I had a deep connection with a self-professed disorganized attachment style individual. He is a lovely person, but sabotaged our growing connection by ending things abruptly and without explanation when things became more emotionally intimate.
This is a very deep, revealing explanation. As an FA/Disorganized, and older now... even though I have become *more* secure (and realize that trauma may never completely go away), I now fear the literal brain damage and the risk of dementia/ Alzheimers... Like, because my brain isn't working quite as hard all the time for dangers, it quite literally feels more "riddled with holes" and all the stuff I want to retain falls out (spelling, names, places, events). I'm not clinical at all yet, but I can feel the precipice. All because I feel I waited too long to heal, in all honesty. (Of course I will work to offset it, but it feels like a direct consequence of that damaging stuff the brain had to navigate for so long.)
Thank you for sharing a personal experience. These can be difficult topics to face. With respect to brain health, anything you can do that activates your body creatively and learning a new skill will Stave off memory loss and increase cognition. So learning to dance or play an instrument is extremely helpful and preventative with memory loss or cognitive function. It literally keeps your brain young.
Thank you 🙏🏻 when I was in previous relationship with a partner and doing my work, I started explaining that I would feel the need to protect myself in certain ways because of the “threats” of closeness or distance and it helped me take the pause I needed so that I didn’t behave in the self protective behavior that could be harmful to my partner.
This is a great explanation! It sounds exactly like my Fa/disorganized partner. (He took the test! 😍) We’re on our second try at the relationship. His mother died of Alzheimer’s and he’s very fearful that his memory issues are a precursor to dementia. I plan to share this video with him at the right moment. I did my trauma work. Now I’m hopeful we can both heal the amazingly compatible relationship we share. Thank you for your work!
I feel validated because I was diagnosed as borderline in my 20s I got a second opinion in my 30s was told I have autism instead. I feel this makes a lot of sense to me.
Taken so many evaluations for attachment and they all keep coming up disorganized. Im currently in a relationship but feel utterly exhausted with trying to find peace in it. Im happy when we are together but give me 4 days apart and I want to end it due to feeling he does not actually care about me. Been doing this for 2 yrs now. Not sure Im really even meant to be with anyone...
How interesting... So the problem is not so much hot AND cold as much as it is hot OR cold depending on the circumstance. In essence, there's nothing definitive in this attachment style. Well this explains a LOT about my FA's behavior....🤔🤔🤔
It can be circumstantial. But you can have hot and cold at the same time. You can feel beckoned, while at the same time pushed away. And that is because closeness and distance, both feel threatening in different ways, and that’s because in childhood the sources of comfort were also the sources of threat. Glad it was helpful ❤️
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment so what would be the main points of differentiation between an avoidant vs disorganized? Because an avoidant wants intimacy, is capable of intimacy/vulnerability, but then after too much of it, the fear of engulfment kicks in, so they distance. How is that different than disorganized?
@@SNTanon The presence of dissociation. I would go back and watch the timestamp on this topic, because it is a deeper physiological response to threat, and I outline the differences. The timestamp is in the caption. You can also watch this video: th-cam.com/users/livevm1FfJ_Jhjk I also invite you to check out my attachment 101 courses which will go into this in depth. brianamacwilliam.com/attachment-styles-online-courses/
I've hurt people and have been hurt - and I feel like I live in a perpetual state of fear of hurting people and of being hurt - all while just wanting to be closer.
I watched this. I do chakra meditation. I believe that while my throat chakra is open and unblocked it is not in alignment. II also believe I need throat/sacral coherence or alignment. But I can’t find the resources or guided meditations to accomplish this
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment tysm. I’m very sad for him. However I do believe he is FA with strong DA lean. Does that change anything? IMO he was originally DA (childhood neglect?) then turned FA due to marital infidelity. I mean if that doesn’t strike at the core of ‘manhood’ and feelings of betrayal idk what does. Does that make sense pls?
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I had a deep connection with a self-professed disorganized attachment style individual. He is a lovely person, but sabotaged our growing connection by ending things abruptly and without explanation when things became more emotionally intimate.
@@gigibtsurvivor3348 Thank you for sharing your experience. Sending you big hugs. ❤️
Did you reach out after some time had passed? Or did he reach out at all?
This is the most accurate explanation I ever heard about the disorganized attachment style
This is a very deep, revealing explanation. As an FA/Disorganized, and older now... even though I have become *more* secure (and realize that trauma may never completely go away), I now fear the literal brain damage and the risk of dementia/ Alzheimers...
Like, because my brain isn't working quite as hard all the time for dangers, it quite literally feels more "riddled with holes" and all the stuff I want to retain falls out (spelling, names, places, events). I'm not clinical at all yet, but I can feel the precipice.
All because I feel I waited too long to heal, in all honesty. (Of course I will work to offset it, but it feels like a direct consequence of that damaging stuff the brain had to navigate for so long.)
Thank you for sharing a personal experience. These can be difficult topics to face. With respect to brain health, anything you can do that activates your body creatively and learning a new skill will Stave off memory loss and increase cognition. So learning to dance or play an instrument is extremely helpful and preventative with memory loss or cognitive function. It literally keeps your brain young.
You should try lions mane mushrooms, they're great for cognition, brain repair etc. Good luck
Thank you 🙏🏻 when I was in previous relationship with a partner and doing my work, I started explaining that I would feel the need to protect myself in certain ways because of the “threats” of closeness or distance and it helped me take the pause I needed so that I didn’t behave in the self protective behavior that could be harmful to my partner.
This is a great explanation! It sounds exactly like my Fa/disorganized partner. (He took the test! 😍)
We’re on our second try at the relationship. His mother died of Alzheimer’s and he’s very fearful that his memory issues are a precursor to dementia.
I plan to share this video with him at the right moment. I did my trauma work. Now I’m hopeful we can both heal the amazingly compatible relationship we share.
Thank you for your work!
I’m glad you like this video. And bravo for the work that you have done. Sending you well wishes on the journey.❤
I feel validated because I was diagnosed as borderline in my 20s I got a second opinion in my 30s was told I have autism instead. I feel this makes a lot of sense to me.
omg same!!!!!!!
This actually helped me understand why a previous partner did me the way they did.
Thanks.
I love connection and intimacy so so much. But I fear disinterest and coldness even more...
This eternal ambivalence that hurts
Taken so many evaluations for attachment and they all keep coming up disorganized. Im currently in a relationship but feel utterly exhausted with trying to find peace in it. Im happy when we are together but give me 4 days apart and I want to end it due to feeling he does not actually care about me. Been doing this for 2 yrs now. Not sure Im really even meant to be with anyone...
Is it not possible to move in together at this point in time?
Is this something I should tell my close friends about or just work on quietly with them? I see how I am very on and off with my close friends.
How interesting... So the problem is not so much hot AND cold as much as it is hot OR cold depending on the circumstance. In essence, there's nothing definitive in this attachment style. Well this explains a LOT about my FA's behavior....🤔🤔🤔
It can be circumstantial. But you can have hot and cold at the same time. You can feel beckoned, while at the same time pushed away. And that is because closeness and distance, both feel threatening in different ways, and that’s because in childhood the sources of comfort were also the sources of threat. Glad it was helpful ❤️
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment so what would be the main points of differentiation between an avoidant vs disorganized? Because an avoidant wants intimacy, is capable of intimacy/vulnerability, but then after too much of it, the fear of engulfment kicks in, so they distance. How is that different than disorganized?
@@SNTanon The presence of dissociation. I would go back and watch the timestamp on this topic, because it is a deeper physiological response to threat, and I outline the differences. The timestamp is in the caption.
You can also watch this video: th-cam.com/users/livevm1FfJ_Jhjk I also invite you to check out my attachment 101 courses which will go into this in depth. brianamacwilliam.com/attachment-styles-online-courses/
Excellent, Excellent explanation!! Thank you so much! ❤
Glad it was helpful!
so well described and explained, this was a great video!
Glad you liked it!
I hurt someone i really care about because of this... I feel so bad...
I've hurt people and have been hurt - and I feel like I live in a perpetual state of fear of hurting people and of being hurt - all while just wanting to be closer.
@LastEarBender It's a complex feeling. I wrestle with it too. I hope we both heal our hearts and relationships.
very helpful thank you. do people with disorganised attachment styles have difficulty mixing friends or friend groups with each other?
They can, it depends on how well they compartmentalize.
I watched this. I do chakra meditation. I believe that while my throat chakra is open and unblocked it is not in alignment. II also believe I need throat/sacral coherence or alignment. But I can’t find the resources or guided meditations to accomplish this
Thanks for watching and commenting. This is a free training tool on these topics:
onlinecourses.brianamacwilliam.com/soul-attachments-101-opt-in
So the encoding, the library, the bomb shelter etc do not apply only to romantic relationship threats, but also to the day-to-day life of an FA?
Yes that’s correct.
@@brianamacwilliam.attachment tysm. I’m very sad for him. However I do believe he is FA with strong DA lean. Does that change anything? IMO he was originally DA (childhood neglect?) then turned FA due to marital infidelity. I mean if that doesn’t strike at the core of ‘manhood’ and feelings of betrayal idk what does. Does that make sense pls?
THISSSSS🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
It didn't, I still have crippeling depression.
Wauw, what so alcohol abuse makes this even worse?
It will be better instead of putting so much time and energy in explaining it that you teach how to heal from it .... Disappointed
This is me 🥹 thank you ❤