WHY DO WE HAVE AFFAIRS? | Psychologist Reacts to the ASHLEY MADISON Documentary

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
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    🧠 Why do we have affairs?
    🧠 What does David think about Sam and Nia?
    🧠 How would David diagnose Noel Biderman
    💬Please leave your comments below
    00:00 - Intro
    00:34 - The background of Ashley Madison
    02:00 - Why do people have affairs?
    04:46 - The story of Sam and Nia
    08:45 - My thoughts about Sam and Nia
    11:33 - The founder of Ashley Madison
    #ashleymadison #Samandnia #netflixdocumentary
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ความคิดเห็น • 66

  • @debrap947
    @debrap947 หลายเดือนก่อน +41

    100%, people cheat because they want to. Also, I am of the mind and experience that once a cheater/liar ALWAYS a cheater/liar!

  • @stacymckinney5573
    @stacymckinney5573 หลายเดือนก่อน +39

    I was married for 34 years and found out he had a secret life for 10 years and had 4 hotels set up around DFW. He was on Ashley Madison.
    I am
    7 months divorced and so glad. I am an intense grief recovery class and therapy weekly. This has destroyed me as a person. But I will get back even stronger.

    • @curiousobserver97
      @curiousobserver97 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      I wish more people did as you're doing, going to therapy in the aftermath. Kudos to you for taking care of your needs. Wishing you well. 😊

    • @stacymckinney5573
      @stacymckinney5573 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

      @@curiousobserver97 thank you. It’s so cool but since the 7 month I am away from him and amazing things keep happening to me. I am so excited for my future. ❤️

    • @MrsKravitzz
      @MrsKravitzz หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I’m sorry you went through such heartache. It took amazing strength to walk away and take steps to heal. It takes a long time to be able to trust again but I hope eventually you get there. All the best.

  • @MH-nz5pd
    @MH-nz5pd หลายเดือนก่อน +28

    Please also do : Perfect Wife : Disappearance of Sherri Papini. Omg, she makes Gone Girl look tame!!!

    • @ricachu90
      @ricachu90 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Yes! I would love to have his analysis on this!

  • @stefaniegibson3087
    @stefaniegibson3087 หลายเดือนก่อน +19

    Thank you! I had the exact same impression of that husband. I also listened to him do a podcast interview recently and he just acts like a victim. He doesn’t take true accountability.

  • @carolchristiansen635
    @carolchristiansen635 หลายเดือนก่อน +30

    People have affairs to prove someone else wants them. It strokes their egos.

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน

      Yes this is why it's the most risky to date/marry someone with very low self esteem. They may not be abusive but can still scar you with their behavior.

  • @Je_suis_Aurore
    @Je_suis_Aurore หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    Totally agree with everything you said! This couple disturbs me. And seeing them continue to do the media circuit and all the different documentaries, it makes me wonder even more. I feel like he is an angry man. And I recently saw him on an Australian morning TV show where he snapped at the presenters to read their book instead of answering one of their first questions. The presenter was a bit bewildered and responded with you’re on here to answer a questions. I can’t stand his lies and her fake toxic positivity that is clearly killing her inside to fake.

    • @shawnanapier845
      @shawnanapier845 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I completely agree. I just watched the series and this husband is scary. There’s something that seems so unhinged.

  • @jananderson5712
    @jananderson5712 หลายเดือนก่อน +12

    No excuse, Sam was proven to be a liar.

  • @Mari.belle702
    @Mari.belle702 หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    I really appreciate this video. Having explanations of why someone is unfaithful is one thing but it does not negate that intentional choice someone who commits the act made. Responsibility needs to be taken. Even if the reason seems well founded they could have ended the relationship rather than lie.

  • @Maureen0228
    @Maureen0228 หลายเดือนก่อน +3

    After the first affair I never trusted nor liked my husband. The second one, I knew of, I left and was so relieved.

  • @zombiemeg
    @zombiemeg หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    Sam seemed so incredibly selfish and blames others. He plays the victim and just seems to say the ‘right’ words but doesn’t really take responsibility. I feel sorry for his wife. He’s a hypocrite and proven, repeated liar.

  • @mbs8001
    @mbs8001 หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    Christianity (primarily fundamentalism) is very good at keeping women in marriages. Not only will they stay, but they will defend their husbands to the grave. Consider looking into Debbie Pearl’s honeymoon in “Created to be His Helpmeet.” That’s an extreme example, but I saw subtle versions everywhere when I was growing up. It was the ultimate shame to be the woman in a divorce.

  • @emoonae
    @emoonae หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    To your point, who you’re not seeing interviewed in the documentary are the couples that broke up or were irrevocably damaged after an infidelity was uncovered in the hack, because that’s super common and predictable-it *is* the number one cause of divorce. It’s just not as compelling a story, and I think it behooves us to think critically about any stories we consume and consider the source.

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I have a theory that the documentary is just a marketing tool that Ashley Madison made lol.

  • @teamcougars
    @teamcougars หลายเดือนก่อน +8

    There would be no recovery on my part for adultery I don’t see how I would ever ever be able to trust my husband again 😢

    • @Jenny-ls7hf
      @Jenny-ls7hf หลายเดือนก่อน

      If you had kids who needed their dad at home, you might. And if he still loves you and wants to be with you. You can get over it. Never 100% can trust them but it’s also less likely, once the couple works on the underlying reasons for the cheating, and do weekly marriage counseling with a therapist and individually

    • @amberinthemist7912
      @amberinthemist7912 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      You won't ever get over it. It's better to leave.

  • @PJV-rf4ng
    @PJV-rf4ng หลายเดือนก่อน +9

    many people i know feel trapped financially with more than 2 kids (usually 3 or 4) and feel like they cannot survive in the expensive area they live without their spouse. they stay for the kids as roommates to their spouse, but completely romantically checked out and unfulfilled. just co parent roommates. it's easier to rely on the person who lives with you to help raise the kids, than to be split with split time unable to coordinate schedules. on top of that the prospect of losing 50% of everything they've earned and built because no one has pre nups or post nups leaves them in a bad financial future. so they stay, keep their money, and go find happiness with someone else. they majority of my friends are all doing exactly this. not every marriage stays for love. they stay legally marries for many other reasons.

    • @julieberns1474
      @julieberns1474 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Very Valid! Well said. Situations are way more complex

    • @jananderson5712
      @jananderson5712 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      It would be interesting to see the wives view on these marriages, are they aware they are being used for money and that they are being kept in a loveless relationship instead of them being free to find someone who loves and values them?

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

      That's fine, stay as roommates but be honest that you're seeking intimacy elsewhere. I bet most of your friends don't disclose this to their wives and still sleep with them when they can. That's fucked up and there's no excuse for it.

    • @amberinthemist7912
      @amberinthemist7912 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      Does the wife know? It's always wrong to cheat even when it's easier to use someone for money.

  • @AP-wq9dv
    @AP-wq9dv 7 วันที่ผ่านมา

    Thank you so much for your insight. There are too many excuses for people who cheat and not enough validation for those that are cheated on. Once a liar always a liar.

  • @MISERABLE66
    @MISERABLE66 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Love you Dr. Dave!! 🖤

  • @jojolina7
    @jojolina7 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Spot on.

  • @mistyholder8640
    @mistyholder8640 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Thank you for this perspective.

  • @alexandracash8106
    @alexandracash8106 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Missed you too! Been waiting for more Seeking Sister Wife from you and Allison!,

  • @lil1010devil
    @lil1010devil หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Spot on!!!

  • @jessicascott6195
    @jessicascott6195 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Nice having you back. The documentary made me so sad.

  • @PsychPopCat
    @PsychPopCat หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Thank you so much for video! I was excited when I heard you wanted to recap it and the vibe you got from Sam. Can you go deeper on it?? With the whole having emotional affairs with her friends and them seeing his friend for couples counseling? So intrigued on your guys’ thoughts!

  • @marlopeterson8283
    @marlopeterson8283 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    I was married and we had two young children; one of whom has a disability. He thought of our child as "broken" and would find excuses to never be home. Rarely interacted with our family. He filed for divorce. I took the kids and moved home. Not long after our divorce, the Ashley Madison breech happened. My ex husband had an account. Engaging in this immoral bullshit when he had a family at home who loved unconditionally. What a piece of shit.
    There are generations of boys growing up without positive Male role models. We all need to get together and figure out a way to make things better for future generations of new families.

  • @vonettaspencer2904
    @vonettaspencer2904 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Can u please review the Netflix documentary say you love me

  • @emiliadawnsmith
    @emiliadawnsmith หลายเดือนก่อน +7

    How hard would it be to do a quick check that you have names correct before you start recording? It's Nia, not Nina. Gothard, not Goddard.
    Btw, big fan of your content, Dale.

    • @emoonae
      @emoonae หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      I see what you did there. 😂

    • @MsTagestraumer
      @MsTagestraumer หลายเดือนก่อน

      😂 I see it too.

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

      It doesn't really matter though, he's not an investigative reporter 🤦🏼‍♀️

    • @emiliadawnsmith
      @emiliadawnsmith หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@joanna0988 lol getting names right is hardly investigative work.

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน +4

      @@emiliadawnsmith I know but it's not important to this topic. He's exploring the behaviors, their names are irrelevant since it applies to so many other people too.

  • @alreadytired6515
    @alreadytired6515 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Sam totally icked me out. He doesn’t come across as an honest person. He comes across as a person who’s about himself and his image.

  • @janetleemarino8702
    @janetleemarino8702 25 วันที่ผ่านมา

    My husband's first affair destroyed me, I loved him but I don't think he ever loved me. He had affairs bc he wanted to. Plain and simple. Yes, I left him but it took me almost 35 years. 😢

  • @marbelouskrispy
    @marbelouskrispy หลายเดือนก่อน

    Sam looked scared at the end when they were told that Ashley Madison is still up and running. I think he was well aware that it’s still up but didn’t want his wife to know.

  • @Jenny-ls7hf
    @Jenny-ls7hf หลายเดือนก่อน

    I think some cheaters are narcissists. But…. Do you think *some* people cheat because they’re lonely and need attention but don’t know how to advocate for their needs. They have no one to talk to, feel like they have no voice in the marriage, feel disrespected, but also still love their partner and don’t want to leave. But just seek validation from outside sources.

  • @CL-lo4wd
    @CL-lo4wd หลายเดือนก่อน

    100%

  • @Clutching.My.Pearls
    @Clutching.My.Pearls หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Once a liar...always a LIAR!!

  • @natashanava3626
    @natashanava3626 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Sam is absolutely disgusting and I don’t know how Nia can promote a “happy life” with him. He cheated at every opportunity. She lost a close friend over his inappropriateness. Someone who cheated as much as he did, can’t just turn it off. He can keep it in check but I believe whatever drives him to cheat is still there. And it will resurface.

  • @user-tl5kv3xs6u
    @user-tl5kv3xs6u หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    I feel bad for the wife too. I'm Christian but I'd total divorce after what she went through. I guess I could see staying after he claimed it was only dabbling but after the truth came out and not only was he cheating but he blatantly lied about the extent? No. Absolutely not.

  • @MsTagestraumer
    @MsTagestraumer หลายเดือนก่อน

    Nia. That is all. Oh and Gothard.

  • @dusklvr
    @dusklvr หลายเดือนก่อน

    Spoiled and reckless cheaters don't deserve love

  • @anlawrence1974
    @anlawrence1974 23 วันที่ผ่านมา

    At first I felt terrible for Nia, then I watched a couple of deep dives on this couple. They are both terrible people, I think she is a fool for staying with Sam. I think at this point Nia’s so gaslight by both her husband and her faith her sense of self worth is completely destroyed.

  • @user-jk3nh7rv7k
    @user-jk3nh7rv7k หลายเดือนก่อน

    Can your wife review love island episodes USA with Ariana Madix?

  • @meredithboudreaux7272
    @meredithboudreaux7272 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    that fake pregnancy stunt they pullled was so freaking lame and thirsty.

  • @californiadreaming567
    @californiadreaming567 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    Couples counseling is blaming the victim. If you had only made them happy they would not have cheated

    • @Jenny-ls7hf
      @Jenny-ls7hf หลายเดือนก่อน

      That’s not really how it goes. It’s the cheater’s responsibility for what they did. But both partners could have contributed to the underlying breakdown in connection that led to the action.

  • @highdesertRN
    @highdesertRN หลายเดือนก่อน

    I also felt the “right” story arc was complete BS.

  • @heidisymonds4382
    @heidisymonds4382 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    Because humans get bored of the same thing ,simple ,its human nature ,we want to know knew things explore new minds and bodies ,why is that do hard to understand 😮

    • @joanna0988
      @joanna0988 หลายเดือนก่อน

      It's not hard to understand at all but if you know that about yourself don't get married and don't betray someone's trust and love. It's ok to be single and have casual sex, just make sure you're honest with everyone who could suffer from your actions.