Hey Anna, next video on how to answer such questions.. I mean i am homemaker, technically it's me who literally does everything so that my man can simply and happily go to work. He also appreciates this, but people? How exactly i am supposed to answer this question?? Oh! So you're a housewife but what do you do in your free time? I literally feel like cursing at loud🫥🫥🫥
While I was single I’d get many questions from ‘friends’ and acquaintances ‘when are you getting married’ 🥲 It was really getting the better of me for a long period of time. At some point I decided to not lose my cool and joke it away with this answer: ‘Oh it’s none of your business in the first place but keep asking and watch how you lose all your chances of getting an invitation for the wedding’ 😂 I realize it’s not the most elegant way to respond but back in the days I was just over it.
Being a mother is the most challenging job in the world, yet it is the least appreciated and valued just because it doesn’t come with a paycheck. When I meet divorced men complaining that their “horrible” ex wife, who delivered his kids, has never worked, I get so frustrated. She has worked 24/7 with no vacations. It is so sad to see where the modern world is going with its values.
I generally ask people "how do you like to spend your time?" They can bring up their hobbies, or if they enjoy it, their work. It's friendly and keeps the conversation going while giving your conversation partner many ways to comfortably respond.
In my opinion these "curious" people were never taught what to say or not. We lost the art of etiquette and communication. Anna does a brilliant job of returning lost knowledge.
My daughter is adopted and doesn't look like me so I constantly get "where is she from?" She hates explaining her adoption story to strangers so I just say "we're all from God."
Our son as well. He is brunette and has a beautiful dark complexion. My husband is tall and blond. My husband is often asked if he is the father, and it annoys him. He always politely replies that our son looks more like his mother.
I dont look like my mom (blonde, blue eyes and typical danish), I have my dad’s dark hair and brown eyes. People ask when we are out “are you her daughter/mom? And both my mom and me have been asked the adoption question. People are obsessed.
@@Thrivinginthespotlight YES! AND, what if you had several miscarriages or a child that died young in an accident? I have said "Why do you ask?" and I just look at them. I project an honest demeanor and most people just stop and reflect.
I personally think those are the rudest questions you can ask. I have a large family and have encountered many rude comments and questions about me or my children. Similarly, I would never ask a married woman without children why she doesn’t have children-I don’t want to judge and it could very possibly be that she can’t have children and is very sad about it. That information is not for casual conversation.
When I was a stay a home mother, I would answer this question saying," I'm an Investor. " That's right, I'm investing in my family too keep them out of rehab, jail, teaching them values.
I’m glad you included at least a few ways to ask “what do you do” question differently. Because I believe that in most cases, people don’t know what to talk about and are just desperately trying to find commonalities, rather than to judge or intrude upon another. Many people, myself included, are very proud of what they do, love their work, and are eager to share. In any case, when I ask someone this question, I say, “What do you LIKE to do?” With that question, someone can include their work or not.
Not too sure about that being the ideal question. Because a lot of people these days are just functioning or not even functioning and thus haven't anything they specifically "like" to do. Apart from maybe sleeping. I guess, for a beginning, small talk is still the best. And working from that on. Referring to the current environment is always a great start, for example: "This restaurant is so nice! I love the interior design! What do you think about it?" or "You arranged that so tastefully! Are you into interior design?" or "I love that song! Which kind of music do you like?" Always giving a bit information about yourself first and then referring to something specific of the situation you are in anyway. So no intruding into all too personal spheres that may leave the questioned person embarrassed or helpless. A bit of positive reinforcement towards the other person is also always helpful. 💛
@@amerubix185 I see what you mean. I like that suggestion. For some people who are still sort of finding themselves and figuring things out, my question could be too open ended. It could cause some people to struggle to come up with something to say. I think it's often a good idea to be a bit more specific in a neutral way (environment, music, food). Thanks for the suggestion!
As someone whose Mom is almost obsessed with being tactful and drove the point home about the importance of not preying into anyone’s life, even if I know the person, I’m still amazed at how nosy people can be and that people have no shame about being nosy and making others uncomfortable
I had several professions in my life, from being a housewife all the way to the CEO. I can tell you that ppl totally judged me by my profession. Their reaction showed me right away what kind of person they are. Today, after all my experience, I am answering the way I feel at the moment. 😊 Thank you, Anna, for bringing this up!
That's exactly my own experience. In this case the contrasting reactions in regard of being successful in an internationally renowned business as opposed to being a trauma survivor. What a ride. Afterwards you know exactly how shallow, opportunistic and biased most people are.
The "are you single/do you have a boyfriend/husband" question is especially uncomfortable when you are gay 😅 and do not feel like getting into that with a stranger/acquaintance
It's also uncomfortable when you're straight. Especially when you're a female and you're almost 40. That was a torture for me everytime(most of the time) someone asked me those.
I'm a Realtor and I had a very handsome gay male client who was buying a home in a desirable neighborhood. The next door neighbor inquired about his availability- he had a daughter- I told him that my client was "involved" in a relationship. When I told my client, he laughed & said it happened to him frequently and said my response was perfect.
Great ! Had this lady ask Me in Church if I started looking for a husband I told Her when Are you going to start to Looking For the life you never had ? She got mad I didnt let her go on I just walked away ,
As someone who just graduated from high school, I don't like when people ask "what university are you going to?" because 1) some people haven't figured that out, 2) some can't afford it, and 3) some don't want to. And then they look down on you if you say you aren't going to one yet
This response sounds to me like you are ashamed of your answer so you don’t like to get the question. If you aren’t ashamed, than take pride in your answer and answer confidently with what you chose to do instead. People are curious is all and trying to make conversation.
@@authenticallytracy3421 My answer is above. And no, it's not that I'm ashamed, I'd just rather bypass the people that will look down on me for the profession I want to get into (acting/musical theatre). Just unnecessary negativity, y'know? :)
I sympathize with you. I graduated in 1987 and my father wanted me to go to college right away. It was a pressure bcs I just wanted to have freedom and get away from my parents. I ended up working for a few years till 1992 whenI went in the military. My advise? Learn a different language and travel if you can. A 2nd and 3rd language will open new doors for you. Good luck😊❤
Try just remaining silent. What do you do? … … … Oh sorry should I not have asked that? … … … Well anyway I’m (starts talking about themself/goes away).
I am sorry i have to disagree. . I feel like lots of times people that speak English are very aggressive, especially those in the USA. Lack of culture is also a big factor. . . Cold, rude, aggressive, annoying , etc etc. . I visited Mexico just last September and was in awe by the warmth of the culture and how polite people are.
@@letyfoster2421 I have agree with you 100%. It is rampant, especially in social media. It's the elegant, polite people that attract positive attention, but they are few and far between. I wish that table manners, social etiquette and respect for others were taught in schools.
@letyfoster2421 The distance across the continental US is the same as Iceland to Qatar. Though generally and geographically, it is because Europeans are much more integrated into the rest of the word and are much more metropolitan where stateside Americans are isolated from each other and everyone else. The most remote road in the world is in Nevada. With the exception of big cities, there is still a homestead way of existence, and outsiders don't realize that most are just socially awkward. When people do meet it is to exchange business information. If it isn't agricultural to discuss cattle and crop yields, than the ones who get to travel the most are the business class.
It’s even harder when you’ve lost a child (my son was 18 yrs old when he passed away) and they ask that. I always tell them two. Then they’ll ask “How old are they?”. Then I can feel the waterworks starting to build and I have to divert. It’s just awful 😢. I give different answers depending on my comfort level with the person.
@@codreaming9304sorry for your loss. A new hairstylist asked my mum how many children she has. My mum said I had 3, but sadly lost my eldest daughter. This upset her saying those words to a total stranger.
Exactly, it depends if they're genuinely wanting to get to know you or if they're just interrogating you to pass the time or to pass judgement on you for why you don't have children yet (but they don't realize I literally just had my second miscarriage) and still feel like they can judge me.. I'm sorry for your loss.
My answer probably would be something like: If you ask for alive children only, then I have one. They would feel uncomfortable or show some empathy, unless it's type of people uncapable of it.
Just flip it back around on them. If someone asks you "why don't you have children" you ask them "why do you have children"? If someone tells you that you'll regret not having kids one day, ask them if they regret having them.
Thank you, Anna! I love how you explain that when someone asks you a question, you are not obliged to give them the actual answer. This is a wonderful reminder. 💙💕
I'm a doctor and every time I've said that to strangers I've ended up tangled in the very annoying conversation about their health issues, or worse their relatives health issues... Believe me after a day taking care of patients of all kind the last thing you want to hear in your free time is more health problems. I believe it's the same for every job though. So I start replying to that question that I work in health care. And if they ask further infos I say I work in an office and luckily the conversation goes on to the next topic.
I make a point by saying something nice and not asking about my own health issues beacuse I could understand how annoying it would be to give out free advice
People who ask these type of questions lack etiquette and manners and not necessarily because of lack of wealth or because they are not in “high society”. As a matter of fact, it is often “high class” “from high society” or “wealthy” that ask these questions which in my mind definitely reveals their lack of class, etiquette and manners. Still I agree, sometimes it is ignorance or curiosity but it is no excuse for such intrusive questions. I never answer back in an aggressive or defensive way. I rather lighten up the conversation by saying -“oh it isn’t that important but you know what is? This delicious meal we are enjoying, don’t you love the…”. Thank you for this video
Yes! I always find it's so easy to have a pleasant conversation and maybe even make a new friend when you can just make observations of the environment you're both in and often you'll connect over something funny that happens and it flows naturally. "What do you do" is so over used and it makes the conversation so choppy and then you have these judgements about the person before you've even spent much time in their presence.
Just came across this suggestion: "What a fantastic question, and when I know you better I'd be comfortable talking about that" - politely assertive, setting-announcing boundaries in a polite way.
Every time someone asks me "what do you do", I would answer: "I am not willing to talk about our work, it is our free time, so let`s enjoy our free time." I don`t even care what people think of me after my respond. 🙂
I would get asked this quite often when my friends - my girlfriends and I - would go out for a Girl's Night Out or something and I was just tired of it, so I looked at my Best Fried, one night when we were out dancing and I said, .." watch what I say to the next man that asks ' me what I do ' ...she kinda giggled, said ' ohhhh boy' "..( cause she knew me well, lol) , and sure enough .... A man comes over and he's talking to us. He asks us to dance and what not. .. Then asks to sit down for a moment. ...Hes speaking to my friend..then turns to me ...He looks at me and he says " So. what is it that you do . ?" ....And I looked him straight in the eye. ..and Replied " Whatever I want ...what about YOU ???" ... I thought my friend was going to fall off of her chair...1 She was like " wow. That was great ! " ...after he left our table. I used it from thst time on for such a silly question.
It drives me crazy when people ask what I do and I am a caregiver for my mom and take care of the rest of my siblings. I really needed this video. Thanks so much Anna!
I have the habit of occasionally testing people when they ask 'What do you do'? Either telling about my two bachelor degrees or my blue collar job. The difference in reactions are priceless and usually classist unfortunately.
My friend when she was a young lawyer would answer “I work at subway sandwiches” if she suspected they were snobs. And if they were not cool with that she knew they sucked.
I never grew up rich or formally educated but I learned this at home. Maybe because my mother is not American born and my father is second gen as well it’s not something we do. I am often reminded that people don’t know how bad and uncomfortable it is to ask people these questions especially strangers.
Why have conversations with people if you can’t learn about them? Like what’s the point? Who wants to have a conversation with someone who has nothing to talk about? I’d rather stay home.
I think it’s a normal question to ask since your work takes a huge place in your life. But instead of asking "what do you do?", I would ask "what industry do you work in?", so the person doesn’t feel pressured to tell what they do exactly if they’re not comfortable with it. I wouldn’t ask too early in the conversation though. What I think is sad is that most people are going to use this to determine the level of respect to give you. But these are shallow and opportunistic people you want to avoid anyway.
In the U.S. the question, "What do you do?" is routinely asked, just as a conversation-starter with someone you've never met before. It's assumed that, whatever it is that they do, they''re not ashamed of it, and it's not illegal!
Agreed. In America, it' not uncommon for people to ask this and it's perfectly innocent. And I have found that foreigners often ask the intrusive family questions like, "Why aren't you married or have kids." Our values are different.
@@n0tgunshy it may be intended as innocent but there are people who are judged for a low status job or no job. It should be common sense that not everyone likes to explain “what they do”; to me this sounds like “how do you justify your existence?” Which is very intrusive coming from a stranger. I understand talking to strangers is hard though because you don’t know them.
@@Pamsmith59 no because how would a SAHM answer that? I’m in the “domestic” or “child rearing” industry? If you work behind the counter at McDonald’s, do you say “restaurant” industry?
You restore the art of communication. In an old book of etiquette by Florence Hartley that they now reprint it is said: " In conversing with professional gentlemen never question them upon matters connected with their employment...The same rule applies to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on their paintings..."
As a 33yo widow who works as a flight attendant, these questions are an annoyance. Thank you for providing good answers to draw boundaries to these intrusive questions.
I don't feel I have to answer but just to lighten the mood and also help the intruder get the memo they're being intrusive, I'll just say "I professionally make up job titles to confuse people who are bent on knowing" or simply "I train squirrels to steal picnic baskets"
I love that! Omg that reminds me of something I made up, I got so annoyed at the question that I took random things I did and made a whimsical sort of resume that I could just pick from such as "I take care of 100 birds", meaning I just feed the birds in my backyard and fill up the bird bath, or I'm a butterfly rancher, because I raised butterflies with my mom for fun once. 😂
Hey Anna. Thank you for addressing this, I think one of the most rude questions to ask someone is, "What do you do?" This is a person's way of categorizing you which will determine how they treat you.
Exactly! I noticed that a lot when I was younger and were out clubbing. Guys were all impressed at first when I said I'm an assistant nurse (a female nurse is hot for most hetero guys) and asked what hospital I worked at, but emediately started to frown when I told them I work with elderly people in nursinghomes. Most guys looked disgusted and like "Ew, how can you do that??" and quickly left. I said, as I do to this day, that it's more fun and I get to use all my skills because it's set in a homely environment where they have their own little appartments but share meals and activities with others. We do everything there, we clean, cook, wash, help them obviously with personal hygien, entertain, take them out in the garden, fix broken stuff etc. It's not all about poop and diapers🤦♀️Plus the pay is a bit better than in hospitals. At least it is in my country. But I think my profession is classed as the least wanted in our society. It's lower than cleaning jobs I guess. I want to change profession because I'm tired of the stress and workhours (and peoples frowns...). We work horrible hours with very little rest in between and it's very heavy too. But I'm 54 and have low selfesteem and affraid to do it... I look good still but I'm terrified to be judged. I just want a fun job like in a supermarket or shoppingcenter as I did when I was a teenager😩
@@tessltaekook8501 hm, wondering if what others have said and felt have impacted your joy in what you do. It’s unfair. You get to hang out with your friends everyday and you’re getting paid for it. Those guys were real jerks, thank goodness you didn’t marry them because if you had, they would basically never appreciate or value the heart that goes into all you do in your home. That’s the worst feeling in the world. At least, the elderly appreciate you every day. ❤ Change how you see them, they’re customers and just have fun playing with the thought. They’ll have fun, too! You’re so important to them!! You’re everything to them, your true friends.
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger Yes, I know. I even got an expensive perfume from a woman! She said "If only everyone was like you!". That was the biggest compliment and most important one I've ever gotten! I know I'm needed and that they value me. I'm always happy and see the fun and joyful things in life, and that helps a lot in my profession. But I'm tired of all the bad things people say about our profession. It's so annoying to be embarrassed about what you do for a living. I always point out that it's a lot more fun and free to work at nursinghomes and that it's like my second home. Those who live there become like family and their relatives and friends need us too. Some are so sad and lost. Like I said before, we use all of our skills and experiences in this job...😅
@@tessltaekook8501 And it’s true. If only there were more people like you! If only a new word title should replace the one that exists. It would give a facelift to the whole perception of the profession. 😄 You could explore a new exciting title for yourself! 😁 Many people already call you Angels. You kind of work as a Human Resources Management. 😉 Your clients are a Seasoned Class 🧬 among the Worlds MOST experienced! 😃 You are AMONGST the finest, luckiest and most experienced in the world, who have connected you to the most available knowledge of the world in most areas of life! 😌💕 Everyday, you have the Pulse on life! 🩺😁 Everyone else is missing out… 😊😉💕
This is very blanket statement. Europe is not one country or just one culture. It is a continent that is home to many countries, cultures, and lifestyles. Same for America- which actually covers 2 continents, North America & South America.
@@g.c.6823 I know right .. Even here in India such type of questions are asked within 2 seconds of meeting as if their respect is measured by your profession and how much money you make.. So annoying.
Well, I don’t think that asking “what do you do?” has bad intention, it’s just a normal question when you try to get to know someone as work is a big part of our life. This question is not elegant only when you ask it in order to judge people based on their occupation. But “when are you getting married” and “when are you having children” totally rude and no they don’t mean good by asking. Usually the people asking this are married and have children and feel like you have to follow their path, because it’s the right one and I also believe they feel more “successful” and want to rub it in your face. And I would add one more rude question: “have you gained weight?” and my favorite rude answer “oh, no I actually lost weight. You should have seen me last month when I was fat, I looked just like you” 😅
@@themartinacrazy people who are laid off or who choose to be stay at home parents/homemakers do get judged. And in some circles people are judged for retail or blue collar work.
I understand that some questions can make people feel uncomfortable. I remember how I felt when I had lost my job after 28 years at an institution I really believed in. I felt like my entire identity had been taken from me. Answering the question about what I do was very difficult for me at the time. Still, I think that these days we are obsessed about being politically correct. I want to have honest, genuine conversations with people. I don't like all the small talk. As you say, people are always free not to answer, but if we only ask superficial questions, no real connections are formed. Why do we need to be so secretive about ourselves? Let's have the courage of our convictions. I stand behind who I am and the choices I make.
I totally agree. Playing games with words do not build connection or trust. For questions one doesn't want to answer, just be honest about it: I don't want to talk about this.But can we talk about xxx?
Thank you Anna. For me It's been a traumatic time losing my partner suddenly. I decided to be a woman of Grace and really understand what that means for me. I now can, in turn, 'Give Grace' to others for their own ignorance. I'm able to set my boundaries with others and hold on to my power 'gracefully'. .....It's powerful stuff!
Anna has collected all the most annoying questions in one video. A colleague asked me every day for two years: "When will you invite me to your wedding?". I answered: "First I need to find a boyfriend, then he'll propose to me, then we'll plan the wedding. I don't think it will be anytime soon." And she'd start telling me that she got married at 19 and thought she was an old bride, and she'd say that I must think I'm really old at 32. She spent a long time telling me how old I was. One day when she asked me "When will I get an invitation to your wedding?", I honestly replied "never. I will only invite my friends and family." She said: "That's rude." And I said, "That's honest." For two years I heard every day from this 60 year old woman how old and unwanted I am in my 30-32 years. And I was frustrated and sad every day. Why wasn't I rude right away? I should have been rude to her after she said bad words to me for the first time. Sometimes it's okay to be rude.
I love telling people I am a homemaker when they ask me the annoying question of what my career is. I find that people typically ask me this because they are looking at me and wondering how to achieve what I have achieved. The answer is discipline in diet and self care. The answer is making an effort with my appearance whether I am getting on an airplane, meeting with a CEO or preparing to meet my house cleaner.
@@sylwia7319 they are Jealous. You should be smirking not mad. Don't let them trick you into thinking its not the most important, valued job in the world.
Sylwia, if you have time to sit at home & do nothing you are one of two things. Neglecting your home & mothering duties or an awesome mummy who has great time management. The best I managed was a tired, messy mummy whose children survived & hubby wasn't stabbed.
OMG!! This video is so amazingly helpful! I think it’s so intrusive to be asked “what do you do?”. The most dreaded question ever. Thank you so much for addressing this!
I am not well educated, I went to community college for a year and that’s as far as I got in receiving formal education. Classy, I am though 😊 I made the choice to become an exotic dancer in order to live a life without financial struggle, and not because I identify as a dancer. This question always haunts me and gives me major anxiety bc I know how people will perceive me and it’s not at all how I truly am. In a way it has been a blessing to repel people who do not want to really get to know me and build a meaningful relationship/ friendship. Anyway, I would love to thank you for teaching us your classy ways, forever a fan of yours 💖
YES! Thank you Anna for highlighting this HUGE mistake that so many people make… asking “what do you do for work?” , I have been saying for years how this is actually a very invasive question and yet nearly every person I meet asks it straight away.
“How old are you?” … can people stop asking about age? So inappropriate🙄 I don’t understand what’s going to change about knowing a number. As long as the person has legal age people shouldn’t care!!
I agree! Such an unnecessary question, you can tell someone's approximate age range by just looking at them. Why do they need to know the exact number.
I had a work "ice breaker" once and the chap asked each of us what we do in our spare time. I was the only one who said: I enjoy going to the theather and watch musicals or go to nice cafes when I go to London. Everyone else than said: my life is more boring. I don't do much. The most, I go to the gym. Etc. I left the meeting feeling totally like a stuck-up bi":h. Never more I shared what I do in my spare time. I would rather talk about work now, being honest.
Never be ashamed of being excellent. Don't turn your light down just because other people are dull. You don't need to say as much the next time maybe but don't feel embarrassed for not being boring and average please.
I don’t like the “what do you do” question either. I’ve been doing archaeology for several years, and I always get the same million questions, and even though I enjoy my work, I don’t necessarily want to talk about it all the time and fain discussion over it repeatedly. …I think the response I liked most that you gave, was “I do a variety of things…what do YOU do?” Because it’s true. I work in different areas, and I am a very multi-faceted individual. If I told you one thing I’m engaged with, you would probably be surprised that I’m also interested in the other… So I agree, I don’t like being put in some kind of box based off of that question. I love my country, Hawaii, USA, but something I appreciate about my time in Spain (mother’s homeland), is that work is never the first thing that Spaniards bring up in conversation. It actually takes several times of meeting someone to even begin to talk about what we do for a living. And that’s a breath of fresh air. The asking about work and judging people on how much money they make is a very L.A. thing btw….not necessarily an all-American thing. Btw, since today is American Independence Day 🇺🇸, I’d like to recommend reading the “Rules of Civility”, but our first President and General George Washington. These are polite manners and guidelines for being a civil and proper citizen. A good and short read. Have a wonderful day, aloha 🤙🏼❤️🤍💙
Jus avoid outings until u r ready to converse. Different people have different understanding of boundaries, and at these days, everyone gets oversensitive and it's hard to tell people nicely without offending them. We can't get angry at people who overstepped our boundaries unknowingly but it's also hard to continue a conversation without stepping on eggshells
Thank you for the lovely and very helpful video. I dread the "what do you" question. I'm currently a SAHM of older kids and definitely feel the shift in people when they find out. Even well meaning friends refer to it as being an incomplete person. Having some tactful strategies to redirect conversation is helpful for my peace. The kicker for me is that when I was economically employed in a very detailed oriented position that I found interesting, eyes would glaze over then when I talked about it. Unless it is an "exciting" position, people don't care. The question was used to determine my value to them or perceived social status.
I love that you tackle the “what do you do” question. An MD. Friend introduces himself as a day labourer, partly to screen out those people who value you based on your occupation as well as to avoid being asked for medical advice. He is also helping the guys working on his house and says people have no idea how hard these guys work or of the skills they have.
I teach and am proud of where I work and what I teach. I am happy to discuss it. I usually socialise with other professionals and asking about a person’s work is a great ice breaker
I despise being asked about my job, for several reasons. My usual answer is to say the industry I work in and then say: but let's not talk about work in our free time 😄 it always works!
I very much agree with these and it’s a good reminder to be careful what I ask also. I notice in the US, people go straight to what do you “do”. Also with the family planning it truly is so personal and sensitive. When you say you don’t “want” kids like you mentioned people think it’s that you just don’t like them but it can be for a variety of personal reasons.. like for me it is medical conditions. So asking why someone doesn’t want kids is very prying! Both men and women do this!
As I often say, the question belongs to the one who is asking, and the answer belongs to the one who will answer, so you're free to give the answer you want. If a person doesnt like your answer then it might be a bit of a toxic person, or at least not a kind person, so not necessary to make this person a friend.
But there are connotations with everything about you. What you do (or don't do) for a living, what your hobbies are, what clothes you wear, what school you went to, what part of the city you live in...
I hate it when you tell people what you do for a living, for example marketing, and they want the specifics. “oh so what exactly do you do?” Like they actually want to know what your daily tasks at work are. It’s so intrusive. And it’s even worse when you’re unemployed.
@@noxnoir not when you are first meeting. Most of the time you’ll probably never see these people again. Obviously if you are on a date it’s different because you are probably looking for a life partner or serious relationship but a stranger you barely know doesn’t need to know the answer to that question. It’s just small talk for them. Doesn’t mean they want to get to know you.
@@ayla8345 all friends were "strangers" at some point. I think it is not good for your mental health to always assume the worst in people. It could lead to an interesting conversation. If you have your "wall up", you cant bond with people.
@@noxnoir you clearly do not understand what I am talking about. There is a time and place for making friends. I’m not sure if you have ever been to certain events or met new people in a more formal setting but situations like that do exist. You KNOW when someone you’re meeting could become a potential friend but most people you meet in your day to day life will not become your friends. If that were the case we’d all have thousands of friends. This has nothing to do with having your wall up. Maybe you don’t socialise enough to know the difference between these situations.
What do you do is a very normal question for Americans. A lot of wealthy people are also used to that question. They usually either work or have a business and are happy to tell you about it.
When someone ask me “what do you do” my brain automatically translate it as How much money do you make? I don’t care what people say it’s so rude to ask those questions 😒💸
Perhaps this is the reason why I don’t have many friends because I get irritated pretty quickly. People need to learn to respect boundaries more. I have come across too many people like this and fortunately they are no longer in my life. 🙂
How will people learn your boundaries if they know nothing about you? I guess as soon as a new person walks up to you just start rattling off things you won’t be talking about 🤷🏻♀️
@@gamergal8220well you make stuff up rather than try to find out, so that’s why you don’t know. The rest of us learned In childhood and young adulthood by watching mothers and. Pricing reactions
I have met lots of people who are not classy, and I understand now why I felt uncomfortable with their conversation. I'm improving my social circle and I don't give time and energy to people like that anymore, particularly in London where there are so many people and talking to strangers in not so much of a taboo anymore.
I am from a place where people are very well known to be sarcastic. Whenever we are asked any question, we only give sarcastic answers. It is like mother tongue. If someone asks me when my marriage is, I would say in a sarcastic tone - why, do you want to sponsor my wedding? That would do it😂
Loved this video!!! So relatable personally I’m extremely tired of what I think is the number one question people ask “ what do you do for work?” And the dreaded “why are you still single ??? “ I liked your advice on how to actually answer these intrusive questions that was helpful because I’m so tired of these questions!!! 😩😩
Yes, thanks Anna for bringing this up. One time. My Uber driver of all people out right asked “are you going to work? Also, sometimes people are dealing with serious health issues who are unable to work at the moment.
I live in the US, and the question “What do you do for a living?” is so common. I am from Europe, and even though I’ve been living in the USA for over 10 years, the question still turns me off so much. But, well, I am in a country that values status above anything else. Probably for this reason, my closest friends here are people from my home country and other immigrants..
I love your insightful and helpful videos so much! But I REALLY loved seeing your sweet fur baby behind/on the side of you! He/she looked so comfortable and the little stretch they did after turning on their side was simply the cutest! ❤️🐶
I often ask what do you do not to be nosy but as an icebreaker, After seeing this I will not do it again. Only asked to open conversations about funny work stories etc not to judge or box people. I hope nobody thought ill of me. I
I disagree on 'what do you do' question. Work is a place where we spend almost half of our lives and it indicates our interests, habits. If you're afraid that your job is not sufficiently prestigious or will be judged, then I would change the circle of people you're hanging out with.
I can understand where you're coming from with this, and I'm sure this is true for a lot of people. However, not everyone's work indicates their interests or habits. Sometimes it simply means they did not have the means to get an education, not even a two year education, and their job is simply what helps them get by. This question is often asked at weddings, or other events where you come into contact with a lot of strangers. So this question is often asked over and over again, and can be pretty exhausting. Why not simply ask about interests instead of what someone does for work if that's what you really want to know?
I agree with you . This video explained why people are so easily offended these days and afraid to talk to each other. There are so many egg shells around. I don't see "What do you do" as a rude question. Work doesn't define a person, but it is a very important aspect for most adults as we spend most of our awake time work whether in an office or at home. As long as the question was not asked with an ill intention, I don't see why we can't talk about work.
Oh my gosh! This is a great video. I gave up my law degree aged 27 to care for my son who is blind I also have my daughter who is beautiful on the autism spectrum. A son who is 23 year old. So I am a carer and home maker and also on my own. I used to feel obliged to say! I am still myself and dress up. So people want to know what I do and where am I going?! I am not overdressed they are basic.. I tick almost all the questions, work, you’re so beautiful why are you on your own right down to my ethnicity! My faith teaches us not to overshare and keep everything private. As those who are blessed are envied and envy is real. Being born British I have always struggled on how to answer any questions as I am too honest and open. I need to learn these responses and apply next time. Thank you this is a great video Anna.
Omg “what do you do”? Really?! It is always sounds like “how much you make” in more polite way. I even got straight forward saying “what do you really want to know?!” “you want to ask how much I make?!” Ahaha! Seriously you can sense the intention behind asking this😅 Thanks for making me feel adequate in my feelings about this stupid approach. I love your every word in this video and its message. Thank you Anna ❤
I must say that East European culture so much more polite and inventive in this area of questions. Meaning I can give a response about my work/education or hobbies - depending what exactly I prefer to discuss here with this person. 😊
I honestly despise the 'what do you do' question, because, it does not give scope to who i am as a person / or any interest I may have! Thank you for reminding us to divert into either better topics or different conversational directions -Really owning our time. I really appreciate someone else talking on these topics. Thank you.
People are so rude! You meet them and some immediately start interrogating you. I find this highly rude. I think it's better to just have a conversation and let things come up as they may. A casual acquaintance doesn't need to know all of your business as soon as you meet. When people start up with this, I've started to immediately ask them the exact same question, and they usually get the message. I may have to start saying politely, "We've just met, do you need to know everything about me right away?" I also like that, "Why are you asking?" If it sounds defensive, that's because it is offensive. I don't like feeling like I'm being interrogated.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU for making this video!!! I am so over having to explain my decision to only have one child to perfect strangers! THANK YOU for calling out how rude family planning questions are!!
I was a Nurse in the US Air Force and I was so tired of hearing people’s surprise or opinions about women in the military that I would just answer Nurse. That response usually ended the employment conversation.
I try to avoid letting people know I'm a nurse; then they will tell me their most gruesome stories/accidents/illnesses, and then press for which hospital? What department? Do you work days or nights and how long have you been there? OMG ; rude, rude, rude Feels like the Spanish Inquisition
@@cherieroberts3502 You could tell them you were in "special ops" so you can't really discuss the details, LoL. My good friend is a phone triage nurse for the military; her pay is horrible but she does get to work from home and that's an awesome benefit. Happy 4th of July and thank you for your service!!
What rude questions are you asked? Do you have any other tips on how to respond to rude questions? Let me know in the comments below.
Anna! Please, you never sent me an item I bought.
Hey Anna, next video on how to answer such questions.. I mean i am homemaker, technically it's me who literally does everything so that my man can simply and happily go to work. He also appreciates this, but people? How exactly i am supposed to answer this question?? Oh! So you're a housewife but what do you do in your free time? I literally feel like cursing at loud🫥🫥🫥
Once a friend asked me how much money I have on my bank account! I mean... seriously? 😅
@@lindavidel95😮
While I was single I’d get many questions from ‘friends’ and acquaintances ‘when are you getting married’ 🥲 It was really getting the better of me for a long period of time. At some point I decided to not lose my cool and joke it away with this answer: ‘Oh it’s none of your business in the first place but keep asking and watch how you lose all your chances of getting an invitation for the wedding’ 😂 I realize it’s not the most elegant way to respond but back in the days I was just over it.
I’m a full time mother/ caretaker for my severely disabled son. Whenever people ask me what I do … I’m a doctor, a nurse, a therapist and a teacher. 😊
God bless you 🙏🏻
Me too.Staying home with my son , who is on disability ♥️👩🦰♥️
Im a Stay at home wife/mom. I like to respond with I'm a domestic engineer. Lol
Being a mother is the most challenging job in the world, yet it is the least appreciated and valued just because it doesn’t come with a paycheck. When I meet divorced men complaining that their “horrible” ex wife, who delivered his kids, has never worked, I get so frustrated. She has worked 24/7 with no vacations. It is so sad to see where the modern world is going with its values.
@@Bee-Kind-Baker being a mother is also a career..🤗
When asked what you do, one answer can be "as little as possible", said with a smile.
@@PenangGirl 🙌
Great answer!
Fun! I like that!
@@PenangGirl 😅
I just love avoiding people these days. So much more peace. Just focus on what makes you happy
@@MARA_O1 me & my bestie's motto is literally let's go and avoid people together 😂 I so hear you
That´s it ! 💡
@@MARA_O1 agree
I like people! So varied and unique. I am not afraid to spend time alone, but I also enjoy interacting with many types of people.
That is actually one of my lines...."I avoid people."
My dad would respond to nosy questions with, “I’ll forgive your rudeness for asking if you’ll forgive my rudeness for not answering !”🤣
lol love that
@@patkeef neat 👍🏼
Excellent! I'll adopt that
@@patkeef I like this answer
The best response 🔝🔝🔝🔝🔝🔝🔝
I generally ask people "how do you like to spend your time?" They can bring up their hobbies, or if they enjoy it, their work. It's friendly and keeps the conversation going while giving your conversation partner many ways to comfortably respond.
Very good advice
Ah, I like that question! 😉
i like that
Wow, that's a great question, not to intrude much but still keep up conversation!!!!!! Thanks for sharing!!! 🙏
I think that's a great thing to ask!
A lot of people are not happy in life, and so they like over-stepping other people's boundaries.
Only immature people can’t feel other people boundaries. I don’t have to be a good mother for kids that I didn’t give a birth to. 😂
Well said❤
In my opinion these "curious" people were never taught what to say or not. We lost the art of etiquette and communication. Anna does a brilliant job of returning lost knowledge.
Or a person is really interested in getting to know you. I think it is not good for your mental health to always assume the worst in people.
@@theartoffashionThank you. You sound like the only classy one in the room. I like your attitude.
My daughter is adopted and doesn't look like me so I constantly get "where is she from?" She hates explaining her adoption story to strangers so I just say "we're all from God."
Our son as well. He is brunette and has a beautiful dark complexion. My husband is tall and blond. My husband is often asked if he is the father, and it annoys him. He always politely replies that our son looks more like his mother.
@@merih-agyour husband is the father, he isn't the sperm donor. You are the mother not the egg donor. Really it's not anyone's business.❤
I dont look like my mom (blonde, blue eyes and typical danish), I have my dad’s dark hair and brown eyes. People ask when we are out “are you her daughter/mom? And both my mom and me
have been asked the adoption question. People are obsessed.
wow!!!!! 😮 so rude
My favorite line for all of these is: “thank you for asking (and showing interest) but I keep that kind of information private”
@@Cinnamon_rolls444 Perfect answer.
😂 I wish to have your level of spicyness
Very good answer
Hmmm sry but I find this answer a bit of a turn off
I saw someone say that their go to response is “huh, what a weird thing to say to someone.” Might be a bit petty but gets the point across sometimes
The family planning questions are so crude. If someone asks me that I immediately lower my opinion of them.
Yes, they are crude...that's exactly what those questions are
@@Thrivinginthespotlight YES! AND, what if you had several miscarriages or a child that died young in an accident? I have said "Why do you ask?" and I just look at them. I project an honest demeanor and most people just stop and reflect.
@@NicolewithouttheH yeah same
I personally think those are the rudest questions you can ask. I have a large family and have encountered many rude comments and questions about me or my children. Similarly, I would never ask a married woman without children why she doesn’t have children-I don’t want to judge and it could very possibly be that she can’t have children and is very sad about it. That information is not for casual conversation.
Ditto
When I was a stay a home mother, I would answer this question saying," I'm an Investor. "
That's right, I'm investing in my family too keep them out of rehab, jail, teaching them values.
I’m glad you included at least a few ways to ask “what do you do” question differently. Because I believe that in most cases, people don’t know what to talk about and are just desperately trying to find commonalities, rather than to judge or intrude upon another. Many people, myself included, are very proud of what they do, love their work, and are eager to share. In any case, when I ask someone this question, I say, “What do you LIKE to do?” With that question, someone can include their work or not.
Great point!
Not too sure about that being the ideal question. Because a lot of people these days are just functioning or not even functioning and thus haven't anything they specifically "like" to do. Apart from maybe sleeping. I guess, for a beginning, small talk is still the best. And working from that on. Referring to the current environment is always a great start, for example: "This restaurant is so nice! I love the interior design! What do you think about it?" or "You arranged that so tastefully! Are you into interior design?" or "I love that song! Which kind of music do you like?" Always giving a bit information about yourself first and then referring to something specific of the situation you are in anyway. So no intruding into all too personal spheres that may leave the questioned person embarrassed or helpless. A bit of positive reinforcement towards the other person is also always helpful. 💛
@@amerubix185 I see what you mean. I like that suggestion. For some people who are still sort of finding themselves and figuring things out, my question could be too open ended. It could cause some people to struggle to come up with something to say. I think it's often a good idea to be a bit more specific in a neutral way (environment, music, food). Thanks for the suggestion!
As someone whose Mom is almost obsessed with being tactful and drove the point home about the importance of not preying into anyone’s life, even if I know the person, I’m still amazed at how nosy people can be and that people have no shame about being nosy and making others uncomfortable
I had several professions in my life, from being a housewife all the way to the CEO. I can tell you that ppl totally judged me by my profession. Their reaction showed me right away what kind of person they are. Today, after all my experience, I am answering the way I feel at the moment. 😊 Thank you, Anna, for bringing this up!
That's exactly my own experience. In this case the contrasting reactions in regard of being successful in an internationally renowned business as opposed to being a trauma survivor. What a ride. Afterwards you know exactly how shallow, opportunistic and biased most people are.
The "are you single/do you have a boyfriend/husband" question is especially uncomfortable when you are gay 😅 and do not feel like getting into that with a stranger/acquaintance
It's also uncomfortable when you're straight. Especially when you're a female and you're almost 40. That was a torture for me everytime(most of the time) someone asked me those.
My answer: "you don't need that information." Failsafe.
@@natashabourne2167❤️
I'm a Realtor and I had a very handsome gay male client who was buying a home in a desirable neighborhood. The next door neighbor inquired about his availability- he had a daughter- I told him that my client was "involved" in a relationship. When I told my client, he laughed & said it happened to him frequently and said my response was perfect.
“Yes” or “No” will suffice. You’re not specific and also it’s a standalone answer. Now let them feel the leftover awkwardness.
The dress looks so beautiful on you ❤❤❤ you are glowing!
yesss The DRESS!!
When people ask me “why you’re not married?” My response “ Nobody wants to be happy” 😂
I love this!
Love this!!!
😂😂😂
Great !
Had this lady ask
Me in
Church if I started looking for a husband I told
Her when
Are you going to start to
Looking
For the life you never had ?
She got mad I didnt let her go on
I just walked away ,
I will when it's compulsory by law...
As someone who just graduated from high school, I don't like when people ask "what university are you going to?" because 1) some people haven't figured that out, 2) some can't afford it, and 3) some don't want to. And then they look down on you if you say you aren't going to one yet
Saying congratulations! So what is your next step?
@@rhondaharris398 Thanks! I'm going to move out of my house soon and do some musical theatre training (that's my niche)
This response sounds to me like you are ashamed of your answer so you don’t like to get the question. If you aren’t ashamed, than take pride in your answer and answer confidently with what you chose to do instead. People are curious is all and trying to make conversation.
@@authenticallytracy3421 My answer is above. And no, it's not that I'm ashamed, I'd just rather bypass the people that will look down on me for the profession I want to get into (acting/musical theatre). Just unnecessary negativity, y'know? :)
I sympathize with you. I graduated in 1987 and my father wanted me to go to college right away. It was a pressure bcs I just wanted to have freedom and get away from my parents. I ended up working for a few years till 1992 whenI went in the military. My advise? Learn a different language and travel if you can. A 2nd and 3rd language will open new doors for you. Good luck😊❤
Asking what you do, is a way to decide how much respect you want to give. The server vs. an acquisition manager
Sometimes I feel like English is such a polite language - so it’s getting hard to deal with low class people and be firm about your boundaries
Try just remaining silent. What do you do?
…
…
…
Oh sorry should I not have asked that?
…
…
…
Well anyway I’m (starts talking about themself/goes away).
I am sorry i have to disagree. . I feel like lots of times people that speak English are very aggressive, especially those in the USA. Lack of culture is also a big factor. . . Cold, rude, aggressive, annoying , etc etc. . I visited Mexico just last September and was in awe by the warmth of the culture and how polite people are.
If it becomes hard to deal with them, just leave and forget it to move on with your day happily as it didn't happen.
@@letyfoster2421 I have agree with you 100%. It is rampant, especially in social media. It's the elegant, polite people that attract positive attention, but they are few and far between. I wish that table manners, social etiquette and respect for others were taught in schools.
@letyfoster2421 The distance across the continental US is the same as Iceland to Qatar.
Though generally and geographically, it is because Europeans are much more integrated into the rest of the word and are much more metropolitan where stateside Americans are isolated from each other and everyone else. The most remote road in the world is in Nevada. With the exception of big cities, there is still a homestead way of existence, and outsiders don't realize that most are just socially awkward. When people do meet it is to exchange business information. If it isn't agricultural to discuss cattle and crop yields, than the ones who get to travel the most are the business class.
It’s even harder when you’ve lost a child (my son was 18 yrs old when he passed away) and they ask that. I always tell them two. Then they’ll ask “How old are they?”. Then I can feel the waterworks starting to build and I have to divert. It’s just awful 😢. I give different answers depending on my comfort level with the person.
@@codreaming9304sorry for your loss. A new hairstylist asked my mum how many children she has. My mum said I had 3, but sadly lost my eldest daughter. This upset her saying those words to a total stranger.
Exactly, it depends if they're genuinely wanting to get to know you or if they're just interrogating you to pass the time or to pass judgement on you for why you don't have children yet (but they don't realize I literally just had my second miscarriage) and still feel like they can judge me.. I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you for this. It's a very good reminder.
My answer probably would be something like: If you ask for alive children only, then I have one. They would feel uncomfortable or show some empathy, unless it's type of people uncapable of it.
I lost a daughter after a heart operation 40 years ago. I still struggle with the question “ how many children do I have?”
Someone asked me yesterday how come you don't have children? My reply was I'm happy not having them. That ended that conversation.
that deserves a round of applause 👏👏👏👏
@@thewizard555 Thank you 😊 Exactly, was my decision not to have them, not really anyone's business.
Just flip it back around on them. If someone asks you "why don't you have children" you ask them "why do you have children"? If someone tells you that you'll regret not having kids one day, ask them if they regret having them.
I can relate to this too..
I tell them that I am not childless; I am child-free! That shuts them up! LOL!
Thank you, Anna! I love how you explain that when someone asks you a question, you are not obliged to give them the actual answer. This is a wonderful reminder. 💙💕
I'm a doctor and every time I've said that to strangers I've ended up tangled in the very annoying conversation about their health issues, or worse their relatives health issues... Believe me after a day taking care of patients of all kind the last thing you want to hear in your free time is more health problems. I believe it's the same for every job though.
So I start replying to that question that I work in health care. And if they ask further infos I say I work in an office and luckily the conversation goes on to the next topic.
yes, I have the same experience:-)
I make a point by saying something nice and not asking about my own health issues beacuse I could understand how annoying it would be to give out free advice
People who ask these type of questions lack etiquette and manners and not necessarily because of lack of wealth or because they are not in “high society”. As a matter of fact, it is often “high class” “from high society” or “wealthy” that ask these questions which in my mind definitely reveals their lack of class, etiquette and manners. Still I agree, sometimes it is ignorance or curiosity but it is no excuse for such intrusive questions. I never answer back in an aggressive or defensive way. I rather lighten up the conversation by saying -“oh it isn’t that important but you know what is? This delicious meal we are enjoying, don’t you love the…”. Thank you for this video
Yes! I always find it's so easy to have a pleasant conversation and maybe even make a new friend when you can just make observations of the environment you're both in and often you'll connect over something funny that happens and it flows naturally. "What do you do" is so over used and it makes the conversation so choppy and then you have these judgements about the person before you've even spent much time in their presence.
That's a good response. 😊
@@lifespanwellnessbeauty-60i64 thank you 🤍
Just came across this suggestion: "What a fantastic question, and when I know you better I'd be comfortable talking about that" - politely assertive, setting-announcing boundaries in a polite way.
Every time someone asks me "what do you do", I would answer:
"I am not willing to talk about our work, it is our free time, so let`s enjoy our free time."
I don`t even care what people think of me after my respond. 🙂
Good answer. I would love to use it
Thats a good one ! "Work stays at work" !
The first part sounds rude but I do like the “it’s our free time, let’s enjoy our free time”
I would get asked this quite often when my friends - my girlfriends and I - would go out for a Girl's Night Out or something and I was just tired of it, so I looked at my Best Fried, one night when we were out dancing and I said, .." watch what I say to the next man that asks ' me what I do ' ...she kinda giggled, said ' ohhhh boy' "..( cause she knew me well, lol) , and sure enough .... A man comes over and he's talking to us. He asks us to dance and what not. ..
Then asks to sit down for a moment. ...Hes speaking to my friend..then turns to me ...He looks at me and he says " So. what is it that you do . ?" ....And I looked him straight in the eye. ..and Replied " Whatever I want ...what about YOU ???" ... I thought my friend was going to fall off of her chair...1 She was like " wow. That was great ! " ...after he left our table. I used it from thst time on for such a silly question.
@@texasstardust6010 it was a man asking you this? To me your answer could have given a provocative message.
It drives me crazy when people ask what I do and I am a caregiver for my mom and take care of the rest of my siblings. I really needed this video. Thanks so much Anna!
I have the habit of occasionally testing people when they ask 'What do you do'?
Either telling about my two bachelor degrees or my blue collar job.
The difference in reactions are priceless and usually classist unfortunately.
i do that too! tell them about my degree, then “yeah, and i work as a chef☺️”
My friend when she was a young lawyer would answer “I work at subway sandwiches” if she suspected they were snobs. And if they were not cool with that she knew they sucked.
I never grew up rich or formally educated but I learned this at home. Maybe because my mother is not American born and my father is second gen as well it’s not something we do. I am often reminded that people don’t know how bad and uncomfortable it is to ask people these questions especially strangers.
Formal education is not required to have emotional maturity and excellent social skills! Some people have none of the above
Your dog is so adorable snuggling on the couch behind you! ❤
When people are secure, happy with themselves, and have a life they don't need to ask these questions
Why have conversations with people if you can’t learn about them? Like what’s the point? Who wants to have a conversation with someone who has nothing to talk about? I’d rather stay home.
@@authenticallytracy3421 It's not about whether they have something to talk about but whether they want to share it with you. Huge difference.
I think it’s a normal question to ask since your work takes a huge place in your life. But instead of asking "what do you do?", I would ask "what industry do you work in?", so the person doesn’t feel pressured to tell what they do exactly if they’re not comfortable with it. I wouldn’t ask too early in the conversation though. What I think is sad is that most people are going to use this to determine the level of respect to give you. But these are shallow and opportunistic people you want to avoid anyway.
@@noanoa8991 Unfortunately, you cannot always avoid them. And once an information is out, you cannot catch it again.
In the U.S. the question, "What do you do?" is routinely asked, just as a conversation-starter with someone you've never met before. It's assumed that, whatever it is that they do, they''re not ashamed of it, and it's not illegal!
You can always ask, "What industry are you in?"
Agreed. In America, it' not uncommon for people to ask this and it's perfectly innocent. And I have found that foreigners often ask the intrusive family questions like, "Why aren't you married or have kids." Our values are different.
@@n0tgunshy it may be intended as innocent but there are people who are judged for a low status job or no job. It should be common sense that not everyone likes to explain “what they do”; to me this sounds like “how do you justify your existence?” Which is very intrusive coming from a stranger. I understand talking to strangers is hard though because you don’t know them.
@@Pamsmith59 no because how would a SAHM answer that? I’m in the “domestic” or “child rearing” industry? If you work behind the counter at McDonald’s, do you say “restaurant” industry?
@@joanblack6672 people who recently got laid off may be ashamed about it. Quit being obtuse
You restore the art of communication. In an old book of etiquette by Florence Hartley that they now reprint it is said: " In conversing with professional gentlemen never question them upon matters connected with their employment...The same rule applies to questioning lawyers about their clients, artists on their paintings..."
As a 33yo widow who works as a flight attendant, these questions are an annoyance. Thank you for providing good answers to draw boundaries to these intrusive questions.
I don't feel I have to answer but just to lighten the mood and also help the intruder get the memo they're being intrusive, I'll just say "I professionally make up job titles to confuse people who are bent on knowing" or simply "I train squirrels to steal picnic baskets"
😂…your Last answer is the best ever, I still laughing tears 😁👍
I love that! Omg that reminds me of something I made up, I got so annoyed at the question that I took random things I did and made a whimsical sort of resume that I could just pick from such as "I take care of 100 birds", meaning I just feed the birds in my backyard and fill up the bird bath, or I'm a butterfly rancher, because I raised butterflies with my mom for fun once. 😂
@@JesikahMartins 🐿🐿🐿
omg love that!
Hey Anna. Thank you for addressing this, I think one of the most rude questions to ask someone is, "What do you do?" This is a person's way of categorizing you which will determine how they treat you.
Exactly! I noticed that a lot when I was younger and were out clubbing. Guys were all impressed at first when I said I'm an assistant nurse (a female nurse is hot for most hetero guys) and asked what hospital I worked at, but emediately started to frown when I told them I work with elderly people in nursinghomes. Most guys looked disgusted and like "Ew, how can you do that??" and quickly left. I said, as I do to this day, that it's more fun and I get to use all my skills because it's set in a homely environment where they have their own little appartments but share meals and activities with others. We do everything there, we clean, cook, wash, help them obviously with personal hygien, entertain, take them out in the garden, fix broken stuff etc. It's not all about poop and diapers🤦♀️Plus the pay is a bit better than in hospitals. At least it is in my country.
But I think my profession is classed as the least wanted in our society. It's lower than cleaning jobs I guess.
I want to change profession because I'm tired of the stress and workhours (and peoples frowns...). We work horrible hours with very little rest in between and it's very heavy too. But I'm 54 and have low selfesteem and affraid to do it... I look good still but I'm terrified to be judged. I just want a fun job like in a supermarket or shoppingcenter as I did when I was a teenager😩
@@tessltaekook8501 hm, wondering if what others have said and felt have impacted your joy in what you do. It’s unfair. You get to hang out with your friends everyday and you’re getting paid for it. Those guys were real jerks, thank goodness you didn’t marry them because if you had, they would basically never appreciate or value the heart that goes into all you do in your home. That’s the worst feeling in the world. At least, the elderly appreciate you every day. ❤ Change how you see them, they’re customers and just have fun playing with the thought. They’ll have fun, too! You’re so important to them!! You’re everything to them, your true friends.
@@CatsInHats-S.CrouchingTiger Yes, I know. I even got an expensive perfume from a woman! She said "If only everyone was like you!". That was the biggest compliment and most important one I've ever gotten! I know I'm needed and that they value me. I'm always happy and see the fun and joyful things in life, and that helps a lot in my profession. But I'm tired of all the bad things people say about our profession. It's so annoying to be embarrassed about what you do for a living. I always point out that it's a lot more fun and free to work at nursinghomes and that it's like my second home. Those who live there become like family and their relatives and friends need us too. Some are so sad and lost. Like I said before, we use all of our skills and experiences in this job...😅
@@tessltaekook8501 And it’s true. If only there were more people like you! If only a new word title should replace the one that exists. It would give a facelift to the whole perception of the profession. 😄 You could explore a new exciting title for yourself! 😁 Many people already call you Angels. You kind of work as a Human Resources Management. 😉 Your clients are a Seasoned Class 🧬 among the Worlds MOST experienced! 😃 You are AMONGST the finest, luckiest and most experienced in the world, who have connected you to the most available knowledge of the world in most areas of life!
😌💕 Everyday, you have the Pulse on life! 🩺😁 Everyone else is missing out… 😊😉💕
In America it’s very common to ask what you do in Europe it is looked down on. But that’s cultural
This is very blanket statement.
Europe is not one country or just one culture. It is a continent that is home to many countries, cultures, and lifestyles. Same for America- which actually covers 2 continents, North America & South America.
In Italy those questions are super common, even from "elegant"/rich people (that I find very rude)
@@g.c.6823 I know right ..
Even here in India such type of questions are asked within 2 seconds of meeting as if their respect is measured by your profession and how much money you make..
So annoying.
I believe everyone understands that in America means only in united States of America. No one from Brazil says “in America” when referring to Brazil.
@@g.c.6823in asian countries it's super super super common...i m so done😕
Well, I don’t think that asking “what do you do?” has bad intention, it’s just a normal question when you try to get to know someone as work is a big part of our life. This question is not elegant only when you ask it in order to judge people based on their occupation. But “when are you getting married” and “when are you having children” totally rude and no they don’t mean good by asking. Usually the people asking this are married and have children and feel like you have to follow their path, because it’s the right one and I also believe they feel more “successful” and want to rub it in your face. And I would add one more rude question: “have you gained weight?” and my favorite rude answer “oh, no I actually lost weight. You should have seen me last month when I was fat, I looked just like you” 😅
@@themartinacrazy people who are laid off or who choose to be stay at home parents/homemakers do get judged. And in some circles people are judged for retail or blue collar work.
When someone asked me an intrusive question, I ask them why they need to know
@@renferal5290 Just say: Why do you ask?
I'd rather answer "Is that important?"
That doesn’t work for me. 😂 They keep not getting the memo and want to know.
Being rude back like that doesn’t really do anything for you. At least be witty
@@M_SCexactly
I understand that some questions can make people feel uncomfortable. I remember how I felt when I had lost my job after 28 years at an institution I really believed in. I felt like my entire identity had been taken from me. Answering the question about what I do was very difficult for me at the time. Still, I think that these days we are obsessed about being politically correct. I want to have honest, genuine conversations with people. I don't like all the small talk. As you say, people are always free not to answer, but if we only ask superficial questions, no real connections are formed. Why do we need to be so secretive about ourselves? Let's have the courage of our convictions. I stand behind who I am and the choices I make.
I totally agree. Playing games with words do not build connection or trust. For questions one doesn't want to answer, just be honest about it: I don't want to talk about this.But can we talk about xxx?
Totally agree
Thank you Anna. For me It's been a traumatic time losing my partner suddenly. I decided to be a woman of Grace and really understand what that means for me. I now can, in turn, 'Give Grace' to others for their own ignorance. I'm able to set my boundaries with others and hold on to my power 'gracefully'. .....It's powerful stuff!
I am sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best.
Anna has collected all the most annoying questions in one video.
A colleague asked me every day for two years: "When will you invite me to your wedding?". I answered: "First I need to find a boyfriend, then he'll propose to me, then we'll plan the wedding. I don't think it will be anytime soon." And she'd start telling me that she got married at 19 and thought she was an old bride, and she'd say that I must think I'm really old at 32. She spent a long time telling me how old I was. One day when she asked me "When will I get an invitation to your wedding?", I honestly replied "never. I will only invite my friends and family." She said: "That's rude." And I said, "That's honest." For two years I heard every day from this 60 year old woman how old and unwanted I am in my 30-32 years. And I was frustrated and sad every day. Why wasn't I rude right away? I should have been rude to her after she said bad words to me for the first time.
Sometimes it's okay to be rude.
Where did this happened? India?
When she told you “that’s rude” you should have replied “I learned that from you, thanks”
Well I mean she was rude asking you all those questions and probing into your personal life.
I am signed off as unfit for work and I have had to get used to confidently saying that I don't work. ❤❤❤
Yes, this is a difficult situation but not totally unusual
It can be very difficult to reply if you're in this situation. People unfortunately can be very judgemental.
I love telling people I am a homemaker when they ask me the annoying question of what my career is. I find that people typically ask me this because they are looking at me and wondering how to achieve what I have achieved. The answer is discipline in diet and self care. The answer is making an effort with my appearance whether I am getting on an airplane, meeting with a CEO or preparing to meet my house cleaner.
I wonder if that makes people feel lied to though if it is obvious you are independently earning separate of your spouse?
Same. And when you say it with enthusiasm and that it's the career you ALWAYS wanted, it opens the convo up for them to ask more about you.
Tweak the truth to set a boundary. Love that.
I'm sooo glad she touched on this subject, it's so important ❤
My favorite reply is: "Is that a question?" Then change the topic.
I have taken to answering rude questions with “why do you ask?” With a smile.
The worst: When you sit at home with your 9 month baby and somebody said that I only sit at home and do nothing because I don't have a job 😡
@@sylwia7319 they are Jealous. You should be smirking not mad. Don't let them trick you into thinking its not the most important, valued job in the world.
People who think that being a mom is not a fulltime job are not worth your time. This is so disrespectful.
Sylwia, if you have time to sit at home & do nothing you are one of two things. Neglecting your home & mothering duties or an awesome mummy who has great time management. The best I managed was a tired, messy mummy whose children survived & hubby wasn't stabbed.
❤❤ much respect..it is one of the best roles in life..motherhood.❤❤
Be with your baby! Don’t listen to them!
The “kids” question. Especially after you get married. They look at your belly and check if you got fat
OMG!! This video is so amazingly helpful! I think it’s so intrusive to be asked “what do you do?”. The most dreaded question ever. Thank you so much for addressing this!
I am not well educated, I went to community college for a year and that’s as far as I got in receiving formal education. Classy, I am though 😊 I made the choice to become an exotic dancer in order to live a life without financial struggle, and not because I identify as a dancer. This question always haunts me and gives me major anxiety bc I know how people will perceive me and it’s not at all how I truly am. In a way it has been a blessing to repel people who do not want to really get to know me and build a meaningful relationship/ friendship. Anyway, I would love to thank you for teaching us your classy ways, forever a fan of yours 💖
YES! Thank you Anna for highlighting this HUGE mistake that so many people make… asking “what do you do for work?” , I have been saying for years how this is actually a very invasive question and yet nearly every person I meet asks it straight away.
“How old are you?” … can people stop asking about age? So inappropriate🙄
I don’t understand what’s going to change about knowing a number. As long as the person has legal age people shouldn’t care!!
I agree! Such an unnecessary question, you can tell someone's approximate age range by just looking at them. Why do they need to know the exact number.
That one infuriates me. Someone asked me that todag actually. A stranger.
I had a work "ice breaker" once and the chap asked each of us what we do in our spare time. I was the only one who said: I enjoy going to the theather and watch musicals or go to nice cafes when I go to London.
Everyone else than said: my life is more boring. I don't do much. The most, I go to the gym. Etc.
I left the meeting feeling totally like a stuck-up bi":h.
Never more I shared what I do in my spare time.
I would rather talk about work now, being honest.
Never be ashamed of being excellent. Don't turn your light down just because other people are dull. You don't need to say as much the next time maybe but don't feel embarrassed for not being boring and average please.
I don’t like the “what do you do” question either. I’ve been doing archaeology for several years, and I always get the same million questions, and even though I enjoy my work, I don’t necessarily want to talk about it all the time and fain discussion over it repeatedly. …I think the response I liked most that you gave, was “I do a variety of things…what do YOU do?” Because it’s true. I work in different areas, and I am a very multi-faceted individual. If I told you one thing I’m engaged with, you would probably be surprised that I’m also interested in the other… So I agree, I don’t like being put in some kind of box based off of that question. I love my country, Hawaii, USA, but something I appreciate about my time in Spain (mother’s homeland), is that work is never the first thing that Spaniards bring up in conversation. It actually takes several times of meeting someone to even begin to talk about what we do for a living. And that’s a breath of fresh air. The asking about work and judging people on how much money they make is a very L.A. thing btw….not necessarily an all-American thing. Btw, since today is American Independence Day 🇺🇸, I’d like to recommend reading the “Rules of Civility”, but our first President and General George Washington. These are polite manners and guidelines for being a civil and proper citizen. A good and short read. Have a wonderful day, aloha 🤙🏼❤️🤍💙
Jus avoid outings until u r ready to converse. Different people have different understanding of boundaries, and at these days, everyone gets oversensitive and it's hard to tell people nicely without offending them. We can't get angry at people who overstepped our boundaries unknowingly but it's also hard to continue a conversation without stepping on eggshells
Right, if you’re not comfortable answering basic ‘getting to know you’ questions then perhaps avoid situations where you might meet new people.
I agree. We have to be gracious with people. We aren’t obliged to be offended by anyone.
Thank you for the lovely and very helpful video. I dread the "what do you" question. I'm currently a SAHM of older kids and definitely feel the shift in people when they find out. Even well meaning friends refer to it as being an incomplete person. Having some tactful strategies to redirect conversation is helpful for my peace. The kicker for me is that when I was economically employed in a very detailed oriented position that I found interesting, eyes would glaze over then when I talked about it. Unless it is an "exciting" position, people don't care. The question was used to determine my value to them or perceived social status.
I appreciate you for bringing up the infamous 'What do you do'. I am not always willed to discuss my profession with other people 😅
Let's talk about you instead 😂 LOVE IT. People are so frigging nosy
I love that you tackle the “what do you do” question. An MD. Friend introduces himself as a day labourer, partly to screen out those people who value you based on your occupation as well as to avoid being asked for medical advice. He is also helping the guys working on his house and says people have no idea how hard these guys work or of the skills they have.
I teach and am proud of where I work and what I teach. I am happy to discuss it. I usually socialise with other professionals and asking about a person’s work is a great ice breaker
I despise being asked about my job, for several reasons. My usual answer is to say the industry I work in and then say: but let's not talk about work in our free time 😄 it always works!
I very much agree with these and it’s a good reminder to be careful what I ask also. I notice in the US, people go straight to what do you “do”. Also with the family planning it truly is so personal and sensitive. When you say you don’t “want” kids like you mentioned people think it’s that you just don’t like them but it can be for a variety of personal reasons.. like for me it is medical conditions. So asking why someone doesn’t want kids is very prying! Both men and women do this!
I’ve been asking, “What do you do for fun?” or “what do you do when you’re not at_______(this event)?” It goes over well.
That is very good
As I often say, the question belongs to the one who is asking, and the answer belongs to the one who will answer, so you're free to give the answer you want. If a person doesnt like your answer then it might be a bit of a toxic person, or at least not a kind person, so not necessary to make this person a friend.
Love what you said " people perceive you differently based on what associations they have with any profession""... So True
But there are connotations with everything about you. What you do (or don't do) for a living, what your hobbies are, what clothes you wear, what school you went to, what part of the city you live in...
I hate it when you tell people what you do for a living, for example marketing, and they want the specifics.
“oh so what exactly do you do?”
Like they actually want to know what your daily tasks at work are. It’s so intrusive. And it’s even worse when you’re unemployed.
But is it not a good thing if someone is interested in you? They want to get to know you.
@@noxnoir not when you are first meeting. Most of the time you’ll probably never see these people again.
Obviously if you are on a date it’s different because you are probably looking for a life partner or serious relationship but a stranger you barely know doesn’t need to know the answer to that question. It’s just small talk for them. Doesn’t mean they want to get to know you.
@@ayla8345 all friends were "strangers" at some point. I think it is not good for your mental health to always assume the worst in people.
It could lead to an interesting conversation. If you have your "wall up", you cant bond with people.
@@noxnoir you clearly do not understand what I am talking about. There is a time and place for making friends. I’m not sure if you have ever been to certain events or met new people in a more formal setting but situations like that do exist.
You KNOW when someone you’re meeting could become a potential friend but most people you meet in your day to day life will not become your friends. If that were the case we’d all have thousands of friends. This has nothing to do with having your wall up.
Maybe you don’t socialise enough to know the difference between these situations.
@@ayla8345Even on a date you should not ask very deep questions, are we dating for love or money?
Im a guy and have no clue how TH-cam brought me here, but you have some great advice that will also work for me!
Haha :) 😂It was meant for you to watch it and it was meant for me to read your comment. You made me smile :)
What do you do is a very normal question for Americans. A lot of wealthy people are also used to that question. They usually either work or have a business and are happy to tell you about it.
For the kids question I just say “idk, thats something I don’t think about much” then change the topic.
When someone ask me “what do you do” my brain automatically translate it as How much money do you make? I don’t care what people say it’s so rude to ask those questions 😒💸
I respect the compassion for humanity in this message.
Perhaps this is the reason why I don’t have many friends because I get irritated pretty quickly. People need to learn to respect boundaries more. I have come across too many people like this and fortunately they are no longer in my life. 🙂
How will people learn your boundaries if they know nothing about you?
I guess as soon as a new person walks up to you just start rattling off things you won’t be talking about 🤷🏻♀️
@@gamergal8220well you make stuff up rather than try to find out, so that’s why you don’t know. The rest of us learned In childhood and young adulthood by watching mothers and. Pricing reactions
Same here and I can live alone😂😂 not needing friends.
I have met lots of people who are not classy, and I understand now why I felt uncomfortable with their conversation. I'm improving my social circle and I don't give time and energy to people like that anymore, particularly in London where there are so many people and talking to strangers in not so much of a taboo anymore.
I am from a place where people are very well known to be sarcastic. Whenever we are asked any question, we only give sarcastic answers. It is like mother tongue.
If someone asks me when my marriage is, I would say in a sarcastic tone - why, do you want to sponsor my wedding? That would do it😂
Loved this video!!! So relatable personally I’m extremely tired of what I think is the number one question people ask “ what do you do for work?” And the dreaded “why are you still single ??? “ I liked your advice on how to actually answer these intrusive questions that was helpful because I’m so tired of these questions!!! 😩😩
I normally told them I am a “Sex Therapist”, it really stir up their mind 😂
@@hww2741 lol this could backfire in the wrong crowd 😂😭
That’s 😂 hilarious.
@@jennna17 I tell you, people’s reactions were even more hilarious 🤣 😉
Yes, thanks Anna for bringing this up. One time. My Uber driver of all people out right asked “are you going to work? Also, sometimes people are dealing with serious health issues who are unable to work at the moment.
I live in the US, and the question “What do you do for a living?” is so common. I am from Europe, and even though I’ve been living in the USA for over 10 years, the question still turns me off so much. But, well, I am in a country that values status above anything else. Probably for this reason, my closest friends here are people from my home country and other immigrants..
Thanks for talking about this! My most hated question#1 is: What do you do? I just don't understand why people ask it. I am NOT my job! 🌹🌹🌹
I remember you once saying that you could ask politely "What line of business are you in?" Which I think is okay.
I love your insightful and helpful videos so much! But I REALLY loved seeing your sweet fur baby behind/on the side of you! He/she looked so comfortable and the little stretch they did after turning on their side was simply the cutest! ❤️🐶
A better ice breaker question might be - "What do you like to do?" People always enjoy talking about things like that...
I often ask what do you do not to be nosy but as an icebreaker, After seeing this I will not do it again. Only asked to open conversations about funny work stories etc not to judge or box people. I hope nobody thought ill of me. I
The key is to avoid places and events where these nosey types are lol 😝
These types are everywhere.
Unfortunately for me, a lot of this type of interrogation has occurred at work.
Years ago when I was on dating apps "What do you do?" triggered me very much. It was an instant turn off... now I understand why.❤
If you are happy with what you are doing be proud of that. Be proud of yourself.
I disagree on 'what do you do' question. Work is a place where we spend almost half of our lives and it indicates our interests, habits. If you're afraid that your job is not sufficiently prestigious or will be judged, then I would change the circle of people you're hanging out with.
I can understand where you're coming from with this, and I'm sure this is true for a lot of people. However, not everyone's work indicates their interests or habits. Sometimes it simply means they did not have the means to get an education, not even a two year education, and their job is simply what helps them get by. This question is often asked at weddings, or other events where you come into contact with a lot of strangers. So this question is often asked over and over again, and can be pretty exhausting. Why not simply ask about interests instead of what someone does for work if that's what you really want to know?
I agree with you . This video explained why people are so easily offended these days and afraid to talk to each other. There are so many egg shells around. I don't see "What do you do" as a rude question. Work doesn't define a person, but it is a very important aspect for most adults as we spend most of our awake time work whether in an office or at home. As long as the question was not asked with an ill intention, I don't see why we can't talk about work.
Oh my gosh! This is a great video. I gave up my law degree aged 27 to care for my son who is blind I also have my daughter who is beautiful on the autism spectrum. A son who is 23 year old. So I am a carer and home maker and also on my own. I used to feel obliged to say! I am still myself and dress up. So people want to know what I do and where am I going?! I am not overdressed they are basic.. I tick almost all the questions, work, you’re so beautiful why are you on your own right down to my ethnicity! My faith teaches us not to overshare and keep everything private. As those who are blessed are envied and envy is real. Being born British I have always struggled on how to answer any questions as I am too honest and open. I need to learn these responses and apply next time. Thank you this is a great video Anna.
It’s funny, when I was poor and a housewife I was looked down on by some , but now they say I’m “privileged “ to be a housewife….
Omg you're such a saviour! You literally covered everything! 💯🙌🏻 I feel like I had a good, much required venting session! 😂 Tysm! 💖
Omg “what do you do”? Really?! It is always sounds like “how much you make” in more polite way.
I even got straight forward saying “what do you really want to know?!” “you want to ask how much I make?!” Ahaha! Seriously you can sense the intention behind asking this😅
Thanks for making me feel adequate in my feelings about this stupid approach. I love your every word in this video and its message. Thank you Anna ❤
I must say that East European culture so much more polite and inventive in this area of questions. Meaning I can give a response about my work/education or hobbies - depending what exactly I prefer to discuss here with this person. 😊
I honestly despise the 'what do you do' question, because, it does not give scope to who i am as a person / or any interest I may have! Thank you for reminding us to divert into either better topics or different conversational directions -Really owning our time. I really appreciate someone else talking on these topics. Thank you.
People are so rude! You meet them and some immediately start interrogating you. I find this highly rude. I think it's better to just have a conversation and let things come up as they may. A casual acquaintance doesn't need to know all of your business as soon as you meet. When people start up with this, I've started to immediately ask them the exact same question, and they usually get the message. I may have to start saying politely, "We've just met, do you need to know everything about me right away?" I also like that, "Why are you asking?" If it sounds defensive, that's because it is offensive. I don't like feeling like I'm being interrogated.
THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU for making this video!!! I am so over having to explain my decision to only have one child to perfect strangers! THANK YOU for calling out how rude family planning questions are!!
I was a Nurse in the US Air Force and I was so tired of hearing people’s surprise or opinions about women in the military that I would just answer Nurse. That response usually ended the employment conversation.
I try to avoid letting people know I'm a nurse; then they will tell me their most gruesome stories/accidents/illnesses, and then press for which hospital? What department? Do you work days or nights and how long have you been there? OMG ; rude, rude, rude Feels like the Spanish Inquisition
@@gigi9301 LOL! that is true, but it was a little less annoying than the whole military discussion.
@@cherieroberts3502 You could tell them you were in "special ops" so you can't really discuss the details, LoL. My good friend is a phone triage nurse for the military; her pay is horrible but she does get to work from home and that's an awesome benefit. Happy 4th of July and thank you for your service!!
I would love a video on topics/questions that are good to discuss in order to get to know people in a classy non-invasive way. 😊
I thought that was a rolled blanket on her couch for the first 70% of the video and then realized that is Anna' adorable little pup! lol
I thought that is s cussion😅 thx
Great topic! My mom taught me not to ask those questions. 😅