i work in a pub and it's wild how quickly men will forget a woman is present and listening if she's working, so i hear a lot of unfiltered misogynistic shit. but the one time a guy brought up that he, a 27 year old, was dating a 17 year old, i was happy to hear all his similarly aged friends and the older men listening in actually say something. they mocked him, which i find very effective on these cases, shame sadly works better than reason. they told him he was a creep who clearly just couldn't get women his own age to like him, and he tried to defend himself by arguing that the age of consent here is 16 but was rightly told that the limit is so low so that teens can explore with EACH OTHER, and he even said "she's really mature, she can drive!" to which he was roundly mocked and reminded that any 17 year old can drive if they pass their test. it restored a little bit of my faith in those men that they didn't let it slide and held him accountable. that dude is still a POS, but nobody drinks with him anymore.
I hated working as a bartender cuz of how weird and entitled men would act about women they were seeing or, worse , women they were one sidedly pursuing. Sadly, I didn't see too much pushback on behavior unless a friend was protecting their own friend or if I had to say sumn
When I was a teen and men in their twenties would be interested in my friends and me, my mother would warn us, "there's something wrong with them if they can't find a woman their own age and they have to chase teenagers around."
No but SO many of my classmates in the 2000s were dating guys in their 20s (when we were SIXTEEN OR YOUNGER!!) it's insane how many predators there are
A childhood friend’s dad asked me out when I was 20 in college. He was going on 50. My mom was LIVID and my dad was just like *shrug.* I’m glad a cultural tide is shifting and people (men in particular) are finally being called out on their bullshit. It’s the slow dawn of a new era
@@Tarmachan It was extremely normalized for girls in my highschool to have boyfriends in college, the older I get the grosser that becomes in hindsight.
I’m only 19 and a lady tried to get me to date her 40 year old son. I looked at her in the eyes and told her he is old enough to be my dad. She got offended and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I feel so good after standing up for myself.😂
16:47 oh absolutely, a 17 year old and a 19 year old is not grooming. But a lot of people seem to think anyone whose brain isn’t fully developed is incapable of grooming and that’s just not true. When I was 12, I met a 17 year old online who was always really weird about the other 11-14 year olds in our group getting in relationships - according to them it was just “shipping” since we all role played characters, but it was absolutely weird and could have easily been grooming if we didn’t get away. When I was 14, an 18 year old (may have been 17? I never knew his age) had made several weird comments about my body and had made several attempts to come to my house, get me to his house, and so much more weird stuff. I am so grateful my parents taught me what is and isn’t safe because I absolutely would not have made it through some points in my life without them
The most abusive relationship I had was in Middle School with a "friend" my age who would manipulate me for his own sick kicks. It messed me up so bad it made me a loner for the rest of my life.
@@lxmonp1e actually thats specifically sexual grooming. The concept of grooming in general is manipulating or preparing someone for behavior you are going to coerce them into. Its just most often used in a sexual context
With the fathers of most teen pregnancies being much older men, I'm happy that young girls and women are being extremely cautious. Who cares if older people get turned away from relationships no one owes you anything
It's not lost on me that the older generations who think every marginalized group are groomers seem to put their blinders up when straight grooming is happening.
Especially when a straight, cis man does it. I see people who condemned Ava Chris Tyson and Colleen Ballinger then turning around and supporting and defending Doctor Disrespect and Cody Ko
What’s wild is when you grow up and see someone the age you were when someone tried to groom you and it’s like WOW!! 14 is actually a baby and I cannot believe anyone would talk to me the way they did
i’m not even at the age my groomer was when i knew him, but i look at 13 year olds as literal babies and don’t understand how a 27 year old man could see them as anything different
fucking right????? I'm about to be 20 and I wouldn't date even a 17 year old at this point. absolutely insane that a whole ass adult would think it's ok to go after literal children
I’m 19 (and a half so I’m almost 20… oh my god…) and wouldn’t even wanna date a 17 y/o, or even an 18 y/o that’s still in high school! It’s a HUGE difference to me. Like I’m mutuals with some high schoolers from my hs and I’m like… wow. They’re so… hormonal. And IM still developing! It’s wild
It's wild! I was 13 at a playground with my sister. A 21 yr old dude started to chat me up! Wtf are you doing bro? And even if I did "look 17" (no I didn't) still nasty. I'm a fully grown adult now, but it still sends a shudder down my spine.
My 33 year old brother brought home a barely 20 year old last January. Four months later she was pregnant for him.When he announced he had a girlfriend I instagrammed her and saw her 2022 prom photos and people I recognized in the back( I’m 19 and class of 23 so I’m close in age to her). The way he talks about her is disturbing. He constantly brags about how he’s “raising a wife” and “She’s so mature for her age”.He even tells his friends that “20 is where it’s at”. Our parents are acting like it’s so normal, which I find funny because they judge EVERYTHING. Me and my older sister (35f) find it weird but we just keep to ourselves.
@@keiishine The same way it is for any other couple. Thirteen years isn't even all that big a difference. Anything less than 20 years is hardly even worth gossiping about.
I wish I had listened. My mom had no problem, my dad didn't really approve but he let me do it anyway, some of my friends didn't care or were dating older ppl too and others didn't really like it. I thought I was super mature and rebellious for my age😭 be so frr. At least it wasn't so bad and I'm not really traumatized, but could've saved myself from a lot of mental stress trying to be more mature than what I could with my poorly developed brain.
Yeah ... Mine was frustrating because it was my mother warning me but our relationships was so trash that I didn't want to accept that she could be right. Too easy to get defensive because accepting the reality means acknowledging that you're being taken advantage of :(
any advice whatsoever can be taken as being told what to do. should we all stop sharing our experiences and opinions about anything ever??? or is it just the ones referring to things that are problematic.... i see so many logical holes when creeps try to justify themselves.
I wish this would work if I tried to warn people about creepy women. They are less common than creepy men but they exist, I promise they do and I really wish I hadn’t found out the hard way.
Notice how these people never befriend people as young as those who they date? Maybe because they understand that their age difference creates a massive inequality in maturity
they know if they befriended young people they would expose how obvious the age gap is. They can only get away with it when they isolate a single person
Most adults who habitually date teenagers struggle to make friends, period. They're not exactly well-adjusted individuals that people enjoy being around. Some of them do end up surrounded by much younger friends though.
Teenagers, please take to heart my advice as a 23 y/o- you can be friendly with adults, like how you might be 'friends' with your aunt or uncle, but if someone 3+ years older than you is trying to be your bestie or even worse your partner, there is legitimately something up. Doesn't even have to be malicious they just might have severe judgement issues, because a healthy and stable adult understands the difference in being a new adult of 18-19 and a more established adult of 21+. Seriously these past five years since I graduated HS feel like a lifetime. Even the two and a half years since I moved out. It's good to be casual buddies with adults because they can give you good guidance but if they're trying to lean on you for any kind of support, please really evaluate the situation. We have other adults our own age or older to lean on.
Sure, a 21 year old usually has had more life experience than an 18 year old, who usually has been surrounded all his or her life by close age peers simply because of the overly sheltered way we raise children in the contemporary culture. But this is strictly a difference in experience. The 18 year old is not a cognitive or emotional laggard or in some way more fragile than the twenty something.
@@TheSapphireLeo I think he (she?) literally means 3 years because he/she followed it with an example of a 21 year old compared with an 18 year old, a difference of 3 years.
Honestly even feel like that for people your age. Like I’m 21 but I wouldn’t date a 23-24 year old bc it’s two completely different stages of life and I think if I was 23 I wouldn’t be interested in anyone who is college aged anyway
Yeah, my stance is that as long as they've both been legal adults for multiple years when they first meet and they don't meet under circumstances that introduce any weird power dynamics, then age doesn't matter. Otherwise, it's pretty sus
I will say I also think it's sus if like, one was a kids sports coach and the object of their affection was one of their players. Even if they get together later as adults, I think that's weird.
Yeah same. A large age gap when the youngest is in their early twenties is still pretty weird for me, but after that point everyone’s already an adult and sure one person has lived longer and seen more, but that’s not inherently toxic?
Context, as always, is key. I think there is a bit of, the older the median age of the couple, the less problematic the age gap. 90yo and 70yo getting freaky in the retirement community is probably not at all an issue. 35yo and 15yo , big red flag.
@@CatFish107 35yo with a 15yo is straight-up child sex abuse, that's not even up for debate. 35yo with a 20yo on the other hand is somewhat weird and raises some flags, but it's not a crime. And being 30 with a 50yo I think is not really a big deal at all. But that's my opinion though...I don't want to dictate morality.
"Why are Gen Z so sensitive to age gaps?" Because Gen Z is currently most at risk to these kind of predatory relationships and they have the power to talk about it?? Its always been messed up
Right? Like that’s exactly what I thought when I read the title. Huh I wonder why Gen Z is so sensitive to age gap relationships, maybe because they’re in the age range to be affected by them in a negative way
Yeah millenials were worried about it when we were the age these predators like to go for (aka minors), and so were gen Y (X? Fuck i dunno what letter was before us), and so on, because when youre an underage minor, a teenager, a *child* sometimes you wonder 'what does that fully griwn adult see in me?'
My question is like what would a FRESHLY OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL 18 year old have in common with someone in their 30s? Those are two COMPLETELY different stages in life. It gets even worse when you know these older women/men go after 18 years olds because it’s legally the youngest they can go but if they had the chance to date someone even younger, they probably would.
18 year olds and 30 year olds have EVERYTHING in common in our society. Complete immaturity, no sense of individual responsibility, and inability to form healthy relationships. They can't do it with people their own age either.
You’re making a lot of assumptions. 18 is also the age when we expect young people to be able to take care of themselves independently and make important decisions, like who to vote for, where and whether to go to college, whether to risk their lives in military service… I’m sure SOME people would date younger, but it’s not fair or accurate to accuse all. I have lots in common with my husband who is 25 years my senior. I was 19 when we met, and almost 9 years later, 4 of them for which we were married, we are still happy together. That’s longer than most relationships (or even a lot of marriages) last these days.
@@peacelovemotivation8366 I’m not saying they have NOTHING in common, I’m saying the majority of the time those types of relationships toxic, and heavily rooted in some weird fantasy. It’s strange that a 30+ year old can’t find someone their own age so they feel the need to go after someone “less experienced”. Most 18 year old nowadays are still living with their parents and trying to figure things out. I’m turning 18 in 3 years, and I don’t even know what I want to do yet. An 25 years your senior? I beg your FINEST pardon?
@@sres4 you’re *assuming* the majority are toxic. How often are you interacting with couples in AGRs? They’re pretty uncommon; that’s why they’re considered “weird.” Most of the time the only ones you’ll hear about are the bad ones because those are the ones that get sensationalized in the news, or the ones that are between adults and minors, which are bad for obvious reasons. I can’t speak for other people, but my relationship isn’t “rooted in fantasy” lol. I like what I like, and that’s older men- particularly my husband. I find younger men to be too physically small, body wise, too immature, and they couldn’t offer me the lifestyle I wanted (to stay home with my child and be provided for. Dual income couples these days aren’t having kids until they’re like 40, or if they’re having them younger, they’re sticking them in day care centers and hardly ever seeing them.) It’s actually more difficult for older men to attract younger women than it is for them to date women their own age. Younger women, being at the peak of their attractiveness, have the greatest number of suitors, and also overwhelmingly prefer men who are close in age to them, statistically. An older man who successfully secures a relationship with a younger woman has to be more attractive to her than her age peers. (Remember, the women in AGRs choose to be there as well.) So, it’s not that these men in AGRs “can’t” get women their own age. It’s just that they prefer younger, more attractive women. Makes perfect sense to me. Though I do agree that any man, regardless of age, who prefers “less sexual experience” is creepy, low value, and generally sexist. But it’s not always about that for the older partners in AGRs. I’ve actually found that older men tended to be more accepting or apathetic about my sexual history than younger men, personally. With regards to general life experience… some of the older men I’ve dated were pleased to be able to offer me new experiences, and enjoyed my enjoyment of them in a wholesome way. Also, by the time I was 18 I was living alone in a city hours away from my parents, providing for myself. I do feel like zoomers are being super slow to grow up and consider themselves adults. They only want to be treated like adults when it suits them.
Has it occurred to them that we grew up watching 40+ yr olds sexualizing minors and counting the days until they were 18, and we grew up and realized that was weird and most of us wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a power imbalance?
Exactly. Also, social media has helped victims spread their stories and traumatic experiences with these kinds of age-gap relationships. Gen z heard them, took notes and is hellbent into not making the same mistakes. I love to see women, young women and girls fearlessly not only expose these gr00mers but also get like 90% of people's support with the remaining 10% being only like the occasional incel trolls.
When I was 15 my mom told me “If a guy older than you is hitting on you or your friends, it’s because women his age don’t want him and he had to go lower.” And GIRL, that stuck with me and saved me time and time again. 😭😂
@@Deedlangerlook inward dude, it's almost always yourself. Is your hygiene good? How's your build? Do you wear decent clothes, or just a random graphic T and blue jeans? How do you talk to women, where do you try to talk to them?
@@tarkelson2457 bruh i 60kg 2nd year nursing student hygiene is always important, i half asian and white, height of 175cm, my BMI is on a healthy scale. I wear decent clothes and i talk to people normally as like i talk to patients with full empathy and respect every individual must be treated equally. I try talking or asking women out for a coffee ☕️ or a walk. I meet random peps on the streets, gym, school and libraries i greet good mornings afternoons and evenings to anyone since i grew up in a culture like that however in the western world i never get a respond. Alchohol is a no for me and smoking is a no for me. I do not go to bars, disco, and nightclubs. I work, eat healthy, sleep, study, pray to God, and do gym to stay healthy. I do not want to have sex, cause i believe sex is only after marriage. Maybe im in a wrong country, i should probably go back to the country i grow up and find a women there who accepts me for being me. I do not care if i am meeting females younger than me. What i see on these videos are people judging older people in a relationship with a young legal adult. Many have bad experience and many have good experience i think it is very harsh and onesided to believe that all people should date their own age. I feel like the culture in the west is too evil for me because of individualistic trend of being a main character which always prioritizing wealth and fame instead of a community. I do not not clearly know all the answers but i observed it and i am allowed to voice out my own opinion. May God save us all from this sinful existence.
@@Deedlanger Also that mentality is definitely a turn off. You should want to be in a relationship with someone because you actualy care about them, not just to be in a relationship.
'gay and interracial relationships experienced less judgement' WEREN'T BOTH OF THOSE THINGS LITERALLY ILLEGAL FOR LIKE A HUGE CHUNK OF HUMAN HISTORY?? HELLO??? HOW DID THEY MEASURE THIS
what's more, gay and interracial relationships in the US were only protected on a federal level from discriminatory state legislature LAST DECEMBER....... like what alternate timeline is this from, hello???????????
Also, gay and interracial relationships ONE are not an excuse for your own creepy behavior, and TWO gay/interracial relationships are not inherently dangerous. In fact they're just as dangerous as any different gender, same race/ethnicity relationship, that is to say according to the people and the specific dynamic between them. This is literally just those creepy online ""maps"" who insist they belong in the queer community for being ostracized. If a gay person is a pedo, the problem lies with them being a PEDO. That's the issue, and a pedo can be of literally any identity. If a relationship between a black person and a white person is insanely toxic and violent, the problem lies with the relationship, not their skin colors (though ofc that's more complicated when racism comes into play, still ykwim) Grooming, however, whether "just" online or in person, with cp or without, with physical assault done to the person or not, with the victim being anywhere from literal birth to early/mid twenties...is bad. That's not a generalization or bigotry, that's just bad. Grooming is bad, pdf files are bad, and most age gaps with the stated age above are incredibly dangerous. If we're going to be making comparisons, then at the very least let's make an educated one, one that compares the backwards logic of pedos to racism and homophobia. Even then pdf-ilia seems to be a mental issue, meanwhile racism and queerphobia is ignorance and bias a person grows up with and develops, refusing to rationally see those marginalized groups as human.
@@jamesbarr8218 YO SAME, some family members told me to hide the fact my fiancé is black in conversation bc "people may be uncomfortable" with my white ass being in love with a Jamaican man 😭😭😭 (so that's why i never speak to that "family" 💕)
The perfect quote I’ve seen online for this is “I used to be jealous of high school girls who dated college guys, until I went into college and met college guys who date high school girls”
I was groomed and heavily abused by a man who was 31 when I was 16. He made me lie about my age around his family and friends (cuz he clearly knew it was wrong) and would be a completely different behind closed doors and genuinely broke me down emotionally and mentally. That situation ended in me getting pregnant. I am now 31 with a 13 year old which was the age I first started getting groomed by someone else who was 40 at the time. I cannot explain how much I have had to heal from coming out of that. The Internet really was a predator's playground and I am so so so glad young adults and kids are now becoming more aware of how dangerous these situations are. My child knows that grown ass people trying to chat her up is wrong. I didn't at her age. She knows that there is a power imbalance and that she needs to allow me to protect her from these things while I am teaching her how to protect herself. I didn't have that insight when I was her age and it's been a point of pride to be able to protect her in a way I was never protected. I love this trend of holding these grown adults abusing children accountable. Good for you Gen Z!
I feel like after 21 - it is a choice Its not an age gap problem - its a predatory older people targeting young / new adult problem. Anyone aged 18, 19, 20 - who is dating someone over 25 is basically grooming... (to me) In the UK its 16 consent to sex. The idea its legally for 55 year old to have sex with them is wild to me. Sorry you experienced what you did. Hopefully you've been able to heal. And that abuser finds justice.
It’s the lack of nuance trying to imply a lack of nuance for me. Their target audience consists of ragebait enthusiasts, uncritical thinkers, and AI bots, I fear. When I was 16 I dated a 26 year-old who kept telling me that I was “so much more mature than he is” and constantly acted like a whiny child to underscore his point. ✅ Grooming My independent, self-sufficient 33yo mom met my independent, self-sufficient 43yo dad and they got married and had me and they’re still happily together 20 years later. ❌ Not grooming My former 34yo married teacher tried to hook up with my 17yo classmate in HS. ✅ Turbo grooming Your middle-aged windowed neighbor of 55 who met a fellow 45yo window at Zumba and they host a little brunch every Sunday in their yard if it isn’t raining? ✨ Wholesome as fuck, hopefully
Hey, just for clarification, can you explain the twenty year marriage in example two? Cause it reads like the dad met the mom when she was 13 with that current math.
i do think gen z is weird about age gaps in general, but not in the way this article says. when i was in hs (16-17), i got called weird for having friends who were in middle school (12-13) and recent college grads(22-24) because there is this idea that you should only socialize with people your age. i get it for dating, obviously, but i feel like policing age gap friendships is insane.
I think it's just part of many of them being chronically online and not in the workforce yet or non-school related hobbies yet. I've been working since I was 14 and every social activity I do has people of all ages. The frequency of meeting someone within a few years of me is relatively low and has been that way for most of my life. Being online so much can also damage social capabilities and it ends up with them identifying people of the right age group by the memes and references they get, stuff most people don't even talk about once they get a little older unless that's what mostly defined their youth. They aren't always equipped to have more meaningful conversations so identify with superfluous markers. This is true for younger millennials as well, and the generations since. It's only a little more pronounced now due to the availability and general support being online has.
Yeah, I do notice this thing with going from “okay, people can be friends without ulterior motives, even with people who are much older or much younger than they are” that was already treated with heavy suspicion when I was younger when I was *only* really able to get along with kids who were not the same age as me, and now people seem rabidly against the idea that someone can be any level of acquaintance with people not in their immediate age bracket.
Yes, and I've also seen gen z being weird about people turning 18 being friends/in a relationship with minors... who are 17, and calling it grooming. They're in the same high school class wym??? Imagine if the moment you turned 18 you needed to stop interacting with minors. Sorry you can't talk to your friends or younger siblings anymore! That and "ummm 15 year age gap?? Problematic??" when the people met at 35 and 50 like brother at this point it's fine stop infantilizing grown adults
Sorry, but hanging out with middle schoolers when you are nearly and adult is very weird. It's like how these age gap relationships are not technically illegal, but they are still weird.
That HuffPost article has some serious "my +30-years-old ass is seriously considering dating an 18-to-21-years-old and I really need to justify it to myself" vibes.
@@iloveumorethananything oh honey, you need to focus on learning how to love and validate yourself rather than letting some 30+ loser guy treat you like garbage. You don't deserve it.
As a newly single 32 year old I discovered that the young men hitting on me in the bar would lie about their age to make themselves older than they really were. So Instead of asking their age I switched to asking what year they graduated high school. They did not have a lie prepared for that ask. At 32 I had no interest in dating men in their early 20s. In general they haven’t figured themselves out yet and they are too much drama for an older person. However, 7 years later I did end up marrying a man 7 years younger than myself. At 39, a divorced 32 year old with a career and an 11 year old child in tow, had enough life experience under his belt to be a match for me.
Most of us gen z agree it’s the mindset in these age gap relationship that’s the problem! 32 vs 39 is not the same as 22 vs 29! I think many also take into account their personalities, when they met, etc !
I'm 19 and agree that people my age are awful and have no idea what they want. Which is why I'm dating a 30 year old lol. If you agree my age group sucks why should I be condemned to date them?
As a former 19 year old who dated a 30 year old, you're right, he was unhinged... and jealous, controlling, and insecure. It was the most stressful relationship of my life. Don't do it ladies. Leave those weirdos alone.
Had the same experience. He groomed me at 19 to be what he thought was the perfect wife and i was so susceptible naive and alone I fell for it all. Realized 5 years down the road nothing i did was for me and everything was always for him.
As someone who met my 29 year old husband when I was 20, this kind of emotional abuse is probably even more common for young men who were a lot closer to your age.
I’m 22 and I’ve been in 2 serious age gap relationships. It’s bad. The older you get the more fine it is but at my age it’s bad. The first I was 13 and she was 17 and ended when I was 18 and she was 22. It was absolutely grooming. She once told me “you were just so innocent and new when we first met and I like knowing I’ve had a lasting impact”. I don’t talk about it because I’m also a woman and a lot of people either don’t take it seriously or use it to demonize all queer women and shape me into some poor little straight girl that got manipulated. The second one I was 18 and he was 25. This wasn’t grooming but it was weird. He was an alcoholic with a drug problem and he’d spent some time in prison and I was the only person around willing to date him. He put the entire stress of getting over his addictions on me, nursing him when he was hungover, getting him to rehab, flushing his stash, dealing with his mood swings. I was his therapist and caretaker. Eventually I realized I was too young to deal with all of it and I left and he went on a huge bender and then called all my friend telling them it was my fault. Don’t do it, maybe they’re cute, maybe it’s nice dating someone with a real job making real money, maybe it’s cool they have their own place, but you have to ask why they can’t get someone their age.
I think the reason Gen z cares about this so much is because so many of us were groomed online. Chatrooms, Minecraft servers, Roblox, Kik, Whisper, Whatsapp I know people who all had similar experiences. It started at 15 for me when I first had my own phone that could connect to the Internet and my mom genuinely could not have known how bad it was until I told her in my 20s after being hospitalized because the depression and anxiety and PTSD had won out. Normalizing large age gaps in my family was one of the ways I excused the behavior, because my grandma is a cougar and my mom had only ever showed romantic affection towards men older than her (my dad is 10 years older). I'm genuinely glad that Gen Z cares about this because I hope it means we can better protect our kids someday. Having an age gap relationship isn't inherently problematic but personally I always approach people who are into that with an additional degree of caution because of my experience.
This makes so much fucking sense actually! Older gens are always saying genz are all chronically online, some are, but most of us grew up with the internet, and that's different! Not to mention toxic influencers and parasocial relationships on youtube.
When I was like, 13 I had this dude in his late 20s try to groom me into moving to Texas, without telling my parents, and tried to get nude pics of me while knowing I was 13. So... Yeah, you most likely are correct, because that's why I take issue with age gaps to an extent. Like if it's someone who's 40 and someone who's 30, and they started dating at that age, that's fine.
I was groomed. I wish I was as suspicious and strong-willed back then as I am now about this. Someone over double my age should not have wanted to date me, a minor. I will now forever live with C/P of me being in their hands. So yeah. You 30+ YOs should seek out people your age, not teenagers.
I didn’t think about this but yeah I’d agree. When I was about 10 I began getting groomed by someone who was almost in HIGHSCHOOL. Insane and ever since then I’ve been more conscious and aware of power dynamics within relationships I have.
@@OxytailI am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are doing a bit better. Don't feel bad for being not as strong when you were younger. You were a kid. They were an adult.
THEORY: Leo DiCaprio doesn’t break up with women when they turn 25; THEY break up with HIM when they hit 25 when they reach the final stage of cognitive development 😅
??? 😭 i get what ur trying to do but like…. no. what makes more sense: all these different women just happen to be breaking up w him the second they turn 25 as if a magical switch goes off in their brain on their 25th birthday, or leonardo dicaprio alone is breaking up them? the guy is just a weirdo who refuses to date women passed a certain age.
Ngl, age gaps CAN be sus. It just depends on the disparity. If a 30 year old woman/man/other dates an 18 year old woman/man, i'm gonna raise an eyebrow.
Even a 25 yr old with a 18 yr old. I didn't realize until now at 24 that being with someone my age when I was 18 was bad. He was further along in life but also coming back to be with me. Suspect
I agree. I was with a 25 yr old when I was 18. I thought it was cool. I'm 24 now and I realize that it was bad. Being 24 now I'm really grossed out. Realizing he dated me because of control and also because he wasn't where he needed to be for his age. "Barely legal" and other gross things like that really open young people up especially women to predators. And yes, predators can be in their 20s.
Exactly! I am 19 an I recently got approached by a 30 y/old man who asked about my age and still proceeded to ask for my number and such. I understand that not all people have bad intentions, not at all, but it does make me wonder why he still thought I would be interested after realizing he is 11 years older than me. I am just like: why not date someone who has a fully developed brain, when you do? That sounds so silly, but it just doesn't make sense to me why some want to go for the youngest possible age legally.
@@Pretty_horrid yeah it's it's also a red flag if a guy 25+ can't attract a woman his own age. But we've lived and we've learned. Best we can do is protect and educate the 18 year olds we know
I would be surprised if he had any friends who knew about that if he’s in the USA. No denying someone at 25 dating an 18 year old is weird. He knows that 18 year old isn’t “grown”. He probably would date a 17 year old too
I'm 62, and believe me, it's not just Gen Z. This was a topic of conversation LONG before now (Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Annette Bening and Warren Beatty, heck, even Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart come to mind). We just didn't have a global platform back then to connect with others who also found it...weird.
@@christinebelzie194 He was 38 and she was 12 when they met and he became her manager. Despite Celine Dion's continued protestations that she loved him dearly and that the relationship wasn't amorous (at least on his part) until she was 19, it honestly seems like a pretty textbook case of grooming within a professional situation where there was a significant power imbalance.
@fIeshwater if you feel like by listening you are contributing to supporting anything yucky then it's up to you to stop. Not saying you have to, but we gotta take artists off their pedestal when their do something fked
It's so wild to me how the writer of this article said with their whole chest, "Gen Z has grown up watching people talk about how age gap relationships and relationships with huge power imbalances negatively impacted them. So why is Gen Z so critical of age gap and power imbalance relationships?"
It's like how teen/preteen girls get warned that men are dangerous and how you shouldn't trust them unless you REALLY know them, and then people get surprised when women are cautious around men. Like... we're just listening to what you people told us?
I appreciate you mentioning the difference in an age gap where one person is a full blown adult while the other is still a teenager vs one in which both parties were full blown adults at the time they got together. My partner and I have a nearly 17 year age gap but I was 28 and already had THREE children when we met lol. It would have been a big, huge, MASSIVE difference if we'd met and gotten together while I was 18 and their butt was 35. 😂😂😂 Eta: THANK YOU AGAIN! Dude.. I remember this one episode in a show called Ally McBeil or whatever.. the dude character in the scene was the actor Peter MacNicol, and he'd confronted his girlfriend/fiance at the time after some folks got in his ear about her being out of his legue and how she only wanted him for his money. She turned it around and was like "but you want be because I'm attractive." Essentially she pointed out, and this isnt word for word, that if he can choose to be with her because she's arm candy, then why is it so wrong with her to be with him for financial stability? Its even more hilarious to me too this whole "gold digger" term when you consider the retrending of being a trad wife.. like duh.. trad wives were notoriously stay at home wives/moms that didnt make an income and relied on the income of their husband lmao. Its just so funny to me. It was even funnier when I was accused of being a gold digger with my current partner, despite the fact that I wad the one providing while they stayed at home and managed the household and kids. Like how tf even?! 😂😂😂
whenever this conversation comes up i think of that one olivia rodrigo lyric in her song about an abusive relationship: “because girls your age know better”. and i think that really sums it up for me, as someone who has been in weird power dynamic/age gap relationships three separate times before i barely grew old enough to understand how screwed it was that anyone 10+ years my senior had an interest in me. please, if you’re 18, 19, 20, or god forbid even younger, and someone older than you tries to tell you “you’re mature for your age”, or tells you they’ve never dated anyone this young before but will make an exception for you, or is showing an interest in you, i’m begging you, just run. there’s no situation in which it’s okay. not even one. you’re not a special case, and neither are they. run. please.
And as a young woman, we dont wanna be eyed up by 30+ year old dudes either. Nice grey hair in your beard buddy, you look like my dad. What a panty dropper.
There are plenty of situations where it’s perfectly fine. 18+ year olds are not children. People are not inherently abusive/being abused by being in an AGR. I met my husband when he was 44 and I was 19. I was plenty old enough to know what I wanted and whether someone was treating me properly. We have been together for almost 9 years now and our life together is wonderful. I could not imagine a better partner for me. Stop being judgemental.
It's always ironic too because mainly men support those types of relationships. Saying the girl is obviously happy and chose it but they don't get there is damage from it and 7/10 will not work out in the long run. So it's better to influence them away from something like that as people who KNOW how it goes.
@@peacelovemotivation8366 glad it worked out for you but most experiences I’ve heard from people who did what you did ended up being negative. You are the exception not the rule
my parents are nine years apart, but they met when my mom was 27 and my dad was 36. they were both well established in their respective fields. what annoys me about the framing of this article is the fact that it assumes that gen z are unable to think critically. as a gen z, whenever i hear about an 18 yo dating a person in their mid-20s/30s, i don’t think ‘GASP that’s illegal’. i think ‘what could you possibly have in common with them?’. you’re not in even REMOTELY similar life stages for it to even be considered normal. it’s usually the older person who is more mature and established, whereas it’s the younger person who is still trying to figure out who they are. so sure, these relationships might not be illegal, but they are still predatory by nature.
I completely agree. People side eye my relationship until they find out more and I think its fair. My partner and I are 13 years apart, we were friends for over a year until we realized our feelings, plus I pursued him. We started dating when I was 24. Most people stop the side eye immediately once the context is explained, and again I think its fair. My partner and I both know it's just people being concerned for me and take it as a good thing. Now I've explicitly said to my partner as well that my age being an outlier in hie dating history is a good thing. Had he only ever dated people my age and down it would have been a big red flag. Surprisingly nuance still exists
I mean, I graduated college at 26. My dad graduated at 28. I had a couple of classmates in my senior classes that were 24 and 25. Half of us still live with our parents. When I was 25 I had more in common with my 19 yo classmates than I did with my friend from high school with a master's degree and a mortgage. I had to put my life on hold for ~5 years to get my mental health under control, and I've met plenty of people who've gone through similar circumstances.
Yeah, my parents had a similar dynamic. My mom was already going pretty strong with me on the way. I hate when people try to pretend like ANY age gap is weird.
@@sersergvyeah, I didn’t do post secondary because I was undiagnosed AuDHD and thought I wouldn’t make it to 25, maybe not even the next day, so why would I do all that if I’m going to end it before it’ll matter anyways… then I got diagnosed after high school, figured I’d go back one day, but ended up getting into IT and loving it. But because I didn’t plan for my future when I was younger, it took me a long time to even somewhat catch up. Dating people a few years younger made me feel less behind and we related more. I think being at the same life stage is more important than age. Because even now at 33, I have a 9 year old child, so I don’t even have a lot in common with other 33 year olds around me, who either don’t have kids or are at the baby stage.
I dated a 26 year old at 19. It wasn't that weird and I never felt like he was being predatory with me. We were co-workers/friends for a while first. It didn't last b/c he was ready for more the next steps (marriage) and I was not. That was really the only issue we had. I'm not saying all situations like this are wrong or right, it really does depend.
@@cinnamonsparrowdesignsdo you think most 19-year-olds in situations like yours and that woman's are ready for marriage and kids? Do you think most would be able to say no if the older partner put a lot of pressure on them?
@@christinehottinger5791 all I know is it’s creepy still, a 19 year old is legally an adult but that’s still a teenager. I’ll never understand that. Like does being legal suddenly make that okayyy? I wonder what they would do in UK then. Or any place with a lower legal age then 18.
@@christinehottinger5791 No mention of kids at any point. And why are you aggressively questioning someones lived experience like they hurt someone for sharing it?
I'm almost surprised that the article didn't pull any sort of "well if 35 and 45 isn't weird, then why is 15 and 25??" argument. boiling the criticism down to the exact number of years in order to argue with it is the DUMBEST thing and is also surprisingly common.
I think both things are true. I’ve seen people in Gen Z (with decently large support) condemning 3-4 year age gaps (as in like 21 and 24, or 23 and 28) which is kinda absurd? I agree do agree with the general sentiment that older generations are obviously way too okay with clearly not okay age gaps
@DavidJones-ot8qu that's fair... but sometimes four years can be A LOT. Like, I was at a completely different maturity level at 25 vs 21, ya know...🤷♀️
I disagree with Rei from the article. I think age-gap relationships in the gay community are normalised but they are not normal. I think, we should still continue to speak about this issue to help young queer people make more informed choices about their dating life.
Doesn't age-gap relationships often come with domestic abuse statistically? I don't think I hear enough about domestic abuse with queer couples without it being used as some sort of bigoted point to demonize all queer relationships.
yeah!!!!! I think queers aren't warned about because 1) the idea that being queer is comparable to pdf is still prevalent (at least in my society) so people don't won't to point out; 2) when people are only finding themselves they feel the need to be supported by someone knowlegable since there isn't enough exposure to feel comfortable in such relationships and understand it.
marginalised groups are more vulnerable to abuse/manipulation specifically because they're marginalised. grooming tactics take advantage of insecurity or lack of social standing/credibility in young people, and all of that goes double for young people who are also marginalised or discriminated against. a lot of queer teens aren't taken seriously by society, so being validated/listened to by an older person who seems to respect you is a big deal for them, for example. and being closeted is inherently isolating, which can make very convenient victims for predators since they're already used to hiding their personal lives. queer people are more vulnerable to grooming, it's just hard to talk about because if you put 'queer' and 'grooming' in the same sentence a bunch of assholes are going to argue that queer teens are queer because they were groomed, when in reality it's the reverse.
As a gay man, when I was 18 and started using dating sites I was approached by many older men (30s, 40s, 50s) and those were my first romantic relationships as I was homeschooled. At the time it was sort of flattering, and they would always tell me about how I was ~so different~ and ~mature~ for my age. Now that I'm 28 I've started to actually "get" why it was wrong, and that they didn't want me for any of the reasons they told me they did. They wanted me because I was a child and was vulnerable.
I had a similar experience. Moved to a bigger city, was SHOCKED at the amount of people who found me desirable/attractive since I came from a small homophobic town. From 30s-60s, I met quite a few people that I regret. Since then, Ive lived in a constant flux of self worth and distrust. I've ALWAYS been told I was “mature” growing up, so I didn't realize that when these people said it, it meant something completely different with important subtext. The sad part is my brain still hasn't fully counted these as the negative experiences they were, and sugar-coats the memories when I feel low. Anyway, sorry for dumping, but I really don't have anywhere else to really say this.
4:35 ngl I really don't like how they imply that the problem is just the difference in age, just after giving examples of a 19 and a 20 year old dating those in their thirties
as a member of Gen Z who thought age-gaps "weren't a big deal" and was then groomed for over two years starting just when I'd just turned sixteen and he was 23... yes it is a big deal. I didn't think it was a big deal until the summer I was 18 and finally realized what had happened to me. it was always a big deal and I have spent a long time working through the emotional ramifications of that relationship, and still am.
@@someuser4166 Many people in these situations feel that something is off before they know what that something is. Acknowledging that you’ve been hurt or taken advantage of is a difficult process but it should be a part of maturing. This applies to grooming and manipulation in the same way as unpacking say childhood trauma. Imo you SHOULD gain a deeper understanding for your past as you mature. Our brains are trying to protect us and sometimes that means blocking out warning signs and pain until we are at a place to deal with it. Being a victim isn’t something to be ashamed of and healing is an imperfect, non linear path. Holding the idea of what you think a victim should be against a real person is unproductive and insensitive.
@@someuser4166 it wasn't fine; I was nauseous and having panic attacks almost every day I was in that relationship. I knew deep down that the way he was treating me was wrong and that a lot of the issues we had wouldn't exist without our age gap, but I loved him, so I tried to see past it and repress everything. it's really common, especially with young people in their first relationships, to look past red flags because they think they need that relationship, and it's all they have. really sad stuff and all too common :(
Dude... if Anne Frank's grandmother can feel uncomfortable about a 3 year age gap between her and a neighbourhood boy dating at age 12 and 15... I don't think it's this generation
What a cultured reference dude, 10/10. I always did find middle schoolers dating high schoolers weird, especially when they are a puberty apart. Like yes I thought 15 year olds were cute when I was 12, but as a 15 year old a 12 year old is usually a literal child soooo
@@mariahello5472 Nothing sums up the chronically online Gen Z more than what you're talking about, you have no idea how comically offensive your comments are.
At 45 yrs, bi, and male presenting and having been in the queer community for a long time, older men going after much younger men is and has been a huge unspoken issue for a long time... I mean no disrespect to the 22(?) yr old interviewed, but I'm not sure if they have the knowledge or the ability to step back far enough to assess their relationship rn. All gay bars I've been to have the older guys who always offer drinks to the 21 yr olds and everyone is warned about. It's treated by many gay men as a "rite of passage" to be "educated" by much older men, and I think it's creepy as hell
yeah people not in the community don't know how deeply saturated "boy" and "daddy" are in gay dating, and not in a rp kink way either. It's just v normalized.
@johnmarion4129 As a bi guy close in age to you, I did go looking for that when I was 19. I wanted that, and knew exactly what I was doing. I didn't end up hooking up with many of them though because it was so hard to find a guy who understood what I wanted, respected my boundaries, and didn't try to own me afterwards. Men are their own biggest cock blocks.
Thank you for pointing this out cuz I thought I was tweaking so bad when I hear and see this issue 😭 It's not just even about age itself in this power dynamic, it's also about the experience of queerness and having a lack of guidance in relation to sexuality and gender. We rarely see gay or trans people included in these discussions about the danger of being preyed upon in a relationship, but it's such an important avenue to discuss in a nuanced way that isn't "All trans people and gay people are groomers!1!1" Having an older person 'show you the ropes' seems to be the shoe-in for actual discussion about the coming generations of gay and trans people experience relationships in a very cis and heteronormative world. Important to note that this can also apply to cishet people using this form of predation as well because even I as transmasc have had older people try to lure me in under the guise of acceptance and 'exploring my identity.' It's very important to note all the ways predation can take place in relationships. While we can't technically *definitely* say every relationships with an age-disparity and an affirming partner is problematic, it's important to note that predatory people do exist and when they go after those they prey upon, these are most likely avenues they are going to go down to victimize someone.
"male presenting, I'm bi" typical gen-z weirdos.... The truth is their obsessed with heterosexual relationships meanwhile their homosexual relationships are far more guilty of "age gaps." But they can't call out predatory homosexual men and the LGBTQ+IA at all, nope that's off limits but straight men are always a target, and there assumption that "all women must be a little bi" is nonsense. A unserious generation claiming their "trans but mainly sapiosexual," give it a rest. 😂
7:38 it is important to note that like, your frontal lobe doesent ever stop developing, i think it just generally like levels out or is done pruning neurons or whatever around the early twenties, idk tho
IIRC, the study that people think claimed “the frontal lobe finishes developing at 25” never actually found that to be true. The study originally hypothesised that it would finish at 21, however when they found that was incorrect they extended it to 25, when they found out that was also wrong the study was discontinued.
Oh my gosh, that gas station story! When I was a freshman in college, only 18, there was a guy in my night math class, probably close to 35, who I sat near. He was quiet, a typical older ex-army guy. After a few conversations while walking to the parking lot after class, he told me he had an offer for me... I asked him what he meant, and he told me straight up that he wanted me to bear his children. In return, I could live with him and have whatever I wanted. This dude never really smiled; he was very straight-faced and serious. I immediately felt unsafe, grossed out, and honestly really freaked out. I told him it was a nice offer (*gag*) but that I would have to let him know. I was utterly scared that I was about to be taken and didn't want to set him off or anything. He told me to let him know and then left. The very next day, I dropped that class and made sure I never ran into him again. Thankfully, I didn't. To this day, that was one of the creepiest, ickiest encounters I've ever experienced. I will literally never forget the look on his face during all that...ick! Some people are actually insane. Y'all, stay safe out there! 🫶
omg telling him it was a nice offer is so real….when i worked at the liquor store when i was in my early 20’s a man in his 50s/60s asked if i wanted to go to the movies with him and i said no but that “i appreciate the confidence it took to ask” 🤢🤮🤮 i’ve never regretted saying something more out of sheer awkward and politeness….creepy old men already have enough confidence without encouraging it😭😭
@@gloomsiEeeew! That is a great response though! These old guys are far too confident. That awkward politeness is so real! Its so bad when they follow up with "why not?" Like, please no, leave me alone. 😂🫣
Oh my gosh that is AWFUL!! It’s so terrifying that so many girls have had similar experiences, reading this was so visceral *shudder* Glad u never ran into him again; what a creep!!!!!
I read through some of the comments and though I agree with most of them, I think it's very important to acknowledge that not all age gap relationships are problematic. I am biased because me and my boyfriend have a large age gap and I have had a lot of people judge me due to this before even meeting him. Me and my boyfriend met at work (in the same position, he was not my superior) (I was 19 at the time, he was 31) when we were both adults and I immediately developed a crush on him. He was really smart and insightful. One of the reasons why I liked him was because I felt like he wasn't afraid to listen to people with opposing views than him. He was always willing to learn and improve himself, even if it meant he would have to question his beliefs. I liked him for a whole year and he did not acknowledge me trying to flirt with him the entire time. Eventually, about the 3rd time we hung out outside of work, I straight up asked him if this was a date. He rejected me at first because he was worried about the age gap, even though he liked me back. He was worried that I would go on to regret it if we dated. We ended up talking for 4 hours about what it would mean for us to date given our age gap and other factors such as him not being out of the closet. In the end, we decided to give it a shot and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We actually do have a lot in common, despite our age difference. He is the most understanding, kind, and smart person I have ever met and I am so lucky to have him. I understand that a good amount of age gap relationships are not as careful as we were and therefor leads to one or more parties being hurt but I think it is also very important to not assume the older partner is always an evil mastermind. It does get very annoying for me when new people I meet try to convince me I am being groomed and that I should break up with my boyfriend while being in a "situationship" themselves. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and 2 months now and he is the first person I have dated where I genuinely could not wait to marry them.
It's literally so disgusting and disrespectful, like queer people have literally lost the rights to get gender affirming care in multiple states but NOOO old people who want to fuck people 10 years younger them them are the real victims facing hardship, fml.
It's literally so disrespectful, like queer people have literally lost the rights to get gender affirming care in multiple states but NOOO old people who want to go after people 10 years younger them them are the real victims facing hardship, fml.
I love that we’re having these convos for younger ppl to see. I remember in highschool when ppl would brag on tumblr and their spam page (or finsta as gen alpha calls it now) that they were dating older ppl or have sugar daddies. Even my gay friends especially got preyed upon by older guys on grindr and tinder. It’s okay to tell ppl that age gap relationships are weird and to think about it before they get in one. Maybe someone in an age gap relationship comes across these types of posts and it makes them not feel ashamed to break up with someone not making them happy anymore idk I don’t think gen z is being “too sensitive”
I dated a 33 year old when i was 19 and... yeah. Yall are right, it IS weird. I wont go into details, but it was Not Great. If someone tells you youre "so mature for your age", RUN.
@@ezrelab6637You don't need that, just think about it. Every massive way in which someone with 14 more years of life experience than you could use that to manipulate you, whether it's subtle or not so subtle, it doesn't matter what the older person says. They have way more power in the situation.
I dated someone who was 28 when I was 17. It was weird as hell, and I wish I hadn't ignored the red flags about how creepy he was First big red flag should have been the fact he lied about his age. Said he was 22. Still problematic and gross, but, the fact he was lying about it made it worse
I have a simple maxim in regard to relationships: In a relationships both parties need to be able to stand on a similar level or work to be able to see each other on a similar level. Inequal power dynamics such as subordinate>boss or young>old is most times problematic as one partner has more power than the other. It doesn't mean they will use that power. But it will be a building on a slanted foundation. It needs a lot of work, mutual respect and emotional maturity to create something worthwhile out of this.
Considering i JUST turned 21 (yesterday) 🎉🎉 and my 18 y.o friends and acquaintances view me as a fully grown adult (ive literally been told i remind them of a "30 y.o", whatever that means) theres clearly a maturity difference that they recognize and that I also recognize! Considering I worry for my friends like an aunt would worry for their niece, dating an 18 y.o would most definitely never cross my mind.
Be careful, maturity does not make up for a lack of life experience. Someone much older than you can use your lack of experience and perception of your personal maturity to manipulate you. I was always told how mature I was growing up, but at 21 I had no idea the challenges and responsibilities of having a full time job, a home, taxes, energy bills, retirement savings, insurance, etc. a person older than you might feel the same "maturity" but their life experiences are still dramatically different from yours. And this is not to accuse you of making bad choices or to assume you want to date much older. Since you didn't mention not dating much older, I simply thought it was worth addressing. No matter how mature you are, it's hard to see what you've never been exposed to.
I also felt that way at that age but now i see people that age as kids, even at 22 or 23, I only started to feel like an adult at 25, older people can still take advantage of you, be careful
as a 30yo the "you feel like a 30 yo" makes me smile and this is exactly why when a friend's 19 yo brother tried to hit on me it was cute...as in "aw this baby has his first crush aw" cute
There is absolutely no maturity distinction between you and myself 😂 I’m 18 age does not directly correlate to maturity. Your mindset is idiotic and based in nothing. Nothing is weird abt 18 and 21
As an elder millennial over the age of 40...EVERYTHING about that article gives me the ick. Gen Z makes me prouder and prouder with every article that comes out complaining about how much more socially, politically, and economically conscious Gen Z is and why us olds are butthurt about it. I think it's amazing that y'all are more tuned in to the reality of things and breaking gross generational cycles.
"socially, politically, and economically conscious" appears to be another euphemism for being politically and culturally "progressive." The progressive ideology is maladaptive and it is rapidly destroying western civilization. In fact, we are probably already past the point of no return. We are on the fast track to a new way of life that even progressives, if there are any left by then, will eventually recognize as far worse than the one they destroyed.
Glad to see some more reasonable millennials here too, I'm only in my early 20's and seeing this shit is just.. bleh Glad some of the older generations stand in solidarity with us younger ones, age gaps are fine but god it's gross seeing people my parent's age hitting on people who just finished high school
@@clockwork3494 When you think that your parents must have "done it" at least once in order for you to be here, does that gross you out too? Just curious.
I'm one of the youngest millennials (mid-90s baby) and I've always been icked out about age gaps. When I was a high school sophomore, I was horrified when a girl in my class talked about her 25-year-old bf (who also had a toddler son). Even 5 years felt too large of an age gap. Now, I believe that as you approach 100+, the larger the age gap can be, because the difference in maturity, life experience, brain development, etc. becomes smaller the older you get. So, 20 and 26 is weird, but 47 and 53 isn't.
I just recently realized I was groomed by a man 16 years older than me (I’m 21). He had been trying to date me since I was 16 YEARS OLD, yes 16. I almost would’ve dated him if it weren’t for other circumstances in my life preventing me from doing so. To think that I could’ve been stuck with that man right now disgusts me so much. There is nothing normal about a much older person trying to date someone still in their teens/early twenties. It’s predatory and disgusting behavior.
There’s a podcast called ‘f the nice guy’ and something similar happened to the host. She shares about herself and others being groomed (but only realising what happened much later in life) except in her situation she did end up dating her groomer - you dodged a massive bullet 😓
I think it’s important to know those categories because ephebophiles have a completely different grooming playbook and it blindsided me so bad when I was a teen and thought it’s something that only happens to little kids, but yeah, being too focused on the technicalities is sus
@@pigcatapult good point, i think the use of the term pedophile to mean groomer or predator reinforces that idea that it can only happen to little kids as well.
As a millennial, I'm 100% with you on this one. There's no generational war, it's just creeps vs. non-creeps. It's easy to tell which group that author falls under.
There is no generational war there is only progressive and traditional people. Note I didn’t say conservative because some conservative people hold progressive values based on experience (not facts for some reason). But traditional people never let go of antiquated ideas and values.
I’m a millennial and my boomer parents were in a clearly toxic age gap relationship of nine years when my mom was 17. She to this day goes on to defend such things as the Dutch volleyball player who raped the 12 year old bc “I looked way older as a kid bc I was so tall”
100%THIS. He was 27 my mom was 18yo had me with 19. He thought his 13yo Doughter was ready to be a trophy wife later on so go figure. 10/10 do *not* recommend.
Personally I believe that when both parties are over the age of 25 age gaps don’t matter. But it’s really weird for forty year olds to be dating 18 year olds
It’s strange how they label this a Gen-Z problem, when this should be an all age problem. Men are trying to normalize inappropriate age gaps, and are convincing impressionable women that dating older is equal to “maturity”.
Gen Z has grown up on so many relationships of couples older than us and realizing how many of them are problematic, and now they think something is wrong with us when we try to warn about the tricksters
@@RavenIsBlueExactly! So many of us have Gen-X parents whose age gap is extremely inappropriate, and the only thing they can blame it on is the time period they met in.
This is benevolent sexism. “Young (adult) women aren’t capable of making decisions about their body and we need to police their relationships because they’re just so weak and impressionable!!”
@@MegaVega2007 notice how they use 'impressionable', they arent referring to every single young woman in the world. and its only a concern in the first place bc of how many cases stem from these 😭😭
I'm a younger Millennial, and this is definitely not a Gen Z issue. Ten years ago, frequent media talking points were complaining about Millennials being too ~progressive~ and socially conscious of power dynamics in relationships. And now Gen Z seems to be the new target, even though we've been having these conversations back when Gen Z were still in elementary school. Old media just changes the subject of their anti-progressive headlines to whatever age group is the new fad generation name, while continuing to ignore that anyone who isn't a literal lead-poisoned braindead boomer can acknowledge unhealthy age dynamics.
@@celedhion watch this video again, he literally says he wouldn’t date a 21 year old like it’s repulsive a 26 year old would even think it lol… and then brushes past the part where the person in the queer community says it’s normal for people in their community to date people much older lol This was a very cringy video…
@@keokihiga8462 He was stating his personal opinion on who he would and wouldn't date based on his experiences? You didn't even make it to the end of the video, clearly. I'm literally LGBTQ and dating much older is not normalized, lmao. If you're going to start your argument off with a strawman that this video didn't make at all, then end with "dating much older is normal", I think I know what kinda person you are. Also probably a man over 30 trying to date much younger women. The cringe is you, not the video.
genz are only weird about clearly predatory age gaps and that's something this article forgets to mention bc no one bothers to talk about george clooney or keanu reeves bc their wives are within their age group and met them as fully formed adults with a stable career and experience.
@@williamhornabrook8081 Callmecarson was crucified for a lot more than that, since a lot of the weird shit he did stayed private and every single one of his friends took the collective decision to cut him off. Y'all always love to pull this specific case without giving any context so it supports the weirdo point you're tryna make
@@williamhornabrook8081 I will never understand how when some person does multiple things wrong and yet for some weird reason fans only point at things not really complained about and pretend like that's the only issue their detractors have.
@@williamhornabrook8081 A key aspect of that controversy was the pictures they were sending to each other. 17 is a minor. Legally, sending pictures of yourself as a minor, counts as distribution of child pornography. Another aspect of this controversy was the game "Pregnancy playtime" which was found in Callmecarson's steam library. In the game, you impregnate a 14 year old. Callmecarson claims he left the game open to have a high number of hours as a joke. Regardless, this controversy wasn't really about age gaps.
@@williamhornabrook8081not to pile on you but something that people forget is that he used to use his depression as a clutch to ask for nudes. I am not kidding. He was begging like " I have a bad depression please send nudes" which is manipulative. Many people, including me, had depression and we never used it to get nudes from somebody. Nudes doesn't cure depression btw in case of 💀 It was either a disrespectful joke or a very manipulative way of asking for nudes
here’s my thing - i graduated at 17 because i have a late birthday. “is it wrong for a 18 year old to date a 25 year old?” the first thing that comes to mind is one of my classmates dating a 25 year old. i do remember there was in fact one of them who before we graduated was in fact dating a 25 year old 😭 that was and will always be weird to me… 25 could be in or graduated from COLLEGE but 18 is in or graduated from HIGH SCHOOL. to put it plainly yes, it’s weird imo
I think we all know a girl or two who was dating some creepy older dude in highschool. Hell I even knew teen guys who were dating creepy older women cause that happens a lot too apparently
As a 19 year old, I do tend to talk to guys older than me, because frankly a lot of 18-19 year old boys act like they're 15 still. But by "older than me" I mean like 20-23. Anyone who's graduated college over a year ago is so much more of an adult than me.
I totally feel this. Especially with the political divide, trying to find guys my age who realise that things like empathy are important and the world is more than the 'sigma grindset' is like searching for a needle in a haystack, but if someone was more than 5 years older than me it would feel weird. I still feel like a child, so how can I expect that they see me as an adult if I can't lol.
I met my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 20, we’re both 21 now. I have dated a few guys older than me (3-7 years older) before I met him. And let me say my boyfriend is thee most mature man I have met, because he actively made the choice to be. Please don’t think that older is an indication that they may be more progressive or mature. 😅 but I legitimately wish you luck. ❤
@@zeefaaldown3231 oh i know age isn't a perfect indicator of maturity, i've seen 25 year olds acting like children too lol 🤣 but like a guy i'm talking to rn is 20, and he's at the same "level" as me which is really nice
Yeah um don't do it. When I was 19 I did this. Let's just say ut was the worst. Yes thay were nice n all. I'd just never know what they were talking about n we'd never have anything to talk about
Currently I’m 26, ex HUSBAND was 8 years older than me,,,,, he met me when I was 17 and he was 26. I’m JUST NOW AS OLD AS HE WAS. I could never imagine being w a 17 year old lmao. He was also the kinda guy who was obsessed with the day I turned 18 and even would show me his countdown he had in his phone. He would sneak into my house when I still lived w my parents …. And would knowingly do so. I was a junior in high school at that time. What a wilddddd time. Glad i realized after being able to see my best friend who I wasn’t “allowed” to even talk to. God bless her damn soul.
I'm a millennial. Y'all are not weird. MY generation is weird. I remember people counting down the Olsen Twins' 18 year old birthday, and it was considered perfectly normal behaviour. Being a victim of grooming and CSA I was disgusted with it then as well, but so so so many of my peers shrugged and went "what's the problem if they're 18" ...as if there is any difference between 11:59p and 12:01a on that birthday. Legal ≠ moral. I don't see an issue with age gaps once you hit 30 and higher, go wild. But a 25 year old has no business dating a literal teenager. You change so much in your 20s it's nutty. Teens have an extremely limited experience with the adult world. Let teens be teens. Y'all have all the time in the world to figure out relationship stuff, there's literally no rush.
Gen-Z is extremely weird and obsessed with retaining their fleeting youth. A lot of femcels and incels as well with "social anxiety" and other self-diagnosed TikTok illneses.
I do not agree that I changed a lot in my twenties. Just got more life experience, but I was basically the same person at 32 that I was at 16, even though I was twice as old. And sure, I wish I had known at 16 everything I knew at a much later age, but not because it would have made me a different person.
I'm an elder gen Z in a 10 year age gap marriage myself & personally in the camp of "no, age is not just a number but also not everyone with the same number is on equal footing when it comes to power & experience so other factors need to come into consideration" and yeah, y'all aren't being weird, I've seen so many insightful and nuanced takes regarding power dynamics from folks my age and younger. The real weird part here is someone else being so hard pressed about folks not wanting age gaps for themselves and showing gentle concern for younger halves of these drastic pairings, that says a lot more about the writer of the article than any of the takes they're framing in it. It's so refreshing to see this kind of widespread social awareness compared to when I was a teenager watching situations like friends running away from home and moving out at 16 with people in their mid 20s (legal in my country but fucked up for sure) and dropping out of school as soon as legally early to be entirely dependent on these older partners. To any teens with older people showing interest in them - the answer is "no, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200" & to any young adults getting involved with someone a bit older I am begging you to never cut off your friends & family, keep a tight grip on your hobbies & free time and do not tolerate anything that makes you feel wrong or uncomfortable. Always trust your gut, people are not perfect and will have disagreements but people who truly love & respect you will NEVER try to isolate you or consume your every waking hour or pressure you into doing things you don't want to.
I'm 22 years old and I wouldn't date an 18-year-old, lol. They're not babies, but they're not in my life stage either. Like, bro, my friends are getting married and having kids. I can go to the bar for a drink after a rough day. You're graduating high school. If I found out someone I was attracted to was a teenager, even a legal adult, I'd immediately take psychic damage.
I think that's reasonable. Who wouldn't take psychic damage. Plus that just goes to show "looking older/mature" is just an excuse. I mean we always knew, it was super obvious, but most normal people don't continue to crush on or find someone attractive if they learn they're a minor or significantly younger (even older). I know it's a small difference, but the idea of talking to a 16yo or younger (that isn't family) would be uncomfortable for me. I'm not good even platonically with people my age or older, how would I ever even get close to talking with someone halfway in high school? I've just graduated, too, people are not exaggerating when they're a teen themselves and say a similar age feels too young for them.
Exactly!!! Like society try’s to normalize this but I just couldn’t put my finger on why something about it didn’t feel right !! They’re still immature
This whole article came across like the author wanted to dunk on Gen Z for this yet when they started diving into the weeds of it realized they actually couldn't without just sounding completely insane.
@@facthunt2facthunt245ik tiktok doesn't do much at least in these cases, you can't really do much aside from "dunk on" and publicly shame predators, but man do I love the current more..."violent" approach to predators. Being someone who grew up with others constantly ignoring age gaps, as well as a much older brother right now who I've started to side eye, it makes me so happy to see people my age also taking issue with it all. Call it being sensitive, or stupid, I'd rather have a generation that knows better and calls out bullshit than have a generation that sways between knowing better and total ignorance, choosing to normalize grooming and predatory behaviors. And this is not at all a mockery of older gens that have suffered, this is a mockery of older gen people who knew better and either laughed or dismissed it. I seriously feel for all the older women, men, and people in the world that were taken advantage of, and couldn't rely on their elders or similarly aged friends for help.
One thing about situations where two older adults with an age gap are in a relationship together is that context makes a difference in how I perceive their relationship. For instance, if some random 35 year old and 65 year old are dating, I don’t care. As D’Angelo said, a 35 year old is mature enough to make their own decisions. But, if context is added, like for instance, the 65 year old only ever dates 30 something year olds, or worse, the 65 year old has children who are the same age or older than the 35 year old, I begin perceiving the relationship as icky. I’m a young adult with no children, so I can’t imagine the mindset of these people. Is there anyone out there who is an older adult who can try to explain the mindset?
I'm in my 40s, and I can honestly say that in some cases it's ego. I have friends who think pulling younger people is a flex. It's not, but that's what they think. I can't see it being anything else. I don't have children either, but if someone in their 30s tried to even blink at my CHILD.... We would have problems.
I'm also a young adults but there are a variety of reasons that older people go for young: -Unable to pull their own age -Enjoys power imbalances -Attracted to youth/hates to be reminded that they are aging -Havent achieved enough in their own life -Doesn't want someone that can challenge them
Ppl only dating out of their age group is a big 🚩 Hollywood also reinforces men with much younger partners. And we know how toxic they are. The male interest will be 10 years older than the female. While the male actresses mom will be played by someone 3 years older than him.
When I was 19, I dated a guy who told me he was 31. I even introduced him to my father ( while my mother was out of state on a trip and was unable to buffer the situation) and my father looked me dead in the eye and said that man is not 31 he's 41. For two decades I thought my dad had done that to sabotage my relationship. Fast forward to me being 40, attending a festival, and there he is. This OBVIOUSLY 60 year old man. It took everything in me not to walk up to him and call him a pervert for dating a child....😂
@Dennis-nc3vw it's just a lot of regret. I was a little bimbo when I was young and realize now that I was not as all knowing as I thought I was at the time
@@erinbird1228 really lol? you're in the same peer group. You could've gone to school together. I was 14 with a 21 year old, THAT's fucked. 18 and 21 is "we have friends in common from school that introduced us, we were in the same clubs in high school but didn't hang out because we were at different stages of maturity." not "I met him when he was stalking Hot Topic looking for jailbait."
I cringe at people who say that a 35 year old woman dating a 50yo man is problematic. That’s a grown ass woman who pays taxes and has an established career, is she not allowed to make her own decisions??
You said it best!! "We shouldn't be infantilizing just ANY age gap", and most conversations I've seen have CONSTANTLY made uproar at a younger woman dating an older man, never the other way around, even when the age gap would be 80-year-old dating a 60-year-old lol, and it's ridiculous. A lot of people wouldn't even exist if age gap relationships didn't exist. That alone should prove it's not all age gaps that are terrible, but angry people love to stay angry I guess.
Like that’s what grooming is!!! That’s how it works!! They don’t start dating when they are legally children, but oops all of a sudden they are together once they are legal adults. That is how you get groomed. Dating children is pdf behavior. Grooming is a sort of loophole to pdf behavior.
I thought I was an old fogey, a curmudgeon, a relict, but Gen Z is the uptightest generation of all time. You guys actually make me feel like the cool dude for once in my life.
As someone in their early thirties who constantly gets told I act “young” for my age, I don’t feel like I have anything in common with people in their early to mid twenties. There’s nothing interesting to me about people in this age range. Everything they talk about I’m like “yup, been there.. cool for them how much they get to experience for the first time though“ Whenever a person in their early twenties is „mature“ for their age it just makes me sad cause you can see that they are used to carry way more responsibilities than they should. Being able to be young and dumb and figure stuff out is a gift. I would feel so gross liking someone for their trauma that made them grow up too fast.
@@VK-rl6wl as someone in their early 30s who also gets told i act young for my age, half of my friends are much younger than me. I have everything in common with them. Most of them have more experience traveling and dating and living than i have. I can't even tell there's an age gap at all, honestly. It's probably because I'm an autistic ADHD queer person who didn't come out until I was 23 and lived basically no life before that, but no matter what the reason, you're not a better person than me for not feeling like you want to be friends with people younger than you.
I feel like this is so similar to the "not all men" discourse. I'm fully aware that not all men are dangerous, but enough of them are to make women wary of men they don't know. Not all age gape relationships are predatory or abusive, but enough of them are to make people wary of ones they don't know intimately.
Speaking as an elderly millennial, I can't even tell you how thankful I am that the younger generation is speaking out about this. I remember being a few years younger than my favorite musical artist at the time, Aaliyah, whose debut album came out when she was just 15. The title? Age Ain't Nothing but a Number. The producer? R. Kelly, who groomed her to the extent that her entire entrance into the music business was being the sexual object of older men. Then he doubled down and *married* her behind her family's back. She was FIFTEEN. He was pushing THIRTY and was already extremely famous and influential. And let me tell you, as a confused and impressionable young teen, the discourse around it was horrifying and led me down some scary paths just via what older people were saying about it -- basically a bunch of nonsense about him being the GOAT who could pull the hottest girls and "please, these 15 year olds are GROWN and half the time they're the ones seducing older men just tryin to live their lives". Like literally the narrative I kept hearing from all sides was "she probably seduced him", grown men cheering him on saying, "a 15 year old has no right being that fine, I'd do it too", plus choruses of "what a whore" / "she can make her own decisions, mind your business". Sadly, she died tragically and painfully young, so she did not live to see the reckoning and we'll never know what all she went through, but having lived through being a girl who looked up to her at that time, I can tell you nearly every adult commenting on the matter sent both myself and most of my friends a toxic message about older men who come after teens and whose fault that actually is and it reverberated in our lived experiences for a long, long time.
I think too many of us in gen z grew up being groomed (especially online) that now we all just are hyper-aware of it and therefore most of us are more disgusted with it than every other age group
Thats also been the experience of many millennials as well. Granted, your internet had a lot more entertainment, and opportunities for interaction than ours did, but Im genuinely suprised that as we became parents that we didn't warn more of you about the risk of this sort of thing.
My brother and I hold a 9 year age difference, almost to the day (he was born on the 14th and me on the 15th of the same month). When we was 38, he was dating someone 5 years younger than me. She was still sitting for her bachelor’s degree… He was deported from Australia during 2020 where he met her. Because it was during the pandemonium and she was STILL IN SCHOOL, she could not come with him. I let him live with me, and the number of different women my brother was seeing behind her back…and all the awful things I heard him say about them……older men who date young women are to be avoided at all costs. ALL COSTS. PS - I’m with another early 30-sum year old, and I’m so glad my brother and I are nothing alike 🙃
Even though I'm single currently, a general rule is that I won't date anyone older than a year above my current age (since I'm 24, I'll at most date a 25 year old. It'll change to 26 once I'm 25). If someone who's the same age as me offers to date me, I'll accept obviously
I just watched a video about that movie and the creator looked up the actual statue and found out that the law actually didn't apply for their relationship so it was still illegal....🙃
Really gotta agree on that "30 year old men chasing women in their 20s are weird". My dad is no criminal or predator but I do know he's not only 9 years older than my mother, but when they met she was 20-21 and he was the one who approached her and was even like "we're gonna have a kid together" while she had never once lived alone, so very inexperienced compared to him. After barely having been 18 for two whole months, he has asked me about giving him a grandchild twice and that really makes my skin crawl
@@franziskavonmegan5840 I didn't mean specifically about your parents, but any 2 people that are of legal age and in a consensual loving relationship, what is weird just because they are different ages
@@lander77477 That's the point of the entire video so the fact you asked under my comment specifically makes it sound like you are talking about my parents Regardless, I'll answer you anyways: Unbalance of power - A higher age gap means a higher chance for these people to be on different stages of life and for the older one to have much more life experience that they can use to keep some form of control in the relationship. (As seen in my comment, my parents are an example) It isn't surprising that in the past it was normal for young girls to marry much older guys, and I am sure this contributed to sexism for example, since it's much easier to control a woman who isn't wiser than you. The power imbalance still applies to both sides, so an older woman can still easily manipulate a younger guy and people won't bat an eye because it is a woman (I have had friends (minors) casually tell me older women, such as adults in their 20s, were interested in them, and they couldn't even see the danger because "older women are attractive and that's all that matters", which kind of proves the fact they are not mature enough yet). I think being in different stages of life matters. Think about it: 18 and 25 for example might not seem weird to you, but when you look at these people let's imagine that the 25 year old most likely is already working and has had more independence in life. Hell, many people might already have babies at 25. Meanwhile, for the 18 year old, depending on things like their birthday and all, might have finished high recently (or a year ago) or even be still in high school! (I say that as an 18 year old who never failed a class but due to my birthday and country I will only finish high school at the end of this year). Who do you think would have more power in this relationship? Grooming - That mindset facilitates grooming (getting close to a minor and forming a close bond to them prepare to date them when they turn legal), I will assume you mean people with big age gaps who only knew each other after both were adults, but I think this is important to mention since I have witnessed that happen in friend groups and it was very effective and creepy. I understand the people who genuinely just think the problem is the age and not being a minor anymore, but remember that legally, a person who is 17 years 11 months and 30 days old might not be allowed to go to a club, make certain decisions without their guardian's permission and more, and on the next day when they turn 18 they are still... One day older than when they were a minor, so not much changed. Maturity isn't a meter where you immediately turn 18 and you are automatically wise, it is a process that everyone goes through at different speeds that depends on the person specifically and their experiences in life. I think focusing solely on the age is giving only credit to "being legal" or not while each case is very complex, which is why I think a relationship between someone who's 20 and the other 30, for example, CAN be healthy, it's not impossible. It's just that this age gap facilitates the power imbalance I told you about and I will wonder why a 30 year old failed to find someone their own age (so with similar maturity levels) and went for someone with less life experience. But again, each case is complex. I hope I didn't sound rude at any moment! Your question seemed genuine and I wanted to answer as genuinely as I could! I understand if none of that changes your mind or if you don't even read, but if you do, I hope this becomes more clear to you and anyone else who might be reading :D
I remember Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff were teenagers when they started dating people in their mid 20’s and I did not feel weird about it until I reached my 20’s. Even Demi Lovato has now expressed discomfort over the fact she was 17 when she dated Wilmer Valderrama when she reached the age he was when they started dating.
this article missed the mark on multiple levels. I have seen people online make comments that someone in their 20s should never date a teenager, or that anything more than a 1 year age gap before both parties are 25 is creepy, etc. that does read as chronically online to me because it's reductive and prescriptive. idk what huffpo was trying to accomplish with the examples and quotes they pulled.
I was expecting for them to clip those kind of takes and paint it as if that’s what most of gen z thought. But they took the more average thoughts of most people including gen z and tried to make it seem not common for older groups. Such a strange choice
@@idontknow2469 what about villainizing 21 and 19? That’s what AJ is talking about. The extremely strict rules that isn’t just saying something seems a bit sus but deeming it immoral that a small minority spout online
i’m a millennial and age gaps do depend on the couple and when they met. my cousin is 23 and her fiance is 31, they met when she was freshly 18 and he was 26. to me it’s weird because why is he incapable of dating anyone his age
I met my BF when I was 25 and he’s four years older so it does depend on WHEN you started dating because when you become a whole adult first it really helps even the field
There's plenty of non creepy reasons. A lot of adults lose a good chunk of their high school/early adult years to mental illness (since this is the age where a lot of common ones like bipolar and schizophrenia are most likely to develop) or have a hard time relating to their own age group due to developmental delays like autism. Some people come from strict religious backgrounds and weren't allowed to do the kind of exploration that most people do in their teens until they're well into their adulthood. I've met plenty of adults who were still pretty obviously mentally in their late teens because they were so busy putting out fires that they didn't have the opportunity to have fun and make mistakes at the "normal" time. A lot of queer and trans people experience a second "adolescence" after they come out in adulthood and have to re learn how to exist in the world as their new identity. Some people were so suppressed by abusive families or relationships that they never had a chance to figure out who they actually are and now that they're out they need to figure it out from scratch. Someone going through that might have an easier time relating to someone else who's still in that experimentation phase than someone their chronological age who already has themselves figured out and is looking to settle down.
@@monotypical_ how is there not if someone just turned 18 they are freshly 18 you dont change overnight. if someone is 18 going on 19 then they are not freshly 18
this article is so exhausting lol thank you for going over it, even though it was hard for me to finish the video because the framing from the person who wrote this feels so ridiculous. it's making me reflect on society a lot and what we normalize and perpetuate culturally
I hate how it’s so normalised my MARRIED uncle would make sexual jokes about my friend IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE when we were 17 at family dinners and everyone would just laugh.. my other uncle also dated girls with dads younger than him 😭😭 as much as I enjoy reading about fictional age gaps and joke about sugar daddies in real life age gaps really disgust me
that's really disgusting. men like that are so f*cking pathetic and I wish them nothing but the worst. edit: also same lmao I always crush on older fictional characters (and sometimes real people) but I'm smart enough to realize that would be highly weird to actually act on, esp for the older person to find me attractive at 19.
my 57 year old mother found out abt billie and jesse and immediately called me up to her room to say that if i came home with a 30 year old, she would be disappointed and extremely worried for me. this is not a "gen z being chronically online" thing, its truly a worrying occurrence
As someone who works in sexual health and safeguarding, it's encouraging to see young people be more aware of age gaps and power dynamics. When you're young there's a lot of difference even in smaller age gaps like 17 and 19. I'm not saying it's inherently a problem or creepy but that even young people can groom and exploit others and may be a victim in the cycle of exploitation themselves. I think a big thing younger generations have is a better understanding and language around consent and relationship dynamics. Sometimes those words are used incorrectly but at least they're aware of those things. Another big thing to look at with the celebrity age gaps is how these things often start online and they start talking before the younger person has turned 18 or shortly after they turn 18. That massively feels like grooming and intentional behaviour. We all found the countdown websites to when people like Emma Watson and Millie Bobby Brown turned 18 creepy, it's definitely not a reach to see older celebrities dating much younger women as part of the same problem.
older celebrities, and most men in general are attracted to women in their prime age range, which is objectively about 18 to 25. Generally because women in that age range are happier, more optimistic, less cynical. They are also more feminine, less masculine, less bossy and are far more biologically able to have children, if starting a family is important to the man, and less likely to have emotional baggage, or children from another man, and of course physically more attractive, with more time on their clock to remain that way.
@lander77477 So you looked at a comment about grooming and power imalances that are often present in abusive relationships and said but that's just because guys find teenagers more attractive. I feel like you very clearly just ratted yourself out as someone to avoid. If older women have more baggage it's due to dating guys like you as teenagers.
Millennial hot take: if you've been able to legally drink for years, then you have no business dating someone who still, or very recently, had to raise their hand to get permission to use the bathroom at school.
Overall i agree with your take, D'Angelo. Gen Z's heightened awareness of and eagerness to analyze age gap relationships reflects a positive change over time, not a negative one. I will say though, to the person in the article who said they "can't put myself in the shoes of someone who would want to befriend a high schooler" -- bad take. Caring about ppl older and younger than you is part of how you learn and teach, how you get or give historical context for opinions on social issues, and like. Dude. Kids are wacky and fun in a different way from how older folks are wacky and fun. Wanting to know how today's high schoolers view the world is not creepy behavior. It's only a problem if someone seeks out the company of high schoolers and almost no one else. I'm so. Tired. Of the fear of inter-generational friendships. And the apathy many adults have towards kids. It's up to today's adults to reach back and connect with today's young people. Give them the respect you wish you'd gotten from adult family and friends when you were that age.
Yes I also believe that if we normalized healthy friendships and interactions between generations it would help younger people recognize what a healthy interaction with someone older than them actually looks like. I also think it would help subdue the novelty about being around “cool older people” maybe resulting in less risky behaviors to fulfill that intrigue
this video couldn't have come up at a better time. i was talking to my mother about a friend's mid 20s sibling dating an 18 year old and how i thought it was weird, and she brought up her friend who got with her husband when she was 15 and he was *28*. her excuse was 'some people just get along'. i asked her what if i was still 15 and brought home someone who was almost 30 and how there was no way she'd be ok with that, and she just said she didn't know what she'd do. so now i just feel weird as hell knowing that if i had been groomed as a child, nobody would've stopped it.
that is just a two year age gap? why do you take a TWO YEAR AGE GAP so seriously? you're treating it as if it's a 10 year age gap when in reality, it isn't as weird nor as bad as you think. people really gotta calm the fuck down and stop freaking out over such small gaps lmfao
gonna be honest: I'm 25 (though we started right before I turned 25) and was in a relationship with an 18 year old about a year ago. she reached out to me first, and I liked her personality-at the time I was looking to see if folks thought that was ethical because I genuinely didn't know (I only started dating at all a few months before then and was in a few short-lived relationships with gals who were around my age or a little older. it's not something I'd had much reason to think of before then). what I was seeing at the time was that people thought a gap just meant you needed to be cognizant and careful with the power dynamics, so I was like, "got it. gonna do my best to make her feel super comfortable and like she doesn't have to do things for me." I mean, I have always tried to make sure of that with my partners, but I was extra cautious with her. from what she told me, she _really_ enjoyed being with an older woman-but her age wasn't really something I found attractive about her. I just saw her as a fun, cool woman and that we had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry. things ended in January-ish cuz she became homeless and I haven't heard from her since-which still hurts because I dunno what happened to her. I genuinely hope she just decided she wasn't comfortable dating me anymore and that she's safe, rather than something worse :( at this point though, I don't think I'd be interested in a relationship with a gap like that again regardless of the ethics of it-a few too many annoying 18 year olds in the intervening time (not ones I've dated, just had to deal with arguments with on Discord and shit). but it's good to know the ethics better (even if I'm in a committed relationship with a slightly older-than-me gal now, and don't anticipate needing to understand such ethics for future relationships (I think this babe's the one for me
i work in a pub and it's wild how quickly men will forget a woman is present and listening if she's working, so i hear a lot of unfiltered misogynistic shit. but the one time a guy brought up that he, a 27 year old, was dating a 17 year old, i was happy to hear all his similarly aged friends and the older men listening in actually say something. they mocked him, which i find very effective on these cases, shame sadly works better than reason. they told him he was a creep who clearly just couldn't get women his own age to like him, and he tried to defend himself by arguing that the age of consent here is 16 but was rightly told that the limit is so low so that teens can explore with EACH OTHER, and he even said "she's really mature, she can drive!" to which he was roundly mocked and reminded that any 17 year old can drive if they pass their test. it restored a little bit of my faith in those men that they didn't let it slide and held him accountable. that dude is still a POS, but nobody drinks with him anymore.
That just restored a little of my own faith, too. Thank you!!
I hated working as a bartender cuz of how weird and entitled men would act about women they were seeing or, worse , women they were one sidedly pursuing. Sadly, I didn't see too much pushback on behavior unless a friend was protecting their own friend or if I had to say sumn
I wish more men would say this and stand up against those wild men who make them look bad.
By his own standards, a Tesla is “mature” if it has the self-driving feature 😭
@@CaulkMongler THIS IS SO GOOD
When I was a teen and men in their twenties would be interested in my friends and me, my mother would warn us, "there's something wrong with them if they can't find a woman their own age and they have to chase teenagers around."
I tell this to the girls I mentor now. :/ Sigh.
No but SO many of my classmates in the 2000s were dating guys in their 20s (when we were SIXTEEN OR YOUNGER!!) it's insane how many predators there are
A childhood friend’s dad asked me out when I was 20 in college. He was going on 50. My mom was LIVID and my dad was just like *shrug.* I’m glad a cultural tide is shifting and people (men in particular) are finally being called out on their bullshit. It’s the slow dawn of a new era
@@Tarmachan ...and the underage girls in these situations were blamed and called nasty names😕
@@Tarmachan It was extremely normalized for girls in my highschool to have boyfriends in college, the older I get the grosser that becomes in hindsight.
I’m only 19 and a lady tried to get me to date her 40 year old son. I looked at her in the eyes and told her he is old enough to be my dad. She got offended and doesn’t talk to me anymore. I feel so good after standing up for myself.😂
good for you and shame on her
🤮
Yeah, that's actually cooked.
Glad you did that
Imagine being 40 and needing your mom to set you up with someone, let alone a teenage girl💀💀💀
16:47 oh absolutely, a 17 year old and a 19 year old is not grooming. But a lot of people seem to think anyone whose brain isn’t fully developed is incapable of grooming and that’s just not true. When I was 12, I met a 17 year old online who was always really weird about the other 11-14 year olds in our group getting in relationships - according to them it was just “shipping” since we all role played characters, but it was absolutely weird and could have easily been grooming if we didn’t get away. When I was 14, an 18 year old (may have been 17? I never knew his age) had made several weird comments about my body and had made several attempts to come to my house, get me to his house, and so much more weird stuff. I am so grateful my parents taught me what is and isn’t safe because I absolutely would not have made it through some points in my life without them
The most abusive relationship I had was in Middle School with a "friend" my age who would manipulate me for his own sick kicks. It messed me up so bad it made me a loner for the rest of my life.
@@Dennis-nc3vw that’s not grooming though. Grooming is an act of manipulation that specifically sets the groomed up for sexual exploitation
It makes a lot of people uncomfortable
@@lxmonp1e so? It still shows people can easily manipulate someone of the same age
@@lxmonp1e actually thats specifically sexual grooming. The concept of grooming in general is manipulating or preparing someone for behavior you are going to coerce them into. Its just most often used in a sexual context
With the fathers of most teen pregnancies being much older men, I'm happy that young girls and women are being extremely cautious. Who cares if older people get turned away from relationships no one owes you anything
Well said!
👆🏾This!!!!👆🏾
Is this true? I feel like the fathers of most teen pregnancies are also teenagers
@@Nonyah123Nope, most studies show that that most teen girls are impregnated by men older than them, the age ranges. Look it up.
@@Nonyah123Not even close, unfortunately. 70% of the fathers are over 20.
It's not lost on me that the older generations who think every marginalized group are groomers seem to put their blinders up when straight grooming is happening.
Especially when a straight, cis man does it. I see people who condemned Ava Chris Tyson and Colleen Ballinger then turning around and supporting and defending Doctor Disrespect and Cody Ko
OOP!!!!!
Exactly
@@Vivikuchan is my other reply hidden/deleted or is it just not loading on my end..?
@@TheTeheTinkleMonster im not seeing it, so i think youtube ate it. What was it?
What’s wild is when you grow up and see someone the age you were when someone tried to groom you and it’s like WOW!! 14 is actually a baby and I cannot believe anyone would talk to me the way they did
i’m not even at the age my groomer was when i knew him, but i look at 13 year olds as literal babies and don’t understand how a 27 year old man could see them as anything different
fucking right????? I'm about to be 20 and I wouldn't date even a 17 year old at this point. absolutely insane that a whole ass adult would think it's ok to go after literal children
@@levi-young i’m 22 and i wouldn’t even think of dating someone younger than 20, it just feels so weird
I’m 19 (and a half so I’m almost 20… oh my god…) and wouldn’t even wanna date a 17 y/o, or even an 18 y/o that’s still in high school! It’s a HUGE difference to me. Like I’m mutuals with some high schoolers from my hs and I’m like… wow. They’re so… hormonal. And IM still developing! It’s wild
It's wild! I was 13 at a playground with my sister. A 21 yr old dude started to chat me up! Wtf are you doing bro? And even if I did "look 17" (no I didn't) still nasty. I'm a fully grown adult now, but it still sends a shudder down my spine.
My 33 year old brother brought home a barely 20 year old last January. Four months later she was pregnant for him.When he announced he had a girlfriend I instagrammed her and saw her 2022 prom photos and people I recognized in the back( I’m 19 and class of 23 so I’m close in age to her). The way he talks about her is disturbing. He constantly brags about how he’s “raising a wife” and “She’s so mature for her age”.He even tells his friends that “20 is where it’s at”. Our parents are acting like it’s so normal, which I find funny because they judge EVERYTHING. Me and my older sister (35f) find it weird but we just keep to ourselves.
Now this is weird. He’s pretty much fetishizing her age
@@michaels4255 ...she's 20 and he's 33... HOW IS THAT FUN?
@@keiishine The same way it is for any other couple. Thirteen years isn't even all that big a difference. Anything less than 20 years is hardly even worth gossiping about.
@@michaels4255it's worth gossiping about because it's clear he's fetishised her for her young age.
@@michaels4255
Ok groomer
woman here. when someone warns you of the ulterior motives of a creep, theyre not "telling you what to do," they are just looking out for women.
I wish I had listened. My mom had no problem, my dad didn't really approve but he let me do it anyway, some of my friends didn't care or were dating older ppl too and others didn't really like it. I thought I was super mature and rebellious for my age😭 be so frr. At least it wasn't so bad and I'm not really traumatized, but could've saved myself from a lot of mental stress trying to be more mature than what I could with my poorly developed brain.
Yeah ... Mine was frustrating because it was my mother warning me but our relationships was so trash that I didn't want to accept that she could be right. Too easy to get defensive because accepting the reality means acknowledging that you're being taken advantage of :(
any advice whatsoever can be taken as being told what to do. should we all stop sharing our experiences and opinions about anything ever??? or is it just the ones referring to things that are problematic.... i see so many logical holes when creeps try to justify themselves.
I wish this would work if I tried to warn people about creepy women. They are less common than creepy men but they exist, I promise they do and I really wish I hadn’t found out the hard way.
@@icedirt9658 i wish young men/ boys weren’t being told their whole lives that a older woman hitting on them is okay ://
the attitude of this article is so "recently rejected middle aged man" coded
He should hang out with that Columbia professor who got so upset about the injustice of being forced to listen to drum circles.
@@gnocchidokey Funny that you both assume Brittany Wong is a man.
It's written by a woman
It is but it was written by a woman
@@papitoyannito eh, i just went off the previous comment
Notice how these people never befriend people as young as those who they date? Maybe because they understand that their age difference creates a massive inequality in maturity
They do tho. Plenty of groups of dudes have like one randomly inexplicable 30 year old in the gang for booze or whatever
Or just any old guy at a bar or club.
they know if they befriended young people they would expose how obvious the age gap is. They can only get away with it when they isolate a single person
@@Nonyah123 if there is more than one than those will have more natural interactions, the older one sticking out
Most adults who habitually date teenagers struggle to make friends, period. They're not exactly well-adjusted individuals that people enjoy being around. Some of them do end up surrounded by much younger friends though.
Teenagers, please take to heart my advice as a 23 y/o- you can be friendly with adults, like how you might be 'friends' with your aunt or uncle, but if someone 3+ years older than you is trying to be your bestie or even worse your partner, there is legitimately something up. Doesn't even have to be malicious they just might have severe judgement issues, because a healthy and stable adult understands the difference in being a new adult of 18-19 and a more established adult of 21+.
Seriously these past five years since I graduated HS feel like a lifetime. Even the two and a half years since I moved out. It's good to be casual buddies with adults because they can give you good guidance but if they're trying to lean on you for any kind of support, please really evaluate the situation. We have other adults our own age or older to lean on.
Sure, a 21 year old usually has had more life experience than an 18 year old, who usually has been surrounded all his or her life by close age peers simply because of the overly sheltered way we raise children in the contemporary culture. But this is strictly a difference in experience. The 18 year old is not a cognitive or emotional laggard or in some way more fragile than the twenty something.
30+, or 3 years +?
@@TheSapphireLeo I think he (she?) literally means 3 years because he/she followed it with an example of a 21 year old compared with an 18 year old, a difference of 3 years.
A lot of people 21+ are not established at all these days.
Honestly even feel like that for people your age. Like I’m 21 but I wouldn’t date a 23-24 year old bc it’s two completely different stages of life and I think if I was 23 I wouldn’t be interested in anyone who is college aged anyway
The age gap isn't the problem, it's the age they were when they got together plus the age gap. At least in my opinion! This article does seem odd.
Yeah, my stance is that as long as they've both been legal adults for multiple years when they first meet and they don't meet under circumstances that introduce any weird power dynamics, then age doesn't matter. Otherwise, it's pretty sus
I will say I also think it's sus if like, one was a kids sports coach and the object of their affection was one of their players. Even if they get together later as adults, I think that's weird.
Yeah same. A large age gap when the youngest is in their early twenties is still pretty weird for me, but after that point everyone’s already an adult and sure one person has lived longer and seen more, but that’s not inherently toxic?
Nailed it. A 10 year age gap is very different when the couple is 18 and 28 vs 35 and 45
I have no issue with age gaps when it’s both adults. Like early twenties mid twenties and someone older
I’m in an age gap relationship, but we were 37 and 49 when we met. You’re not being weird, y’all are right.
Context, as always, is key. I think there is a bit of, the older the median age of the couple, the less problematic the age gap. 90yo and 70yo getting freaky in the retirement community is probably not at all an issue. 35yo and 15yo , big red flag.
Agreed. 26 and 36 when we met. I was raised that age gap is only okay if both people are older than 25.
@@SoManyRandomRamblingsfr 25 is prime time for full brain development tho i question that for some people
@@toxiczombiewolf5692 oh yes, for sure outliers do exist.
@@CatFish107 35yo with a 15yo is straight-up child sex abuse, that's not even up for debate. 35yo with a 20yo on the other hand is somewhat weird and raises some flags, but it's not a crime. And being 30 with a 50yo I think is not really a big deal at all. But that's my opinion though...I don't want to dictate morality.
"Why are Gen Z so sensitive to age gaps?"
Because Gen Z is currently most at risk to these kind of predatory relationships and they have the power to talk about it?? Its always been messed up
Right? Like that’s exactly what I thought when I read the title. Huh I wonder why Gen Z is so sensitive to age gap relationships, maybe because they’re in the age range to be affected by them in a negative way
Thank you. Cause there are people my age and younger being literally groomed…
seems so obvious lol
Yup, as a millennial we did it when we were your age too
Yeah millenials were worried about it when we were the age these predators like to go for (aka minors), and so were gen Y (X? Fuck i dunno what letter was before us), and so on, because when youre an underage minor, a teenager, a *child* sometimes you wonder 'what does that fully griwn adult see in me?'
My question is like what would a FRESHLY OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL 18 year old have in common with someone in their 30s? Those are two COMPLETELY different stages in life.
It gets even worse when you know these older women/men go after 18 years olds because it’s legally the youngest they can go but if they had the chance to date someone even younger, they probably would.
In ancient Athens, 30 and 15 was considered the ideal pairing, so lighten up you young fuddy duddy. You are such a square.
18 year olds and 30 year olds have EVERYTHING in common in our society. Complete immaturity, no sense of individual responsibility, and inability to form healthy relationships. They can't do it with people their own age either.
You’re making a lot of assumptions. 18 is also the age when we expect young people to be able to take care of themselves independently and make important decisions, like who to vote for, where and whether to go to college, whether to risk their lives in military service… I’m sure SOME people would date younger, but it’s not fair or accurate to accuse all.
I have lots in common with my husband who is 25 years my senior. I was 19 when we met, and almost 9 years later, 4 of them for which we were married, we are still happy together. That’s longer than most relationships (or even a lot of marriages) last these days.
@@peacelovemotivation8366 I’m not saying they have NOTHING in common, I’m saying the majority of the time those types of relationships toxic, and heavily rooted in some weird fantasy. It’s strange that a 30+ year old can’t find someone their own age so they feel the need to go after someone “less experienced”. Most 18 year old nowadays are still living with their parents and trying to figure things out. I’m turning 18 in 3 years, and I don’t even know what I want to do yet.
An 25 years your senior? I beg your FINEST pardon?
@@sres4 you’re *assuming* the majority are toxic. How often are you interacting with couples in AGRs? They’re pretty uncommon; that’s why they’re considered “weird.” Most of the time the only ones you’ll hear about are the bad ones because those are the ones that get sensationalized in the news, or the ones that are between adults and minors, which are bad for obvious reasons.
I can’t speak for other people, but my relationship isn’t “rooted in fantasy” lol. I like what I like, and that’s older men- particularly my husband. I find younger men to be too physically small, body wise, too immature, and they couldn’t offer me the lifestyle I wanted (to stay home with my child and be provided for. Dual income couples these days aren’t having kids until they’re like 40, or if they’re having them younger, they’re sticking them in day care centers and hardly ever seeing them.)
It’s actually more difficult for older men to attract younger women than it is for them to date women their own age. Younger women, being at the peak of their attractiveness, have the greatest number of suitors, and also overwhelmingly prefer men who are close in age to them, statistically. An older man who successfully secures a relationship with a younger woman has to be more attractive to her than her age peers. (Remember, the women in AGRs choose to be there as well.) So, it’s not that these men in AGRs “can’t” get women their own age. It’s just that they prefer younger, more attractive women. Makes perfect sense to me.
Though I do agree that any man, regardless of age, who prefers “less sexual experience” is creepy, low value, and generally sexist. But it’s not always about that for the older partners in AGRs. I’ve actually found that older men tended to be more accepting or apathetic about my sexual history than younger men, personally.
With regards to general life experience… some of the older men I’ve dated were pleased to be able to offer me new experiences, and enjoyed my enjoyment of them in a wholesome way. Also, by the time I was 18 I was living alone in a city hours away from my parents, providing for myself. I do feel like zoomers are being super slow to grow up and consider themselves adults. They only want to be treated like adults when it suits them.
Has it occurred to them that we grew up watching 40+ yr olds sexualizing minors and counting the days until they were 18, and we grew up and realized that was weird and most of us wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a power imbalance?
Exactly. Also, social media has helped victims spread their stories and traumatic experiences with these kinds of age-gap relationships. Gen z heard them, took notes and is hellbent into not making the same mistakes. I love to see women, young women and girls fearlessly not only expose these gr00mers but also get like 90% of people's support with the remaining 10% being only like the occasional incel trolls.
When I was 15 my mom told me “If a guy older than you is hitting on you or your friends, it’s because women his age don’t want him and he had to go lower.” And GIRL, that stuck with me and saved me time and time again. 😭😂
Lmao but why are women so picky though like i’m 24 and still no girlfriend 😂
@@Deedlangerlook inward dude, it's almost always yourself. Is your hygiene good? How's your build? Do you wear decent clothes, or just a random graphic T and blue jeans? How do you talk to women, where do you try to talk to them?
@@tarkelson2457 bruh i 60kg 2nd year nursing student hygiene is always important, i half asian and white, height of 175cm, my BMI is on a healthy scale. I wear decent clothes and i talk to people normally as like i talk to patients with full empathy and respect every individual must be treated equally. I try talking or asking women out for a coffee ☕️ or a walk. I meet random peps on the streets, gym, school and libraries i greet good mornings afternoons and evenings to anyone since i grew up in a culture like that however in the western world i never get a respond. Alchohol is a no for me and smoking is a no for me. I do not go to bars, disco, and nightclubs. I work, eat healthy, sleep, study, pray to God, and do gym to stay healthy. I do not want to have sex, cause i believe sex is only after marriage. Maybe im in a wrong country, i should probably go back to the country i grow up and find a women there who accepts me for being me. I do not care if i am meeting females younger than me. What i see on these videos are people judging older people in a relationship with a young legal adult. Many have bad experience and many have good experience i think it is very harsh and onesided to believe that all people should date their own age. I feel like the culture in the west is too evil for me because of individualistic trend of being a main character which always prioritizing wealth and fame instead of a community. I do not not clearly know all the answers but i observed it and i am allowed to voice out my own opinion. May God save us all from this sinful existence.
@@tarkelson2457 youtube deleted my long and geniune comment, weird and evil i see on this social media app
@@Deedlanger Also that mentality is definitely a turn off. You should want to be in a relationship with someone because you actualy care about them, not just to be in a relationship.
'gay and interracial relationships experienced less judgement' WEREN'T BOTH OF THOSE THINGS LITERALLY ILLEGAL FOR LIKE A HUGE CHUNK OF HUMAN HISTORY?? HELLO??? HOW DID THEY MEASURE THIS
what's more, gay and interracial relationships in the US were only protected on a federal level from discriminatory state legislature LAST DECEMBER....... like what alternate timeline is this from, hello???????????
Also, gay and interracial relationships ONE are not an excuse for your own creepy behavior, and TWO gay/interracial relationships are not inherently dangerous. In fact they're just as dangerous as any different gender, same race/ethnicity relationship, that is to say according to the people and the specific dynamic between them.
This is literally just those creepy online ""maps"" who insist they belong in the queer community for being ostracized. If a gay person is a pedo, the problem lies with them being a PEDO. That's the issue, and a pedo can be of literally any identity. If a relationship between a black person and a white person is insanely toxic and violent, the problem lies with the relationship, not their skin colors (though ofc that's more complicated when racism comes into play, still ykwim)
Grooming, however, whether "just" online or in person, with cp or without, with physical assault done to the person or not, with the victim being anywhere from literal birth to early/mid twenties...is bad. That's not a generalization or bigotry, that's just bad. Grooming is bad, pdf files are bad, and most age gaps with the stated age above are incredibly dangerous. If we're going to be making comparisons, then at the very least let's make an educated one, one that compares the backwards logic of pedos to racism and homophobia. Even then pdf-ilia seems to be a mental issue, meanwhile racism and queerphobia is ignorance and bias a person grows up with and develops, refusing to rationally see those marginalized groups as human.
RIGHTTT??? I was sooo confused bc it's not like you can measure objectively societal prejudice ??
As a proud miscegenist, believe me, I get called a race traitor in current day 2024.
@@jamesbarr8218 YO SAME, some family members told me to hide the fact my fiancé is black in conversation bc "people may be uncomfortable" with my white ass being in love with a Jamaican man 😭😭😭 (so that's why i never speak to that "family" 💕)
"If I give you $2, will you cite a source?" -- is one of many reasons why I now subscribe to D'Angelo.
The perfect quote I’ve seen online for this is “I used to be jealous of high school girls who dated college guys, until I went into college and met college guys who date high school girls”
Girls mature faster than boys.
I was groomed and heavily abused by a man who was 31 when I was 16. He made me lie about my age around his family and friends (cuz he clearly knew it was wrong) and would be a completely different behind closed doors and genuinely broke me down emotionally and mentally. That situation ended in me getting pregnant. I am now 31 with a 13 year old which was the age I first started getting groomed by someone else who was 40 at the time. I cannot explain how much I have had to heal from coming out of that. The Internet really was a predator's playground and I am so so so glad young adults and kids are now becoming more aware of how dangerous these situations are. My child knows that grown ass people trying to chat her up is wrong. I didn't at her age. She knows that there is a power imbalance and that she needs to allow me to protect her from these things while I am teaching her how to protect herself. I didn't have that insight when I was her age and it's been a point of pride to be able to protect her in a way I was never protected. I love this trend of holding these grown adults abusing children accountable. Good for you Gen Z!
💙💙💙
+
Good luck to you as well! Wish you and her the best
I read “I am now 31 with a 13 year old” first and I thought you meant you were dating a 13 year old 😭😭😭😭
I feel like after 21 - it is a choice
Its not an age gap problem - its a predatory older people targeting young / new adult problem.
Anyone aged 18, 19, 20 - who is dating someone over 25 is basically grooming... (to me)
In the UK its 16 consent to sex. The idea its legally for 55 year old to have sex with them is wild to me.
Sorry you experienced what you did. Hopefully you've been able to heal.
And that abuser finds justice.
It’s the lack of nuance trying to imply a lack of nuance for me.
Their target audience consists of ragebait enthusiasts, uncritical thinkers, and AI bots, I fear.
When I was 16 I dated a 26 year-old who kept telling me that I was “so much more mature than he is” and constantly acted like a whiny child to underscore his point.
✅ Grooming
My independent, self-sufficient 33yo mom met my independent, self-sufficient 43yo dad and they got married and had me and they’re still happily together 20 years later.
❌ Not grooming
My former 34yo married teacher tried to hook up with my 17yo classmate in HS.
✅ Turbo grooming
Your middle-aged windowed neighbor of 55 who met a fellow 45yo window at Zumba and they host a little brunch every Sunday in their yard if it isn’t raining?
✨ Wholesome as fuck, hopefully
I love how you called them windows:)))
Hey, just for clarification, can you explain the twenty year marriage in example two? Cause it reads like the dad met the mom when she was 13 with that current math.
@@JustSomeDude42 like they mean they are 53 and 63 now
@@naolucillerandom5280 that’s what I was hoping. Thank you for the clarification.
#FreedomForAllWindows
i do think gen z is weird about age gaps in general, but not in the way this article says. when i was in hs (16-17), i got called weird for having friends who were in middle school (12-13) and recent college grads(22-24) because there is this idea that you should only socialize with people your age. i get it for dating, obviously, but i feel like policing age gap friendships is insane.
I think it's just part of many of them being chronically online and not in the workforce yet or non-school related hobbies yet. I've been working since I was 14 and every social activity I do has people of all ages. The frequency of meeting someone within a few years of me is relatively low and has been that way for most of my life. Being online so much can also damage social capabilities and it ends up with them identifying people of the right age group by the memes and references they get, stuff most people don't even talk about once they get a little older unless that's what mostly defined their youth. They aren't always equipped to have more meaningful conversations so identify with superfluous markers. This is true for younger millennials as well, and the generations since. It's only a little more pronounced now due to the availability and general support being online has.
Yeah, I do notice this thing with going from “okay, people can be friends without ulterior motives, even with people who are much older or much younger than they are” that was already treated with heavy suspicion when I was younger when I was *only* really able to get along with kids who were not the same age as me, and now people seem rabidly against the idea that someone can be any level of acquaintance with people not in their immediate age bracket.
Yes, and I've also seen gen z being weird about people turning 18 being friends/in a relationship with minors... who are 17, and calling it grooming. They're in the same high school class wym???
Imagine if the moment you turned 18 you needed to stop interacting with minors. Sorry you can't talk to your friends or younger siblings anymore!
That and "ummm 15 year age gap?? Problematic??" when the people met at 35 and 50 like brother at this point it's fine stop infantilizing grown adults
Sorry, but hanging out with middle schoolers when you are nearly and adult is very weird. It's like how these age gap relationships are not technically illegal, but they are still weird.
@@thatsinteresting3415 Wholeheartedly agree.
That HuffPost article has some serious "my +30-years-old ass is seriously considering dating an 18-to-21-years-old and I really need to justify it to myself" vibes.
Yup, either that or "I got groomed as a teen but I'm not ready to admit it" vibes
My bf is 31 and I’m 19, it’s kind of bad but I don’t want to be without him. He kind of treats me like garbage but I’m too attached to him. Whatever.
@@iloveumorethananything you see the problem but you wont do anything about it... i really hope you find the strength to get the fuck out of that
@@iloveumorethananythingPlease find someone your own age that doesn’t treat you like shit. I know you can you just need to believe it too
@@iloveumorethananything oh honey, you need to focus on learning how to love and validate yourself rather than letting some 30+ loser guy treat you like garbage. You don't deserve it.
As a newly single 32 year old I discovered that the young men hitting on me in the bar would lie about their age to make themselves older than they really were. So Instead of asking their age I switched to asking what year they graduated high school. They did not have a lie prepared for that ask. At 32 I had no interest in dating men in their early 20s. In general they haven’t figured themselves out yet and they are too much drama for an older person. However, 7 years later I did end up marrying a man 7 years younger than myself. At 39, a divorced 32 year old with a career and an 11 year old child in tow, had enough life experience under his belt to be a match for me.
Look at how easy it is to get around people lying about thier age. Wow. If only some people would take notes.
I’ll have to remember that graduation year trick. Seems like a good one.😆
Good idea but if someone ask me when I did graduate, I would struggle too tho despite telling the truth😂
Most of us gen z agree it’s the mindset in these age gap relationship that’s the problem! 32 vs 39 is not the same as 22 vs 29! I think many also take into account their personalities, when they met, etc !
I'm 19 and agree that people my age are awful and have no idea what they want. Which is why I'm dating a 30 year old lol. If you agree my age group sucks why should I be condemned to date them?
As a former 19 year old who dated a 30 year old, you're right, he was unhinged... and jealous, controlling, and insecure. It was the most stressful relationship of my life. Don't do it ladies. Leave those weirdos alone.
I hope you're doing better now. You deserve someone who will actually treat you well.
Had the same experience. He groomed me at 19 to be what he thought was the perfect wife and i was so susceptible naive and alone I fell for it all.
Realized 5 years down the road nothing i did was for me and everything was always for him.
@camharkness Thank you! I'm doing great now.
I was trafficked at age 21 by a man in his 50s and same, he was so unhinged and loved to talk about how I reminded him of his daughters 😬
As someone who met my 29 year old husband when I was 20, this kind of emotional abuse is probably even more common for young men who were a lot closer to your age.
I’m 22 and I’ve been in 2 serious age gap relationships.
It’s bad. The older you get the more fine it is but at my age it’s bad.
The first I was 13 and she was 17 and ended when I was 18 and she was 22. It was absolutely grooming. She once told me “you were just so innocent and new when we first met and I like knowing I’ve had a lasting impact”. I don’t talk about it because I’m also a woman and a lot of people either don’t take it seriously or use it to demonize all queer women and shape me into some poor little straight girl that got manipulated.
The second one I was 18 and he was 25. This wasn’t grooming but it was weird. He was an alcoholic with a drug problem and he’d spent some time in prison and I was the only person around willing to date him. He put the entire stress of getting over his addictions on me, nursing him when he was hungover, getting him to rehab, flushing his stash, dealing with his mood swings. I was his therapist and caretaker. Eventually I realized I was too young to deal with all of it and I left and he went on a huge bender and then called all my friend telling them it was my fault.
Don’t do it, maybe they’re cute, maybe it’s nice dating someone with a real job making real money, maybe it’s cool they have their own place, but you have to ask why they can’t get someone their age.
The second one is grooming in my opinion
I think the reason Gen z cares about this so much is because so many of us were groomed online. Chatrooms, Minecraft servers, Roblox, Kik, Whisper, Whatsapp I know people who all had similar experiences. It started at 15 for me when I first had my own phone that could connect to the Internet and my mom genuinely could not have known how bad it was until I told her in my 20s after being hospitalized because the depression and anxiety and PTSD had won out. Normalizing large age gaps in my family was one of the ways I excused the behavior, because my grandma is a cougar and my mom had only ever showed romantic affection towards men older than her (my dad is 10 years older). I'm genuinely glad that Gen Z cares about this because I hope it means we can better protect our kids someday. Having an age gap relationship isn't inherently problematic but personally I always approach people who are into that with an additional degree of caution because of my experience.
This makes so much fucking sense actually! Older gens are always saying genz are all chronically online, some are, but most of us grew up with the internet, and that's different! Not to mention toxic influencers and parasocial relationships on youtube.
When I was like, 13 I had this dude in his late 20s try to groom me into moving to Texas, without telling my parents, and tried to get nude pics of me while knowing I was 13.
So... Yeah, you most likely are correct, because that's why I take issue with age gaps to an extent. Like if it's someone who's 40 and someone who's 30, and they started dating at that age, that's fine.
I was groomed. I wish I was as suspicious and strong-willed back then as I am now about this. Someone over double my age should not have wanted to date me, a minor. I will now forever live with C/P of me being in their hands. So yeah. You 30+ YOs should seek out people your age, not teenagers.
I didn’t think about this but yeah I’d agree. When I was about 10 I began getting groomed by someone who was almost in HIGHSCHOOL. Insane and ever since then I’ve been more conscious and aware of power dynamics within relationships I have.
@@OxytailI am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you are doing a bit better. Don't feel bad for being not as strong when you were younger. You were a kid. They were an adult.
THEORY: Leo DiCaprio doesn’t break up with women when they turn 25; THEY break up with HIM when they hit 25 when they reach the final stage of cognitive development 😅
You might be onto something here
I’ve actually thought about this a lot
holey moley this makes sense to me
??? 😭 i get what ur trying to do but like…. no. what makes more sense: all these different women just happen to be breaking up w him the second they turn 25 as if a magical switch goes off in their brain on their 25th birthday, or leonardo dicaprio alone is breaking up them? the guy is just a weirdo who refuses to date women passed a certain age.
WOW THIS MAKES MORE SENSE
Ngl, age gaps CAN be sus. It just depends on the disparity. If a 30 year old woman/man/other dates an 18 year old woman/man, i'm gonna raise an eyebrow.
I'll raise them both and ask what the hell is going on
Even a 25 yr old with a 18 yr old. I didn't realize until now at 24 that being with someone my age when I was 18 was bad. He was further along in life but also coming back to be with me. Suspect
I agree. I was with a 25 yr old when I was 18. I thought it was cool. I'm 24 now and I realize that it was bad. Being 24 now I'm really grossed out. Realizing he dated me because of control and also because he wasn't where he needed to be for his age. "Barely legal" and other gross things like that really open young people up especially women to predators. And yes, predators can be in their 20s.
Exactly! I am 19 an I recently got approached by a 30 y/old man who asked about my age and still proceeded to ask for my number and such. I understand that not all people have bad intentions, not at all, but it does make me wonder why he still thought I would be interested after realizing he is 11 years older than me. I am just like: why not date someone who has a fully developed brain, when you do? That sounds so silly, but it just doesn't make sense to me why some want to go for the youngest possible age legally.
@@Pretty_horrid yeah it's it's also a red flag if a guy 25+ can't attract a woman his own age. But we've lived and we've learned. Best we can do is protect and educate the 18 year olds we know
everytime I watch a video like this I feel the need to publicly roast my brother who is 25 and thinks his 18 y/o gf is “grown”
That’s is disgusting hope she gets farrrrr away from him
I would be surprised if he had any friends who knew about that if he’s in the USA. No denying someone at 25 dating an 18 year old is weird. He knows that 18 year old isn’t “grown”. He probably would date a 17 year old too
I'm 62, and believe me, it's not just Gen Z. This was a topic of conversation LONG before now (Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas, Annette Bening and Warren Beatty, heck, even Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart come to mind). We just didn't have a global platform back then to connect with others who also found it...weird.
Don’t forget to add Celine Dion. Her deceased husband was 12 years old when they first met
@@christinebelzie194other way around. 😊
@christinebelzie194 WHAT i dont even know about these ppl thats insane
@jodiegordon5559 wow even if its the other way around thats actually deranged
@@christinebelzie194 He was 38 and she was 12 when they met and he became her manager. Despite Celine Dion's continued protestations that she loved him dearly and that the relationship wasn't amorous (at least on his part) until she was 19, it honestly seems like a pretty textbook case of grooming within a professional situation where there was a significant power imbalance.
Lets not forget Jessie Rutherford met billie when she was 16
at his concert (the first one she ever attended) since she was a huge fan...
i mean she just took a pic w him and at the time he was with devon but idk
13*
right??? i feel a lil dirty everytime i listen to a tnh song
@fIeshwater if you feel like by listening you are contributing to supporting anything yucky then it's up to you to stop. Not saying you have to, but we gotta take artists off their pedestal when their do something fked
It's so wild to me how the writer of this article said with their whole chest, "Gen Z has grown up watching people talk about how age gap relationships and relationships with huge power imbalances negatively impacted them. So why is Gen Z so critical of age gap and power imbalance relationships?"
It's like how teen/preteen girls get warned that men are dangerous and how you shouldn't trust them unless you REALLY know them, and then people get surprised when women are cautious around men. Like... we're just listening to what you people told us?
I appreciate you mentioning the difference in an age gap where one person is a full blown adult while the other is still a teenager vs one in which both parties were full blown adults at the time they got together. My partner and I have a nearly 17 year age gap but I was 28 and already had THREE children when we met lol. It would have been a big, huge, MASSIVE difference if we'd met and gotten together while I was 18 and their butt was 35. 😂😂😂
Eta: THANK YOU AGAIN! Dude.. I remember this one episode in a show called Ally McBeil or whatever.. the dude character in the scene was the actor Peter MacNicol, and he'd confronted his girlfriend/fiance at the time after some folks got in his ear about her being out of his legue and how she only wanted him for his money. She turned it around and was like "but you want be because I'm attractive." Essentially she pointed out, and this isnt word for word, that if he can choose to be with her because she's arm candy, then why is it so wrong with her to be with him for financial stability? Its even more hilarious to me too this whole "gold digger" term when you consider the retrending of being a trad wife.. like duh.. trad wives were notoriously stay at home wives/moms that didnt make an income and relied on the income of their husband lmao. Its just so funny to me. It was even funnier when I was accused of being a gold digger with my current partner, despite the fact that I wad the one providing while they stayed at home and managed the household and kids. Like how tf even?! 😂😂😂
whenever this conversation comes up i think of that one olivia rodrigo lyric in her song about an abusive relationship: “because girls your age know better”. and i think that really sums it up for me, as someone who has been in weird power dynamic/age gap relationships three separate times before i barely grew old enough to understand how screwed it was that anyone 10+ years my senior had an interest in me. please, if you’re 18, 19, 20, or god forbid even younger, and someone older than you tries to tell you “you’re mature for your age”, or tells you they’ve never dated anyone this young before but will make an exception for you, or is showing an interest in you, i’m begging you, just run. there’s no situation in which it’s okay. not even one. you’re not a special case, and neither are they. run. please.
Fr and on a more selfish note from my perspective as a 20 year old dude I’m tired of competing with 30 year old men for the same girls😂
And as a young woman, we dont wanna be eyed up by 30+ year old dudes either. Nice grey hair in your beard buddy, you look like my dad. What a panty dropper.
There are plenty of situations where it’s perfectly fine. 18+ year olds are not children. People are not inherently abusive/being abused by being in an AGR.
I met my husband when he was 44 and I was 19. I was plenty old enough to know what I wanted and whether someone was treating me properly. We have been together for almost 9 years now and our life together is wonderful. I could not imagine a better partner for me.
Stop being judgemental.
It's always ironic too because mainly men support those types of relationships. Saying the girl is obviously happy and chose it but they don't get there is damage from it and 7/10 will not work out in the long run. So it's better to influence them away from something like that as people who KNOW how it goes.
@@peacelovemotivation8366 glad it worked out for you but most experiences I’ve heard from people who did what you did ended up being negative. You are the exception not the rule
my parents are nine years apart, but they met when my mom was 27 and my dad was 36. they were both well established in their respective fields. what annoys me about the framing of this article is the fact that it assumes that gen z are unable to think critically. as a gen z, whenever i hear about an 18 yo dating a person in their mid-20s/30s, i don’t think ‘GASP that’s illegal’. i think ‘what could you possibly have in common with them?’. you’re not in even REMOTELY similar life stages for it to even be considered normal. it’s usually the older person who is more mature and established, whereas it’s the younger person who is still trying to figure out who they are. so sure, these relationships might not be illegal, but they are still predatory by nature.
I completely agree. People side eye my relationship until they find out more and I think its fair. My partner and I are 13 years apart, we were friends for over a year until we realized our feelings, plus I pursued him. We started dating when I was 24. Most people stop the side eye immediately once the context is explained, and again I think its fair. My partner and I both know it's just people being concerned for me and take it as a good thing.
Now I've explicitly said to my partner as well that my age being an outlier in hie dating history is a good thing. Had he only ever dated people my age and down it would have been a big red flag. Surprisingly nuance still exists
I mean, I graduated college at 26. My dad graduated at 28. I had a couple of classmates in my senior classes that were 24 and 25. Half of us still live with our parents. When I was 25 I had more in common with my 19 yo classmates than I did with my friend from high school with a master's degree and a mortgage. I had to put my life on hold for ~5 years to get my mental health under control, and I've met plenty of people who've gone through similar circumstances.
This
Yeah, my parents had a similar dynamic. My mom was already going pretty strong with me on the way. I hate when people try to pretend like ANY age gap is weird.
@@sersergvyeah, I didn’t do post secondary because I was undiagnosed AuDHD and thought I wouldn’t make it to 25, maybe not even the next day, so why would I do all that if I’m going to end it before it’ll matter anyways… then I got diagnosed after high school, figured I’d go back one day, but ended up getting into IT and loving it. But because I didn’t plan for my future when I was younger, it took me a long time to even somewhat catch up. Dating people a few years younger made me feel less behind and we related more. I think being at the same life stage is more important than age. Because even now at 33, I have a 9 year old child, so I don’t even have a lot in common with other 33 year olds around me, who either don’t have kids or are at the baby stage.
19 and 27 is crazy and it's even crazier that their 13 y/o daughter was more aware of how weird that is
I dated a 26 year old at 19. It wasn't that weird and I never felt like he was being predatory with me. We were co-workers/friends for a while first. It didn't last b/c he was ready for more the next steps (marriage) and I was not. That was really the only issue we had. I'm not saying all situations like this are wrong or right, it really does depend.
@@cinnamonsparrowdesignsdo you think most 19-year-olds in situations like yours and that woman's are ready for marriage and kids? Do you think most would be able to say no if the older partner put a lot of pressure on them?
@@christinehottinger5791 all I know is it’s creepy still, a 19 year old is legally an adult but that’s still a teenager. I’ll never understand that. Like does being legal suddenly make that okayyy? I wonder what they would do in UK then. Or any place with a lower legal age then 18.
@@cinnamonsparrowdesignsthat’s a really gross relationship, but it might take some time and distance for you to understand that some day
@@christinehottinger5791 No mention of kids at any point. And why are you aggressively questioning someones lived experience like they hurt someone for sharing it?
I'm almost surprised that the article didn't pull any sort of "well if 35 and 45 isn't weird, then why is 15 and 25??" argument. boiling the criticism down to the exact number of years in order to argue with it is the DUMBEST thing and is also surprisingly common.
Gen z isn't weird about them.... older generations have just been weirdly ok with them.....🤷♀️
Exactly
I think both things are true. I’ve seen people in Gen Z (with decently large support) condemning 3-4 year age gaps (as in like 21 and 24, or 23 and 28) which is kinda absurd? I agree do agree with the general sentiment that older generations are obviously way too okay with clearly not okay age gaps
Correct
@DavidJones-ot8qu that's fair... but sometimes four years can be A LOT. Like, I was at a completely different maturity level at 25 vs 21, ya know...🤷♀️
Honestly even Millennials are "weird" about these age gaps.
I disagree with Rei from the article. I think age-gap relationships in the gay community are normalised but they are not normal. I think, we should still continue to speak about this issue to help young queer people make more informed choices about their dating life.
This!!
100%
Doesn't age-gap relationships often come with domestic abuse statistically? I don't think I hear enough about domestic abuse with queer couples without it being used as some sort of bigoted point to demonize all queer relationships.
yeah!!!!! I think queers aren't warned about because 1) the idea that being queer is comparable to pdf is still prevalent (at least in my society) so people don't won't to point out; 2) when people are only finding themselves they feel the need to be supported by someone knowlegable since there isn't enough exposure to feel comfortable in such relationships and understand it.
marginalised groups are more vulnerable to abuse/manipulation specifically because they're marginalised. grooming tactics take advantage of insecurity or lack of social standing/credibility in young people, and all of that goes double for young people who are also marginalised or discriminated against. a lot of queer teens aren't taken seriously by society, so being validated/listened to by an older person who seems to respect you is a big deal for them, for example. and being closeted is inherently isolating, which can make very convenient victims for predators since they're already used to hiding their personal lives. queer people are more vulnerable to grooming, it's just hard to talk about because if you put 'queer' and 'grooming' in the same sentence a bunch of assholes are going to argue that queer teens are queer because they were groomed, when in reality it's the reverse.
As a gay man, when I was 18 and started using dating sites I was approached by many older men (30s, 40s, 50s) and those were my first romantic relationships as I was homeschooled. At the time it was sort of flattering, and they would always tell me about how I was ~so different~ and ~mature~ for my age. Now that I'm 28 I've started to actually "get" why it was wrong, and that they didn't want me for any of the reasons they told me they did. They wanted me because I was a child and was vulnerable.
I had a similar experience. Moved to a bigger city, was SHOCKED at the amount of people who found me desirable/attractive since I came from a small homophobic town. From 30s-60s, I met quite a few people that I regret. Since then, Ive lived in a constant flux of self worth and distrust.
I've ALWAYS been told I was “mature” growing up, so I didn't realize that when these people said it, it meant something completely different with important subtext. The sad part is my brain still hasn't fully counted these as the negative experiences they were, and sugar-coats the memories when I feel low.
Anyway, sorry for dumping, but I really don't have anywhere else to really say this.
I feel I was more mature at 18.
Sounds like my former roommate who used to have one night stands with 40+ year-old men. He’s settled now but… yeah.
@@TimBee100 Sorry I don't think I understand what you're referring to
@@Casna101 I dont consider that I was a child and vulnerable at 18.
4:35 ngl I really don't like how they imply that the problem is just the difference in age, just after giving examples of a 19 and a 20 year old dating those in their thirties
as a member of Gen Z who thought age-gaps "weren't a big deal" and was then groomed for over two years starting just when I'd just turned sixteen and he was 23... yes it is a big deal. I didn't think it was a big deal until the summer I was 18 and finally realized what had happened to me. it was always a big deal and I have spent a long time working through the emotional ramifications of that relationship, and still am.
@@someuser4166 I am pretty sure they understood that it was fucked up by themselves. It's no rocket science
@@someuser4166 Many people in these situations feel that something is off before they know what that something is. Acknowledging that you’ve been hurt or taken advantage of is a difficult process but it should be a part of maturing. This applies to grooming and manipulation in the same way as unpacking say childhood trauma. Imo you SHOULD gain a deeper understanding for your past as you mature. Our brains are trying to protect us and sometimes that means blocking out warning signs and pain until we are at a place to deal with it. Being a victim isn’t something to be ashamed of and healing is an imperfect, non linear path. Holding the idea of what you think a victim should be against a real person is unproductive and insensitive.
@@someuser4166 it wasn't fine; I was nauseous and having panic attacks almost every day I was in that relationship. I knew deep down that the way he was treating me was wrong and that a lot of the issues we had wouldn't exist without our age gap, but I loved him, so I tried to see past it and repress everything. it's really common, especially with young people in their first relationships, to look past red flags because they think they need that relationship, and it's all they have. really sad stuff and all too common :(
@@leahgroves3611 couldn't have said it better myself!!!
You were still a child when you were groomed. If you were 21 when the relationship started, then you would have been a full adult.
Dude... if Anne Frank's grandmother can feel uncomfortable about a 3 year age gap between her and a neighbourhood boy dating at age 12 and 15... I don't think it's this generation
i would hope anyone would think that's disturbing
I think they had bigger problems
@@chalkandcheese1868That doesn’t negate the smaller ones.
What a cultured reference dude, 10/10. I always did find middle schoolers dating high schoolers weird, especially when they are a puberty apart. Like yes I thought 15 year olds were cute when I was 12, but as a 15 year old a 12 year old is usually a literal child soooo
@@mariahello5472 Nothing sums up the chronically online Gen Z more than what you're talking about, you have no idea how comically offensive your comments are.
At 45 yrs, bi, and male presenting and having been in the queer community for a long time, older men going after much younger men is and has been a huge unspoken issue for a long time... I mean no disrespect to the 22(?) yr old interviewed, but I'm not sure if they have the knowledge or the ability to step back far enough to assess their relationship rn. All gay bars I've been to have the older guys who always offer drinks to the 21 yr olds and everyone is warned about. It's treated by many gay men as a "rite of passage" to be "educated" by much older men, and I think it's creepy as hell
yeah people not in the community don't know how deeply saturated "boy" and "daddy" are in gay dating, and not in a rp kink way either. It's just v normalized.
This as a lgbtq girl, I try to warn young teen gay boys from older men because wth
Male violence is male violence
@johnmarion4129 As a bi guy close in age to you, I did go looking for that when I was 19. I wanted that, and knew exactly what I was doing. I didn't end up hooking up with many of them though because it was so hard to find a guy who understood what I wanted, respected my boundaries, and didn't try to own me afterwards. Men are their own biggest cock blocks.
Thank you for pointing this out cuz I thought I was tweaking so bad when I hear and see this issue 😭
It's not just even about age itself in this power dynamic, it's also about the experience of queerness and having a lack of guidance in relation to sexuality and gender. We rarely see gay or trans people included in these discussions about the danger of being preyed upon in a relationship, but it's such an important avenue to discuss in a nuanced way that isn't "All trans people and gay people are groomers!1!1"
Having an older person 'show you the ropes' seems to be the shoe-in for actual discussion about the coming generations of gay and trans people experience relationships in a very cis and heteronormative world. Important to note that this can also apply to cishet people using this form of predation as well because even I as transmasc have had older people try to lure me in under the guise of acceptance and 'exploring my identity.'
It's very important to note all the ways predation can take place in relationships. While we can't technically *definitely* say every relationships with an age-disparity and an affirming partner is problematic, it's important to note that predatory people do exist and when they go after those they prey upon, these are most likely avenues they are going to go down to victimize someone.
"male presenting, I'm bi" typical gen-z weirdos.... The truth is their obsessed with heterosexual relationships meanwhile their homosexual relationships are far more guilty of "age gaps." But they can't call out predatory homosexual men and the LGBTQ+IA at all, nope that's off limits but straight men are always a target, and there assumption that "all women must be a little bi" is nonsense. A unserious generation claiming their "trans but mainly sapiosexual," give it a rest. 😂
7:38 it is important to note that like, your frontal lobe doesent ever stop developing, i think it just generally like levels out or is done pruning neurons or whatever around the early twenties, idk tho
IIRC, the study that people think claimed “the frontal lobe finishes developing at 25” never actually found that to be true. The study originally hypothesised that it would finish at 21, however when they found that was incorrect they extended it to 25, when they found out that was also wrong the study was discontinued.
Oh my gosh, that gas station story! When I was a freshman in college, only 18, there was a guy in my night math class, probably close to 35, who I sat near. He was quiet, a typical older ex-army guy. After a few conversations while walking to the parking lot after class, he told me he had an offer for me... I asked him what he meant, and he told me straight up that he wanted me to bear his children. In return, I could live with him and have whatever I wanted. This dude never really smiled; he was very straight-faced and serious. I immediately felt unsafe, grossed out, and honestly really freaked out. I told him it was a nice offer (*gag*) but that I would have to let him know. I was utterly scared that I was about to be taken and didn't want to set him off or anything. He told me to let him know and then left. The very next day, I dropped that class and made sure I never ran into him again. Thankfully, I didn't. To this day, that was one of the creepiest, ickiest encounters I've ever experienced. I will literally never forget the look on his face during all that...ick! Some people are actually insane. Y'all, stay safe out there! 🫶
That's awfull! Glad you didn't do this but when you said military, it made sense to me
@@justjoannak Seriously though!! It was an easy "NOPE" for me, but I seriously hope no one else took that offer either 😅 🚩
omg telling him it was a nice offer is so real….when i worked at the liquor store when i was in my early 20’s a man in his 50s/60s asked if i wanted to go to the movies with him and i said no but that “i appreciate the confidence it took to ask” 🤢🤮🤮 i’ve never regretted saying something more out of sheer awkward and politeness….creepy old men already have enough confidence without encouraging it😭😭
@@gloomsiEeeew! That is a great response though! These old guys are far too confident. That awkward politeness is so real! Its so bad when they follow up with "why not?" Like, please no, leave me alone. 😂🫣
Oh my gosh that is AWFUL!! It’s so terrifying that so many girls have had similar experiences, reading this was so visceral *shudder*
Glad u never ran into him again; what a creep!!!!!
If you have to clarified that the relationship is "legal", we're off to a weird start
Love the videos, lots of love from Chile
I'm 47 and wish I had these thoughts about older men when I was a teen 😢 I'm happy to see the younger gens getting smarter...
we need more 47 year olds like you
Same (but a year older). More power to them!
We’re all hip now. Andrew Tate really put the nail in the coffin for me
I read through some of the comments and though I agree with most of them, I think it's very important to acknowledge that not all age gap relationships are problematic. I am biased because me and my boyfriend have a large age gap and I have had a lot of people judge me due to this before even meeting him. Me and my boyfriend met at work (in the same position, he was not my superior) (I was 19 at the time, he was 31) when we were both adults and I immediately developed a crush on him. He was really smart and insightful. One of the reasons why I liked him was because I felt like he wasn't afraid to listen to people with opposing views than him. He was always willing to learn and improve himself, even if it meant he would have to question his beliefs. I liked him for a whole year and he did not acknowledge me trying to flirt with him the entire time. Eventually, about the 3rd time we hung out outside of work, I straight up asked him if this was a date. He rejected me at first because he was worried about the age gap, even though he liked me back. He was worried that I would go on to regret it if we dated. We ended up talking for 4 hours about what it would mean for us to date given our age gap and other factors such as him not being out of the closet. In the end, we decided to give it a shot and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. We actually do have a lot in common, despite our age difference. He is the most understanding, kind, and smart person I have ever met and I am so lucky to have him. I understand that a good amount of age gap relationships are not as careful as we were and therefor leads to one or more parties being hurt but I think it is also very important to not assume the older partner is always an evil mastermind. It does get very annoying for me when new people I meet try to convince me I am being groomed and that I should break up with my boyfriend while being in a "situationship" themselves. I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and 2 months now and he is the first person I have dated where I genuinely could not wait to marry them.
16:17 grouping trans and gay with old is INSANE. ‘old’ is not a community being targeted unfairly. queer people are. wtf is this unconnected nonsense?
It's literally so disgusting and disrespectful, like queer people have literally lost the rights to get gender affirming care in multiple states but NOOO old people who want to fuck people 10 years younger them them are the real victims facing hardship, fml.
It's literally so disrespectful, like queer people have literally lost the rights to get gender affirming care in multiple states but NOOO old people who want to go after people 10 years younger them them are the real victims facing hardship, fml.
I mean "old" is a work/school protected category but like..... bffr... Not AT ALL comparable to the LGBT+ community and the bullshit we're put thru
Agreed. I saw that and instantly went "So...one of these things is not like the others..."
I mean ageism is a thing that exists
I love that we’re having these convos for younger ppl to see. I remember in highschool when ppl would brag on tumblr and their spam page (or finsta as gen alpha calls it now) that they were dating older ppl or have sugar daddies. Even my gay friends especially got preyed upon by older guys on grindr and tinder. It’s okay to tell ppl that age gap relationships are weird and to think about it before they get in one. Maybe someone in an age gap relationship comes across these types of posts and it makes them not feel ashamed to break up with someone not making them happy anymore idk I don’t think gen z is being “too sensitive”
LOL does gen alpha call it that?? i thought that was an older gen z thing, since i asked my alpha cousins and they said they’d never heard of that
@@plushdragonteddy Same here
@@plushdragonteddy i agree, “finsta” is very 2014-2017 and pretty much outdated at this point
I dated a 33 year old when i was 19 and... yeah. Yall are right, it IS weird. I wont go into details, but it was Not Great. If someone tells you youre "so mature for your age", RUN.
lowkey i want the details though,more at least like how u realized you needed to break up?
@@ezrelab6637You don't need that, just think about it. Every massive way in which someone with 14 more years of life experience than you could use that to manipulate you, whether it's subtle or not so subtle, it doesn't matter what the older person says. They have way more power in the situation.
I dated someone who was 28 when I was 17. It was weird as hell, and I wish I hadn't ignored the red flags about how creepy he was
First big red flag should have been the fact he lied about his age. Said he was 22. Still problematic and gross, but, the fact he was lying about it made it worse
@@ezrelab6637same I want the details
@@BeforeOurCrimehe lied because he knows the vast majority of girls that young know better than to be with a man of his actual age
I have a simple maxim in regard to relationships:
In a relationships both parties need to be able to stand on a similar level or work to be able to see each other on a similar level.
Inequal power dynamics such as subordinate>boss or young>old is most times problematic as one partner has more power than the other. It doesn't mean they will use that power. But it will be a building on a slanted foundation. It needs a lot of work, mutual respect and emotional maturity to create something worthwhile out of this.
Considering i JUST turned 21 (yesterday) 🎉🎉 and my 18 y.o friends and acquaintances view me as a fully grown adult (ive literally been told i remind them of a "30 y.o", whatever that means) theres clearly a maturity difference that they recognize and that I also recognize! Considering I worry for my friends like an aunt would worry for their niece, dating an 18 y.o would most definitely never cross my mind.
Be careful, maturity does not make up for a lack of life experience. Someone much older than you can use your lack of experience and perception of your personal maturity to manipulate you. I was always told how mature I was growing up, but at 21 I had no idea the challenges and responsibilities of having a full time job, a home, taxes, energy bills, retirement savings, insurance, etc. a person older than you might feel the same "maturity" but their life experiences are still dramatically different from yours. And this is not to accuse you of making bad choices or to assume you want to date much older. Since you didn't mention not dating much older, I simply thought it was worth addressing. No matter how mature you are, it's hard to see what you've never been exposed to.
I also felt that way at that age but now i see people that age as kids, even at 22 or 23, I only started to feel like an adult at 25, older people can still take advantage of you, be careful
as a 30yo the "you feel like a 30 yo" makes me smile and this is exactly why when a friend's 19 yo brother tried to hit on me it was cute...as in "aw this baby has his first crush aw" cute
I mean I dont think that 18 year old and 21 year old datin is weird. Both are very young
There is absolutely no maturity distinction between you and myself 😂 I’m 18 age does not directly correlate to maturity. Your mindset is idiotic and based in nothing. Nothing is weird abt 18 and 21
As an elder millennial over the age of 40...EVERYTHING about that article gives me the ick. Gen Z makes me prouder and prouder with every article that comes out complaining about how much more socially, politically, and economically conscious Gen Z is and why us olds are butthurt about it. I think it's amazing that y'all are more tuned in to the reality of things and breaking gross generational cycles.
"socially, politically, and economically conscious" appears to be another euphemism for being politically and culturally "progressive." The progressive ideology is maladaptive and it is rapidly destroying western civilization. In fact, we are probably already past the point of no return. We are on the fast track to a new way of life that even progressives, if there are any left by then, will eventually recognize as far worse than the one they destroyed.
Glad to see some more reasonable millennials here too, I'm only in my early 20's and seeing this shit is just.. bleh
Glad some of the older generations stand in solidarity with us younger ones, age gaps are fine but god it's gross seeing people my parent's age hitting on people who just finished high school
@@clockwork3494 When you think that your parents must have "done it" at least once in order for you to be here, does that gross you out too? Just curious.
I'm one of the youngest millennials (mid-90s baby) and I've always been icked out about age gaps. When I was a high school sophomore, I was horrified when a girl in my class talked about her 25-year-old bf (who also had a toddler son). Even 5 years felt too large of an age gap. Now, I believe that as you approach 100+, the larger the age gap can be, because the difference in maturity, life experience, brain development, etc. becomes smaller the older you get. So, 20 and 26 is weird, but 47 and 53 isn't.
What doss that have to do with anything they said? @@michaels4255
I just recently realized I was groomed by a man 16 years older than me (I’m 21). He had been trying to date me since I was 16 YEARS OLD, yes 16. I almost would’ve dated him if it weren’t for other circumstances in my life preventing me from doing so. To think that I could’ve been stuck with that man right now disgusts me so much. There is nothing normal about a much older person trying to date someone still in their teens/early twenties. It’s predatory and disgusting behavior.
There’s a podcast called ‘f the nice guy’ and something similar happened to the host. She shares about herself and others being groomed (but only realising what happened much later in life) except in her situation she did end up dating her groomer - you dodged a massive bullet 😓
I love watching people dissect articles omg
7:04 and if they start telling you the different subcategories of pedophila (generally Infantophilia, Pedophilia, Hebephilia, Ephebophilia), RUN
I was thinking the same thing, that's always a red flag
Damn you really know every category…🤔 (jk)
I think it’s important to know those categories because ephebophiles have a completely different grooming playbook and it blindsided me so bad when I was a teen and thought it’s something that only happens to little kids, but yeah, being too focused on the technicalities is sus
@@pigcatapult good point, i think the use of the term pedophile to mean groomer or predator reinforces that idea that it can only happen to little kids as well.
There are subcategories? Why? Why at all? The only category is: illegal, go to jail, just no.
Didn't Aaron actually meet his wife when he was around 16/17 when he had an audition at her house for role in a film she was directing?
Yup. 🥴🤮
She groomed him for quite a while 🤢
That's insane
Yup 🤮
This poor boy 🤮
As a millennial, I'm 100% with you on this one. There's no generational war, it's just creeps vs. non-creeps. It's easy to tell which group that author falls under.
There is no generational war there is only progressive and traditional people.
Note I didn’t say conservative because some conservative people hold progressive values based on experience (not facts for some reason). But traditional people never let go of antiquated ideas and values.
I’m a millennial and my boomer parents were in a clearly toxic age gap relationship of nine years when my mom was 17. She to this day goes on to defend such things as the Dutch volleyball player who raped the 12 year old bc “I looked way older as a kid bc I was so tall”
100%THIS.
He was 27 my mom was 18yo had me with 19.
He thought his 13yo Doughter was ready to be a trophy wife later on so go figure.
10/10 do *not* recommend.
Personally I believe that when both parties are over the age of 25 age gaps don’t matter. But it’s really weird for forty year olds to be dating 18 year olds
It’s strange how they label this a Gen-Z problem, when this should be an all age problem. Men are trying to normalize inappropriate age gaps, and are convincing impressionable women that dating older is equal to “maturity”.
Gen Z has grown up on so many relationships of couples older than us and realizing how many of them are problematic, and now they think something is wrong with us when we try to warn about the tricksters
@@RavenIsBlueExactly! So many of us have Gen-X parents whose age gap is extremely inappropriate, and the only thing they can blame it on is the time period they met in.
This is benevolent sexism. “Young (adult) women aren’t capable of making decisions about their body and we need to police their relationships because they’re just so weak and impressionable!!”
@@MegaVega2007 notice how they use 'impressionable', they arent referring to every single young woman in the world. and its only a concern in the first place bc of how many cases stem from these 😭😭
@@MegaVega2007you're either too old or too young to be talking about this
I'm a younger Millennial, and this is definitely not a Gen Z issue. Ten years ago, frequent media talking points were complaining about Millennials being too ~progressive~ and socially conscious of power dynamics in relationships. And now Gen Z seems to be the new target, even though we've been having these conversations back when Gen Z were still in elementary school. Old media just changes the subject of their anti-progressive headlines to whatever age group is the new fad generation name, while continuing to ignore that anyone who isn't a literal lead-poisoned braindead boomer can acknowledge unhealthy age dynamics.
Yeah… but people saying something about an age gap of 21 and 25 is an overreaction. Besides the obvious ones, they’re mostly case by case.
@@keokihiga8462 My brother in Christ, nobody is saying anything about a 21 and 25 year age gap. Holy strawman, Batman
@@celedhion watch this video again, he literally says he wouldn’t date a 21 year old like it’s repulsive a 26 year old would even think it lol… and then brushes past the part where the person in the queer community says it’s normal for people in their community to date people much older lol
This was a very cringy video…
@@keokihiga8462 He was stating his personal opinion on who he would and wouldn't date based on his experiences? You didn't even make it to the end of the video, clearly. I'm literally LGBTQ and dating much older is not normalized, lmao. If you're going to start your argument off with a strawman that this video didn't make at all, then end with "dating much older is normal", I think I know what kinda person you are. Also probably a man over 30 trying to date much younger women. The cringe is you, not the video.
@@keokihiga8462 Let me guess. Man over 30 interested in younger women? The cringe is you, not the video.
genz are only weird about clearly predatory age gaps and that's something this article forgets to mention bc no one bothers to talk about george clooney or keanu reeves bc their wives are within their age group and met them as fully formed adults with a stable career and experience.
I dunno. I seem to remember Callmecarson being crucified for his 'predatory' relationship with a 17 year old when he was 19. That was gen z.
@@williamhornabrook8081 Callmecarson was crucified for a lot more than that, since a lot of the weird shit he did stayed private and every single one of his friends took the collective decision to cut him off. Y'all always love to pull this specific case without giving any context so it supports the weirdo point you're tryna make
@@williamhornabrook8081 I will never understand how when some person does multiple things wrong and yet for some weird reason fans only point at things not really complained about and pretend like that's the only issue their detractors have.
@@williamhornabrook8081 A key aspect of that controversy was the pictures they were sending to each other. 17 is a minor. Legally, sending pictures of yourself as a minor, counts as distribution of child pornography. Another aspect of this controversy was the game "Pregnancy playtime" which was found in Callmecarson's steam library. In the game, you impregnate a 14 year old. Callmecarson claims he left the game open to have a high number of hours as a joke. Regardless, this controversy wasn't really about age gaps.
@@williamhornabrook8081not to pile on you but something that people forget is that he used to use his depression as a clutch to ask for nudes. I am not kidding.
He was begging like " I have a bad depression please send nudes" which is manipulative. Many people, including me, had depression and we never used it to get nudes from somebody. Nudes doesn't cure depression btw in case of 💀 It was either a disrespectful joke or a very manipulative way of asking for nudes
here’s my thing - i graduated at 17 because i have a late birthday. “is it wrong for a 18 year old to date a 25 year old?” the first thing that comes to mind is one of my classmates dating a 25 year old. i do remember there was in fact one of them who before we graduated was in fact dating a 25 year old 😭 that was and will always be weird to me… 25 could be in or graduated from COLLEGE but 18 is in or graduated from HIGH SCHOOL. to put it plainly yes, it’s weird imo
I think we all know a girl or two who was dating some creepy older dude in highschool. Hell I even knew teen guys who were dating creepy older women cause that happens a lot too apparently
As a 19 year old, I do tend to talk to guys older than me, because frankly a lot of 18-19 year old boys act like they're 15 still. But by "older than me" I mean like 20-23. Anyone who's graduated college over a year ago is so much more of an adult than me.
I totally feel this. Especially with the political divide, trying to find guys my age who realise that things like empathy are important and the world is more than the 'sigma grindset' is like searching for a needle in a haystack, but if someone was more than 5 years older than me it would feel weird. I still feel like a child, so how can I expect that they see me as an adult if I can't lol.
I met my boyfriend when I was 19 and he was 20, we’re both 21 now. I have dated a few guys older than me (3-7 years older) before I met him. And let me say my boyfriend is thee most mature man I have met, because he actively made the choice to be. Please don’t think that older is an indication that they may be more progressive or mature. 😅 but I legitimately wish you luck. ❤
They're grooming you!
@@zeefaaldown3231 oh i know age isn't a perfect indicator of maturity, i've seen 25 year olds acting like children too lol 🤣 but like a guy i'm talking to rn is 20, and he's at the same "level" as me which is really nice
Yeah um don't do it. When I was 19 I did this. Let's just say ut was the worst. Yes thay were nice n all. I'd just never know what they were talking about n we'd never have anything to talk about
Currently I’m 26, ex HUSBAND was 8 years older than me,,,,, he met me when I was 17 and he was 26. I’m JUST NOW AS OLD AS HE WAS.
I could never imagine being w a 17 year old lmao. He was also the kinda guy who was obsessed with the day I turned 18 and even would show me his countdown he had in his phone. He would sneak into my house when I still lived w my parents …. And would knowingly do so. I was a junior in high school at that time. What a wilddddd time. Glad i realized after being able to see my best friend who I wasn’t “allowed” to even talk to. God bless her damn soul.
"[he] even would show me his countdown he had in his phone" fucking ew.
I'm a millennial. Y'all are not weird. MY generation is weird. I remember people counting down the Olsen Twins' 18 year old birthday, and it was considered perfectly normal behaviour. Being a victim of grooming and CSA I was disgusted with it then as well, but so so so many of my peers shrugged and went "what's the problem if they're 18" ...as if there is any difference between 11:59p and 12:01a on that birthday. Legal ≠ moral. I don't see an issue with age gaps once you hit 30 and higher, go wild. But a 25 year old has no business dating a literal teenager. You change so much in your 20s it's nutty. Teens have an extremely limited experience with the adult world. Let teens be teens. Y'all have all the time in the world to figure out relationship stuff, there's literally no rush.
Also a millennial and I'm glad Gen Z is wising up.
Gen-Z is extremely weird and obsessed with retaining their fleeting youth. A lot of femcels and incels as well with "social anxiety" and other self-diagnosed TikTok illneses.
Millennials Agreed 👍🏻
I do not agree that I changed a lot in my twenties. Just got more life experience, but I was basically the same person at 32 that I was at 16, even though I was twice as old. And sure, I wish I had known at 16 everything I knew at a much later age, but not because it would have made me a different person.
I'm an elder gen Z in a 10 year age gap marriage myself & personally in the camp of "no, age is not just a number but also not everyone with the same number is on equal footing when it comes to power & experience so other factors need to come into consideration" and yeah, y'all aren't being weird, I've seen so many insightful and nuanced takes regarding power dynamics from folks my age and younger. The real weird part here is someone else being so hard pressed about folks not wanting age gaps for themselves and showing gentle concern for younger halves of these drastic pairings, that says a lot more about the writer of the article than any of the takes they're framing in it. It's so refreshing to see this kind of widespread social awareness compared to when I was a teenager watching situations like friends running away from home and moving out at 16 with people in their mid 20s (legal in my country but fucked up for sure) and dropping out of school as soon as legally early to be entirely dependent on these older partners.
To any teens with older people showing interest in them - the answer is "no, go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect 200" & to any young adults getting involved with someone a bit older I am begging you to never cut off your friends & family, keep a tight grip on your hobbies & free time and do not tolerate anything that makes you feel wrong or uncomfortable. Always trust your gut, people are not perfect and will have disagreements but people who truly love & respect you will NEVER try to isolate you or consume your every waking hour or pressure you into doing things you don't want to.
I'm 22 years old and I wouldn't date an 18-year-old, lol. They're not babies, but they're not in my life stage either. Like, bro, my friends are getting married and having kids. I can go to the bar for a drink after a rough day. You're graduating high school. If I found out someone I was attracted to was a teenager, even a legal adult, I'd immediately take psychic damage.
I think that's reasonable. Who wouldn't take psychic damage.
Plus that just goes to show "looking older/mature" is just an excuse. I mean we always knew, it was super obvious, but most normal people don't continue to crush on or find someone attractive if they learn they're a minor or significantly younger (even older). I know it's a small difference, but the idea of talking to a 16yo or younger (that isn't family) would be uncomfortable for me. I'm not good even platonically with people my age or older, how would I ever even get close to talking with someone halfway in high school? I've just graduated, too, people are not exaggerating when they're a teen themselves and say a similar age feels too young for them.
married and having kids at 22? are your friends Mormon?
@@neonhalos Lol no but I was born and raised in Missouri! Most of my friends are culturally Christian agnostics and atheists.
Exactly!!! Like society try’s to normalize this but I just couldn’t put my finger on why something about it didn’t feel right !! They’re still immature
Overcompensating much?
This whole article came across like the author wanted to dunk on Gen Z for this yet when they started diving into the weeds of it realized they actually couldn't without just sounding completely insane.
If you see an age-gap couple you should perform a citizen's arrest. Then let Tiktok know about it.
@@facthunt2facthunt245ik tiktok doesn't do much at least in these cases, you can't really do much aside from "dunk on" and publicly shame predators, but man do I love the current more..."violent" approach to predators. Being someone who grew up with others constantly ignoring age gaps, as well as a much older brother right now who I've started to side eye, it makes me so happy to see people my age also taking issue with it all.
Call it being sensitive, or stupid, I'd rather have a generation that knows better and calls out bullshit than have a generation that sways between knowing better and total ignorance, choosing to normalize grooming and predatory behaviors. And this is not at all a mockery of older gens that have suffered, this is a mockery of older gen people who knew better and either laughed or dismissed it. I seriously feel for all the older women, men, and people in the world that were taken advantage of, and couldn't rely on their elders or similarly aged friends for help.
One thing about situations where two older adults with an age gap are in a relationship together is that context makes a difference in how I perceive their relationship.
For instance, if some random 35 year old and 65 year old are dating, I don’t care. As D’Angelo said, a 35 year old is mature enough to make their own decisions.
But, if context is added, like for instance, the 65 year old only ever dates 30 something year olds, or worse, the 65 year old has children who are the same age or older than the 35 year old, I begin perceiving the relationship as icky.
I’m a young adult with no children, so I can’t imagine the mindset of these people. Is there anyone out there who is an older adult who can try to explain the mindset?
Nah you got it, it sounds more like a fetish at that point, rather than just a preference. What a vain person would that be.
I'm in my 40s, and I can honestly say that in some cases it's ego. I have friends who think pulling younger people is a flex. It's not, but that's what they think. I can't see it being anything else. I don't have children either, but if someone in their 30s tried to even blink at my CHILD.... We would have problems.
I'm also a young adults but there are a variety of reasons that older people go for young:
-Unable to pull their own age
-Enjoys power imbalances
-Attracted to youth/hates to be reminded that they are aging
-Havent achieved enough in their own life
-Doesn't want someone that can challenge them
Ppl only dating out of their age group is a big 🚩
Hollywood also reinforces men with much younger partners. And we know how toxic they are. The male interest will be 10 years older than the female. While the male actresses mom will be played by someone 3 years older than him.
This, omg!
When I was 19, I dated a guy who told me he was 31. I even introduced him to my father ( while my mother was out of state on a trip and was unable to buffer the situation) and my father looked me dead in the eye and said that man is not 31 he's 41. For two decades I thought my dad had done that to sabotage my relationship. Fast forward to me being 40, attending a festival, and there he is. This OBVIOUSLY 60 year old man. It took everything in me not to walk up to him and call him a pervert for dating a child....😂
But you have no problem with a "child" deciding the President, being sent off to war, or taking out a $200,000 loan 🙄
@Dennis-nc3vw notice all of those examples involve something that people LOVE someone gullible to do, and something we commonly regret afterwards.
@@cheddersnevets4106 We regret those things at 30 too XD
@Dennis-nc3vw it's just a lot of regret. I was a little bimbo when I was young and realize now that I was not as all knowing as I thought I was at the time
MOST 18 year olds are in high school, smh.
@@erinbird1228 really lol? you're in the same peer group. You could've gone to school together. I was 14 with a 21 year old, THAT's fucked. 18 and 21 is "we have friends in common from school that introduced us, we were in the same clubs in high school but didn't hang out because we were at different stages of maturity." not "I met him when he was stalking Hot Topic looking for jailbait."
@@appalachiabrauchfraulol no they aren’t in the same peer group. 21 is college aged
@@liviwaslostI think being held back one goes up to 20 I think but I could be wrong
@@appalachiabrauchfraua 21 year old is a college graduate
@@bingyboi6303 I was held back one year. I graduated at 19.
“if i give you $2 will you cite a source?” will now be a part of my everyday vocabulary
I cringe at people who say that a 35 year old woman dating a 50yo man is problematic. That’s a grown ass woman who pays taxes and has an established career, is she not allowed to make her own decisions??
By the time you're 20 you should be able to do and date whatever TF you like, provided it's legal.
You don’t know that
@@chuusenberg519Don’t know that a 35+ person is grown enough to make their own decisions? Why are we infantilizing grown adults
@@jay_1212 u speak of some ‘we’ but when have u said that?
Not problematic, but still gross
You said it best!! "We shouldn't be infantilizing just ANY age gap", and most conversations I've seen have CONSTANTLY made uproar at a younger woman dating an older man, never the other way around, even when the age gap would be 80-year-old dating a 60-year-old lol, and it's ridiculous. A lot of people wouldn't even exist if age gap relationships didn't exist. That alone should prove it's not all age gaps that are terrible, but angry people love to stay angry I guess.
The big problem with billies relationship was not the gap it was the fact that he knew her since she was 15/16…
Like that’s what grooming is!!! That’s how it works!! They don’t start dating when they are legally children, but oops all of a sudden they are together once they are legal adults. That is how you get groomed. Dating children is pdf behavior. Grooming is a sort of loophole to pdf behavior.
No it’s also the gap lol
I thought I was an old fogey, a curmudgeon, a relict, but Gen Z is the uptightest generation of all time. You guys actually make me feel like the cool dude for once in my life.
As someone in their early thirties who constantly gets told I act “young” for my age, I don’t feel like I have anything in common with people in their early to mid twenties. There’s nothing interesting to me about people in this age range. Everything they talk about I’m like “yup, been there.. cool for them how much they get to experience for the first time though“
Whenever a person in their early twenties is „mature“ for their age it just makes me sad cause you can see that they are used to carry way more responsibilities than they should.
Being able to be young and dumb and figure stuff out is a gift. I would feel so gross liking someone for their trauma that made them grow up too fast.
@@VK-rl6wl as someone in their early 30s who also gets told i act young for my age, half of my friends are much younger than me. I have everything in common with them. Most of them have more experience traveling and dating and living than i have. I can't even tell there's an age gap at all, honestly. It's probably because I'm an autistic ADHD queer person who didn't come out until I was 23 and lived basically no life before that, but no matter what the reason, you're not a better person than me for not feeling like you want to be friends with people younger than you.
I feel like this is so similar to the "not all men" discourse. I'm fully aware that not all men are dangerous, but enough of them are to make women wary of men they don't know. Not all age gape relationships are predatory or abusive, but enough of them are to make people wary of ones they don't know intimately.
Speaking as an elderly millennial, I can't even tell you how thankful I am that the younger generation is speaking out about this. I remember being a few years younger than my favorite musical artist at the time, Aaliyah, whose debut album came out when she was just 15. The title? Age Ain't Nothing but a Number. The producer? R. Kelly, who groomed her to the extent that her entire entrance into the music business was being the sexual object of older men. Then he doubled down and *married* her behind her family's back. She was FIFTEEN. He was pushing THIRTY and was already extremely famous and influential.
And let me tell you, as a confused and impressionable young teen, the discourse around it was horrifying and led me down some scary paths just via what older people were saying about it -- basically a bunch of nonsense about him being the GOAT who could pull the hottest girls and "please, these 15 year olds are GROWN and half the time they're the ones seducing older men just tryin to live their lives". Like literally the narrative I kept hearing from all sides was "she probably seduced him", grown men cheering him on saying, "a 15 year old has no right being that fine, I'd do it too", plus choruses of "what a whore" / "she can make her own decisions, mind your business".
Sadly, she died tragically and painfully young, so she did not live to see the reckoning and we'll never know what all she went through, but having lived through being a girl who looked up to her at that time, I can tell you nearly every adult commenting on the matter sent both myself and most of my friends a toxic message about older men who come after teens and whose fault that actually is and it reverberated in our lived experiences for a long, long time.
I think too many of us in gen z grew up being groomed (especially online) that now we all just are hyper-aware of it and therefore most of us are more disgusted with it than every other age group
Exactly! We're not all chronically online but the majority of us did grow up on the internet
Thats also been the experience of many millennials as well. Granted, your internet had a lot more entertainment, and opportunities for interaction than ours did, but Im genuinely suprised that as we became parents that we didn't warn more of you about the risk of this sort of thing.
Millenials are becoming parents to gen alpha not gen z. So alpha hopefully knows better
I probably will end up in an age gap relationship at some point. I'm 21. And I haven't been groomed as a child. So maybe that's exactly it.
My brother and I hold a 9 year age difference, almost to the day (he was born on the 14th and me on the 15th of the same month). When we was 38, he was dating someone 5 years younger than me. She was still sitting for her bachelor’s degree…
He was deported from Australia during 2020 where he met her. Because it was during the pandemonium and she was STILL IN SCHOOL, she could not come with him. I let him live with me, and the number of different women my brother was seeing behind her back…and all the awful things I heard him say about them……older men who date young women are to be avoided at all costs. ALL COSTS.
PS - I’m with another early 30-sum year old, and I’m so glad my brother and I are nothing alike 🙃
wtfff i guess you took all the good moral genes😭😭
Your brother is giving the ick 🤮
Unless you told her about the women he saw behind her back, I wouldn't say you have enough of the moral genes either
Even though I'm single currently, a general rule is that I won't date anyone older than a year above my current age (since I'm 24, I'll at most date a 25 year old. It'll change to 26 once I'm 25). If someone who's the same age as me offers to date me, I'll accept obviously
Not all old men are rude, this is just onesided observation and one’s experience some old men are fun to be around 😂
What do you mean my relationship is problematic? Here, look at this card in my wallet explaining why it is not illegal.
I know that’s you, Michael Bay
this is so transformers coded
I still have difficulty deciding if that was the worst or best moment of that movie. It's so awful that it comes back around to being hilarious.
@@Pazuzu4All nah, the best part is indisputably TJ Miller getting the Chicxulub treatment
I just watched a video about that movie and the creator looked up the actual statue and found out that the law actually didn't apply for their relationship so it was still illegal....🙃
Really gotta agree on that "30 year old men chasing women in their 20s are weird". My dad is no criminal or predator but I do know he's not only 9 years older than my mother, but when they met she was 20-21 and he was the one who approached her and was even like "we're gonna have a kid together" while she had never once lived alone, so very inexperienced compared to him.
After barely having been 18 for two whole months, he has asked me about giving him a grandchild twice and that really makes my skin crawl
what is weird about 2 legal age adults in a consensual loving relationship?
@@lander77477 It's kinda funny you immediately assume it was a healthy relationship without knowing anything about it (it wasn't)
@@franziskavonmegan5840 I didn't mean specifically about your parents, but any 2 people that are of legal age and in a consensual loving relationship, what is weird just because they are different ages
@@lander77477 That's the point of the entire video so the fact you asked under my comment specifically makes it sound like you are talking about my parents
Regardless, I'll answer you anyways:
Unbalance of power - A higher age gap means a higher chance for these people to be on different stages of life and for the older one to have much more life experience that they can use to keep some form of control in the relationship. (As seen in my comment, my parents are an example)
It isn't surprising that in the past it was normal for young girls to marry much older guys, and I am sure this contributed to sexism for example, since it's much easier to control a woman who isn't wiser than you. The power imbalance still applies to both sides, so an older woman can still easily manipulate a younger guy and people won't bat an eye because it is a woman (I have had friends (minors) casually tell me older women, such as adults in their 20s, were interested in them, and they couldn't even see the danger because "older women are attractive and that's all that matters", which kind of proves the fact they are not mature enough yet).
I think being in different stages of life matters. Think about it: 18 and 25 for example might not seem weird to you, but when you look at these people let's imagine that the 25 year old most likely is already working and has had more independence in life. Hell, many people might already have babies at 25. Meanwhile, for the 18 year old, depending on things like their birthday and all, might have finished high recently (or a year ago) or even be still in high school! (I say that as an 18 year old who never failed a class but due to my birthday and country I will only finish high school at the end of this year). Who do you think would have more power in this relationship?
Grooming - That mindset facilitates grooming (getting close to a minor and forming a close bond to them prepare to date them when they turn legal), I will assume you mean people with big age gaps who only knew each other after both were adults, but I think this is important to mention since I have witnessed that happen in friend groups and it was very effective and creepy.
I understand the people who genuinely just think the problem is the age and not being a minor anymore, but remember that legally, a person who is 17 years 11 months and 30 days old might not be allowed to go to a club, make certain decisions without their guardian's permission and more, and on the next day when they turn 18 they are still... One day older than when they were a minor, so not much changed. Maturity isn't a meter where you immediately turn 18 and you are automatically wise, it is a process that everyone goes through at different speeds that depends on the person specifically and their experiences in life. I think focusing solely on the age is giving only credit to "being legal" or not while each case is very complex, which is why I think a relationship between someone who's 20 and the other 30, for example, CAN be healthy, it's not impossible. It's just that this age gap facilitates the power imbalance I told you about and I will wonder why a 30 year old failed to find someone their own age (so with similar maturity levels) and went for someone with less life experience. But again, each case is complex.
I hope I didn't sound rude at any moment! Your question seemed genuine and I wanted to answer as genuinely as I could! I understand if none of that changes your mind or if you don't even read, but if you do, I hope this becomes more clear to you and anyone else who might be reading :D
I remember Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff were teenagers when they started dating people in their mid 20’s and I did not feel weird about it until I reached my 20’s. Even Demi Lovato has now expressed discomfort over the fact she was 17 when she dated Wilmer Valderrama when she reached the age he was when they started dating.
Wilmer Valderrama has form that's why he preyed on teenagers previously
this article missed the mark on multiple levels. I have seen people online make comments that someone in their 20s should never date a teenager, or that anything more than a 1 year age gap before both parties are 25 is creepy, etc. that does read as chronically online to me because it's reductive and prescriptive. idk what huffpo was trying to accomplish with the examples and quotes they pulled.
I was expecting for them to clip those kind of takes and paint it as if that’s what most of gen z thought. But they took the more average thoughts of most people including gen z and tried to make it seem not common for older groups. Such a strange choice
yeah, itd be very easy for a bad faith actor trying to justify creep shit to cherry-pick some quotes, but this guy couldnt even do that correctly
tbfh if you're over 22-23 and date a teenager you're a weirdo
But ppl in their 20s shouldn't be dating teens unless they're 19 and 20 😭
@@idontknow2469 what about villainizing 21 and 19? That’s what AJ is talking about. The extremely strict rules that isn’t just saying something seems a bit sus but deeming it immoral that a small minority spout online
i’m a millennial and age gaps do depend on the couple and when they met. my cousin is 23 and her fiance is 31, they met when she was freshly 18 and he was 26. to me it’s weird because why is he incapable of dating anyone his age
I met my BF when I was 25 and he’s four years older so it does depend on WHEN you started dating because when you become a whole adult first it really helps even the field
When they meet is very important!
There’s no such thing as freshly 18. You’re either grown or your not. You just wanna be a victim on the internet.
There's plenty of non creepy reasons. A lot of adults lose a good chunk of their high school/early adult years to mental illness (since this is the age where a lot of common ones like bipolar and schizophrenia are most likely to develop) or have a hard time relating to their own age group due to developmental delays like autism. Some people come from strict religious backgrounds and weren't allowed to do the kind of exploration that most people do in their teens until they're well into their adulthood. I've met plenty of adults who were still pretty obviously mentally in their late teens because they were so busy putting out fires that they didn't have the opportunity to have fun and make mistakes at the "normal" time. A lot of queer and trans people experience a second "adolescence" after they come out in adulthood and have to re learn how to exist in the world as their new identity. Some people were so suppressed by abusive families or relationships that they never had a chance to figure out who they actually are and now that they're out they need to figure it out from scratch. Someone going through that might have an easier time relating to someone else who's still in that experimentation phase than someone their chronological age who already has themselves figured out and is looking to settle down.
@@monotypical_ how is there not if someone just turned 18 they are freshly 18 you dont change overnight. if someone is 18 going on 19 then they are not freshly 18
this article is so exhausting lol thank you for going over it, even though it was hard for me to finish the video because the framing from the person who wrote this feels so ridiculous. it's making me reflect on society a lot and what we normalize and perpetuate culturally
I hate how it’s so normalised my MARRIED uncle would make sexual jokes about my friend IN FRONT OF HIS WIFE when we were 17 at family dinners and everyone would just laugh.. my other uncle also dated girls with dads younger than him 😭😭 as much as I enjoy reading about fictional age gaps and joke about sugar daddies in real life age gaps really disgust me
that's really disgusting. men like that are so f*cking pathetic and I wish them nothing but the worst. edit: also same lmao I always crush on older fictional characters (and sometimes real people) but I'm smart enough to realize that would be highly weird to actually act on, esp for the older person to find me attractive at 19.
11:38 at 19, I WISH that was the creepiest thing I had been told 😭 men are nasty
same i was like, oh d'angelo, it only takes being a girl for a week in a food service place to understand the true extent of it all.....
my 57 year old mother found out abt billie and jesse and immediately called me up to her room to say that if i came home with a 30 year old, she would be disappointed and extremely worried for me. this is not a "gen z being chronically online" thing, its truly a worrying occurrence
As someone who works in sexual health and safeguarding, it's encouraging to see young people be more aware of age gaps and power dynamics. When you're young there's a lot of difference even in smaller age gaps like 17 and 19. I'm not saying it's inherently a problem or creepy but that even young people can groom and exploit others and may be a victim in the cycle of exploitation themselves. I think a big thing younger generations have is a better understanding and language around consent and relationship dynamics. Sometimes those words are used incorrectly but at least they're aware of those things. Another big thing to look at with the celebrity age gaps is how these things often start online and they start talking before the younger person has turned 18 or shortly after they turn 18. That massively feels like grooming and intentional behaviour. We all found the countdown websites to when people like Emma Watson and Millie Bobby Brown turned 18 creepy, it's definitely not a reach to see older celebrities dating much younger women as part of the same problem.
older celebrities, and most men in general are attracted to women in their prime age range, which is objectively about 18 to 25. Generally because women in that age range are happier, more optimistic, less cynical. They are also more feminine, less masculine, less bossy and are far more biologically able to have children, if starting a family is important to the man, and less likely to have emotional baggage, or children from another man, and of course physically more attractive, with more time on their clock to remain that way.
@lander77477 So you looked at a comment about grooming and power imalances that are often present in abusive relationships and said but that's just because guys find teenagers more attractive. I feel like you very clearly just ratted yourself out as someone to avoid. If older women have more baggage it's due to dating guys like you as teenagers.
@@MegaTigger98 no, when older women have baggage its because they CHOSE to date jerks, and bad boys. No one made them choose those guys.
Millennial hot take: if you've been able to legally drink for years, then you have no business dating someone who still, or very recently, had to raise their hand to get permission to use the bathroom at school.
Omg I love the way you framed this lol /gen
Overall i agree with your take, D'Angelo. Gen Z's heightened awareness of and eagerness to analyze age gap relationships reflects a positive change over time, not a negative one.
I will say though, to the person in the article who said they "can't put myself in the shoes of someone who would want to befriend a high schooler" -- bad take. Caring about ppl older and younger than you is part of how you learn and teach, how you get or give historical context for opinions on social issues, and like. Dude. Kids are wacky and fun in a different way from how older folks are wacky and fun.
Wanting to know how today's high schoolers view the world is not creepy behavior. It's only a problem if someone seeks out the company of high schoolers and almost no one else.
I'm so. Tired. Of the fear of inter-generational friendships. And the apathy many adults have towards kids.
It's up to today's adults to reach back and connect with today's young people. Give them the respect you wish you'd gotten from adult family and friends when you were that age.
Wish this comment had more likes 💛
1000%
Agreed.
Yes I also believe that if we normalized healthy friendships and interactions between generations it would help younger people recognize what a healthy interaction with someone older than them actually looks like. I also think it would help subdue the novelty about being around “cool older people” maybe resulting in less risky behaviors to fulfill that intrigue
this video couldn't have come up at a better time. i was talking to my mother about a friend's mid 20s sibling dating an 18 year old and how i thought it was weird, and she brought up her friend who got with her husband when she was 15 and he was *28*. her excuse was 'some people just get along'.
i asked her what if i was still 15 and brought home someone who was almost 30 and how there was no way she'd be ok with that, and she just said she didn't know what she'd do. so now i just feel weird as hell knowing that if i had been groomed as a child, nobody would've stopped it.
15 and 28 is just straight up pedophilia. There is no excuses or ways around it. That’s horrible.
I'm so sorry
I've had the exact same discussion with my mother. It's sad knowing our mothers wouldn't have protected us from older men. It made my heart ache
that is just a two year age gap? why do you take a TWO YEAR AGE GAP so seriously? you're treating it as if it's a 10 year age gap when in reality, it isn't as weird nor as bad as you think. people really gotta calm the fuck down and stop freaking out over such small gaps lmfao
They said *mid* twenties, so ~23-26@@aatroxie Five years gap at minimum.
gonna be honest: I'm 25 (though we started right before I turned 25) and was in a relationship with an 18 year old about a year ago. she reached out to me first, and I liked her personality-at the time I was looking to see if folks thought that was ethical because I genuinely didn't know (I only started dating at all a few months before then and was in a few short-lived relationships with gals who were around my age or a little older. it's not something I'd had much reason to think of before then). what I was seeing at the time was that people thought a gap just meant you needed to be cognizant and careful with the power dynamics, so I was like, "got it. gonna do my best to make her feel super comfortable and like she doesn't have to do things for me." I mean, I have always tried to make sure of that with my partners, but I was extra cautious with her.
from what she told me, she _really_ enjoyed being with an older woman-but her age wasn't really something I found attractive about her. I just saw her as a fun, cool woman and that we had a lot in common and a lot of chemistry.
things ended in January-ish cuz she became homeless and I haven't heard from her since-which still hurts because I dunno what happened to her. I genuinely hope she just decided she wasn't comfortable dating me anymore and that she's safe, rather than something worse :(
at this point though, I don't think I'd be interested in a relationship with a gap like that again regardless of the ethics of it-a few too many annoying 18 year olds in the intervening time (not ones I've dated, just had to deal with arguments with on Discord and shit). but it's good to know the ethics better (even if I'm in a committed relationship with a slightly older-than-me gal now, and don't anticipate needing to understand such ethics for future relationships (I think this babe's the one for me