Aw...this is so horrible. I had a friend who is a psychologist with a PhD and she was in an abusive relationship, and I had to help her get her out. She felt totally ashamed and embarrassed because she was educated and even worked with women herself. I understand her feelings
lol … well…. You are trying to impress us with how smart your friend is? With her degrees? Nah. Firstly ..,. psychologists have more problems than anyone!!! lol
@@Lbhacksaware you for real? You need as much help as these abusive ppl. Her comment was to tell everyone that it can happen to everybody, even to ppl who work in that field and study abuse for a decade. That flew way over your head
Exactly, he was able to control it when they were dating, so he could trick her into marriage, till she signed the wedding certificate, he was free to do what he wanted.
@@aruglaempire2518wow you are mean 😓. It takes a lot to leave and luckily I was blessed by being dumped after 8 years married. I followed through with the divorce. I never would have left him on my own because I was convinced he was better than me. I couldn't carry on alone. That I should always honor my vows and the family over my wants and needs. That my feelings don't matter. Being dumped and experiencing an easier life without him yelling about the kids being loud, degrading me, taking my pay in full to pay the bills (aka his secret opiate addiction), and finally being comfortable in my own home without him. He changed his mind and tried apologizing with liquor in hand. I finally got mad and yelled at him for the first time ever. After divorce ...I got my own mortgage, car, money, 3 awesome kids, and more support between my former inlaws and my mom.
@@aruglaempire2518 the milk is already spilled why are you crying. Shame on you for attacking someone for sharing something vulnerable. I Bet you've made plenty of mistakes so dont act so high and mighty
What is this BS all of a sudden calling men domestic abusers narcissists?!?! Most of them are not narcissists. Did one get called that and now everybody thinks they all are?!?!
It has nothing to do with self-esteem. You can have really high self-esteem and still end up in one of these relationships. It's reading books like _'Women Who Run With the Wolves'_ and taking in books, videos, and articles about verbal and emotional abuse that will make one hopefully savvy enough to identify a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I came from an abusive family. My father was very tall and handsome and the ladies loved him. He used to hit my mother where it didn’t show. Very cunning. If mum answered him back he’d hit her. Both of them ended up so angry and unhappy. I unfortunately followed in picking bad violent men. I’ve been alone since 2006 and I’m happy. Better being happy alone than miserable with someone else. Good luck with your future.
@@Anna-ww4pv I guess because she loved him. She did eventually leave him but funnily enough, when Mum got cancer he came to take her out all the time for about six weeks. We had some lovely family time but as long as mum shut her mouth all was good. He has since passed away too. I hope mum is giving him grief in heaven although he’s buried in NZ and mum in Oz. Enough distance I think. lol.
This is a very telling testimony of how abuse begins and is tolerated. Your story should help so many people experiencing this right now. I'm thankful you got out of it. I hope you're living a much better life
Cause it Wasn't something you where doing , or not doing . ... It was him , & what he was doing & not doing that was wrong . I don't talk to most people cause the ones that I have talked to ,.. most of them ask me what I'm doing or not doing that's wrong . ??? ... There's just a few that seem to understand . I have let him know ... NO MORE !!! Now time will tell . Then I want say anything else ,.. but leave . My heart is for The Lord And I gave him my best . May The Lord have the victory in the end . Time will tell . June 18 , 2024
Dear Lady, thank you for your courage to speak up. We all women, in a way or another, suffer from being physically or psychologically abused by males of the human species. The tragedy is that just very few have the courage to tell openly what happens when in relationship with a man.
@@FrankieG-x5hIt's a rare child who hasn't suffered coercive behaviour from a father, brother or male class member at school. It's wonderful you missed out on that. As adults, abuse can start very subtly especially from those we love. Hopefully women learn to end the abusive relationship early and certainly before children come along. Good for you for having the right attitude. It takes two strong people to have a strong relationship.
What courage? She blamed her parents and her husband. It is her own fault. She made poor choices. Don’t proclaim I’m a good Christian and move in with a man. Don’t marry someone you can’t have serious conversations with. She was looking for a daddy not a husband. She is delusional and not accepting accountability fir hew own actions.
Isn't it terrible how we make excuses for others' bad behaviour. It's as if their childhood trauma (and how they came to be) is way more important than ours. Total narcissism and coercive control.
💯 They seek us out, knowing how understanding we will be. Overriding our intuition, to still try and understand their evil deeds. It's manipulation at its finest.
Also, many of us have had a very bad childhood. It normally makes us more empathetic, not less, and I think a lot of these terrible childhoods, especially coming from men are embellished in order to garner our empathy. So much manipulation using our emotions
I cut out a lot if people in my life that just keep using that excuse. It’s like they used that excuse to do terrible things to people. The last straw was when they openly admitted to drugging their special needs child to get a “ perfect family vacation”. The child now suffers from worse seizures I pray that child will get help they deserve
It’s her own bad behavior that landed her there. She can’t pretend to be the religious good girl and move in with a guy, not talk to each other about important things in life. That is ludicrous. Then she stays in the marriage and is upset because, she is not the girl the guy thought he was marrying? Nope sorry. This guy could easily call her the abuser. She came from a good, religious, traditional family then I marry her and she won’t keep the house clean…feeling trapped with her and children., no, not buying it. They are both to blame.
It’s been often stated: NEVER, NEVER let your husband know you’re leaving or considering leaving. Extremely dangerous for her; and if children are involved.
@@phabulouss1 No, it's highly circumstance specific. There are circumstances where doing this is warranted. The woman in this video revealed way more about herself than she intended. There is WAY more to this story than you are being told.
That's true, I'd never say anything. Just disappear. The men were more verbally & financial abusive, not so much physical, but I still chose to take the silent route. This is excellent advice.
@@helierhefortuneteller No woman in the history of the world has ever been surprised by "abuse" after the marriage. All the signs were there. She ignores them. Her friends and family warned her. She ignored them. She convinces herself she is different and will bring out the gentlemen she is sure is hiding in there. I've known several women involved in these types of relationships. Every one of them knew long before they got married or moved in with them. The woman in this video, I guarantee you she has borderline (or possibly a different) personality disorder. She (well, she says it is her) replied to a comment I left on the video quoting her and pointing out this was a huge red flag for this disorder. Right in the beginning of the video, at 2:00 she says: "...I have big feelings. I've always had big feelings. I get really attached really quickly....." I wonder if she knows how big of a sign of borderline personality disorder this is? Notice her history of not getting along with people.
There are always similarities with abusers. My husband was OCD about cleaning and I spent 10 years walking on eggshells as he repeatedly went through the cycle of abuse: walking on eggshells, explosive outburst and abuse often for no apparent reason, apology, then a honeymoon phase, where he’s nice for a short time, but then the cycle starts all over again. You get very worn down and begin to distrust your own instincts over time and it can keep you stuck in the situation. So sorry for anyone who goes through it. It can leave you with complex ptsd, even when you get completely away from the person.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Well done for just leaving & not telling your abuser, for sure he would've killed you. I wish nothing but the very best for you & your childrens future🙂✌️🇬🇧💙
Anyone in the same boat, Gavin DeBecker and his book The Gift of Fear saved my life. The advice I got from therapists and an attorney, I'm lucky to be alive. Beautiful video. You said so much so well.
Gavin DeBecker's book is a must- read for any woman, and certainly should be read by young and naive teen girls on the brink of womanhood. I still keep a copy of The Gift of Fear in my home, although my kids are all adults now.
The word “abuse” was considered a bad word that only drama people used in my world growing up and it took me years to accept and realize that I was being abused by my husband. I didn’t want any of it to be true but eventually I had to accept the truth and move forward w my healing journey.
Thank You for telling my story! I thought I was the only one. He is dead now and he is a HERO in the eyes of everyone but I can now admit to myself I survived this craziness. I am never ever trusting anyone again.
The same thing happened to me with my ex husband flipping a switch into being violent towards me after we had married. He also stopped working a few years into the marriage and had no interest in finding another job. We were upper middle class. I called the police after a switch flipped in me after a few years of this, he was arrested, was handed a restraining order and then passed away from drugs soon after. I don't think I'd be alive if he had remained alive. These guys give you no warning and I never witnessed my father abusing my mother. They didn't even drink wine much less take drugs. I'm glad you're away from that criminal.
I escaped my sociopathic narcassistic exhusband by means of having to plan my escape without him knowing which he then did find me at my Mothers house and walked right in and started to beat me right in front of my Mother....shortly after he was following me while driving and as soon as i got out of the car he came up from behind me and started to beat me in the parking lot where many saw from their balcony and called the police. I had him charged and had a piecebond out on him which did finally work. I saved my life the day I walked out and never looked back!!! This was 40 years ago and recreated a magical existence ever since ✨️
I understand what you went thru. I suffer a very similar situation and at the time a felt a foul for not seeing the signs before I married him. I am just glad to have escaped and I am still alive. I tried for 13 months to make a marriage work with someone I thought I new but he turned out to be a complete stranger. Thank you for making this video it was inspiring to me.
Glad you escaped. On returning from their honeymoon, my friend's husband stated he was going out with his mates...without her. She said she'd go out with her friends. He replied: you do and you'll regret it. He left. She called her parents. They took her home. She never went back. Bravehearts leave.
I can totally identify with what you shared, Sara. Like you I did not start seeing the darker side of my future husband until we were engaged. Several weeks before the wedding he stated that he was afraid I would be frigid after we were married. I also started sleeping with my future husband prior to our wedding and I never heard any complaints, so I was blindsided and very hurt when he said that. Then on the second night of our honeymoon, he got angry and stomped out of our hotel room to hang out at the bar, saying he didn't appreciate me waking him up to make love. After years of therapy and research I am 99% sure I married a man that was not only a flaming narcissist, but an alcoholic, and bisexual with anger management issues as well. His abuse towards me was mainly verbal and emotional, but there was occasional physical abuse as well. My husband was an attorney and I was health care professional. I stayed with my ex for 15 years before having the courage to leave. When he wanted to have a child he became very sweet and mellow and I thought we had turned a corner but it was all an act to get what he wanted. Atypical narc move. After our son was born, he went back to being abusive again. Like you described, he always had a good relationship with our son. He was never abusive to our son only to me! You are very brave to go online to tell your story as you did. Are you not afraid your ex-husband might retaliate in some way? I'm wondering if he is indeed in prison now as he should be! God bless you for sharing your story with others who are suffering in silence!
You suffered from cognitive dissonance, downplaying despite knowing, seeing the abuse, you kept finding excuses... As a woman, I am so proud of you. You have got your strength, power back. The feminine, our mother Earth is proud of you. We gotta take our strength back and show the world the power of feminine! Sending my love and respect dear sister🤗💗💓💖💝💞 You are so adorable, gorgeous and lovable. You don't need any approval, do not need seek any approval from any man. You are enough, smart, powerful, wise, full of love and compassion! You are a Goddess! 💖🤗
The mask dropped from my ex husband on our wedding day. I tolerated him because I thought he was autistic and didn’t understand how families worked. I stayed too long … he broke me and our daughters. I worked hard, as a teacher, he worked from home but didn’t ever seem to make enough money for our family so we scrimped by on my salary. Enough said. His violence and coercive behaviours kept me there for dar too long … and then he cheated again with a woman the same age as our daughters. The final straw. He was a classic narcissist.
@@Anna-rv3fv he’d been sent away to school aged seven. Both of his parents were only children so he had no extended family. His mum had been the only child of a single woman, who in turn had no siblings … so no extended family at all. No grandfathers, no aunts, uncles, cousins. His only brother was five years younger…he had a wife and one son. My family was the opposite … lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, a sister…he couldn’t understand that all of these people were my family. That it is usual to keep in touch with one’s family. He’d get angry if I called my mum, didn’t like my parents visiting us, didn’t understand how to be a dad. He wanted a family … and we had two daughters … but he didn’t know how to be a family.
Good job Mom! You are strong and good and deserve to be happy and raise your children in a safe environment. Even if he didn’t hit them the psychological effects would have been damaging. Perhaps the cycle of abuse would’ve continued for them when they were older and had their own families. Maybe your daughter would have been in an abusive relationship and not been able to leave. Maybe your son would have treated his wife the same way you were treated by his father. You took that step and got out. That took guts. I love that you are helping others. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure that wasn’t easy. You’re a hero.❤
Bless your heart, I truly empathize and understand your position. I have been there done that. People need education about Narcissim, control and domestic violence. Being upper middle class and educated does Not in any way give you an insight to the terrible abuse and trauma that was inflicted on you. I am happy that you got out alive. Unfortunately, many women and men do not. When somebody shows you their true colors, BELIEVE them. The gaslighting, trauma bonding, triangulation and control keep so many people in the cycle of abuse. God Bless You.
Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing your story. It is so validating for so many of us who have been in similar situations and who are too ashamed to speak about it. ❤
After marriage was the real person, unfortunately this type of thing is more common than you would think. I went through this twice, both of my ex husbands.
Her mentioning how he would hit her on the head a lot - a friend of mine suffered this - a super controlling man who wanted to show the rest of the world that he was the perfect father and husband ☹️
My god what a wild scary ride this story was. I mean gripping!You’re an amazing communicator and I am sure you will help many! Wishing you the best which you so richly deserve, dear lady.
Thanks so much for showing awareness about this. I’ve dated a guy with bipolar and a whole mental illness issues. It was great for the first couple months, but then he went sour overtime. Broke up with him before things went horribly wrong.
Tho,nOt ALL Bi-polar H❤man's 'R Psych😈 ,bUt Most NARCiSSiSTS 'R,who cAn cauze H💚man- -ists H❤man sO sick Fr: the Deepest Darkest Clinical Depression,which in tuRn Sadly causes Clinical Bi-polar🥀😔 , the 🆙️ part meanZ 4 mE, i'm Functioning,thinking w/oUt OCD'z,which pUmps 🆙️ uR Adrenaline 'n gEts Oxyginated 🩸Flowin ALL-OVER 'n yA Finally FEEL ALiVE Amongst the LiViN🙃🥲
Im sorry you had to go through this , its very sad . And I really enjoyed your presentation . I love the speed at which you speak . God bless you from Australia .
You're a wonderfully beautiful strong but gentle lady. Listened to every word with compassion. Well done girl for getting away from that man devil. Sending you many blessings, love and best wishes from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤🎉🎉
I am single, never married. I long for a loving relationship. Based on my experience, it's very hard to find. Hearing this, I feel I want to stay single.
Staying single out of fear of a bad relationship means you'll be single forever. There are good men out there. It's just a shame so many fathers haven't taught their daughters how to pick a good man.
@@smania7575 She is the person who gets to decide how she will live her life. The truth of the matter is that "men are afraid that women will laugh at them, but women are afraid that men will KILL them". If you have concerns about her choice, try addressing *that*, and doing what you can to help stop abuse.
There are more good relationships than bad ones. So many good marriages. These are extreme cases. They happen but it´s not normal. If you want to be sure just check your spouse to be- find people who would experience the abuse- his mother, former girlfriends, siblings are big one. If he is abusive his siblings will know. Just to the proper check- not by wathich him- you won´t know it´s impossible. Not by asking his friends- they don´t know because narcs can pretend for years. But people who would know. Ex girlfriends and siblings.
I send you my best wishes Sara… I’ve had first hand experience of npd and I am so sorry for you having to go through what you have been through. You are evidently healing now … keep it going. You may be surprised how far you can go now you have truth and resolve on yr side.
My step dad horribly beat my mother the night they married. I hated him anyhow, but that really solitified my judgment being on point. (I am far out from the situation, but he has only validated thay throughout the years with further horrible behavior not only to her.)
You are helping others!! Helping to avoid the same type of abuse and degradation you and others have survived. I certainly did, as well. Happy you and your children can have a healthier, more balanced and free life! 🙏🦋🙏🦋🙏
I wish the comments were more appropriate. Sad to see all the unkind remarks. Don’t take any of the negative comments to heart. It’s incredibly sad to hear of abuse towards women.
Very similar experience. I was raised religious and did not date much either. On our honeymoon we were out of the country, and I found him naked in a hot tub with another woman, Ironically, she refused his advances and was not naked. I was mortified. I had no way to get home, our itinerary was planned and we were headed to his parents place hundreds of miles in the opposite direction to home. I stuck it out with that marriage for 23 years trying to make it work, before I divorced. I wish I had gotten a ticket home and had the whole thing annulled. And as for 'never talking about anything"....We actually never had a discussion where there was anything resolved. The closest was him making a promise he would later break (future faking).
I'm so sorry you experienced this, it is absolutely atrocious. Please always make sure that a man loves you, and if he does truly, he would never tell you what your existence is and certainly would never put his hands on you. I'm glad you got out.
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You are amazingly strong and a true inspiration. Thank you for sharing your truth.❤
Interesting how he was when you were pregnant. And very good point of what you made about the education level. thank you so much for sharing your story.
I believe people paint the victim in abusive relationship as stupid weak and in love. Various reasons people don't leave immediately, or they tried and all channels closed. One has to keep trying. Another myth, abusers are calculating, some will isolate first ,smear campaign . They all want the same goal- to control and manipulate. Now my question is why is this person so charming. Most toxic men are master manipulators, a nice word for pathological liars. Thus, they view everyone as an object
This resonates with me so much. I met my ex husband in the church and as I Christian I was very conservative. In the beginning, to my horror, he exposed himself to me and then started saying that I made a fool out of him if I didn’t show my parts to him. I lived with a mother that hates me and she just wanted to get me out the house. I had no idea how to set healthy boundaries and what my worth was and is. That was the beginning of years and years of him demanding sex all the time and if he didn’t get it he’d start screaming and kicking stuff and if that didn’t work, he’d scream at the kids so to protect them I just let him have his way. Then he’d start screaming that I wasn’t into it and that I had a problem because clearly there was nothing wrong with his performance. I did manage to leave him, although I was left with nothing but the kids. We’ve been divorced 10 years. My daughter has just graduated as a social worker because she has a heart for teens who go through what she did. I forgot to mention that when I was going to leave him, he got his gun out and wanted to carry out a family murder. To this day my mother screams at me that I should have stayed with him and other than that she wants nothing to do with me. I am strong and have learnt to love myself but I’m left with the biggest phobia of being intimate with someone, I won’t let a man touch me and physically I’m not able to experience sexual pleasure. That whole system has been shut down in me. I will never be able to remarry and get really anxious if a man shows any interest in me. Rejection by him and my family has caused me to totally withdraw into myself and don’t even want friends near me. I hide it well and am in the healthcare industry and have lots of love and compassion on patients but when I leave there I close my doors and just spend time with my now young adult children
In NZ police can charge, not the victim. Knowing it’s too hard for the victim to take action. All types of abuse are criminal..., verbal, physical, psychological and financial.
there's alot of men out there now who refuse to work hard and work for their wife and family....it's disgustingly common now. Or, they marry a woman who makes a lot of money (plan it that way). My daughter got stuck with two of them...they wanted her to work...while they went to bars, talked to women online, you name it. She's single now but raising the kids!! they come around when THEY want to...one of them has never paid her a dime, not even child support. The other one went home to mama...lives in the basement...he pays minimal child support.
Thank you for sharing your trauma with us . My heart goes to you and I sincerely hope that your life is moving towards peace and joy . Please take care of yourself and be safe .
You poor thing, your self esteem was so low that you were very vulnerable. I feel quite angry at those who treated you so badly but I understand completely how you fell for your husband. Hearing and seeing you, when you said ‘he didn’t laugh at me’ made we want to cry.
Best book on the subject is by Patricia Evans The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Around the middle she explains how narcissism starts around 9 for girls 10 for boys. Why and how. Important information imo
Thank you for sharing. You are a very good speaker and spoke so well and this will helps so many women out there, watch out for these type of men. It is disgusting, I can understand a lot of it. I wish you and your kids all the best with God's blessing.
Thank God you found your reason sooner rather than later. It's devastating. I wonder if you ever attracted someone like him again? I have-I'm in the distancing phase. Can't live in his house due to his temper-he's mad about it (only because I spend money for rent not because he wants me with him. Just about the control.
That experience of "It was like a switch flipped" is an IMMEDIATE sign that you leave, divorce, etc. Those experiences are only the FIRST sign of a toxic person.
It’s sad that we women, and men sometimes, feel like we should defend this awful behavior, make excuses for, listen over & over to the empty promises of “it’ll never happen again,” bc it allllways does!! I’m glad you’re out of that abuse as I too had my breaking point of wth happened to me that I’m accepting being treated like this 🥲 we’re strong, we got this, you go girl 👍👍
Was there had that done to me. Husband was a monster. The least he did to me was beat me up, the worst was holding a gun to my hesd and saying he was going to kill me.
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Aw...this is so horrible. I had a friend who is a psychologist with a PhD and she was in an abusive relationship, and I had to help her get her out. She felt totally ashamed and embarrassed because she was educated and even worked with women herself. I understand her feelings
WoW
Yeah, there's so much going on within this dynamic. It seems black-and-white at first glance but it can be very convoluted and nuanced.
lol … well…. You are trying to impress us with how smart your friend is? With her degrees? Nah. Firstly ..,. psychologists have more problems than anyone!!! lol
@@Lbhacksaw Wow, thanks for outing yourself on here. You clearly are an abuser.
@@Lbhacksaware you for real? You need as much help as these abusive ppl.
Her comment was to tell everyone that it can happen to everybody, even to ppl who work in that field and study abuse for a decade.
That flew way over your head
The fact that he can 'control it', when she's pregnant, actually makes the whole thing even more abhorrent and disgusting.
It's heartbreaking 💔 that my son-in-law can't stop his physical abuse even when my daughter was pregnant😡
Did he really control it?
Exactly, he was able to control it when they were dating, so he could trick her into marriage, till she signed the wedding certificate, he was free to do what he wanted.
Yeah he doesn't want to hurt HIS baby.
They can always control it. Its a choice.
As soon as we married, I knew I made a 30-year mistake. At 30 years, I finally said, why am I doing this. I'll be happier ALONE.
I hope you're happily away now
So you wasted 30 YEARS???? You must be a genius. Well, you married him, honey. Now you want a medal??? Sure.
@@aruglaempire2518wow you are mean 😓.
It takes a lot to leave and luckily I was blessed by being dumped after 8 years married.
I followed through with the divorce. I never would have left him on my own because I was convinced he was better than me. I couldn't carry on alone. That I should always honor my vows and the family over my wants and needs. That my feelings don't matter. Being dumped and experiencing an easier life without him yelling about the kids being loud, degrading me, taking my pay in full to pay the bills (aka his secret opiate addiction), and finally being comfortable in my own home without him. He changed his mind and tried apologizing with liquor in hand. I finally got mad and yelled at him for the first time ever.
After divorce ...I got my own mortgage, car, money, 3 awesome kids, and more support between my former inlaws and my mom.
@@aruglaempire2518 the milk is already spilled why are you crying. Shame on you for attacking someone for sharing something vulnerable. I Bet you've made plenty of mistakes so dont act so high and mighty
@@aruglaempire2518 You come off like an abuser yourself. You might want to look at that.
glad she made it out alive 🙏🏻
The poor woman, imagine being abused on your honeymoon, it’s always like a light switch when the abuse starts.
I would have packed and left. That's just me. I'm not passing judgement on this woman.
Malarkey. We're hearing a very one-sided view many years after the fact. People rewrite their history all the time.
When a person is afraid of the other person they become paralyzed and don't know how to leave.
@@tarstarkusz don’t tell the women in your family that.
@@tarstarkusz Abuse only has one side, that of the victim.
Narcissistisk/ Toxic people HATES being told NO and any bounderies
They absolutely don’t..they have this heightened sense of self entitlement .vile people.
CAN'T EVEN SPELL IT CORRECTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP BEING A PARROT. You know nothing!
What is this BS all of a sudden calling men domestic abusers narcissists?!?! Most of them are not narcissists. Did one get called that and now everybody thinks they all are?!?!
Never,never,never make excuses for bad behaviour or abuse !
Women do it constantly. They ruin their entire lives staying with an abusive husband.
Never never never allow yourself to be put in this position.PERIOD
Narcissistics, out of the blue will drop their mask and you chase the person you fell in love with in the beginning 😢
I have a friend who does that
@@betsyr4724 maybe you can have her watch this video, if he doesn't control what people send her and stuff that is.
yep he is a covert narc.... ugh.
this is an advanced narcissist. a psychopath.
Agreed ✨️
So proud of this women for becoming self aware❤️
She is only one woman.
Hello Reina how are you. Greetings from Ireland. I like your comment. Wish you a lovely week 🌹👍🙏 Michael
Young girls need to be taught self-esteem, to love themselves so they can identify what is acceptable
Exactly!! I know for certain I was one of those !! I ruin most of life in a marriage that should never have been !M
And young boys need to be taught to be respectful toward women.
Women have high self esteem but eventually with abuse it gets lower and lower
Yes they do
It has nothing to do with self-esteem. You can have really high self-esteem and still end up in one of these relationships. It's reading books like _'Women Who Run With the Wolves'_ and taking in books, videos, and articles about verbal and emotional abuse that will make one hopefully savvy enough to identify a wolf in sheep's clothing.
I came from an abusive family. My father was very tall and handsome and the ladies loved him. He used to hit my mother where it didn’t show. Very cunning. If mum answered him back he’d hit her. Both of them ended up so angry and unhappy. I unfortunately followed in picking bad violent men. I’ve been alone since 2006 and I’m happy. Better being happy alone than miserable with someone else. Good luck with your future.
And there you go… why did she stay?
@@Anna-ww4pv I guess because she loved him. She did eventually leave him but funnily enough, when Mum got cancer he came to take her out all the time for about six weeks. We had some lovely family time but as long as mum shut her mouth all was good. He has since passed away too. I hope mum is giving him grief in heaven although he’s buried in NZ and mum in Oz. Enough distance I think. lol.
Real men don't hit....period.......
This is a very telling testimony of how abuse begins and is tolerated. Your story should help so many people experiencing this right now. I'm thankful you got out of it. I hope you're living a much better life
Cause it Wasn't something you where doing , or not doing .
... It was him , & what he was doing & not doing that was wrong .
I don't talk to most people cause the ones that I have talked to ,.. most of them ask me what I'm doing or not doing that's wrong .
??? ... There's just a few that seem to understand .
I have let him know
... NO MORE !!!
Now time will tell .
Then I want say anything else
,.. but leave .
My heart is for The Lord
And
I gave him my best .
May The Lord have the victory in the end .
Time will tell .
June 18 , 2024
Dear Lady, thank you for your courage to speak up.
We all women, in a way or another, suffer from being physically or psychologically abused by males of the human species.
The tragedy is that just very few have the courage to tell openly what happens when in relationship with a man.
Speak for yourself lady. I have NEVER been abused by a man - I would never allow that.
@@FrankieG-x5hIt's a rare child who hasn't suffered coercive behaviour from a father, brother or male class member at school. It's wonderful you missed out on that.
As adults, abuse can start very subtly especially from those we love. Hopefully women learn to end the abusive relationship early and certainly before children come along.
Good for you for having the right attitude. It takes two strong people to have a strong relationship.
What courage? She blamed her parents and her husband. It is her own fault. She made poor choices. Don’t proclaim I’m a good Christian and move in with a man. Don’t marry someone you can’t have serious conversations with. She was looking for a daddy not a husband. She is delusional and not accepting accountability fir hew own actions.
I don't like it when people blame men like this.
I'm your 💯th like.
Isn't it terrible how we make excuses for others' bad behaviour. It's as if their childhood trauma (and how they came to be) is way more important than ours. Total narcissism and coercive control.
💯 They seek us out, knowing how understanding we will be. Overriding our intuition, to still try and understand their evil deeds.
It's manipulation at its finest.
@@MSSHARIII🎯
Also, many of us have had a very bad childhood. It normally makes us more empathetic, not less, and I think a lot of these terrible childhoods, especially coming from men are embellished in order to garner our empathy. So much manipulation using our emotions
I cut out a lot if people in my life that just keep using that excuse. It’s like they used that excuse to do terrible things to people. The last straw was when they openly admitted to drugging their special needs child to get a “ perfect family vacation”. The child now suffers from worse seizures I pray that child will get help they deserve
It’s her own bad behavior that landed her there. She can’t pretend to be the religious good girl and move in with a guy, not talk to each other about important things in life. That is ludicrous. Then she stays in the marriage and is upset because, she is not the girl the guy thought he was marrying? Nope sorry. This guy could easily call her the abuser. She came from a good, religious, traditional family then I marry her and she won’t keep the house clean…feeling trapped with her and children., no, not buying it. They are both to blame.
It’s been often stated: NEVER, NEVER let your husband know you’re leaving or considering leaving. Extremely dangerous for her; and if children are involved.
This is a load of nonsense.
@@tarstarkusz Only because you’ve never experienced it. Typical response of self righteous individual.
@@phabulouss1 No, it's highly circumstance specific. There are circumstances where doing this is warranted.
The woman in this video revealed way more about herself than she intended. There is WAY more to this story than you are being told.
That's true, I'd never say anything. Just disappear. The men were more verbally & financial abusive, not so much physical, but I still chose to take the silent route. This is excellent advice.
@@helierhefortuneteller No woman in the history of the world has ever been surprised by "abuse" after the marriage.
All the signs were there. She ignores them. Her friends and family warned her. She ignored them. She convinces herself she is different and will bring out the gentlemen she is sure is hiding in there.
I've known several women involved in these types of relationships. Every one of them knew long before they got married or moved in with them.
The woman in this video, I guarantee you she has borderline (or possibly a different) personality disorder. She (well, she says it is her) replied to a comment I left on the video quoting her and pointing out this was a huge red flag for this disorder.
Right in the beginning of the video, at 2:00 she says:
"...I have big feelings. I've always had big feelings. I get really attached really quickly....."
I wonder if she knows how big of a sign of borderline personality disorder this is?
Notice her history of not getting along with people.
I wish you a long, peaceful life. You deserve it. ❣
There are always similarities with abusers. My husband was OCD about cleaning and I spent 10 years walking on eggshells as he repeatedly went through the cycle of abuse: walking on eggshells, explosive outburst and abuse often for no apparent reason, apology, then a honeymoon phase, where he’s nice for a short time, but then the cycle starts all over again.
You get very worn down and begin to distrust your own instincts over time and it can keep you stuck in the situation.
So sorry for anyone who goes through it. It can leave you with complex ptsd, even when you get completely away from the person.
You've just described my mother.
So true. Even now, a decade later, I still excuse some of his behavior. So ridiculous.
So true, a long road to recovery if that's even truly possible.
Thank you for having the courage to share your story. Well done for just leaving & not telling your abuser, for sure he would've killed you. I wish nothing but the very best for you & your childrens future🙂✌️🇬🇧💙
Anyone in the same boat, Gavin DeBecker and his book The Gift of Fear saved my life.
The advice I got from therapists and an attorney, I'm lucky to be alive.
Beautiful video. You said so much so well.
Gavin DeBecker's book is a must- read for any woman, and certainly should be read by young and naive teen girls on the brink of womanhood. I still keep a copy of The Gift of Fear in my home, although my kids are all adults now.
That same book saved my life too - my therapist recommended it. I have recommended it many many times in the years since! So happy you are safe.
The word “abuse” was considered a bad word that only drama people used in my world growing up and it took me years to accept and realize that I was being abused by my husband. I didn’t want any of it to be true but eventually I had to accept the truth and move forward w my healing journey.
Thank You for telling my story! I thought I was the only one. He is dead now and he is a HERO in the eyes of everyone but I can now admit to myself I survived this craziness. I am never ever trusting anyone again.
The same thing happened to me with my ex husband flipping a switch into being violent towards me after we had married. He also stopped working a few years into the marriage and had no interest in finding another job. We were upper middle class. I called the police after a switch flipped in me after a few years of this, he was arrested, was handed a restraining order and then passed away from drugs soon after. I don't think I'd be alive if he had remained alive. These guys give you no warning and I never witnessed my father abusing my mother. They didn't even drink wine much less take drugs. I'm glad you're away from that criminal.
I am so sorry that this happened to you.
The nice person is not them, the other person is them. You wait for the nice to return but it gets less and less as time goes back.
Very true.
I escaped my sociopathic narcassistic exhusband by means of having to plan my escape without him knowing which he then did find me at my Mothers house and walked right in and started to beat me right in front of my Mother....shortly after he was following me while driving and as soon as i got out of the car he came up from behind me and started to beat me in the parking lot where many saw from their balcony and called the police. I had him charged and had a piecebond out on him which did finally work.
I saved my life the day I walked out and never looked back!!! This was 40 years ago and recreated a magical existence ever since ✨️
Thank God you're ok:)
Who told you he was a narcissist? Most abusers are not.
Wedding night was a major red flag. Actually the honeymoon 😢
Actually...it was more of a sledge hammer, than a flag!!
Well done for getting away from him 🙏
I understand what you went thru. I suffer a very similar situation and at the time a felt a foul for not seeing the signs before I married him. I am just glad to have escaped and I am still alive. I tried for 13 months to make a marriage work with someone I thought I new but he turned out to be a complete stranger. Thank you for making this video it was inspiring to me.
What you went through was terrifying, especially as it started after 3 years of knowing him. Thank God you and your kids are safe 🙏🏿💖
Glad you escaped.
On returning from their honeymoon, my friend's husband stated he was going out with his mates...without her. She said she'd go out with her friends. He replied: you do and you'll regret it. He left. She called her parents. They took her home. She never went back.
Bravehearts leave.
She was lucky that she had parents that would help her, not everyone's parents are supportive and helpful.
Excellent behavior
A man threatened my life just in April and I never look back at him. Never give them the chance to hurt you physically etc.
@sallybyrd3712 yea, my parents weren't there for me like that. I was stuck with my ex- narcissist for 16 years. Best years of my life....wasted.
Good parents!
I can totally identify with what you shared, Sara. Like you I did not start seeing the darker side of my future husband until we were engaged. Several weeks before the wedding he stated that he was afraid I would be frigid after we were married. I also started sleeping with my future husband prior to our wedding and I never heard any complaints, so I was blindsided and very hurt when he said that. Then on the second night of our honeymoon, he got angry and stomped out of our hotel room to hang out at the bar, saying he didn't appreciate me waking him up to make love. After years of therapy and research I am 99% sure I married a man that was not only a flaming narcissist, but an alcoholic, and bisexual with anger management issues as well. His abuse towards me was mainly verbal and emotional, but there was occasional physical abuse as well. My husband was an attorney and I was health care professional. I stayed with my ex for 15 years before having the courage to leave. When he wanted to have a child he became very sweet and mellow and I thought we had turned a corner but it was all an act to get what he wanted. Atypical narc move. After our son was born, he went back to being abusive again. Like you described, he always had a good relationship with our son. He was never abusive to our son only to me! You are very brave to go online to tell your story as you did. Are you not afraid your ex-husband might retaliate in some way? I'm wondering if he is indeed in prison now as he should be! God bless you for sharing your story with others who are suffering in silence!
The cleaning is all about control.
Zero tolerance for any abuse
You suffered from cognitive dissonance, downplaying despite knowing, seeing the abuse, you kept finding excuses... As a woman, I am so proud of you. You have got your strength, power back. The feminine, our mother Earth is proud of you. We gotta take our strength back and show the world the power of feminine! Sending my love and respect dear sister🤗💗💓💖💝💞 You are so adorable, gorgeous and lovable. You don't need any approval, do not need seek any approval from any man. You are enough, smart, powerful, wise, full of love and compassion! You are a Goddess! 💖🤗
Divorced after 40 +yrs marriage. How often I think of the dreadful honeymoon...
The mask dropped from my ex husband on our wedding day. I tolerated him because I thought he was autistic and didn’t understand how families worked. I stayed too long … he broke me and our daughters. I worked hard, as a teacher, he worked from home but didn’t ever seem to make enough money for our family so we scrimped by on my salary. Enough said. His violence and coercive behaviours kept me there for dar too long … and then he cheated again with a woman the same age as our daughters. The final straw. He was a classic narcissist.
Ugh, where do these awful men come from?!
May I ask what you mean when you say “didn’t know how families worked”? I’m genuinely curious as to what behavior made you feel like that
@@Anna-rv3fv he’d been sent away to school aged seven. Both of his parents were only children so he had no extended family. His mum had been the only child of a single woman, who in turn had no siblings … so no extended family at all. No grandfathers, no aunts, uncles, cousins. His only brother was five years younger…he had a wife and one son. My family was the opposite … lots of aunts, uncles, cousins, a sister…he couldn’t understand that all of these people were my family. That it is usual to keep in touch with one’s family. He’d get angry if I called my mum, didn’t like my parents visiting us, didn’t understand how to be a dad. He wanted a family … and we had two daughters … but he didn’t know how to be a family.
Wow thanks for sharing this information...so important
Bless your heart. I'm glad your away from this guy. Extremely toxic situation ‼️
Good job Mom! You are strong and good and deserve to be happy and raise your children in a safe environment. Even if he didn’t hit them the psychological effects would have been damaging. Perhaps the cycle of abuse would’ve continued for them when they were older and had their own families. Maybe your daughter would have been in an abusive relationship and not been able to leave. Maybe your son would have treated his wife the same way you were treated by his father. You took that step and got out. That took guts. I love that you are helping others. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure that wasn’t easy. You’re a hero.❤
Bless your heart, I truly empathize and understand your position. I have been there done that. People need education about Narcissim, control and domestic violence. Being upper middle class and educated does Not in any way give you an insight to the terrible abuse and trauma that was inflicted on you. I am happy that you got out alive. Unfortunately, many women and men do not. When somebody shows you their true colors, BELIEVE them. The gaslighting, trauma bonding, triangulation and control keep so many people in the cycle of abuse. God Bless You.
It is never ok to be the target of anyone's anger
It’s never okay to gaslight your husband.
Thank you so much for your bravery in sharing your story. It is so validating for so many of us who have been in similar situations and who are too ashamed to speak about it. ❤
That’s just terrible! I can just hug you. Glad you left and hope you’re doing well and feeling much better today.
Hello Jacqueline how are you. Greetings from Ireland. Your comment is lovely. Wish you a great day 🌹👍🙏 Michael
After marriage was the real person, unfortunately this type of thing is more common than you would think. I went through this twice, both of my ex husbands.
Dear Sarah,
You are the bravest woman I know of. Thank you for sharing your experiences. God bless you and your children.
Hello Bea how are you. Greetings from Ireland. Your comment is lovely. Wish you a great day 🌹👍🙏 Michael
Her mentioning how he would hit her on the head a lot - a friend of mine suffered this - a super controlling man who wanted to show the rest of the world that he was the perfect father and husband ☹️
My god what a wild scary ride this story was. I mean gripping!You’re an amazing communicator and I am sure you will help many! Wishing you the best which you so richly deserve, dear lady.
Abuse is abuse should not be tolerated people are monsters 👿
Thanks so much for showing awareness about this.
I’ve dated a guy with bipolar and a whole mental illness issues. It was great for the first couple months, but then he went sour overtime. Broke up with him before things went horribly wrong.
Tho,nOt ALL Bi-polar H❤man's 'R Psych😈 ,bUt Most NARCiSSiSTS 'R,who cAn cauze H💚man- -ists H❤man sO sick Fr: the Deepest Darkest Clinical Depression,which in tuRn Sadly causes Clinical Bi-polar🥀😔 , the 🆙️ part meanZ 4 mE, i'm Functioning,thinking w/oUt OCD'z,which pUmps 🆙️ uR Adrenaline 'n gEts Oxyginated 🩸Flowin ALL-OVER 'n yA Finally FEEL ALiVE Amongst the LiViN🙃🥲
Im sorry you had to go through this , its very sad . And I really enjoyed your presentation . I love the speed at which you speak . God bless you from Australia .
You're a wonderfully beautiful strong but gentle lady. Listened to every word with compassion. Well done girl for getting away from that man devil. Sending you many blessings, love and best wishes from Ireland 🇮🇪 ❤🎉🎉
I am single, never married. I long for a loving relationship. Based on my experience, it's very hard to find. Hearing this, I feel I want to stay single.
Staying single out of fear of a bad relationship means you'll be single forever. There are good men out there. It's just a shame so many fathers haven't taught their daughters how to pick a good man.
@@smania7575 She is the person who gets to decide how she will live her life.
The truth of the matter is that "men are afraid that women will laugh at them, but women are afraid that men will KILL them". If you have concerns about her choice, try addressing *that*, and doing what you can to help stop abuse.
There are more good relationships than bad ones. So many good marriages. These are extreme cases. They happen but it´s not normal. If you want to be sure just check your spouse to be- find people who would experience the abuse- his mother, former girlfriends, siblings are big one. If he is abusive his siblings will know. Just to the proper check- not by wathich him- you won´t know it´s impossible. Not by asking his friends- they don´t know because narcs can pretend for years. But people who would know. Ex girlfriends and siblings.
@@terezka5340Relatives lie for them or blame the woman for evoking their brother or son or ex husband’s abuse.
So sorry for what you went through with him.
I'm so sorry you went through this and happy that you survived!
I send you my best wishes Sara… I’ve had first hand experience of npd and I am so sorry for you having to go through what you have been through. You are evidently healing now … keep it going. You may be surprised how far you can go now you have truth and resolve on yr side.
The mask fell from my partner on the day we got married
Same
Same it was suck a shock I thought my husband was joking but he wasn’t I soon found out.
My step dad horribly beat my mother the night they married. I hated him anyhow, but that really solitified my judgment being on point. (I am far out from the situation, but he has only validated thay throughout the years with further horrible behavior not only to her.)
So scary. These guys sound outright insane.
Same here. But looking back, there were definitely warning signs.
Thank you for sharing. This is almost identical to my life also. Narcissistic abuse. Glad you got away. I've got away too recently ❤
God bless and protect you. I'm so sorry you had to suffer this. Good luck!
You are helping others!! Helping to avoid the same type of abuse and degradation you and others have survived. I certainly did, as well. Happy you and your children can have a healthier, more balanced and free life! 🙏🦋🙏🦋🙏
I wish the comments were more appropriate. Sad to see all the unkind remarks. Don’t take any of the negative comments to heart. It’s incredibly sad to hear of abuse towards women.
Very similar experience. I was raised religious and did not date much either. On our honeymoon we were out of the country, and I found him naked in a hot tub with another woman, Ironically, she refused his advances and was not naked. I was mortified. I had no way to get home, our itinerary was planned and we were headed to his parents place hundreds of miles in the opposite direction to home. I stuck it out with that marriage for 23 years trying to make it work, before I divorced. I wish I had gotten a ticket home and had the whole thing annulled. And as for 'never talking about anything"....We actually never had a discussion where there was anything resolved. The closest was him making a promise he would later break (future faking).
Classic narcissist behaviour 😢
I'm so sorry you experienced this, it is absolutely atrocious. Please always make sure that a man loves you, and if he does truly, he would never tell you what your existence is and certainly would never put his hands on you. I'm glad you got out.
You are amazingly strong and a true inspiration. Thank you for sharing your truth.❤
Such a beautiful, strong lady ❤
Interesting how he was when you were pregnant. And very good point of what you made about the education level. thank you so much for sharing your story.
I’m sorry that happened to you and your children.
I trust that everyone is safe :)
That shows you he could control himself. ( while you were pregnant). But I’m glad you left him! No women deserves this!!
Because once she had that baby she would be biologically tied to him for life.
Your education does not matter.
Shame hits everybody!
Thanks for telling your story.
More people need to tell!
You're a very strong woman. Please never forget. Much love ❤
Poor lady how awful, i hope she is recovering, please remember not all men are bad, i hope she finds true love..
My heart goes out for you ❤
You are so very very brave and kind.
you are amazing don’t forget who you are and the strengths you possess.
Wow! All I hear is strength ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I believe people paint the victim in abusive relationship as stupid weak and in love. Various reasons people don't leave immediately, or they tried and all channels closed. One has to keep trying. Another myth, abusers are calculating, some will isolate first ,smear campaign . They all want the same goal- to control and manipulate. Now my question is why is this person so charming. Most toxic men are master manipulators, a nice word for pathological liars. Thus, they view everyone as an object
This resonates with me so much. I met my ex husband in the church and as I Christian I was very conservative. In the beginning, to my horror, he exposed himself to me and then started saying that I made a fool out of him if I didn’t show my parts to him. I lived with a mother that hates me and she just wanted to get me out the house. I had no idea how to set healthy boundaries and what my worth was and is. That was the beginning of years and years of him demanding sex all the time and if he didn’t get it he’d start screaming and kicking stuff and if that didn’t work, he’d scream at the kids so to protect them I just let him have his way. Then he’d start screaming that I wasn’t into it and that I had a problem because clearly there was nothing wrong with his performance. I did manage to leave him, although I was left with nothing but the kids. We’ve been divorced 10 years. My daughter has just graduated as a social worker because she has a heart for teens who go through what she did. I forgot to mention that when I was going to leave him, he got his gun out and wanted to carry out a family murder. To this day my mother screams at me that I should have stayed with him and other than that she wants nothing to do with me. I am strong and have learnt to love myself but I’m left with the biggest phobia of being intimate with someone, I won’t let a man touch me and physically I’m not able to experience sexual pleasure. That whole system has been shut down in me. I will never be able to remarry and get really anxious if a man shows any interest in me. Rejection by him and my family has caused me to totally withdraw into myself and don’t even want friends near me. I hide it well and am in the healthcare industry and have lots of love and compassion on patients but when I leave there I close my doors and just spend time with my now young adult children
I'm so sorry Valerie.. Sending love ❤️ and healing prayers your way. GOD BLESS..
Wow that is just something else!
@@carmelaburrone5029 thank you so much ❤️
@@Michael-bf1dt Thank you very much for your encouragement and kind words, I really appreciate it. God Bless 🙏🌺
@@Michael-bf1dt thank you so much for your beautiful words, I’ve taken them to heart ❤️
Great video👏you did it! You saved yourself❤️
Thanks for sharing your story.❤❤ Glad you got you and your children out.❤❤
Thank you for sharing, Sara. I'm glad you and your children got out early and safely.
I'm so glad you made it out.
In NZ police can charge, not the victim. Knowing it’s too hard for the victim to take action. All types of abuse are criminal..., verbal, physical, psychological and financial.
Australia too.
USA too
I am so sorry you had to endure all that, I hope you are in a better place now
What a sad story. I hope you are happy now and pleased you finally found your self worth ❤
He didn't even financially support you, what a bum
there's alot of men out there now who refuse to work hard and work for their wife and family....it's disgustingly common now. Or, they marry a woman who makes a lot of money (plan it that way). My daughter got stuck with two of them...they wanted her to work...while they went to bars, talked to women online, you name it. She's single now but raising the kids!! they come around when THEY want to...one of them has never paid her a dime, not even child support. The other one went home to mama...lives in the basement...he pays minimal child support.
Thank you for sharing your trauma with us . My heart goes to you and I sincerely hope that your life is moving towards peace and joy . Please take care of yourself and be safe .
You poor thing, your self esteem was so low that you were very vulnerable. I feel quite angry at those who treated you so badly but I understand completely how you fell for your husband. Hearing and seeing you, when you said ‘he didn’t laugh at me’ made we want to cry.
Omg. Thank you for speaking out. Women should be aware of how they stick up for these creeps...been there
He sounds like a total weirdo.
Best book on the subject is by Patricia Evans The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Around the middle she explains how narcissism starts around 9 for girls 10 for boys. Why and how. Important information imo
We have to overcome the notion that we need to be with a mate.
Being alone can be tough, but that's why having friends is great.
Mine did the exact same thing. Barefoot in the snow. I had to walk to the nursing home and call my friend.
Wow girl you are awesome bless you
So great that you got out while your children were young, hopefully they didn't grow up learning how to be abused.
Thank you for sharing. You are a very good speaker and spoke so well and this will helps so many women out there, watch out for these type of men. It is disgusting, I can understand a lot of it. I wish you and your kids all the best with God's blessing.
Thank God you found your reason sooner rather than later. It's devastating. I wonder if you ever attracted someone like him again? I have-I'm in the distancing phase. Can't live in his house due to his temper-he's mad about it (only because I spend money for rent not because he wants me with him. Just about the control.
They always start out nice at the beginning 😢
I'm so glad you got out. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Treats her like a toy. 😐
That experience of "It was like a switch flipped" is an IMMEDIATE sign that you leave, divorce, etc. Those experiences are only the FIRST sign of a toxic person.
It’s sad that we women, and men sometimes, feel like we should defend this awful behavior, make excuses for, listen over & over to the empty promises of “it’ll never happen again,” bc it allllways does!! I’m glad you’re out of that abuse as I too had my breaking point of wth happened to me that I’m accepting being treated like this 🥲 we’re strong, we got this, you go girl 👍👍
You were RAPED on your honeymoon and he VIDEOTAPED it.
That’s appalling. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Was there had that done to me. Husband was a monster. The least he did to me was beat me up, the worst was holding a gun to my hesd and saying he was going to kill me.