"How would it be for you if..." has been a game changer for me! I've been using it since I saw this video about a year ago. Presenting a request in this way means that it isn't a demand, but it is truly a request. I love the honesty we have outside of the rigid yes/no dynamic.
For me - the one I’m most excited by introducing is: “I would love to find a way to get both our needs met”. I think it sets a wonderful intention for what can come next. Thank you for the videos :)
i am going to use all of them, thank you, and it has helped me "translating" it back to NVC basic formula and practice my NVC in that way... i thought i might share it here... if you see something worth correcting or adding - let me know what you think... 1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered) O when i hear you say this (i am noticing losing my capacity to follow/listen) F i feel a surge of (strong, positive, negative) feelings and sensations in me N i need to express it or get clarity about it, verbalise, pause R can i interrupt you for a moment 2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so… O i have something to tell you/express and i am noticing you are doing something else F i feel overwhelmed N i need to express it now/ be heard as well as take your needs in consideration R Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? 3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue) I care about how you feel so… O this situation has more than 1 or 2 solutions/aspects to it and simple yes or now could end this dialogue F i care about how you feel, i am afraid to create problems further down the road N i need harmony between us and avoid problems F how would it be for you if…? 4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone) O i hear you say it is difficult for you to commit to this solution forever, i hear you say this is difficult for you at the moment F i care for you deeply and i care for myself, too N I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so… R Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? 5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself) O when i hear this proposition i am noticing more thank couple of solutions arising in my mind.. F i feel afraid to make a decision immediately ( that will not get both our needs met) N i need clarity, sense of control, both our needs met/connection, time to think about it, autonomy R can i think about it and let you tomorrow? 6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right) O i am noticing things are not comfortable for me nor you F i feel afraid that this might escalate beyond productivity/harmony/safety N i need to stay connected/reconnect, I need to express my intention would really love to find a way to get both our needs met so… R i would like to know if that is your intention, too? Can you tell me what you think about it? How can we find the solution to this together? I have an idea, would you be willing to hear it? 7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need) O i am hearing you are proposing B F i feel worried/afraid/hesitant/frustrated because N i have a need for Z R would you be willing to consider doing X? Could i propose doing X? How is it for you to do X?
I am a family therapist in Dallas, TX and use NVC in my practice. I love your videos and work. They are amazing. Thank you for your time and talent and commitment to people, relationships and NVC!
NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION ~ TOP 7 KEY SENTENCES Cup of Empathy: Thank you for these seven great sentences. I hope I transcribed them well enough. 1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered) 2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to) 3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue) 4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone) 5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself) 6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right) 7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need)
thank you for this summary! it has helped me "translating" it back to NVC basic formula and practice my NVC in that way... i thought i might share it here... if you see something worth correcting or adding - let me know what you think... 1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered) O when i hear you say this (i am noticing losing my capacity to follow/listen) F i feel a surge of (strong, positive, negative) feelings and sensations in me N i need to express it or get clarity about it, verbalise, pause R can i interrupt you for a moment 2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so… O i have something to tell you/express and i am noticing you are doing something else F i feel overwhelmed N i need to express it now/ be heard as well as take your needs in consideration R Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? 3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue) I care about how you feel so… O this situation has more than 1 or 2 solutions/aspects to it and simple yes or now could end this dialogue F i care about how you feel, i am afraid to create problems further down the road N i need harmony between us and avoid problems F how would it be for you if…? 4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone) O i hear you say it is difficult for you to commit to this solution forever, i hear you say this is difficult for you at the moment F i care for you deeply and i care for myself, too N I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so… R Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? 5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself) O when i hear this proposition i am noticing more thank couple of solutions arising in my mind.. F i feel afraid to make a decision immediately ( that will not get both our needs met) N i need clarity, sense of control, both our needs met/connection, time to think about it, autonomy R can i think about it and let you tomorrow? 6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right) O i am noticing things are not comfortable for me nor you F i feel afraid that this might escalate beyond productivity/harmony/safety N i need to stay connected/reconnect, I need to express my intention would really love to find a way to get both our needs met so… R i would like to know if that is your intention, too? Can you tell me what you think about it? How can we find the solution to this together? I have an idea, would you be willing to hear it? 7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need) O i am hearing you are proposing B F i feel worried/afraid/hesitant/frustrated because N i have a need for Z R would you be willing to consider doing X? Could i propose doing X? How is it for you to do X?
Very good. I have a suggestion instead of “Can I think about it and let you know tomorrow?“ How about: “I’d like to think about it and get back to you tomorrow.” Would that work for you? It’s more straightforward. I don’t need the other person’s permission to think about it until tomorrow, but it is good to check in with them and see if that works for them.
Thank you for your videos! I like the way you explain nvc in small amounts and it helps me to remember what I love about it. I am very interested in shame and would love to hear your way of dealing with this feeling. There is a wish for growth and understanding in me and one of my favorite strategies would be one of your videos about this topic.
I have been using, "can we find an empowerment" to mean, when everyone is happy at the end with my kids. For more broad understanding, "a strategy where all our needs are met" means the same thing.
Does NVC work with sociopaths, narcissists and others with personality disorders lacking in empathy? Those disorders usually are accompanied by boundary violations and I wonder your thoughts about how this works on people with character disorders marked by zero empathy.
Resumen en Español: 1.Te puedo interrumpir por un momento? Me está pasando algo.... 2. Tenes espacio para escucharme por... 10 minutos? 3. ¿Como seria para vos... (petición)? En vez de Podrías.... /Quisieras.... Para no limitar su respuesta a Si/No 4. Estarías dispuesto a probar.... (estrategia) durante (1 hora) (1 mes)? Si veo que es desafiante para alguno de los dos 5. Puedo pensarlo y decirte mañana? 6. Me encantaría encontrar una forma de que los dos podamos satisfacer nuestras necesidades... 7. (En vez de decir No) Mmm... Yo preferiría hacer X porque tengo una necesidad de Z
@@CupofEmpathy Oh, beautiful! Thanks for thanking! I took notes in english for me and then translated to have them at hand in my own language. As it took some work, i decided to share it for any other spanish talking viewers... Thank you for making these videos! (i also love the funny ones, like "ways to annoy people with your nvc" that's one i usually choose to show to people sometimes... btw we are thinking to make some roleplaying nvc videos with some friends from the nvc community in argentina, and that yours is an inspiring one!)
@@mukta4689 I can't right now, but it's just watching the video and writing down the key concepts. Or, if u prefer, copy pasting my spanish comment in google translator
Hi, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the kind of approach you're taking with the "free tough talk download" and the way your website makes users sign up for your email list just to get it. This personally aggravated me and made me not want to even bother... And I have to say, as far as goes for any website, I think it's a crappy tactic to get followers & subscribers. You shouldn't need to do this if you have good content, which it seems you do. This really turned me away from wanting to watch more of your videos, which... I could really use the help from right now. I'm just really tired of people doing this personally. I probably would have subscribed to your stuff, without having to be pushed into it through this manner... Just my two cents. Thank you for your videos either way.
This is a common practice for many content creators. They're providing you with valuable content. Think about how long it takes for them to even upload a video: refining the content to concise sections, recording it, editing it, and writing a description for it. And not to mention the upkeep of their website and design that download for you to have for FREE. So really, you don't have to download it if you don't want to. I for one am very appreciative of the efforts that she's put into creating this content and giving it away for free and has had a huge impact on my own relationships. Signing up to her email means that she's going to be sending me content that's valuable in my life.
I get being annoyed when something is a list magnet (the marketing term for a freebie item given in exchange for email list signup), but it's also important to recognize that you're not entitled to free resources. You can always immediately unsubscribe again, and that's really not a big trade to ask in exchange for giving you the resource you want. Simply having high-value content is really not actually enough to earn creators any useful amount of email signups. Content consumers simply almost never make that step unless incentivized, even if they intend to/want to/think they'll like the emails. So yeah ... Have some understanding for the content creators who provide so much free info to you. They're really not asking a lot, and arguably it doesn't even count as really asking anything of you.
Let me know underneath which sentence you are going to use!
Cup of Empathy all of them! ❤️
"How would it be for you if..." has been a game changer for me! I've been using it since I saw this video about a year ago. Presenting a request in this way means that it isn't a demand, but it is truly a request. I love the honesty we have outside of the rigid yes/no dynamic.
For me - the one I’m most excited by introducing is: “I would love to find a way to get both our needs met”. I think it sets a wonderful intention for what can come next. Thank you for the videos :)
All of them! :D
i am going to use all of them, thank you, and it has helped me "translating" it back to NVC basic formula and practice my NVC in that way... i thought i might share it here... if you see something worth correcting or adding - let me know what you think...
1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered)
O when i hear you say this (i am noticing losing my capacity to follow/listen)
F i feel a surge of (strong, positive, negative) feelings and sensations in me
N i need to express it or get clarity about it, verbalise, pause
R can i interrupt you for a moment
2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to)
I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so…
O i have something to tell you/express and i am noticing you are doing something else
F i feel overwhelmed
N i need to express it now/ be heard as well as take your needs in consideration
R Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes?
3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue)
I care about how you feel so…
O this situation has more than 1 or 2 solutions/aspects to it and simple yes or now could end this dialogue
F i care about how you feel, i am afraid to create problems further down the road
N i need harmony between us and avoid problems
F how would it be for you if…?
4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone)
O i hear you say it is difficult for you to commit to this solution forever, i hear you say this is difficult for you at the moment
F i care for you deeply and i care for myself, too
N I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so…
R Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time?
5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself)
O when i hear this proposition i am noticing more thank couple of solutions arising in my mind..
F i feel afraid to make a decision immediately ( that will not get both our needs met)
N i need clarity, sense of control, both our needs met/connection, time to think about it, autonomy
R can i think about it and let you tomorrow?
6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right)
O i am noticing things are not comfortable for me nor you
F i feel afraid that this might escalate beyond productivity/harmony/safety
N i need to stay connected/reconnect, I need to express my intention would really love to find a way to get both our needs met so…
R i would like to know if that is your intention, too? Can you tell me what you think about it? How can we find the solution to this together? I have an idea, would you be willing to hear it?
7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need)
O i am hearing you are proposing B
F i feel worried/afraid/hesitant/frustrated because
N i have a need for Z
R would you be willing to consider doing X? Could i propose doing X? How is it for you to do X?
I am a family therapist in Dallas, TX and use NVC in my practice. I love your videos and work. They are amazing. Thank you for your time and talent and commitment to people, relationships and NVC!
I just found you today. I love the way you present NVC. You have a very soothing voice and I enjoy the clarity in which you share!
You have sincere very infectious..loving energy..plus very genuine message
I tried it without the cat. The first exercise immediately relieved the pain I’ve had for 8 months. Thank you thank you thank you!
NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION ~ TOP 7 KEY SENTENCES
Cup of Empathy: Thank you for these seven great sentences. I hope I transcribed them well enough.
1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered)
2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to)
3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue)
4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone)
5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself)
6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right)
7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need)
Bless you! This is helpful :)
I did the same thing. (On the door way wall)
Thank you
Thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you kindly 💟
thank you for this summary! it has helped me "translating" it back to NVC basic formula and practice my NVC in that way... i thought i might share it here... if you see something worth correcting or adding - let me know what you think...
1) Can I interrupt you for a moment? There is something going on in me. (When you’re getting triggered)
O when i hear you say this (i am noticing losing my capacity to follow/listen)
F i feel a surge of (strong, positive, negative) feelings and sensations in me
N i need to express it or get clarity about it, verbalise, pause
R can i interrupt you for a moment
2) Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes? (Wanting to be heard but checking with other if they have time and know what they are saying yes to)
I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so…
O i have something to tell you/express and i am noticing you are doing something else
F i feel overwhelmed
N i need to express it now/ be heard as well as take your needs in consideration
R Do you have space to listen to me for like 10 minutes?
3) How would it be for you if… (to avoid a yes or not and start a dialogue)
I care about how you feel so…
O this situation has more than 1 or 2 solutions/aspects to it and simple yes or now could end this dialogue
F i care about how you feel, i am afraid to create problems further down the road
N i need harmony between us and avoid problems
F how would it be for you if…?
4) Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time? (To make a request that might be challenging for someone)
O i hear you say it is difficult for you to commit to this solution forever, i hear you say this is difficult for you at the moment
F i care for you deeply and i care for myself, too
N I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met asap so…
R Would you be willing to try out this strategy for X amount of time?
5) Can I think about it, and let you tomorrow? (Gives you time to check with yourself)
O when i hear this proposition i am noticing more thank couple of solutions arising in my mind..
F i feel afraid to make a decision immediately ( that will not get both our needs met)
N i need clarity, sense of control, both our needs met/connection, time to think about it, autonomy
R can i think about it and let you tomorrow?
6) I would really love to find a way to get both our needs met… (when things might be moving toward a potential conflict and/or moving to a trigger for either person; do this instead of trying to be right)
O i am noticing things are not comfortable for me nor you
F i feel afraid that this might escalate beyond productivity/harmony/safety
N i need to stay connected/reconnect, I need to express my intention would really love to find a way to get both our needs met so…
R i would like to know if that is your intention, too? Can you tell me what you think about it? How can we find the solution to this together? I have an idea, would you be willing to hear it?
7) I would prefer to do X because I have a need for Z. (Making your needs clear and what is behind that need)
O i am hearing you are proposing B
F i feel worried/afraid/hesitant/frustrated because
N i have a need for Z
R would you be willing to consider doing X? Could i propose doing X? How is it for you to do X?
This is fantastic. I’m just starting learn NVC reading a few of his books and it was really been life changing. Thank you for these videos 🙏
Glad it was helpful Alex!!
Thank you for sharing your knowledge in such an easy, and effortless way. Love your smooth delivery.
Thanks Amira!!
Wow. So far this is my favorite NVC video! So helpful!!
I'm so glad!
Your videos are excellent, clear, and you have an excellent self-expression. I find them very helpful. Keep being you!!
So much love in your sentences. Thank you for your work!
Most helpful NVC Video I've seen in a while! Thank you Soo Very much!!!
Have just found NVC and thoroughly enjoyed your presentation. Thank you so much.
Glad to hear that Carol!!
So incredibly helpful! THanks a million for your kindness & generosity sharing such wonderful teachings 💗
yay!!
Very good.
I have a suggestion instead of “Can I think about it and let you know tomorrow?“
How about: “I’d like to think about it and get back to you tomorrow.” Would that work for you? It’s more straightforward.
I don’t need the other person’s permission to think about it until tomorrow, but it is good to check in with them and see if that works for them.
Yes I agree that your suggestion sounds more straightforward, I like it!
Lovely bouquet of sentences. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your videos! I like the way you explain nvc in small amounts and it helps me to remember what I love about it. I am very interested in shame and would love to hear your way of dealing with this feeling. There is a wish for growth and understanding in me and one of my favorite strategies would be one of your videos about this topic.
Hey, thanks for your suggestion, I will put it on my list!
@@CupofEmpathy Bedankt :)
These sentences are so good!
Yay thank you!
wow this communication feels so lovely for me :)
Marshall would bee proud :)
Awwww thank you!!
Super helpful! Thank you very much for sharing. And thank you for the joyful earful presentation. 😍
Glad you enjoyed it!
Hello loving one,
Excellent content!
Your video has left a positive impact on my day and my life.
Thank you!
So glad!
I would love to hear more about the ways to say no without saying no in NVC
Thanks for your suggestion Lu!
❤thank you for this
Such a valuable video. You answered my prayers. ❤️
Thanks for sharing. I think I understand what you mean.
It is a kind of language. Very polite and useful.
It's indeed a kind of language Ted!
It's also so much more than a language. :-)
Great video , thanks!
Outstanding!!
Thank you 🎉
I have been using, "can we find an empowerment" to mean, when everyone is happy at the end with my kids. For more broad understanding, "a strategy where all our needs are met" means the same thing.
I love that, thanks for sharing!
Good Speech mam, Thank you ☺️
Thank you
You so great. Thank you
You are so welcome
All of them
Thanks for sharing🌷
Does NVC work with sociopaths, narcissists and others with personality disorders lacking in empathy? Those disorders usually are accompanied by boundary violations and I wonder your thoughts about how this works on people with character disorders marked by zero empathy.
I def want to make a video about that!
Great. And I'm off to the links
Plus I'm subscribing.
I'm going to try " How would it be for you if...
Resumen en Español:
1.Te puedo interrumpir por un momento? Me está pasando algo....
2. Tenes espacio para escucharme por... 10 minutos?
3. ¿Como seria para vos... (petición)? En vez de Podrías.... /Quisieras.... Para no limitar su respuesta a Si/No
4. Estarías dispuesto a probar.... (estrategia) durante (1 hora) (1 mes)? Si veo que es desafiante para alguno de los dos
5. Puedo pensarlo y decirte mañana?
6. Me encantaría encontrar una forma de que los dos podamos satisfacer nuestras necesidades...
7. (En vez de decir No) Mmm... Yo preferiría hacer X porque tengo una necesidad de Z
Thanks so much for making this Mica!
@@CupofEmpathy Oh, beautiful! Thanks for thanking! I took notes in english for me and then translated to have them at hand in my own language. As it took some work, i decided to share it for any other spanish talking viewers... Thank you for making these videos! (i also love the funny ones, like "ways to annoy people with your nvc" that's one i usually choose to show to people sometimes... btw we are thinking to make some roleplaying nvc videos with some friends from the nvc community in argentina, and that yours is an inspiring one!)
Unfortunately I am unable to understand in Spanish. Will you be able to write it in English?
@@mukta4689 I can't right now, but it's just watching the video and writing down the key concepts. Or, if u prefer, copy pasting my spanish comment in google translator
@@mukta4689 See above. Just posted English transcription.
Great tips, thank you =)
Me: "Excuse me, There's something going on in me"
My friends:"uhhh......are you okay?....you might want to get that checked out, buddy"
LOL!! ok you're allowed to make a variety that suits you better 😂😜
@@CupofEmpathy Sorry I couldn't resist being silly. But wonderful video, by the way. Very insightful!
I think you should add more sentences and we( listener) will became happy , if you continuously update at some group . If u have some time!!
Thank you! I found this incredibly useful 💗
I need help understanding if nvc can be used effectively if the person you are speaking with is intoxicated and/or lying.
I’d say wait for them to sober up. If they’re lying then I think you should be assertive maybe? Dunno about that part but I hope this helps
👍
I just tend to say “No” or “Kiss my ass.” It works. I don’t care if people are offended and I don’t let them offend me.
I wish I lived next door 2U
Hi, I just wanted to share my thoughts on the kind of approach you're taking with the "free tough talk download" and the way your website makes users sign up for your email list just to get it. This personally aggravated me and made me not want to even bother... And I have to say, as far as goes for any website, I think it's a crappy tactic to get followers & subscribers.
You shouldn't need to do this if you have good content, which it seems you do. This really turned me away from wanting to watch more of your videos, which... I could really use the help from right now.
I'm just really tired of people doing this personally. I probably would have subscribed to your stuff, without having to be pushed into it through this manner... Just my two cents.
Thank you for your videos either way.
This is a common practice for many content creators. They're providing you with valuable content. Think about how long it takes for them to even upload a video: refining the content to concise sections, recording it, editing it, and writing a description for it. And not to mention the upkeep of their website and design that download for you to have for FREE. So really, you don't have to download it if you don't want to. I for one am very appreciative of the efforts that she's put into creating this content and giving it away for free and has had a huge impact on my own relationships. Signing up to her email means that she's going to be sending me content that's valuable in my life.
I get being annoyed when something is a list magnet (the marketing term for a freebie item given in exchange for email list signup), but it's also important to recognize that you're not entitled to free resources. You can always immediately unsubscribe again, and that's really not a big trade to ask in exchange for giving you the resource you want. Simply having high-value content is really not actually enough to earn creators any useful amount of email signups. Content consumers simply almost never make that step unless incentivized, even if they intend to/want to/think they'll like the emails.
So yeah ... Have some understanding for the content creators who provide so much free info to you. They're really not asking a lot, and arguably it doesn't even count as really asking anything of you.
Thank you