I believe covid isolation has made my inner world richer and my undiagnosed schzioid disorder worse. I went from a loner who could at least work to a semi hermit.
It's great that in the last year videos about Schizoids have emerged. It was largely unknown for such long time. Because as a kid I was alone, in pain, and didn't know why. Then life got better as a teenager when I had stopped caring about others, but when I hit 18 and the main symptoms appeared, all beauty disappeared from the world, emotions started just disappearing one by one starting from the positive ones, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't explain it, others couldn't explain it, internet couldn't explain it, so it was like "oh great we are doing this again. I'm alone, in pain and don't know why". More-so the fact that I couldn't find any information about what was happening to me just reconfirmed the strong belief I formed as a child, that I am not human, my pain is mine and mine only and I will always be alone.
Despite these traits and symptoms schizoids can still lead productive and satisfying lives, as they are able to work alone and do things that 'relationship-dependent' people might find intolerable, such as night watchman, librarian, research scientist, and computer programmer. I myself am a fantasy author and artist that can express myself through my creativity, and the relationships I form are solely intellectual and professional. I don't shun these relationships at all, it's just the personal/social that I avoid.
Almost everything you said in this video describes me perfectly (apart from taking drugs). People close to me started noticing simptoms when I was about 15-16yo, but I was only recently officialy diagnosed (I'm 22 rn). I knew my thoughts and behavior are consider odd, but I never thought I had a disorder. There's a serious lack of information about SPD. There should be a lot more videos like this one!
I’m a schizoid and you are spot on about everything, especially the imaginary friends inside your head. I’m constantly having conversations with myself and my monologue never shuts up.
You are getting it wrong. We have no desire to control the outside world. The problem is that we don't want the outside world to control us. We have our own desires and interests. The outside world is constantly trying to change us to be "normal." For example, my cousin's and brother liked rap music. I listened to Tina Turner. I was considered weird. They all liked football but I hated it. It was easier to stick to myself than to be pressured into doing things that I didn't enjoy. I prefer to go to the movies alone rather than negotiate with someone about the time and location. Furthermore, I grew up in a homophobic household as a gay person. When was I supposed to open up? My dad literally told me that he would disown me if became gay. Lastly, I understand other people's needs. However, they rarely understand mine. I have no interest in relationships because they are always one-sided.
Well that’s been my experience WITH a schizoid person - was a as all one sided HIS - I was left yearning so I’ve left But guess what he still sends me messages / he has to be in touch - this is not acceptable
Hyper abstraction is a good explanation of schizoid withdrawal. Why do we take it for granted that the response to neglect would be self isolation? Couldn't it just as easily create a person in a state of histrionic attention seeking? A person who learned that they must do extra in order to receive any form of external validation. What decides whether a person withdraws or becomes histrionic in response to neglect? When you have the capacity to think across domains outside the box of your direct situation, when you can reassemble the pieces of your experience into new categories that only exists in your head, then you can compare your sub-optimal environment to something beautiful and fulfilling in comparison. When faced with the contrast between the ideal and the real, schizoids choose the ideal, because they possess a capacity to create internal ideals which normative individuals do not. Some of the focus needs to be taken away from childhood experiences, to be placed instead on the neurodiversity which dictates which adaptation the individual inhabits. If you do not understand the underlying neurodiversity, any attempt at reintegration will fail catastrophically, when the schizoid comes out of their isolation to be immediately misunderstood/rejected by a society which doesn't tolerate extreme openness. Schizoid therapy requires socialization with people in the same cluster, and until we realize that the outcomes will continue to be disappointing.
Hiya! Very interesting video - thank you! I was diagnosed as a schizoid at the age of 36. I thought I had Asperger's at first because I felt like I was masking my true self at work all the time. It led to anxiety that made my stomach physically tense up, I had PTSD that had started at the age of 20 on one of my first work places, I desired no relationships, lived pretty much as a hermit with only a handful of friends i saw a few times a year, there was a lot going on and I felt like something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. I recognized myself a lot in the stories of women with Asperger's. But I never really had trouble understanding social situations and I also don't have autistic thinking, so that's probably what led to the schizoid diagnosis instead. Topics I would love to hear more about: - masking in covert schizoids - schizoid vs high functioning autism - differences/distinctions/overlap? - and a bit random: I do a lot of gaming outside of work, but have no addictions (no drugs, no cigarettes), but obviously gaming can be an addiction - is that something that's frowned upon or is that something that is encouraged by therapists as a means to connect with other people (I have a lot of gaming friends that I play group games with) or sooner discouraged (for still being an addiction of a sort perhaps?) (Though I will deny for myself that it's an addiction, it still might be in the eyes of a therapist ;-))
I'm not diagnosed but I developed certain schizoid traits after 24. When I feel overwhelmed, I must self-isolate. Before this, I had a lot of energy. Don't know what happened.
I've always had it but it's gotten worse lately. In my early 20s I had the confidence to form more social connections but at this point it's all too much for me. I'm becoming a recluse which bothers me
It's a personality disorder... I did that to my ex then nobody likes them anymore. It's a process with people you may have idealized and socialized with that end up alone, or isolated, not because you would rather be alone by choice, since you realize socializing isn't that great.
My half brother has undiagnosed SPD and I appreciate your description of how this trait may develop. Our mother had her own issues being domineering, emotionally unavailable or abusive and occasionally physically violent. Perhaps this has something to do with his behaviour. I know that I've had problems trusting people most of my life. My brother isn't suffering, but it creates a problem for his family. His apathy, lack of motivation, disinterest in his family and propensity to lie is so frustrating. And yes, he has a very rich fantasy life. We often overhear him carrying on animated conversations with an imaginary friend. Thank you for the presentation.
Books mentioned in this video. The Empty Core: An Object Relations Approach to Psychotherapy of the Schizoid Personality (Book by Jeffrey Seinfeld) Schizoid phenomena, object-relations, and the self (Book by Harry Guntrip)
I spent the later part of the video laughing with tears in my eyes because it described me so well, I'm autistic and have a lot of schizoid traits, I'm an artist who has a very rich fantasy world in his head, most of my free time is spent in fantasy, etc. I also had a narcissistic parent, so one more point to you Rocha.
Opening sentence took the words from my mouth. Also lol at the upbringing examples, my dads narcissistic and my mom was depressed / going through a lot when I was younger. They tried their best and did a pretty good job considering the hand they were dealt but the end result is the same. I remember sometime around high school I realized I was different from others and that it would be easier to just shut myself off and become highly independent. Was extremely liberating and felt completely normal for me at the time but I'm starting to realize now that it was indicative of greater issues
This is very helpful in understanding my Schizoid husband. For the schizoids out there I'd like to add that this is not a disorder but a personality adaptation due to and early childhood attachment wound. You had to adapt these traits in order to survive. Be kind to yourselves.
I believe I adapted into a schizoid personality during early adolescence after a family trauma/move + 5 months alone (homeschooled without the school) in an isolated rural neighborhood. I remember being very social before then and then after (until now) my mind split into internal relationship/maladaptive daydreaming. I can pretend to connect to survive + I have a lot of empathy but I keep things light and never bond or seek relationships for intimacy. I don't let people in. I'm now realizing I may need to seek help. Thank you for your video.
I just can't watch this in one setting. You are explaining this so very well. Deep inside I feel lonely to the bone. But I don't want to end up getting hurt by someone who cannot reciprocate anything I'm ready for. I'm at the end of letting others hurt me - like digging a hole I can't come out of. I'm not comfortable showing any negative emotion out of me, so now I'm staring to feel uncomfortable being around even the closest relatives.
Nice video, you've nailed the basics at least, which is a lot more than can be said for most of the TH-cam videos on the topic. However I'd insist that what Guntrip and Seinfeld both have left out of their discussions of schizoid phenomena is the aggression turned inward and buried that leads to the feeling of emptiness so characteristic of how it feels to be schizoid (if one even has the language for this, which I did not until I started reading about it). Don Carveth's (training and supervising analyst at the Toronto Psychoanalytic, he has his own channel on TH-cam) videos helped me to understand this and it jibes with my experience of being schizoid and having done a lot of work (some psychotherapy and some self-reflection) to uncover and try to integrate those aspects of myself that I didn't want to feel or think about because I equated any experience or feeling of anger with being a scary, traumatic abuser like my dad. And the self-sabotage that caused me to repeatedly give up on myself and decide my efforts to really express myself were bad and stupid - aggression turned inward leads to emptiness. So it is not, I don't think, just a lack of primary love (Balint's term as used by Seinfeld), a lack of there being enough good stuff poured into the baby/child that leaves them empty, it's rather conflict that leads to emptiness. It doesn't feel good to be neglected, to be made to feel worthless, it makes one angry to be treated this way - but expressing that toward one's parent is too scary, and seeing the parent as an all-bad persecutor is also too scary - as Ronald Fairbairn once wrote, "it is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the Devil” (Fairbairn, 1952, pp. 66-67). So the child sees themselves as bad, worthless, idealizes the parent and self-sabotages, leading to a lack of assertion of and lack of creation of the child's real or true self.
I totally seen the parent as an all-bad persecutor, i did think i'm a bad person on some level but i knew even back then how what the parent is doing is fucked up. It just took me a while to really get rid of any doubts of my evaluation, like until you are adult and have a "fully worthy" adult perspective you have doubts about your perception. But yeah the fact is my upbringing was fucked up and totally abusive. I wish i had a way to know for sure back then, it would save me a lot of misery.
Insightful description, and one that gave hope. I fell in love with someone who fits this description. I couldn’t understand many of his fantasies or imaginary friends, his awkward social skills, and passion for being alone. He often said I was suffocating him (with “typical” social time together). He wore eccentric clothes and walked around with a large stick. We are sort of friends, when he wants to catch up 2x a year. There are lots of descriptions on youtube of this disorder. None describing “how to relate to” Would be good to hear more, as i am not a therapist, and do care about my friend.
I’ve just put a comment on this feed regarding the fact I’ve just come out of a relationship with a schizoid. He told me he had this disorder. I tried desperately to understand him and his traits - in some ways I think I have - but it’s left me feeling completely drained and exhausted. I felt the relationship ( in his eyes was not a relationship) was all one sided - he was calling all the shots - I had to confirm if I was to stay in the relationship- he used to visit his women friends and stay over - expecting me to understand there was no relationship there - he did this recently when I was away - visited his friend for 4 days and expected me to understand that was okay !!! Sorry I don’t think so He does not want a relationship - but keeps sending me messages- I’ve blocked him but they keep coming - And the last time this happened guess what I have given in and the sequence started all over again - I can’t live his life in this way - As I’m putting mine on hold and he had his needs met - but mine were not - and he didn’t want to get any help either😢
@@VivekSingh-dx5mf Some might, I certainly don't. If somebody does me wrong, or insults me, I'm just glad to finally get rid of them. Revenge would mean meeting or engaging with them again, which is the last thing a Schizoid would want.
I was addicted to food, and I just couldn't figure it out. That's crazy, isn't it? But now I know the reason for it, and I will never stop to thank you for what you do. Now my life is going to improve. God bless you 🙏
This was by far the best and most detailed conceptualization I've heard on Schizoid PD, and I've heard many, including Otto Kernberg's talks. For anyone who's read article after article, seen video after video, interview after interview, and are still wondering "Is this me? Idk, it seems oddly described sometimes" - This video is what you should watch. This cut through the bullshit and identified, in official terminology (And in a way that was easy to understand what the Terminology meant), the key components of childhood experience that lead to the Schizoid adaptations and related withdrawal. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you so so so much! I can not express just by words on how grateful I am and how I truly appreciate the time and effort you have taken to create and share this video! You have been the first to actually give a real meaningful insight into understanding something so serious. I have never been diagnosed with anything but I know I have something that isn’t the same as what is accepted as ‘normal’ for as long as I can remember. I don’t know how many types of abuse is deemed to be unlawful in our current legislation but as a kid, neglect, physical, mental and sexual abuse are written on the pages of my life. Overall, as an adult, mentally, I believe I have triumph in a lot of ways that I probably shouldn’t have. But I know in many more ways, I’ve lost the race before I even began, which lately has been obsessively possessing each and every day. That’s sort of besides the point. Being alone and self isolation is an understatement when I think of myself. … (Honestly) in thought, I really wanted to just dive deep into my whole life story because of the excitement of finding someone who talks about the realness of spd, but felt like it would be annoying or ‘TOO’ much. I’m definitely no expert at all but just by reading the criteria of other personality disorders, I feel I may have a possibility of two others along with spd, and other stuff as well but the main purpose was to just thank you so much for posting this wonderful video. So thank you so very much! I am going to share this with my husband so he can hoping get a clearer understanding. There are only two people that I openly talk to, .. My husband and my son. Other than that I trust no one to share who I am, but I’m trying because, it’s healthy for all parties. I do it strictly for them because I know that’s what they need and what other healthy relationships have but I’m still at a point where I truly don’t care to be open if it were by choice. I’ve told them and they’re understanding but with the beginning of how a baby develops is the best ever because you talk about it from the very start of life! I strive to be honest with myself and with others when I feel I am comfortable enough to do so and I want to say a lot more but i won’t allow myself to break that force field. But thank you so much for this great detailed video.
I was diagnosed with SPD about 2 years ago, but I reckon I've had signs of it since childhood, but they were masked/mistaken for anxiety and depression as they have also been prevalent since childhood. My early development didn't go well or as planned; when I was still breastfeeding, the brother above me got diagnosed with leukemia, so he took up a lot of my parent's time, I was passed on to my aunts to raise me, and bottle feed me for most of my infant months. Even when I was older and got to live with my parents, they were very detached and uncaring toward me and were emotionally abusive and neglectful. In contrast, my older siblings were physically abusive toward me. I understand there are things about me that I was just made in this way, by nature, such as with my Schizoid Personality Disorder, and there are other things that were caused by ''nurture'' and sadly, both things have made life difficult for me, but I do my best to overcome them in a sense; I'm able to make strong friendship bonds online and have the desire to be with people in real life at times. I've tried, but I can't work, and I still struggle to socialize IRL; at parties and family gatherings, I tend to disassociate after about an hour of being around too many people, loud music and being pressured with social expectations. Romantic relationships have also been few and far between for me, and I'm always the one to end things. They always want to talk and connect too frequently, plan a future with me, and try to break down my barriers because I'm distant. I know this vid is a bit old, but I just found it and found it helpful/insightful, so I thought I'd share my experiences revolving around SPD in case anyone else is new to the vid. And I'd like to add that although I've had all this trouble and continue to struggle in some areas, I think it's a matter of finding a comfort zone; a place you're comfortable living, people you're comfortable being around/spending time with in some capacity, a comfortable routine, and I believe that for now, I've found that.
Reading this, I don’t think I have the PD, but I sure do understand it. On the whole, the people in my life are an enormous disappointment. About a decade ago, around the age of 30, I just got sick of trying and isolated. That was 15 years ago, and it’s been a really peaceful, even blissful time. Once you cut everyone off, the only time someone shows up is because they want something. And there’s no way for them to frame it in any other way. You’re standing in front of me because you need something. It’s not me. So what is it? I suppose I’m an insufferable human being, but I just can’t play the games people play. It’s fake and exhausting. This PD has got to be caused by total and profound abuse.
I'm currently in the process of diagnosing whether or not I've got ASD with a psychologist. After I mentioned being asexual as well as some other traits, she brought up Schizoid. Now I'd read about Schizoid and identified myself as one for about a year or two back in my mid teens, but then drifted towards considering myself ASD as I've also got several traits that fit with that. I've been thinking that I haven't got any trauma, having had a good life with caring parents and all that, but I do suppose I moved around a lot. I can remember one night lying under my blanket missing my friends after having just moved, then suddenly I thought "Ah well, guess that's just how it is" and never being bothered by it again, despite moving several more times and losing more friends. Now I haven't had a single friend that I spend time with physically besides my brother on rare occasions closing in on 15 years now. Several friends online whom I enjoy talking to and care for, but I would also be completely content without any. I do fit into 4 of the 7 criteria perfectly, and the other 3 sooomewhat. I do have a fair amount of empathy, but I suppose it's also more clinical than emotional, like "I understand what this emotion is supposed to be and what it is like" and "these sorts of feelings are optimal / most sensible in these situations". Then again, I also have several ASD traits, like hypersensitivity of pretty much every sense (textures and temperature particularly), as well as trouble vocalizing and expressing myself verbally, but yeah... While I typically know what I'm feeling, I can never manage to verbally communicate those feelings. An example is after having watched a movie I'm never able to tell anyone what I liked or disliked about it. I do apologize for the rambling, trying to figure out which fits me most, be it ASD or SPD. Heck, I suppose it could be both, but in the end that'll be for the psychologist to decide. Sometime next month she'll be having a conversation with my parents, so perhaps she'll end up with some insight through that.
I wish I had your psychologist. The sessions with mine always ended in an argument, they insisted I have ASD every time I mentioned not being able to relate to ASD issues. I realized I am schizoid after just a few sessions with an online psychologist, they're amazing and helped me to heal after years of depression, too bad they can't do anything about my incorrect diagnosis... I'll have to contact my local psychiatric department and demand a meeting with a different psychologist.
@@who2449 Just as in any relationship, it's important to find the right person for you. Doctors, therapists and psychologists are all still just people, fallible and imperfect. Not everyone will be a fit for one another, so if you feel their diagnosis is incorrect, keep at it to get that second and third opinion if necessary. I ended up with the ASD diagnosis, which I am content with. I hope you find the one that is right for you as well, mate.
Absolutely love the way you describe the formation of SPD! Question. It is said that the schizoid personality does not experience social anxiety and that they can manage to keep a job if they work alone. My question is this: "When the schizoid personality is working with others, what do they experience? Aren't they experiencing anxiety and discomfort at that point which is why they do best alone? In other words, what happens to a schizoid personality when working with others; how do they feel in those situations, if not anxiety?"
This video an explanation is simply amazing, thank you. My heart aches because I was so in love with someone who had this disorder and he just...left and had all these sypthoms. Now I'm able to understand ... I kept blaming myself for him being so cold and distant
Hi, first of all thanks for the video, it's very interesting. I consider myself to have characteristics typical of the schizoid person, even if I don't have an official diagnosis, but I have never looked for one. I noticed that as far as I'm concerned, one way to try to get in touch with people without risking getting them too close is to create a real relationship, doing a job/activity that involves contact with other people, but which in any case the two people have different roles, and so there's some sort of implicit barrier that they both acknowledge. For example, I am studying to be a nurse. I like helping people, being with people, feeling close to them and making them feel good, but I only do this in certain contexts (while I work) and it is practically certain that in these contexts a real relationship is never established as between two friends, for instance. I also know that those people (the patients) are only in that place, and at those times. When I finish work I can be alone as long as I like. So, with this trick, I can express my emotions and satisfy my need for human contact, without going too far and feeling overwhelmed by the presence of others. I've read several times that schizoids usually have solitary jobs, such as librarians or work with computer . I think it's a stereotype, or at least it doesn't take into account the fact that any schizoid needs to "feel" others. There are those who deny this need, and it's not a good thing, those who create imaginary people and situations (I do it too sometimes) and those who perhaps form real bonds but who in any case have a barrier between them, in my case the fact that in any case the patient-nurse relationship can never go beyond a certain threshold. What do you think? Thank you again and sorry if the translation is not perfect
"Children . . . develop an internalized image of a tantalizing but rejecting parent . . . to which they are inexplicably attached. As children, they are unable to support themselves yet, and need to rely on that parent for support. These parents are often incapable of loving, or are too preoccupied with their own needs. The child is rewarded when not demanding care and support from the parent, and is devalued or ridiculed as “needy” for expressing normal childhood requirements. Thus, the child’s picture of what constitutes “good” behavior is distorted. The child learns never to ask or even yearn for love, because it makes the parent more distant and censorious. The child then adapts its behavior to avoid the resulting loneliness, emptiness, and sense of ineptness, with a fantasy of independent self-sufficiency, by learning to be as independent as possible, to the point of being unable to ask for any needs to be met from any source outside themselves. Fairbairn argued that the tragedy of schizoid children is that . . .their life has taught them that it is love, rather than hatred, that is the punishing, destructive force within. Love consumes. Longing for love is the source of their pain. The schizoid child’s chief mental operation is to subconsciously, gradually, repress the normal child's wish to be loved. These children had no choice. It was the only way they could survive in their home situation without experiencing severe mental trauma. The central dilemma of such a child, is that the schizoid child has to depend on their parent for survival, but trying to extract a normal level of care from such a dismissive, unreliable parent, so undermines the child’s sense of internal value, that it's less damaging to accept the parent’s dismissive behavior towards him as a normal progression to independence, than to keep seeking love and do more damage to themselves.” This internal conflict, elaborated in countless ways, is the heart of the psychoanalytic understanding of schizoid personality structure."
Excellent insights and well explained. I really appreciate your completeness, nuance and calling out differentiated diagnosis to qualify etc. Seems a subjective misdiagnosis of self on only partial symptoms without a full picture can be a real risk
If ever you are looking for a subject to do a video on, I'd be interested to hear more of your understanding of the schizoid type, and perhaps an outline of the key ideas in the books you referenced. I will see if I can get myself some copies.
I didn't notice I had this until I was diagnosed with it. Thinking about it. Now, it makes sense about my childhood. I was always in my room and never bothered to meet my family. I've been forced by my parents multiple times to go out. Over years, my emotional expressions have reduced significantly.
Someone can be diagnosed at a low level? I will look into this. I didn't know. Bc there are so aspects of this like the no affect part that are not me, I am thought it was either a yes or no thing. Thank you
Good info. Fairly certain I have this condition but, live a fairly normal life largely feeling disinterested in the lives of my wife, kids, family, friends, colleagues and everyone.
Sorry to blow up your comment section with multiple posts, Dr. Rocha, but in light of the highly informative insight into SPD that you've provided with this video, I would love to hear your thoughts on any aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a feeling you would shed some interesting light on the topic. Best wishes!
Thank you very much for this video! I'm diagnosed with SPD, and I feel like you have good insight into this condition. I'm sure I'll watch through this again after I think about it for a bit.
I feel like this explains why Ive always hated my childhood and saw it as something devoid of freedom. I realize from watching this video that Lacking independence/freedom was not the issue, it was that I was failed while in an already very dependent, vulnerable state. Being dependent and vulnerable was not the issue, it was the people around me harming me while I was already in that state if that makes sense
I feel I relate to a lot of this as someone with BPD. And I tend to prefer to isolate after a few failed relationships that tend to exist within a period of years, and eventually I almost accidentally, in a sense, or believing I’ve become healthy and have some control over myself, start to be more socially active and always live to regret it when I am reminded of how unhealthy I am when it comes to close relationships. I think my highly impulsive, chaotic nature and intense intolerance for boredom and the emptiness I feel make it hard for me to get back to avoidance or isolation, whenever I divert from it, but I always find my way there for years at a time. It’s lonely but it’s also peaceful. Pretty sure I married someone schizoid, but I didn’t know it then, and I didn’t know what I had was BPD. No wonder he and I liked each other so much. We are separated and co-parent well. He told me when he was young and in the Air Force, he was asked what his dream was, in life, and he said something about being married and having kids but living separately. He only recently told me this, which was one huge clue into his personality that I never knew before, but I do recall before we got separated he said he would enjoy life better if we sold our house and lived in separate apartments. I was beside myself, especially being borderline, however, I also knew he had a purity about him and didn’t intend to hurt me and was no threat to me at all. So, more than anything, it made me want to understand him better. He has also said before that he always felt like an alien, and he never has reactions, certainly not positive ones unless something is funny, especially in a very dark way or silly way. He’s actually extremely funny.
Currently being assessed by a psychologist. I think i have this disorder. My father was a narcissist, I believe, and when I was very young, my mother was depressed.
Thank you so so much for explaining what I felt since my teenager years. I was unable to figure out what was wrong with me. I went through so much pain and hurt that the only way was to shutdown in order to protect myself. I mean I'm so worn right now that I just can't take the risk to be hurt again. I think I'm scared to not being able to overcome all this stuff. I'm not diagnosed but I'm going to have a talk with my therapist about it.
Here's my story: my parents couldn't stay afloat until I was of age. I never had close friends, there were attempts at companionship and far in the past I had buddies with other kids, but something went wrong. Since then there has been an emptiness in my soul, only two years ago I got inside and completely lost the meaning of my life. I didn't have that meaning, everything beyond that is total emptiness.
thanks a lot for this video, i'am diagnosed with mixed personality disorder but i was always pretty sure i fited more to the description of sckizoid disorder. it's hard to find info on that topic exept for the dsm5 description. what you said is very true and it will help me make others understand why i behave like this. i often talk about lack of interest or lack of will to my therapist and i am currently trying to connect more. i've been isolated for 6 years in a row now to the point where i had those psychotic episodes. i'd add that being in a constant inner monologue or having imaginary conversations is really tiring . i guess i have an important question right now, i personally feel that i "exchanged" my interest and emotions against interest in knowledge (scientific matters) to keep track with reality, and now it's even harder to connect with people because i lose interest when they make mistakes. Do you know if this behavior is related to sckizoid disorder or if you have exemples of people that have this strategy or any other strategy ?
I'm diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and schizoaffective disorder , with time , after many years, the schizoaffective seams getting "mellow" and the schizotypal emerging more dominant.
I’m pretty sure I’ve adopted the schizoid personality In order to get my mathematics degree and become a software engineer overall it’s kind of been a blessing and I would not call it a disorder like many people do
I can identify with this but not the no affect part. This aspect of terminology is part of what leads me to believe I have AVPD. When I reflect I can understand and identify my responses and fears. It's just that I don't trust other people with them to be able to provide me true assistance I would need, likely at least partially due to my ontological insecurity & epistemic distrust, and I don't trust connection - like connecting to be lead to anything. Like people who enjoy connection receive enjoyment from connection and generally have an ability to be at ease / have some emotional regulation internally when in connection. For me, I experience connection as dysregulating bc connection either resulted in a) doing something an outside person was wanting demanding or expecting or b) me being kind helpful and or supportive yet I lack self agency/ agency efficacy in my own life to engage in goals so i dont develop. Over time, this makes connection hard bc a number of people are engaging in things and growing thru the year, where as my level of personal regulation and mentalization leads me only to food clothing shelter and solo activities like reading even though I can do things to be amongst people as well. So anyway, bc I lack self agency it is also easier to keep people away bc if they got a look closer they would see I have no decision making and conscious connection to skills to engage and grow in my life for myself. And I guess I always imagined if someone realized this, they would just pity me, and any few words of advice they mite give would not likely be of help to me. And finally admitting that I do not have much internal agency and locus of control beyond food clothing shelter and keep to self is basically like admitting I am stupid or deficit, especially in the context that a number of people/ most people generally have some things they engage in and/ or goals thru out the year, when I, in contrast dont. Like the schizoid description above, I believe I retreated to food clothing shelter and keeping to self to stay safe bc that is mostly what I have known incl from inner safety. I have had other experiences but I am not connecting them with something some type of underlying set of goals or values or understandings, to then create self agency. Day to day year to year, I just think food cloth shelter is enough. There is no add on goals for me, i don't know how to engage in them, what to engage in them for, with what, for what? I guess part of this issue could involve poor and or 'primitive object relations' and lack of or deficient/ undeveloped mentalization skills. At the seat of this, from my childhood experience, I did not expect much connection, incl or esp connection as an actual experience and journey going somewhere. The home experience was mostly war cloth shelter and keep to self, which I see, I am now subconsciously reinforcing in my own life.
I think in America anyway there is risk to being authentic with others, and therefore relationships are not rewarding. If you have had trauma, you have evolved, you have existential questions, you have experienced the impact of loss, especially death-you have seen the thestrals so to speak (Harry Potter reference), and the schizoid just says, "unless YOU have seen the thestrals and want to talk about that, I really don't have the time for the superficiality." For a bunch of supposedly apathetic folk, they sure do have time to comment in posts about Schizoid Personality Disorder. They are looking for their tribe and many fail to enter relationships because they ARE risky. Hello, marrying ther wrong person can destroy any stability you have worked for. We should not discount we are an individualistic society so our therapies look first to fix the individual but not society, though this video is really informative with regard to life-stage trauma resulting from caretakers failing to meet human needs of children.
13:07 i may or may not have teared up after that sentence. im a (6)teen and i have done research about SPD and i do have all of schizoid traits. i dont have trouble interacting with people, like if u asked me to ask somebody that u know for something i would do it but if u left it to me to choose i wouldnt do it and i wouldnt care about not doing it, idk where im going with this. thank u for the video, it was nice :)
Searching for what I may be. I’ve never stuck with long term counseling so I don’t know. One psychiatrist after months of trying different meds for depression and anxiety made the observation that I have Cluster C personality traits. That’s as close as I have come to a personality disorder diagnosis. All I know is I have never had meaningful close relationships or romantic relationships. I feel disconnected from the world. I pull back when getting close to someone. I seem to be content alone, but am also sad because I want a close relationship. I feel uncomfortable in close relationships. My affect is flat I believe. My emotional expression seems to be limited. I’m in my mid 50s so I feel this has gone on too long to change. I had loving parents but I know my mom suffered with anxiety and depression early in her marriage. Dad was emotional disconnected and had his issues. Back then men didn’t get help for such things. I’m being treated for treatment resistant depression but I feel my problems are more deep seated like in my personality. I wish I could find a good therapist.
You mention you had loving parents and also described their depression and or emotional disconnection. I don't recall cluster C but it may be helpful to find a PhD or someone with many years experience with your suspected condition, ie using key words. It also helps to have an initial convo and realize that even the first set of therapy sessions if it's 3-4 or more, to see if there is some mutual understanding and trust, or something clicking from the therapeutic relationship. Don't loose hope, outline or bullet point a few of your issues and even background as you discussed. I hope your find assistance and or resources. These videos have been helpful, even reddit and Quora threads about the particular 'issue' from others with the issue may help. All the best to you, you are 50 years young! God willing you have more mileage to go!
I'm not diagnosed but I think there is probably a schizoid personality and I probably have one. I am not afraid of people, I just find the vast majority, stunningly, numbingly, disturbingly, *boring*, with empty, shallow lives. Yes, I'm misanthropic, but I'm not mean about it. The problem with psychoanalysis, clinical psychology, psychiatry....whatever the hell...is that they're very closed ways of thinking and feeling. However "scientific" and "educated" they are, they're very presumptuous. I don't even like the word "schizoid". It's a slur. My path, my way of being, has rich potential. I'd never give up a bit of it to be more like a normie. There'd be no point in it. th-cam.com/video/eR7-AUmiNcA/w-d-xo.html
I recently got a possible schizoid diagnosis. My therapist disagrees with the test and thinks I'm just overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Not sure what to do about that.
Hey thank you for sharing. I wanted to ask you, how important/useful do you think it was to intellectually understand the schizoid condition in your own transformation? For example, the two reference books you mentioned near the beginning of your video. I wonder if I should read them or whether I might just use them as a means of fuel for my introversion. I'm surprised to see how far you must've developed yourself from the way you described you once were. I realised a couple of years ago at the age of about 38 that the schizoid type describes me. I find it very difficult, and want to understand it better so I might be better able to improve my life. There's very little content online on the topic, your videos have helped me understand myself a little better. Thank you, and well done. 🙏
Why do we tend to be more creative? An adaptive trait from childhood? My mom always told me I had an extremely active imagination and my entire life I've spent creating one thing or another. I've always wondered where this comes from.
You explained it so well. My question is : Can a person with schizoid personality disorder be dangerous to others. Can that person cause harm mental or physical. Thank you in advance.
Thank you so much for shedding light on SPD. I need to do a project on "Schizoid and cultural and social influence". Would you be able to guide me to some peer reviewed journals?
I sometimes have the thought when thinking about mental health that I wish I had this personality disorder instead of borderline personality disorder which I do.
Do you think this can happen to someone in their mid 30s if they have other personality disorders or are retraumatized by a therapist? I have had no connection to my feelings for 5 or 6 years now after seeing someone who was triggering a lot of stuff. I was already struggling with a lot of disorders back then (OCD, major depression, avpd and bpd). But I turned off in one day, literally going from feeling things at 100 to feeling things at 0, after waking up one day. Interacting feels awful too because it feels so empty and I know it shouldn't feel that way, so I am pretty much a hermit now when I wasn't really AS much before.
I'm really sorry for you! Retraumatization by a therapist is part of "betrayal trauma". It shouldn't have happened. Patients can shutdown in such circumstances. Lack of trust is the core of the schizoid behaviour, if it's not too much for you, maybe you can try to tell him how much you feel upset, hurt and misunderstood while you were opening your story to him? Some shrinks can apologize. Mine did and took my remarks into account after my big shutdown (I might be autist) which left me mentally paralized and unable to work during a whole week after one of his wrong interpretations.
You've earned a subscriber. But I have a question: To your knowledge, have there been any surveys or studies of married schizoids? How do they end up married if they spend so much time being asocial? What are their spouses like? Do the spouses of schizoids share any similarities, in terms of personality, with one another? Seems like an interesting subtopic to explore. Regardless, I greatly enjoyed this video and look forward to more of your contributions.
I'm SPD and I've been married 2x, and have 2 kids. Some do get married. However, we are usually dismissed as not being SPD by therapists and other schizoids who haven't recognized they do or did desire a relationship at some point in their life. I was 7 when I DECIDED to shut off my feelings, emotions and needs and retreat to my inner world. Idk what my first husband is; neurotypical or another PD. But my NPD mother split us up. My 2nd husband was what I would classify as passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) no longer in the DSM. And I just started dated a diagnosed BPD.
Those with SPD match pretty well with people in the Cluster B of personality disorders like BPD and NPD, because they are attracted to emotionally unavailable people, including themselves. Especially with those with BPD, because they have a strong fear of abandonment which leads to panic as soon as their loved one is no longer in their proximity, and someone with SPD can stay near them pretty much all the time, as long as they have their own space in the house/apartment. The fear of engulfment is also never triggered for the BPD when they are with someone with SPD.
my doctor mentioned schizoid and asked that i look into it. now after watching this i have so many questions because i check many boxes. one i dont check is the desire for relationships. i want them but when put to the challenge i fail. i mean just so many questions.
I always remember my 3rd serious girlfriend, and I started crying one time. She asked why I was crying, and I said because I was falling in love. She said that was nothing to cry about. Umm, yes it is. I cried even more when she did me wrong, too! I don't know why I never really made the connection (except that I actually forgot about that I was schizoid. I mean I was never diagnosed, but many years ago I came upon the term and realized it described me, and then I forgot about it for almost 2 decades.) The connection between schizoid and autogynephilia. I often said AGP is like a narcissism, where you love yourself. But basically since you don't have a woman, and really don't want a woman, you create your own woman in your mind, etc. Hmm, what was my third point?... Oh, so it seems i'm sorta demisexual? (Only have sex with people i'm very close to) and schizoid (don't want to get close to anyone) I'm never gonna get laid... (again) I actually lost lots of weight. Like maybe 70 pounds of fat. I have been exercising/lifting weights for over a year and lots of girls/women are giving me attention and lots of them want me - have said so and comment on my features etc., co-workers and customers at work, but i've been alone for so long, I cannot cross that barrier. I'm actually pretty extroverted at work too, so no one really knows. But when I go home I don't really talk to anyone. A while back I invited a friend over, the first time I ever had anyone over in like 2 decades. After a bit he was like, "Alright, i'm gonna head out." Then he said, "What are you doing tomorrow?" And I swear I entered an existential crisis. I started imagining that this was the end of my privacy and alone-ness that now people would always be coming over to my house and invading my alone time, etc. Was crazy. That never happened of course, but, just saying. I joked that I invited this guy over to chill for a bit and he's like, "What are you doing tomorrow?" And i'm thinking damn, we're not married! Chill out! lol
Ha, I also, in my last relationship, which was 22 years ago... My girlfriend lived with me. We slept together. We had sex. We dated for about 5 years, BUT! I didn't kiss her for the first two years! It's crazy. It's unbelievable, but it's true!
I really do appreciate this explanation. I have been diagnosed with SPD, and reading the DSM5 on it was always just kind of so vague. But the deeper explanation really helps me understand my diagnosis so well because for years I've also kind of had imposter syndrome on it.
What I would like to know is how do you heal from a relationship with a Schizoid Personality disorder? Anyone else who has had this experience I would love to connect with ?
gret video. Thanx a lot. You spent a lotta time to explain the babies perspective on "cold mums". It is in fact not true that schioids do not wants social relations. stunning how little research is done on this shy and harmless pers.disorder. What Id like to encourage is a video how to establish relations with schizoids. What are the donts and dos, strategies to deal wioth them. That were helpful. Thanx anyway
How is SPD related to schizophrenia. I read that having schizophrenic relatives can be a factor to developing this disorder? Both my mother and my brother have schizophrenia. And how are schizophrenia and schizoid disorder related?
You say they don't desire relationships or sexual activity and I saw that within the context of a marriage. Can you comment on having an alcohol problem and an affair, yet meeting all the other qualities you described?
Sam Vaknin video out today is very insightful. It is very, very interesting and insightful. Title: Parentified Child As Adult in Relationships (with Dr. Daria Zukowska). It talks about how Parentified Children as adults are vulnerable to many personality disorders. Narcissism, Borderline, Codependency, etc. And how they become people pleasers as a core identity.
@@TaryanaRocha I think it's really insightful....I self diagnose as BPD due to narc parents...he seems to click into something by saying it's self hateful, being people pleasers as a way of rationalizing your parentifying subconscious pathology. I think it is a really insightful conversation.
Hi, great video, very informative, I was diagnosted with SPD at the age of 31(I'm currently 42) I'm from Argentina and the therapists in my country have only one approuch to the problem wich is forcing you to socialize, It hasn't work out for me, it made things worse, do you have any advise? I'd really like to have people in my life, thank you (sorry for my bad English)
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I believe covid isolation has made my inner world richer and my undiagnosed schzioid disorder worse. I went from a loner who could at least work to a semi hermit.
Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Hope you're okay
Yeah, once you're alone, you don't ever want to be around people.
This is my experience too
Covid times were amazing and peacefull
It's great that in the last year videos about Schizoids have emerged. It was largely unknown for such long time.
Because as a kid I was alone, in pain, and didn't know why. Then life got better as a teenager when I had stopped caring about others, but when I hit 18 and the main symptoms appeared, all beauty disappeared from the world, emotions started just disappearing one by one starting from the positive ones, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't explain it, others couldn't explain it, internet couldn't explain it, so it was like "oh great we are doing this again. I'm alone, in pain and don't know why".
More-so the fact that I couldn't find any information about what was happening to me just reconfirmed the strong belief I formed as a child, that I am not human, my pain is mine and mine only and I will always be alone.
Despite these traits and symptoms schizoids can still lead productive and satisfying lives, as they are able to work alone and do things that 'relationship-dependent' people might find intolerable, such as night watchman, librarian, research scientist, and computer programmer.
I myself am a fantasy author and artist that can express myself through my creativity, and the relationships I form are solely intellectual and professional. I don't shun these relationships at all, it's just the personal/social that I avoid.
Schizoids are often creatives who require solitude to produce, and it can make perfect existential sense.💓
Isaac Newton was a profound loner who never married. It left him lots f time for genius work.
Almost everything you said in this video describes me perfectly (apart from taking drugs). People close to me started noticing simptoms when I was about 15-16yo, but I was only recently officialy diagnosed (I'm 22 rn). I knew my thoughts and behavior are consider odd, but I never thought I had a disorder. There's a serious lack of information about SPD. There should be a lot more videos like this one!
I'm not diagnosed but I have schizoid traits. I've never had any friends in my life but I also feel like I don't need friends.
I’m a schizoid and you are spot on about everything, especially the imaginary friends inside your head. I’m constantly having conversations with myself and my monologue never shuts up.
You are getting it wrong. We have no desire to control the outside world. The problem is that we don't want the outside world to control us. We have our own desires and interests. The outside world is constantly trying to change us to be "normal."
For example, my cousin's and brother liked rap music. I listened to Tina Turner. I was considered weird. They all liked football but I hated it. It was easier to stick to myself than to be pressured into doing things that I didn't enjoy. I prefer to go to the movies alone rather than negotiate with someone about the time and location.
Furthermore, I grew up in a homophobic household as a gay person. When was I supposed to open up? My dad literally told me that he would disown me if became gay.
Lastly, I understand other people's needs. However, they rarely understand mine. I have no interest in relationships because they are always one-sided.
Well that’s been my experience WITH a schizoid person - was a as all one sided HIS - I was left yearning so I’ve left
But guess what he still sends me messages / he has to be in touch - this is not acceptable
@@christinaashcroft8716 It's good that you left. If he really is schizoid, he probably wanted to be alone.
Hyper abstraction is a good explanation of schizoid withdrawal. Why do we take it for granted that the response to neglect would be self isolation? Couldn't it just as easily create a person in a state of histrionic attention seeking? A person who learned that they must do extra in order to receive any form of external validation. What decides whether a person withdraws or becomes histrionic in response to neglect?
When you have the capacity to think across domains outside the box of your direct situation, when you can reassemble the pieces of your experience into new categories that only exists in your head, then you can compare your sub-optimal environment to something beautiful and fulfilling in comparison. When faced with the contrast between the ideal and the real, schizoids choose the ideal, because they possess a capacity to create internal ideals which normative individuals do not.
Some of the focus needs to be taken away from childhood experiences, to be placed instead on the neurodiversity which dictates which adaptation the individual inhabits. If you do not understand the underlying neurodiversity, any attempt at reintegration will fail catastrophically, when the schizoid comes out of their isolation to be immediately misunderstood/rejected by a society which doesn't tolerate extreme openness. Schizoid therapy requires socialization with people in the same cluster, and until we realize that the outcomes will continue to be disappointing.
That sounds very lucid!
Hiya! Very interesting video - thank you! I was diagnosed as a schizoid at the age of 36. I thought I had Asperger's at first because I felt like I was masking my true self at work all the time. It led to anxiety that made my stomach physically tense up, I had PTSD that had started at the age of 20 on one of my first work places, I desired no relationships, lived pretty much as a hermit with only a handful of friends i saw a few times a year, there was a lot going on and I felt like something was wrong but I had no idea what it was. I recognized myself a lot in the stories of women with Asperger's. But I never really had trouble understanding social situations and I also don't have autistic thinking, so that's probably what led to the schizoid diagnosis instead.
Topics I would love to hear more about:
- masking in covert schizoids
- schizoid vs high functioning autism - differences/distinctions/overlap?
- and a bit random: I do a lot of gaming outside of work, but have no addictions (no drugs, no cigarettes), but obviously gaming can be an addiction - is that something that's frowned upon or is that something that is encouraged by therapists as a means to connect with other people (I have a lot of gaming friends that I play group games with) or sooner discouraged (for still being an addiction of a sort perhaps?) (Though I will deny for myself that it's an addiction, it still might be in the eyes of a therapist ;-))
I'm not diagnosed but I developed certain schizoid traits after 24. When I feel overwhelmed, I must self-isolate. Before this, I had a lot of energy. Don't know what happened.
I've always had it but it's gotten worse lately. In my early 20s I had the confidence to form more social connections but at this point it's all too much for me. I'm becoming a recluse which bothers me
It's a personality disorder... I did that to my ex then nobody likes them anymore. It's a process with people you may have idealized and socialized with that end up alone, or isolated, not because you would rather be alone by choice, since you realize socializing isn't that great.
My half brother has undiagnosed SPD and I appreciate your description of how this trait may develop. Our mother had her own issues being domineering, emotionally unavailable or abusive and occasionally physically violent. Perhaps this has something to do with his behaviour. I know that I've had problems trusting people most of my life. My brother isn't suffering, but it creates a problem for his family. His apathy, lack of motivation, disinterest in his family and propensity to lie is so frustrating. And yes, he has a very rich fantasy life. We often overhear him carrying on animated conversations with an imaginary friend. Thank you for the presentation.
Books mentioned in this video.
The Empty Core: An Object Relations Approach to Psychotherapy of the Schizoid Personality (Book by Jeffrey Seinfeld)
Schizoid phenomena, object-relations, and the self (Book by Harry Guntrip)
I spent the later part of the video laughing with tears in my eyes because it described me so well, I'm autistic and have a lot of schizoid traits, I'm an artist who has a very rich fantasy world in his head, most of my free time is spent in fantasy, etc. I also had a narcissistic parent, so one more point to you Rocha.
Yup same here
Opening sentence took the words from my mouth. Also lol at the upbringing examples, my dads narcissistic and my mom was depressed / going through a lot when I was younger. They tried their best and did a pretty good job considering the hand they were dealt but the end result is the same.
I remember sometime around high school I realized I was different from others and that it would be easier to just shut myself off and become highly independent. Was extremely liberating and felt completely normal for me at the time but I'm starting to realize now that it was indicative of greater issues
This is very helpful in understanding my Schizoid husband. For the schizoids out there I'd like to add that this is not a disorder but a personality adaptation due to and early childhood attachment wound. You had to adapt these traits in order to survive. Be kind to yourselves.
I believe I adapted into a schizoid personality during early adolescence after a family trauma/move + 5 months alone (homeschooled without the school) in an isolated rural neighborhood. I remember being very social before then and then after (until now) my mind split into internal relationship/maladaptive daydreaming. I can pretend to connect to survive + I have a lot of empathy but I keep things light and never bond or seek relationships for intimacy. I don't let people in.
I'm now realizing I may need to seek help. Thank you for your video.
this is such an insightful, emphatic and helpful explanation. I can't really express how thankful I am.
I just can't watch this in one setting. You are explaining this so very well. Deep inside I feel lonely to the bone. But I don't want to end up getting hurt by someone who cannot reciprocate anything I'm ready for. I'm at the end of letting others hurt me - like digging a hole I can't come out of. I'm not comfortable showing any negative emotion out of me, so now I'm staring to feel uncomfortable being around even the closest relatives.
Nice video, you've nailed the basics at least, which is a lot more than can be said for most of the TH-cam videos on the topic. However I'd insist that what Guntrip and Seinfeld both have left out of their discussions of schizoid phenomena is the aggression turned inward and buried that leads to the feeling of emptiness so characteristic of how it feels to be schizoid (if one even has the language for this, which I did not until I started reading about it). Don Carveth's (training and supervising analyst at the Toronto Psychoanalytic, he has his own channel on TH-cam) videos helped me to understand this and it jibes with my experience of being schizoid and having done a lot of work (some psychotherapy and some self-reflection) to uncover and try to integrate those aspects of myself that I didn't want to feel or think about because I equated any experience or feeling of anger with being a scary, traumatic abuser like my dad. And the self-sabotage that caused me to repeatedly give up on myself and decide my efforts to really express myself were bad and stupid - aggression turned inward leads to emptiness.
So it is not, I don't think, just a lack of primary love (Balint's term as used by Seinfeld), a lack of there being enough good stuff poured into the baby/child that leaves them empty, it's rather conflict that leads to emptiness.
It doesn't feel good to be neglected, to be made to feel worthless, it makes one angry to be treated this way - but expressing that toward one's parent is too scary, and seeing the parent as an all-bad persecutor is also too scary - as Ronald Fairbairn once wrote, "it is better to be a sinner in a world ruled by God than to live in a world ruled by the Devil” (Fairbairn, 1952, pp. 66-67). So the child sees themselves as bad, worthless, idealizes the parent and self-sabotages, leading to a lack of assertion of and lack of creation of the child's real or true self.
LOVELY comment! Thank you so much for the references and explanation, I'll be looking into it! 💓🌹🔥
I totally seen the parent as an all-bad persecutor, i did think i'm a bad person on some level but i knew even back then how what the parent is doing is fucked up. It just took me a while to really get rid of any doubts of my evaluation, like until you are adult and have a "fully worthy" adult perspective you have doubts about your perception. But yeah the fact is my upbringing was fucked up and totally abusive. I wish i had a way to know for sure back then, it would save me a lot of misery.
Insightful description, and one that gave hope. I fell in love with someone who fits this description. I couldn’t understand many of his fantasies or imaginary friends, his awkward social skills, and passion for being alone. He often said I was suffocating him (with “typical” social time together). He wore eccentric clothes and walked around with a large stick. We are sort of friends, when he wants to catch up 2x a year.
There are lots of descriptions on youtube of this disorder. None describing “how to relate to”
Would be good to hear more, as i am not a therapist, and do care about my friend.
I’ve just put a comment on this feed regarding the fact I’ve just come out of a relationship with a schizoid. He told me he had this disorder. I tried desperately to understand him and his traits - in some ways I think I have - but it’s left me feeling completely drained and exhausted.
I felt the relationship ( in his eyes was not a relationship) was all one sided - he was calling all the shots - I had to confirm if I was to stay in the relationship- he used to visit his women friends and stay over - expecting me to understand there was no relationship there - he did this recently when I was away - visited his friend for 4 days and expected me to understand that was okay !!! Sorry I don’t think so
He does not want a relationship - but keeps sending me messages- I’ve blocked him but they keep coming -
And the last time this happened guess what I have given in and the sequence started all over again - I can’t live his life in this way -
As I’m putting mine on hold and he had his needs met - but mine were not - and he didn’t want to get any help either😢
I have been having this ever since I was young due to trauma. Also, you are definitely correct about the maladaptive daydreaming.
Hey
Do you have like revenge fantasies?
All the time?
@@VivekSingh-dx5mf Some might, I certainly don't. If somebody does me wrong, or insults me, I'm just glad to finally get rid of them. Revenge would mean meeting or engaging with them again, which is the last thing a Schizoid would want.
I was addicted to food, and I just couldn't figure it out. That's crazy, isn't it?
But now I know the reason for it, and I will never stop to thank you for what you do.
Now my life is going to improve.
God bless you 🙏
This was by far the best and most detailed conceptualization I've heard on Schizoid PD, and I've heard many, including Otto Kernberg's talks. For anyone who's read article after article, seen video after video, interview after interview, and are still wondering "Is this me? Idk, it seems oddly described sometimes" - This video is what you should watch.
This cut through the bullshit and identified, in official terminology (And in a way that was easy to understand what the Terminology meant), the key components of childhood experience that lead to the Schizoid adaptations and related withdrawal.
Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you so so so much! I can not express just by words on how grateful I am and how I truly appreciate the time and effort you have taken to create and share this video! You have been the first to actually give a real meaningful insight into understanding something so serious.
I have never been diagnosed with anything but I know I have something that isn’t the same as what is accepted as ‘normal’ for as long as I can remember.
I don’t know how many types of abuse is deemed to be unlawful in our current legislation but as a kid, neglect, physical, mental and sexual abuse are written on the pages of my life.
Overall, as an adult, mentally, I believe I have triumph in a lot of ways that I probably shouldn’t have. But I know in many more ways, I’ve lost the race before I even began, which lately has been obsessively possessing each and every day. That’s sort of besides the point.
Being alone and self isolation is an understatement when I think of myself.
…
(Honestly) in thought, I really wanted to just dive deep into my whole life story because of the excitement of finding someone who talks about the realness of spd, but felt like it would be annoying or ‘TOO’ much.
I’m definitely no expert at all but just by reading the criteria of other personality disorders, I feel I may have a possibility of two others along with spd, and other stuff as well but the main purpose was to just thank you so much for posting this wonderful video.
So thank you so very much!
I am going to share this with my husband so he can hoping get a clearer understanding.
There are only two people that I openly talk to, .. My husband and my son. Other than that I trust no one to share who I am, but I’m trying because, it’s healthy for all parties.
I do it strictly for them because I know that’s what they need and what other healthy relationships have but I’m still at a point where I truly don’t care to be open if it were by choice. I’ve told them and they’re understanding but with the beginning of how a baby develops is the best ever because you talk about it from the very start of life!
I strive to be honest with myself and with others when I feel I am comfortable enough to do so and I want to say a lot more but i won’t allow myself to break that force field.
But thank you so much for this great detailed video.
This is by far the best explanation of this I've seen.
I was diagnosed with SPD about 2 years ago, but I reckon I've had signs of it since childhood, but they were masked/mistaken for anxiety and depression as they have also been prevalent since childhood. My early development didn't go well or as planned; when I was still breastfeeding, the brother above me got diagnosed with leukemia, so he took up a lot of my parent's time, I was passed on to my aunts to raise me, and bottle feed me for most of my infant months. Even when I was older and got to live with my parents, they were very detached and uncaring toward me and were emotionally abusive and neglectful. In contrast, my older siblings were physically abusive toward me.
I understand there are things about me that I was just made in this way, by nature, such as with my Schizoid Personality Disorder, and there are other things that were caused by ''nurture'' and sadly, both things have made life difficult for me, but I do my best to overcome them in a sense; I'm able to make strong friendship bonds online and have the desire to be with people in real life at times. I've tried, but I can't work, and I still struggle to socialize IRL; at parties and family gatherings, I tend to disassociate after about an hour of being around too many people, loud music and being pressured with social expectations. Romantic relationships have also been few and far between for me, and I'm always the one to end things. They always want to talk and connect too frequently, plan a future with me, and try to break down my barriers because I'm distant.
I know this vid is a bit old, but I just found it and found it helpful/insightful, so I thought I'd share my experiences revolving around SPD in case anyone else is new to the vid. And I'd like to add that although I've had all this trouble and continue to struggle in some areas, I think it's a matter of finding a comfort zone; a place you're comfortable living, people you're comfortable being around/spending time with in some capacity, a comfortable routine, and I believe that for now, I've found that.
Reading this, I don’t think I have the PD, but I sure do understand it. On the whole, the people in my life are an enormous disappointment. About a decade ago, around the age of 30, I just got sick of trying and isolated. That was 15 years ago, and it’s been a really peaceful, even blissful time.
Once you cut everyone off, the only time someone shows up is because they want something. And there’s no way for them to frame it in any other way. You’re standing in front of me because you need something. It’s not me. So what is it?
I suppose I’m an insufferable human being, but I just can’t play the games people play. It’s fake and exhausting.
This PD has got to be caused by total and profound abuse.
I've never had someone describe me so perfectly. Thank you for making this video
I'm currently in the process of diagnosing whether or not I've got ASD with a psychologist. After I mentioned being asexual as well as some other traits, she brought up Schizoid. Now I'd read about Schizoid and identified myself as one for about a year or two back in my mid teens, but then drifted towards considering myself ASD as I've also got several traits that fit with that.
I've been thinking that I haven't got any trauma, having had a good life with caring parents and all that, but I do suppose I moved around a lot. I can remember one night lying under my blanket missing my friends after having just moved, then suddenly I thought "Ah well, guess that's just how it is" and never being bothered by it again, despite moving several more times and losing more friends. Now I haven't had a single friend that I spend time with physically besides my brother on rare occasions closing in on 15 years now. Several friends online whom I enjoy talking to and care for, but I would also be completely content without any.
I do fit into 4 of the 7 criteria perfectly, and the other 3 sooomewhat. I do have a fair amount of empathy, but I suppose it's also more clinical than emotional, like "I understand what this emotion is supposed to be and what it is like" and "these sorts of feelings are optimal / most sensible in these situations".
Then again, I also have several ASD traits, like hypersensitivity of pretty much every sense (textures and temperature particularly), as well as trouble vocalizing and expressing myself verbally, but yeah... While I typically know what I'm feeling, I can never manage to verbally communicate those feelings. An example is after having watched a movie I'm never able to tell anyone what I liked or disliked about it.
I do apologize for the rambling, trying to figure out which fits me most, be it ASD or SPD. Heck, I suppose it could be both, but in the end that'll be for the psychologist to decide. Sometime next month she'll be having a conversation with my parents, so perhaps she'll end up with some insight through that.
I wish I had your psychologist. The sessions with mine always ended in an argument, they insisted I have ASD every time I mentioned not being able to relate to ASD issues. I realized I am schizoid after just a few sessions with an online psychologist, they're amazing and helped me to heal after years of depression, too bad they can't do anything about my incorrect diagnosis... I'll have to contact my local psychiatric department and demand a meeting with a different psychologist.
@@who2449 Just as in any relationship, it's important to find the right person for you. Doctors, therapists and psychologists are all still just people, fallible and imperfect. Not everyone will be a fit for one another, so if you feel their diagnosis is incorrect, keep at it to get that second and third opinion if necessary.
I ended up with the ASD diagnosis, which I am content with. I hope you find the one that is right for you as well, mate.
@@SouthHill_ thanks, happy for you getting the diagnosis you're comfortable with!
Absolutely love the way you describe the formation of SPD! Question. It is said that the schizoid personality does not experience social anxiety and that they can manage to keep a job if they work alone. My question is this: "When the schizoid personality is working with others, what do they experience? Aren't they experiencing anxiety and discomfort at that point which is why they do best alone? In other words, what happens to a schizoid personality when working with others; how do they feel in those situations, if not anxiety?"
I guess it's the desire for that to just end so they can go home and play some game or whatever.
This video an explanation is simply amazing, thank you. My heart aches because I was so in love with someone who had this disorder and he just...left and had all these sypthoms. Now I'm able to understand ... I kept blaming myself for him being so cold and distant
Hi, first of all thanks for the video, it's very interesting. I consider myself to have characteristics typical of the schizoid person, even if I don't have an official diagnosis, but I have never looked for one. I noticed that as far as I'm concerned, one way to try to get in touch with people without risking getting them too close is to create a real relationship, doing a job/activity that involves contact with other people, but which in any case the two people have different roles, and so there's some sort of implicit barrier that they both acknowledge. For example, I am studying to be a nurse. I like helping people, being with people, feeling close to them and making them feel good, but I only do this in certain contexts (while I work) and it is practically certain that in these contexts a real relationship is never established as between two friends, for instance. I also know that those people (the patients) are only in that place, and at those times. When I finish work I can be alone as long as I like. So, with this trick, I can express my emotions and satisfy my need for human contact, without going too far and feeling overwhelmed by the presence of others. I've read several times that schizoids usually have solitary jobs, such as librarians or work with computer . I think it's a stereotype, or at least it doesn't take into account the fact that any schizoid needs to "feel" others. There are those who deny this need, and it's not a good thing, those who create imaginary people and situations (I do it too sometimes) and those who perhaps form real bonds but who in any case have a barrier between them, in my case the fact that in any case the patient-nurse relationship can never go beyond a certain threshold. What do you think? Thank you again and sorry if the translation is not perfect
You describe it very well. I think you're spot on about the process of developing the condition.
One of the best videos I have seen on this topic
"Children . . . develop an internalized image of a tantalizing but rejecting parent . . . to which they are inexplicably attached. As children, they are unable to support themselves yet, and need to rely on that parent for support. These parents are often incapable of loving, or are too preoccupied with their own needs. The child is rewarded when not demanding care and support from the parent, and is devalued or ridiculed as “needy” for expressing normal childhood requirements. Thus, the child’s picture of what constitutes “good” behavior is distorted. The child learns never to ask or even yearn for love, because it makes the parent more distant and censorious. The child then adapts its behavior to avoid the resulting loneliness, emptiness, and sense of ineptness, with a fantasy of independent self-sufficiency, by learning to be as independent as possible, to the point of being unable to ask for any needs to be met from any source outside themselves. Fairbairn argued that the tragedy of schizoid children is that . . .their life has taught them that it is love, rather than hatred, that is the punishing, destructive force within. Love consumes. Longing for love is the source of their pain. The schizoid child’s chief mental operation is to subconsciously, gradually, repress the normal child's wish to be loved. These children had no choice. It was the only way they could survive in their home situation without experiencing severe mental trauma. The central dilemma of such a child, is that the schizoid child has to depend on their parent for survival, but trying to extract a normal level of care from such a dismissive, unreliable parent, so undermines the child’s sense of internal value, that it's less damaging to accept the parent’s dismissive behavior towards him as a normal progression to independence, than to keep seeking love and do more damage to themselves.” This internal conflict, elaborated in countless ways, is the heart of the psychoanalytic understanding of schizoid personality structure."
Excellent insights and well explained. I really appreciate your completeness, nuance and calling out differentiated diagnosis to qualify etc. Seems a subjective misdiagnosis of self on only partial symptoms without a full picture can be a real risk
If ever you are looking for a subject to do a video on, I'd be interested to hear more of your understanding of the schizoid type, and perhaps an outline of the key ideas in the books you referenced. I will see if I can get myself some copies.
the fact it hit me so much and make mr crying . my intension is study for my exam but suddenly is about myself
I didn't notice I had this until I was diagnosed with it. Thinking about it. Now, it makes sense about my childhood. I was always in my room and never bothered to meet my family. I've been forced by my parents multiple times to go out. Over years, my emotional expressions have reduced significantly.
I have been diagnosed with it at a low level: describes my childhood very well.
I wonder if anyone else had my experience of being "held back" in Kindergarten for not having any friends.
@@ghenuloI wasn't held back anywhere.
Someone can be diagnosed at a low level? I will look into this. I didn't know. Bc there are so aspects of this like the no affect part that are not me, I am thought it was either a yes or no thing. Thank you
Good info. Fairly certain I have this condition but, live a fairly normal life largely feeling disinterested in the lives of my wife, kids, family, friends, colleagues and everyone.
I can't watch any more right now. This may be me and it is frightening! Thank you, though.
Wow! Triggers? 🌹😱❤️
@@TaryanaRocha Yes, dearheart! 🤓 🦋
I've never felt so understood.
Sorry to blow up your comment section with multiple posts, Dr. Rocha, but in light of the highly informative insight into SPD that you've provided with this video, I would love to hear your thoughts on any aspect of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a feeling you would shed some interesting light on the topic. Best wishes!
Thank you very much for this video! I'm diagnosed with SPD, and I feel like you have good insight into this condition. I'm sure I'll watch through this again after I think about it for a bit.
Thank you. This was very insightful and gave me a lot to think about in my effort to understand.
I feel like this explains why Ive always hated my childhood and saw it as something devoid of freedom. I realize from watching this video that Lacking independence/freedom was not the issue, it was that I was failed while in an already very dependent, vulnerable state. Being dependent and vulnerable was not the issue, it was the people around me harming me while I was already in that state if that makes sense
I feel I relate to a lot of this as someone with BPD. And I tend to prefer to isolate after a few failed relationships that tend to exist within a period of years, and eventually I almost accidentally, in a sense, or believing I’ve become healthy and have some control over myself, start to be more socially active and always live to regret it when I am reminded of how unhealthy I am when it comes to close relationships. I think my highly impulsive, chaotic nature and intense intolerance for boredom and the emptiness I feel make it hard for me to get back to avoidance or isolation, whenever I divert from it, but I always find my way there for years at a time. It’s lonely but it’s also peaceful. Pretty sure I married someone schizoid, but I didn’t know it then, and I didn’t know what I had was BPD. No wonder he and I liked each other so much. We are separated and co-parent well.
He told me when he was young and in the Air Force, he was asked what his dream was, in life, and he said something about being married and having kids but living separately. He only recently told me this, which was one huge clue into his personality that I never knew before, but I do recall before we got separated he said he would enjoy life better if we sold our house and lived in separate apartments. I was beside myself, especially being borderline, however, I also knew he had a purity about him and didn’t intend to hurt me and was no threat to me at all. So, more than anything, it made me want to understand him better. He has also said before that he always felt like an alien, and he never has reactions, certainly not positive ones unless something is funny, especially in a very dark way or silly way. He’s actually extremely funny.
Appreciate you mentioning drug addiction as a behavior associated with this disorder.
I can't imagine going out seeking drugs. Talking to a drug dealer? No thanks!
Currently being assessed by a psychologist. I think i have this disorder. My father was a narcissist, I believe, and when I was very young, my mother was depressed.
Same here. Narcissistic father and a depressed, deeply unhappy mother. I was invisible to them in my entire life and it hurts so bad.
Thank you so so much for explaining what I felt since my teenager years. I was unable to figure out what was wrong with me. I went through so much pain and hurt that the only way was to shutdown in order to protect myself. I mean I'm so worn right now that I just can't take the risk to be hurt again. I think I'm scared to not being able to overcome all this stuff. I'm not diagnosed but I'm going to have a talk with my therapist about it.
Here's my story: my parents couldn't stay afloat until I was of age. I never had close friends, there were attempts at companionship and far in the past I had buddies with other kids, but something went wrong. Since then there has been an emptiness in my soul, only two years ago I got inside and completely lost the meaning of my life. I didn't have that meaning, everything beyond that is total emptiness.
Been there. Had my worst breakdown. Just coming out of it. The emptiness and depersonalisation was almost unbearable. But it might have been necessary
thanks a lot for this video, i'am diagnosed with mixed personality disorder but i was always pretty sure i fited more to the description of sckizoid disorder. it's hard to find info on that topic exept for the dsm5 description. what you said is very true and it will help me make others understand why i behave like this. i often talk about lack of interest or lack of will to my therapist and i am currently trying to connect more. i've been isolated for 6 years in a row now to the point where i had those psychotic episodes. i'd add that being in a constant inner monologue or having imaginary conversations is really tiring . i guess i have an important question right now, i personally feel that i "exchanged" my interest and emotions against interest in knowledge (scientific matters) to keep track with reality, and now it's even harder to connect with people because i lose interest when they make mistakes. Do you know if this behavior is related to sckizoid disorder or if you have exemples of people that have this strategy or any other strategy ?
Very interesting video. Particularly the parts about only feeling needs can be met through oppressive or invasive means by a third party.
Como é bom assistir vídeos de brasileiros que falam inglês! Eu entendi tudo ouvindo e vendo a legenda. Também tenho esse transtorno.
I'm diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder and schizoaffective disorder , with time , after many years, the schizoaffective seams getting "mellow" and the schizotypal emerging more dominant.
I’m pretty sure I’ve adopted the schizoid personality In order to get my mathematics degree and become a software engineer overall it’s kind of been a blessing and I would not call it a disorder like many people do
you don't adopt mental illnesses, they happen to you and you have 0 control, stop daydreaming
my father and brother are more or less narcissistic ... many of my other relatives too ... so It could be a reason.
Excellent description of how this forms. Bravo!
I can identify with this but not the no affect part. This aspect of terminology is part of what leads me to believe I have AVPD. When I reflect I can understand and identify my responses and fears. It's just that I don't trust other people with them to be able to provide me true assistance I would need, likely at least partially due to my ontological insecurity & epistemic distrust, and I don't trust connection - like connecting to be lead to anything. Like people who enjoy connection receive enjoyment from connection and generally have an ability to be at ease / have some emotional regulation internally when in connection. For me, I experience connection as dysregulating bc connection either resulted in a) doing something an outside person was wanting demanding or expecting or b) me being kind helpful and or supportive yet I lack self agency/ agency efficacy in my own life to engage in goals so i dont develop. Over time, this makes connection hard bc a number of people are engaging in things and growing thru the year, where as my level of personal regulation and mentalization leads me only to food clothing shelter and solo activities like reading even though I can do things to be amongst people as well. So anyway, bc I lack self agency it is also easier to keep people away bc if they got a look closer they would see I have no decision making and conscious connection to skills to engage and grow in my life for myself. And I guess I always imagined if someone realized this, they would just pity me, and any few words of advice they mite give would not likely be of help to me. And finally admitting that I do not have much internal agency and locus of control beyond food clothing shelter and keep to self is basically like admitting I am stupid or deficit, especially in the context that a number of people/ most people generally have some things they engage in and/ or goals thru out the year, when I, in contrast dont. Like the schizoid description above, I believe I retreated to food clothing shelter and keeping to self to stay safe bc that is mostly what I have known incl from inner safety. I have had other experiences but I am not connecting them with something some type of underlying set of goals or values or understandings, to then create self agency. Day to day year to year, I just think food cloth shelter is enough. There is no add on goals for me, i don't know how to engage in them, what to engage in them for, with what, for what? I guess part of this issue could involve poor and or 'primitive object relations' and lack of or deficient/ undeveloped mentalization skills. At the seat of this, from my childhood experience, I did not expect much connection, incl or esp connection as an actual experience and journey going somewhere. The home experience was mostly war cloth shelter and keep to self, which I see, I am now subconsciously reinforcing in my own life.
I think in America anyway there is risk to being authentic with others, and therefore relationships are not rewarding. If you have had trauma, you have evolved, you have existential questions, you have experienced the impact of loss, especially death-you have seen the thestrals so to speak (Harry Potter reference), and the schizoid just says, "unless YOU have seen the thestrals and want to talk about that, I really don't have the time for the superficiality." For a bunch of supposedly apathetic folk, they sure do have time to comment in posts about Schizoid Personality Disorder. They are looking for their tribe and many fail to enter relationships because they ARE risky. Hello, marrying ther wrong person can destroy any stability you have worked for. We should not discount we are an individualistic society so our therapies look first to fix the individual but not society, though this video is really informative with regard to life-stage trauma resulting from caretakers failing to meet human needs of children.
This is not a 'disorder'. These are our personality traits and this is perfectly normal for us. 💐😊🙏🏻
13:07 i may or may not have teared up after that sentence. im a (6)teen and i have done research about SPD and i do have all of schizoid traits. i dont have trouble interacting with people, like if u asked me to ask somebody that u know for something i would do it but if u left it to me to choose i wouldnt do it and i wouldnt care about not doing it, idk where im going with this.
thank u for the video, it was nice :)
Searching for what I may be. I’ve never stuck with long term counseling so I don’t know. One psychiatrist after months of trying different meds for depression and anxiety made the observation that I have Cluster C personality traits. That’s as close as I have come to a personality disorder diagnosis. All I know is I have never had meaningful close relationships or romantic relationships. I feel disconnected from the world. I pull back when getting close to someone. I seem to be content alone, but am also sad because I want a close relationship. I feel uncomfortable in close relationships. My affect is flat I believe. My emotional expression seems to be limited. I’m in my mid 50s so I feel this has gone on too long to change. I had loving parents but I know my mom suffered with anxiety and depression early in her marriage. Dad was emotional disconnected and had his issues. Back then men didn’t get help for such things. I’m being treated for treatment resistant depression but I feel my problems are more deep seated like in my personality. I wish I could find a good therapist.
You mention you had loving parents and also described their depression and or emotional disconnection. I don't recall cluster C but it may be helpful to find a PhD or someone with many years experience with your suspected condition, ie using key words. It also helps to have an initial convo and realize that even the first set of therapy sessions if it's 3-4 or more, to see if there is some mutual understanding and trust, or something clicking from the therapeutic relationship. Don't loose hope, outline or bullet point a few of your issues and even background as you discussed. I hope your find assistance and or resources. These videos have been helpful, even reddit and Quora threads about the particular 'issue' from others with the issue may help. All the best to you, you are 50 years young! God willing you have more mileage to go!
At 15.00 Taryana is talking about a sensory deprivation tank
I don't think I got dehumanized as a baby, but as a child I definitely was.
I'm not diagnosed but I think there is probably a schizoid personality and I probably have one. I am not afraid of people, I just find the vast majority, stunningly, numbingly, disturbingly, *boring*, with empty, shallow lives. Yes, I'm misanthropic, but I'm not mean about it. The problem with psychoanalysis, clinical psychology, psychiatry....whatever the hell...is that they're very closed ways of thinking and feeling. However "scientific" and "educated" they are, they're very presumptuous. I don't even like the word "schizoid". It's a slur. My path, my way of being, has rich potential. I'd never give up a bit of it to be more like a normie. There'd be no point in it. th-cam.com/video/eR7-AUmiNcA/w-d-xo.html
What are the personality types that’s got Schizoid cores?
Cheer~~~denoting or having a personality type characterized by emotional aloofness and solitary habits.😊
Very interesting and well explained, thanks a lot !
I recently got a possible schizoid diagnosis. My therapist disagrees with the test and thinks I'm just overwhelmed with negative thoughts. Not sure what to do about that.
Hey thank you for sharing.
I wanted to ask you, how important/useful do you think it was to intellectually understand the schizoid condition in your own transformation? For example, the two reference books you mentioned near the beginning of your video. I wonder if I should read them or whether I might just use them as a means of fuel for my introversion.
I'm surprised to see how far you must've developed yourself from the way you described you once were. I realised a couple of years ago at the age of about 38 that the schizoid type describes me. I find it very difficult, and want to understand it better so I might be better able to improve my life. There's very little content online on the topic, your videos have helped me understand myself a little better. Thank you, and well done. 🙏
Why do we tend to be more creative? An adaptive trait from childhood? My mom always told me I had an extremely active imagination and my entire life I've spent creating one thing or another. I've always wondered where this comes from.
You explained it so well. My question is : Can a person with schizoid personality disorder be dangerous to others. Can that person cause harm mental or physical. Thank you in advance.
Thank you so much for shedding light on SPD. I need to do a project on "Schizoid and cultural and social influence". Would you be able to guide me to some peer reviewed journals?
I sometimes have the thought when thinking about mental health that I wish I had this personality disorder instead of borderline personality disorder which I do.
Do you think this can happen to someone in their mid 30s if they have other personality disorders or are retraumatized by a therapist? I have had no connection to my feelings for 5 or 6 years now after seeing someone who was triggering a lot of stuff. I was already struggling with a lot of disorders back then (OCD, major depression, avpd and bpd). But I turned off in one day, literally going from feeling things at 100 to feeling things at 0, after waking up one day. Interacting feels awful too because it feels so empty and I know it shouldn't feel that way, so I am pretty much a hermit now when I wasn't really AS much before.
I'm really sorry for you! Retraumatization by a therapist is part of "betrayal trauma". It shouldn't have happened. Patients can shutdown in such circumstances. Lack of trust is the core of the schizoid behaviour, if it's not too much for you, maybe you can try to tell him how much you feel upset, hurt and misunderstood while you were opening your story to him? Some shrinks can apologize. Mine did and took my remarks into account after my big shutdown (I might be autist) which left me mentally paralized and unable to work during a whole week after one of his wrong interpretations.
You've earned a subscriber. But I have a question: To your knowledge, have there been any surveys or studies of married schizoids? How do they end up married if they spend so much time being asocial? What are their spouses like? Do the spouses of schizoids share any similarities, in terms of personality, with one another? Seems like an interesting subtopic to explore. Regardless, I greatly enjoyed this video and look forward to more of your contributions.
I'm SPD and I've been married 2x, and have 2 kids. Some do get married. However, we are usually dismissed as not being SPD by therapists and other schizoids who haven't recognized they do or did desire a relationship at some point in their life. I was 7 when I DECIDED to shut off my feelings, emotions and needs and retreat to my inner world.
Idk what my first husband is; neurotypical or another PD. But my NPD mother split us up. My 2nd husband was what I would classify as passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) no longer in the DSM. And I just started dated a diagnosed BPD.
@@SwatchMeCrochet Thanks so much for your reply! It was very informative and I appreciate it.
Those with SPD match pretty well with people in the Cluster B of personality disorders like BPD and NPD, because they are attracted to emotionally unavailable people, including themselves. Especially with those with BPD, because they have a strong fear of abandonment which leads to panic as soon as their loved one is no longer in their proximity, and someone with SPD can stay near them pretty much all the time, as long as they have their own space in the house/apartment. The fear of engulfment is also never triggered for the BPD when they are with someone with SPD.
@@tranquil87 SPD have a fear of engulfment
Fantastic translation from english to english.
Would you be so kind to distinguish between a schizoid and someone on the spectrum? Thank you in advance.💛💛💛
my doctor mentioned schizoid and asked that i look into it. now after watching this i have so many questions because i check many boxes. one i dont check is the desire for relationships. i want them but when put to the challenge i fail. i mean just so many questions.
I think it’s wonderful that you want relationships. Keep trying, sooner or later you fill find your tribe.
Why is this not more well known to the mases? Like why....it took me 26 years to find out about this. Not fair...
Thank you, this was very informative and I learned a lot about my situation.
Wow, thank you very much for the video.
I always remember my 3rd serious girlfriend, and I started crying one time. She asked why I was crying, and I said because I was falling in love. She said that was nothing to cry about. Umm, yes it is. I cried even more when she did me wrong, too!
I don't know why I never really made the connection (except that I actually forgot about that I was schizoid. I mean I was never diagnosed, but many years ago I came upon the term and realized it described me, and then I forgot about it for almost 2 decades.) The connection between schizoid and autogynephilia. I often said AGP is like a narcissism, where you love yourself. But basically since you don't have a woman, and really don't want a woman, you create your own woman in your mind, etc.
Hmm, what was my third point?... Oh, so it seems i'm sorta demisexual? (Only have sex with people i'm very close to) and schizoid (don't want to get close to anyone) I'm never gonna get laid... (again)
I actually lost lots of weight. Like maybe 70 pounds of fat. I have been exercising/lifting weights for over a year and lots of girls/women are giving me attention and lots of them want me - have said so and comment on my features etc., co-workers and customers at work, but i've been alone for so long, I cannot cross that barrier.
I'm actually pretty extroverted at work too, so no one really knows. But when I go home I don't really talk to anyone.
A while back I invited a friend over, the first time I ever had anyone over in like 2 decades. After a bit he was like, "Alright, i'm gonna head out." Then he said, "What are you doing tomorrow?" And I swear I entered an existential crisis. I started imagining that this was the end of my privacy and alone-ness that now people would always be coming over to my house and invading my alone time, etc. Was crazy. That never happened of course, but, just saying. I joked that I invited this guy over to chill for a bit and he's like, "What are you doing tomorrow?" And i'm thinking damn, we're not married! Chill out! lol
My other problem is overthinking everything. lol
Ha, I also, in my last relationship, which was 22 years ago... My girlfriend lived with me. We slept together. We had sex. We dated for about 5 years, BUT! I didn't kiss her for the first two years! It's crazy. It's unbelievable, but it's true!
The most relatable video I've watched in a while. But neither I or God can force people to like me against their free will so 🤷♂️
I really do appreciate this explanation. I have been diagnosed with SPD, and reading the DSM5 on it was always just kind of so vague. But the deeper explanation really helps me understand my diagnosis so well because for years I've also kind of had imposter syndrome on it.
I'm so glad the video was useful!
Can you do a video about the difference between SPD and asperger/autism?
So very true. Thank you for making this video.
Awesome! Which part stood out the most for you (if you don't mind sharing!)?
I have to take a deep deep breath
What I would like to know is how do you heal from a relationship with a Schizoid Personality disorder? Anyone else who has had this experience I would love to connect with ?
gret video. Thanx a lot. You spent a lotta time to explain the babies perspective on "cold mums". It is in fact not true that schioids do not wants social relations. stunning how little research is done on this shy and harmless pers.disorder.
What Id like to encourage is a video how to establish relations with schizoids. What are the donts and dos, strategies to deal wioth them. That were helpful. Thanx anyway
Thank you , amazing !
Was that really my decision? Was it? To cut myself off? Or was it my mother who never actually loved me?
How is SPD related to schizophrenia. I read that having schizophrenic relatives can be a factor to developing this disorder? Both my mother and my brother have schizophrenia. And how are schizophrenia and schizoid disorder related?
You say they don't desire relationships or sexual activity and I saw that within the context of a marriage.
Can you comment on having an alcohol problem and an affair, yet meeting all the other qualities you described?
Sam Vaknin video out today is very insightful. It is very, very interesting and insightful. Title: Parentified Child As Adult in Relationships (with Dr. Daria Zukowska). It talks about how Parentified Children as adults are vulnerable to many personality disorders. Narcissism, Borderline, Codependency, etc. And how they become people pleasers as a core identity.
Hahahah I watched it this morning.💓
@@TaryanaRocha I think it's really insightful....I self diagnose as BPD due to narc parents...he seems to click into something by saying it's self hateful, being people pleasers as a way of rationalizing your parentifying subconscious pathology. I think it is a really insightful conversation.
what is the difference between schizoid personality and schizoid personality disorder?
Wow you are excellent! So talented 😽
Hi, great video, very informative, I was diagnosted with SPD at the age of 31(I'm currently 42) I'm from Argentina and the therapists in my country have only one approuch to the problem wich is forcing you to socialize, It hasn't work out for me, it made things worse, do you have any advise? I'd really like to have people in my life, thank you (sorry for my bad English)