Fearful Avoidants Will Do These 5 Things If They Miss You After Breaking Up
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ก.ค. 2024
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Are you wondering if they miss you after breaking up?
In this video, Thais Gibson shares 5 common behaviors of the fearful avoidant attachment style (disorganized attachment) when they miss an ex after breaking up.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:25 - Behavior #1: Reach Out Indirectly
00:01:02 - Behavior #2: Rehash Nostalgic Memories
00:01:37 - Behavior #3: Engage in Emotional Conversation
00:02:30 - Behavior #4: Get Curious About Your Dating Life
00:04:12 - 14-Day Free Trial: FA Reconnection Course
00:05:21 - Behavior #5: Attempt to See You
00:06:45 - Conclusion
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I’m Thais Gibson, welcome to my channel, and thank you for stopping by!
This is a channel designed for you, to be used as a resource to create lasting transformation in your personal and professional life. Here you’ll receive an ongoing series of personal development and spiritual growth videos for you to expand your awareness and find resolution and deep understanding within.
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Thanks Thais 😊 as an FA ive learned so much about myself and other attainment styles by watching your channel and re-listening to the information you make available. I smiled and laughed to myself as you hit all these things spot on cause ive done these things you’ve mentioned in this video. Thank you again for your content this is my #1 spot to come to, to learn how to become the best version of myself!
Amazing! Best of luck on your healing journey! Would love to see you in the school one day! ❤
It’s so heartbreaking seeing these signs in hindsight. I really wish he would have just been straight forward.
Can't wait to see the DA version to this video 😉😁
I wish I didn't keep falling for fearful avoidants lol. They will die before they will ever be the first to interact and its so annoying. It drives me nuts! 😣
After everything I gave him and the pain he put me through...Grow the F up and come "Naked", bearing gifts and apologies, or don't come at all!
I thought this was going to be a checklist of everything I do.
But instead, she deserves peace and for me to not contact her.
I still love her as much as I did. But I want her to be happy.
Thanks as always for the advice Thais.
I always choose to listen and learn from these, and yourself even when the topics aren't FA related.
You have been the most important information provider who has been relevant to my growth, learning and understanding of myself.
❤
This is where I feel like I’m an FA leaning secure. I would never reach out after a breakup at this stage. I would maybe have this conversation if we had years between the breakup and a conversation, but maybe not even then. I appreciate this material so much because it keeps me apprised of my healing and where I have done work and where I still need to do work. Thank you ❤
What's the point of having a conversation about getting back together Years after the breakup? I'm genuinely curious.
@@RitaP41 No, no. I meant that I wouldn’t have a conversation after a breakup where I would want to ask who they are dating, etc. I *might* entertain that kind of friendly conversation years after a breakup when there is no energy anymore, but I would never engage in that kind of conversation soon after a breakup because I don’t keep in contact with people so I can heal. Getting back together years after the breakup is just a no.
@@kalifornia4745 thanks for clearing that up 🙂
@@RitaP41 sure thing! It was actually a really great question!
Very interesting points and I learned new things from this!!
Thank you for all the incredible work you do and special thanks for the 14days free trial, that was invaluable ❤
If you are here, you recognize the patterns in your behavior. Use the information shared to make the necessary changes and grow. Don't let your attachment style define you.
I’m so confused between this behaviour and the tentative hoovering of someone with strong narcissistic traits….
He tested DA/FA in equal measures. I’m just unpicking my trauma bond. Still second guessing myself! 😂
Ultimately you need to focus on your own security and not worry whether they’re a narcissist or avoidant. You need your boundaries and needs met and everything will fall in to place or expose itself eventually. Luckily, focusing on your own happiness and life is the safety cushion you’ll need if anything were to end badly. Keep up the work!!
Absolutely! Sound advice. So difficult to do as I'm massively trauma bonded but I'm contending! This information is so helpful!
As a fearful avoidant if I left you I’m not coming back. If you left me I might come back if I’m not done.
You would lean more heavily avoidant, though, correct?
My FA bf is leaning anxious. He always comes back even though he's broken up saying he would never. He'll say things he doesn't even mean when he's either deactivating or just hurt by his own assumptions etc
But he realises that it was his own mistakes. I do see very small changed behaviour but I know it's very difficult for him to not get his trust core wound triggered.
I feel bad for him honestly and compassion. I myself am Fa leaning anxious do we both usually circle back together, shower eachother with love, alot of love. And when we get hurt we hurt eachother with the same intensity only to get back again
Hoping to get out of the loop and settle down with eachother some day.
Thais, when are you gonna release the unfinished series of which each attachment style’s kryptonite is? We only saw the DA version, and I’m very curious - and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one - to see the AP and FA versions of this. Other than that, thank you as always ❤
Agreed.
Are APs anyone's kryptonite? Or just the ones everyone gets annoyed at at some point?
DA's kryptonite is FA, AP's is DA and FA is AP, according to her previous video !
@@EmMysteryVlogs don’t recall her saying that, other than the fearful avoidant being the dismissive avoidant kryptonite, which is what the video was about. Will have to rewatch it then in case I missed what you said
@@Dsonsee They are kryptonite for a primarily secure attachment.
Okay but what if I (AP becoming secure) was the one who dumped the FA and the FA blocked me from every social media possible?
Not me watching this video as a FA to see how I behave after a break up :D
1) tell all your friends (but not you lol)
I passed through all this but she did what she did in the past when we got too close : see her ex back 😃 So I freaked out and just told her you were worst mistake of my life 😃 I instantly regretted and now she deactivated strongly and she probably is seeing her ex too 😄 I’m kinda controlling my anxious attchmt style rn but it’s harsh and I feel like I made her lose all the confidence built with me even when she kinda treated me bad but regretted at the same time, but I was so triggered by the fact that she would think I don’t care losing her and tolerating her seeing someone else…………. sorry for long dizzy post
Could another example be the person going to a venue that you go to often when they believe you're going to be there (which they always used to go to even when you were dating and is close with the owner?)
See my post above, I think you’re right.
@@lindseyscott7133 I read your post. Interesting. Might be right
@@lifecoachingtoronto Yes, I can guess why he’s doing this as an avoidant, he wants my attention. But his behavior is too toxic. My friend he scanned the room looking for me. I’ve had enough, they’ll deal with him. He’s one of worst I’ve ever seen. But this is the way they act. It’s crazy making.
I know if I stopped running & like, hit on him for example, he’d just run away again. But learning about attachment disorders really helped me a lot. Personally I don’t think they’re worth the effort, it’s healthier to find someone more available.
The only pro is yes, he obviously has feelings for me. But it’s so dysfunctional, it hardly matters.
I wonder if this is the response of an FA if they break it off as a result of deactivation, not because of a level headed choice to end the relationship.
Because i am definitely an FA... but I dont do this when I break up. However, I do try to reconnect with a partner when still in a relationship after being hurt in same or similar ways.
I think I am self aware enough to not trust my emotions when making large decisions, like leaving a relationship. I know I can swing like a pendulum from anxious to avoidant and can be both simultaneously. Cant be fully rational at the same time.
When I do leave a relationship, I freeze out the other person so my emotions dont get activated and lean on others to recover. Once I am, I have been able to become friendly with an ex, but did not want to be back in the relationship, even when reminded of the good things.
What is usually the reason for the breakup?
@Rita P We are not going in the same direction in life, not sharing morals or values, selfish tendencies, lack of connection, red flags...
@@lisafalk-bourjeili1357 I see, thanks for sharing 🙂
This is 100% me
My FA broke up with me at the end of july. He reached out to me last friday, about 3.5 weeks after ending things. He told me that he missed me and that he thinks about me so much and that he hopes I'm doing well. His bday is today and today. I wished him happy bday, a week after he texted me saying he missed me. We exchanged a few messages back and forth but that's a about it. How would I go about navigating a reconnection?
That was an interesting topic, bc I consider myself to be a FA (can be wrong though) and didn't do any of these things. At least not as they were described, bc we weren't talking. So I didn't ask him to hang out for example, but did go to the parties he had at his flat bc I was a part of a friend group.
So I just wonder, whether there can be exceptions?
She does have the attachment style test you can take for free 😊
@@triplejmom7826 Cool, will definitely check them
@@ravena.2371 it’s in the description
I an FA but efter a break up I go all in with my avoidant side, will not show wulnerability at.all. I shut down and go no contact. The more I care/am hurt the worse it gets. I think it depends if you lean more avoidant or anxious naybe.
@@coolqh Well, I guess I lean towards my avoidant side too after a breakup, bc I did exactly like you. Took the test in the description btw, it said I’m a FA.
How about if they tell me the're talking to other guys and they don't like them or if they've been on dating apps and they're tired of them etc?
Showing you they are still available and haven't found anyone they like
What if they go silent after all of those steps?
They have been triggered
If you didn't correspond they might have felt rejected and then deactivated. It's a tricky thing to deal with FAs
@@ramonzeiro we went thru all the steps. He went quiet the day after we met up. I haven’t initiated any further conversation because I’m tired of chasing, but I was last to text
@@emey444 agree, although I’m at a loss for what would have triggered him this time
Here’s my present confusing situation with one of these guys. He stood me up 3x, I broke up with him for someone else. We’re in the same organization, now he won’t leave me alone.
He’s walked into a meeting I attend that he doesn’t & disrupted it twice. I’ve texted him to stop or I’m speaking to the organizers about his behavior. Nasty breakup too, though only at the end, he threatened me with suicide.
Is he just trying to get my attention like my friend who was there thinks? My instinct is to confront this passive aggressive behavior as now it’s impacting others, not just me.
He walked in on a group meditation I’m usually at AND didn’t immediately leave, he was disruptive.
Any advice anyone?
What is your organization's harassment policy. Have you spoken with your human resources department?. Protect yourself.
@@sherriflemming3218 It’s a service organization, he & I are both clients. They’re going to discuss it at a staff meeting & call him in.
@@lindseyscott7133 👍 Accountability. All the best. .
@@sherriflemming3218 Thank you.
@@lindseyscott7133 Good idea Sherri :)
Read me like a book