Biggest red flag for me too. It might sound flattering in the moment, but that kind of low self-esteem in men, you'll be paying for it later. Controlling, push-pull, tear you down, tear your heart out bs. Never again lol sometimes goes hand in hand with love bombing.
@your favorite memory they are clearly insecure, my ex-boyfriend would always tell me that, it comes from insecurity and run because they will either be jealous or end up hurting you in someway. Believe them!
when they're rude to service workers 0:21 when they try too hard to charm EVERYONE 1:50 when they like pineapple on pizza 3:19 when they judge you for liking pieapple on pizza 3:47 when they hate their exes 5:26 when they skip the intro on episode 1.... 6:42 when they call something you do "cute" 10:09 when they can't apologize 12:55 when conversations have to be about them 13:06 when he knows his zodiac sign... or when he doesn't 13:46 when he brings up zodiac signs 14:10 when they're comfortable offering criticism early on... 16:40 when they don't have any friends 17:01 when they're 35 and never had a long term relationship 17:24 when they have very different religious beliefs 17:46 when they can't enjoy their second choice 18:05
17. Signs that they are either a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment style 18. React inappropriately when they don't get what they want or when you tell them no 19. Dismissive of things that are important to you 20. Condescending about things that you do well or which show your strength and competence 21. Mansplaining 22. Disclose a pattern of disrespectful behavior toward women but assure you that YOU'RE different and special; ie. implying a belief that certain types of women are "deserving" of lesser treatment 23. Indications that you're gonna be stuck doing all the emotional and/or mental labor of the relationship 24. Indications of narcissistic behavior 25. PUA (Pickup Artist/Seduction community) tactics, like backhanded compliments and other forms of manipulation or attempts to keep you off balance 26. Signs they have a problem regulating and taking responsibility for their emotions 27. Inappropriate or abusive behavior when angered 28. Name-calling, character attacks, or put-downs disguised as teasing 29. Repeated boundary violations after said boundaries have been clearly communicated 30. Pronounced differences in political and/or social values 31. Compete with you outside of a mutually playful context or turn things into a power struggle 32. Is emotionally unavailable to you during conflict or overly wrapped up in their own internal experience with no room for yours
Red Flag 🚩 CONSTANTLY finding a way to dodge answering important questions. "What are your intentions? How can we better communicate? Do you want this to progress into something more?" He completely ignored the questions EVERYTIME by finding a reason to go ghost for days.
I would like to add: 1. When a person still lives at home with their parents, as in someones in their 30's or older. 2. When someone is always argumentative and wants to debate everything with you, or always tries to compete, as in not being easy going at all. 3. When someone never offers compliments or says sweet things to you. 4. When someone doesn't show appreciation or gratitude for the things you do for them. 5. When someone never takes your feelings into consideration, as in trivializes or minimizes them. 6. When someone never apologies or takes ownership/responsibility over something they've done, as in never admits that they are wrong.
@@VerryJerry90 I don't consider that one a red flag. People go through phases in their lives. It could just as well mean they have loving parents who support them and help them get back on their feet. If they've been with their parents for ages and never left.....that's something else. Depending on the culture
I'd like to add that sometimes someone lives at home with their parent because they are caregiving. Shout out to my amazing brother who's finding dating incredibly hard because everyone sees this as a red flag, but he's the kindest man ever, and taking care of our elderly father.
I think the one about not having been in a serious relationship and you're past 35 is debatable. It depends on why. I know quite a few people who have not had a serious relationship who are in their 30s and I think they would make good partners. Same with the no friends "red flag". I don't have many close friends and most days I spend either by myself or I call my mom and I don't think it is alarming at all.
Like you said it depends. I would go with no close people at all. Family, friends, a dog. If the reason is something tragic. A betrayal or a death, then I would add that fact with something else before I mark it as a red flag. I think that one is a red flag only with another red flag to go with it. Cause I have friends but I never had more than a few at a time. I am closest with my parents but I am an only child. Like if they have no one. And no real reason why. That is a red flag
I’m 39 and never had a serious relationship and that scares me that it puts people off. I have been on dates but have never gone to something serious because it’s never felt right. People say I’m too fussy and should just settle as not getting any younger. Also I have had trauma in my past and bad experiences that have left me not being good enough or not lovable. I have a few close friends but not many due to my social anxiety. It’s a lot for people to take on and I also worry that I’m a Amber light that might be seen as a red flag for possible future partners. It does make me feel shitty about myself 😢
Agree ~ while it’s something to be aware of, there are so many reasons why this could be the case. It’s important to assess situations on a case-by-case basis .
I'd change the "they don't have any friends" red flag to "they don't have any *real* friends". I've literally been on dates where guys have judged me for only having a handful of genuine friends, and they've bragged about how popular they are and so on... cut to 6 months down the line, you meet this guy's friends and they're actually really mean to the guy and hit on you when he goes to the bathroom. That's the real red flag for me! lol When someone's friends are shitty and the person doesn't even see it.
When they try too hard to charm everybody is a huge red flag. I had a relationship with a guy who did this all the time. He craved validation from everyone he meet. I swear everywhere we went he always just had to get into a small talk with complete strangers and be the most charming for them. He clearly needed constant validation from others and therefore we could not spend quality time together, his focus was mainly on others and his own needs.
This is true. Have someone I dated that was always too busy helping friends and neighbors and hardly made time to date. And he was constantly hanging with his parents. He is 41. I was lucky to get one date a week. Idk what it’s called other than a savior complex? He claims he lives a balanced life. K 😉 I think the speakers missed the still talking to the ex. I know it’s obvious but you have to ask in a roundabout way. They stay friends with everyone they date or had a relationship with. Huge red flag! Run!!! They will never commit
@@jjc2323 My ex still drives his ex-wife to airport... And he convinced me to be ok with it by saying that because they were married for 15 years, she is the person he will always trust and care about, that he doesn't have feelings for her but she is closer than a friend...
I'm a straight guy & find tons of value in your content, Matthew. I think hearing what women typically go through & the things they have to think about is important for me to be a well-rounded person, so thank you (even though lot of your advice is meant for life in general, which is super nice). I really digged the ending remarks on this video though. Personally dealing with someone that I had romantic interest in, however after two attempts of asking her out & getting excuses (and without her offering any alternative), I decided to move on. It's been tough trying to move on since she says all the right things, but her actions don't match her words - this was a topic of discussion in one of your previous videos & I agree with what you had to say about this. It sucks because I know objectively I should move on, but it's so much easier said than done. Perhaps something might happen one day, but I respect myself too much to wait around for someone that isn't interested in me the way I am right now. I think lot of other people can likely relate to this, maybe you should do a video on this between the three of you!
Love the idea that yellow 💛 lights are a chance for your relationship to grow. I've been experiencing that same "growth" in my current relationship. It's great to get to know someone deeper and work through things in my own past. I love it!
Loved this video, I discovered many red flags which was once disguised as exciting qualities (he was charming everyone, saying all the right things, but after a few months we would only have conversations about his work, life, family etc. and was extremely judgemental about me building my own business), and the breaking point was when I was unable to discuss "amber lights" with my partner, he would lash out on me and made himself the victim. I should have left ages ago, but held up suffering for a year and a half. We are not together anymore. Learned a big lesson.😁👍 Edit: also both guys who I let close to myself were Geminis and mechanical engineers. WTF 👀😆
Enjoyed the entire video and especially the distinction between red flags and amber lights starting at 22 min in. This actually made me tear up a bit. I realized I’m going into flight mode to protect myself. No matter what happens in my current situation, I’m glad to have more clearly realized this about myself. Love the idea of amber lights being invitation for conversation. Thank you, Matthew, Stephen, and Jameson!
I wonder if person that said “it’s cute” in response to your career was from the US or not? The reason I ask is because it may be a difference in cultural interpretation. One thing I’ve noticed (may be wrong) but culturally US people tend to over thank people and over compliment people. I have experienced British people getting offended when I told them “thank you” for handing me something. They interpreted it as me being sarcastic or condescending for doing such a simple task but for me it was just an innocent, polite, and culturally appropriate response. I have found British people tend to interpret that thanks or compliments over simple things as condescending when it wasn’t intended that way. It’s just a friendly response in the US. However, now that you brought it up I can totally understand why you would interpret it as condescending.
Red flag: To me a red flag or at the very least a cautionary flag for dating someone new is, if they refuse to try new and different foods or safe activities. It takes wisdom and maturity to understand that you can't know if you don't like something until you try it. Every single narcissist I dealt with wouldn't try any new foods or anything else really. It's been my experience that closeminded people are not a healthy choice to invest in. Usually there is a level of immaturity with these types of people that will cause repeated problems throughout the relationship. You want an adult, someone that is fully matured. You don't want to feel like you should be paid for babysitting. For example, because I am open minded, when a friend insisted, I try pineapple on pizza, even though it sounded disgusting to me, I tried it anyway. It is now one of my favorite toppings. You can't know if you don't like something until you try it. If you live your life like that and never try anything new, you'll miss out on the best things. Food for thought.
I'm 34 years old I've only had two short realationships, and one dating experience. The two realationships, one I was sexually abused in, the other I was verbally and emotionally abused in. The one I dated for a couple of months was definetly healthy though, but we just didn't match, lifestyle etc. Very sweet and kind guy though! Anyway, I'm curious, how is being 35 and not having had a long realationship even an amber flag, or any flag for that matter? 😅 Plenty of long realationships are abusive. I just got out of my two abusive ones after the first incident of abuse/betrayal, I found out both were cheating on me also. My trauma pshycologists actually was really happy I got out asap, as she said many end up staying/going back. I've never even looked back. And it's been over a decade since my first realationship, where I was sexually abused. Still firmly no contact on my part, with both abusers, and it will stay that way forever. ✊
Go to 23:15 and listen to what he says about amber lights. A snippet “Amber lights are actually the makings of a relationship.” They’re not really problems, just places to have a good conversation. 🙂
#Christine Lindberg-Gilhus, There is nothing wrong with you. Relationships are difficult, and everyone is unique. Honor yourself and look for someone of a high quality character who sees your value. Good luck to you!
This is my first time commenting , and I seriously just laughed so loudly when it came to the topic of star signs, and a man who knows theirs. That is the chuckle I needed after mind dwelling on my own chaotic dating. Thank you for all your videos, I especially love when you and your brother do these type of banter topics that are in and of themselves serious.
I had a co worker who I took on for an assisting job to be part of my team, who was obsessed with star signs and was a complete nightmare. She was rude, unprofessional, didn’t listen or take on instructions. Also lied about her past work experience and made excuses for everything. I think they right that that is a massive red flag. I never thought anything it of it as I use to love the zodiac and found star signs fascinating as a teen. But it’s one now that will ring alarm bells 🔔🚩
I've been hearing random podcasts with autplay and I came across this channel. I've finally moved on from my " toxic doesn't wanna commit but won't let me move on" 4 year relationship! I don't wanna waste anymore time! I feel so free as if all the burden holding me down has been finally gone!
I really liked this light-hearted approach to red flags, which I find is a term often thrown around (like 'toxic') so much it loses its' meaning. Often, red flags discussion doesn't really go beyond a list of sometimes unrelatable content that someone has bashed together after breaking up with bf. Yet, it is incredibly beneficial to disect them in this way as in to prevent damaging, unhealthy and potentially abusive relationships, and without sounding hyperbolic, can save lives. I think the best part is at the end in the summation around amber lights and discussion along side the balance to recognise feelings within yourself. Honestly, its like free therapy, 😃 talk about💡😅Thank you and Great job, guys
I try & treat everyone respectful so hopefully everyone feels good around me but I don’t think that makes me narcissistic. I think it just means you are a positive person & charismatic.
I so resonate with seeing how they treat people who have no "meaning" in their life! Dated this guy, and he kept complaining about how the busdriver didn't do his job right because he missed his stop, and how the guy at the sofa point ignored him even though their shop was closed, and how customer service mistreated him. Should've seen it coming, because when I became less shiny and new, he ghosted me after consistently dating for 5 months! 😑 Ugh
Speaking from personal experience, YES trying too hard to charm people turned out to be a major red flag. He tried to please every stranger to an extent that was unnecessary and awkward, sometimes even embarrassed me. More than often people who have this tendency don’t treat people well out of sincerity. And I found out later that he was diagnosed as a narcissist and NPD.
Number 2: I think that people should be consistently kind to everyone without favoritism. Expecting favoritism is just as much a red flag for me as showing favoritism. Intimate relationships are set apart by the degree of any given trait, not by ones (like compassion, empathy, respect, etc.) that should be extended to everyone.
I really struggle with my past trauma and red flags. Almost everything are red flags now because of my trust issues and abandonment issues. Its really hard dating after trauma and not self sabotage. 😔
Right, :) You say when somebody is trying too hard to charm everybody that's read flag & means they need everybody to like them & are a potential narc. But, what if the person is just trying to bring some positivity into lives of those they meet? I believe there's usually beauty in everybody(few exceptions like serial killers etc.) So if we see that persons 'Gold' why not let them know? It takes maybe a bit of courage on our part in stepping out of our comfort zone perhaps & could make a huge difference to that person. I personally try & do this when possible & it's totally genuine & not done out of any desire for 'everybody to like me'. I just feel life is short & showing kindness is a must. ♡
Someone who doesn't have friends or hasn't had a longterm relationsship isn't necessarily a red flag. They could have had other things going on that took priority over having friends or a longterm relationship. I know these two things look like red flags from a mainstream piont of view but please note that there are always exceptions to this rule.
#6 Skipping the intro to a show. To me, this is analogous to judging someone's' choice of pizza toppings. The reasoning you give for this being a red flag in no way demonstrates how this is connected to a character flaw. To me, judging someone for something so trivial is a red flag.
I won't go as far as to say that #3 & #6 are analogous But rather there was indeed an overdramatization of how negative skipping the '' first ever intro of a show'' can be perceived , and most DEFINETELY bcz , as it was shown, ( and I'm in no way defending or justifying said reaction) that Matthew identified with it very much to the point of it being similar of how he approaches his own work ....life even
Absolutely agree. My mom, and my bestfriend of 20 years, love pineapple on pizza, I hate it. We just get each our own small pizza, or get a big one half without pineapple. No one is getting judged, we just easily worked out a solution. Not being judgemental and teamwork, that's the green flag!
The sense of humour in this conversation is * chef's kiss * 🔥🔥🤣. Also really loved the discussion on amber lights disguised as red flags because of our own demons. ❤️
one of my red flags is an aggressive, unsafe driver.... if they feel that entitled and rude and unsafe on the road... guess how they are with people in their lives
15. I went in a date… and the restaurant was his choice, day and time, I chose were we sat and he got so annoyed and didn’t enjoy his time, even made it a thing to tell me few times after!
Sometimes you just know. When he says”i respect you and i don’t take you for granted.” He is doing or thinking something opposite. If you respect someone you show it in action. Only when you internally conflicted do you need to vocalise it.
The last part where Matthew talked about being not sure if it's a red flag or not resonated with me so much. I would be very happy about a video about that. I'm currently six months in a great relationship with an old friend of mine that turned into more. He treats me so well, supports me SOO F*ing much, and things are going great. Still I hover between the happiest I've ever been in a relationship and doubting everything. He's not a very serious person and enjoys a lot of being 'light and breezy' and doesn't really have serious goals for himself. Whereas I've come to be more interested in educating myself, growing consciously, setting goals and reflecting a lot. Recently I often get bored, annoyed and turned off with his jokes and his 'childishness' but I can't really tell if I'm just being an arrogant twat bc it's my thing to feel 'wise and adult' opposed to his 'light and breezy'. Is that a good combo or a red flag, will it crash in the longer term... so not sure if I'm the problem or if it'll figure itself out over time. A video about how to handle the "not sures" would be so great. Thanks a lot for the great content over the years! Definitely very professionally helpful and not cute haha!
I'm currently going through the exact same thing and I'm probably finding that him and I just have very different values and priorities in life, which are too conflicting for me to be able to continue to stay because it's taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally. I'd say if it doesn't pull you out of your own center of health and wellbeing, you may be able to work it out, but if they keep telling you they don't want to grow or be serious, then it's probably your sign that they don't plan on changing in the future.
For me (and the rule here is also about how they treat others); Entitlement/Jealousy: The belief that the person is special, a reward or gift, who want excessive exclusivity, believe they deserve more, take your effort for granted without appreciating what is given. Ghosting/Stonewalling: Dodging communication, bailing on agreements or plans, without apology or explanation. Paranoia/Bickering: Unreasonable accusations and attacks based on irrational fears, starting arguments on trivial things.
To me the "the way they treat people in the service industry" is about looking how a person treats someone they view as "below" them or rather whether they treat certain people as if they are below them and think that's a justification for mistreating them. It's like the Harry Potter quote _"If you want to know what a man is truly like, look at how he treats his inferiors and not his equals."_
I knew 2 people who have that kind of fake nice-ness. One would be friend a group of hippies (and later starts bitching about hippies having hippies talk), the other have a girl friend who is 19 while she was 23 (and later on starts complaining that her girlfriend is too young)... lets just say...creepy...often I wonder what those people say about me behind my back.
Y’all mentioned people who hate their exes. What about people who are still connected to their exes, or just people that they’ve had sexual relations with.
One other red flag for me is when they're 'TOO comfortable' too early. Like if we go lunch on our second date and he rocks up in sweatpants & a hoodie. Or if I've only been seeing him for two weeks and he starts burping & farting in front of me. Like SIR. It's so early on, you should be wanting to impress the other person.
Love the comedy and laughter 🤣😂 This lads lair & listening to the conversations had about flags & lights, has been Very insightful & some gems in this one. Thanks for sharing from different angles & perspectives. Be nice to hear more of these with all three of you in. So happy for you and your girlfriend, so wonderful so hear you mention her more in your life. Audrey is a precious wonderful gift 🎁 to you, your friends and your family. Wishing you so much happiness and love one could possible experience together 🙏❤️
Regarding Nr7 - Dont underestimate that stuff. One of my exes did this and it can tear your confidence to shreds. You do something or try to improve yourself and they do the old "Oh it's so cute that you think you can do that." And it's very hard to argue against it, since it's "just his honest opinion." and "He wants to protect you from failure." "Naaww baby don't be upset, I can't take you serious when you're angry." etc. If you see your bf doing this, run.
I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone and he displays some selfish behaviours, red flag? No, on reflection so do I. Why? because we have both been single a while, live alone, no kids and behave selfishly because we’ve not had to think of someone else. We are both learning how to take someone else’s needs into account by ‘calling each other out’ in a friendly way mind. Ultimately our open communication has shown us we are more friends as our future goals don’t match up but helping each other out to be more open and accepting of others.
True! I have that happen all the time - jump in quick and lackluster performance, but if I get centered prior then come in with passion. NOTED: Always state WHY prior!
If someone has no friend is not a red flag to me; they may have a lot of acquaintances so I disagree with you guys. Calling someone a friend to me is big and intimate and it doesn't happen often this is life.
Honestly. I absolutely love your advice & energy. I wish i found you sooner. 😊❤ definitely going to look inwards and reflect with your voice in mind. 💯
+red flag on a first date: speaks highly of another woman elaborating how well they get on, how similar they are etc. not sure if it’s just me but I don’t appreciate men mentioning ladies they are close to on a first date.
A lot of these “ conversation” ones really depend on context, it’s not that black and white or rigid. It’s not the fact that “ never had a long term relationship “ that matters , it’s the WHY.
Thank you for the interesting content in this video. The „second best choice as a disappointment“ happened to me with the guy I’ve went out several times. The not doing the one and only thing that he wanted during the day brought miserable mood and negative comments throughout the rest of the day. It was hard to have a person around who is constantly disappointed and there is no way to make him feel happier because you can not turn the time back! So this is a red flag for me and the reason I’ve decided I do not want to deal this negativity. Sad story because the guy was actually nice and we connected well on different levels.
The not enjoying second choice hit home. We could be in the most luxurious restaurant but if we didn't have the right TABLE...dinner and the whole experience was ruined. He would get so angry.and could get over it and wpuld would bring it up later. And he acted like this towards also most everything he had a choice about. If he didn't get his way he would rather go without. Makes life hard and no fun. I used to make excuses that he was just really disearning and just wanted the best and had really high standards and taste. But no, there is something really really wrong and it caused me to walk on eggshells and thier attitude just wear and grinds on you, where you don't want to go anywhere, so you do not have to deal his attitude and god forbid you say something to calm him because then he would unleash his disappointment on you. Run...it never gets better.
Am i weird? Personally, I don’t think bringing up star signs topic is that bad 😅 maybe because im asian? I could be wrong lol we do love horoscope, star signs and zodiac signs. From my personal experience this topic lead to interesting conversations and it tells you a lot about a person especially how they treat or react to something they have different beliefs in.
people pleasers are actually not really narcissists but 'co-dependent'...and they match really 'well' with narcissisists, they actually provide them constantly with the narcissistic supply they need to feel the highs...
My cheeks are hurting from "Steve's place" episode :D I also read it somewhere that there is a connection between openness towards foods and intimate adventures. More open person is to try news foods more open he/she is for things in life in general. Are they curious to try, are they judging it only from the look, not trying it at all. Do they have a lot of stereotypes.. It might be that the person is also not so open in bed, not flexible and open minded perspective on things. It makes sense and have observed it to be true in my experience.
Love your stuff, Matthew, but I think you’re completely wrong about not having been in a long-term relationship by 35 being an orange flag. There are many people who may have chosen to invest in their career as well as not happening to find someone special, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have the emotional intelligence to care for a women or show up for her in the way she may need me to be. Any relationship up to the age of 35 would presumably have ended for some reason - is that an orange flag as well?
It's a month later and I'm watching this for the first time and want to mention that it's good to have a laugh about these serious subjects sometimes! And I'm not even thinking about dating anyone, but these points come in handy for friendships too. I could totally relate to the second one about becoming aware that a person is charming with nearly everyone else as well, then the reality hitting in regard to not being special to them after all! I certainly don't expect to be everyone's number one, yet this seems to be apt for the type of individual who views others as objects. It happened with the last highly narcissistic man I got caught up with and other people I've known, so it's an issue to look out for in the future. 😊
I love listening to intros of shows just to really be immersed and give honor to the people who took the time to make it. I also like staying for the credits of a movie I thought was good for the same reason, to take the time to appreciate/acknowledge the people who made it happen. My partner has ADD and doesn’t have patience for those things if I wasn’t with him.
Ugh, triggered by the off screen commentary about women not wanting to be called cute when accomplishing something basic. I have definitely experienced the weird condescending remarks about me doing something and and it's less about the person knowingly being condescending, and the fact that the comment is condescending overall. Saying someone changing their own oil is cute is 'odd' if nothing else and does come off as a put down. If the person is self aware of it, that sucks, if not someone should probably bring it up to them why that's not an appropriate comment. Recently at work, a bunch of guys (all older than me by at least 10yrs) were talking about stocks/savings. One of them asked if I had any stocks, when I said I had a Vangard account. Another man replied 'good girl'. It didn't seem like he meant anything negative by it, but dear God was that not the correct response.
15:47 I think you're onto something here. I'm a guy and the one guy I've ever heard who described everything I did as "cancerian", biggest narcissist I've ever met
I do have to interject, on ppl who charm everyone~☆ Matthew is universally charming- you can be charming and not narcissistic - It's the Genuineness behind it that matters. I love telling ppl what i like about them. I know a narcissist who does empty flattery to soley gain their approval.
Saying someone is "cute"for doing a typical adult act is condescending. Saying it's "cool" or "awesome" is not condescending. We consider baby animals learning to walk, "cute". We call a strutting tiger "cool".
I have difficulty with the service worker one. I was a service worker and know what it takes to do a good job. We are paid for our competance just as anyone else is. I don't tolerate rudeness from them or a "you'll take whatever crap I give you" attitude. I will call them out on it or leave if it is really bad. I don't think being a service worker gives THEM leave to be rude to others. I do give leeway that they may be new/still learning/have had a bad day, but still, there are limits and standards for them too.
Hi Guys, while I understand your point about "people who try to charm everyone" and thus "I don't feel special anymore", which, incidentally, is an egotistical reaction in its own right (pot thrusts by calling kettle black, parry to come), I do think some of us where brought up in a more manly, more gentlemanly, more polite world in which one was expected to MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE CIVIL, POLITE AND KIND TO EVERYONE. While I understand to what you refer, I rather gain confidence in someone when I see them treating people with kindness and making an effort to do so. Anyone who tells me I "too kind", "too polite", "over-solicitous" gets a quick answer: "Not always. We're done now."
So many of these things need to be seen in context. The same behaviour from different people can elicit very different reactions. It depends on their intentions and the vibe that gives out.
17:35 hmmmm I'm 37 and have never had a long term relationship. I either get very bored by the guy, or the guy turns to be toxic :( It's a curse. I know, a self limiting belief. But I just don't know if I'm capable of long term. It never seems to work out. And now I cannot even meet a guy who'd be exciting to me, sexy and smart, and not toxic, but empathetic and kind hearted. They all seem married by now.
Interesting. I'm 34 & I have never been in a long term serious relationship. I also either get bored by a guy or he does become toxic. It is a curse smh 🤦
When someone hasn’t had a long term relationship and their over a 30: If you’re the one whose never had a relationship, how do have that conversation and when? When society thinks you’re a freak because you don’t date, how do break that cycle?
I like most of Matt's content, but I guess it's also due to such stereotypes being fed by media. The situations might be different. I honestly would rather start a relationship with someone who hasn't had any than 4 times divorcee in their 30s. Why having too many failed relationships or unhealthy ones isn't the red flag then? Which literally means this person can't build anything when they have all the opportunities - a partner at least / or has some unresolved psychological issues for what it's worth or keep attracting bad people, which Matt said was a 'red flag' too and so on. Which you can't say about the one who probably hasn't even had that opportunities for multiple reasons (having to work hard / health issues and so on). I suggest if this is a problem for someone you not having enough experience, this is just not your person that's all. For me actually this is a sign of a weak and cowardish one, who would only start dating someone who'd been picked by someone else before. Like they don't trust their own judgment. Labelling people like that doesn't suit me personally and I wouldn't even like to date someone for whom that would be a problem.
Is someone taking their phone to the bathroom a red flag? How about someone who deflects questions that may be uncomfortable to answer? Or someone who has their active status turned off on all social media so you can never see if they are online?
Depends from the sound. A former foreign minister of Israel underlined his strange image because people could hear the flush during an interview. My kitchen door sounds like a ghost house, I should oil it one day. ;-)
The burrito moment it's hilarious! I loved this video. I agree with the amber lights, many people nowadays if you hear them talking everything is a "red flag" for them, instead of communicate and work on it. Great video xx
Matthew Hussey..u always say the right thing..nd u always do the right thing..u always mean what you say..u give meaning to the words.. Matthew Hussey..every time I watch ur video I am in love with myself nd I am in love with my life..I love you the most..
O don't agree at all about number 13 or 14. I'm shocked how judgemental you can be about having few friends or longlasting relationships... Many big bastards have numerous friends or relationships... You must consider each person as an individual in order to discern. However I do think number 15 is a huge red flag: different polítical ideas and beliefs, same happens with religion, make it imposible to build a solid construction. Same or at least compatible values are the biggest must.
my red flag is when the guy says “i feel like i don’t deserve you” from now on i will not be opening Pandora’s box 😂
Proper response to that is you are quite possibly right about that. 😉
then run.
Girls do the same but say things like “you don’t want a woman like me” NOPE 👎
Can you explain, why that's a red flag? (So that I don't fall for it in the future)
Biggest red flag for me too. It might sound flattering in the moment, but that kind of low self-esteem in men, you'll be paying for it later. Controlling, push-pull, tear you down, tear your heart out bs. Never again lol sometimes goes hand in hand with love bombing.
@your favorite memory they are clearly insecure, my ex-boyfriend would always tell me that, it comes from insecurity and run because they will either be jealous or end up hurting you in someway. Believe them!
when they're rude to service workers 0:21
when they try too hard to charm EVERYONE 1:50
when they like pineapple on pizza 3:19
when they judge you for liking pieapple on pizza 3:47
when they hate their exes 5:26
when they skip the intro on episode 1.... 6:42
when they call something you do "cute" 10:09
when they can't apologize 12:55
when conversations have to be about them 13:06
when he knows his zodiac sign... or when he doesn't 13:46
when he brings up zodiac signs 14:10
when they're comfortable offering criticism early on... 16:40
when they don't have any friends 17:01
when they're 35 and never had a long term relationship 17:24
when they have very different religious beliefs 17:46
when they can't enjoy their second choice 18:05
bless u!!!!💛
Thank you for summimg it up 😃
🙏🤲❤
26:30. The most important 30 secs of this video: Really need more on this!
I know there will always be an angel summarizer in the comment. Thanks!
17. Signs that they are either a Dismissive Avoidant or Fearful Avoidant attachment style
18. React inappropriately when they don't get what they want or when you tell them no
19. Dismissive of things that are important to you
20. Condescending about things that you do well or which show your strength and competence
21. Mansplaining
22. Disclose a pattern of disrespectful behavior toward women but assure you that YOU'RE different and special; ie. implying a belief that certain types of women are "deserving" of lesser treatment
23. Indications that you're gonna be stuck doing all the emotional and/or mental labor of the relationship
24. Indications of narcissistic behavior
25. PUA (Pickup Artist/Seduction community) tactics, like backhanded compliments and other forms of manipulation or attempts to keep you off balance
26. Signs they have a problem regulating and taking responsibility for their emotions
27. Inappropriate or abusive behavior when angered
28. Name-calling, character attacks, or put-downs disguised as teasing
29. Repeated boundary violations after said boundaries have been clearly communicated
30. Pronounced differences in political and/or social values
31. Compete with you outside of a mutually playful context or turn things into a power struggle
32. Is emotionally unavailable to you during conflict or overly wrapped up in their own internal experience with no room for yours
33. People who make 32 list that is very redundant to each other.
Nailed it 👏🏻
33. Is an anxious attached judging the other attachment styles but hasn’t worked on themselves 😅
But for real those avoidants… as an FA I just cannot.
@lillfrigg14no that isnt what that means
or anxious attachment style
There is no charm equal to the tenderness of the heart. That is a must know in a relationship
Oh yeahhh. .. tenderness of the heart... you can feel it and confirm on their acts..
Red Flag 🚩 CONSTANTLY finding a way to dodge answering important questions. "What are your intentions? How can we better communicate? Do you want this to progress into something more?" He completely ignored the questions EVERYTIME by finding a reason to go ghost for days.
I would like to add:
1. When a person still lives at home with their parents, as in someones in their 30's or older.
2. When someone is always argumentative and wants to debate everything with you, or always tries to compete, as in not being easy going at all.
3. When someone never offers compliments or says sweet things to you.
4. When someone doesn't show appreciation or gratitude for the things you do for them.
5. When someone never takes your feelings into consideration, as in trivializes or minimizes them.
6. When someone never apologies or takes ownership/responsibility over something they've done, as in never admits that they are wrong.
“When a person still lives at home with their patients”
*the south Asian community looking like :O*
@@VerryJerry90 I don't consider that one a red flag. People go through phases in their lives. It could just as well mean they have loving parents who support them and help them get back on their feet. If they've been with their parents for ages and never left.....that's something else. Depending on the culture
@@thunabs7759 that’s why I was surprised at the generalization
I'd like to add that sometimes someone lives at home with their parent because they are caregiving. Shout out to my amazing brother who's finding dating incredibly hard because everyone sees this as a red flag, but he's the kindest man ever, and taking care of our elderly father.
@@VerryJerry90 We literally live all our lives with our parents lol, unless we have to go out for work or something....
I think the one about not having been in a serious relationship and you're past 35 is debatable. It depends on why. I know quite a few people who have not had a serious relationship who are in their 30s and I think they would make good partners. Same with the no friends "red flag". I don't have many close friends and most days I spend either by myself or I call my mom and I don't think it is alarming at all.
Like you said it depends. I would go with no close people at all. Family, friends, a dog. If the reason is something tragic. A betrayal or a death, then I would add that fact with something else before I mark it as a red flag. I think that one is a red flag only with another red flag to go with it. Cause I have friends but I never had more than a few at a time. I am closest with my parents but I am an only child. Like if they have no one. And no real reason why. That is a red flag
If you're close to your mother, she counts as a close friend.
@dancewiththeshadow I still go with a red flag only with something else with it. My dad was closet with his mom but he was raised by a single mother.
I’m 39 and never had a serious relationship and that scares me that it puts people off. I have been on dates but have never gone to something serious because it’s never felt right. People say I’m too fussy and should just settle as not getting any younger. Also I have had trauma in my past and bad experiences that have left me not being good enough or not lovable. I have a few close friends but not many due to my social anxiety. It’s a lot for people to take on and I also worry that I’m a Amber light that might be seen as a red flag for possible future partners. It does make me feel shitty about myself 😢
Agree ~ while it’s something to be aware of, there are so many reasons why this could be the case. It’s important to assess situations on a case-by-case basis .
I'd change the "they don't have any friends" red flag to "they don't have any *real* friends". I've literally been on dates where guys have judged me for only having a handful of genuine friends, and they've bragged about how popular they are and so on... cut to 6 months down the line, you meet this guy's friends and they're actually really mean to the guy and hit on you when he goes to the bathroom. That's the real red flag for me! lol When someone's friends are shitty and the person doesn't even see it.
When they try too hard to charm everybody is a huge red flag. I had a relationship with a guy who did this all the time. He craved validation from everyone he meet. I swear everywhere we went he always just had to get into a small talk with complete strangers and be the most charming for them. He clearly needed constant validation from others and therefore we could not spend quality time together, his focus was mainly on others and his own needs.
This is true. Have someone I dated that was always too busy helping friends and neighbors and hardly made time to date. And he was constantly hanging with his parents. He is 41. I was lucky to get one date a week. Idk what it’s called other than a savior complex? He claims he lives a balanced life. K 😉
I think the speakers missed the still talking to the ex. I know it’s obvious but you have to ask in a roundabout way. They stay friends with everyone they date or had a relationship with. Huge red flag! Run!!! They will never commit
maybe we dated the same guy????????
Literally my last relationship... Funny enough, I was attracted to that part of him before seeing your comment!
@@jjc2323 My ex still drives his ex-wife to airport... And he convinced me to be ok with it by saying that because they were married for 15 years, she is the person he will always trust and care about, that he doesn't have feelings for her but she is closer than a friend...
@@Sophie-iu6zv huge red flag. Unless it involves kids. Just no. Glad he is your ex
I'm a straight guy & find tons of value in your content, Matthew. I think hearing what women typically go through & the things they have to think about is important for me to be a well-rounded person, so thank you (even though lot of your advice is meant for life in general, which is super nice).
I really digged the ending remarks on this video though. Personally dealing with someone that I had romantic interest in, however after two attempts of asking her out & getting excuses (and without her offering any alternative), I decided to move on. It's been tough trying to move on since she says all the right things, but her actions don't match her words - this was a topic of discussion in one of your previous videos & I agree with what you had to say about this. It sucks because I know objectively I should move on, but it's so much easier said than done. Perhaps something might happen one day, but I respect myself too much to wait around for someone that isn't interested in me the way I am right now. I think lot of other people can likely relate to this, maybe you should do a video on this between the three of you!
Good on you man! You’re already miles ahead of other straight guys if you’re here, so you’re winning!!
Love the idea that yellow 💛 lights are a chance for your relationship to grow. I've been experiencing that same "growth" in my current relationship. It's great to get to know someone deeper and work through things in my own past. I love it!
Loving ❤ the dry but witty banter. These 2 have a good and relaxed energy with each other
Loved this video, I discovered many red flags which was once disguised as exciting qualities (he was charming everyone, saying all the right things, but after a few months we would only have conversations about his work, life, family etc. and was extremely judgemental about me building my own business), and the breaking point was when I was unable to discuss "amber lights" with my partner, he would lash out on me and made himself the victim. I should have left ages ago, but held up suffering for a year and a half. We are not together anymore. Learned a big lesson.😁👍
Edit: also both guys who I let close to myself were Geminis and mechanical engineers. WTF 👀😆
Well done for having the strength to leave, instead of wasting more of your life on someone who clearly didn't deserve you.
the same on me now! extremely judgemental on OMG everything, and blaming me pretending hes the victim!
Gemini men ... you won't know where you are
@@juliafisher5844 Never again for sure😆
@Victor Alex I highly recommend you to seek help from a "How to stop spamming people with stupid shit on TH-cam" coach ✌️
Enjoyed the entire video and especially the distinction between red flags and amber lights starting at 22 min in. This actually made me tear up a bit. I realized I’m going into flight mode to protect myself. No matter what happens in my current situation, I’m glad to have more clearly realized this about myself. Love the idea of amber lights being invitation for conversation. Thank you, Matthew, Stephen, and Jameson!
I wonder if person that said “it’s cute” in response to your career was from the US or not? The reason I ask is because it may be a difference in cultural interpretation. One thing I’ve noticed (may be wrong) but culturally US people tend to over thank people and over compliment people. I have experienced British people getting offended when I told them “thank you” for handing me something. They interpreted it as me being sarcastic or condescending for doing such a simple task but for me it was just an innocent, polite, and culturally appropriate response.
I have found British people tend to interpret that thanks or compliments over simple things as condescending when it wasn’t intended that way. It’s just a friendly response in the US. However, now that you brought it up I can totally understand why you would interpret it as condescending.
Red flag: To me a red flag or at the very least a cautionary flag for dating someone new is, if they refuse to try new and different foods or safe activities. It takes wisdom and maturity to understand that you can't know if you don't like something until you try it. Every single narcissist I dealt with wouldn't try any new foods or anything else really. It's been my experience that closeminded people are not a healthy choice to invest in. Usually there is a level of immaturity with these types of people that will cause repeated problems throughout the relationship. You want an adult, someone that is fully matured. You don't want to feel like you should be paid for babysitting.
For example, because I am open minded, when a friend insisted, I try pineapple on pizza, even though it sounded disgusting to me, I tried it anyway. It is now one of my favorite toppings. You can't know if you don't like something until you try it. If you live your life like that and never try anything new, you'll miss out on the best things. Food for thought.
I'm 34 years old I've only had two short realationships, and one dating experience. The two realationships, one I was sexually abused in, the other I was verbally and emotionally abused in. The one I dated for a couple of months was definetly healthy though, but we just didn't match, lifestyle etc. Very sweet and kind guy though!
Anyway, I'm curious, how is being 35 and not having had a long realationship even an amber flag, or any flag for that matter? 😅 Plenty of long realationships are abusive. I just got out of my two abusive ones after the first incident of abuse/betrayal, I found out both were cheating on me also. My trauma pshycologists actually was really happy I got out asap, as she said many end up staying/going back. I've never even looked back. And it's been over a decade since my first realationship, where I was sexually abused. Still firmly no contact on my part, with both abusers, and it will stay that way forever. ✊
Go to 23:15 and listen to what he says about amber lights. A snippet “Amber lights are actually the makings of a relationship.” They’re not really problems, just places to have a good conversation. 🙂
#Christine Lindberg-Gilhus, There is nothing wrong with you. Relationships are difficult, and everyone is unique. Honor yourself and look for someone of a high quality character who sees your value. Good luck to you!
wel lyour 2 relationships in a abusive one and based on your profile pic your pretty attractive so it wasnt lack of men trying
@@theuzers Good point. She is very pretty so I assume a lot of guys have approached her.
You have to know how to attract and identify your soulmate....th-cam.com/video/K1LPxHDr23U/w-d-xo.html
This is my first time commenting , and I seriously just laughed so loudly when it came to the topic of star signs, and a man who knows theirs. That is the chuckle I needed after mind dwelling on my own chaotic dating. Thank you for all your videos, I especially love when you and your brother do these type of banter topics that are in and of themselves serious.
I had a co worker who I took on for an assisting job to be part of my team, who was obsessed with star signs and was a complete nightmare. She was rude, unprofessional, didn’t listen or take on instructions. Also lied about her past work experience and made excuses for everything. I think they right that that is a massive red flag. I never thought anything it of it as I use to love the zodiac and found star signs fascinating as a teen. But it’s one now that will ring alarm bells 🔔🚩
Why is it a red flag if he knows me talks about his zodiac sign?
Is this Matt’s brother?
I've been hearing random podcasts with autplay and I came across this channel. I've finally moved on from my " toxic doesn't wanna commit but won't let me move on" 4 year relationship! I don't wanna waste anymore time! I feel so free as if all the burden holding me down has been finally gone!
You guys are amazing! You deliver such quality information and at the same time you are bringing fun and light ❤️🙏🏼
Yes I need to pay more attention in the beginning of the relationship and ask questions, not be so invested because some guy just pays attention to me
I really liked this light-hearted approach to red flags, which I find is a term often thrown around (like 'toxic') so much it loses its' meaning. Often, red flags discussion doesn't really go beyond a list of sometimes unrelatable content that someone has bashed together after breaking up with bf. Yet, it is incredibly beneficial to disect them in this way as in to prevent damaging, unhealthy and potentially abusive relationships, and without sounding hyperbolic, can save lives. I think the best part is at the end in the summation around amber lights and discussion along side the balance to recognise feelings within yourself. Honestly, its like free therapy, 😃 talk about💡😅Thank you and Great job, guys
I fully 💯💯👏🏼👏🏼
I'm loving these videos you make with your brother, it's actually entertaining and funny 💀
I try & treat everyone respectful so hopefully everyone feels good around me but I don’t think that makes me narcissistic. I think it just means you are a positive person & charismatic.
@Mary Jane why in the world would I want my ex back?! I left him for good reasons. That would be horrible
I loved the concept of red flags and amber lights! Thank you, Matthew!
I so resonate with seeing how they treat people who have no "meaning" in their life!
Dated this guy, and he kept complaining about how the busdriver didn't do his job right because he missed his stop, and how the guy at the sofa point ignored him even though their shop was closed, and how customer service mistreated him. Should've seen it coming, because when I became less shiny and new, he ghosted me after consistently dating for 5 months! 😑 Ugh
This was delightful. I listen to you guys when I walk and this one ended too soon 🤗 Great mix of entertainment and education
14:00 Did not think I’d laugh out loud at the Star sign red flag 😂 Hilarious riff
Yep 😂😂😂😂😂
Lol oh no 🙊 I have one 😂
Speaking from personal experience, YES trying too hard to charm people turned out to be a major red flag. He tried to please every stranger to an extent that was unnecessary and awkward, sometimes even embarrassed me. More than often people who have this tendency don’t treat people well out of sincerity.
And I found out later that he was diagnosed as a narcissist and NPD.
Number 2: I think that people should be consistently kind to everyone without favoritism. Expecting favoritism is just as much a red flag for me as showing favoritism. Intimate relationships are set apart by the degree of any given trait, not by ones (like compassion, empathy, respect, etc.) that should be extended to everyone.
Agreed 💯
you women only want bad boys who treats u like dog pile of sh t so shush women
I really struggle with my past trauma and red flags. Almost everything are red flags now because of my trust issues and abandonment issues. Its really hard dating after trauma and not self sabotage. 😔
Right, :) You say when somebody is trying too hard to charm everybody that's read flag & means they need everybody to like them & are a potential narc. But, what if the person is just trying to bring some positivity into lives of those they meet? I believe there's usually beauty in everybody(few exceptions like serial killers etc.) So if we see that persons 'Gold' why not let them know? It takes maybe a bit of courage on our part in stepping out of our comfort zone perhaps & could make a huge difference to that person. I personally try & do this when possible & it's totally genuine & not done out of any desire for 'everybody to like me'. I just feel life is short & showing kindness is a must. ♡
Someone who doesn't have friends or hasn't had a longterm relationsship isn't necessarily a red flag. They could have had other things going on that took priority over having friends or a longterm relationship. I know these two things look like red flags from a mainstream piont of view but please note that there are always exceptions to this rule.
#6 Skipping the intro to a show. To me, this is analogous to judging someone's' choice of pizza toppings. The reasoning you give for this being a red flag in no way demonstrates how this is connected to a character flaw. To me, judging someone for something so trivial is a red flag.
I won't go as far as to say that #3 & #6 are analogous
But rather there was indeed an overdramatization of how negative skipping the '' first ever intro of a show'' can be perceived , and most DEFINETELY bcz , as it was shown, ( and I'm in no way defending or justifying said reaction) that Matthew identified with it very much to the point of it being similar of how he approaches his own work ....life even
😂😂😂😂
He was just having fun with this video. They were reading other peoples red flag ideas and putting their own spin on it.
Absolutely agree. My mom, and my bestfriend of 20 years, love pineapple on pizza, I hate it.
We just get each our own small pizza, or get a big one half without pineapple. No one is getting judged, we just easily worked out a solution. Not being judgemental and teamwork, that's the green flag!
The sense of humour in this conversation is * chef's kiss * 🔥🔥🤣. Also really loved the discussion on amber lights disguised as red flags because of our own demons. ❤️
one of my red flags is an aggressive, unsafe driver.... if they feel that entitled and rude and unsafe on the road... guess how they are with people in their lives
YTuber Melanie Hamlett has some really enlightening videos about this topic.
Also if they are rude to Uber/Lyft drivers it’s a red flag!
I sit here watching this video,
with every cell of my being:
saturated in grief.
(How to escape the intensity of such pain,
such agony, such torment?)
15. I went in a date… and the restaurant was his choice, day and time, I chose were we sat and he got so annoyed and didn’t enjoy his time, even made it a thing to tell me few times after!
These are so great. What a great feel good piece of content. Love Jamieson egging involved too. Keep it up guys. Love it
Sometimes you just know. When he says”i respect you and i don’t take you for granted.” He is doing or thinking something opposite. If you respect someone you show it in action. Only when you internally conflicted do you need to vocalise it.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
The last part where Matthew talked about being not sure if it's a red flag or not resonated with me so much. I would be very happy about a video about that.
I'm currently six months in a great relationship with an old friend of mine that turned into more. He treats me so well, supports me SOO F*ing much, and things are going great. Still I hover between the happiest I've ever been in a relationship and doubting everything. He's not a very serious person and enjoys a lot of being 'light and breezy' and doesn't really have serious goals for himself. Whereas I've come to be more interested in educating myself, growing consciously, setting goals and reflecting a lot. Recently I often get bored, annoyed and turned off with his jokes and his 'childishness' but I can't really tell if I'm just being an arrogant twat bc it's my thing to feel 'wise and adult' opposed to his 'light and breezy'. Is that a good combo or a red flag, will it crash in the longer term... so not sure if I'm the problem or if it'll figure itself out over time. A video about how to handle the "not sures" would be so great.
Thanks a lot for the great content over the years! Definitely very professionally helpful and not cute haha!
I'm currently going through the exact same thing and I'm probably finding that him and I just have very different values and priorities in life, which are too conflicting for me to be able to continue to stay because it's taking a toll on me mentally and emotionally.
I'd say if it doesn't pull you out of your own center of health and wellbeing, you may be able to work it out, but if they keep telling you they don't want to grow or be serious, then it's probably your sign that they don't plan on changing in the future.
For me (and the rule here is also about how they treat others);
Entitlement/Jealousy: The belief that the person is special, a reward or gift, who want excessive exclusivity, believe they deserve more, take your effort for granted without appreciating what is given.
Ghosting/Stonewalling: Dodging communication, bailing on agreements or plans, without apology or explanation.
Paranoia/Bickering: Unreasonable accusations and attacks based on irrational fears, starting arguments on trivial things.
To me the "the way they treat people in the service industry" is about looking how a person treats someone they view as "below" them or rather whether they treat certain people as if they are below them and think that's a justification for mistreating them.
It's like the Harry Potter quote _"If you want to know what a man is truly like, look at how he treats his inferiors and not his equals."_
I fully agree 👏🏼👏🏼💯💯
This one is over-used. Tired of it.
I knew 2 people who have that kind of fake nice-ness. One would be friend a group of hippies (and later starts bitching about hippies having hippies talk), the other have a girl friend who is 19 while she was 23 (and later on starts complaining that her girlfriend is too young)... lets just say...creepy...often I wonder what those people say about me behind my back.
"Why is this important again?" . I am using this every day from now on!
Y’all mentioned people who hate their exes. What about people who are still connected to their exes, or just people that they’ve had sexual relations with.
One other red flag for me is when they're 'TOO comfortable' too early. Like if we go lunch on our second date and he rocks up in sweatpants & a hoodie. Or if I've only been seeing him for two weeks and he starts burping & farting in front of me. Like SIR.
It's so early on, you should be wanting to impress the other person.
Love the comedy and laughter 🤣😂
This lads lair & listening to the conversations had about flags & lights, has been Very insightful & some gems in this one. Thanks for sharing from different angles & perspectives. Be nice to hear more of these with all three of you in. So happy for you and your girlfriend, so wonderful so hear you mention her more in your life. Audrey is a precious wonderful gift 🎁 to you, your friends and your family. Wishing you so much happiness and love one could possible experience together 🙏❤️
Regarding Nr7 - Dont underestimate that stuff. One of my exes did this and it can tear your confidence to shreds. You do something or try to improve yourself and they do the old "Oh it's so cute that you think you can do that." And it's very hard to argue against it, since it's "just his honest opinion." and "He wants to protect you from failure." "Naaww baby don't be upset, I can't take you serious when you're angry." etc. If you see your bf doing this, run.
I’m at minute 20 and this video is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUSSSSSSSSSS! The zodiac sign and second option restaurant topic ~ I LITERALLY CANNOT 😂😂
hate their exes is best one..i faced it alot and end up being like their exes.
I’ve been on a couple of dates with someone and he displays some selfish behaviours, red flag? No, on reflection so do I. Why? because we have both been single a while, live alone, no kids and behave selfishly because we’ve not had to think of someone else. We are both learning how to take someone else’s needs into account by ‘calling each other out’ in a friendly way mind.
Ultimately our open communication has shown us we are more friends as our future goals don’t match up but helping each other out to be more open and accepting of others.
True! I have that happen all the time - jump in quick and lackluster performance, but if I get centered prior then come in with passion. NOTED: Always state WHY prior!
If someone has no friend is not a red flag to me; they may have a lot of acquaintances so I disagree with you guys. Calling someone a friend to me is big and intimate and it doesn't happen often this is life.
This was soooomuch fun hearing you guys. I love the red and amber lights discussions.
I laughed so loud and from the depth of my belly during the conversation about “star signs”.
😂😂😂😂💯💯
Honestly. I absolutely love your advice & energy. I wish i found you sooner. 😊❤ definitely going to look inwards and reflect with your voice in mind. 💯
Loved this episode! ❤️ made me laugh a lot and the content is helpful and great!
That moment with burrito instead of pineapple pizza at Stevie's place ,gush so hilarious 🤣
+red flag on a first date: speaks highly of another woman elaborating how well they get on, how similar they are etc. not sure if it’s just me but I don’t appreciate men mentioning ladies they are close to on a first date.
A lot of these “ conversation” ones really depend on context, it’s not that black and white or rigid. It’s not the fact that “ never had a long term relationship “ that matters , it’s the WHY.
Agreed 💯
Thank you for the interesting content in this video. The „second best choice as a disappointment“ happened to me with the guy I’ve went out several times. The not doing the one and only thing that he wanted during the day brought miserable mood and negative comments throughout the rest of the day. It was hard to have a person around who is constantly disappointed and there is no way to make him feel happier because you can not turn the time back! So this is a red flag for me and the reason I’ve decided I do not want to deal this negativity. Sad story because the guy was actually nice and we connected well on different levels.
The not enjoying second choice hit home.
We could be in the most luxurious restaurant but if we didn't have the right TABLE...dinner and the whole experience was ruined. He would get so angry.and could get over it and wpuld would bring it up later.
And he acted like this towards also most everything he had a choice about.
If he didn't get his way he would rather go without.
Makes life hard and no fun.
I used to make excuses that he was just really disearning and just wanted the best and had really high standards and taste. But no, there is something really really wrong and it caused me to walk on eggshells and thier attitude just wear and grinds on you, where you don't want to go anywhere, so you do not have to deal his attitude and god forbid you say something to calm him because then he would unleash his disappointment on you. Run...it never gets better.
When the background on their phone is a picture of themself 😵💫
As always, great video
*haha, this will definitely be a good watch Matthew 🤣*
-
*Everyone has to pay attention to those red flags!! 🚩*
12:26 I agree. Sometimes people are trying to complement you but you can read microagressions into it when there's no malice intended
Am i weird? Personally, I don’t think bringing up star signs topic is that bad 😅 maybe because im asian? I could be wrong lol we do love horoscope, star signs and zodiac signs. From my personal experience this topic lead to interesting conversations and it tells you a lot about a person especially how they treat or react to something they have different beliefs in.
people pleasers are actually not really narcissists but 'co-dependent'...and they match really 'well' with narcissisists, they actually provide them constantly with the narcissistic supply they need to feel the highs...
Awww I'm happy to hear you have a girlfriend again Matthew!
My cheeks are hurting from "Steve's place" episode :D
I also read it somewhere that there is a connection between openness towards foods and intimate adventures. More open person is to try news foods more open he/she is for things in life in general. Are they curious to try, are they judging it only from the look, not trying it at all. Do they have a lot of stereotypes.. It might be that the person is also not so open in bed, not flexible and open minded perspective on things. It makes sense and have observed it to be true in my experience.
You are so right about amber lights being disguised as a red flag. Oh my my gosh 🤯
condescending to someone who is trying to show their competency is so frustrating
🚩 when they can’t defend your name if someone is disrespecting name and your partner can’t defend your name
Love your stuff, Matthew, but I think you’re completely wrong about not having been in a long-term relationship by 35 being an orange flag.
There are many people who may have chosen to invest in their career as well as not happening to find someone special, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t have the emotional intelligence to care for a women or show up for her in the way she may need me to be.
Any relationship up to the age of 35 would presumably have ended for some reason - is that an orange flag as well?
When they tell you that they’re a “nice guy”!
Yep.
It's a month later and I'm watching this for the first time and want to mention that it's good to have a laugh about these serious subjects sometimes! And I'm not even thinking about dating anyone, but these points come in handy for friendships too.
I could totally relate to the second one about becoming aware that a person is charming with nearly everyone else as well, then the reality hitting in regard to not being special to them after all! I certainly don't expect to be everyone's number one, yet this seems to be apt for the type of individual who views others as objects.
It happened with the last highly narcissistic man I got caught up with and other people I've known, so it's an issue to look out for in the future. 😊
What if u hate your ex because they were abusive?
Exactly. Good question
I love listening to intros of shows just to really be immersed and give honor to the people who took the time to make it. I also like staying for the credits of a movie I thought was good for the same reason, to take the time to appreciate/acknowledge the people who made it happen.
My partner has ADD and doesn’t have patience for those things if I wasn’t with him.
Ugh, triggered by the off screen commentary about women not wanting to be called cute when accomplishing something basic. I have definitely experienced the weird condescending remarks about me doing something and and it's less about the person knowingly being condescending, and the fact that the comment is condescending overall. Saying someone changing their own oil is cute is 'odd' if nothing else and does come off as a put down. If the person is self aware of it, that sucks, if not someone should probably bring it up to them why that's not an appropriate comment. Recently at work, a bunch of guys (all older than me by at least 10yrs) were talking about stocks/savings. One of them asked if I had any stocks, when I said I had a Vangard account. Another man replied 'good girl'. It didn't seem like he meant anything negative by it, but dear God was that not the correct response.
My ex skipped the intros on even 1st episodes. And they fast forwared sooooo many things when watching. It was heartbreaking for me.
15:47 I think you're onto something here. I'm a guy and the one guy I've ever heard who described everything I did as "cancerian", biggest narcissist I've ever met
number 13 hurts really bad when you got no friends 😂
(introverted who prefers books, and just has zero social skills, but love talking to people)
I do have to interject, on ppl who charm everyone~☆ Matthew is universally charming- you can be charming and not narcissistic -
It's the Genuineness behind it that matters.
I love telling ppl what i like about them.
I know a narcissist who does empty flattery to soley gain their approval.
As an Italian, I reserve the right to be disappointed by people who like pineapple on pizza.
😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤪
Conservatism at its worst. 🤣
As a Canadian, I differ!
Sometimes I like pineapple on pizza sometimes I will hate it all depend what my body crave and yes I am Italian
Saying someone is "cute"for doing a typical adult act is condescending. Saying it's "cool" or "awesome" is not condescending. We consider baby animals learning to walk, "cute". We call a strutting tiger "cool".
I have difficulty with the service worker one. I was a service worker and know what it takes to do a good job. We are paid for our competance just as anyone else is. I don't tolerate rudeness from them or a "you'll take whatever crap I give you" attitude. I will call them out on it or leave if it is really bad. I don't think being a service worker gives THEM leave to be rude to others. I do give leeway that they may be new/still learning/have had a bad day, but still, there are limits and standards for them too.
7. The word "cute" so annoying I couldn't stop thinking about "red" flags at work today.
Hi Guys, while I understand your point about "people who try to charm everyone" and thus "I don't feel special anymore", which, incidentally, is an egotistical reaction in its own right (pot thrusts by calling kettle black, parry to come), I do think some of us where brought up in a more manly, more gentlemanly, more polite world in which one was expected to MAKE AN EFFORT TO BE CIVIL, POLITE AND KIND TO EVERYONE. While I understand to what you refer, I rather gain confidence in someone when I see them treating people with kindness and making an effort to do so. Anyone who tells me I "too kind", "too polite", "over-solicitous" gets a quick answer: "Not always. We're done now."
So many of these things need to be seen in context. The same behaviour from different people can elicit very different reactions.
It depends on their intentions and the vibe that gives out.
17:35 hmmmm I'm 37 and have never had a long term relationship. I either get very bored by the guy, or the guy turns to be toxic :(
It's a curse. I know, a self limiting belief.
But I just don't know if I'm capable of long term. It never seems to work out.
And now I cannot even meet a guy who'd be exciting to me, sexy and smart, and not toxic, but empathetic and kind hearted. They all seem married by now.
totally relate to that…
Interesting. I'm 34 & I have never been in a long term serious relationship. I also either get bored by a guy or he does become toxic. It is a curse smh 🤦
When someone hasn’t had a long term relationship and their over a 30:
If you’re the one whose never had a relationship, how do have that conversation and when? When society thinks you’re a freak because you don’t date, how do break that cycle?
I like most of Matt's content, but I guess it's also due to such stereotypes being fed by media. The situations might be different. I honestly would rather start a relationship with someone who hasn't had any than 4 times divorcee in their 30s. Why having too many failed relationships or unhealthy ones isn't the red flag then? Which literally means this person can't build anything when they have all the opportunities - a partner at least / or has some unresolved psychological issues for what it's worth or keep attracting bad people, which Matt said was a 'red flag' too and so on. Which you can't say about the one who probably hasn't even had that opportunities for multiple reasons (having to work hard / health issues and so on). I suggest if this is a problem for someone you not having enough experience, this is just not your person that's all. For me actually this is a sign of a weak and cowardish one, who would only start dating someone who'd been picked by someone else before. Like they don't trust their own judgment.
Labelling people like that doesn't suit me personally and I wouldn't even like to date someone for whom that would be a problem.
Oooh that food theory is really interesting 😯🤭
That was excellent and funny and entertaining. Thanks!!
Is someone taking their phone to the bathroom a red flag? How about someone who deflects questions that may be uncomfortable to answer? Or someone who has their active status turned off on all social media so you can never see if they are online?
Depends from the sound.
A former foreign minister of Israel underlined his strange image because people could hear the flush during an interview.
My kitchen door sounds like a ghost house, I should oil it one day. ;-)
Luvin the whole amber light reference. Enlightening!!
The burrito moment it's hilarious! I loved this video. I agree with the amber lights, many people nowadays if you hear them talking everything is a "red flag" for them, instead of communicate and work on it. Great video xx
OMG you guys are hilarious in this video. Glad you see you can poke fun at yourselves and each other .😁
😂😂😂😂😂
Matthew Hussey..u always say the right thing..nd u always do the right thing..u always mean what you say..u give meaning to the words..
Matthew Hussey..every time I watch ur video I am in love with myself nd I am in love with my life..I love you the most..
You and your brother have such a hilarious and entertaining dynamic. Love it
O don't agree at all about number 13 or 14. I'm shocked how judgemental you can be about having few friends or longlasting relationships...
Many big bastards have numerous friends or relationships...
You must consider each person as an individual in order to discern.
However I do think number 15 is a huge red flag: different polítical ideas and beliefs, same happens with religion, make it imposible to build a solid construction. Same or at least compatible values are the biggest must.