All she talks about it TRUE! I was totally codependent with a narc. I dug deep and healed myself and changed most of my beliefs (still have a few to work on). today, i am single, independent, not co-dependent, NOT looking for a male to love me, i love myself enough to fill that need....there is Hope.....total Hope!
This was an AHA moment! We try to fix others, so they can provide a safe place for us when the only safe place where we don't need to please others and can fully be ourselves is what only we ourselves can provide
This compulsion for trying to 'fix' people has been such a problem for me. I didn't really recognize this as an issue that I had for many years. I do see that the problem for me comes from a deep need to be recognized as someone of value, someone who is worth loving. When I think of where it all began, I want to hug that dear little girl so in need of a smile, just any kind of recognition. I am healing though, getting stronger, giving myself my own recognition and learning to love who I am. I am less detached from self.
Oh Mel....I had to smile while listening to this, as it was so familiar to me! Its like you were describing my childhood. I grew up with a Narc mother, a father who enabled her - he also had severe anger problems (probably as a result of fruitlessly trying to fix her), and a much older brother who had anger and alcohol issues. Our house was like a powder keg waiting for someone to light a match. At a very early age, I learned to take responsibility for this. I became adept at negotiating the terrain, scenting tension and danger in the air and attempting to diffuse it. No wonder I was attracted to every variety of crazy as an adult. I had relationships and friendships wjth NPDs, BPDs, alcoholics, drug addicts and chronically self-absorbed individuals - all of whom I tried to fix so that I could be safe. So that they would be grateful to me, and love me. On a lighter note, I have recently applied for a new job, and one of the questions on the application form was "Do you have any experience of challenging behaviour?" Erm.....how do I even begin to answer that? Lol! Thank you for all that you do for us Mel, much love xxx
+Sylvia Ann Wilkin I love how you described this ... "a powder keg waiting for someone to light the match" ... and your level of personal responsibility is always exemplary ... sooo empowering how you always connect the dots. Much love back to you soul sister. Great luck with the job opportunity. I have no doubt you will be AMAZING for the job! Much love back
Wow very insightful. I was calling myself a "know it all" but honestly your point about keeping safe as a child is really what it is about. I had a sister who was keeping the focus on her by not "pleasing" my dad. A poor student and a social misfit. I felt so sorry for her and felt guilty that I was happier than she was. I had to hide my good grades and play down my joy so it would be an equal playing field. What a constricted way for a child to live.... Your videos are very thought provoking Thank you.
I can’t help but constantly feel I’m the “ crazy person “ I want to believe I am worthy of being heard and not keep returning to a man who neglects me one day and loves me another. It is hard though because the universe will test me when I’m finally feeling ok
Wow....this is so spot on. Every video comes from such deep insight and understanding.....I am committed to heal my wounds. It's tough because layer after layer comes up with the modules...but there is also relief. Especially in the knowing that I am going to free myself from old patterns and finally come to the truth of who I am....thank you again, Melanie. You are a blessing. Oliver
Wow, wow, wow, from 12:25 -12:30...... "this is what I'm, choosing, this is what I'm aligning with, and you're either there or you're not..I let you go and be your own reality and I choose my own.....I can't fix you, you need to fix yourself!....." Wow is all I can say. That's empowerment. And owning our own right and responsibility to take good care of ourseleves, and leave others to take care of themselves, even if we're not a match for ourselves in each other's lives. You're amazing Melanie. I've been following you for several months now and I am just so glad I found you.
Thanks Melanie all good stuff..If it wasn't for your videos, I probably would be still enmeshed in the abuse with my ex girlfriend who is a phociopath. I have been six months no contact, and I'm just starting to get some relief. .It's been a long painful road..Going no contact was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, because I really loved this woman, but the reality is that she never loved me. I was manipulated, conned, and exploited , emotionally, finatualy, and spirituality.I work in the law enforcement field.I consider myself a very fair, caring, honest, empathetic, generous person.I have the ability to scence another person's emotional state, and almost take over there feelings.I have a strong desire to make people feel comfortable, and I take pleasure in doing anything I can to help someone in need.I guess this pretty much sums up my personality in a nutshell. I always considered myself emotional strong, but nothing could have prepared for the abuse that I experienced from this woman who came into my life as Angel from the heavens ....Satan doesn't come into your life as this Monstrous dark evil force, he comes into your life as " everything you ever wished for "!
+Chris Ashe Wow! "Satan doesn't come into your life as this monstrous dark evil force, he comes into your life as everything you ever wished for." You hit the nail on the head and then some.
WilsonStoat unfortunately I lived it my friend. .A new level of awareness that evil does exist in these people. I strongly believe that this type of evil is much more that a personality disorder.
+Melanie Tonia Evans Yes I am Melanie. I still have allot of work ahead of me, but as they say "day by day".. I'm going to be ordering your Quantum healing program, as you suggested...
I'm dealing with a wounded little girl in a grown up's body. She's not able to deal with people in an adult manner. She can't trust people, she can't distinguish who is trustworthy and who isn't, because her whole childhood environment was unhealthy and she had no healthy role models. And she's attracted the same sort of toxic people her whole life. It's extremely frustrating, because it is often like trying to reason with a little child. I believe emotional trauma has limited her intellectual growth. I'm trying to help her, but it's very difficult to get her to focus, and it's emotionally draining to me. "The next day you wake up and have a conversation, it's as if you never went through all those hours, days, or weeks of discussion." The person I'm trying to help is not malicious, she's not trying to hurt anyone. But she is a wounded little girl in the body of a 52 year old grandmother. No matter what I do or don't say, she's very likely to take it wrong, and it's very difficult to actually get through to her, meanwhile that she's constantly trying to assure me "Oh, yes, I understand what you are saying and I completely agree." But she doesn't. Meanwhile, I am developing headaches.
Oh wow. You are speaking to my sitch with my mother. I am an adult now and still so entrenched in these cycles. Walking way is not an option for me so I have to learn to adjust my behaviour..i have so long to go.
I am thankful that he taught me that space is the new frontier and its okay for me to have my freedom and i get to be selfish instead if selfless. Though in space is the healing , i am realizing...not into holding onto the relationship hoping that if i heal...they will too. I surrender to doing my own healing and having no expectations on whether or not they will change!
Thanks for the video. I divorced a narcicist that had a lot of issues and jumped into more drama. everywhere there has to a "nail In the head issue". She will tell text me and tell me how her mum or daughter triggered her and she is so low. I therefore try to raise her spirits up only to be told that I am the problem. It's so annoying and I just feel like my love and tolerance is fast evaporating. I find in my life that there is a pattern of fixing and rescuing people. This routine has to stop as I am not moving anywhere. Thanks you your video,I firmly believe now is the time. Thanks
If you think you can change a narcissist, imagine someone trying to talk you into being a narcissist. It would go against every instinct that you have. That's exactly what it would be like for a narcissist encountering someone trying to change them. Not only is it not anyone's responsibility to change another person, it is no one's right to. You have the right to protect yourself from people who transgress on your rights, but you don't have the right to change them.
Also...I know now I can never fix or change anyone of them. And I don't even want to.They all have good financially stable lives and I am below the poverty level, have a disabled adult son to care for and a teenage daughter. Think anyone in my family cares?No, they just go on in their fantasy lives and do not even think how hard my situation is.But, whatever....I am taking care of my family the best I can and we are all honest andtrue. For that I am proud, and that helps me be strong. Thanks Melanie.
+Johannah Patterson I don't have any kids but I resonate with everything else you said. That's where I am now and tough as it is, it really is liberating. I feel my real self coming through and starting to feel like life is actually beginning. All the best Johannah
+Johannah Patterson it is wonderful that you are realizing a True Life of wholesomeness, integrity and peace is priceless. That is where true freedom and love is. x
Johannah Patterson That's the one - you feel like you're crazy. Melanie Tonia Evans gave me one of my biggest breakthroughs and if you find her teachings helpful then Richard Grannon (youtubechannelname: TheSpartanLifeCoach) is another life-saver. The guy's a genius. No one who doesn't understand can know the nasty hellishness of these people. But I have come to the realisation that they are just like you and me but have not been able to hold on to their essential loving self/inner child/sense of self/emotional self-regulation and, tragic as it is, they may be beyond recovery and best completely avoided. But pitied more than scorned because any judgmental behaviour on our part is to play the narcissistic game which needs to fade completely from one's being. Though I suppose pity is a kind of judgment as well. Wisdom Courage Strength Dignity is my mantra now.
I know what you mean. I have watch several Spartan life coach videos. They are pretty good....I can relate to the hurt he experienced and how he is being strong to deal with the emotional wound. I have come to the conclusion that our narcs are very flawed people who do not have a clue to the wound they inflicted, yet, they are people that we love, so we cannot escape that fact. However, validation of the wounds is essential to our survival and as such, we must love in a way that allows for that validation. Not an easy path to take, to be sure. I am still finding my way through it. Stay strong. Sincerely.
Here's the thing. I've liked non narcissistic men before but they didn't like me back. It's mostly narcissists that want to date me. And I don't realize they're narcissists until an episode erupts. And then I run off.. It's just narcissist after narcissist and I keep running away. But I am exactly this way like your video describes. I don't remember the abuse my father inflicted on my mother before they divorced but that susceptibility is still in her energy field. I have been following your blog for a year now. I just want a healthy relationship.
Melanie - every time I watch this video I get more out of it. As a codependent, fixing people and placating people (especially my mother) brought me peace and a safety and 'love'. It is so interesting if we have this wound we wouldn't want to find secure people to assist in our healing vs people who will only make the wound worse. But, we have to be able to have other people with whom we can connect and communicate with besides our own self so we have to find others who are 'safe' like a friend or therapist. Are these relationships still okay to have so we area entirely dependent on ourselves? I mean, I want someone else to process things with.
Hi Judy, It's so great that you get it. That you see the you part. This is really the biggest hurdle. What happens is, when we heal ourselves the people we attract into our lives don't reflect our wounds to us. They begin to reflect our best qualities. We attract people who are happy, healthy self-sourcing people, too. The safety that you need to feel will come from within. You won't be trying to source it through others and this is why people who need other people to "fix" them will stop showing up. Here is a blog article to help you with this: blog.melanietoniaevans.com/law-of-attraction-in-action-recovery-from-narcissistic-abuse/ Love and blessings xoxox
I understand. Finally. Still I'm missing something. I didn't think it was my duty to show him, or to show him. I was ridiculous about trying to show him, but not to fix him. I just wanted him to stop doing it - and stop doing it to me! Is there a difference or am I just bullshitting myself. Its like he has 2 sides. He'd be so beautiful and kind, but the other side was hurtful, disrespectful or even spiteful. I kept telling him I knew it wasn't even my place to 'teach' him to not act like xxx, but I just wanted him to stop doing it to me.
Does trying to convince someone their lovable considered fixing them? I believe it absolutely is. That was my last relationship with a covert narc sociopath. Wore a brilliant mask of sweet empath. Tried like crazy to convince him he was lovable and he became just what he thought I needed.. Perfect mate. Never again.
Children usually want to learn. Children want to grow. The difference between a narcissist and a child is, that the child not only has the potential to learn= the child is eager to learn. A narcissist is stuck on certain levels of his/her development. S/he will always hit the same walls. They are so scared of going over this limitation, that they would rather die, because going over this border, braking through this wall, feels like death for them anyhow.
I have to walk away from my family.....they are all completely selfish emotionallyand not my reality. It is painful, yet, liberating, because I know my survival nowdepends on not being meshed with their mentally ill lives....I hate being alone, yet,I know in truth, I have always been alone. The difference is that I am choosing nowto be alone and be real with it, not pretend to them that everything is ok. It is not ok.They ruined my life and they have to accept that reality. By doing no contact, I amletting them know I am not going to pretend that all their crazy stuff is about mebeing wrong or crazy or whatever. I am separate from them and they have alreadyshown me that they do not care what happens to me. But I care about what happensto me. That is the difference now. I will not let them define my reality any longer. Andif they cannot accept what I am because of all the shit they did to me, then fine. But Iknow the truth and can live with who I am because it was not my fault....even thoughI am very lonely because of it. It is good to understand the underlying childhoodtrauma. I don't feel wrong anymore. I just feel sad.
Using exercise fills the loneliness for me. I joined a 24 hour gym. When the lonely bug bites, I go to the gym. Even if I only walk on the treadmill, it doesn't 100% clear loneliness, yet it helps & makes me feel better, look better, remain physically healthy.
Johannah Patterson I’m in the same boat. My family some friends and my husband! It’s painful but I’ve not been living my whole life. The only thing I could do to be safe and sane is walk away and they are still trying to control me through the court etc (I have kids) hope your being strong and following your intuition
My dad put my mom into a mental institution and took off to save the world and went no contact. To not have to be alienated from the tribe and have ro survive on my own.
Everything you say is comprehensible for me but one thing not, how can you be so sure that you get reincarnated with parents who support your vibration that you have before your death? in my opinion it is very far-fetched. Kindest regards
All she talks about it TRUE! I was totally codependent with a narc. I dug deep and healed myself and changed most of my beliefs (still have a few to work on). today, i am single, independent, not co-dependent, NOT looking for a male to love me, i love myself enough to fill that need....there is Hope.....total Hope!
This was an AHA moment! We try to fix others, so they can provide a safe place for us when the only safe place where we don't need to please others and can fully be ourselves is what only we ourselves can provide
This compulsion for trying to 'fix' people has been such a problem for me. I didn't really recognize this as an issue that I had for many years. I do see that the problem for me comes from a deep need to be recognized as someone of value, someone who is worth loving. When I think of where it all began, I want to hug that dear little girl so in need of a smile, just any kind of recognition. I am healing though, getting stronger, giving myself my own recognition and learning to love who I am. I am less detached from self.
Oh Mel....I had to smile while listening to this, as it was so familiar to me! Its like you were describing my childhood. I grew up with a Narc mother, a father who enabled her - he also had severe anger problems (probably as a result of fruitlessly trying to fix her), and a much older brother who had anger and alcohol issues. Our house was like a powder keg waiting for someone to light a match. At a very early age, I learned to take responsibility for this. I became adept at negotiating the terrain, scenting tension and danger in the air and attempting to diffuse it. No wonder I was attracted to every variety of crazy as an adult. I had relationships and friendships wjth NPDs, BPDs, alcoholics, drug addicts and chronically self-absorbed individuals - all of whom I tried to fix so that I could be safe. So that they would be grateful to me, and love me. On a lighter note, I have recently applied for a new job, and one of the questions on the application form was "Do you have any experience of challenging behaviour?" Erm.....how do I even begin to answer that? Lol! Thank you for all that you do for us Mel, much love xxx
+Sylvia Ann Wilkin I love how you described this ... "a powder keg waiting for someone to light the match" ... and your level of personal responsibility is always exemplary ... sooo empowering how you always connect the dots. Much love back to you soul sister. Great luck with the job opportunity. I have no doubt you will be AMAZING for the job! Much love back
Wow very insightful. I was calling myself a "know it all" but honestly your point about keeping safe as a child is really what it is about. I had a sister who was keeping the focus on her by not "pleasing" my dad. A poor student and a social misfit. I felt so sorry for her and felt guilty that I was happier than she was. I had to hide my good grades and play down my joy so it would be an equal playing field. What a constricted way for a child to live.... Your videos are very thought provoking Thank you.
I can’t help but constantly feel I’m the
“ crazy person “ I want to believe I am worthy of being heard and not keep returning to a man who neglects me one day and loves me another. It is hard though because the universe will test me when I’m finally feeling ok
Wow....this is so spot on. Every video comes from such deep insight and understanding.....I am committed to heal my wounds. It's tough because layer after layer comes up with the modules...but there is also relief. Especially in the knowing that I am going to free myself from old patterns and finally come to the truth of who I am....thank you again, Melanie. You are a blessing. Oliver
Thank you so much MTE. You are such a force of light. Much love from South Africa 💜
Yes as adults, we are responsible!
Wow, wow, wow, from 12:25 -12:30......
"this is what I'm, choosing, this is what I'm aligning with, and you're either there or you're not..I let you go and be your own reality and I choose my own.....I can't fix you, you need to fix yourself!....."
Wow is all I can say. That's empowerment. And owning our own right and responsibility to take good care of ourseleves, and leave others to take care of themselves, even if we're not a match for ourselves in each other's lives.
You're amazing Melanie. I've been following you for several months now and I am just so glad I found you.
This is so true, and it's so hilarious how crazy it is to try to fix someone.
From my experience, they "usually up the ante and do the opposite out of spite." Exactly as you say.
So spot on!!! Thank you amazing insight!
You are Great. Heaven sent. Thank you. Richard
+Richard Paxton my pleasure x
This is excellent Melanie. Thanks.
+Theresa Leach you are most welcome x
great info and I agree that much of this is carried in our energy field......you have a great method to heal the root cause.
Thanks Melanie all good stuff..If it wasn't for your videos, I probably would be still enmeshed in the abuse with my ex girlfriend who is a phociopath. I have been six months no contact, and I'm just starting to get some relief. .It's been a long painful road..Going no contact was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, because I really loved this woman, but the reality is that she never loved me. I was manipulated, conned, and exploited , emotionally, finatualy, and spirituality.I work in the law enforcement field.I consider myself a very fair, caring, honest, empathetic, generous person.I have the ability to scence another person's emotional state, and almost take over there feelings.I have a strong desire to make people feel comfortable, and I take pleasure in doing anything I can to help someone in need.I guess this pretty much sums up my personality in a nutshell. I always considered myself emotional strong, but nothing could have prepared for the abuse that I experienced from this woman who came into my life as Angel from the heavens ....Satan doesn't come into your life as this Monstrous dark evil force, he comes into your life as " everything you ever wished for "!
+Chris Ashe
Wow!
"Satan doesn't come into your life as this monstrous dark evil force, he
comes into your life as everything you ever wished for."
You hit the nail on the head and then some.
WilsonStoat unfortunately I lived it my friend. .A new level of awareness that evil does exist in these people. I strongly believe that this type of evil is much more that a personality disorder.
+Chris Ashe you are very welcome, and this is wonderful you are getting clear and starting to look after you. x
+Melanie Tonia Evans Yes I am Melanie. I still have allot of work ahead of me, but as they say "day by day".. I'm going to be ordering your Quantum healing program, as you suggested...
I'm dealing with a wounded little girl in a grown up's body. She's not able to deal with people in an adult manner. She can't trust people, she can't distinguish who is trustworthy and who isn't, because her whole childhood environment was unhealthy and she had no healthy role models. And she's attracted the same sort of toxic people her whole life.
It's extremely frustrating, because it is often like trying to reason with a little child. I believe emotional trauma has limited her intellectual growth. I'm trying to help her, but it's very difficult to get her to focus, and it's emotionally draining to me.
"The next day you wake up and have a conversation, it's as if you never went through all those hours, days, or weeks of discussion." The person I'm trying to help is not malicious, she's not trying to hurt anyone. But she is a wounded little girl in the body of a 52 year old grandmother. No matter what I do or don't say, she's very likely to take it wrong, and it's very difficult to actually get through to her, meanwhile that she's constantly trying to assure me "Oh, yes, I understand what you are saying and I completely agree." But she doesn't. Meanwhile, I am developing headaches.
Oh wow. You are speaking to my sitch with my mother. I am an adult now and still so entrenched in these cycles. Walking way is not an option for me so I have to learn to adjust my behaviour..i have so long to go.
Thank you, this is so wonderful xx
i love these videos and they are helping me a lot. thank you :)
I am thankful that he taught me that space is the new frontier and its okay for me to have my freedom and i get to be selfish instead if selfless.
Though in space is the healing , i am realizing...not into holding onto the relationship hoping that if i heal...they will too.
I surrender to doing my own healing and having no expectations on whether or not they will change!
Thanks for the video. I divorced a narcicist that had a lot of issues and jumped into more drama. everywhere there has to a "nail In the head issue". She will tell text me and tell me how her mum or daughter triggered her and she is so low. I therefore try to raise her spirits up only to be told that I am the problem. It's so annoying and I just feel like my love and tolerance is fast evaporating. I find in my life that there is a pattern of fixing and rescuing people. This routine has to stop as I am not moving anywhere. Thanks you your video,I firmly believe now is the time. Thanks
thanks Melanie your a life saver
+Steve Pacheco bless and you are welcome x
As always amazing stuff.... Thank you. I would love an episode on staying detached when you have to parallel parent with a narc after divorce.
+Xiancutie youa re very welcome. Your suggestion is an episode I will defintley do in the future. x
This is fabulous, Mel, thank you so much it’s a lifesaver and so are you 💝
Thank you for this video! Your insights into the how & why of attracting narcissists are brilliant!
If you think you can change a narcissist, imagine someone trying to talk you into being a narcissist. It would go against every instinct that you have. That's exactly what it would be like for a narcissist encountering someone trying to change them. Not only is it not anyone's responsibility to change another person, it is no one's right to. You have the right to protect yourself from people who transgress on your rights, but you don't have the right to change them.
Also...I know now I can never fix or change anyone of them. And I don't even want to.They all have good financially stable lives and I am below the poverty level, have a disabled adult son to care for and a teenage daughter. Think anyone in my family cares?No, they just go on in their fantasy lives and do not even think how hard my situation is.But, whatever....I am taking care of my family the best I can and we are all honest andtrue. For that I am proud, and that helps me be strong. Thanks Melanie.
+Johannah Patterson I don't have any kids but I resonate with everything else you said. That's where I am now and tough as it is, it really is liberating. I feel my real self coming through and starting to feel like life is actually beginning. All the best Johannah
Thank you. It is good to know that I am not
alone and that I am NOT wrong or crazy.
+Johannah Patterson it is wonderful that you are realizing a True Life of wholesomeness, integrity and peace is priceless. That is where true freedom and love is. x
Johannah Patterson That's the one - you feel like you're crazy. Melanie Tonia Evans gave me one of my biggest breakthroughs and if you find her teachings helpful then Richard Grannon (youtubechannelname: TheSpartanLifeCoach) is another life-saver. The guy's a genius. No one who doesn't understand can know the nasty hellishness of these people. But I have come to the realisation that they are just like you and me but have not been able to hold on to their essential loving self/inner child/sense of self/emotional self-regulation and, tragic as it is, they may be beyond recovery and best completely avoided. But pitied more than scorned because any judgmental behaviour on our part is to play the narcissistic game which needs to fade completely from one's being. Though I suppose pity is a kind of judgment as well. Wisdom Courage Strength Dignity is my mantra now.
I know what you mean. I have watch several
Spartan life coach videos. They are pretty good....I can relate to the hurt he experienced and how he is being strong to deal with the
emotional wound. I have come to the conclusion that our narcs are very flawed people who do not have a clue to the wound
they inflicted, yet, they are people that we
love, so we cannot escape that fact.
However, validation of the wounds is essential
to our survival and as such, we must love
in a way that allows for that validation.
Not an easy path to take, to be sure. I am
still finding my way through it. Stay strong.
Sincerely.
You are an angel MTE. so glad I found you.
+quicksno thank you, I am glad you found your way here too! x
Spot on!
Thankyou ⚘️ Mel.
You gotta sell this information. This is good stuff.
16:00
Tears
Here's the thing. I've liked non narcissistic men before but they didn't like me back. It's mostly narcissists that want to date me. And I don't realize they're narcissists until an episode erupts. And then I run off.. It's just narcissist after narcissist and I keep running away. But I am exactly this way like your video describes. I don't remember the abuse my father inflicted on my mother before they divorced but that susceptibility is still in her energy field. I have been following your blog for a year now. I just want a healthy relationship.
Melanie - every time I watch this video I get more out of it. As a codependent, fixing people and placating people (especially my mother) brought me peace and a safety and 'love'. It is so interesting if we have this wound we wouldn't want to find secure people to assist in our healing vs people who will only make the wound worse. But, we have to be able to have other people with whom we can connect and communicate with besides our own self so we have to find others who are 'safe' like a friend or therapist. Are these relationships still okay to have so we area entirely dependent on ourselves? I mean, I want someone else to process things with.
Hi Judy,
It's so great that you get it. That you see the you part. This is really the biggest hurdle. What happens is, when we heal ourselves the people we attract into our lives don't reflect our wounds to us. They begin to reflect our best qualities. We attract people who are happy, healthy self-sourcing people, too. The safety that you need to feel will come from within. You won't be trying to source it through others and this is why people who need other people to "fix" them will stop showing up. Here is a blog article to help you with this:
blog.melanietoniaevans.com/law-of-attraction-in-action-recovery-from-narcissistic-abuse/
Love and blessings xoxox
I understand. Finally. Still I'm missing something. I didn't think it was my duty to show him, or to show him. I was ridiculous about trying to show him, but not to fix him. I just wanted him to stop doing it - and stop doing it to me! Is there a difference or am I just bullshitting myself. Its like he has 2 sides. He'd be so beautiful and kind, but the other side was hurtful, disrespectful or even spiteful. I kept telling him I knew it wasn't even my place to 'teach' him to not act like xxx, but I just wanted him to stop doing it to me.
Does trying to convince someone their lovable considered fixing them? I believe it absolutely is. That was my last relationship with a covert narc sociopath. Wore a brilliant mask of sweet empath. Tried like crazy to convince him he was lovable and he became just what he thought I needed.. Perfect mate. Never again.
Really Enjoyed it..
Children usually want to learn. Children want to grow. The difference between a narcissist and a child is, that the child not only has the potential to learn= the child is eager to learn. A narcissist is stuck on certain levels of his/her development. S/he will always hit the same walls. They are so scared of going over this limitation, that they would rather die, because going over this border, braking through this wall, feels like death for them anyhow.
very informative.
Your insights are excellent. Such a horrid way to wise up though.
I have to walk away from my family.....they are all completely selfish emotionallyand not my reality. It is painful, yet, liberating, because I know my survival nowdepends on not being meshed with their mentally ill lives....I hate being alone, yet,I know in truth, I have always been alone. The difference is that I am choosing nowto be alone and be real with it, not pretend to them that everything is ok. It is not ok.They ruined my life and they have to accept that reality. By doing no contact, I amletting them know I am not going to pretend that all their crazy stuff is about mebeing wrong or crazy or whatever. I am separate from them and they have alreadyshown me that they do not care what happens to me. But I care about what happensto me. That is the difference now. I will not let them define my reality any longer. Andif they cannot accept what I am because of all the shit they did to me, then fine. But Iknow the truth and can live with who I am because it was not my fault....even thoughI am very lonely because of it. It is good to understand the underlying childhoodtrauma. I don't feel wrong anymore. I just feel sad.
Using exercise fills the loneliness for me. I joined a 24 hour gym. When the lonely bug bites, I go to the gym. Even if I only walk on the treadmill, it doesn't 100% clear loneliness, yet it helps & makes me feel better, look better, remain physically healthy.
Johannah Patterson I’m in the same boat. My family some friends and my husband! It’s painful but I’ve not been living my whole life. The only thing I could do to be safe and sane is walk away and they are still trying to control me through the court etc (I have kids) hope your being strong and following your intuition
m I don't get the age thing in the excersize
so true
Yes i am ready to step into revolutionary partnerships and concious relationships...by marying myself.
I had to be an Adult at a young age so i expect others to grow up...though i dont allow myself ro be a child or give the free will to do the same!
holy shit Melanie you are amazing
They are cruel people who only care about there selves
My dad put my mom into a mental institution and took off to save the world and went no contact.
To not have to be alienated from the tribe and have ro survive on my own.
You described my ex husband exactly.
Matt 7:5
Entire body...ancient
bing bing just hit on my prob oh I hope this helps :) bless
Everything you say is comprehensible for me but one thing not, how can you be so
sure that you get reincarnated with parents who support your vibration that you have before your death? in my opinion it is very far-fetched. Kindest regards