, as someone who cant afford theraphy yet(and is actually majoring in psych rn!) I cannot express how helpful your videos are.
Thought I would make notes during this video. Step back and try again. Not sleeping lately - makes it so much harder. Worry about situation - feel trapped. But now I have a name for how I have been feeling off and on for years, thought it was just depression. Record your steps. For me this is making lists. Abandon new years resolutions. Hmm, this could be changed over to making a decision on my marriage. Condition your mind to win. Get stronger and push forward no matter what. Desensitize yourself to failure. Get a partner to be accountable. Track yourself, lay out your steps.
I’m a first time listener today and now a a subscriber. Love your content and presentation. No fluff, fillers, giggling and talking like a valley girl. Yeah!!
Thanks for making the video. Your point about systematic desensitization is crucial. I've seen many therapists and none have talked about that and argue against it when I talk about it. The thing I think that needs to happen though is that desensitization, training the mind, the physically lower brain, to win and to have faith that at least some things can be won. I see an approach all the time in my work where I get to see pediatric and neuro PT's and OT's working that could be made to do this for patients. If I hit the lotto I'd go become done kind of practitioner to build this system because me and so many other victims of abuse that I know are just driven further into their own head by therapists second guessing what they say (which may not always be perfect), but feels like yet another loss. The difference is a push forward and a push back. Some people need to be pushed to think more. Some people need the opposite and to push them to think more with the conscious mind doesn't heal the trauma that is encoded in physically lower parts of the brain that are more strongly linked to us and evolved millions of years before the conscious mind. You can't always just think your way out of freezing up on the face of assholes in your life abusing you. Most therapists I've talked to basically say "not my job", but they are the only appropriate person to help with this. And I hope that isn't offensive, truly. I think pretty much every therapist I've talked to is a good person, I think it's basically like hot they used to do bone marrow transplants on breast cancer patients until one doc fought for years to stop doing that unnecessarily. It's not intentional, the training just isn't there yet and I bet most therapists would be happy to do more to help, especially as it requires even less empathy as it just consists of structured activities.
THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO ON THIS SUBJECT ON THE INTERNET PERIOD! Thank you so much - you’re so good!!! Love how you’ve explained it so comprehensively & precisely! 👑🧿💜
Traumatized by a long term relationship with a psychopath-18 years. He future faked me for so many years, but what truly traumatized me was the fact that for the past 8/10 years of the relationship he was refusing to leave my apartment and using my fear of authority against me! Bottom line was that he was a predator that had me by my neck and nometter how much I kicked and screamed , he wouldn’t let go. I have not processed the anger. I have been frozen, flat lined , and feeling Stuck without understanding why. I am now understanding how this “ learned helplessness “ looks like in my life . I want to push forward and get back to part of who I was before I met him.
Tamara, I would give everything for an opportunity to be your client, to put the card on the table , every one of them, and to open honest and say this is everything I have experienced and have done. All the bad things all the good things and this is where I am. Then I would like to start learning to manage these things change things to learn and grow in a positive healthy and realistic way. And I know I would succeed. But that's impossible being here in the uk. However this channel is capable of changing lives and it's a gift. I love being apart of this and I'm going to make a commitment to myself to engage in the help you are offering us.
Thank you Beth! I take that as a compliment. 🙂💖 I think that you can definitely make progress by using these videos and if you have a therapist outside of these videos, you can share what you're doing and your therapist may be able to hold you accountable for any slip-ups. This TH-cam channel really is a supplement to other services so I encourage you to use it as such.
I will follow that advice thank you Tamara. I have alot to learn and this time I think I will focus on the steps towards the future and stop trying to understand the past. I cannot change what has got me to where I am now. But I can be thankful that I am here now. and I have a choice and a chance to change my future. ❤
Thanks for the video. Had some great talking points and was helpful when I was feeling overwhelmed. Wish my therapist had some of these motivational words for me when I needed it.
Im pretty sure I developed learned helplessness in like 6th grade. I would generaly get lower marks but there was one or two weeks where we had a lot of tests and presentations. I was prepared for everything, i knew everything and felt so ready. Then i did the tests, homeworks and presentations and felt good about them and though id atleast get one, just ONE with higher marks. I got some average and some below average marks. After that, untill the second part of 9th grade, i didnt do one homework, i barely studied for exams. You know the worst part? i got the exact same marks but now when i got a C i wasnt sad because 3 weeks of my life and learning became an average C grade, now i was happy because i didnt study and still got a good mark without all that emotionall toll. Today i try a lot for test and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt. I did a filosofy test last week and i felt so sure, so so sooo sure about everything we had to learn. I even helped some people study and they got above average marks and some got even A's. What did i get? C. tbh i feel like if i dont do anything now then the learned helplessness will kick in again because i allways say now that i will never try this hard on a test ever again, mostly ebcause if i get a C, i would like to be happy and not almost cry in class because 3 weeks of intense studying whent nowhere.
Have you looked into learning or sensory or even memory disabilities? I mean Im sure it’s also perspective and placing meaning on the results of your tests, but if you have tried hard and feel sure about it maybe there’s something else at play.
One of my favorite topics. You give such great advice. I hope your Grandma is doing well. Take care of yourself and enjoy life. Keeps those migraines away :) Great video Doc :)
Many thanks for the video. The "baby stepping" reminds me of this old comedy "what about Bob" with Bill Murray. I think humor can help to put a distance view on the issues and better overcome these. Nevertheless, perseverance and working smart seem to be the key words.
How should I tackle learned helplessness if: - I have no purpose in life, - I am convinced that life as a whole is meaningless (due to existential depression), - I am not religious or spiritual, - and I do not have anyone in my life whom I trust enough to be my partner? What goals should I even start with? And why?
Learned helplessness is endemic to the mixed economy (our centralized, state-run, political economic hierarchy) i.e. it's the system itself that purposely keeps people in a state of chronic helplessness. The key to escaping from this invisible prison is to first recognize and then capitalize on objective reality (reality as it is) and the laws of nature, NOT a collectively accepted reality (conformity, pseudo-reality based on gov. engineered consensus) based on the architects of the mixed economy i.e. arbitrary government edict via the state-run social and main stream media complex (propaganda, naked/open subversion). And to use your own senses as a guide to reality. In a worst case scenario, if you have an opportunity, do it without thinking and never look back. Move before you're ready.
I agree this can be useful in most cases. But in reality we are spiritual and feeling beings who do not have the ability to fully reach objective reality when overcome by emotions and the spiritual aspects of our survival. I wish it were as simple and objective as you put. Food for thought, so thank you for commenting.
For my reference, but I havent covereed all the points. Highly recommended to listen to her talknig about it. 1) step back and try again: the more you force it the more its not gonna work. rest before trying again. and then try again. No pushing and pushing and pushing. 2) how do you eat an elephant: one bite at a time. if you force things you are going to destroy it. baby step. pause. baby step. pause. baby step. 3) record your steps track it, what are the concrete steps you have taken. so that you have a pov when you are stuck. 4) abandon new year's resolutions: cuz no baby steps. 5) engage in systematic desensitisation: try to condition your mind to win and push forward. get used to winning and pushing ahead. desensitise yourself to failure 6) have a partner: accountability so that you can be told what to do. 7) track your progress: 8) practice and practice again. and repeat.
Your work and content is excellent, THANK YOU! Your voice seems to be taking strain from the mic being too far away, it also creates a more treble sound in the recording. May I suggest finding and using a small lavaliere style mic that you could clip onto your collar to help east the strain of projecting your voice? Much gratitude for your work and generosity in sharing it with us
Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you found this channel helpful. And You're welcome! Appreciate the advice. This video is around 3yrs old. I "graduated" devices! LOL
I usually don't watch english videos without subtitles, but your way of speaking was easy for me to understand, thank you! I probably have this symptom, so I'm going to try out these steps and get a little better, step by step at a time. Thank you Tamara :)
Great question Harriet! I think that learned helplessness should be looked at as a symptom of a bigger problem. So if you have chronic PTSD, learned helplessness may be at the foundation. If you have depression or anxiety, learned helplessness may be at the foundation. That's often the best way to look at this.
Oh dear, it has been my experience for most of my life, although I have resisted the term since I can't see myself as a helpless = passive individual. Never got the right and enough help and conselling, and not the energy to do self-help consistently in a less-than good social network.
I'm sorry Freddy. It's called trauma, as I'm sure you know. Learned helplessness is often the result of the brain learning that it can't move forward because of a bad experience, because of self-esteem, because of fear. I'll talk more about this in the coming months.
I'm not sure if I have ADHD or anxiety, or depression or learned helplessness or everything but the music at the beginning and the background noise are REALLY distracting, almost annoying...! Had to repeat several times to grasp what you were saying, hope you can fix that in future videos because the content is good!
Yeah, on point, being Indigenous, being stuck in the Urban environment, at present living in emergency transitional housing, focusing on my diet primarily, meatless amap, feeling much better for it, at the same time it's like living a Matrix movie, seriously, finally having fun.
@@TherapistTamaraHill my little brother is 15 and is having a hard time with even trying to do things that are good for him, this video helped me so much ! I wish I could have friends like you that understand what I’m seeing in my little brother ! Thanks for this video as it helped me a lot!
How to get out of learned helplessness is not a problem. A psychiatrist tossed their word salad because they need money. The believe money but happiness. They lie to you too get paid. They just need to realize they aren't going to die if they quit lying to people and grabbing people's money. Calm down and try to produce something of value with your life rather than helplessly lying to people so you can grab their money.
If this video hit home for you, please share with someone who may need this.
*I did forget to put learned helplessness definition in the video so please see in the description box!!
I really struggle with this . I struggle so much, sometimes that ive noticed how i sometimes begin to feel weak at the knee's as if my legs are about to fold away from under the weight of my body
Finally a video with practical advice on this topic without the silly platitudes. Thank you so much.
You're welcome. Glad it was helpful! Thank you!!
There are so many vids on learned helplessness and this is the first that actually has useful tips. Would love to hear more about desensitization to failure.
I just wanna say thank you, as someone who cant afford theraphy yet(and is actually majoring in psych rn!) I cannot express how helpful your videos are.
You're so welcome! And thank you. I am glad to hear that. All the best in your studies!!
Thought I would make notes during this video.
Step back and try again. Not sleeping lately - makes it so much harder. Worry about
situation - feel trapped. But now I have a name for how I have been feeling off and on for
years, thought it was just depression.
Record your steps. For me this is making lists.
Abandon new years resolutions. Hmm, this could be changed over to making a decision
on my marriage.
Condition your mind to win. Get stronger and push forward no matter what.
Desensitize yourself to failure.
Get a partner to be accountable.
Track yourself, lay out your steps.
I’m a first time listener today and now a a subscriber. Love your content and presentation. No fluff, fillers, giggling and talking like a valley girl. Yeah!!
Welcome aboard! And thank you!
Love the "step back" approach. So many ways to step back!
Thanks for making the video.
Your point about systematic desensitization is crucial.
I've seen many therapists and none have talked about that and argue against it when I talk about it.
The thing I think that needs to happen though is that desensitization, training the mind, the physically lower brain, to win and to have faith that at least some things can be won.
I see an approach all the time in my work where I get to see pediatric and neuro PT's and OT's working that could be made to do this for patients.
If I hit the lotto I'd go become done kind of practitioner to build this system because me and so many other victims of abuse that I know are just driven further into their own head by therapists second guessing what they say (which may not always be perfect), but feels like yet another loss.
The difference is a push forward and a push back. Some people need to be pushed to think more. Some people need the opposite and to push them to think more with the conscious mind doesn't heal the trauma that is encoded in physically lower parts of the brain that are more strongly linked to us and evolved millions of years before the conscious mind. You can't always just think your way out of freezing up on the face of assholes in your life abusing you. Most therapists I've talked to basically say "not my job", but they are the only appropriate person to help with this.
And I hope that isn't offensive, truly. I think pretty much every therapist I've talked to is a good person, I think it's basically like hot they used to do bone marrow transplants on breast cancer patients until one doc fought for years to stop doing that unnecessarily. It's not intentional, the training just isn't there yet and I bet most therapists would be happy to do more to help, especially as it requires even less empathy as it just consists of structured activities.
THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO ON THIS SUBJECT ON THE INTERNET PERIOD! Thank you so much - you’re so good!!! Love how you’ve explained it so comprehensively & precisely! 👑🧿💜
You are so welcome! Thanks so much!☺
Thank you so so much for mentioning how cultures exhibit depression differently. ❤️
You're welcome!! We need more knowledge of this for sure.
Traumatized by a long term relationship with a psychopath-18 years. He future faked me for so many years, but what truly traumatized me was the fact that for the past 8/10 years of the relationship he was refusing to leave my apartment and using my fear of authority against me! Bottom line was that he was a predator that had me by my neck and nometter how much I kicked and screamed , he wouldn’t let go. I have not processed the anger. I have been frozen, flat lined , and feeling Stuck without understanding why. I am now understanding how this “ learned helplessness “ looks like in my life . I want to push forward and get back to part of who I was before I met him.
Tamara, I would give everything for an opportunity to be your client, to put the card on the table , every one of them, and to open honest and say this is everything I have experienced and have done. All the bad things all the good things and this is where I am. Then I would like to start learning to manage these things change things to learn and grow in a positive healthy and realistic way.
And I know I would succeed.
But that's impossible being here in the uk. However this channel is capable of changing lives and it's a gift. I love being apart of this and I'm going to make a commitment to myself to engage in the help you are offering us.
Thank you Beth! I take that as a compliment. 🙂💖
I think that you can definitely make progress by using these videos and if you have a therapist outside of these videos, you can share what you're doing and your therapist may be able to hold you accountable for any slip-ups. This TH-cam channel really is a supplement to other services so I encourage you to use it as such.
I will follow that advice thank you Tamara.
I have alot to learn and this time I think I will focus on the steps towards the future and stop trying to understand the past.
I cannot change what has got me to where I am now. But I can be thankful that I am here now. and I have a choice and a chance to change my future. ❤
It really did help me. Sometimes its crazy to think that the video uploaded far ago from the other side of the earth can change your day
Thank you! I'm very glad this was helpful.
8:47 TAKE GRADUAL STEPS is quite important but it might have been ignored by some others... this is a very good advice
Thank you Alex! Glad this was helpful.
Thanks for the video. Had some great talking points and was helpful when I was feeling overwhelmed. Wish my therapist had some of these motivational words for me when I needed it.
You're very welcome! So glad this was helpful.
Im pretty sure I developed learned helplessness in like 6th grade. I would generaly get lower marks but there was one or two weeks where we had a lot of tests and presentations. I was prepared for everything, i knew everything and felt so ready. Then i did the tests, homeworks and presentations and felt good about them and though id atleast get one, just ONE with higher marks. I got some average and some below average marks. After that, untill the second part of 9th grade, i didnt do one homework, i barely studied for exams. You know the worst part? i got the exact same marks but now when i got a C i wasnt sad because 3 weeks of my life and learning became an average C grade, now i was happy because i didnt study and still got a good mark without all that emotionall toll. Today i try a lot for test and sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesnt. I did a filosofy test last week and i felt so sure, so so sooo sure about everything we had to learn. I even helped some people study and they got above average marks and some got even A's. What did i get? C. tbh i feel like if i dont do anything now then the learned helplessness will kick in again because i allways say now that i will never try this hard on a test ever again, mostly ebcause if i get a C, i would like to be happy and not almost cry in class because 3 weeks of intense studying whent nowhere.
Have you looked into learning or sensory or even memory disabilities? I mean Im sure it’s also perspective and placing meaning on the results of your tests, but if you have tried hard and feel sure about it maybe there’s something else at play.
To point something out, filosofy is spelt philosophy.
One of my favorite topics. You give such great advice. I hope your Grandma is doing well. Take care of yourself and enjoy life. Keeps those migraines away :) Great video Doc :)
Thank you jtFacts!!! Glad this is helpful.
And yes, she's back home with family and a team of qualified professionals. Thanks for your well wishes!!
Wow. Thank you so much for your channel. You're so helpful and I really appreciate your straight forward advice.
Thank you!! And you're welcome. Glad this was helpful.
Many thanks for the video. The "baby stepping" reminds me of this old comedy "what about Bob" with Bill Murray. I think humor can help to put a distance view on the issues and better overcome these. Nevertheless, perseverance and working smart seem to be the key words.
Thank you. I've learned so much from your channel ❤
You are so welcome! :) And thank you!
How should I tackle learned helplessness if:
- I have no purpose in life,
- I am convinced that life as a whole is meaningless (due to existential depression),
- I am not religious or spiritual,
- and I do not have anyone in my life whom I trust enough to be my partner?
What goals should I even start with? And why?
Learned helplessness is endemic to the mixed economy (our centralized, state-run, political economic hierarchy) i.e. it's the system itself that purposely keeps people in a state of chronic helplessness. The key to escaping from this invisible prison is to first recognize and then capitalize on objective reality (reality as it is) and the laws of nature, NOT a collectively accepted reality (conformity, pseudo-reality based on gov. engineered consensus) based on the architects of the mixed economy i.e. arbitrary government edict via the state-run social and main stream media complex (propaganda, naked/open subversion). And to use your own senses as a guide to reality. In a worst case scenario, if you have an opportunity, do it without thinking and never look back. Move before you're ready.
I agree this can be useful in most cases. But in reality we are spiritual and feeling beings who do not have the ability to fully reach objective reality when overcome by emotions and the spiritual aspects of our survival. I wish it were as simple and objective as you put. Food for thought, so thank you for commenting.
For my reference, but I havent covereed all the points. Highly recommended to listen to her talknig about it.
1) step back and try again: the more you force it the more its not gonna work. rest before trying again. and then try again. No pushing and pushing and pushing.
2) how do you eat an elephant: one bite at a time. if you force things you are going to destroy it. baby step. pause. baby step. pause. baby step.
3) record your steps track it, what are the concrete steps you have taken. so that you have a pov when you are stuck.
4) abandon new year's resolutions: cuz no baby steps.
5) engage in systematic desensitisation: try to condition your mind to win and push forward. get used to winning and pushing ahead. desensitise yourself to failure
6) have a partner: accountability so that you can be told what to do.
7) track your progress:
8) practice and practice again. and repeat.
This was so helpful! Thank you
You're so welcome! Glad this was helpful to you!
Thank you so much for sharing!! This gives me a lot of hope.
You're welcome! I'm this was helpful.😊
Your work and content is excellent, THANK YOU! Your voice seems to be taking strain from the mic being too far away, it also creates a more treble sound in the recording. May I suggest finding and using a small lavaliere style mic that you could clip onto your collar to help east the strain of projecting your voice? Much gratitude for your work and generosity in sharing it with us
Thank you so much!! I'm really glad you found this channel helpful. And You're welcome!
Appreciate the advice. This video is around 3yrs old. I "graduated" devices! LOL
7:21 the tips start
I need to work out which videos to start with first and them make notes and record the progress.
This is a great idea!
This video was really helpful! Thanks a ton for such an informative video!
Glad it was helpful! You're welcome!
This video was really helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome!
I usually don't watch english videos without subtitles, but your way of speaking was easy for me to understand, thank you! I probably have this symptom, so I'm going to try out these steps and get a little better, step by step at a time. Thank you Tamara :)
how do you distinguish learned helplessness from cpsd? x,
Great question Harriet! I think that learned helplessness should be looked at as a symptom of a bigger problem. So if you have chronic PTSD, learned helplessness may be at the foundation. If you have depression or anxiety, learned helplessness may be at the foundation. That's often the best way to look at this.
So glad I’ve found you omg - I love TH-cam 😭😍🧿
🤗❤ welcome to the channel!
Love this!
Thank you!
Oh dear, it has been my experience for most of my life, although I have resisted the term since I can't see myself as a helpless = passive individual. Never got the right and enough help and conselling, and not the energy to do self-help consistently in a less-than good social network.
I really needed this!!❤️❤️
That's great to hear!!!! So glad about that.
Me too!!
Thank you.
Brilliant!
Thank you! Glad this was helpful.
i took notes, thank you!!
You're welcome!!
This is so hard tamara
I'm sorry. Yes, it is. 😔
@@TherapistTamaraHill does it have to be this way?does my mind won't stop holding me back when i really want to improve something in my life
I'm sorry Freddy. It's called trauma, as I'm sure you know. Learned helplessness is often the result of the brain learning that it can't move forward because of a bad experience, because of self-esteem, because of fear. I'll talk more about this in the coming months.
I'm not sure if I have ADHD or anxiety, or depression or learned helplessness or everything but the music at the beginning and the background noise are REALLY distracting, almost annoying...! Had to repeat several times to grasp what you were saying, hope you can fix that in future videos because the content is good!
This is video is amazing thank you!!
Thank you. You're welcome!
Yeah, on point, being Indigenous, being stuck in the Urban environment, at present living in emergency transitional housing, focusing on my diet primarily, meatless amap, feeling much better for it, at the same time it's like living a Matrix movie, seriously, finally having fun.
That is good. Sounds to me like you have a plan and structured course to push you ahead!
Really Great Info
Glad it was helpful! Thank you!
Sit and watch a squirrel tackle a ‘squirrelproof’ bird feeder.
do you do cirtual sessions
Good pep talk coach!
😁👍👍😊
very helpful
Glad to hear that!!
Thank you Sis
Welcome 😊
@@TherapistTamaraHill ☺️
One day at a time.
I just love your videos and style. Cut from a different cloth for sure. 😉
Thank you! 💖 Glad this is helpful.
Formula for success=Goals + Habit
That is true! Behavioral therapy would call this "conditioning." You have to "condition" yourself to operate in a manner that will help you succeed.
5 Stars 🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠 ♥️
3:21 Male model: It is what it is
Watch the old animated cartoons of ‘the all new pink panther show’. Notice that he never gives up.
Your hair! 🤍
😊thank you
15:01
💎💎💎
RFS
I want you as a friend 😭😭😭😭
🥰
@@TherapistTamaraHill my little brother is 15 and is having a hard time with even trying to do things that are good for him, this video helped me so much ! I wish I could have friends like you that understand what I’m seeing in my little brother ! Thanks for this video as it helped me a lot!
You're welcome Mimi!! My pleasure. I wish you and your brother the best.
Take care☺
@@TherapistTamaraHill
Thank you again so much! It really helped when I used your advice to talk with him ❤️❤️❤️
Gradual steps are getting me no where.
You can do this. We all can. Steps forward are always progress.
How to get out of learned helplessness is not a problem. A psychiatrist tossed their word salad because they need money. The believe money but happiness. They lie to you too get paid. They just need to realize they aren't going to die if they quit lying to people and grabbing people's money. Calm down and try to produce something of value with your life rather than helplessly lying to people so you can grab their money.