The tricky part of the problem for me was how narcissists can act one way with the "chosen victim" and then behave in a normal decent way towards others. You are the only one who sees the sick cruel side of them, so you feel very "isolated". I've dealt with a narcissist who showed all the signs of this sick behaviour with me but was well respect by others. They can change and act and be perfectly credible in social contests and then be absolutely horrible to you.
vamosama yes, this is true, but ONLY AS LONG AS you give them the N supply. When you stop giving that, they lose interest in you and go hunting for another prey. Then they treat you respectfully like they do with others. I have experienced that. You have to stop giving them your energy.
I know. It’s impossible to get others to see the narc abuse due to the cognitive dissonance between the angel persona they present and your radically different experience of them.
this is the first video I have ever watched on this subjebt and I I'm very appreciative that you are doing this kind of stuff for us God Bless You thank you thank you thank you!
You are so great. I am never going to let myself be abused again. You are so great you just don't know the insight you give to people and the power you give them back.
Interesting that a long time ago, a good therapist with whom I was working introduced me to some unusual ideas I had not encountered before. She said that I believed that I had no rights and that I did not think I was enough in myself. I did not understand any of this at the time and it was many years before I did. At that time I also did not have a voice. I remembered that conversation. I most definitely DO have my own active voice these days and it serves me well. I also realise that I do have rights and I exercise them when I need to do so. As I ponder on being enough in myself, that has been the hardest nut to crack. I have had an incident this week when I have been under the pump because of the end of the school year and my assistant came to me and shared that my portfolios (visual records of children's work that are kept in a special folder and added to as the years go by, and go home with kids and parents at the end of the year) were not as full as a couple of the other teachers'. These teachers spend many hours making these documents look amazing and the entire portfolio is filled to the very last page. I went home last night feeling very upset and overwhelmed, but was able to reflect on why this comment upset me so much. It was to do with others' approval and a fear of judgement. The other thing that happened is that I was able to understand that I do not want to burn out just to create a beautiful portfolio of work so parents can say, 'What an amazing teacher and look at how lovely this is!). I know my kids have worked hard and so have my assistant and me. The work has gone into their hearts, souls and minds and they have changed and developed amazingly well over the year. For me, one of my values is that my kids will work in a loving, safe and relaxed manner. My assistant and I will work individually with one or two children to produce a solid piece of work where we can learn a lot about that child's development. My kids are 4 years old and they take ages to complete anything. They learn in an atmosphere of trust and we allow them the time they need. It is timing that is not regulated to a clock or because of what others might expect. We also play games and have discussions and they play and learn a lot through play which is how young children learn. None of this is visible in a portfolio but the learning environment is very rich and the kids have learned a lot. So the portfolios will go home with quite a few empty pages next week. I have two concerts to prepare for 40 kids with a dance number and 3 songs. There have been many pressures recently. I have happy kids who are eager to learn too. I know I have done my work and although my portfolios will not be so comprehensive as the other teachers' portfolios, I am satisfied that my kids have learned a lot this year. I am going to simply know that I have worked hard and the kids have too. The other portfolios may be beautiful to look at, but the personal cost to the teacher and the kids. I know that my kids will do well next year and they may not have a full portfolio, but I am happy with the work that my assistant and I have put into the kids and you cannot see that type of growth. It is all about supporting myself and trusting the decisions that I make and ignoring those who seek to give me a hard time. I am fine all on my own.
+Suzanne Spiers glad you ca see yourself and honor the work you have done! this is the energy we need to emanate in the world! self-worth. thank you for sharing lol
Melanie, you are really outdoing yourself lately. These last two videos are just chock full of the latest and greatest brilliance in healing today. As you know I'm an avid user of three of your programs as well as a healer myself. Thank you for everything, always... Love sharing light with you, beautiful lady!
I think I just released something I didn't think was still there. It went way back to my stepfather who looked at little girls as his play things and I remember thinking at that time when I was 8 if I shut down the girly side of me he won't touch me. I realise now I have had a lifetime of trying to be approved for being competent - not for being me, which is feminine as well. Tears well - release is imminent. Thankyou Mel.......by the way I rated an 8 - I'm so close. Love you and all you do x
+julie kruger that is so wonderful you are unravelling this! That is so healing!! I am thrilled you are so close to "being enough". Much love to you too x
Hi Melanie - I note in this episode - that there is not so much difference between the co-dependent seeking approval and the naricissist seeking constant supply - EXCEPT - and importantly the co-dependent is more conscious and wants to develop themselves and heal wounds whereas the narcissist seems to me to be without consciousness - almost sociopathic/psychopathic in some cases. I am basing this on my own experience with NPDs. :-) Good video - I found ithelpful! THank you Melanie!
Hi Mel, you are really hitting the nail on the head for me with this series! I was a consummate approval seeker. I felt that everything was wrong with me, and would actually adopt different personas to win approval from different people. I was like a human chameleon who had to blend in with whoever I was interacting with at the time. And of course, it all stemmed from not feeling approved of in the family home. When I achieved anything like getting great school reports, or winning a rosette at a gymkhana, my parents would boast to other people about my successes, but never praised ME. In fact, they would deflate me by telling me not to let it go to my head, that no-one likes a show-off. They seemed terrified that I would get ideas above my station, so no amount of trying harder and harder on my part would elicit anything but criticism from them. This caused me to be extremely hard on myself as an adult. Pushing and driving myself, whether it was work, exercise, housework, taking responsibility for others......it never stopped. Nothing ever felt good enough. Also, it conditioned me to play small. To seek approval and praise but then deflect it. Never to take any credit for my achievements and to let others steal the limelight. Nowadays, I give myself approval. I tell myself how well I am doing, I thank myself. I reward myself with presents and time off. Oh how far I have come! Thank you Mel, much love xxx
You are so welcome Sylvia and thank you again for sharing your powerful insights ... ones that I know are so revealing and healing for others. Bless xxx
You are absolutely incredible. Thank you so much. Eternally grateful. As a yoga instructor, I knew there was a way to clear this with quantum. Isolating, releasing and healing the distortions in my field that made me susceptible to narcissistic abuse. Stoked to become a narcissist repellent!
Blowing my mind right now. I have never questioned this. Even though I trust myself so much, I started realising today after doing a healing that this is going on. Why?? I am at 5:55 and feeling sooooo happy because I know I am well on my way on the path. 🙏thanks Mel! Wow
LOVE THIS message! So profound, even talking through the exercise made so real and practical what you were talking about before... not to even judge your flashes and memories, to love and visit the reflexes in my body as I write that I AM enough. To give myself the credit that I haven't ... and really cannot ... rely on others to give me for the things I feel. Totally AWESOME!!!
I just remembered from the age of 8 to 14 i wanna say. I was bullied all the time in school and i had a father but he never talked to me about it. I only remember my mother crying because i was crying. This helped me realize that i tend to seek approval from men in general in order to seek a fatherly figure or a man who can teach me to handle myself as a man in this life. I've also noticed that it is easier for me to say no and show my boundaries and value to women, maybe because i was so used to only having dialogue with my mother as i was growing up. It is harder for me to know my worth around other men and i tend to say yes to them when i mean to say no. Thank you for helping me realize this i truly appreciate it. I rated a 7 and felt it in my chest (in my heart really) by the way and am very happy to begin my work.
Hi Melanie - I love this video. Can you do an updated video on codependency and how we allow others to determine our self-worth? I believe this is SO key when it comes to the partners we choose. And, when we are subjected to the dreaded silent treatment or other forms of abandonment, it drastically affects how we react/respond to such tactics. Without self-worth, you TOTALLY fall apart. With self-worth we should be able to say this has nothing to do with me - it's their emotional immaturity and limitation and walk away pissed rather than wounded then wait for them to open the door again (if we choose to re-engage). I'd love to see more videos on codependency. THANKS!
Hi Judy, Thank you for your suggestion. it's a good one. I have added it to my list. I do have a lot of resources on Codependency, and if you Google " codependency melanie tonia evans you will find the links to them." Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you so much for this, all your hard work has truly payed off, you have such amazing insight and healing abilities. I have been working on myself and come quite far from healing from narcissistic abuse, and your videos are taking me that much further. Eternally grateful! Will also be looking more into you videos and healing.
I can't seem to gauge how old I am in there. I'm not sure where I feel it. The only thing I feel coming out of me is something like a tearful war cry from the depth of my being. I may have done this type of thing unconsciously as life just happened and as I learned more of truth and began dispelling lies. I had yet ANOTHER vivid "in your face" encounter at work. And it's like I just really saw it. I saw the distinct pattern. I just saw the untold damage I had endured all these years. And I just had FINALLY had enough. I saw the way I always seemed to feel or deem myself as inferior in some way. And, in turn, that's how I had been treated my whole life. I got home from work and I hashed thru it. I just very simply put my foot down and told God, the universe, satan or whatever it all was--that I JUST flat out wasn't having it anymore. I saw how I really WASN'T inferior to ANYONE. I simply demanded what I now wanted and expected out of life. And it was such a deep, profound thing for me.
I know I'm getting better because I started drinking my coffee from my fine china every morning . . After 36 years of keeping it in storage for "special occasions" only.
Thank you for your work. I am currently working on healing from a recent painful relationship. The man I was involved with was an addict, attempting to get clean. I saw a very different person there, when he was. His cycle of relapsing devolved into a very narcissistic abusive situation. Have you done any work on how addicts behave as narcissists? Thanks for the clarity of outlining how we non-narcissists begin to feel and do things we never thought we would. And that being willing to do our inner work defines what it truly means to be human. Forgiving ourselves for behaviors resulting from the pain of NPD abuse. Your video on Altruistic Narcissistic Personality Disorder really zeroed in on what I observed in him. I find myself fluctuating between moving on and expecting him to take responsibility, apologize, become non-cryptic, say a decent goodbye, acknowledge his deception....but no, it is a losing proposition. I feel that had I not done the work of loving myself and healing myself, that I had done, to this point, I would have been possibly destroyed emotionally from this point forward. The fact that I thought I could withstand or somehow triumph or get through to form a real relationship with this person shows me one of my primary coping mechanisms. You are articulate, compassionate and stay on point. Much appreciated, a Thriver.
Liz that is so wonderful that you have stepped out of the futile cycle of trying to love and support someone who will not durably choose to love and support himself. I would love to do an episode in the future on addicts and narcissists. That is a wonderful suggestion. Wishing you continued healing xx
Melanie, your clarity, compassion came to my aid at a very deep, dark time. I have been quite surprised, displeased how long it has taken me to get freer inside. I am starting to look into sexual addiction and understanding how it is the expression of lack of true intimacy. Part of the depth of NPD abuse, was that I had said no, cut it off, at least 3 other times, the final time got very messy and my reaction to his gig coming up, lies showing, run and hise behavior became shockingly dismissive once the woman's husband died, supposedly his good friend and he just absorbed right into his place. I became completely expendable. Thanks for your reply. It is true intil you've been through it, you can't understand the depth of manipulation/destruction leveled. I wish I didn't "know".
stroy of my life...always seeking for other's approval,,,has to do with low self esteem I guess, and people like me, are the perfect preys for narcissists
I'm getting in touch with my inner child through meditation. And this night I found out a wound or traumatic event. It was about a dog that i loved so much, and i was at my grandparents on a trip, and when i got home the dog was gone. I cried in this meditation session with crocodile tears and sobbing. My parents told me that my father gave the dog to someone else. Maybe the dog died. I'm gonna ask them what really happened with the dog and how old was I. Maybe this time they'll tell me the truth. I think I was about 4. That s my intuition.
wow my heart was in pain listening to that. I was in a 3 month very close friendship with a 25 year old mother of three. I can't even begin to explain the emotional abuse and how much I was being used to the point of raising her kids for her. Anyways now it's like I can't stop looking back and thinking about it. very shortly after that I met a guy and speent only about a weeks with before I noticed he was putting me through the testing process.. now months later I think about him all day it's so weird.
I find it super hard to approve and accept myself, I really resonate with what you said, these years I am single and I have to constantly seek approval from my friends, I have never learnt how to do it growing up as I never got any. How to solve this complex?
Hi Aisling, you start by shifting out the trauma and beliefs in your body that make it hard to approve and accept yourself hun. I would love to show you how with my free resources ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm Then you reprogramme yourself with healthy beliefs and fill up on self validation, self love and empowerment. xoxox
My addiction is self helping and continous healing...bc i believe i dont have to be codependent on others & normal people have an easier tine upleveling...bc i have to unravel so much more trauma..though the truth is...we all have healing to do at all levels..otherwise we wouldnt be in this human experience!
Hi Melanie thankyou for this. What module would you recommend in the empowering self course to do for feelings of inadequacy ? for example in situations when the focus is on me, if I have to give a presentation in front of people? it's a real trigger for me but I know its just a matter of working through it. I've come a long way but need to do more:) any advice would be appreciated. Thankyou
Hi Eire ... this to me feels like a trauma wedged in your subconscious. I would a actually recommend Module 1 of NARP for a trauma clean up. My other recommendation is using the Goal Setting Module in NARP and setting the goal "the healing and the resolution of this" and then keep clearing all the resistance until you have a 10/10. I hope this helps xx
I'd love to join your 3 Keys call. However, I work several evenings during the week. Do you ever record it for a replay? Thank you for all of your videos. I purchased your NARP program and look forward to working through it.
+Melanie Tonia Evans I did sign up, hoping that a replay would be sent. However, I never received it. I would love to sign up for your next Webinar in Feb. but unfortunately, it is one of the two nights that I work very late. So, I'm hoping to be able to listen to this past one if at all possible. I'm learning so much from you and value what you offer. Thank you, thank you, thank you Melanie. You are truly a gift to the world.
+Alyse did you receive confirmation of your signup by email? Because there is a whole email sequence sent. Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and I am sure they will send you a replay! Thank you for your lovely words! Bless
I didnt have self esteem issues about the way i looked but didn't also feel the need to over exagerate in order to get validation...tho he compared me to other woman and used them to hirt hurt my self-esteem as on some level i wasnt fully owning it...and when i let that go... i looked in the mirror and felt more beautiful than ive ever felt. Which is funny bc this is the tactic he used the most is comparing me to other woman and chosing them over me.
Haha the less i do...the more he treats me better to win back his validation..and i thought this was results in the mirror that i was doing the work of surrendering...tho dont fully trust their motives.
You lady, are worth more than your weight in gold. Thank you.
The tricky part of the problem for me was how narcissists can act one way with the "chosen victim" and then behave in a normal decent way towards others. You are the only one who sees the sick cruel side of them, so you feel very "isolated". I've dealt with a narcissist who showed all the signs of this sick behaviour with me but was well respect by others. They can change and act and be perfectly credible in social contests and then be absolutely horrible to you.
vamosama yes, this is true, but ONLY AS LONG AS you give them the N supply. When you stop giving that, they lose interest in you and go hunting for another prey. Then they treat you respectfully like they do with others. I have experienced that. You have to stop giving them your energy.
vamosama you are so spot on. Thank you for describing the narc behaviour perfectly.
I know. It’s impossible to get others to see the narc abuse due to the cognitive dissonance between the angel persona they present and your radically different experience of them.
You're in "Wrongtown"!!! I will be using that phrase as a reminder!!! Thanks!
You're a true healer Melaine! Thank you!
Sesheta it is my pleasure xx
this is the first video I have ever watched on this subjebt and I I'm very appreciative that you are doing this kind of stuff for us God Bless You thank you thank you thank you!
9:00 "That's not you, that's ok, bye." This is why I love you and your videos Melanie. You are a true inspiration.
+Take Care Bless, and thank you for your lovely words! x
You are so great. I am never going to let myself be abused again. You are so great you just don't know the insight you give to people and the power you give them back.
Interesting that a long time ago, a good therapist with whom I was working introduced me to some unusual ideas I had not encountered before. She said that I believed that I had no rights and that I did not think I was enough in myself. I did not understand any of this at the time and it was many years before I did. At that time I also did not have a voice.
I remembered that conversation. I most definitely DO have my own active voice these days and it serves me well. I also realise that I do have rights and I exercise them when I need to do so. As I ponder on being enough in myself, that has been the hardest nut to crack. I have had an incident this week when I have been under the pump because of the end of the school year and my assistant came to me and shared that my portfolios (visual records of children's work that are kept in a special folder and added to as the years go by, and go home with kids and parents at the end of the year) were not as full as a couple of the other teachers'. These teachers spend many hours making these documents look amazing and the entire portfolio is filled to the very last page.
I went home last night feeling very upset and overwhelmed, but was able to reflect on why this comment upset me so much. It was to do with others' approval and a fear of judgement. The other thing that happened is that I was able to understand that I do not want to burn out just to create a beautiful portfolio of work so parents can say, 'What an amazing teacher and look at how lovely this is!). I know my kids have worked hard and so have my assistant and me. The work has gone into their hearts, souls and minds and they have changed and developed amazingly well over the year. For me, one of my values is that my kids will work in a loving, safe and relaxed manner. My assistant and I will work individually with one or two children to produce a solid piece of work where we can learn a lot about that child's development. My kids are 4 years old and they take ages to complete anything. They learn in an atmosphere of trust and we allow them the time they need. It is timing that is not regulated to a clock or because of what others might expect. We also play games and have discussions and they play and learn a lot through play which is how young children learn. None of this is visible in a portfolio but the learning environment is very rich and the kids have learned a lot.
So the portfolios will go home with quite a few empty pages next week. I have two concerts to prepare for 40 kids with a dance number and 3 songs. There have been many pressures recently. I have happy kids who are eager to learn too. I know I have done my work and although my portfolios will not be so comprehensive as the other teachers' portfolios, I am satisfied that my kids have learned a lot this year. I am going to simply know that I have worked hard and the kids have too. The other portfolios may be beautiful to look at, but the personal cost to the teacher and the kids. I know that my kids will do well next year and they may not have a full portfolio, but I am happy with the work that my assistant and I have put into the kids and you cannot see that type of growth. It is all about supporting myself and trusting the decisions that I make and ignoring those who seek to give me a hard time. I am fine all on my own.
+Suzanne Spiers glad you ca see yourself and honor the work you have done! this is the energy we need to emanate in the world! self-worth. thank you for sharing lol
Melanie, you are really outdoing yourself lately. These last two videos are just chock full of the latest and greatest brilliance in healing today. As you know I'm an avid user of three of your programs as well as a healer myself. Thank you for everything, always... Love sharing light with you, beautiful lady!
Pamela thank you for your lovely comment and I am so pleased this information is resonating deeply with you 💛xx
I think I just released something I didn't think was still there. It went way back to my stepfather who looked at little girls as his play things and I remember thinking at that time when I was 8 if I shut down the girly side of me he won't touch me. I realise now I have had a lifetime of trying to be approved for being competent - not for being me, which is feminine as well. Tears well - release is imminent. Thankyou Mel.......by the way I rated an 8 - I'm so close. Love you and all you do x
+julie kruger that is so wonderful you are unravelling this! That is so healing!! I am thrilled you are so close to "being enough". Much love to you too x
Hi Melanie - I note in this episode - that there is not so much difference between the co-dependent seeking approval and the naricissist seeking constant supply - EXCEPT - and importantly the co-dependent is more conscious and wants to develop themselves and heal wounds whereas the narcissist seems to me to be without consciousness - almost sociopathic/psychopathic in some cases. I am basing this on my own experience with NPDs. :-) Good video - I found ithelpful! THank you Melanie!
+Mary Boorman so true - you have the distinction right, and you are very welcome x
Hi Mel, you are really hitting the nail on the head for me with this series! I was a consummate approval seeker. I felt that everything was wrong with me, and would actually adopt different personas to win approval from different people. I was like a human chameleon who had to blend in with whoever I was interacting with at the time. And of course, it all stemmed from not feeling approved of in the family home. When I achieved anything like getting great school reports, or winning a rosette at a gymkhana, my parents would boast to other people about my successes, but never praised ME. In fact, they would deflate me by telling me not to let it go to my head, that no-one likes a show-off. They seemed terrified that I would get ideas above my station, so no amount of trying harder and harder on my part would elicit anything but criticism from them. This caused me to be extremely hard on myself as an adult. Pushing and driving myself, whether it was work, exercise, housework, taking responsibility for others......it never stopped. Nothing ever felt good enough. Also, it conditioned me to play small. To seek approval and praise but then deflect it. Never to take any credit for my achievements and to let others steal the limelight. Nowadays, I give myself approval. I tell myself how well I am doing, I thank myself. I reward myself with presents and time off. Oh how far I have come! Thank you Mel, much love xxx
You are so welcome Sylvia and thank you again for sharing your powerful insights ... ones that I know are so revealing and healing for others. Bless xxx
great videos on Narcissists... my father is a Narcissist and alcoholic.. it helps to understand.... understanding helps healing :)
You are absolutely incredible. Thank you so much. Eternally grateful. As a yoga instructor, I knew there was a way to clear this with quantum. Isolating, releasing and healing the distortions in my field that made me susceptible to narcissistic abuse. Stoked to become a narcissist repellent!
Liz thank you, you are very welcome. That is great - you have got this! xoxo
So smart! Such helpful advice that's also brave and heartfelt. Thank you, Melanie!
"Clearing your Susceptibility" is the more useful serie ever! Thanks so much 🙏
she is right about this.start looking for hobbies and things like that to seek personal value in yourself.
very powerful, Thank you Melanie xxx
+Roberta Borg you are so welcome! x
Thank you Mel, really true. and very helpful video. Thanks for your all efforts.
You are so welcome Goli xx
Wow!!! Thank you so so much for this !!!! Helped me a lot as I'm picking myself up and not longing for my father's approval
U have been a blessing
Blowing my mind right now. I have never questioned this. Even though I trust myself so much, I started realising today after doing a healing that this is going on. Why?? I am at 5:55 and feeling sooooo happy because I know I am well on my way on the path. 🙏thanks Mel! Wow
LOVE THIS message! So profound, even talking through the exercise made so real and practical what you were talking about before... not to even judge your flashes and memories, to love and visit the reflexes in my body as I write that I AM enough. To give myself the credit that I haven't ... and really cannot ... rely on others to give me for the things I feel. Totally AWESOME!!!
I just remembered from the age of 8 to 14 i wanna say. I was bullied all the time in school and i had a father but he never talked to me about it. I only remember my mother crying because i was crying. This helped me realize that i tend to seek approval from men in general in order to seek a fatherly figure or a man who can teach me to handle myself as a man in this life. I've also noticed that it is easier for me to say no and show my boundaries and value to women, maybe because i was so used to only having dialogue with my mother as i was growing up. It is harder for me to know my worth around other men and i tend to say yes to them when i mean to say no. Thank you for helping me realize this i truly appreciate it. I rated a 7 and felt it in my chest (in my heart really) by the way and am very happy to begin my work.
Thank you Melanie. I am understanding what your saying, and it is helping me heal.
+Glen Morse my pleasure and I am so glad this helps! x
Hi Melanie - I love this video. Can you do an updated video on codependency and how we allow others to determine our self-worth? I believe this is SO key when it comes to the partners we choose. And, when we are subjected to the dreaded silent treatment or other forms of abandonment, it drastically affects how we react/respond to such tactics. Without self-worth, you TOTALLY fall apart. With self-worth we should be able to say this has nothing to do with me - it's their emotional immaturity and limitation and walk away pissed rather than wounded then wait for them to open the door again (if we choose to re-engage). I'd love to see more videos on codependency. THANKS!
Hi Judy,
Thank you for your suggestion. it's a good one. I have added it to my list. I do have a lot of resources on Codependency, and if you Google " codependency melanie tonia evans you will find the links to them." Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much for this, all your hard work has truly payed off, you have such amazing insight and healing abilities. I have been working on myself and come quite far from healing from narcissistic abuse, and your videos are taking me that much further. Eternally grateful! Will also be looking more into you videos and healing.
Excellent video! Hit the nail on the head, I had some ah, ha moments watching this. Thank you for making this video.
This was really enojoyable. Thank u so much!
My pleasure RealEyes C xoxox
I can't seem to gauge how old I am in there. I'm not sure where I feel it. The only thing I feel coming out of me is something like a tearful war cry from the depth of my being. I may have done this type of thing unconsciously as life just happened and as I learned more of truth and began dispelling lies. I had yet ANOTHER vivid "in your face" encounter at work. And it's like I just really saw it. I saw the distinct pattern. I just saw the untold damage I had endured all these years. And I just had FINALLY had enough. I saw the way I always seemed to feel or deem myself as inferior in some way. And, in turn, that's how I had been treated my whole life. I got home from work and I hashed thru it. I just very simply put my foot down and told God, the universe, satan or whatever it all was--that I JUST flat out wasn't having it anymore. I saw how I really WASN'T inferior to ANYONE. I simply demanded what I now wanted and expected out of life. And it was such a deep, profound thing for me.
Such helpful insight, so profound on such a basic level, thank you for sharing Melanie x
My pleasure Sandra xx
I know I'm getting better because I started drinking my coffee from my fine china every morning . . After 36 years of keeping it in storage for "special occasions" only.
Thank you Melanie
+Lori Ann Miller my pleasure, Bless! x
Thank you so much for this video :-)
Thank you for your work. I am currently working on healing from a recent painful relationship. The man I was involved with was an addict, attempting to get clean. I saw a very different person there, when he was. His cycle of relapsing devolved into a very narcissistic abusive situation. Have you done any work on how addicts behave as narcissists? Thanks for the clarity of outlining how we non-narcissists begin to feel and do things we never thought we would. And that being willing to do our inner work defines what it truly means to be human. Forgiving ourselves for behaviors resulting from the pain of NPD abuse. Your video on Altruistic Narcissistic Personality Disorder really zeroed in on what I observed in him. I find myself fluctuating between moving on and expecting him to take responsibility, apologize, become non-cryptic, say a decent goodbye, acknowledge his deception....but no, it is a losing proposition. I feel that had I not done the work of loving myself and healing myself, that I had done, to this point, I would have been possibly destroyed emotionally from this point forward. The fact that I thought I could withstand or somehow triumph or get through to form a real relationship with this person shows me one of my primary coping mechanisms. You are articulate, compassionate and stay on point. Much appreciated, a Thriver.
Liz that is so wonderful that you have stepped out of the futile cycle of trying to love and support someone who will not durably choose to love and support himself. I would love to do an episode in the future on addicts and narcissists. That is a wonderful suggestion. Wishing you continued healing xx
Melanie, your clarity, compassion came to my aid at a very deep, dark time. I have been quite surprised, displeased how long it has taken me to get freer inside. I am starting to look into sexual addiction and understanding how it is the expression of lack of true intimacy. Part of the depth of NPD abuse, was that I had said no, cut it off, at least 3 other times, the final time got very messy and my reaction to his gig coming up, lies showing, run and hise behavior became shockingly dismissive once the woman's husband died, supposedly his good friend and he just absorbed right into his place. I became completely expendable. Thanks for your reply. It is true intil you've been through it, you can't understand the depth of manipulation/destruction leveled. I wish I didn't "know".
stroy of my life...always seeking for other's approval,,,has to do with low self esteem I guess, and people like me, are the perfect preys for narcissists
I'm getting in touch with my inner child through meditation. And this night I found out a wound or traumatic event. It was about a dog that i loved so much, and i was at my grandparents on a trip, and when i got home the dog was gone. I cried in this meditation session with crocodile tears and sobbing. My parents told me that my father gave the dog to someone else. Maybe the dog died. I'm gonna ask them what really happened with the dog and how old was I. Maybe this time they'll tell me the truth. I think I was about 4. That s my intuition.
Really well done!!!
Thank You
wow my heart was in pain listening to that. I was in a 3 month very close friendship with a 25 year old mother of three. I can't even begin to explain the emotional abuse and how much I was being used to the point of raising her kids for her. Anyways now it's like I can't stop looking back and thinking about it. very shortly after that I met a guy and speent only about a weeks with before I noticed he was putting me through the testing process..
now months later I think about him all day it's so weird.
I no longer care if they call me crazy.
I do say yes when i mean no...and do so much for them and dont get the same in return.
I find it super hard to approve and accept myself, I really resonate with what you said, these years I am single and I have to constantly seek approval from my friends, I have never learnt how to do it growing up as I never got any. How to solve this complex?
Hi Aisling, you start by shifting out the trauma and beliefs in your body that make it hard to approve and accept yourself hun. I would love to show you how with my free resources ... www.melanietoniaevans.com/freestarterpackage.htm Then you reprogramme yourself with healthy beliefs and fill up on self validation, self love and empowerment. xoxox
My old life!!!
My addiction is self helping and continous healing...bc i believe i dont have to be codependent on others & normal people have an easier tine upleveling...bc i have to unravel so much more trauma..though the truth is...we all have healing to do at all levels..otherwise we wouldnt be in this human experience!
Hi Melanie thankyou for this. What module would you recommend in the empowering self course to do for feelings of inadequacy ? for example in situations when the focus is on me, if I have to give a presentation in front of people? it's a real trigger for me but I know its just a matter of working through it. I've come a long way but need to do more:) any advice would be appreciated. Thankyou
Hi Eire ... this to me feels like a trauma wedged in your subconscious. I would a actually recommend Module 1 of NARP for a trauma clean up. My other recommendation is using the Goal Setting Module in NARP and setting the goal "the healing and the resolution of this" and then keep clearing all the resistance until you have a 10/10. I hope this helps xx
+Melanie Tonia Evans Thankyou Melanie I'll work on that. I'm loving your work and the thriver TV is brilliant I'm loving the videos.take care.xxx
+Eire you are so welcome! Bless dear lady! x
BOY DOES THIS DESCRIBE MY LIFE.
right now I'm not happy. I feel so much pain after listening to this. I'm not sure what to make of it. I have to heal
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕Melanie!!! Thank you!!!!!
My heart and head ...4 years of ago...mom comparing me to my cousins.
love you! 😊
Beautiful
I'd love to join your 3 Keys call. However, I work several evenings during the week. Do you ever record it for a replay? Thank you for all of your videos. I purchased your NARP program and look forward to working through it.
Hi Alyse, I would love to have you in my next Webinar Group! Yes there is a recording sent that very day. X
+Melanie Tonia Evans I did sign up, hoping that a replay would be sent. However, I never received it. I would love to sign up for your next Webinar in Feb. but unfortunately, it is one of the two nights that I work very late. So, I'm hoping to be able to listen to this past one if at all possible. I'm learning so much from you and value what you offer. Thank you, thank you, thank you Melanie. You are truly a gift to the world.
+Alyse did you receive confirmation of your signup by email? Because there is a whole email sequence sent. Please email support@melanietoniaevans.com and I am sure they will send you a replay! Thank you for your lovely words! Bless
ACCURATE.
poo 4 thought I was higher I think some days I am
was alone at xmas so that's part of this feeling
Morcheeba: Fear and love , song!
Listen to this song!
I didnt have self esteem issues about the way i looked but didn't also feel the need to over exagerate in order to get validation...tho he compared me to other woman and used them to hirt hurt my self-esteem as on some level i wasnt fully owning it...and when i let that go... i looked in the mirror and felt more beautiful than ive ever felt.
Which is funny bc this is the tactic he used the most is comparing me to other woman and chosing them over me.
Heart, 5, imprint
Haha the less i do...the more he treats me better to win back his validation..and i thought this was results in the mirror that i was doing the work of surrendering...tho dont fully trust their motives.
HOLYSPIRIT IS A PARTNER
I’m starting to get how narcs are like truffle hogs, 😂
Sounds like me...
♥♡
Kisses!