7 Relationship RED FLAGS You Should NEVER Ignore
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 ก.ย. 2024
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Hey there, I’m Clark Kegley, a pro drummer turned self-improvement advocate. Here on TH-cam, I provide guidance to help you transform into your 2.0 version.
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You loved some of our other videos on this topic... so thought I'd share the 7 relationship red flags you should never ignore. These are my personal opinions, so I encourage you to come up with your own! Remember, all there's ONE common denominator to EVERY relationship you've had in the past, are in currently, or might have in the future.... YOU! That's why when you shift into the highest version of yourself, ALL your relationships improve. Ready to change your life? It all starts with asking yourself the right questions. Get the 11 questions to change your life now (free gift for yt subs): www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ FACTS
If they can’t get off their phone 🚩
Not true for every case
True
True.
@@DrJoyti definitely true
No sympathy, but social media is a classified disease via addiction due to the dopamine release programmed into it. If you aren't perceiving and treating it and them, as such, there is a huge potential for failure breaking free.
If they never have time for you but for everything else 🚩
Attracting one toxic person after another is a thing. Learning self respect will turn that around.
Never takes accountability and always puts the blame on everyone else
Dude if they’ve EVER cheated for any reason I’m out.
People make mistakes, man.
@@JeremyKersten that doesn't mean I have to date them when there's plenty of people out there who haven't. Also, cheating isn't a mistake. It's a series of horrible choices someone makes deliberately and is a true reflection of their character.
@@JeremyKersten
Cheating is no mistake. It's a crime.
@Peyton Bryan Helm well then I guess I'm a piece of shit forever then.
@@JeremyKersten never said people who've cheated once were all a piece of shit and will be forever. I said *I* don't want to date them. That's all.
Often people with childhood trauma attract narcissists. I also acknowledge that a lot of people throw that term around.
The reason for this is because as kids they had to stick around when the a hole parent was destroying them. So fast forward to their adulthood and the child has learned to cope with difficult people and not just that but they fall into relationships with them because they are familiar. Untraumatised kids don't put up with narc behaviour.
Guilty of that mistake
Have to stay true to your soul thru the hardships. Otherwise you are at risk of becoming a monster yourself.
Everyone’s ex is a narcissist these days.
Highly disagree, unless 90% of women have childhood trauma. Almost every woman goes after the "bad boys" or the "toxic guy" and tells normal men they are "boring" I just think they are hardwired for it.
Your 7 red flags presented here are just golden! Yes, sadly many of us have all been guilty of not grasping them until the relationship ended. Learn those lessons.
No, they are red
I'm currently dating this girl (she's 33 I'm 27) and as of today, we've been dating for 1 month and 2 days.
We're going out today but I am confronting her about some serious things she's said to me, to my literal face:
1. She has told me that she finds me "Somewhat sexually attractive" while I find her 100% sexually attractive.
In the 1 month we've been dating, we've rarely had sex, we've only a few times. So of course I'm flipping out when I am not with her because I ask myself who is she having sex with. . . . . but she has told me repeatedly that she's only talking to me . . . .
and
2. She has told me that she has gotten really really strong urges to cheat on me but she won't do it because she's not a cheater . . . . maybe one day she might give in to the urge? Will that urge go away the longer we date? Who knows, I definitely need some advice lol
Just as a disclaimer, prior to all this she has told that she does see a long term relationship with me, and also that she's not a cheater she would break up with me first if she wanted to be with another person. I have also had urges to cheat on her, but I suppress them 100% I do see potentially to be with her long term, every time I ask her if she wants to end things she says no
She complains that I don't make her feel safe, that I wouldn't be the first person she calls if she had an emergency because of my age, she's older than me. But at the same time, she has told me she wants a family and would like to have kids with me one day . . . . so that's why I've stayed.
We're going out today literally in a few hours and I am going to confront her about all this and idk what I'm going to do, maybe one day if she's fed up with me she'll cheat and then I would have wasted so much of my life with this person. Idk what to do
Peoples core values can also change as they grow older. Couples need to grow together in a relationship
Bingo!
I'm currently dating this girl (she's 33 I'm 27) and as of today, we've been dating for 1 month and 2 days.
We're going out today but I am confronting her about some serious things she's said to me, to my literal face:
1. She has told me that she finds me "Somewhat sexually attractive" while I find her 100% sexually attractive.
In the 1 month we've been dating, we've rarely had sex, we've only a few times. So of course I'm flipping out when I am not with her because I ask myself who is she having sex with. . . . . but she has told me repeatedly that she's only talking to me . . . .
and
2. She has told me that she has gotten really really strong urges to cheat on me but she won't do it because she's not a cheater . . . . maybe one day she might give in to the urge? Will that urge go away the longer we date? Who knows, I definitely need some advice lol
Just as a disclaimer, prior to all this she has told that she does see a long term relationship with me, and also that she's not a cheater she would break up with me first if she wanted to be with another person. I have also had urges to cheat on her, but I suppress them 100% I do see potentially to be with her long term, every time I ask her if she wants to end things she says no
She complains that I don't make her feel safe, that I wouldn't be the first person she calls if she had an emergency because of my age, she's older than me. But at the same time, she has told me she wants a family and would like to have kids with me one day . . . . so that's why I've stayed.
We're going out today literally in a few hours and I am going to confront her about all this and idk what I'm going to do, maybe one day if she's fed up with me she'll cheat and then I would have wasted so much of my life with this person. Idk what to do
@@tblazer4932tbh regards the main comment above, Key issues are, Mens core values don't tend to change or what they want. Women however do. Most women don't know what they want until 28-30years old/they often change what they want about this time and often end a relationship around this age if in a long term relationship. Usually to meet and marry the next guy within a short space of time.
Also regards women changing their minds/values what they want, this is an ongoing thing THROUGHOUT their lives/at any age! It's why 85% of All divorces are instigated by women. Men tend to make a choice and stick with it once they commit. Women don't. They look for better options at any point in their lives if they become "not happy" eg. If their "core values" suddenly change..
This is both from experience and factual data. Uncomfortable truths are now widely available and it's wrecking society as men now understand women and women know men are understanding what in the past, they didn't (for various reasons) and are therefore now "opting out" of having relationships because theres little benefit and MASSIVE risks for men now partly due to understanding the risks and how women think and behave now and also because society is now geared AGAINST men so there's little upside to being in relationships for men especially so when it comes to marriage there's hardly any reason for men to consider it as a viable sensible option now.(very few circumstances where it makes sense).
Also its a fact that 85% of women are sleeping with the aame 10-15% of all men. Hypergamy and cheating are rife among women as they are all attracted to and "sleeping-with" ONLY what (they believe) to be "high value men" in the top 5%, when in fact this is now based upon "unrealistic expectations/ideals" and due to the modern influence of social media (anti social media it should be called) fake people fake images of fake lifestyles based around materialism thats TOTALLY out of the realms of reality for 99%+ of people, BUT which 99% of women now see and EXPECT as Normal, which is a delusion based on the lies of tik tok and social media influencers amd also media advertising. Men tend not to be influenced in the same way that women do perhaps because of how men are wired vs women, however the effect is that society and relationships are breaking down because of this and the total lack of moral values that women tend tk have now when compared to previous generations before social media took a hold. 🏴🇬🇧
completely true and exactly the way it's supposed to be, no matter the age even in old we will constantly be growing and going through change, it's the partners that can't support each other through each others growth that aren't compatible what so ever. If someone isn't willing to be beside you while you grow (vice versa) it's time to let them go.
My last relationship. Recent break up. Covert Narc. And I ignored so many red flags. Because they seem to realize them when they appear and act "extra" to cover them. Pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't take the year as a waste. It was definitely a learning experience.
Can you tell more about the red flags you ignored? What do mean by act extra? Thanks
Yes, please tell us more about the red flags you saw so we can learn from you. Thanks!
Same here. I learned a lot.
As my grandmother used to say:
“You can trip and fall once, but never twice because you know now where the obstacle is to make you fall.”
I doubt it. Everyone throws the narc word around
She said she wasn’t by her phone whenever I’d call or text but when we were spending time together she was always on her phone.
Theyre always on their phone.
@@jeffreymorris6193Yep, always. One time is a test and should be checked, 2nd time is a habit and time to say adios
I moved from California to the third world and was shocked to see children playing in the streets and a large chunk Not gawking at their phone in the sidewalks. in America they're All on their phone. Not just the women, all of them it feels like.
Yeah that's a huge lie if they claim they missed your call.
Always late: lack of respect.😊
Absolutely.
Or neurodivergent. Time blindness is common in ADHD
Great video.
An addition to Red Flag 4: People who take ownership for their own past toxic behaviors might just be telling the truth about claiming their exes were toxic. That is because toxic people attract each other. I have been in a few relationships with toxic women and I now know it's because I suffer from borderline personality disorder and was the other side of the coin. I had extremely low self-esteem, they had extremely high self-esteem and were entitled. But the truth is that I was toxic as well in all my victimhood and by letting them run all over me.
Now that I have been in therapy for several years and am enjoying the process very much I would again date women with a troubling track record, if they were self-reflexive and would show that they are working on themselves with the help of professionals.
What I have really learned in my process is this: Growth is hard, but it's possible and it's possible for toxic people as well. And they need help! I for sure did. I wouldn't be where I am now if it wasn't for people that helped me.
Thank you thank you thank you for bringing this up, your feedback is so important here and it reasonates as healing is not a linear process and I had the habit of attracting men who were not right for me and a lot of it has to do with not knowing who you are, so this video saying we're narcissists is damaging because you do need to know the lessons and be able to explain them to potential partners, who may not want to listen to them or shut them out by watching this video.
We are all toxic to somebody. Can’t have white without black . 😮
Very underrated but still very important point you just made, my friend.
You dont understand how your comment made me feel! THANK YOU
I really needed to hear that
Thank you for this.
To me one BIG red flag in a woman is if she promise me something and then forget it or ignore that she promised it... And then makes defensive arguments like "I did not think that you remembered or that it was such a big thing"..
Yes this goes for both genders.
Bj
they run away from confrontation when there has been conflict and act like everything is fine until it bubbles over the surface
My favorite term recently was calling things “deal breakers” instead of red flags, it helps you clarify what you actually want in a relationship
Everyone comes with baggage though
But a red flag is a warning sign while deal breakers are… deal breakers
@@Julia-kv2po true but many people are bad people trying to be good, that’s what matters. if they are good trying to be bad that’s a red flag
They are red flags whe you realize that you should of walked away instead of making the deal ( I guess I ignored them) almost cost me big time
@@Jackdaniels19894 if somebody think black and white. Split people into good and bad categories, this is truly a red flag.
Please do a video about red flags in friendships and how to identify fake friends because your videos are so accurate and I love your advices. I want to learn more about friendships and how to save them if they're going to crash.
I call them “vampire friends” because they suck happiness out of you.
@@andrewyoung-n8ary Most are! That's why I only have 1 friend. We've been friends for 30 years because we ask nothing from each other. We are friends, NOT "bro's", we aren't "down for each other" or have each others back. He is not "like a brother to me", (I already have a brother). Just friends and we like it that way.
If they are going to crash, maybe they should? It's natural selection. Maybe you weren't meant to be friends or friends for this long? Why force a friendship?
I have a few to identify fake friends. Let’s say you upgraded in life. Like for an example, you got a PC that has better graphics and frame rate compared to consoles because you finally got the money to get one. Fake friends would tell you that it’s a waste of money and that you shoulda stick to console like them. In this situation, instead of enjoying your upgrade, they try to bring you down.
Great video. Dated someone for 9 months, ignored so many 🚩🚩🚩and always made excuses for his behavior. Two months ago he breaks it off and immediately goes back to his ex-girlfriend. I was totally blindsided and angry, mostly at myself for not ending it sooner… He’s 65 and I’m 60. Apparently emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age 😢
Lady you are 60. It’s unnatural to be out here finding your Prince Charming. Most older people who are still single do not possess the ability to be in a relationship. It’s a bunch of broken and divorced people with unhealed trauma.
@@Coffeendonuts Wow! No need to be rude. Not looking for Prince Charming, just a companion. I know many people who have found love later in life. People are broken, and divorced, and yes, widowed, at every age. Unhealed trauma occurs at every age. If you’ve never experienced heartbreak then you are one of the lucky ones.
@@Coffeendonutsremember when you were a "big boy" now at 10-years old and watched the 4-year olds acting silly? Well that's what it looks like for mature adults watching immature 20- somethings. So mind what you say.
@@Coffeendonuts seriously, you actually think that as you get older, you don't have the capacity to care for other people. Even if you are a widow/ widower divorcee? That is a really unfortunate attitude to go through the rest of your life with, but then it's not surprising that you're watching this video about red flags. I hope that you're able to let go of some of that anger and negativity and that you find happiness in your self before you go out trying to find it in a relationship
For anyone confused the fact that the dude started with "lady" means that he is a redpill podcast bro thatsbwhy he's saying dumsht 😉 ur welcome
ALL OF A SUDDEN I WOKE UP LOSING INTEREST ON SOCIAL MEDIA APPS LIKE FACEBOOK , INSTAGRAM ETC.... I JUST REALIZE THAT MY HAPPIEST YEARS ARE THOSE FROM THE TIMES THAT SOCIAL MEDIA NEVER EXISTED YET..
THIS IS TRUE.. LESS STRESS LESS TOXIC PEOPLE AND NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW ABOUT YOUR LIFE AT ALL..
I’m on this boat right now! However I guess TH-cam is kinda a social media too. Congrats
@@laeh_ i only use youtube for watching gaming tips or old movies only..
Me too
Exactly! Amen finally I'm not the only one
@@laeh_ i jus go TH-cam purely for watching movie or series reruns
Devaluing you after the honeymoon phase.
i was so in love with this woman (& so f*cked up in the head over it), & the sh*t was so dysfunctional that it got to a point where i actually thought that getting her pregnant & marrying her would "finally" solve all of our issues --- THANK GOD neither happened.
You dodge a boozoka
@@deshondrehigginbotham506 big time
Just know God saved you from a lifetime of pain and misery. Imagine throwing kids and a marriage into the mess. 😱
Sounds quit toxic, sorry dude
@@Karll541 gotta go through it to get through it -- i'm still standing
Knowing what you don't want in a relationship can further point you to finding what you do want.
You should never have to fight the person you're with to be with them. Emotional maturity is key.
If you're fighting to be with someone more, maybe you seem too needy or controlling to them.
You're not allowed to define for them what is "enough". You can accept their limits or you can move on.
@@GlenMcDowellFarm I was speaking more towards those that seek confrontation in the relationship, but I agree with your point.
Learn where they live, with who and make sure to visit their place at least once.
You will be surprised how you may be dating someone who is already in a serious relationship or married, but hiding it from you. So, make sure you also keep track of their main story of where and with who they live also about their family. Those are the areas where they will have the lie and where you need to have the most clarity.
2:21. That’s why when you’re on a date, ask question! The person who talks more invests more. Ask question and listen and not judge, so she feels safe to talk about her stories and you get the full picture and determine if this is a shady person, or a honest person.
I've come to realize that you cannot expect someone to change to suit you. If you explain what the problem you have with them is and they ignore it or try to gaslight you leave. One of my rec flags is if they think they are always right even if confronted with evidence to the contrary.
I’m grateful because even with her red flags she made me grow a lot
for me the biggest red flag are
1. if your partner is not comfortable in discussing problem with you and find a solution, instead they prefer talking to other people. Many people don't unterstand talking like grown up can solve a number of issues.
2. not giving or having own private space. It is often seen now a days that young people in relation build up a bubble around them. They spend so much time with each other that they forget, how important is private space to have. which often leds to toxicity in relations.
3. ego is something that destroys most relation now a days. People need to understand in relation is not about being better than partner. it is about working together to understand each other and respect each other.
4. people try to mold their partner to their preference or ease, which is the worst thing.
'We have repair things, instead of throwing out.'- a couple on their golden Jubliee.
👍🏻
1. Can be due to trauma.
Who can possible think that getting married makes problems go away 😨😨😨
1st date is coffee, 2nd date drinks, 3rd date is a dinner.
In this time frame, you should be able to spot most of the deal breakers with any particular person.
Doesn’t work if the person is allergic or doesn’t drink.
@We Rule I think you missed the point. Keep it simple without spending extra money than necessary. The point is to catch the red flags
@@Azav312 You’re missing the point. If you think you’re wasting money, you’re going about it the wrong way. Shouldn’t be dating with that mindset.
@We Rule ok, do not look for red flags. Take them to a vacation cruise on the 1st date.
Let me know how that works out.
@@Azav312 Lol, I’d definitely do that if I had the funds. That’s me being in my masculine energy. I check red flags between dates and decide if I want to see them a second time. Their in-between date behavior will tell me a lot.
The first red flag about friends really hit home for me. My partner has this dynamic with his best friend now, where the friend gets into a tricky situation and he becomes the saving grace. I sense that he doesn't get inspiration from him and only gets demotivated with glimpses of his friend being energetic and trying to make it up to him. I know that they have history together and they have been best friends since childhood, but I just sense that this is the only thing that bonds them together. Other than that he doesn't bring out the best version of my partner but just pulls him into his lazy slump... I kind of started talking to him about this, and he said he will think about it, yet I feel bad and don't want to seem like I do not validate his choices and think poorly of his friends.
i thought it was a female friend, if it is then you have a problem if not then ur the problem.
Like a business partner?
Right at 5:15 you resonate with me. I was married to a covert female narcissist for eleven years. I don’t talk about it every day but it’s a fact that she was, a clinical psychologist diagnosed her. I’m totally over it so I don’t think or talk about I so much.
So over it you felt the need to write a comment about it 😂
I saw these same red flags and talked to my partner at the time about them, but I was just labeled as controlling…
Hope you left xx
Going through that now
From my personal recent experience
1. Does not respect their parents
2. H0e friends, both genders
3. Takes off all your couple pictures of social media/ seeks validation from social media
4. Starts going out more, dressing provocative
5. Does not show you off
6. Never admits wrong behavior
7. Moves on quick from prior relationships
5. Doesn’t matter if they don’t gaf about social media.
Take it from me, if it's not good before the marriage it won't be good after you're married. In fact it may be worse. It was for me. You can't prove you're not cheating by marrying someone. If there is no trust in the relationship, marrying will not help.
Thts my problem with my girlfriend I don’t trust her cause she does sus stuff andI always have a gut feeling that she is . Wat can I do I’m not trying to feel like I’m getting played all the time
@@kinkyKynge what sus stuff tho
@@kinkyKynge if u don't triste her She's not your girlfriend. Your feelings are important, u have to traje responsability
Social Media…can‘t stress this enough!
My ex made her account private, I truly appreciated that.
And then I found out that whoever asked to follow her, she just accepted it…
😂😂😂
Lol
Be careful with those. They’re slick. Big red flag.
@@Jplazanyc Yeah, me dumbass just accepted it...never again...and neither should anyone else...
@@loveyourtime4143 RIGHT??!! 😀
But actually, the biggest facepalm should be for myself 😀
I'm very happy I was paying attention to red flags before it was really being talked about. I got into very few bad relationships. The worst one I had ended with me getting abandoned in Colorado but I grand old time with myself anyway. Still got home alive, most of us were trained to let people abuse us.
You’re so right about friends and family knowing you. I told my friends and family that I broke up with my girlfriend and they all cheered. Seriously .
Im thankful that I don't have to deal with any of it. The thought that you have to be on guard with even the one you're in relationship with makes no sense to me. And the majority would rather do that than be alone. I would rather be alone and have a peaceful home.
Same
Toxic X history. Yes either she's going to get bored because you're not toxic enough and/or she's going to trigger you for excitement.
💯
Some people are railing on the social media bit, but honestly, some people can be totally obsessed, so I agree 100%.
If she has a male bestfriend 🚩
Not only did she have one but she let him move in with her two months into our relationship. But I wasn't allowed at her place🤬
@@freedomfan4272they were banging
So what ? Met guys who had a best female friend 🤷.
Why is it wrong for women but not for men?
@@alinehannak227 Nobody said that it wasn't wrong for men, that might be a red flag for you.
Men/women are allowed to have a male/female best friend. If that best friend never did anything w ur partner it should be fine. If that best friend doesnt respect that ur the significant other by ONLY inviting your partner but disregarding you, then that is a bad sign.
However as a whole, having opposite sex best friends is fine.
Seeing red flags over misinterpreted things can also be a red flag..
100% to the social media one!
Nothing worse than having a relationship with a narcissist because it will always be about them and never about you
is it easier to stay single? I’ve been single all my life ( apart from a few lasting months). Honestly I don’t miss being with someone toxic or dealing with messy divorces that my peers have dealt with
i would say so
Yes it’s easier to stay single! Things seem more complicated when your paired up with someone else. I was in a couple relationships and I hated it but then also the women I knew were batshit crazy or had some kind of mental illness about them. I always used to get the crazy bitches for some reason. Go figure.
Love it, but one more thing i will add, its a red flag if they never post about you after getting into a relationship, or if they wont friend you on social media. Also if they are still best friends with their exes/ keeping multiple people they have dated or slept with on social media.
Correct.
The girl I am dating is close friends with her ex but it 's because they have a mutual friend that died a few years ago, and she's told me that literally the 1st date we went on, so there'd be no surprises.
@@doom-driveneap4569 as long as she told you up front and they are detached enough that you are invited too if they hang out and she is not hiding you. Then i dont see a big problem.
Don’t ignore the red neon, blaring, light flags, and alarms and sirens, and make a baby with that person. Saying this for myself.
When she claims all her exes were abusive. Run 🏃♂️
In the same vein as arguments, sketchy friends, and social media i think a big one is also LANGUAGE and VOCABULARY. When they speak to others in ways were it feels off, like they dont sound like themselves, it usually means that they change who they are based off of whoever is in front of them. Its a sign of a personality disorder, major red flag. If someone speaks to you, their friends, their family, and on social media in totally different ways using vastly different vocabulary, 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
BIg!!!
big true
Keep in mind that a gracious woman who seems compassionate and kind will attract multiple narcissists. She may not at all be the problem at all but narcissists think these women are easily controlled and manipulated. Just stating facts here. 😏
Lol, not everyone is a narcissist. Keep repeating that word like a parrot. Sometimes the women suck
everyone is imperfect, we all possess a level of imperfection. willing to love others ESPECIALLY for differences is the biggest green flag, as well as, allowing your partner to thrive in their authenticity. if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, that’s not your person and you can let them go so they can align to their path.
You let them go because they are aligned to the wrong path. There are objective truths out there. Not everything is subjective.
@@talisikid1618 Thank you!
Brutally honest, and correct!
Didn't realize being overweight or skipping the gym was a red flag 🤯
I mean if you’re too lazy to take care of yourself or can’t exercise self control generally you attempt to control others and act like a bitch
I disagree with second chances especially with romantic relationships. Reading the same book twice doesn’t change the ending.
I can’t be myself around him, everything I do apparently “turns him off” and I see the red flags but I I’ve him so much and he’s my first boyfriend
if you cant be yourself around him, get rid of him
Find someone else
I never questioned where my husband said he was going. Turns out, he had multiple, disgusting affairs.
There are red flags in everyone. You have to choose which ones are important for you. No one has 100% green flags in today’s modern age. Found out that you can reduce your reds by working on yourself. It’s called mental health.
Needed this, thank you. My 1 year relationship just ended recently and a lot of these things listed, I never noticed until after the break up.
Clark is one of the few influencers I like on here. Very sharp. Comes from a street smart perspective.
🚩 an ENORMOUS body count - attachment issues
🚩 terrible communication skills
🚩 shuts down instead of talking through issues
🚩 needs an inordinate amount of alone time
🚩 exes constantly on the periphery
🚩 exes still on their social media
🚩 many revealing/inappropriate photos on social media
🚩 complains about things that you do while not living up to those same standards themselves
🚩 multiple children from multiple partners
🚩 friends/family of your friends/family
🚩 few, if any, close friends - again, attachment issues
🚩 significantly different values/morals
🚩 zero chemistry/physical attraction to each other
🚩 moves entirely too fast or too slow in the progression of the relationship
I could go on. There’s an astonishing amount of people out there with deal breaking issues nowadays.
If they’re still in contact with their ex as in oh we’re friends he gives me rides to work blah blah blah red flag 🚩 nope not happening
She uses all social media to get validation
A lot of redflags i witnessed ended up telling her that it won't work am moving on for good
Man, I thought I met my person, but I need some massive EMDR for my own childhood traumas. They did seem to have nothing good to say about exes. And they felt like entitled to talk badly about my friends(core value). I don't know if they used social media much, but they were exhibitionist for body positivity and verbally demonstrated a lot of negativity towards men in general. It really started to hurt, and when I voiced that they expressed that I would learn to not take things personally. Of course when I said that felt like gaslighting... they took that personally, and they don't want to talk about it. There is something that feels predatory about them. I am sorry we both hurt. Neither of us are perfect, and it is clear we are not ready for each other. We both liked the attention, I think. We had chemistry, but we were also feeding each other's unhealthy coping mechanisms.
To add to the second one… it doesn’t matter if they say that they “aren’t that way anymore”. Clark is right. Complete and total ownership is important. They found a reason to do it before. The chance of them finding a reason to do it again is much more likely.
I think it's more of a red flag if they talk positively about their ex
I think the one about friends is very important. I just ended a relationship with a girl last week. She smoked weed but i did too, but i knew she hung around with harder drug users. She grew stuff with a coke fiend, and her dealer was on Meth. It wasnt until i showed uo at her house that i realised she smoked from when she woke up till she went to sleep. Shes a nurse to for gods sake. She kept pushing me to smoke more than i ever would privately. It actually made me sick and take a break. I got kicked out cause we kept arguing and i was too high to effectively defend myself. If i had only listened to my gut, i probably wouldnt have wasted my time and money.
look, everyone can make mistakes especially if you are in a long-term relationship. the key is that you learn from your mistakes and change for the better. i used to interrupt and yell at my boyfriend sometimes. but that changed because i worked on it. my point is, removing someone from your life compleyely just because they did one mistake is not normal. you should give them a time and see if they try to change for you or not. if they do, that says a lot of good things about their
personality.
HUGE red flag: They suffocate you with their constant need to spend time with you.They give you no time to yourself, personal space, or time for friends or family. They become furious when you want to do things that don't include them... Their PDA's are uncomfortable and inappropiate...Break this off ASAP. This person might become your future, obssesed stalker. I know. Years after I married and had children, he was still trying to get in contact with me.
They don't say sorry
This is actually really good
Most of my failed relationships were with narcissistic men. I now know that it's because my father is also one, and I was picking partners that represented the possibility to heal my childhood wounds/trauma with him through those partners (this was unconscious, and obviously didn't actually offer me the ability to do that. But it explained why I overlooked red flags and stayed in relationships long after I should have left). That said, I am a common denominator in those relationships, however I myself am not also a narcissist. It took a lot of therapy to understand this and I have done much better since this realization (and work I've put in to heal those wounds) at picking healthier partners. So sometimes it can be this. You picked toxic people as an unresolved trauma response, and perhaps therapy would help. Just wanted to throw that out there too. As always, great video. 💚
Quit going for guys above your level. Go for those guys you friend zoned. You pick you’re own destiny. Not about past trauma. It’s about your selection
@@TheBadGuy69 that ain’t always the reason . Trust and believe ✋🏼
You are a red flag, sorry but I see no accountability on your end lol
@@Mikey-Mike_ my accountability was realizing I had an issue, and I was the common denominator thus going to therapy. Get outta here with that bs.
@@day-dreamer1313 my bad, Wishing you nothing but the best
This was great alot of more people need to hear this!
Advice that's timely and practical 10 thumbs up
Fixer upper hit hard
rarely will you find a woman who will take full (if any) ownership when discussing why previous relationships went wrong: This guy cheated, that guy was controlling, this guy was a jerk, that guy was too into himself, yadda yadda yadda....Never anything she did or didn't do
I’ve been cheated on in every relationship I’ve been in…. Excuse was always I work to much and they don’t like the way I talk to them…. I’m a blue collar man I work a lot won’t ever change and I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything I speak my mind and don’t tolerate disrespect that make me a bad guy?
Been around and tryed different everything is shitty now to date thanks to social media and ppl having all the power of being a POs in palm of their hand being their phone
Well, not a lot of people will experience a narcissist. It’s traumatizing. They seek out nice people. They are very charming until they are in your life. It’s hell. So please don’t victim shame. Sometimes it helps to talk bout it. There’s no shame.
I love this channel.
Thank you for this amazing video! I like the disclaimer that these are your points, and viewers need to think about what are theirs and stick to them. :)
The only thing that I disagree with is the framing of "nowadays" cause part of the issue we run into in the relationship and dating world today is often compounded by romanticizing the past... Working to be better does not require one to create a false narrative of how things "used to be"...
The problem is that matrix creates people with certain characteristics.
Sorry I had to stop you when you started about "Instagram is the way to get a relationship, because that's how the world works." It's not! It's the biggest nonsense I've ever heared about relationships. In my case, either it goes the natural way, or not at all. On the internet, I trust no one. Ever! The longer the conversation stays on the internet, the faster I lose interest. The longer the conversation stays on the internet, the faster I distrust it. The longer the conversation stays on the internet, the worse the lies get. Every single time again! I need to read a person as they are. Not to read between the lies on mostly fictional profiles. I don't have social media. I'm not gonna create an account to get into a relationship all to end up the same as stated above. It's NOT how the world works. For you, but not for me.
This is so accurate!
Well il be damned! Thats some very honest advice finally the truth is springing up like a flower in the desert. Here I was trying to make sense of this love after finding out I was more like the case study but no matter how much effort I put in I just kept hitting the ground running ... literally. When your partner refuses to talk about anything.... And Now Im begining to understand why and it goes really deep
isnt bringing up your ex a red flag in a way like if she or he still likes that ex and then likes u at the same time, kinda defeats the purpose of exclusiveness i guess it depends too.
I think my ex-wife had every one of these red flags ironically. Unfortunately some of these did not show up until we were already married.
''Check your shoes,...Walk Away.''💥💯💥
That 4th point.. might actually be the red flag I was so eager to find in someone I unfortunately fell in love with. Like you said, it makes sense if they bring up their exes at some point. But.. yea, for some reason each and every ex she mentioned was either crazy or had whatever issue.
Ty! I needed this
like they said on bojack horseman: if you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all red flags just look like flags
golden nuggets at the right time 🚀 there are many points but it is important to remind myself over and over.. thanks clark
It's not what went wrong, it's more like what went right
Nothing
Another great video, great statements great presentation, you are helping us all. Thank you
Accurate. Thanks Clark! I Never miss a video Of yours
Loved this video. So true.
One of my biggest ones is daddy issues
A statement not included here, but supremely relevant to this discussion, is; "When you're wearing rose-colored glasses, red flags just look like plain flags."
Well said mate.👌
What has me MAD fucked up is that i just somewhat recently lived through ALL of these with someone and....holy crap these things CHANGE you after the fact
Sounds like the “I read Rich Coopers Book” list
That’s huge. Honestly we’ve all
Dated a narcissist, they are charming. But everyone u dated was one? RED FLAG
I know everything is situational but I think having your partner to private their instagram can be considered controling
It’s about boundaries. Either that or kick rocks
Right? In my experience it’s a red flag if they aren’t okay with your relationship being known. A private social media account may as well not exist, that’s just a family photo album
I wanted a partner with no social media. and I got it. I have peace now.
I think he was referring to people who get off on a lot of external approval through social media. They exhibit attention seeking behviour which could be a red flag to some people.
@@approximateknowledge5577 kind of a catch-22. Because that’s totally a valid problem, but on the other hand insisting on a private social media account could help someone be a cheater